Equestria's New Comedian
by Impressionsguy
Summary: What do you get when you cross a former human turned into an earth pony stallion, a bubbly and friendly party planner who happens to be the element of laughter, a comic book collector, another party planner, and a whole cart-load of other characters you may or may not know? You get Equestria's New Comedian. Why don't you just give it a look-see?
1. Chapter 1: An introduction

**Author's note:** Chuck Murphy. A swing singing, joke telling, cigar smoking, liquor drowning and self deprecating chap who was just looking for a place to hang his head and maybe a few folks to call a friend. And where would this foul mouthed, sexual minded, anti politics crooner end up calling home? None other than the innocent, colorful land of Equestria. Nuts right? Well, it gets even more nuts, keep reading and find out.

* * *

Chapter 1: An Introduction

Where to begin? I don't know really, I've never been good with these sort of things really. I guess to start this off I should say that while this may not seem realistic, possible, or the slightest bit plausible, it happened. Don't believe me? Keep reading, and we'll see how this unfurls...

My story begins on a cold October evening, I was walking home from a set I did at a local bar. It wasn't much, but it was a living. It was a pretty rough show though. Honestly they'd all been rough for the past couple of months, it might have had something to do with my life itself increasingly getting more and more rough too. See, I had flunked out of college the April earlier, after that I sort of became a laughing stock among my family, My mother held academics in pretty high regard, and with my dad I had two older sisters who frequently bested me no matter how I tried, either way I couldn't really win. I wasn't a laughing stock to my mother though, her words leaned toward "wasted potential".

The highlight of my summer was my best friend from high school's wedding, I could still remember the day he and his wife started talking back in freshman year, my only thoughts back then were "Damn it, I'm on a non-stop third wheel train aren't I?" That little jerk that was my 9th grade self couldn't have been more right. After the wedding business was over, we made plans, we made plans a lot! But they never happened, it was always some couple thing happening, they were hanging out with other married friends now. And I was chopped liver.

But my life wasn't completely horrible though, my grandparents were kind enough to let me live in the spare room in their apartment when my parents wouldn't let me stay with them and I couldn't get a, how my mother says, a 'real job'. I had a job, it just didn't pay wonderful... Or much at all. I was a stand up comic at a bar, my only fan was the manager, i get paid for my time, then bonus for the laughs. But when the patrons would rather cause brawls then sit and laugh, that bonus doesn't come in for me. Little did I know however, that my world was going to completely change that night.

I was just walking home after the set, listening to my music to make me feel better, that was sort of my relief, music. I was a musical theater kid in high school, I would sing in the shower until the police were called for a disturbance, I liked to sing. It made me feel better.

 **Me:** _Why are there so many songs about rainbows and what's on the other side?_

 _Rainbows are visions, but only illusions, and rainbows have nothing to hide._

 _So we've been told and some choose to believe it._

 _I know they're wrong wait and see._

 _Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection._

 _The lovers, the dreamers and me._

 _/_

 _Who said that wishes would be heard and answered when wished on the morning star?_

 _Someone thought of that and someone believed it._

 _Look what it's done so far._

 _What's so amazing that keeps us stargazing and what do we think we might see?_

 _Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection._

 _The lovers, the dreamers and me._

 _/_

 _All of us under its spell._

 _We know that it's probably magic._

 _Have you been half asleep and have you heard voices?_

 _I've heard them calling my name._

 _Is this the sweet sound that calls the young sailors?_

 _The voice might be one and the same._

 _I've heard it too many times to ignore it._

 _It's something that I'm supposed to be._

 _Someday we'll find it, the rainbow connection, the lovers, the dreamers and me._

 _La-da-da, de-da-da-do_  
 _La-da-da-da-da-de-da-do_

"It'll get better." I muttered to myself walking up the steps to the apartment. You may choose to scoff at me, a young adult finding his therapy through a song sung by a frog puppet, but it really helped. That Jim Henson was an absolute genius. Growing up, all I wanted to do was make people laugh, make people feel better, but it seemed all I could do was make people disappointed. I guess I wasn't meant to have the comfort of knowing my purpose, knowing what the Hell I was supposed to do with myself. All those thoughts would have to wait, time to put on a smiling face for the two people who still like me.

"Hi." I said walking through the door of the small apartment. It was a pleasantly decorated little place, always smelled like something had been baking too.

"Hi sweetheart, how was your day?" My grandmother asked giving me a hug, which was slightly awkward considering the fact I was almost a foot and a bit taller than her.

"It was alright. I used the joke you told me to use, got a better laugh than anything else I used tonight." I said.

"Oh that's wonderful." She said pouring me some coffee.

"Hiya Chuck!" My grandfather said. Chuck wasn't my real name, but it was what I went by, it was supposed to be short for Chuckles, which is kind of ironic considering how bad a comedian I seemed to be.

"Hi gramps." I grinned.

"They feed you alright tonight? Sure looks it!" He joked, it was true. I was a bit hefty but it all just made my 6'2 body look proportionate.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled. They were both great people, and I loved them. But deep down I really wasn't happy with my life. These two were the only friends I had at this point, but what was I going to do after they were gone? I knew that day was going to come eventually. Everyday I tried to live in the now, but it was rough, all I wanted was friendship and compassion, love of course wouldn't hurt either.

After a cup of coffee, I decided it was time to retire for the evening.

"Goodnight you guys." I said retreating to my room. Now my room, that was a real sight to see, it was a holy grail of anyone who just wanted to get away from it all and surround themselves with toys, posters, and cartoons. Because let me tell you they were everywhere! The walls were plastered with posters and shelves dedicated to the one thing my dad and I had in common, cartoons, and toys of that cartoon. Transformers? Hell yeah. He-Man? Sort of a niche market but I loved it. The Muppets of course, Star Wars was a big one, comics too, though I leaned towards Marvel exclusively. Disney and Pixar had a big domain on my budget. But there was one that I stood apart with, one that was the difference. You can probably guess what that was, My Little Pony. I had a whole shelf dedicated to Pony merchandise, plush, the little brushable ones, plenty! Granted back in high school I was met with plenty of torment for it from those who knew. But for the most part I kept quiet about it.

"I'm home everyone." I said to the various plush toys, action figures, and vinyl figures that lived in my room. I'm not crazy I swear, it was just a habit I developed, maybe out of loneliness, maybe out of a lack of sanity. They didn't talk back, this isn't Toy Story after all. I knew the difference between fact and fiction, but every day I wished that... Maybe there wasn't a difference between the two.

"Quit livin' in the clouds." I muttered to myself opening my laptop to put some T.V. on to fall asleep to. After much deliberation I managed to decide on a show to put on, I decided to put on some My Little Pony.

"What a world..." I said to myself in admiration of the lives these technicolored ponies lead. I'd trade loneliness and politics for a life in harmony, even with the occasional attack of giant mythical beings or bug-bears...

"I wish." I muttered to myself before my eyes closed for sleep. Though I might have been sleeping when last on this life, what happened next was far from a dream.

* * *

Next morning, somewhere far, far away from home.

"Damn it... My pounding head..." I muttered to myself opening my eyes, I suddenly realized I wasn't in my bed, or at home, or in the city for all that matter. I was... In a field?

"What the hell?" I muttered getting up, when suddenly my legs gave out and I fell back down, as if my own two legs didn't work on their own. I looked down to check for injuries, when I saw a cherry red fur coat and four hooved legs where my arms and legs would be. I scrambled up and struggled to a pond I saw near me. And when I saw my reflection, I screamed. I saw a red face, blue eyes with yellow freckles and a large brown poofy mane.

"What... What... What...?" I twitched. Sudden;y I heard a rustle in a bush near me.

"Who goes there!?" I demanded. I slowly crept towards the bush. "I don't want to hurt you!" I said. "But I will if necessary!" I crept forward until I was at the bush, I brushed some leaves away to see what was behind the bush. A familiar pale yellow pegasus bolted out.

"Don't hurt me!" She exclaimed. I cocked my eyebrow and looked up at her.

"I won't." I said. "Where am I?" I asked.

"Umm... This is a field." She said.

"I know that." I said. "Where in the area am I?" I wanted to ask what the hell planet I was on.

"Oh... We're just outside Ponyville, Equestria." She said.

"It helps. It does." I was so confused. What the hell happened? How did I get here? What was going on? Was this even real? I was feeling a real ache in my head so I had a feeling it was, but how?

"Do you know how I got here?" I asked.

"I'm sorry... But no.. I just saw you passed out in the field and wanted to see if you were okay." She said.

"Well thanks." I said relaxing my aching head.

"I can take you to somepony I know, she might be able to help." She told me.

"It's worth a shot." I said following her into town.

"I'm Fluttershy by the way." She said.

"I'm Chuck." I said while trying to walk on four legs... And failing.

* * *

Castle of Friendship

I couldn't quite believe I was actually walking through the castle of friendship, it was absolutely stunning, the tapestries that hung from the walls to the crystal walls themselves. "Wow..." I whispered to myself.

"She should be in here." Fluttershy told me.

"Great." I smiled.

She knocked on the door. "Twilight? It's me, Fluttershy." She said.

"Come in!" Twilight said from behind the doors. She went in and I followed, at this point I pretty much mastered walking on all fours.

"Twilight, I was wondering if you could help me with something." She asked. Twilight looked at her, then looked at me.

"Who's that?" She asked.

"The something..." Fluttershy said. Hey! This something has a name you know.

"I'm Chuck." I bowed slightly.

"Okay... What exactly can I help with?" She asked. I then proceeded to tell her abut waking up here with absolutely no memory of how I got here.

"I... I can't say I've ever heard of that happening... Do you know where you came from?" She asked, I lied and told her I didn't.

"Odd... Perhaps I can see if Princess Celestia has heard any case of this happening." She said. Suddenly the doors burst open. A pink pony came bouncing in.

"Twiiiiiiiiilight! Have you seen those balloons I ordered? I haven;t seen them any-" She asked, when suddenly she looked and saw me.

"Hey! Who are you?" She asked.

"I... I... I am uhh." I said feeling a bit overwhelmed. Before I could answer I could feel my front leg being grabbed.

"You're new! Ooooh how exciting!" She exclaimed. "I can't wait to introduce you to everypony in town! Ooh! And we can have a welcome party tonight! Oooh this is so exciting! Come on come on!" She pulled me with her.

As the doors closed Fluttershy and Twilight exchanged looks.

"Does he seem funny to you?" Twilight asked?

"How so?" She replied.

"Nopony just appears in a field out of thin air!" Twilight exclaimed.

"I guess that's true.." Fluttershy said.

"I need to figure this out.." Twilight said to herself.

* * *

 _And that's our intosuction to this new and exciting world! Where are we gonna go from here? Let's find out huh?_

 _Song used_

 _"Rainbow Connection". By Paul Williams and Kenneth Ascher._


	2. Chapter 2: So this is my new home?

**Author's note:** Second chapter, hopefully people actually like this story, if you do please review and such. Enjoy the second chapter.

* * *

Chapter 2: So This Is My New Home?

"And so my new life begins." I thought, as long as I had no idea how I actually got here, there was no way I was going back home, and to be honest, living in Ponyville was starting to seem like it'd be pretty good. Of course I'd still need a place to live, and a sustainable income, and here I thought it was too early into my new life to start worrying about that, but I've been wrong before.

While Pinkie Pie was giving me a tour around, I had decided for the time being that I wasn't going to bring up my past as a human. I felt it'd just be too much to explain, instead, I was going to say I came from a land called Canterda, pretty clever I thought.

"So, where'd you live before you came here?" Pinkie Pie asked. Right on cue.

"Canterda." I replied. "So tell me, are there any vacant homes around here I could stay, 'Cause I don't really have a place to live, and it seems I'll be staying here." I said looking around.

"Hmmm, I don't think so, hey! Why don't you stay with me? I'd be happy to let you stay with me till you find somewhere to stay!" She said bouncing up and down with that big signature smile. I thought about it, or at least pretended to. I mean come on, this is a free place to stay in a place I'm definitely not leaving. Why? One, I had no idea how I could. Two, This is a chance to start over, make everything the way I want it to be. Be the man- er… now, _pony_ I've always wanted to be.

"Ohh that'd be wonderful." I sighed, acting of course. "Your hospitality is _so_ generous, You know… such kindness is pretty rare where I came from." I said with a frown. Give it up please, for the power of one short acting class.

"Oh really? I always thought Canternadians were really nice!" She said suddenly. I swear I almost choked. I thought I made Canterda up.

"Oh yeah, what else did you think about them? Always apologizing? Lots of maple trees? An arguably superior political system?" I said with a dry chuckle.

"Yes, yes, and what?" She said, a little confused at the last part of my joke.

"Err.. Never mind. Anyway, no. Not all Canternadians are nice, That's like saying all Cloudsdale residents are Wonderbolts, or every citizen of Canterlot has a unicorn horn up their… never mind." I replied.

"Okayyyy, So this is Sugar Cube Corner, I live up on the top floor! This is also where we're throwing your welcome party! It's gonna be so much fun!" She said jumping up and down. As much as I wish I could have like… 12 Tylenol for the migraine I still had from everything that happened last night, or this morning, I had to admit a party for me had a nice ring to it.

"I can't wait!" I said smiling. "So what's next on the tour?" I said looking around at the bustling streets, well, as bustling as Ponyville gets.

"Well, since I also have invitations to give out for your welcome party, let's go visit Applejack at Sweet Apple Acres!" She said.

"Works for me, lead the way." I replied as we went on.

* * *

Later, Sweet Apple Acres

"That's a new one for sure Pinkie Pie." Applejack said in response to her telling the story of how I fell right out of the sky. "I can't say I believe it, but it's a new one."

"Mind if I interrupt?" I interjected. "Hi, Name's Chuck. Anyway, I can definitely testify to that story as it was me who fell from the sky, but, if you've fallen out of the sky before and you've had a more real experience with it, please, call my bluff." Granted, I sounded like a dick. But I had a bad migraine and that's how I get.

"Alright then." She replied dryly. "Anyway, Pinkie Pie, is there anything else? I do have work to do ya know."

"Oh yeah! You, Big Mac, Granny Smith, and Applebloom are all invited to Chuck's welcome party!" She said happily.

"Well alright, I'm sure we can make it, see ya then." She said happily, to Pinkie Pie anyway, not to me, she didn't seem to like me, in all fairness I was kind of an ass, wait, donkeys live in Ponyville as well, is using ass as a derogatory term racist here?

"Awesome! Come Chuckie, let's go see Rainbow Dash!" Pinkie Pie said turning towards town, I followed her, after waving a hoof to Applejack, who reluctantly returned the wave.

As we walked, I felt a bit down, I really did want everyone to like me, but I seemed to be doing a poor job at that, I mean it was kinda my fault. I decided from now on I'd try harder to get them all to like me. Yeah... Yeah I could do enough, we saw Rainbow Dash up in the air, upon seeing her, Pinkie Pie ran up to her, and I had to keep up, let me tell ya, running on four legs can be tough, especially when you weren't great when you only had two.

"RAINBOW DASH! DOWN HERE!" Pinkie Pie yelled. Hearing her, Rainbow Dash came down.

"Hey Pinkie Pie, what's up?" Rainbow Dash asked, I was still running behind Pinkie Pie, and came to a crashing and gasping halt. "Uhh Who's this guy?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"This is Chuck, he fell out of the sky!" She replied.

"-gasp- That's… -wheeze- right. Ugh. –ahem- Hello is this on? Testing, testing, okay my breath is back. Yep, that's right, used to live in Canterda." I said, glad I got my breath back.

"Okay then, hey Chuck, I'm Rainbow Dash." She said. We shook hoofs.

"Charmed." I replied. Huh, who'd have thought all it took to get someone to like you was to not be a dick.

"You wanna come to Chuck's welcome party?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"Sure, why not?" She said. Well, this was going better than meeting Applejack, but in my defense my migraine was getting better. Still, I probably should apologize to Applejack later on.

"Alrighty! See ya there!" Pinkie Pie said, and we were off.

Meeting Rarity went well too, Twilight and Spike seemed happy to come, and I'm pretty sure Fluttershy said yes, in all honesty I was too busy wondering how the bear she looked after hadn't mangled Angel yet. Anyway, sooner or later we talked to everyone on her guest list.

* * *

Later, party time!

Finally my headache was all gone, and just in time to, it was party time! Everybody was there, there was music, food, all the necessities of a Perfect Pinkie Pie Party, How's that for alliteration?

"Great party Pinkie Pie, honestly I really appreciate everything your doing for me." I said, and I wasn't even acting, this was really turning into a great night.

"Aww shucks! Don't mention it!" She said. Soon, Twilight, Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash came over.

"Hey Pinkie Pie, great party as usual." Rainbow Dash said as the others nodded in agreement.

"Thanks! Glad you're all having a good time." Pinkie Pie responded. Everyone seemed quite happy indeed. I still felt a bit guilty about how I acted earlier towards Applejack though.

"Hey Applejack." I said, "Can I talk to you for a second?" I asked.

"Uh, sure I guess." She said, and we walked to where nobody else was.

"Look, I just want to apologize for how I acted earlier, I'm really a nice guy, I'm just a bit moody, especially when I have a headache, how about we put that behind us and start over?" I asked. I could have worded it better, but I'm not good at that when I'm stressed.

"You know what?" She said, "Sure. I'm Applejack, pleased to meet ya." She said, extending her hoof as if we just met now.

I smiled. "Name's Chuck." I said shaking her hoof. Meanwhile, the others were having their own conversation.

"You're letting him stay with you? You barely know him!" Twilight said.

"So? He's nice! He just needs a place to stay for a while, that's all." She said, staring at me.

"He could be a serial killer!" Rainbow Dash said.

"I eat a big bowl of Oaty O's every morning, guess that makes me a cereal killer too!" Pinkie Pie replied.

"I don't think you understand Pinkie Pie… Pinkie pie!" Twilight said, but Pinkie Pie wasn't listening, she was busy staring me from across the room.

"Oh merciful heavens!" Rarity exclaimed. "You don't… _like_ this Stallion do you?" She asked Pinkie Pie, getting her attention.

"WHAT!? Hahahaha… no! What?" Pinkie Pie said nervously.

"And that's why shes the element of laughter and not of honesty." Rainbow Dash whispered to Fluttershy, who then giggled.

"I'm telling you guys, I don't!" She said bashfully.

"Oh really?" Rainbow Dash said, "Prove it. Pinkie promise that you don't like him."

"Well… Uhh… About that…" Pinkie Pie hesitated. "Fine! Okay? I like him." She admitted.

"Knew it." Rainbow Dash said. They then all looked towards Pinkie Pie, who was blushing redder than a tomato in a bucket of red acrylic paint.

"It's true. He's a funny guy, He's charming, and kinda cute." Pinkie Pie said finally. "But if you guys don't like him, I'll tell him he has to find somewhere else to stay…" she said sadly.

The four exchanged looks. "Maybe I was a bit too harsh." Twilight admitted.

"So was I." Rarity said.

"To be honest, I think he's a nice guy too." Fluttershy added.

"You know? I think he's a stand up guy." Rainbow Dash said.

"Really? Oh thank you! Thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you!" Pinkie Pie said jumping with joy and hugging them.

"Whats all this about?" Applejack said as we were walking back over.

"Nothing!" Pinkie pie said as nonchalant as she could.

"Okay… anyway, This was a great party, But I think Applebloom's getting tired, we'd best head home." Applejack said.

"And Spike and I should get back to the castle" Twilight added. Soon enough, the guests started leaving.

After everyone left, I was helping Pinkie Pie with cleanup. It was a great party, I got pretty well acquainted with everyone, even Discord, hilarious guy! I still don't really get why everyone took a long time to like him, sure there's the fact he made them hate each other, the other time he teamed up with Tirek... But we all make mistakes.

"Thanks again for everything Pinkie Pie." I said as I swept confetti. She was silent, until she finally spoke up.

"Are you a serial killer?" She asked suddenly.

"What?" I turned to face her.

"Uhh… Nothing." She said bashfully.

I chuckled. "Well, I love a good bowl of cereal at breakfast if that answers your question." That seemed to make her laugh.

"Hey! I've made that joke too!" She said.

"Aww drat. Ol' Chucks gotta get some new material then." I said with a smile. She smiled back. There was a bit of a silence. Pinkie Pie soon broke said silence.

"Anyway, do you think you'd like to maybe hang out tomorrow? I know a really nice picnic spot." She said, I could feel a tinge of nervousness in her voice.

"Well, I'd best see if I'm available…" I pretended to check an invisible appointment book, "Hey what do you know? I'm free, I'd love to!" I said. I swear I heard a small squeal of joy.

"Great! I can't wait!" She said.

"Likewise." I said, suddenly, I felt a yawn creep up on me. "I'm starting to feel kind of sleepy, I think I'm gonna hit the hay." I said.

"Silly, you don't hit the hay, you _eat_ the hay!" she said with a giggle. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Goodnight Pinkie Pie, see you in the morning." I said going into the spare room.

"Goodnight Chuckie!" She said. The moment I closed the door she started quietly pumping her hooves and whispering "Yes! Yes! Yes!"

I smiled settling into bed. I knew I was going to like it here in Ponyville, and I couldn't wait for the next day.

* * *

 _There's a few sequels that live up to their predecessor, I don't think this is one of them, but hey! We've got more stories to tell!_


	3. Chapter 3: Picnic pie

**Author's note:** The best part three movie is Toy Story 3, the worst is Godfather 3, this chapter falls somewhere in between when it comes to part 3 type stories.

* * *

Chapter 3: Picnic Pie

One essential part in the Murphy morning routine is mirror talk, whether human or otherwise. Note that mirror talk works on your confidence when someone else doesn't hear you.

"Oh Yeahhh, Mhmm, Look at that, Groovy baby! Alright alright alright!" I exclaimed in various impressions. I do a good Matthew Mcconaughey. I was in the middle of putting false confidence in my mind when the door burst open.

"Good morning!" Pinkie Pie said bursting through. I almost hit the ceiling in surprise.

"Jumping Jesus on a pogo stick! Knock next time, I could have been naked…" I looked at myself. "Oh yeah." I said with an embarrassed smile.

"Sorry about that." She said with a giggle. "I just heard you talking and thought I'd say good morning!" She said smiling.

"Oh, oh... OH." My eyes widened and my cheeks flushed with embarrassment. "You umm… Heard all that, did you?" I said shyly.

"Yeah." She said, barely containing her laughter.

"It's alright, I suppose it is pretty funny." I said blushing. "So anyway, about that picnic." I said, changing the subject. "What time are we meeting?"

"Welllllll, I promised the cakes I'd handle their deliveries for them this morning, hmm, get that to the Ponyville school… um... Carry the two… Let's say noon?" She said.

"Noon works great for me!" I said, honestly any time would have worked, I had no plans.

"Great! See ya then!" She said with a sweet smile. She had a nice smile, sweet, kind, with such nice eyes to compliment it.

"God dammit Murphy, I know that ramble. You sound like you have a crush on her- Ohhh, you do, don't you?" I thought to myself. Pinkie soon realized I definitely had something on my mind. I awkwardly looked at her. "Wonderful! See you soon!" I said with a shy smile

"Alrighty!" She said as she left the room.

I sighed, I did have a crush, didn't I? Or I had "Fall in Love with the First One to be Nice to Me in a New Dimension" syndrome. My family has a history of that. What was I going to do? She probably thought I was a weirdo anyway, now I'm going to be acting like a moron around her because of a crush? And on top of that I have no idea how I got here? Oy! I decided I should go for a walk, take my mind off everything.

Later. Ponyville Streets

As I mentioned earlier, I decided I'd go for a walk, and I'm glad I decided to, it was a beautiful morning. The sun was shining, birds were singing, it was like that picture perfect morning you always imagine but never see. I already felt better, and I hadn't even been walking for two minutes, I started humming, and soon enough I was singing to myself.

 **Me:** _Somewhere, beyond the sea.  
_ _Somewhere, waiting for me.  
_ _My lover stands on golden sands,  
_ _And watches the ships, that go sailing..._ WHAP!

My singing was cut off be a small orange object crashing into my face. My initial reaction was "What the Hell?" Then I noticed the object looking into my eyes. Still attached to my face.

"Ow." I said dryly and somewhat irritated. The small object turned out to be familiar filly Scootaloo.

"Sorry about that…" She said.

"It's okay," I said. "Just remove yourself from my face." I ended, and she jumped down.

"I can explain, see, I've always wanted to fly, and I can't so, well, you see that giant slingshot? Well me and the other Crusaders set it up and tried to see if I could get a good start from that and, well, yeah." She said.

"Hey, look, anything that involves giant slingshots is cool, mind if I take a look at it?" I asked.

"Sure, I- Hey wait a second, Hey girls! Come look at this!" She said pointing at me, at first, I was confused, then I looked at my flank and it all made sense. Blank as my mind during my grade 11 pre-calculous exam, and that was real blank. Anyway, at her call, Applebloom and Sweetie Bell ran over.

"What is it, Scootaloo?" Applebloom asked.

"Chuck doesn't have a cutie mark!" Scootaloo said.

"No cutie mark? But he's a grown up!" Sweetie Bell added.

I flushed red. I didn't know how to explain being an adult without a cutie mark without bringing up the fact that this is only my third day living as a pony.

"About that… uhhh… um…" I started, but was quickly cut off.

"Come on girls! Let's help Chuck get his cutie mark!" Applebloom exclaimed.

"Oh boy." I said somewhat dryly. The others seemed enthusiastic about the idea, considering that they followed Applebloom's lead with a cheer and soon were dragging me by the tail to the clubhouse.

Later, at the clubhouse, Applebloom was standing at her podium while the other two were seated, I was still figuring out how to sit on my ass. Hey, it's hard to figure those things out when you suddenly switch anatomy.

"Now girls, we may be taking on a challenge with Chuck here, but I bet we can figure it out! He'll have his cutie mark in no time." Applebloom stated.

"So, Chuck, do you have any talents? That might give us a good place to start." Sweetie Bell said.

"Well, I'm no Rich Little, but I have a way with impressions." I said somewhat pridefully. It's true, I know my way around a voice, those were always hits at my school's talent shows.

"Who's Rich Little?" All three of them said simultaneously.

"What? How could you not know who Rich Little is? He's the…" I cut myself off. "Oh wait… Never mind." I said acknowledging that these fillies wouldn't know any comedians from other dimensions.

"Right…. Anyway, any other talents?" Scootaloo asked.

"Back where I came from, I was a celebrated entertainer." I said, it's not a lie. I was celebrated! By me.

"Well that sounds like a good place to start." Applebloom said. Suddenly she was cut off by Granny Smith calling that it was time for lunch.

"Lunch time!" The girls chanted.

" Ahh, lunch time, one of my personal favorite parts of the day, lunch… wait… lunch time? Am I forgetting something?" I asked myself. My eyes widened. "Yes I am forgetting something!" I exclaimed as I ran off, thanking the girls for their help. They exchanged confused glances, then left the clubhouse.

I eventually got to Sugar Cube Corner, just in the nick of time too, the moment I got to the steps, I could see Pinkie coming down the road with her cart. I took a moment to catch my breath so it didn't seem like I had forgot about our little _rendez vous._

"Hi Chuck!" She said upon seeing me.

"Hiya." I replied. "How were the deliveries?"

"They went good! Except I had this cake I was supposed to deliver to Octavia… but she wasn't answering the door, and I waited for about an hour with no answer. So I figured we'll just take the cake on out picnic and not tell anyone." She said with a wink.

"Sounds good to me!" I said.

* * *

Meanwhile…

"Vinyl! For the last time, turn the music down! I'm expecting a delivery and I want to hear the door when Pinkie gets here!" Octavia yelled to Vinyl over the blaring music, warranting no response.

* * *

Back at Sugar Cube Corner…

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!" Pinkie said happily. And with that, we set out for lunch.

* * *

Picnic spot

It was a pretty little spot. lake, tree, yeah you know the spot. The sun was shining nice and bright, singing birds... couldn't ask for a better picnic _ambiance._ There was only one issue. I was being awkward and quiet, luckily for me she broke the silence.

"So I still don't know you well, tell me about yourself." She said.

"Well, lemme see. I'm an entertainer, I spent most of my younger years practicing acting, I sing, dance, tell jokes... oh! check this out!" I took a breather and did my impression of Discord. "Well _hello_ Pinkie Pie, does this voice sound familiar?" My impersonation made her giggle.

"Wow! That was really good! Can you do more?" She asked.

"Eeyup!" I said doing my impression of Big Mac. She laughed in response.

"Wow! Those are really good!" She said though laughter, but suddenly stopped. "Wait, you aren't a changeling, are you?" She asked.

"I can assure you I am not." I said. "I'm just an entertainer."

"Okie Dokie." She said. "How do you like the food?"

"Oh it's great! Best food I've had in a while." I said. It was true, everything tasted just as good as it looked.

"Great! I love picnics, and getting to know new friends!" She said happily.

"Likewise." I said.

"So now that the foods done, want to take a walk?" She asked.

"Of course!" I said getting up.

* * *

Ponyville streets

"So then I said "If you want the mustard, you're gonna have to ketchup!" I said laughing. She laughed with me, after all it was a good joke.

"You're hilarious!" She said still gasping from laughter.

"I'm not hilarious, I'm Chuck!" I joked.

"Stop!" She said in laughter.

"Okay okay, wait one more, what do you call a-" I stopped when I saw a building I had never seen before. "Hey Pinkie, do you know anything about a torn up building, broken windows, cobwebs, the whole fixer upper package?"

"I don't know what do you call a- Oh wait, that wasn't a joke was it? Oh that place! I don't really know, it was like that long before I came to Ponyville, I think said it used to be some kind of bar." She said.

"Interesting, you know what it's going for?" I asked.

"Who knows, who wants it?" She asked.

"I do, I've always kind of wanted my own little shack to serve and entertain, y'know?" I said.

"Oh I see- HEY! What the.. You're a blank flank?" She said in surprise.

"What? Oh... yeah.. You shoulda seen the look on The CMC's faces when they saw that, imagine that, a grown stallion with a blank flank..." I said, kind of embarrassed.

"I'm sure it'll come to you, don't worry!" She said happily.

"I know... incoming!" I said noticing a certain mailmare moments from crashing into us. I jumped and pushed Pinkie out of the way.

"Oh, hi Derpy!" Pinkie said sticking her head up.

"Hi! I have a letter for you Pinkie!" Derpy said giving her a letter.

"Thanks! Have a great day!" Pinkie said.

"You too Pinkie." She replied as she flew off. Pinkie opened the letter and read.

"You are invited to attend and participate in the open mic night at The Apple Family Farm, tomorrow night, 8pm, hey! we should go!" She said to me.

"That sounds great!" I said happily.

"Yeah! Hey, maybe you could even perform!" she said.

"I just may." I replied. Was I ready for a show? It's pretty late notice, would ponies even find my comedy funny? Well they worked on Pinkie.. Maybe I will! Yeah, I will.

* * *

 _And that's the end of that chapter, follow, fav, and review! Next chapter: Showtime in Sweet Apple Acres._

 _Song used_

 _"Somewhere beyond the sea" by Bobby Darin._


	4. Chapter 4: Showtime

Chapter four: Showtime

Will Chuck get his cutiemark? If so what will it be? Where do fillies come from? Does this rash look serious to you? These questions might be answered this chapter.

Sugarcube Corner: My room

"Alright, let's see. did you hear the one about the stallion who threw his alarm clock out the window? He wanted to see time fly! Nope. Okay.. Um.. Boy are today's prices bad, yesterday I bought a bag of carrots and I had to get a cosigner!.. Nuh uh... geez this is tough." I lamented, showtime for the Sweet Apple Acres Open Mic Night was just a few hours away, and in classic Murphy fashion I've barely rehearsed. Oi... What was I gonna do? Suddenly I heard a knock.

"Knock knock." I heard Pinkie Pie say as she entered.

"Oh, hey Pinkie." I said, a bit down that I wasn't quite ready.

"What's the matter? You look a bit down." She said, noticing I wasn't entirely myself.

"I'll have you know I don't look down, that's how you bump into walls. I always look straight ahead." I said in a joking manner.

"That's funny, but honestly, what's eating you?" She asked.

"Well, the shows in a few hours and I'm nowhere near ready." I said.

"That's what you're worried about?" She said, almost laughing.

"Umm… Yes?" I said, confused about her laughter.

"Nobody is ever ready for it!" She said laughing. "I don't know what these things are like where you come from, but this is really an excuse for a bunch of friends to get together and drink cider!" She said.

"Really? Damn. Can't say I'm surprised, I do have a tendency to make something out of nothing." I said with a bit of a chuckle.

"Just relax, They're gonna love you no matter how prepared you are, especially if you're up after everypony has a few mugs of cider in them." She winked. I couldn't help but chuckle at that.

"Thanks Pinkie, Anyway, what do you have planned for today?" I asked.

"I actually have to head to Sweet Apple Acres to help with some baking for tonight. Stay outta trouble while I'm gone." She laughed as she left.

"Will do!" I called after her. Yeah right, a Murphy getting into trouble. I only got in trouble once, and it was for swiping someone's pizza in 5th grade, what can I say? I was hungry. Speaking of hungry, it was nearing lunch time, I'd better grab a bite to eat.

Ponyville streets

Twillight, Rainbow Dash, and Rarity were sitting together outside one of the street's restaurants sipping drinks and talking, what about? The Economy? Weather? Recent film leaks? Nope. They we're talking about your's truly.

"Oh lighten up you two, if was that bad he would've done something already." Rarity said sipping her drink.

"She does have a point Twilight, nothing happened, nothings been stolen, it isn't raining chocolate, it's safe to say we're okay with this guy around." Rainbow Dash commented.

"I know.. I know. Something still seems off about him, and you two know that Pinkie has a crush on him, do you two want him to hurt her?" Twilight asked concerned.

"Of course not darling! Oh be quiet! there he is!" Rarity said noticing me coming around the corner.

 _The best time to wear a striped sweater_

 _Is all the tiiiiiime_

 _One with a collar, turtleneck_

 _That't the kiiiiiind_

 _'Cause when you're weearriiing that-_

I stopped singing once I saw Twilight, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash staring at me. I was a tad embarrassed.

"You heard all that didn't you?" I flushed red when they nodded.

"It was a fine song darling, a lovely sentiment about sweaters." Rarity commented.

"Well... Okay mind if I sit with you guys?" I asked.

"Sure." Rainbow Dash said, warranting a slight glare from Twilight.

"So... We still don't know you much, tell us about yourself." Rarity said.

"I'm an entertainer, songs, comedy, acting. Also used to do bar tending before I moved." I said.

"Yes.. and where did you move from?" Twilight asked.

"Canada- Err Canterda." I said.

"You sure that's where you're from?" Rainbow Dash said. "You seemed to second guess yourself." She squinted her eyes.

"Subtle." Twilight said bitterly.

"What? I.. I don't know what you mean?" I started to become pretty see-through. Not literally of course, that would be a neat talent though.

Twilight sighed. "Listen, I don't understand much about you, where you come from, you're personality. But something isn't right. You're a grown stallion with no cutie mark, you show up in a field in the middle of the night, and last night Sweetie Bell wouldn't stop asking who 'Rich Little' is." She sighed again. "And also, you didn't hear this from me, but.. Pinkie Pie has... feelings for you, and I don't want you to hurt her." She said firmly. "So come clean, about everything." She said.

I sighed, it was great to hear that Pinkie Pie was into me don't get me wrong, but explaining my past? Oh boy..

"I guess I haven't been a hundred percent honest." I started. "I don't come from here, not Ponyville, not even Equestria..." I began to explain my life as a human, Rarity and Rainbow Dash were in slight disbelief, but Twilight looked like she understood on some level. "So I guess to sum it all up, I'm a nice guy who just wanted something better for himself, the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone, I hope you understand." I finished.

Twilight nodded. "I believe you, I've been to a place quite similar to what you've described." It's not like I didn't know that, at least she got it.

"I guess it's not the _weirdest_ story I've heard." Rainbow Dash commented.

"Thank you for understanding." I said.

"You're welcome Chuck, just promise me one thing." Twilight said. "Tell Pinkie Pie the truth." She said. I nodded.

"I will, you have my word." I said with a hoof to my chest.

"Good." Twilight said.

I had had enough of the recent found awkwardness, so in Murphy fashion I changed the subject.

"You all going to the open mic thing at Sweet Apple Acres?" I asked.

"Ha! What kind of question is that? Of course I am!" Rainbow Dash replied. "Cider there, I'm there."

I chuckled. "My sentiments exactly. Well, I'd better get going, I have an act to rehears, see ya around." I said leaving.

After I'm gone Rainbow Dash and Rarity looked at Twilight.

"Happy now? He's not evil, just a loser from another dimension." Rainbow Dash said.

"Now Rainbow Dash, he was down on his luck, not a _loser._ " Rarity added.

"To answer your question, yes I am happy, he may not be evil but I knew something was odd." Twilight said.

"Congratulations." Rainbow Dash said sarcastically. "I'm pretty sure everyone knew that, even Derpy!"

Derpy looked at them from another table and nodded.

Meanwhile, Sweet Apple Acres.

Pinkie was placing a batch of apple fritters in the oven to bake, and Applejack was pressing apples for cider. Pinkie was humming along, happy as a horse (Is that the expression? no, I think it's _healthy_ as a horse... whatever). Applejack was a bit concerned though.

"So Pinkie Pie, Twilight tells me you've got a bit of a crush." Applejack said. Pinkie nearly dropped the pan on the floor.

"Oh yeah? Twilight tells me _you've_ got a bit of a crush." Pinkie Pie said defensively.

"Does she?" Applejack replied.

"Well, no. But what you said isn't true either!" Pinkie Pie said.

"Uh huh, listen Pinkie Pie, I don't care if you do, in fact, I'd be happy for you. I just don't know about your choice."

"Like I said, there is no crush! I'm telling you, would the element of honesty lie to you?" Pinkie replied with a hoof to her chest.

" _You're_ the element of honesty? Huh, I must have missed the memo." Applejack said dryly.

"I meant magic." Pinkie said.

"Nope."

"Kindness?"

"Nope."

"Generosity?"

"Try again."

"Loyalty?"

"Wrong."

"Ice cream?"

"That's not even an element."

"Laughter?"

"There you go." Applejack said.

There was a bit of a pause, Pinkie Pie was getting redder by the second, Applejack noticed but said nothing, she knew when she'd burst.

"3... 2... 1..." She said to herself.

"Okay fine! I do have a crush!" Pinkie Pie blurted.

"There we go." Applejack said. "It's okay Pinkie Pie, Like I said, it's fine to have a crush, but you don't know much of anything about him!"

"Sure I do, he's a stallion, he's red, his inspirations include Seth MacFarlane, Rich Little, and Weird Al Yankovic... whoever they are." Pinkie Pie said.

"That's not enough Pinkie Pie, if you're gonna keep liking this colt, you have to really get to know him. What makes him angry, his favorite things, what he looks for in a mare. Do you understand?" Applejack said.

"Yeah." Pinkie Pie said. "But Applejack, I felt something when I saw him, kinda love at first sight, You know?" Pinkie continued.

"Well, I don't believe in love at first sight really, but I do know you are a good judge of character." Applejack said with a smile. "Just.. Take my advice, okay? You're my friend, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

"I will, Applejack." Pinkie said.

"Good." Applejack said. "well, looks like we're just about done here. Whaddya say we start cleaning up then help Big Mac set things up in the barn?"

"Okie Dokie Loki!" Pinkie said.

That evening: Sweet Apple Acres Barn

It was toward the end of the show, everyone was full of cider and having a good time, and it was time to close the show. Applejack went up on the stage to introduce me.

"And now, to close off the show, we have a newcomer to around these parts, fillies and gentlecolts put your hooves together for Gareth "Chuck" Murphy!" and with that, I made my way on.

"Good evening everyone." I started. "You know I didn't find out about this till yesterday, of course when I was asked if I'd like to perform I just had to say..." I paused, then continued in my impression of Big Mac. "Eeyup!" They seemed to enjoy that, got a good chuckle out of them.

"Oh you like that? How about this one then?" and then, as Discord I did a monologue. "All I'm saying is, why did it take SO long for Twilight and her friends to trust me? Starlight did _far_ worse than me and everything was cleared up in a _song?"_ That one really cracked them up.

"Thank you very much." I started with. "And now, to close the show, here's an old classic where I come from. Hit it!" And with the music, I started singing.

 _Just a small town mare!_

 _Livin' in a lonely world!_

 _She took the midnight train going anywhere.._

 _Just a city colt_

 _born and raised a manehatten foal_

 _he took the midnight train going anywhere..._

 _A singer in a smokey room,_

 _The smell of wine and cheap perfume_

 _For a smile the can share the night_

 _It goes on and on and on and on!_

 _Strangers waiting_

 _Up and down the boulevard!_

 _Shadows searching in the night!_

 _Streetlight ponies!_

 _Living just to find emotion_

 _Hiding somewhere in the night!_

 _Don't stop believin'!_

 _Hold on to the feeling!_

 _Streetlight Ponies!_

And with that, I whipped my head down in a bow, and the crowd erupted, they loved it! I mean, I'm not surprised, I've never met a crowd who didn't love Journey. Suddenly, as I was about to get off the stage, I felt the weirdest sensation on my backside, and that's saying something as I've owned a vibrating recliner chair. A weird glow shone and I felt a bit like I was having an out of body experience, until I hit the floor. But then, I turned my head and saw my own cutie mark! It resembled a microphone.

"Freakin' sweet!" I said getting up. Getting off the stage I received plenty of compliments on the song and voices, even Discord thought it was funny.

"It's actually nice to be the one being imitated for a change." Were his words.

Afterwards everyone was leaving, and we were helping Applejack clean up.

"Great time as usual, Applejack!" Pinkie said.

"Thank you kindly Pinkie Pie." Applejack replied.

"We had a great time Applejack." Twilight added. "Pinkie, you head back home, we've got everything here covered, and I believe somepony has to tell you something." She concluded.

"Ummm Okay!" She said leaving, and I followed.

Ponyville streets

"That was a totally awesome song Chuck!" Pinkie said to me.

"Thanks Pinkie." I said back. There was a bit of a silence afterwards, Pinkie broke it before long.

"So... Twilight said you have something to tell me."

"Yeah..." I sighed. "You might want to sit down for this." I said going towards a nearby bench. We both sat down as I began.

"Let me start off by saying, I honestly really do appreciate everything you've done for me, taking me in, giving me kindness and hospitality... But I have to come clean, I'm not from here." I said.

"Well I know that, you told me that already." She said.

"No.. I'm not from Equestria, Hell, I'm pretty sure I'm not from any planet near here. I'm from another universe, a universe where you walk on two legs and have arms, and no tail, and there's politics. It's not great. I was leading a bad life, I had no friends, I was working a dead end job, and I wanted away from all that, and I don't know how exactly, be it magic, work of some high power, or some mishap of science, but I ended up here. And that's where you came along, you showed me kindness and hospitality I never gotten before. And I can't thank you enough. I'm sorry that I lied to you, but I didn't know how well you'd take finding out I'm from a different universe. So that's the end of my story, and I understand if you don't want to be friends anymore or anything like that." I concluded putting my head down.

There was a long pause, it was really awkward and nerve wracking at the same time. but after about a minute, Pinkie spoke up.

"Thank you for telling me." She said. "I can imagine something like that is hard to explain. And I still want to be your friend!" She smiled.

"You do? That's great!" I said.

"Whaddya say we go home now?" She said.

"I'd like nothing more, I'm exhausted." And with that, we went home, said goodnight, and went to bed.

 _And that's the latest chapter! Hope you liked it! Songs used are listed below._

 _Striped sweater:_ _watch?v=Qyxex3s9HoY_

 _Don't stop believin': watch?v=KCy7lLQwToI_


	5. Chapter 5: Pulled

Chapter five: Pulled.

 _All the best things come in threes, but that has nothing to do with this chapter. Hope you enjoy the most recent chapter, Pulled. Named after a song from my favorite musical. 5 points go to whoever can tell me where its from without looking it up. And maybe my Pizza Hut card with 57 cents on it._

Ponyville spa

"So, how goes your first crush?" Rarity asked Pinkie, they were having a gals afternoon out, does anyone still say "gals"?

"Psssshhh, "First crush"? Please! I've had plenty of crushes before." Pinkie protested.

"Listen Pinkie, you've been acting completely different for the past three weeks, completely different than we've ever seen. And you're saying that it has nothing to do with that certain stallion?" Rarity questioned.

"She's got a point." Rainbow Dash added. "You haven't been yourself at all."

"I think I have Hoofinstien's flu." Pinkie said nervously. "New virus going around... heh heh."

"More like _Liar's Shingles_." Applejack commented.

"HA! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! HA-HA-HA!" Pinkie laughed nervously. "You girls are really over analyzing this."

"Are we?" Twilight asked. "Pinkie, you've never liked somepony like that before, and we don't want you to get hurt that's all."

"Exactly, darling." Rarity said. "Besides, you don't have much of a... Romantic flair..." That remark earned stern looks from the others.

"No offense." Rarity added.

Pinkie sighed. "None taken, you're right, all of this is new to me... He makes me want to laugh and cry, and everything feels right and wrong at the same time!"

 _I don't a lovey_ _disposition_

 _I've never been romantically amused._

 _My romance life's always in one_ _position_

 _All to one. Never twos_

 _Suddenly however I've been puzzled,_

 _and I think I know why..._

 _I'm being pulled in a new direction._

 _But I think I like it,_

 _I think I like it._

 _I'm being pulled in a new direction_

 _Through my party pursuit_

 _Somehow romance took root._

 _What I never payed mind to_

 _Impossibly cute..._ God!

 _What do I do...?_

Rainbow interrupted. "Hahahaha! Wow! You've got some real issues!"

"Rainbow Dash!" Rarity said angrily.

"Geez, Sorry." She said dryly.

"Listen Pinkie. I know what you're feeling" Twilight said.

"Daring Do ship fanfiction doesn't count..." Rainbow murmured.

"What was that?" Twilight responded.

"Oh nothin." Rainbow whistled innocently.

"Yeah... I better go. I have some deliveries to make in an hour." Pinkie said leaving.

"Good work Rainbow Dash." Rarity said dryly.

"Hey! It wasn't my fault she left!" Rainbow retaliated.

Ever watch Spongebob? There's this french narrator, right? Just imagine him saying "Meanwhile" here.

I had decided to spend the day looking at the old building I saw the other day, no owner around to tell me no after all. It definitely used to be one happening place. Wait, "Happening" is still used like that right? All of a sudden I hear a voice behind me.

"I must say, you do entertaining impersonations." It was Discord.

"Oh, thanks." I chuckled a bit. "Glad to know you're a good sport about it." I replied.

"Well of course I am, why- ... Say, what are you doing in this dump anyway?" He asked.

"Must be something interesting if an all power full entity cares." I joked.

"Nothing says "Chaos" like breaking and entering." Touche.

"Well, I saw this old dump a couple days ago. Figure I could fix it up and run a nice little bar, after all, if this is my new home I'd best make a worker out of me." I explained.

"I agree, by the way, your backstory is _most_ interesting." He said.

"Oh you heard all that huh?"

"Well Fluttershy and I have to talk about _something_ at our tea parties."

"Glad to know I'm a good topic." I said.

"Well, believe it or not life does get slow sometimes, and any news can be big news." He replied.

"That knocked me down a peg." I joked.

"Good, there is nothing more poisonous than too big an ego." He replied. _Like he should talk..._

"Anyway, as long as you're here, you mind helping me clean this dump up?" I asked.

"You're asking _me_ to help with such a mundane task?" He asked. With a sigh he said "Fine." And in Discord fashion the place was clean with the snap of his fingers, and surprisingly nothing was on the ceiling, no stools were running around and barking like puppies, it actually looked nice, all it needed was new furniture and a supplier.

"Not what I expected, not going to lie." I said surprised.

"First favor is chaos free by order of Celestia." He grumbled. "You used your freebie, remember that."

"I will." I said with a laugh. "Thank you." I said.

"Well, I showed up, belittled your self image, and cleaned up your 'bar', I suppose I should be off." Discord said.

"Now hold on a minute..." I said. "I don't have anything else to do now.. "What do you say we cause some chaos?" I said.

An immediate grin spread on Discord's face. "I _knew_ I'd like you! What first? replace all running water with custard? have it rain octopus?"

"Umm... Less chaotic, how about some simple pranks?" I asked.

His grin got smaller. "Meh, good enough. Lets make some magic!"

For the next couple of hours we went around town having a grand old time, pulling pranks and playing jokes, we laughed and laughed. It was one great time. After what I consider to be our best prank, replacing Octavia's sheet music with the sheet music to a string rendition of Weird Al's _Dare to be Stupid._ It slowed down, and Discord went silent.

"So what should we do next? butter on the schoolhouse swingset? life sized baking soda volcano?" I asked, happy as a clam. Why are clams so happy anyway?

"No more pranks for the moment." He said seriously.

"What?" I asked.

"I want to talk to you about something important."

"Oh... Okay, lay it on me." I said awkwardly.

"I understand you are interested in a close friend of mine romantically." He said.

"Pinkie Pie? Yeah... How did you know tha- _Tea party chatter._ " I replied. "Is there something wrong with that?"

"What? Oh heavens no." He said. "I just want you to know something, Pinkie and her friends are quite important to me, after all they were the only ones who ever gave me a chance at first. And I would hate to see anyone hurt any one of them." He said.

"Discord, you don't have to worry about me hurting anyone, let alone Pinkie Pie. I would never dream of it." I said. I mean, I might but it wouldn't be my fault since you can't really choose what you dream at night, but I wouldn't feel good waking up.

"I know, you seem like a good guy, I just worry sometimes." He said, I was touched, this was a side of him I never thought I'd see.

"Don't worry, I'll do you proud." I said.

"I know you will. _Now,_ how about that baking soda volcano?" He said enthusiastically.

"I thought you'd never ask." I said gleefully.

After a grand finale prank, and a quick and easy cleanup thanks to Discord's magic, I decided to call it a day on pranking, before I left Discord told me something.

"If you really like her, don't be afraid to tell her." He said.

Meanwhile...

"Pinkie Pie, I need you to send this cake to Octavia, apparently she never got her first one." said.

"Aye aye cap'n!" Pinkie said hooking up to her cart. And on she went.

When she arrived, she knocked on the door and Octavia shouted at her to let herself in, so she did.

"Oh Oct _aaaaa_ vi _aaaa!_ Your cake is here!" Pinkie announced over the weird sounding song Octavia played.

"About time." Octavia said coming over to Pinkie.

"Say, that was a really funny sounding song you were playing." Pinkie said.

"Yes.. I don't seem to know where my other music went." She said taking a look at the music. " _Dare to be Stupid_? originally written by... yadda yadda, whats this? replaced Octavia's music courtesy of Discord and Chuck Murphy?" She got red.

"Oooooooh looks like you got pranked!" Pinkie laughed.

"Say, you're rooming with this mischievous red stallion, correct?" Octavia asked.

"Absolutely Correctilutely!" She said.

"Good, you tell him he's lucky I got this cake, or else I'd find him and shove my baton so far up his... Oh, never mind. I found my old music." She started to calm down.

"Oh, hehe, okay then, _b_ _yyyyyyye!_ " Pinkie sang as she left.

Pinkie Pie hummed along strolling through town, that one delivery to Octavia was all there was for today so she was off free for the rest of the afternoon. All was well until she heard a familiar southern pony's voice.

"There y'are!" Applejack called. Pinkie started running.

"Pinkie Pie! Wait, Ah just want t talk to you!" She called running after her. Eventually she slowed down letting her catch up.

"It's just me Pinkie, Ah just want to talk, one on one, okay?" She said running alongside her. Pinkie stopped.

"Listen, Ah wanted to apologize on behalf of everypony earlier, if you like this stallion, we're all happy for you." Applejack said kindly.

"That's okay A.J!" Pinkie said enthusiastically. "But can I ask you something?"

"Of course Sugarcube." _obligatory use of "sugarcube" in Applejack's dialogue._

"What do I do!?" She blurted out.

"Figured you'd ask that, listen. I can't say Ah've had a lot of experience with romance, but I do know this, it never hurts to tell the truth. you know what Ah mean?"

"You mean I should tell him he was off key some parts during the open mic night?" Pinkie asked.

"No! Tell him how you _feel._ " Applejack moaned.

" _Ooohhhhhhhh._ Now I get it." Pinkie smiled. "Thanks Applejack!"

"You're welcome Sugarcube." _2 for 2._ "Now what do you say we stroll away the afternoon?"

"I'd like that." Pinkie smiled.

* * *

 _So that's the end of this chapter, the next picks up in the upcoming evening, it will actually come soon too. Total songfic and a shorter chapter. Thanks for everypony's patience!_

 _The song used was part of Pulled from The Addams Family Musical._


	6. Chapter 6: Confessions

Chapter 6: Confessions.

 _These are my confessions, just when i thought I'd said all I could say... Anyone remember that song?_

After a long afternoon of pranks with Discord I settled in back at the Sugarcube Corner. God that was fun, I don't recall the last time I'd have that much fun. I retired to the couch in the common area in the loft Pinkie and I shared.

"Okay, just because Discord said it was a good idea doesn't mean I should do it _immediately..._ Right?" I thought. _That's right Gareth, don't bring it up now, wait for her to make the first move!_ "Thanks voice in my head, always could count on you!" I decided that was the right thing to do. Whether it took 6 months or 6 minutes, I wasn't making the first move. God I'm smart.

"Room for one more on that couch?" A voice said. It was Pinkie. Oh boy, here come the awkward sweats.

"Of course!" I grinned awkwardly... Oh boy.

You ever have an awkward pause so long you can figure out what tempo your heart is beating at? Yeah, this was one of those times. I decided to try to break the silence.

"So, how about politics?"

"What?"

"Nevermind... How was your day?"

"Pretty good!" She said. "Had a morning at the spa, had a really fun chat with my friends, made a delivery to Octavia, then had a really nice walk with Applejack!" She said smiling.

"Oh, you saw Octavia huh?" I said blushing, remembering the prank we pulled.

"Yeah! Wow!" She started laughing. "She was not happy with you!" She laughed more.

I chuckled slightly. "That just means the prank was good." I grinned, I was starting to relax. "So you said you went out on a walk."

"Yeah! With Applejack! We had a really good talk." She was still smiling, and looking at me with those beautiful crystal blue pools for eyes. And that's the best I get with poetic sweet talk.

"About what?" I asked. Silence. She got real red in the face, she looked like a tomato with a face.

"Wouldn't _**you**_ like to know!" That was followed by loud hysterical laughter. It was cute, it an odd way. But frankly considering how I found anything cute about who I like maybe it wasn't, but it was cute to me.

"If you don't wanna tell that's okay." I said.

"Yeaaaaahhh, lets talk about something else, how was your day?" She asked.

"Well, thanks to Discord I got that bar cleaned up in no time! Hoping to start up a little business soon, since I had a free afternoon Discord and I had a little fun with some pranks." I said, starting to chuckle remembering all the pranks we pulled.

"Fun! Of course I kind of already knew about the pranks." She said.

"Oh?"

"Yeah! Octavia wanted to take her bow and... Well she never finished that part but I doubt it was pleasant." She started laughing about the prank too.

"Hehe, Yeah.. Funny stuff." I said.

"So, You gonna tell her?" I heard a voice. it was an angel on my shoulder.

"I dunno. Waiting seems like a good idea." I turned to see a shoulder devil. Dammit, this should be interesting.

"Come off it." The angel said.

"You."

"No you."

"No! You!"

"You infinity." The devil smirked. "Listen up big guy, I've got three good reasons why you gotta leave this be. Number one, look at that guy." He motioned to the angel. "He's got that sissy stringy music thing."

"We've been through this, it's a harp, and you know it." The angel said in an irritated voice.

"Right, that's a harp, and that's a dress." The angel sneered. "Reason number two, look what I can do." The devil leaped down and did a hoofstand.

"But.. What does that have to do with any-" I started,

"No no, he's got a point." The angel said.

"Who are you talking to?" Pinkie asked, and suddenly they disappeared.

"Umm, No one." I said awkwardly. I gulpped, I realized what I had to do.

"Um... Pinkie..." I started awkwardly.

"Yeah?"

 **Me:** _I really wanna stop but I just got a taste for it_

 _I feel like I could fly like a colt on the moon_

 _So Pinkie take my hoof cause I just got to tell you this_

 _I feel like I could die if I don't tell you soon._

 _Oh yeah_

 _Late night staring at the ceiling_

 _Thinkin' 'bout just what I'm feeling_

 _It's way to soon I know this isn't love_

 _But I need to tell you something._

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

 _Oh, did I say too much_

 _I'm out of my head_

 _really losing touch_

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

Pinkie stared. "Oh Chuckie... Where do I begin?"

 **Pinkie:** _It's like everything you've said is a sweet revalation_

 _All I wanna do get into your head_

 _Just you and me together in this sweet relation_

 _Holding to your hooves holding on like a thread, Oh yeah_

 _Late night_ _staring_ _at the ceiling_

 _Thinkin' bout just what I'm feeling._

 _It's still too soon, who knows? This could be love_

 _But I need to tell you something._

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

 _Oh, did I say too much_

 _I'm out of my head_

 _really losing touch_

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

 **Me:** _Who gave you eyes like that, Said you could keep them?_

 _I don't know how to act, or if I should be leavin'_

 **Pinkie:** _I'm running out of time_

 _going out of my mind..._

 **Me:** _I need to tell you something_

 **Pinkie** **:** _I need to tell you something_

 **Pinkie and I:** _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

 _Oh, did I say too much_

 _I'm out of my head_

 _really losing touch_

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

 _I really really really really really really like you_

 _and I want you, do you want me, do you want me too?_

As the song ended, we looked into eachothers eyes and closed them, and that's when we kissed.

"Goodnight Chuckie." She said.

"Sweet dreams." I said.

In the comfort of my room, I was about the happiest I'd ever been, I couldn't believe I did that! Everything was coming up Gareth for me.

"You did it Murphy. You did it." I said to myself falling asleep.

* * *

 _Aaaaaaand that's the end of that chapter! And not 4 months after the last one this time! If you like the story, please follow and fav!_


	7. Chapter 7: New neigh-bors

Chapter 7: New neigh-bors

 _So, little known fact about me and some backstory for this chapter. I am a huge fan of Weird Al Yankovic and Patton Oswalt. And when they lent their voices to MLP it was a dream come true for me, and I've always wondered what those characters together would be like._

* * *

Manehatten

In a large apartment complex in the bustling city lived two stallions, one silly, one serious. One loved to party, one would rather stay home and read. Despite theses polar opposite personalities the two were good friends as long as one lifestyle didn't interfere with the other. But the serious pony was about to have his world thrown out of whack for the sake of the silly one. And it all started one early morning.

The serious stallion known as Quibble Pants was awake sipping coffee and rereading _Daring Do and the Quest for the Sapphire Stone_ for the 539th time.

"You know, there are just some things you only catch the 539th time." He said to himself. Suddenly, the door to the apartment opened. The silly pony, known around Equestria as Cheese Sandwich groggily walked through.

"Well look at the _super duper party pony._ Even he has a weakness, all nighters." Quibble laughed to himself.

"Shove it 'Pants." Cheese grumbled. It was true, nopony is invulnerable to the effects of an all night party. CHeese grabbed the still nearly full coffee pot and chugged the whole thing out of the pot.

"3... 2... 1..." Quibble said quietly.

"Good morning Quibble ol' buddy!" Cheese bounced enthusiastically.

"Morning Cheese." Quibble smiled. The two had met not too long after Quibble's tangle up with Daring Do and Rainbow Dash, Quibble took Cheese in once he found out Cheese didn't actually have an actual home, Quibble had never really intended on making friends with him, but his enthusiasm and kindness was infectious. Sadly though, Quibble had been offered an opportunity on the other side of Equestria that meant he'd be moving out, and Cheese couldn't come. He couldn't quite figure out how he'd break the news yet, but the moving date was in just a week so he'd have to think of something, and it had to be quick.

"So, what do you have planned for today?" Quibble queried.

"Well, there's no parties going on that I know about, and believe me, I'd know! So I thought we could spend the day together! Two pals, compadres! _Les dos amigos_!"

"Oh... What? I.. I mean, I was gonna do some reading, maybe get a little writing done..." Quibble started.

"You know nobody reads your fanfiction!" Cheese said. Damn his brutal honesty.

"I'll have you know _PrincessofFriendshipTS10_ frequently checks in on Daring Do and the Romantic Cavern. _And_ leaves reviews on every chapter." Quibble stated.

"Oh come on! It'll be fun!" Cheese grinned widely. Quibble sort of winced, they really didn't share the same concept of fun, but he knew he owed it to him if he was soon going to be completely moving away from him.

"You... Got it buddy!" He said with a big fake grin.

* * *

Ponyville

I was happy as a clam, walking on air, too happy for another cliche to add here. Damn things were looking good for me, Pinkie and I had officially got together! I mean we're still early on and everything... But all good stories begin somewhere. Anyway, I was out on a pleasant morning stroll, I normally do that when I'm in a good mood. Do I wish I had my phone with all my favorite songs on it? Well yeah, but if I liked the songs I knew all the words anyway.

 **Me:** _I'm super!_

 _Thanks for asking_

 _All things considered I couldn't be better I must say!_

 _I'm feeling super_

 _No nothing bugs me!_

 _Everything is super when you're-_

I was cut off by the sound of someone calling me, It was Scootaloo.

"See, this is nice." I said. "Us meeting together without you getting slingshotted into my face." I said.

"We heard about you and Pinkie Pie!" Applebloom said.

"Yeah, congratulations!" Sweetie Belle said.

"Thanks girls." I blushed, back home all my folks said was "I'm just glad you aren't gay." Just to set the record straight my dad was a homophobe, I am not.

"Soooo what do you have planned?" Scootaloo asked.

"What?" I was confused.

"You know.. For the party!" She continued.

"What.. party-Oh my God." I said. I've never been wonderful with math but I can put two and two together. Pinkie Pie's **_birthday_** was coming up.

"Yes! The party! Well, It's... It's big! It's huge! It'll be the greatest! Terrific!" They could see my lie. Oh boy.

"You didn't know did you?" They all said in unison.

"Cut me some slack! I've been here for a month! A month!" I cried out. What was I supposed to do? She was like the first one to even consider trusting me and being nice to me when I first got here, I needed a hero, or an act of God, any God, I'll take what I can get as long as it's good.

* * *

Back in Manehatten

"So, what should we do first? Catch a movie? Go to an all-you-can-eat buffet? Maybe both at the same time?" Cheese asked as they walked down the sidewalks of the bustling city.

"Why not claim ownership of the nearest brothel?" Quibble said sarcastically.

"What?"

"Never mind." Quibble didn't dislike Cheese, he was just so energetic and cheery while Quibble was slow and mellow, he was polka while Quibble was smooth jazz.

"Oh! I've got an idea! why don't we-" Cheese was interrupted by a series of twitching and bouncing, he looked somewhat like Tigger had taken speed.

"Am I witnessing a seizure? Should I do something?" Quibble thought. "Ummm Cheese-" He started.

"Hold that thought, Quibble me boy! My cheesy sense is trying to tell me something!" Cheese exclaimed.

"Your... _What?_ "

"Party... In danger... Very important.. _Ponyville_."

"Ponyville? That's pretty far from here, if he went on his way there even this minute I'd probably be gone before he got back.." Quibble thought.

Cheese gasped. "Quibble! I had a great idea! _You_ should come with me!" Cheese exclaimed.

"What? No way- err... but parties are _your_ thing and _I_ wouldn't want to get in the way..." Quibble said.

"Nonsense! There's always room for one more at a party!"

"Look, Cheese. I can't, I really, really, _really_ can't."

"Hmm, sounds more like you're saying 'I really can't come out of my shell and have a little fun and I need you to help me.' I'd be glad to help!" Cheese said.

"That really isn't what I meant." Quibble groaned.

"Don't worry buddy! The Super Duper Party Pony is here to help! And it all starts by going to Ponyville!" Cheese grabbed Quibble by the leg and started dragging him off.

"Damn it, what am I going to do now?" Quibble thought to himself.

* * *

Not to long after: Just outside of Manehatten

Cheese had rigged up a cart full of all the party necessities and Quibble sat in the cart with it, regretting so many recent decisions. Meanwhile cheese was happily pulling the cart along.

"Isn't this nice old buddy? Just you and me, together out on the open road!"

"Yep. _Great_." Quibble moaned.

Cheese bounced along happily, soon the bounce of the cart made a beat, and Cheese started to whistle.

"If you start singing, I'm gonna puke." Quibble muttered.

 **Cheese** **:** _Do you need a break from modern living?_

 _Do you long to shed your weary load?_

 _If your nerves are raw and your brain is fried_

 _Just grab a friend and take a ride together upon the open road_

"Come on Quibble!"

 **Quibble:** _I would rather my assets in suspension_

 _All in all I'd rather eat a toad_

 _And this maniac drives like such a clutz_

 _That I'm about to hurl my guts d_ _irectly upon the open road._

 **Cheese:** _There's nothing can upset me, cause now we're on our way_

 _Our trusty map will guide us straight and true_

 **Quibble:** _Manehatten don't forget me, I will return someday_

 _Though I may be in traction when I do!_

 **Cheese:** _Me and Quibble relaxing like the old days_

 **Quibble:** _(_ _This is worse than dragon breath and acne)_

 **Cheese:** _In a buddy-buddy kind of mode_

 **Quibble:** ( _I'm so mad I think I may explode)_

 **Cheese:** _When I see that highway I could cry_

 **Quibble:** _You know that's funny so could I_

 **Quibble and Cheese:** _Just being out on the open road._

As they kept driving, they began to encounter others on the road.

 **Saloon performer ponies:** _Howdy boys, is this the way Nashville?_

 **Towpony:** _Watch it mac! Or you'll be gettin' towed!_

 **Jailed Pony:** _I'm in no hurry to arrive, cause I'll be turnin' 65 the next time I see the open road!_

 ** _Small stallion and his large wife:_** _Just a week of rest and relaxation_

 _Yeah!_

 _And the odd romantic episode_

"Very odd." Quibble commented

 **Hitchhiker:** _And it's Seaward Shores for me or bust!_

 **Elderly Mare:** _Look out you dirtbags eat my dust!_

 _From now on, I'm on the open road!_

 **Cheese:** _Just me and my pal Quibble my pony pioneer_

 **Cart of nuns:** _They're partners forever Ponyville ho, Yee ha!_

 **Quibble:** _Could someone flag a taxi and get me out of here_

 _To Califoalnia 90210_

 **All (Bar Quibble):** _Oh! Every day another new adventure_

 _Every mile another new zip code!_

 _And the cares we had are gone for good_

 **Quibble:** _And I'd go with them if I could_

 **All (Bar Quibble):** _I've got no strings on me_

 _I'm feelin' fancy free_

 _How wonderful to be..._

 _On the open roooooaaaaad!_

* * *

Ponyville: 3 days later

So I talked to Twilight she said Pinkie Pie's birthday was just next week, it still gave me time to prepare, but a lot to get done in one week. I couldn't talk to Discord because I used my 'one chaos-free favor' and I felt too much chaos at her party wouldn't be that great. I'm sorry, just so everyone knows, **_I_** am the main character of this story, I don't know why but for some reason I feel like something very not related to me has been going on a lot recently. Anyway, back to what's at hand- er.. _hoof_. I had to get something ready and quick, but it had to be grand. And I didn't know who could help me.

I was on a walk and I was just at the edge of town, when I saw someone coming with a cart, they looked familiar... When I realized just who I saw I knew my worries about the situation were over.

* * *

 _And that's the end of that chapter!_

 _Songs used were:_

 _I'm Super by Trey Parker and Marc Saiman_

 _On the Open Road by Jack Fieldman_


	8. Chapter 8: Let's get this party rolling!

Chapter 8: Let's get this party rolling!

 _I wish I really was in Equestria now, schools a bummer! Oh well, such is life. On with the show! Or chapter..._

* * *

Ponyville: Just where we left off last chapter

I couldn't believe how lucky I was to see none other than Cheese Sandwich riding in over the horizon. He was just the pony I needed, but who was that I saw with him? I couldn't quite put my hoof on it but he looked very familiar. I decided I'd run over to meet him.

"Oh sweet Celestia! Am I glad to see you!" I called out. I received a confused look.

"Who are you?" Cheese asked.

"I'm just a stallion who needs help with a party and I... _heard_ so much about the parties you throw." I lied. What was I supposed to say? 'I watched you on a cartoon from my home world?'

"Let me guess, you're 'stallion in Ponyville who will never forgive himself if he doesn't have a great birthday party for his mare-friend?'." He queried.

"Well... That about sums it up... How did you know those other details?" I said.

"It's my perfectly patented bonafide and ponified cheese sense!" He said proudly.

"I need one of those..." I muttered. It would really come in handy, Especially for events I need to remember...

"Oh, so you're the reason I got drug out here?" A voice asked, I suddenly realized who the other stallion was, obviously I couldn't pretend I knew who he was.

"Yes I guess I am." I said.

"So, well, it was nice to meet you. But I'm going to be on my merry way, good day Cheese, and good day whoever you are." Quibble said sourly.

"Nonsense buddy! You gotta stick around!" Cheese then started rambling on about the importance of this party like some sort of super duper party pony. Oh wait, he is.

"Okay, there's no hope for you. You, walk with me." Quibble said to me, so we did.

"Listen Loofah mane, I really can't stay here, I have a business opportunity somewhere very far away from here, and frankly, I've heard about this place. And It seems to be full of 1 dimensional personalized weirdos." He said. I guess he doesn't know that a friend of his lives here. And also, Loofah mane? I thought it looked nice...

"Come on, it's not that bad." I said. "Believe it or not, I'm still a little out of my element here too, but it's a real nice place. But if you want to leave, you have to tell Cheese, this has nothing to do with me."

"Oh no, no no no no no, it does. _Your_ relationship issues drug him out here, who in return drug _me_ out here." He replied snidely, damn you butterfly effect.

"Hey guys! Whatcha talking about?" Cheese jumped in out of the blue.

"Yes loofah mane, what _were_ we talking about?" This Quibble guy is turning out to be a bit of an ass.

"Well uhh, we... We... We were just talking about the _perfect place_ to throw this party." I grinned, check-mate.

"Oh great! Where is it?" Cheese asked. I wasn't lying when I said that, okay technically I was, but I already knew the place.

* * *

Chuck's Root Beer Tavern

I took Cheese who had drug Quibble with him down to the old shack I had fixed up with the help of Discord, the sign wasn't up yet but that was the title I had decided on.

"I hear bar parties are _very_ classy." Quibble muttered.

"It's great!" Cheese exclaimed.

"I'm glad someone agrees, come on, I'll take you inside." I led them in.

"Yep... Decent space... I assume the jukebox works?" Cheese asked, I could tell he was planning something.

"Luckily." I said. "About the only thing that still worked well about this place when I took over, just had to replace the glass."

"Great, every party needs music." Cheese said.

"Now Cheese." I started. "This party is very important, first of all, this mare is quite special to me, and secondly, because this mare already has quite an extensive knowledge on parties." I continued.

"Who is she?" He asked.

"I assume you're familiar with the mare Pinkie Pie?" I said with kind of a debonair tone, I wasn't coming on to him, just trying it out.

His eyes widened. "Sweet Celestia! You're absolutely positively right, this has got to be big! Huge!" he exclaimed.

"I'm glad you understand the importance, now, you're the expert, what have you got?" I asked.

"I've got an idea..." He said.

"I'm going for a walk." Quibble said quite annoyed, what else is new?

* * *

Ponyville

"I can't believe that pony sometimes!" Quibble muttered to himself. "It's always whatever that hyperactive cotton head wants, he never asks, 'Gee Quibble, what do _you_ want to do today?' Oh no! It's just-" Quibble was suddenly awestruck by something he saw in the sky. A rainbow blur went by, he had to blink a few times to make sure his eyes were still working. Suddenly the cause of that image in the sky landed not too far from him.

"So close that time!" Rainbow Dash said to herself. "Gonna have to try that Sonic Rainboom again!"

"Sweet Celestia... Rainbow Dash?" Quibble asked. Rainbow Dash immediately turned around.

"Quibble? What are you doing here!?" She asked.

"It's... A long story." He groaned. "Nice that I ran into you though, still stuck on the newer books?" He joked.

"Still devoted to puzzle solving over action?" She joked back.

"Touche, so I take it you must live out here?" Quibble asked.

"How long did it take you to figure that one out?" Rainbow Dash quipped.

"Alright, alright." Quibble said. "It's great running into you, so far everyone I've talked to today has been a complete cotton head."

"Like who?" Rainbow asked.

"Well, my travel partner/captor Cheese Sandwich, and the loofah mane he came here to help.. Chuck or something." Quibble said.

"Cheese Sandwich?" Rainbow asked. "What's he doing back- _Ohhhhh._ " Rainbow Dash realized what day was approaching.

"Heard of him I take it?" Quibble asked.

"Doy, where is he? I wanna say hi." Rainbow said.

"Down the street, I was just there." Quibble moaned.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Let's just say he and I have been having our differences." Quibble said.

"You having differences with somepony? What else is new? Come on!" Rainbow said.

"I'm just going to keep on my walk." Quibble said.

"Fine party pooper, see ya later!" Rainbow said.

"Well, I guess there's a bit of a silver lining on this never ending storm cloud called the past 2 days..." Quibble said walking off.

* * *

Castle of Friendship

"I'm glad you and Chuck are doing well Pinkie." Twilight said as they strolled down a hall in the castle.

"Thanks Twilight! I'm really excited about the whole thing but also really nervous too! You know what I mean like kind of a-"

"Yes Pinkie, Nervouscited, I know." Twilight laughed slightly. "So are you excited for your birthday?" Twilight asked.

"Of course Twilight! Silly!" She said bouncing up and down.

"Does Chuck have any special plans?" Twilight asked. The tone in her voice meant something else though.

"He hasn't said a thing! I bet it's a great big surprise party!" She replied.

"Okay, maybe I should rephrase, does he _know_?" Twilight asked.

"Of course he- _...maybe... Ooh.._ " Pinkie said in response.

"Yeah, listen, maybe try and mention it to him and you two can celebrate together, but after all, it has only been a little more than a week since you started dating, don't expect too much." Twilight said.

"Okay Twilight." She said.

* * *

Chuck's Root Beer Tavern

"Look, Rainbow Dash, I just need this, _ALL_ of this.." I motioned at Cheese Sandwich. "A secret, M'kay?" I pleaded.

"Of course." She said. Suddenly, Quibble came running through the doors.

"You gotta hide me!" He said, out of breath and neurotic, almost like he was being chased by an angry draconequus or something.

"Where is he!?" An angry voice yelled from outside the bar. _Oh boy._ Discord burst through the door. Does insurance cover an act of a demi-god?

"What did you do?" Rainbow Dash interrogated.

"Go on, what _did_ you do?" Discord said with fury in his voice.

"Fine, So, I may have accidentally said 'you look like something that walked out of the decoration section of a nightmare night store.' Happy?" Quibble groaned.

"No actually, quite the opposite." He was furious. "I can handle using my powers for good, I can handle tedious musical numbers, But I do not appreciate being insulted." Discord seemed to be getting ready to turn this horse into school glue. Was that joke out of taste?

"Okay now listen!" I spoke up. "If you're going to do anything that could inure anypony take it far away from here!" I yelled. "Otherwise, Quibble! If you don't have anything nice to say, keep your fricken yap shut! Discord, _please_ don't kill anypony, that'll cause unwanted attention and any second we'll have civilian casualties and we'll have the U.N crawling all over the place!" My rant was followed by a couple of disgruntled murmurs.

"Listen Pants, apologize to Discord, and Discord, apologize to Quibble." Rainbow said.

"I apologize." They muttered. I could tell neither of them meant it, so long as no murder happened in my bar I couldn't care less.

"Now, I'm very sorry about the interruption Cheese, let's get back to business, what's your scope on various types of cakes and sweets?" I asked him as we walked in a different direction.

"Sorry about him Discord, he can be a bit of a pain." Rainbow Dash said.

"You know I'm standing right here right?" Quibble said.

"I couldn't help but notice that, Rainbow Dash." Discord said with no acknowledgment to Quibble. "Anyway, I should be off, I have better things to do than mill about around here." And like that he was off.

"Don't mind him, he can overreact to things." Rainbow said to Quibble. "He once yelled at a butterfly, called it a son of a bitch, told it to get off his lawn." She continued, Quibble cracked up at the idea.

"That doesn't really surprise me." Quibble said.

"For what it's worth, what you said _was_ funny." She said.

"You have no idea how long it's been since anyone has said that. I haven't been around many ponies who share my sense of humor..." Quibble said.

"C'mon, let's get outta here." Rainbow said.

"Sounds _goood._ " Quibble said as they walked off.

"Finally. Some peace and quiet, and now, ironically, let's discuss music." I said to Cheese as we were alone to get back to work at last.

* * *

Ponyville streets, late afternoon

"So anyway, that's why I've got to get out of here, this is really a once in a lifetime opportunity." Quibble said as he and Rainbow were walking.

"I get it." She replied. "Know anypony in Califoalnia?" She asked.

"Well, no. But that's _not_ really a deciding factor, the enormous paycheck is." He said.

"Well yeah I'm sure it is, but I mean, are bits more important than your friend?" She asked. Quibble went silent

"Just some food for thought, I'll see you around!" She flew off.

"Damn it." He said. This decision could've been a lot easier if Cheese had drug him into any other town. But it had to be somepony he had history with, and somepony who knew just how to get to him, he thought.

"Not to mention somepony with a cute flank." He said to himself. Hey, his words.

* * *

Sugarcube Corner, that evening

I was lounging on the couch, quite exhausted after the day I had, I haven't had to plan anything in months. Suddenly Pinkie came in, a little quieter than usual.

"Hey Cupcake." I said, trying out a cutsie nickname.

"Huh?" She asked.

"Never mind." I brushed that off with an awkward chuckle.

"So..." She started.

"Yeah?" I asked gently.

"Just lettin' you know, a certain _day_ is coming up." She said.

"Oh is it?" Acting like I just found out. "I'll be sure to keep that in mind." I smiled at her.

"It's my birthday just so ya know." She said back to the way you'd expect her to with that signature smile.

"I'm no mathematician but I can put 2 and 2 together." I grinned and gave her a peck on the cheek. She flushed red.

"Missed a spot." She giggled and puckered her muzzle, I then gave her a kiss on the muzzle. I yawned afterwards.

"I'm gettin' beat, think I'm gonna get some sleep." I said. "Goodnight Cupcake." I said, she cocked an eyebrow.

"No on Cupcake?" I asked.

"Hey, maybe it'll grow on me." She said. "I know you did." I blushed an even deeper red than my coat.

"Heh.. heh heh... G-g-g-goodnight." I giggled.

"Goodnight you." She said as we kissed once more and went for our separate rooms.

* * *

One more loose end in this chapter. Cheese's wagon

Cheese had fashioned a nice tenting area for him and Quibble at his wagon area, Quibble was now returning from his walk.

"Hiya pal! What kept ya?" Cheese asked.

"Meh, I was just strollin'." Quibble said in a nicer tone than earlier.

"That's great buddy, well, we better get some shuteye, big day tomorrow, and the next day too!" Cheese said getting into his tent.

"Sure is..." Quibble sighed. "What am I gonna do?" He said to himself resigning to his tent.

* * *

 _The end! Well, not "The" The end, but the end of this chapter! let me know what you thought of it in the reviews and make sure to tune in for the next chapter!_


	9. The birthday-eve mishap part 1

Chapter 9: The Birthday Eve Mishap Part 1

 _Ever watch that episode of The Simpsons where nobody knows who shot Mister Burns and you had to wait until the next episode to find out who it was? Or any other example would work too, The Simpsons is just iconic. Anyway that's what we're doing here. Except for the fact that nobody get's shot and not everyone is yellow._

* * *

Chuck's Tavern

"Oh man, oh man, oh man oh man oh man." I thought to myself In the back office of my bar. It wasn't the fact that Nothing was ready, no, Cheese Sandwich had done an absolutely marvelous job getting the party ready, what I was sweatin' and frettin' about was the fact that everything had to go right tomorrow. I'm still a Murphy after all, and us people have a law named after us for a reason. Nothing had gone awry so far though so I suppose that's a good thing... Let's just hope it stays that way. I was thinking about all this while watching this little toy bird dip into a cup of water over an over. That little bastard doesn't know how simple he gets it. Suddenly I hear a knock on the door.

I say "Who is it?"

"It's Quibble." The voice said.

"How do I know for sure?" I asked.

"I hate you." He said dryly.

"That'll do." I said. "Come on in." He entered, with saddlebags strapped to his back.

"Look, loofah mane, I just wanted to tell you I'm leaving." He said. "I thought about it, but I think it's for the best that I mosey on out of here."

"Why are you telling me?" I asked.

"Simply because Cheese wouldn't understand if I told him, time has proved that over and over again. So I just need you to tell him for me, It's nothing personal against anypony, it's business." He concluded. I arched my eyebrow ever so slightly.

"You intend to ditch one of the few ponies who've treated you like not only a friend, but a _best_ friend without even telling him yourself?" I asked. "Where I come from, that is considered a 'dick move'." I say.

"Foul language isn't exclusive to where you're from, loofah mane." He said. "And don't think this isn't difficult for me, trust me, it is." He said, I could tell he was actually being sincere there.

"I can tell you meant that..." I started. "I'll let him know. And for the love of any and every possible Deity out there my name is Chuck." I said.

"Alright Chuck. Thanks." He walked out the door. I don't blame him completely, a job opportunity is a job opportunity. But I know Cheese won't take this very well, he had told me he was excited to finally spend some time with his supposed 'best friend'. Maybe this is all the Murphy's Law that will affect me, here's hoping.

"Can't get much worse from here." I said to myself, maybe I knew that that was gonna be comedic irony, maybe I didn't.

* * *

Ponyville: Noon

Pinkie Pie and the rest of the Mane 6 were walking through the streets, everypony (bar Pinkie of course) already knew about the plan for the party.

"So then he says 'I'll keep that in mind cupcake.' and I'm thinking 'Cupcake? I mean I understand what he's going for with the sweets and baked goods thing, but that's not all there is to me right? I happen to be a very big classical art fan'." Pinkie Pie said as they were walking.

"When have _you_ ever taken an interest in art?" Applejack asked.

"Oh, I haven't, but I'm not telling him I liked it when he first came up with it. You gotta make him work for it." She said with a wink.

"I don't know about that... maybe the honesty would have been appreciated." Fluttershy said.

"But hey, at least he has some sort of plan right?" Rainbow Dash said.

"I guess, I mean I haven't actually seen him since that night!" She said.

"Well that just means he's busy making the party great!" Twilight said.

"Or he up and left town with his tail between his legs." Rainbow joked. Applejack slugged her in the shoulder for that remark. "Hey!" She said in pain.

"Don't worry about a thing Sugarcube, I'm sure tomorrow will be perfect." Applejack said. (Sugarcube counter: 3? Lets see how many more show up...)

"I hope you're right." Pinkie said. The others exchanged winks.

* * *

Chuck's Tavern

Cheese walked into the bar, oh boy, I had to tell him, and I had a feeling this wasn't going to be easy. But hey, what is? Well, plenty of things, just not this.

"Hey Cheese." I said.

"Hiya Chuck! You ready to get everything finalized?" He asked.

"I sure am..." I said.

"Say, have you seen Quibble? He was already up and at it by the time I woke up." He said, oh brother.

"Yeah.. He stopped by, look, Cheese, I don't know how to tell you this... But..."

"What?"

"He left." He arched a eyebrow.

"Whadyya mean?" He asked.

"He left for Califoalnia. I wish I was joking, really." His face drooped like that half of Popeye's face, but on both sides.

"And he didn't tell me huh?" He asked.

"Yeah.. He told me to say he was sorry." That was a lie I know, but I thought it would help.

"Oh... I see."

"Do you need a moment?" I asked.

"No... but I do need an _ah_ , C please." He said.

 **Me:** _Ahhh ahh ahh ahhhh ahhhh ahhh ah_

 _Ahh ahh ah ah ah oooh ooh oooh doo wop_

 **Cheese:** _Well I heard that you're leavin'_

 **Me:** _Leavin..._

 **Cheese:** _Gonna leave me far behind._

 **Me:** _So far behind_

 **Cheese:** _This new life is more impotant_

 _You decided it's the best you can find_

 _So I pulled your name out of my roller decks_

 _And I tore all your pictures in two_

 _And I burned down the malt shoppe where we used to go_

 _Just because it reminds me of you!_

 **Me:** _doopity doopity doo. You._

 **Cheese:** _That's right_

 _You ain't gonna see me crying_

 _I'm glad, you've found somethin' else to do_

 _Cause I'd rather spend eternity eating shards of broken glass_

 _Than spend one more minute_

 _With you._

 **Me:** _Ah ah ah ahh_

 **Cheese:** _I guess I might seem kind of bitter._

 _To be fair, I wish you all the best_

 _You coulda just spoken up any time you needed_

 _Didn't mean to cause ya all of this stress!_

 _Oh so Quibble_

 _Let me help you with that suitcase_

 _You ain't gonna break my heart in two_

 _Cause I'd rather get a hundred thousand papercuts on my face_

 _Than spend one more minute with you._

 _/_

 _I'd rather be a gem on a hungry dragon's plate_

 _Than see your dirty muzzle here again_

 **Me:** _Oh Ohh oh_

 **Cheese:** _I'd rather slam my hooves right in a door_

 _Again and again and again and again and again_

"Oh can't you see what I'm trynna say here buddy?"

 _I'd rather have my blood sucked out by leeches_

 _shove an ice pick under a hoof or two_

 _I'd rather clean all the bathrooms in Canterlot Castle with my tongue_

 _Than spend one more minute with you._

 _Yes! I'd rather jump naked on a huge pile of thumbtacks_

 _Or stick my nostrils together with crazy glue_

 _I'd rather dive into a swimming pool filled with double edged razor blades_

 _Than spend one more minute with you-oo-ooh_

 _I'd rather rip my heart out of my rib cage with my bare hooves and throw it on the floor and stomp on till I died..._

 _Than spend one more minute..._

 _With you..._

 **Me:** _Ooooh..._

* * *

"You gonna be okay?" I asked.

"I guess... I mean, I always knew we were different, but I had always hoped that maybe he would have at least stuck around, I never made a lot of _real_ friends." He said sadly.

"Look, if it's any consolation, I'll be your friend." I said.

"Mean it?" He asked.

"Of course! You're one of the funniest ponies I've ever met, and we made a pretty good duet there huh?" I said.

"Thanks Chuck." He said, starting to feel a bit better, but I could tell deep down he was still really upset.

* * *

 _Will Quibble get the stick out of his ass and come back? Or is his new job that I never specified more important? Find out on the nice considerably entertaining chapter!_

 _Song used was "One More Minute" By Cheese Sandwich's VA himself, Weird Al Yankovic._


	10. The birthday-eve mishap part 2

Chapter 10: The Birthday Eve Mishap Part 2

 _Who shot Mister Burns? Who killed Kenny? What's the capital of Albania? None of these questions will be answered in this chapter._

* * *

Chuck's Tavern

Quibble had up and left that morning, I guess he had decided that unspecified job opportunity was more important than his friends, how did Cheese take this you may ask? Not well, not well at all, I offered my friendship to him and he seemed grateful, but still quite upset, and I worried that might affect the performance of tomorrow's grand event.

"You feelin' better?" I asked.

"Yeah... I gotta say, the song helped." He said. It's true, a good musical number is the best medicine. But he was still down, and I felt bad about stressing him at this point, I wasn't sure what I was supposed to do.

"Uh huh..." I said. Suddenly I saw Applejack walking outside the bar, so I went out to talk to her.

"Hey Applejack." I said.

"Howdy Sugarcube, how goes it?" (Sugarcube Counter: 4)

"Well, frankly, not the best. Cheese Sandwich's friend Quibble up and left this morning, and it was really important to Cheese that he'd stick around, and now Cheese is upset and I'd feel bad if I kept working him on the surprise party... So I'm in a bit of a knot right now." I said. She gave me a sympathetic look.

"Tell ya what, why don't I help?" She said.

"You'd do that?"

"Of course! I'd be more than happy to lend a hoof for a friend, and I'm sure Twilight and the others would too!" She smiled.

"Wow. You are a lifesaver, thanks a billion!" I said.

"No problem Sugarcube." (5) "Now let's round up the others."

"I'm with ya!" I said.

* * *

Chuck's Tavern: About 25 minutes later

"In conclusion, that is why you were all called here, many hooves make light work." I said to Twilight, Spike, Applejack, Rainbow, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Cheese Sandwich from behind the counter.

"We're here to help Chuck, just let us know what you want and we'll do it." Twilight said.

"I was hoping you'd say that. Twilight, your job is this, take this bag of bits and place orders from the Cakes for as many ponies in town as you can, that should keep Pinkie Pie busy for the rest of the day." I gave her the bag.

"Affirmative." She said as she left.

"Rarity, Spike, I need the place decorated to a tee, designer streamers, bows, lights, all the stops pulled, comprende?"

"You got it!" Spike said.

"Don't worry about a thing darling." Rarity said.

"Rainbow Dash, Applejack, I need the two of you to tell everypony in town about this, I trust the two of you can handle this?" I said.

"You got it! Come on A.J!" Rainbow Dash charged out the door with Applejack behind her.

"Now, Fluttershy, your job is to keep Pinkie Pie company all day, and if she wants to know what's going on, remember, you're not the element of honesty." I winked.

"I won't let you down... hopefully." She left.

"Now Cheese, you and I will stay here and work on a few of the other details like music, and of course the cake, how are you with baking?" I asked.

"Baking is a pretty important skill when you're in my field." He winked.

"Great, let's do this!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Manehatten

Quibble got off the train at his home city, he just needed to pack a few things from his apartment and he could make it to Califoalnia on time. He took a taxi to his apartment building and went to his room. Immediately he seemed to be flooded by memories, he did feel bad about the whole thing, every second he sat and remembered he felt worse.

"Damn it!" He yelled aloud. He resigned to his room and started to violently throw clothing into a suitcase. In his fit, a picture frame fell over. He stopped to pick it up. The picture was of him and Cheese, out at a nearby park.

"This was from the day we first met..." He said to himself, he remembered that day quite well, It had been a pretty rough day for him,Quibble was on his commute home from work trying to forget about it and Cheese ran into him, literally.

* * *

Flashback Sequence

"Ow." Quibble said in quite an annoyed fashion. Cheese looked at him.

"Hiya! Sorry about running into you there buddy!" Cheese smiled.

"Don't mention it." Quibble said. "My fault for looking down."

"I'm Cheese Sandwich! The Super Duper Party Pony!"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Quibble, Quibble Pants."

The two started talking, eventually Quibble forgot about the bad day he had earlier. Before he knew it it was night time.

"I'd better get home." Quibble said.

"Oh, okay. See ya later then pal!" Cheese said, suddenly he whipped out a blanket and lied down.

"Wait." Quibble said. Do you have anywhere to go?

"Oh... Uhhhh no, no not really no." Cheese said.

"Oh.. Well, I've got a spare room, if you want I guess you could..."

"Okay! Great! I'd love to!" Cheese didn't even let him finish.

And then the rest was history.

* * *

Back to reality

Quibble sighed. He didn't mean to let anypony down, Cheese especially. But he made up his mind. He was Califoalnia bound. He finished packing and went for the train station.

"One please." Quibble said.

"You got it, where to pal?" The station master asked.

"Cali... Califoal..." Quibble was lost for words. Suddenly he heard a familiar voice.

 _"Nonsense buddy! You gotta stick around!"_ It was Cheese's voice in his head.

 _"Are bits more important than your friend?"_ Rainbow Dashes voice asked.

 _"Where I come from, that is considered a 'dick move'."_ My voice said. The voices started swirling around in his head.

"Enough!" He yelled aloud, causing many ponies to look at him. Quibble then looked the station master straight in the eyes.

"Ponyville." He said.

* * *

Ponyville: A few hours later.

Trains travel faster than Cheese with a cart, that's why the ride took a few hours and not a couple days. Anyway, Cheese and I were working hard at the cake, and it was looking great! it stood 6 feet high, 6 layers each a different flavor, pink frosting covered in chocolate hearts, I'd say it was perfect.

"Looks good Cheese, I'd say this whole thing was, shall I say 'a piece of cake'?" I joked, he laughed.

"I'll say! I'd say we could 'dough' it all again in record time!" He joked back. We shared a laugh together, Suddenly the doors swung open.

"We've got a stellar guest list!" Rainbow Dash announced.

"Yep! Just about every pony in towns comin'!" Applejack added.

"Oh that's wonderful!" I said. "I knew I could count on you two." Spike and Rarity came through.

"We've decorations fit for a coronation!" Rarity said happily, Spike followed holding them all, the two started setting them up.

"That's great, thanks a million." I said. Twilight followed,

"Pinkie and Fluttershy should be out the rest of the day!" She said.

"Thank you so much, all of you, I couldn't thank you all enough for the work you've done today." Suddenly I was met with a big hug... from Cheese.

"Come on everypony! Bring it in!" He said, the rest came into the hug. Suddenly, another figure walked through the door. We turned and looked.

"Is this a bad time?" Quibble asked.

"Quibble?" Cheese asked.

"Yeah... it's me... Cheese look, I'm sorry, I'm sorry for every-" Cheese cut him off.

"Don't want to hear it." He said.

"What? But... but Cheese.." Quibble said.

"Outside." He said. So the two went out.

* * *

Outside

"Cheese look, I messed up... It wasn't right of me to leave you like that... And it definitely wasn't right of me to leave somepony else to tell you." He said.

"You think?" Cheese asked sarcastically. Quibble was taken aback, nopony said anything for a little while.

"I'm going inside." Cheese said angrily.

"Cheese wait!" Quibble said.

"What." He was pretty upset with him at this point.

 **Quibble:** _There are times you drive me, shall we say, bananas_

 _And your mind is missin', no offence, a screw_

Cheese Looked at him. "None taken..."

 **Quibble:** _Still, whatever mess I land in_

 _Who is always understandin'?_

 _Nopony else but you._

Cheese looked at him for a second, and sighed.

 **Cheese:** _Oh, your moodiness is now and then bewilderin'_

 _And your values may be, so to speak, askew_

 _Who deserves a hero's trophy as we face each "catastro-phee"?_

 _Nopony else but you._

 **Both:** _Nopony else but you_

 _It's just our luck_

 _We're stuck together_

 _Nopony else but you_

 _Is crazy enough to believe we'll come through_

 **Quibble:** _So your jokes are all, let's face it, prehistoric_

 **Cheese:** _And your music sounds like monkeys in a zoo_

 **Both:** _But when life becomes distressin'_

 _Who will I be S.O.S'in?_

 **Quibble:** _If you're havin' trouble guessing, here's a clue_

 _Though he seems intoxicated_

 _He's just highly animated_

 _And he's nobody else but_

 **Both:** _Nopony else but you_

 _We've turned into a true-blue duo_

 _Hard times we've had a few_

 **Cheese:** _Like we're thrown in the drink_

 **Quibble:** _Like we're tossed out of town_

 **Both:** _But when I start to sink, hey, I'd rather go down_

 _With nopony else but_

 _Y-O-U!_

* * *

"What do you say? Friends?" Quibble asked.

"Friends!" Cheese started to tear up and he embraced Quibble with a big hug.

The rest of us exchanged smiles as we watched from the front window, I had a feeling everything would be A-Okay.

* * *

Meanwhile

Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy strolled through town, at this point Pinkie Pie had pretty much wrapped up the colossal size delivery she had for the day.

"Oh boy Fluttershy! I had no idea I'd have that many deliveries today, a lot of ponies must have wanted cake huh?" She laughed.

"Mhm.." Fluttershy said.

"Thanks for spending time with me today Fluttershy!" She said. "But, no offence but I was hoping Chuckie could spend some time with me today... I haven't seen him in a few days, you know?"

"I guess..." Fluttershy said quietly.

"Do you have any idea what's going on?" Pinkie asked.

"Ummm... no." She said quietly.

"If you did know, you'd tell me?" Pinkie asked.

"Of course Pinkie..." Fluttershy blushed, her lie was visible and Pinkie could tell.

"Are you suuuuuure? Because I think you knoooooooow." She was eating at her. Fluttershy started getting nervous.

"He's... He's... Planning something." She said.

"Planning what?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh no..." FLuttershy thought. "She can't know about the party." She thought to herself.

"For the grand opening of his bar tomorrow. He wants it to be big and important, probably keep him busy the whole day." Fluttershy said.

"Oh... Okay.. _WHAT!?_ " Pinkie flipped. "But... But... But my birth... my birthday..." She ran off.

"Oh dear..." Fluttershy said to herself.

* * *

Pinkie Pie's Room

Pinkie laid in her bed curled up with a pillow, on the verge of tears. "I thought he cared..." She thought to herself. "I didn't think he'd completely forget.."

"Twilight told me.. -sniff- Not to expect much... not to -sniff- Get my hopes up... But... But... -sniff- I didn't think it would hurt to... Expect anything..." A tear ran down her face as she went to sleep.

* * *

 _That concludes this chapter! Will everything work out in the next chapter? We'll have to find out won't we? Until next time!_

 _Song used was "Nobody Else But You" from "A Goofy Movie"._


	11. Chapter 11: The birthday

Chapter 11: The Day After The Birthday Eve Mishap... Or More Appropriately, The Birthday.

 _Last time on "Equestria's New Comedian"... There were lasers, sharks, and laser sharks... Just kidding, last time, Cheese and Quibble rekindled their friendship, but not all was sunshine and rainbows in the land that is primarily sunshine and rainbows ... Pinkie Pie now believes I don't care at all about her birthday and completely forgot, what's gonna happen? Let's find out shall we?_

* * *

Chuck's Tavern

"And... And then... -sniff- She ran off and... And... Started crying... -sniff-... I..I know my job was important and I'm so sorry I ruined it!" Fluttershy told me as she began crying. Was I mad? No, not at all.

"Hey, come on..." I started sympathetically. "I know that wasn't your fault." I said while consoling her. "You did your best, maybe a lie wasn't the greatest route but that's on me, this is my fault." I said, I knew how to fix this anyway. At least I had a somewhat decent idea anyway on how I was going to.

"Thank you." She said.

"Hey, don't mention it." I said with a small sympathetic smile (Like alliteration?).

"So, what are you going to do?" She asked.

"I've got a plan." I said, well, honestly I had about 12 percent of a a plan. Better than 0 percent right?

"Now if you don't mind..." I began. "Could you get Twilight and the others together? We've got some setting up to do." I asked.

"You can count on me." She said.

"Great, see you in a bit, if I'm not in the bar area when you get back, come back and wake me from my nap." I said flopping back to get a little sleep.

10 minutes later

"Chuck... _Chuuuuck... **CHUCK!**_ " A voice yelled at me.

"Hello and welcome back! I'm your host Casey Kasem!" I yelled as I shot up.

"What?" Twilight asked, apparently everypony decided to gather in my cramped back office.

"Casey Kasem, radio host, American Top 40, it's Earth stuff, I'll bore you with it all later." I brushed it off, those words hurt me to say considering my love for 70's and 80's music and for Casey Kasem.

"Anyway." I continued. "Glad to see you all here, as we all know today is a big day. You all did an absolutely amazing job yesterday, and today, it all pays off. I won't forget how you all came through, and now, in return I have to say, as per custom of my land, 'I owe you one'." I said.

"Who's gonna tell him that's not exclusive to 'his land'?" Rainbow Dash murmured to the others.

"We have two hours until the party is meant to begin, all that needs to be done now is things like snacks and refreshments for the party, and of course, the delivery of the guest of honor. As per the first item, the Cakes have graciously agreed to cater and the Apples have been so kind as to offer their cider for drinks, thanks again Applejack."

"Don't mention it Sugarcuge." (Say it with me! Sugarcube counter: 6!)

"So here's what I'm thinking, if you all could do me one last favor, half of us go to the cakes and help them out, and the other half help the Apple family with cider prep, that work for everypony?" I ask.

"Fine, but then you'll owe me _two_." Rainbow Dash joked.

"I'll take that as a yes then. Let's do this!" I announced.

* * *

Pinkie Pie's Room

"Why!? Why would he lie to me like that?" Pinkie cried to herself. Don't go to bed sad, you just wake up sad and angry.

"I thought he cared! He.. He seemed like he cared! I just don't understand..." She said to herself looking through the window sadly. Suddenly, a knock came at the door.

"Come in..." Pinkie said sadly. Mrs Cake and her two children, Pound Cake and Pumpkin cake came in with a large tray.

"Happy birthday sweetheart." She said sweetly. "We made you some breakfast, you'll see there's _two_ plates of eggs here, you can just pretend to eat the ones the kids made, they don't exactly understand how to keep the shells out." She laughed.

Pinkie Pie just looked at her silently, then after about 10 seconds of silence, she broke out crying. This shocked Mrs Cake so much she dropped the juice for the breakfast, immediately she set down the tray and went to comfort her.

"Sweetheart... what's wrong?" Mrs Cake asked.

"He... He... _FORGOT ABOUT MY BIRTHDAAAAYYYY!_ " She cried. Now, Mrs Cake knew the truth of the matter, but she couldn't tell her anything as not to ruin the surprise.

"Oh sweetheart... I'm sorry." She started.

"How... How... How could he!?" She cried.

"Hold on sweetheart, maybe he didn't forget." Mrs Cake said.

"What... What do you mean?" She asked.

"What if he actually has a plan?" Mrs Cake decided to answer a question with a question.

"But... But Fluttershy told me-"

"Would Fluttershy want to spoil the surprise?" Pinkie Pie stopped and thought for a second.

"You do have a point..." Pinkie thought.

"But that's not necessarily true..." Mrs Cake winked. "You'll just have to wait and see, but don't think he forgot about you." She finished.

"Okay." Pinkie said, feeling a little better.

"Enjoy your breakfast hon, I'll get you some more juice." Mrs Cake said leaving the room, Pumpkin and Pound followed behind her.

"Maybe she's right, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions so quick like that." Pinkie said to herself.

"Or you should have." She heard a voice, and saw a little devil on her shoulder. (I know, the gag might be getting tired.)

"What are you doing here?" She asked the little devil.

"I'm here simply to help you, and I'm helping by telling you to stay mad!" The little devil said.

"Well I dunno..." Pinkie said, then looked to her other shoulder. "Hey, Where's the other one?" She asked.

* * *

Meanwhile

There was a heavy traffic jam, horns were honking and voices were cussing at other voices, in one car sat Pinkie's shoulder angel.

"Come on you bastards I'm late for work!" She yelled honking her horn. She went to take a drink of coffee and spilled it on her robe. "Of perfect, just perfect." She muttered.

* * *

Back in reality...

"So what'll it be?" The little devil asked.

"Look, I just don't think it's a good idea..." Pinkie said.

"Fine, fine." The devil disappeared. Suddenly the angel appeared.

"Hey what did I miss?" She asked.

"Oh thank Celestia you're here what do I do?" Suddenly an even smaller devil appeared on the shoulder of the angel.

"Tell her to stay mad! Don't turn back now!"

"I dunno about that..." The angel said, then turned to her shoulder. "Hey, where's the other one?"

* * *

Meanwhile

"Oh this is unbelievable!" The smaller angel Pinkie Pie yelled out, caught in yet another traffic jam.

* * *

Back again.

"Look, even I can agree this gags getting old." Pinkie said.

"Fair enough." Her angel said disappearing. She sighed. She knew Mrs Cake was probably right, but there was still that sense that told her she wasn't.

(From here on out I promise there will be no more angel/devil shoulder jokes)

Suddenly out of her window she saw Twilight, Spike, Rarity, and Fluttershy leaving Sugarcube Corner with ample boxes of sweets with them. Pinkie opened her window.

"Hey guuuuyyyys!" She called out, which warranted no response, in fact, they went faster afterwards.\

"What was that about? Maybe they didn't hear me, right?" She said to herself watching them, suddenly she saw them head for the tavern down the street, _my_ tavern down the street.

"What? But... But... But they're my best friends!" She said to herself in shock, "First Chuck, now them?" She thought.

"That's it!" She said, slamming her door shut. "If nopony wants to see me today, I don't want to see anypony else!"

* * *

Sweet Apple Acres

"So that's barrel what? 53?" I asked.

"Eeyup!" Big Mac said as we were loading barrels onto carts.

"Great, only two more to go then, thank you kindly for doing this." I said.

"Lookin' good fellas!" Applejack came over. "Shouldn't be too long till it's out of the barrels and into the mugs!"

"Don't remind me..." Rainbow Dash drooled.

"Chuck!" I heard Spike call. I turned and looked

"What's up?" I asked.

"The sweets have been delivered." He said.

"Oh that's great, thanks you guys." I said.

"And, apparently Mrs Cake talked things over with Pinkie Pie, and she's not upset anymore!" Fluttershy said.

"Well that definitely makes my day easier. Thank you all very much." I said.

"So what now?" Quibble asked. (Oh yeah, him and Cheese are here too).

"Now, mi amigo, we get this cider train a-movin!" Cheese exclaimed.

"Very right my friend, let's get going!" I said as we started pulling carts.

* * *

Chuck's tavern

"Alrighty, it's almost time for the guests to start arriving, I'm going to get drinks ready." I said. "Cheese, I have a special job for you."

"What is it?" He asked.

"I need you to go and deliver our _guest of honor_ , can you handle that?"

"Aye aye cap'n!" He announced.

"Great, okay, here come our first guests!" I say as Octavia and Vinyl walked in.

"Octavia! Vinyl!" Great to see the two of you!" I said.

"I'm here for Pinkie Pie's party, not because I'm ready to like you." Octavia was cold, little mad about that prank hm?

"Great to have you here regardless, Vinyl! What do you say we get the sound system ready? Come on, I'll lead you to the back." I walked with her.

"Well, I'll be on my way!" Cheese said prancing out the door.

* * *

Sugarcube Corner

Cheese pranced through the doors bouncing energetically.

"Hiya Cakes!" He said happily.

"Hello Cheese Sandwich, nice to see you again." Mrs Cake said.

"Looking for Pinkie Pie?" Mr Cake asked.

"Indeedereeno!" Cheese said.

"She's just upstairs, we're gonna be on our way now, see you two at the party." Mr Cake said.

"Will do!" Cheese said bouncing upstairs.

Cheese looked through the hallway and saw a door brightly decorated in pink and balloons with a piece of paper that said 'Pinkie's Room' with a little smiley face drawn under the writing.

"This must be it." Cheese thought, "Ooh! maybe to keep it a surprise, I should change my voice a little, then he saw a chest with dress up items, presumably for when Pinkie Pie would entertain the two Cake foals.

"Perfect!" cheese said to himself.

After gathering a costume together, Cheese knocked on the door and entered.

"Hello?" Pinkie asked.

"Ma'am. I'm Officer Wiggum from the PVPD (Ponyville Police Department), You gotta come back to the station, it seems you've been charged for smuggling illegal confetti into the region. That's a serious crime ma'am, I for one hope you're not guilty, as if you are you're gonna be goin' away for a real long time." Pinkie looked very tense, and leaped from the window.

"You'll never take me alive!" She yelled running away.

"What? Oh... Oh no... This is bad... Wait!" Cheese yelled running after her.

* * *

Meanwhile

"What is taking him so long? Pretty much all the guests have arrived..." I muttered to myself serving drinks to Lyra and Bonbon.

* * *

Ponyville streets

"Ma'am wait!" Cheese yelled chasing Pinkie Pie. He was beginning to gain distance on her.

"For the record, this has been a pretty bad day for me! Can't this wait!?" She yelled back at him.

"You don't understand! That was just a-" Cheese was cut off by Pinkie crashing into a fruit cart extremely hard.

Cheese walked up to the scene. "Oh no... Oh No oh no oh no oh no... I may have messed up here... Don't be dead please don't be dead, I'll lose my "No lives will be lost in the making of any of my parties" guarantee!" He could see that she was still breathing, she had been knocked unconscious.

"What do I do from here..." He muttered to himself. He hoisted Pinkie Pie onto the now empty cart and left a sack of bits where the cart was.

"Better than nothing." He said while pushing the cart.

* * *

Chucks' Tavern

"No offense, I'm sure there's a method to this madness, but I was really hoping you'd deliver her... I don't know... _conscious!?_ " I exclaimed at the scene.

"Is that my cart?" I heard a pony mutter in the crowd.

"It isn't my fault, she started running, and then she crashed and then.." Cheese started.

"It's fine, it's fine." I said, we'll make do. I poured a glass of water and dripped it on her head, instantly she sprang up.

"NO OFFICER I SWEAR- Huh?" She looked around and saw everypony gathered around in my newly furnished bar with big mugs of cider.

"SO! This _is_ about your bar! I... I... I thought you cared about me!" She broke down crying. I just let out a slight nose sigh. I was getting a little sick of everypony assuming I was so bad.

"Hon, hon." I took her by the hoof and showed her the banner over the door, which read 'Happy Birthday Pinkie!'.

She looked back at me, with tears in her eyes, but different than the tears from before.

"You... You remembered!" She wrapped me in a comparable to an anaconda type hug.

"Of course I remembered!" I wheezed. I smiled. "you mean way more to me than to just forget or brush off your birthday!" I kissed her on the forehead, and everypony in the bar 'Awwwed'.

"Ohhh Chuckie..." She flushed red. "You're embarrassing me..." She smiled.

"Let's get this party rolling!" I announced, and the music started up.

* * *

"So you really planned all this for me?" She asked me a bit later.

"Well, honestly, not completely, I had a bit of help." I said, motioning to Twilight and the others. "And of course another pony you may recognize." Cheese Sandwich popped up from behind the counter.

"Cheese!" Pinkie said excitedly.

"Hiya Pinkie! Great to see you again." Cheese said. "Sorry about that whole chase thing back there by the way."

"No problem, just a little bump on the noggin." Pinkie smiled. I looked at the time, and I backed away, making my way to the stage in the back area.

"All set up?" I asked Vinyl. She gave me a nod.

"Great, thanks." I made my way onto the platform and tapped the mic.

"Attention everypony, at this point I'd like to say a few words to the birthday mare, and my darling, Pinkie Pie." I flashed a smile at her. "Or, more appropriately, I'd like to say these words through the timeless form of song. Hit it!" I exclaimed.

 **Me:** _You make me feel so young_

 _You make me feel so spring has sprung!_

 _And when I see your smiling face_

 _I'm such a happy..._ _individual_

 _And every time you speak_

 _I wanna go play hide-and-seek_

 _I wanna go and bounce the moon_

 _Just like a toy balloon_

 _/_

 _You and I_

 _Are just like a couple of foals_

 _Runnin' across the meadows_

 _pickin' up lots of daisys gold_

 _/_

 _You make me feel so young_

 _You make me feel there are songs to be sung!_

 _Bells to be rung!_

 _Wonderful fling to be flung!_

 _And even when I'm old and gray_

 _I'm gonna feel the way I do today_

 _Cause you! You make me feel so young!_

 _/_

 _You make me feel so young_

 _You make me feel so spring has sprung!_

 _And every time I see you grin_

 _I'm such a happy... i_ _ndividual_

 _And every time you speak_

 _I wanna go play hide-and-seek_

 _I wanna go and bounce the moon_

 _Just like a toy balloon._

 _/_

 _You and I_

 _Are just like a couple of foals_

 _Runnin' across the meadows_

 _Pickin' up lots of daiys gold!_

 _/_

 _You make me feel so young_

 _You make me feel there are song to be sung!_

 _Bells to be rung!_

 _And a wonderful fling to be flung!_

 _And even when I'm old and gray.._

 _I'm gonna feel the way I do today!_

 _'Cause you! You make me feel so young!_

 _You make me feel so young!_

 _You make me feel so young!_

 _Oooooh You make me feel..._

 _Soooo young!_

* * *

They cheered as I made my way down from the stage. I went back over to Pinkie Pie.

"I love it!" She said to me.

"Thanks hon." I gave her a big hug. "Happy birthday." I said to her.

"Now everyone! The cake! I announced.

* * *

After the party

I was cleaning up the confetti from the floor, Pinkie, Cheese, and Quibble agreed to stay and help me clean up.

"Thanks for helping me clean up, everypony." I said.

"No problem." Quibble said sweeping the floor.

"So now that the parties over... You two are gonna be on your way?" Pinkie asked them. They went silent.

"Well... I sort of gave up what I would've been leaving for." Quibble said.

"And.. And I could still travel around throwing parties from here." Cheese said.

"We, we made friends here, more friends than either of us have made before... We haven't talked it over but.." Quibble began.

"I think we'll be staying here." Cheese said.

"Ooooh! That's great! That's awesome!" Pinkie got excited by the news. I smiled at the two of them.

"I look forward to seeing you two around." I nodded at them. "well, that's about the last of cleaning, what say we retire now?"

"Here here!" they said.

* * *

Streets of Ponyville

"Remind me to return that pony's cart tomorrow." I said to Pinkie as we walked home together.

"No problem!" Pinkie said. We were silent for a moment.

"I'm... Sorry I thought you didn't care." Pinkie said. I looked at her.

"Hey, it was an honest mistake, don't beat yourself up over it." I said with a grin.

She giggled slightly "Okay." She said.

"Oh, by the way, before I forget..." I pulled out a box from the newly found space in my large 'loofah mane'. "Your birthday gift!"

"Oooooh what is it?" She asked.

"Why don't you open it up and see?" I asked back. She then opened the box to reveal a smaller scale cake, on top, there was a little fondant sculpture of her and I, under a tree from the first little picnic we had, with small hearts lining the cake. She looked at me with big wide eyes.

"I love it!" She said enthusiastically. "I love it so much I almost can't even eat it!" She said.

"I'm glad you like it, but, please do eat it. It'll rot and start to smell if you don't, sorry to kill the mood with that." I said. "Oh! Don't forget to read the card." I said. She tore the envelope and read the card.

 _Though we've only known each other for a little while_

 _I'll be right by you for every mile_

 _Of this road we walk together_

 _And I'll be yours, for now and forever._

 _Yours, Chuck._ With a couple of small hearts drawn around the poem.

Pinkie looked at me with tears in her eyes and gave me another hug. I wrapped my front legs around her to hug back.

"Thank you.." She said to me sweetly.

"Happy birthday." I said back. "Hey, while we're still out here, I think I hear something."

"What's that?" She asked.

"Another musical cue!" I exclaimed.

 **Me:** _Don't you turn your back on me_

 _Don't you walk away_

 _Don't you tell me I don't care, cause I do_

 _Don't you tell me I'm not the one_

 _Don't you tell me I ain't no fun_

 _Just tell me you like me like I like you, you know you do_

 _When we're together, gray skies clear up_

 _And I cheer up, to where I'm less depressed_

 _And sincerely, from the bottom of my heart_

 _I just can't take when we're apart_

 _We belong together_

 _We belong together! Yes we do,_

 _You'll be mine forever_

 _We belong together_

 _We belong together_

 _Oh, it's true_

 _It's gonna stay this way forever_

 _Me and you_

 **Pinkie:** _If I could really talk to you_

 _If I could find a way_

 _I'm not shy, there's a whole lot I wanna say_

 _Of course there is_

 _Talk about friendship and loyalty_

 _Talk about how much you mean to me_

 _And I promise to always be be your side_

 _Whenever you need me_

 **Me:** _The day I met you, was the luckiest day of my life_

 _Yeah I bet you feel the same, at least I hope you do!_

 **Pinkie:** _So don't forget me, if the future should take you away_

 _'Casue you'll always be... Part of me!_

 **Both of us:** _We belong together_

 _We belong together, yes we do!_

 **Me:** _It's gonna be this way, forever!_

 **Both of us:** _We belong together_

 _We belong together, oh it's true!_

 **Pinkie:** _We'll go on this way, forever!_ _Me and you!_

 **Me:** _You and me!_

 _/_

We embraced in a big hug under a lamppost as the song ended, only for the mood to be ruined by somepony yelling at us.

"Do you two know how late it is? The only place you two belong is asleep in bed!" They yelled. We laughed for a second.

"We'd better do as he says, he sounds _reeeal_ serious." I joked.

"Race ya home!" She said galloping off.

"No fair! You had a head start!" I galloped after her.

* * *

 _I guess that puts an end to the birthday arc! As always, follows, favs, and reviews are appreciated! Until next time._

 _Songs used_

 _"You make me feel so young". By Frank Sinatra._

 _"We belong together". By Randy Newman._


	12. Chapter 12: The 'L' word

Chapter 12: The 'L' Word

 _There are words that go down in infamy and get officially recognized by the letter they begin with so as not to offend or startle someone with the full word, like: The 'F' word or The 'S' word, but there is one word that has the power to churn a stomach or send you flying on wings of glory, and that's The 'L' Word._

* * *

Chuck's Tavern

"You know this place hasn't even officially opened, right?" I ask Quibble and Cheese, who were for whatever reason seated at the bar counter. "I don't even have a primary supplier yet." I gritted holding a broom in my mouth, I must say one of the most difficult things to get used to is having your mouth perform jobs your hands once did.

"Yeahhhhh... But at the moment, both of us are sort of... How shall we say... 'Housingly Challenged'." Cheese said.

"Not a real term Cheese." Quibble said. "What he means is we don't have a place to live at the moment, and you don't know this, but we've been living in the storage room for the past couple nights." He finished.

I put my hoof to my face. "You've been living in a storage room!?"

"Yep." They replied.

"I can't believe this." I sighed. "You realize there's probably apartments or even a hotel here, right?" I ask.

"Yeah, but free housing is so hard to pass up." Cheese said.

"He's got a point." Quibble nodded.

"Well, let me tell you fellas, now that I know, housing might not be as free as it was before." I said slyly. They gulped.

"But, since I'm so kind." I began. "I'll let you have some of my business loan, I didn't need a lot of it as I got the building for nothing and had it repaired for free. Now go house hunting, it won't last too long so jobs might help." I winked tossing Quibble a bag.

"Gee... Thanks!" He said.

"I'll go fetch our things out of that storage room!" Cheese said.

"Well, that felt good." I said to myself, it always feels good to do something kind. Hey, after you finish reading this chapter, go out and do something nice huh?

Suddenly, Applejack and Rainbow Dash came trotting in.

"Oh don't tell me you two are living in the storage room too?" I joked.

"You finally found out about that huh?" Rainbow asked. "Quibble told me about that."

"Mhm. I have them set out finding a new living situation. You two want anything?" I ask. "I don't have much to offer right now, a bit of leftover cider and the finest tap water available." I said.

"Two ciders." Rainbow said. "And what'll you have Applejack?" She continued.

"Ah'll have one a the ciders Rainbow Dash gets." She said with a smirk.

"Comin' right up!" I said. As I gave the two their ciders I remarked. "You're lucky, technically I'm not allowed to charge yet."

"Good. Consider it a part of that 'one' you owe us." Applejack said.

"Heh, alrighty then." I said leaning onto the counter. "So what brings you two here anyway?"

"We just thought we'd stop by and see how things are going." Applejack said sipping on her cider.

"Well, I'm doing quite well." I said while wiping the counter off.

"Not you. Well, yes you, but we meant things between you and Pinkie." Rainbow said.

"Oh! Well, things are doing great between us actually." I said with a slight grin.

"That's great sugarcube." Applejack said.

"Thanks Applejack."

"Must be nice." She continued. "The two of y'all in love like that." My eyes widened.

I chuckled nervously. "Yeah..." They seemed to catch how awkward I got hearing the word 'love'.

"Have you even... Said it yet?" Rainbow asked.

"I am absolutely sure I've said 'it' many times before." I said, I knew what she meant, but I was brushing it off. "It's one of those words that nopony goes without saying on a daily basis."

"That ain't what she meant." Applejack said.

"I don't think he has, Applejack!" Rainbow Dash exclaimed. I flushed red.

"I know what you're talking about. and no, no I haven't!" I yelled out.

"Okay, simmer down sugarcube... It's not that big a deal." Applejack said.

"Thank you. I just... I don't want to feel like I'm rushing anything. Know what I mean?" I ask.

"Of course." Applejack smiled.

"Sorry if it felt I was eggin' you on there." Rainbow said. "I was just curious."

" 'Course." I nodded.

"But, I'm gonna be honest sugarcube, if the feelings there, what's the point of keeping it hidden?" Applejack said. I thought about what she said for a moment.

"Well, I'd better fly." Rainbow Dash said as she zipped out. Applejack soon followed, leaving 2 bits on the counter.

"Oh, Applejack! You didn't have to pay for that!" I called after her. She turned back.

"Ah wasn't paying ya, ah was leavin' a tip." She smiled.

"Oh... Well thank you for the tip, or should I say tips." I said considering the advice she also gave me today. I was going to have to think more about that.

* * *

Fluttershy's Cottage

"Thanks again for coming Pinkie." Fluttershy said pouring Pinkie Pie some tea.

"No problem!" Pinkie exclaimed. "It feels like forever since we've done this."

"Well it hasn't been forever..." Discord said. "Fluttershy and I had one just last week. You haven't been a guest in forever."

"Discord. Be nice." Fluttershy told him in a slightly more abrasive tone than normal. "So anyway, Pinkie, how have you been? We haven't really been able to catch up since your birthday party."

"I've been great! Pinkie exclaimed.

"That's good, how have things with Chuck been going?" Fluttershy asked.

"Oh yes. I am just dying to know." Discord said with a tinge... Well, not a tinge, more like a heavy load of sarcasm. Fluttershy shot him a stern look. He rolled his eyes. "Proceed Pinkie."

"Things have been swell! He gave me the sweetest gift for my birthday! But you wouldn't have known since you weren't there when he gave it to me! And when I say sweetest, I mean literally the sweetest! It was this super cute little cake! With me and him sculpted onto it..." Pinkie kept talking, Discord began to get bored and he plucked off his ears similar to that of a Mr. Potato Head. (Remember those? Damn those were fun.) "Piece and quiet..." he muttered to himself.

Pinkie and Fluttershy kept talking.

"I'm so happy for you Pinkie, I'm glad you've found somepony, everypony deserves somepony to love." Fluttershy said. She thought about what she said and got a little excited. "Ooh, has he said it yet?" She asked.

"Well, I mean... No." Pinkie said while looking down at her tea.

"Oh.. Oh dear, that's not... A bad thing though." Fluttershy said.

"Is it? I mean honestly I never even thought about it until now, now, now I'm worried!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"No, no it's not bad at all, right Discord?" Fluttershy asked. Of course Discord didn't hear her. He had been resting his eyes the whole time, suddenly there was a rather annoying tapping. He opened his eyes to see Angel knocking on his head. He groaned and flicked him off while putting his ears back in.

"Yes?"

"Is it a bad thing?" Fluttershy asked again. Discord looked at her.

"Is what a bad thing?" Discord seemed to scoff.

"Chuck hasn't said "I love you" yet." Fluttershy said.

"So?" Discord didn't care.

"I'm trying to tell Pinkie that she shouldn't worry." Fluttershy continued.

"Why is this our problem?" Discord rolled his eyes.

"It's what _friends_ do." Fluttershy looked into his eyes with a bit of anger. Discord brushed it off.

"Not a bad thing at all." He said. "Not really important either." He muttered.

"I dunno... It seems like it's a big deal." Pinkie still wasn't reassured.

"Oh it is a big deal." Fluttershy said.

"What!? But you said it wasn't a bad thing if he hasn't said it yet!" She yelled.

"Well, in all fairness, it really doesn't matter at all, what you two consider 'love' is just an imbalance that forces animals to mate." Discord said in an annoyed tone.

"Don't listen to him Pinkie." Fluttershy said after a sharp glare at Discord.

"Yeahhh... Okay." Pinkie said. "I'd better be on my way..." Pinkie said excusing herself.

After she left Fluttershy glared at Discord. "It wouldn't hurt to be nice you know."

"She was interrupting teatime, our teatime is sacred!" He defended himself.

"I invited her!" Fluttershy moaned.

* * *

Later. Chuck's Tavern

"Love... Love... Love lovitty love love love." I muttered, I had been thinking about all that Applejack had told me, she was right, but honestly, I was worried I might be moving too fast, I never know how to do these things... Suddenly somepony burst through the door, guess these thought's would have to wait.

"Hey Loofah Mane."

"Hello Quibble. I see you've forgotten my name again." I said slightly sarcastically. "What can I do you for? If it's about the toothbrush I threw it out."

"No no... Not that, I just wanted to stop by and say thanks again for the bits, and in return, I think I can help you with something." He said.

"And what could that be?" I asked.

"Well, I know a pony up in Manehatten who could supply the drinks for your bar, good prices too!" He said.

"Are you pullin' my leg or something?" I asked.

"Nope. Here's his mailing address, name's Barstool." He said slipping me a sheet of paper.

"Wow... Thanks!" I said looking at the address.

"Hey, least I can do, and sort of an apology for being rude to you before." He said.

"It's all in the past." I said with a smile.

"Great, thanks." He said walking out. Well that was kind of him, I'd have to send Barstool a letter then, get my business up and running. But that thought was still burning in my head. Suddenly I heard a big 'poof' noise. Guess I wasn't alone with my thoughts anymore yet again. I turned around to see Discord.

"Why hello, what brings you here?" I ask.

"I'm here because Fluttershy told me to come here. Well, not here, but she wanted time to herself." He said.

"And you chose here? Of all the places and dimensions, I'm flattered." I said. I knew there was an insult coming on, 3... 2...

"No, no. Oh no, I didn't want to come here, I just thought I'd let you know about a little conversation Fluttershy and I had with Pinkie."

"Oh yeah? What about?" I said sipping a drink.

"Oh she's all freaked out about 'love' and all that..." He began.

"Love? Love huh? What about love is... Is she so freaked out about?"

"Oh she's all worried and neurotic because you never said anything about love, silly huh?" He cracked up, it may have been funny for him, but I nearly spit out my drink.

"Yeah..." I gulped. "Silly."

"Well, I'd better be off, I'll probably die of boredom sticking around here much longer." And like that he was gone.

"Dick." I muttered. Well this is perfect isn't it? Apparently now I'm a chicken about this and shes nervous!

* * *

Sweet Apple Acres

Applejack and Big Mac were hard at work harvesting apples out in the orchard, because what else? Rainbow Dash was there because she promised to help, but so far the only help she'd put in was eating the apples.

"Ya know..." Applejack said as she bucked at a tree. "These apples ain't gonna last long if ya keep eatin' 'em." She said rather annoyed.

"Hey! I'm just doing some quality control." Rainbow defended herself before taking a bite of another apple.

"You'd be lucky if Ah don't charge ya for eating all those." Applejack muttered.

"Eeyup." Big Mac said in agreeance. Suddenly Pinkie came walking onto the orchard. Rainbow Dash flew over to meet her.

"Hey Pinkie! Wanna test some apples with me?" She asked.

"She ain't testin' 'em, she's just eatin' 'em!" Applejack yelled over.

"Not really Rainbow, thanks anyway." Pinkie said kind of glumly.

"Hey, what's the matter?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Nothin..." Pinkie said.

"Come on Pinkie, you can tell me." Rainbow Dash said.

"Now don't torment her Rainbow Dash." Applejack came over. "If she don't wanna tell ya, she don't wanna tell ya." Applejack suddenly looked at Pinkie. "Somethin' is definitely wrong though." She said to Rainbow Dash.

"Duh!" Rainbow said to her.

"Look you guys... I don't know if you can help me with this." She said.

"We can try, can't we Rainbow?" Applejack said.

"Sure!" Rainbow nodded.

"I dunno..." She looked down.

"If ya don't wanna tell us, that's fine, just know we do want to help ya." Applejack said. Pinkie looked at her.

"Do you think Chuck... _loves_ me?" She asked. The two exchanged a silent look, suddenly Rainbow Dash cracked up, soon Applejack started laughing too. "This isn't funny!" Pinkie pleaded.

"Oh, it is! It really, _really_ is!" Rainbow laughed falling backwards.

"Sugarcube, is that really all ya were worried about?" Applejack asked wiping away tears of laughter.

"Yes!" She exclaimed.

"Look Pinkie..." Rainbow started getting up. "It's not really that big a mystery." She said.

"She's right." Applejack agreed. "You shoulda seen him getting ready for your party, he got all tense and queasy with anxiety, all neurotic and such."

"Remember how tired he was the morning of the party?" Applejack asked Rainbow. "I don't think he slept a wink all night!"

"Really?" Pinkie asked.

"You bet he was." Rainbow said. "Trust me, he's head over hooves for you!"

"Definitely." Applejack nodded.

"You mean it?" Pinkie beamed.

"Oh yeah. Anypony who get's that annoying has got to be in love." Rainbow said. Applejack laughed. Pinkie started to feel better as she let out a little laugh.

"Thanks you guys!" She gave the two a hug.

* * *

That Evening: Sugarcube Corner loft.

Pinkie was sitting down on the couch in the upstairs loft of Sugarcube Corner looking out the window at the stars in the sky when I walked through the door.

"Hiya hon." I said with a smile.

"Hey Chuckie." She said back. I sat down next to her.

"How was your day?" I asked, pretending not to know about the tea party.

"It was fun! Spent some time with Fluttershy, and I even visited with Rainbow Dash and Applejack!" She said.

"No kidding!" I said lounging back.

"What about you?" She asked.

"Meh, just tidied up the bar... Should be able to open not too long from now." I said slightly awkwardly.

"Fun... Fun." She said, catching how awkward I was being. I sat up a bit and put my front leg around her. She looked at me for a moment, then relaxed onto me. I sat there silently for a moment feeling her breathe on my chest, I sighed happily, but with a bit of frustration with myself. I had everything that I had wanted in life, and I couldn't say a damn three words? I could feel her nuzzle her face against my neck, which seemed to calm me down a bit. I couldn't hold back anymore, I had to say something, but what? Suddenly I could feel a familiar song coming on...

 **Me:** _Wise folks say... Only fools rush in.._

"What?" She asked.

"Hm?" I ask.

"What do they say?" She asked. I gulped, I guess this is it, I played it cooler than I felt at the moment.

"Well, if you wanna know..."

 **Me:** _Wise folks say... Only fools rush in._

 _But I... Can't help, falling in love with you._

I smiled at her, she beamed at me, which made me feel 10 feet tall.

 **Me:** _Shall I stay? Would it be a sin?_

 _If I... Can't help, falling in love with you?_

She looked at me with such joy, I grinned at her.

"I love you." I said. She wrapped me in such a tight hug.

"I love you too." She said into my shoulder.

 **Me:** _Like a river flows_

 _Surely_ _to the sea..._

 _Darling so it goes,_

 _Somethings... Are meant to be.._

 _Take my hoof,_

 _Take my whole life too._

 _For I... Can't help, falling in love with you._

 **Pinkie:** _Like a river flows_

 **Me:** _Surely to the sea..._

 **Pinkie:** _Chuckie, so it goes,_

 **Me:** _Somethings... Are meant to be.._

 **Pinkie:** _Take my hoof,_

 **Me:** _Take my whole life too.._

 **Both of us:** _For I... Can't help, falling in love with you..._

 _No I... Can't help... Falling in love... With... You..._

/

We embraced in a tight hug. A single tear rolled down both our faces.

"I love you.." She said.

"I love you too." I gave her a kiss, she smiled at me for a moment before kissing me back. After that, we didn't go to bed yet, we just spent hours cuddled next to each other, neither of us said a word, we just sat there together, and all was at peace for us.

* * *

 _That's the end of another one! Hope you enjoyed it, hope to see you again the next chapter!_

 _Song used_

 _"Can't help falling in love with you". By Elvis Presley._


	13. Chapter 13: Pinkie & Chuck's day off

Chapter 13: Pinkie & Chuck's Day Off

 _Day of: The day an important event is. Day old: Donuts you can get for free if you're early enough. Day off: A day to get away from it all with that special pony in your life._

* * *

Sugarcube Corner: Upstairs loft

"Isn't this exciting?" I asked Pinkie as we were heading down the stairs to the main level of Sugarcube Corner.

"Sure is!" Pinkie grinned ear to ear as we got to the bottom, you see, I had decided to take a break from setting things up at my bar and the Cakes let Pinkie have the day off of deliveries, so Pinkie and I planned to take a 'daycation' to Manehatten.

"We'd better get to the station, our train leaves soon." I said heading for the door, I held it open for her, like any good gentlecolt would do.

"M'lady." I nodded my head as she walked through, my sign off affection was met with a giggle, honestly it made me giggle a bit too.

"Come on Chuckie! Let's go!" She grabbed me by the leg pulling me along.

"I'm comin' I'm comin'... We still got the whole day ahead y'know." I smiled catching up. I was quite excited to spend the day away from it all with Pinkie. I couldn't remember the last time I could have a day without any stress. So it was no question that I was looking forward to the day with her. When we got to the train station Twilight and the others were waiting for us to say goodbye.

"Oh hey everypony!" Pinkie exclaimed as we walked onto the platform.

"Hi Pinkie, we just wanted to say have fun today." Twilight said.

"Yeeaaah but don't have too much fun." Rainbow Dash snorted with laughter.

"Inappropriate." Applejack looked at Rainbow Dash, I thought she was serious until they both started laughing.

"Thanks everypony." I said. "Quibble, I'm leaving you in charge of the bar while I'm gone, make sure nothing crazy happens huh? And Discord, do your best to make this day miserable for him." I winked at the two of them.

"What was that for?" Quibble groaned while Discord laughed maniacally.

"Ready to go hon?" I asked.

"Sure am!" She smiled. "See ya gals! Oh, and colts! Oh.. and Discord!" She said saying goodbye to everyone as we boarded the train. We got to our seats, two seats facing each other with a table in between, we both sat down in our seats and smiled.

"To The Day Off!" I exclaimed.

"To us!" She said back. You might say the two of us were still in that 'honeymoon' type phase where primarily everything was a cutesy little toast to our love. We sat together chatting for a little while as the train began, after a little bit we just looked out the window, I saw a highway going the same route as the train and I chuckled a bit seeing a large cluster of ponies hauling large wooden wagons, it reminded me of seeing big rigs on the highway back on, well, Earth. I chuckled to myself.

"Mercy sakes alive, looks like we've got us a convoy..." I smiled.

"Huh?" Pinkie asked.

"Oh nothin', just reminded me of something from where I'm from." I said.

"What was it?" She asked.

"Well back where I'm from, on highways like the one over there, there would be these big groups of trucks, large metal vehicles that would haul things, we'd call them convoys." I said.

"Cool!" She said. She must have been a little fascinated with Earth culture, and I'll admit, Earth culture did have some nice things.

"I can tell you more about them if you like." I said.

"Oooh okay!" She said.

"Well, this is a bit of a story... It didn't really happen, well, to me anyway, but it's a fun story regardless. Ready?" I asked already feeling the beat.

"Yep!" She said. I grabbed a small suitcase and imagined it was one of those old C.B radios you'd see in a truck.

"Yeah breaker 1-9, this here's The Rubber Duck, you got a copy on me Pigpen come on? Uh 10-4 Pigpen for sure, for sure, it's clean clear to flag town come on. Yeah, that's a big 10-4 there, Pig Pen, yeah, we definitely got the front door, good buddy. Mercy sakes alive, looks like we got us a convoy..." I said stomping one of my legs to keep a beat. Pinkie bobbed her head back and forth watching.

 **Me:** _Was the dark of the moon on the sixth of June_

 _In a Kenworth pullin' logs_

 _Cab-over Pete with a reefer on_

 _And a Jimmy haulin' hogs_

 _We is headin' for bear on I-one-oh_

 _'Bout a mile outta Shaky Town_

 _I says, "Pig Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck._

 _"And I'm about to put the hammer down."_

 _'Cause we got a little convoy_

 _Rockin' through the night._

 _Yeah, we got a little convoy,_

 _Ain't she a beautiful sight?_

 _Come on and join our convoy_

 _Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way._

 _We gonna roll this truckin' convoy_

 _'Cross the U-S-A._

 _Convoy!_

I pretended to use the suitcase as a radio again between the singing. "Yeah breaker Pig Pen this is the Duck and you wanna back off them hogs? 10-4 about 5 miles or so 10 roger then hogs are getting intense up here."

 **Me:** _By the time we got into Tulsa Town,_

 _We had eighty-five trucks in all._

 _But they's a roadblock up on the cloverleaf,_

 _And them bears was wall-to-wall._

 _Yeah, them smokies is thick as bugs on a bumper;_

 _They even had a bear in the air!_

 _I says, "Callin' all trucks, this here's the Duck._

 _"We about to go a-huntin' bear."_

 _'Cause we got a great big convoy_

 _Rockin' through the night._

 _Yeah, we got a great big convoy,_

 _Ain't she a beautiful sight?_

 _Come on and join our convoy_

 _Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way._

 _We gonna roll this truckin' convoy_

 _'Cross the U-S-A._

 _Convoy!_

"Yeah you wanna give a 10-9 on that Pig Pen? Negatory Pig Pen you're still too close yeah them hogs are startin' to close up my sinuses, mercy sakes you'd better back off another ten!"

 **Me:** _Well, we rolled up Interstate 44_

 _Like a rocket sled on rails._

 _We tore up all of our swindle sheets,_

 _And left 'em settin' on the scales._

 _By the time we hit that Chi-town,_

 _Them bears was a-gettin' smart:_

 _They'd brought up some reinforcements_

 _From the Illinois National Guard._

 _There's armored cars, and tanks, and jeeps,_

 _And rigs of ev'ry size._

 _Yeah, them chicken coops was full'a bears_

 _And choppers filled the skies._

 _Well, we shot the line and we went for broke_

 _With a thousand screamin' trucks_

 _An' eleven long-haired Friends o' Jesus_

 _In a chartreuse micra-bus._

"Ah, Rubber Duck to Sodbuster, come over. Yeah, 10-4, Sodbuster? Lissen, you wanna put that Microbus in behind that suicide jockey? Yeah, he's haulin' dynamite, and he needs all the help he can get."

 **Me:** _Well, we laid a strip for the Jersey shore_

 _And prepared to cross the line_

 _I could see the bridge was lined with bears_

 _But I didn't have a dog-goned dime._

 _I says, "Pig Pen, this here's the Rubber Duck._

 _"We just ain't a-gonna pay no toll."_

 _So we crashed the gate doing ninety-eight_

 _I says "Let them truckers roll, 10-4."_

 _'Cause we got a mighty convoy_

 _Rockin' through the night._

 _Yeah, we got a mighty convoy,_

 _Ain't she a beautiful sight?_

 _Come on and join our convoy_

 _Ain't nothin' gonna get in our way._

 _We gonna roll this truckin' convoy_

 _'Cross the U-S-A._

 _Convoy!_

As I finished singing I bowed my head dramatically, I never considered myself a fan of country music but I had a few exceptions. Pinkie clapped her hooves together.

"Bravo!" She exclaimed. I blushed.

"You liked that?" I asked.

"You bet! I don't even know what the heck a 'Smokey' is and I liked it! ' _yeah we got a great big convoy!_ ' she sang deepening her voice and giggling. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it." I said. "I may have to tell you more about Earth sometime."

"I'd like that." She said as the train kept moving. I didn't expect her to be so interested in Earth culture honestly.

* * *

A few hours later

The train finally arrived and we made our way off the train, I got a look at the busy and bustling city, I had grown used to the quietness and tranquility of Ponyville that it was almost overwhelming, well, not almost, it _was_ overwhelming.

"Wow..." I said to myself! Pinkie took me by the leg.

"Come on! Let's get some brunch!" She pulled me along, I was feeling pretty hungry at that moment so brunch was definitely a welcome idea.

"Sounds good to me." I said. We found a nice little cafe in the city, we decided to check that out. There was a nice large couch with a couple chairs around it, we decided to take the couch.

"This is nice." I said.

"Sure is!" She said. Suddenly three stallions and three mares came into the cafe and looked at us.

"Excuse me." The one with a short and slicked black mane said. "This is sort of our spot." He said.

"Oh man, sorry about that." I said getting up.

"Sorry about that." Pinkie said as she got up.

"Jerks." I muttered to Pinkie as we found another spot. "This is sort of _our_ spot. Blah blah blah." I mocked, she laughed.

"Could they have _been_ any more finicky?" Pinkie laughed.

"Don't think I missed one of those stallions checking you out." I said sipping a coffee.

"What?" She blushed.

"Totally, I could see the look on his face, he had a total ' _how you doin?_ ' look going. I've seen it a million times before." I said as we shared a laugh together.

"So what do you wanna do after brunch?" I asked.

"I dunno." She said. "We could see the sights... See what Bridleway might have to offer..."

"That sounds like fun." I said.

"What would you want to do?" She asked me.

"Hey, I'm game for whatever you want to do." I said finishing off my coffee and biting into my omelette.

"We'll just have to see when it happens." Pinkie said.

"We sure will." I nodded.

* * *

After brunch

After brunch we had just started walking to see what caught our eyes. the wind blew gently and the sun shined down, it was a cool fall morning, it seemed to sadden me that a lot of ponies here didn't seem to take the beautiful morning here, suddenly I saw a small kiosk up ahead and went to see what the vendor was selling.

"Kites! Get yer kites here!" He said.

"Kites huh?" I asked.

"Yep! No better day then today too, feel that breeze through your mane huh? Can I interest you in a kite?" He asked me. I glanced at Pinkie, who seemed to like the idea.

"I'll take two actually." I said handing the bits.

"Here you go sir!" He handed me the kites, I took them, wished him farewell, and Pinkie and I went on our way to a park nearby.

"Ready?" I asked before we set our kites to fly.

"Yep!" She grinned.

"3... 2... 1!" We said setting them into motion, watching them fly up into the air, holding on to them from the ground.

"Wow!" Pinkie exclaimed watching the two kites soar.

"Pretty nice huh?" I asked.

"It's beautiful!" She said. We started running with the kites tied to our front legs.

 **Me:** _With two bits for paper and strings  
_

 _You can have your own set of wings_

 _With your feet on the ground_

 _You're a bird in flight_

 _With your hoof holding tight_

 _To the string of your kite_

 _Oh, oh, oh!_

 _Let's go fly a kite_

 _Up to the highest height!_

 _Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring_

 _Up through the atmosphere_

 _Up where the air is clear_

 _Oh, let's go fly a kite!_

 **Pinkie:** _When you send it flying up there_

 _All at once you're lighter than air_

 _You can dance on the breeze_

 _Over houses and trees_

 _With your hoof holding tight_

 _To the string of your kite!_

 **Pinkie and I:** _Oh, oh, oh!_

 _Let's go fly a kite_

 _Up to the highest height!_

 _Let's go fly a kite and send it soaring_

 _Up through the atmosphere_

 _Up where the air is clear_

 _Let's go fly a kite!_

As we kept running I tripped and started tumbling down a hill, Pinkie came bouncing after me down the hill, in the commotion our kites got tangled up and she leaped into me, we both fell down and started laughing and nuzzled our faces against each other. Not that we noticed this, but our tangled kites had fallen into the shape of a heart.

* * *

Later on

"What do you want to do now?" I asked.

"Hmmm I dunno!" She said. "What do you wanna do?"

"No, no, nononononono. The kite thing was my idea, now it's your turn." I said.

"Well, why don't we look around the shops?" She suggested.

"Sounds good to me!" I nodded. We entered a nearby mall to check it out. There were plenty of stores as far as the eye could see, and kiosks galore. It was a dream come true for someone who's wallet was burning a hole in their pocket. "Damn..." I said in bewilderment, even where I was from I never saw a mall quite like this.

"Come on! Let's check it out!" Pinkie said leading me through the mall. There were stores for just about everything, and often more than one store for one thing, but hey, a little competition can be good for business.

"Marecy's? J.C Pony?" I said to myself looking at the stores passing by. I must admit the pony puns were quite amusing.

"Hey, what about that one?" Pinkie asked.

"F.A.O Colts?" I asked reading the sign.

"Sure!" She said.

"What is it?" I asked as we walked toward it.

"It's a big toy store!" She said.

"Cool!" I exclaimed. "Wait...You wanted to go here?" I ask.

"Sure!" She said bouncing into the store. "Why not?" She asked.

"Oh no reason, honestly I'm just a bit surprised, that's all. I've never actually been with anyone who shares this interest with me, that's all." I said as we walked through the store.

"Well, I'm not anyone you've been with before, am I?" She asked rhetorically. I was taken aback slightly, she had a point.

"You've got a point there." I said. "Well, whaddya say? Let's look around!" I say.

After a long while of looking around at various toys, small and large, plastic and plush, we decided it was time to move on, as we were walking out I caught something out of the corner of my eye, it was a large plush bear, about the size I used to be as a human. (6 foot).

"Hey, why don't you go on ahead?" I said. "I've got to.. uh... Use the restroom. I'll catch up." I said.

"Alrighty!" She bounced along. As soon as I saw she was out of my vision I turned to a pony at the counter. "How much for big bear over there?" I asked. The clerk nodded and punched up a receipt. "Throw shipping on there too." I said sliding him a small sack. "Great. Thanks." I said walking out the door. Now to catch up with Pinkie. I looked around for her, you'd think somepony like her would be pretty easy to find. I suddenly saw her from across the food court, I galloped over to meet her.

"Hey hon! Sorry about that." She just looked at me.

"Who are you?" She asked.

"What? But... But... What the..." Suddenly Pinkie over to me.

"Hiya Chuckie! There you are!" She said.

"What... But... But..." I muttered to myself, suddenly I remembered season 3 episode 3 and it all made sense. (If you didn't figure it out already, just look it up. I don't just give references away.) "Oh. Right." I said to myself.

"Wanna get going?" Pinkie asked me.

"Yes. Yes definitely." We should probably get out of here before I get confused.

* * *

After the mall

At this point, I could see the sun start to make it's way down, I'd say at this point all we needed was a bit of dinner before heading towards home. The only question was where...

"So how about dinner?" I brought up as we walked down the streets.

"How about it?" She said.

"Not what I meant." I said as she started giggling.

"I know, how about there?" She motioned towards what looked like an Italian restaurant.

"Sounds good to me." I said. "I'm famished."

"Hi famished! I'm Pinkie!" She laughed.

"Oh Lord..." I chuckled as we entered.

"How many in your party?" The Maître D' asked.

"Just the two." I said.

"Come right this way you two." He said leading us to out table, it was a booth near front of the restaurant, looking out the window.

"Hello! And welcome to The Saucy Stir-spoon, how can I help you two this evening?" Our waiter asked.

"I'll have the spaghetti, with a side of a garlic bread basket please." I said.

"Would you like it for two? Or would this pretty mare prefer something different?" The waiter asked Pinkie.

"Spaghetti works!" She said.

"Coming right up you two _lovebirds._ " Our waiter took our menus. We just sat there looking at the beautiful sky.

"What a beautiful night huh?" I said looking out the window that overlooked the city.

"Sure is." She said.

"You know what else is beautiful?" I asked.

"What?" She asked.

" _You_." I said smoothly. She blushed red.

"Oh you..." She giggled.

"I know, cheesy." I said.

"Yeah, but sweet." She leaned over the table and pecked me on the cheek. I giggled a bit. The waiter then arrived with our meal.

"For the two on this _Bella Notte._ " The waiter said handing us our meal.

"Thank you very much." I said.

"Let's dig in, shall we?" I suggest.

"Let's do it!" She smiled as we started eating. I didn't realize how difficult eating spaghetti was with hooves, I had to resort to slurping one of my noodles. Doing so embarrassed me a bit, I didn't want to look sloppy at our dinner.

"Hey, it's okay." She said to me seeing my embarrassment as she slurped back a couple. "See?" She said. I couldn't help but smile.

"Thanks." I smiled. In the distance I could hear the sound of accordion playing in a traditional Italian fashion. Pinkie and I turned to see our waiter playing the accordion softly to create ambiance.

 **Waiter pony:** _This is the night_

 _It's a beautiful night_

 _And we call it bella notte_

 _/_

 _Look at the skies_

 _They have stars in their eyes_

 _On this lovely bella notte_

 _/_

 _Side by side with your loved one_

 _You'll find enchantment here_

 _The night will weave its magic spell_

 _When the one you love is near_

 _/_

 _For this is the night_

 _And the heavens are right_

 _On this lovely bella notte_

 _/_

 _This is the night_

 _It's a beautiful night_

 _And we call it bella notte_

 _/_

 _Look at the skies_

 _They have stars in their eyes_

 _On this lovely bella notte_

 _/_

 _Side by side with your loved one_

 _You'll find enchantment here_

 _The night will weave its magic spell_

 _When the one you love is near_

 _/_

 _For this is the night_

 _And the heavens are right_

 _On this lovely bella notte_

We both exchanged a loving glance with each other as we embraced in a kiss. "Bella Notte indeed." I smiled at her.

* * *

The train back home

"Have a good time today?" I asked Pinkie as we sat back on the train.

"Yeah." She smiled relaxing into my shoulder.

"What was your favorite part?" I asked.

"Spending it with you." She said. I couldn't help but blush at that.

"No kidding." I said. "Because my favorite part was spending the day with you."

"Aww Chuckie..." She yawned. It was pretty late at this point, maybe a nap would do us some good.

"Let's get a little shuteye before we get back home, sound like a good plan?" I asked. But she was already asleep.

"Yep. Sounds good." I said to myself shutting my eyes for a quick nap.

* * *

Back home

"Wake up... Wake up..." I heard Pinkie say as I opened my eyes. "We're home." She said.

I yawned. "Already? Wonderful." I said as we got off the train.

"That was a great day." She said.

"I couldn't agree more." I nodded as we walked home. "Hold on..." I said. "I have to check on something first. I'll meet you back home." I said.

"Alright Chuckie." She said giving me a kiss. With that I walked towards my bar to see how Quibble was holding up. I opened the door and saw just about what I suspected. Bar stools were running around like puppies, drinks were pouring upwards, and Quibble was hanging from the ceiling in a cage, all while Discord was laughing maniacally.

"Alright Discord, fun's over." I said. He looked at me and sighed.

"Fine..." He snapped his fingers and it all returned to normal, which made Quibble fall to his face.

"How'd it go pal?" I asked Quibble.

"Ohhhhh... Ohhhh You owe me. Big time!" He growled in a very exhausted tone.

"Sounds like it went well, see ya tomorrow." I said leaving for home. By the time I got home Pinkie was upstairs in the living room.

"Hiya hon, I'm home." I said. She just looked at a big box.

"What's this?" She asked.

"Why don't you look at the card?" I say.

"It says 'from Chuckie'. Awww Chuckie!" She said excitedly. Damn they deliver quick.

"Open it up." I say with a smile, she opens it to reveal a giant teddy bear holding a heart shaped pillow.

"I love it!" She exclaims.

"And I love you." I say giving her a hug. And so, our beautiful day off came to a close. Honestly I wished every day could be like this, you know how they say there's no such thing as perfect? Well, this day proved me wrong in thinking that.

* * *

 _That's the end of that chapter! Next chapter won't be a continuation, but rather the same day, but from another point of view, who? We'll see!_

 _Songs used_

 _Convoy. By: CW McCall_

 _Let's go fly a kite. By: Richard and Robert Sherman_

 _Bella Notte. By: Peggy Lee_


	14. Chapter 14: One day at Discord's

Chapter 14: One Day At Discord's

 _This is not a continuation of the story, but rather the same day as the previous chapter, but another pony's much less perfect day._

* * *

Ponyville train station. 8:30 AM

"Thanks everypony." Chuck said. "Quibble, I'm leaving you in charge of the bar while I'm gone, make sure nothing crazy happens huh? And Discord, do your best to make this day miserable for him." He said with a wink. _What!?_

"What was that for?" I muttered while that crazy demon Discord just laughed menacingly. "Oh boy..." I groaned, I knew I was in for a rough day, but I had no idea it was going to be as rough as it was. My name is Quibble Pants, if you're reading this, you've found my journal recording what could possibly be my last day alive.

* * *

Chuck's Tavern: 9:30 AM

Nothing yet, I'm not even nervous, no, definitely not nervous. How bad could this possibly be? Maybe a small prank or two. I've survived those, yeah, yeah I've survived those. After all I have been living with possibly one of the craziest and most spontaneous ponies alive, Cheese Sandwich. Who had had a history of pranking along with his partying 'business'. Honestly having him here would have been convenient. Somepony around to keep me sane, but guess who had a party to throw in Baltimare! So it was just me and my journal. Hold that thought, somepony just walked in.

"Pardon me sir, but this place hasn't opened." I said to the pony, he was an older looking unicorn with a gray goatee and the strangest looking cutie mark I've ever seen.

"Oh, I'm not here to drink." He said. That voice. I know that voice. Oh sweet Celestia. I looked up at him.

"Look pal, I don't need this." I said. He seemed to disregard my comment, and my existence, he just stood there with wide eyes and a closed mouth. But the voice continued.

"What's the matter?" He said without even moving his mouth. "You seem tense... On edge..."

"What? No. No. Nonononono." I brushed off. "You're messing with me. Stop the charade, I know who you are." I said, trying to conceal any fear in my voice.

"Fine." Suddenly his cutie mark leaped from his body. It was Discord, he had taken the form of a cutie mark. Creative I must say if I were to attempt to put this in a positive light. The small Discord, about 6 inches tall, walked down the counter.

"So... Running a tight little ship here while your friends away?" He said. "No nonsense, making sure nothing crazy happens... Missed a spot there by the way." He pointed to a stain on the counter. "But then that little dream gets shattered, doesn't it? When your pal Discord shows up."

"You're not my pal." I said.

"Awww come on, can't you just loosen up a little?" He said flying up to meet my eyes. "Who's to say I'm going to do anything to make today a miserable hell for you?"

"Chuck, for whatever reason told you too... And those seem like instructions you'd never pass up." I said.

"Oh come on! I just want to keep you company while you do this... bland, mundane task." He said hovering around my head.

"Look. I _like_ the bland and mundane. Predictability in life can be a pony's best friend." I said sternly. He just laughed.

"Well, I'm not a pony, I'm a draconequus! I can't handle the bland and mundane. Oh, why am I still talking to you? I can do whatever I want. Why would I need permission from you to do what I plan on doing?" He laughed.

"And... What is that?" I asked nervously.

"Do you like games?" He asked.

"I... don't mind them." I said. "But I can't help but feel like I'll still hate what you have in mind..."

"You'll never know if you don't try!" He exclaimed. Before I could respond he snapped his fingers and I lost my sight and hearing, everything was black. except the word 'Loading' in big bold white letters, and along that 'The end is never the end' in gray.

* * *

The game: 9:45 AM

When my eyes opened I was in an office, I honestly found it quite eerie as it looked close to the office I worked at before moving here.

"What!? Where's the bar!?" I yelled out. I couldn't move, I was just looking at a barren office building. Suddenly a voice started speaking in my head, it was Discord, but he payed no attention to what I just said.

"This is the story of a stallion named Quibble. Quibble worked for a company in a big building where he was Employee #427. Employee #427's job was simple: he sat at his desk in room 427 and he pushed buttons on a keyboard. Orders came to him through a monitor on his desk, telling him what buttons to push, how long to push them, and in what order. This is what Employee #427 did every day of every month of every year, and although others might have considered it soul rending, Quibble relished every moment the orders came in, as though he had been made exactly for this job. And Quibble was happy. And then one day, something very peculiar happened. Something that would forever change Quibble; something he would never quite forget. He had been at his desk for nearly an hour when he realized that not one single order had arrived on the monitor for him to follow. Nopony had shown up to give him instructions, call a meeting, or even say 'hi.' Never in all his years at the company had this happened, this complete isolation. Something was very clearly wrong. Shocked, frozen solid, Quibble found himself unable to move for the longest time. But as he came to his wits and regained his senses, he got up from his desk and stepped out of his office." The voice said.

I finally regained movement and immediately started looking around the abandoned office. Suddenly Discord spoke up.

"All of his coworkers were gone. What could it mean? Quibble decided to go to the meeting room. Perhaps he had simply missed a memo." I looked around, the voice echoed in my head, but Discord himself was nowhere to be seen... I looked around the office poking around. Suddenly Discord spoke up again.

"Quibble went around touching every little thing in the office. But it didn't make a single difference... Nor did it advance the story in any way." Discord concluded in an irritated tone. Fine. I guess I had to play along with this. I started walking through the abandoned rooms and hallways. finally I came to a room that ended in two doors.

"When Quibble came to a set of two open doors, he entered the door on his left." Discord said.

"Oh did I?" I said slyly. "I dunno, that door on the right looks tempting, I think I'll go through that one." I said walking through the door on the right. Discord spoke up.

"This was not the correct way to the meeting room, and Quibble knew it perfectly well. Perhaps he wanted to stop by the employee lounge first, just to admire it." This was getting weird.

"I don't like this..." I muttered walking down the hallway. I suddenly came to a large blue room.

"Ah yes, this was truly a room worth admiring." I could hear a bit of passive aggression in his voice. "It had really been worth the detour after all, just to spend a few moments here in this immaculate, beautifully constructed room. Quibble simply stood here, drinking it all in." He finished. I looked around curiously.

"Yeeesss, really, really worth it being here in the room. A room so utterly captivating that even though all your co-workers have mysteriously vanished, here you sit looking at these chairs and some paintings. Really worth it." He said sarcastically. Okay fine, I get the point. I sighed continuing my terrible journey.

"But eager to get back to business, Quibble took the first open door on his left." Discord said closing the door behind me. Oh boy... This time I followed instructions and took the door on the left.

"Oh look." I groaned looking around the meeting room. "Empty, like everywhere else in here."

"Yet there was not a single pony here either." Discord agreed. "Feeling a wave of disbelief, Quibble decided to go up to his boss's office, hoping he might find an answer there." Ugh. I walked towards a stairwell. "Coming to a staircase, Quibble walked upstairs to his boss's office."

"Nope. Screw you, I'm going downstairs." I thought if I angered him enough I might get out, so I stepped down the stairs.

"But Quibble just couldn't do it. He considered the possibility of facing his boss, admitting he had left his post during work hours, he might be fired for that. And in such a competitive economy, why had he taken that risk? All because he believed everyone had vanished? His boss would think he was crazy."

"Hey!" I yelled out.

"And then something occurred to Quibble: Maybe, he thought to himself, maybe I am crazy. All of my coworkers blinking mysteriously out of existence in a single moment for no reason at all?" Discord continued. What? I kept walking forward, trying to ignore the voice.

"None of it made any logical sense. And as Quibble pondered this he began to make other strange observations. For example, why couldn't he see his hooves when he looked down?"

"What!?" I exclaimed, suddenly I looked down and saw nothing, he was right!

"Why did doors close automatically behind him wherever he went?" Well that ones easy, you were closing them. I kept trudging forward.

"And for that matter, these rooms were starting to look pretty familiar, were they simply repeating? No, Quibble said to himself."

"No I didn't!" I exclaimed. He was right though, the rooms all looked the same as I trotted forward.

"This is all too strange, this can't be real, and at last he came to the conclusion that had been on the tip of his tongue, he just hadn't found the words for it."

"And what was that?" I groaned.

"I'm dreaming! he yelled, This is all a dream!" Discord exclaimed. What!? No. None of this is me!

"Now, you've officially dragged this too far!" I yelled, but no answer. Discord just continued his dialogue.

"What a relief Quibble felt to have finally found an answer, an explanation. His coworkers weren't actually gone, he wasn't going to lose his job, he wasn't crazy after all!" I wish this was a dream, this was a nightmare! But sadly this was real too.

"And he thought to himself, I suppose I'll wake up soon, I'll have to go back to my boring real life job pushing buttons, I may as well enjoy this while i'm still lucid. So he imagined himself flying, and began to gently float above the ground." He said. Suddenly I involuntarily floated upwards.

"AGH!" I cried out.

"Then he imagined himself soaring through space on a magical star field, and it too appeared!"

"What!?" I yelled. Suddenly stars surrounded me.

"It was so much fun, and Quibble marveled that he had still not woken up. How was he remaining so lucid?" Discord said. Fun!? Fun!? "And then perhaps the strangest question of them all entered Quibble's head, one he was amazed he hadn't asked himself sooner: Why is there a voice in my head, dictating everything that I'm doing and thinking?"

"I know why!" I yelled. No answer.

"Now the voice was describing itself being considered by Quibble, who found it particularly strange. I'm dreaming about a voice describing me thinking about how it's describing my thoughts, he thought! And while he thought it all very odd and wondered if this voice spoke to all people in their dreams, the truth was that of course this was not a dream. How could it be?"

"Discord!" I yelled out, he was winning, I was starting to snap.

"Was Quibble simply deceiving himself? Believing that if he's asleep he doesn't have to take responsibility for himself? Quibble is as awake right now as he's ever been in his life. Now hearing the voice speak these words was quite a shock to Quibble. After all, he knew for certain beyond a doubt that this was, in fact, a dream! Did the voice not see him float and make the magical stars just a moment ago? How else would the voice explain all that? This voice was a part of himself too, surely, surely if he could just... He would prove it. He would prove that he was in control, that this was a dream."

"Knock it off!" I cried out running faster.

"So he closed his eyes gently, and he invited himself to wake up." Suddenly my eyes closed _._ "He felt the cool weight of the blanket on his fur, the press of the mattress on his back, the fresh air of a world outside this one. Let me wake up, he thought to himself."

"No I didn't!" I yelled.

"I'm through with this dream, I wish it to be over. Let me go back to my job, let me continue pushing the buttons, please, it's all I want. I want my apartment, and my wife, and my job. All I want is my life exactly the way it's always been. My life is normal, I am normal. Everything will be fine." Discord said.

"Let me out of here!" I yelled angrily, I couldn't see a thing.

"I am okay." No I'm not!

"Quibble began screaming. Please someone wake me up! My name is Quibble! I have a boss! I have an office! I am real! Please just someone tell me I'm real! I must be real! I must be! Can anyone hear my voice?! Who am I? Who am I?! And everything went black." Discord said as everything went dark, somehow even darker than before.

After a long pause, Discord finally spoke up.

"This is the story of a mare named Mariella."

"What!?" I tried to yell out.

"Mariella woke up on a day like any other. She arose, got dressed, gathered her belongings, and walked to her place of work."

Suddenly I saw from a bird's eye a mare on a sidewalk looking at a body of a stallion laying on the ground. Wait... That stallion.. Looks like me!

"But on this particular day, her walk was interrupted by the body of a stallion who had stumbled through town talking and screaming to himself and then collapsed dead on the sidewalk. And although she would soon turn to go call for an ambulance, for just a few, brief moments, she considered the strange pony. He was obviously crazy; this much she knew. Everyone knows what crazy ponies look like. And in that moment, she thought to herself how lucky she was to be normal. I am sane. I am in control of my mind. I know what is real, and what isn't. It was comforting to think this, and in a certain way, seeing this stallion made her feel better. But then she remembered the meeting she had scheduled for that day, the very important ponies whose impressions of her would affect her career, and, by extension, the rest of her life. She had no time for this, so it was only a moment that she stood there, staring down at the body. And then she turned and ran." Suddenly everything went black.

* * *

Chuck's Tavern. 5:30 PM

"Let me out!" I came to my senses screaming.

"Ahh, I see my new concept was a success!" Discord exclaimed.

"What concept?" I demanded.

"I was starting to get bored of causing chaos in the physical realm, so I decided to experiment with the psychological! And I must say, from my gatherings, it worked quite well..." He said, I was still shaking.

"Worked? Worked!?" I yelled. "I was terrified!" I yelled out.

"Great!" He exclaimed.

"How... How long has it been?" I asked.

"It's about dinner time, time goes faster in the psyche." Discord said.

"I know how that works." I moaned. At least the day was almost over. my hooves were still shaking. "Look. I'm flattered, truly I am. But it's time for you to leave." I said firmly, but he didn't care.

"Do you like dogs?" He asked.

"What?" I said.

"Do you like dogs?" He said again.

"I guess?" I arched an eyebrow.

"Great! This will be fun!" He snapped his fingers, uh oh. I braced myself for another terrible simulation, but nothing happened. I opened my eyes and I was still here.

"Huh?" I asked.

"What? Did you think I was going to try that again? Those simulations drain my energy! I was just doing something enough to annoy you this time." He said. Suddenly the stools bounced to life and started running around barking.

"No!" I shouted. "None of that!" I tried pouncing on the stools to catch them, they ran about crashing into the walls and knocking things down. Discord just sat there laughing watching me struggle.

"This is such fun!" He laughed.

"No!" I groaned. "No it isn't!" I leaped onto one of the stools. I actually caught it! My moment of triumph quickly deflated as it scurried away. "Dammit."

"Look, Discord. Stop. I'm really getting pissed off here." I said.

"Why do I care?" He asked. He had a point. Suddenly, I had an idea.

"What if I call that friend of yours down here... What's her name again? Shutterfly or something?" I said slyly.

"Fluttershy? You wouldn't." He glared.

"Oh, oh.." I laughed a little. "Ohhhh but I would."

"Don't you dare!" He said.

"And she'll be all 'Oh Discord, stop being such a jerk, myah myah myah.!' And _you'll_ be a little pushover! 'Oh Fluttershy, please forgive me! Myah myah myah!" Maybe I was pushing this too far, but I didn't care.

"In fact, I think I'll be on my way right now!" I said prancing towards the door. Suddenly the door swung shut in my face.

"Don't even think about it!" Suddenly I lost movement in my legs and fell forward onto my face. I could feel myself getting drug backwards. "I'm sorry, but I just can't have that. So I'm afraid I'll have to ensure you don't go anywhere." Suddenly a cage appeared and I was tossed inside.

"Oh come on!" I exclaimed.

"Nope. You're stuck here until your little friend gets back." He said. "You'd better hope he comes and checks in tonight, or else you'll be in here until morning.

"Oh for the love of..." I sighed. Not in a defeated way, but angrily. I was going to kill that loofah mane.

* * *

Chuck's Tavern. 1:30 AM

Luckily I still had my journal on me to write all this down for when I take Chuck to court, I don't know what I can accuse him of yet but I know there's something. Discord had continued to play around with the bar, the stools were running like dogs, the furniture was either flying around or on the ceiling, and the jukebox was playing polka! And get this, he didn't make it like that, polka was already on there! I was jsut about to lay down to accept I'd be here overnight when the door opened. It was Chuck! I'd never been so happy yet so angry to see somepony before.

"Alright Discord, fun's over." He said. Discord looked at me and sighed.

"Fine..." He snapped his fingers and it all returned to normal, the cage suddenly disappeared and I fell to my face. Ouch.

"How'd it go pal?" He asked. That little bastard...

"Ohhhhh... Ohhhh You owe me. Big time!" I growled at him as I made my way out of the building.

"Sounds like it went well, see ya tomorrow." I could hear him shout to me. Screw you.

So that was my day, my terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. Miraculously I survived it though, if anyone ever reads this, give Chuck a slap to the face, tell him it's from Quibble.

* * *

 _The end! Next chapter will continue the story from Chuck's point of view. Hope you enjoyed!_

 _Discord's "game" sequence was taken from the video game The Stanley Parable, created by Davey Wreden._


	15. Chapter 15: Something definitely there

Chapter 15: Something definitely there

 _I tried for about 20 minutes to think of something for the opener for this chapter, but I've got nothing._

* * *

Sugarcube corner

"Mail call!" Mr. Cake announced one morning. Mrs. Cake and Pinkie gathered around him, I didn't expect anything so I stayed on the couch.

"Ooh! What is it this time?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, let's see... Mrs. Cake, here's a letter from your friend Vanilla Twist... Pinkie, I'm assuming I can place this jury duty summons with the rest of them? Oh! Chuck! Looks like there's one for you!" He said. I looked up curiously.

"Really?" I asked getting off the couch.

"Yep, says it's from Barstool Collins of Manehatten." He said.

"Great!" I took the letter and opened it up. "Says he'll be here to discuss my starter set for opening my bar this afternoon!"

"Oh that's great!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Sure is, I should be able to open soon!" I said.

"Ooooh! You know what that means?" Pinkie asked.

"I don't know, what does it mean?" I pretended not to know.

"A 'Grand opening' party!" Pinkie exclaimed hugging me, I smiled.

"I can't wait hon." I said. I was excited for what she had in store, and I was also excited to finally get my bar up and running.

* * *

My Tavern, about a half hour later

" _Counter clean-up, counter clean-up..._ " I hummed to myself in the style of the song Winter Wrap-up. I was really hoping Quibble would've at least kept the place clean while I was away, but there was this spot on the counter that was definitely there even before I left! and over the time it sat it dried up on the counter. So that's just great. Suddenly Cheese walks into the bar.

"Hey Cheese! How's it going?" I ask. He says nothing and slaps me hard in the face.

"That was from Quibble." He said.

"Why did he tell you to do that?" I asked. "Why couldn't he just do it himself?" I knew why he wanted to anyway, Discord filled me in on everything, sounded like a blast.

"Well, he didn't really tell me, I read it in his journal! Except I didn't know at first it was his journal, I just thought it was a sad, sad hoof-written book." Cheese said.

"Oh really huh?" I groaned rubbing my face. He has an impressive swing I must say. "How was that thing up in Baltimare?" I ask.

"Spectacular!" He exclaimed. "It was a beautiful wedding! But let me tell you, those ponies ate like you wouldn't believe!"

"Trust me, I believe." I happened to be known for gluttony being a big one on my 'seven deadly sins' list.

"Whaddya doing here anyway?" He asked.

"I own this place. What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Well I just wanted to stop by and say 'hi.' and I tried the Sugarcube corner because you live there but Pinkie told me I'd find you here and well, here I am." He said.

"Well that's interesting." I said. "If you're still wondering why I'm here I'm just getting ready, my supplier to be is coming down to make a business deal. I should be opening soon if all goes well." I explain.

"Oh cool!" He exclaimed. "What do you want me to do?" He asked.

"Huh?" I arched my eyebrow.

"To help out!" He said.

"Oh... Well honestly I don't really need much help with this, it's really just looking over the size, possible patron base so as not to overstock. I mean if you want I suppose.. Wait, what were you thinking?" I asked.

"A host!" He said.

"Are you asking for a job?" I asked.

"Well I guess when you put it that way... Yes I was definitely asking for a job." He nodded.

"Well, I could use the help... I don't see why not." I said. "Put 'er there." I extended my hoof to shake his. He took it, he took it _hard._ He shook harder and faster than anyone that I've ever met.

"I just need _really_ flexible hours, and days off without notice." He grinned.

"You're lucky you came to me with that pitch, I don't think anypony else would've hired you with that." I said wiping at the counter.

"When do I start?" He asked.

"Barstool will be here in a couple hours." I said.

"Oooooohhhh about that, I think I need that time off for a personal reflection day." He said. I looked at him with a blank stare.

"Don't expect pay for the day then." I grinned slightly.

"That is a sacrifice I am willing to make." He said with a hoof to his chest. "See ya!" He bolted out the door.

"Alrighty then." I said with a bit of a laugh.

* * *

A couple hours later

After wiping away at that same spot for quite some time I finally got it. But that wasn't why I changed the scene or anything.

"There!" I said feeling fulfilled seeing the stain had vanished. Suddenly I heard a knock on the door.

"C'mon in!" I welcome whoever was behind the door. A unicorn pony a little shorter than me but heavier walked in, he had an orange puffy mane and beard with a gray flat cap not too unlike the one I used to wear back on Earth.

"Welcome!" I say. "I assume your Barstool?" I asked.

"Aye, that be me!" He said, he had a very heavy Irish accent. "What's the craic?"

"I'm doing quite well." I reply. "Come, we can talk in my office."

"I'd rather do it out here thank you." He said while looking around the place. "Like what you've got going on here, who's your decorator?" He asked.

"Well, most of the furniture came with the place when I got it, course it had to be completely repaired and cleaned, I had a friend of mine help me out with that." I explained.

"Very interesting.." He said examining the bar, suddenly, Pinkie came bouncing in.

"Hiya Chuckie!" She exclaimed. Startling both me and Barstool. "I was talking to Cheese and he said you gave him a job! And I just wanted to say that was really nice of you and-" She stopped suddenly. "Who's this?" She asked motioning to Barstool.

"Pinkie, hon, this is Barstool, we talked about him earlier?" I said.

"Oh hi!" She jumped up and ran up to him. "I'm Pinkie Pie! It's so great to meet you!" She said with a big grin. Barstool smiled nervously.

"Top o' the... uh... mornin' to ya." He said shyly. "Who might this be?" Barstool asked me.

"Ah, Barstool, this is my marefriend, Pinkie Pie, Pinkie, this is Barstool." I say introducing the two.

"Oh lookie here, you've got a lady friend huh?" Barstool chuckled to me.

"I sure do." I smiled wrapping one of my front legs around Pinkie. "We're still early on, but something's definitely there." I smile at her giving her a kiss. Barstool smiled at the two of us.

"Young love. Sure is sweet." He smiled. "Now, what do you say we get back to business?"

"Couldn't agree more." I said.

* * *

Later

"Well that's the last of the details." Barstool said. "I'll have your supplies sent to you first thing tomorrow mornin'."

"That's wonderful!" I exclaimed. "Here you go." I gave him a pouch all that was left of the business loan. "Should cover it. Feel free to come back whenever you want."

"I just may." He smiled. "Feel free to drop by whenever your up to Manehatten!"

"We will!" Pinkie said for me.

"I'll see you around." I said as he left. "Well what do you think of that? I've got my own little business." I asked Pinkie. She wrapped me in a big hug.

"Good job Chuckie." She said.

"Thanks hon." I hugged her back. "It's still pretty early in the afternoon, what do you say to a nice lunch?"

"Sounds like a plan!" She exclaimed.

* * *

Lunchtime

"So tell me about yourself." Pinkie said as we were eating.

"What?" I cocked my head. "I don't follow, you know me."

"Tell me about you before you came to Ponyville!" She said.

"What do you wanna know?" I asked sipping on my drink.

"I dunno, just tell me about when you were a colt!" She said.

"Well, first of all.." I chuckled a bit. "We called our young ones children, or kids. Let's see... My childhood..." I said. "Well, I had a mom and a dad, and two siblings, an older brother and a sister... They were real cards..." I muttered. "When I was around 8 my parents separated and my dad remarried, and I got 4 new step-siblings. Who were all better than me in just about every single way. I know, imagine that, right?" I quipped. "I'm sorry, you asked about my childhood, not my family."

"That's okay!" She said. "I just wanna know some more about you!"

"Well, when I was young, my dad would tell stories, often based on other stories, about big robots from space, or toys that came to life, and he was quite good at it. I like to imagine that I got it from him, but I don't know. Oh! I did a lot of acting in musical theater when I was a teenager, and I was quite well at too, I specialized in comic relief."

"I can see that!" She giggled.

"I also used to draw, I would entertain my friends with little comics I'd draw, oh! And impressions." I said.

"You'd draw?" She asked.

"Of course! I loved to draw, ever since I was really young it was a gift I had, along with entertaining, but of course that ones a given." I motioned to my cutie mark.

"Would you entertain pon- uhhh.. People from your world?" She asked.

"Well, yeah I'd entertain my friends with voices and jokes, and I tried to do it when I grew up, but I never really found my place doing it." I said. She could tell thinking about it made me feel sad, she walked over to me and gave me a hug.

"You found a place in my heart." She said.

"And you found one in mine." I smiled hugging back.

"I'll have to tell you a few more stories some time." I said.

"Why not one right now?" She asked.

"I don't see the harm in that." I said thinking up a story from when I was younger.

* * *

The story

"What the hell did you do?" Ross exclaimed. We were rooming on a school trip in a relatively nice hotel in Quebec the french part of Canada, just me and a couple of, well I'll call them acquaintances, and of course my childhood best friend, who's wedding I mentioned earlier on, and what happened was the toilet kind of, blew up a little, and this three to four star hotel room was getting flooded with toilet water.

"Hey. Screw you pal. None of this is my fault! This is circumstance! Somebody up there is schadenfreuding the hell out of this moment right now! And you bitching isn't helping a bit!" I gritted my teeth.

"Well, we have to do something!" Kenny said feeling neurotic.

"Everyone, grab a pillow." I said concocting a plan. "They're hotel pillows, they've seen more semen than a navy submarine, this won't be the worst thing to happen to them." I said tossing a pillow at the crease between the door and the floor to try and stop water from seeping through.

"That's disgusting." Ross groaned at my analogy.

"They've seen more creamy white goo than a smore, is that better princess!?" I growled. "Kenny! try and get water from the toilet into the bathtub, Ross, keep doing what I'm doing, I'm gonna call for maintenance." I said picking up the hotel phone.

"Allo?" The person who answered asked.

"Um... Uh... Bonjour, nous avons un... Ummm probleme dans notre chambre..." I mumbled trying to speak French.

"You can speak English." he said to me. _Oh thank God._

"We have a flooding problem in our room!" I cried out.

"We will have maintenance up right away.' He said.

"Thank you!" I said hanging up.

"What are we gonna do!?" Kenny said. "We're going to be paying this off till we're 40!"

"I'm not paying off a single penny!" Ross whined. _Ohhhh man._

"Ross! Shut up!" Kenny yelled.

Now at this point, you should know there was one other person in our room. But this person had been sleeping through all of this.

"Could you guys quiet down? I'm trying to sleep." Tyler said. We all looked at him angrily.

"Have you been asleep this whole time!?" I yelled at him.

"Yeah... What's going on?" He asked sitting up.

"Look at the floor!" Kenny growled.

"Oh geez guys, what happened?" He said. Now two people in the room were pissing me off.

"The rooms flooded!" I yelled flailing my arms like Kermit the Frog. Suddenly there was a knock on the door.

"Come in!" I said frantically.

"Maintenance." The worker said. "What is the problem?"

"The toilet." Kenny said. "Pretty sure it's the valve."

"Yes it is." He said looking at the toilet.

To make a long story short, the worker found the problem, it had nothing to do with us though! We were moved to a nicer room free of charge too, ever since then Kenny and I looked at the story fondly and laugh, and Ross always groans when it's brought up. and Tyler doesn't remember.

* * *

After the story

"Wow! That's crazy!" She said.

"Yeah, I know." I said laughing about it. "I'll tell you a few more another time." I said.

* * *

That night

After the day had passed, Pinkie and I were relaxing together on the couch looking out the window at the stars. Neither of us had said a word in a little while. Suddenly Pinkie spoke up.

"Remember when you were talking to Barstool earlier?" She asked.

"Yeah." I said.

"What did you mean when you said 'something is definitely there'?" She asked.

"Well..." I said. "I can see that we're definitely headed somewhere." I said stroking her shoulder.

"Where?" She asked.

"Now normally I'd say it's about the journey, not the destination." I began. "But I have a feeling we're gonna be together for a long, long time." I said.

"Awww, Chuckie, I love you." She said.

"I love you too." I said kissing her forehead.

 **Me:** _Well I met someone who touched my soul_

 _And made my world brand new_

 _There's part of me, a place inside, that now belong to you..._

 _The love we've found_

 _The love we've found_

 _We carry with us, so we're never quite alone._

 **Pinkie and I:** _The love we've found_

 _The love we've found_

 _The sweetest dream that we have ever known,_

 _The love we've found_

 _The love we've found_

 _We carry with us, so we're never quite alone._

"Goodnight Pinkie." I said giving her a hug.

"Goodnight Chuckie." She replied.

"See you in the morning." I said.

"I can't wait." She smiled.

* * *

The next morning

As I opened up my bar the next morning, I saw that the back door was unlocked, at first I was worried that somepony had broken in, but then I saw a big pile of barrels in the storage room.

"He delivered already? Great!" I exclaimed. Walking out to the main room, I saw a note on the counter. It was from Barstool.

"I wish you luck with your business..." It said. "I'll make sure to stop by and visit. I also wish you luck with your marefriend, you two seem to be good together, love in a precious thing. Make sure to cherish it for all your days. -Barstool." I finished.

"What a nice guy.." I said. I took his letter and pinned it to a board in my office. "I will." I said reading the last sentence again.

* * *

 _And that's the chapter! Hope you enjoyed it, as always if you want to read more please feel free to follow, please review too!_

 _Song used_

 _"When love is found." Written by: Paul Williams_


	16. Chapter 16: The Grand Opening

Chapter 16: The Grand Opening

 _The bar opening plot finally finishes in this chapter!_

* * *

Chuck's tavern

"Is the banner ready?" I asked Pinkie as we were making preparations for the grand opening party for my bar. We were all set. Good thing too, we kick it off in an hour.

"All set!" She said holding it up.

"Great! barrels set up?" I asked Cheese.

"All hooked up and ready to go! I only had to mop up the floor four times!" He smiled.

"Four times?" I asked. "Good grief... But that can wait, thank you to both of you for your help. Honestly I don't know where this bar would be right now without you."

"Same place as always, it's never moved." Pinkie said.

"You know what I meant." I said with a grin.

"Bring it in!" Cheese exclaimed wrapping us in a hug.

"Ach... Ach... Wind pipe... Wind pipe!" I croaked at the tight hug. He eventually released the hug, breathing has never felt so good.

"Alright team. Good work, we can all meet back here for opening in one hour." I said. "See you then."

"Sounds good!" Cheese bounced out the door. Pinkie however stayed behind.

"Not that I'm complaining, but what are you still doing here?" I asked her.

"Just thought I'd spend a little time with my special somepony." She smiled.

"Well, I don't have anything else to do, what do you say we get out of here for a while?" I asked.

"Sounds fun!" She said as we walked out.

* * *

Ponyville streets

"So how have you been? I'm sorry but it seems I've been really busy lately." I said as we walked down the street.

"I've been good! I got a letter from my sister Maud this morning!" She said. Ah yes, Maud.

"Ooooh I just had such a great idea!" She jumped. "You've _got_ to meet her some time!" She squealed. "I just had an even better idea! You should meet my whole family!" She beamed. I looked at her for a second, then smiled.

"I'd like that." I nodded. Suddenly she jumped up again. Looks like this idea just got another layer added to it.

"We should visit them for Hearthswarming!" She exclaimed. That was only a little while away...

"Sounds good to me." Oh goody! I'm great at first impressions! Just kidding, I crack up and fail miserably.

"Oooooooh I can't wait! This is gonna be so much fun!" She hugged me tightly.

"It sure will." I said. Looks like my holiday plans have just been made, sounds like it'll be a good time! Despite of course my terrible way of making a first impression, I was actually looking forward to it. Now, come to think of it, Hearthswarming _shopping_ needed to be done. It's to early to stress out about this... It isn't even pony-thanksgiving yet! Is that even a thing?

"Up for lunch?" I asked after I realized I'd been silent for a little bit now and it started getting awkward.

"Sure!" She exclaimed.

"Great." I said as we walked toward one of the little cafe shops around town, we entered and sat down at a table, honestly I was a bit worried about adapting to a pony diet, but it's grown on me, I've missed meat a little though I won't lie, but considering how amazing my life has been recently, it's an even trade.

"One sandwich please." I ordered. "Oooh! And an ice tea too." I add.

"I'm gonna skip to desert and have chocolate cake please!" Pinkie said folding her menu.

"Comin' right up." Our waitress said taking our menus.

"This is nice." I began. "A nice little lunch, together."

"Yeah." She smiled stirring the ice in her water with a straw.

"Yeah." I smiled back.

"Here you go you two." Our waitress said handing us our food.

"Thank you!" We both said simultaneously. We both sat there silently with our food for a moment. I looked up at her and smiled.

"See, you were smart and skipped to desert, wish I had of thought of that." I said.

"Thinkin' like Pinkies a real skill!" She said tapping her head. This made my smile.

"Sure is." I said before taking a bite of my sandwich. It was pretty good, sourdough bread was a nice touch.

"So you remember those guys you talked about in that story you told me?" She asked.

"Yeah, what about 'em?" I replied.

"Who were they?" She asked.

"Oh, well one of them, Kenny, he was my best friend back when I was younger. met him when I was just starting out in school. Ross, God love him, he's a great guy, anal as hell though." I laughed. "Tyler was another pal of mine, but we faded apart not too long after that story... Kenny and I eventually faded apart too." I said.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Some would put it like this. He moved on, got a life. Started growing up, and I simply didn't." I said.

"You moved on." She said.

"How do you figure- Oh yeah, I _really_ moved on." I said looking down at my hooves.

"Besides, I'm glad things turned out the way they did." She said.

"So am I." I smiled. We didn't say anything for a moment, until I spoke up.

"That looks amazing, can I try a bite of that?" I asked.

" **PINKIE DOESN'T SHARE CAKE!** " She exclaimed tensely as it was written in bold.

"Completely understandable. Pardon me? ma'am?" I call for the waitress, well it was quite understandable. Cake is sacred.

* * *

Chuck's tavern

"Huh. I expected a bigger turnout." I said as the party 'started'. Pinkie, Cheese, and I were the only ones here.

"This might have something to do with the fact I never told anypony about it." Cheese said to us.

"That _was_ your job." Pinkie nodded.

"Yes. Yes that's probably why." I said to Cheese dryly. "Why not do that, oh I don't know, now?" I continued.

"You can count on me!" He bolted through the door.

"That should help, huh?" I said to Pinkie.

"Yep!" We laughed.

"Oh!" She started. "Before I forget, something for your grand opening." She pulled a small box from her mane. I opened it up to see a beautiful black bow tie.

"Oh Pinkie... I love it!" I beamed at the gift. "It's perfect, I love you!" I gave her a big hug.

"I love you too, glad you like it." She said.

"I'll definitely wear this everyday, thanks Cutiepie." I said, she looked at me in silence.

"That one didn't work either?" I asked.

"Now that one, I like." She gave me a kiss on the cheek. I smiled as I tied the bow tie around my neck and straightened it out.

"Looks perfect." She said.

"Thanks." I blushed. Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door. I peeked my head out to look. Cheese had gathered just about everypony together and they were waiting outside.

"Now that's a guest list!" Pinkie said looking out.

"Good work Cheese. Keep 'em stalled for a second so I can come out and make a little opening announcement." I told him.

"Yes sir!" He nodded. I turned to Pinkie before heading out the door.

"It's party time." I grinned opening the door.

"Hello everypony." I addressed the crowd. "I'd like to welcome you all to the official grand opening of Ponyville's first primary source of inebriation! I jest, soft drinks are also an option, a mixture of both is also available, and my personal favorite. And now, let's kick this thing off! Pinkie?" I gesture to her. She then cut the ribbon in front of the doors. "Come on in everypony!" I welcome everypony in.

"Let's get this party started!" Pinkie exclaimed as we entered once everypony else came in. I went behind the counter and quickly started taking orders. Pinkie, Quibble, Applejack, and Rainbow came over to the counter.

"What'll it be?" I ask them.

"Something soft." Rainbow said. "I'm flying tonight." (Don't drink and fly.)

"Comin' right up. and the rest of you?"

"Cream soda! soft or hard, don't really care! In fact gimme one of each!" Pinkie said.

"You've got it, those will be on the house." I told her.

"No fair!" Quibble said.

"Tell you what, I'll let you have a free drink too, consider an apology for that day with Discord." I told him.

"I want a whole night of free drinks for that." He glared.

"I'll give you a whole night half off. take it or leave it."

"Fine." He said. "I'll start with a 'rye of the tiger'?"

"It's actually rye whiskey with a dash of orange and lemon juice. I thought the name was fun." I said.

"I'll take that." He said.

"And Applejack?"

"Surprise me." She said.

"Alrighty then." I said jotting down their orders of a piece of paper and started pouring their various drinks.

"Here you go." I slid their drinks to them down the counter in traditional bartender fashion. "Enjoy."

"Wow! These are delicious! I can't even tell the difference between the two!" Pinkie exclaimed testing her drinks.

"After enough of one you sure would." I quipped.

"This is pretty good!" Applejack said. "What is it?"

"That's a favorite of your's truly. Spiked root beer. All the taste of the world's greatest soft drink, with that warm and tingly feeling in the tummy." I said.

"I'll take another!" She said.

"Alright." I said. "But you'd better pace yourself. The downfall of the drink is you don't quite know when you've hit too much till it's too late." I advised from personal experience while sliding her another one.

"Hey, where's the music?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah! Where is the music?" I agreed. "Ay Cheese!" I called to him. "Give the jukebox a kick!"

"Now you're talking." He gave the jukebox a literal kick, not exactly what I meant, but miraculously, that somehow worked! Like on Happy Days how Fonzie would punch the jukebox and somehow not get a fistful of broken glass. Music starting up was met with a positive reaction to just about everypony.

"Aw, what a classic!" I listened to the song.

 **Me:** _We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _/_

 _Say you don't know me, or recognize my face_

 _Say you don't care who goes to that kind of place_

 _Knee deep in the hoopla, sinking in your fight_

 _Too many runaways eating up the night_

 _/_

 _Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember_

 _We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _/_

 **Cheese:** _Someone's always playing corporation games_

 _Who cares they're always changing corporation names_

 _We just want to dance here, someone stole the stage_

 _They call us irresponsible, write us off the page_

 _/_

 _Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember_

 _We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _/_

 **Quibble:** _It's just another Sunday, in a tired old street_

 _Police have got the choke hold, oh, then we just lost the beat_

 _/_

 **Rainbow Dash:** _Who counts the money underneath the bar_

 _Who rides the wrecking ball into our guitars_

 **Applejack:** Don't _tell us you need us, 'cause we're just simple fools_

 _Looking for Equestria, coming through your schools_

 _/_

"I'm looking out over that Golden Gate bridge out on a gorgeous sunny Saturday and I'm seeing that bumper to bumper traffic." I say.

 **Everypony:** _Don't you remember (remember)_

"Here's your favorite radio station, in your favorite radio city the city by the bay, the city that rocks, the city that never sleeps."

/

 **Pinkie:** _Marconi plays the mamba, listen to the radio, don't you remember_

 _We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll!_

 **Me:** _We built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll_

 **Everypony:** _Built this city!_

 **Pinkie:** _Ooooh-Ah-Ah-Ooooh_

 **Everypony:** _we built this city on rock an' roll_

 _Built this city, we built this city on rock an' roll!_

 _(We built, we built this city) built this city (we built, we built this city)_

* * *

"Yeeeahhh! Rock and roll!" Bulk Biceps exclaimed. (Bulk Biceps happens to be one of my favorite minor characters, it was about time I tossed him a line.)

"Next round's on the house!" I yelled. Why did I yell that out? Great. Now I have to keep that promise.

"Say Chuck." Applejack told me. "I'm lookin' at your menu, and it seems to be missin' something." She said.

"Yeah! That's right!" Rainbow nodded. I had a feeling I knew what they were talking about.

"Oh yeah? What's that?" I asked.

"The cider!" They both said simultaneously.

"Well, the thing about that is, if I were to serve it, I would want only the best available... I tried some of what Barstool had to offer, and it was good, but it paled in comparison to cider I've had before... If you catch what I mean." I said to Applejack.

"If y'all wants to talk business, take it up with Big Mac. He's the numbers one in the family." She told me. Really? Huh, never would have figured.

"Will do." I nodded.

* * *

Later that evening.

Everypony had an amazing time, most even stayed right till closing, it was a fun afternoon of laughter, songs, and dancing, and of course a bit of inebriation. What? it helps you come out of your shell! Or get brawly, luckily nopony seemed to be in the mood for a brawl. Once it was about time to close, I made my way up to the karaoke stage.

"This thing on?" I tapped the mic. "I want to thank everypony for coming, it was a great opener, I hope to see you all as regulars. I'd also like to thank Cheese Sandwich for gathering you all here, albeit a bit late." I shot a look at him. "And most of all, I'd like to thank my very... _very_ special somepony, Pinkie Pie for setting this party up. So, before we close up. I'd like to put on one more classic. This one's for you Cutiepie, c'mon up here!" I called her up. As she made her way to me I gave the jukebox a kick and it started up.

 **Me:** _Don't go breaking my heart_

 **Pinkie:** _I couldn't if I tried_

 **Me:** _Oh_ _Honey if I get restless_

 **Pinkie:** _Baby you're not that kind_

 **Me:** _Don't go breaking my heart_

 **Pinkie:** _You take the weight off me_

 **Me:** _Oh honey when you knocked on my door_

 **Pinkie:** _I gave you my key_

 **Both of us:** _Nopony_ _knows it_

 **Me:** _When I was down_

 **Pinkie:** _I was your clown_

 **Both of us:** _Nopony knows it_

 **Me:** _Right from the start_

 **Pinkie:** _I gave you my heart_

 **Both of us:** _Ooooh-ohhh I gave you my heart_

 _Do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-do-doo!_

 **Me:** _So don't go breaking my heart_

 **Pinkie:** _I_ _won't go breaking your heart_

 **Both of us:** _Don't go breaking my heart_

 _/_

 **Me:** _And nopony told us_

 **Pinkie:** _'Cause nopony showed us_

 **Me:** _And now it's up to us babe_

 **Pinkie:** _I think we can make it_

 **Me:** _So don't misunderstand me_

 **Pinkie:** _You put the light in my life_

 **Me:** _Oh you_ _put the sparks to the flame_

 **Pinkie:** _I've got your heart in my sights_

 _/_

 **Both of us:** _Nopony_ _knows it_

 **Me:** _When I was down_

 **Pinkie:** _I was your clown_

 **Both of us:** _Nopony knows it_

 **Me:** _Right from the start_

 **Pinkie:** _I gave you my heart_

 **Both of us:** _Ooooh-ohhh I gave you my heart_

 **Me:** _So don't go breaking my heart_

 **Pinkie:** _I_ _won't go breaking your heart_

 **Both of us:** _Don't go breaking my heart_

 **Both of us:** _Nopony_ _knows it_

 **Me:** _When I was down_

 **Pinkie:** _I was your clown_

 **Me:** _Right from the start_

 **Pinkie:** _I gave you my heart_

 **Both of us:** _Ooooh-ohhh I gave you my heart_

 **Me:** _Don't go breaking my heart_

 **Pinkie:** _I won't go breaking your heart_

 **Both of us:** _Don't go breaking my_

 _Don't go breaking my_

 _Don't go breaking my heart_

 _Don't go breaking my_

 _Don't go breaking my_

 _I won't go breaking your heart!_

* * *

Pinkie and I exchanged a long kiss as the song came to an end.

"Alright, now get outta here! You don't have to go home but you can't stay here!" I called out. I would dare say I had a very good opening day.

* * *

 _That's another chapter! Hope that you enjoyed it! Hearthswarming with the Pie family huh? How's that gonna go? Tune in, because that will be the next arc!_

 _Songs used_

 _"We built this city" by: Starship._

 _"Don't go breaking my heart" by: Elton John._


	17. Chapter 17: Nightmare Night

Chapter 17: Nightmare Night

 _Just a short little chapter about a nightmare night party_

* * *

Chuck's Tavern

"And then, when she picked up the phone, the operator said. 'we've traced the call... and it's coming from... inside the house!" I finished my story. Pinkie, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Cheese Sandwich, Quibble, and I had gotten together mid afternoon on Nightmare Night before the across town festivities had begun for a small Nightmare Night party.

"That's nothing!" Quibble scoffed at my story. "I've got a better one, and get this, it _really_ happened."

"We've all already read that journal you kept." Rainbow Dash laughed.

"Yeah!" Pinkie laughed with her.

"Personally the only fright y'all could give me is that ridiculous costume your wearing." Applejack told him remarking his ridiculous costume. "What the heck are you even supposed to be?" She asked.

"I'm The Pigeon! From Bat-Stallion?" He said. (Shameless parody, I know.) We all head our costumes ready, I donned a costume resembling Gomez Addams, I even went so far as to slick and dye my mane. Pinkie was a jester, who slightly resembled Harley Quinn from the Batman franchise. Cheese was wearing a costume that resembled the band DEVO's plastic yellow uniforms. Applejack had a quite Piratey costume, and Rainbow Dash was wearing a Daring Do costume, you would not believe how long Quibble and her debated over how accurate it was. As my way of helping myself get through listening to them, I poured myself two drinks and put the cost on their tabs.

"Anypony else have a story?" I asked. I was met with shaking heads. "Well, I've got one more. It's a classic." I grinned.

"Can't be worse than your last one..." Quibble said. I brushed off the comment and gave the jukebox a kick. I raised a sly grin on my face as the music began I turned all the lights out but one dim hanging bulb. I stepped under it and revealed my face just before the beat of the song kicked off.

 **Me:** _It's close to midnight_

 _Something evil's lurking from the dark_

 _Under the moonlight_

 _You see a sight that almost stops your heart_

 _You try to scream_

 _But terror takes the sound before you make it_

 _You start to freeze_

 _As horror looks you right between your eyes_

 _You're paralyzed_

 _'Cause this is thriller_

 _Thriller night_

 _And no one's gonna save you_

 _From the beast about to strike_

 _You know it's thriller_

 _Thriller night_

 _You're fighting for your life_

 _Inside a killer thriller tonight, yeah_

 _Ooooh_

 _/_

 _You hear the door slam_

 _And realize there's nowhere left to run_

 _You feel the cold hoof_

As I sang that lyric I placed my hoof on Quibble's shoulder, it absolutely terrified him, it was pretty difficult to keep from laughing.

 _And wonder if you'll ever see the sun_

 _You close your eyes_

 _And hope that this is just imagination_

 _But all the while_

 _You hear a creature creeping up behind_

 _You're out of time_

 _Cause this is thriller, thriller night_

 _There ain't no second chance against the thing with the forty eyes, no_

 _Thriller, thriller night_

 _You're fighting for your life inside a killer, thriller tonight_

 _/_

 _Night creatures call_

 _And the dead start to walk in their masquerade_

 _There's no escaping the jaws of the alien this time_

 _This is the end of your life_

 _/_

 _They're out to get you, there's demons closing in on every side_

 _They will possess you unless you change that number on your dial_

 _Now is the time for you and I to cuddle close together_

I slid in next to Pinkie for the next couple lines

 _All through the night I'll save you from the terror on the screen,_

 _I'll make you see_

I gave Pinkie a quick kiss on the cheek before jumping in front of everypony again.

 _That this is thriller, thriller night_

 _'Cause I can thrill you more than any ghoul could ever dare try_

 _Thriller, thriller night_

 _So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller, chiller_

 _Thriller here tonight_

 _'Cause this is thriller, thriller night_

 _I can thrill you more than any ghoul could ever dare try_

 _Thriller, thriller night_

 _So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller_

I then slipped into the darkness and disguised my voice for the next part.

 _"Darkness falls across the land_

 _The midnight hour is close at hand_

 _Creatures crawl in search of blood_

 _To terrorize y'all's neighborhood_

 _And whomsoever shall be found_

 _Without the soul for getting down_

 _Must stand and face the hounds of hell_

 _And rot inside a corpse's shell_

 _The foulest stench is in the air_

 _The funk of forty thousand years_

 _And grisly ghouls from every tomb_

 _Are closing in to seal your doom_

 _And though you fight to stay alive_

 _Your body starts to shiver_

 _For no mere mortal can resist_

 _The evil of the thriller..."_

As the music ended I laughed maniacally, that is definitely what sealed the deal on making this frightening. I flicked on the lights to see everypony's eyes quite wide.

"And that's a little classic from where I come from for this time of year." I grinned getting back behind the counter.

"Wow." Quibble said with wide eyes. "I'd be lying if I said I underestimated that, so, wow."

"Yeah. It is pretty wow." I said smugly wiping at a dirty mug. "So anyway, you can say that I really know this stuff. I have a passion for a few times of year, this is one of them." I stroked my fake mustache.

"I gotta admit, that was pretty good." Rainbow Dash said.

"Here here." Applejack nodded.

"Thank you, thank you very much." I bowed.

"I didn't take you as the type who enjoyed this kinda stuff." Cheese said.

"It's fun! Sometimes, fun and fear can go quite well together." I replied.

"It's true!" Pinkie nodded. "That little chill that shivers down your spine is sometimes what lets you know: 'Hey! Hey you! You're alive!' Ya know?"

"See! She gets it." I told the others. "In fact, one of my favorite fictional characters found their fun in the frightening."

"Who's that?" Cheese asked.

"Why, Gomez Addams and his whole family!" I motioned at my costume.

"Never heard of him." Quibble said.

"Maybe because I'm from another dimension, c'mon I must've told you at some point!" I told him. "Anyway, his family would delight in the dark and more... macabre side of things, perhaps an example is in order."

"You're not going to sing again, are you?" Quibble asked as the music on the jukebox began playing.

 **Me:** _When you're an Addams_

 _You need to have a little moonlight_

 _When you're an Addams_

 _You need to feel a little chill_

 _You have to see the world in shades of gray_

 _You have to put some poison in your day_

Pinkie got up next to me and started dancing along with me.

 **Pinkie:** _That's the way_

 **Pinkie and I:** _When you're an Addams_

 **Me:** _You need to have a sense of humor_

 _When you're an Addams_

 **Pinkie:** _You need to have a taste for death_

 **Pinkie and I:** _Who cares about the world outside_

 _And what it wants from you_

 _When you're and Addams_

 _You do what Addams always do!_

 _When you're an Addams_

 **Me:** _You gotta have a lotta passion_

 **Pinkie and I** **:** _When you're an Addams_

 **Pinkie:** _You need to really love your mare_

 **Me (Spoken):** _Several times a day_

 **Pinkie and I:** _You're happy when your hooves are in the mud_

Rainbow and Applejack exchanged looks and grinned.

 **Applejack and Rainbow:** _You smile a bit the moment you smell blood_

 _AA-OOOH!_

 **Me/Pinkie/Applejack/Rainbow** : _**When you're an Addams**_

 **Pinkie:** _You need to grab a bow and arrow_

 **Me/Pinkie/Applejack/Rainbow:** _When you're an Addams_

 **Me** : _You need a moment to explode_

 **Applejack:** _Just pour a potion_

 **Rainbow:** _Flip the switch_

 **Rainbow/Applejack:** _And wait till things get hot!_

 **Me/Pinkie/Applejack/Rainbow:** _When you're an Addams_

 _You have to really stir the pot_

 **Rainbow:** _So keep your sunshine_

 _And keep your glee_

 **Me:** _Country music and Tennessee_

 **Pinkie:** _Keep you laughter_

 **Applejack:** _And MTV_

 **Me/Pinkie/Applejack/Rainbow:** _And all will be all right_

 _Give us shadows and give us gloom_

 _Broken glass in a motel room_

 _Something fun we can all exhume_

 _And give it all tonight!_

After an instrumental break and doing a bit of dancing, Cheese and Quibble looked at each other, Quibble sighed.

"Fine." He said with a slight grin.

 **Me/Pinkie/Applejack/Rainbow** : _When you're an Addams_

 **Cheese/Quibble** : _That's right!_

 _When you're an Addams_

 **Me/Pinkie/Applejack/Rainbow** : _You have a very special duty_

 **Cheese/Quibble:** _Late night! Out with the Addams!_

 **Me/Pinkie/Applejack/Rainbow** : _When you're an Addams_

 **Cheese/Quibble:** _With one bite_

 **All:** _You're obligated to the clan_

 _It's family first and family last_

 _And family by and by_

 _When you're an Addams_

 _The standard answers don't apply_

 _When you're and Addams_

 _You do what Addams do or..._

 _Die!_

* * *

We all laughed a little as the song ended. "See? Isn't that fun?"

"Sure is!" Pinkie chuckled.

"Alright y'all, I've got to get this place ready for tonight, I promised I'd set up a couple of activities for the foals tonight." I told them.

"Well alright Chuck, it was fun, see ya tonight!" Applejack said as they left. Pinkie stayed behind with me.

"Want to help me set up?" I asked.

"No, but I know you don't want to set up either so I thought I'd keep you company and help out!" She winked.

"Oh, you know me so well." I said as I started getting things ready.

* * *

Ponyville streets: That night

"Come and step in, if you dare! To 'Haunted Hell's Tavern!'" I announced with a maniacal laugh at the door when some foals came to the door. "Nah, I'm just kidding around. C'mon in." I recognized the little fillies to be the cutiemark crusaders.

"Welcome!" Pinkie announced jumping out from behind the counter.

"Hi Pinkie!" The all said in unison.

"Awwww you all look so cute! What are your costumes?" She asked.

"I'm a sheep dog!" Applebloom said.

"I'm a Wonderbolt!" Scootaloo said.

"And I'm a... bee. It would make more sense if Rarity were here. She's a flower. This was her idea." Sweetie Belle said in an annoyed tone.

"Well, I think it's a Bee-utiful costume." I joked stepping behind the counter. "I can only assume you're here for candy?" I asked.

"We certainly weren't here for that joke." Scootaloo murmured to her friends.

"Ha. Ha." I said getting the candy bowl. "Here you go." I placed some candy in each of their little buckets. "Happy Nightmare Night." I smiled.

"Happy Nightmare Night!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Thanks!" They said as they left.

"Foals. Huh?" I said to Pinkie as they left.

"Whoa, whoa, I think it's a little early to think about that huh?" She joked.

"Absolutely." I grinned taking a drink. It was soft after all, I was dealing with young ones. I walked to the door ad looked out.

"You know, I think every foal in town has already hit here, you know what that means..." I said with a grin.

"We eat all the left over candy ourselves?" Pinkie smiled.

"We have a winner!" I smiled unwrapping a candy. "To Nightmare Night!"

"To Nightmare Night!" Pinkie said before tossing her candy into her mouth.

* * *

 _That's my little Nightmare Night chapter! Just a fun little chapter to get you in a spooky mood for this time of year that will have absolutely no effect any other month of the year. Until next time!_

 _Songs used_

 _"Thriller". By: Michael Jackson._

 _"When You're An Addams". From "The Addams Family" Broadway musical._


	18. Chapter 18: The wingless wing man

Chapter 18: The wingless wing man

 _Look who's back at it again with another chapter!_

* * *

"Alright thanks Big Mac!" I called out to him as he left the bar, just arranged for a cider business deal, prices were quite fair too! But that's not what this chapter is about. (That would be even more boring than what I had in mind.)

"Eeyup!" He called back. I could tell he was in a rush, I think it was something about making a delivery Starlight's old village he told me, I dunno. Suddenly I could see Cheese and Quibble walking towards the bar.

"Well if it isn't my favorite customer!" I called to Quibble.

"Oh you probably say that to everypony." He said.

"As a matter of fact, I do." I said. "Cheese you're lucky it's a slow day." I told Cheese as he walked in with Quibble.

"Oh that's right! I work here!" He said.

"Yeah. You do." I said getting behind the counter.

"Ooh! Do I get a cool bow tie like you have?" He asked.

"If you owned the place and had the best mare-friend in the world you would." I said back. My bow tie, and that best mare-friend in the whole world was out of town on a friendship problem today. Having her around to keep me company would've been nice, but duty calls.

"Allllrighty then!" He said.

"So what can I get you two?" I asked.

"Scotch. Nothing added. Just scotch. This Cheese-head has been driving me up the wall all day." Quibble said.

"All day? It's hardly lunchtime! Don't worry, drinking before noon makes you a pirate, not an alcoholic." I slid him his drink. He looked down at his drink, he looked exhausted, and something else was clearly bothering him.

"You're just saying that because you make money off of ponies drinking." He said.

"God, you're a downer." I scoffed. "But you are right. And Cheese?" I asked.

"None for me thanks!" He said.

"Good answer. I need you completely sober for your shift." I said grabbing his apron.

"Oooooh... You see, about that... I already made arrangements with a... Uhh...' He began looking frantically around the room. "Mr. Jukebox... Uh... Bar-rag! Yeah! Mr. Jukebox bar-rag!" He exclaimed.

"Yeah right." I laughed. "Whatever, it's a slow day anyway."

"You're the best boss ever!" He said bouncing out the door.

"Yeah yeah, don't you forget it!" I called out. "You roomed with him for _how long_?" I asked Quibble.

"A few years now, I met him roughly after he visited Ponyville." He said.

"Oh yeah?" I wiped at a mug.

"Yeah. He made sure to tell me all about that. Along with every single other detail of his life within the same day I met him." He laughed a little.

"I believe it." I said. Suddenly a big cloud appeared in the bar. "What the hell!?" I exclaimed.

"Why hello!" Discord bellowed. Quibble sighed.

"Hey Discord. What brings you here?" I asked.

"Probably the ass-hat express..." Quibble muttered.

"Quiet you." Discord snapped his fingers and a muzzle appeared on Quibble's mouth.

"Hey, Discord, I can't just have you doing that to paying customers." I sneered. "But a drink, then maybe I'll let it slide."

"Fine. I'll have a cinnamon whiskey on the rocks. Hold the glass." He said.

"You want me pour it out, drop ice in it, and not put it in a glass?" I raised an eyebrow.

"Fine, I'll do it myself." All of a sudden whiskey started pouring and ice cubes started floating, it looked almost like a twisty straw going through the air, he gulped the whole thing down.

"Weirdo." I said wiping the counter.

"Here you go." He slid me the money.

"This is a little short. What's the deal?" I queried.

"I read somewhere part of the cost is the usage of the glass. Anyway, Good day!" Before I could tell him that wasn't true he disappeared. The muzzle on Quibble went with him and he started gasping for air.

"There was no air in there!" He wheezed.

"Thank God you're okay though, I can't imagine how bad it would be if you died here, that is paperwork I don't wanna do." I breathed a sigh of relief.

"That was your concern?" He exclaimed.

"Kinda, paperwork is so boring."

"You should ban him from the premises." He sneered.

"I can't do that! He's a paying customer!"

"He's a public menace!"

"You're overreacting, besides, I can't ban someone without cause." I told him.

"I have _cause,_ it is be _cause _ I hate him!" He whined.

"Cute wordplay. But that doesn't work." I grinned. "Now, what's got you down?" I asked him.

"Wouldn't you like to know."

"That is why I asked, c'mon, you can always trust a bartender, we're like therapists, but better because drinks are cheaper than therapy!" I said.

"Look, I just don't know if I feel comfortable sharing it with you."

"Oh my God..." I acted. "Do you... _Love_ me? Oh Quibble..."

"Shut up." He groaned.

"Let's run off and get married! And it'll be just you and me, Chuck and Quibble, forever, Chuck and Quibble forever a hundred years!"

"Stop!" He said angrily.

"Alright alright, fine." I laughed. "So what's bothering you?"

"Why should I tell you?" He asked.

"We're friends aren't we?"

"We are? I never really got that impression." He arched his eyebrow.

"What!? Aw come on!" I knew he didn't, probably mostly because of that Discord incident. "Look, I like you, you're not like some a lot of the other ponies here, I feel like I can be far more crass and tormenting with you. And frankly I expect the same back from you." I told him.

"You could've just said that." He said dryly.

"Yeah probably." We both sat there quietly for a moment.

"I guess if you want to know, it might be good for me to tell somepony." He began.

"Oh. My. Gawd. Tell me! Tell me! C'mon c'mon c'mon!" I squealed. I secretly love secrets and gossip.

"Fine, I... I have a crush on somepony, and I don't know what to do about it." He told me. I just stared blankly at him.

"That's it? I was hoping you'd committed a murder and you were confiding in me about it."

"Well, I'm sorry, but I'm boring." He sighed.

"Well which is it, are you sorry or are you boring?" I joked. He just sighed.

"Hey, look, I can tell that for whatever reason this is stressing you out. How about I help you?" I offered.

"How so?"

"Well, I could give you advice, I could talk you up to this certain mare, or stallion, I don't judge, and make you look good." I explained.

"Why would I want your help?" He said snidely.

"Maybe because I know this stuff, I'm the one out of the two of us currently in a relationship, and I'm an amazing wingman." I boasted, it was true, I did have a knack for it, I was kind of like Hitch. Ever watch that movie Hitch?

"You know what?" He looked at me. "Let's do it." I smiled.

"Great. You won't regret this." I shook hooves with him.

"I'd better not." He laughed.

* * *

Quibble's house

"So who is she? Or is it a he?" I asked when we met back at his house, it was pretty well decorated. As a fellow nerd culture enthusiast I liked his sense of decor.

"It's a she. And She's-" Suddenly his door swung open.

"Hey Quibble! Applejack wants me to help with harvesting, I'm hanging out with you instead!" The voice said, it was Rainbow Dash.

"Oh... Hey!" He smiled awkwardly. _Now I knew..._

"Oh hey Chuck." She said to me. "What are you doing here?" She asked.

"Helping with fall cleaning." I lied.

"Oh, lame." She said.

"It is, it really is." I... You know what, I was going to put "lied" there, but I don't like that word, I'm an actor, I act and pretend. So to make a long ramble short. "It is, it really is." I acted.

"Well we can handle that some other time." Quibble acted with me. "No sense boring you with that when you came here to get out of work." He told Rainbow, I could sense a bit of a stutter in his voice. I looked at him and raised a long Cheshire grin.

"Yes. Mhm. Yes. Now shut up." He growled frantically at me.

"So what do you wanna do to pass the time?" She asked.

"I don't... I don't know. What do _you_ want to do?" He replied.

"I don't know if I speak for anypony else, but I am just famished. What do you two say to lunch?" I asked trying to move this conversation along.

"Sounds good to me." Quibble nodded. "What say you, Rainbow Dash?"

"I say I'm starving! Let's go!" She bolted through the door.

"After you, you love struck fool." I told Quibble as he walked through the door

"Screw. Off." He said dryly. I had forgotten the funnest thing about being a wing man, tormenting!

"You guys coming?" Rainbow Dash called.

"We'll be right with you!" I called back as we went to meet her.

"So when did all this develop?" I asked Quibble as we were catching up.

"Can't this wait until we aren't in an earshot of her?"

"That's a good point." I nodded.

* * *

Greasy Spoon's Diner

(What an unfortunate name! Anyway, on with the story...)

"So then, just when I was flying as fast as I thought possible, Bam! I get this giant speed boost and a giant rainbow just explodes!" Rainbow Dash finishes her story about how she got her cutie mark.

"Wow! That's amazing!" Quibble remarked.

"How'd you get yours?" She asked.

"Oh, well, I just sort of... Picked up a comic book one day when I was young." He said.

"And you loved it it so much that they became your calling?" She asked.

"Not exactly..." Quibble said remembering the event

* * *

Quibble's childhood

"There is no way that is at all possible. They are completely ignoring the continuity of issue #5! Ugh. Worst. Comic. Ever." A young Quibble said in disgust at the comic.

* * *

Present day

"So... Complaining became your defining attribute?" I muttered.

"Hey! I call it analyzing." He said.

"Emphasis on anal, am I right?" I chuckled to myself.

"Shut up." He told me.

"You know I'm just kidding around." I laughed.

"I think it's cool." Rainbow said. "Everypony should have standards, even if they are way higher than others." She winked.

"Ain't that the truth, we love ya buddy." I wrapped my leg around his shoulder, which he quickly brushed off.

"Well thank you Rainbow Dash, and no comment for Chuck." Quibble and Rainbow Dash laughed. In my own little way, I think I was doing alright. I spilled my waterglass over accidentally on purpose.

"Oh damn! Clumsy me! I'd better go dry off, looks like some got on you too Quibble, better come with." I told him, he sighed. Once we got to the bathroom I grinned.

"Going pretty well huh?"

"Is it?" He asked brushing himself off with a paper towel.

"I brought lunch up to see what I had to work with, and so far I'd say we're doing well. She seems interested." I said.

"How do you know-" Before he could finish, we were cut off by a toilet flushing. The pony walked out of the stall and looked at us.

"G'd afternoon." I nodded.

"Good afternoon." He said going for the door. "Weirdos..." He muttered.

"Oh I'm the weirdo? Says the guy who didn't even wash his hooves." I laughed.

"Now, as I was saying, how do you know?" He asked me.

"She didn't laugh at my jokes. Normally if you really like somepony, you'll defend them when somepony takes a jab at 'em." I explained.

"That makes some sense, wait, so you said those things intentionally to see what the reaction would be?" He asked.

"Isn't that why we say anything my friend?" I asked in reply. "Let's get back out there huh?"

* * *

Afterwards

The rest of lunch was quite enjoyable, all three of us had a good time. I could definitely tell I had something to work with here. And I was happy to be able to help.

"There you are!" We heard a voice call out. We turned to see Applejack.

"Hey, Applejack!" Rainbow started.

"I don't care that you didn't show up, but it wouldn't have hurt to tell me." She said.

"Oh... Sorry about that." Rainbow Dash said.

"Hey, jokes on you, we just ended up making sweets anyway." Applejack laughed."

"Aw man, I could have been making sweets instead of hanging out with these losers?" She laughed.

"Hey!" I retorted.

"I'm just kidding." She turned to us.

"What are y'all up to?" Applejack asked us.

"We were just heading out for some lunch." I told her. "I'm probably going to head back to my bar, Lord only knows I might actually have a customer." I said going on my merry way.

"I think I might join you!" Quibble told me following me. "See you later Rainbow Dash!" He called out.

"See you later, you little weirdo..." Rainbow Dash grinned.

"Don't think I didn't see that." Applejack teased.

"See what?" Rainbow commented.

* * *

My bar

(The fact I'm the narrator yet I've been referring to the bar in 3rd person is ridiculous, why didn't someone tell me?)

"So what made you decide to come back with me?" I asked him as we entered the bar.

"I dunno, I just felt like it." He told me, I could tell there was a lie in there.

"If you want more advice on what to do about your crush, here's your advice, these things take time. Don't expect to be a happily married stallion tomorrow or anything." I told him getting back behind the counter.

"What makes you think I followed you back here just for advice?" He asked.

"I know these things, seen 'em a million times before, when someone likes someone else, they will blow off everything else to be with them, so needless to say, it was a shock... Unless the Rainbow Dash thing was a lie and you actually like me, which, I mean, I'm flattered, but I'm quite happily taken."

"I can see your point, and for Celestia's sake! I am not into you, bring it up one more time and I'll..." He started.

"Watch it, I'm the only pony who can get you drunk and help you with your love life. Two aids for the price of one." I grinned.

"You've got another point." He sighed.

"Hey, look, I'll do what I can to lend a hoof huh? You have my word." I told him sincerely.

"Thanks, now how about a drink?" He said.

"You best rephrase that with please to it, or you can bet your flank it'll have a shot of my spit in it." I said dryly.

"Now how about a drink, _please_?" He said.

"Now was that so hard?" I laughed.

"Yeah yeah." We shared a laugh as I slid him his drink.

* * *

Later that night.

I was up late reading a furniture catalogue, no particular reason, I just love looking at nice furniture. It was quite quiet, which was honestly at this point an unwelcome change, if you had of asked me 4 months ago I would've told you I loved quiet moments, I don't entirely know what changed about me. Suddenly, among the quiet night, I heard a door creak open and close, and hooves coming up the stairs. The door opened and Pinkie walked through.

"Hiya Cutiepie." I smiled at her.

"Hi Chuckie!" She wrapped a large hug around me.

"How was it? Solve the problem?" I asked.

"I wouldn't be back if I didn't!" She laughed.

"That's true." I yawned setting my book down.

"Miss me while I was gone?" She asked.

"What kind of question is that? I miss you even you aren't in my line of vision." I smiled at her.

"Aww Chuckie, you always know what to say." She hugged me.

"Well, I have a way with words." I smiled.

"What did you do all day?" She asked.

"Well, I was handling a bit of a problem too." I told her.

"Yeah? What was that?" She asked.

"Tell you what." I told her. "I'll tell you tomorrow."

"But I wanna know!" She begged.

"Okay..." I began. "But this is kind of big..."

"I'm okay with big." That's what she said. No really, that's what she said at that point.

"Well, you know Quibble right?" I began.

"Yeah?"

"Well, I'm sort of... Helping him out with something, see, he likes somepony, and he wants me to help him out." I told her.

"That's not too big at all!" Pinkie told me.

"It gets bigger." I said. "I haven't told you who it is."

"Is it you? You'd better have told him you were taken." She said.

"I told him I was quite happily taken." I smiled smugly.

"Good, continue." She said.

"Okay, now promise not to flip when I tell you who it is?"

"I'll try!" She nodded.

"Okay." I leaned in and whispered the name.

"WHAT!?" She exclaimed.

* * *

 _There's another chapter! What say you? Will sparks fly? Or will sparks... fry? I dunno. See you next time!_


	19. Chapter 19: Up all night

**Author's note:** The wing man plot will continue into next year, but will be put on the back burner for the Hearthswarming arc that will start later in November. The author would also like to thank Saria Skye and clef jumper for their support of the story, you two rock!

* * *

Chapter 19: Up all night. (But not in _that_ way)

(The is just a fun little chapter that doesn't really advance the plot in any way. It picks up exactly where we left off, so go back and read the last part if it isn't fresh in your mind)

"I can't believe it!" Pinkie Pie exclaimed.

"You promised you wouldn't flip out..." I yawned, I was still quite tired.

"Well yeah! But that was before you told me he liked Rainbow Dash!" She bounced.

"No sleep tonight I suppose." I wasn't upset, I love those nights where you're just up all night talking or chatting or just hanging out, and seeing how excited the news made her, I think tonight might be one of those.

"C'mon." I yawned grabbing a scarf and wrapping it around my neck.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

"The bar. I wanna fill you in on everything and not wake up the neighborhood." I said as we went out the door.

We walked down the what looked to be abandoned streets, the lanterns were the only lights on this chilly fall evening, clouds covered the sky, no visible stars or moon, and as I looked around I couldn't help but think: 'Princess Luna must be pissed!'. We both were silent as we walked through the night, I've always enjoyed taking walks at night, I never understood why. It was either late at night or the first few hours of the day that I'd go for a walk, long before anyone had woken up, just me and my thoughts, but on this walk, me and my thoughts were joined by somepony else. And it was a welcome change. I turned the key to the door as we approached the bar. I turned the lights on as we entered.

"Care for some coffee?" I asked.

"Sure!" She said as I put of a pot.

"Good, I'll put on two pots." I laughed. "So anyway, why don't you tell me about your day?" I asked.

"My day? Oh yeah! Well I went all the way to Fillydelphia! You would not believe the crazy things going on up there! So there was this one stallion who's old friend moved back to town, but they just didn't get along anymore!" She told me.

"Then what happened?"

"Well then, Once I got the two to look past their differences, and remember back when they were colts they started to become friends again!"

"That's great!" I told her while stirring two spoons of sugar and some cream into my mug. I took the second pot off the element and slid it over to Pinkie along with the cream and sugar.

"Here you go sweetheart, enjoy." I smiled.

"Thanks Chuckie!" She chugged down the whole pot.

"It's still pretty hot- oh... Never mind." I noticed she already finished the pot. I chuckled a bit and sipped on my coffee.

"So anyway..." I started. "You want me to fill you in on a bit more of that whole thing with Quibble?" I asked starting to wake up a bit more.

"Yeah!" She nodded rapidly, must be the 12 cups of coffee kicking in.

"Alrighty. Where were we... Ah yes. There isn't honestly that much to tell. Quibble likes Rainbow Dash see? And I agreed to help him out, see what I can do. I was real good at that sort of thing back where I came from,and now I'm just seeing what I can do, course I can't do squat if she isn't interested in him, but we're gonna see what happens." I told her.

"How could this not be a big deal to you!?" She exclaimed.

"I dunno, I've done this before I guess..." Something suddenly occurred to me. "You wanna know what's real weird?" I asked.

"Whats that?" She asked.

"Well, I know all the steps for this sort of thing, I've helped many people back on Earth with it, but when I fell for you, I had no idea what to do, I was a nervous wreck half the time." I chuckled nervously.

"Well..." She trotted over to me. "You may have had no idea what you were doing, but I think you did okay." She winked and kissed me on the cheek.

"Did okay? I'm not sure if you know this, but I'd very well say you're the best thing that's ever happened to me!" I told her.

"You really mean it?" She asked.

"You beat that time I was mistaken for Seth Rogen at a restaurant, just by a hair though." I joked. "I jest, you are by far, far superior to any other previous event of my life." I hugged her.

"I don't know who that is." She said as we hugged.

"I'll tell you about him some other time." I told her.

"Okay!" She said. "So what now?" She asked.

"Well, you've drank an entire pot of coffee, I've still got some to go, fair to say we'll be up for the night, what have you always wanted to do when you have the town pretty much to yourself?" I asked.

"Let's streak across town!" She suggested.

"How? You're not wearing any clothes, and I'm just wearing a scarf." I asked. (It was a nice scarf, not that you, the reader can see it).

"Want to go eat at an all night diner when nopony else is there?" She asked. I looked at the clock.

"Well, 1 AM is still late enough for dinner and early enough for breakfast! Let's do it!" I said grabbing the key to lock up the bar.

"Where to?" I asked.

"I know a place." Pinkie said.

* * *

Sunny Side's All Night Diner

(Author's note: I love coming up with diner names.)

We walked into the diner not too far outside of town, from afar is lit up like a beacon because of the walls being primarily windows, like that diner from that old painting. You know the one I'm talking about, it's called Nighthawks. Look it up and you'll probably recognize it instantly. Sorry for the ramble, on with the story.

"Hi you two, welcome to Sunny Side's All Night Diner." The mare behind the counter welcomed us as we sat down. "What can I do you two for?" She asked.

"I'll have..." I looked at the menu. "The eggs and haycon please." I said. (haycon: hay strands made into inch and a half wide and five to six inch long strips that are fried, like bacon).

"Comin' right up." She turned to Pinkie. "And what'll you have dear? The usual?"

"The ususal! Pancakes and stack 'em high please!" Pinkie said enthusiastically.

"Sure thing doll. Coffee?" She asked.

"Yes please!" We both said. Sure we already had coffee, but nothing goes better with breakfast foods than coffee.

"Here you go you two." She handed us our plates.

"Thanks!" We said as I seasoned my eggs and Pinkie started pouring syrup on her mountain of pancakes.

"So what brings the two of you out here tonight? Or this morning? Sorry, during these late shifts when nopony's around, time has no meaning, you know?" She laughed.

"I've been there!" I laughed recalling back when I worked the occasional late shift as a waiter back at the bar I'd do comedy for.

"We're just out for the night." Pinkie said.

"Little late night date on the town huh? Cute." Sunny Side remarked.

"Is this a date?" I thought out loud. I mean, we're together, we're out, we're having a good time, yeah I guess it is.

"Yeah we are." I smiled at Pinkie.

"So when'd you find him Pinkie?" Sunny Side asked.

"Sunny, this is Chuck! We met a few months ago when he fell from the sky!" Pinkie explained.

"I need me a stallion to fall from the sky..." Sunny Side laughed.

"So, I take it you two know each other?" I asked.

"You kidding? Pinkie an' I go way back!" Sunny Side told me. "We used to be roommates!"

"That's right!" Pinkie said to me.

"Way back when we used to bus tables for old Table Scraps, remember him?" Sunny Side asked.

"Oh old Table Scraps!" Pinkie laughed at old memories. "Is he even still alive?" Pinkie asked.

"He is actually!" Sunny smiled. "He pops in from time to time to ask how we're doing."

"That's good!" Pinkie smiled.

"I never knew that about you." I told Pinkie.

"I'm sure I must have brought it up!" Pinkie said.

"Nope!" I shook my head.

"Well cats out of the bag now!" Pinkie laughed. "I used to bus tables with Sunny Side here back when this place was Table Scraps', of course Table Scraps always seemed to like Sunny more."

"Well Pinkie, maybe that's because the customers preferred their meals without bites taken out of them." Sunny Side laughed.

"I couldn't help it!" Pinkie defended herself. "The food was so yummy!"

"I remember he once said..." Sunny Side put on her best old stallion voice. "Pinkie, yer lucky the customers think yer cute. Otherwise you'd be out the door like a day old doughnut!" They laughed.

"They thought you were cute huh?" I remarked with a tinge of playful jealousy.

"Oh Chuck, don't sound so surprised!" Sunny Side said. "All the customers would flirt with Pinkie here, course she never paid mind to 'em, Celestia only knows why, some of those colts who came in were cute!"

"I never cared to flirt around, I was waiting for the right one, the one who'd stick." She said sincerely.

"I guess she's talking about you." Sunny Side said to me.

"Sunny! Be nice!" Pinkie told her.

"He knows I'm just kidding around, I can tell." I knew, Sunny Side seemed nice, I wondered why this was the first I'd ever seen her.

"Yeah I know." I said before taking another bite of my meal. "Great eggs by the way."

"Sunny Side makes great breakfast!" Pinkie said taking a large bite of her syrupy pancakes.

"That I do, I may not do much, but I sure am good with a grill." She said.

"So what'll it be?" I asked reaching for my wallet.

"For an old friend and her new coltfriend? It's on the house." She smiled. "But just this once, after this it'll be about 10.50."

"Thanks Sunny!" Pinkie smiled.

"Don't mention it doll." Sunny grinned.

"Here you go." I slid her a hefty tip. I always leave a good tip for a kind server.

"Thanks Chuck, you might not be so bad for her after all." She winked.

"Be nice!" Pinkie told her.

"I'm kidding around!" Sunny Side laughed. "I'll see you two later huh?"

"We'll be around!" Pinkie said opening the door.

"See ya later Sunny Side." I told her wrapping up my scarf.

"Have a good night - uhh... Morning!" She said from behind the counter. After we left we walked through town under the glow of the lamps.

"So what do you want to do?" Pinkie asked.

"It is my turn to think of something, isn't it?" I remarked. "Hmmm, oh I know..."

* * *

Castle of Friendship

"I still can't believe you actually had these." I told Pinkie as we sneaked through the castle with a wagon full of empty prop books.

"You think this is my first book related prank?" Pinkie whispered.

"Touche." I said as we made our way through the castle quietly. We crept up to the library room.

"So what's our lie if she's in there?" I asked her.

"Pizza delivery." She hoisted up a couple of pizza boxes.

"Fake pizza boxes, nice." I said.

"Who said anything about fake?" She opened up one of the boxes to reveal a pizza.

"Even better." I smiled.

"Nothing goes better with pranks than pizza." Pinkie smiled.

"You've got a point." I nodded before I slowly opened the door. I peaked my head inside.

"Coast is clear." I told Pinkie as we crept into the room.

"Great!" Pinkie chuckled to herself.

"Let's start replacing books." I said.

"What do we do with the real books?" She asked.

"I've got a plan." I told her while piling books. "That it?" I asked her as I places the last fake book on the shelf.

"Just one more thing!" Pinkie placed a book on a reading stand in the middle of the room.

"That's it!" I grinned wickedly. "Lets gather these real books up."

Ever read the Edgar Allan Poe story "The Cask of Amontillado?" Spoiler alert, a guy gets sealed up in a wall. Anyway, let's just say we used the real books as a surprise for Spike. When he woke up, he'd find that his room was sealed up by books, like in Cask of Amontillado, but with books instead of bricks. This was all in good fun keep in mind, as compensation I was ready to offer free drinks to the two of them. As Pinkie and I walked away from the castle, we laughed sharing a pizza.

"You think they'll take this okay?" She asked me.

"Oh sure, it's not like we caused an permanent property damage." I reassured her. "So what now? It's your turn."

"I don't know... We ate a meal when nopony else eats, we pulled a hilarious prank, now we're eating another meal... Hmm." She thought.

"How about that?" I pointed at a cliff over looking the town. "Want to climb up a peak and watch the sun rise? It's almost that time." I suggested.

"I like that idea!" She said as we made our way for the hill.

* * *

Ponyville Peak

It's funny, I don't jog or run, I have poor upper body strength, and normally I dislike heights, but I've always been fond of climbing peaks and mountains. That's not to say I was good at climbing, I was terrible. We were just about half way up the mountain at this point and we were _beat_.

"Great morning for a climb ain't it?" I wheezed.

"Why'd I agree to this?" She sputtered.

"I don't know, why'd I... -cough- bring it up?" I asked while climbing.

"You're lucky... -wheeze- you said I was the -cough- best thing that ever happened to you... Becuase otherwise... -groan- this climb is grounds for me -cough- ...leaving you." She groaned while climbing.

"I completely understand..." I coughed. "But it'll all be worth it in a moment."

"It better be!" She groaned as we flopped over onto the level part of the cliff. We both just laid there gasping for air like fish on a beach. We slowly stood up while gasping for air.

"C'mon, there's a bench over there." I motioned toward a bench overlooking the town and we slowly made our way to it and sat down. "This better be good." I muttered to myself. I could feel Pinkie lean on my shoulder and rest her head against mine.

"Coming down from the caffeine?" I asked.

"Nope, just love you." She smiled.

"Love you too." I kissed her on the forehead. We had a real fun night I must say, but I was looking forward to spending the day in bed. Suddenly, I could see a golden glow peak over the horizon.

"Wow... Look at that..." I remarked at the sunrise.

"Wow..." Pinkie gazed. "It's beautiful."

"You sure are... Oh yeah, a sunrise is there too." I said flirtatiously.

"Oh stop." Pinkie blushed.

"I really mean it." I said.

"I know you do." She kissed me. "Let's watch the sunrise now huh?" She said.

"Sounds good." I said as we both turned and watched. Just Pinkie and I taking it all in, the crisp fall air blowing through the town, the dew glistening on the meadows, it was prettier than a Hallmark card, and definitely something I'd remember for a long time. After about 10 minutes of just sitting there, we got up off the bench and made our way down the hill. We walked through town and watched the town slowly come back to life from it's previous comatose state. Ponies were now out and starting their day, shops were opening up, and the school bell rang through the town.

"Nice morning huh?" I asked Pinkie.

"Kinda loses it's luster when you've seen two mornings since you last slept." Pinkie said.

"I couldn't agree more honestly." I said as we turned in to the Sugarcube Corner and made our way upstairs.

"Quick all morning nap?" I asked.

"Sounds good!" Pinkie exclaimed. Before she could say anything else I had crashed on the couch and started snoring quite loudly, she just looked at me and laughed. She grabbed a blanket and curled up next to me.

* * *

Meanwhile: Castle of Friendship.

"Where is it?" Twilight said while looking through books in her library. "I don't even know these books!" She said feeling frustrated.

"Twilight!" Spike called from his room. Twilight went to see what was going on. She opened the door and saw a barricade of books.

"Hey... There it is!" She pulled a book out from the barrier. Soon the rest came toppling down.

"When did this happen?" Spike asked.

"It must've happened while we were sleeping... _But who?_ " Twilight said as they reentered the library.

"Twilight, I might have an idea." Spike held up a book from the stand. Twilight looked at the cover.

"What to do when on the receiving end of a hilarious prank. A self help book by: Pinkamena Diane Pie!? Illustrations by Chuck Murphy!?" She groaned.

"It was pretty funny when you think about it." Spike said.

"I've seen funnier. At least this gives us a chance to reorganize the shelves!" Twilight smiled.

"Oohhh That reminds me... I think I have uh... That thing with Big Mac today... See ya!" Spike bolted off.

"He's never all that much help anyway." Twilight said to herself. "I'll talk to Starlight, maybe she'll be interested."

* * *

 _There's another chapter! This was just meant for a fun little story that didn't necessarily advance anything, Sunny Side may return for later chapters and we may delve into Pinkie's waitress background. If anyone is interested in knowing the design concepts for Sunny Side, I've thought about making a sketch of Sunny Side and Barstool from a few chapters back and posting them on my DeviantArt page. If you want to see them I'll be sure to send a link! Hope you enjoyed the chapter as much as I enjoyed writing it! Until next time!_


	20. Chapter 20: Rock and Roll without Roll

**Author's note:** We haven't had a song in a while have we? I guess I just haven't thought of one that would work, I may toss one into this chapter for kicks. But have no fear, once we kick into the Hearthswarming plot there will be songs a plenty! Wow, I'm really making this Hearthswarming arc sound amazing, hope you aren't disappointed when it's nowhere near as good as I made it sound... Anyway, in a way this is sort of the first part of the arc as I, the narrator, am introduced to Maud, the first of the relatives I'll meet. In other news ENC is 20 chapters strong! I'd like to personally yet not individually thank everyone who's followed and/or favorited so far! I didn't think I'd have the perseverance to even write 7 chapters, here's to another 20 and even more! Sorry this chapter took a bit longer than you've been accustomed to, I honestly got a bit of writer's block with it because I can't write some characters all that well, Maud and Starlight to name a few. How convenient that they're important to this chapter? Oh, whoops, spoiler alert.

* * *

Chapter 20: Rock and Roll without the roll

"You're clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home!" I heard the voice from my headset say, it sounded like Rainbow Dash. I focused on my target through the cross hairs on my ship's blasters, and fired, the beams flew out nearly as fast as the speed on light and went clear into the target, the exhaust port of the giant space station of the Imperial army. The space station will not be named however for copyright reasons. But it rhymes with "Breath Tar". We bolted away from the large moon-like space station. Nothing happened for a few moments, when suddenly a massive explosion erupted from the space station, the mission was complete and we had won.

"Great shot kid, that was one in a million!" Rainbow Dash told me. I suddenly heard another voice in my head. It sounded like Discord.

"Remember, the Force will be with you... always." Suddenly my ship started shaking, or was it just me? I suddenly heard another voice in my head, this time it was Pinkie's.

"Chuck! Wake up! C'mooooonnnnn!" Ah. Now this makes sense.

* * *

Back in reality

"I wasn't asleep..." I yawned opening up my eyes to see her standing over me.

"Yeah right!" Pinkie jumped on me. "Did you know you talk in your sleep? You were all like 'pew! Pew pew! Boom!" She imitated sound effects from a sci fi spaceship.

"Okay maybe I was a little asleep." I grinned getting up out of bed. I yawned loudly and stretched out. "How long have you been trying to wake me up?" I asked.

"You've been asleep for years, I've had several affairs and your bar has been sold." Pinkie said, I could tell she was joking because she could hardly keep a straight face.

"I don't believe you." I smirked.

"I'm serious!" She chuckled.

"Yeah, right. Okay, who owns the bar now?" I asked.

"Uhh... Quibble! Yeah, Quibble!" She nodded unconvincingly.

"Okay, and who have you had these 'affairs' with?" I asked with a cocked eyebrow.

"Um... Uh..." She thought. "Big Mac?" She said.

"You said that like a question." I said dryly.

"Well it's hard to think of this stuff on the spot!" She defended herself.

"But hey, congrats, Big Mac is twice the stallion I am." I joked, well, not about him being twice the stallion I am, but about the congrats.

"No he's noooot." Pinkie said trying to boost my somewhat nonexistent self esteem.

"I didn't say it like it's a bad thing, I'm proud to be a wimp."

"Yeah, but you're my wimp." She hugged me. Maybe wimp wasn't the right word, but I was definitely no Ron Swanson.

"So what's on the agenda today?" I asked.

"Well, your bar should probably open soon." She said.

"Nopony drinks until _at least_ lunch time." I said. Mornings were usually slow, usually morning would go like this: I open, nopony shows up, Cheese and Quibble show up, I remind Cheese he works here, he asks for the day off, and Quibble morning drinks... Which was I cycle I decided I should probably break for his health.

"Excuses excuses, c'mon, you've gotta go open up. I'll even stick with you for a while, I don't have anything for today!" She smiled.

"Thank Celestia." I smiled. "I get cabin fever when I'm there all by myself." I said putting on the bow tie she gave me. "How do I look?" I asked.

"Like a million bits!" She smiled.

"Please, I'm a two out of three lotto ticket at best." I joked, self deprecation was a form of humor I excelled at.

"Quiet you." She laughed as we went out the door.

* * *

My bar

"Maybe I should start offering food, then more ponies would show up through out the whole day." I said looking through the window.

"But there are like, a million places that already sell food!" Pinkie said swinging around in circles on one of the stools.

"You've got a good point." I turned to see what she was doing. "Ah, I figured you'd like that, I oiled that one up especially, just for you."

"Thanks a million!" A very blurred version of her said as she was spinning rapidly.

"No problem, it's the little things, huh?" I smiled getting back behind the counter. Suddenly the door opened. "Hi, Welcome to Chuck's, what can I get ya?" I asked without seeing who came in as I was looking for a spider under the counter, I swear the little bastard is here somewhere... Suddenly a loud shriek from Pinkie caused me to jolt upwards and whack my head off the counter. "Son of a bitch!" I cried in pain as I raised my head up. "What was that about?" I asked Pinkie. She just looked at me with a mile-wide grin pointing frantically at who walked in. I turned and saw Starlight Glimmer and Maud, _ah._

"Chuckie! It's Maud! Remember we were talking about her! Huh? Here she is!" Pinkie jumped. "What are you two doing here?" Pinkie asked excitedly.

"I was stopping by to visit Starlight. She told me we should go here. I have no idea why." Maud said.

"I didn't tell her about.. Well, you two." Starlight whispered to us.

"About what?" Maud asked.

"Well Maaaauuuud..." Pinkie walked over to her. "This is Chuuuuck... And well, he's my special somepony!" Pinkie said motioning to me. I smiled awkwardly and waved a little.

"Hiya." I smiled. There was a long pause, nopony said anything for about 30 seconds. Pinkie just seemed to look at Maud with absolutely humongous eyes. After the pause Maud finally spoke up.

"Okay." She just said. Okay? I was better than 'okay'... I mean, I'm no 'that's amazing news' but I'm at least a 'hey, cool'.

"So anyway. Starlight, what was that thing you were saying?" Maud pretended the past 45 seconds just didn't really happen.

"Maud!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Don't you want to get to know him?" Maud turned and looked at me.

"Earth pony. Bartender. Big poofy hair, like yours. Mediocre filter when it comes to coarse language. Odd smirk. I think I've got it." She said. That about summed it up.

"But there's so much more to know! Ooh! I've got an idea! Let's all spend the day together! Ooh! Starlight! Wanna join?" Pinkie asked.

"I can see a train wreck waiting to happen..." I could hear her mutter. "But yes, mostly for Maud, but yes."

"Yay! This is gonna be so much fun! I'm so excited!" Pinkie wrapped us all in a group hug, an exchange of murmurs came from the Starlight and I, Maud however said nothing.

"Oh boy!" I grinned, masking the anxiety that has came over me.

* * *

Ponyville streets

Pinkie Pie was dragging Maud along with her up in front of the group, whereas Starlight and I lagged behind.

"So what made you decide to join in on this 'train wreck' so to speak?" I asked.

"Helping somepony learn to like her sister's coltfriend? friendship problem _gold._ I won't have to file a report for Twilight for weeks if I can tackle this, oh, and because Maud is my friend of course." She said. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Finding a benefit in somepony else's problem, I like the way you think." I laughed.

"Just doing what I can to get by." She said as we kept walking, Pinkie eventually slowed down so we were all walking together. She eventually pulled me aside from the two and told them we'd catch up.

"What's up?" I asked her.

"I just want to say I'm sorry for what she said earlier. About how you were just those things, you're more than that." She sounded a little upset about it.

"Why?" I asked. "I'm not upset."

"I was just hoping it would go better, that's why I came up with this idea, I know it may not seem the the funnest idea but, this is important, for me." She said far more seriously than I expected.

"I'll make sure it goes well." I smiled at her. She started to smile again.

"For what it's worth, I don't think your smirk is that odd..." We laughed.

"Well thanks." I said. "I understand how much this would mean to you, family matters." I said.

"Thanks Chuckie!" She kissed me on the cheek. "So since you said family matters, when am I gonna meet your family?" She asked.

"Let's stick with this story arc for now, huh?" I brushed the question off, that arc won't come until at least the wing man arc is over or near completion. Ooh, foreshadowing, that's right, don't quit the story yet, I've got plot devices for a long time coming.

"Story arc? Never mind." Pinkie shrugged off what I said as we caught up with Maud and Starlight.

* * *

Ponyville Nature Park

Pinkie's plan to make Maud and I friends consisted of what seemed to be a pretty concise plan which seemed to consist of activities for the whole entire day, how on Earth did she come up with a plan so quickly? She probably didn't and she's just had this plan ready just in case for months now. Step one was a picnic. Which was funny to me as a picnic was the first time Pinkie and I actually spent time together, just the two of us. (See chapter 3. Or don't, the story kind of sucks until about chapter 6 or 7). So far, everything was going well, if Pinkie, Starlight and I being the only ones to talk means 'well'.

"So Maud, Pinkie tells me you have a rocktorate in rock science, pretty neat huh?" I say. "Bet it really, shall I say, rocks." I joked.

"Ha. Rock joke." Maud spoke up.

"If you liked that one he's got millions more! Chuckie's hilarious!" Pinkie talked me up to her sister.

"Oh. That's interesting." Maud replied to her.

"Why don't we... hear another one! Only a matter of time until he tells a good one..." Starlight suggested. Hey!

"But seriously though..." I transitioned into another joke. "We need more ponies who do that sort of thing, Celestia knows that field of knowledge is taken for granite!" Ba dum Tss. (The author is not responsible for the murderous rage you may feel after reading that joke or any other joke that may ever be used in this story).

"Ha! Ha-Ha-Ha! Wasn't that hilarious!" Pinkie supported me.

"It was okay." Maud said. Pinkie and I exchanged glances.

"Why don't you tell Maud about yourself? I'm sure she'd find your backstory _really_ interesting!" Pinkie suggested.

"I'd love to!" I grinned. I went on to explain my whole backstory of how I came to be living in a completely different dimension, because when you meet someone for the first time, the first thing you should _definitely_ do is tell them your life story. I expected a long pause afterwards, I've gotten that before, in fact, it normally always results in a long pause. But normally that pause you can tell the pony you're talking to is breathing it all in. This time? Nothing. Eventually she did speak up.

"Cool." She said dully. Meanwhile, Starlight, who had never heard my backstory until now just stared with a wide open jaw which I couldn't help but laugh at.

"There's no way that's possible." She said.

"You callin' me a liar?" I arched my eyebrow.

"He's telling the truth." Maud said. We all looked at her, I mean, I knew I was telling the truth, but nopony expected her to speak up.

"What do you mean?" Starlight asked.

"You could tell by his facial expressions throughout the story. Eye contact and the amount of included details are also factors. He's either telling the truth or is a very talented liar." Maud explained.

"Which couldn't possibly be true!" Pinkie continued. "Chuckie can't tell a lie to save his life!" It was true, I really couldn't. I am a terrible liar.

"That's true." I nodded and turned to Starlight. "That is check-and-mate. King me." I grinned.

"Two different games. The reference is albeit humorous." Maud said seeming to accept my somewhat goofy personality a bit more than before.

"You're starting to get _allooo-ooong_!" Pinkie hummed to me. I chuckled a little bit and turned to her.

"I'd say we're doing well." I nodded. I generally have no problem liking others, but interestingly enough, it doesn't often work the same way in reverse, so I was happy to see progress.

"How's everypony like the food?" Pinkie brought up.

"It's great!" I said. Starlight nodded in accordance.

"Mmhmm." Maud said.

* * *

Ponyville streets

After lunch, the four of us started strolling through town.

"So Maud, why don't you tell Chuck about yourself!" Pinkie suggested to her.

"I like rocks. But you already knew that." She said. That I did.

"Aw come on Maud! There's more than that!" Pinkie led her on.

"I enjoy fine art." She said. "Of rocks. Nature too. But mostly rocks."

"Well that's neat!" I say. "I've always enjoyed art, nature paintings are definitely amazing to look at, almost as good as the real thing!" I laughed. I did actually enjoy art, I always enjoyed admiring paintings and sculptures at museums, wow, I'm boring!

"That's nice." Maud said.

"Since when do you enjoy art?" Pinkie asked me.

"I never said it was my biggest passion." I told her. "I just never really brought it up I guess."

"Is there anything else I don't know about you?" Pinkie asked.

"Yes. I used to be a tap dancer, until I had four legs to look after instead of two." I joked. Me, a tap dancer? Yeah right.

"I can tell that was a lie." Maud spoke up.

"Yeah, it was." I laughed. Starlight and Pinkie looked at each other.

"So things seem to be going alright between Maud and Chuck." Starlight said to her. Pinkie nodded happily.

"Sure are!"

"Just wondering really, but why does this matter so much to you?" Starlight asked.

"I always thought it that it would be important." Pinkie replied.

"Important that he likes your family?" Starlight asked.

"The other way around, I mean, it would be great if Chuck likes them, but I'm more concerned that they like him." Pinkie explained.

"Why's that?" Starlight asked.

"Well ya see, I've always been _real_ different from them, and in a way I always felt like an outsider because of it." She explained. "And I love Chuck, and it would be nice if they could like him."

"So you're gonna dump him if they don't?" Starlight asked.

"What!? No of course not!" Pinkie laughed. "Why would you even say that?"

"Yeah. Why would you?" I looked at her.

"I wasn't meaning to offend you, either of you, I was just wondering." She said. "Sorry if I offended you, which I seemed to have."

"It's cool." I brushed it off.

"I don't really know how they're going to take it really, that's why I was glad Maud showed up! I'll be glad if at least one of them like him." Pinkie told Starlight.

"What's to say they won't all like me?" I asked.

"They probably won't." Maud spoke up. "Definitely not dad."

"Oh Maud, don't be ridiculous!" Pinkie laughed brushing what she said off, but I could tell that Pinkie probably felt the same way.

"I'm sure it'll be fine." I smiled at Pinkie.

"You'd better be sure, or I may do what Starlight suggested!" She joked, we both shared a laugh.

"It wasn't an actual suggestion!" Starlight interjected.

"She was clearly kidding." Maud smirked at Starlight.

* * *

Afterwards. My bar

After the visit had came to a close, we said farewell back at my bar. Pinkie and I stood and watched Maud and Starlight walk off.

"Well that was fun huh?" I asked.

"I guess so.." Pinkie looked down.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked.

"I dunno, I just couldn't really tell if it worked that's all..." She told me.

"I'm sure it worked, tell you what, why don't I prepare a root beer float for you?" I offer. She instantly sprang up.

"Really? Yay!"

"I'll make it in a second, head on inside." Before I could finish, she had bolted in, I quickly ran off to catch up with Maud and Starlight.

"Hey! You guys! Wait up!" I called after them, the turned around to see me.

"Oh, hey Chuck." Starlight said.

"Hey..." I wheezed catching my breath after catching up to them. "Can I just talk to Maud for a second?" I asked.

"Okay?" Starlight said questioningly as Maud and I walked to the side.

"I know why you ran back here." Maud said.

"Really?" I asked.

"Yeah. Pinkie was worried that you didn't like me so you came to clear things up with me." Maud said. I cocked my eyebrow a little.

"Yes... Yes that is it exactly." I nodded, she was close, but wrong. "I do like you." I told her, and I did, so unlike my previous statement, I was telling the truth.

"Okay. You seem to make my sister happy. You also seem like a nice pony. You two suit each other well. I love my sister and I'm glad to see her happy, with you. She could definitely do far worse, so for what it's worth, yes, I like you too." She told me.

"That's great." I smiled. "I look forward to seeing you around."

"Likewise. I still have to introduce you to my pet, boulder. I have a feeling he'll like you as well." She said.

"I look forward to it." I nodded bidding her farewell as I ran off back to the bar. "Who wants a root beer float?" I asked entering the bar.

"This gal!" Pinkie excitedly motioned to herself.

"Coming right up cutie pie." I smiled getting behind the counter gathering the ingredients.

* * *

 _So another chapter comes to a close, I'm sorry if this chapter comes off as a bit boring or not as good as other chapters, you can blame me not knowing how to write half the featured characters for that, stay tuned for the next chapter!_


	21. Chapter 21: Gone shoppin'

**Author's Note:** The bane of a writer's existence is writer's block, the bane of a fisherman's existence catching quantity laws, the bane of a performer's existence is a bad crowd, what's the bane of a boyfriend- or in this case coltfriend's first Hearthswarming celebration with his marefriend? The answer to that my dear readers, is shopping.

* * *

Chapter 21: Gone Shoppin'

"No Cheese, for the last time, you can't take today off." I told him wiping at the counter in my bar.

"Why not?" He asked.

"Do I have to tell you for the hundredth time?"

"I just have the feeling someone else who could be listening or even reading this might want to know why." He explained.

"Hey. I'm the one who breaks the fourth wall, not you." I glared at him. "But yes, for the reader's sake, I'll explain it again. I have to leave early today, Pinkie and I are going to the city to get shopping done, and closing makes me lose money, so I need you to be here to tend the bar."

"Can I keep what I make?"

"If you make tips yes, the cost of drinks you cannot keep." I explained. He nodded. "I want you to repeat that back to me."

"I can keep tips but the bits for the drinks go in the register." He said.

"He can be taught!" I smirked.

"You can count on me!" He saluted me as I went for my scarf that was hanging on the coat rack.

"I'd better be able to, I'm not paying you to pluck your eyebrows." I turned to see him doing exactly that. "What did I just say?"

"Something about eyebrows?"

"Good enough. I'll see you later." I went out the door to meet up with Pinkie at the train station.

"Hiya Chuckie!" She greeted me with a hug when I arrived at the train station.

"Hey Cutie Pie." I hugged her back, the warmth of a hug felt quite nice, it was quite a chilly morning and there was about an inch tall blanket of snow on the ground.

"Ready for the big shopping trip?" She asked.

"Absolutely!" I nodded. "Now remember, after the train ride, same rules as a wedding day, we don't see each other until we meet back at the train station." I said.

"Just like we talked about!" She nodded.

"That's right. Sweet Celestia, a whole afternoon without seeing you? How will I manage?" I say dramatically.

"You'll get by." She kissed me on the cheek.

"Yeah, I may, but it'll be terrible." I say as we boarded the train.

"Oh hush, you'll be okay, just don't flirt with too many mares without me around." She snickered.

"I'd never!" I said. "Try not to stare at too many cute stallions, no matter how much more attractive than me they are." '

"I'll try." She joked. We shared a laugh as we sat at our seats.

"So what do you want anyway?" I asked her, trying to get a clue as to what to get for her.

"I'm sure whatever you pick out will be perfect." She smiled. No. No. No no no. I actually have no idea what to get you. This is the part where you were supposed to say something specific. Dammit. I try and hide my part frustration and part anxiety with a simple smile

"What do you want?" She asked me.

"I'm not sure... I'm sure whatever you think of will be perfect." I smiled using the same excuse as her. Thinking of this sort of thing was tough, it always was tough foe me, I never liked to seem like a demanding person- err.. Pony.

"Aw come on, you must want something!" She said. I loved that she was more assertive than me.

"Well, this might seem silly, but I love toys and collectibles." I suggested.

"Hey, I can't believe you haven't figured this out, but with me, the silly is always welcome!" She said holding my hooves from across the table we were sitting at.

"Okay, I told you what I would like, it's your turn." I spoke up.

"I don't really know! But I trust you." She said. Really? Bad idea.

"Alrighty, beige socks it is." I joked, I figured if I made a bad suggestion as a joke I'd get a ballpark to shoot for. Ooh! Maybe a ballpark? Nope, too tough to wrap.

"That better be joke." She said.

"Of course it is!" I laughed. "I know you better than that!" Truthfully, not much better. Oh wonderful. Looks like we're in for one heck of an adventure gang! Let's see how this unfurls, huh?

"Alright! Next stop: Manehatten!" The conductor called from the engine. I could feel the train slowly start moving, interestingly enough, this is the second time I've ever taken a train in my life, before coming to Equestria I had never rode a train. I watched trees, houses, and ponies going about their business as we passed them.

"Lookit that..." I mumbled. Pinkie looked up at me.

"Hm?" She asked.

"Oh, just watching life go by, not mine, but everypony else's. It's fun to watch sometimes, usually from afar. You never quite sure what's going on, but it's fun to guess and make things up. Take them for example." I motioned at a couple of elderly stallions riding a few booths ahead of us. "I wonder what their saying to eachother..."

"You know what Jacob said?" I talked like an old stallion to what one of them was saying. "Jacob said old Barnboard Hoovesworth was killed in a cart crash. Cleared his cart straight off the bridge into the Maressissippi."

"Lucky bastard." Pinkie said like an old stallion as the other one spoke up.

"You bet." I added.

"Hey, how is he, anyway?" Pinkie spoke as the other.

"Dead! Died on impact!" I added holding back laughter.

"Jacob, moron, Jacob!" She laughed. Suddenly the two looked back at us. We quickly regained our composure and whistled innocently. The two returned to their conversation.

"Who are they?" One asked.

"I dunno, couple of jackasses." The other commented. Their comment was met with an angry glare from a donkey sitting across the aisle to them. Because in a world where everyone's an equine, that's probably racist.

"I forgot to mention," I began. "Sometimes the ponies you're doing it do don't always appreciate it." We shared another laugh as the train kept on moving.

* * *

Manehatten Train Station

"Alright! See you in a few hours!" I said to Pinkie as we got off the train.

"Who are you?" She winked. Ahhh.

"I don't believe I know you." I went with it as we parted ways. "Alright Murphy, let's think here. I'm sure we can find something." I encouraged myself as I walked through the streets of Manehatten. Oh who was I kidding? I'm terrible at this sort of thing. "Let's just go into every store we see, there's bound to be something." I told myself for whatever reason with plural pronouns. I started walking through the many shops around Manehatten in some sort of musical montage that you'll have to make up in your head.

 **Me:** _Gotta find it_

 _Gotta find it_

 _Gotta find it_

 _Gotta find it_

 _Yeah, I've been searchin'_

 _A-a searchin'_

 _Oh, yeah, searchin' every which a-way_

 _Yeah, yeah_

 _Oh, yeah, searchin'_

 _I'm searchin'_

 _Searchin' every which a-way_

 _Yeah, yeah_

 _But I'm like the Northwest Mounties_

 _You know I'll bring it in today_

 _Gotta find it,_

 _Gotta find it,_

 _Well, now, if I have to trek a big mall_

 _You know I will_

 _And if I have to pay a fortune_

 _You know I will_

 _And a if it's hiding up_

 _On the highest shelf_

 _Am I gonna find it, baby_

 _You know I will_

 _'Cause I've been searchin'_

 _Oh, yeah, searchin'_

 _My goodness, searchin' every which a-way_

 _Yeah, yeah_

 _But I'm like the Northwest Mounties_

 _You know I'll bring it in today_

 _Gotta find it_

 _Gotta find it_

 _Well, Sherlock Holmes_

 _Sam Spade got nothin', child, on me_

 _Sergeant Friday, Charlie Chan_

 _And Boston Blackie_

 _No matter where it's hiding_

 _It's gonna hear me comin'_

 _Gonna walk right down that street_

 _Like Bulldog Drummond_

 _'Cause I've been searchin'_

 _Oooh, Lord, searchin',_

 _Searchin' every which a-way_

 _Yeah, yeah_

 _But I'm like the Northwest Mounties_

 _You know I'll bring it in today_

 _Gotta find it_

 _Gotta find it!_

But alas, as my little number came to an end, I was still giftless, what was I gonna do? Perhaps I am not the Northwest Mounties of gift finding, it wasn't that I wasn't trying, Celestia, The Lord, Hell even Morgan Freeman knows I have been searching relentlessly. Nothing suited her well though, I tried every shop I could find, nut nothing seemed to do the trick, I was tired, upset, and exhausted. I only had one more little shop to go, I didn't have high hopes, but trying was better than, well, not trying.

* * *

Many, many, many shops later

"Well, here we go, last shop..." I sighed to myself feeling quite pessimistic. As I opened the door I looked around, strange objects decorated the store and the place smelled of incense. Oh boy... Suddenly before I could turn around, run home and pack my things and leave the country, the shop keep popped up from behind the counter.

"Hi! Welcome to Oddity's Oddities! Let me know if I can help you with something!" She said enthusiastically. Her enthusiasm couldn't help but brighten my mood a little bit.

"Sure will." I nodded looking around, the store lived up to it's name let me tell you, strange things big, small, and everywhere in between. "Where do you find these things?" I asked Oddity.

"Everywhere!" She said. "I travel all over Equestria finding things I find interesting, sometimes I buy them from vendors, or flea markets, or I find them in the wilderness!" She said.

"You seem to really enjoy what you do." I remarked while looking around.

"I sure do! Of course sometimes it's not too fun. Not the collecting, that's always fun! But trying to make a business out of it, I don't get many customers... That's why I was so excited to see somepony come in, first customer of the week! Could be one of my last though, if i don't make ends meet I'll have to close up shop." She explained. When should I tell her I'm just looking? Oh Celestia, I can't tell her that.

"Oh my..." I said sympathetically.

"Anyway, what did you come here for anyway?" She asked.

"Well, I came here looking for something for my marefriend for Hearthswarming." I explained.

"Oh how precious! You came to my shop for something for that special somepony in your life! And I thought just having business was good!" She beamed.

"Glad I brightened your day." I chuckled looking around, everything looked interesting, but would Pinkie enjoy any of it?

"What's she like?" Oddity asked.

"Well, she's very energetic, happy, fun loving, bubbly..." I continued describing Pinkie to Oddity. "All in all, she's an amazing pony and I just want to find the best thing I can find for her."

"Hmmm..." Oddity thought. "Hold on! I think I know just the thing!" She bolted into the back room.

"Alrighty then." I said to myself now alone in this shop. It was a cute little shop, I kind of felt bad for Oddity, she was clearly quite passionate about her work and I felt sad to see that her business was clearly struggling. Even if I didn't necessarily care for anything in the shop, I thought I'd definitely pick up something, just to help out a little. Suddenly she ran excitedly out of the back room with a small box.

"Take a look! I think it'll do the trick." She smiled.

"Alrighty." I opened the box to reveal a charm necklace. the necklace charms were very cute and fun, balloons, cake, cupcakes, and in the center was a big baby blue gem heart.

"Oh sweet Celestia..." I stammered, I wasn't expecting to truthfully think anything here was a good idea, but wow! "I'll definitely take it!" I smiled.

"Wonderful! Let me ring that up for you! Want it gift wrapped? No additional cost!" She smiled.

"Absolutely!" I nodded happily. "What'll it be?" I asked about the cost.

"Well, with the current Hearthswarming discount special, it'll be 40 bits, half off." She said.

"Alrighty." I said reaching for my very many change purse. Stop snickering, I know you're snickering. I laid the money on the counter.

"Um, sir, I said 40, this is 80." She corrected me.

"I know. Worth every cent." I smiled. She smiled at me from across the counter.

"Thank you. Happy Hearthswarming." She smiled warmly.

"Happy Hearthswarming to you too." I nodded taking the now wrapped and bagged box.

"Feel free to come back any time!" She yelled to me as I left.

"I'll make sure of it!" I wasn't sure if it was true, but if I was ever in the area, I'd say 'hi' for sure.

"Ha! Ha ha! Aha!" I cried happily as I went out the door, I had finally found the perfect gift. I couldn't help but run with joy. I was ecstatic to know I wasn't going to be a major disappointment, it felt really good knowing that really. Suddenly however, my run was cut off suddenly by crashing hard into something.

"Ow." The stallion I crashed into said feeling rather annoyed. I sprang up to my hooves.

"Oh Celestia, I'm so sorry, are you hurt? I didn't see you there." I apologized.

"No harm done to me, I don't recall that mark on my jacket until now though..." He looked at his jacket. "No matter, it was out of style anyway." He said. He had a very high class type of personality, sort of urban finesse with a bit of a 'holier than thou' vibe. Suddenly, he looked down and gasped.

"What in Equestria is that?" He asked. It seemed in the crash the box had opened and the necklace was out. I frantically addressed it to make sure it didn't break, luckily it was still in mint condition.

"This? It's a charm necklace, I got it for my marefriend for Hearthswarming." I told him.

"It's stunning! Where did you get it?" He asked.

"Got it a little shop called Oddity's Oddities, just down the street." I told him

"Hmm, I don't believe I've visited there before, that might be interesting..." He whipped out a notepad and pen.

"Who are you again?" I asked.

"You don't know me? You must be an out-of-towner. I'm Chester Quill, I write for the Manehatten Press, and I believe you've given me a great idea for my next column!"

"What's that?" I asked.

"Local shops to shop at for Hearthswarming! Providing I like what I see in the shop I'll definitely do a write up!" He said as he trotted off toward the shop.

"Huh, neat. Hope it all goes well." I said to myself as I walked back toward the train station.

After I arrived at the train station, I noticed Pinkie still wasn't there yet, so I took this opportunity to do what I wanted to do for a little while now, nap. When I woke up I immediately saw a pair of big blue eyes staring at me.

"There you are! I've been looking all over for you!" She said.

"Really?" I asked with a yawn.

"No I'm just kiddin', I knew I'd meet you back here!" She laughed. I smiled as I stood up.

"Train almost here?" I asked with yet another yawn.

"Should be here in a couple minutes!" She said sitting down on the bench I was napping on. "Still warm." She commented.

"Well it that's so, move over." I laughed a little sitting down next to her.

"Have fun?" I asked her.

"Yep! I think you're gonna like what I picked out for you!" She smiled. "How about you?"

"I have a feeling you'll like it." I said warmly as I relaxed next to her.

* * *

Back home

After we got off the train I went back to my bar to see how Cheese had done running the place, I must say when I first walked in I was pleasantly surprised. It was packed! Ponies I hadn't seen since the grand opening party were here and they all seemed to have been here a while too.

"Cheese!" I said excitedly. "What happened?"

"I don't know!" He said. "I started offering free samples to boost popularity and all of a sudden business is booming!"

"Wait. _Free samples?_ " I asked.

"Yeah! Everypony came once I started offering free samples!" He said.

"Hey Cheese!" A pony called. "Another free sample!"

"Comin' right up!" Cheese then poured a _full_ mug and slid it to the pony who ordered it.

"Has anypony ordered anything that wasn't a free sample?" I asked.

"Ummmmmmm... No." He said. WHAT!?

"That's not how business works!" I cried. "Attention everypony!" I called out. "From here on, we will NOT be offering free samples!" My announcement was met with angry mumbles and soon the crowd cleared out. I sighed feeling frustrated about what just happened.

"Cheese. next time I do this, if I ever let you do this, I want you to remember never offer anything for free. Got it?" I said a bit angrily.

"Yes sir!" he said still enthusiastically.

"Alright, your shift is over, I've got to clean this place up." I told him, but before I could finish, he was gone. I sighed once again started cleaning up.

After I finished cleaning, I decided I'd write to Barstool to place a new order on my stocks.

"Dear Barstool, how have you been? I hope you're doing well. I need to restock on my supplies as my employee decided to start offering free non sample sized samples. One more thing, I understand this favor is a bit odd, but I know you happen to live in that area so I'll ask, do you get the Manehatten Press? if so, would you mind telling me if you see a piece regarding a store called Oddity's Oddities? Thank you, Chuck." The letter read. After I placed in the mailbox I retired to home. Pinkie was already fast asleep by the time I got home so I didn't bother disturbing her. I did however, decide to do the same as her and get some rest.

* * *

Manehatten. 3 days later

"I don't understand it!" Oddity said to herself upon seeing her store now crowded with shopping ponies. "What in all of Equestria could've happened?"

"I for one," one of the shopping ponies spoke up upon hearing her, "heard about this place from Chester Quill's review! I'm glad I did too, this will be perfect for my niece." he finished while picking up a porcelain cat figurine.

"Newspaper review?" Oddity asked.

"Don't you read the news? Take a look for yourself." he said giving her a newspaper.

"This shop: Oddity's Oddities, wasn't particularly on my list to visit, but after running into an albeit rather strange colt who said that this is where he found his Hearthswarming gift for his marefriend, an absolutely stunning necklace, I just had to look for myself! Once I entered, I was immediately greeted with a very welcoming hello from the shop keep who was eager to help me to find something, she opened up my eyes to many, while some a bit strange, amazing and interesting objects from all around Equestria, eventually, I came upon a lovely music box that I purchased for my sister. With friendly service, and incredibly unique things for the unique ponies in your life, Oddity's oddities is a highly recommended visit for your Hearthswarming shopping." She finished.

"Wow!" She smiled. "And I thought I was lucky to get two shoppers in the same day!"

"Bet you sure are glad he ran into the first guy, huh?" The shopper asked.

"I sure am." She smiled gratefully. "Now, would you like that gift wrapped?"

* * *

 _Another chapter done! Hope you enjoyed it! I'm gonna ask a question for those who want to reply, and please do reply to it, out of Barstool, Sunny Side, or Oddity, who would you most like to see return? all of them will more than likely be featured again, but if you, the reader, like one more, they may be featured more prominently._

 _Song used_

 _"Searchin'". By: The Coasters._


	22. Chapter 22: Sarcasm and Christmas Songs

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry if this chapter takes a while, I'm quite busy between now and December 2nd, of course this only applies if this chapter is new as you're reading it. Anyway, here's the next chapter!

* * *

Chapter 22: Sarcasm and Christmas Music

I woke up to the sound of the store bell beneath me ringing as somepony entered. Damn shoppers, don't they know some ponies are still sleeping? Before I could get my first morning yawn out, my bedroom door burst open and Pinkie Pie fully dressed in a winter coat and hat that made her look like she walked right out of a South Park episode.

"Mornin' Cutie Pie." I said mid yawn.

"Cuckie haven't you looked outside!?" She bounced excitedly.

"There's only two things I've looked at so far this morning, the ceiling when I woke up, and your beautiful face." I smiled. It's never too early to flirt.

"Well let me make this the third thing!" She said as she jerked my head to the window. As I looked out, I could see why she was so excited. It had snowed quite heavily overnight, about 3 feet of snow covered the ground and it was still gently falling down.

"Wow!" I said excitedly. I always share Pinkie's enthusiasm with most things, not quite to the same extent, but this time, I was extremely excited over this.

"I know! Isn't it great!? C'mon! Get your coat on!" She grabbed me excitedly. Before I could even get a drop of caffeine in my system I was outside with Pinkie.

"Isn't this fun!?" She asked. "I've been so excited to get to spend a snow day with you! What do you wanna do first?" She asked.

"Don't you mean you've been _snow excited?_ " (Get it? Get it? _Get it!?_ ) I asked. My pun was met with a snowball to the face. "I suppose I deserved that." I said as Pinkie giggled.

"You know I love you, but that was _terrible._ " She said.

"I know, I know, I love you too... But all the love in the world couldn't stop me from doing this!" I said as I counterattacked with a snowball. We shared a laugh as we ran through Ponyville having a one on one snowball fight.

"I'm gonna get ya!" I yelled ducking behind a fruit stand making as many snowballs as I could. I popped my head up to immediately be met with a bombardment of snowballs from Pinkie. Who laughed border lining onto maniacally as she pelted me with snow.

"Oh come on! That's _snow fair!_ " I yelled. She didn't like that one either considering I was hit with a quite large snowball after I said that.

"Another pun and I'm leaving you!" She yelled across the street.

"Oh come on! Don't be so _cold!_ " I called.

"Boo!" She replied hurling more snow at me.

"You loved it!" I said tossing snowballs back at her, our little snowball fight had started to annoy ponies travelling down the street. Suddenly, both of us heard a familiar voice yelling for us in the heat of out battle. We both turned our heads to see Applejack.

"What in the hay are you two doing!?" She snarled at us.

"C'mon Applejack!" Pinkie defended out little fight. "We're just having a little fun!"

"Ah can see that. But there's a time and a place for everything." She said seriously.

"I'm sorry Applejack." I spoke up.

"You didn't let me finish." She said. "There's a time and a place for everything... and that time is... NOW!" She yelled out looking up.

"What?" Pinkie and I said. Suddenly two large piles of snow fell from the sky covering us both. Through the snow I could hear the muffled laughter of Applejack and her partner in prank, Rainbow Dash. I dug myself out of the snow like and Pinkie soon emerged from her's.

"Good job A.J!" Rainbow Dash laughed. "I didn't think you could get 'em to stop!"

"Well you did good lining up those clouds!" Applejack replied as they hoof bumped.

"Good job to both of you." I nodded. "You got us good."

"You sure did!" Pinkie laughed, I couldn't help but laugh too, it was a good prank, looking past the ability to fly being a severely unfair advantage for a prank.

"What are you two lovebirds up to today?" Rainbow asked.

"We're having a snow day!" Pinkie jumped enthusiastically.

"That's right." I nodded. "How about you two?" I asked.

"Nothing much, just got word that practice is cancelled today with the Wonderbolts." Rainbow Dash said.

"And there's never much of anything to do on the farm once the snow falls." Applejack added.

"So what you two mean is: Nothing." I smirked.

"I suppose that's a way you could describe it." Rainbow nodded.

"Well, you could always hang out with us... If that's okay with you Pinkie." I turned to her.

"Of course! The more the merrier!" She smiled.

"Awesome!" Rainbow Dash said.

"As long as the next time you pull a prank you let us help with it." I said.

"Yeah!" Pinkie nodded.

"You drive a hard bargain... What say you A.J?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Fine by me." She nodded with a smile.

"Alrighty then." I said shaking their hooves. "Pleasure doing business with you." I take pranks and pranking _very_ seriously.

* * *

Ponyville pond

"Looks like we've been beat to it." I said as the four of us overlooked the pond seeing many ponies already skating around. Not that company ruined anything, but that feeling of having a public area to yourself you know? It feels so good, like when you're the only one in a movie theater.

"So? Let's get down there anyway!" Rainbow Dash replied.

"Last one to the bottom is a rotten egg!" Pinkie yelled bolting down, the rest of us immediately started following, if you're wondering who was last, it was me. I am a terrible runner, snow didn't help that either. As we got down to the bottom of the hill we rented four sets of skates, which was four skates per pony, oh boy. Ever watch that old Disney cartoon where they're all ice skating and Donald decides to be an asshole and tied the skates to Mickey's dog Pluto? I had a feeling I'd look about as foolish as Pluto did in that short, if you haven't watched that however, you should definitely do it now. Or later, I don't really care. It's called "On Ice". Where was I? Kind of lost my train of thought... Oh yeah! Anyway, as we made our way onto the ice, I felt pretty awkward, I was hardly good on two skates, let alone four.

"Here we go. Focus." I said to myself. "One... Two... Three... Go!" I said as I slid half gracefully onto the ice. "Ha! Haha! There we go!" But alas, like most cautionary tales go, my confidence bit me in the ass, by how else, but me falling on it. I turned to see Applejack and Pinkie hiding their laughter, Rainbow Dash however, left nothing hidden.

"Hahahahahahahahaha!" She laughed. "Having a little difficulty?"

"Laughing at somepony's difficulties. Real nice." I sneered jokingly at her standing back up.

"Not used to using four legs huh?" Applejack asked.

"Give the mare a prize! We have a winner!" I replied.

"Let me give you a helping hoof hon." Pinkie said to me, now, the part of me that takes after my father is telling me to sigh and say I can do it on my own, and the other part of me know's saying that would be a lie.

"Thanks Cutie Pie." I said accepting her help. She took me by the hoof and helped me step by step.

"It's exactly like walking, but with a lot more balance!" She said as I crept forward.

"I'm doing it!" I said channeling my inner 5-year-old who just learned how to ride a bike. Eventually, after falling on my ass and getting back up a couple times, I managed to start skating efficiently.

"Wa-hoo! Watch me!" I said excitedly skating around like Tonya Harding, don't know who that is? Look her up, it's a fun story.

"Congrats. You can do something I could do when I was a filly." Rainbow Dash remarked, her remark was met with a dirty look from Applejack.

"Good job Chuckie." Pinkie congratulated me.

"Thank you, thank you, hold your applause thank you." I bowed sarcastically.

"So now that we've taught him how to skate," Rainbow Dash said. "can we start skating now?"

"We nothing." I said. "And there was nothing stopping you before."

"I thought it would be more fun to watch." She teased.

"What are we waiting around for? Let's get skating!" Applejack interrupted us.

"I couldn't agree more!" Pinkie nodded. And with that we began our skating. I skated around doing figure eights, Pinkie soon skated by my side.

"Morning ma'am, beautiful day isn't it?" I said is a suave kind of fashion.

"Hello good sir! Beautiful day indeed!" She played along.

"I must say I just love this time of year!" I said in my lame sophisticated voice.

"I must agree, there is just nothing like it!" She said.

"The only thing more beautiful than this time of year is the beautiful mare I'm talking to." I flirted.

"Oh stop sir..." She blushed.

"I mean it." I grinned.

"Well I must say you are one handsome devil yourself." She said to me.

"Why thank you ma'am." I bowed my head.

"Your flirting is gross!" Rainbow Dash said flying over us. I sighed a little bit.

"She's just kidding around." Pinkie said. "It wasn't gross."

"I know." I smiled.

"But seriously though, it's quite beautiful out today."

"Sure is." Pinkie nodded as we skated along.

 **Me:** _It's the most wonderful time of the year_

 _With the foals jingle belling_

 _And everyone telling you "Be of good cheer"_

 _It's the most wonderful time of the year_

 **Pinkie:** _It's the hap-happiest season of all  
_

 _With those holiday greetings and gay happy meetings_

 _When friends come to call_

 _It's the hap-happiest season of all!_

 _There'll be parties for hosting_

 _Marshmallows for toasting_

 _And caroling out in the snow..._

 **Me:** _There'll be scary ghost stories_

 _And tales of the glories of the_

 _Hearthswarmings long, long ago_

 _It's the most wonderful time of the year_

 _There'll be much mistltoeing_

 **Pinkie and I:** _And_ _hearts will be glowing_

 _When love ones are near_

 _It's the most wonderful time of the year!_

 **Pinkie:** _There'll be parties for hosting_

 _Marshmallows for toasting_

 **Me:** _And caroling out in the snow_

 _There'll be scary ghost stories_

 **Pinkie:** _And tales of the glories of the_ _Hearthswarmings long, long ago_

 **Pinkie and I:** _It's the most wonderful time of the year_

 _There'll be much mistltoeing_

 _And hearts will be glowing_

 _When love ones are near_

 _It's the most wonderful time_

 _Yes the most wonderful time_

 _Oh the most wonderful time_

 _Of the year!_

We laughed together as we finished our song skating along the ice.

"You've got to admit, they are a little cute together." Applejack said to Rainbow Dash as they watched us.

"They're alright." Rainbow Dash replied to which Applejack snickered at the stubbornness of her friend.

* * *

Ponyville streets

As the four of us walked through the street, one of the primarily noticeable things was that there was an abundance of colts and fillies around town for the time, then it dawned on me, it was one of the best days for them in the history of school days, a snow day. I remembered the good old days of waking up to hear I could stay home from school, who doesn't love that feeling?

"What an amazing feeling that is." I said to myself. Now, a lot of my memories the others can't relate to, but this on the other hand, no matter where you come from, everyone knows the feeling of a snow day.

"Ain't that the truth." Rainbow Dash nodded hearing what I said.

"Amen." Applejack nodded.

"You can say that again!" Pinkie said in agreeance.

"Hey Chuck!" I heard a voice call, and who else came prancing through the snow but yet another main character in this story, Cheese Sandwich.

"Hey Cheese, how's it going?" I asked as he approached us.

"Great! I was so excited to see the snow outside today! I couldn't wait to get outside and enjoy the day! Oh wait, can I have today off?" He asked.

"I wasn't even gonna open today. You're off the hook." I told him.

"Oh thank Celestia." He brushed his head.

"Where's your buddy at? Quibble?" I asked.

"Oh he should be along! There he is now!" He said turning his head. And then came, well, ever watch South Park? Ever see what the main characters of South Park look like? Well, along came a pony version of Kenny from South Park trotting down the street, who possibly under that giant orange parka could be Quibble.

"Quibble!?" Rainbow Dash sputtered between giggles before resorting into a full on laughter.

"Laugh it up." At least that's what I think he said, you couldn't really tell. "At least I'm staying warm."

"What was that? Couldn't hear you." Rainbow Dash said.

"I said..." He removed the hood. "Laugh it up, at least I'm saying warm."

"Oh, the hood over the mouth was for warmth, I thought you had herpes or something." To inappropriate? Oh well.

"Ha. Ha." He glared at me. "I don't need this you know." He said.

"Aw come on, you're our friend, well, my friend at least. It's playful banter between friends." I explained.

"Uh huh." Quibble said.

"Quit your whining, join us huh?" Applejack spoke up. This might be the first time that they've ever spoke.

"Alright alright, don't have much better to do." He said with his eyes fixed on Rainbow Dash. Hey, not till this arc is over pal, I use too much meta humor don't I?

"Watch it pal." I whispered to him as Cheese and him joined the group. His reply was nothing more than a dramatic nose sigh.

* * *

Sunny Side's Diner

Oh look at where we are! A place that conveniently brings back an original character from an earlier chapter!

"Hi Sunny!" Pinkie said as our group entered the diner.

"Pinkie! Great to see you again!" Sunny Side said. "Good to see you too Buck." She said to me.

"It's Chuck." I corrected.

"I knew that, I just wanted to do that. It's my right as her friend to bug you sometimes." She winked.

"Thank you!" Rainbow Dash blurted out. "Finally somepony gets it!"

"Big group of you today, huh?" Sunny remarked. "What can I get you all?" She asked.

"I'll have a coffee please, I don't mean a cup, I mean a pot with cream and sugar stirred into it." I said. What? I could be addicted to worse things than caffeine couldn't I?

"Alright, just know you'll be paying the same as you would for 12 cups of coffee." She told me.

"That's fine by me." I said as I sat down.

"Everypony else?" She asked.

"Chili looks good, I'll have some of that please." Rainbow Dash said.

"Club sandwich please." Quibble said. (Note: A club sandwich probably doesn't include chicken breast and bacon in this world, probably anyway.)

"Hayburger and fries please!" Pinkie said.

"Grilled cheese please!" Who do you think ordered it?

"Soup of the day for me please." Applejack said.

"Comin' right up!" Sunny Side smiled. "What brings you all here today?"

"Thought it would be fun to drop by and visit!" Pinkie said.

"Thank Celestia you did, kind of a lull today I guess, I don't know, dinner rush will probably be better." Sunny Side said as she brought us our food and my drink.

"Thank you very much." I said before gulping down about half the pot.

"You sure like your coffee don't you?" She asked.

"You don't know the half of it sister." I said wiping my lips off. I do have a pretty heavy addiction to it, I love the taste and get severe migraines without it, it works out well for me because I love coffee.

"Smart move though if I do say so, coffee gives you energy, Celestia knows you need a whole lot of it with her around." Sunny Side winked at Pinkie. "And that, I _do_ know the half of."

"We put up with each other." I joked wrapping a leg around Pinkie.

"Oh stop..." Pinkie blushed.

"Yes. Please do." Sunny Side said dryly.

"Thank you!" Both Quibble and Rainbow Dash said at the same time.

"Mighty good soup Sunny!" Applejack spoke up, changing the subject intentionally or not.

"Thanks! Made it myself." Sunny Side said, flattered by the compliment, compliments _really_ mean something when the element of honesty is giving you one.

"Yeah, foods great Sunny." Rainbow Dash nodded.

"Thanks Rainbow Dash." Sunny Side said. "You folks excited for Hearthswarming?"

"Of course we are! It's one of the best times of the year!" Pinkie Pie said excitedly.

"We're all excited at the Apple family too!" Applejack nodded.

"I'm definitely excited, this is my first Hearthswarming ever!" I said.

"Really?" Sunny Side asked.

"Don't you remember Sunny? I told you he fell from the sky!" Pinkie said. "Before he came here, he used to live somewhere _wayyyy_ different!"

"Well, very different, but in many ways similar." I added. Sunny Side just looked at us with a strange look.

"If I'm gonna be honest, I though when you said he fell from the sky that is was some sort of saying I'd never heard of, I didn't think he actually did." She said.

"Nope, I actually fell from the sky, it's a miracle my rib cage broke my fall, or else something important might have gotten hurt." I said. (Stay tuned for the prequel chapter 1.5, Chuck goes to the hospital to find out the fall shattered all his ribs, coming never.)

"Huh. So what were things like where you were from?" She asked.

"Well, we had a lot of the same things here has, but different, because where I'm from, I stood on two legs, and my front legs were called arms, and I had hands, which are like movable pitchforks made of flesh." I explained.

"I didn't ask for an anatomy lesson pal, what did you do around the holidays?" She asked.

"Oh, well, there were many different holidays where I came from, it all depended on your culture, I celebrated a holiday called Christmas." I explained. Remembering that made me think back on Christmases I had spent with my family, I hadn't really missed Earth at all since I came here, but for some reason, I did feel a bit sad thinking this would be my first December without my family.

"Chuckie, you okay?" Pinkie asked seeing my face droop slightly. I quickly regained my composure.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I smiled. "Anyway, Christmas and Hearthswarming share some similarities and have their differences, but all in all I'm definitely looking forward to my first Hearthswarming." I concluded.

"Uh huh. That's real neat Chuck, wanna tell me how guys from your planet get sent here and become Stallions? Because Momma could use a stallion for herself." Sunny Side said.

"I wish I could tell you about that, but I have no idea how it happened, just my luck I guess." I shrugged.

"Damn." She said.

"But hey, there's somepony out there for everypony." I smiled.

"Like I haven't heard that before." She said with a smirk. "That'll be 10 bits for the pot of coffee."

"10 bits well spent." I said sliding over the bits and an extra for a tip.

"You know, that was originally what I was gonna call this place. '10 Bits Well Spent'." She teased.

"Alright, you've done enough of your marefriend's friend coltfriend tormenting now." I laughed.

"You know I like you Chuck." She laughed with me as the others payed their bills.

"Thanks again Sunny! See you soon!" Pinkie said as we were leaving.

"You'd better!" She called after her playfully.

* * *

Sugarcube Corner: That evening

"See ya!" I called out to Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Cheese, and Quibble as Pinkie and I retired for the night. The snow had picked up now and there were flurries blowing about, maybe Quibble wasn't wrong to have that giant coat on after all...

"That was a fun day, huh?" I asked Pinkie as we snuggled up together in front of the fireplace in the loft.

"Sure was." She smiled nuzzling into my neck as we relaxed.

"Any day I get to spend with you is a great day in my books." I smiled kissing her forehead.

"Oh stop." Pinkie laughed.

"I mean it." I told her.

"Well, I always love spending the day with you too Chuckie." She kissed me back. Suddenly, she looked at me more seriously. "About earlier... When you were talking about your holiday from Earth.. You seemed a little sad."

"Well, I mean, there's a lot of things about my old life I don't miss at all." I told her. "But I must admit, this is the first time I'm spending the holidays from my family..." I explained. "But, I wouldn't give spending Hearthswarming with you for a thousand Christmas mornings." I smiled.

"Mean it?" She asked.

"Of course." I smiled.

"I do understand missing your family around this time of year, just so you know." She said to me.

"Thanks. I love you Pinkie Pie." I said.

"I love you too, Chuck... Murray?"

"It's Murphy." I chuckled. I looked out the window to see the snow storm. "Weather sure got crazy."

"You can say that again." Pinkie nodded.

"You might say..." I said shifting into a song.

 **Me:** _Oh the weather outside is frightful_

 _But the fire is so delightful_

 _And since we've no place to go_

 _Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow_

 **Pinkie:** _It doesn't show signs of stopping_

 _And I've brought some corn for popping_

 _The lights are turned way down low_

 _Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow_

 **Me:** _When we finally kiss goodnight_

 _How I hate going out in the storm_

 _But if you really hold me tight_

 _All the way home I'll be warm_

"Why would you be going out? You live here." Pinkie asked.

"Just roll with it." I smiled.

 **Pinkie and I:** _The fire is slowly dying_

 _And my dear we're still goodnight-ing_

 _As long as you love me so_

 _Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow_

 **Me:** _Oh, it doesn't show signs of stopping_

 **Pinkie:** _And I've brought some corn for popping_

 **Me:** _and the lights are turned way down low_

 **Pinkie and I:** _Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow_

 _The fire is slowly dying_

 _And my dear we're still goodbye-ing_

 _As long you love me so_

 _Let it snow, Let it Snow, Let it snow_

We shared a nice cozy hug and a kiss before realizing we should probably get some rest for the night.

"Goodnight Cutie Pie, I love you." I said.

"I love you too Chuckie, goodnight." She smiled before we shared one more goodnight kiss and retired to our rooms.

* * *

 _One more chapter is complete! Hope you enjoyed reading it! Like I stated earlier, next week is quite busy for me so an update may not happen, but we will wrap this story up in time for Hearthswarming!_

 _Songs used_

 _"The Most Wonderful Time of the Year". By:_ _Eddie Pola / George Wyle_

 _"Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow". By: Jule Styne / Sammy Cahn_


	23. Chapter 23: Why Not A Party?

**Author's note:** You know a funny movie for the holidays? The Night Before. If you like Seth Rogen flicks and enjoy hilarious boundary pushing humor it's definitely worth checking out. However, I should warn it is rated R, so if the regular contents of an R rated film isn't your scene, don't watch it. Wait, these author's notes are supposed to talk about the chapter. Whoops. Anyway, we're approaching the actual Hearthwarming chapters themselves, until then however, the writing staff at ENC (Me) decided to give you, (The Reader) a chapter showing another way to celebrate, with a party a week before the holiday itself.

* * *

Chapter 23: Why Not A Party?

Hearthswarming was now just one week away, in 5 days Pinkie and I would be boarding the train to the Pie Family Rock Farm for me to find out I'm nowhere near good enough to be with Pinkie. Maybe I'm wrong to be so pessimistic, but I mean, I just had a feeling it wasn't going to go well. All this anxiety was floating around my head as I tended my bar. Ponies came in, drank, and left. I wasn't in a chatty mood so I didn't strike up much conversation with my customers. Like usual, Cheese needed the day off. I wasn't sure what Quibble was up to. Rainbow popped in earlier, but only to ask where Applejack was. And Pinkie was out on deliveries. Now I knew how Sunny Side felt when she was all cooped up in her diner with nopony around.

 **Me:** _I think I'm alone now_

 _There doesn't seem to be anyone around_

 _I think I'm alone now_

 _The beating of my heart is the only sound..._

I love that song so much, real ear worm too. Tiffany's "I think we're alone now" still works just fine if you change the plural pronouns to singular. Especially if you are alone. Which I was.

"Looks like it's just you and me, bar rag." I said to the inanimate object. I did have a history of striking up chats with inanimate objects when I was bored, I answered for them of course, but it passed the time, and a conversation is a lot more fun when you have control over both sides of it.

"I like when it's just you and me, you're wonderful company Chuck." I said as the bar rag in a high pitched voice.

"Thanks Rag." I said. "Oh, Goblet, didn't see you there." I looked at an empty drinking goblet that was sitting on the counter.

"It's all good man." I deepened my voice to talk as the goblet. "Rags right. You're the best."

"You guys are good company too." I told them. Oh Lord, I'm going nuts.

"No Chuck, you aren't going nuts." I reassured myself as Goblet. "You know what we should do?"

"I don't know Goblet, what?" I asked.

"Let's kill your friends!" Okay, that's it.

"No. No Goblet, we aren't killing anyone." I said.

"What are you doing?" A voice asked me.

"Nothing!" I tossed the rag and goblet aside to see who caught me being weird. "Oh, hey Sunny Side. What's up?" I asked.

"Reevaluating my approval of Pinkie dating you after what I just witnessed." She said. "I'm just kidding, I don't even know how many times I've done the same with the salt and pepper shakers and the napkin dispenser." She said as she sat down at one of the stools.

"Speaking of which, shouldn't you be running the diner now?"

"Hired some part time staff, it might benefit you to do the same." She said.

"I did." I said dryly. "Remember that pony who ordered the grilled cheese? He's my part timer, who takes part time _way_ too seriously."

"Yeah, I may talk to somepony else for some help." I said.

"Might be a smart plan." She said. "Where's Pinkie and your friends anyway?"

"Cheese is probably off throwing a party in Celsetia knows where, Pinkie is making deliveries, and I'm not sure about the others." I told her.

"You're missing somepony..." She said.

"Oh. And of course one of my very best friends is sitting right here." I said dryly.

"That's right." She said smugly.

"So anyway, you said Pinkie and you were once roommates?" I asked.

"Yep! Back when she first moved to Ponyville actually. Table Scraps was kind enough to offer her a job, and I gave her a place to live, believe it or not, the spontaneously throwing parties business doesn't pay as much as you think."

"Oh I can only imagine." I said sarcastically.

"She'd get into trouble every now and then too, like when she'd take bites out the customer's food. Not to mention forgetting to clock in or out, Table Scraps was not happy that time you better believe it." Sunny laughed.

"I can't imagine he would be." I chuckled cleaning a mug. "Can I get you something?" I asked.

"Just something soft. Never been a big drinker." She said.

"I need something more than that, I don't say 'something fried' when I order food do I?" I said.

"Alright I get your point. Hit me with a root beer float." She said.

"One root beer float coming right up." I nodded preparing the drink. Once I was finished I slid it down to her.

"Here you go. One root beer float." I said.

"Thanks Chuck. What's the damage?" She asked.

"For stopping me from killing everypony in the name of Goblet, it's free." I grinned. "But that's it, for future reference its 2 bits."

"Pretty fair." She nodded. Suddenly we were joined by somepony else.

"Hi Chuckie!" Pinkie said bouncing in.

"Cutie Pie! Good to see you." I said giving her a kiss as she came over.

"Chuckie? Cutie Pie? Blech!" Sunny Side gagged at us. Pinkie looked over at her.

"Sunny! Good to see you! What are you doing here?"

"Gave myself the day off." She said.

"Awesome!" Pinkie smiled.

"Of course, after hearing those nicknames I wish I hadn't." She pretended to vomit.

"Come to think of it, 2 bits plus a hefty tip." I sneered.

"Hey come on, I'm only kidding!" She defended herself.

"Fine." I chuckled.

"You shoulda seen him when I came in." Sunny Side said to Pinkie. "He looked like he was going nuts! Guy was talking to the bar rag!" She laughed.

"Oh lookit that, price went back up again." I said dryly as they laughed.

"Come off it!" Sunny laughed. "It was hilarious!"

"It _is_ pretty funny!" Pinkie agreed.

"What was that you were saying? Something about _not_ killing them?" I heard Goblet's voice say.

"Not now." I muttered. I'm not insane, really. Eager to get back to not coming off as insane, I struck up some conversation.

"Glad to see your deliveries are done hon, anything else planned today?" I asked.

"Nope!" She smiled.

"Thank Celestia, I mean, no offense Sunny, you're terrific company." I said.

"Hey none taken, I'd rather hang out with somepony I can get with too." She said.

"That is definitely not what I meant." I said.

"Inappropriate, there could be young ones reading this!" Pinkie nodded.

"What did I say about breaking the fourth wall?" I said. Sunny Side just looked at us.

"Yeah, you two are perfect for each other." She nodded slowly. "Not sure if that's a good thing or not."

"We're good for each other." I said smiling at Pinkie.

"For the rest of Equestria though?" Sunny Side smirked.

"I am the element of laughter I'll have you know!" Pinkie said in a jokingly serious tone.

"And I am the element of booze!" I joked along. "I don't know if a better combo than laughter and booze exists!"

"You're the element of booze? What's that got to do with harmony?" Pinkie asked.

"Best I could come up with on the spot."

"Bet that won't be the last time he tells you that." Sunny Side winked.

"Gross." I said. "Gross and mean."

"Come on Chuck, I'm just kidding around." She said.

"Yeah yeah, save it, it's cool." I dismissed the excuse.

"Aw, the forgiving type. Now I know what you saw in him." Sunny said in a mock sweet tone to Pinkie.

"One of many things." She said kissing me on the cheek.

"One more stunt like that and I'm out of here." Sunny Side remarked.

"Fine, fine." I sighed. "Let's change the subject. Hearthswarmings coming up huh?"

"That's the new subject?" Sunny Side remarked.

"Sure is!" Pinkie replied to me.

"It is a pretty fun time of year." Sunny Side nodded.

"Snow days, songs..." I said.

"Parties..." Pinkie added to the list.

"Ooh, parties, another good one." I nodded.

"Now those, _those_ are fun." Sunny Side agreed.

"Hey, I've got an idea." I said.

"That's a first." Sunny joked.

"Be nice!" Pinkie said.

"My idea, why don't we have a Hearthswarming party here? Today? All our friends are still in town, it's close to the Hearthswarming, it would be fun!" I said.

"I'll give credit where it's due, I like it." Sunny Side said.

"Me too! Let's do it!" Pinkie said happily.

"Alright, I'll decorate the place up. Can I leave you two to gather up a crowd?" I asked.

"You can count on me Chuckie!" Pinkie kissed my cheek.

"Love you Cutie Pie." I smiled.

"Love you too!" She hugged me.

"I'm going too, where's mine?" Sunny Side asked.

"Watch it! He's mine!" Pinkie winked as they went off, leaving me alone to decorate, which was a passion of mine that I never liked to tell most folks. I could've been an interior decorator if I wanted to. Especially around the holidays.

* * *

3 hours later

"Lookin' good." I said looking around the now decorated bar, there was just one part missing, a tree. I had asked Applejack about bringing one over and she was more than happy to. I then heard a knock on the door. "Must be Applejack." I said. As I opened the door I found out that I was right.

"Hey Applejack, thanks for doing this." I said.

"Thank Big Mac, he's done most the labor." She said motioning to her older brother.

"Thanks Big Mac, you, Discord, and Spike still meeting here tomorrow night for Oubliettes & Ogres?" I asked.

"Eeyup!" He said.

"I'll have the refreshments ready, now let's bring her in." I said motioning them inside.

"Now careful Big Mac, careful." Applejack said leading him in with the tree. The tree shook somewhat on his back.

"The needles are gonna break!" She hollered getting him to straighten it out, just before is slumped the other way hitting a table.

"The table's gonna break!" She said again. "The lamp's gonna break!"

"I'm taking a break!" He hollered setting it down on the floor and sitting down.

"You can't just leave it laying down on the floor." Applejack said.

"Easier to decorate that way." I defended his actions.

"The Apples aren't about 'easier', are we Big Mac?" She asked. Big Mac just sighed getting back up.

"Nope." He said reluctantly.

After the three of us got the tree all stood up and decorated, ponies started to show up gradually, first were Pinkie and Sunny with Starlight, Trixie, and Maud.

"Welcome to the party!" I welcomed them. "Make yourselves at home, drink of the day is "It's the most wonderful time for a beer", It's just beer really."

"I expected something more clever. You've disappointed me." Maud commented.

"I may have, but today's prices won't. In the spirit of Hearthswarming, everything is on a buy one get one free discount." I said.

"Self advertising at it's finest, the _great_ and _powerful_ Trixie approves!" Trixie said. Oh Lord.

"I've got another drink too..." I murmured to Pinkie. "It's named after her, claims to be a hard drink, but it's just some cream soda with blue food dye." She snickered at what I said.

"Be nice!" She said between snickers.

"Hey, truth hurts." I said sipping at a drink I had poured for myself. Before long, others started to show up and soon a full fledged party was on our hands, or hooves. After Starlight, Maud, and Trixie Cheese showed up, dragging Quibble by the ear with Rainbow Dash laughing at Quibble's situation, Twilight and Spike came not long after, Fluttershy and Discord, which didn't aid Quibble's mood. Rarity brought the Cutie Mark Crusaders with her, this party wasn't going to get too out-of-hoof after all so young ones could come if they wanted. More ponies came too, the Cakes, Vinyl and Octavia... And just about any other pony you'd spot in a background scene. I'm too lazy to list them all one by one.

"Great party Chuck!" Rainbow Dash told me over the noise.

"Wasn't too tough." I said. "Just invited some ponies and played some music, music and booze go pretty well."

"Amen to that! Woo hoo!" Exclaimed Applejack, who had _really_ been enjoying the buy one get one free deal.

"Somepony should tell Applejack to ease off a little bit." I said.

"Aren't you the owner of this place? 'Somepony' is you." Sunny Side said.

"Fine." I sighed. "Applejack, take a bit of a break huh? I'm only serving you soft stuff for as little while now."

"No, no... -hic-. I swear to fine I'm Celestia... -hic-!" Applejack defended herself.

"Don't you mean I swear to Celestia I'm fine?" I asked.

"That's what I said wasn't it?"

"Nope. Soft stuff from here on out." I said, which resulted in an angry glare that I couldn't quite take seriously considering her current state.

"Cheese!" I called for him. "Put something on huh? I've got some angry customers who need to dance until they forget why they were mad."

"You've got it boss!" He said kicking the jukebox. That things gonna have some real dents by the time this story is done, (which isn't any time soon so don't worry...).

"Here you go grumpy, get up and dance, huh?" I said to Applejack.

"Fine. But not because you told me to." She glared, honestly it was so hard not to laugh at her attempt at being an angry drunk. I could tell however the music was shifting her mood, as music for this time of year does of course.

"Ooh this is a good one. Classic." I commented on the song that started playing.

 **Jukebox:** _Rocking around the Hearthswarming Tree_

 _at the Hearthswarming party hop_

 _A mistletoe hung where you can see_

 _Every couple tries to stop_

 _Rocking around the Hearthswarming Tree_

 _Let Hearthswarming spirit ring_

 _Later we'll have some pumpkin pie_

 _and we'll do some caroling_

 _You will get a sentimental feeling_

 _When you hear, voices singing_

 _"Let's be jolly; Deck the halls with boughs of holly"_

 _Rocking around the Hearthswarming Tree_

 _Have a happy holiday_

 _Everyone dancing merrily_

 _In a new old fashioned way_

 _You will get a sentimental feeling_

 _When you hear voices singing_

 _"Let's be jolly; Deck the halls with boughs of holly"_

 _Rocking around the Hearthswarming tree_

 _Have a happy holiday_

 _Everyone dancing merrily_

 _In the new old fashioned way!_

Turns out if you replace Christmas with Hearthswarming the song works in the story, who would have guessed?

"Wasn't that great?" I said as the song finished.

"That was alright, but I think I've got a better one." Rainbow Dash boasted.

"Whoa ho ho, are you challenging me to a karaoke off?" I asked with squinted eyes. The crowed stopped and gasped at my statement.

"Bring it." Rainbow Dash grinned.

* * *

In a kind of flash Rainbow Dash and I were on the karaoke platform and Cheese stood between us.

"Alright! We're gonna have a fair karaoke off! Keep the heckling clean, no prerecordings, and no cussing! Or at least not a lot of it. Now, pick your partner!" He announced.

"Pinkie!" I called. "Come on up here Cutie Pie!" I blew her a kiss as she came up next to me.

"Team name?" Cheese asked.

"Team Gingerbread." We nodded. A good couple has these things ready beforehand.

"Alright! We have team Gingerbread! Rainbow Dash! Pick your partner!" She scanned the crowd, Applejack was still down for the count. She stopped and eyes Quibble, who immediately shook his head frantically.

"No, no no. No." He said, but it seemed Rainbow Dash had other plans.

"Quibble!" She called. Quibble awkwardly made his way onto the stage.

"Alright! Rainbow Dash and Quibble! Team name?" Cheese asked.

"Anypony else want to do this?" Quibble said into the mic.

"Alright! Team Gingerbread against Team Anypony else want to do this! Or Team A.P.E.W.T.D.T!" Cheese announced. "Alright! Team A.P.E.W.T.D.T presented the challenge, so they go first!"

"Rainbow Dash, this is a _terrible_ idea." Quibble whispered to her.

"Relax. We've got this." She said.

"No, _you've_ got this. _I_ don't sing!" He said.

"You've sang before, you've done this at Chuck's other parties."

"Not in front of a bunch of ponies, I have no interest in that kind of humiliation!"

"Who cares what they think of you?" Rainbow Dash countered. Before Quibble could answer, Cheese cut him off.

"Pick your song!" He said.

"Punch in G-7!" Rainbow Dash said. One tends to know the jukebox off by heart if they visit a bar long enough, and Rainbow was one of my best customers.

"Alrighty! Okay everypony! Here's Team A.P.E.W.T.D.T with "Little Saint Nick!" Break a leg you two!" Cheese announced.

"Try and keep up huh?" Rainbow said to her partner as the music began.

 **Rainbow:** _Oooooooo_

 _Happy Hearthswarming Saint Nick_

 **Quibble:** _(Hearthswarming comes this time each year)_

 **Rainbow:** _Well way up north where the air gets cold_

 _There's a tale of Hearthswarming_

 _That you've all been told_

 _And a real famous cat all dressed up in red_

 _And he spends all year workin' out on his sled_

 _It's the little Saint Nick_

 **Quibble:** _(little Saint Nick)_

 **Rainbow:** _It's the little Saint Nick_

 **Quibble:** _(little Saint Nick)_

I could tell Quibble gained a little more confidence as he led the second verse.

 _Just a little bobsled we call the old Saint Nick_

 _But she'll walk a toboggan with a four speed stick_

 _She's candy apple red with a ski for a wheel_

 _And when Santa hits the gas man just watch her peel_

 _It's the little Saint Nick_

 **Rainbow:** _(little Saint Nick)_

 **Quibble:** _It's the little Saint Nick_

 **Rainbow:** _(little Saint Nick)_

 _Run run reindeer_

 _Run run reindeer, whoaa_

 _Run run reindeer_

 _Run run reindeer_

 **Quibble:** _(he don't miss no one)_

 **Rainbow:** _And haulin' through the snow at a frightening speed_

 _With a half a dozen deer with Rudy to lead_

 _He's got to wear his goggles 'cause the snow really flies_

 _And he's cruisin' every path with a little surprise_

 _It's the little Saint Nick_

 **Quibble:** _(little Saint Nick)_

 **Rainbow:** _It's the little Saint Nick_

 **Quibble:** _(little Saint Nick)_

 **Rainbow:** _Oooooooo_

 _Happy Hearthswarming Saint Nick_

 **Quibble:** _(Hearthswarming comes this time each year)_

 **Rainbow:** _Oooooooo_

 _happy Hearthswarming Saint Nick_

 **Quibble:** _(Hearhswarming comes this time each year)_

 **Rainbow:** _Oooooooo_

 _Happy Hearthswarming Saint Nick_

 **Quibble:** _(Hearthswarming comes this time each year)_

Damn. That is a good one, that might be tougher an act to follow than I had imagined.

"I think it's safe to say nopony was expecting such a good opener! Let's see if Team Gingerbread can counter!" Cheese announced.

"What do you think?" I asked Pinkie smugly.

"We definitely can. B-3 Cheese!" She said. Damn, these ponies know the jukebox better than me!

 **Pinkie:** _I really can't stay_

 **Me:** _(Baby, it's cold outside)_

 **Pinkie:** _I've got to go away_

 **Me:** _(Baby, it's cold outside)_

 **Pinkie:** _This evening has been_

 **Me:** _(Been hoping that you'd drop in)_

 **Pinkie:** _So very nice_

 **Me:** _(I'll hold your hooves, they're just like ice)_

 **Pinkie:** _My mother will start to worry_

 **Me:** _(Beautiful, what's your hurry?)_

 **Pinkie:** _My father will be pacing the floor_

 **Me:** _(Listen to the fireplace roar)_

 **Pinkie:** _So really I'd better scurry_

 **Me:** _(Beautiful, please don't hurry)_

 **Pinkie:** _But maybe just have a drink more_

 **Me:** _(Put some records on while I pour)_

 **Pinkie:** _The neighbors might think_

 **Me:** _(Baby, it's bad out there)_

 **Pinkie:** _Say, what's in this drink?_

 **Me:** _(No cabs to be had out there)_

 **Pinkie:** _I wish I knew how_

 **Me:** _(Your eyes are like starlight)_

 **Pinkie:** _To break this spell_

 **Me:** _(I'll take your hat, your mane looks swell)_

 **Pinkie:** _I ought to say no, no, no, sir_

 **Me:** _(Mind if I move in closer?)_

 **Pinkie:** _At least I'm gonna say that I tried_

 **Me:** _(What's the sense in hurting my pride?)_

 **Pinkie:** _I really can't say_

 **Me:** _(Baby, don't hold out)_

 **Together:** _Baby, it's cold outside_

 **Pinkie** **:** _I simply must go_

 **Me:** _(Baby, it's cold outside)_

 **Pinkie:** _The answer is no_

 **Me:** _(But baby, it's cold outside)_

 **Pinkie:** _The welcome has been_

 **Me:** _(How lucky that you dropped in)_

 **Pinkie:** _So nice and warm_

 **Me:** _(Look out the window at that storm)_

 **Pinkie:** _My sister will be suspicious_

 **Me:** _(Gosh, your lips look delicious)_

 **Pinkie:** _My brother will be there at the door_

 **Me:** _(Waves upon a tropical shore)_

 **Pinkie:** _My maid and aunt's mind is vicious_

 **Me:** _(Gosh, your lips are delicious)_

 **Pinkie:** _But maybe just a root beer float more_

 **Me:** _(Never such a blizzard before)_

 **Pinkie:** _I've got to get home_

 **Me:** _(Baby, you'll freeze out there)_

 **Pinkie:** _Say, lend me your comb_

 **Me:** _(It's up to your knees out there)_

 **Pinkie:** _Been better than good_

 **Me:** _(I thrill when you touch my hoof)_

 **Pinkie:** _But don't you see_

 **Me:** _(How can you do this thing to me?)_

 **Pinkie:** _There's bound to be talk tomorrow_

 **Me:** _(Think of my life long sorrow)_

 **Pinkie:** _At least there will be plenty implied_

 **Me:** _(If you caught pneumonia and died)_

 **Pinkie:** _I really can't stay_

 **Me:** _(Get over that hold out)_

 **Together:** _Baby, it's cold_

 _Baby it's cold outside!_

The classic romantic duet that proves that clearly being a little too forward was more appropriate about 50 years ago still works like a charm for karaoke duets. The audience applauded as we finished our song and bowed on the stage.

"Now I hate to judge prematurely, but I think it's easy to tell who the winner is." I said smugly.

"Yep! Looks like they've got us beat. It's been a pleasure but I'll be on my way now." Quibble said making his way off the stage.

"Not so fast!" Rainbow Dash said grabbing him. "I'm not losing that easily!"

"Oh brother..." Quibble muttered.

"Fillies and Gentlecolts! Looks like we have a round 2!" Cheese said enthusiastically.

"Wait just a minute!" A voice called from the audience, we all turned to see Rarity. "Both teams were all well and good, but I do believe _my_ team can outdo both of them!" She called, soon Big Mac, Toe Tapper, and Torch Song appeared behind her.

"Looks like we have a new team entering! A team of four! Fillies and Gentlecolts... The Ponytones!" Cheese announced. Mine and Rainbow's team exchanged glances. I motioned the two of them to come over to Pinkie and I.

"Look. I don't think we could win against them separate, and I don't think your pride or mine can handle that." I said to Rainbow Dash.

"What are you suggesting?" She asked.

"Maybe, if our teams join together we'd have a chance!" I said.

"That does sound like a good idea..." Rainbow Dash nodded. "But if we win, does that mean-"

"It means we _both_ win." I cut her off. "Can you live with that?"

"I'll try. Deal." She said shaking my hoof.

"An interesting development here folks! Team Gingerbread and Team A.P.E.W.T.D.T are joining together!" Cheese announced. "New team name?"

"Team You're Going Down!" Rainbow Dash said proudly.

"Fine by me." I nodded at her choice.

"Alright Fillies and Gentlecolts! Get ready for the ultimate Hearthswarming karaoke-off between The PonyTones and Team You're Going Down!" Cheese announced loudly. "Team You're Going Down! Pick your song!"

"D-25 work for you all?" I asked my team, they all nodded. "D-25!" I called to Cheese. He pressed the button on the jukebox and the music started with a hip-hop version of jingle bells that shifted into it's own rift.

 **Me:** _It was December 24th on Hollis ave in the dark_

 _When I see a colt chilling with his dog in the park_

 _I approached very slowly with my heart full of fear_

 _Looked at his dog, oh my god, an ill reindeer_

 _But then I was illin because the colt had a beard_

 _And a bag full of goodies, 12 o'clock had neared_

 _So I turned my head a second and the colt had gone_

 _But he left his driver's wallet smack dead on the lawn_

 _I picket the wallet up then I took a pause_

 _Took out the license and it cold said "Santa Claus"_

 _A million bits in it, cold hundreds of g's_

 _Enough to buy a boat and matching car with ease_

 _But I'd never steal from Santa, cause that ain't right_

 _So I'm going home to mail it back to him that night_

 _But when I got home I bugged, cause under the tree_

 _Was a letter from Santa and all the dough was for me!_

 **Rainbow Dash:** _It's Hearthswarming time in Hollis queens_

 _Mom's cooking chicken and collard greens_

 _Rice and stuffing, macaroni and cheese_

 _And Santa put gifts under Christmas trees_

 **Quibble:** _Decorate the house with lights at night_

 _Snow's on the ground, snow white so bright_

 _In the fireplace is the yule log_

 _Beneath the mistletoe as we drink egg nog_

 _The rhymes you hear are the rhymes of darryl's_

 _But each and every year we bust Hearthswarming carols!_

 **Pinkie:** _Rhymes so loud and proud you hear it_

 _It's Hearthswarming time and we got the spirit_

 _Jack frost chillin, the orchas out_

 _And that's what Hearthswarming is all about_

 _The time is now, the place is here_

 _And the whole wide world is filled with cheer_

 _My name's Pinkie Pie with the mic in my hoof_

 _And I'm chilling and coolin just like a snowmare!_

 _So open your eyes, lend us an ear_

 _We want to say_

 **All 4 of us:** _happy Hearthswarming and happy new year!_

We posed in a hip-hop manner as the song finished and we received tremendous applause. "Oh yeah, in the bag." I winked at our team.

"That's definitely going to be a tough act to follow! PonyTones! Pick your song!" Cheese called.

"We don't need the Jukebox Cheese." Rarity said in a classy fashion. "Alright PonyTones, just like we've practiced. 1... 2... 3..."

 **Big Mac, Toe Tapper, Torch Song:** _(Ooooooo)_

 **Rarity:** _I don't want a lot for Hearthswarming_

 _There is just one thing I need_

 _I don't care about the presents_

 _Underneath the Hearthswarming tree_

 _I just want you for my own_

 _More than you could ever know_

 _Make my wish come true_

 _All I want for Hearthswarming is you..._

 **Toe Tapper:** I don't want a lot for Hearthswarming

 _There is just one thing I need_

 _And I don't care about the presents_

 _Underneath the Hearthswarming tree_

 _I don't need to hang my stocking_

 _There upon the fireplace_

 _Santa Claus won't make me happy_

 _With a toy on Hearthswarming Day_

 _I just want you for my own_

 _More than you could ever know_

 _Make my wish come true_

 _All I want for Hearthswarming is you_

 _You, baby!_

 **Torch Song:** _Oh, I won't ask for much this Hearthswarming_

 _I won't even wish for snow_

 _And I'm just gonna keep on waiting_

 _Underneath the mistletoe_

 _I won't make a list and send it_

 _To the North Pole for Saint Nick_

 _I won't even stay awake to_

 _Hear those magic reindeer click_

 _'Cause I just want you here tonight_

 _Holding on to me so tight_

 _What more can I do?_

 _Baby, all I want for Hearthswarming is you_

 _You, baby_

 **Rarity:** _Oh, all the lights are shining so brightly everywhere_

 _And the sound of children's laughter fills the air_

 _And everyone is singing_

 _I hear those sleigh bells ringing_

 _Santa, won't you bring me the one I really need?_

 _Won't you please bring my baby to me?_

 **Big Mac:** _Oh, I don't want a lot for Hearthswarming_

 _This is all I'm asking for_

 _I just wanna see my baby_

 _Standing right outside my door_

 _Oh, I just want you for my own_

 _More than you could ever know_

 _Make my wish come true_

 _Baby, all I want for hearthswarming is you_

 _You, baby_

 _Eeyup!_

As the audience applauded my jaw hung, I wasn't expecting that. It was anypony's win now. Cheese walked up to the mic.

"How about that, huh?" He said. "Alright folks, let's decide on a winner! Who votes for Team You're Going Down?" After that, a selection of the audience cheered. "And the PonyTones?" The rest cheered. Both sides seemed about equal. "Gee! I don't think there is a definite winner here tonight!" He said. "I guess the winner is all of us for this great show huh? Give 'em a hoof huh?" He said as the audience applauded all of us. I stepped up to the mic.

"I'm glad you all had a good time, but I think we're gonna wrap this up now folks, last call for drinks then we're rolling out of here!" I said.

* * *

After the party

It was just Pinkie and I left to clean up the bar after the party, our spirits were lifted from the good times we'd had today and we were sharing laughs about the whole day. Then a thought crept back in my head, about the anxiety I was feeling over Hearthswarming itself, which made me quiet down drastically.

"Everything okay hon?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah, for the most part." I replied.

"What's got you down?" She asked.

"Nothing too much... Just nerves."

"Nerves about?" She asked.

"I'm just... I'm really nervous about meeting your family, what if they don't like me?" I asked finally revealing my anxiety. She looked at me for a second silently, then burst into laughter. "Is this funny to you?" I asked.

"Yeah!" She said between laughs.

"What's so funny about it?" I asked.

"You're not the only one!" She laughed giving me a hug. "I'm nervous out of my mind!" She laughed.

"Really?" I asked.

"Of course I am!"

"Glad to know I'm not alone here." I said. "But... What are we gonna do if they don't like me?"

"Let's cross that bridge if we come to it, okay?" She said.

"Works for me." I smiled giving her a hug. "I love you Cutie Pie."

"I love you too Chuckie." She smiled giving me a kiss.

* * *

 _Another chapter done and out! Hope you enjoyed it, as always, follow, fav, and review!_

 _Songs used_

 _"I think we're alone now" by: Tiffany_

 _"Rocking around the Christmas tree" by: Brenda Lee_

 _"Little St. Nick" by: The Beach Boys_

 _"Baby it's cold outside" in the style of: Idina Menzel and Michael Buble_

 _"Christmas is Hollis" by: Run-D.M.C_

 _"All I want for Christmas is you" by: Mariah Carey_


	24. Chapter 24: Happy Hearthswarming Part 1

**Author's Note:** This is more a question I'm asking my readers for fun, what is your favorite movie or special to watch around the holidays? For me it would be "A Muppet Christmas Carol" for movie and for special or holiday episode of a T.V show is probably "A Hearth's Warming Tail" from season 6 of MLP. Can you tell I love "A Christmas Carol"? It's true, I'm so excited to watch "The Man Who Invented Christmas" soon, it looks like it will be really interesting. Anyway, here is the first part of the long awaited actual Hearthswarming story.

* * *

Chapter 24: Happy Hearthswarming Part 1: Meeting the family

"Good _morniiiiiiiiiing!_ " Pinkie sang to me bursting into my room. This was a daily occurrence in my life for the past little while, and I must say, I enjoyed the ritual. I've never considered myself a morning person at all, but when Pinkie came to make sure I was awake I always felt happy, maybe it was the fact I was madly in love and anything she did made me happy. I was always awake whenever she did come in, some days I'd be up and out of bed, other days I'd be lying back staring at the ceiling. This morning was the latter.

"Good morning Cutie Pie." I said still in bed. She immediately bounced on me similar to that of a kid on Christmas morning wanting their parents to wake up.

"Come on Chuckie! It's time to get up! We've got a train to catch!" She bounced on me excitedly, today was the big day, the day I'd make a complete and utter ass of myself in front of Pinkie's family.

"The train doesn't show up until lunch time... Besides, I think I've got a fever..." This was a routine I enjoyed playing.

"Oh yeah? What kind of fever?" She asked playing along.

"I've got cuddle fever, the only cure is cuddle time." I fake pouted beneath my blankets.

"Well, alright, if you absolutely insist it's the only cure..." She said in a fake hesitant way before snuggling in next to me. I wrapped my front legs around her and held her close. feeling her warm breath against my neck and feeling her nuzzle her face against mine.

"Remind me why we can't just cuddle all day every day." I said holding her close.

"I honestly don't know." She said.

"Write your folks, tell them you've got a fever of 109 or something so we can just stay here like this for the next few days." I joked. She gigged and bopped me on the muzzle.

"Fat chance mister." She smiled. I smiled back at her.

"Fine, fine. But the moment we get back, nopony sees us until New Year's Eve." I bargained.

"Deal." She gave me a kiss. I kissed her back and smiled at her.

"Honestly, you have like, the most beautiful eyes, I'm not even kidding." I said.

"Wow, so poetic." She smirked.

"I just woke up, cut me some slack." I smirked back.

"I guess I can let it slide, just this once though." She winked kissing my forehead.

"I knew you'd understand." I smiled kissing her forehead back.

"Let me know when we have to go." She said snuggling into me.

"Trusting me with that job, not wise, but I'll do my best." I smiled holding her close to me and nestling my face into her mane, her mane doubled as the world's most comfortable pillow. I wasn't quite sure if she was asleep or not, neither of us said anything, we just soaked in the moment. It's moments like this that make all the hardships in life worthwhile. Those moments where you stop and forget all your anxieties and fears, anything bad going on ceases to exist and it's just you and the one you love.

"I love you." She whispered to me.

"I love you too... So much." I hugged her tightly. "I don't know what I would have done without you."

"Aww... Chuckie..." She smiled at me.

"I mean it. Pinkie, you mean so much to me."

"You mean a lot to me too Chuckie." She kissed me tenderly. I kissed her back and ran my hoof through her mane and tickled her neck, she started giggling and wriggled around.

"Stop it!" She giggled.

"Make me." I grinned tickling her.

"That's it!" She exclaimed and started tickling me back. "Tickle fight!" We bounced around tickling each other until I fell out of bed and hit the floor with Pinkie tumbling on top of me. We both laughed together on the floor. Suddenly there was a knock on the door. Mrs. Cake walked in.

"I'm not interrupting anything am I?" She asked.

"No no, nothing at all." I said standing up.

"Good morning Mrs. Cake!" Pinkie smiled getting up.

"Good morning Pinkie, good morning to you too Chuck." She smiled at us.

"Good morning." I smiled back at her.

"I just wanted to give you two your Hearthswarming presents now since you won't be here for the day itself." She told us reaching for a pair of bags.

"Oh that's so thoughtful, you didn't have to do that." I said to her.

"Oh nonsense, Pinkie is like our own family, and I've seen how well you treat her and how much you two love each other. I just thought I'd let you know I think you're every bit a part of the family as Pinkie is." She said giving me the bag.

"Thank you so much." I smiled getting a little teary eyed, I'm not used to this kind of acceptance so this was quite unexpected. I opened the bag to reveal a very nice black snap button overcoat. "Wow... I love it!" I smiled. "Thank you so much!"

"Don't mention it hon." Mrs. Cake smiled. "Bring it here." She offered up a hug to which I accepted. "Pinkie, why don't you open up your's now." Before she could even finish, tissue paper from the bag flew across the room. Pinkie's gift was an overcoat similar to mine in a baby blue color.

"I love it! It's so cute!" She smiled holding the coat up.

"Why don't you two try them on?" Mrs. Cake asked. We soon slipped our coats on and Mrs. Cake smiled. "They look perfect! get close together, let me take a picture!" She said setting up a camera. "3...2...1... Say cheese!" She said.

"Cheese!" We both smiled as she took the picture.

"There! Oh! You two look great!" She smiled. "Before I forget..." She said pulling out a card. "The twins insisted on making a card for you two." Mrs. Cake smiled handing Pinkie the construction paper card. Across the top said "Happy Hearthswarming Aunt Pinkie" with a couple of the letter backwards in little kid fashion, but what caught me off guard was what was underneath. "...and Uncle Chuck". I don't consider myself too sentimental, but I'll admit that did choke me up reading that. In the card was a little crude crayon drawing of Pinkie, The Cakes, the twins, and I around a Hearthswarming tree. The whole thing was honestly really sweet. Unexpected however since I haven't been here all that long.

"Awww" Pinkie smiled reading the card.

"Cute isn't it?" Mrs. Cake asked.

"Sure is!" Pinkie beamed. "Don't you think Chuckie?" She asked me. I sniffed a little bit.

"It sure is." I smiled.

"Oh Chuck, I had no idea you were such a softy." Mrs. Cake remarked. I quickly dismissed the notion.

"Softy? Me? No way, just a little dust in the eye that's all." I said. Mrs. Cake and Pinkie could both see through me.

"Yeah sure Chuckie, I'll let you believe that." Pinkie giggled giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"I won't tell anypony. Don't worry Chuck." Mrs. Cake winked. "Now don't you two have a train to catch?" She asked.

"We sure do. We'd better get on our way." I said turning to Pinkie.

"That's right!" Pinkie nodded as we went on our way. "Tell the twins we loved the card!" Pinkie said as we went out the door.

"I will!" Mrs. Cake called as we left with our luggage.

"You ready for the trip?" Pinkie asked me.

"I sure am." I nodded.

* * *

On the train

After saying goodbye to all our friends we boarded the train, we were the only ones headed that way so having the whole car and pretty much train to ourselves was really fun. We set our luggage in one set of seats and roamed around the car mostly. We'd race the aisles up and down, race fruit down the aisle, orange beat apple every time for those who keep track. We'd pretend to be fancy delegates from other nations riding a train and puffing big cigars. The hours passed and eventually we were lounging back in our seats.

"Hey, Chuck?" Pinkie said to me as we laid back, I knew whatever it was it was serious, she barely ever called me just Chuck.

"Yeah Pinkie?" I turned and looked at her.

"I just wanted to say thank you, for agreeing to do this, I know you're scared to do this, and honestly so am I." She said. "I'm just really happy that you're so willing to do this with me."

"Of course I'd agree to it." I smiled at her. "I love you and I want to get to know your family." I held her hoof. "And who knows? Maybe this whole thing will just go really well!" I said with enthusiasm.

"Here's hoping." She smiled.

"Regardless, we have each other, right?" I smiled.

"Right." She smiled at me. "What did I ever do to deserve you?" She said hugging me.

"I don't know, but whatever it was, I'm glad you did it." I hugged back.

"I love you Chuckie." She said.

"I love you too." I held her close as our train ride continued, there was still another couple hours to go, a nap might help.

"Want to grab a little shut eye before we arrive?" I asked.

"That sounds good to me." She said leaning into me and closing her eyes. I wrapped one of my front legs around her and shut my eyes for a nap.

* * *

The arrival

"Chuck... Chuck... Chuckie wake up!" I opened my eyes to see Pinkie looking over me. I yawned feeling my sense coming back to me as I got up and stretched.

"We're here huh?" I asked.

"Yup!" She smiled.

"Is your family right outside the train?" I asked wiping at an eye.

"They sure are!" She nodded.

"We still going to do the box plan?" I asked.

"If you're okay with that!" Pinkie said.

"Let's do it." I say grabbing the large box. What was the box plan? Well, as a surprise, I'm going to hide in a large box and Pinkie will "open" it up as a way of telling the family. Here's hoping it would all go well.

Pinkie exited the train pulling behind her luggage and the large box behind her, which had my luggage and myself in it.

"Pinkamena, it is quite excellent to see thee once more my daughter." Her father, Igneous Rock Pie welcomed her.

"Hi dad!" Pinkie wrapped a large hug around him.

"Yes yes, we are so glad to see you. It was wonderful that thee could come home for Hearthswarming." Her mother Cloudy Quartz welcomed her.

"I'm so happy to be back! I've got a great surprise for you all this year!" Pinkie grinned widely.

"Pinkamena, surely thee must know how much thine father hates surprises." Her mother said.

"Quite true. For they are bad for my heart." He nodded.

"Don't worry, I bet you'll all love this surprise!" Pinkie grinned from ear to ear. I sure hope they were going to love this surprise, considering it was me.

"Well, surprises can wait. Let's get you home." Her father said as they made their way toward the farm. You know that feeling when you're watching a small animal cross a highway and you're absolutely sure the outcome is going to be terrible? Well, that was how I was feeling. Thank Celestia I could still breath from a couple of holes poked into the top, I was impressed Pinkie could pull her luggage and her coltfriend and his luggage in a giant box. I could hare Maud, Limestone, and Marble talking with Pinkie behind their parents.

"What's in the box?" Limestone sneered. "It better not be better than my gift for mom and dad. I _hate_ it when you do that!"

"I know what it is." Maud said.

"No fair! Why does she get to know and not me?" Limestone asked.

"She saw hi- _it_ before she should have." Pinkie laughed slightly.

"It's not _that_ big and grand. A little boring if you ask me." Maud winked at Pinkie with about as big a smile she can muster, which is a slight grin.

"I like to imagine I'd be an alright surprise." I muttered at the comment.

"Did that box just... talk?" Limestone asked.

"What!? I- I didn't hear anything!" Pinkie said, after saying that she kicked the box with her hind leg. I guess that was her way of telling me to shut up, I had probably better do as I was told.

"Uh huh..." Limestone said. "I think you're lying."

"I swear! Honest!" Pinkie defended herself.

"I heard a voice! It was deep too, like a criminal! Are you harboring a criminal? Because if you think you can hide a criminal on _my_ farm so help me Celestia-" Limestone was cut off by Maud.

"She's telling the truth. Clearly you were just hearing things." She said. Limestone exchanged looks between the two of them, then at the box.

"Alright. If you insist." She said with an annoyed tone.

"She is not going to be happy when she finds out you were lying." Maud said quietly to Pinkie.

"It's not _lying!_ It's bending the truth for the sake of a surprise!" Pinkie said defending her actions.

"Come to think of it, she'd probably be mad regardless." Maud said. Her statement made Pinkie laugh loudly.

"What's so funny?" Limestone asked sharply.

"Nothin'." Pinkie said with a little laugh.

* * *

Pie Family Rock Farm

"Welcome home Pinkamena." Igneous welcomed her as they arrived.

"Thanks pa!" She gave him another big hug coming through the door. "I'll just take my things to my room and I'll be down in a bit!" Pinkie winked pushing everything up the stairs. Once she got into her room, she tapped on the box. "Coast is clear." She whispered. I immediately tossed the lid of the box off and jumped out.

"Hallelujah! I was beginning to feel trapped in there." I said stretching my legs. She quickly shushed me.

"Keep it down, the house isn't all that sound proof." She whispered pressing her hoof against my mouth.

"Got it." I whispered taking her hoof off my mouth.

"Thanks again for agreeing to do this." She smiled.

"Are you kidding? I wouldn't have said no for anything!" I said.

"That's what I love about ya." Pinkie hugged me and gave me a kiss on the cheek.

"Glad to know that's the only thing you love about me." I joked.

"Lemme rephrase that, one _of many_ things I love about you." She smiled.

"That works." I gave her a kiss.

"Am I interrupting anything?" A flat voice asked. We both turned and looked at Maud. "You're lucky it was me. Mom was originally coming to check on you, but you know I can be very persuasive."

"Thanks Maud! You're a lifesaver!" Pinkie wiped sweat from her head.

"Definitely, and I'll have you know I'm not boring." I said.

"I was just joking. I thought you could tell." She said. "I was using my joke voice."

"You know, come to think of it, there was definitely a different tone in your voice." I lied.

"There you go. Anyway. You'd best not take too long up here. Mom and Dad will get suspicious." Maud warned.

"I won't!" Pinkie called as Maud left. "Well, you'd better get back in the box. Ready?" She asked.

"We're doing this now huh? Guess I'm as ready as I'll ever be." I said crawling into the box. "Are _you_ ready?" I asked.

"Of course I am! I was _born_ ready." She said confidently.

"Alright then, let's do this." I said shutting the lid on the box. I could feel each step as Pinkie lead the box down the stairs. "Okay. Here we go. _focus._ "Hi there, my name is Chuck, it's a pleasure to meet you all!" I whispered to myself.

"Hi everyponyyyy." Pinkie started setting the box down in the common area where her family was.

"Must thine surprise be for this very moment?" Her father asked.

"Trust me, it's better now than later." Pinkie winked.

"If it absolutely cannot wait. Very well." Igneous nodded.

"Okay! Well, this is mostly for _meee_ but it's only right that you all get to see it too!" She said.

"Oh how _very interesting_." Limestone huffed.

"Limestone! Thine kin is trying to share something with us." Igneous scolded.

"Well, I'd like to introduce you all to my surprise... Chuck!" She said lifting up the lid, I climbed out of the box and stood next to her.

"Pinkamena, for what reason is thine surprise a colt hiding within a box?" Her father asked. _Oh boy._

"Dad, Mom, Limestone, Marble... Chuck is, well, my special somepony!" She said putting one front leg around me. There was a long pause for a moment, I wasn't quite sure what was going to happen at this point.

"I beg your pardon?" Her mother finally spoke up.

"Chuck and I have been... together for a little while now? In a romantic fashion?" Pinkie said trying to make them understand.

"Ah yes, now I understand." Her father nodded, and then all of a sudden his eyes widened to an extreme that was almost frightening. "WHAT!?" He bellowed. _Here we go..._

"This is gonna be fun to watch." Limestone grinned.

"Sir, um.. Mr. Pie, I... Um.." I began.

"I will speak to thee in a moment young colt!" He said to me.

"Igneous, doth thou not think that thou art overreacting a little?" Cloudy Quartz.

"Did thou not just hear what our daughter just said?" He asked.

"Yes Igneous, however, perhaps this colt is suitable for Pinkamena." She suggested. Igneous stared at me with an angry expression.

"Very well. Thy name is Chuck, be it not?" He asked.

"Yes indeed sir." I nodded respectfully.

"Chuck. Please, do share thine story to myself and my kin." He said gritting his teeth slightly.

"Tell you about myself?" I asked. Pinkie looked at me and seemed to mouth "Go on." Here goes nothing... "Well, I am an entertainer of sorts. I sing, tell jokes, I even used to do a little bit of acting. When I'm not doing any of that, which is quite often, I run my own business." I said.

"What kind of business, do tell?" He said.

"A tavern." I said.

"Oh Celestia..." He put his hoof to his face. "My daughters run off with a boozer..."

"Daaaad, there's more to Chuck than that!" Pinkie defended me.

"Very well. Continue." He said.

"Tell them about where your from." Pinkie whispered to me.

"Worth a shot." I whispered back. "Let me tell you this, this is an interesting story." I began. "I'm not from Equestria you see. I am from a place far away from here." I told my story to her family. I was met with strange, questioning looks the entire story. Of course, I was used to looks like that when explaining myself, Hell I was used to those looks whenever I said anything really. As I finished my story, Cloudy Quartz, Limestone, Marble just stared at me with hanging jaws. Igneous' eyes just narrowed.

"Thine origins are of a completely different realm?" He asked.

"Well, well yes I guess they are." I said. "But I mean, I'm still technically 100% pony now, at least I think I am." I said. "So you wouldn't have to worry about any complications genetically or anything."

"Complications genetically? Why would that be an issue?" He asked. "Hast thine been... _fornicating?_ " He said with shock.

"What!? No, no no no no no. That isn't what I meant!" I said. "I simply meant, I mean, come on, everypony wants _grandfoals_ someday..."

"Chuck. Mayday! Mayday!" Pinkie murmured to me.

"Grandfoals!?" He exclaimed.

"Not, not anytime soon anyway heheh..." I said nervously.

"Igneous! Come with me, let me brew thee some tea." Cloudy Quartz said leading a sputtering Igneous into the kitchen.

"Nice, bravo! Great show! You sure know how to pick 'em sis!" Limestone smirked.

"Limestone. Try and be nice." Maud said to her.

"Pinkie, I'm sorry my first impression didn't go well..." I said feeling sorry for the little disaster that just happened.

"Chuckie, it's okay." She said. "We still have a couple of days, then who knows? I'm sure you two will be the bestest of friends!" She smiled hopefully.

"Here's hoping." I smiled, suddenly, Cloudy Quartz came through the door.

"That should calm his old bones down." She said.

"I'm sorry Ma." Pinkie said to her mother as she came in.

"Why? It is not thine fault, it is thine father. If this helps, young colt, Chuck, was it? I hath no problems with thee. Thy seemeth to be a fine colt."

"Thank you ma'am." I smiled.

"However, I must admit, thine origins did confuse me a little, doth thou know how you cameth to be here?" She asked.

"That's just it, I have no idea." I shrugged.

"Perhaps the Choosing Stone took favor to thee." She suggested.

"It's a possibility." I nodded.

"The Choosing Stone worketh in mysterious ways." She said.

"I'm sure it does, who knows, could be the Choosing Stone." I shrugged.

"Either or, I'm just happy you came!" Pinkie kissed my cheek.

"So am I." I smiled.

"Worry not for how Igneous feels. Surely time will change his mind." Cloudy encouraged me.

"Here's hoping." I said.

"Now, Let me show thee to a guest room." She said leading me up the stairs. "I may like thee, but thy and Pinkamena will not be sharing a room."

"Thank you Mrs. Pie." I said following her.

"Thou art welcome, Chuck." She said.

* * *

Later that night

I was settling into my bed (which was quite comfortable actually, I would have to ask later what the mattress was made from...), thinking about how I could make myself appear worthy, respectable even, to Pinkie's father, when suddenly I heard a knock on the door. "C'mon in." I said.

"Hi Chuckie." Pinkie said walking in, I sat up to talk to her.

"Hi Cutie Pie, what brings you here?" I asked.

"Just thought that I'd pop in to say goodnight, that's all." She said sitting down next to me.

"Well, that is always welcome." I smiled.

"Also, don't worry about Pa, he'll come around." She said. "He wasn't too happy when he got word Maud was friends with a Unicorn either."

"Isn't that a little racist?" I asked.

"It was about the magic, not the horn." She said. Yeah, but I mean, _still..._

"Ah, I see." I nodded.

"Like I said, we've still got a couple of days, just be yourself!" She said.

"My booze selling, lousy comedian, dimensional immigrant self." I cocked an eyebrow.

"Hey, he never said anything about you being a comedian!" She slugged my shoulder playfully.

"That's true, Goodnight Cutie Pie." I said giving her a kiss.

"Goodnight Chuckie." She kissed me back. "See you in the morning." She said as she got up.

"I can't wait." I smiled as she shut the door behind her. Another day, another start, but not another story, this will definitely take a few chapters to wrap up.

* * *

 _Ooh wee! What a chapter! Hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed the arthritis I get from typing! Until the next time in "Meeting the family part 2!" Probably not the real title._


	25. Chapter 25: A Quibbling Hearthswarming

**Author's note:** So we've Chuck and Pinkie's Hearthswarming that's going quite crazy, but who else is having a holiday most hazy? Let's talk of this pony, Mr. Quibble Pants, who's finding out his Hearthswarming ain't the same song-and-dance. What can we expect from this book reading fellow? Just keep reading, and... something something... Yellow. I tried to rhyme this author's note, but sometimes that ship is a hard one to float, something I should share for this chapter ahead, the action is being seen from within Quibble's head. Now let's get to the story and read what unfurls, maybe there will even be something that... swirls.

* * *

A Quibbling Hearthswarming

December 23rd. Ponyville.

I walked through Ponyville this morning, I don't normally take morning walks, but I thought it would be a good idea. I soon regretted the idea when I saw that everypony had busied themselves with Hearthswarming activities, wait, that makes me sound like a real Snowfall Frost, let me make something clear, I love Hearthswarming, wonderful time of year! The thing was, this year was a bit different, you see, every year I spent Hearthswarming with my Mom and Dad, but this was my first Hearthswarming away from home, and as much as everything looked similar, it was so, so different.

 **Me:** _The streets are filled with Hearthswarming cheer_

 _At least its only once a year_

 _Perfect parcels tied with perfect bows_

 _And carols ringing in my ear_

 _Bundled up against the cold_

 _Lines wherever gifts are sold_

 _Each shop window displays a Hearthswarming scene_

 _For everypony young and old_

 _Icicles on eavesdrops_

 _And tinsel on the trees_

 _But it's a green Hearthswarming for me_

 _Couples skating on the pond_

 _Making angels on the lawn_

 _Five red mittens drying on the rack_

 _And needles shedding tannenbaums_

 _Red bows on the railings_

 _And snowflakes on the ground_

 _But it's a green Hearthswarming in this town_

 _Green_

 _Cause of everything I miss_

 _All this mistletoe no kiss_

 _And with every Hearthswarming wish_

 _There would be no greater gift_

 _Than to have this envy lift..._

I retired to my house after walking through town, after settling into my chair with some hot cocoa, I heard a sound coming from outside my door.

 _Carolers are at my door..._ I slammed the door shut.

 _Don't want to hear them anymore_

 _Stockings on the mantle_

 _It snows here everyday_

 _But it's a green Hearthswarming anyway_

 _Red nose on the reindeer_

 _And tinsel on the tree_

 _But it's a green Hearthswarming for me_

So anyway, that was how I felt. Kind of alone in the world, Chuck had been drug off with Pinkie to visit her family for Heathswarming, and Rainbow Dash was visiting her family as well. Hearthswarming was Cheese's busiest time of the year, I was half convinced he was Santa Hooves. The guy disappears from the 23rd to the 26th pretty much every year, which doesn't normally bug me, but somepony's company would be great. I'd even take Discord at this point, wait, no. I take that back. Not Discord, anypony but Discord. Suddenly, I heard a knock at my door. I walked to my door and opened it up.

"Quibble Pants?" The gray mailmare asked. I had to take a minute to pick an eye to make contact with.

"Yes, that's me." I nodded. She reached into her bag and gave me a letter.

"Letter for you!" She said cheerfully. "Happy Hearthswarming!"

"Likewise." I nodded. "Thanks for the letter." I said shutting the door.

"Quibble Pants... 539 Croup Lane... From: Grouchy and Bossy Pants." I read, it was a letter from Mom and Dad! I opened the letter and read.

"Dear Quibble, I hope all is well in... Where do you live again? Ponytown or something? Anyway, we just wanted to wish you a happy Hearthswarming. With love from Mom and Dad." I read. That was definitely my Dad's writing. Formal writing was never his forte, the sentiment was still kind. I was glad to hear from my parents. Suddenly, I had an idea. A great idea, I immediately went to my room and packed a bag.

* * *

One train ride later...

I never realized how bad the air smelled in Manehatten until I started living in a small town. Wow, there is a gigantic difference between the air in Ponyville and in Manehatten. But really, none of that mattered much, I was happy to be back in my home town. I hopped in the first taxi cart I could find and went straight for my parent's house.

* * *

Meanwhile at the Quibble family home

"Geez this tree smells good." Grouchy, my Dad remarked. "Smells so real!"

"Real trees have a tendency to do that." My Mom, Bossy replied sarcastically. "I'm glad we're trying something new this year." She said.

"Me too. About time for a change." My dad nodded.

* * *

My arrival

Everything was just as I remembered in my old neighborhood, the old tree in my backyard with my tree house where I used to hang out and read comics was still standing, my neighbor's lawn still cluttered with terrible tacky lawn ornaments, the gutter on the roof was still broken from a roofing accident from 6 years ago. Thousands of memories flooded back as I approached the steps of my old house. I knocked on the door as I stepped onto the "Welcome" mat. My mother came to the door.

"Quibble!?" She asked feeling surprised to see me.

"Hi Mom!" I smiled.

"Oh Quibble!" She wrapped me in a tight hug. "It's so good to see you! Grouchy! Get over here!" She called to my dad.

"Quibble! Son! Good to see you lad!" He said embracing me. "What the heck are you doing here?" He asked.

"Sorry about the sudden drop in." I said. "Just missed home I guess, wanted to have a good old fashioned Hearthswarming at home." As I said that I couldn't help but notice them exchange looks.

"Ah. Well then. You've come to the right place!" Mom smiled.

"Yep! C'mon in son, your room should just how you left it." Dad nodded. And he was right, when I opened the door to my room, it was like I never went off to college. Or the ten years after that didn't happen for that matter. Comics were still stacked high, my old Power Ponies collectibles were on the shelf, and even my old Mareilyn Monroe poster was up.

"Wow... Really is like I never left." I said to myself picking up a comic. I remembered this one! First appearance of Spider Colt! I wasn't around when this was printed, I traded a pack of gum for it from a colt who stole it from his older brother, guess neither of them knew it'd be worth something someday. I couldn't help myself but to revisit the old piece of childhood memorabilia. The dialogue was tacky and the illustrations were crude in comparison to the comics of the modern day, but there's always room to appreciate the classics. Before long, half of one of the stacks had been cleared and re-read after sitting dormant for the past decade. I looked at the clock, a whole hour had passed since I got here. I decided I'd better go back downstairs.

"There he is!" My dad said. "Beginning to think you had a mare up there with you!"

"Speaking of which, grandfoals would be appreciated." My mom added.

"I'm not discussing this!" I groaned. I turned and looked at the Hearthswarming tree, I didn't get to look when I came in. Suddenly I noticed something was wrong, definitely wrong.

"Whoa! Whoa!" I gasped. "What are you doing here!?" I exclaimed.

"Building a haunted house for Nightmare Night." Mom said sarcastically.

"Where's our real tree!?" I asked.

"This is real." My dad said going up to it. "Give it a sniff!"

"I mean our old one!" You see, ever since I was a young colt, we put up a silver aluminum tree, lights came preattached so there was no stress of untangling lights every year, no needles on the floor, easy to tuck away, it was perfect!

"That aluminum thing? I got tired of it." Mom told me. "We're going to have a traditional Hearthswarming for once this year." This is ludicrous.

"Tradition!? That's been our tree for more than 20 years, if that isn't tradition I don't know what is!" I blurted.

"Hearthswarming predates Saturday Morning Cartoons you know." Mom gave me a look.

"I know, it goes all the way back to Jimmy Stifle." I said remembering his old Hearthswarming specials. "Why are you trying to wreck Hearthswarming? That's Dad's thing!" I said.

"I never wrecked Hearthswarming!" He said grouchily.

Hearthswarming Eve, Age: 7

"Careful, those knives are sharp." My mom warned dad as he was about to carve the meal.

"Don't worry!" He brushed her off.

 _-ambulance-_

One year later

"This eggnog seems a little off." Mom said.

"Just drink it!" Dad scoffed.

- _ambulance-_

One year after that

"Careful, remember what happened a couple of years ago." Mom warned Dad as he was about to carve the meal again.

"You're right..." He nodded. "Here Quibble!" He gave me the knives.

 _-ambulance-_

Back to the present

"Good times." My mom said sarcastically to my Dad.

"this new tree doesn't sit well with me at all." I sneered at it. "You two can have your traditional Hearthswarming but don't expect me to participate... I mean I'll open the presents, and eat the big dinner... Have a couple pieces of pie and all, but my heart will be in the basement with a certain forgotten piece of aluminum!"

"Pretty high and mighty for a colt who can't even handle a knife!" Dad scoffed at me.

* * *

Later on

I decided to go for a short walk to clear my head, my second walk in the same day, I thought the health kick was meant for after New Years! I was walking through my old neighborhood, the familiarity was nice, especially after the heart attack from my mother's crazy Hearthswarmings plan. I come all the way from Ponyville for familiarity and this happens!? Maybe they should've brought it up in the letter, no maybe about it! They absolutely should have! I know I sounded kind of selfish, but I didn't think it was too much to ask for. All of a sudden I heard a voice calling for me.

"Quibble? Quibble Pants? Is that you!?" I turned and saw a stallion approaching me. I squinted for a second but suddenly I recognized my foalhood best friend, Penny Candy.

"Penny Candy! I can't believe it!" I said running up to him.

"What're you doing back here? I thought you moved deep city!" He said.

"I did." I explained. "Then I moved to a small town, Ponyville. Thought I'd come back and visit the old neighborhood for Hearthswarming."

"Well I'm glad I ran into you then, I was just on my way into town for an early dinner, care to join me?" He asked.

"Sure!" I nodded. Once we got into town we dropped into the first pub we could find. After we sat down and got our meals we started to catch up, and did we have a lot to catch up on! It had been at least five years since I last saw him.

"So what have you been up to?" I asked.

"Took over my dad's candy shop." He told me. "Of course that was kind of a given." His dad's candy shop, let me tell you this, his dad's candy shop was probably the best place to go as a young colt. He had every type of candy known to pony kind, stools you could just sit at like a bar and eat candy till your heart was beating faster than a caffeine infused hummingbird. The best part was, Penny Candy and I got discounts, on account of being the owner's son and the owner's son's best friend.

"Really? Wait, your dad didn't..." I started.

"Die? No, no he's alive and well." Penny reassured me. "He just decided to retire, that's all. I couldn't stand the idea of that shop going to some other business, so I took over, still doing strong too, as long as foals love candy I'd say I'll do fine." He explained. "What about you?"

"Well, let's see, since we've past seen each other... I've only..." I smirked a little. "Met _the_ real Daring Do."

"You're kidding." He said. "Everypony knows Daring Do is made up."

"I'm not kidding, here, let me tell you about it." I proceeded to tell him the story of when I met Rainbow Dash at that Daring Do convention. His eyes were buldged and his jaw hung by the time I was done.

"Dude!" He remarked.

"I know." I grinned.

"That sounds almost like the crazy adventures we'd plan out back when we were little colts!" He said.

"I know!" I nodded. "Come to think of it, I think I still have a map we drew up somewhere in my closet!"

"Oh Celestia..." He said thinking back upon our foalhood.

"But I mean, that can wait." I said. "What else has been new?" I asked.

"Well, remember Sugar Cane from school?" He asked.

"Yeah, what about her?" I asked. He suddenly pulled out a golden ring."You two got married!?"

"Not yet exactly, we're _to be_ married." He said. "We started dating about two years ago, would have told you but you were never around."

"Congratulations!" I smiled. "Happy for you two!"

"Why don't you come back for the wedding? I'm sure she'd be happy to see you too." Penny told me.

"I'd love too!" I said.

"Great, I'll have your invitation with the details sent soon once we decide on a date." He told me.

"Wonderful!" I said.

"How about you?" He asked.

"What?"

"Any mares? or colts, you know I don't judge." He asked.

"Why does everypony add the second part? Is it the shirt? The mane?" I sighed. "Nope, not really though." I said.

"Not a single one? Pants, I'm telling you, you don't know what you're missing." He said.

"You don't think I know that?" I asked. "I've tried, just no luck yet. But, there's this one mare..." I started.

"Oh? C'mon, tell me more!" He pleaded.

"Well she's the one I met at the convention." I explained. "She just so happened to live in the town I moved to."

"It's fate!" Penny exclaimed. "You can't just write this stuff!" (Yes, yes you can).

"She's great." I explained. "Gives me a kick in the flank when I need it too."

"Glad to know somepony took up that job, Celestia knows you've needed it for a long time coming." Penny joked.

"Hey!" I blurted before nodding a little. "Yeah, seems more small town ponies are more apt to give you a kick in the flank when you need it, not only do I've got her, but her friend too, she's always hanging around this apple farmer pony, apparently her big shtick is honesty, then the bar keep in town, don't get me started, once, he pretty much locked me up in the bar with a cracked draconequus." (See chapter 14).

"Wow, why'd you even move there?" He asked.

"Well, I dunno, the sense of community was kind of nice, after all in Manehatten everypony sticks to themselves really." I said.

"That and I'm sure half of your decision was you thinking with your-"

"Shut up." I cut him off.

"Well, anyhow, we'd probably best head back now, well, I'd better anyway." He said getting up.

"Already?" I asked.

"Yeah, that's 'to be married' life for you, she wants us to go visit her parents tonight."

"Ah well yeah I get it, best not keep her then." I said getting up with him. "Tell her I said 'hi'."

"I sure will." He nodded. "Great seeing you again pal, hope to see you again before you leave!"

"Likewise." I nodded.

* * *

Back home

"Try this." My mom said with a pot and wooden spoon. I took the wooden spoon and almost put it in my mouth until she said. "Homemade cranberry sauce." I looked at her with a cocked eyebrow.

"Homemade cranberries?" I asked. "What kind of food network voodoo is that?" She just looked at me blankly.

"Cranberry sauce comes from a tin! That's the way it's always been!" I explained. "Don't you miss the traditional cranking open of the can? That warm giggly cylinder sliding out onto the plate? That 'blurt' sound? That's the sound of Hearthswarming!"

"Right now the sound of Hearthswarming is you whining." She said dryly. "Let me plug that whiny mouth of yours with some food, dinner time." She said. Now, I may not like this new kick my mom is on, but hearing this news pleased me greatly, I missed home meals for a long time now.

"Thank Celestia!" I said running up to the table.

"Made one of your favorite's since your home, a five cheese lasagna." She said.

"Great!" I stopped. "You didn't use one of the cheeses twice did you?" I asked.

"Five different cheeses." She smiled.

"You know those cheeses are bad for my arteries!" My dad said.

"I've seen those disgusting sandwiches you make yourself, you shouldn't be that worried." She replied. "Now let's dig in." As we dug into our food, my glance couldn't help but catch the tree, it standing there, all, real, all... nontraditional yet traditional.

"I still can't believe that you aren't using the old tree, the old tree was tradition." I said.

"Before artificial trees the tradition was non artificial trees." Mom said.

"Yeah, we used to call 'em 'trees'." Dad nodded.

"Well at least the old stand-by didn't get pine needles all over the floor and ooze pine gum." I said.

"We don't mind, it's Hearthswarming ooze." She said.

"Well it stinks." I said. "Not the tree actually it smells quite nice, but the rest of this stinks."

"Don't be such a crap apple." My mom dismissed me.

"I'm just glad I'm not the one wrecking Hearthswarming..." My dad said quietly.

"Give it time..." Mom said.

"Well, thanks for dinner Ma." I said finishing my lasagna. "Need any help with the dishes?" I asked.

"That's what your fathers for." She said.

"What!?" Dad blurted out.

"Alright, thanks again Ma!" I said retreating upstairs.

"Come on old bones, let's get these dishes done." Mom said as Dad grouchily got up and cleared the table.

"I thought the purpose of having a son was getting _him_ to do all the work." He grumbled.

"That was when he was a colt, you realize he has grown since then right?" Mom asked.

"Physically, sure, gets fatter every year." He said.

"Oh hush." Mom ordered as they started doing the dishes. He did as he was told for a short while, then he eventually broke those orders.

"Boy, Quibble is really wrecking Hearthswarming this year huh?" He asked.

"Did you water the tree?" Mom asked, but he wasn't listening.

"Normally you'd think it'd be me wrecking Hearthswarming, but it's him." He continued.

"And the cranberry sauce needs to go in the jars I left out." Mom said ignoring him.

"Yep, he is really on the way to wrecking Hearthswarming." He nodded

"More like his father every day." Mom said.

"Yep." He nodded, then he realized what he agreed to. "Hey! I'm on your side here!"

* * *

The next day

I was eating breakfast with Mom when Dad walked in from going out into town, cranky as ever.

"Well there he is, the colt who's wrecking Hearthswarming." He said looking at me.

"Did you pick up the ingredients for the pot pie?" Mom asked.

"Too busy doing other stuff, I'll get it later." He said.

"Tis the season of miracles." Mom muttered. I looked over at the tree and saw it starting to look shriveled.

"Geez, your tree isn't looking too good, you know there's a nice shiny silver one downstairs I could bring up." I suggested.

"Didn't you water it?" Mom asked my dad.

"I had a lot on my mind!" He defended himself.

"Doesn't take much." She sneered. "Now go get those ingredients before I stuff _you_ full of bread." She said.

"Geez." I heard him mutter. "Is it just me, or is your mother wrecking Hearthswarming?" He asked.

"No, it's just you." I grinned.

"Jackass." He muttered.

"Alright alright Dad." I siad getting up. "Tell you what, I'll go get those things." I offered.

"Finally you're speaking my language!" He said reclining. I chuckled a little as I walked out the door with the list.

I arrived at the supermarket to pick out the ingredients, it wasn't too hard, they always stock up more on the big ticket food items around Hearthswarming. As I was shopping, I heard somepony else almost frantically reciting a list.

"Okay... eggs check, potatoes... potatoes..." She said, she was a pink mare with red thick glasses.

"Left dinner for last minute huh?" I asked.

"Heh! Sure did, I guess I just got so busy I almost forgot what day it was." She chuckled.

"That's what my old colt did, now I'm out shopping for him." I said.

"Aww how kind! Warms my heart to see ponies being nice, especially this time of year!" She smiled widely.

"Sweet." I said. "See, my parent's names are Bossy and Grouchy, so there's definitely a _whole lot_ of that around the holidays."

"Ha!" She laughed, then she looked at me. "Oh, you're not kidding."

"Not kidding at all." I shook my head. "Name's Quibble Pants." I extended my hoof.

"I'm Oddity." She smiled. "Oddity Trinkets."

"Happy to meet you." I nodded.

"Likewise." She smiled. "With your family for Hearthswarming you said huh?"

"Sure am, back home for the first time since I moved." I said. "Moved to this small town, Ponyville."

"I've heard of that place." She said.

"But yeah, decided I'd come back, one of my friends I have no idea where he went off to, my other... _acquaintance,_ I wouldn't say we're friends went with his marefriend to meet her family, then my only other friend in the area was with her family so I decided to come home." I explained. "What about you? Visiting?"

"Nope! Lived here my whole life." She said. "Just me though, parents moved down to Califoalnia for their retirement, train tickets are just a bit too pricey, maybe next year though." She shrugged.

"Sorry to hear that, I hope you get to see them next year." I said sympathetically. "If it helps, I'll let you swap places with me, I came up for a traditional Hearthswarming and got the rug thrown out from under me."

"How so?" She asked. I proceeded to explain all the ways Hearthswarming had been changed for me. As I finished she just looked at me.

"Really?" She asked.

"I know! I come up hoping just for familiarity, and this happens!" I say.

"No, no that's not what I meant." She shook her head. "I mean, really? I'm sorry but I can't quite understand why you have such a big problem with them trying something new."

"What?" I asked.

"You've got family, friends, you're home, I just don't understand why what's not there is such a big deal compared to what _is_ there." She said. I was taken aback by what she said. I said nothing for a moment.

"Just food for thought." She said. "Anyway, Happy Hearthswarming Quibble!" She said as she left.

"Happy... Hearthswarming." I said to myself as she left. Maybe she was right, maybe I was being kind of an ass about this whole thing.

* * *

Getting home

"I'm back!" I said walking through the door.

"Look who it is, mister Snowfall Frost!" My dad said.

"Hush dear." Mom told him.

"I'm back with all the items." I said hauling in the groceries.

"Oh thank you Quibble." Mom said. "How much were they? I can pay in just a second, let me get my purse." She said.

"No need." I said.

"Pardon?" She asked.

"You don't need to, dinner is on me this year." I said.

"Well thank you Quibble." Mom said gathering the ingredients. "What changed your attitude?" She asked.

"Got some sense knocked into me." I shrugged.

"About damn time!" Dad called from the living room.

"Quiet Grouchy!" Mom called. "He does have a point though."

"I know, I'm sorry I was kind of a stick in the mud before." I apologized.

"We all get that, you more than others, but not as much as your father, but that will come as you get older." She said.

"Don't remind me!" I chuckled.

A few hours later we had our Hearthswarming Eve dinner, and a good time was had by all, after dinner Penny Candy and Sugar Cane even came over for a visit. It was nice to catch up with Sugar again. She used to be in mine and Penny's friend group in school so we were pretty close. As the night came to a close and things were winding down, I was saying goodbye to them at the door.

"Thanks again for dropping by!" I said.

"Of course pal!" Penny smiled. "Had to see you before you went back to Ponyville." Sugar Cane nodded. Suddenly she looked up at the decoration above the doorway.

"That sure is pretty mistletoe." She said.

"Sure is." Penny nodded.

"Yep." I said. "But it's gonna die pretty soon, I'd better take it down." I said grabbing a step ladder.

"Are you sure? Looks like a high reach." Penny said.

"I've got it!" I said stubbornly.

 _-ambulance-_

"Same damn thing every year." My mother remarked looking at the ambulance cart go off.

* * *

 _Wasn't that fun? Don't worry, next chapter will be back to Chuck and Pinkie, I just it would be fun to show some other holiday stories._

 _Most of Grouchy and Bossy's dialogue and character was based off of Oscar and Emma Leroy from CBC's Corner Gas._

 _Song used_

 _"Green Christmas" by: The Barenaked Ladies_


	26. Chapter 26: Happy Hearthswarming Part 2

**Author's** **Note:** Anyone know where to hide the body of an Elvis impersonator who just wouldn't sing the song you requested? Asking for a friend. But really, what Elvis impersonator doesn't sing Heartbreak Hotel? This guy apparently, but now he doesn't sing anything, kind of like the real Elvis. Oh well right?

* * *

Chapter 26: Happy Hearthswarming Part 2: Team Friends Forever

Dateline: Pie Family Rock Farm, December 24th, Hearthswarming Eve. Precisely 6:32-ish. I was just getting up from my sleep at this point, my room was conveniently placed so that the sun could shine _incredibly_ bright when it rises, because you know what's fun to do during vacation? Rising at 6:32. Just kidding of course.

"Yeesh." I yawned stretching my legs. I couldn't hear a sound coming from the house, I must be the first one up. "Now what? I'm up, nopony else is." Every sleepover anxiety came crawling back, everyone who's had a sleepover can relate can't they? That awkward moment when you wake up at someone else's house first? No? Okayyyy. Suddenly, my door burst open.

"Thought I heard hooves clopping in here! It's about time too! We've been up for hours!" Pinkie said excitedly. Guess I was wrong, not the first time, absolutely not the last.

"Oh have you? You could've woken me up you know." I yawned.

"Thought you'd wanna sleep in." She smiled. Because on the farm, 6:30 is sleeping in.

"Well that was very thoughtful." I nodded. "What's on the agenda today?" I asked.

"It's Hearthswarming Eve silly! That's what!" She said messing up my mane with her hoof.

"That didn't answer my question, this is my first Hearthswarming. A run down would be nice." I said dryly.

"Well, most the traditions don't happen till the evening." She explained. "We have dinner, then we'll do our Hearthswarming dolls, ooh! You get to _make_ yours this year! Then we do the flag finding mission!" It was all coming back to me now, season 5 episode 20 was coming back to me to be exact. But still, I nodded like this was new information to me.

"Neat!" I smiled, unlike my response to her explanation of the traditions, I was being truthful in my enthusiasm, I was really looking forward to this, even the rock soup aspect. You know? Something you can at least say you tried huh?

"But until then, we all spend time together as a happy family!" She smiled.

"A happy family plus one." I pointed to myself.

"Aw Chuck, c'mon, you may feel a bit distanced now, but tonight it'll be like you've been one of the family for years." She smiled reassuringly.

"I'm sure you're right." I said.

"Of course I am!" She winked. "There's more in my noggin that just cotton candy y'know!" She pointed at her head.

"I knew that." I smirked.

"Never underestimate Pinkie." She winked.

"Chuck will make sure of it." I referred to myself in third person as she did. In Equestria is it called third pony?

"Now come on down, there's still some breakfast left for you." She said leading me downstairs.

"Sounds good to me." I grinned As we went down the stairs, when we came to the floor, the house was much alive.

"Good morning Chuck." Maud said to me as I walked into the room.

"Good morning Maud, and a good morning to everypony." I smiled warmly, it was met with smiles from Cloudy and Marble, a sneer from Limestone, but I didn't take it personally, and nothing, sweet F.A from Igneous.

"Igneous?" Cloudy Quartz coughed.

"Hm? Oh, yes, good morning." He murmured barely looking up from his paper.

"I believe what Igneous means to say is 'good morning Chuck, I trust that thine slumber was well.'" Cloudy said for him.

"Nope." He murmured.

"I do hope that thee are hungry, porridge is ready." Cloudy said. "Help thyself to coffee, freshly perked."

"Thank you!" I said pouring myself some coffee and getting some porridge, I sat down at the table and started eating. "Mighty good porridge." I commented.

"Thank you Chuck. Product of an old Pie family recipe." Cloudy told me.

"Bowl full of childhood right there!" Pinkie said before inhaling her bowlful. "Just as good as ever Ma!"

"Thank you dear." She said. Marble sat across the table from Pinkie and I.

"Chuckie! I never got to introduce you to my baby sister by eight minutes! Chuckie, meet Marble, Marble, meet Chuckie." She said.

"How do you do?" I asked. My question was met with a small smile and a nod.

"Don't mind her, she's a little shy, but what she means to say is 'I'm fantastic! Thanks for asking!'." Pinkie said for her, she simply nodded.

"Pleased to meet you." I smiled.

"Mmhmm." She said shyly.

"Limestone, you and Chuckie were never properly introduced, Limestone, Chuckie! Chuckie, Limestone!" Pinkie introduced us.

"I'm great. Conversation over." She said to me.

"Alrighty then." I said awkwardly.

"You've already met Maud, Ma, and Pa, so there! Now you know everypony!" Pinkie smiled.

"Glad to." I nodded.

"We're happy to have you here Chuck. As you can see I'm absolutely ecstatic." Maud said.

"Glad to know you feel that way despite our, how shall we say, _rocky_ start?" I quipped.

"Ha. Another rock joke." Maud replied.

" _Lame._ " Limestone groaned. She wasn't wrong, it was pretty lame. "At least now I can kinda see why you were into this colt. You always enjoyed terrible jokes." She said to Pinkie.

"That is one hundred percent all she saw in me. It's true." I said with a bit of sarcasm.

"More than that!" Pinkie interjected.

"Please. I don't need or want to know any more about why who fell for who." Limestone gagged.

"Suit yourself then!" Pinkie smiled sipping her coffee.

"So, what are you reading about... Sir?" I asked.

"Tho shalt refer to me as Sir." I don't think he heard me.

"Igneous, he did." Cloudy said.

"Ah, Well then." He said. "I am reading the editorials."

"He likes to read about what's ruining Equestria this week, it's always something new." Maud said.

"Ah, I never took you for a 'Viva La Resistance' type of stallion." I said. He looked at me angrily.

"Resistance!?" He said angrily. "I abhor revolutionaries!"

"So do I!" I said. Do I really? I don't know, I've never met many resistance fighters.

"Ah. I see." His mood went back to a more calm setting.

"So much in common!" Pinkie said trying to help the conversation. There was a long pause, Igneous suddenly stood up.

"The days wasting. It may be Hearthswarming Eve, but there is still work to be done." He said.

"That's Pa! Ain't no labor like an honest day's labor!" Pinkie said. "I've got a great idea! Why don't you bring Chuck with you Pa?" He turned and eyed me.

"Hm. Strong looking legs, perhaps. Chuck, hath thee experience with manual labor?" He asked reluctantly.

"I sure do!" I said, I used to do a lot of manual labor with my grandfather, who was a lot like Igneous in some ways, but he liked me.

"Very well. Care to join me?" He sighed. I glanced at Pinkie, she really thought it was a good idea, I could tell Igneous didn't, but maybe I could prove myself with some honest work.

"I do care to." I smiled getting up.

"Wonderful." He said to himself as we went for the door.

"Five bits says we find Chuck with a pickaxe through his head in fifteen minutes." Limestone said. Pinkie turned to her and gasped.

"Limestone Pie!" Cloudy scolded.

* * *

Out in the quarry

"Doth thou know how to use a pickaxe?" He asked.

"Yes indeed." I nodded.

"Good. Take this." He handed me a pickaxe.

"Alrighty, what are we doing?" I asked.

"We mine from here, then we take our yield up to the farmland." He motioned up the the house. "From there, we plant the crystals into the soil, by Summer they will triple in size." He explained. In a world of talking ponies I couldn't really have a say in what's realistic or not, so I simply nodded at his explanation.

"Alrighty!" I said picking up the pickaxe.

"And one rule that I forgot to mention, talking stays at a minimum."

"I can live with that." I nodded as we got to work.

We worked pretty well together for a few minutes, I had a feeling that he definitely didn't expect me to be as good a laborer as I turned out to be. I'm pretty sure once I even saw him smile, which wasn't something I thought I'd see. After about 15 minutes of work, I swung into the quarry just as any other time, but this time, a rack formed, have you ever watched the Ice Age movies? The first on specifically, where the squirrel thing sticks his acorn in the ice and a crack starts? Well, that's what happened here. I watched the crack grow up the cliff side, one large chunk of rock sticking out in particular started trembling. Igneous was oblivious to all this, I have no idea how though. Suddenly, the piece of rock became unattached to the cliff and started to fall. Igneous was tossing some of his yield into the cart, I could see if I didn't act fast, I'd have an accidental murder on my hooves.

"Igneous! Look out!" I called lunging forward to knock him out of the way, mere seconds after I tackled him to the ground, the large piece of rock crushed the cart with a loud crash.

"What in Celestia's name just happened!?" He said getting up to examine the scene.

"It was my fault sir, I was just mining like you said when all of a sudden a giant crack merged." I said.

"Thou must hath mined into a fault line." He said.

"I'm sorry about the cart." I said.

"Surely thou doth not think this hath not happened before?" He said. "There are plenty of other carts up the hill. Go and fetch another." He instructed.

"I will." I nodded running up the path to get another cart, when I returned with the cart a good portion of the piece that had fallen had been chipped away at.

"Thank you." He said. "I no longer hath need for thine services." He told me in a kind of suppressed form of anger.

"Are you sure?" I asked.

"I am certain." He said. "Enough trouble hath been cause by thou already." I could hear him mutter.

"Oh, well, okay then." I said, pretending not to hear the last part. "Thank you sir." I said resigning back to the farm house.

"How did it go?" Pinkie asked me when I walked inside.

"Not wonderfully." I said.

"How so?" She asked.

"Well, I almost killed your father to start." I said. "Accidentally of course."

"How did that happen?" She asked.

"I picked into a fault line." I said.

"Oh no..." She said. "I'm sure he knew it was an accident." She said.

"Maybe, he seemed pretty angry with me when I came back with a new cart." I explained. "To think I was pretty sure all was well until that happened."

"A near death experience can do things to a pony." She advised. "Don't take it too personally."

"Thanks." I said. "What are you up to?" I asked.

"Just about to help Ma and Marble decorate the house." She said.

"Sounds fun, I'm sure there isn't a risk of death in _that_ job." I said.

"What did I tell you?" She asked.

"To stop dwelling on when I mess up?" I replied.

"Exactly." She smiled. "He's okay right?" She asked.

"Of course he is. I did get him out of the way." I said. "Real heroic like too, you should have seen it."

"Alright alright, save it for later Mr. Hero." She chuckled.

"Okay okay." I smirked a little at the nickname.

* * *

Later that day

After a couple hours of letting the fact I almost committed murder settle down inside me, I was ready to make myself visible to the family again. The house by this point was completely decorated as festive as any other house I've ever seen, lights strewn about, a Hearthswarming tree set up in the living room, even a small scale village carved from stone on a large shelf. I smiled looking at it, it reminded me of the village my grandmother would set up around Christmas time.

"Hey you!" A voice suddenly said behind me, startling me. I turned and saw Pinkie Pie.

"Geez." I said catching my breath. "Almost gave me a heart attack."

"No way!" She said. "If I did you'd be on the floor yelling in pain!" She explained. I looked at her for a moment, I chuckled with laughter and nodded.

"You've got a point." I chuckled.

"Lookin' at the little village?" She asked.

"Sure am." I said. "Looks real nice." I said.

"That village has been passed on for generations!" She explained. "Hoof carved by great-great granny Pie!"

"Wonderful craftsmanship." I remarked. "I just got caught up in looking at it, reminded me of a village like this my grandma would set up around the holidays." I said.

"Really?" Pinkie asked. "No kidding! I had no clue we shared so many traditions!"

"The village was more our family specifically, but a fun coincidence yours does it too." I smiled.

"Any other traditions you'd celebrate?" She asked.

"Well, The day after Christmas, which was the holiday I celebrated, a whole lot of my relatives would get together and we'd have brunch, there'd be lots of food, folks would play guitar, of course I'd always be out with my cousins having snowball fights or exploring the old abandoned barn on our homestead." I said recounting my old Boxing Day tradition.

"Sounds like an Apple Family reunion!" Pinkie said. "But y'know, with a _creepy abandoned_ barn instead of a standing, non creepy one!"

"I never said it was creepy." It was. "We had a good time though." I concluded.

"Miss it?" She asked.

"Yeah, a little." I admitted. "But, I like to imagine all the great things in my life I have now were an even trade."

"Aww Chuckie... You always know the right thing to say." She blushed.

"I have a knack for that." I smirked, then I glanced up. "You know, there's another tradition that I haven't told you about."

"What's that?" She asked.

"Well, back on Earth, it was customary that when two met under the mistletoe, they shared a kiss." I said.

"Well..." She said glancing up. "It would be rude to disrespect tradition, your world or not."

"Happy Hearthswarming." I said giving her a kiss.

"Merry Christmas." She smiled giving me a kiss back.

"I surely do not hope that I am interrupting anything." Cloudy said as she walked in.

"Surely you are not." I replied trying to speak in an amish esque voice.

"Close. But just talk like yourself." Pinkie whispered to me.

"10-4." I nodded.

"I happened to hear there was an accident in the quarry." Cloudy said.

"Yeah..." I started. "Sorry about that, nopony got hurt though!"

"I know that. Accidents happen. I just wanted to tell thou not to worry." She said.

"Thank you." I said. At this point the incident had blown over in my head, but confirmation from somepony else that it was okay was nice admittedly.

"Igneous however, does not forgive as easily." She said.

"What a breaking news report." I thought to myself.

"He'll come around Ma! He knows it would just an accident!" Pinkie brushed her words off. "Chuckie would never hurt a fly! Except for that fly family he sat on once... but he didn't do that on purpose!"

"You didn't have to share that part." I murmured.

"Perhaps." Cloudy said.

"Am I the only one who thinks everythings gonna be fine?" Pinkie asked.

"What?" I asked. "No way, I totally think it'll be fine." I said.

"Honesty would be fitting quality to look for in your next coltfriend." I could hear Limestone mutter. The one thing I miss about having hands is being able to flip people off.

"I _am_ being honest." I said. "Don't worry hon, it'll be fine." I reassured Pinkie.

* * *

Later on

After Igneous came in from the quarry, he and Cloudy began to talk alone in their room.

"Surely I do understand thine sentiments toward the colt. But he isn't all bad." Cloudy told him.

"Correct, he could have destroyed the wagon _and_ killed me." He said.

"For Celestia's sake..." She groaned. "It was an accident!"

"Accidents are acts of incompetence!" He growled.

"Surely thou art the most cantankerous old stone as ever born!" She sighed.

"Cloudy, listen." He sighed. "I want to like Chalk, I do." He said.

"Chuck dear." She said.

"Whatever." He said. "The point is, he just seems so... Mediocre." Cloudy just looked at him.

"So?" She asked. "Thee is Pinkamena's special somepony, not thine."

"If it were up to me, Thee wouldst be nopony's special somepony!" He said.

"But it is not, is it Igneous?" She asked rhetorically. He sighed feeling frustrated.

"Happy Hearthswarming indeed." He muttered.

"Thou art in no position to act in such a manner, perhaps if thou were more kind to Pinkamena's choice..." She began.

"More kind? _I_ didn't nearly _kill_ Pinkamena's choice!" He said.

"It was an accident!" She groaned once more.

"Fine." He said angrily. "On the condition that any time I am with that colt is within fifteen minute increments, I will be more kind." Cloudy paused for a moment.

"If that is what it is going to take to have a peaceful Hearthswarming, I'll take it." She agreed.

* * *

Even later on

I can testify to very few things in my life, one of them being that rock soup isn't as bad as you'd think. Once you get passed the fact that your teeth will hurt incredibly bad after trying to bite the rock. I guess you're just supposed to let the broth lube the rock down your throat. Biting the rock was a mistake I only made once by the way, because like my grandmother used to say: "Bite a rock once, shame on you. Bite a rock twice..." I'm sorry, I really thought I could come up with something there. But now that dinner was all over, it was time to start the evening traditions. First up, Hearthswarming dolls.

"Now, you don't know how to carve I take it?" Maud asked me.

"Negatory." I shook my head.

"Well, let me show you." She said helping me with the pick and mallet. "Like this, now, you have an odd mane, so that might be difficult." She said as if I wasn't already aware.

"Thanks, I think I've got it." I said picking away, eventually I was able to make a pretty decent representation of myself from stone, if only my real figure was chiseled from stone. _I'm a man of the night, a real ladies delight, see my figure was chiseled from stone..._ What a good song.

"Lookin' good Chuckie!" Pinkie encouraged me as I finished up the small carving.

"Thanks hon. Not too bad a representation if I do say so myself, though I think I'm not quite as thin as the sculpture suggests." I smirk.

"Eh, gives me something to snuggle with." She said, keep in mind, I'm not like John Candy or Drake and Josh era Josh Peck, I'm more Parks and Rec era Chris Pratt or kind of like Seth Rogen. But enough about my size, back to the story.

"You definitely did good for your first try." Maud told me. "Your eyebrows look more like dents in your head, but that can happen."

"You're just missin' _one_ thing!" Pinkie said picking up the tools, she then took a chip out of one of the figures shoulders. "That's for all those mornings when you're a big mister grumpy pants!" She then began imitating the few, I stress few, times I've been kind of grumpy in the morning.

"Blah blah blah, I need coffee, I hate everything! Where's the coffee! Blah blah blah!" She said in a mock angry voice. I chuckled at her portrayal of me.

"Alright, alright, that's enough." I said. "I doubt I ever said 'I hate everything'." I added.

"I've seen the look in your eyes those mornings, colder than a glacier!" She shivered.

"That's a bit of an overstatement." I said.

"I have never overstated a single thing in the history of the planet!" She said, proving my point.

"Uh huh. Okay hon." I chuckled.

"We can talk about this later." She smiled. "Time to set it up with everypony else's!" She said. I soon realized I had zilch to be proud of looking at the other's carvings.

"Damn." I said in amazement at the sculptures.

"That's what years of practice will do." Cloudy said in response to my amazement. "Except for Igneous, thee's very first Hearthswarming carving was perfect."

"It is true, I have always had a knack for carvings." He admitted.

"Neat!" I said admiring his work.

"Indeed." He nodded.

"Wish I was good at carving, instead all I'm good at is craving, and that's how I got this!" I stood on my hind legs and shook my stomach. My physical comedy made Pinkie laugh, but that was about it.

"Ha!" She laughed. "Get it? Because craving is close to carving!?" She laughed more.

"Alright alright." I said. "It wasn't that funny."

"That we can agree on." I heard Igneous mumble.

"Now that that's all wrapped up, time for the flag finding mission!" Pinkie sang.

* * *

Outside

Alright! Time for the teams! Limestone will be the judge, I'll stick with Marble, that's team one! Maud can be with Ma, team two! which just leave two more..." Pinkie looked at Igneous and I. "Then, Chuckie and Pa! Team Best Friends Forever!" She smiled. Oh boy, I've never wanted to ask someone what the hell they were thinking more than right then and there.

"Cloudy. fifteen minute rule..." Igneous said with wide eyes to his wife.

"Perfect selections Pinkamena." Cloudy nodded in approval with an almost sly smile.

"Looks like it's you and me sir!" I said.

"Mhm." He said in a disgruntled fashion. "Perfect."

"Nothing is perfect need I remind you." I said. "But my company is as close as it gets." I quipped.

"Now I wish that rock killed me." He groaned. At least I was trying to make the best of the situation.

"Off to a terrific start." I sighed to myself. Here we go I guess.

So I had a bit more on an advantage than Applejack and her family had in season 5, I knew I was looking for a picture instead of a real rock. Maybe finding it would help me prove myself to not be the pony equivalent of Jeffrey Dahmer or Charles Manson in Igneous' eyes, I don't know, at this point any idea is a good one.

" _Oh there's no rock like this rock, Find it 'cuz we're on the clock."_ I hummed looking around.

"What art thou singing?" Igneous asked.

"No rock like this rock?" I asked. "Eh, just something I came up with on the spot, I do that a lot." What he does not know is that it's a parody of something that is far too inappropriate for the T rating of this story, but hey, what he doesn't know can't hurt him.

"Interesting." He simply said. Deep down he started to realize that with traits like that, while I may not be his idea of a stallion you bring home to dad, I did suit his daughter well.

"So what kinda rock are we on the hunt for?" I asked, mostly to make conversation, don't tell her family I said this, Maud especially, but all rocks look the same to me.

"Mylonite." He replied.

"Outta sight, mylonite. Got it." I nodded. After a little while longer of searching, Igneous actually spoke up first.

"What about Pinkamena did thou take romantic interest in?" He asked.

"What drew me to her?" I asked. "Well, I mean, an easier question would be what didn't! First day I met her she showed more kindness to me than most folks ever gave me over years of knowing them, she even took me in since I had no other place to live, she made me happy when I never considered myself all that happy at all, and after all that, I don't know, I guess we clicked."

"Guess?" He asked.

"I can't explain how it happened." I said shrugging my shoulders. "I was drawn to her, who knows what drew her to me, then we became, well, an item."

"I see." He said.

"How about you and your wife, Cloudy?" I asked.

"Pairing stone." He said. "The pairing stone decreed 'thou shalt love each other' and thus, it became so." He explained. And I thought my world's arranged marriages were odd.

"Romantic." I said. "Hey, what's mylonite look like anyway?"

"Mylonite is fine grained, often gray." He told me.

"Kinda like this?" I asked holding up a drawing of what he described.

"Exactly." He said impatiently, all of a sudden his eyes widened. "Egad lad!" He exclaimed.

"Nice poetry." I said.

"Thou hast found the hidden stone!" He said excitedly.

"I did? Neato!" I said happily.

"Come lad, to Holder's Boulder!" He said snatching the paper and leading me on enthusiastically. Well this took an interesting turn, I thought finding it might help, but this is nuts.

"Limestone!" He called as we approached her. "I've found it!" _What!?_ My jaw dropped and I cocked my eyebrow.

"Congratulations." She said unenthusiastically. "Team one and two! Get back here!" She called loudly.

"What is it?" Pinkie asked happily as the teams approached the boulder.

"This year's winner, I am proud to announce." Limestone said. "Is team 3, but mostly Dad." _Excuse me!?_

"Woo hoo! Way to go Pa!" Pinkie cheered. Igneous grinned almost slyly at me.

"Good work Igneous." Cloudy applauded him. "And Chuck, of course."

"But mostly me." He boasted. Oh I know what this is, Sheriff Woody Syndrome.

* * *

 _Sheriff Woody Syndrome: Sheriff Woody Syndrome, or SWS, derives from acting immaturely and competitively towards a newcomer in over to regain or keep favor in the eyes of your peers. Name for SWS derives from the character Sheriff Woody, who acted in such a manner in Pixar's 1995 film "Toy Story" starring Tom Hanks and Tim Allen. This absolutely sound and scientific fact is taken from Chuck's Big Book of Syndromes Based on Pop-Culture._

* * *

Definitely that going on here. I've seen it a million times before, part of me was flattered albeit to be the Buzz Lightyear in someone's case of SWS, but at the same time rather angered by his actions.

"Excuse me sir, but I believe you're slightly mistaken." I whispered to him.

"Hush thine lips, Potsie." He whispered back. Potsie? Wow.

"Dad will raise the flag upon the highest point tomorrow morning." Maud said. "And now, onto gift hiding."

* * *

After I hid my gift I simply strolled around the farm land, taking a stroll helped with the disbelief and resentment I felt toward's Igneous' actions. I mean come on, I get not liking somepony, you know how many people disliked me on Earth? I was fine with it, but spiting me like that just to look like a hero is just rude. Suddenly, I saw somepony familiar in the distance, it was Pinkie, finally somepony who _liked_ me.

"Pinkie!" I called running over, as I ran, suddenly I was hit by what felt like a fluffy pink rocket, I guess she saw me too.

"Chuckie! Glad I ran into you! I feel like it's been forever since we were together!" She said happily.

"It's been an hour and a half." I said. "Which is only forty five seconds shy of forever, so close." I smirked.

"Smarty Pants." She smirked.

"You know you love me." I replied.

"Guilty as charged." She kissed me. I kissed her back and sighed.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

"Your dad still dislikes me." I said.

"How? He seemed happy when you two won!" She said.

"Wanna know who found it?" I asked. "Me. He grabbed it from me and claimed he found it." Her resting face went to a big grin with nervous eyes.

"What!? That's ridiculous!" She stammered.

"I'm being serious." I said. Her mane suddenly deflated for a second as her face dropped.

"I know. Pa, well... He get's kind of jealous." She explained.

"Kind of? I thought things were going along great, then this happens!" I said.

"Chuck, it isn't your fault." She told me.

"Yeah, it is." I said. "I'm not good enough for him." I said sadly.

"Now you listen to me Gary Murray!" She said slapping me across the face. "You are too good enough! Chuck, _I_ love _you!_ And in the end, isn't that what really matters?" She asked. My face lifted a little, she still hasn't got my real name right.

"You've got a point." I said starting to smile a little.

"Tell you what, why don't I talk to him?" She asked.

"Maybe that's a good idea." I said.

* * *

Three hours later

"Things got real crazy on the Pie family rock farm this evening when proprietor Igneous Rock snapped after accusations of jealousy." A handsome newspony said in his studio. "We now go live to Chuck Marley."

"It's Murphy actually." I said as I appeared on the air.

"Whatever, Chuck, what can you tell us about the incident that took place?"

"Well..." I began. "After a rock finding mission Igneous claimed to win the beans were spilled to the rest of the family I actually found it, things got a little out of hand so to speak, a family feud sort of arose, and well to make a long story short, I'm the only one alive."

* * *

"That's not what's going to happen!" Pinkie told me back in reality.

"I know, but it sounded funny." I said.

"Besides, if that were the case, it'd be me as the only one alive." She winked. You know? That's probably true.

* * *

Inside

"How _dare_ thou accuse me of such slander!?" Igneous yelled. Oh no.

"Dear, hold on." Cloudy said trying to calm him down. "Why not a little tea? Tea and the paper?"

"Not now dear." He growled.

"Pa, hold on a second." Pinkie pleaded to him.

"This colt has been nothing but a pain since he arrived!" He pointed at me in anger. Oh no, I've seen this in the movies, my limbs, head and body are about to be scattered across the homestead.

"He has not!" Pinkie said.

"With all due respect, sir..." I started.

"Quiet!" He hollered.

"Why do you hate him so much!?" Pinkie asked.

"An easier question would be what I do not hate about thee!" He yelled. _Ouch._

"There's no need to be mean!" She replied.

"There was no need for that colt to nearly kill me!" He exclaimed.

"It was an accident Igneous!" Cloudy yelled.

"Enough!" I hollered, everypony quieted down after I spoke up.

"I'm sorry, okay!? I'm sorry, that I'm not a big manual worker, I'm sorry that I sell booze, I'm sorry, I'm sorry that I tried to get you to like me when ultimately I guess I'm just that unlikable a fella huh!?" I exclaimed. "I'm sorry I ruined Hearthswarming Eve for you all, I never meant to be such a hassle. You don't have to worry about me ruining anything else, I'll be on my way. I'm sorry." I said angrily heading for the door.

"Says sorry to much, must be Canternadian." Limestone said.

"That's because I am!" I called back before shutting the door.

There was a long, long silence after that door shut. Nopony knew what to do or say, nopony was happy, it definitely didn't feel like Hearthswarming Eve anymore, Pinkie was on the verge of tears, Cloudy was angry with Igneous, Marble was extremely uncomfortable, Limestone was just angry about me being Canternadian, damn Canternadians. And Maud, well, Maud was extremely upset, or happy, you can't tell really.

"Goodnight everypony. Happy Hearthswarming Eve." Igneous sighed retiring to his room.

* * *

 _What a cliffhanger! Isn't that crazy! What's gonna happen next? We'll just have to find out._


	27. Chapter 27: Bloom Alone

**Author's note** How about that last chapter huh? Bet you wish we'd get back to that story huh? Too bad, here's a cheap but hopefully fun nod to one of my favorite Christmas movies, taken from the point of view of Applejack some parts, and Applebloom for others.

* * *

Bloom Alone

Applebloom's POV

Ponyville streets, December 22rd. Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and I were happily playing through town, Hearthswarmings a little filly's favorite time of year you know, This year though, Sweetie Belle was goin' with Rarity and their parents to Canterlot on vacation and Scootaloo, after enough beggin' and pleadin' got to spend Hearthswarming with Rainbow Dash and her folks. But that didn't leave me alone or anythin', us Apples were headed to Appleloosa for Hearthswarming and I couldn't be more excited, but for now, me an' the girls were having fun together before we had to part ways for the holidays, ha! That rhymed!

 **Me:** _Ah can't believe its Hearthswarming!_

 _The dinners, flags, and all the giving_

 _Can't believe it's Hearthswarming!_

 _My favorite time of year!_

 **Sweetie Belle:** _I can't believe it's Heartjswarming!_

 _Been dreaming of a sugarplum-thing_

 _Can't believe it's Hearthswarming!_

 _Oh boy it's finally here!_

 **The 3 of us:** _Ho, ho! Away we go!_

 _With rosey cheeks and hearts aglowin'_

 _Hey, hey! Our favorite day!_

 _It makes us want to cheer!_

 **Scootaloo:** _Yo, ho! We love the snow!_

 _At least we know we won't be mowing!_

 **The 3 of us:** _Yeah, hey! We're glad to say_

 _Hearthswarming time is here!_

 _We can't believe it's Heartshwarming!_

 _Been waiting for a million hours_

 _Can't believe it's Hearthswarming,_

 _Oh what a nifty day!_

 _We can't believe it's Hearthswarming!_

 **Scootaloo:** _Took 14,018 showers!_

 **The 3 of us:** _Can't believe it's Hearthswarming!_

 _And now it's time to play!_

 _We can't believe it's Hearthswarming!_

 _The dinner, flags and all the giving!_

 _Can't believe it's Hearthswarming,_

 _Our favorite time of year!_

 _We can't believe it's Hearthswarming!_

 _Been dreaming of a sugar-plum thing_

 _Can't believe it's Hearthswarming,_

 _Oh, boy! It's finally..._

 _So divinely!_

 _Boy, it's finally here!_

We laughed collapsing in the snow as we finished our song.

"Y'know, I still can't believe this is the last we'll see of each other until after Hearthswarming." Scootaloo said.

"I know, we always spend Hearthswarming in Ponyville." Sweetie Belle nodded.

"Aw come on girls, it's only a couple of days, besides, it'll be fun gettin' to see each other again afterwards!" I said happily.

"You're right Applebloom." Sweetie Belle agreed.

"There you are!" I heard a voice call, I turned and saw my big sis, Applejack.

"Hey Applejack!" I said getting up.

"Hey can wait little sis, we gotta get a move on, we don't want to miss the train!" She said.

"Applejack, the train doesn't leave until tomorrow morning!" I said.

"We've got packing to do! Come on!" She said dragging me off. I waved goodbye to my friends as I was drug off.

"Bye girls! See ya in a couple days!" I called to them as they waved goodbye.

"Have you even packed up yet?" Applejack asked.

"Aw c'mon sis, it'll only take a few minutes to pack my suitcase." I said.

"I didn't ask how long it'd take, I asked if you've done it." She said, oh boy. I love my sister an' all, but whenever we travel anywhere she get's all high strung and such, it can be a real pain to deal with.

"I'll pack it when we get home sis." I groaned.

"You're darn right you will, I don't want you gettin' distracted because most the family's there already. There'll be plenty of time to fraternize when we get to Appleloosa." She ordered.

"Yep." I said feeling frustrated. I had a feeling this drill sergeant attitude was gonna last for a little while longer.

* * *

That evening

The family was running around the farm house getting things ready for taking off tomorrow morning, like how whenever the Apples get together, it was loud, nopony was paying attention to much other than their current task, what's the word? Oh yeah, hectic. I was up in my room packing things up, but downstairs there was a police officer pony standing in the door.

"Excuse me? Hello?" He said trying to get anypony's attention as they passed by him. Nopony seemed to notice him as they went about their business. "Pardon me ma'am..." He sighed. Cousin Babs crossed in front of him, he grabbed her as she crossed by.

"Excuse me young filly, are your parents home?" He asked her.

"Yeah but they don't live 'ere." She replied before walking off.

"Of course! All kids, no parents!" He sighed. "Must be a fancy orphanage..."

"Oh my goodness, I'm sorry officer." Applejack said seeing the officer. "Hope you weren't waitin' around too long, what can I do you for?" She asked.

"You're the parent here?" He asked.

"Well no, but I'm pretty well the caretaker of the farm." She said. "Cepting of course Big Mac an' Granny Smith."

"Ah." He said. "Well we're just doin' a routine checkup, y'know it's the holidays and everything, wanted to make sure everypony had proper security before going out on vacation." He explained.

"Well the farm has never had all that high security, 'cepting for Winona, my dog." She explained.

"I see, you know you really should have higher security measures, what with I'm sure this place is stocked with, oh I don't know, family heirlooms or valuable items." He suggested.

"I understand your concern officer, but we really have no need for those types of things." She said. "I trust everypony in this town, nopony would steal from the farm." She said.

"I wouldn't be too sure, I'm sure you of all ponies are more than familiar with the saying: "Bad apples in every bunch"?" He asked. "I'm sure you're probably right." He nodded.

"Big sis, think you could come upstairs and tell me if I've got everythin' I need?" I asked from the top of the stairs. She looked at me with a frustrated expression.

"Applebloom, I'm a bit busy right now." She said. "I'm trying to talk to this officer."

"Officer Lock." He said. "Don't worry about it, I've heard all I needed to hear. Happy Hearthswarming." He said as he flashed a toothy grin, a gold tooth shimmered when he smiled. I couldn't help but stop and stare for a second.

"Okay, thank you officer. Happy Hearthswarming!" Applejack said closing the door as he left.

"Now, Applebloom, what do you need help with?" She asked.

"All I want is to know if what I packed is enough." I said.

"I'm sure you did fine, now I've got a hundred other things to do, go play with your cousin or something, okay?" She asked.

"Well... okay." I said sulking away, I had been really hoping that this Hearthswarming I could spend more time with my big sis, guess this ain't the case. Up in my room, as I was explaining my problems to Babs, she was offering me advice, or at least trying to.

"So?" She asked. "I never knew my sister." She said.

"Do you have a sister?" I asked.

"Well no." She said. "But, never the less, I don't know 'er."

"It's not the same Babs." I said. "Applejack normally always makes time for me, but then a couple relatives show up and I'm like a stale apple fritter to her."

"Sorry that I'm back to this but, so?" She asked once again. "All I'm sayin' is that I don't see why it's such a big deal."

"It's a big deal because she's my big sis! I look up to her!" I said.

"Find somepony else to look up to then. Like me." She smirked. I just shook my head and sighed.

"You just don't understand Babs." I said sadly.

"Yeah, no kiddin'." She said. "Listen cuz, just because your big sis is too busy for you don't mean it's the end of the world, cheer up huh? It is Hearthswarming after all." She tried to make me feel better.

"Yeah you've got a point, I'll try and cheer up a little." I said.

"That's the spirit. Now come on, there's eggnog downstairs." She said leading me out of my room.

"Alright alright, I'm comin'!" I said following her downstairs. But when we got downstairs, no such luck.

"Sorry gals! Eggnogs fresh out!" Applejack told us.

"You gotta be kiddin'!" Babs whined.

"Fraid not." She said. "Now girls,try an' stay out of the way, I've still got a lot to tend to." She said pressuring us out of the room.

"Aw sis..." I began.

"None of that!" She shook her head. "Please try and keep to yourselves." She said.

"Why?" I asked.

"I'm busy Applebloom!" She said with a frustrated tone.

"What could possibly be keepin' you so busy?" I asked. She just stared at me.

"What could be keepin' me busy? Oh I dunno, maybe just trying to make sure an entire family of ponies is ready to leave tomorrow morning and making sure nothing get's left behind!?" She said angrily.

"Couldn't you get Big Mac to help?" I asked.

"Maybe I would if he wasn't on his way home from Starlight's village gettin' Sugar Belle!" She was getting annoyed.

"Alright alright!" I sighed.

"Just, please. Quit being a pain." She said walking off.

"A pain!?" I hollered back. She stopped for a second.

"Wait..." She said. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say it like that-" She began.

"Aw save it!" I hollered feeling frustrated. "Glad to know that I'm such a pain to you! I'm goin' to bed." I said angrily.

"Applebloom wait!" She hollered at me as I went up the stairs.

"If I'm such a hassle maybe you'd just be better off with out me!" I yelled angrily. "Or better yet, I'd be better off alone!"

"Now you don't mean that." Applejack said. "I have a feeling you'd be pretty sad if you woke up one day and you didn't have a family."

"Sorry sis, but I have to disagree with you on that." I sneered as I retired to my room, slamming my door behind me. As I stared angrily at the ceiling I sighed and said: "I wish my family would just disappear." And with that, I settled down to sleep.

* * *

Later that night

Applejack's POV

"And that's what happened Big Mac, I'm sorry to pester you with all of this, but I'm really busy making sure everything's ready." I said. "I understand if you're not up to it, I'm sure you're exhausted, but if you could try an' talk to her..." I told him as we talked that evening.

"Eeyup." He said as he made his way upstairs, leaving Sugar Belle and I in the living room alone, which was nice, but a little awkward since we haven't actually talked since everything that went down in Starlight's Village a couple of years ago.

"Had a fight with your sister hm?" She asked. "That's not good, I feel just terrible for you."

"Not a good feelin'." I admitted. "How have you been?" I asked.

"Well, business has been great! Everypony in the village loves... Well... baking with actual flavor." She chuckled. "It sure was kind of Big Mac to invite me to come along with you guys."

"Aw now, there's always room for one more with the Apples!" I say welcoming her.

"Well thank you very much Applejack. Big Mac has told me so much about you." She said. Knowing Big Mac, I _highly_ doubt that.

"Uh huh." I say cocking my eyebrow.

"Okay, well, he's written about you in his letters, he's a lot more vocal with pen and paper." She added, now I got it.

"That makes more sense." I chuckled slightly. "Big Mac sure seems head over hooves for you, glad to see him so happy."

"We're happy together." She smiled sipping at some tea.

"Happy for you." I said. After I said that, Big Mac came back down the stairs.

"Any luck?" I asked.

"Nope." He said.

"Why not? Is she asleep?" I asked.

"Eeyup." He nodded.

"Guess I'll have to try in the morning." I sighed. "Speakin' of which, how're the carts?" I asked. He gulped a little at the question.

"What's that about?" I asked. "Are the carts good?" I asked.

"N-N-Nope." He said.

"Wheels?" I asked.

"Eeyup." He nodded. I sighed.

"Alright fine, the Cakes might not have left yet, ask if they have some carts to spare." I said.

"Eeyup." He sighed heading for the door.

"Let me come with you Big Mac." Sugar Belle said getting up and following him, leaving me alone.

"Guess I'd better settle in." I sighed heading for my room. I truly felt bad about everything that had happened with Applebloom, hopefully everything would have blown over tomorrow morning.

That morning I woke up to hear a knock at my door. The sun was shining, birds singing, and Big Mac was calling my name telling me I overslept. Just a normal day on the- _Overslept!?_

Before I knew it, the house was up and alive, everypony was running around grabbing luggage and scarfing down breakfast. I ordered everypony outside to the carts, luckily the Cakes were kind enough to let us borrow theirs. I had told Granny Smith to do a headcount at the carts as I grabbed my luggage.

"Three... Four..." She said as she was going down the line. Meanwhile, Babs was looking for a place to set Applebloom's luggage.

"Right here will do the trick!" She set it next to a bag of assorted golden delicious and red delicious apples, when she set the suitcase down one of Applebloom's bows slipped out and landed on the clear bag.

"Seventeen... Eighteen... And Nineteen!" Granny Smith said counting the bag as Applebloom. Hey, her eyes aren't what they used to be.

"Count heads Granny?" I asked as I came to the carts.

"Sure did! Nineteen plus you." She nodded.

"Okay good, thank you very much." I said. "Everypony to your carts!" I yelled. As I got to my cart, I noticed Applebloom wasn't with us. I guess she was riding with Babs, I'm sure she wasn't still mad. Meanwhile, Babs was in her cart.

"Hm, guess Applebloom, patched things up with her sis and is ridin' with her." She remarked at the fact Applebloom wasn't there either.

And with that, we were on our way.

* * *

Applebloom's POV

"Hello?" I asked as I came out of my room. The house was eerily quiet, which was odd. Normally it was loud no matter how many ponies were there. I had learned to sleep through the noise, I'll admit it was a skill that came in handy.

"Applejack?" I asked as I walked through the house. "Big Mac? Granny Smith?" I looked everywhere yet there wasn't a soul around. Suddenly a thought occurred to me. I bolted outside to see if they had left without me.

"The carts are still there! They didn't leave." I said when I saw the carts. Suddenly, another thought came into my head.

"I made my family disappear..." I grinned. My wish had come true! Now I could finally do all the things I wanted to do all by myself! And so, I ran off to do all the things I always wanted to do alone!

* * *

Apple Orchards

"Are we almost there Lock Pick?" A tall and lanky crook, Crow Bar asked as the two snuck through the orchard.

"Yeah Crow Bar, this is the place I was telling you about." Lock Pick, the shorter and stouter of the two pointed at the farm house.

"You drug me out here for a farm house?" Crow Bar asked.

"I was inside there Bar, they've got valuables in there, antiques! We can make a fortune off of this place!" Lock Pick told his partner.

"Wait, doesn't a pretty big family live there?" He asked.

"Bar, didn't I tell you!? They're on vacation, gone, nopony around!" Lock explained.

"Oh." Crow Bar nodded. "So when're we hitting it?" He asked.

"Tomorrow night." Lock Pick told him. "We go in, grab what we can, then we're straight to Manehatten."

"Sounds like a good plan." Crow Bar nodded as they grinned looking at their next target.

"Now lets get outta here before somepony sees us." Lock Pick said as they snuck off.

* * *

Appleloosa, the next morning

Applejack's POV

"What!?" I yelled. "What do you mean she wasn't in your cart!?" I question Babs when we arrived and Applebloom was nowhere to be found.

"I thought she was with you!" She said.

"Well that's just great!" I groaned. "Granny, I thought you counted heads!"

"Well I did!" She said. "But of course, my eyes ain't what they used to be."

"Oh no..." I looked down. "This is terrible."

"What's the problem?" Sugar Belle asked,

"Appleblooms home alone!" I said.

"Oh no!" She gasped. "That's just terrible!"

"Eeyup!" Big Mac nodded.

"This is all my fault..." I moaned. "I should've checked to make sure she was up."

"No it ain't Applejack." Big Mac spoke up.

"Yes it is Big Mac! I drove her away last night, I was so caught up in everything I didn't think about her, then she got all upset with me, didn't want to speak to me, and now we've left her all alone!" I said feeling upset.

"Well howdy all!" My cousin Braeburn welcomed us.

"Howdy Braeburn." I said glumly.

"What's wrong A.J?" He asked.

"Applebloom is home alone!" I said. "I left her there all alone!"

"What?" He asked. "Oh no.." He said.

"Why not write somepony in town?" Sugar Belle suggested.

"No use in that." I said. "Just about everypony is off on vacation."

"She'll be fine!" Granny Smith spoke up. "I did my fair share of stayin' home alone when I was her age!"

"For three days? With no food stocked?" I asked.

"You've got a point." She said.

"I'm going home." I said. "Y'all can stay behind, this is my fault, I'm taking care of this." I said going toward the train station.

When I got to the train station, I got the bad news from the ticket master.

"Sorry ma'am, tracks to Ponyville's damaged." He said. "New tracks ought to come in next week."

"I can't wait a week! I've got to get home!" I said.

"Sorry ma'am, it's just not possible." He sighed.

"Is there anything you can do?" I asked.

"Well..." He said thinking. "I can get you a train to Canterlot maybe, yeah Canterlot... Then from there you should be able to get to ponyville." He said shuffling through tickets.

"I'll take it." I nodded. "Thank you sir."

"Not a problem. Train should be back in two hours." He said.

"Alright." I said taking my ticket and waiting at the station.

* * *

Meanwhile

Applebloom's POV

After a day had gone by, I had to admit being all alone was losing it's luster. And I'll admit, I was starting to feel a little lonely. I couldn't fix much for breakfast lunch or dinner, so I had to dip into the cellar's apple storage, and that place is creepy! Ropes hanging around, something that looked like an old bear trap, I thought there was somepony down there too! Turns out it was just paint cans though. But anyway, I was starting to get a little lonely, I tried taking a walk around town, but all my friends were off somewhere, even all Applejack's friends were off. On my way home, I couldn't help but feel like I was being watched.

"What!?" Crow Bar said from behind a bush. "I thought you said nopony was home!"

"I thought there was!" Lock Pick said.

"What're we gonna do now?" He asked.

"I don't know!" Lock Pick muttered. "Follow me." He said as he snuck out of the bush. They started to follow me towards the house. As I went inside, they started peaking around the windows.

"I'm telling you Bar, I'm here the other night, more ponies than you can shake a stick at. Now there's just this filly." Lock said looking in a window.

"Maybe she's a house sitter." Crow Bar suggested.

"Couldn't of been. Called the mare I was talking to 'big sis'." Lock Pick said.

"Well then what's she doing here all alone?" Crow Bar asked. At this point, I has opened the window upstairs and could overhear the two strange stallions.

"Who cares!?" Lock Pick said. "She's just a filly, and she's home alone! We come back around 9 o'clock, take all that we can carry and split."

"9 o'clock, it'll be dark." Crow Bar grinned. "Foals are scared of the dark."

"You're scared if the dark!" Lock Pick slugged him on the shoulders.

"I am not!" He said.

"Are too!" Lock Pick sneered as he started to walk away. "Now c'mon before somepony sees us." He said leading Crow Bar along. Now I was in trouble, I had crooks to deal with! What was I gonna do? I couldn't get any help, there was nopony around to help! Oh no... I wish Applejack was here, she'd know what to do...

"I've got to do something..." I told myself as I paced around in my room. "But what?" Suddenly, I had an idea, a crazy idea, but it might just save my flank and the farm.

I ran down to the cellar to see what I could scrummage together, luckily I still had plenty of time.

* * *

Canterlot Train Station, a few hours later

Applejack's POV

"But... but I need to get to Ponyville!" I said to the mare behind the booth.

"I'm sorry, but the train is all booked, what with it being Hearthswarming." She said.

"What about the evening train?" I asked.

"We're booked to Ponyville all through the week hon." She said. "Quite frankly, I can't imagine why you'd want to vacation there for Hearthswarming anyway, it's so... quaint and small town like. It looks like something that somepony the likes of you would deal with all year around."

"That's because I live there!" I said angrily. "My little sister is home all alone!" I felt quite angry with what she had just said.

"My apologies miss. But hostility is not going to make a difference." She said blankly. "You're holding up the line."

"Listen lady!" I said slamming my hoof on the counter. "I'm about to be holding your hind legs so far above yer head that yer spine 'll tie up!"

"Ma'am, back away now or I will call security." She said.

"Why I ought to..." I began, suddenly somepony tapped me on the shoulder. "I'll be out of yer way in a second pal!" I said with hostility turning to see who tapped me on the shoulder, he was a plump tan unicorn with a yellow jacket, he had a shocked expression on his face.

"That's not what this is about ma'am." He said. "I just heard you're having a problem and wanted to see if I can lend a hoof."

"Really?" I asked.

"Oh sure! See, we're having a bit of trouble ourselves, see we needed to get to Fillydelphia, but of course with the holidays and everything..." He shrugged and shook his head. "Anyway, one of our guys is over there renting a cart, you can ride with us if you like, we'll be passing through Ponyville on our way, should be room enough for you!"

"Thank you so much." I said. "I really need to get home."

"Yeah, I heard." He said. "I'm Ligature, in case you didn't know." I stared at him blankly, why would I know that?

"Okay?" I said.

"Really? Clarinet player in the Polka Pals? biggest polka band this side of Marennesota?" He asked. I shook my head.

"We had a couple of hits,'5 Card Polka' was my personal favorite, but of course, 'Polka? I Just Met Her' was our best commercially and-" I cut him off.

"I'll take the ride." I said. "Thank you kindly, I'm Applejack."

"No problem Applejack, season of giving right?" He chuckled.

Before long, we were all on the road and the cart was bouncing with what apparently is considered music. If only Pinkie, Chuck, or even Cheese were here, they'd love this, me however? No so much. But I mean, I doubt Pinkie or them would ever get into a bind like this, just my luck I suppose.

"So you left your little sis behind?" Ligature asked as we rode along once the music stopped.

"Yeah... Poor little Applebloom, she just got her cutie mark a few years ago." I said.

"Still pretty young huh?" He asked. "Gosh that's tough, I haven't been home in years, none of us really have."

"I'd have sent somepony to check in, but everypony was out somewhere, Twilight's off in Canterlot... Pinkie Pie went home to visit her family.." I began, he cut me off.

"Pinkie Pie?" He asked.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Why's that name matter so much?"

"Same Pinkie I'm thinkin' of? Bubbly, big ol' Pink puffy mane? Voice like helium?" He asked.

"Yeah?" I said, feeling confused.

"That's crazy! What a small world!" He laughed. "Ol' Pinks used to be our trombone player!" He showed me an old photo of the band with her all in the same yellow jacket.

"What?" I asked. "That's crazy..."

"How's she been?" Ligature asked. "We write from time to time but it's been a while since I've seen her."

"She's been good." I proceeded to tell him all about the past few years, from becoming an Element of Harmony to her meeting Chuck.

"No kidding! I'll have to send her my congratulations." He said.

"I never knew Pinkie had such an interesting past." I told him.

"It's interesting, the gal sure is an enigma." He chuckled. "Think after she left the band, she worked at a diner or something." He shrugged. "Always something interesting going on with her too, got me interested in shower curtain rings of all things, she always sends me one from places she visits."

"That sure sounds like Pinkie Pie." I chuckled.

"Crazy world for sure." He laughed. "You never believe who you're gonna meet, like for instance, once I met this guy, trying to get home for the holidays, and let me tell you, he had the darnedest luck! Well really, we had the darnedest luck..." He laughed looking back. "You know, he even said, 'one day we'll look back and laugh about this', guess he was right!" He chuckled.

"Sure is interesting." I said. "Look, I'm gonna rest my eyes for a little bit, hope that's okay."

"Oh sure, go right ahead." He nodded. "I'll wake you when we get there."

* * *

Sweet Apple Acres, 8:30 PM

Applebloom's POV

"Okay Applebloom, you can do this." I said pacing through the kitchen. "Let's go over the plan." I said unfurling the sheet of paper with the plans drawn up. One little filly wasn't enough to fend off two grown stallions physically, but you can be smarter, and that's what I was tryin' to do. My plan was traps I've set around the house, and I'd say I was pretty well set. "Outer steps are iced, marbles on the floor, paint cans..." I said going over the plan. Oh this was too good, these two won't know what hit them!

"This is my house." I said. "I have to protect it."

As the last half hour before they were set to arrive I made sure all the traps were ready, at the clock struck 9, I knew I was ready. Meanwhile, outside, Lock Pick and Crow Bar were sneaking up to the front door.

"Ready?" Lock Pick asked.

"Sure am." Crow Bar nodded.

"Crowbars." Lock Pick said as they clanked their crowbars together. They made their way for the back door and jiggled the doorknob, locked. Unbeknownst to them I aimed my slingshot through the dog door and shot Lock Pick in the leg.

"Check the dog door!" Lock Pick told Crow Bar jumping in pain.

"On it." Crow Bar nodded getting down and poking his head through the dog door. As his head emerged from the dog door, I came eye to eye with him.

"Hi! I'm Applebloom!" I said happily aiming my slingshot. I let go and the stone clocked him right between the eyes. He screamed in pain jerking back and out the dog door.

"Ow!" He jumped up and down.

"I'm gonna kill her!" Lock Pick said. "You go through the basement, I'll go out front!"

"Got it!" Crow Bar nodded. As Lock Pick made his way around front he went to the front steps and angrily started stomping up, suddenly he slipped and fell backwards, landing hard on his back. As Crow Bar made his way down to the cellar door, he slipped on the stairs and crashed headfirst into the door. I could hear both of them curse in pain outside, which, in a way I'm not proud of, made me chuckle. I heard Lock Pick slip again out front, but then, I heard him get to the welcome mat, so I ran up the stairs. Outside, as Lock Pick placed his hoof on the doorknob, he screamed in pain and agony as the doorknob was extremely hot from the brander I had held against the other side. Meanwhile, downstairs, Crow Bar kicked open the cellar door and made his way through the basement, when he reached for the pull cord on the lights and yanked, an iron fell from the ceiling. "What?" He asked hearing the noise looking up, when suddenly the iron crashed into his forehead. "Agh!" He cried in pain falling down. As he came to his hooves, he stumbled toward the stairs. as he stepped onto the stairs, his hooves got stuck, he looked down and saw that tar covered the steps. Something he did not see was the bear trap I had situated on the steps. As he slowly made his way up, one of his hooves stepped on the trigger, the trap clamped shut. His eyes widened as he screamed in pain and jumped back, landing on hos back with the trap still clamping onto his leg. He struggled around like a fish on a dock trying to break it off, which eventually he did. "I'm going to kill you!" I could hear him yell.

Outside, Lock Pick made his way to the back door, which I had unlocked now. He giggled the knob to make sure it wasn't too hot, as he cranked it open he peaked his head in, the knob turning open triggered a blowtorch which set his hat aflame. "AAAAAAAAGGGHHH!" He screamed in pain jumping off the steps and emerging his head in snow. As he got up and went through the door leaning downwards so as not to be set on fire, he yelled to me. "I'm in the house kid! You're in for it now!"

"You'd best come and get me!" I yelled. He stormed through the door to the living room and through the door his face was trapped in cellophane with glue lathered onto it. He tore it off in anger and kept forward, triggering a fan blowing feathers into his face. He growled in anger spitting feathers out of his mouth. Meanwhile, Crow Bar snuck through the window and limped through the house meeting with Lock Pick.

"Lock?" He asked.

"Bar!" Lock Pick said. "Why the hell are your legs covered in tar?"

"Why the hell are you dressed as a chicken?" Crow Bar asked.

"Never mind!" Lock said angrily. "We're in the house you little devil! We're gonna get you!" He yelled.

"Oh no! I'm really scared!" I yelled from the top of the stairs. As they made their way toward the stairs they both failed to see the marbles on the floor and they blew back and hit the floor hard. They groaned getting up and started climbing the stairs. As they climbed the stairs, I sent a paint can down swinging.

"Heads up!" Lock Pick ducked, Crow Bar wasn't as lucky. The can sent him flying down the stairs onto his back. When Lock Pick turned to keep going, he was hit with the other and was sent down on top of him. They got up once again and climbed the stairs. I had locked myself away in my room, preparing to grapple out the window and escape to the Cutie Mark Crusader Clubhouse. I could hear them climb the stairs and make their way to each door, kicking them in.

"C'mon... C'mon..." I said tying sheets together. Before I could toss it down, my door swung open. "Oh no..." I said. The two angry stallions approached me and grabbed me, they pinned me to the wall and glared at me.

"What are we gonna do to her, Lock?" Crow Bar asked.

"The same thing this little twerp did to us!" Lock Pick grinned menacingly. "I'm gonna fry her mane with a blowtorch!"

"Smash her face with an iron!" Crow Bar added. What was I gonna do? I was all out of ideas, and all out of luck...

* * *

Outside the farm

Applejack's POV

"Thanks again Mr. Ligature! I'll be sure to tell Pinkie you said hi!" I called back as they went off. I turned and saw he farm house and ran toward the door, when I got there, the door was wide open, I grabbed a snow shovel and snuck inside, ready to face whatever was inside.

"Applebloom?" I called. I could hear two stallions talking upstairs, I crept up the stairs and looked around, through Applebloom's doorway I could see them.

"I'm gonna stick her leg in a bear trap!" Crow Bar laughed.

"Then, I'm gonna take a pair of pliers, and yank all yer teeth out, one by one!" Lock Pick grinned. I snuck up behind the two and whacked Crow Bar in the back of the head with a shovel, knocking him out, Lock Pick looked around and received the same hit, but to the face.

"Keep the change, you filthy animal." I sneered at the two.

"Applejack!" Applebloom smiled. "I thought I'd never see you again!" She hugged me as I set her down.

"What happened!?" I asked looking around. Applebloom proceeded to tell em the whole story.

"Oh Applebloom, I'm so... so sorry I left you behind, and I'm sorry for everything I said." I said as I hugged her.

"I'm sorry too..." Applebloom said. "I don't actually wish you'd disappear, I was wrong!" She said holding back tears.

"I know Sugarcube." I held her close. "I'm so glad you're okay, this will never happen again, I promise."

"I'm just happy to see you again." She said.

The next morning, we woke up and started to clean the house after the night before, but then, as we were nearly down, the door opened up and in came Big Mac and Sugar Belle, followed by the rest of the family!

"What!?" I remarked. "How'd y'all get here?" I asked.

"Took the train to Starlight's village, no outgoing there, the ride to Ponyville was easy!" Sugar Belle said.

"That's wonderful!" I said welcoming my family back.

"Hey Applebloom." Babs said to Applebloom as she came in. "Glad to see you didn't burn the place down."

"It was a piece of cake." She said smugly. I laughed at what she said, the rest of the day was spent in the warm embrace of family, it was still a happy Hearthswarming after all.

* * *

 _Fun stuff huh? Hope you like Home Alone because this was clearly a spoof of it! Final Happy Hearthswarming should be out soon so stay tuned!_

 _Song used_

 _"Can't Believe it's Christmas", By: Phil Vischer and Kurt Heinecke_


	28. Chapter 28: Happy Hearthswarming Part 3

**Author's note:** After the crazy cliffhanger from the main Hearthswarming story, and the probable disappointment that was Bloom Alone, maybe it wasn't, I don't know, I'm writing this and Bloom Alone at the same time... Anyway, after all that, time for the epic conclusion to Happy Hearthswarming! This chapter will feature music, sentiment, and multiple usages of the word "Banana Slug".

* * *

Chapter 28: Happy Hearthswarming Part 3: Happy/Sad

"Pinkamena... I'm sorry..." Pinkie's mother, Cloudy tried to comfort her after all that just happened. Wait, you don't remember? Recap time!

* * *

So here's whatcha need to know, Chuck was an ordinary loser from Earth when one morning he woke up in Equestria where he met the mane six and was drawn towards Pinkie Pie until the point he developed a crush, little did he know that she had a crush on him too, until one night thanks to a Carly Rae Jepsen song they came clean towards each other and a relationship blossomed, then Cheese Sandwich and Quibble moved to town after Cheese drug Quibble kicking and screaming to celebrate Pinkie Pie's birthday! After a bunch of fluff chapters Pinkie gave Chuck the idea that they'd visit the Pie family rock farm for Hearthswarming, and upon arrival, things didn't quite go as planned, especially when a big argument took place on Hearthswarming Eve! Now Chucks gone, Pinkie's a wreck, and Igneous is doing the one thing you should never do, go to bed angry. All caught up? Now back to the story.

* * *

"It's... It's not your fault." Pinkie said sadly. "It's mine." She said leaving the room.

"She's right." Limestone said. "I'll give her that."

"Limestone, stop or I will get confrontational." Maud said blankly.

"Woudst thou stop arguing?" Cloudy asked sharply. "I have to speak with thine father." When she got to their room she opened the door to find him laying down, staring angrily at the ceiling.

"Perhaps thou would like to explain the disaster that just happened?" She asked him.

"What's to explain?" He asked.

"Why thou let petty jealousy during a _game_ overcome thou? Then proceed to accuse thine daughter of slanderous accusations? Then perhaps upsetting the entire family until the point that Chuck left?

"That last part I considered a favor." He said.

"Igneous Rock Pie..." She groaned.

"Cloudy, I did not raise my daughter to be kidnapped by some slick talking, right brained, booze hound!"

"Thou hardly ever raised any of our children! I did, thou were always working!" Cloudy bursted.

"I was working for thou, for the family!" He countered.

"Pinkamena is in love, Igneous! Let her follow her heart." She said.

"Follow her heart! That's crazy!" He said.

"Perhaps you might not realize this, but crazy suits her well!" Igneous sat there silently for a minute, realizing that he was losing this argument.

"Well, thou had better some to thine senses, or I'm going to be forced to take steps." He declared.

"Good idea." She said sounding frustrated. "Perhaps thou should start by taking some steps outside."

"What?"

"Thou wants to act like that of a tool? Go and sleep in the shed." She said tossing a folded blanket at him.

"Fine." He growled leaving the room. Upon settling down somewhere else, he settled for the couch in the living room, not the shed. He looked back upon everything in the past couple of days.

"Thou hast really messed up greatly Igneous." He mumbled to himself. He quickly quieted himself down when he heard somepony coming.

"You really messed up this time Pinkie!" Pinkie said to herself walking into the kitchen, which was separated from the living room only by a wall with a large archway to the living room. "Oh yeah! This'll be great! Bring ol' Chuck home, their gonna love him!" She mocked the plans she had made as she poured herself a glass of milk. "Oh yeah! Chuck'll fit _right_ in! Real colt to bring home to the folks! Why'd you fall for the weirdo Pinkie? The weird past, the voices, those weird jokes and references! Now you don't even know where he is! He could be halfway to Ponyville by now..." She sighed to herself before chugging the glass of milk back. "Twilight told me not to move too fast, was this too fast?" She stopped and asked herself. "Oh no... I probably scared him away with this, _that's_ why he left!"

"That is not the case Pinkamena." Igneous couldn't help but say, revealing that he had heard all of what she said.

"Oh... You heard all that huh?" She asked.

"Yes." He said standing up off the couch. "It is not thine fault." He said.

"What? It's his? Is that what you're trying to say?" She asked with resentment.

"No Pinkamena, it is mine." He admitted. "It was my own fault." She looked at him silently for a minute, before asking:

"Why?" She asked. "Why did you do it? Why do you hate him?"

"I..." He began.

"Forget it." She sighed. "He's gone anyway." She said as she left for the door.

"Wait!" He called. She stopped.

"Yeah?" She said.

"I... I don't hate him." He said.

"Are you sure? Because for the past two days I've got no other feeling off of you." She asked.

"Pinkamena..." He sighed. "It's simply... I see thou on thine own, independent, and now thou hast a coltfriend and... it happens so fast."

"What?" She asked.

"When thou left the farm, it was hard, I knew it was bound to happen, but it was tough, afterwards when Maud left it was the same feeling, and no seeing thou with somepony else, somepony else who loves you... it's simply... difficult for me." He explained.

"It is?" She asked.

"Of course." He said. "And I suppose, I let jealousy and pride overcome me."

"You suppose?" Pinkie asked him.

"I did. I definitely let jealousy and pride overcome me." He admitted.

"Dad I'm... I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you with bringing him." She said.

"It didn't upset me, well, it did. But, I felt happy to see thee in love." He sighed.

"Huh?" Pinkie asked.

"I felt happy, I felt sad. Such a feeling is possible, Pinkamena." He explained.

 **Igneous:** _Right and wrong, who's to say which we should refuse._

 _All we know, love survives either way we choose._

 _Here thou art at the edge, go ahead and fall._

 _Don't resist, I insist._

 _Love still conquers all._

"It even conquered thou, my little Pinkamena. Thou art growing up." He said.

 _"_ And you're cool with that?" Pinkie asked.

"Yes, and no." He said.

 **Igneous:** _I'm feeling happy, I'm feeling sad._

 _A little childish, a little Dad._

 _I think of all the days thy've known._

 _All the ways thy've grown._

 _See thou on thine own, and then_

 _I'm feeling happy and sad again._

 _I think I'm rested, but then I'm tired._

 _Today requested, tomorrow fired._

 _And now a colt says he adores_

 _she who once was yours._

 _How can I ignore such news?_

 _I'm sad and happy, why should I choose?_

 _/_

 _Life is full of contradictions, every inch a mile._

 _And the moment we start weeping,_

 _that's when we should smile..._

 _/_

 _In every Heaven, you'll find some Hell._

 _And there's a welcome in each farewell._

 _Life can be harsh, the future strict_

 _Oh, what they'll predict._

 _And the colt thy've picked, not bad._

 _So let's be happy_

 _Forever happy_

 _Completely happy_

 _And a tiny bit_

 _Saaaaad..._

He looked down and sighed. "I just wish that I could've expressed the happy part of my feelings before, well, before it was too late."

"Dad..." Pinkie said almost starting to cry before hugging him tightly.

"I'm sorry Pinkamena, I put too much strain on you and Chuck, it wasn't fair, so, for what it's worth, I truly am sorry." He apologized.

"I forgive you Pa..." She said before she started to cry.

"Thank you." He said. "Please don't cry though." He said trying to comfort her.

"I'm sorry... It's just... _WHAT AM I GONNA DO!?"_ She wailed as she cried.

"I... I don't know dear." He told her. "But I have an idea." He said standing up. "Follow me." He told her heading for the door and throwing on a coat.

* * *

5 miles from the Rock Farm

So I wasn't half way to Ponyville, I was half way to the middle of nowhere! You know, storming out late at night was a heat of the moment decision, and a bad heat of the moment decision, it was dark, cold, and visibility was at a near minimum thanks to a storm blowing through. What was I gonna do? I hoped to spend the night at the train station then catch a train to Ponyville in the morning, and I coulda sworn this was the way to the train station, after all it was one road, I had two choices on what direction to take, I guess I chose the wrong way. Now, I was cold, alone, and tired, which was frankly how I pictured I'd die, and feeling how you'd imagined you felt you'd feel at death was not a pleasant feeling. Anyway, at this point I had pretty much accepted I would be walking until I died of hypothermia, fatigue, or dehydration at this point, the whole thing really settled in well honestly, at the point I was even able to hum a little tune.

 **Me:** _Once there was this colt who_

 _tried to appear likable_

 _to his marefriend's freakin' dad_

 _and when he finally left for home_

 _He... died... of hypothermia and fatigue_

 _He said that it was from when the cold had hit him so hard..._

 _Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm_

What a great song, Grammy worthy! Ha! Ha ha! They like me! They really, really like me! I'd like to accept this Grammy for best parody work, I'd like to thank all the little people who's names I can't remember! I doubt I'll ever forget this day as long as I live, which is about 8 minutes! Ha! Ha ha ha! Hardy Har Har! I am going mad aren't I?

"This is where it ends for you Chuck old boy." I sighed to myself.

 **Me:** _I'm a pitiful sight_

 _And I ain't all that bright,_

 _An' I'm definitely not chiseled from stone..._

 _I'm cheat, and a liar,_

 _No woman's desire_

 _I'll pro'bly die cold an' alone..._

I sighed before collapsing into a snowbank. I could feel the crisp snow melt against my cheeks and feel the water from the melted snow freeze over into a layer of ice on my face. The falling snow landed on my mane settling in, my legs started getting covered up next, yep. This was it. I can see the obituary now: CHUCK MORLEY, we hardly knew him, not that we cared to know much of him. When asked about her relations with the young stallion, Pinkamena Diane Pie stated: "He was alright, but so easy to forget, moving on won't be too tough." Rest in peace you little bastard. I could feel my eyelids droop shut and I couldn't feel my legs anymore, yep, this was it.

 _Oh Shenandoah,_

 _I'm bound to leave you..._

 _Bound to leave your rolling river._

 _Oh Shenandoah,_

 _I'll not deceive you... Away..._

 _I'm bound away..._

 _Across the wide Missouri..._

 **To be continued...**

 _/_

 _/_

 _/_

 _/_

 _/_

 _/_

 **Immediately.**

"What's that over there!?" I could almost hear a high female voice say, I could feel my head getting brushed off but I couldn't manage open my eyes.

"Sweet Celestia..." Another voice, more grizzled and manly said.

"No... Oh no no no!" The first voice said.

"Quick, get that colt into the wagon!" The second voice ordered. I could feel my body being lifted up like a potato sack and placed in a wagon, soon the wagon started moving quickly, was this me being delivered to Heaven? No way, probably Hell. I was definitely going to Hell.

* * *

A little while after

"Hot water! Now!" The second voice said as I was laid back in a chair. "And a cloth too! Get this colt some soup!" He ordered.

"Ma?" My cracking voice asked as my consciousnesses slowly came back to me.

"Egad! Th'art alive! Son, speak to me!" The gruff, male voice demanded.

"Where am I...? Who... Who are you? Am I in Heaven?" I asked slowly, my eyes still weren't opening.

"For Celestia's sake! Chuck! it is Igneous Rock Pie!" He growled. "Pinkamena, the soup and hot water!"

"Coming!" She said darting into the room. "Is he okay?" She asked.

"Alive, but hardly." He said glumly. "Open thine mouth son." No response, I could feel him jerk my mouth open. "Pour in the soup, nourishment might help, lay the cloth on thee's eyes." He ordered. I could feel the soup slide down my throat, there come the rocks. Uh oh, this rock was too big, can't breathe, can't breathe! I coughed and spat out the rock jerking to life.

"-wheeze- Holy... -cough- macaroni!" I sputtered. My eyelids lifted open, my vision, blurred as it was, made out a pink blob and a light brown blob with a hat.

"Chuck, canst thou see me?" The brown blob asked.

"Well, I mean, I can see a brown blob with a hat. A devilishly handsome brown blob in a hat." I said, I was still a little loopy.

"Chuck! Snap outta it!" The pink blob hollered at me.

"Pink blobs kinda mean." I sneered. "So, is there a Mrs. Brown blob in a hat?" I stammered.

"Darn it Chuck!" The mean pink blob growled. "RE-MEM-BER!" She hollered. "Pa, don't look." She instructed before bringing my big dumb face in and kissing me passionately. Suddenly, a whole lot more came flooding back.

"I see that familiar face comin' back to me like an old familiar song." I smiled as my vision came back.

"Chuckie! You're back you're back you're back!" She smiled hugging me tightly.

"Yes, I'm back." I nodded with what little air was left in me after the hug. As she released and I could start breathing again, more memories of the past evening had came back to me, and I realized exactly why I was back.

"Oh Celestia..." I stammered. "Gosh, I sure am sorry Pinkie, I shouldn't of stormed out like that. And, and sir, I'm sorry about what I said, I didn't mean to blow my top and-" He raised his hoof to stop me.

"Chuck, Thou should not be sorry, it was my own doing, and lo, I apologize." He said sincerely.

"Oh Lord I am dead, aren't I?" I said feeling worried.

"Thou art alive." He said sternly. "It was wrong of me to judge thou, thou art a fine suitor for Pinkamena, by no means art thou conventional, traditional, or the slightest bit normal, and thou hast the worst disposition as ever I've seen, and-"

"Daaaaad." Pinkie said.

"Alright, alright. But, th'art a perfect match for Pinkamena." He smiled at me.

"Wow..." I blushed. "Aw geez you're gettin' me all sentimental. Sir, it is an honor to hear those words. I promise to be the best damn suitor for Pinkie as ever born." I promised.

"Chuck." He said. "Promise me one thing." He said.

"Yes sir?" I asked.

"Do away with such a title as sir for me, I am known as Igneous Rock Pie, thou shalt refer to me as Igneous from hence forth." He said.

"Yes si-... Yes Igneous." I nodded with a smile.

"Aww isn't this precious? You two finally became friends!" Pinkie beamed. "C'mon! Bring 'er in!" She smiled bringing us both in for a group hug.

"Still a little short for air hon..." I wheezed in the hug.

"And my lungs aren't what they used to be." Igneous nodded. She eventually released us.

"Alright alright." Pinkie smiled. "I'm just happy you two are gettin' along."

"Indeed." Igneous nodded. "Now, we should get some rest. It is getting late, and if we don't get any sleep we're going to be beat tomorrow."a

"Couldn't agree more." I nodded with a yawn. "Thanks again for savin' my life." I thanked them both.

"Just returning the favor." Igneous nodded with a smile.

"Goodnight Pa!" Pinkie gave him another hug.

"Goodnight Pinkamena." Igneous smiled as we both went up the stairs. "Separate rooms remember!" He called.

"No need to worry!" I called back. As the two of us came to the hall that separated our rooms, we turned and looked at each other. Before I could say a word, Pinkie hugged me once more, this time, not excitedly, not tightly, just a calm, loving hug.

"Are you alright?" I asked.

"Yeah, I just... I don't know what I woulda did if I lost you..." She said into my shoulder.

"Ah you'd forget about me in a heartbeat, I ain't that special." I said.

"No I wouldn't." She said seriously. "I love you... so much." She said.

"I love you too." I smiled. "But you don't have to worry anymore. I'm here now, and I'm okay, we're okay."

"Best Hearthswarming gift I could get." She said.

"That is until you see the real gift I got you." I winked.

"Ooooh I'm excited!" She grinned.

"Tomorrow morning." I told her. "Now, goodnight Cutie Pie, I love you."

"I love you too Chuckie." She said kissing me goodnight.

Now alone, Igneous sighed, feeling glad that his daughter was happy again, but upset remembering the current state between him and his wife. He wasn't sure what he was going to do, what to say, how to make it up to her. Her gradually made his way up the stairs and approached the door to his room, under the door, he noticed, that light was shining from under the door. He gulped and knocked. As he waited for a response, the door opened. Cloudy stood in the door and looked at him.

"Yes?" She asked.

"Cloudy..." He began. "I was wrong, what I said-" He was interrupted.

"I heard what happened." She said.

"What? Um, how much did you-" He began.

"Since thou slammed the door on the way out." She said. "Thou couldst never close a door quietly to save thy own life."

"Oh... I see." He said.

"I want to tell you that was a very kind thing thou did for Pinkamena, and for Chuck." She said. "That, that right there, that's the old stone that the Choosing Stone put me with." She smiled.

"Oh Cloudy..." He blushed slightly. "I love thou."

"I holdst a strong love for thou too, now come to bed." She said.

"Sounds perfect." He said as he closed the door behind him, but this time, quietly.

* * *

Hearthswarming Day

I slept great! A whole 45 minutes. Yep, a grand old 45 minutes after I shut my eyes to sleep, an excited blur of pink burst into my room and started jumping all over me, the blur I soon recognized to be Pinkie.

"ChuckieChuckiewakeupwakeupit'sHearthswarmingmorningcanyoubelieveitI'msosososososoexcited!" Pinkie said happily while bouncing up and down on me.

"No... Ow... No kidding." I yawned waking up as she jumped up and down on me, okay, I feel like my message of her jumping on me isn't clear, she was not jumping _by_ me on the bed, no no, actually _on_ me. I can testify to the fact, that four hooves were indeed jumping on my back, I've always been a stomach side sleeper.

"Wake up!" She said shaking me.

"I _am_ awake!" I said moaning into my pillow. "I believe what you mean is _get_ up."

"Whatever!" She said. "Just get up!"

"Babe. It's only..." I looked for an alarm clock that wasn't there. Force of habit. "Well I don't know what time it is but I'm pretty sure it's too early. What time is it?" I asked.

"Ummmm..." She said. "Well I just kinda woke up in my sleep and kinda assumed it was Hearthswarming Morning..."

"Well, your assumption is probably correct, I'll give you that. But nopony else is up yet, why not give it another couple hours?" I suggested rubbing my eyes.

"Awww..." She said sounding disappointed. I looked at her sympathetically.

"Or, if you don't want to go back to bed, you can stay here with me, as long as, y'know, no horsing around." I said.

"I don't care if there's no horsing around, monkeying around, or wallabying around, I'm taking you up on that offer!" She smiled hugging me. Lord only knows what wallabying around is.

"Let's try not to fall asleep." I suggested. "It seems like I haven't got much time to just talk with you recently." I said.

"It's been a crazy couple of days for sure!" She agreed. After a few seconds of silence, she spoke up again.

"Chuckie?" She asked.

"Yeah?" I replied.

"I know I've said this over and over again, but thank you." She said.

"Thanks for what?" I asked.

"Thanks for coming with me, to meet my family, I know this might seem silly to me, but a good relationship between you and my family was important to me." She said seriously.

"Oh, hon, that's not silly at all." I said. "Can you only imagine how difficult things might have gotten if we didn't establish this early on? I mean, picture this, our wedding reception, we're at a table, and all we're getting is a glare from them." I chuckled. "I mean wouldn't that be awkward?"

"Wedding reception?" She asked with wide eyes. Oh boy.

"Well, I mean..." I began. "Eventually speaking." I said collecting my thoughts.

"I'd wait a lifetime for that day." She smiled.

"But, you won't have to wait a lifetime... Just a little while, I don't wanna move along too fast." I said.

"I know. Take all the time you need Chuckie, I'll be here with you the whole time." She snuggled up against me.

"Damnit I love you." I said happily.

"I love you too Chuckie." She hugged me. "Chuck?" She asked, oh boy, she didn't call me Chuckie, here comes something serious.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"About what you said earlier... when you said I'd forget you in a heartbeat, did you really think that?" She asked.

"Why? I dunno..." I said. "It's just, I'm not really that special, I'm just a normal, ordinary colt who's got a couple jokes up his sleeve."

"Chuck... You're more than that." She said. "You're, well..."

"You're right, I am more than that, I'm also a loser." I smirked.

"You didn't let me finish." She said. "You just have this way of reminding me that even when I've had a bad day, when I'm in the grumpiest of moods that there's somepony out there who still loves me when I come home tired or sad, somepony who's gonna make me fell better when I've had a bad day, Chuckie, I love you so much, more than you can imagine!" She said.

"I dunno..." I grinned. "I have a pretty active imagination."

"More than you can imagine. I'm right, we're leavin' it at that." She said with a hoof against my muzzle.

"Fine." My muffled voice said.

"What about you?" She asked.

"Huh?"

"Would you forget about me? Like, if I was gone?" She asked.

"What? No!" I said. "No, no no no, Pinkie, listen. I haven't told you much about me before you, but I'll tell you this, he was was one miserable sonuva bitch." I told her. (sonuva: son of a rolled into one word.) "You know that 'grumpy me' act you did yesterday?" I asked. She nodded. "That was me all day every day pretty much... But then, then I met you! And your happiness and kindness, well it just became more infectious then the flu." I chuckled. "Pinkie Pie, you've done so damn much for me, I would never forget about you." I hugged her tightly. She hugged me back.

"I didn't know I really meant _that_ much to you." She said.

"Are you kiddin'? You mean the world and more to me, literally, if I had the option to go back to my old world, and even have all the riches known to man, have everything I could take, I wouldn't take it. I'd rather be here, here and happy, with you." I said holding her close.

"Aw..." She said. "I'm so glad I found you."

"I like to imagine I found you." I said in a joking fashion.

"Let's settle, we found each other." She rebuttaled.

"Deal." I smiled.

"Regardless, glad we found each other." She hugged me.

"I'm glad too." I kissed her on the forehead. As we laid together in silence, I began to hum a little tune.

"What's that song?" Pinkie asked. "It sounded pretty."

"Oh it is, especially out of the mouth of Frank Sinatra, but instead, you're stuck hearing it from me." I chuckled as I began to sing.

 **Me:** _Have yourself a merry little Hearthswarming  
_

 _Let your heart be light_

 _From now on, all our troubles will be out of sight_

 _Have yourself a merry little Hearthswarming_

 _Make the yule-tide gay_

 _From now on, our troubles will be miles away_

 _Here were are as in olden days_

 _Happy golden days of yore_

 _Faithful friends who are dear to us_

 _Gather near to us once more_

 _Through the years we all will be together_

 _If the fates allow_

 _Hang a shining star upon the highest bough_

 _And have yourself a merry little Hearthswarming now_

I finished the song and kissed her on the forehead. "You know?" I said. "You, you are the best gift I've ever received." _Geez_ that was corny. She started laughing.

"Chuckie..." She managed to say between giggles. "You know I love you, but that is the corniest thing you've ever said." She chuckled.

"It's not the corniest..." I defended myself. "But I'll admit, it is up there." I said.

"You're lucky I love you." She said.

"No, _you're_ lucky I love you." I smirked.

"No, _you're_ lucky!" She said.

"How about this, _we're both_ lucky." I suggested.

"Works for me." She said snuggling into me. I looked out the window and saw a sliver of shining gold peak up over the horizon.

"Pinkie, look!" I whispered. She turned and looked out the window. "The sun is rising."

"Ooooohhhh..." She said in awe at the beautiful sunrise. The quiet moment dashed off when she realized something.

"Y'know what this means!?" She said grabbing my face. "It's Hearthswarming morning! I've gotta wake everypony up!" She bounced up excitedly. "Love ya!" She said kissing me on the cheek before bolting out of the room. As I yawned and came to my senses standing up I could overhear her waking everypony else.

"LimestoneMarbleLimestoneMarblewakeupwakeupwakeupit'sHearthswarmingmorningcomeoncomeonwakeupwakeup!" She bolted out of their room. "MaPaMaPaMaPawakeupwakeupcomeonecomeonit'sHearthswarmingmrningcomeoncomeoncomeon!" I heard her say before bolting to Maud's room. "MaudMaudMaud-"

"I'm awake. I've been awake for hours, I'm ecstatic, can't you tell?" I heard her say. A chorus of yawning and mumbling arose from the other rooms as the Pie family home came to life after a night of slumber.

"Is it _actually_ the morning of Hearthswarming?" Igneous asked Cloudy with a yawn as they left their room.

"Technically I suppose." She yawned.

"Good morning Igneous, good morning Cloudy." I said leaving the room.

"Good morning Chuck, surely thy slept well?" Igneous asked.

"Surely I did." I nodded. "And you?" I asked.

"I did actually." He nodded.

"I as well." Cloudy nodded with him.

"Glad to hear it, I assume you had the same alarm clock I did?" I asked with a smirk.

"The kind of which there is no 'snooze' button? Indeed." Igneous yawned.

"But hey, you say that like it's a bad thing, what's five more minutes of sleep on Hearthswarming huh?" I quipped.

"Possibly the best gift one could receive..." He muttered.

"Oh hush thine old bones Igneous, thy just need a little coffee." Cloudy told him as the three of us walked down the stairs.

"Make that thy plus me." I yawned.

"Aw isn't that cute! Our two grumpy old colts need some coffee!" Pinkie said popping in between us.

"Grumpy!?" Igneous blurted.

"Old!?" I added.

"Maybe not grumpy and old, but, cantankerous and not necessarily young!" She smiled.

"No no, I'm still pretty young hon." I said.

"Whatever! Let's get these old souls some coffee!" She said. Now I will admit, that I am an old soul while relatively young physically.

"Old soul work for you?" I asked Igneous.

"Indeed." He nodded. Before I knew it, Igneous and I were sitting at the kitchen table, slippers on our hooves, reading the paper, and sipping piping hot coffee. Good Lord I am a grumpy old colt.

"Oh, lookit this." I pointed at an article. "Stocks on RCK are up. However, ROK on the other hoof... yikes..." I said.

"Thy read the stocks?" He asked. "Thou art an older soul than I!" He laughed. Happy Hearthswarming to me, thanks Pa-in-Law.

"I'm only lookin' at the stocks cause you haven't flipped the page to the funnies yet." I said.

"Thy read the funnies?" He asked. "Thou art a perfect suit for Pinkamena indeed. Thou won't find them here, Pinkamnea hast already taken them, fight with her for them."

"Will do." I said getting up with my mug. "It's been a pleasure reading with you." I saluted him with a smirk.

"Likewise Buck." He said.

"It's Chuck." I said dryly.

"I know, it was merely a joke, surely I thought thy of all ponies would understand that." He smirked.

"You got me." I chuckled as I approached Pinkie Pie. "Hey hon, mind sharing those papers?" I asked.

"You're lucky!" She said. "I don't normally do this for anypony else." She said scooching over on the couch for me to read them with her.

"So here's the scoop, this one is _really_ funny." She said pointing to one comic. "Now this one over here, they've done better but it's okay." She pointed to another. "This one, I don't really get." She pointed to the crossword puzzle.

"That's because it's a crossword hon." I said.

"Oh." She said. "Corkscrew is 1 across, Windigo 2 down, Puddinghead 3 across, Unicorn 5 down, aaaaaand Flagpole 4 down." She said. "Then we've got Hearth for 6 across, Pegasi 7 across, then there's got Earth for 7 down. I mean lookit these clues, '3 across, chancellor of the Earth Pony tribe during the very first Hearthswarming.' I mean how could it get any easier!" She said.

"I don't know!" I chuckled. Eventually Maud, Limestone, and Marble came down the stairs.

"Yay! The whole family is up and at it! Time for the Hearthswarming morning festivities!" Pinkie jumped up excitedly.

"You're back?" Limestone asked me noticing that I was back after storming out the night before.

"No, I died a slow and terrible death last night. Now I'm back to eternally haunt your family." I sneered. She looked at me in silence with squinted eyes.

"Nopony has spoken to me like that before." She sneered. "Not bad. You might not be half as terrible as I thought."

"Glad to know I'm tolerable." I said.

"Well I never said that." She replied.

"Alright you two!" Pinkie stopped us. "This can wait huh? Time for the festivities!" She beamed.

* * *

Flag raising

"And now, as is tradition, the raising of the flag." Cloudy announced as we gathered outside. The whole family applauded at the announcement. I turned and eyed Igneous.

"You goin' on up?" I asked. "You _are_ the winner."

"Surely I am not. It was thy." He said with a leg outstretched.

"I appreciate that, but, we were a team, what say we do it together, huh?" I asked.

"If thy insists." He nodded with a smile.

"I sure do." I nodded, now let's raise a flag huh?" I asked.

"As thy would say, 'Sounds good.'" He said.

The flag raising went well, I mean, even when we placed the flag upon that infamous Holders Boulder, I could see Limestone refraining her urges to yell at us to get off, so I didn't doddle up there too long, well that's a lie, I did to a little interpretative dance, but seeing it would be so offensively horrible it would probably make your grandma cry. Lord knows when I started practicing it made mine do it. But that's besides the point. As we raised the flag, the rest of the family applauded and cheered, as is tradition I suppose. It felt nice, but it really felt nice that Igneous actually liked me. After that tradition was over and we had a small breakfast, rock compote, delicious. And now, the day long tradition, that was present searching. Now, I know what you're thinking: "How's Pinkie gonna find the present you got her in chapter 21?" Don't worry, I had a plan.

"Oh dang hon, I don't know if you're gonna find it..." I said as we walked around the farm land.

"Sure hope I do!" She said as we roamed. "Wanna give me a hint?" She asked.

"Fine, way you're currently going? Cold." I said.

"That way?" She asked.

"Also cold." I shook my head.

"East?" She asked.

"Nay."

"West?"

"Negatory."

"Weast?" She asked.

"Not a thing, and if it was, cold."

"Up? Down? Chuckie! Where is it?" She whined.

"Well..." I stroked the back of my neck. "Say, what's that in your mane?" I asked.

"Huh?" She asked. "Where?"

"Right... uh... Oh! There it is!" I said plucking a package from her mane. "Now how could that have gotten there?" I asked remarking the present I got her being hidden in her mane.

"How'd you hide it in there!?" She asked.

"Well..." I remembered.

The day before

"What's that?" She asked looking up at the mistletoe I pointed at when bringing up an Earth tradition.

"Well, back on Earth, it was customary that when two met under the mistletoe, they shared a kiss." I said.

"Well..." She said glancing up. "It would be rude to disrespect tradition, your world or not."

"Happy Hearthswarming." I said giving her a kiss.

"Merry Christmas." She smiled giving me a kiss back, and I kissed her, I snuck one leg with the gift by her as her eyes were close and gently slid it into her mane. The prefect crime.

Back in the present

"Oooooohhhhh!" She said.

"I figured you of all ponies would appreciate the spontaneousness, unpredictability, and over all craziness behind it." I smiled.

"You know me so well." She hugged me.

"I sure do." I grinned. "Aren't you gonna open it?" I asked.

"I was hoping you'd ask!" She said before furiously tearing up wrapping paper. When she opened the box she took out the card and opened it.

"With love to my favorite mare in the whole world, Happy Hearthsawrming Cutie Pie, here's to many more. Love, Chuck." Was what was written in it with a little sketch of me kissing her on the cheek. She blushed red when she read the card.

"Aw, I love you..." She said sweetly.

"Keep going." I pointed to the box. She looked in the box.

"Tissue paper?" She asked.

"It's in the tissue paper hon." I chuckled.

"Oh!" She said opening the tissue paper up. She gasped even more upon seeing the real gift. "Oh Celestia!" She gasped at the beautiful gemstone charm necklace.

"You like it?" I asked.

"It's... It's beautiful..." She said in awe at the gift.

"Saw it and I thought of you." I said happily.

"I love it!" She hugged me tightly

"I'm glad." I hugged her back. "Wanted to make sure I got the prefect gift for the perfect mare."

"I love you so much." She said into my shoulder.

"I love you too." I hugged her warmly.

"Speaking of which, I think there's something for you around here too..." She said.

"Care to offer me a hint?" I asked.

"Heads?" She asked.

"What?" I asked.

"Or?" She continued.

"I have no idea what you're doing." I said. "Heads.. Or... Heads or..." I turned my head. "Tails?" She nodded.

"Is it... In my... Tail?" I asked.

"Correct!" She smiled.

"How did you ever..." I began.

"Well, I don't often share these things, but...

Earlier that morning

"Pinkie Pie, you've done so damn much for me, I would never forget about you." I hugged her tightly. She hugged me back.

"I didn't know I really meant _that_ much to you." She said.

"Are you kiddin'? You mean the world and more to me, literally, if I had the option to go back to my old world, and even have all the riches known to man, have everything I could take, I wouldn't take it. I'd rather be here, here and happy, with you." I said holding her close.

"Aw..." She said. "I'm so glad I found you." At that point, she carefully slipped the present into my large and fluffy tail.

The present

"Ahh, clever." I smiled.

"Come on! Open it!" She said seizing the box from my tail and giving it to me. I opened the box and pulled out a beautiful red and black plaid bathrobe with C embroidered on it.

"Wow!" I said. "I love it!"

"There's more, look inside it." She said, I opened up the robe and looked inside. Inside was a ceramic mug that had "Good morning? Yeah right!" printed on it. And taped to it was a card. I tore open the envelope and read the card.

"Thank you for making every day all the more fun, I love you more than you could ever know... Even when you're grumpy." I read. "Gee, thanks." I smirked before continuing. "You're the sunshine of my day and the comfort of my night. Long story short, I love you! -Pinkie Pie." I blushed and a silly grin spread across my face. "I love you so much." I hugged her. "Thank you Cutie Pie."

"Glad you like it!" She smiled. "The mug especially made me think of you, mostly because..." She began.

"Yeah yeah I get it, I get grumpy sometimes." I said dryly.

"Yeah!" She chuckled. "But I still love you anyway." She noogied my head.

"And I still love you, even when I'm grumpy." I said giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" She asked.

"Something terrible, because capital punishment is a better reward than I am." I said dryly.

"Oh hush." She said. "Don't ruin the moment." I'm glad she finally called me out on that, because I have a tendency to do that.

* * *

That evening

After a long and tearful (on some accounts, not me though, no matter what Pinkie might tell you) goodbye to the family, Pinkie and I were on our way back home. It was pretty late at this point and the train was peacefully quiet, the train traffic from the Rock Farm to just about anywhere is often, well, nil. It was only the two of us on the train once again. The privacy was nice, not that we were taking advantage of that. Nope, it was just the two of us, enjoying each other's company for the evening.

"Okay I've got one." I said. "Would you rather have two tongues or an extra leg?"

"Hmmm..." She thought. "I'll take the second tongue."

"Why?" I asked.

"Uh, duh! Double the flavor on cake and ice cream, pies, eclairs, the list goes on but you get the picture." She explained.

"Good point." I nodded. "Your turn."

"Hmmm... Would you rather go without coffee for the rest of your life, or go without ice cream?" She asked.

"Oh that's an easy one, ice cream. I don't get migraines from going without ice cream" I explained.

"Ah." She nodded. "Your turn!" She said.

"Here's a good one." I said. "Would you rather listen to Quibble rant and rave about a book for all eternity? Or have to live with me being eternally grumpy?" I asked.

"That's a toughy..." She said. "I'll definitely take you."

"I'm flattered." I said.

"Because with you," She began. "Normally if I give you a kiss it quiets you down." She winked.

"That is normally the case." I nodded. "Your turn."

"Here's a tough one." She said. "Would you rather I wake you up in the middle of the night every night, or only drink decaf?" She asked.

"Easy." I said. "Have you wake me up in the middle of the night for sure." I decided. "That way, I get even more time to spend with you." I said.

"You always know the right thing to say." She smiled.

"I'm good like that." I said. "I've got another game. Ask me 20 questions to see what I'm thinking about."

"Is it a vegetable?" She asked.

"Nope." I shook my head.

"Animal?" She asked.

"Technically yes." I nodded.

"A wanted creature?" She asked.

"Most definitely." I nodded.

"Is it something specific?" She asked.

"It is somepony specific." I nodded.

"Is it that stallion who buys drinks every night and always pays his tab?" She asked.

"The perfect customer." I said. "But alas, no."

"How do you feel about the pony?" She asked.

"That's not a fair question." I said.

"All is fair in love and war. And in these games." She said.

"That is not true." I said. "But fine, I''ll answer anyway, I do have a fondness for this pony."

"Is this somepony cute?" She asked. Okay, she's figured it out and now she's stringing me along.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Somepony who you love very very much?" She asked.

"Yes."

"Somepony who obviously knows the answer?" She asked.

"Yes." I said dryly.

"Oh I don't know, is it..." She pretended to think about it. "Me?"

"And give the mare a prize, we have a winner!" I said like a gameshow host.

"Yay! What do I win?" She asked.

"Let me tell you what you won, pretty mare..." I began in the same voice as before. "You've won the love of a stallion who does not offer all that much for looks and says the corniest things in the world but most definitely will cherish you forever and ever!" I announced. "Or, a check for a hundred thousand bits! What's it gonna be? Coltfriend? Or bits?" I asked holding up an invisible microphone and humming the jeopardy theme.

"Hmmm, I dunno... I could finally buy that Jacuzzi I wanted..." She thought. "I'll take the coltfriend."

"Good answer." I said giving her a kiss.

"Happy Hearthswarming Cutie Pie." I said to her warmly.

"Happy Hearthswarming Chuckie, here's to a million more." She kissed my cheek.

"Here here." I nodded kissing her cheek.

Yep, it was a happy Hearthswarming indeed.

* * *

 _What a conclusion! Hope you all liked it! I had a great time with this chapter, can't wait to keep writing for you guys! I hope you all have a great holiday season!_

 _Songs Used_

 _"Happy Sad" by: Andrew Lippa_

 _"Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by: Crash Test Dummies_

 _"Kiss me, I'm Shitfaced" by: The Dropkick Murphys_

 _"Oh Shenandoah" by: Nobody really knows._

 _"Have yourself a merry little Christmas" by: Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane_


	29. Chapter 29: New Year's Eve

**Author's note:** This is a fluff chapter, not important at all to the story, but it is sweet and nice so if you want to read a small feel-good story this is the perfect chapter for you.

* * *

New Year's Eve

My bar, 9:30 PM, December 31st.

Want to know a great way to get business to boom? Claim to have a discount and throw a party. Anyway, business was absolutely booming, who knew ponies liked to party while ringing in the New Year? They only have a party for every arbitrary occasion. Don't tell Pinkie I said that or anything, I love arbitrary celebrations. Anyway, this evening, in my humble little tavern we were having a little party to ring in the new year, just some friends, and a lot of patrons, but mostly for the friends. All the major characters... In my life, were there. Pinkie, of course, Cheese and Quibble showed up, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, Twilight, Fluttershy, Rarity, Discord, Discord came on the promise that he and Quibble would be on different sides of the bar the whole time. I wrote to Barstool, he showed up, Sunny Side came too, then plenty came and went as patrons.

"So, lemme get this straight." I said behind the bar. "Two crooks broke in while you were gone? The, Applebloom created a house of torture for them?" I asked Applejack.

"Yep!" She nodded. "I mean, terrible thing, her being left home alone like that, but if she wasn't there Celestia only knows what they would've done."

"Lucky you got home in time, or Celestia knows what they woulda done to _her._ " I said.

"I'd rather not think about that." She said bluntly. "Pour me something huh? And I don't want to get charged after you sayin' something like that."

"Mhm." I said. "I'll give you a 'Great and Powerful Trixie', strong stuff." (See chapter 23). I slid her the drink and she sipped it.

"This don't seem strong." She said.

"That's because it's not. And frankly, you don't need real strong, night's still young." I nodded. "So, Pants? How about you? What was your Hearthswarming like?" I asked. He said nothing and lifted a leg in a cast up.

"Same damn thing every year, as my mother said." He told me dryly.

"Oh you big baby, have a drink or something." I scoffed. "But really buy something, tonight is buy one get one full price night."

"Buy one get one full price?" He asked.

"Sure! Two drinks for the price of two!" I said. "Listen, the public likes the word 'deal', usually they don't even think of what that 'deal' is, they just get real hot for the word 'deal'."

"You're terrible." Applejack remarked.

"I'm a businesspony sis. Besides, I like to imagine my prices are fair without a discount anyway." I said dryly.

"It's not a deal." She said.

"Fine, tell you what, I'll give you a deal, a real deal. Buy one get one half off with a good tip for my cunning charm and wit." I said with a smirk.

"You're lucky I like you." She said dryly.

"I count my blessings every day, and that's on the top of my list." I smirked.

"I'm sure it is." She said just as dryly as before.

"What's going on over here?" Pinkie asked happily as she came over.

"What's going on is apparently I'm the third long lost Flim Flam brother with my "deal"." I chuckled.

"I wasn't gonna say that but that describes you well." Applejack smirked.

"Ouch, ooohhh. That hurts." I said. "especially coming from you." I continued with fake pain. "See this?" I said pointing to where my heart was. "This, this is where I'm hurt."

"And you called _me_ a big baby." Quibble smirked.

"Pretty high and mighty for a colt who can't stand on a step ladder." I rebuttaled.

"He's got you there." Rainbow Dash snickered.

"She's right, I do." I nodded.

"Yeah well... Yeah but... You see uh... Screw you guys." He groaned.

"Yeah you know you love us." I smirked. "Now where's Cheese? I need these cream soda floats to table six."

"Right here boss!" He popped up from below the counter. I turned and cocked my neck.

"How long were you down there waiting for me to ask that?" I asked. "Never mind, take these to Lyra and Bon Bon at table six." I said.

"You've got it boss!" He said taking the tray.

"I think this is only the third time since I opened the place that he's actually been here to work." I commented. "Works well for me, I don't have to pay him too much." I laughed.

"Tight pocketed miser." Applejack said.

"I can stop selling your cider you know." I said. "Seasonal profits went up how much since I started selling it along with your family?" I asked.

"I'm only kiddin'!" She laughed giving me a slap on the shoulder.

"I know, and I was only kidding with what I said, that was my biggest Fall seller." I chuckled. "I know, I know, tight pocketed miser."

"You are." Applejack nodded. "You're just lucky you're more than that."

"A whole lot more!" Pinkie added giving me a tight hug.

"Pinkie... Hon..." I wheezed. "You're kinda, squeezing on my lungs... A lot." Eventually she released her grasp and smiled at me, I smiled back.

"You've got a real tight grip, you know that?" I asked.

"Oh I know. I like hugging you super tight, you're like a big teddy bear!" She said.

"Only difference is a teddy bear's lungs can't be crushed." I chuckled.

"I know you love it." She said with a cute tone. She was right, despite the pain it did for my chest, I did really enjoy it.

"Be that as it may..." I began. "Yeah, yeah I do." I smiled giving her a kiss on the cheek. Our affection was met with groans from Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Quibble, who all still were sitting at the bar.

"You know you three don't _have_ to sit here." I said.

"As long as Discord is on that side, I actually do." Quibble said.

"Why not try and patch things up?" I asked.

"Why is that effort I have to expend?" He asked. "He was the one that put me through a day of hell!"

"After he disliked you for insulting him." I brought up.

"C'mon!" Rainbow Dash grabbed him by the leg. "You're patching things up, whether you like it or not."

"Now this, I have to see." Applejack followed them.

"Lookit them." I told Pinkie. "Like a trio of foals."

"Let's adopt them!" Pinkie said to me.

"I take it back, they aren't that much like a trio of foals." I said quickly dismissing the notion of adopting them.

"I'm only kiddin'!" She giggled.

"You'd better be, I'm hardly ready for young ones, let alone three adults." I laughed.

"Two adults and a Quibble anyway." Pinkie added. I bellowed with laughter.

"Nice!" I laughed as we hoof bumped.

"How do you think it's goin' over there?" Pinkie asked as we watched from the counter.

"Quibble is still alive, so probably well." I replied sipping the root beer float I poured with a straw. "Here." I told Pinkie sliding her another straw.

"You know me so well." She smiled sticking her straw in the drink and sipping with me.

"Celestia, you two are gross." Sunny Side gagged.

We watched as Rainbow Dash stood between Quibble and Discord, Applejack stood to the side watching it unfurl, neither Quibble or Discord were overly happy. We saw Discord attempt to leave but then Rainbow Dash called for the secret weapon: Fluttershy. As Fluttershy strolled over Discord shot a glare at Rainbow Dash who just smirked back. We watched Rainbow Dash explain the situation to Fluttershy, who then turned to Discord and spoke to him, after she stopped Discord let out a long sigh and stuck out his bird claw arm as if reluctantly wanting to shake Quibble's hoof, after a nudge from Rainbow Dash, Quibble reached out his hoof and they shook. It was met with satisfied reactions from Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Fluttershy. The five of them returned to the bar counter.

"Hatchet dead and buried?" I asked. "Because neither of you get drinks until it is." I smirked.

"I would say we were able to put aside our differences, wouldn't you agree, Nibble?" Discord asked.

"It's Quibble." He replied dryly. "And yes." He nodded.

"Wonderful, here's some on the house." I said sliding them both a drink. Quibble was quite pleased with that, Discord sipped at it and gagged.

"So _weak._ Definitely worth what I paid for it." He said in a disgusted tone. He then made a bottle appear out of nowhere. "Now this is good, Nightmare Tonic, stronger than anything in Equestria, this is the stuff that makes talons grow." He said before drinking some.

"Yeah right, I've probably had juice stronger than that." Quibble smirked. Discord just looked at him and grinned.

"This isn't meant for mortal ponies..." He chuckled. "But what the heck." He poured a small amount, no more than the amount of Nyquil you'd take if you were sick into a glass and slid it to him. "Like I said, made _by_ Draconequus _for_ Draconequus." He said before Quibble sipped it.

"I don't feel a thing, all talk and no game like I-" Before he could finish that sentence he fell to the floor with a thud. "...Excelsior..." He mumbled in a fit of intoxication. We all looked down at him.

"He's not dead, right?" I asked.

"Looks pretty dead to me." Sunny Side remarked.

"If I don't do this, he will be." He said before tightening his fist which magically squeezed Quibble's stomach like a rubber duck sending the sip he drank flying out of his mouth. As Quibble regained consciousness he stood to his hooves rubbing his head.

"Maybe it was a little stronger than I thought..." He mumbled sitting back at the stool.

"Maybe?" Discord laughed. "You're lucky to be alive!"

"You were definitely going to bring him back even without me bringing it up, right?" I asked.

"Sure, sure." He dismissed my question like I was a fool for asking.

"Five bits says that wasn't the plan at all." I murmured to Rainbow Dash. She snorted with laughter at my remark.

"What?" Quibble asked.

"Nothin'." I said with a wink. "Hey Cheese!" I called. "Margarita's for Rarity and Sassy Saddles at table four!"

"On my way!" He said coming to take the tray.

"Isn't this great?" I asked the group sitting at the counter. "Everypony together to ring in the new year, at my bar too! Imagine that."

"Pretty picture for sure." Applejack remarked looking at everypony socializing and having a good time. It was a pretty picture, ponies were talking, laughing, drinking, there were friends who were together every day and friends who haven't seen each other in a long time, there wasn't a long face in the bar. And that made me smile.

"I'll be right back." I told them as I strolled towards the piano in the corner of the bar. "Now let's see, I think I still know how this goes." I said before tapping the keys figuring out the melody once more before starting, as I began to play, the chatter quieted down.

 **Me:** _Making your way in the world today_

 _Takes everything you've got;_

 _Taking a break from all your worries_

 _Sure would help a lot._

 _Wouldn't you like to get away?_

 _All those night when you've got no lights,_

 _The check is in the mail;_

 _And your little angel_

 _Hung the cat up by it's tail;_

 _And your third fiance didn't show;_

 _Sometimes you want to go_

 _Where everypony knows your name,_

 _And they're always glad you came;_

 _You want to be where you can see,_

 _Our troubles are all the same;_

 _You want to be where everypony knows your name._

 _Roll out of bed, Mr. Coffee's dead;_

 _The morning's looking bright;_

 _Your family up and packed and went off_

 _They didn't even write,_

 _Seems you haven't a friend around_

"C'mon every pony, sing along!" I called out.

 **All:** _Be glad there's one place here in town_

 _Where everypony knows your name,_

 _And they're always glad you came;_

 _You want to go where ponies know,_

 _Ponies are all the same;_

 _You want to go where everypony knows your name._

 _Where everybody knows your name,_

 _And they're always glad you came;_

 _Where everypony knows your name,_

 _And they're always glad you came..._

We all laughed and smiled as the song came to a close. I went back over to the counter and rejoined my friends who were all chatting and laughing, generous I called out for a round on the house, which was met with applause. As I started serving up orders the door opened once more and a group of ponies came in.

"Don't tell me the party already started!" The stocky pony in a yellow jacket said.

"Ligatrue?" Applejack asked turning to see him.

"Liggy!" Pinkie said enthusiastically running over to greet him and the band.

"Good to see you Pinks." Ligature said between gasps when she hugged him.

"I'm so happy to see you all! What are you doing in Ponyville?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, around Hearthswarming Eve we ran into your friend Applejack here, she told us you lived in Ponyville, thought we'd stop by and say hi, there was nopony around in town except for here so here we are!" He chuckled.

"Awesome!" Pinkie smiled. "Come on! I have some ponies I want you all to meet!" She led them to the bar counter. "Liggy, Alto, Bell, End Pin, Snare Tap, Bellows, meet Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy, Sunny Side, Discord, You've already met Applejack, that's Cheese Sandwich over there!" She pointed. "There's Spike and Twilight!" She pointed again. "And there's Rarity!" She pointed once more. "Then last but not least, meet Chuck!" She gestured to me.

"Hiya Chuck, good to meet you." Ligature said offering his hoof to shake, I extended mine and we shook. "Applejack told me plenty about you."

"All bad I hope." I joked. "Seriously though, welcome to Chuck's, where hopes and dreams come to die with the wine in the cellar."

"That's your slogan?" He asked.

"I've been thinking about making it that." I nodded.

"Huh." He said. "So Pinks, you see something in this colt?" He asked with a sarcastic tone before laghing. "I'm just kiddin', you seem alright." He slugged me on the shoulder. "Me an' the lads will have a round of root beer floats, si vous plait." He ordered.

"Coming right up fellas." I said preparing them a round.

"Glad to know our Pinks is in good hooves." He said.

"I'm sorry, I never actually got the full story, how do you know Pinkie?" I asked.

"You never told him?" Ligature asked Pinkie. "Pinks here used to be our trombone player!" He flashed me the same photo he showed Applejack when she met him.

"Sure did!" She nodded. "Best trombone player the Polka Pals ever had!"

"So good you haven't even been replaced." He said. "Take a little pride in that."

"Hold on." I said. "Are you telling me that you're meeting up with a long departed member of your band, is that a reunion I smell?" I asked. "If I'm hosting a reunion I'd like to hear a song." I said. "And to sweeten the deal, I won't charge for your drinks if you do." I bargained.

"I dunno, it's been a while, what do you say Pinks?" Ligature asked.

"Let's do it! I've still got my old trombone at home! I'll be right back!" She dashed out of the bar.

"Now I'm excited, haven't heard a good polka in a while." I said.

"I've _never_ heard a _good_ polka." Sunny Side remarked.

"Well then prepare to have your mind blown my friend, the Polka Pals are the best dang Polka band this side of Marenesota!" Ligature said to Quibble.

"I'm sure they don't have much competition." Quibble whispered to Rainbow Dash. As she snickered Pinkie Pie came bursting through the door.

"I'm back!" She said happily.

"Great, I'll go on and introduce you guys." I said heading for the karaoke stage. As I made my way up, I could see Cheese pestering Ligature with questions, well, pestering wasn't the right word as Ligature seemed to enjoy it.

"I just wanna say I'm a big fan! I have all your albums!" He said excitedly.

"So you're the one pony who bought a copy of 'Show Us Where He Polka'd You', pleased to meetcha!" He shook his hoof.

"What song are you gonna do? Polkapalooza? Polka Power? Polkcaine?" Cheese asked.

"I was gonna do this one." Ligature flashed him the sheet music. Cheese gasped reading the title.

"My favorite!" He grinned widely.

"If you like it so much..." Ligature began. "Why not come and sing it with us?" He offered.

"You mean it?" He asked happily.

"Sure! Anything for our biggest fan, right fellas?" The others nodded in agreeance.

"You guy's all ready?" I asked through the mic. They nodded. "Okay, everypony, if I could have your attention, I would like to welcome the Polka Pals, plus departed member Pinkie Pie, and by the looks of things, special guest Cheese Sandwich up to the stage, give 'em a hoof huh?" I called as everypony applauded.

"Alright, hiya folks. I'm Ligature, and we're the Polka Pals." Some ponies cheered when he said that. "Anywho, tonight, we've got something ready for you, hope you like it." He said before nodding to the band, they started playing, get this, they sounded good! Ligature nodded at Cheese and he stepped up to the mic.

 **Cheese:** _Soy un perdedor!_

 _I'm a loser, baby!_

 _So why dont you kill me?_

 _Everybody!_

 _Soy un perdedor!_

 _I'm a loser, baby!_

 _So why dont you kill me?_

 _HEY!_

 _I am, I am, I am_

 _I said I wanna get next to you_

 _I said I'm gonna get close to you_

 _You wouldn't want me have to hurt you too_

 _Hurt you too_

 _I know you want what's on my mind_

 _I know you like what's on my mind_

 _I know it eats you up inside_

 _I know, you know, you know, you know_

 _Here I come, I come, I come, I come_

 _Here I come, I come, I come, I come_

 _'Cause all I wanna do is have some fun_

 _I've got a feeling I'm not the only one_

 _All I wanna do is have some fun_

 _I've got a feeling I'm not the only one_

 _All I wanna do is have some fun_

 _Until the sun comes up over Santa Monica Boulevard_

 _HELP ME! I broke apart my insides_

 _HELP ME! I got no soul to sell_

 _HELP ME! The only thing that works for me_

 _Help me get away from myself_

 _I wanna (Hammer sound effect) you like an animal_

 _I wanna feel you from the inside_

 _I wanna (Squeak sound effect) you like an animal_

 _My whole existence is flawed_

 _You get me closer to god_

 _Hey! Hey! Hey!_

 _You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang_

 _Blame, blame, blame_

 _You bang, bang, bang, bang, bang_

 _It's not my thing so let it go!_

 _'Cause that love that you gave that we made_

 _Wasn't able to make it enough_

 _For you to be open wide, no_

 _And every time you speak her name_

 _Does she know how you told me you'd hold me_

 _Until you die, 'til you die_

 _But you're still alive_

 _And I'm here to remind you of the mess you left_

 _When you went away_

 _It's not fair to deny me of the cross I bare that you gave to me_

 _You oughta know_

 _HEY!_

 _Despite all my rage_

 _I am still just a rat in a cage_

 _Despite all my rage_

 _I am still just a rat in a cage_

 _And someone will say what is lost can never be saved_

 _Despite all my rage_

 _I am still just a rat in a cage_

 _I love all of you_

 _Hurt by the cold_

 _So hard and lonely too_

 _When you don't know yourself_

 _I don't owe you anything!_

 _I don't owe you anything!_

 _I don't owe you anything!_

 _I don't owe you anything!_

 _Black hole sun_

 _Won't you come_

 _And wash away the rain_

 _Black hole sun_

 _Won't you come, won't you come_

 _Black hole sun, black hole sun_

 _Won't you come_

 _Black hole sun, black hole sun_

 _Won't you come_

 _Black hole sun, black hole sun_

 _Do you have the time_

 _To listen to me whine_

 _About nothing and everything all at once?_

 _I am one of those melodramatic fools_

 _Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it_

 _Sometimes I give myself the creeps_

 _Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me_

 _It all keeps all adding up_

 _I think I'm cracking up_

 _And am I just Paranoid_

 _Am I just stoned?_

 **All:** _Oooor aaaaam Iiii just_

 _Stooooooooned!_

The audience cheered, most anyway, Sunny Side and Quibble just clapped their hooves slowly exchanging glances, but did cheer for their respective friends. I'm sure anyone who appreciates classic alternative appreciates that. I clapped loudly and cheered for them as they left the stage.

"Great job hon." I hugged Pinkie.

"Where's mine?" Ligature asked with a smirk.

"How about instead of a hug your reward is another round on the house?" I asked.

"Even better!" He nodded.

"That's what I figured." I laughed.

"Must say." Sunny Side spoke up when everypony was sitting down again. "That was better than I had thought it would be, not by much, but better." She concluded.

"I'll take that as a compliment." Ligature said looking over at her. "So Chuck, Pinks tells me you'e got a real interesting past eh? Mind sharing?" He asked.

"Oh Celestia..." Quibble groaned. "Not this story again..."

"Well you see..." I began to tell him my story, at this point everypony except him was sick of hearing it, well except Pinkie, who sat and listened to it like it was the first she ever heard it. As I finished he blinked rapidly a few times as his jaw hung open.

"Wow. Jeez I gotta say, Pinks told me it was kinda crazy, but I didn't expect that." He said.

"Trust me, what's really crazy is that you'll probably hear it again. And again..." Quibble sighed.

"And again." Sunny Side nodded. "And again, and again."

"I don't tell it that much!" I interjected.

"Are you kidding? It's your favorite conversation starter!" Sunny laughed.

"Is not!" I exclaimed.

"Is too! 'Hi, I'm Chuck, nice to meet you, hey, little known fact, I fell from the sky!' We get it!" She snorted.

"Well pardon me." I sneered. "I just like to be open about myself."

"Oh Celestia..." Quibble groaned. "There is such a thing as too open."

"Alright you, save it for your fan fiction." I smirked at Quibble. Sunny Side started chuckling.

"Whoa ho!" She laughed. "You write fan fiction!?" She asked.

"Well... Uh, yeah, Daring Do and The Romantic Cavern." He said squeamishly.

"You write that?" I could almost hear Twilight ask in the background.

"I knew there was somethin' funny about you!" She laughed. "I just wasn't sure what it was."

"Hey take it easy." I defended him. "So what if he writes fan fiction? Just something he likes to do, that's all."

"Guess you're right, I was just kidding around Quibble, hope you know that." She said.

"Thank you." He nodded.

"If he feels so lonely he needs to write about characters having romantic relationships to feel better, so be it." I smirked (Meta humor at the author's expense at it's finest).

"Oh screw you." He sneered.

"Oh you big baby, here's a free one." I slid him a drink.

"I can't stay mad at you." He grinned.

"I knew you'd see it my way." I chuckled.

"Where's my free one?" Sunny Side asked.

"I thought you said you weren't a big drinker." I said.

"I thought you said you sold more than hard stuff." She rebuttaled.

"You've got me on that one." I admitted. "Ah what the hell, sure." I give in far too easily. "What'll it be?" I asked.

"Cream soda float." She said.

"You know I offer other sodas as floats, orange soda floats are good too." I suggested.

"Customer is always right hon." She smirked.

"You're right. Coming right up." I chuckled getting the drink done. "Here you go." I slid it down the bar.

"Thanks Chuck!" She said taking a drink. "Chuck, your jokes are mediocre at best, Pinkie could absolutely do better, but you mix a good drink."

"I'm going to pretend that didn't incredibly insult me." I said dryly.

"C'mon lad! Dish out something back!" An Irish voice called for me, I turned to see Barstool.

"I prefer not to insult the customer, thanks though Barstool." I nodded to him.

"Ha! Ya big sissy! Back in my bar somepony gives me flack like that I insult their mother and add 15 drinks to their tab and drink 'em myself!" He laughed.

"Well that might work fine at your bar, but I'm trying something else." I said.

"Yeah!" Sunny Side said. "He's trying being a big sook! Working fine for him so far!" She laughed. I shot a sharp glare at her.

"That'll be 7 bits for the drink, sorry, economic inflation." I sneered.

"Aw boo, no fair!" She said. "It was just a joke."

"Sadly, the economy isn't." I smirked.

"You're a real crook, I work hard for my bits, what's next? I have to give my leg as a tip?" She whined.

"Alright alright, only because I hate hearing you whine like that it's on the house again, but no more." I warned.

"Fine." She growled. "I was just kidding around." She muttered.

"And I acknowledged that by making it free again." I said, ready to serve and strike up conversation with somepony else.

"How've you been Barstool?" I asked him walking his way.

"I'm supplying to 45 different bars across Equestria, I can't complain." He said smugly. I whistled in astonishment.

"Wow, that's some good bits there." I remarked.

"I don't worry that's for certain." He nodded.

"Can't imagine you do." I said.

"You an' her still at it?" He asked pointing at Pinkie Pie.

"Sure are, together and better than ever." I said without turning my head from my glance at Pinkie, who noticed that I was looking at her and smiled at me.

"Cute." He said.

"She sure is." I nodded.

"I just meant the two of you." He chuckled. "But you ain't wrong."

"Watch it buddy." I quipped.

"Worry not for me, I prefer my mares a little older than her, more experi-" He started before I cut it off.

"I get it." I said sharply and he began to chuckle.

"Sorry lad, I make you uncomfortable there?" He asked.

"Well I mean..." I said stroking my neck.

"Alright alright, say no more lad." He said. "I won't talk about all my little exploits." He chuckled.

"Thank you." I said.

"But I do recall once, when I first started in the booze industry..." He began.

"No thanks!" I said leaving where I was standing to rejoin Pinkie.

"Have a good talk with Barstool?" She asked me when I got back.

"I'd be lying if I said I left it on a good note." I replied.

"Oh?" She asked.

"I just was not in the mood for what he wanted to talk about." I said. "Maybe I'm different, because apparently stallions have a one track mind with that stuff." I said.

"Ohhhhh" She started to giggle.

"Is it that odd that I don't like talking about it?" I asked.

"Yes!" Sunny Side yelled over.

"I wasn't asking you!" I hollered back. "Is it?" I asked again.

"Not really." She said. "If anything, I think it's kind of cute."

"Well thanks." I blushed, I'm not used to being described as 'cute'. There was a bit of a pause before Pinkie leaned in and whispered in my ear.

"This is the part where you tell me I'm cute." She whispered. I turned to her and grinned a little.

"You're the cutest thing on the planet hon." I said.

"That's better!" She hugged me.

"I love ya hon." I said.

"I love you too." She said warmly.

"Get a room!" Sunny Side called.

"Yeah! Get a room!" Quibble nodded.

"Oh save it Fan Fiction." Sunny Side turned making Quibble murmur angrily.

"Don't listen Chcukie." Pinkie told me.

"I wasn't planning on it." I grinned.

"I love you just the way you are, whether a little weird or not." She said.

"When did it ever get brought up I was weird?" I asked.

"Oh it didn't, I just knew you were thinking it." She said with a little smile.

"You can just read my mind." I said. "It must get boring because there isn't much to read." I chuckled.

"Oh stop it." She laughed.

"There ain't much, but there is one prominent thought up there." I said.

"What's that?" She asked.

"How much I love you." I smiled as she blushed red.

"Oh you..." She said with embarrassment.

"I mean it." I said.

"I love you too." She said.

"I love you so much..." I began. "Why, it's burning a hole in me." I said.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I'll tell you." I said. "Hey Cheese!" I called. "Mind pressing E-7?"

"You've got it!" He said pressing the jukebox.

"Oh Celestia. He's gonna sing again." Sunny Side and Quibble said at the same time as I got up on the counter and lifted her up with me, I flipped my hair as I began.

 **Me:** _Lord Almighty,_

 _I feel my temperature rising_

 _Higher higher_

 _It's burning through to my soul_

 _Baby, baby, baby,_

 _You gonna set me on fire_

 _My brain is flaming_

 _I don't know which way to go_

 _Your kisses lift me higher_

 _Like the sweet song of a choir_

 _You light my morning sky_

 _With burning love_

 _Ooh, ooh, ooh,_

 _I feel my temperature rising_

 _Help me, I'm flaming_

 _I must be a hundred and nine_

 _Burning, burning, burning_

 _And nothing can cool me_

 _I just might turn into smoke_

 _But I feel fine_

 _'Cause your kisses lift me higher_

 _Like a sweet song of a choir_

 _And you light my morning sky_

 _With burning love_

 _It's coming closer_

 _The flames are reaching my body_

 _Please won't you help me_

 _I feel like I'm slipping away_

 _It's hard to breath_

 _And my chest is a-heaving_

 _Lord have mercy,_

 _I'm burning a hole where I lay_

 _'Cause your kisses lift me higher_

 _Like the sweet song of a choir_

 _You light my morning sky_

 _With burning love_

 _With burning love_

 _Ah, ah, burning love_

 _I'm just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_

 _Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_

 _Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_

 _Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_

 _Just a hunk, a hunk of burning love_

 _Just a hunk, a hunk of burning... Looooooove!_

"Yeah!" I shrieked getting down on my hind legs strumming an air guitar furiously. I opened up one of my eyes to look at Pinkie again, who was grinning widely, she gave me a kiss on the head as she hopped down from the bar counter and I got down with her.

"Celestia you're cute." She said kissing my cheek.

"I consider myself more charming than cute, but thanks." I said.

"Both of those are wrong!" Sunny called, Rainbow Dash and Quibble snorted at her abrasive humor.

"Don't let that get to you." Pinkie reminded me.

"I'm not." I said calmly before I yawned a little. "What time is it?" I asked after the yawn.

"11:50" Pinkie said. "Almost there!" She said.

"Great, I am getting sleepy already." I said as I made my way up to the mic to make my closing speech, Pinkie followed me to the stage and stood beside me as I tapped the mic.

"Hello? Everypony if I could have your attention please... Everypony!" I tried getting their attention, Pinkie tapped my shoulder.

"Mind if I try?" She asked.

"Be my guest." I handed her the mic.

"Thanks!" She said. "QUUUUUUIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEET!" She yelled into the mic, the moment she did that the bar went silent.

"Thanks hon, I'll take it from here." I said taking the mic back.

"Oh Celestia! Get the earplugs, he's gonna sing again!" Sunny Side yelled out, making everypony laugh.

"Alright you, one more snippy comment and I start suggesting Greasy Spoon's diner instead." I yelled back.

"That would be much appreciated!" somepony who I assume was Greay Spoon called out.

"Anyway, we are now nearing the new year, and I thought it would be nice if we could share New Year's Resolutions, who's got one? If you do, come up to the mic and tell us. I'll begin, I resolve to stop beating myself up so much." I concluded. "Anypony who wants can come on up now." I said stepping back. First up was Cheese Sandwich, I swear if is resolution isn't to come to work more often.

"Hi, I'm Cheese Sandwich." He said with a smile. "I resolve to spend more time in town, I'll only travel every Thursday instead of Tuesdays and Thursdays!" He resolved as he stepped off the stage.

"That extra time better be spent at work." I said going back to the mic. "Anypony else?" Starlight stepped up.

"I resolve to stop letting my past bother me." She said before stepping down.

"Good on ya." I said. "Who else?" I asked. Soon ponies, one by one came up and shared their resolutions, it was cute to watch. Then after everypony shared, Pinkie stepped up.

"Hi everypony." She began. "This year, something special happened to me. See, this year I met Chuck, and every day I feel in love with him more and more." She smiled at me. "This year I resolve to keep loving you more and more." She smiled warmly as I stepped up to her. I gave her a kiss and hugged her tightly.

"I think that's a resolution I'll share with you." I said before looking at the clock, 11:59 with 45 seconds passed.

"Alright everypony! Almost time, let's start the countdown!" I said.

"Ten! Nine! Eight!" We all began chanting.

* * *

Manehatten

"Seven!" Oddity said watching the clock go by with a group of her friends at her own party.

"Six!" Grouchy and Bossy Pants said in the comfort of their home.

"Five!" Penny Candy and Sugar Cane said while at a party.

* * *

Canterlot Penitentiary

"Four." Crow Bar and Lock Pick said in their cell.

* * *

My Tavern

"Three! Two! One! Happy New Year!" We all cheered as Pinkie threw confetti in the air and I popped a bottle of champagne and started filling glasses. As ponies drank from the glasses and the laughter resumed I went back to the piano and started playing again.

"This is a little classic for this time." I told everypony as I played.

 **Me:** _Should old acquaintance be forgot,_

 _and never brought to mind?_

 _Should old acquaintance be forgot,_

 _and old lang syne?_

 _For auld lang syne, my dear,_

 _for auld lang syne,_

 _we'll take a cup of kindness yet,_

 _for auld lang syne._

 **Pinkie:** _And surely you'll buy your pint cup!_

 _and surely I'll buy mine!_

 _And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,_

 _for auld lang syne._

 **Pinkie and I:** _For auld lang syne, my dear,_

 _for auld lang syne,_

 _we'll take a cup of kindness yet,_

 _for auld lang syne._

 **Cheese:** _And we have run about the slopes,_

 _and picked the daisies fine;_

 _But we've wandered many a weary hoof,_

 _since auld lang syne._

 **The 3 of us:** _For auld lang syne, my dear,_

 _for auld lang syne,_

 _we'll take a cup of kindness yet,_

 _for auld lang syne._

 **Applejack:** _And we have paddled in the stream,_

 _from morning sun till dine;_

 _But seas between us broad have roared_

 _since auld lang syne._

 **Applejack and Rainbow Dash:** _For auld lang syne, my dear,_

 _for auld lang syne,_

 _we'll take a cup of kindness yet,_

 _for auld lang syne._

 **Quibble:** _And there's a hoof my trusty friend!_

 _And give me a hoof o' thine!_

 _And we'll take a right good-will draught,_

 _for auld lang syne._

 **All 6 of us:** _For auld lang syne, my dear,_

 _for auld lang syne,_

 _we'll take a cup of kindness yet,_

 _for auld lang syne._

 **Everypony:** _For auld lang syne, my dear,_

 _for auld lang syne,_

 _we'll take a cup of kindness yet,_

 _for auld lang syne._

 **Me:** _we'll take a cup of kindness yet,_

 _for auld lang syne._

As the song came to an end I got up and went back towards the bar, nodding at the cheering ponies.

"Alright everypony, that's closing time, you don't gotta go home..." I began.

"Butcha can't stay here!" Pinkie finished.

* * *

The next day

That morning, Pinkie and I were sitting together on the couch holding each other and chatting.

"That party sure was fun last night!" She said.

"Sure was." I agreed.

"Come to think of it, the past little while has been pretty fun." She said.

"How long is this past little while?" I asked.

"When did you get here?" She asked.

"I don't remember tell the truth." I replied.

"Oh... Well, right around then." She said.

"Well, thanks for making this past little while fun." I smiled at her.

"Oh you..." She blushed. "Here's to even more memories." She said.

"Here's to a million and more." I nodded.

* * *

 _Happy New Year from Chuck, Impressionsguy, and everyone here at Equestria's New Comedian, I hope to write for you for many more new years._

 _Songs used_

 _"Where Everybody Knows Your Name" or "Cheers Theme" by: Gary Portnoy_

 _"The Alternative Polka" by: Weird Al Yankovic_

 _"Burning Love" by: Elvis Presley_

 _"Auld Lang Syne" by: Robert Burns_


	30. Chapter 30: Follower Appreciation

**Author's note:** Not a continuation of the story, just a follower appreciation chapter where there's a fun little song, some fun facts and trivia facts about Chuck, me, and the story. Then Chuck, Pinkie, Quibble, and even more answer questions you've been meaning to ask but really weren't.

* * *

Chapter 30: We're a Year Old!

 _(To the tune of South Park's 20 seasons promotional song.)_

 _In chapter one,_

 _Chuck woke up one day in a field._

 _In chapter two,_

 _Pinkie's crush was near revealed._

 _In chapter three,_

 _They had a picnic on the green_

 _And chapter four for saw Chuck share his story most obscene!_

 _One whole year of ENC_

 _One whole year of fun_

 _One whole year of making readers cringe from lousy puns_

 _One whole year of ponies thinking Quibble might be gay_

 _It's time for some new chapters_

 _We're a year old today!_

 _In chapter five,_

 _Applejack dished out advise._

 _In chapter six,_

 _Pinkie and Chuck started off nice._

 _chapter seven,_

 _Cheese and Quibble came around._

 _And chapter eight saw Quibble wonder if he should leave town._

 _One whole year of ENC_

 _Three sixty five days long_

 _One whole year of writing all your favorite ponies wrong,_

 _One whole year of thinking bad jokes are comedic gold,_

 _It's time for some new chapters_

 _Cause we're a whole year old!_

 _In nine and ten,_

 _Quibble left but he came back._

 _In eleven,_

 _That birthday party was just whack._

 _In chapter twelve,_

 _Love was confessed through an Elvis song_

 _And chapter thirteen Chuck and Pinkie were in Manehatten all day long!_

 _One whole year of ENC_

 _We're still going strong_

 _One whole year of laughter, love, and pretty decent songs,_

 _One who year of Sunny Side being a big ball of sass,_

 _It's time for some new chapters,_

 _This story's kicking ass!_

 _Chapter fourteen,_

 _Discord put Quibble through some hell._

 _Chapter fifteen,_

 _Barstool thought Pinkie an' Chuck were swell._

 _Chapter sixteen,_

 _The tavern opened up it's doors._

 _And chapter seventeen they celebrated that famous night of horrors!_

 _Twelve whole months of ENC_

 _Fifty two whole weeks_

 _A grand old year of new paragraphs whenever someone speaks_

 _Another year of classic humor is right around the bend_

 _It's time for some new chapters,_

 _Can't wait to see you then!_

 _Chapter eighteen,_

 _Quibble confessed he had a crush_

 _Chapter nineteen,_

 _Chuck's compliments made Pinkie blush_

 _Chapter twenty,_

 _We met Starlight Glimmer and Maud_

 _In twenty one Chuck found Pinkie's gift in a shop of things most odd._

 _A grand old year of ENC_

 _It's been a splendid year_

 _Don't worry cause there isn't any end approaching near_

 _Here's to more years of Chuck, Pinkie, Cheese, and Sunny Side_

 _It's time for some more chapters_

 _Boy has it been a ride!_

 _In twenty two,_

 _It was really all just fluff._

 _In twenty three,_

 _For drinks Applejack had enough._

 _In twenty four,_

 _Chuck first met Igneous and Cloudy,_

 _and twenty five Quibble wanted those old traditions badly!_

 _Twenty nine whole chapters baby_

 _we aren't counting this,_

 _A great big year of_ _Sunny gagging when Chuck and Pinkie kiss_

 _One tenth a decade of Quibble being a whiny nerd_

 _It's time for some new chapters,_

 _This song's getting absurd!_

 _In twenty six,_

 _Igneous was kind of a dick,_

 _Twenty seven,_

 _Applebloom tortured Crow Bar and Lock Pick._

 _In twenty eight,_

 _Their Hearthswarming was full of cheer,_

 _And twenty nine all together they rung in the new year!_

 _Twenty nine chapters just summed up_

 _In this little song_

 _Everypony have a drink and someone bang the gong!_

 _Chuck, Pinkie, Cheese, Quibble, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash_

 _It's time for some new chapters,_

 _This story's been a smash!_

Hey everybody, Impressionsguy here! Welcome to the Equestria's New Comedian follower appreciation chapter, I just want to say a big thank you to everybody who's followed, favorited, or reviewed, or even just skimmed through the first chapter and decided this story was garbage! We had 5,469 views in all throughout the year 2017, which I think is pretty good, I can't wait to write more adventures of Chuck, Pinkie, Quibble, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Cheese Sandwich for all of you soon, I have big plans for this year so stay tuned, this story is nowhere near done. Also, my second MLP fic, "Ages 3 and up" is up, so if you enjoy this story, My Little Dashie, and/or Toy Story, I recommend it to you. However it is deeper than this story, and deals with loss/abandonment and things like that, big tone shift from this story.

* * *

Some fun facts and behind the scenes for the story, some interesting trivia facts for those interested, both about the story and the author.

The story originally started off as one long oneshot of Ponyville going bankrupt and one pony coming to town with a plan to help by having a mass scale theatre production in the Califoalnia Bowl to raise money to save the town. That story has not disappeared forever though...

Chuck started out as Chuckles, a name that fit better in the pony universe, but I couldn't take seriously when writing serious and heartfelt moments. His cutie mark went through several phases. A beer goblet, a mic on a stand, comedy and tragedy masks, laughing faces, and eventually the mic that came to be his cutie mark.

The idea of a human being magically sent to Equestria and falling in love was inspired by "A wish come true" by frontdoor6, if you haven't checked it out I recommend it.

I always wanted to bring Cheese Sandwich in from the get go, Quibble however wasn't in the original idea as when I first started conceptualizing the story I hadn't seen season six yet, then, I started it and watched the episode "Stranger Than Fan Fiction" featuring Quibble and I immediately fell in love with his passionate nerd personality. And so, I figured out a way to add the two in together in a way that fit and made sense.

Retellings of movies were originally going to be added for fun, often to add to a moral or lessons, A la "A Hearthswarming Tale" or the whole use a story to teach a lesson idea of "Veggie Tales". Cast lists and character designs were made for "Star Wars, A New Hope", "South Park: Bigger Longer and Uncut", "Toy Story", "The Addams Family" Broadway musical, and more. "The Little Mermaid" was almost written to be chapter 12 when I decided against it. I may still use the concept if people are interested. I can tease that in a holiday season in the future I will be doing "A Christmas Carol" with the musical numbers from "A Muppet Christmas Carol". The future of the other ideas is, like I mentioned unknown and completely the fate of what you all think. But I will admit, Chuck, Cheese, Quibble, and a fourth I haven't decided on look real cute as colts in the clothes of the boys from "South Park".

Most of the original characters featured in chapters are made up on the spot as I write, little to no planning went into any of them. If I could go back and change any of them, it would be Barstool. I don't really know what to do with him which is why he doesn't appear much. I will find a way to use Oddity more however, Sunny Side will be prominently featured though as location makes her easier than Oddity. The one exception to being made up on the spot is a character who hasn't appeared yet, and he's going to be awful, well not awfully written, but he is a terrible pony.

Why don't I use characters like Fluttershy, Rarity, and Twilight as much as the others? The honest-to-God's truth is I don't know how to write them without just portraying them as one sided caricatures of themselves as in Twilight = high strung nerd, Rarity = Darling, darling, blah blah blah, and Fluttershy = Timid and shy. I will try and use them more for those who do enjoy them.

Chuck's first design was quite different from how he is now, originally, he was a Cheese Sandwich recolor without a shirt, That was back when his name was Chuckles. Since then his legs got thicker, his face changed slightly, new mane and tail, a bow tie, and with a bit more heft to the torso.

The two old stallions in "Gone Shoppin'" in my concept sketches are based heavily off of Statler and Waldorf, the two old hecklers from Jim Henson's "The Muppet Show".

The name Barstool for an Irish booze seller came from my personal life, my dad used to be a pro wrestler, (locally), and his character was an angry drunk Irish man named "Barstool Bailey". I imagine Barstool's voice actor being Colm Meaney.

When I drew up Oddity, I took inspirations from Honey Lemon from "Big Hero 6" and Linda Belcher from "Bob's Burgers", as they were who I were thinking of when I wrote her character. If she were to appear in the canon, I imagine her being voiced by Zooey Deschanel, considering the personality of her character Jess from "New Girl".

Sunny Side took some inspiration in personality from Carla Tortelli of "Cheers" and Rizzo from "Grease", her design takes no cues from those characters however. I imagine her being voiced by Kate Flannery or Bonnie Hunt.

The original character who I mentioned earlier who I will not share more about I imagined being voiced by Nathan Fillion or Kelsey Grammar.

Cheese Sandwich has an uncle, Uncle Sourdough, who appears in a chapter later on. I imagine him being played by John Goodman or Albert Brooks.

Quibble's parents, Grouchy and Bossy Pants are based off of Oscar and Emma Leroy from CBC's Corner Gas. I imagine being played by Eric Peterson and Corrine Koslo respectively.

Penny Candy and Sugar Cane, Quibble's childhood friends featured in "A Quibbling Hearthswarming", I imagine being voiced by Steve Carell and Nancy Carell respectively.

Lock Pick and Crow Bar were blatant rip offs of Harry and Marv from "Home Alone", come to think, most of that chapter was a blatant rip off of "Home Alone". Anyway, I imagine them voiced by Joe Pesci and Daniel Stern respectively.

Ligature was an obvious nod to John Candy's role in "Home Alone" with some nods to his role in one of my favorite comedies, "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles." In a perfect world where John Candy is still alive I imagine him playing Ligature, though for a second pick I'd take John Ratzenberger.

The following are canon characters who have either not appeared much or at all who are planned to play roles large and small in the story later on: Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, Shining Armor, Princess Cadence, all characters introduced in the movie, Flim and Flam, Lyra and Bon Bon, Derpy, and Dr. Hooves.

There is a story Chuck tells Pinkie in chapter fifteen, that is an actual story from my childhood.

Now, some things about the author. My hobbies include voice work and performing. I act in community theatre, where I have been in such plays as "The Addams Family" as Mal Beineke, Scooter Thomas in "Scooter Thomas Makes it to the Top of the World", and will be playing Mr. Lawrence in "Little Women: The Musical" this coming spring. And I have done voice work for a YouTube series. Also, on top of that, I do cartooning on my DeviantArt where I produce mediocre at best drawings of the franchises I enjoy, mostly Ponies with some Transformers, South Park, Rick and Morty, and even one Masters of the Universe drawing in the mix. Something else about my performing side, I am a parody artist, I have written and performed parodies such as "Shopping Mall", a parody of Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" and "Is this Gluten Free?" A parody of Taylor Swift's "You Belong With Me." Recently I have produced "Being Too Honest" A parody of "Honest" By The Chainsmokers, "Celebrity Gossip" A parody of "Mmm Mmm Mmm Mmm" by The Crash Test Dummies, and "Such a Clumsy Fool" A parody of "What You Made Me Do" by Taylor Swift. The only one available online is "Shopping Mall" on my YouTube channel.

* * *

Now, an all new never before seen and non canonical interview with the characters of ENC

"Hello, welcome to the show Chuck, why don't you introduce me to your friends here." The reporter asked. (Same reporter from the cutaway bit in Happy Hearthswarming Part 2).

"Friends? Hon, please." Sunny Side snorted, Chuck shot a quick glare at her before adjusting his bow tie and clearing his throat.

"Happy to be here. Um, well, I'm Chuck." He began. "And here's Cheese Sandwich, Quibble Pants, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Sunny Side, Oddity, and of course, the incomparable Pinkie Pie." He introduced the others.

"Happy to be here!" Cheese smiled.

"Thanks for having me." Applejack nodded politely.

"About time I was on the show." Rainbow Dash smirked.

"I don't know why I'm here, I was told there was punch and pie." Oddity said feeling confused.

"Hi Mr. Reporter! I'm Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie waved happily.

"Hello Pinkie." The reporter chuckled. "So guys, a year, did you think you'd go for a year?"

"Honestly no." Chuck shook his head. "I didn't think the story would go for half a year really."

"The couple of months where nothing happened definitely helped with the story going for a year." Sunny Side noted.

"And to think, half the cast sitting here wasn't even introduced until half way through the year." The reporter said. "Tell me about that."

"I wasn't even in the story to start with." Quibble commented. "Then Chuck here contacts me, asks if I want in, I say sure why not, and here I am."

"Oh he contacted you?" The reporter asked.

"Yeah he did, phone call in the middle of the night." Quibble nodded.

"It was 10 at night, that's hardly the middle." Chuck laughed slightly.

"It is when you're having an early night." He replied.

"He contacted you in the middle of the night?" Sunny asked Quibble. "I had some little dragon thing come to me about it, way to make me feel special Chuck." She quipped.

"What can I say? By that point we were nearly where we are today, I let it go to my head." He replied.

"Yeah, the grand old 18 followers?" Rainbow Dash remarked.

"I am very grateful for them." Chuck nodded. "I've even spoken to a couple of them, they seem quite nice."

"Where would we be without 'em right?" Applejack nodded.

"Oh yeah." Pinkie nodded. "Great to have them."

"Nopony has answered my question..." Oddity said.

"This is an interview about the story." Applejack told her.

"What story?" She asked.

"Equestria's New Comedian." Rainbow Dash whispered to her.

"Never heard of it." She said.

"You're in it." Chuck turned back to tell her.

"Wait, you're the pony who bought that necklace! How have you been?" She asked Chuck.

"That was part of the story." Chuck told her.

"Oh..." She nodded.

"Yeah." Chuck said to her. "Anyway, sorry sir, you were saying?" He asked the reporter.

"Here's a question for you Sunny Side." The reporter looked at her.

"Shoot pal." She said.

"How would you describe your relationship with the characters of the story?" He asked.

"You're great." She pointed at Pinkie. "Don't know you." She pointed to Oddity. "You supply the apples for my baking so you're alright." She pointed at Applejack. "I'm pretty sure he hosted my niece's Cute-ceañera." She pointed at Cheese. "You're fun to make fun of. And so are you." She pointed at Quibble and Chuck. "And you leave a good tip so I like you." She pointed at Rainbow Dash. "Then you." She pointed at the reporter. "There a Mrs. Reporter?" She asked.

"That's getting off topic." He said.

"Didn't answer my question." She said.

"We'll talk after the show." He said.

"Fair enough." She nodded with a smirk.

"Okay..." The reporter wiped sweat from his head. "So, Pinkie, Chuck, this one's for you two, and I think it's really what everyone wants to know. Is it all the same behind the chapters? Are you two still an item?" He asked. Pinkie and Chuck exchanged looks and smirked.

"What?" Pinkie asked. "No!" She laughed.

"No way, not at all." Chuck shook his head.

"Yeah, we hate each other!" Pinkie nodded, the reporter looked quite surprised at this.

"Really?" He asked.

"No!" Pinkie and Chuck said at the same time. "What you read is the real thing, of course each day is normally a lot slower, less eventful." Chuck explained.

"Yeah, but what's there, it's true." Pinkie nodded.

"We put up with each other." Chuck said.

"Well, he's head over hooves for me, I put up with him." Pinkie joked.

"I see." The reporter chuckled. "Cheese, describe your friendship with Quibble, do you two... really have a history?" He asked.

"Yeah actually!" Cheese nodded. "See, I found him in the dumpster outside a Royal Hayburger one night, I offered him a place to stay an-" Quibble cut Cheese off.

"That's not what happened." Quibble said.

"Okay, Quibble, what happened?" The reporter asked.

"I met him once when I was coming home from work, we talked, then I gave _him_ a place to sleep, then we sort of became friends." He explained.

"A regular Joey and Chandler, Ernie and Bert, Fred Flintstone and Barney Rubble." Chuck said.

"Who?" Everypony else asked.

"Never mind." Chuck said.

"Perhaps that's a good transition into our next question, Chuck, the story claims that you are from Earth? Any insight on that?" He asked. Suddenly, everypony except Chuck and Oddity groaned. "I'm sorry, I take it that they've heard this before?" He asked.

"Yeah, for the most part." Chuck chuckled a little.

"I haven't." Oddity spoke up.

"Well, perhaps everypony at home would like to hear it." The reporter suggested.

"Well alright, but yeah I mean, everypony grows and leaves the next eventually so to speak, I accidentally took that a bit too seriously." Chuck snickered. "See, I came from Earth, I had these things called hands, they were neat, I walked on two legs, I didn't have a tail, my face was flatter, not by much, but it was. Things are pretty similar here though, so adjusting was easy." Chuck explained. "Before here, I was a comic at local bars, now I'm essentially the same thing except for whatever reason I'm funnier here."

"If you're funnier here I'd hate to see you on Earth." Sunny Side snorted.

"Oh quiet." Chuck said to Sunny Side.

"Alright you two." Pinkie said waving her hoof between them. "Save it for later huh?" She asked.

"Yes dear." Chuck said.

"Yes dear." Sunny Side mimicked Chuck.

"You two seem to have an interesting relationship." The reporter said to Chuck and Sunny Side. "Care to explain this?"

"Well I was Pinkie's friend here long before Chuck came into the picture, it's my rightful place to give him flack. I like to torment him." Sunny explained. "He know's I like him."

"Really?" Chuck asked. "I never got that memo."

"Uh oh." Pinkie said with wide eyes. She reached into her mane and whipped out a memo paper and gave it to Chuck.

"What's this?" Chuck asked. He opened it. "Dear Chuck, Sunny Side does like you. As a friend obviously." The memo read. "Well there we go." Chuck said dryly.

"Anyway, Chuck, you remarked earlier that you didn't believe much in the story when it first started, care to elaborate?" The reporter asked.

"You kidding? Much? I didn't believe in it at all until I'd say around chapter six or seven, in fact we make mention of it a lot." Chuck remarked. "Starting out, it was, I dunno how I say this.. rough. I'll say rough." He elaborated. "The author say's that the big problem is the exposition is hard to set up, hard to get things rolling, once it was done it gradually got better." He explained.

"I see, while on the topic of chapters, do any of you have a favorite chapter?" The reporter asked. The cast all exchanged looks and nodded. "Care to share them?" He asked.

"My personal favorite is chapter twenty two." Rainbow Dash spoke up.

"Chapter twenty two?" The reporter asked. "You don't have all that big a role in it though."

"Yeah I know, but that prank I got to pull was _hilarious!_ " Rainbow Dash laughed.

"You mean the prank _we_ pulled." Applejack said to her. "I'd say my personal favorite is chapter twenty seven, it's about time I had an _important role_." She said looking at Chuck.

"Why are you looking at me? I don't write it!" Chuck said. "I'm a pawn in this game just like all of you." He said as he involuntarily punched himself in the face, because the author said so. "See?" He moaned in pain.

"Right..." The reporter said. "How about you, Pinkie?" He asked.

"Chapters eleven through thirteen!" She smiled. "Cause that's when things with me and Chuckie _really_ took off!" She explained.

"Cute." The reporter said. "Chuck, how about you?"

"I've always enjoyed chapter nineteen." Chuck said. "I thought it was a really cute chapter and I've always been partial to fluff stories."

"I see, Cheese? Quibble?" He asked.

"Chapter seven for me! My big introduction!" Cheese said extending his front legs in a theatrical way.

"I've always been partial to eighteen." Quibble said.

"Really?" The reporter asked. "My personal favorite chapter featuring you was fourteen."

"I hated it." Quibble said dryly.

"I see." The reporter chuckled. "Sunny Side? Oddity?" He asked.

"Was hopin' you'd ask." Sunny Side said. "The one we just did, twenty nine." She said. "Loved giving ol' Chuck a hard time."

"And I enjoyed chapter twenty one, it was nice to be featured, I hope to be back in the story soon." Oddity said.

"You'll be back." Chuck turned to her.

"Hey Chuck, what about us?" Rainbow Dash asked on behalf of her and Applejack. "We haven't played a big role in a while."

"I told you I don't write it!" Chuck said. "But I've talked with the author, he has plans for both of you, don't worry."

"This author you speak of, what's he like?" The reporter asked.

"Terrible." Chuck said. "Absolutely terrible." Pinkie nodded.

"Yeah, I mean, be grateful and stuff for everything but, sometimes he is an absolute pain to work with!" Pinkie remarked.

"Watch it. You never know when he's listening, you wanna get written off?" Chuck murmured to her frantically. They exchanged looks and then spoke up once more.

"Great guy! Oh yeah, wonderful to work with. Mhm." They nodded with big fake smiles.

"I see, well, let's not speak ill of someone who's always watching huh?" The reporter chuckled. "Anyway, we have time for one more question, Chuck, what can you tell us about what's to come this year?"

"Well, it's all rather hush hush, unless you talk to the author who is way too open about his plans for the story, but I guess I can share some things." Chuck said. "Let's see, we go back to the wingman thing that was introduced earlier in the story, that'll be a fun little arc, good spotlight time for Quibble and Rainbow Dash. Then there's gonna be a big arc that brings just about every character together for something big, we've got a plot about Applejack's long lost cousin, good spotlight time for Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie, and me." He said. "I don't know what I'm really allowed to say, Flim and Flam come back to town at one point, but surprisingly, not to ruin Applejack's life in some way, yeah, we've got a fun year ahead, and that's not even all." He said.

"Well that sounds like a good time, I know I'm looking for it." The reporter said. "That's all we have time for today, this has been the cast of Equestria's New Comedian! Goodnight everypony!" He said signing off.

* * *

 _That brings us to the end, I hope you enjoyed the behinds the scenes look at Equestria's New Comedian!_


	31. Chapter 31: Like Hitch, But Not

**Author's note:** Getting back to ENC is nice, the follower appreciation chapter was written and completed a week before it was published, I've been working on ENC during that time, but you won't see any of _that_ work for a while. In the meantime, let's see what crazy adventures Chuck and friends get into this year huh?

* * *

Chapter 31: Like Hitch, But Not.

"I'm sorry, but morally I can't let you keep this up." I said harshly to a patron who had recently been quite the regular. "It would be terrible for your health if I let you keep drinking in one sitting, and I don't think I have the right insurance for a death here." She looked at me with an angry expression.

"Look pal, I'm going through a break up." She stammered between hiccups. "Last thing I need is some loofah maned barkeep preaching to me." She muttered. Her name was Peach Cobber, she was a tan colored earth pony with a long wavy mane with orange and yellow streaks. Apparently she had just got out of a relationship and she was really broken up about it, it ended pretty badly I guess. Her brown eyes looked angrily into my soul. Suddenly, another pony who dropped by to morning drink, who had been a regular since I opened up snickered.

"Loofah mane, I remember when I used to call him that!" Quibble snickered. The mare looked over at him and sneered.

"C'mere, lemme give you a bit so you can go call somepony who cares." She sneered.

"Alright little miss cranky." He sneered back. "What's got you so depressed you had to come to a dump like this?" Hey!

"If you really want to know..." She began. "I kinda... dumped my marefriend."

"Oh, boo hoo!" Quibble spat. "Let me play you a sad song on the world's tiniest violin!" He rubbed his hooves together and hummed a sad song out of key.

"Listen here bucko! I'm gonna come over there and beat you a new one!" She said angrily.

"I'd like to see you try, _Peachy._ " Quibble grinned.

"Don't. Call me. Peachy." She snarled.

"And if I do?" He smirked.

"You don't wanna know..." She growled.

"Ooh! Wow! I'm **_so_** scared." He laughed. "Bring it Peachy."

"WHY I OUGHTTA!" She jumped from her stool, if I didn't do something fast, Quibble would be as good as school glue. I quickly grabbed the angry mare by her hind legs, stopping her.

"No! No no no! No fighting in my bar unless it's past 5 pm!" I hollered. "Now, if you two can't get along, one of you has to leave!"

"Not it!" Peach grinned.

"That's not how it works!" Quibble hollered.

"All is fair in love, war, and not it." I spoke up.

"Thank you Check." She stammered.

"It's Chuck." I corrected.

"Yeah yeah, whatever." She said.

"Come on Chuck!" Quibble tried to buddy up to me.

"Sorry pal, come back later, besides, sobering up might be nice." I said to him, he grumbled and stumbled out the door.

"Sorry about that." Peach said a little more calmly. "It's just... since the breakup..."

"Save it." I smiled. "I understand."

"She was... she was... I loved her so much." She sighed.

" _Ain't no sunshine when she's gone..."_ I hummed softly. "I'm sorry. I know my hearts been broken enough times." I sighed.

"Same ship as me huh?" She asked.

"Not exactly." I shook my head, suddenly the door barged open. "Speak of the devil." I grinned a little.

"Hi Chuckie!" Pinkie said happily bouncing into the room.

"Hi Cutie Pie." I smiled giving her a kiss on the cheek.

"Wait, Pinkie Pie? You're dating Pinkie Pie?" Peach Cobbler asked.

"Quite happily." I nodded. Everypony knew Pinkie Pie, so it was no surprise Peach was familiar with her, that and with her albeit brief history with Rainbow Dash and Twilight she had been introduced to her.

"Peach Cobbler!? Hi! How are you! It's been a while since I saw you last! Whats new? Huh?" Pinkie quickly started asking.

"Uh... hi Pinkie..." She hiccuped. "Life's been a little rough I won't lie."

"Aww yeah, I heard about you and Silver, I'm sorry..." She hugged her sympathetically. "Hey! I've got an idea! I'm gonna go take you on a big day of fun to cheer you up!" She bounced up onto the counter happily. "Sorry Chuckie, _ladies_ only!" She kidded me on the forehead. "See you tonight!" She smiled at me.

"Can't wait." I smiled. "Have fun you two." I said watching Pinkie drag Peach out by the leg. I'm pretty sure I saw her mouth 'help me'. I couldn't help but chuckle at what was in store for her. Mere seconds after the door shut, it swung open and Quibble came walking through.

"Hey Loofah Mane." He said sitting down.

"Were you waiting outside the door?" I asked.

"I have nothing else to do today." He shrugged. "Scotch on the rocks."

"Please and thank you..." I muttered preparing the drink and serving it. "What's got you so bummed out anyway?" I asked.

"Want me to sum it up?" He asked. "I'm gonna die alone!"

"I'm gonna die alone!" I mimicked making a hoof puppet mocking him. "Quit being a baby, did I not promise that I'd help you out?" I asked.

"Yeah, but that was months ago!" He exclaimed.

"I had other things to handle." I said. "Now, I'm ready to take on a new arc."

"Uh huh." He nodded dryly before looking down at his now empty glass. "Refill?"

"Nope." I shook my head. "No more until you pay your tab, you still owe me from two weeks ago."

"Yeah but, but..." He began.

"What happened to the bits I gave you?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Most of what was left over after buying the house went to..." He began.

"Went right back into my pocket. I know." I cut him off. "Look, this might not be the greatest idea, but you could work here for me." I suggested. "That way you could pay back your tab, then earn more money to inevitably spend here."

"Work here? For you?" He scoffed.

"And honestly, I need the help. My only other employee is Cheese, and as you may know his time card is covered in dust." I said, I wasn't exaggerating either, that thing has moved from it's spot about four times since he's began working for me. "And also, I like you. I think you'd be fun to work with." I admitted.

"What's the pay?" He asked.

"You'll be making well over what you currently make as your current position that is barfly." I smirked.

"With your wages, how long would I have to work to pay off my tab?" He asked.

"I'm no numbers genius, but I'd say about a week and a half of shifts, but the hours are good." I said. "I only really need another pony around when it's the busy times, somepony to walk around, serve ponies at the tables or in the new pool room I opened up, you know?" I asked. "Besides, I'm a good boss. World's best boss actually." I said lifting up a coffee mug. "Nice huh? Bought it at that ceramics store, 'I've been mugged ceramics'."

"You bought yourself a world's best boss mug?" He asked.

"What's it matter how I got it!?" I interrogated impatiently. "So what do you say? Are you in or not?" I asked. Quibble stopped and thought for a second, stroking his chin, which had accumulated quite a bit of scruff recently, geez... first thing he should pick up when I pay him is a razor. He then stopped, effectively making up his mind.

"I'm in." He nodded finally.

"Wonderful, good choice." I smiled. "I'll grab you an apron." I quickly went into my office and grabbed one out of the drawer. I came out soon after holding it, I stretched out my front let holding the apron out. "Quibble Peter Pants, doth thou pledge thine soul to the brethren of the waitstaff of Chuck's Tavern?" I asked seriously.

"My middle name isn't Peter." He said. "But yeah, yeah sure." He took the apron and tied it to his back.

"Great." I smiled. "You can start by taking them." I pointed to Lyra and Bon Bon, who had just walked in and went straight to their booth. And when I say theirs, I mean it. There are very specific flank grooves in the seats that match only theirs, not that I really keep track of that sort of thing, but I have noticed anypony else who sits there doesn't get as comfortable. Well that was an odd ramble. Anyway, Quibble started taking customers who'd come in and I'd man the bar. Surprisingly enough we made a pretty good team, imagine that! The morning had pretty much passed by now, it was about time for lunch.

"Hey Pants, lunch break." I said. "You wanna come with?" I asked.

"Where to?" He asked.

"I'm heading to Sunny Side's, she dishes out the best baked potatoes you could imagine." I said, hanging up my apron.

"Along with a side dish of sarcasm drizzled with facetious dressing?" Quibble smirked. I snorted with laughter.

"Nice!" I chuckled. "Coming?" I asked.

"Why not?" He shrugged, joining me. When we arrived, we went right up to the counter and sat down.

"Oh Celestia, you two." She groaned sarcastically.

"Hey Sunny. I see we're just in time for the lunch lull." I quipped.

"Get bent." She sneered.

"Can dish it out but can't take it huh?" Quibble snickered.

"You want spit in your meal?" She asked dryly. We both shook our heads. "Alright, then shut up." I'm gonna use that next time she comes to my bar...

"Yes ma'am." I nodded sitting down at the counter.

"So what can I start you two off with?" She asked.

"I'll have a coffee please." I said.

"Me as well." Quibble nodded.

"Coming right up." She nodded heading back into the kitchen. It really was kind of a lull, Quibble and I seemed to be the only ones here, I scanned the place, never mind, there were another two here. Two very familiar ponies, I guess Pinkie Pie took Peach here for lunch, because Pinkie was holding up a large menu to cover herself from my vision, I guess she was taking ladies only very seriously. Suddenly, Sunny Side came back with our coffees.

"Here you two go." She gave them to us and let us add cream and sugar accordingly.

"Thanks Sunny." I said sipping at my coffee. "So I see some of your other customers prefer remaining hidden." I pointed over. She looked over and snickered.

"Yeah, Pinks' takes ladies only very seriously." She said. "I had to give her that extra large menu when you walked in, nopony even uses those anymore."

"So she's just gonna pretend I don't exist until this 'day of fun' is over?" I asked.

"Hardly, I hate to break it to you, but you're half of all she talks about, and she talks _a lot._ " Sunny told me. "Hey! Sunny! Chuckie said this today and it was _soooo_ cute!" She mimicked Pinkie before gagging a little.

"What can I say, I'm a great conversation piece." I shrugged coolly.

"I'm a great conversation piece! Lookit me! I sell booze and tell lame jokes!" She mimicked me.

"Ha!" Quibble laughed.

"Need I remind you I'm your boss? I advise you don't laugh at that." I said dryly to him. Sunny Side laughed and made a whip sound, whipping one of her front legs.

"You're working for him? Oh that's rich!" She snickered. "May as well call it Weenie Bar now."

"I am not a weenie!" Quibble sneered. Sunny Side made beeps and whistling noises, waving a hoof around him.

"My sensors indicate that you are indeed a weenie." She said in a robotic voice.

"Alright, alright." I said. "Lay off the poor guy huh? Comes to me begging for a job, tellin' me he;s gonna die cold, sad, and alone." I defended.

"That's not how it went." He snarled.

"Poor stallion-child, sad and alone." She squeezed his cheeks facetiously.

"I'm comfortably solo." He murmured.

"Not what you told me." I said. "Oh Chuck, I'm _all alone!_ I'm never gonna find true love, I'm never gonna get married, Rainbow Dash will never love me, Wah wah wha!" I mimicked him. Quibble shot me a sharp glare.

"I wasn't like that." He said.

"Wait a sec, hold on, you like that Rainbow chick? Yikes, you've got a better chance of getting abducted by four eyed lizard ponies than that ever happening." Sunny Side snorted.

"Aw come on, don't be like that." I told her. "If I could get Pinkie Pie to love a pissant schmuck like me, anything could happen." I patted Quibble on the back.

"I still wonder how that ever happened." Sunny Side mumbled.

"There's a lovely little story about it, it's a good read." I said. "Anyway, I'm gonna help Quibble out, give him a helping hoof."

"Good for you, take this mission impossible and make it mission impractical." Sunny Side smirked.

"You know, I could help you out too." I said. "I think I know some stallions right up your alley."

"I'll pass Chuck. Anyway, what do you two want to eat?" She asked.

"I'll have the pair-o-potatoes please, you know how I like them." I said.

"Lasagna for me please." Quibble said.

"You got it fellas." She nodded. Before long she was back with our meals, the pair-o-potatoes was two baked potatoes topped with melted cheese, sour cream, and dashed with chives. not to mention dripping with butter, they're paradise.

"Thanks a million!" I said before digging in, Quibble began to eat at his lasagna.

"Mmm, just as good as ever!" I said eating.

"What can I say? I make good grub." She said before looking over at Pinkie and Peach. "Now if you don't mind, my other customers need me." She said before leaving us for the two mares.

"So, how goes your first day as my employee?" I asked, biting at my potato.

"I've worked for better jobs, and worse. It's in the middle." He admitted.

"Mhm." I murmured while chewing. "So what are you looking for?" I asked.

"Huh?" He asked.

"You looking for a night of passionate, raw, animal-" I began before he cut me off.

"I want something... stable. Like... like you have." He said.

"Quibble, hon, listen, I'm not stable, Pinkie isn't stable, we're the right amount of crazy for each other." I said. "Stable isn't the right word."

"Ah, but, you know what I mean right?" He asked.

"Yeah, totally." I nodded. "I think I have a good plan, you may die cold, you may die sad, but you aren't dying alone on my watch." I promised. He looked at me with a blank expression.

"Literally anypony else would have worded that better." He said.

"Yeah, but literally nopony else wants to help you." I smirked.

"You've got a point." He said.

"Don't worry, like I told you, I used to do this kind of thing _all_ the time for my friends." I said. "This'll be a piece of cake, speaking of which, how about desert? I'm buying." I said.

"Well, as long as you're buying." He nodded with a grin.

"Hey Sunny Side, two chocolate cake dishes over here si vous plait!" I called.

"Coming right up!" She nodded.

* * *

That weekend

"So what makes you interested in the dating life anyhow?" I asked as Quibble and I walked around town. Recently I had been keeping the bar closed Saturday morning and early afternoons, nopony ever showed up at those points and I liked the time off, normally that time would be Pinkie. But apparently some idiot can't get along with their friend or something and she has to go and help them. Don't they know what counseling is? Anyhow. It was just Quibble and I today, two dudes hanging out. Like in Brokeback Mountain, wait no, _not_ like Brokeback Mountain.

"I dunno." He shrugged. "What made you interested?" He asked.

"The fact I was anxious about dying sad and alone." I explained. "But I got interested in Pinkie because you know, love." I said.

"And how did you know that's what it was?" he asked.

"Simple, even when I was laying down I had motion sickness, I only ever thought about her, and no matter what she did, it was cute." I explained. "But a lot of love is the motion sickness." I finished.

"Oh." He said.

"But I didn't experience that from the get go, because let me tell you something. Love at first sight is bullshit. Love builds." I said. "It starts with a little spark when you meet somepony, then, it grows into a... how shall we say, burning fiery passion." I finished with a Spanish accent impersonation.

"I see." He nodded.

"What stage you are probably in is a stage called 'crush', I remember that one." I said. "But with my help, you're gonna be getting to that burning bonfire of passion before you know it."

"And you've _really_ done this before?" He asked.

"Sure have!" I nodded. "I happen to be just like a certain love expert names Hitch." I smirked. "Ooh! You're my Albert Brennaman!" I smiled.

"What was Albert like?" He asked.

"The fixer upper of fixer uppers." I admitted. "So you won't be as big a challenge, but you're up there."

"Gee thanks." He said dryly.

"So, we've already done lunch. Lunch is one of the best starters, I dare say the next best idea is... oh! I know!" I said.

"You should, you are the 'expert' after all." He said with a tinge of sarcasm.

"The next think you have to do is fail." I said.

"What? That makes no sense." He said with a quizzical expression.

"No, really! Vulnerability is important to show, it shows humility and humility is a positive attribute to show off. If you fail and are able to move on without trying to cover it up it shows that you have the humility to admit your mistakes." I explained.

Did _you_ do this with Pinkie Pie?" He asked.

"That step was skipped." I admitted. "But I more than made up for skipping it later."

"I see." He nodded. "So how do you propose I fail?" He asked.

"It has to be believable, which, for you, a believable failure shouldn't be too hard." I said. " What'll be hard is keeping your ego in check after said failure."

"That didn't answer my question." He said.

"It's called thinking, that's what I'm doing right now." I grimaced.

"Okay okay." He sighed.

"Wait, I think I have an idea." I smiled. "You aren't gonna like it, but it's gonna be foolproof."

"Oh dear..." He groaned.

* * *

Three days later

"You ready?" I asked him, we had gone over the plan and practiced. Now, we were ready to initiate the next step in the plan.

"As ready as I'll ever be." He nodded. "Can we get this over with?" He asked.

"We will, soon enough." I nodded, not making any eye contact with him, I was mesmerized by the desk toy on my desk, it was one of those bird things that dipped into a cup of water, it was almost hypnotic.

"Do you even hear me?" He asked.

"Yeah yeah sure, whatever." I said without looking up.

"Chuck!" He smacked the toy away.

"What!?" I looked up finally.

"Before I make a total fool of myself, you're sure this will work?" He asked.

"I'm certain." I nodded.

"Alright..." He said.

"So, what do you say we get ready?" I asked. "I have to open up for the evening anyway."

"Sounds good to me." He nodded. About forty five minutes later, just as we were hitting our five o'clock rush, Rainbow Dash came in with Applejack and Fluttershy.

"Ladies! Good to see you!" I smiled welcoming them.

"Hey Chuck, we're just here to break in the new pool table, still fresh right?" She asked.

"It's just been Pinkie and I." I said.

"And what was done on the table?" Rainbow asked.

"Pool and pool only." I said, trying to ignore what she was inferring.

"Ain't that a relief, c'mon girls!" Applejack said, leading them into the back. I turned to Quibble and winked.

"Go and take their order, everypony drinks when they play pool." I said, he nodded and went to the back, coming back with their orders.

"Craft for Applejack, Cream soda float for Fluttershy, and a gin and tonic for Rainbow." He said coming back.

"Great, I'll fix those up. Now remember, the drinks don't make it to them." The plan was for him to fall, but brush it off without whining about it, it wasn't a prefect plan, but it was a start. I set the tray up and sent him on his way with a wink. All was silent, until I heard an ungodly scream from the pool room.

"AAAAAUUUGHHH!" Quibble cried out after a series of crashes. I ran back to see what happened, when I got there, Quibble was running around... on fire.

"What happened!?" I asked frantically.

"Get a bucket of water!" The three mares hollered at me.

"Right." I nodded going to grab a bucket of water, when I returned I doused him in water, putting out the fire, I guess the stress of the situation made him a little weary, because the moment I did, he fainted. Panting in my newfound exhaustion from the situation, I asked again.

"What happened?" I asked. Rainbow Dash stepped forward.

"Well... Quibble walked in with the tray right? Well, as he did that, I hit the ball _really_ hard, it kinda bounced off the board and hit a lantern right? Anyway, Quibble trips over for some reason, covering himself in the drinks, lantern kinda fell, and booze is flammable you know?" She asked.

"Wow..." That wasn't part of the plan.

"Yeah... sorry about that." She said with a bit of guilt.

"Hey, it's fine, I didn't really like the lanterns anyway." I said. "And Quibble will be fine."

"Thanks Chuck." She said. "Sure he'll be okay?" She asked.

"He's a little singed, but nothing some ointment can't solve." I said, looking at him.

"What a relief." Applejack nodded.

"I sure hope Chucks right..." Fluttershy said, talking in this story for the first time in a while.

"I'm right, don't worry. I've always been pretty good at this sort of thing." I said.

"Assessing burn wounds?" Applejack asked.

"Well, no. But handling situations. Now, lemme get you your drinks, on the house." I said.

"Sounds good to me!" Applejack grinned and the other two nodded.

"But first..." I pulled up the phone and dialed the hospital, it was a rotary phone. I always thought those were so classy and cool, so I was happy those were the only ones available. Moments later, Nurse Redheart arrived and carried the still unconscious Quibble off to the hospital. Great, I hadn't set up employee benefits yet.

* * *

That evening

Pinkie, Applejack, Twilight, Spike, Cheese, Rarity, Discord, Rainbow, Fluttershy and I decided to go and see Quibble in the hospital to see how he was doing, he was still resting peacefully like a big grumpy baby, eventually, when he opened his eyes, seeing eight ponies, a baby dragon, and a Discord staring at him freaked him out.

"Agh!" He jerked back in shock. "Hey... all of you... what are you doing here?" He asked.

"We thought we'd stop by and see how you're doing, you'd better appreciate that, since I closed early to do this." I spoke up.

"Thanks..." He said, still awkward about all of us watching him.

"Here's a get well card, signed by all of us." Discord made a card magically appear and gave it to him. Quibble opened the card and read it.

"This says: "I have your daughter, if you ever want to see her again, all the bank codes are to be sent to this address." Are you sure this is for me?" He asked. Discord's eye's widened.

"Uh oh." He said.

* * *

Meanwhile, somewhere far away, a middle aged stallion paced back and forth, worried sick about the whereabouts of his daughter when suddenly a card appeared.

"Get well soon, signed Discord, Chuck, Pinkie Pie, Applejack, Rarity, Twilight Sparkle, Spike, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Cheese Sandwich?" He read aloud in his a grizzly Irish accent. The card then disappeared and was replaced with the card originally given to Quibble. "Ah, this makes more sense." He read the card. "I don't know who you are... but I will find you.. and I will kill you." He growled.

* * *

Back in the hospital room, I had told the others to leave for a moment so I could talk to Quibble privately.

"So, that didn't go according to plan huh?" I asked.

"No kidding." He looked at me angrily. "So what now genius?" He asked.

"Well, you're only in here until Thursday, that's only two days. The next step is-" He cut me off.

"Next step?" He asked.

"Yeah! This didn't go according to plan, but it went deliciously perfect. You failed miserably, and almost got some 2nd degree burns. The best failure step I've ever witnessed, I'd say we're ready to move on." I said.

"Oh... Well what's the next step?" He asked.

"Ever hear of a double date?" I asked.

* * *

 _And there's another chapter! Kicking off our latest story arc, should be a good one too! Thanks to clef jumper for letting me use her OC Peach Cobbler. She is featured in her story Adventures Through Equestria - The Lost Elements: A Quest For Bravery. I highly_ _recommend that story to all of you. Also, thanks to The Terror Of Dimensions for including Chuck in his story TD's Adventures in Equestria! That favor will be returned Terror, I recommend his story as well! Until next time!_


	32. Chapter 32: Seeing Double (Dates)

**Author's note:** Lol, my first hate review was under an unregistered account, which has been deleted. Way to show some balls buddy! ;) Honestly I'm impressed I went a whole year before getting it. So, dear 'guest'. In the words of Sunny Side, who you don't even know because you didn't bother to even read it before hating on it, regardless, in the words of Sunny Side, get bent. Now that that's out of the way, on with the story.

* * *

Chapter 32: Seeing Double (Dates)

"Thanks for agreeing to do this." I said adjusting my bow tie in front of a mirror, this evening, Pinkie would be joining me for a double date. Well, Pinkie knew that's what it was. Quibble knew as well, Rainbow didn't. Pinkie and I invited Rainbow Dash to join us out to dinner, and Quibble would 'bump into us' and join us. It was the perfect legal crime.

"Are you kidding?" Pinkie asked happily. "I've been wanting to do a double date ever since we started dating!" She smiled giving me a hug. "How do I look?" She asked. She was wearing a baby blue dress and had a professional layer of makeup on, not a lot. But enough. She even put on the necklace I had bought for her.

"How do you look? You look absolutely stunning." I smiled. "But I mean, you hardly need all that to be stunning. Though with it, you're gorgeous." I smiled giving her a hug.

"Aww Chuckie." She kissed me on the cheek, leaving a candy red lip imprint on my cheek.

"I always know what to say." I smirked.

"Yeah, you do." She smiled. "Lemme get that for you." she wiped off the little imprint she made with her hoof.

"Thanks hon." I smiled putting on my suit jacket. I'll admit, I looked pretty good all dressed up in a suit, I was uncomfortable and I felt like a grade A jackass, but I looked nice. We stood together in front of the mirror.

"You know, the other day, somepony asked me who I thought the most beautiful pony in all of Equestria was and you know who I said?" I asked.

"Who?" She asked.

"What was the first word I said there?" I asked. She thought for a minute then blushed.

"Aw Chuckie..." She smiled.

"Cheesy, I know." I said.

"It was, but it was cute." She kissed me.

"Cheesy but cute." I said. "If that doesn't describe me more accurately I don't know what does."

"Ain't that the truth." She smiled warmly into me.

"Say, dinner reservations aren't for a little while..." I smirked.

"Yeah... what did you have in mind?" She smirked.

"Oh... well, I was just thinking..." I whispered the rest into her ear.

"Oh Chuckie!" She blushed with a slight giggle.

"What do you say?" I asked.

"Let's do it." She grinned.

Outside, we snuck through the bushes and around the kiosks and stands. each of us brandishing a carton of eggs until we found our target. _Well what did you think we were talking about?_

"You ready?" I asked.

"Aye aye cap'n!" She nodded.

"Take this lame-o!" I chucked an egg at the brownish-red brick building. "That'll teach you for not opening!"

"Yeah! Take this!" She chucked eggs at the building. We shared a laugh watching those raw eggs seep down the outer wall.

"I'm gonna have to clean all that up." I groaned.

"Yeah, I'll help you!" She smiled.

"Aw you're the best." I hugged her.

"I know." She giggled.

"Say, we should probably be on our way to meet Rainbow Dash now." I said, offering my front leg for her to hold. "M'lady." I smiled as she blushed, taking it.

"You're such a gentlecolt." She smiled.

"I pull out all the stops for that special somepony in my life." I said warmly as we walked.

"You're the best..." She sighed happily.

"Hardly. You're the best." I said as we walked to the meeting place.

"Good to see I'm under dressed." Rainbow Dash remarked looking at Pinkie and I as we met up.

"I said red-carpet casual in the invitation." I said.

"That's not a thing." She said.

"Oh... yeah it isn't." I said. "You're fine, this is just a fun dinner."

"I hope so." She said. "Why'd you guys invite me anyway?" She asked.

"We just thought it would be fun to do!" Pinkie smiled.

"Well thanks guys. I appreciate it." She said as we boarded the train, we were heading to Manehatten for dinner, the same little place Pinkie and I went for dinner on our first trip out as a couple, and Quibble was going to meet us there. A couple hours later we arrived and got a taxi towards the restaurant. We went in and were welcomed by the Maitre 'D.

"Welcome, welcome!" He said. "Reservation?"

"Yes, it's Chuck's." I nodded.

"Ah yes, right this way." He led us to a table, setting four places. As we sat down, Rainbow Dash remarked at the fact that only three ponies were eating.

"Why'd he set four places?" She asked.

"Uhh... Um..." Pinkie tried to think of something to say.

"Because it looks better as an even number." I thought of something.

"Yeah! Yeah that's it!" Pinkie agreed. "Nice thinking." She whispered to me.

"I work good on my feet- er... hooves." I whispered back.

"So Dashie! What's new with you?" Pinkie asked.

"Spitfire has really been drillin' us at practice. We've got a show coming up next week." She said.

"Oh really?" I asked. "Sounds fun, you know I've really wanted to go to one of those."

"You should come!" she said. "You too Pinkie."

"Sounds like a good time to me, what do you say Cutie Pie?" I asked her.

"I like it!" She nodded happily, leaning somewhat into me.

"Great, if I can get the help at the bar Pinkie and I will be up for the show." I told her.

"Awesome!" Rainbow smiled a little. Where was Quibble? He was supposed to be here by now. Just as I thought that, I heard a familiar voice.

"Rainbow Dash? Loofah Mane? Loofah Mane's marefriend?" Quibble looked at us, acting as if he was just running into us.

"Quibble?" Rainbow Dash turned.

"What a coincidence running into you all here!" He said. "You mind?" He looked at the empty chair.

"Go right ahead." Rainbow Dash nodded.

"Thanks." He said. "I was just out visiting a friend of mine and I wanted to grab something to eat before heading home." He "explained".

"Interesting." I said. "Well, we're all here, care to join us? If that's alright with you two of course." I looked at Pinkie and Rainbow Dash.

"No objection here!" Pinkie said.

"Don't mind at all." Rainbow Dash said. Quibble took the seat next to her.

"So what brings you out here?" He asked us, making conversation.

"Chuck and Pinkie invited me out for dinner." Rainbow Dash said.

"I'm not saying 'we're the perfect example of friends', but I also am!" Pinkie nodded.

"You're pretty good." Rainbow Dash nodded.

"Oh yeah. Great." Quibble said dryly. I kicked him under the table and he winced. "I meant, yeah! They're great!"

"That's better." I nodded.

"What can I get you this evening?" Our waiter asked, approaching us.

"Spaghetti please." I said. "Garlic break basket with that please." I added.

"I'll have the same as the lovely gentlecolt!" Pinkie nodded.

"The antipasto doesn't look too bad." Rainbow Dash said. "I'll go with that."

"And I'll have a risotto." Quibble nodded. "Chardonnay with that."

"Excellent choice my friend." He said. "I will be back with your meals momentarily."

"Thank you sir." I smiled with a nod. After a brief period of silence I spoke up. "So Quibble, Rainbow Dash tells me she has a show coming up, have you ever been to a Wonderbolts show?" I asked.

"A what?" He asked.

"Didn't Rainbow Dash ever tell you?" I asked.

"Guess I never brought it up." Rainbow Dash said. "I'm a Wonderbolt! It's a flying team that do super cool tricks and fly _super_ fast! I've been wanting to be one since I was a little filly." She said. "And I've got a show coming up next week!"

"Oh, wow!" He said. "That sounds like fun."

"Pinkie and I were going to go, maybe you'd like to join us?" I asked with a tone that _really_ said: "You're coming with us."

"Sure, I'd be happy to oblige." He nodded.

"Awesome!" Rainbow smiled.

"Well there we go, we'll all be there. Y'know, you especially." I said to Rainbow Dash.

"No kidding." She said dryly. Time went by, eventually the conversation was carried mostly by Quibble and Rainbow Dash. The plan was going swimmingly. Soon the waiter came with our food and we ate. Best damn spaghetti I ever ate came outta that restaurant. However, not the best damn garlic bread. That, I can make on my own. I got offtrack, sorry about that. We were all mostly pretty quiet during the meal. The ambiance was really nice, though one thing was different from what I remember. Instead of the traditional Italian-esque band, they had a piano player. She seemed to be really passionate about the piano, and I mean _real_ passionate. She was getting really intense with it, until she was stopped abruptly by the owner who called her back. I stopped and watched the conversation. Didn't look too good, he was chewing her out like a slab of Big-League Chew. After a while, he left and she sulked over to the bar. Yikes, I know that look, I had that look plenty of times back on Earth, _I_ know what happened.

"I'll be right back." I said to the others before getting up to talk to her. I approached the bar to see she was welling up with tears, when she noticed that I was coming over to talk to her, she gave me a dirty look.

"Save the bits, I'm not interested in anypony buying me a drink." She said sharply.

"I'm happily taken, she's right over there in fact." I pointed at Pinkie Pie from across the restaurant. "I came to talk to you over a different matter." I said.

"Oh yeah?" She asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Yeah." I nodded. "Now listen, you play piano, right?" I asked.

"Not anymore." She sighed.

"Got the old pink slip huh?" I asked. "That's what I figured."

"You came over to tell me that's what you figured? Celestia... I would've rathered you tried to flirt with me." She said dryly.

"No no, that's not it." I shook my head. "Listen, I was listening to you, you sounded good. You sounded real good." I said. "I can tell you're pretty passionate about it too." I said.

"Well of course I am." She said. "My name isn't Ivory Keys for nothing." She said, dry as a dry martini.

"Nice name." I said. "Listen, you seem talented. Well, you are talented. How would you like a job playing piano at my bar? It's a classy place, friendly patrons, friendly staff, though I should warn there would be some minor relocation involved." I said.

"Sounds nice." She said. "I should warn though, I sometimes stray from the music I'm given, well, I do it a lot. In fact that's why they fired me."

"Doesn't matter at all." I said. "I won't even provide material."

"Gee... well, thanks." She said. "Where is it?" She asked.

"It's called "Chuck's Tavern, it's in Ponyville." I said.

"Ponyville huh?" She asked. "I think I'll take you up on that."

"Wonderful, I look forward to adding you to the staff. I'm Chuck, Chuck Murphy." I offered my hoof to shake.

"Ivory Keys." She shook it. "Thank you, thank you so much." She smiled.

"Don't mention it." I grinned a little. "Now, I've got a date to get back to. Here's the address." I scribbled the address of the bar down on a piece of paper and gave it to her.

"Thanks, I guess I'll see you in a couple days." She said.

"I'll dust the piano off." I said, heading back to the table. "Sorry about that." I apologized to the group coming back.

"Who was that?" Pinkie asked me.

"The new piano player at the bar, Ivory Keys." I said. "Don't worry hon, she wasn't interested in me." I grinned a little at her.

"Good, only so much of you to go around." She smiled.

"And it all goes to you." I kissed her. Quibble and Rainbow Dash exchanged looks and snickered.

"That. Was. So. Lame!" Quibble laughed as Rainbow Dash joined him laughing.

"There's only so much of you to go around!" Rainbow Dash mimicked.

"And it all goes to you snookums!" Quibble mimicked as they kept laughing.

"Okay, I never said snookums." I said.

"And I don't sound like that!" Pinkie added.

"They just don't get it hon." I said.

"They just don't get it." Quibble mimicked me.

"You wanna get fired?" I asked.

"Oh come on!" He said. "I'm only kidding."

"And I was too, to be honest. I need a good worker, well, not a good worker. But a more reliable worker." I said back.

"Reliable?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Hey!" Quibble sneered.

"I'm just kidding." She snickered.

"Hi just kidding, I'm Chuck." I joked. Pinkie laughed, the others groaned.

"That. Was. Terrible." Quibble groaned.

"Yeah, really!" Rainbow Dash nodded.

"Well, you'll make a good dad one day with jokes like that." Pinkie encouraged me.

"Now we're talking foals huh?" I asked.

"Not quite yet mister." She blushed a little.

"Alright, alright." I chuckled.

"Yeah, that's what Equestria needs. little Chuck/Pinkie hybrids running around." Quibble remarked.

"They might be cute. In a sick and twisted way." Rainbow Dash added.

"They'll be the cutest damn foals in Equestria." I defended our hypothetical foals.

"That's right!" Pinkie nodded.

"Alright alright. Touchy." Quibble said.

"Mhm. Now, I'll flip the bill and what say a night on the town huh?" I asked. My question was met with positive reactions.

* * *

Outside the restaurant

"Isn't this terrific?" I asked. "The four of us having a night on the town." Okay, if I was being honest, Pinkie and Quibble knew very well at this point I was adlibbing with our evening plan. The original plan was just dinner, but you know what? I just thought it would be fun to keep this going, it was going well!

"So, what do you guys wanna do?" Pinkie asked.

"What's there to do?" Rainbow Dash asked. "It's already dark outside."

"Oh ho! Leave that to me." I said. "I've had plenty of nights out, I know what we can do." I grinned.

"And what do you have in mind?" Quibble asked.

"How about a little late night dance?" I asked. "Heard there was a dance hall nearby."

"Oooh! Doesn't that sound like fun?" Pinkie asked the others, who nodded.

"Well what are we waiting for? Let's go!" I said. When we arrived at the hall, it was bustling with swing music and there was the sound of laughter, and singing coming through, sounded like a happening place. The lights gave off a glowing golden color reflecting in the chandeliers and various glasses.

"Nice place huh?" I asked. It looked like something straight out of the roaring twenties, it was beautiful. I took Pinkie by the hoof and smiled. "Darling, may I have this dance?" I asked.

"You charmer.." She blushed as we went to the dance floor.

"Don't wait up you two!" I called back to Quibble and Rainbow Dash as Pinkie and I danced together, I took her by the hoof and we danced in a swing like manner. I never credited myself on being a great dancer but swing numbers were a specialty of mine.

"I gotta say." I began as we danced. "I mostly started off tonight as a way to help Quibble out, but this very moment with you has been the real highlight of my evening." I said.

"I'm proud to see you so eager to help a friend..." She smiled. "But this has been my favorite part too." As we danced, I passed by the band.

"Hey, I know you probably don't take request, but will you take 20 bits and a request?" I asked the conductor.

"Certainly." He said.

"Okay, try this." I handed him the sheet music to "The Way You Look Tonight." I always have it on me.

"Will do sir." He nodded and they started playing.

"Pinkie, I love you so much, I know I've done it a million times already, but let me express it in song." I said as we danced.

 **Me:** _Some day, if I'm awfully low_

 _if the world is cold_

 _I will feel a glow just thinking of you_

 _And the way you look tonight_

 _Yes, you're lovely, with your smile so warm_

 _And your cheeks so soft_

 _There is nothing for me, but to love you_

 _And the way you look tonight_

 _With each word, your tenderness grows_

 _Tearing my fear apart_

 _And that laugh wrinkles your nose_

 _Touches my foolish heart_

 _Lovely, Never, never change_

 _Keep that breathless charm_

 _Won't you please arrange it? Cause I love you_

 _Just the way you look tonight_

 _And that laugh that wrinkles your nose_

 _It touches my foolish heart_

 _Lovely, Don't you ever change_

 _Keep that breathless charm_

 _Won't you please arrange it? Cause I love you_

 _A-just the way you look tonight_

 _Mm-Mm, Mm-Mm_

 _Just the way you look tonight._

I gave her a kiss as the song finished. "But of course, I mean every night, not just tonight." I smiled.

"I love you..." She kissed me.

"I love you too." I smiled, we looked to see if we could find Rainbow and Quibble, maybe he grew the guts to ask for a dance too. I'll admit I was disappointed to not see them dancing, but what I did see made me smile. They had found a tab;e to sit at they were just talking, the two of them. It was perfect.

"Looks like your plans working." Pinkie smiled.

"Sure does." I nodded.

"Think we should go talk to them?" She asked.

"Nah, I wanna see how they do on their own." I said. "In the meantime, another dance?" I asked.

"You know I can't say no to that." She smiled. And for the next hour or so we danced under the golden light of the room. It was a moment that lasted a lifetime in my eyes, but when it was over, I felt it ended too soon. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about. I started to hum another song in the last few moments we danced.

 **Me:** _Why do birds suddenly appear_

 _Every time you are near?_

 _Just like me, they long to be_

 _Close to you_

 _Why do stars fall down from the sky_

 _Every time you walk by?_

 _Just like me, they long to be_

 _Close to you_

 _On the day that you were born the angels got together_

 _And decided to create a dream come true_

 _So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of blue and starlight in your eyes of blue_

 _That is why all the colts in town_

 _Follow you all around_

 _Just like me, they long to be_

 _Close to you_

 _On the day that you were born the angels got together_

 _And decided to create a dream come true_

 _So they sprinkled moon dust in your hair of pink and starlight in your eyes of blue_

 _That is why all the colts in town_

 _Follow you all around_

 _Just like me, they long to be_

 _Close to you_

 _Just like me, they long to be_

 _Close to you_

 _Wa, close to you_

 _Wa, close to you_

 _Ha, close to you_

 _La, close to you..._

I smiled looking into her eyes. They were wide and wetting up looking at me as she smiled.

"Aw c'mon, don't cry." I said, holding her close to me.

"I'm sorry... it's just, you're so... so good to me." She hugged me tightly.

"That's because I love you." I said. "Now, how about a drink?" I asked. "See how Quibble and Rainbow are doing?" She nodded and we left the dance floor.

"Hey Pinkie Pie!" Rainbow Dash smiled as we came over. "And you, Chuck."

"Hey you two, how goes it?" I asked as we sat down.

"Great!" Quibble said. "Well, great I'd say." Rainbow Dash nodded.

"Yeah, great." She agreed.

"Well that's wonderful ain't it?" I smiled. "Well, Pinkie and I were having a pretty great time too."

"We sure were." Pinkie smiled, leaning into me and letting out a little yawn.

"Gettin' tired?" I asked her

"A little." She admitted.

"I'll admit." I began. "I'm a little tuckered out too, how about you two?" I asked.

"Not really." Rainbow shook her head.

"Neither am I." Quibble agreed with her. I sighed, I honestly hoped they were.

"Well, I think I've got one more idea for tonight, that'll please the tired and the wide awake." I said getting up.

"What do you have in mind now?" Quibble asked.

"Why did the cow cross the road?" I asked to his question.

"What?" He asked.

"Just say why." I said.

"Ooh! I wanna know! Why?" Pinkie asked.

"To get to the moovies." I grinned at the terrible pun. But yes, the next idea was the cinema.

"That was awful." Rainbow Dash groaned.

"I agree." Quibble nodded. "But the ideas not half bad."

"Well then let's be on our way." I said, leading our pair of pairs to the cinema to see what was playing. The only show that wasn't sold out was some standard cookie-cutter rom-com, you know the type. Perfect fodder for someone half asleep to watch with their loved one.

"Four please." I said to the pony at the ticket booth.

"You've got it!" He nodded sliding us the tickets.

"Alright B list actors in a C list plot, don't let me down..." I murmured as we went into the theater. I placed my front leg around Pinkie as we sat down and she leaned into my shoulder as the movie began.

"Right away, I've just got to say that so many elements of this movie are completely ridiculous, for starters-" Quibble was cut off by the rest of us telling him to shush.

"He's probably right though." I said tiredly to Pinkie, who nodded. He was absolutely right, the movie was corny as Hell. Take any romantic comedy you've ever saw and it was pretty much that, but the ninety minutes of silently making fun of it was nice. Not to mention the ninety minutes of Pinkie and I leaning into each other. At one point, toward a romantic part of the film, I looked over at Quibble, I mimicked a yawn and put my leg around Pinkie, then mouthed "do that." To him. He bit his lip nervously, unsure of what the outcome would be. "Just do it!" I mouthed. He gulped and proceeded to let out a large yawn, stretching his front leg, slowly placing it around Rainbow Dash, this would either end well or with a slap in the face. We'll find out. Three... two... one... and there's contact. The leg is down, the leg is down. She looked over at him, here we go. She let out a little smile and turned back to the movie. We have a successul move. It's all in the move. I looked over at Quibble and smirked a little. "Nice." I mouthed as we got back to the movie. As the movie ended, which ended with the incredibly predictable wedding ending, we got up from our seats and yawned, we all were tired now, what can I say? The movie was a snore-fest.

"Well, what say we head home?" I asked the group.

"Yes please!" Pinkie nodded.

"Quibble? Rainbow?" I asked.

"I could do that." Rainbow Dash nodded.

"Likewise." Quibble agreed. The train ride home was pretty quiet, we were all pretty tuckered out, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash even fell asleep on the ride, I took the opportunity to talk to Quibble.

"So, today was pretty well perfect huh?" I asked him with a slight yawn.

"Sure was." He nodded.

"I dare say we're just about ready for the final step of the plan."

"And what's that?" He asked.

"Easy, asking her out, on a date, on your own." I said. "And I know just how to do that."

"Really? I dunno, I planned on doing that part on my own." He admitted.

"Bad idea. Think about it, who's given you all this great advice so far?" I asked.

"You have... but you're also responsible for me getting set on fire." He said.

"Oh you're still on that? Forgive and forget huh?" I scoffed. "Did my advice set you on fire today?" I asked.

"No..." He said.

"Exactly. Now, I'll tell you about my plan tomorrow morning after I get some rest." I said.

"Oh boy. I can't wait." He said dryly.

"You're the one who begged for my help." I said.

"I don't think so." He shook his head.

"That's how I remember it." I said. "Besides, ten years from now when you're a happily married family guy, you'll thank me."

"Sure..." He said sarcastically.

"Don't worry about it." I smiled. "She likes you, I can tell. All that's left to do is ask her out, ya jackass." I smirked.

"Don't call me that, you sound like my dad!" He chuckled.

"Really?" I asked. "My dad just tells me... gosh I can hardly remember now." I chuckled.

"Miss your family ever?" Quibble asked.

"I miss certain members of my family, others I can't say the same for, I'm sure you understand." I said.

"Actually I was an only child." He said. "Never had that big a family."

"Wish I could say the same." I sipped at the drink provided for me on the train. "But I'll admit, sometimes I miss some things, then I think about all the great things going for me and I don't miss 'em as much." I explained, looking at a fast asleep Pinkie.

"Nice." He nodded.

"Sure is." I said. "I can see why you want me to help you with this, love is a great feeling to feel."

"Sure looks to be, I've got a buddy back home who's getting married soon, he sure seems happy." He told me.

"Really?" I asked. "Well that sounds like fun, going to the wedding?"

"Sure am!" He nodded. "This spring."

"Well that's beautiful, hey, I've got a great idea." I said.

"What's that?" He asked.

"Take Rainbow Dash as your plus one!" I suggested.

"That was the plan actually." He nodded.

"Good thinking, great minds think alike huh?" I chuckled. "He need a caterer or a refreshments pony?" I asked.

"I don't know... What did you have in mind?" He asked cautiously.

"Well, I'm good with drinks, and Pinkie here is a genius in the kitchen." I grinned.

"That's a terrible idea." He shook his head. "No way."

"Aw come on! You owe me for this!" I said.

"What?" He asked.

"This is a big favor, ain't it? C'mon, Pinkie an' I will be great wedding staff." I said. He sighed and thought about it.

"Well, it's not my place, but I'll... suggest you two..." He gulped. "Don't make me regret it."

"Great! I'll talk to Pinkie about it tomorrow." I said.

"Wonderful." He yawned.

"Yeah, I feel ya, looks like we're about there though." I could see Ponyville in the distance.

"Good, I need some sleep." He yawned. When the train stopped we woke up the girls and headed for out homes.

"Thanks for bringing me out tonight." Rainbow Dash thanked us.

"Don't mention it." I said. "Had a great time."

"Let's do it again sometime!" Pinkie smiled.

"I'd like that." She nodded. "Glad we ran into you too Quibble."

"Likewise." Quibble smiled as we all went our separate ways. By the time we got back to Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie was nearly asleep, so I carried her to bed and tucked her in gently.

"Goodnight Cutie Pie." I kissed her on the forehead gently. "I love you, sweet dreams." I said as I left the room.

"Goodnight Chuckie..." I heard her whisper in her sleep. I smiled warmly closing the door and heading off to my room to call it a night.

"G'night everybody, you've been a terrific audience." I mimicked as I laid down and fell asleep, a new day waiting for me ahead.

* * *

 _And that brings us to the end of another chapter! Hope you enjoyed it, stay tuned for the exciting conclusion of this little arc, well, not really conclusion, but the last wingman related story. You've been a great audience!  
_

 _Songs used_

 _"The way you look tonight" by: Frank Sinatra_

 _"Close to you" by: The Carpenters_


	33. Chapter 33: The Final Step

**Author's note:** And now, for the exciting conclusion to the arc I had little to no motivation when it came to writing! Peach Cobbler belongs to clef jumper, TD belongs to The Terror of Dimensions, Sunny Side, Chuck's Tavern, and Chuck belong to me, and the rest belong to Hasbro.

* * *

Chapter 33: The Final Step

"So the show starts at noon, just thought I'd let you know." I told Quibble as I gave him a tray to take to the pool room. "I talked to Cheese, he's gonna cover for me here. Must be one of those once in a blue moon occasions huh?" I snickered.

"Yeah, no kidding." He nodded, taking the tray. "For who?" He asked.

"Those are for Sunny and Peach, cream soda float for Sunny, the fuzzy naval for Peach." I instructed. "Try not to set yourself on fire this time huh?" I called back with a chuckle.

"Screw you." I heard him say in the hall. I chuckled to myself as I wiped a spot on the counter, soon enough Quibble came back after a short conversation with the two, smugly sliding his tip into his pocket on his apron.

"Somepony seems to be better with the customers." I remarked. "And here I thought your weak conversation skills wouldn't help you on the job."

"I don't have weak conversation skills." He sneered.

"Sure, sure." I smiled to myself. "So, you ready for the show?" I asked.

"I'd say so." He nodded.

"Good, let's go over the plan once more." I said. "After the show, you are going to shower her with compliments, I don't care if during the show you can't tell which one is her, I don't care if you fall asleep, just praise out the wazoo after the show." I instructed. "Then, get a conversation going, then, into that conversation, ask her out." I said. "This is the prefect plan."

"Is it really? I don't know honestly..." He began.

"Well, I do know." I said. "Who's been in more relationships, huh?" I asked.

"How many have you been in exactly?" He asked.

"Enough that I know what I'm doing." I avoided the real number., mostly because it involved looking back at my _horrid_ previous relationships.

"Mhm." He nodded with an arched brow. "Listen your advice last week was fine, but your advice before then set me on fire. You're a loose cannon, I never know with what you say." He admitted.

"You'll notice my advice wasn't to get set on fire, it was to mess up. The fire had nothing to do with me." I reminded him.

"Well yeah but..." Suddenly her was cut off be a large helicopter appearing suddenly in the bar. _Oh boy._ I only knew of two different people who could be up to this nonsense. Suddenly, the "pilot" revealed them self. Yep, one of the two.

"I've got the perfect plan! This is the greatest plan!" The figure said enthusiastically. He was a blood red unicorn with a dark red mane, and his eyes were very dragon like. His name was William, but I referred to him by the name TD. Suddenly, as he finished talking the chopper spun out of control and crashed, making a giant mess of my bar.

"Couldn't you just use the door?" I hollered with frustration. "Clean this up. Now."

"Oh! Right! Sorry about that friend!" He said enthusiastically making the damage all disappear. "I couldn't help overhearing what you were talking about, and I just thought I'd offer my two cents!"

"Oh must you?" I asked dryly. "He doesn't want to listen to me, what makes you think he'll listen to you?"

"Easy!" He grinned. "If he doesn't listen to me, I'll just vaporize him!"

"If you're gonna do that, I'm not letting you do it in here." I said. "Too much paperwork for me."

"I would rather I be vaporized nowhere." Quibble muttered.

"He's not gonna vaporize you at all." I shook my head. "So, what do you want, TD?" I asked.

"Like I said, couldn't help overhearing what you were talking about, wanted to give Squabble my advice." He explained.

"My name is Quibble." Quibble corrected.

"Yeah yeah, whatever, anyway. Chuck, Chuckie, Chuck-Wad..." TD began.

"Don't ever call me Chuckie or Chuck-Wad please." I said.

"Alright, Chuck, I'm just saying that Quibble might benefit from a second opinion, and frankly, your advice doesn't seem to be wonderful." He said bluntly.

"How would you know?" I asked.

"I have my ways of knowing." He said. He wasn't wrong, he did. That was one of the pros of being omnipotent. The omnipotent can be a real pain to deal with at times.

"Uh huh." I said dryly. "Okay, what advice would you have?"

"Well, Quibble, you want to get her? All you have to do is be yourself. That's what really matters." He said. "Or, if you want, I can check in on some other dimension where you got her and ask him how he did it." He suggested.

"TD, I think you're forgetting the rules of my bar." I said, pointing at a sign on the wall.

* * *

 **Da Rules of Chuck's Tavern**

 _1\. Never tip with wooden nickels_

 _2\. Never place your rear-end in the bartender's face._

 _3\. No dimensional hopping to quickly solve problems._

 _4\. If you are hiding from the cops, drinks cost extra._

 _5\. Don't accept checks from Cheese Sandwich, Chester W. Sandvich, Scootaloo, TD, or Cheesy McBuscuit._

 _6\. Pool cues are for playing pool, not jousting._

* * *

"You know my policy on dimensional quick-solves." I said.

"Fine." He scoffed. "It's a dumb rule though."

"Hey! All of these rules are made for a reason. Especially number six." I defended the rules.

"What happened there?" He asked.

"Let's just say Fluttershy was in the hospital for a while." I said, trying to forget the incident.

"I see." He nodded. "So why rule three?" He asked.

"Well, no incident has happened there, but it's a precaution." I explained.

"You're no fun." TD said. "But Quibble, just be yourself. Unless you can be Bat-Man, then be Bat-Man." TD snickered before he disappeared into thin air.

"Just be yourself, blah blah blah." I mimicked. "I've got to write a new rule. Rule 7. If you enter the bar to offer advice, you must make a purchase as well." I smiled as the new rule was written down.

"I dunno, I think it's decent advice." Quibble shrugged.

"Oh do you?" I asked. "Well maybe you should be chasing after him instead, you love his advice so much." I sneered.

"Mature." Quibble remarked.

"I'm just saying I have been busting my cajones over this, a little appreciation would be nice." I said.

"Thank you Chuck." He said dryly. Was that so hard?

"You're welcome." I nodded. "Oh, by the way, you're pretty much paid off for your tab." I said.

"Really?" He asked.

"Yep! You can keep working for me if you like, could use the company." I said.

"Why not?" He shrugged.

"That's the spirit." I smiled a little. "Tonight, I still think my advice is a good idea, but you should be yourself." I said. "If she doesn't like you for you well what's the point, right?"

"Finally, some decent advice from you!" He laughed.

"Funny." I said dryly. "Well, not 'ha ha' funny, or any other type of funny now that I think of it." Before Quibble could think of something to come back with, the door burst open and Pinkie came bolting in.

"Chuckie! Quibble!" She smiled. "Shouldn't you two be getting ready to leave?" She asked.

"The show's at noon." I said calmly.

"Yeah, but what time is it?" She asked.

"It's only 11:30." I said. "Oh..."

"Yeah! We've gotta get going, we've got to go to Twilight's first and get the spell, then we have to get the hot air balloon, we're cutting it close!" She said.

"Where's Cheese? He needs to cover." I said.

"Right here!" He came in through my office.

"How long were you in there? Oh never mind." I shook my head. "We've gotta go, remember, no free samples!" I called as we left.

"Is this going to hurt?" I asked Twilight as she prepared to do the spell that would make us able to walk on Cloudsdale's surface.

"No! Not at all!... Maybe." She shrugged. "You tell me when it happens." She said before reciting the spell, aiming her horn at us.

 _Magic and mystery, spell most fair._

 _Allow these ponies to walk upon air!_

The purple beam shot at us, have you ever touched an exposed wire in a light fixture? It felt similar to that, a surge of electricity shot through my body, the three of us shook and twitched a little when she stopped.

"There! Now you should be able to walk on the clouds!" She said happily.

"Thanks Twilight!" Pinkie hugged her tightly for a moment. "Alright bolt fans! Let's get going!" The three of us got into the hot air balloon and began to float, and off we went to Cloudsdale.

* * *

Cloudsdale

"It's 11:50, ten minutes to get to our seats." Pinkie said as we landed, at first, I was terrified to step out of the balloon, worried the spell wouldn't work and I'd plummet to my death, splatting like a tomato on the ground. As I stepped out, I landed softly on the cloud, I breathed I sigh of relief as I took my first couple steps.

"We'd better get there soon then." I said. As we walked, the three of us received odd looks from the residents, not used to seeing earth ponies in their city. "Don't tase me, I'm legal." I quipped to one of the residents. I don't make political jokes often, but when I do they're pretty good.

As we arrived at the Cloudeseum I couldn't help but be amazed at the architecture of it, especially the fact that it was made from, well, clouds. Rainbow Dash had got us great seats in a box opposed to the stadium seats, it was mostly private with the exception of a pegasus couple, they appeared to be in their middle ages, the male was a big and broad cyan stallion with a rainbow mane, green bowling shirt and a bit of a five a'clock shadow, and the mare, who I assumed to be his wife was a light cyan with a light scarlet mane and bright orange sweater.

"Okay Quibble, remember, we're cheering for Rainbow the loudest." I reminded him, as I said that, the two looked over at me.

"Good luck with that son, we're cheering for Rainbow the loudest, isn't that right hon?" The stallion asked his wife.

"Sure is!" She nodded.

"Big Dash fan, are you pops?" I asked. The two exchanged looks and began to laugh.

"You don't know the half of it!" He laughed. "Rainbow Dash is our daughter!"

"Really? Well I suppose that would give you the right to be bigger fans than us." I chuckled. "Pleased to meet you both, I'm Chuck, this is my special somepony Pinkie Pie, and this is Quibble." I said as we approached the two.

"Bow Hothoof." The stallion shook my hoof. "Happy to meet you!"

"I'm Windy Whistles." The mare smiled slightly at us. "How do you all know our daughter?"

"Rainbow and I have only been friends for, oh I dunno, **_years_**?" Pinkie said.

"She's one of my best customers, good friend of mine too." I said.

"We uh.. met at a Daring Do convention." Quibble said.

"Always happy to meet some of Rainbow's friends!" Bow smiled, before noticing something. "Wait a second, where are your wings?" He asked.

"We... don't have wings." I said.

"You're earthies? What are earthies doing in Cloudsdale?" He asked. Pinkie and Quibble gasped after he said that, Pinkie made possibly the angriest expression I've seen her make before, it was alarming.

"Earthies!? Why I oughtta!" I grabbed Pinkie Pie before she attacked.

"Bow, you shouldn't say that, especially in front of them." Windy told her husband.

"You're right, I'm sorry, I shouldn't have used that term." He apologized. "Any friend of Rainbow Dash is a friend of mine, I was just a bit confused, it's not often you see earth ponies in Cloudsdale."

"It's... okay?" I was still a little confused as to why that was such a big deal. "Our friend Twilight gave us a spell to use."

"Well that sure explains it!" He said. "Sorry again to you two." he said to Quibble and Pinkie. "I'm really not that kind of pony."

"It's okay!" Pinkie smiled. " _ **Just don't let it happen again!**_ " She said intensely before going back to normal with her usual smile.

"I... I won't." He said nervously.

"These seats taken?" I asked about the three seats next to them.

"Go right ahead!" Windy smiled. "We'd be happy to watch with you, like Bow said, any friend of Rainbow is a friend of ours!"

"Wonderful." I took the seat next to Bow and Pinkie said on the other side of me, Quibble sitting to the side of her.

"Say, I've got an idea, if you're not doing anything after the show, how would you three like to come on over for a barbecue with us and Rainbow Dash?" Bow suggested. "I'll grill up some hayburgers and hay-dogs, I think I have some bottles of Bolt Lite if you like that sorta stuff." He said.

"That sounds like fun, doesn't it?" I asked Pinkie and Quibble, Pinkie nodded quickly, Quibble nodded slowly and rather hesitantly.

"Great! We'll be happy to have you!" Windy said.

"Five bits says that the barbecue is compensation for the racist remark." Quibble whispered to Pinkie, who giggled a little.

"C'mon, be nice." I looked over at Quibble. "Oh! Lookit that, I think they're starting!" I said, seeing them line up in a V formation, with Spitfire in the center, Soarin' and Rainbow Dash to her left and right. The others who's names I can't remember stood alongside them.

"Yeah! Woo hoo! Rainbow Dash that's our girl!" Bow and Windy cheered loudly, I looked over at Pinkie and Quibble and gestured to cheer.

"R-A-I-N-B-O-W-D-A-S-H! What's that spell? Rainbow Dash!" The three of us hollered loudly as they took off, flying in formation. They then separated into smaller groups and created cloud designs at logos, the whole thing was actually quite amazing to watch. They made lightning bolts, rainbows, storm clouds, mostly stuff to do with the weather, they take the weather quite seriously here.

"Oh great, my parents _and_ Pinkie, Chuck, and Quibble." Rainbow Dash muttered to herself seeing the five cheering ponies.

"You just get more and more fans every day, don't you?" Spitfire teased.

"Gonna have to send in for a booth just for Dash fans!" Soarin' laughed.

"Laugh all you want Soarin', I count more fans here for her than there have ever been here for you!" Spitfire smirked as they went through their routine.

"Oh not cool." Soarin' remarked.

"Rainbow Dash! She's our mare! If she's not doing it we don't care!" Bow and Windy chanted loudly.

 _"R-A-I-N Bow Dashie! Find out what it means to me!_ _R-A-I-N Bow Dashie! Find out what it means to me!"_ We sang in the tune of Respect by Aretha Franklin.

 _"It's fun to stay at the Y.M.C.A!"_ I began to sing loudly, gaining looks from the other four. "I mean, yeah! Rainbow Dash!" The show went on for another little while, and I must say I've never seen anything quite like it, it was spectacular! No wonder she wanted to be one of them so much, they're awesome! After the show, the five of us went to talk to Rainbow Dash after they had left the locker room.

"Brilliant work as always champ!" Bow hugged her in a hug that would give Pinkie's tight hugs a run for their money.

"We're so proud of you!" I have at least sixteen new photos for the album!" Windy smiled widely. "Let's make it seventeen, let's get a picture with you and your friends!" Rainbow Dash tried to protest.

"Mom, there's really no need to-"

"Nonsense!" Bow cut in, wrapping his front legs around the four of us, bringing us close together for a picture. "Photo seventeen on three! One, two..."

"Photo seventeen!" We all said between our teeth with big, somewhat fake grins as Windy took the photo.

"Beautiful!" She looked at the Polaroid type photo. "That'll go in the album for sure!"

"Enough pictures huh? Let's get our cue on!" Bow bellowed with a deep dad-laugh.

"I'll make my famous potato salad!" Windy smiled as she and Bow lead the way. Behind them, Rainbow talked with us.

"I uh.. see you guys met my parents." She said with a bit of embarrassment. "I'm so.. so sorry for anything that might have been said."

"Well, aside from what I can only assume was something casually racist there was really no harm no foul." I said. "Frankly, I like them."

"Oh I like them, I love them! But..." She laughed nervously. "They can go kind of nuts... over me. Specifically."

"Couldn't tell." Quibble said sarcastically. "They seem nice, you know, bar the earthies comment."

"My Dad said that huh?" She asked. "I'm sorry, he's not like that, believe me... he used to work on the Cloudsdale docks, you pick up a vocabulary working in a place like that, you know?" She explained.

"It's fine." Quibble brushed it off, before whispering over to me. "Chuck. You never prepared me for meeting her parents!"

"I wasn't prepared when I met Pinkie's." I said. "Just remember what TD said, be yourself, you're a passionate fella, they're pretty passionate, you'll get along." I advised.

"Wow. Coming from you that was... pretty good advice." He said.

"Hey, I'm a colt of surprises." I chuckled, I then turned to Rainbow Dash. "Great work by the way."

"Thanks Chuck!" She smiled.

"Here, have this." I slipped her a card. "Tell your Wonderbolt friends about it too, I'm offering a discount for any currently active Wonderbolt at the bar."

"Really? Thanks Chuck!" She smiled. "You'd better be ready, because when Spitfire needs a drink she _really_ needs it."

"I'll be ready." I chuckled. "Say Quibble, what did you think of the show?" I segwayed. He nodded, knowing what I was doing.

"I loved it! It was astonishing!" He nodded. "Best show I've seen in a long time coming!"

"Okay, dial it back a little. I took a year of acting classes and I know when too much is too much." I murmured to him.

"Alright gang, we're home!" Bow said as we approached their home. "Mi casa es su casa." He welcomed us.

"Thank you." I nodded respectfully. "Nice place you've got here." I said.

"This whole city reminds me of Cumulonimbon from Cosmic Warfare V." Quibble remarked.

"You like Cosmic Warfare huh?" Bow asked him. "Nice! I used to love those when I was your age, haven't really caught up, mostly because..." Quibble finished his sentence with him.

"The prequels were awful." They said at the same time as grins spread across their faces.

"You might not be half bad!" Bow laughed, patting Quibble on the back hard, knocking the wind out of him for a moment. "What'd Chuck say your name was?"

"Quibble. Quibble Pants." He said, extending a hoof, which Bow shook with a lot of pressure.

"Pants? I know that name... wait, your old colt isn't Grouchy, is it?" He asked.

"Sure is, oh no... what did you hear about him?" Quibble asked, nervous as to what he did this time.

"Oh nothing! I met him a while when I was making a delivery to Manehatten, he called me a jackass, still not sure what I did." He shrugged.

"Oh... sorry, he's just like that, they don't call him Grouchy Pants for nothing." Quibble laughed awkwardly.

"Ain't that the truth!" Bow let out a laugh. "You seem like a nice fella, want a Bolt Lite?" He asked. "Brewed with pride in Cloudsdale."

"Sure, thank you." He nodded as Bow led him to the kitchen.

"Glad to see Bow making a new friend." Windy watched them.

"I'm glad he likes him." I told her as we watched.

"Why's that?" She asked me, Pinkie and Rainbow had gone off by now so I could tell her.

"Well, this is on the hush hush, but, well. Quibble there, he sort of, well, he has a major crush on your daughter." As I finished, I could see a grin spread across her face, she looked like she was going to scream at any moment. "But you shouldn't know about it! I'm trying to help him, she doesn't know about this."

"My lips are sealed." She nodded. "For now! I'm just so excited! Momma wants her grand foals, you know?"

"I'm sure you do." I chuckled. "I'm glad Bow is taking a shine to him, Celestia only knows when I first met Pinkie's Dad... yikes." I looked back.

"Wasn't too fond of you?" She asked.

"You don't know the half of it!" I chuckled. "But I eventually grew on him."

"What happened?" She asked. "If you don't mind me prying."

"Well, it goes kind of like this..." I recounted my story of the previous Hearthswarming with Pinkie's family, meeting them, almost killing her Dad, almost dying in the cold, the whole thing.

"Wow, that's quite a story!" She exclaimed as I finished the story.

"Sure is, if I ever wrote it down it might be a good read." I chuckled.

"I know I'd read it!" She laughed a little. Before I could reply a flash of pink popped up between us.

"Hi! Whatcha talking about?" Pinkie asked.

"Chuck was just telling me about your first Heathswarming together." Windy told her. "So sweet."

"He's a sweetheart!" Pinkie nodded, wrapping a leg around me.

"I remember when Bow and I first met.." She sighed happily, looking back. "You may not believe it, but he used to be _so_ shy." She laughed a little. "Our first conversation was done back and forth through a friend of his."

"Really? That's so cute!" Pinkie awwed. "I remember when I first met Chuckie, our first conversation was the first day he arrived in Ponyville! He was _so_ tired and cranky!"

"I wasn't that bad." I said. "I had a bad headache." I explained. "I'm surprised, if that was so bad on the first day we met, how ever did I win you over?" I asked.

"Easy!" She said. "I won _you_ over, and I found you when you were head over hoofs for me cute."

"You mastermind." I said. "I didn't know there was a method to your madness." Pinkie and Windy exchanged looks

"There's always a method to our madness." Windy grinned.

"Sure is!" Pinkie nodded.

"What are you all doing?" Rainbow Dash asked, walking into the room.

"There's the mare of honor!" Bow stood up proudly. "We were just waiting for you before I lit up the grill, I've got the hay-dogs you like, the cheese stuffed ones!" He said excitedly grabbing his spatula. "Okay party ponies, let's move this to the backyard!" He led us outside. He grabbed a bottle of lighter fluid and began spraying it into the barbecue.

"Bow, don't you think that's enough lighter fluid?" Windy asked.

"I know when I've put in enough." He said spraying more just before he sparked on the barbecue, a large flame sprouted with a roar, singing the stubble on his muzzle. "Yep... that's enough..." He said with a bit of shock as Rainbow Dash chuckled.

"Nice goin' dad!" She snickered.

"Physical comedy at it's best." Quibble nodded.

"Alright alright you two." He said tossing some hay-dogs on the grill and opening the package of hayburgers. "Coolers full if anypony's thirsty!" He called.

"Don't mind if I do." I walked over to the cooler next to him. "Next tried this one before." I cracked open the bottle and took a sip. "This is pretty good!" I said.

"Bolt Lite's the best beer I've tasted." He nodded.

"I've tasted a lot in my day, I'd say it's up there." I said. "Y'know, I might have to talk to the brewery, I might like to sell this."

"What line of work are you in?" He asked.

"Bartender by day, vigilantly crime fighter by night." I joked.

"Jokester huh?" He asked. "You're a pretty funny colt I'd say."

"Thanks." I said. "Real proud of your daughter huh?"

"Lover her to bits!" He nodded. "She's our pride and joy."

"I could tell." I said. "Mind if I ask you something?"

"Shoot." He nodded.

"Well, Pinkie and I have been together a little while now, and I... I have this feeling that.." I began.

"You think you've met the one?" He asked smugly.

"Yeah, that's it." I nodded. He chuckled a little and looked at me.

"Young love, sure is cute." He said. "So what's the question?"

"How should I... or.. when should I... y'know, ask her?" I asked.

"Well Chuck, everypony is different." He explained. "When I first met Windy I knew she was the one when I met her, we had been dating about seven months when I asked her to have my hoof in marriage." He explained.

"Did you ask her or did you have your friend ask for you?" I asked smugly.

"Windy told you about that huh?" He chuckled awkwardly. "I asked for myself, all I can tell you is that if you think you've found the one, don't wait."

"Thanks Mr. Hothoof." I nodded with a smile.

"Please, Mr. Hothoof is my father, call me Bow." He smiled.

"Thanks Bow." I corrected myself.

"No problem Chuck, happy to help." He smiled, flipping a patty. Meanwhile, Rainbow and Quibble were chatting up a storm.

"You never told me that you were such a celebrity to your folks." Quibble said to her.

"Doesn't everypony's folks act like that?" She asked.

"Eh..." He thought back.

* * *

Quibble's Foalhood

"Hey! Idiot! You left the lid on the trash can open!" Grouchy hollered at him one morning. "There's crows all over the lawn and I'm not cleaning it up, it'll be you on your knees, scraping up crow crap!"

 _-another occasion-_

"Quibble Tailor Pants! You had better be in bed when I come upstairs or you won't like what happens next!" His mother hollered sternly on another occasion.

 _-or another time-_

"Which one is your foal?" Quibble's old school teacher asked his parents.

"You know! The weird one with the big head!" Grouchy explained his son.

* * *

"Oh yeah, they were my biggest fan." Quibble said sarcastically.

"Good point." Rainbow snickered a little.

"Alright folks! Foods all cooked, who's hungry?" Bow announced, his announcement was met positively from everyone, soon we all were eating. The rest of the visit was nice, we all had a good time considering this wasn't part of the plan, but soon, it was time to head back home.

"It was quite delightful meeting you two." I said politely as we left.

"Come on back any time, or we'll visit!" Bow waved us goodbye.

"We love you Rainbow Dash!" Windy called out to her, Rainbow Dash flew back and gave them both a hug.

"Love you too." She said as she turned to rejoin us. "Thanks for coming out guys." She told us as we boarded the hot air balloon.

"It was our pleasure." I said.

"Had a great time!" Pinkie nodded.

"It was wonderful." Quibble nodded.

"Coming with us?" I asked. "Room for one more."

"Beats flying back!" She exclaimed. "My wings are tired."

* * *

Ponyville

That evening, Quibble and I were doing the late shift at the bar, talking over how the day had went when Rainbow Dash arrived.

"You're out late, what brings you here?" I asked her.

"Couldn't sleep I guess, thought I'd come here and take advantage of my discount." She said.

"That's right, I did give you that huh?" I asked. "What would you like?"

"Surprise me." She smiled a little. As she said that Quibble walked in from the pool room and stuttered a bit.

"Oh... heh... hey." He said.

"Hey Quibble!" She smiled.

"Great job today!" He said nervously.

"You uh... already said that." She said.

"I did... whoops." He laughed awkwardly, walking behind the counter.

"You alright?" She asked.

"Yeah! Yeah I'm... I'm great." He nodded.

"Here's your drink. It's the 'Sugar and spice on ice." Cinnamon whiskey on the rocks." I explained.

"Thanks Chuck!" She said taking the drink. I looked over at Quibble.

"Now?" He mouthed.

"Now." I mouthed back. "Well, I'd better file my orders to Barstool, you okay to man the bar?" I asked Quibble.

"Sure... am." He nodded.

"Great! Great seeing you Rainbow, if you leave before I'm out, goodnight." I said going back into my office, leaving the door creaked open so I could hear what was going on. There was a bit of silence for a moment before Quibble broke the silence.

"Had a great time today." He said.

"It was great of you to come." She replied. "I didn't take you for a sporty pony."

"Life is funny like that." He chuckled awkwardly. Dude, stop with the awkward chuckling! This is torturous!

"Yeah..." She said awkwardly. Not you too Dash...

"Hey um... look..." He began, oh boy, here it comes.

"Yeah?" She asked. Outside, sweat dripped down his head. He had started the conversation, there was no turning back now.

"I... I was wondering if..." He continued.

"Yeah?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"You'd... you'd like to maybe... Go out. For dinner sometime. Just you and I." He said just as awkward as everything before.

"Are you... asking me out on a date?" She asked.

"I mean... yes. Yes I am." He said finally with a bit of confidence. She blushed a little and grinned.

"Oh Quibble..." She sighed. "I always thought you liked stallions."

"What!?" He exclaimed. "Why does everypony think that?" His reaction made Rainbow Dash laugh out loud.

"I'm kidding!" She laughed.

"Oh." He said insecurely. "So... I guess that means you aren't interested."

"What? No way! Of course I want to!" She smiled.

"Really?" He smiled widely. "That's... that's great!"

"Oh, and by the way." She said. "I always knew you had a crush on me." She smirked. "I just wanted you to make the first move."

"You knew?" He asked.

"You didn't keep it hidden all that well!" She laughed. "Well, let me know when you want to go on our... date." She smirked. "G'night Quibble." She pecked him on the cheek before leaving. As the door swung shut I came out of my office.

"There's my Don Juan! I'm proud of you pal." I smiled. He stood there in a shocked silence, his eyes wide and his face frozen. "You okay?" I asked.

"WA-HOO!" He jumped up happily, clicking his hooves together, running out of the bar happily singing to himself.

"You're welcome, you love struck bastard." I chuckled to myself. "Speaking of love struck..." I said, untying my apron and getting the keys to lock the place up. "Time to go home to my beloved." I happily turned the lights off and headed for home.

* * *

 _What a chapter huh? Hope the conclusion was worth it and that you all enjoyed it! I know I had fun writing it. Liked the antics of that TD guy? You can check out a whole story about him in "TD's Adventures in Equestria". The author of that story and I have been working on something together actually, it'll be great! You should check it out when you get a chance, TD and Chuck get stranded in the wilderness, it's an unlikely friends story with great heart and humor._


	34. Chapter 34: Piano Mare

**Author's note:** So, truth be told, I started writing the chapter after this first as 'Chapter 34', but then I realized that Ivory needed a better introduction as an employee of Chuck's than just that scene in 32 and then the opening of next chapter, is this a continuation of the wingman arc? No, but it's not really the next arc either, it's like an inter-arc period chapter. Anyone who guesses the reference in the title gets a free high-five. This chapter takes place three days after the events of Chapter 33.

* * *

Chapter 34: Piano Mare

"So do I actually have to apply?" Ivory asked as we began the interview. "Because I gave my two weeks notice on my apartment already."

"Yes, you're applying, because technically you have to." I said. "But, you're the only applicant so you're hired by default. This is all really just a formality." I admitted.

"So I can be as awful as I want towards you and I still get the job?" She asked.

"I don't grade character often, but I won't hire you if you're rude." I replied.

"Rats." She said.

"So, care to start this off by telling me about yourself?" I asked.

"What's there to know?" She asked. "I'm Ivory, I play piano, alone but not lonely, and I have a tendency of getting fired." She said.

"I see you have an _amazing_ outlook on life." I said sarcastically.

"Listen, I've been through enough that I retired being naive and positive before I finished high school." She said. "I just like to play piano and have the occasional drink on the job or two."

"I have a feeling we'll get along swimmingly then." I said. "Speaking of drinks on the job, what would you like?" I asked.

"You're offering me a drink at my interview?" She asked. "You might be the best boss I've had."

"Oh now you want a drink from me." I snickered, remembering the first thing she'd said to me.

"It's different when you're the bartender." She said. "And now that I know that you're taken."

"I suppose that's a good point, speaking of which, be prepared for a lot of smiling and positivity when she's around." I said. "She's full of that."

"Then start me off with something strong." She chuckled. "I play better after a couple anyway."

"That's what they all say." I say pouring her a drink. "Here you go. a 'Whiskey-you Were Here' on the house."

"Are all of your drinks named after bad puns?" She asked.

"Mostly." I nodded.

"Well Chuck, I'm sure this will be on the more interesting side of the places I've worked." She admitted. "So... am I hired?"

"Play me something, it'll be the only time I want anything specifically done, then you're hired." I told her, shuffling paper.

"What is it?" She asked.

"Little classic from where I'm from with reworked lyrics. You just might like it." I said handing her the music.

"Looks simple." She read. "Why not?" She sat down at the piano and began to play, I blew gently on a harmonica as she played, I had been preparing to do the harmonica of this song for the longest time now.

 **Ivory:** _It's nine o'clock on a Saturday_  
 _The regular crowd shuffles in_  
 _There's an old stallion sitting next to me_  
 _Makin' love to his tonic and gin_

 _He says, "Hey, can you play me a memory_  
 _I'm not really sure how it goes_  
 _But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete_  
 _When I wore a younger colt's clothes."_

 _La la la, di da da_  
 _La la, di da da da dum_

 _Sing us a song, you're the piano mare_  
 _Sing us a song tonight_  
 _Well, we're all in the mood for a melody_  
 _And you've got us feelin' alright_

 _Now Quibble at the bar is a friend of mine_  
 _He gets me my drinks for free_  
 _And he's quick with a joke or to light up your smoke_  
 _But there's someplace that he'd rather be_  
 _He says, "Keys, I believe this is killing me."_  
 _As the smile ran away from his face_  
 _"Well I'm sure that I could be a movie star_  
 _If I could get out of this place"_

 _Oh, la la la, di da da_  
 _La la, di da da da dum_

 _Now Cheese is a national partyist_  
 _Who never had time for a wife_  
 _And he's talkin' with Sunny, who doesn't think Chuck's that funny  
_ _And probably won't all her life_

 _And the waitress is practicing politics_  
 _As the businesscolts slowly get stoned_  
 _Yes, they're sharing a drink they call loneliness_  
 _But it's better than drinkin' alone_

 _Sing us a song you're the piano mare_  
 _Sing us a song tonight_  
 _Well we're all in the mood for a melody_  
 _And you got us feeling alright_

 _It's a pretty good crowd for a Saturday_  
 _And the manager gives me a smile_  
 _'Cause he knows that it's me they've been comin' to see_  
 _To forget about life for a while_  
 _And the piano, it sounds like a carnival_  
 _And the microphone smells like a beer_  
 _And they sit at the bar and put bits in my jar_  
 _And say, "Gal, what are you doin' here?"_

 _Oh, la la la, di da da_  
 _La la, di da da da dum_

 _Sing us a song you're the piano mare_  
 _Sing us a song tonight_  
 _Well we're all in the mood for a melody_  
 _And you got us feeling alright._

"Bravo! Couldn't have imagined that done better." I applauded. "You've got the job."

"Thank you very much for this Chuck." She smiled. "But, you're okay with my playing habits?"

"I don't care how you play. You play, I pay." I said. "Welcome to the team." She smiled slightly.

"Thanks." She said.

"You're welcome, now work those hooves and I'll bring you a drink every now and then." I said.

"Sounds like a deal." She said as she began to play. Just as she began, the door swung open and Quibble walked in.

"You're not scheduled for today, what're you doing here?" I asked him. "Lemme guess, morning drinking? I thought your newfound relationship would bring that to an end."

"I'm not here to drink Loofah Mane, I'm here for one more piece of advice." He said.

"And what's that?" I asked.

"Well..." He then stopped, hearing the music coming from the piano in the corner, he turned seeing Ivory at the piano. "When did she show up?"

"Just a couple minutes ago. She's our new piano player." I explained.

"Our new piano player? Don't you mean our first piano player?" He asked.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"Well, my date is... tonight." He said.

"You're point?"

"What do I do? This is my first date ever, what do I do?" He asked.

"Well, the first thing you wanna do is shave, maybe shower, get dressed up a bit more."

"Huh?" He asked.

"Okay, you're hopeless." I sighed. "Guess the doctor has to work his magic once more." I jumped up taking him by the hoof into a musical montage.

 **Me:** _You've got to look your best tonight  
_ _You nerdy, geeky, parasite!  
Cause there's a lovely lady and she's waiting for you!  
And though her pretty face may seem  
Your biggest most passionate dream,  
Before you get to see it there are things you must do!_

 _We'll try, a tie, a boutonniere of yellow!  
_ _Or a rose, that shows, that you're a classy fellow!  
_ _With the posh, panache, of Jefferson at Monticello!  
_ _Busting out a mile with style!_

 _I know it is hard to refrain  
From gawking at that rainbow mane  
But pal before you touch a single hair,  
You must impress that super soaring  
Ego roaring, never boring,  
High flying mare!_

 _Each and every day you complain  
As if life's going down the drain,  
You drowning in a drink that I've prepared for you  
But if you want this lady's love,  
You're better off by thinking of,  
The better things in life instead of bitterness and boo!_

 _A quirk, a smirk,  
_ _Or something just for her  
And you'll see, that she,  
Will love you in a blur  
And she does, because,  
_ _The one thing out your bod of fur  
Won't be whining or a gripe!_

 _You wanna take that pretty dame,  
And show her that you're far from lame,  
But pal before you go and take that dare,  
You must impress that most impressing,  
Self obsessing, no B-Sing,  
High flying mare! _

_Her eyes are magenta portals,  
To a secret land of love,  
And her smile is like the sweetest summer flower,  
Her hugs is so inviting,  
And her talks are so delighting,  
And their a time and a half  
is they're all about herself,  
_ _but they're just never enough,  
despite they go on for an hour! _

_My lad with your looks and my mind  
We'll get you feeling super fine  
End then you'll be ready to go out with some flair!  
_

 _Now go impress that super-thrilling,_  
 _Wish-fulfilling, Conclusion jumping,_  
 _Ultra-swinging, passion-bringing,_  
 _Rarely singing, Whatchathinkng,_  
 _Stupefying, fortifying,_  
 _As of Monday, always flying,_  
 _Stimulating, titillating,_  
 _Flying around Wonderbolting,_  
 _Mega-rocking, ego-talking,_  
 _making stiff your 'tube of caulking'_  
 _Coyly smirking, hardly working  
_ _For some reason sometimes lurking,_  
 _Fascinating, captivating,_  
 _Happiness and joy creating..._  
 _High flying mare!_

I kicked him out the door, all dressed up in his suit I tossed on him mid musical number and sent him on his way in confidence. "The things I do for my friends." I chuckled.

"You break out into musical numbers often?" Ivory asked.

"I pay you to play piano, not wisecrack." I replied.

* * *

That evening

"How do you know they're here?" Pinkie asked meas we snuck through the restaurant.

"I waterboarded Quibble until he told me." I replied.

"Really?" She asked in a shocked voice.

"No, he told me." I said. "Here, I see them." I pointed across the restaurant. "Get the disguises."

"Got 'em!" She pulled put a bag.

"Good, lets put 'em on and spy." I said as we sat at our table and watched, I put on a thick framed pair of glasses, a red bald cap, and a suit coat. Pinkie donned a large wig and a pearl necklace.

"Think they'll notice us?" Pinkie asked.

"No, and if they do, I'm Frank Reynolds and you're Marge Simpson." I said donning a thick Jersey accent. "Now let's watch."

"Gotta say..." Rainbow Dash said as the two were waiting for their food. "I never really thought you'd ever man up to ask me out."

"It took a while." He admitted.

"I can't believe this, he's not even gonna say I helped him!" I sneered, watching them.

"Shh!" Pinkie shushed me. After a few minutes of watching, I could see Quibble was getting antsy.

"What is taking the food so long?" He muttered.

"I know right?" Rainbow Dash chuckled.

"I mean, I'm paying for the food, not for sitting here waiting right?" He chuckled. "It's almost as if they get paid more if they stall the customer!"

"No kidding!" She nodded. Eventually, the waiter came with the dish.

"Here you go, the Equestrian State Potato Skin Sampler." He began. "Ponyville: green onion sour cream, Cloudsdale, whipped and frothy like a cloud..." He listed them off.

"You're neither listing them in geographical or alphabetical order!" Quibble sneered. "I cannot hide... the snide.. inside..." He murmured in a form of pain.

"I don't mind." Rainbow Dash told him. "Speak your mind, if you think something's stupid, say it's stupid."

"Really?" He asked.

"Duh! Having high standards is fine!" She nodded. He then stood up and clanged his glass.

"Attention restaurateurs!" He called. "You should have spent less on the kitsch, and more on the kitch _en._ " He sneered at the waiter. "With this bowl of Cherokee Salsa, I baptize thee, mediocre at best!" He flicked the salsa at the waiter snidely.

"Rainbow Dash has the hots for _that?_ " I asked.

"Come Rainbow Dash, let us find a place of higher taste." He smoothly took her by the hoof, leading her out.

"Wow..." I raised my eyebrows. "That was the weirdest thing I've seen all day..." I watched them leave. "Hey waiter, I'll take the platter, I don't care about the order." I called to him.

* * *

Later, at the Tavern

"So we both agree that that was the weirdest thing ever right?" I asked Pinkie as we played pool together in the back room.

"Sure was!" She nodded striking her cue-ball, sinking three of her balls. "Beat that!" She laughed.

"When did you get so good?" I asked. "It's not good if the owner of the place isn't the best pool player." I chuckled.

"Maybe you should sign the deed over to me!" She giggled.

"I'll pass." I smiled, striking mine, sending the cue ball directly into a pocket. "Damn it!" I growled.

"I'm _winning..._ " She hummed.

"No kiddin'." I chuckled. She lined up her shot, if she made this, she won the game. She took it and sunk the ball.

"I win!" She beamed. " _I beat you, la la la! I win and you lose!"_ She hummed, bouncing along behind me.

"You do." I nodded. "And your prize... my love, forever and always." I took her hoof and kissed it lightly.

"The best kind of prize." She smiled. I took her by the hoof and danced with her.

 **Me:** _When I get older losing my hair  
_ _Many years from now  
_ _Will you still be sending me a Valentine  
_ _Birthday greetings bottle of wine_

 _If I'd been out till quarter to three_  
 _Would you lock the door_  
 _Will you still need me, will you still feed me_  
 _When I'm sixty-four_

 _You'll be older too_  
 _And if you say the word_  
 _I could stay with you_

 _I could be handy, mending a fuse_  
 _When your lights have gone_  
 _You can knit a sweater by the fireside_  
 _Sunday mornings go for a ride_  
 _Doing the garden, digging the weeds_  
 _Who could ask for more_

 _Will you still need me, will you still feed me_  
 _When I'm sixty-four_

 _Every summer we can rent a cottage_  
 _In the Isle of Wight, if it's not too dear_  
 _We shall scrimp and save_  
 _Grandchildren on your knee_  
 _Vera, Bill and Dave_

 _Send me a postcard, drop me a line_  
 _Stating point of view_  
 _Indicate precisely what you mean to say_  
 _Yours sincerely, wasting away_

 _Give me your answer, fill in a form_  
 _Mine for evermore_  
 _Will you still need me, will you still feed me_  
 _When I'm sixty-four..._

I smiled, swinging her and bringing her back into me, giving her a kiss.

"I always will, whether your sixty four or a hundred and four." She smiled.

"And I will too." I kissed her.

"Eeyuch, now I know to knock next time." Ivory remarked walking into the pool room.

"Just a couple of lovers doing what lovers do." I replied, not breaking my eye contact with Pinkie Pie.

"Yeah, that's great." She said. "Look, I'm punching my card and taking off." She told me.

"Alrighty, great first day, glad to have you on the team, feel free to pour yourself something for the road and all that jazz." I told her.

"Best boss ever." She said to herself heading for the bar.

"Am I really the best boss ever?" I asked Pinkie Pie.

"You sure are." She nodded. "And the best coltfriend ever." She hugged me.

"I'm just the best coltfriend because you're the best marefriend ever." I hugged her back.

"I love you Cutie Pie." I smiled.

"I love you too Chuckie." She smiled.

"What do you say we head on home now?" I asked.

"I'd like that, maybe we could stop and Sunny Side's on the way?" She asked.

"Why not? I'm still am little hungry after those samplers." I nodded as we went on our merry way.

* * *

 _Sorry about the shorter chapter, I needed to do this to add context for my usage of Ivory later on, also, hope everyone likes our new character Ivory! She's becoming one of my favorites if I'm completely honest. Goodbye, farewell, and so long forever my Coney Island Baby!_

 _Songs used_

 _"Piano Man" by: Billy Joel  
A parody of a song by Seth Macfralane used in an episode of Family Guy, look it up if you want but the title might offend.  
"When I'm sixty-four" by: The Beatles._


	35. Chapter 35: The Movie

**Author's note:** It is scientifically proven that the average person asks themselves this question at least twice a day. "What if Chuck was in the MLP Movie?" Well, prepare to have that answered in this chapter. Major spoilers if you haven't seen the movie obviously.

* * *

Chapter 35: The Movie: From Chuck's Perspective

It was a beautiful Ponyville morning, the sun peaked over the mountains overlooking the town, birds chirped and the breeze blew, I traversed through town on my way to the bar, singing to myself in glee.

 **Me:** _There's a bunch of birds in the sky  
And some deers just went running by,  
Ohhh, the grass's pure and green on the earth rich and brown,  
Just another Friday morning in my quiet mountain town._

 _The sun is shining and the grass is green,  
Except for the places it's not I mean,  
This is a day when its hard to wear a frown,  
All, the happy ponies stop to say hello!  
_ _Even though the temperature's low,  
Its a perfect Friday morning in my quiet little mountain town._

"Good morning Cutie Pie!" I embraced Pinkie Pie happily as I ran into her.

"Good morning Chuckie." She smiled.

"Going to be coming over to the tavern party tonight?" I asked.

"You know I'll be there!" She said.

"Great! See you then." I kept going before I zoomed back and pecked her on the cheek. "Love you!"

 **Pinkie:** _What did I do to deserve my Chuck?  
Each day I'm thankful for my luck.  
He makes me smile when the day is one long frown!  
What a cutie with a heart so sweet and sure,  
And a mind so open and pure!  
So glad we live in this quiet friendly mountain town! _

"Cheese! Come on, you told me you were working today!" I knocked loudly on his door.

"Coming!" He said from inside before quickly opening his door.

"Thanks for agreeing to come out today, we've got a busy weekend!" I said as we went on our way.

"I know I could use the bits!"

 **Me:** _You can see pegasi flying through the air,  
You see Ursa Majors but you just don't care!  
It's a sea of smiles in which we'd be glad to_ _drown!_  
 **Cheese:** _Don't ya know it's like a perfect spring_ day,  
 _And that I'm glad I can_ say  
 **Me:** _That's right!  
_ _It's Friday morning in our quiet, little, friendly, old timey mountain town!_

"Hey you two." Ivory said as we ran into her.

"Ivory! Coming in today?" I asked.

"Nothing better to do." She nodded.

"Well then let's get going, care to join us?" I asked.

"Why not." She shrugged.

 **Ivory:** _All of these ponies so unassuming  
It really gets me down  
The world is such a lousy place,  
And city life's a complete disgrace  
That's why I moved to this little, old timey, quiet mountain town!_

The doorbell rang at Quibble's house as we waited outside.

"Whaddya want?" He called.

"Time to come to work!" I yelled out.

"Already?" He asked.

"If it wasn't time, I wouldn't be out here."

"Get your flank out here!" Ivory hollered.

"Alright, alright, let's go then." He said reluctantly.

 **Us:** _Off we go to the tavern,  
Where we make the money that we earn,  
And where would we be if we weren't getting paid?  
And this weekends gonna make our pay complete,  
Because making that moneys so_ _sweet!_  
 **Quibble:** _Super sweet!  
_ **Us:** _So glad we're here in the_ _quiet, little, friendly, peaceful, old_ _time_  
 **Cheese:** _Awesome!  
_ **Us:** _Moun-tain town!_

"My friends, it looks like we have a terrific weekend ahead of us, now, let us open!" I announced unlocking the doors of the tavern and bucking them open for effect. "Cheese, Quibble, on your hooves at all times, paying customers don't like to wait, Ivory, keep 'em listening." I instructed my team.

"You got it boss." Quibble nodded.

"Aye aye Cap'n!" Cheese nodded.

"Doing it for the bonus." Ivory said before playing a riff on the piano.

So, at this point you're probably wondering why we were referring to this weekend as a great weekend for business, well, this weekend happened to be the weekend of the Equestrian holiday "Friendship Day", what better way to celebrate that than taking your friend to get M.C Hammered at your local pub? It was perfect! I was ready to rake in cart loads of profits for the weekend, all to save for a rainy day of course, I do want to be a family stallion after all. Even though the official day was tomorrow, business was already booming. Though there were a couple regulars I hadn't seen all day, Twilight, Rarity, Applejack, or even Rainbow Dash to name a few. Eventually, around dinner time when the party was about to start Pinkie came happily bouncing through.

"Cutie Pie, my beloved, wonderful to see you!" I welcomed her as she hopped right up to her usual stool at the bar.

"Hi Chuckie!" She smiled giving me a kiss over the counter.

"Ready for the party?" I asked.

"Sure am!" She nodded happily.

"You know where Twilight and the others are? They said they'd be here for tonight but I haven't seen most of them all day." I said.

"Twilight huh? Twilight..." Her eyes widened. "Oh! That's what I forgot to tell you!" She said.

"What did you forget to tell me?" I asked.

"Well, there's sort of a _thing_ going on tomorrow and..." She began.

"What kind of thing?" I asked.

"It's sorta some festival of friendship thing going on in Canterlot tomorrow, big event, lot's of Equestria's big-wigs will be there, sort of some 'literally everyone in all Equestria is invited thing' and all. Nothing huge, we're going tomorrow morning!" She said.

"Tomorrow morning?" I asked.

"Yeah!" She nodded. My eye twitched lightly.

"Huh?" I asked again.

"We're going to the Festival of Friendship tomorrow!" She said.

"What? You can't be serious." I said.

"I mean it!" She nodded.

"Pinkie, I planned the weekend already, we have to stay open." I said.

"But Chuckie, it'll be fun!" She said.

"We're staying open all weekend, we need it." I said.

"Why?" She asked.

"Do you know how much this weekend could make for the tavern? We'll need the extra income for when we want to start a family." I said.

"But Chuckie, I already promised Twilight I'd go and I really want you to come with me!" She pleaded. I sighed and turned to her.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not going." I said. "I'm staying right here this weekend, and when we have some financial wiggle room you'll thank me." She looked at me with a sad face.

"Why is that all you're thinking about?" She asked. "What about the fun? The reason for the holiday?" She asked.

"The reason for the holiday?" I asked. "It's a day where friends get together, that literally happens every day." Pinkie gasped when I said that.

"Chuckie..." She said feeling shocked. "What... but... why are you... what about me?" She asked. "All I want is to spend the holiday with you!" She said.

"We can spend all the time we want together after this weekend." I said finally. "I will be staying right here." She looked at me with her eyes welling up.

"I thought you'd... like it." She sighed. "I... I guess I was wrong, I'll see you later." She said turning around and heading for the exit.

"I love you." I called to her.

"Yeah." She said walking out. I stopped for a moment, was that just, our first fight? I sighed, pouring myself a quick drink.

"We'll be fine." I said. "I'm sure she'll be back."

* * *

The next morning

"Ow... my aching head..." I moaned as I came to hearing loud piano music. I had no idea what happened last night, all I knew right now was the place was a wreck and I slept on the pool table, I shoved myself off the table and groggily made my way to the front room.

"Look who's finally up." Ivory said as she noticed me, playing heavily at the piano.

"Can you play softer? My head is killing me." I rubbed my head.

"First hangover or something?" She asked me.

"What? I'm not hungover, I _never_ drink enough I get hungover." I said.

"Runny eggs." She said dryly. My face went green.

"I'm gonna hurl!" I moaned before throwing up in the sink at the bar.

"That's what I thought, and you definitely drank enough to be hungover, if I'm being honest Quibble and I had bets over whether you'd actually wake up or not." She said. "And now I'm out fifteen bits."

"Well I'm sorry I survived." I said sarcastically. "What are you doing here anyway?" I asked.

"I never left either." She said. "I fell asleep at the piano and I woke up an hour ago."

"Put it in your autobiography huh?" I scoffed. "What happened to me?" Ivory suddenly began to laugh.

"I'm not sure you want to know!" She laughed.

"Tell me what happened." I said.

"Well, one drink turned into two, two turned into too many, you were the most drunk pony in the bar, one point we even painted Cheese to look like Pinkie pie so we could relive the fight you too had, you cried more and more every time!" She laughed. "Oh, speaking of which, here's a note she left." She handed me a note. "She came by before she left wanting to talk to you, when she found you passed out on the table she wrote this up and told me to give it to you." I read the note.

"Dear Chuck. I love you, but I am quite upset with you. I really really thought you'd be different about this. I guess I'll see you after the festival. Yours, Pinkie Pie." I read. "Was I that big a jerk?" I asked Ivory.

"Kinda." She nodded.

"Dammit..." I sighed.

"You sure were." She said. "Anyway, Cheese left for the festival, Quibble went when Rainbow Dash drug him by the ear, I think you're stuck with me."

"There goes the perfect weekend." I sighed.

"No kidding." She said. "So, you opening up today?"

"Of course." I nodded. "It's the day of Festivus Friendshivus isn't it? We're open." Three hours later, nopony was showing up.

"Great day for business huh?" Ivory snickered.

"Shut up." I replied. "Why is nopony here?" I asked.

"Probably all off at that Festival, only all of Equestria was invited." She said sarcastically.

"This is prefect." I sighed. "That's it." I untied my apron.

"Where are you off to?" She asked.

"I'm going to Canterlot, maybe it won't be too late to make Pinkie a little less upset with me." I said heading for the door. "You coming?" I asked.

"Considering I'll be the only pony left in town if you leave, why not?" She shrugged as she joined me.

* * *

Entry to Canterlot

"You know, for a festival of friendship, this is looking pretty lousy." Ivory remarked as we approached the gates of the city. A dark cloud covered the sky and everything seemed gloomy.

"No kidding." I said looking at the gates. "So what do I do? Knock?" I asked Ivory who just shrugged in return. I knocked loudly on the large gates.

" _Hellooooo?_ " I called. "Anypony there?" Suddenly, a large creature with white and dark grey fur approached, it looked like that of a big black and white hamster with a spear, soon one just like it joined him. "Ah, yes, hello sirs, this is the location of the Festival of Friendship correct?" I asked them. Neither of them responded, they exchanged looks then grunted.

"Excuse me? Parlez-vous Français? hablas español?" I asked, it was like talking to a wall! "Hey! Morons! Am I in the right place or not?" I said abrasively. As I waited for a response, the large creature picked me up suddenly by the tail. The other did the same with Ivory. "I am going to give you five seconds to put me down! Five! Four! Three!" Before I could finish, another figure stepped forward, he looked similar to them but was far taller and more slim than them.

"And what do we have here?" He asked.

"Finally, something that talks." I said dryly. "Look sir, I was just on my way for the Festival thing here, I'm in the right place right?" I asked. He looked into my eyes with a menacing smirk and chuckled.

"Looks like someone's a little late." He chuckled. "I'll catch you up, I am the Storm King, I'm your new supreme ruler, you know how it is, do my bidding or I'll use your hide as a throw pillow, blah blah I'm the bad guy and stuff." He said. "Take them to the others." He ordered the two.

"What!?" Ivory blurted out.

"Did you not hear me? Equestria is under new management. **Me.** " He chuckled. "Now take 'em away." He pointed. The two hulking hamster things took us away to one of the buildings.

"If I don't get some answers real soon..." I muttered. Soon, they opened a door in a large hall type building and tossed us both into an already pretty crowded cage.

"Come along he says, it'll be fun he says... now we're locked in a cage genius." Ivory sneered at me.

"I didn't think this would happen." I sighed, looking over at one of the ponies looking at us. "Name's Chuck, nice to meet you." I said to the silvery gray pegasus, she had bright green eyes and a blonde mane with a white streak through it.

"I'm Silver Stream." She nodded. "Pleased to meet you, if only it was under different circumstances."

"Yeah no kiddin'." I chuckled, looking around. "Can you tell me what's going on?" I asked.

"Well, in a way you're kind of lucky you showed up late." She said. "Everything was going great, everypony was happy, songs were being sung, all those great friendship type things, suddenly, this giant airship comes down from the sky. This weird magenta unicorn steps out with some weird mole thing and announce this Storm King fella, who say's he's taking over and then he turns the princesses into stone, well, all except one." She stopped.

"Who's the one?" I asked.

"Twilight Sparkle, she was able to escape temporarily, I don't know what's happened to her now." She sighed. "What's happened to any of them really..."

"Them?" I asked, already knowing the answer in a way.

"Her friends, Spike, Applejack, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Fluttershy..." I finished her sentence.

"Pinkie Pie?" I asked.

"Yeah, her too." She nodded. I looked down and sighed.

"Why'd you do it Chuck?" I asked myself.

"Something wrong?" She asked.

"He's got a thing goin' with the pink one." Ivory said for me.

"Ivory, please." I said. "But yes, Pinkie and I..."

"I'm... I'm sorry." She said sadly. "But hey, I'm sure she's alright, they've gotten out of binds like this before, they'll be okay." She tried to comfort me.

"I'm sure of it... I just... I worry." I sigh. "We didn't leave things off great, and I'd really hate if that was the last I saw her."

"Didn't leave things off well?" A voice asked. "That's a real understatement!" The voice laughed, it was the cackle of laughter from my head waiter, Quibble.

"Really? You're laughing? Your precious Rainbow Dash is in danger too!" I snarled at him from my cage. "How many ponies are here?" I asked.

"All of Equestria got the invitation remember." Ivory mentioned.

"Hi Chuck!" Cheese hollered to me.

"Chuck, buddy! How are you?" I'm pretty sure it was Bow Hothoof who called out to me.

"I wondered where thy were." Igneous called out.

"Hello everypony." I called out. "What's going to happen to us?" I asked.

"If they catch Twilight, the Storm King will have the magic of the staff for himself, who knows what he'll do." Silver said.

"Well that paints a pretty grim picture doesn't it?" I asked.

"Sure does." Ivory nodded. "Good thing I never leave home without this." She sighed, pulling out a harmonica and began to hum a melancholy tune.

* * *

The next day

"Good news!" A tall figure stepped into our prison hall, the Storm King. "Tempest Shadow has just informed me that she was on her way back with your fourth princess!" He announced.

"And how's that good news for us?" I asked.

"Oh it's not." He said. "Not good news at all for you all, it's great for me however." He smirked. "In the meantime, you're all still trapped."

"Yep! We're in here trapped like rats." Sunny Side grimaced.

"Hey now, don't act like that." The Storm King knelt down. "Rats can't be trapped this easily, you're trapped like... carrots. Anyway, once she's back, magics all mine, no need for them, I'll probably ax them off, then I've got a whole legion of slaves." He said. "Everything is looking great for me." He grinned. "Oh, and when I say probably, I mean I'll definitely ax them off." He snickered, slamming the door behind him as he left. A chorus of gasps and murmurs erupted when he left, all panicking over the news. I couldn't say I was any different.

"If they've got her, what happened to the others? Pinkie Pie..." I sighed. "Wherever you are... I'm sorry." I hung my head.

Meanwhile, as Captain Calaeno and her crew led Twilight's friends, Capper, and Princess Skystar back to Canterlot, formulating a plan to save Twilight, Pinkie looked up at the sky and sighed.

"Oh Chuckie..." She sighed a little.

"It'll be okay Sugarcube." Applejack told her attempting to comfort her.

"Thanks Applejack." She smiled a little.

Back in Canterlot, we had all pretty much accepted our fates that this whole thing was doomed and that after the princesses were gone, we would more than likely be next. Everypony looked down and depressed, I didn't blame 'em. But, there had to be some way to lift their spirits.

"So what?" I asked suddenly, causing them to silence. "So what if they're not here?" I asked. "What makes us think that we should all keel over and die because we don't have the normal heroes here? Would that be what they wanted? What Twilight wanted? I don't think so!" I slammed my hoof down. "And I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna think up a plan, a plan that just might save the princesses. It's not gonna be easy, but we have to try." I said leading into the next musical number.

 **Me:** _What would the mane six do  
_ _If they were here right now?  
They'd make a plan and they'd follow through,  
That's what the mane six would do._

 **Scootaloo:** _When Rainbow Dash was in the academy  
flying for the gold,  
_ _She did six big loops and a triple threat  
While wearing a blindfold!_

 **Applebloom:** _An' when my big sis was in the woods,  
_ _Battlin' Timber Wolves  
_ _She used her strength and endurance  
_ _To save the little foals!  
_

 **Cutie Mark Crusaders:** _So what would the mane six do  
_ _If they were here today?  
_ _They'd probably kick a flank or two,  
That's what the mane six would do._

 **Silver:** _I want out of this cage to be free,  
_ _Because I still need to finish my journey,  
_ **Sunny Side:** _And I just want this guy to stop being such a knob,  
_ **Me:** _For Pinkie I'll be a brave soul too,  
Cause that's what the mane six would do!_

 **All:** _And what would the mane six do?  
They'd gather everypony around,  
And tell them to unite for truth,  
That's what the mane six would do!_

 **Starlight:** _When Twilight Sparkle traveled through time,  
From here to who knows when,  
She told me how to change my ways,  
And save Equestria again!_

 **Me:** _And when Pinkie found the mess in me,  
She helped me clean it up!  
_

 **All:** _Cause the mane six don't take guff from anypony,  
_ _So let's put our heads together,  
And come up with a plan!  
And we'll save the princesses too,  
Cause that's what the mane six would do,  
And we'll save the princesses too,  
Cause that's what the mane six would do,  
_

 _Yeah that's what the mane six would do!_

I was able to successfully lift everypony's spirits, at least for now. "Okay everypony, let's think of a plan, any ideas a good idea."

"We could trick the Storm King into giving the magic back?" Starlight suggested.

"We don't have enough time for that." I said.

"Why don't the pegasi swoop in and fly away carrying the princesses?" Silver suggested.

"That's a pretty good idea, but have you seen what we're up against? We'd have no way to distract the Storm King or the guards." I replied.

"You need a distraction?" A grizzled voice asked. We all turned to see Cranky Doodle Donkey.

"Could you provide one?" I asked. "It's gotta be big."

"Oh..." He chuckled. "It's big alright. If tonight, when we're being led out for rations, if I could get somepony to get me over the wall, I could get him."

"I'll be happy to assist." Spitfire stepped forward.

"What's the distraction?" I asked.

"Let's just say I know a guy, he loves to make a very big scene of himself." He said.

"I think I can draw something up for that, I'll work with Ivory on that." I nodded. "When the distraction is in place, Soarin', Bow Hothoof, and Big Mac, I'll put you in charge of moving the princesses turned to stone to safety, Silver, since this was your idea, I leave you the responsibility of escorting Princess Twilight." I told her. "Now this is a lot on your plate, think you can handle it?" I asked her.

"You betcha." She nodded confidently.

"What about the rest of us?" Quibble asked.

"Well, it's no doubt that sooner or later they'll notice the princesses are gone, so what we'll need is muscle to start taking down the royal cronies of his." I explained. "Daring Do, Shining Armour, and Igneous will be in charge of one of three battalions. Daring will cover the air, Igneous will cover our ground front-liners, and Shining will command those firing magic from behind, it should be no question which group you belong to, no this is not segregation this is based on efficiency and probability of victory alone." I said. "Any questions?" I asked. "If all else fails the princesses are to be protected at all costs, for they may take our lives... but they will never take our freedom!" I hollered passionately.

"Now, we do only get one shot at this, we need to give it all we've got." I said. "Who's with me!?"

"We are!" They chanted.

"Who's gonna save Equestria?" I hollered.

"We are!" They chanted.

"Who's gonna save the princesses?" I hollered.

"We are!" They chanted.

"Who's getting tired of chanting?"

"We are!"

"That's right!" I said. "If I do not live to see another day, know that I would not rather fight nor die alongside anypony else, but the fine ponies here before me." I said. "Tonight, we meet our destiny."

 **Me:** _God has smiled upon you, this day...  
_ _The fate of a nation in your hands,  
And blessed be the ponies we,  
Who fight with all our bravery,  
Till only the righteous stand...  
_

 _You see the distant flames,  
They bellow in the night,  
You fight in all our names,  
For what we know is right.  
And when you all get shot,  
And cannot carry on,  
Though you die, la resistance lives on._

 **All:** _You may get stabbed in the head,  
With a dagger or sword,  
You may be burnt to death,  
Skinned alive or worse,  
But when they torture you,  
You will not feel the need to run for,  
Though you die, la resistance lives on! _

**Storm King:** _Fall Equestria, fall Equestria,  
_ _Because their magic's now my toy,  
This very night night they'll be_ _destroyed!_  
 **Warriors:** _This very night, our lives will change,_  
 _This very night, we'll be entertained,_  
 _An execution, what a sight,_  
 _This very night!_

 **Tempest:** _Out there there is so much room,  
Where foals they play and flowers bloom,  
This very night they'll all be doomed,  
And I will be their leader soon!_

 **Mane six:** _Why did the storm king start this war?  
What could all this fighting be_ for?  
 **Pinkie:** _When did this song become a marathon?_

 **Storm King:** _When this land is gone galore,  
The storm will reign forever more!  
_

 **Me/resistance fighters:** _They may cut your flank in half,  
And serve it to a pig,  
And though it hurts you'll laugh,  
And dance a flankless jig,  
But that's the way it goes,  
In war you're shat upon!  
Though we die,  
La resistance lives on!  
Lives on!_

"Alright team, the plan is set." I nodded with a grin, we might just be able to pull this off.

* * *

That night

The door swung open and a guard unlocked the cages, dropping a troff of food down on the floor and a large drum of water for us to drink.

"Eat now." He grunted. I flashed a quick nod at Spitfire and Cranky.

"Pardon me, good gentleman..." I spoke to the guard. "See, this doesn't look like it's gluten free, just wondering if you could fetch me something that was, I'll make it worth your while." I flashed him some coupons that I'm pretty sure were expired. He swiped the coupons and grunted once more.

"No 'scaping." He grunted as he left.

"When their as dumb as that I almost feel bad, okay Spitfire, get this ass over the wall." I nodded.

"I resent that!" Cranky said as she flew him off.

"Okay team, let's get ready." I said, we all carefully made our way to the vantage points that I laid out, Shining's team one area, Igneous's another, and Daring's team took to the sky and hid in the clouds. I took my team, Silver, Soarin, Bow, and Big Mac, to our hiding spot in the courtyard, hidden in the various kiosks left over from the Festival. Around fifteen minutes later I could see Spitfire flying back in the distance, I made a motion for her to land where we were and shy swiftly landed.

"Where's Cranky?" I asked.

"With the distraction, they'll be here any second." She said.

"He'd better be, look." I pointed, to see Tempest Shadow walking through the courtyard with her guards leading a caged Twilight to the castle. As the doors closed behind them into the castle, I jumped out of my hiding space and looked over at the various leaders of each battalion.

"Chuck?" Silver asked me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I think I see the distraction." She informed me. "Look." She pointed. Over the wall of the city hopped a large purple sea monster with flowing golden brown hair and a large mustache.

"Yeah, I'd say that's it." I nodded, as the creature snuck it's way towards us, Cranky riding on his back.

"Hello!" The large creature grinned. "I'm Steven Magnet! Your distraction, charmed I'm sure." He bowed.

"You're right on time." I said. "We're gonna sneak in there and set the distraction in place, but I gotta know, if this goes south, you ready to kick some butt?" I asked.

"Oh honey..." He chuckled. "I was born ready."

"Perfect, Ivory, Steven, chorus members with me. Spitfire, you join Daring, Cranky join Igneous, and Silver, Bow, Big Mac, and Soarin follow behind and we split once we're inside." I said. They nodded accordingly. "Alright team, let's move." I nodded.

* * *

Inside

"This is great!" The Storm King laughed. "Dark! Light! Dark! Light!" He was using his newfound magic to raise the sun and moon over and over again.

"Storm King," Tempest began. "my horn?" Before he could response the door bust open and Steven Magnet barged through.

"Hello grand and glorious Storm King!" He waved.

"Ummm... who are you?" He asked.

"I'm sorry, where are my clients manners?" I popped out in a makeshift suit and dark sunglasses. "Hi, Richie Johnson, my friends call me Dick, I'm Steven Magnet's agent, the fella's a big star, haven't you heard of him?" I asked.

"Uhh..." He was confused.

"Chuck?" Twilight asked quietly.

"We just thought we'd swing by and congratulate you on your complete rulership of Equestria with some entertainment for you and the troops, hope you don't mind." I said speaking like a true Hollywood fast talker.

"Well, I guess..." He shrugged.

"But, my horn..." Tempest began.

"That can wait!" He turned to her. "Yeah, go ahead, entertain me, Tempest, gather the troops."

"But sir..." She began.

"NOW!" He hollered.

"Yes sir..." She nodded, casting a quick glare at me specifically. Once the troops were gathered we pulled down curtains between the troops and where the princesses were and dimmed the lights down.

"Good evening! How are we all doing tonight?" I addressed the audience of warriors who cheered me on. "Tonight, all the way from the rivers of the Everfree Forest, but your hands together, for the one, the only, the fabulous Steven Magnet!" I announced as he made his way up to the stage.

"Hello everybody!" He waved flamboyantly. "Tonight, I've got a little song I wrote about the war..." He began, leading them on. "But we haven't rehearsed."

"Sing it!" The Storm King hollered.

"Oh, I can't." He acted shyly.

"Sing the song!" One of the warriors hollered.

"Well, alright, if you insist I'll sing my song, I believe it goes a little bit like this." He said as a spotlight shined down on Ivory at a piano, who began to play.

 **Steven:** _Bombs are flying  
Ponies are dying_  
 _Fillies are crying_  
 _Politicians are lying, too_  
 _Cancer is killing_  
 _Texaco is spilling_  
 _The whole world's gone to hell_  
 _But how are you?_

 _I'm super_  
 _Thanks for asking_  
 _All things considered_  
 _I couldn't be better I must say  
_ _I'm feeling super  
_ _Nothing bugs me  
_ _Everything is super  
_ _When you're-  
_ _Don't you think I look cute in this hat?_

"Okay, wheel him on." I instructed as Quibble wheeled Cheese onstage in a makeshift wheelchair.

 _I'm so sorry  
_ _Mr. Cripple  
_ _But I just can't feel too bad for you right now!  
_ _Because I'm feeling  
_ _So insanely super  
_ _That even the fact that you can't walk  
_ _Can't bring me down!_

 **Chorus ponies:** _He's super  
_ _Thanks for asking  
_ _All things considered  
_ _He couldn't be better he must say!  
_ **Steven:** _I'm super  
_ _No, nothing bugs me  
_ _Everything is super when you're  
_ _Don't you think I look cute in this hat  
_ _These little pants, this matching tie  
_ _That I got at Merv's  
_ _I'm super!_

 **Chorus ponies:** _In the barracks_ _  
and the trenches as well,  
_ _Big gay Steve says do ask do tell!  
Yes he's super and he's proud to be this way,_  
 _Everything is super when you're...  
Gaaaaaay!  
_

 **All:** _When you're gay!_

The audience cheered loudly as he finished. "Again! Again!" Some warriors cheered.

"Okay, we don't have much time, harnesses set up?" I asked my escorts.

"We're all set!" Silver nodded.

"Great, let's go." I nodded. "Fly them out, I'll escort Big Mac with Princess Luna." I nodded.

"Don't worry Princess, you're in good hooves." Silver smiled at Twilight as they flew off with the princesses. I peeked out to make sure they were still distracted and I nodded at Big Mac, we slowly snuck out with the cart.

"Home free!" I chuckled as we made our way into the hallway.

"I don't think so." A voice said behind us. He stopped in our tracks and turned to see Tempest Shadow.

"Oh..." Big Mac began.

"Dear..." I finished.

"So, thought you could outsmart us hm?" She asked.

"Well, if I'm being honest, yes." I nodded.

"Well, you didn't!" She snarled. "And now I've caught you, and now, I'll have you executed!"

"Executed!?" I gasped. "None of this was my idea!" I said, Big Mac looked at me dryly. "Okay, it was." I nodded. "But, but, if you kill me, you'll... you'll never know where the treasure is!" I said frantically.

"What treasure?" She asked.

"The treasure of... Imawiener."

"I'm-a-wiener?" She asked, Big Mac and I burst out laughing. "Well, you know what they say, leave 'em laughing." She snarled, preparing her horn.

"Pocket sand!" I tossed sand hidden in my packet at her face. "Run!" I said to Big Mac as we began to run.

"Guards! They've taken the princesses!" Tempest hollered entering the throne room.

"WHAT!?" The Storm King hollered angrily. "Get them!" He ordered as they began to all run for the courtyard. Out in the courtyard I let out a loud cry, letting the teams know that it was time. "Attack!" I hollered.

"Alright everypony! Let's do this!" Daring ordered the pegasi as they swooped down from the sky and began to attack the warriors.

"Unicorns! Attack!" Shining hollered.

"Fight with valor and fight with courage." Igneous commanded his troops as all three went in for an attack.

"Where's the princesses?" I asked.

"Got mine to the vantage point!" Bow said.

"Me too!" Soarin' nodded.

"Eeyup!" Big Mac said.

"Where's Silver? She hasn't come back yet!" I said looking around. Meanwhile, Tempest had caught up to Silver and Twilight, desperate to claim at least one victory.

"Don't even think you're going to get away!" Tempest growled, firing at Silver rapidly.

"Silver! Look out!" Twilight warned before one of Tempest's shots pierced her wing.

"Agh!" Silver cried out in pain, now losing balance from her limp wing, crashing down with Twilight's cage, rolling onto the ground hard. Tempest chuckled menacingly as she approached Twilight's cage.

"So much work, for nothing." She grinned, taking the cage with the princess. "I'd commend your work, if the efforts weren't all for such a ridiculous cause." She laughed going back towards the castle.

"I'm... I'm sorry..." Silver said weakly. "I failed you..." Soon I came running, looking for her.

"Silver! Silver?" I called.

"Chuck?" She asked weakly.

"Silver!" I gasped, running up to her.

"Chuck, Chuck I'm sorry, I tried, I really did..." She said weakly.

"No no, don't be sorry, you did your best, your wing..." I gasped. "Oh no... hold on, I'll get help!" I told her running off. As I ran, I was halted by two of the guards.

"I said no 'scaping." One grunted at me.

"I got feelin' he don't really need special food." The other said.

"No kidding." I scoffed. "Alright fellas, I'm just gonna sneak right past you here." I said before they stopped me. "Hey! Come on!" I said.

"You the one who make plan, you bad!" He growled.

"I'm the one who's bad?" I said dryly. "Really?"

"What have we here gentlemen?" Another voice stepped forward. Oh no... "Well well, if it isn't Richie Johnson." The Storm King chuckled. "I'll admit, you did almost have me there with that act, but, sadly for you, you failed." He grinned.

"Nope!" I grinned. "We saved the other princesses, you'll never find them!" I spat.

"You think it matters where they are? No!" He laughed. "That was merely for cosmetic purposes, I can access their magic easily so long as their still immobilized, which they are." He grinned. "And now, for trying to trick me, I hereby command that you be executed." He grinned slyly. "Take this pony to the cliff!" He ordered.

* * *

Canterlot Courtyard

Capper led the mane six (Bar Twilight obviously) and the others up to the castle wall, and was stopped by two guards. "Yeah, I've got a delivery here for a mister "The Storm King", I was given explicit instructions to bring this here cake, to this here castle's throne room..." He began using their plan to sneak in hiding Celaeno's crew and Skystar in the cake to save Twilight and the others, but after looking past the Guards seeing the battle going on, he did a double take. "Well well, looks like the parties already started." He chuckled. "Did all this for nothin' then, now!" He ordered, and the mane six removed their shackles and leaped onto the two guards, ad the others left the cake and charged through the gate.

"What's goin' on here!?" Applejack asked, joining the fight.

"It's a revolution! Viva La Resistance!" Cheese Sandwich informed her.

"We's fighting back against the Storm Lord or whatever!" Sunny Side spoke up. "Order up!" She said before bucking back one of the warriors.

"This is awesome!" Rainbow Dash laughed flying into a group of them, sending them down like bowling pins.

"Rainbow Dash!" Quibble noticed her.

"Quibble! You're okay!" She remarked, embracing him.

"How precious, you were worried about me." He chuckled.

"Well yeah, you're too much of a wuss to last long without me." She grinned. "Speaking of which, who's idea was this?" She asked.

"Why it was Chuck of course, thy hadst the idea and led the revolution!" Igneous remarked, laying into one of the warriors with obvious anger.

"What?" Pinkie asked suddenly.

"Yeah! When they got a hold of Chuck he came up with a plan to save the princesses and fight back!" Bow Hothoof nodded joining Igneous taking the warrior down. "Yeah! Dad power!" He offered a hoof to hoof bump Igneous. Who sighed reluctantly.

"Dad power." He said dryly, bumping his hoof.

"He... he came?" Pinkie asked.

"Sure did." Ivory nodded. "Celestia only know's where he is."

"They've got him!" Silver said, running over. "The Storm King got him, they're taking him to the cliff overlooking the sea, they're gonna execute him!"

"What?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"We've got to help him!" Pinkie said in a worried tone.

"Darling, we've got to help Twilight, go to him." Rarity said to her.

"I'll go with you." Silver said to Pinkie.

"No, I'm doing this alone." She said before running off, hoping she wasn't too late.

"I'll give you a hoof, it's the least I could do." Silver said to the mane six.

"Let's go then!" Applejack said as they ran off to the castle.

"Chuckie? Chuckie?" Pinkie hollered running towards the cliff, until she saw the two guards and the Storm King, laughing at the rig they had set up, I was hanging by my back legs over the ocean on a rope that was gradually burning by a small flame. "Chuckie!" She gasped.

"For attempted treason and trickery, I hereby order you, Chuck Murphy, executed." The Storm King grinned menacingly.

"Don't you dare!" Pinkie hollered angrily, the two guards and the Storm King turned and began to laugh.

"Fellas, look at this!" The Storm King laughed. "What are you gonna do little pony? Cuddle us to death? Pelt us with cupcakes?" He laughed.

"Don't do this!" She pleaded. "Take me." She said.

"What?" I asked. "Pinkie no!"

"Take me, save him and take me." She said sadly. "I... I love him."

"Aww, isn't that sweet." The Storm King awed. "Okay boys, you heard her."

"No!" I hollered as they tied her up and hung her next to me, dangling by her legs.

"There, you've got me." She said. "Now let him go!"

"Yeah, I thought about that... and I just have to say... nah." He shook his head. "Two executions are better than one, now, anyway, I've got some magic to claim, ciao!" He said leaving with his two guards. And there we were, hanging over the sea, mere moments from falling to our deaths.

"Pinkie... I'm so sorry." I said sadly. "I lost sight of what was important, I ignored you when all you wanted was to spend time with me, and... and now look where we are." I sighed.

"This wasn't your fault." She said. "I mean, yeah, you were kinda mean that night, but this, this isn't your fault! You didn't cause this to happen, if anything, look out there." She pointed at the courtyard. "You got them to rally together, you inspired them!" She said. "You did that!" She smiled. "And that, that's the Chuckie I fell in love with." She hugged me before she started to cry.

"Don't cry..." I said.

"We're gonna die!" She wailed. "I was so scared that our fight was gonna be the last time I saw you, and now we're gonna die!"

"Yeah but... that won't be the last time we were together, this will be, we're together again." I smiled slightly.

 **Me:** _Was I dumb or was I blind  
_ _Or did my heart just lose its mind  
_ _Why'd I nearly throw our perfect dream away..._

 **Pinkie:** _Looking back, I'll always know,  
How it hurt to let you go,  
But destiny could see we deserve to have another day..._

 **Us:** _Love led us here,  
Right back to where we belong,  
We followed a star and here we are,  
Now heaven seems so near,  
Love led us here.  
_

 **Me:** _I know that life can take you by surprise,  
And sweep you off of your_ feet,  
 **Pinkie:** _Did this happen to_ us,  
 **Us:** _Or are we just dreaming?_

 **Us:** _Love led us here,  
Right back to where we belong,_  
 _We followed a star and here we are,_  
 _Now heaven seems so near,_  
 _Love led us here..._

 **Me:** _So hold me_ now...  
 **Pinkie:** _And have no fear...  
_ **Us:** _We'll be alright...  
Love led us, here..._

Just then, the rope holding Pinkie snapped and she started to fall. "No!" I cried, grabbing onto her legs, keeping her from falling. She panted, caching her breath after her near death experience.

"There is no way that if we're going to die, we're not dying together." I said. Below us, a boat made it's way along the coast.

"That away men! Hard starboard!" Celaeno ordered.

"That left or right?" Boyle asked.

"Just go under them!" Celaeno hollered.

"You got it boss." Boyle nodded steering the ship. I looked down, seeing the ship.

"What?" I asked, suddenly, the rope snapped. "Uh oh." My eyes widened. "AAAAAAUUUGHHH!" I cried out as we fell. We fell faster, I now noticed that instead of drowning, we were about to land on that boat, so instead of drowning, I would die on impact landing on hard wood, perfect.

"Get the net!" Celaeno ordered. "Three... two..." -SPLASH-. A slight miscalculation sent Pinkie and I into the ocean just ten feet from the ship.

"Opps." Mullet said. "Get the life raft!" He yelled before they tossed a raft into the sea, Pinkie and I slowly swam up to the surface and climbed into the raft, coughing and spitting out sea water. "Captain Celaeno!" Pinkie smiled up at her.

"Glad we could be of service." Celaeno nodded as they hoisted the raft up onto the boat. "And you..." She pointed at me. "You must be Chuck."

"That I am." I nodded. "You know about me huh?"

"We sure do, we heard you nearly broke our poor Pinkie's heart." Lix Spittle crossed her arms.

"Oh... I... about that..." I began.

"It's okay!" Pinkie stepped in front of me. "I forgave him." She smiled.

"Just don't let it happen again, pony boy." Boyle held his craw up against me.

"I won't!" I shook my head frantically.

"Alright scurvy dogs, we've got a battle to get back to!" Celaeno ordered.

* * *

Castle Throne Room

"The staff belongs to me!" The Storm King growled crawling out from the rubble, seeing Twilight and the others making their way for the staff lodged in the broken window. "No! That's my staff!" He hollered, leaping for it. Just then, the rope they were tied to gave out and Twilight was sent flying into the staff, grabbing for it as she and the Storm King were sucked away by the terrible storm.

"Twilight! No!" Pinkie cried as we ran into the throne room, witnessing what had just happened.

"We're... we're too late..." I said, hanging my head in sadness, when suddenly, the storm began to die down. We all looked out into the eye of the storm, in hopes that maybe she was okay, a tear rolled down Pinkie's face as she began to cry, I wrapped my hoof around her in a supporting manner, when suddenly a bright light began to shine, we all looked up to see what happened. And there she was, fluttering over us holding the staff, descending onto the balcony. We cheered happily running up to her as she landed.

"Group hug!" Pinkie smiled wrapping her hooves around her, soon we all joined in. Tempest watched us, as she had witnessed the entire incident, now hanging her head in sadness, not that they were defeated, but that Twilight had the one thing that she had been longing for deep down inside all this time, friendship. But suddenly, she noticed something, The Storm King was back! Climbing up the balcony with a growl. Prepared to toss a sphere that would turn Twilight to stone.

"No!" Tempest hollered running toward them, leaping into the fire of the sphere. The fumes given off by the proximity turned both her and the Storm King to stone, as they both plunged off of the balcony. The stone solid Storm King shattering like a porcelain doll on impact. But not Tempest, Twilight had prevented her fate being the same with the magic of the staff, saving her life and setting her down gently on the balcony.

"Whoa." Rainbow Dash remarked. "I can't believe she did that!"

"I can." Twilight nodded before firing the staff at Tempest, reversing the effects of the stone, Tempest gasped for air momentarily before regaining her composure. Looking at us in sadness.

"Now what?" Fluttershy asked as we all exchanged looks, stopping at Twilight who looked with kindness upon Tempest.

"Now... we fix everything." Tempest said approaching us. They put the staff back where it belonged, releasing the magic and freeing the princesses from the spell.

"Twilight!" Princess Celestia smiled as they flew in from the balcony.

"Princesses!" Twilight smiled approaching them and embracing her mentor as all the destruction around them was reversed and repairing itself. Bright, vibrant colors flooding the room and flooding throughout the city of Canterlot.

That evening, with the celebration back on, Spike stood onstage introducing the musical talent of Songbird Serenade. Many cheered for her as she began to sing, I stood happily alongside Pinkie and the others with my hoof wrapped around her shoulder. Rainbow Dash stood alongside Quibble, Silver had joined us with her now bandaged wing, Cheese and Ivory stood beside us with Sunny Side, we are all together again.

"And now to celebrate the fact that we're all still here in one piece..." Songbird began. "Give it up, for Princess Twilight and her friends!" She announced as a light shone on us and many cheered for us as we went onto the stage with the Princesses.

"Twilight, for embarking on your brave journey and restoring harmony to Equestria, we cannot thank you enough." Princess Celestia bowed.

"Thank you Princess." She smiled as a medal was placed around the necks of her and the mane six.

"And to you, Chuck..." Celestia began, I arched my eyebrow for a moment.

"Pardon?" I asked.

"For bravery under pressure and giving hundreds of ponies a chance at survival under oppression, we commend you." She bowed as Princess Luna placed a golden medal around my neck with an engraving of my name and cutie mark on it.

"Thank you Princesses." I bowed slightly reading the medal. "For Chuck Murray?" My last name, wrong again. "Better than nothing." I chuckled.

 **Me:** _Everything worked out,  
What a happy end!  
We're all free to celebrate friendship again...  
So let's all join hooves and knock oppression_ _down!_  
 **All:** _Good Lordy I'm found!  
_ **Mane six:** _Don'tcha know the story here is now complete,  
Cause friendship and magic is_ _sweet..._  
 **Pinkie:** _Super sweet!  
_ **All:** _So glad we live in this quiet, little,  
Old timey, Old fashioned,_  
 _monarchist, springwater,  
greenhorn, one-horse,_  
 _friendly, four hooved,  
sing alonging,  
good timey,_  
 _chainmail,  
cart drivin',fun having,  
hayseed, caring,_  
 _neat 'n tidy,  
out-of-date, out-of-touch,  
party throwing,  
Awesome!  
Mount-Taaaiiin Town!_

"After party at Chuck's Tavern in Ponyville and the drinks are on the house!" I announced to the crowd.

"I love you..." Pinkie smiled at me.

"I love you too, Cutie Pie." I smiled, yep, everything was going to be okay.

* * *

 _What a chapter huh? That was nuts! Had a great time on this one and thank you to clef jumper for letting me use her OC Silver Stream in this one! I highly recommend her works, she has some amazing stories! Will movie characters be appearing in ENC from now on? We'll just have to see!_

 _Songs used_

 _"Mountain Town" by: Trey Parker and Marc Shaiman  
"What Would Brian Boitano Do?" by: Trey Parker and Marc Shaiman  
"La Resistance (Medley)" by: Trey Parker and Marc Shaiman  
"I'm Super (Thanks For Asking)" by: Trey Parker and Marc Shaiman  
"Love Led Us Here" by: Barry Mann and Cynthia Weil  
"Mountain Town Reprise" by: Trey Parker and Marc Shaiman_


	36. Chapter 36: Pinkie Pienstein

**Author's note:** Real life inspired this chapter, so if it sucks, blame my life. Also, this chapter will be from the point of view of Pinkie Pie.

* * *

Chapter 36: Pinkie Pienstein

Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! I have a feeling we're gonna be the best of friends reader! Ooh! Wanna hear a story? I've got a good one! Hmm... it all happened not too long ago, I remember it like it was yesterday! Oh! That's because it was! Whoopsie! Anyway, it all began yesterday morning... I was just bouncing along, humming happily to visit my coltfriend Chuckie at his bar since I know how much he really really _really_ doesn't like morning shifts and I know visiting him cheers him up! So this is where the story begins, like a lot of these stories do. I burst through the door and called his name.

" _Good morning Chuckie!_ " I sang out to him, but when I opened my eyes he wasn't there, I looked at the bar and saw Cheese Sandwich behind the bar.

"Hiya Pinkie!" He smiled. "Lookin' for Chuck huh? He's in his office." He pointed.

"Okie Dokie!" I smiled. "You mind making me up a root beer float for when I come out?" I asked him.

"Sure!" He nodded.

"Thanks!" I said as I knocked on the door.

"C'mon in." He said, he sounded a little cranky, but that was just because he doesn't like those morning shifts, have I mentioned he doesn't like those morning shifts?

"Hi Chuckie!" I smiled happily as I opened the door. "Whatcha doing?"

"Just doing some paperwork." He said looking back down at the various sheets of paper on his desk.

"Cool!" I said sitting down at the seat across the desk. "What's it for?" I asked.

"Well, this is some addition and multiplication for costs and purchases, I've got receipts over here, then here is a doodle I've been working on." He pointed at the different piles.

"What's the doodle?" I asked. He showed me a sketch that was him and I in viking pony-like outfits, we were both quite muscular and he had a great big ax on his back. "Cool!" I said.

"I call it He-Stallion and Teekie Pie." He explained. "I got bored."

"Maybe it'll be a little less boring if I help you out!" I suggested. He looked down at the paperwork then back at me.

"Can't see the harm." He said. We had a pretty good system set up, I'd do the math and he'd check the receipts, we had this going for a good thirty minutes! Until one moment he stopped.

"Umm..." He looked at the papers. "What's this?" He pointed at a figure on the paper.

"Oh that!" I said. "That's what I call pinkie-four! It's a number I put in when I'm not quite sure what goes there!" I explained.

"You've been making up a number for these figures?" He asked slowly.

"Well, yeah!" I nodded. "I mean really, what multiplies by fourteen to get three hundred sixty-four?" I laughed.

"Twenty-six." He said dryly.

"Oh... oh yeah, _that._ " I laughed. "Kinda forgot about that one." I chuckled nervously.

"Did you also forget about thirty nine? Because I know for a fact that thirteen and twenty-six equals thirty nine, not pinkie four." He said.

"Yeah, well..." I began. "You'll see that this number _isn't_ pinkie-four, it's pie-five!"

"Regardless." He said. "Look, I'm gonna fix these up, I'll catch up with you later, okay?" He asked with a small smile. I could tell it wasn't sincere, he was hiding something.

"Yeah, sure." I nodded a little, I could tell he didn't want me around at the moment, which never happened, he always wants me around! Something must be wrong, he seemed happy to see me when I came in! It was weird... I went back out to the main room, Cheese had my float ready, Rainbow Dash and Quibble were sitting there now too.

"Here's your float! Just the way you like it, _two_ scoops!" He said.

"Thanks." I sighed sitting down at my usual stool, sipping through the straw of the drink.

"Something got you down Pinkie Pie?" Rainbow Dash asked. "You seem a little less super duper excited."

"I'm fine..." I said. "Spoon please." I said to Cheese before he gave me a spoon, as soon as he did I swallowed back the ice-cream. "Delish." I sighed once more.

"Come on. Somethings clearly wrong." Quibble said.

"Yeah, what's the matter?" Rainbow asked. I looked down at the empty glass once more.

"I think Chuckie's mad at me." I sighed.

"What happened?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Well... I was helping with his papers and I wasn't great with the math so I made up a couple of numbers and apparently you can't do that with important paperwork and now I'm out here, and he's... in there." I explained looking down.

"Well now wonder he's mad!" Quibble spoke up. "That's not something you just absent mindedly mess around with."

"I wan't just messing around!" I said. "It's just, all those numbers, they get confusing!"

"Yeah, but still. It's no wonder he's mad." Quibble said.

"There's no proof that he's mad." Rainbow Dash spoke up.

"Well, he was making his "I'm kinda mad but to spare your feelings I'll put on a smile" face." I said. "You know the one." They all nodded in unison.

"Ohh..." Rainbow Dash said. "Have you tried talking to him?"

"He doesn't really wanna see me." I said sadly. "I dunno... maybe I should leave for a while." I got up. "See ya later everypony." I waved as I headed out the door. I decided to go talk to Applejack, besides, she's always good to talk to, and she understands me! After all, we might be related! So when I got there, I told her about my little dilemma, hoping she'd offer some advice.

"He's mad at you for messin' up his worksheets?" Applejack asked before bucking the apples down from a tree.

"Well, I mean, I think he is." I said.

"And, did you?" Applejack asked.

"Well... yeah." I admitted. "I didn't mean to though!"

"Regardless, if they were important I can honestly justify him bein' a little upset." Applejack said. "Look, I'm by no means the best with numbers myself Sugarcube, in fact Big Mac is actually the numbers pony in the family. But I don't let that get me down, like I'm sure that Chuck doesn't care that you might not be great at addin' and such, I mean, sure, maybe sometimes I wish I had a bigger head for numbers, but it's not like there's some magic spell or something that does that."

"A magic spell huh?" I asked. "Hey! That gives me an idea! Thanks Applejack!" I gave her a quick hug before running off.

"The magic spell gave her an idea?" Applejack asked. "Oh no..."

* * *

Castle of Friendship

"This has bad idea written all over it Pinkie Pie." Starlight shook her head when I told Twilight and her my idea.

"Aww come on!" I pleaded. "What's the harm?"

"What's the harm is that those type of spells are extremely experimental, any sort of enhancement whether physical or mental is possible, but if something were to go wrong the research isn't there for a possible reversal!" Twilight explained.

"But I don't want a reversal! I wanna be smarter!" I said. Twilight walked over to me and put a comforting hoof on my shoulder.

"We all have our strengths and weaknesses Pinkie Pie, you have so many amazing things about you already, who cares if you don't happen to be a numbers pony?" She said, trying to comfort me.

"I don't know..." I replied. "What if Chuck cares? What if this accident made him think that I'm not all that special? What if I don't mean as much to him anymore because of this? He could leave me tomorrow because of it!" I explained.

"That really doesn't seem like him." Starlight brought up.

"That does seem a little far fetched." Twilight nodded.

"But what if?" I asked, trying my best puppy dog eyes on Twilight. She just hook her head.

"No! I'm not doing this, Pinkie you're my friend, I wouldn't want to risk doing some sort of irreversible damage to you." She said, leaving the room, Starlight followed her out, leaving me alone, kinda soon like Chuck would be doing to me too.

"Damage shmamage, since when has getting smarter been considered damage?" I sulked, sitting down in my chair at the Cutie Map.

"You've got a point there." A voice I recognized said from behind me.

"Trixie?" I turned to see her making herself visible.

"Couldn't help over hearing what you were talking about, trouble in paradise huh?" She asked, leaning against the map.

"I guess you could say that." I pouted.

"You're looking for a spell to make you smarter huh?" She asked.

"Yeah." I nodded sadly.

"Twilight's not doing it huh?" She asked.

"You were here, you _do_ know this." I said, being around Chuck has made me a bit more sarcastic I'll admit... tee hee!

"Now now, no need to be rude." She said. "I'm trying to help you! I'm willing to do what Twilight isn't." She grinned.

"You are!?" I jumped up happily.

"Sure am, what are friends for after all?" She asked.

"Awesome!" I hugged her tightly, suddenly, another voice called out to me and I released her.

"You're _really_ going through with this?" The voice said, it was a little me! She had a pretty white gown on and had a glowing ring thingy over her head.

"Well yeah! Of course I am!" I replied.

"Even after what Twilight said? This might not be a great idea..." She replied.

"Aw quit your worrying, you big sissy." Another little voice said, this one was another little me with red horns and a pointy stick. "Sounds like you need to get smarter too since you're so worried about this obviously amazing idea."

"Good point..." I nodded at little horned me's point.

"You're siding with her? You've gotta be kidding!" Little ringy thingy me whined.

"She's got a point!" I said. "And I thought we weren't using this joke anymore."

"Uh... who are you talking to?" Trixie asked, making the two little me's disappear.

"Nopony!" I said quickly. "So, we gonna do this?" I asked.

"Mhm." She nodded. "Let's see, the right spell should be here somewhere..." She flipped through a big book of spells. "Aha! Here it is! 'Left-Brain and Book-Smarts Enhancement'." She read.

"Wait a second... I just wanted to be a little better at math..." I said.

"You will be!" She said. "Along with a lot of other stuff, now close your eyes and stand still." She ordered.

"Okay!" I shut my eyes tightly and stood still as she began the spell.

 _"Mind over matter, brain over brawn,_

 _May knowledge flood your mind and all silly thoughts begone!"_ She read the spell aloud and fired magic at me.

"Uh... what?" I asked about the last part, suddenly the beam hit me. A big _ZAP!_ with a little bit of _ZING!_ and kind of a _KAPOW!_ went through my body. Suddenly, my whole mid went blank and empty, but then it filled up again! A lot! Like, way more than before! My brain was like a big ol' water balloon almost stretched to capacity! As soon as the spell had finished, I collapsed to the floor. A few moments later my eyes opened up.

"Oh thank Celestia! I thought that I had killed you, surely that would be a first mishap for the great and powerful Trixie." Trixie said as I stood to my hooves.

"What happened?" I asked, I had forgotten what had just happened, including the spell.

"Uhh... nothing!." She said. "I must be off! The great, and powerful Trixie, away!" She said as she fled.

"Odd." I remarked. "Oh well..." I sighed as I left the castle. I walked through Ponyville seeing a million faces I recognized as friends, but something felt different.

"Hi Pinkie Pie!" A little filly ran up to me.

"Oh, hi Minty." I waved at her.

"Guess what, my birthday's coming up and I'm so excited!" She grinned happily, I looked down at her and cocked my head a little.

"Congratulations?" I shrugged as I continued my walk, leaving Minty behind.

"Huh?" She asked as I kept strolling. Eventually I came to a place I recognized, my coltfriend Chuck's tavern. I sighed, remembering my anxieties from before and went inside.

"Well well, look who's back!" Rainbow Dash smield at me.

"Hey." I said flatly as I sat down.

"Feeling any better?" She asked.

"Sure, I guess." I shrugged. "I don't feel upset anymore."

"Great." Quibble said dryly. "So anyway, where was I? I was looking at the promotional poster for this new flic with Dwayne Coltson in it, the one with the Skyscraper? And the picture is completely unrealistic, the way he's positioned from where he's jumped from the beam and the window in the Skyscraper is nowhere near lined up right, the-" I suddenly cut him off.

"The physics are impossible, there is no possible way that he could make it no matter what method of leaping from the beam that would make a successful landing. Now maybe if he were to run and jump he might make it, but even then it's unlikely." I explained, everypony at the bar looked at me with wide, confused eyes. "What?" I asked.

"You uhh... took the words out of my mouth!" Quibble nodded nervously.

"Yeah..." Rainbow Dash nodded. "Are you okay?"

"Yes?" I nodded suspiciously. "Is Chuck around?" I asked.

"Sure is! He's still in his office." Cheese nodded.

"Okay, thanks." I got up and went into his office. He looked up from his work and smiled a little.

"Cutie Pie! How are you?" He asked.

"Alright." I nodded sitting down.

"Just about done with these figures, then what do you say we go to lunch?" He offered.

"Sure, I could eat." I shrugged a little. "Oh by the way, that one's wrong, it should be forty-three, not fifty-three, though that could have been a simple reading error on your part." I looked at his sheets.

"Um... yeah." He corrected it. "Thanks."

"Not a problem." I said. As I looked around, my eyes twitched slightly. "Couldn't help but notice your calendar's still on last month." I remarked looking around his office.

"Oh, yeah that." He said.

"Can I fix it?" I asked. He looked at me with a confused expression.

"I guess." He shrugged. "Are you sure everything's fine? You're not acting like yourself."

"How do you figure?" I asked changing the calendar.

"I don't know, a little higher strung than normal, a little more monotone vocal wise, and I couldn't help but notice you're doing something different with your mane." He pointed out.

"I am?" I asked.

"Yeah, looks a little straighter than before." He showed me a mirror, he was right, my mane wasn't as big and puffy as before! It was starting to be more wavy rather than puffy.

"Oh, guess I am, I don't know, I kind of like it like this." I explained.

"Uh huh..." He was starting to get confused. "Well, looks like we're about done here, what do you say we head out for lunch?"

"I did just tell you that I wanted to go." I replied, he gave me yet another strange look before we went off to go and eat. "So where are we going?" I asked.

"I thought we'd go to Sunny Side's." He said.

"That works." I said with no enthusiasm whatsoever.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Chuck asked.

"Yeah." I said with the same monotone expression.

"Alright..." He replied. When we got they we were greeted with our usual welcome from Sunny.

"Pinkie! Still lugging that thing around huh?" She quipped.

"If that thing is Chuck, then yes." I replied sitting down.

"What's with Pinkie?" Sunny Side asked Chuck behind a menu.

"I'm not quite sure." Chuck shrugged. "After a little accident she left, when she came back she started acting all different."

"Perhaps I can help with this." A voice Chuck recognized said then said.

"This should be good..." Chuck muttered as the entity, TD appeared.

"Well, ain't this a lovely predicament!" TD said jokingly as he appeared from out of a wall. "The good ol' bartender's marefriend has placed a spell upon herself and it is not gonna end well." He then said in a sing-song fashion, "When will they ever learn? When will they ever learn?"

"What do you mean a spell?" Chuck asked.

"Oh, didn't she tell you?" TD asked in mock surprise. "I guess not. Perhaps she has amnesia, or maybe she's too scared to tell you. Either way, it's not too surprising to me." TD floated in midair as if it was a perfectly natural thing to once, his sunglasses were on his face, so it looked like he was sunbathing.

"Is this true?" Chuck asked me.

"I suppose that's the case." I said. "Though I can't say I quite recall."

"And you're just telling me now?" Chuck asked TD. "You couldn't have told me, oh I don't know, when it happened?"

"What can I say? I can't be in two places at once. Not without doing a spell, but it's usually more hassle than it's worth. But anyways, back to Pinkie Pie. Long story short, she made a deal with Trixie, Trixie cast a spell on her, and now if I'm not mistaken it's starting to go south...AGAIN!" The area suddenly got noticeably darker and TD removed his sunglasses, allowing his eyes to glow. He seemed to be mad as he continued. "Some idea _that_ was! Seriously, making a deal with Trixie concerning spells?! You might as well have made a deal with the Devil!"

"Unbelievable..." Chuck sighed. "This is great, look, Sunny Side, here's a tip for your trouble." He slid some bits across the counter.

"Where are we going?" I asked as Chuck led me out.

"We've got some ponies to talk to." He replied.

"Ooh! A trip down Mulberry Street!" TD remarked. "Maybe we'll see that plain horse and wagon mentioned by Dr. Seuss? On second thought, in this world, that's a really bad idea."

"You like this all the time?" Sunny Side asked him as it was just them in the diner now.

"Yeah, pretty much," TD said as he sat in a chair. He then realized that it was still dark inside. "Uh...do you want me to return the lighting to normal, or are you good?"

"Yeah, return it to normal." Sunny said before muttering a few choice words under her breath.

TD's horn glowed and the interior lighting returned to normal, causing his eyes to stop glowing and look a little less intimidating. He then chuckled a bit.

"I find it very humorous that they manage to get into trouble like this," he said to Sunny. "You'd think that it would stop by now, but noooo! They just never learn, do they?" He chuckled again. "I could easily help them out with this, as well as many things, and that makes it even more humorous to me."

"That we agree on. This stuff is a scream to watch." Sunny snorted.

* * *

Doctor's Office

"Mmhmm..." The doctor looked at an x-ray he took of my mind and compared it to an old one. "Yep, looks like a complete reversal!" He showed Chuck and I the scans. "You'll see that before, Pinkie, you were ninety-eight percent right brained with a two percent left brain." He pointed to on large half of my brain on the right, then a small part on the left. "The two percent left just about enough for basic thought and logic, whereas the rest was one big party. But now you'll see that the left side has enhanced by many multiples of itself, leaving just enough right brain to smile a little or frown a little to show emotion."

"That makes sense." I nodded.

"Why did you do this?" Chuck asked me.

"I don't know entirely, and that's what bothers me." I replied. "But things leading up to it are gradually coming back to me."

"Well, all we know is who to blame." Chuck said. "I think we'd better have a word with her."

"And you may want to do that fast." The doctor said.

"Why's that?" Chuck asked.

"Because it's not stopping, it's climbing slowly, soon it'll be ninety-nine to one, then eventually one-hundred percent left brain." He explained. "Which isn't a good thing, nopony can survive without at the very least a _little_ balance." I could see a look of concern grow on Chuck's face.

"I... I see." Chuck nodded. "This... this isn't good." He sighed. "Thanks Doc, let's go find Trixie." He said as he took me by the hoof.

"What's the point?" I asked suddenly. "The likelihood of your success in the endeavor is-" He interrupted me.

"Never mind that." He said frustratedely, not with me, I could tell. But at the situation itself. He searched everywhere around Ponyville for Trixie, every shop and cafe until he found her little trailer on the edge of town. "Finally." He muttered before knocking loudly on the door.

"Who is it?" Trixie's voice asked.

"A very _unsatisfied_ pony!" Chuck growled.

"Oh sweet Celestia..." Trixie murmured before opening the door. "Hello Charles! How are you?"

"That's not what Chuck is short for in my case, but that's besides the point." He growled. "A little birdy told me you cast a spell on Pinkie, well, reverse it!" He hollered. This was one of the few times I've ever seen him actually angry.

"Why should I?" Trixie asked. " _She_ wanted me to." He pointed at me. Chuck turned to face me.

"Is this true?" He asked.

"Not that I can recall, but she seems to be telling the truth." I replied.

"Somepony mark the calendar..." Chuck muttered angrily. "Why did you ask her to?" He asked me.

"I don't remember." I said flatly.

"I do, she was upset because you were mad at her and called her stupid, so I made her smarter!" Trixie explained.

"I did not call her stupid!" Chuck growled. "And maybe you made her smarter, but you know what else? You eradicated her emotions and passion, and that's going to keep dying until the lack of balance kills her!" Trixie gulped.

"Did you say... kill her?" She asked.

"Mhm." He narrowed his eyes. "So, you can see my reasoning for wanting you to _**CHANGE HER BACK!**_ " He hollered.

"Touchy touchy!" Trixie remarked at his growing temper.

"Don't start with me you low-rate excuse for birthday party entertainment." He growled. "I need this spell reversed now!"

"Look, even if I wanted to after you hurled insults at me, I can't! That type of enhancement is still experimental with no definite reversal! Nopony knew this would happen." She said.

"This is just great." He sighed. Suddenly I felt a little twitch of magic course through me. My mane fell completely flat and my coat started fading, the only things that still had their original color were my eyes! "Sweet Celestia..." He stammered looking at me with wide, afraid eyes. "Ninety-nine percent..." He wrapped his front legs around me in a hug.

"I want to be sad..." I said. "But I forget how..." I sighed.

"Maybe it's not too late." He said. "Let's go see Zecora, maybe she'll have something!" He smiled, but when we got there...

"My deepest apologies, my friend Chuck, but it seems I can't help you, you're just out of luck." Zecora sighed when Chuck explained out predicament.

"You've gotta have something!" Chuck exclaimed. "Don't you have some type of potion that reverses the spell?"

"If there was something I could do, surely I would have already told you." She replied solemnly. Chuck hung his head and sighed.

"Thanks anyway." He sighed. "Maybe Twilight will have something to help."

"You may try, but I do doubt, this type of magic is not all figured out." Zecora reminded us.

"I've heard that enough today." Chuck muttered as we left.

* * *

Twilight's Castle

"Well isn't this a pretty mess you've gotten yourselves into?" Twilight said snidely to us when we explained what was going on. "Why didn't you listen Pinkie? I told you it was experimental stuff, so you went behind my back and had Trixie do it?" She sighed.

"Don't be that harsh." Chuck spoke up. "Trixie is a sly pony."

"So? Regardless, this is still a big problem! Pinkie is already at ninety-nine percent! She could reach a hundred any second now!" She said.

"Is there anything we could do?" Starlight asked.

"No! I already said that! But nopony listened then, why would anypony bother listening now?" Twilight muttered.

"Don't mind her." Spike said. "She get's like this when she's stressed out."

"There's not much point anymore." I said. "This is my doing and I'm reaping the consequences." Chuck looked at me in a supportive way.

"Pinkie... this isn't your fault, I should have been easier on you." He sighed. I looked into his eyes and managed a slight smile.

"Don't worry." I said. "You'll be okay." He sighed sadly.

"Maybe... but... but I don't care about whether I'll be okay!" He said. "In fact, this, this whole day has just been awful! I act like a jerk which upset you, you were sweet talked by Trixie into the wrong thing, not to mention mister phenomenal cosmic powers didn't even bother to warn me!" He growled angrily at himself. "This is all my fault! If I had just been a little more understanding none of this would ever happen! Why I'm so-" Chuck was cut off by Spike.

"Chuck..." He said as he pointed to me, Chuck turned and looked, the color was fading from my eyes and my eyelids grew heavier.

"No..." Chuck remarked running over to me. "Pinkie... Pinkie, Cutie Pie, speak to me!" He said sadly.

"Chuck..." I said weakly.

"Hon..." He held my head. "Just... just know, I'll always love you, no mater how much of either side of brain you have."

"I... lo.. lov... love you..." Suddenly my coat went completely gray and my eyes shut, all life draining from my mind and body.

"No... no! No!" Chuck cried in sadness, he laid his head down sadly and began to weep. "I... I can't believe this."

"Chuck..." Twilight approached him. "I'm sorry..." She was quite upset too, Spike and Starlight too.

"Don't be..." He sighed. "Just... could you guys... give me a second.. alone?" He asked.

"Yes..." Twilight nodded sadly, leading the others out of the room. Chuck looked sadly down at me and sniffed a little.

 **Chuck:** _'Cause I love... to make you smile, smile... smile..._ _Yes I do,  
It fills my heart with such an all the while... yes it does,  
Cause all I really need's a smile, smile, smile...  
From these happy friends of mine..._

He sniffed as he laid his head down on my neck, crying softly as a tear rolled down his cheek and onto mine, dripping down my face and onto my hoof. He sighed standing up looking down at me. "I'm gonna miss you..." He sniffed as he began to turn away, suddenly, from where the tear had landed, color gradually began to return! It spread slowly until it covered my whole body again and my eyes opened up, my mane even puffed back up!

"Chuckie?" I asked as I opened my eyes.

"Pinkie!?" He suddenly turned around. "You're... you're..."

"I'm back!" I jumped up and hugged him tightly, he hugged me back, surprisingly just as tight! He suddenly began to sniffle up again. "Chuckie... it's okay!" I smiled warmly. He pulled back and looked into my eyes.

"I'm so, so, _so_ sorry about earlier." He said. "I didn't mean to upset you."

"Chuckie..." I said warmly. "It was my fault... I thought that after that you'd feel different about me and you wouldn't want me anymore..."

"Pinkie, I would never feel that way!" He said. "Do you think I care how good at math you are?" He asked. "I don't care one bit, there are so many other amazing things about you that it hardly matters if you can tell a fraction from the quadratic formula! Pinkie, you do the most important thing ever for me, you make me smile, you make me happy, you make me laugh, those are the qualities I care about, somepony who always greets me with a smile and a warm hug, not an interesting fact or equation. If I cared about that I would have sought after Quibble." He chuckled.

"You two would be _terrible_ together!" I laughed.

"I love you Pinkie, I love you just the way you are." He smiled.

"I love you too Chuckie." I smiled and kissed him gently.

"Really? You believe him but not one of your best friends?" Twilight asked as she came in the room. "I mean come on!" Starlight took Twilight by the hoof.

"Come on, time for a book, don't ruin their moment." She said leading her away. We both looked and chuckled.

"What do you say we go to lunch now?" Chuck asked.

"I'd love that." I smiled as he took me by the hoof and led me out. I suddenly stopped and gasped. "Oh no! I just remembered something!" I bolted off, leaving Chuck in the dust.

* * *

Ponyville

Minty walked through the street hanging her head, still a bit shocked that the happiest and friendliest pony in Ponyville (that's me!) didn't seem to care about her birthday. As she walked, she could vaguely hear me calling her name in the distance.

" _Minnnnntyyyyyyyy!_ " I hollered as I ran up to her and jumped in front of her, stopping her in her tracks.

"Pinkie Pie?" She asked, feeling confused.

"I'm so so so _so_ sorry it seemed like I didn't care about your birthday! I was under a spell and well the whole thing is kinda tough to explain, anyway, you can bet your bottom dollar I've got an absolutely spectacular party planned for you! Happy early birthday!" I wrapped the little filly in a hug and bolted back to Chuck after I released her. Leaving her a bit confused.

"What a day!" She remarked as she kept walking.

* * *

 _That concludes our broadcast day! Hope you had a good time, I didn't expect that last part to get so sad though when I started, whoa._

 _Song used_

 _"The Smile Song" by Daniel Ingram. But if you didn't know that what are you doing on the MLP fanfiction page?_


	37. Chapter 37: A Trip Down Memory Lane

**Author's note:** Day of love, and you're on a fan fiction site. But hey, no shame in that, it's the day of love and I'm writing on a fan fiction site!

* * *

Chapter 37: A Trip Down Memory Lane

"You ready?" I asked Pinkie as I hung up my apron, I had agreed I'd do the morning shift for Hearts and Hooves Day and that's it, Cheese had been kind enough to take over for me for the rest of the day. I was taking Pinkie out on a romantic evening, though it started halfway through the day. So more of a romantic afternoon and evening.

"Sure am!" She nodded with a grin. "Where are we going?" She asked.

"It's a surprise, but it rhymes with "Shmomantic tour all around every spot we've had a romantic moment around Equestria." I said.

"Hmmm..." She thought for a moment. "Is it romantic tour all around every spot we've had a romantic moment around Equestria?" She asked.

"We have a winner!" I nodded. "I'd say it's about time we went to out first sight, most are in chronological order, all except one." I explained leading her out the door.

"Where to first?" She asked.

"I have a feeling you know this place pretty well." I explained. "After all... you do live there." I said as we walked into Sugarcube Corner. "Welcome to our first spot on the tour." Hanging up was the same banner that was hanging at the welcome party Pinkie threw for me when I first arrived. "Welcome to the party, have a cupcake." I offered her one.

"Mmm thanks!" She smiled taking a big bite out of the cupcake.

"The historical significance of these grounds is that this is where the welcome party that you threw me upon my arrival was held." I explained. "I assume of course you remember."

"Of course I do! I was standing over there, you talked to Applejack over there... I remember like it was yesterday!" She nodded.

"Yeah, I mean, there wasn't really all that much to say about those times." I admitted.

"You've got a point, it almost seems like thinks really picked up for us when we confessed our feelings, everything before was kinda... eh." She shrugged.

"Couldn't agree more, but regardless there are still memorable moments, like our next stop." I said leading her out. "I'm sure you remember it." I led her out.

"Where to this time?" She asked.

"You'll see." I said. "Next up, Ponyville Pond."

"Ooh! That's where we had our little picnic!" She smiled.

"Sure is." I nodded. "Oh! Oh what? What is this?" I remarked when we got there. "A fully packed picnic basket? How'd that get there?" I had placed it there beforehand obviously.

"Ooh!" She grinned. "Wait a second, that's _my_ picnic basket!"

"That's because I packed it and left it for us." I chuckled. "You know, just like our first picnic together."

"I'm already loving this!" She smiled as she hugged me tightly. "I love you Chuckie."

"I love you too." I smiled. "Now let's dig in huh?" I said as we sat down on the blanket. "Oh! But first, here's a little card for you." I pulled a card from the picnic basket and gave it to her. On it was a picture of a train with a smiley face and it read "I choo-choo choose you, happy hearts and hooves day." (Bonus points for whoever gets the reference.)

"You choo-choo choose me?" She asked with a slight giggle.

"Lame pun I know." I admitted. "There's a bit more on the inside." She opened up the card and looked inside.

"I know on every card I've given you so far it's said "happy first insert holiday here together", but that's only because every holiday so far has been the case, I think after this it's just my birthday, but that's besides the point. I wanted to put to words in this card just how much you mean to me. Not that it's at all possible, as I write it now those feelings are becoming outdated as I love you more and more with every breath I take or day that passes. I love you so very much, and always will. Happy first Hearts and Hooves Day together Cutie Pie, love Chuckie." The card read. She looked at me with a big wide smile and watery eyes.

"Chuckie..." She awwed.

"I love you." I smiled hugging her.

"I love you too." She hugged me tightly. "I've got a little something for you too, but that's for later." She smiled.

"Can't wait." I grinned. "Wanna continue the tour after lunch?"

"You know I do." She nodded. After lunch I continued our little tour, we stopped again at the tavern, back at the Cakes, then I brought her to the train station. "Chuckie, we aren't actually going anywhere are we?" Pinkie asked.

"Not really, so I brought a little Manehattan to Ponyville." I said. "Alright, move the train please!" I called out. The conductor nodded and the train rolled ahead, revealing a little set up of some sights we visited in Manehattan on our first date there. I had previously been to Manehattan and spoken to the various ponies I needed to speak to, luckily for me they agreed. We approached the kite vendor who gave us both our kites, the same ones we took before, then there was a dinner, we ended up having it boxed though, dinner right after lunch wasn't a terrific idea on my part. "What do you say we continue the tour?" I asked.

"I'm with you!" She nodded.

"Next on the tour, Ponyville Peak." I said.

"Wait, didn't we do stuff that night before this?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah, but Sunny was busy and the other part can wait." I explained.

"Oh, okay!" She smiled as we walked to the peak where we watched the sunrise that night. "So, are we just gonna sit on the bench? Because it's not really time for the sun to rise or set."

"Well, it's not the same I know, but I thought of something." I said. "Okay girls!" I called, as I did, Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash flapped up over the peak carrying a large banner simulating a sunrise.

"You're so cute." Pinkie giggled at the makeshift sunrise.

"I know." I grinned.

"This is all well and good, but can I leave now?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"You're dismissed." I nodded as she flew off, leaving Fluttershy with the banner. "Shall we continue?" I asked.

"Lets go." She smiled. I led her off to the next stop, Maud's cavern. "Why are we here?" She asked. "Ooh! Are we stopping to visit Maud even though it's not part of the tour?"

"Kind of. But it still is a part of it." I explained as we walked through the shimmering cavern. "Maud?" I called out.

"I'm right here." She said monotonously after bungee jumping down in front of us. "I was absolutely ecstatic when Chuck came to me with this idea. I'm grinning from ear to ear."

"Great, where is it?" I asked.

"Right this way." She led us off to something I had prepared earlier, with her help of course. On one cave wall was a large carved mural of Pinkie, her family, and I on the Hearthswarming we spent together. Of course depicting Hearthswarming morning when we all weren't at each other's throat.

"Like it? Been working on it for a while now." I asked her.

"I love it." She smiled warmly giving me a tight hug.

"And I love you." I smiled.

"Such a sweet sentiment, it warms the cockles of my heart." Maud said monotonously.

"What is a cockle anyway?" Pinkie asked.

"A part of your heart." I said. "Probably cold at most points." I shrugged. "On with the tour?"

"Yeah!" Pinkie smiled.

"Thanks Maud!" I called as we left.

"Come back any time." She replied.

"So what's next?" Pinkie asked. "There can't be much more after that."

"Just a couple more stops." I said as we resigned to the tavern once more. "Our next stop was the ballroom dancing, but there's no ball nearby, so this'll have to do." I explained. "Thanks again Ivory for stepping in." I spoke up.

"Not like I was busy today." She muttered as she began to play Frank Sinatra's _The Way You Look Tonight_ on piano.

"What didn't you think of?" Pinkie blushed as we began dancing to the song.

"Nothing, I'll admit, I'm pretty amazing." I grinned.

"Ain't that the truth." She smiled warmly as we kept dancing. As the song stopped I gave her a gentle kiss and smiled.

"And that concludes this portion of the tour." I smiled. "Time for one last stop." I said leading her off, at this point in the day the sun was going down and the day was almost over, I led her through town looking at various couples out and about on walks or dinner-dates and smiled as I led her to the final stop, Twilight's castle. When we arrived, she looked at me feeling rather confused.

"Why are we here?" She asked.

"I thought you might ask that, well, not only is this the location where you pretty much died in my arms, but this holds another memory, and that one doesn't send me into a severe panic attack looking back at it." I chuckled. "Let's go in." I said, inside I led her to the library within the castle, she was still confused as to the significance of this place, I stopped her at the doorway of the room and went and stood by one of the shelves.

"Why here?" She asked.

"One moment." I said adjusting where I was standing and checking my position and angle. "Yep, this ought to be it." I nodded. "This spot marks the first time we ever saw each other." I said. "Arguably my favorite memory, the grandfather of all the other ones." I explained. "In fact, I think I even recall the first time we spoke, I believe it went something like this." I cleared my throat a bit as I began my impersonation. "Twiiiiiiiiilight! Have you seen those balloons I ordered? I haven't seen them any- Hey! Who are you?" I mimicked the first thing she ever said to me. She chuckled and blushed a little.

"Oh yeah? Well I can remember what you said too, and you definitely didn't have much to say." She giggled deepening her voice to mimic me. "I... I... I am uhh." She giggled. "Mr. Frog-in-your-throat."

"You're new! Ooooh how exciting! I can't wait to introduce you to everypony in town! Ooh! And we can have a welcome party tonight! Oooh this is so exciting! Come on come on!" I mimicked taking her by the hoof.

"Are we actually gonna have a party?" She asked excitedly.

"No, that's just the next thing you said." I shook my head.

"Awww." She whined.

"Don't worry, there will be plenty of time for more parties." I smiled.

"There'd better be." She giggled as we left the castle.

"And that officially concludes our tour." I said with a smile as we waked through town. "I hope you enjoyed that little trip down memory lane."

"I did." She smiled warmly.

"I'm glad, happy Hearts and Hooves day." I said.

"Happy Hearts and Hooves day Chuckie." She kissed me on the cheek. "Ooh! Now I can show you your gift!" She smiled happily.

"Oh goody." I grinned as she led me back to Sugarcube Corner. "What could it be?" I asked.

"You'll see!" She grinned. "But first..." She then tied a blindfold around my head.

"Really? I have stairs I need to climb!" I whined.

"I'll help you, you big baby, c'mon!" She led me upstairs, I only fell a couple times. When we finally got to the top step she led me into the main room.

"Can I take this off now?" I asked.

"Not _yet..._ " She said. "Okay, now!" She said as I took the blindfold off. She stood right in front of me with a nicely wrapped package with a card on it. "This is the first part!" She smiled.

"Ooh!" I grinned as I opened the card and read it aloud. "Dear Chuckie, thank you for being the most amazing, greatest, sweetest, most spectacularest..." I stopped for a moment. "I think you're embellishing this a little." I said before I kept going. "Most spectacularest coltfriend in all Equestria, I know you don't really believe it, but you're a really great pony, every day I thank my lucky stars that you fell out of the sky and into my heart. Here's to a million more Hearts and Hooves days together! Love, Pinkie Pie." I finished with a heavy lump in my throat. "Pinkie..." I said almost welling up with tears.

"Don't cry silly!" She smiled. "You haven't opened your gift yet!" She motioned to the package. I opened up the box and it revealed two things, the first thing was still wrapped within the box, the other was a dark gray flat-cap that looked just like the one I used to wear every day back on Earth. I smiled picking it up and setting it on my head.

"I love it!" I smiled. "Fits perfectly."

"Good, your big head is hard to shop for." She giggled.

"Thanks for reminding me about my big head." I said dryly.

"Go on! There's still something else." She pointed at the other part, I took it out and unwrapped it. It looked like a graphic novel, looking closer the ponies on the cover were... Pinkie and I?

"The Adventures of Chuck & Pinkie Pie?" I asked, I flipped through the pages to see a full fledged adventure story with Pinkie and I as the stars. "Cutie Pie, this is amazing! I love it! When did you do this?" I asked.

"I wrote up the story a little while ago, I have a friend in Califoalnia who's a comic strip artist and he agreed to do the illustrations for it!" She explained.

"That is so cool." I smiled as I gave her a hug. "I love you, so much."

"I love you too Chuckie." She smiled. "But that's just part one!" She said.

"Oh?" I asked.

"Yeah! Part two is..." She looked out the window. "Okay, we can start now!" She nodded grabbing a pair of sleeping bags, blankets, and pillows. "Come on! Let's go!" She led me outside.

"What are we doing now?" I asked.

"We're having a night under the stars!" She smiled as she led me back to Ponyville Peak, once we arrived we set up the sleeping ware and laid down beside each other.

"This was a great idea." I smiled.

"I know." She smiled widely. We stayed up for almost half the night just talking and enjoying each other's company watching the stars and the moon float overhead shining down upon us, it was a beautiful moment, I can even admit to that! I held her close as I began to nod off.

"Goodnight Cutie Pie, happy Hearts and Hooves day, I love you." I yawned warmly holding her close to me, feeling her cuddle into my chest.

"Goodnight Chuckie, I love you too." She yawned as she began to sleep. It was a happy Hearts and Hooves day indeed.

* * *

 _Hope you enjoyed the chapter! Sorry that it was kinda short, we'll be back with more soon. Happy Valentine's Day/Hearts and Hooves Day to all!_


	38. Chapter 38: Cakes For a Day

**Author's note:** Thank God I came up with this, I actually had nothing planned until St. Paddy's Day. Here's a classic ENC chapter for you all, no holiday, nothing crazy, just a fun little chapter.

* * *

Chapter 38: Cakes for a day

"So the first thing you wanna do, once you've gathered your ingredients is pour the milk first." I explained to Pinkie as we made breakfast together, I was showing her a method of preparing milk that I had a feeling she'd just might enjoy.

"Pour the milk, got it!" She said as she poured from a carton of milk into two glasses.

"Next up, the maple syrup." I said. "A spoonful in each glass."

"Got it!" She stirred them in.

"Then the chocolate syrup." I said. "A squirt in each glass, then stir."

"Squirt 'n stir!" She repeated.

"And now, assuming you followed the instructions correctly you should have the perfect cup of 'cereal milk'. A product of my own design." I boasted as I took a sip. "Yep, perfect." I grinned. "Go on, try it." She took a mouthful of the drink and smiled.

"Mm! Yummy!" She grinned.

"Sure is, terribly unhealthy though." I added.

"Who cares, this thing is delish!" She said. "You've gotta sell this! We'd be kazillionaires!"

"We'd also give all Equestria diabetes." I chuckled. "Let's keep it our secret, we'll keep it in our family for generations to come."

"Sounds like a plan." She giggled. "Alright, my turn to share a recipe!" She grinned.

"And what would your recipe be?" I asked.

"I'm gonna show you the most amazing, delicious, outta this world pancakes you've ever seen!" She smiled gathering ingredients. "Let's see, chocolate chips, blueberries, raspberries, strawberries, bananas, blackberries, whipping cream, maple syrup, chocolate syrup... then the pancake stuff! Yep! We're all set!" She grinned. "So! First we wanna mix the batter together..." She whipped up the pancake mix into the bowl. "Well aren't you gonna help? Grab some berries!" She grinned as she grabbed a sack of blueberries and I grabbed the raspberries, soon the blueberries, raspberries, blackberries, and chocolate chips were mixed in and the pancakes were cooking, I began whipping the cream and she mixed the strawberries in with the maple syrup. "We have everything ready?" She asked.

"Just have to slice the bananas." I said as I did just that. "Okay! We're ready!"

"Great!" She grinned flipping pancakes up in the air and onto a plate. "Okay! First, whipped cream!" She lathered the whipped cream on. "Then the syrup and strawberries." I nodded and put them on. "Next?"

"Chocolate syrup and bananas!" She said putting them on. "Alright! Looks like we're all set! Ready? First bites always the best!" She smiled.

"First bite on three, ready?" I asked.

"Sure am!" She nodded.

"One, two, three!" We said as we both took our first bite.

"Sweet Aunt Jemima that's amazing!" I remarked.

"I know! I happen to know my way around an amazing breakfast, I tried pitching them to Sunny Side, but she was all " _These are too many calories Pinkie!_ " and " _Somepony had a heart attack eating these!_ " As if! Am I right?" She giggled.

"Precisely." I nodded as I kept eating. "So what's on the agenda for today?" I asked.

"Got a few deliveries, it's cupcake day at Ponyville elementary!" She said. "You?"

"Nothing really." I shook my head. "Today's my day off, Quibble's running the tavern today, I'm sure when I come in tomorrow it'll be a comic book store."

"We'll see!" She giggled. Suddenly, the door to the loft opened and Mr. Cake came rushing in.

"Hiya Mr. Cake! We were just eating breakfast, y'hungry?" Pinkie asked him.

"No time, sorry Pinkie." He said. "I was just coming on to tell you we have to head out for the day. Apparently Mrs. Cake's great aunt wound up in the hospital after a nasty spill at the old pony's home in Baltimare. We're just going up to check in, we'll be back tomorrow morning and I needed to know if I could ask you two something."

"Anything." I said. "Whaddya need?"

"Could you two run the bakery while we're gone?" He asked. "Pinkie, I'll pay you extra and I'll throw in something for you too Chuck." Pinkie and I exchanged looks.

"Well Chuckie, now you have something planned for the day!" Pinkie giggled. "We'll gladly help out!"

"Sounds good to me." I nodded.

"Oh thank Celestia." Mr. Cake breathed a sigh of relief. "Anyway, I've gotta go, thanks again you too!" He rushed out the door.

"You're welcome!" Pinkie called. "Well Chuckie, ready to get baking?"

"I haven't done that in a while, gave it up when it affected my grades. Oh, you mean in the kitchen, yeah, lets do it." I chuckled as we headed downstairs. "So, what do we do first?"

"I dunno! I'm normally the one who does the deliveries, but as you know I am a confectionery genius, we'll figure it out." Pinkie shrugged.

"The only area being a genius matters." I nodded.

"How is it you always know the perfect thing to say?" She asked as she kissed me on the cheek.

"I used to be a writer, I know what sounds good." I replied.

"You did?" She asked.

"Sure, I wrote plays, mostly comedies." I explained. "Comedies with a hint of romance."

"What don't you do?" She asked.

"Long vigorous bouts of physical activity." I replied. "And when I do it nearly kills me." She giggled at that.

"Lazy pants." She giggled.

"I won't disagree to that." I chuckled. "Wait, what about the Cupcake day thing at Ponyville Elementary?" I asked.

"Oh yeah! That's what we have to do first!" She remembered. "Okay! So we're gonna need to upscale this recipe for all the foals."

"Any allergies to dairy or gluten?" I asked.

"Nope!" She shook her head.

"That makes things easier." I nodded as I began to whip up batter. "So I'll handle the batter and putting them in the tins, you handle the frosting?"

"Sounds good!" She smiled. We worked together and soon we had a good quantity of cupcakes ready, I had decided to join Pinkie in the frosting and packaging.

"How many do we have so far?" I asked.

"Cupcakes a plenty!" Pinkie said. "And one handsome hunk of a sweet bun."

"Please, if anything I'm a pitiful lemon tart." I chuckled.

"But I like lemon tarts!" Pinkie said. "And blueberry tarts, cream cheese tarts, cream tarts, apple tarts, chocolate mousse tarts..."

"I get it." I said. "Well, I'm glad whatever pastry I am that you still love me."

"You know what every good pastry needs though?" She asked.

"What?" I replied.

"A little frosting on top." She giggled as she lathered a spoonful or frosting on my cheek.

"Gee thanks." I said as she giggled before I licked it off. "Sweet, but not the sweetest." I said.

"Yeah, and what is?" She asked.

"A certain beautiful, fun, loving, all around amazing pink mare, you wouldn't happen to know her, would you? Answers to Pinkie Pie?" I flirted.

"I love you." She giggled.

"I love you too Cutie Pie." I said as I kissed her, we held together for a little while, until somepony cleared their throats and startled us. We both turned to see Octavia behind the counter. "Hello! Welcome to Sugarcube Corner! How can we help you?" I asked professionally.

"If you have any bags I can vomit in after watching that you can supply those for me." She said. "Where are Mr. and Mrs. Cake?"

"They're off on some family business, Chuckie and I are running the shop today!" Pinkie said. "So what can we do you for?"

"I require three dozen biscuits for this afternoon." Octavia replied.

"Having a strawberry shortcake party?" Pinkie asked.

"Heavens no." Octavia replied.

"Biscuits and cream?" Pinkie asked. Octavia just shook her head. "Well then what for? Tell me you're at least putting butter on them!"

"I require them for a potluck gathering tomorrow in Canterlot for the orchestral guild of Equestria." Octavia explained.

" _Booooriiiiing_." Pinkie hummed quietly to me. I snickered quietly and nodded at Octavia.

"We'll have them to you as soon as their ready." I replied.

"If possible, no sugar please, too much flavor. Thank you." Octavia requested as she left.

"This type of stuff is why I run a bar, no tight-flanks like that." I said to Pinkie as we were now alone again.

" _No sugar please, too much flavor._ " Pinkie mimicked. "There's hardly any sugar in biscuits in the first place!" Pinkie remarked.

"I know right?" I laughed. "Well, the cupcakes are about ready, what do you say I deliver them and you can get a start on the biscuits?"

"Sounds like a plan!" Pinkie nodded. I went out and hooked up the cart as Pinkie piled the boxes onto it. "Need directions?" She asked.

"Are you just looking for an excuse to come with me?" I asked.

"No!" She shook her head. "Yes."

"I knew it." I smirked.

"I can't _help_ it!" She whined. "Biscuits are the most boring pastry ever!" I chuckled and nodded a little.

"C'mon then, I could use the company." I said leading her.

"Yay!" She beamed placing a "back in five minutes" sign on the door. "Let'sgolet'sgolet'sgolet'sgo!" She said excitedly.

"Okay okay." I chuckled. "But we can't do _all_ the deliveries together." I said.

"You're right, I'm making you do the boring biscuits." She giggled.

"Anymore of that and you're sleeping on the couch." I threatened.

"Why would that affect you? We sleep in different rooms." She said.

"Good point." I nodded. "Except that time we both slept on the couch."

"That was a nice night." Pinkie smiled.

"Yeah." I smiled. "We should do it again sometime." I said.

"Oooh we should!" Pinkie smiled widely.

"Alright, enough of this scandalous premarital snuggling talk, we're about to enter a school." I said in a mock serious tone.

"Aww boo." Pinkie fake pouted.

"Boo indeed, and if you don't like it, extra homework for you Ms. Pie." I said, still as serious.

"But Mr..." She stopped. "Mr... uh..."

"It's Murphy." I said.

"But Mr. Murphy..." She fake pouted before she started to giggle, the giggle soon spread to me as we walked up the walkway to the humble schoolhouse.

"Alright, y'ready?" I asked.

"You ask that like I haven't done cupcake day a thousand times before." Pinkie said smugly.

"Considering it's a bi-yearly event I sure hope you haven't done it a _thousand_ times." I replied.

"You know what I meant." She giggled as she knocked on the door. A few seconds later Ms. Cheerilee opened the door and welcomed us in.

"Well hello! I must say it's a surprise to see both of you here, I thought the cakes just had one delivery pony." She said welcoming us inside.

"I needed the exercise." I said with a chuckle as I walked inside.

"Well that's just super." Cheerilee said. "Class, please welcome Pinkie Pie and..." She stopped and looked at me. "I don't believe we've ever actually met."

"My name is Chuck." I replied.

"Pinkie Pie and Chuck for everypony's favorite day!" Cheerilee said.

"Cupcake day!" The class chanted happily.

"That's right!" Cheerilee nodded. "Everypony form a single file line, make sure to say please and thank you!" All the little foals in class got in line and one by one Pinkie and I handed out the cupcakes. Each one were very polite, almost made me rethink how I felt about kids. Just kidding, I love 'em, from a distance. Afterwards miss Cheerliee approached us and thanked us once more. "Thank you very much you two, I know how much they love today."

"They love it almost as much as I do!" Pinkie giggled. "I actually got to make 'em this time!"

" _You_ did?" I asked.

" _We_ made them." Pinkie motioned to the two of us.

"Well that's super." Cheerilee nodded. "Well, thanks again, I'd better go back to teaching."

"And we'd better get back." I nodded.

"By everypony!" Pinkie called out as we left.

"Say, how many minutes did you put on the sign?" I asked.

"Five." She said.

"When did we leave?" I asked.

"Just around..." She looked at the clock tower and gasped. "Eek!" She gasped.

"Hop on." I hooked up the delivery cart. She grinned and jumped onto the delivery cart.

"Hi ho Chuckie, away!" She called out as I began to run, I wasn't a great runner but I could work well under pressure. "Hurry! We're almost there!"

"I know!" I said rushing past various ponies.

"We should do this more often!" Pinkie said as I ran.

"Run late?" I asked.

"If it means I get fast paced rides around town the yes!" She said.

"Maybe we could take turns on who gets the ride?" I panted.

"We'll see!" She answered as we stopped. I panted and wheezed as I trudged up the steps and into the shop.

"You mind shoveling a cup or two of sugar into my mouth? I could use the energy." I panted in the floor.

"I'm coming you big baby." Pinkie giggled and poured a cup of sugar into my mouth. "Need any coffee with that?"

"Juth pouw it in." I said with sugar in my mouth.

"Coming right up." She said pouring coffee into my mouth. I swished it around like mouthwash and swallowed.

"That's better." I got to my hooves. "Now what?"

"Now _you're_ making biscuits!" Pinkie said.

"Aw come on." I whined.

"Nope, somepony has to be behind the counter, and that pony is me." She grinned. "That and you know my stance on biscuits. _Thaaanks_!"

"That and you know my stance on biscuits." I mimicked. "Alright Chuck, let's get baking." I said to myself as I started gathering ingredients for biscuits.

 **Me:** _Starting off with a little flour,_  
 _A pinch of salt in there,_  
 _Mix a little baking powder!_  
 _Gotta cube up that stick of butter._

 _Cause I'm baking biscuits in the kitchen,  
Baking biscuits, and I ain't bitchin'  
Sifting and stirring, all about,  
Making up biscuits, and shippin' 'em out. _

_Pour in a touch of milk,  
Or something of that ilk,  
But remember this, don't be a bugger,  
Tavi wanted us to hold the sugar._

 _Because I'm, baking biscuits, yes I am.  
Baking biscuits... Sam-I-Am,  
Working hard, stirring and beating,  
Cause these biscuits are made for eating! _

_And then I'll-_

"Chuckie." Pinkie popped her head into the kitchen. "Loving the song and all, but Granny Smith did not appreciate that lyric in the first chorus."

"I thought this was a family establishment!" Granny smith wailed.

"Heh... sorry!" I called. "I'll uh... keep the songs family friendly or none at all." I got back to the biscuit baking. "There goes my song about puck biscuits." I muttered. "Hehe. Rhymes with puck." I chuckled, obviously referring to my name, I mean what else, right? Not too long after the biscuits were about halfway through baking more orders started coming in, and I mean a lot. "Okay, a dozen donuts for Spike... have to wait for the fryer to warm up. Lyra's hot cakes... not quite hot enough yet... Sunny Side's peach cobbler, don't know why she couldn't have made that herself. Aaaand there are the biscuits." I said to myself as the timer went off. I carefully removed the pan and packaged them. "Pinkie! The biscuits are done!" I called.

"Go deliver them!" She called back.

"I can't! I've got three other things on the go!" I called back.

"Well who's gonna watch the counter?" Pinkie asked.

"I can pop in and out, besides, you actually _know_ where Octavia lives!" I called.

"You're lucky I think you're the most amazing colt in Equestria, you know?" Pinkie asked as she walked in and took the boxes. "You might want to pop in soon, I just heard the bell ring!" She said as she exited out the back.

"Okay, timers are set." I nodded. "Better see who just came in." I said as I went out to the front. Standing before me was Princess Twilight. "Twilight! Hello! How are you today?" I asked, trying to remain cool under pressure.

"Chuck? What are you doing running Sugarcube Corner?" She asked.

"Cakes are out for the day, Pinkie an' I are taking care of things here." I replied. "What can I do for you?" I asked.

"Well, I was just wondering if I could get a couple cinnamon rolls, they're kind of a favorite of mine." She said.

"Cinnamon rolls! You've got it!" I nodded as I wrote down cinnamon rolls on my hoof with a marker.

"Are you... writing on your hoof?" She asked.

"Yeah!" I replied. "It's just kind of what I do when I've got a lot on my plate, it has been a busy day today!"

"Well... do you and Pinkie need help?" She asked. "I'm sure I could find somepony who could help."

 _'YES! YES!'_ I thought to myself, but another part of me, either my stubbornness or stupidity won out. "Nah, but thanks for the offer." I replied.

"Well... alright then." Twilight nodded. "Just don't push yourself too hard." She said as she left.

 _'Oh, baaavooooo.'_ My mind said sarcastically.

"Quiet down or I'll stab you with another Q-Tip!" I growled up at it.

 _'You're a stubborn little SOB, you know?'_ My brain asked.

"You're the brain of this stubborn little SOB might I remind you." I growled, suddenly a timer went off. "Uh oh! Those must be the donuts!" I ran to the back. "Time to makes the donuts." I chuckled to myself. You've gotta have fun at work, y'know? Before long, even more orders piled up. When Pinkie got back, I was a hair away from madness.

"Chuckie I'm back!" She called.

"Great!" I called back. "Just in time for another... seventeen deliveries." I moaned.

"Seventeen!?" She whined.

"Yep! And then some, those are just the completed orders!" I called back.

"Baking is a whole lot more fun when it's not a job." Pinkie pouted.

"Tell me about it." I groaned. At this point I was drenched in sweat, there was drops of cake batter in my mane, the apron I had on was now being used as a sweat bandanna for my head.

"I don't know if I can take much more of this!" Pinkie moaned flopping down.

"We can do it..." I struggled to say. "Just... seventeen deliveries and... another fifteen currently on the go." I looked around.

"I can't take it anymore! We need help!" She wailed.

"No way, nuh uh, we can do this." I helped her to her hooves. "I have the list of all the ponies who have deliveries..." I looked around. "Somewhere anyway... it's on my hoof." I looked at it.

"Your hoof!?" Pinkie asked.

"Well I don't see you coming up with anything!" I rebuttaled.

"It's a pencil and paper! It's been around for a while!" Pinkie snarled with hostility before suddenly stopping and looking at me with sadness in her eyes. "I'm sorry..." She said.

"It's... it's fine." I said. "Maybe... maybe we could use a hoof or two." I nodded.

"You think so?" She asked dryly.

"Alright. I get it." I replied just as dryly. "How do you put up with how stubborn I can be?" I asked.

"Lots of sugar, that and I spit in your coffee sometimes." She replied.

"I sure hope that last one was a joke." I replied as she went for the door.

"Maybe." She giggled as she closed the door. It wasn't too long before the door swung open and the bell rang.

"Oh God, who could it be now?" I moaned as I trudged out. When I got out, I saw Pinkie standing before me with Sunny Side, Twilight, and Applejack.

"Surprise! I found help!" Pinkie beamed.

"Eesh, that's what I'm here for? I thought my cobbler was done." Sunny Side remarked.

"Chuck, if you needed help, you should have just said so when I asked." Twilight approached me.

"I know, I'm just a bit... stubborn sometimes." I explained.

"I know, but that's what friends are for." Twilight smiled.

"I'm your friend? I always figured we had more of a Chandler and Phoebe 'knew each other but never really had stories together' kind of thing." I said.

"What?" She asked.

"Eh, never mind. The help is always appreciated, come on back." I led the three of them and Pinkie Pie to the back room. Before long we had a good thing going, Pinkie was still at the counter, Sunny Side helped me in the kitchen, well, helped and offered her take on how to make my every move better, and Twilight and Applejack went out on deliveries. The orders went by with the hours, there was a brief stint where I had to do the baking alone because Sunny Side took a cobbler break.

"Want some?" She offered.

"That'd be nice." I admitted.

"Yeah well that's unfortunate." She said taking the last bite.

"I am actually going to come up with a new menu item, I call it Sunny Side Pot Pie." I growled. "Just get back to work."

"Sunny Side Pot Pie, that's not even clever." She snorted as she mix cookie batter. "I woulda said 'Sunny Sliders', or 'Sunny Side Up...' eh that one doesn't work."

"Mhm." I nodded.

"You, on the other hoof, would make a lovely batch of Chuck Parmesan." Sunny said.

"If I could hear less of how you two could be cannibalized that would be super!" Pinkie called.

"You really think I'd pair well with tomato sauce and cheese?" I asked Sunny Side.

"What doesn't?" She asked.

"Good point." I nodded.

"Good news everypony!" Pinkie called out. "It's almost five a'clock! Almost time to close!"

"Hallelujah." I remarked.

"Aw, just when Chuck and I were starting to get friendly." Sunny said.

"Please don't ever say we were "getting friendly"." I said.

"You wish I meant that." She snorted. "Sorry Chuck, I don't swing that way. Well, not for you, anyway."

"If I could not hear whether or not you'd swing for my coltfriend that would also be super!" Pinkie called back.

"I didn't say I would!" Sunny called back.

"Alright Sunny, you're handling the counter, I'm baking with Chuckie." Pinkie said resigning her post and leaving Sunny to take over.

"Thank Celestia, I know you'd never want to cannibalize me, and you already swing for me." I chuckled as Pinkie walked in.

"I just wanted the quality time with you, ever since that rush after the cupcake thing we haven't had any time to just talk." Pinkie explained.

"Glad to know I wasn't the only one who missed it." I said. "After the day is over do you want to maybe catch a bite to eat?" I asked.

"As long as neither of us do the work, I'm all for it!" Pinkie nodded. That evening we went out to Sunny's Diner to eat and soon after resigned for home, I yawned and laid back on the couch, Pinkie joined me, nestling her head against the fur of my chest. "Chuckie?" She asked.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Next time this happens, let's ask for help first thing in the morning." She said.

"Next time this happens _we're_ having the family emergency." I chuckled. She giggled and bopped my muzzle with her hoof.

"Chuckie..." She giggled.

"Maybe not." I smiled. We both just laid there quietly for a while before I let out a long yawn, which Pinkie replied to with a longer one. "Long day?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

"Yeah, but a certain somepony helped me get by." She said.

"Who? Was it Sunny Side?" I asked.

"Nope."

"Twilight?"

"Nuh uh." She shook her head.

"Granny Smith?"

"It was you silly!" She giggled.

"That was my next guess." I snickered. I yawned again. "Wow, am I beat."

"Me too." She yawned.

"Goodnight Cutie Pie, I love you." I closed my eyes.

"Do you want me to move?" She asked.

"Nope." I shook my head.

"Well goodnight Chuckle, I love you too." She closed her eyes and snuggled up against me. It had been a long, tiring day, but falling asleep holding her made it all worth while.

* * *

 _That concludes yet another chapter! Hope you enjoyed It, for some reason I kept thinking of Bob's Burgers or earlier episodes of The Simpsons while writing this. Oh, and that song? That was an original by yours truly called "The Biscuit Song"._


	39. Chapter 39: Big Trouble in Little Chuck

**Author's note:** Here's a little story that's been stewing in the pot for a while now. It's kind of like Big? Ever watch Big? There's a kid, he wants to be big, then he gets big, then he doesn't want to be big, then he goes little and the suits too big... actually, no. It's not like Big.

* * *

Chapter 39: Big Trouble in Little Chuck

"Closing time!" I called out one night to the few ponies who were around when I close, there was Quibble who came as a customer, Lyra and Bon Bon were there, and Rarity had took her Chartreuse Scarves club into the back room. Heh, Chartreuse, what a pretentious color.

"You heard him scumbags, get out!" Ivory called.

"Please don't call my customers scumbags." I said to her. "The opinions expressed by the piano player are not the opinions of the bartender and owner." I called out. "Have a good night Lyra, you too Bon Bon. Quibble, c'mon, get up off the counter." I said trying to get the customers out as I went in the back to tell Rarity's group it was closing time. "Rarity, you know I love the bits I get from these meetings but it's closing time." I said.

"Very well Chuck, come on girls." Rarity nodded at me respectfully as she and her group left the room and exited the bar.

"Ah, the joyous sound of closing time silence." I said happily to myself as I wiped off the counter.

"I can fix that silence right up for you." Ivory said as she began to play a bit on the piano.

"I'll pass." I said. "You're off the clock, I'm not paying you anymore for the day."

"Well what am I doing here? G'night boss!" She said as she shut the piano and bolted for the door. I chuckled a bit now that I was the only one inside, I grabbed my hat Pinkie had got me and hung up my apron, with that I locked the door and headed for home, whistling along as I went. Suddenly though along my way I was stopped.

"Chuck! Chuck!" A voice called as I walked, I turned to see a blue unicorn mare in a blue, star spangled cape running toward me.

"Trixie?" I asked as she approached me. "What's up?" I asked

"The _great_ and _powerful_ Trixie wanted to see you to so she could-" She began.

"Get to the point." I said.

"I wanted to say I was sorry about before, almost killing Pinkie Pie and all." She said quickly. "I... I really didn't think that would happen." She said. I approached her, at first with a stern look on my face, but slowly it shifted into a gentle smile.

"All is forgiven." I nodded with a smile. "Everything turned out alright in the end, I have no reason to be mad."

"Oh thank you!" She smiled widely.

"You're welcome." I nodded. "What are you doing up and out so late?" I asked.

"The great and powerful Trixie is returning from Canterlot on a quest for a new magic book." Trixie explained, showing me the book. The cover was a brownish leather with a red silk bookmark sticking out of it.

"Looks fancy shmancy." I nodded. "What kinda spells you got in there?" I asked.

"All the basics, crowd pleasers and visual stunts, nothing extreme." Trixie explained.

"Neato." I nodded.

"Perhaps I could try out a spell on you?" She asked. My eye twitched a little nervously.

"You say they're just... _basic?_ " I asked.

"Quite, no possible harm." She nodded. "What do you say?" She asked. I sighed a little and nodded.

"As long as it's a simple and basic." I nodded.

"Wonderful!" She grinned happily, little however did I know that this was the decision that would kick this story into play. "Now, which spell interests you?" She asked, showing me the book. I leafed through the book and was enticed by one.

"A shrinking spell?" I asked.

"Sure! A spell that shrinks down the body to roughly the size of a foal's toy. Easily reversible, at least, I think." She said.

"Well, I guess I'll try that." I shrugged. "As long as it's easily reversible."

"That's the spirit Charles my friend!" She grinned. "Now stay still." I gulped a bit and stood still.

 _May bones condense and organs sink,  
With this command your body shrink! _

With that she sent a bolt of magic toward me and I was filled with an electric sensation through my entire body, as the coursing stopped I opened up my eyes and looked around, nothing had changed.

"Well, looks like you don't need to worry about that reversal spell." I chuckled. "See you around Trixie!" I said as I headed for home.

"Goodnight." Trixie nodded before looking angrily at the book. "Biggest waste of twenty bits as ever I've..." She muttered. "Dumb book." She said before she used her magic to set the book aflame. As I went inside I trudged upstairs to say goodnight to Pinkie before I went to this point she was fast asleep on the couch, must have been waiting for me and fell asleep, I went over and kissed her head, saying goodnight. Afterwards I retired to my room and laid down in bed.

"Hehehe, spells, I knew it was a load of baloney." I chuckled before I fell asleep. Ahhh dramatic irony. The next morning when my eyes began to open I knew something was a big different, normally one of my bottom legs hung off the bed, it felt as if there were suddenly far more bed for me to lay in, I looked forward, my bed went on like a football field! "What the? No... no, oh no no no." I shook my head, suddenly my door burst open.

"Good morning Chuckie!" Pinkie sang happily as she burst in for her every morning pounce on to me to wake me up, before I could tell her not to she lept into the air toward the bed and landing down hard, right on top of me, like a big fluffy skyscraper falling onto me, noticing I was nowhere to be seen she stopped and looked around. "Chuckie?" She asked.

"Mmph! Mmmph mm mmph mph!" I said, muffled into her chest and pounding heavily. She lifted her self up, letting me fall onto the bed. She looked down curiously at me as I gasped for air.

"Chuckie!?" She asked, looking down at me.

"Yep." I nodded.

"What are you... why are you... what the..." She sputtered and twitched. " _WHY ARE YOU SO TINY?_ " She hollered. The way she hollered into me was almost the force of a wind storm on my minuscule head.

"Hoping that's the only time I hear that." I said, fluffing my mane back to the way it was. "It's kind of tough to explain..." I said. "Oh wait, no it isn't. I ran in to Trixie last night and..." Pinkie suddenly cut me off and grabbed me tightly. I squeaked a little as she grabbed me and stuffed me into her mane suddenly.

"Hang on!" She said. "We've got somepony to visit!" She ran down the stairs, I gagged a little as she ran and bounced me around, I clung tightly to one of many tufts of hair as she ran.

"You think maybe you could... -burp- ... slow down?" I hollered.

"No time!" She said.

"I'm sure there's a _little_ time!" I moaned as I bobbed along.

"There you are!" Pinkie stopped suddenly and glared. I moaned a little, adjusting to the stillness after... all that motion. Trixie stopped and looked at her.

"Pinkie!" Trixie approached her. "Good to see you, how can I be of service?"

"You can start by explaining this!" She growled as she whipped out... a rubber fish from her mane. "No! Not that." She tossed the fish away. "This!" She whipped out a trombone. "No... not that either." She threw that away. "This!" She finally grabber the right thing, that thing being me.

"Hi." I said as I was held up to her face.

"By Celestia..." Trixie remarked. "The spell did work!" Trixie beamed.

"That's great!" Pinkie said. "Now change him back!" She said as she waved her hoof around... with me in it.

"That's... that's just iiiiiit." Trixie chuckled nervously. "I can't."

"Why not!?" She continued to wave me around like a rattle.

"Because... I uh... I destroyed the book." She said.

" _YOU WHAT!?_ " Pinkie yelled as she waved me around.

"Please... stop... doing... that..." I panted and moaned.

"Sorry." She giggled a little.

"Listen, I really am sorry, but that was the only one of that book in the shop, even if I went I couldn't get another, perhaps if I looked around I could find something somewhere." Trixie said.

"That'll have to do." Pinkie nodded somewhat angrily, pointing me at her with a swing.

"I may be shrunken but I still have my spine!" I hollered frustratedly.

"I'll be on my way, I'll write to you when I have found another, though the book was rather rare." Trixie explained as she went on her way.

"Well this is just terrific." I sighed.

"Look on the bright side! At least there's no side affects, it's not gonna _kill_ you or anything." She said as she set me down. Almost immediately after that I was nearly stomped on by Big Mac who I guess was _so_ busy with his load of apples that it was too hard to look down! However, before I was turned into hoof crushed jam I leaped out of the way.

"What did you say about there being no way to die from this?" I asked dryly, peeking out from a patch of flowers that were each the size of street lamps.

"I never said nothing would kill you! Just that the spell itself wouldn't!" Pinkie said as she picked me back up.

"That makes me feel _so_ much better." I said sarcastically.

"Aww come on, this isn't _all_ bad!" Pinkie said. "You're kinda cute when you're tiny and angry."

"I'm not cute, we've been over this several times." I said dryly. "You can refer to me as dashing, debonair, handsome, charming, but under no circumstances am I cute, adorable, or anything of that spectrum."

"I think when we went over this we never thought this would happen, because you're pretty cute right now!" She giggled.

"I. Am. Not. Cute." I crossed my tiny hooves in anger.

"Talk to the lips!" She giggled as she puckered her lips and brought her hoof, holding me, into them, kissing me, keep in mind now that at my current size her lips almost wrapped perfectly around my head. "Muah!" She giggled as she pulled me away from the kiss. I gasped for air and wiped a large bead of saliva from the front curl in my mane.

"Okay, I don't _mind_ if we do that, but a little warning would be nice next time." I said.

"Okay!" She giggled.

"Now, if you don't mind, could you take me to my bar?" I asked.

"All aboard the Pinkie express!" She giggled as she tossed me back into her mane and ran. Once we got to the tavern however, somepony found my predicament quite laughable.

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Quibble laughed when he saw me. "HAHAHAHAHA!" He fell off his stool and began to laugh even more.

"Laugh it up." I muttered standing on the counter, which at my size was like a sprinting track. "I'm still the one who signs your paychecks."

"Good luck picking up the pen to do it!" He laughed more.

"Just how... exactly did this happen?" Ivory asked.

"Magic related accident." I said.

"Was it that blue mare? The one who refers to herself in third-pony?" Ivory asked.

"How'd you guess?" I asked as I molded the bar rag into a couch like seat.

"After what went down with Pinkberry Pie over there I just sorta assumed." Ivory shrugged.

"It's Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie whined.

"But yeah, it was her, she's off finding a book that can change me back, until then, I'm stuck being a hamster sized pony." I muttered as I got up and walked toward the beer tap. I positioned a glass just under it and then climbed up the tap and jumped onto the handle, causing it to pour into the glass, once it was about full I released the handle and grabbed a straw and began to drink away.

"What are you doing!?" Pinkie asked batting the straw away.

"This is better than before, before I was just going to jump in and drown." I replied dryly.

"Would you stop that?" Pinkie asked. "Come on, this isn't all bad!" She said, trying to cheer me up.

"Name one positive aspect of my situation." I said.

"You get to take the day off!" She said.

"To do what? Be preyed on by eagles and large animals?" I asked.

"You'll spend the day with me!" She smiled. I stopped for a moment before I let out a little (hehe, little) sigh.

"Now that I can never think of anything bad that goes with it." I smiled.

"That's the spirit! She wrapped her front legs around me and brought me in for a hug, yeesh, I thought they were tight before...When she noticed my eyes nearly popping out of my skull she released me and giggled. "Sorry..." She giggled.

"It's alright, looking past the unhealthy crack my spine makes when you do that it's actually pretty nice." I said with a bit of a chuckle. "So where are we going? If I'm taking the day off I don't want to spend it in this depressing shack." I said.

"This depressing shack is _your_ bar." Quibble said.

"Can't hear you!" I hummed. "I'm enjoying my six inch tall disability leave!" I said as I sat on Pinkie's back as she left the bar. "It's like riding on a big fluffy train!" I chuckled as I held on. "Wheeee!"

"That's the spirit!" Pinkie giggled as she trotted along. I received quite a few strange looks from various ponies at my... diminutive stature.

"Nothing to see here! What are looking at huh? My eyes are down here pal!" I called as we went along.

"You seemed to get real cheery real quick!" Pinkie remarked.

"I decided to look at it another way, I get the day off, I'm spending it with you, and I'll admit, this is a rather interesting yet albeit frightening perspective to be in." I explained.

"I knew you'd cheer up eventually!" She giggled before she suddenly stopped. "Hey!" She called out to Cheese Sandwich! "Come here!" She called, at that moment he zipped right over.

"Hiya Pinkie! What's up?" He asked.

"I've got something to show you! Wanna see?" She asked.

"Sure!" He nodded, at that point she grabbed me and flashed me in front of him. He stared directly at me and grabbed me out of her hoof.

"Cool! A Chuck action figure! Lemme play with it!" He grinned as he held me up.

"Hold on a second..." Pinkie began before Cheese cut her off.

"Fighter flyer!" He announced before he waved me up and down like a toy plane and mimicked the sound of explosions and missiles firing. "DIVE BOMB!" He began to shoot me into the ground.

"Wait Cheese!" She said.

"And then comes a giant hoof!" He announced, ready to punch me hard with his giant hoof.

"Cheese no! That's not an action figure!" Pinkie stopped him. "That's the _real_ Chuck! He got shrunk by Trixie!"

"Ohhhh." Cheese nodded before suddenly jerking back into action. "AND THEN COMES A GIANT HOOF!" He yelled as I cried out in fear.

"NO!" Pinkie yelled out. "You don't understand, this is serious! We don't know how to get him back!"

"Oh don't worry about that!" Cheese said. "But, he _is_ going to have to move on." Cheese nodded.

"I _what?_ " I asked.

"Of course, it's just doesn't work anymore, he has to be with someone his own size." Cheese nodded before suddenly whipping a large dill pickle out of... God knows where. "Like this pickle! See? They like each other!" He waved the pickle in my face.

"No no no no no!" I said before he mashed the pickle into my face and made kissing noises. "Alright that's it!" I pushed the pickle away. "I am having none of this nonsense!" I struggled around. "Pinkie and I are just fine, even with me in my current state **_which_** by the way is temporary! I do not need you to match me with snack food!"

"Isn't he cute when he gets all angry like that?" Pinkie asked Cheese as I began to ramble on.

"I'll admit it is kind of funny to say the least, cute too." Cheese nodded.

"I wonder if a fall from this high would be enough to kill me." I muttered looking down from where Cheese was holding me.

"Alright mister grumpy, come on." Pinkie grabbed me back and set me in her mane. It was perfect, I was like a cat on a fluffy perch. "See you later Cheese!" She said as she went on her way. "You wouldn't leave me for a pickle, would you?"

"Heavens no, every pickle I've ever met was a terrible lover." I replied.

"Aaaand that's where the conversation ends for fear of me learning any more." Pinkie said.

"Don't worry, that was my first experience with a pickle, and I did not like it." I said.

"Too briny for my taste." Pinkie nodded.

"No kidding, I have brine in my eye after that little stunt Cheese pulled." I said dryly. "Before we go any further, can we _please_ avoid Sunny Side today? I really don't need her seeing me in this state, oh I _can only_ imagine how she'd laugh." I moaned.

"You know she likes you!" Pinkie said. "She just expresses liking ponies a little differently!"

"Oh yeah." I nodded. " _Hey Pinkie, where's that throw rug you call a coltfriend?_ " I mimicked her.

"Hey Pinkie!" A voice called. "Where's that throw rug you call a coltfriend?" The voice asked. Pinkie turned to see none other than Sunny Side herself.

"It's almost like I can tell the future." I muttered as I dug into her mane.

"Come on Sunny, Chuck is really nice, you don't have to say things like that." Pinkie said.

"It's just playful banter, he knows I like him." Sunny said.

"I guess." Pinkie shrugged.

"Where is he anyway?" Sunny asked.

"He's uh... well he's uhh..." Pinkie began to think.

"He's off in Manehatten where his sexy young unicorn side piece is feeding him cherries in front of a roaring fireplace?" Sunny Side asked. I scoffed loudly at the suggestion. "Uhh... what was that?" Sunny asked.

"Nothing!" Pinkie shook her head quickly.

"No no, I'm pretty sure it was something." Sunny Side said suspiciously.

"Nope! Absolutely nothing!" Pinkie shook her head.

"Listen, I can recognize every different type of alarm, sizzle, or bell in Equestria, I know my sounds, that was not nothing." She said.

"You're right! It was... it was..." She began to think.

"What's that in your mane?" She asked. I guess a bit of my tail was peeking out from it, Sunny reached in and pulled on it, thus pulling me out.

"Uh oh." I said. She looked at me for a moment and squinted her eyes.

"Is that?" She asked. "Oh Celestia... I can't believe it!" She began to snort with laughter. "This is rich!" She laughed loudly. "I can't... I can't... oh this is _too_ good!" She laughed hysterically. "This has gotta be some kind of trick, I love it!" She laughed.

"This is no trick, and you're holding me by my tail, it hurts, _a lot._ " I said dryly.

"And how'd this pretty little predicament happen?" She snorted.

"I wished I wished with all my might." I said sarcastically. "It was a magic accident."

"This is absolutely hilarious!" She laughed. "I want one! It'd be like a little hamster that I could torment!" She laughed. "Think we could toss him in the mirror pool? One for me and one for you?"

"I'll pass." Pinkie took me back.

"Thank you, I wouldn't want me, whether me or another me to go through living in a cage for her enjoyment." I said as I climbed back up to my mane perch.

"And that's why I love ya little guy." Sunny tussled my tiny mane with her hoof. "Please, never change, I want you all tiny and vulnerable forever." She snickered.

"He is cute when he's like this." Pinkie nodded.

"AGAIN WITH THE CUTE!" I hollered.

"Aww lookit him." Sunny Side grinned. "He's so cute, I think he's going red, oh wait." She chuckled. I looked at both of them and just sighed.

"I really wish this was a dream." I moaned.

"I think little mister grumpy and I should be on our way." Pinkie giggled. "I'll see you later Sunny!" She said as she went off.

"See you Pinkie! You too Teeny!" She called back.

"I'll show her teeny..." I growled. Pinkie just giggled.

"That was the least menacing threat I've ever heard!" She giggled.

"I can't help my... far from menacing stature." I pouted.

"Don't worry about it Chuckie." She said in a supportive tone. "You've already ran into everypony that would give you a hard time about this!"

"I guess that's a good point." I nodded as I sprawled forward, relaxing in her mane. "What type of shampoo do you use?" I asked. "Your mane is like the softest pillow in the world."

"It's about what kindyou use, it's about how much you use!" She giggled. "I use half a bottle of shampoo a day!"

"Doesn't that add up to being incredibly expensive?" I asked.

"Incrediwhat? I dunno, it just sort of appears every time the Cakes go shopping!" She shrugged.

"Ohhh." I nodded. "Must be magic." I said.

"That's what I'm thinking!" She nodded. Suddenly right out of nowhere a hawk swooped down and grabbed me with it's talons, flying back up into the air claiming me as it's prey, now normally you'd probably expect one to scream or cry, but not me, I had pretty much accepted that this must be just how I was intended to die. Upon noticing what had just happened however, Pinkie was terrified. "CHUCKIE!" She cried out as she chased the flying predator from the ground. As I flew, at this point I was a good thirty to forty feet above the ground, which is high enough when I'm normal sized, the view was absolutely terrifying to say the least, at least the hawk was flying fast enough that nothing had the time to sink in.

"Listen pal!" I called as I struggled. "I am nor field mouse or shrew, or whatever the hell you guys eat, SO PUT ME THE HELL DOWN!" I hollered angrily. "I'll tear ya wing from wing! I'll make a basket of hot wings outta ya! I'll have you taxidermied for a desk ornament!" I growled. The hark just cawed and swooped down.

As it went down to it's nest in a lush green clearing I saw five little hawk babies chirping anxiously as this, whom I now assumed to be the mother hawk flew down to them and landed, dropping me down into the nest. "Oh God..." I moaned, I was really hoping that if I were to be eaten alive it'd be by one creature, I wasn't interested in getting pecked apart by six different ones. "I'm gone!" I said as I scurried out of the nest and down the tree, running as fast as I could across the field. The mother hawk was having none of that and began to fly after me, thinking quickly I spotted a hole in the ground and leaped inside. "Hehehe, stupid hawk!" I laughed as the hawk tried to scratch their way into the hole.

"Alright, now what?" I asked as I made my way through the dark tunnel. Suddenly, a shiver went down my spine as I heard the sound of an eerie hiss. Two beady eyes suddenly stared into my soul as the hissing continued. "You have got to be kidding." I shivered as I turned and ran the other way. "Why'd it have to be snakes!?" I asked myself as the snake began to slither after me. "Hehehe, Indiana Jones reference." I chuckled as I ran. Luckily for me the hawk had given up and the hole was clear so I ran back out into the clearing with the snake still hot on my tail. Up ahead I saw a small pond and it gave me an idea. "Snakes can't swim, I can!" I said cleverly as I sped up and leaped forward into the water. Little did I know however that snakes could swim and the reptilious creature continued it's pursuit. Suddenly though, what should come to my rescue but the hawk that had previously tried to eat me alive! The hawk grabbed the snake by the talons and began to thrash around with it.

"Thank God." I sighed to myself as I waded in the water. As I waded, I felt something nibble at my leg, I looked down to see a goldfish about my size gumming at my hoof. "Now this I can handle." I said as I kicked at the fish, making it swim away. Suddenly in the distance I saw a yellow pegasus mare approaching the scene.

"What's going on here?" The timid mare asked

"Fluttershy! Thank Celestia you're here!" I grinned as I swam to the land.

"Chuck?" She asked. "What are... why are you..." She asked, remarking at my size and predicament.

"It's uh... a lot to explain." I said.

"I have time." She said before she took me back to her cottage and poured me a cup of tea, she had even given me a dry cloth to use as a towel to dry myself with.

"So anyway, you see, I ran into Trixie who had asked if I was interested in trying a spell, an easily reversible spell right?" I asked, Fluttershy nodded. "So she does it, but what she doesn't know is that it take a while to set in so she thought it didn't work and destroyed the book, now I'm stuck like this until she finds another copy."

"And how did you get here?" She asked.

"I was going about my business when a hawk of death grabbed me and almost served me up as lunch for her kids." I explained.

"Oh... Mrs. Wingsly? I'll have to have a talk with her." Fluttershy remarked. Suddenly a sobbing Pinkie Pie burst through the door.

"FLUTTERSHY!" She cried. "CHUCKIEGOTHIMSELFSHRUNKANDTHENAHAWKSNATCHEDHIMUPANDNOWHE'SGONEFOREVER!" She wailed as she cried into Fluttershy, not even seeing me sitting there on the coffee table. Fluttershy looked at me and winked.

"Oh dear..." She said. "That's just terrible, is there anything you'd want to say to him if he were still here?"

"Well..." She sniffed. "I'd wanna tell him that I love him, and... and that I ate that honey roll he was saving for his breakfast..." She nodded.

"I knew you did that." I spoke up. She suddenly stopped crying and looked over at me.

"CHUCKIE! YOU'RE OKAY!" She ran over and hugged me tightly.

"Lungs... crushing... losing... oxygen!" I coughed before she released me.

"I was so worried about you! I thought I had lost you forever!" She said before she began to shower me with kisses over and over again.

"Luckily I happen to be a bit of a fighter." I smirked. "Well, not a fighter, but I excel at running away from things."

"I'm just happy you're okay." She smiled as she hugged me gently.

"So am I." I nodded. "One things for sure, I've had my fill of interacting with animals for the next little while." I turned to Fluttershy. "Thanks for showing up when you did, I don't know what I would have done after the hawk was done with the snake."

"No problem Chuck." Fluttershy smiled.

"C'mon Chuckie, I'm going to take you home." She said as she picked me up and set me in her mane. "No danger there."

"Unless the little twins think I'm a toy anyway." I said. "Ages three and up! It's on my box!" I mimicked.

"I'll make sure they play with you gently." She giggled.

"I'd rather you make sure they don't at all." I said as we left.

I got my wish, I was not used as a child's plaything, and good thing too, they're starting to teeth. That's not to say I wasn't forced to don some of the clothes that were on Pinkie's old dolls to entertain her, I haven't done drag in a while, but I still knew how to make it look _good. _ I looked best in the sequined purple dress, it didn't look wonderful with my coat but otherwise I looked nice. After a long afternoon of trying various clothes and having what I'd normally consider a small bite for dinner it was about time for bed.

"I was kinda hoping Trixie would be back by now." Pinkie said as we relaxed on the couch, I relaxed comfortably on one of her front legs against the fluff on her chest.

"I dunno, honestly I think I'd be okay with staying like this, you have no idea how comfortable this is." I said.

"Yeah, but I miss having somepony to cuddle into." Pinkie pouted.

"Well you could cuddle into me, you'll just have to get up every few seconds for me to breathe." I offered.

"That's okay." She giggled. "I'm sure you'll be back to normal soon."

"I'm sure I will too." I said. "Truth be told I expected today to be a lot worse when I woke up like this, thanks for making it a lot better." I said.

"You're so sweet." She blushed as she wrapped her other front leg around me and held me close to her. "You're like my little teddy bear." She giggled.

"And you said you wanted me back to normal." I remarked. "You seem to enjoy this."

"I'd rather have my big handsome coltfriend, but I still love my cute little teddy bear coltfriend." She giggled as she kissed my head.

"I'll admit, cute is starting to grow on me." I blushed. She let out a little yawn and stretched a little.

"Feeling tired?" I asked.

"Uh huh." She nodded.

"Well don't let me stop you, if you could just set me down in my bed that'd be a big help." I yawned as stood to my hooves.

"Now... wait a minute." She stopped me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Well, I was wondering, maybe you'd let me snuggle you tonight? It'd be just this once but like... you've had a tough day what with almost being eaten and stuff, maybe you'd like to be comforted some?" She asked. I smiled a little and nodded.

"That does sound nice. But I think you really just want your cute little teddy bear coltfriend for cuddling more than comforting me." I said.

"Well duh." She admitted. "I knew you were more than tough enough to get over that." She giggled.

"Does the offer still stand even though I know the truth?" I asked.

"Yeah." She giggled and nodded.

"Than yes, I'll gladly take you up on that." I nodded.

"Yay!" She beamed as she got up and set me in her mane, she snuggled into her bed and pulled up her blankets, setting me gently in between her chest and her front leg, snuggling into me as she began to fall asleep. "Goodnight Li'l Chuckie, I love you." She smiled as she kissed me once more.

"I love you too." I smiled as I snuggled up against her and fell asleep.

The next morning Pinkie took my to my bar and helped me work, well, I mean, we weren't doing much since nopony really shows up in the morning. Around ten however Trixie burst through the door.

"Excelsior! The Great and Powerful Trixie has returned!" She announced.

"Did you find the book?" I asked, she nodded and dropped the book on the counter with a thud. "Alright! Switch me back!" I said.

"Say please." She grinned.

" _Please_ change me back." I said.

"That's better." Trixie grinned. "Now, let's see... ah! Here we are!" She found the reversal spell.

 _May small become large and short become tall,_  
 _See a return to form for each part and all!_

She fired a bolt of magic at me, after the painful volt of magic finished coursing through my veins I opened my eyes to see that I had returned to normal size, not a fully grown adult pony standing on the counter. I smiled seeing that I hard returned to my old size. "It's good to be back." I grinned.

"Happy to have you back." Pinkie giggled and hugged me.

"Thanks again Trixie, well, for fixing the mess you inherently caused." I said.

"The thanks alone was enough." Trixie said dryly. "Now how about a drink?"

"Coming right up." I nodded.

* * *

 _That draw a close on yet another Equestria's New Comedian. Now, before anyone says I stole the main point of humor from an episode of Spongebob, well... yes. Yes I did. To be fair the chapter as a whole stemmed from that joke._


	40. Chapter 40: Chuck Vs The 18th Amendment

**Author's note:** Top o' the mornin' to ya laddies! Happy early St. Paddy's day! To celebrate this day here's a little story about a little mishap that happened to Chuck and his pals around this time of year! Feuds will be made, fibs will be told, songs will be sung, oh the excitement!

* * *

Chapter 40: Chuck Vs The Eighteenth Amendment

"Not gonna lie Applebloom, you like a little silly wearing a _green_ bow in your mane." Scootaloo laughed as the Cutie Mark Crusaders approached the school house.

"That's funny, I don't _feel_ silly." Applebloom chuckled as they walked inside, everypony in the class were wearing a green article of clothing, whether hat, tie, or bow. Pipsqueak looked over at the Cutie Mark Crusaders and remarked Scootaloo wasn't wearing green.

"Hey look!" He announced. "Scootaloo's not wearing green!"

"You know what that means class!" Cheerilee spoke up. "Just try and go easy on her." She said as the little fillies and colts in the class got up and began to pinch Scootaloo for her lack of green clothing.

"Hey! C'mon! Quit it!" Scootaloo pleaded as Applebloom chuckled.

"Who's silly now?" She asked. As I was on my way to work I stopped an observed the scene as the door was still open, I chuckled a bit remembering the few times I've made the mistake of forgetting to add a little green to my attire around this time. Though I'll admit I was surprised to learn Equestria even had a holiday like St. Patrick's Day. It was a welcome surprise though, after all I'm a bartender, this is like Christmas morning for bartenders. I'd make double my average profits and more if I was lucky.

"Happy Cloven Hooves and Clovers Day indeed." I chuckled as I kept walking to the tavern, adjusting my bow tie. This was not my usual bow tie however, but one I had purchased at a costume shop as it was a bright vibrant green, it stuck out like a sore thumb on my bright red coat, but I didn't mind. As I approached the bar I could already see a few ponies gathered around outside it, they greeted me with a wave as I approached them and unlocked the door.

"Chuck! Thank Celestia you're here!" Berry Punch said to me. "It's been Cloven Hooves and Clovers Day for a good eight hours and I'm still not drunk yet!"

"Yeah, we kicked down the back door but behind that was a metal door!" Lyra whined.

"Alright alright." I said. "This is my busiest day of the year, who out of you isn't here for drinks?" I asked, a couple ponies nodded. "Beat it! I've got no room for cheapskates." I said as I opened up my doors for the public and went behind the bar to begin my work day. Soon enough, my workers came through the door. "Cheese! I'm surprised you came in today, I would have figured there'd be some party you'd have to throw." I welcomed him.

"Oh! I do!" He nodded. "I just came to tell you I'd need the day off." He said as he left quickly.

"Typical." I muttered. "Please tell me you two are here to do your jobs." I addressed Ivory and Quibble, who both nodded. "Thank Celestia, Quibble, you're waiting, go around and ask ponies what drinks they'd want, Ivory, you know what to do."

"Sure do." She nodded as she went to her piano and began to play. The day was going real well, ponies were drinking and being merry, there hadn't been a single fight, things were going swell!

"I tell you, some days I wonder why I'm doing this, then I look out and see the crowd on days like today and I remember." I said to Pinkie as I looked around.

"I'm happy for you!" She smiled giving me a kiss on the cheek.

"Tell you what, since we've done so well today, what do you say we go out to dinner tomorrow night, anywhere you want, sky's the limit." I said.

"I love that idea!" She smiled widely.

"I thought you would." I grinned. Meanwhile, at this point in the afternoon there was a parade going on in town that many were attending and watching. Twilight and some of her friends stood and watched with the Cutie Mark Crusaders.

"I just love parades." Twilight said. "They make me feel so many emotions, joy, excitement, looking..."

"Big sis," Applebloom addressed Applejack. "Can I get one of those big horn things?" She asked.

"Now Applebloom, we've bought those before, you just end up throwing them away the day after." Applejack said.

"I get bored with them." Applebloom shrugged. "But it won't happen this time!" She said as she went off to grab one, making Applejack groan and mutter a little. Applebloom returned with one and Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle laughed as they all played along with it. As the parade continued more and more ponies stood out and watched, soon the streets were absolutely crowded with parade watchers. The Cutie Mark Crusaders maneuvered their way through the crowd to the front to get a better view, or at least tried to. This was leading up to the fateful error that would set up an incredibly controversial event. An event that would would change the town forever, or at least for a week. As one of the final parade floats drove through, ran by none other than my supplier, Barstool.

"Alright lads and lassies! Who wants some free beer?" He called as he ran a fire hose connected to a large keg of beer and fired it off.

"Open your yaps everypony!" Applejack announced with a grin, as the hose went off it did not however land in anypony's mouth, but into a plastic horn sticking out from the crowd. On the other end of that horn, unbeknownst to Barstool, Applejack, or any of us, was Scootaloo, who just had a good six pack's worth of beer slide down into her very underage throat, thus intoxicating her. As the alcohol settled and took affect, she stumbled onto the street, making herself visible to all.

"Stop the parade!" Matilda the donkey hollered. "That filly is drunk!" She pointed at Scootaloo, causing all attending the parade to gasp in horror. Meanwhile inside the bar most of us, including her role model, Rainbow Dash were having a great time.

"Look at me!" Rainbow Dash announced with an empty barrel over he head. "I'm the prime minister of Cover-Hoof!" She mimicked where the Irish type ponies came from. We all shared a laugh before recognizing the eerie silence coming from outside.

"Shouldn't the parade be going on?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah..." I got up as I approached the door. I looked outside to see why the streets were so silent, and what I saw shook me I must admit. "Ehh... Rainbow Dash... you might wanna take a look at this." Soon after Rainbow Dash, followed by Quibble rushed out, when she saw the sight she gasped. Scootaloo was wondering the streets, piss-faced drunk. She stammered and approached various ponies who stared in shock.

"What're _you_ lookin' at?" She stammered before hiccuping.

* * *

The next morning.

"What are you looking at?" I read aloud from the newspaper. "The innocent words of a drunken foal. What we are looking at young filly is a town gone mad. A town who's very conscience was washed away in a sea of beer and green vomit." I continued. "Well this is _wonderful_ publicity for the booze vendors." I remarked to the few who were at the tavern that day, being Quibble, Ivory, Pinkie, and Rainbow.

"I still can't believe it happened!" Rainbow Dash remarked. "It doesn't seem like Scootaloo to do that."

"That's because it was a fluke." Quibble told her. "Barstool didn't _see_ her, she didn't _see_ the beer." We all nodded in agreeance.

"Hold on though." I said. "There's more," I continued to read. "But what is the solution? Are we so bare of ideas that we must revive the antiquated notion of prohibition? The Ponyville Press says 'yes'." I gulped. "Yeah. That's _terrific_ for my line of work."

"Hold on a minute." Pinkie said. "There's no _way_ they'd do that, they tried it before and it didn't work!"

"You've got a point there Pinks." Ivory nodded.

"You're right, I've got a feeling this is that last we'll be hearing about prohibition." Rainbow Dash nodded. Though down at the town hall... things were quite the contrary.

"We want prohibition!" A crowd chanted outside the town hall. "We want prohibition!" Soon, the mayor stepped out to address the crowd.

"Everypony calm down, what happened yesterday was a mere accident." She began, though she was interrupted by the sound of a mare wailing.

"Won't somepony _please_ think of the foals!" She wailed.

"What kind of an example are we setting?" Another said.

"Oh come on, don't you think this is a bit too far?" Mayor Mare asked.

"We **demand** that you instate prohibition in Ponyville!" An angry mare hollered.

"Demand?" Mayor Mare scoffed. "Who are you to demand? I run this town! You're all a bunch of soccer moms with far too much time on your hooves!"

"Um, mayor, need I remind you there's an election this fall." An official murmured to her.

" _Again!?_ " The mayor groaned. "This dumb town..." Suddenly the sound of an elderly stallion called out, gathering everypony's attention.

"Well now, looky here." This voice came from the bookkeeper. "It appears there has been a prohibition law in Ponyville for the past two hundred years, it's just never been enforced!" He read an old looking paper.

"Well how about that?" Applejack asked, among those favoring prohibition.

"There's also a law that requires ducks to wear long pants!" The bookkeeper kept reading.

"Wait a minute, let me see that!" Mayor Mare took the paper and read. "Well I'll be darned, long pants!" She read.

"Look at the other one." A mare approached her. "The non-duck one."

"And spirituous beverages are hereby prohibited, under penalty of... catapult." Mayor Mare led aloud, after the crowd applauded she approached a pony in the crowd, this pony was none other than the princess of friendship herself, Twilight Sparkle. "Twilight, I was surprised to see you among these ponies."

"After what happened yesterday we shouldn't take chances." Twilight explained.

"I see..." Mayor Mare nodded. "Listen, I'm far to busy to make sure this law is followed, so I was wondering if you could help me, you're a princess, you have more authority than I do around here technically, I was wondering if I could put you in charge of enforcing this law?"

"You can count on me." Twilight said. "I'll round up a few ponies to help, we'll make sure everypony in town follows suit."

"Thank you Twilight." Mayor Mare smiled.

the very next day the headlines in the Ponyville Press read "TOWN GOES DRY TODAY" And when I read that, I could have fainted.

The afternoon after the law had passed a group of city officials knocked on the door of my tavern, I reluctantly approached the door and welcomed them in.

"Mr. Murray, we're here to confiscate the remains of whatever alcoholic beverages you may have left." One said as they walked in, I looked at the floor and sighed.

"Beer and spirits in the back, wine in the downstairs cellar." I sighed.

"Thank you." Another said as they separated to confiscate it. After, one peeked out from the back door.

"Um, Chuck, if you wouldn't mind... there's a lot of barrels here... could you lend a hoof?" He asked.

"Why not?" I muttered. "You're only killing my business and taking away four jobs." I sighed as I went in back to help. After all the barrels had been collected, they were emptied out into the ground, I'll admit I did shed a tear as I literally watched hundreds of bits I invested get sucked up by the dirt and grass. "Lucky grass..." I sighed.

"I'm sorry Chuck." Applejack approached me. "This is just how it has to be."

"Uh huh." I muttered, not really feeling it. "Look, I'm going inside, not to drink obviously." I said as I resigned to the tavern. As the days went by, I still went to work, after all we _did_ have non alcoholic options, but very few ever wanted those, my business had literally gone down the drain. I hummed sadly at a harmonica in the silence, Quibble, Cheese, and Ivory had shown up, and even Pinkie was kind enough to drop by since she knew I wasn't feeling great.

"Maybe it's time to try a new angle?" She suggested. "Chuck's Pet Shop! Uncle Chuck's Family Feedhole! Chuck's... sporting goods?" She tried to offer advice.

"Thanks... but what's the point?" I sighed. "This ol' place was built to be a bar, no sense making it something else."

"So you're going to let it die?" Ivory said bluntly. "Prohibitions passed, this won't be a bar anymore and survive, no way."

"She's got a point." Quibble nodded. "Now, unless you were some master con-artist, then maybe you could get the bar up and running again even under prohibition, like a speak-easy." He then began to chuckle. "But let's face it, you're no master con artist, that and you're fresh out of supplies."

"Thanks." I said dryly. Though, his usage of con-artist made me start thinking, it began to echo in my head along with 'fresh out of supplies', then I had an idea. A grin spread across my face similar to the famous grin on the Grinch in the old Christmas special. "Hey Cheese." I said to Cheese.

"Yeah?" He asked.

"You told me you were heading to Las Pegasus this weekend to host a Mark Mitzvah tomorrow right?" I asked him.

"Sure am!" He nodded.

"Excellent, while you're there..." I wrote down a pair of names on a sticky note. "Search these two out, tell them I need their help."

"I won't let you down!" He nodded enthusiastically.

"I know you won't." I smiled. The very next day I was sitting alone in my office when I heard Cheese announce his return, I was surprised he was back so soon. "I'm in here!" I called.

"Hi!" He poked his head in. "Wow, you have a nice office, I had never really seen it much."

"That's because you hardly work enough for me to sign a paycheck." I explained. "Talk to them?" I asked.

"Sure did!" He nodded.

"What did they say?" I asked.

"Ask them yourself!" He said.

"They're here?" I asked.

"Sure are, here you go!" He threw two ponies in with burlap sacks tied over their heads and bounds on their legs. I got up in shock.

"You kidnapped them!? I never asked you to do that!" I gasped.

"You didn't? I could have sworn you said..." I cut him off.

"No!" I shook my head, untying them and taking the bags off their heads, revealing their identities. At this point you may be curious as to who I sought after, the two in question were the vaudevillian pair of scoundrels Flim and Flam, two unicorn brothers best known for swindling ponies, mostly Applejack and her family. As the two stood up and gasped for air, Flim, who normally did most of the talking for the two glared at me.

"And just who are you?" The tall unicorn pony asked, adjusting his hat.

"I'm Chuck, Chuck Murphy." I said sitting at my desk.

"Murphy... Murphy..." Flim thought to himself. "Flam, have we ever swindled or angered anypony with Murphy in their name?" He asked his brother.

"Can't say I recall." The mustachioed brother shook his head.

"Ah, I see." Flim nodded before turning to me. "So why did you have him kidnap us!?" He said angrily.

"Okay look." I said. "I didn't want to have you kidnapped, my friend just has a very abridged recollection of my instructions." I explained.

"So what do you want?" Flam asked.

"Simple. I'm a bartender, a prohibition law has just passed, which kind of leaves me S.O.L, so I'm enlisting help. I need a new supplier for drinks, and I figured why not contact the top con artists in Equestria to help me in this endeavor?" I explained.

"And why would we want to help you?" Flim asked. "We were just kidnapped after all."

"Ah, yes of course." I said grabbing a briefcase full of bits. "Money is no object." I said slowly to the two, the two exchanged looks and grinned.

"How can we be of service?" Flim grinned.

"Whoa! Wait a minute!" a familiar voice shouted from out of the blue. A stump of a tree grew out of the ground as if in reverse and a familair, blood-red unicorn stood on it glaring in their direction.

"Oh great." I sighed. "Hello TD, what would you like?"

"I came to ask you something, buster!" TD said with a dangerous expression. His sunglasses were not on, so he looked rather intimidating. "Why oh why would you employ _THEIR_ help in this- without asking for my help too? I mean, come on!" At the last part, he had dramatically changed from dangerous to hurt.

"Simple." I explained. "Twilight has been instated as the 'neighborhood watch' on the prohibition thing, regardless of universe I figured you wouldn't want to go behind her back on anything. These two on the other hand don't care who they cheat or swindle, no offense." I turned to Flim and Flam.

"None taken." Flim nodded.

TD smiled. Even with his eyes seeming to only give off one expression to most, it was still obvious that he was amused. "Chuck," he said slyly, "even in the universe where _MY_ Twilight is, I still like to annoy her from time to time, whether it's in working behind her back or simply just agreeing to literally anything she says."

"This is more than annoying, it's breaking a law, a law she's enforcing." I explained.

"And what's she gonna do about it?" TD laughed. "I'm the most powerful being in all of Equestria! Even all their armies and powers combined couldn't take me down! Her magic alone is child's play compared to mine! And Celestia?! HA!" TD's laugh caused his voice to amplify to a louder volume temporarily, scaring away a flock of birds overhead.

I chuckled nervously. "Heh... sometimes I forget how much of a wicked S.O.B you can be."

"Well, I was the villain once. Might still be in some regards." TD relaxed in midair as the sky above him darkened just enough to encase himself, and himself only, in shadows. His eyes glowed as a result and he grinned deviously. "So, what's the plan?"

"Simple, these two make the booze, I sell it." I explained. "I can put you in charge of spreading the word to those we can trust."

"I can manage that. And if anyone or anything tries to stop us..." TD's image turned temporarily into a form resembling that of El Macho. "YEOW! The city gets eaten!" He chuckled before returning to normal. "I'm kidding. But seriously, they better not mess with me."

"Great." I nodded. "So, Flim and Flam, y'in?" I asked.

"If we're tricking a big group of ponies _and_ making a profit of course we're in." Flim grinned.

"Terrific." I grinned. "I can get you the basic recipes for beer and a few other drinks and your first payment will come with them."

"Splendid." Flim nodded.

* * *

The next morning

I walked through town on the way to the tavern, whistling along as I went before I was stopped by somepony. "Hey Chuck!" They called. I turned to see the little pegasus filly Sccotaloo.

"Oh, hey Scoots, what's up?" I asked.

"I just wanted to say sorry for your bar." She looked down. "That whole thing was an accident."

"Of course it was." I nodded. "Don't worry, I've got a little feeling ol' Chuck's gonna get by." I chuckled. "Run along now, all is forgiven." I dismissed her.

"Okay! See ya!" She said as she went off on her way.

"Hehehe, he's gonna get by alright." I chuckled. "Get by like a fox." I said as I opened up the door to my bar and whistled happily. My new business partners Flim and Flam were down in the cellar preparing the first bootleg batch, I went downstairs to check on them.

"Chuck! So good to see you! Care to try what we have so far?" Flam asked.

"Don't mind if I do, what have we got?" I asked.

"What don't we have? We have draft, scotch, run, gin, we even developed a way to make wine that automatically ages it!" Flim boasted.

"And this is why I knew you fellas would be perfect for the job." I grinned as I dipped a ladle into a mixing barrel and tasted it. "Beer's a little heavy on the malt, but all in all not too bad." I said. "And by the way, here's your first payment." I said as I tossed both of them a sack of bits. "Keep the booze coming and I'll keep the bits coming." I said as I went back upstairs. "Hey Cheese, new sign ready?" I asked.

"Sure is!" He nodded.

"Perfect. Now it shouldn't be long we have a steady thing going again." I nodded, sure enough by noon we did. I had successfully started up a speakeasy. Music played, ponies drank, we were back in business.

"Happy to see you up and running again." Rainbow Dash grinned as I slid her a drink.

"Yeah! Prohibition, that was a real scary couple of hours!" I laughed to myself. "Hey Quibble! A dry martini over to Lyra huh?" I called to him before he went and grabbed the tray. As I looked out feeling quite accomplished with myself I felt somepony tap me on the shoulder. I turned and saw Pinkie with a worried expression on her face. "Cutie Pie! How can I be of service?" I asked.

"Chuckie, I wanted to talk to you about something..." She began.

"Is it the dinner I promised? I already told you I rescheduled for tonight, I remmeber." I said.

"No, not that." She shook her head. "It's about Twilight."

"What about her?" I asked, before she could answer Flim burst through the door.

"Chuck! We've got a problem!" He said.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Apparently somepony got suspicious when they heard music coming from the shop, the mayor's appointed watch on prohibition is on their way!" Flim explained.

"Not good. Not good." I gulped, suddenly though, I had an idea. "Everypony! drinks under the counter! Move those booths now!" I ordered, immediately my patrons scattered any signs of booze and adjusted the booths to face the karaoke stage and piano. Everypony sat in their booths as I went up to the stage, giving instruments to Cheese, Quibble, and Pinkie as Ivory took her place at the piano.

"Alright, what's going on?" Twilight asked as she burst through the door. "We got a noise complaint!" Rainbow Dash rushed beside her.

"Shh! Chuck is about to begin!" She said.

"Good afternoon fillies and gentlecolts and welcome!" I began. "We are gathered here this fine afternoon to discuss possibly the most evil of all indulgence and sins." I announced. "Alcohol..." I slammed my hoof down on the podium, getting Ivory to hum and start playing.

 **Me:** _Mister booze..._  
 **Choir:** _Mister booze...  
_ **Me:** _Mister booze..._  
 _Mister B double O Z_ _E..._  
 **Cheese and Quibble:** _That sure spells booze!  
_ **Me:** _You will wind up wearing tattered shoes  
if you mess with Mister Booze.  
_ **Cheese and Quibble:** _Don't mess with Mister Booze!  
_ **Choir:** _Don't mess with Mister Booze!_

 **Me:** _Don't mess with B double O Z E,  
If you've been so stiff they thought you died,  
You'll feel better once you've testified._  
 **Choir:** _Testify! Testify!  
_

"I wanna testify! I wanna testify!" Berry Punch yelled from the crowd.

"Well then cleanse yourself my child! Cleanse yourself!" I announced.

"Well, one time, I took a library book out right? So anyway I fall asleep reading it and I left it under the bed." She explained. "I forgot about it for three and a half years! I was going to take it back on amnesty day, but on amnesty day I just took one sip of wine and I never made it out of the house." She sighed. "That and at that point the library was blown to smithereens."

 **Me:** _Who's to blame?  
_ **Choir:** _Who's to blame?  
_ **All:** _What's his name? We know his name his name is:  
Mister Booze! Mister Booze!  
Mister B double O Z E, don't ever choose!  
Any game you play with him you lose  
So don't mess with Mister Booze!_

 **Me:** _If your head feels like it's two miles_ _wide,_  
 **Choir:** _Two miles wide!_  
You'll _feel better once you've testified!  
_ **Choir:** _Testify! Testify!_

"I wanna testify! Lemme testify!" Quibble yelled out.

"Well come forward dear brother and testify!" I nodded.

"I used to be a soda pop stallion, then I switched to the bottle, now I hardly leave my couch and I've read every comic ever. You name a comic I've read it." He said.

"Spider colt!"

"Read it."

"Power Ponies volume seventeen!"

"Read it."

"That short lived Mare-Do Well comic!"

"Read it."

"License to fly!"

"Definitely read it."

 **Me:** _That's a shame!  
_ **Choir:** _What a shame!  
_ **All:** _Who's to blame for stories so lame his name is:  
Mister Booze! Mister Booze!  
Mister B double O Z E, you must refuse!  
You'll make the obituary news if you,  
mess with Mister Booze!_

 _If you've been so stiff they thought you died,  
You'll feel better once you've testified!  
Testify! Testify!_

"This mare wants to testify!" Dr. Hooves yelled out as he ran up, taking Derpy by the hooves.

"Very well my brother, let us lead her on the path of righteousness!" I nodded.

"This poor mare used to speak in long eloquent sentences, but after so much drinking she can only speak in short, choppy utterances." He explained. "Why at one time if you asked her who her favorite musicians were she'd say Countess Colutura, Songbird Serenade, or even Wolfgang Amadeus Coltzart, but thanks to that old devil hooch, it's all changed! Who's your favorite musician Derpy?" He asked her.

"I like muffins!" She simply said.

"I think that speaks for itself." Dr. Hooves sighed.

 **Cheese:** _Now alcohol makes a big colt small and can lead to a life of crime.  
_ **Choir:** _Yeah!  
_ **Ivory:** _Demon rum makes a gent a bum and you cash in before your time!  
_ **Choir:** _Yeah!  
_ **Quibble:** _Bootleg gin puts you in a spin till you don't even know your name!  
_ **Choir:** _Yeah!  
_ **Me:** _You're a basket case flat down on your face and there's only one guy to blame!_

 **All:** _Mister Booze! Mister Booze!  
Mister B double O Z E, don't ever choose!_  
 _'Cause you'll wind up wearing tattered shoes_  
 _if you mess with Mister_ _Booze!_  
 **Choir:** _Don't mess with Mister Booze!  
_ **Me:** _Oh Mister Booze.  
_ **Choir:** _Don't mess with Mister Booze!  
_ **Me:** _Oh Mister Booze.  
_ **Choir:** _Don't mess with Mister_ _Booooooze..._  
 **Me:** _Don't mess with B double O Z E...  
Cause that spells booze,_  
 _And you're gonna lose,_  
 _With Mister Booze..._  
 **Choir:** _Ooohhhh yeaaah!  
_ **Me:** _Don't mess around with Mister Booze._

 **Choir:** _Don't mess with Mister_ _Booze!_  
 **Cheese:** _That's what he said now!_  
 **Choir:** _Don't mess with Mister Booze!  
_ **Me:** _Oh Mister Booze.  
_ **All:** _Don't mess with Mister Booooooze!  
Oh Mister Booze!_  
 _Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!_  
 _Aaah-Aaaaah, oh Mister Booze!  
Oh yeah! Oh yeah! Oh yeah!  
Aaah-Aaaaah yeah!_

"Wow Chuck..." Twilight approached me. "I'm honestly quite impressed to see you all taking this so seriously and I know the mayor will be happy to hear this too, but if you could just keep it down so I don't get any more complaints."

"Sure, no problem Twilight, have a blessed day." I nodded as she left. I let out a sly chuckle as we were now back to our regular speakeasy. "Hehehe, yeah, taking it seriously as a fox." I chuckled as I poured another drink. "So, Pinkie, what was it you wanted to talk about?" I asked.

"Chuckie, I wanted to talk to you about..." Suddenly a call came for me from the cellar.

"Chuck! I can't read your writing, is that teaspoons or tablespoons for barley?" Flam called for me. I sighed a little.

"I've got to handle this, why don't you tell me at dinner tonight?" I asked.

"That works." She nodded slowly. I'll admit I felt a bit bad leaving her like that. After I came back from helping Flam with the recipe Pinkie was nowhere to be seen, I sighed a little as I got back to work, that night when we were out to dinner, she didn't seem quite like herself.

"Is... everything okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah..." She nodded. I could tell she wasn't being truthful.

"You can tell me if something isn't, right?" I asked.

"Well, I mean, I guess there is something bothering me." She admitted.

"That's a start, what is is?" Before she could answer somepony approached us and sat down beside us.

"Hi Pinkie Pie, hello Chuck." Twilight sighed a little.

"Yeesh, is everypony but me upset today?" I thought to myself. "What's up Twilight?" I asked.

"Just decided to go out tonight, I saw you two when I came in so I thought I'd say hello." Twilight explained.

"Happy to see you!" I nodded. "How have you been?"

"Well, not great." She admitted. "I thought after what I saw today that everypony was taking this seriously..." I gulped a little, I was _so_ busted.

"Oh? What? What happened?" I stammered.

"Well, just a couple of hours ago I saw Berry Punch wandering the streets drunk! Drunk!" She exclaimed.

"Drunk you say?" I asked coolly. "Well, well that would imply somepony has been breaking prohibition!" I said.

"I know." She said. "Truthfully, I don't want everypony to see me as the bad pony here, but it's a law, we should be respecting it."

"I'm sure nopony sees you as the bad pony." I said.

"That's not what Berry said." Twilight sighed.

"She was drunk, you really can't taker her word for it." I said. "Crying shame that happened, especially after that testimony."

"I know!" She remarked. "What do you think Pinkie?" She asked. "You've been pretty quiet."

"Huh? Oh, yeah." Pinkie snapped out of it. "It's awful that some ponies aren't taking the law seriously." She said flatly.

"Are you alright?" Twilight asked, noticing the change in personality of her friend.

"Just some things on my mind." She shrugged.

"Oh... okay." Twilight got up. "Don't let me be a third wheel anymore, I'll see you two around!" She said as she got up and went to a table across the restaurant.

"You were saying?" I asked.

"Chuckie... I don't feel comfortable with this." Pinkie said, looking down.

"With what?" I asked.

"Lying to Twilight, breaking the law, getting the help of two ponies who have almost ruined the life of one of my friends on different occasions, go ahead and pick one!" She said finally, letting it all out. I stopped for a moment, I had been so wrapped up in keeping things the way they always were regardless of what life threw at me I had never stopped to think of how it was making her feel.

"I see..." I nodded.

"Chuck, I love you, I really really do! But I can't keep lying to one of my best friends!" She said. "And, I really don't want to choose between you two!" I sighed and said nothing for a moment.

"I'll tell you what." I said. "Tomorrow morning, I'm telling Flim and Flam to hit the road." She brightened up a little.

"Really?" She asked.

"Sure am." I nodded. "Not only that, but... but I'll come clean to Twilight and Mayor Mare that I was responsible for breaking prohibition."

"You mean it?" She asked. "Oh thank you thank you thank you!" She hugged me tightly. "I love you Chuckie."

"I love you too Cutie Pie." I smiled. "But wait, isn't this crime punishable by catapult?"

"Yeah but... if you're coming clean about it I'm sure that they won't do it to you!" Pinkie said.

* * *

The next morning

 **ALLEGED PROHIBITION BREAKER CAUGHT  
FACING TRIAL TODAY**

"Come clean about it." I remarked as I sat in the bowl of the catapult with my legs tied. "Yep. This is a great idea."

"I really thought they'd be easier on you!" Pinkie said.

"Oh no, this is fine, you can come and scrape the paste I become when I land off the ground." I said dryly.

"Chuck S. Murphy, you have been accused of breaking prohibition, how do you plead?" Mayor Mare asked.

"I wasn't accused! I came clean!" I said in a frustrated tone.

"Guilty it is." Mayor Mare nodded.

"Hold on just an apple pickin' minute!" A voice called out, silencing everypony. We all turned to see Applejack.

"Oh thank God." I remarked. "Somepony sees how inhumane this is."

"Ms. Mayor, if I may." Applejack said. "It has been years since the catapult was used, shouldn't we test it?"

"Oh come on." I muttered.

"You raise a good point." Mayor Mare nodded. "Remove the accused from the catapult!" Big Mac lifted me out of the bowl and set me on the ground, he then set a large pumpkin there in my place.

"Is that supposed to be me?" I remarked. "Because I'm not that fat."

"Silence, beer baron!" Matilda Donkey kicked me.

"FIRE!" Applejack hollered as they pulled the lever, shooting the catapult off, we all watched the pumpkin fly off into the sky, I gulped a little knowing that would be me in mere moments.

"Mother!" I squeaked.

"Load in the accused!" Mayor Mare ordered. In seconds I was back where I was, ready to fly high and splat hard. "On the count of three!" She ordered. "Three, two..."

"Now hold on here for a second!" An elderly voice said. We all stopped and looked to see the bookkeeper pony from earlier holding the bill. "I have discovered more lines on the parchment!"

"Well, what is it?" The mayor asked.

"It says here that the prohibition law that was passed here two hundred years ago was repealed a hundred and ninety nine years ago!" He read.

"Let me see that." The mayor took the paper and read. "Release the prisoner!" She ordered, at that moment I was untied and let free, I ran up to Pinkie and held her tightly.

"I'm so glad you're okay." She smiled.

"You don't know how glad I am." I nodded with a smile. "But at the same time..." I said as I started to walk around the platform. "I am a bit surprised how ready you all were to fly me out of town via catapult, was maybe a few years in jail not a good enough punishment?" I asked. "Quite frankly, I don't think I'll forget this any time soon." I said. Officials and townsponies all looked at me nervously. "Nah, I'm just kidding." I laughed. "C'mon, I still have some bootleg in the cellar before I order more from Barstool, all ponies of legal age are invited!" I announced, causing the town to cheer.

"Now, hold on a minute." Twilight said. "I think I've learned something today, sure, there are things others do that you may disagree with, but as long as nopony gets hurt there's no reason to shut them down, when Scootaloo was drunk on the street, her guardians should have taken responsibility, if that had happened, this whol mess wouldn't have happened!"

"Well said." I nodded. "Say, Scootaloo, where were they anyway?" I asked.

"Well, you see-"

* * *

 _And that brings another Equestria's New Comedian to a close! Happy early St. Paddy's Day! Also, I have a new series out called Ponyville Daycare's New Comedian. If you haven' taken a look you totally should!  
_

 _Song used_

 _"Mister Booze" by: Jimmy Van Heusen and Sammy Cahn, originally performed by Bing Crosby in "Robin and the Seven Hoods"_


	41. Chapter 41: Proposition Postponation

**Author's note:** The sauce on your steak, the cheese in your cake! ENC is back with a new arc! This is an arc I've been working at for a while now, and now we're kicking it off today!

* * *

Chapter 41: The Proposition Postponation

"Sweet Celestia..." I looked at it, it was the most beautiful piece of forged metal as ever I've seen. "It's... it's amazing!" I looked up at Oddity. "Are you sure that I can afford it?" I asked.

"Are you kidding? I'd be living in the laundromat if it weren't for you, I'll put it on discount!" She smiled.

"Really? That's great! Thank you so much." I smiled. "I'll take it."

"Want the box with it?" She asked.

"I sure do." I nodded with a smile. "Thanks, you know, you were the first place I thought of when I decided to finally do this."

"Glad you thought of me." She smiled while bagging it. "Have a great day, and good luck!" She smiled as I paid.

"Thanks, you have a great day too." I nodded as I left the store, purchase in hoof. _"La da dee! La da dum..._ " I hummed, this was great, I had finally decided that it was time to ask Pinkie for my hoof in marriage. I wasn't sure what the moment would be quite yet, but I had just bought the ring, it was gold with a bright blue diamond on it, I had been setting aside profits in the bar for a good two months after my conversation with Bow, and now, the ring was mine, soon, she would be as well, forever and always. When I got back to town I immediately went to the bar, to share the news with Cheese Sandwich, Quibble, and Ivory.

"Wow! Look at the size of that stone!" Cheese gawked at it.

"Yep, the fact I hardly have to pay you helped with that." I chuckled.

"Happy to help!" He smiled.

"Looks good Loofah Mane." Quibble nodded. "Happy for you."

"Wow... that's... amazing." Ivory remarked. "How'd you afford it?"

"I got the shopkeeper out of a bind in the past, they gave me a discount." I explained.

"Lucky you." She said. "I'm happy to see you so happy."

"Happy? I'm ecstatic!" I said. "I feel, well, I feel amazing... I never thought that this would happen to me! I feel like the king of the world. I feel like for once, everything is great, everything... is grand."

 **Me:** _Everything is great, everything is grand  
I got the whole wide world in my metaphorical hand!_  
 _Everything is perfect, its falling into place_  
 _I cant seem to wipe this smile off my face_  
 _Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing along._

 _When your alone life can be a little rough_  
 _It makes you feel like your three feet tall_  
 _When its just you times can be tough_  
 _When there's no one there to catch your fall_

 _Everything is great everything is grand  
I got the whole wide world in the palm of my hand_  
 _Everything is perfect its falling into place_  
 _I cant seem to wipe this smile off my face  
_

 **Cheese:** _Life smells like a rose with someone to paint  
_ **Me:** _and someone to pose!  
_ **Quibble:** _Life's a piece of cake, with someone to_ _pedal_  
 **Me:** _And someone to brake!  
_ **Ivory:** _Life is full of glee, with someone to_ _saw_  
 **Me:** _And someone to_ see!  
 **Us:** _Life's a happy song when there's someone by my side to sing along!_

 **Me:** _I've got everything that I need right in front of me  
_ _Nothings stopping me nothing I cant be  
_ _With you right here next to me!_ I sang leading them out of the bar singing down the road.

 **Mr. and Mrs. Cake:** _Life's a piece of cake  
_ **Us:** _with someone to give and someone to take  
_ **Cheerilee:** _Life's a piece of pie  
_ **Us:** _with someone to wash and someone to dry  
_ **Big Mac:** _Life's an easy road  
_ **Us:** _with someone with you to share the load  
_ **Tree Hugger:** _Life is full of highs  
_ **Us:** _with someone to stir a_ _nd someone to fry  
_ **Sunny Side:** _Life is like a lamb  
_ **Us:** _with someone to lend a hand  
_ **Lyra:** _Life's a bunch of flowers  
_ **Us:** _with someone a while to lay the hours  
_ **Derpy:** _Life's a fillet of fish!_ We paused for a moment.  
 **Us:** _Sure, why not?  
_ _Life's a happy song when there's someone by your side to sing along_

 _I've got everything that I need right in front of me  
_ _Nothings stopping me nothing I cant be  
_ _With you right here next to me..._

At that point, I saw Pinkie across the town square, seeing her, I ran up to her and took her by the hooves to dance with her.

 **Me:** _I've got everything that I need right in front of me_  
 _Nothings stopping me nothing I cant be_  
 _With you right here next to me_  
 **Pinkie:** _You've got everything you need right in front of you_  
 _Nothings stopping you that you cant do you_  
 _Got the world in front of you_  
 **Us:** _Life's a happy song  
_ _when there's someone by your side to sing  
_ _Life's a happy song  
when there's someone by your side to sing  
_ _Life's a happy song  
when there's someone by your side to sing along!_

I kissed her deeply as we finished singing, hugging her tightly and smiling at her, she giggled a little in embarrassment.

"What's gotten into you today Chuckie?" She blushed.

"Just a bad case of lovin' you." I smiled warmly.

"And what's the cure for that?" She giggled.

"Another smooch." I said giving her another kiss.

"That's a cure I can provide." She smiled kissing me back.

"I don't know, I hope to spend my whole life down with that." I grinned walking away with her.

* * *

The Tavern, Later On

"Beauty huh?" I chuckled flashing the ring to TD from across the bar counter. Pinkie had gone out on deliveries giving me the liberty to show it off.

"It is. I've seen plenty of beautiful things out there and that ring is up in the top ten. Or was it twenty? I haven't checked that list in years." He replied looking at it.

"Uh huh." I replied dryly. "Prettiest ring as ever I saw, think I'll pop the ol' question this weekend." I smiled to myself putting the ring back in the box.

"Better sooner than later," TD agreed, pulling out a pipe and blowing into it. But instead of smoke, colorful bubbles came out and flew about the tavern. "Like it? It's friendly on the lungs, safe around children, and makes ya look like Sherlock Holmes. Minus the costume. Unless..." TD's horn glowed and appeared as a human in a Sherlock Holmes costume.

"Cute, looks like something a Muppet would smoke I'll admit." I snickered.

"What can I say? I don't smoke, or drink. So you'll have to forgive me there," TD replied with a chuckle. "Besides, have you heard what that stuff does to you? It's pretty serious."

"Alright Smokey the Bear or something or other, I didn't call you over for a moral." I replied.

"Okay man, I'm just saying..." He shrugged. "Anyhow, I've gotta skedaddle, see you around!" He disappeared in a large cloud of smoke. I coughed as the cloud spread.

"Oh yeah, that's _real_ easy on the lungs." I coughed as the door opened up. "Hey you two, what can I get ya?" I asked Rainbow Dash and Quibble as they walked in.

"You can get me my paycheck, it is Saturday after all." Quibble said.

"Heard you started selling Bolt Lite, I'll take one of those." Rainbow Dash said.

"You've got it." I pulled a bottle out of a cooler under the counter and I signed Quibble's paycheck. "There you two go." I smiled. "So what brings you out here?" I asked.

"Cut to the chase Chuck, Quibble told me all about it." Rainbow Dash smirked. "Lemme see it."

"See what?" I asked.

"The ring!" She said. "Come on!"

"Oh yes, that." I said pulling out a box. "Just got it this morning." I opened the box, showing it off.

"Looks good!" Rainbow Dash picked it up and looked at it. "I was wondering when you were gonna pop the question."

"This weekend's the plan." I nodded. "Mr. Chuck Murphy, doesn't that sound great?" I asked.

"Wasn't that your name before?" Quibble asked.

"Yeah, it was." I nodded.

"Pinkie Murphy?" Quibble exchanged looks with Rainbow Dash. "Eeyech..." They shook their heads.

"Hey, it's not that bad." I said before we sat in silence. "That sounds awful!" I had a sudden realization.

"Yeah, it does." Rainbow Dash nodded.

"It sounds terrible." Quibble nodded. "But hey, what's in a name?" He asked.

"Everything." Rainbow Dash told him.

"True." He nodded.

"This doesn't help!" I said angrily.

"Who cares what the name is?" TD's voice suddenly asked from every direction. Well well, look who's back. "What difference does it make? He'll still be the same guy!" Silence followed for a moment. "I messed it all up again, didn't I?"

"If you're gonna jump into the conversation, a bit better knowledge of the conversation would come in handy." I muttered cleaning a glass.

"Yeah, well that's one of the disadvantages of 'winging it'. By the way, if you're wondering, look up." TD was perched upside down on the ceiling in his pony form. The stance he took and the glowing eyes made him look rather intimidating to anyone who wasn't familiar with him.

"Get down from there, who do you think you are? Bat-Man?" I scoffed.

"Vampire would've been more accurate," TD said. He then suddenly got a scared look and gravity finally decided to apply to him. Unfortunately, his chaos wasn't done. As he fell to the ground, he struck several objects that appeared out of nowhere and disappeared as soon as he had collided with them. He finally hit the ground after a solid twenty seconds and groaned. " _Why_ do I do this to myself?"

"I dunno." I wiped at a glass. "Anyway, you've clearly got two cents to offer, gonna share 'em?" I asked.

"This is about the family name, right?" TD asked as he rose up on his hind legs, temporarily forgetting that he was in his pony form. As a result, he ended up falling again onto his back.

"He's being a baby because Pinkie's name sounds terrible with his family name." Rainbow Dash told him.

"So what if it does? I honestly don't care, though admittedly it would take some getting used to." By now, TD had decided to go with a Changeling form and flew into the air while still staying at eye level.

"I dunno, it's just..." A grin spread across my face. "I think I figured out the problem."

"That's the Chuck I know!" TD grinned. "Quick question: Who wants to come and spread some chaos with me? I've got the party hats of Death!"

"I'll pass, I've got to work." I said.

"I remember last time I said yes. Not happening." Quibble shook his head.

"I don't really want to know what a party hat of death does, but I also kind of do." Rainbow Dash said.

"Oh, they belong to Death. If he asks, tell him I took the second-best. Also, RD hold still please." TD turned back into a human, reached his hand into her mane and pulled out a mallet. "Ha ha!" TD exclaimed triumphantly in an old man voice. "I found me mallet!"

"What the...?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Chaos is an odd magic, my friend. It's usually best not to question it." He replied.

"Chaos really seems to be more of an excuse to get away with doing whatever you want regardless of what is appropriate or makes logical sense for the time, often used as a clever plot device in stories looking to get out of a bind quickly." Quibble remarked.

"Oh jeez." I rolled my eyes.

"Correct! You've won a prize!" TD said in an announcer voice. He reached into a mug on the counter and pulled out a gold cup from it somehow.

"Never said that like it was a good thing." Quibble looked at the trophy. "But thanks."

"Anyway, I'd best be on my merry way, th-th-th-th-that's all folks!" He chuckled as he disappeared.

"And with that, I'd dare say I'd best not tell anypony else." I said.

"So when do you plan on asking her?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"I'd say this weekend, I don't know how just yet, but that's when I plan on doing it." I said. "I just don't know if I can wait much longer, y'know?"

"I hear ya." Rainbow Dash nodded. "Hint hint." She nudged her coltfriend.

"It has been four months!" Quibble remarked.

"I'm kidding!" She laughed.

"Well, if you've met the one you know the right time." I said happily, looking down at the ring box. The rest of the week went on like an absolute drag! I haven't been more excited for Saturday since that Christmas was on a Saturday, but I had a feeling that Saturday I'd look back on more fondly than that Christmas. That Saturday morning I woke up bright and early, even earlier than usual on account of my excitement. I felt so happy I could sing!

 **Me:** _Mr. Sun came up and he smiled at me  
_ _Said it's gonna be a good one just wait and see  
_ _Jumped out of bed and I ran outside  
_ _Feeling so extra ecstatified_

 _It's the best day ever  
_ _Best day ever  
_ _It's the best day ever  
_ _Best day ever_

 _I'm so busy got nothing to do  
_ _Spent the last two hours just tying my shoe  
_ _Every flower, every grain of sand  
_ _Reminds me that this day's so grand!_

 _It's the best day ever  
_ _Best day ever  
_ _It's the best day ever  
_ _Best day ever_

 _Sometimes the little things start closing in on me  
_ _When I'm feeling down I wanna lose that frown  
_ _I stick my head out the window and I look around_

 _Those clouds don't scare me, they can't disguise  
_ _This magic that's happening right before my eyes  
_ _Soon Mr. Moon will be shining bright  
_ _So the best day ever can last all night  
_ _Yes, the best day ever's gonna last all night now_

 _It's the best day ever  
_ _(Best day ever)  
_ _It's the best day ever  
_ _(Best day ever)  
_ _It's the best day ever  
_ _(Best day ever)  
_ _It's the best day ever  
_ _(Best day ever)  
_ _Best day ever  
_ _Best day ever!_

"Ahaha!" I laughed to myself as I swung open the door to my bar. "Ahahaha! Ha..." I sighed happily. Today was the day! I had it all figured out, I was going to take her out for a picnic, at that point, as the sun was beginning to set, I would propose. I was more than ready to be with her for the rest of my natural life. I just had to survive the next nine hours, I've survive nine hours before, I could do it today.

At that point a 747 jet plane crashed directly into my bar, splattering me into chard and sizzling ooze, That was one nine hour segment I didn't survive.

I'm just kidding, anyway, four hours had gone by, the day was going as per usual. Ponies came, ponies drank, ponies left.

"Almost lunch break, hehehe, then almost time do do the thing thing with the ring ring." I chuckled.

"Could you have said that in a more immature way?" Quibble asked.

"Oh hush." I shot a look at him. Suddenly though, the lights in the bar flickered on and off until they just went off. "Perfect, must have blown a fuse." I said as I went down to the basement to check the fuse box. "Hmm, nope." I shook my head. Suddenly the lights came back. "Well that's good." I smiled heading back upstairs, one crisis averted. "Wonder what that was about." I said to Quibble stepping back to the bar.

"Who knows? I know my house has been doing the same for the past couple days." Quibble said.

"Huh." I remarked. "Kinda thirsty for something that won't rot my liver, up for some high quality H2O?" I asked.

"Sure." He shrugged. I went over to the sink and started running the water, the product ran murky with flakes of... rust!

"Wow, I thought you fixed the place up." Quibble remarked.

"I did!" I nodded. "New pipes and all, this isn't me."

"Well this is weird indeed." He nodded, that moment Rainbow Dash burst through the door.

"What can I get you R-D?" I asked.

"A nose plug if you have it." She said. "Garbage is piling up in the streets, it smells _awful_ out there!"

"Flickering lights, gross running water, trash piling up, what's going on?" I remarked. The door then opened and I got a real strong whiff of the garbage smell. "Close the door please!" I gagged, the pony who came in, Twilight Sparkle, closed the door behind her.

"Hello Chuck, Rainbow Dash, and..." Twilight said, not knowing Quibble's name.

"It's Quibble." He said. "Rainbow Dash's coltfriend? The Daring Do fan? Have I not been brought up at all?"

"Sorry about that." She said. "I'm here to tell you all about the town meeting tonight at six."

"Six?" I said. "Oh come on... well, maybe I can do the picnic after the meeting..." I thought.

"I'd love to see you all there." She said as she left. That night at the town meeting, everypony in town was there, waiting in the seats, I took a seat next to Pinkie Pie as we began to wait for the meeting to start.

"Have a good day Chuckie?" She asked.

"I would've rathered to not had this meeting." I admitted.

"Same here." She nodded.

"Why'd we have this meeting?" Quibble asked. "Who's the dummy who called this meeting?"

"I am the dummy." Twilight shot a look at him as she got up to the podium.

"Oh." Quibble nodded. "Good, it's about time we had a meeting."

"Good evening everypony, I think we all know why I've gathered you here today." Twilight said. "I called you here today because I think we all should be very concerned with how this town is suddenly falling apart."

"That's for sure!" A voice said.

"Absolutely." Another agreed.

"The lights, the water, the trash is piling up!" Twilight remarked. "And I think it's only right we find out why!"

"Yeah, where's the mayor anyway?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Come to think of it, I haven't seen her all day!" Rarity said.

"An' look who I found on the road to Fillydelphia!" Applejack announced as she burst through the door, Mayor Mare guiltily following her.

"Where have you been?" Twilight asked her. Mayor Mare just sighed.

"I can tell you..." She said.

 _Moments later..._

"Let me get this straight, we're broke?" Twilight asked.

"All because you invested town money in real estate!?" Starlight nodded.

"It was really cheap." Mayor Mare shrugged. "I didn't think it could get any cheaper. It can, by the way."

"So how much did we lose?" I asked.

"Somewhere in the neighborhood of... all of it." A chorus of gasps rang throughout the town hall.

"That explains the water and the power then!" Quibble nodded.

"I've been using the contingency fund to keep the power on." Mayor Mare explained. "But... that's all gone, the water pump is on it's last legs."

"So how much debt are we in?" Fluttershy asked.

"Ballpark?" Mayor Mare asked. "A whole lot."

"It shouldn't cost that much for a stinkin' ball park!" Granny Smith hollered.

"Hush now Granny." Applejack said sharply. A chorus of murmurs rang out from the ponies in the town hall, everypony quite worried.

"So what happens now?" Rarity asked.

"we... only really have two choices." Mayor Mare said. "One, we unincorporate the town and Ponyville essentially disappears." The crowd gasped at the idea. "Or..." The Mayor whipped out a lottery ticket. "Three dusty horseshoes in a row and we're back in business!"

"I'll give you a couple of dusty horseshoes!" Rainbow Dash said angrily, Quibble and Applejack immediately grabbed her and held her back.

"This is why I hate town meetings..." Quibble muttered. This was terrible, I was planning on proposing to the mare I love and now the town we lived in was dying? I hated the idea of leaving the town, even if Pinkie and I left together there was no way all of our friends would too, this could be the last time we were all together, who knows if we'd be together again. Hold on... together again... I had an idea.

"Well, hold on a second." I spoke up.

"Yes Chuck?" Mayor Mare asked.

"Back where I come from, whenever someone got into trouble they would put on Aid events, Live Aid, Farm Aid, Hear 'n Aid, Tsunami Aid, Chef Aid, Self Aid, NetAid, all that. A whole bunch of talent got together for a big charity event that would draw in enough money to save the cause!" I explained. "I've been around here long enough to know Equestria has more than enough talent to pull off the same thing, who's to say we can't do it?" I asked. Murmurs spread through the town hall, some supportive, some skeptical.

"Save the town with a rock concert?" Twilight asked skeptically.

"Not a rock concert, a large scale charity benefit!" I exclaimed. "We could get some celebrities to lend a hoof, I mean, let's face it, Songbird Serenade owes us a favor, so we could get her!"

"An' I just know Ra Ra would be all for it!" Applejack spoke up.

"That's the spirit!" I grinned. "I know it sounds a little crazy, but crazy has worked before hasn't it?" The Mayor thought about it for a moment before nodding a little.

"Well Chuck, I suppose it's... not a bad idea." She said.

"Pretty high-and-mighty for a mare who invested the town's money in real estate but I'll take it!" I nodded.

"I hereby instate Chuck as the director and chief pony in Ponyville Aid!" Mayor Mare announced.

"What? Director?" I asked before a group of ponies held me up and cheered. "I don't have time for... what about my..." I sighed. "I waited this long, I guess I can wait a bit longer."

That night, we never did get to go on that picnic, we were both pretty drained after that meeting and turned in early. Instead we just relaxed, I was still a bit... how do I say this, overwrought with anxiety over being named the chief of a charity benefit to save the town, I've carried group projects before though, I guess I could do it again.

"Chuckie?" Pinkie said, breaking the silence there had been.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I just wanted to say I'm really proud of you for stepping up like that." She said. "It's nice to know the stallion I love can be a little goofball _and_ an initiative planner."

"I'm a stallion of many sides." I said. "I'm like a Rubik's Cube with a bow tie." I chuckled.

"You think it's gonna work?" She asked.

"I sure hope it does." I said. "I'm gonna need some help though."

"Well, I'll be here to help you all the way through it!" She smiled.

"I love you." I smiled.

"I love you too." She giggled and gave me a kiss, sure, I didn't get to do what I had planned, but after this whole thing blew over I'd be able to do it, and after saving my town I had a feeling it would be an even sweeter feeling.

* * *

 _Don't you just hate when things don't go according to plan? Don't worry, this is just the beginning of that happening to ol' Chuck! What's gonna happen? We'll have to find out._

 _Songs used_

 _"Life's a Happy Song" by: Bret McKenzie  
_

 _"Best Day Ever" by: Tom Kenny_


	42. Chapter 42: Propostion Postponation Pt2

**Author's note:** The gin in your martini, the clams on your linguini! Back again with the continuation of ENC! Will Chuck be able to pull off what he has planned? Or will another wrench get thrown into his plans?

* * *

Chapter 41: Proposition Postponation Wrench-in-the-Planifacation

"So how much do you regret speaking up the other day?" Quibble asked me as I worked hard at writing letters and making audition posters.

"How much do you regret being my friend?" I asked him.

"What do you mean?" He asked.

"You're going to help." I explained. "You too Cheese." I said to him, busy writing something unrelated.

"I am!" He said.

"How?" I asked.

"I'm writing a letter to my uncle." He explained.

"How does that help?" I asked.

"I've told you about him before, haven't I?" He asked. "My uncle Sourdough? The owner of the Califoalnia Bowl?"

"Your uncle owns the Califoalnia Bowl!?" I coughed.

"Sure does!" He nodded. "Why?"

"We could do the event there!" I explained.

"Ooh..." Cheese gulped. "He's not big on charity events..."

"But you are family." I said. "At least mention it."

"I will!" He nodded.

"How am I helping?" Quibble asked.

"Easy, you'll help me during auditions, help with publicity, possibly be my gofer." I explained.

"I'm not being your gofer." Quibble said flatly.

"Fine, I'll see if I can borrow Spike from Twilight." I shrugged. "Speaking of which, I need to see a few ponies who've already volunteered, I've been swamped with ponies who either want to help or know somepony who does."

"Must be nice to be seen as a hero for the second time." Quibble remarked.

"Please, I'm no hero yet. We don't know if this will even work." I said. "Speaking of which, Ivory, how do you like volunteer work?"

"I guess I could help out, but if this is a bust I'm on the first train to Fillydelphia." She said.

"I hear it's always sunny there!" Cheese remarked.

"Happy you're onboard." I said. "Alright, letters are done, better go mail 'em." I said as I grabbed all the letters. "Want me to take yours too?" I asked Cheese.

"Sure!" He said sliding me the envelope. I whistled along as I went to the nearest mailbox and dropped the letters in.

"Here's hoping..." I sighed skeptically a little, I didn't even have complete faith in myself. Just then a group of fillies ran up to me, the Cutie Mark Crusaders to be exact. "Girls! Good to see you." I said greeting them. "Scootaloo, staying sober?"

" _Chuck_." She rolled her eyes.

"What can I do you girls for?" I asked.

"We heard about what your doin' to help the town!" Applebloom said.

"Yeah!" Sweetie Belle nodded. "Can we audition for it?"

"Are you kidding?" I asked. "Of course! Any audition is welcome." I nodded.

"Yay!" They all beamed.

"Auditions are today at four, the tavern." I explained. "Tell anypony else you may see fit."

"We will!" The said as they went on their way. I smiled a little closing the hatch of the mailbox and going back on my way.

"Please..." I said as I left. Meanwhile, a ring box sat in my office, having meant to be opened nights ago.

* * *

Three days later

"It'll be great sir!" I said ecstatically as Cheese, his uncle, and I exited his theater. Luckily due to the fact, and he stresses that it was for this fact alone, that Cheese was his favorite nephew, he was going to let us use his theater! "Thank you again sir! I don't know how to repay you sir!" I smiled.

"Don't worry, I'll think of something." The elderly stocky pony said, adjusting his large top hat. "So long Chuck, Cheese."

"Bye Uncle Sourdough!" Cheese called as he left.

"My luck is finally beginning to turn!" I laughed to Cheese. "This, this is absolutely amazing!"

"I know!" Cheese nodded.

"We've got the theater, Songbird is checking her availability, and Countess Coloratura already agreed, Twilight even said she'd talk to Princess Celestia and Princess Luna! Why, with stars like that we're sure to succeed!" I laughed, feeling like I was king of the world.

"Here's hoping!" Cheese grinned.

"No hoping about it!" I said. "We're gonna do it! If your uncle didn't like you so much, he would have never let us use the theater! We've got the place, we've got the stars, everything is aligning!"

 **Me:** _This is our big break,  
We may never get a chance again!_  
 _It's our big break,_  
 _So we're gonna do it right!  
It's our big break,  
The ponies will all sing and dance,  
It's our big break!  
Just like opening night! _

"Let's go over the checklist." I said to Cheese as we roamed backstage of the theater.

"Alright!" He nodded.

"A list of our acts?" I asked.

"Songbird is pending but other than that, check!" He nodded.

"Costume design?" I asked.

"Miss Coco Pommel just sent the confirmation letter!" He nodded.

"Set design?" I asked.

"Check!" He nodded.

"Amazing theater?" I asked.

"I think we both know that's a check!" He grinned.

 **Me:** _It is our big break!  
And if the show is really pretty,_  
 **Cheese:** _It's our first big break!  
_ **Me:** _Then I do believe!  
_ **Cheese:** _Our first big_ _break!_  
 **Me:** _That we're gonna save our town  
From our crippling debt, no one has to leave! _

I sighed happily a little. "It's going just as I hoped!" I smiled. "Cheese, catch the first train back home and tell everypony on this list to come to Califoalnia." I instructed.

"Will do!" He nodded. The next morning I welcomed the crowd of ponies to the theater. Pinkie stood beside me as I led them through the theater.

"Thank you all for coming, Cheese Sandwich's uncle was so very kind enough to let us use his theater, so if you see him, do say thank you." I said leading them around. "Practices begin today, we have an orchestra coming in to help, thanks again Octavia. So they'll help with the songs, keep in mind they are learning them as you are, so take it easy on them. We don't have very long before we premier. Practices will be long, ponies will get testy, but thanks to Sunny Side we will have a constant flow of coffee and snacks." I explained. "Now, I would like to thank all of you once again for dedicating your time to this important project. I do truly believe that if we put forth as much effort as possibly expendable, we will succeed." I smiled. "Now let's get to rehearsing! I need to see Pinkie Pie, Quibble Pants, and Rainbow Dash first and foremost, then I'll have Cheese Sandwich look over the others while I meet with Rarity and Coco."

"You heard him everypony, chop chop!" Pinkie nodded.

"Anypony who I'm not seeing right now can unpack their things in their dressing rooms." I said. "Pants, Dash, and Pinkie Pie, my dearest, with me." I said as I leafed through a script I had prepared. "And a one, a two, a one two three." I said as I began to go over the dance steps.

* * *

Later

"So whaddya think?" Sunny Side asked Pinkie Pie. "I'm still getting adjusted to the new kitchen."

"It's good! Love it!" Pinkie said gulping back the bowl of chili.

"Are you sure? Honestly I don't know if I can trust you, you eat anything." Sunny remarked.

"What? No! I'm very discerning." Pinkie replied.

"Eat this." Sunny said sliding her something, Pinkie put it in her mouth and swallowed it.

"What was that?" She asked. Sunny smiled wickedly as she flashed Pinkie a kitchen sponge with a corner cut out of it. "Don't feed me a sponge!" She gagged. "You don't just feed ponies sponges!"

"You put it in your mouth Pinkie!" Sunny laughed as Pinkie gagged. Walking by in the lobby was Princess Celestia and Princess Luna.

"Excuse me, Pinkie Pie." Luna approached her. "Do you know where Chuck is?"

"Chuck's in his dressing room! First door on the left down that hall!" She pointed.

"Thank you Pinkie Pie." Celestia nodded as the two walked elegantly through the hall.

"How do you think he's going to react to this?" Luna asked.

"We'll just have to see." Celestia replied. When they got to the door marked: "Chuck's Dressing Room/Office" Celestia knocked.

"C'mon in!" I called. At that moment the door opened and Princess Celestia and Luna walked in. "Princesses! Welcome!" I beamed. "I take it you got Twilight's letter?"

"We did, but-" Luna began.

"So will you two be in it?" I asked. "I'll bump anypony from the schedule you want." I said.

"We will gladly take part Chuck." Celestia said. "But... we are here in regards to something different."

"Oh?" I asked. "What... what's that?" I asked.

"Chuck... there's someone who wants to see you." Celestia said.

"Okay... where are they?" I asked.

"Just outside the theater." Luna replied.

"Ah! Must be Celaeno, I never did hear back from her." I said getting up and heading for the exit, Celestia and Luna exchanged looks, knowing it was definitely not Celaeno. Outside, They led me to a clover green pony standing on the sidewalk, taking it all in. He looked similar to Barstool in a way, but he was more muscular where Barstool was hefty, he didn't have a mane, but a light and thin orange beard, he was an earth pony like me, a blank flank too despite his age. "Hello?" I asked the middle aged stallion.

"Chuck?" He asked me. That voice... the voice sounded... familiar.

"In the fur." I replied coolly. "What can I do you for?"

"Chuck... it's me." He said. "Your father." My eye twitched and my jaw dropped.

"Oh my God." I remarked. Back in my dressing room, now with Celestia, Luna, and my father I paced the room, wanting answers. "How did... what happened? You're here? What?" I asked.

"Chuck," Princess Celestia said. "Perhaps I should explain. You see, you don't know how you got here, do you?" She asked.

"I've honestly been absolutely sure I've been in a really long dream." I replied.

"I can assure you this is no dream." Celestia said. "You see, I knew who you were long before you came here."

"What!?" I asked. "Yeah right."

"I am telling the truth." Celestia replied. "You see, in every realm, there exists someone who watches the inhabitants of that world, and those watchers talk. The watcher of your world saw you, someone who wasn't happy in their world and frankly, never would be. They came to me and told me of your situation. So I watched you for months before your last night on Earth to ensure you would not pose any form of a threat to Equestria or it's inhabitants, and when I could confirm, I had you taken from your world and placed here." She explained. I stopped and thought, none of this made sense, yet it did. I still had a lot of questions though.

"So... who's the watcher on Earth?" I asked. Celestia and Luna exchanged looks and Celestia whispered a name in my ear. "I knew it." I remarked. "So, how did you get here?" I asked my father.

"I brought him here after your world's watcher alerted me of his reaction." Celestia said. "Your disappearance upset him greatly."

"It did?" I asked him, he nodded slowly. "So... what about everyone else?" I asked. "The rest of my family?"

"Chuck..." My father approached me. "They all kind of thought that you..." He used a hoof to make a crude gesture of shooting one's self and did a raspberry when the "trigger" was pulled.

"Oooh." I nodded slowly.

"I didn't believe it though, they never found a body, never found a trace, I knew you were somewhere." He smiled a little as he embraced me in a hug. We never hugged a lot when I grew up so it was awkward, we had a good relationship don't get me wrong, but we didn't show emotion often.

"I had decided it was finally time to let him know his son was okay. I transported him here and took him to you." Celestia explained.

"Oh son... I'm so happy to see you're okay." He said.

"I'm happy to see you again dad." I replied with a smile. "What did the grandparents think when I disappeared?" I asked.

"They were the ones who started the notion that you... y'know." He said.

"Makes sense." I replied. "Well, it's... it's been a while." I said. "I sure have a lot to tell you."

"It has been almost a year, I'm sure you do." He nodded.

"Say, are all my old things still around?" I asked. "I never did a chance to pack them up."

"They sure are, and you'll be getting them all back too once we get home!" He replied.

"Uhh... what?" I asked.

"That's why I'm here, Chuck, it's time to come home." He said.

"Well, we see that this is our place to leave." Luna remarked.

"Mhm." Celestia agreed as the two left, leaving me and my dad alone.

"Dad, I can't go, there are so many reasons that I really really can't go!" I said.

"Like?" He asked, suddenly, one of them burst through the door.

"Hi Chuckie! What did Princess Celestia and Luna want? Did they agree to take part in the show? Did they? Ooh! Guess what! Sunny made me eat a sponge! A sponge! Well, I didn't know it was a sponge at the time and I don't quite remember the circumstances of it all but- hey! Who's this?" She pointed to my dad.

"... Meet the first reason." I said to my father. "Pinkie, this... is my father." Pinkie looked at him with wide eyes and gasped loudly.

"You're his father!? Wow! That's so cool! I was wondering when I'd finally get to meet you, I just hope it goes better than when I took Chuckie to meet my parents! Well, my mom liked him but for my dad wasn't all that fond of him up until..." As Pinkie kept talking, my father approached me.

"Why is this... _thing_ one of your reasons?" He asked. _Oh boy_.

"Dad, this is Pinkie Pie, we're, how shall I say, an item." I explained.

"A what now?" He asked.

"We're together." I said.

"Like an Abbot and Costello thing?" He asked.

"No, more like a Sonny and Cher kind of thing." I said. "We're together dad, in love."

"Aww, I don't even know who they are but the way you said it is so cute!" Pinkie remarked.

"You... two are?" He stopped. "Oh good Lord..." He remarked, I knew this was going to get ugly.

"Pinkie?" I asked. "Could you... give my dad and I some privacy?"

"Alrighty! Nice meeting you mister Chuckie's dad!" She said as she bounced out of the room. Outside the muffled door, the conversation we were having was still rather loud.

"That's disgusting!" My dad remarked.

"Why?" I asked. "I'm not a human anymore dad!" I exclaimed. "Perhaps you could stand to look in a mirror, because right now, you aren't either!"

"Well I didn't come here to get hooked up, I came here for my son!" He replied.

"Well you found him." I said. "But he's staying right here."

"Oh really?" He asked.

"Yes. I have a whole new life here dad, I'm in love! I run my own business! I've taken part in saving this country before!" I exclaimed.

"You ran away from your problems! You didn't give your old life a chance!" He said.

"I gave it twenty one years of chance!" I replied. "And another thing, I'm twenty one years old, this isn't your say anymore!"

"As your father I _definitely_ have a say in whether or not my son lives in some fantasy pony world!" He said. "Listen, back home, there is a grave with your name on it. They all think you are dead! Doesn't that matter to you at all?"

"You made up a whole grave for an assumed suicide?" I asked. "That wasn't what I'd want, I told you all a thousand times, when I'm dead just throw me in the trash!"

"There was nothing to throw in the trash!" He said.

"Except for the hundreds of dollars wasted on a headstone for someone who's alive and well." I remarked. "Listen, dad, I'm happy here, I'm so... _so_ happy here. Doesn't that matter?" I asked.

"Is this really how you imagined your life?" He asked.

"Not at all." I shook my head. "But I've been loving it so far! I mean, how did you think I'd end up?" I asked.

 _My father's imagination_

Me and a fictional family drove happily down a highway in a blue minivan singing along.

 **Us:** Give _me oil in my lamp, keep me burning  
Give me oil in my lamp, I pray_  
 _Give me oil in my lamp, keep me burning_  
 _Keep me burning till the break of day!_

 _Back in reality_

"That same thing could be accomplished here!" I remarked. "Just, without the minivan."

"Well, you missed a part." He remarked. "The van was driving to visit me."

"Oh puh-lease! You're just making that part up!" I arched my eyebrow.

"Well, whether I am or not, what's done is done." He said. "Chuck, you're coming home with me. No ifs, ands, or buts." I sighed a little, feeling defeated.

"Look." I sighed. "I'll do it, okay?" I said. "But there's something I need to take care of first."

"What's that?" He asked.

"Well, this isn't my theater." I said. "I'm running a benefit charity show to save the town I've been living in. The show is just a couple weeks away, all I ask is that you let me stay here until then so I keep the promise I made, and then, then I'll leave." I bargained. He looked a t me for a moment, clearly thinking about it.

"Fine." He said. "But after that-"

"Yes, yes." I said. I went back to my desk and sat at it. I then looked up at him. "Y'know, as long as you're here, we _could_ use a drummer for the band, I know you're good at that."

"As long as I'm here I suppose I could pass the time." He remarked. "It's just a couple weeks?"

"Don't remind me." I said. "Look, I'm going for a walk, make yourself comfortable, there's an available dressing room down the hall." I said as I grabbed my hat and put it on, heading for the door. Without looking back I shut the door and made my way for the exit of the building, seeing me, Pinkie bolted up to me.

"Hi Chuckie! It was nice I could finally meet your dad even though you did once tell me in a perfect world it would never happen, I still don't quite understand why you said that though, he seemed pretty nice!" She said beside me, I looked at her with a bit of sadness and sighed.

"Join me on this walk and I'll tell you why I said that." I said. "Of course, when I said that I didn't know it would be this bad." I said as she followed me. I was silent for the first few minutes of the walk, she was too, it was honestly awkward, how was I supposed to break it to her that in two weeks I'd be leaving her and this world behind? She knew something was wrong, she was able to tell from the moment I left my office. She finally decided to ask what was wrong.

"What's the matter?" She asked. "If I was able to see my dad after leaving the world he lived in, I'd be really happy to see him!"

"I was, until I got some news." I said.

"What was the news?" She asked.

"Pinkie... I'm not gonna be around much longer." I admitted. She stopped and looked at me for a moment.

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I'm leaving. Well, more appropriately my father is making me. I get to stay until the concert is over, then I have to go back to Earth forever." I said sadly.

"What?" She asked, not believing it to be true.

"I'm serious. I have no say in the matter, two weeks from now will be my last day in Equestria." I nodded.

"But... but..." She started to tear up.

"I know." I sighed as I wrapped her in a hug. "We still have two weeks though, who knows? Two weeks is a long time, perhaps he'll have a change of heart." I said, trying to make the best of the situation.

"Maybe..." She nodded. "I don't want you to go!" She hugged me tightly again.

"I know Cutie Pie..." I sighed. "I know." I shook my head a little, snapping out of my sadness, at least on the outside. "C'mon, we should be getting back. I have a lot of work to do, and I think Rarity wanted to see you for costumes." I said.

"Okay..." She nodded sadly. I knew breaking this news to her would be hard for me to take, but I didn't know it'd be this hard, she looked like the saddest mare in the world, I suppose on some level it did kind of make me happy just to see hoe much I meant to her, but I really would have rathered to see that in literally any other circumstance. That night after a long day of setting things up, talking to various press ponies, and designing posters it was time to turn in. I set up a cot in my dressing room and hung my hat over my face to let anypony who came in know that I was in a "do not disturb" type of mood. Just as my luck would have it a knock came at my door as I laid down.

"Who is it?" I asked sharply.

"It's Ivory." The voice outside the door said.

"Come on in." I sighed. At that moment the door opened and Ivory slowly walked in. "What can I do you for?" I asked as I sat up.

"I heard about what happened." She said.

"I really don't want to talk about that right now." I said flatly.

"I get that." She said. "I just wanted to say I feel terrible for you, that and thank you." She said.

"For what exactly?" I asked.

"Just, for seeing something in me after I had been shot down by almost every other dining establishment in Equestria." She said. "I know it's cliche, but you really were kinda the best boss ever." She said.

"And to think, I bought the mug for myself when I didn't know if I'd ever had an employee who thought so." I chuckled. "No problem Ivory, now, go and get some rest, we have a busy two weeks ahead." I said.

"I will." She nodded, "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." I said as she shut the door, I sighed and went back to the way I was, of course I didn't actually end up sleeping. But I expected that to happen, yep. My life was falling apart and there was nothing I could do to prevent it.

* * *

 _Talk about bad luck! Or should I say, dad luck! Tune in for more as this story continues later on!_

 _Songs Used_

 _"Our Big Break" by: Phil Vischer and Kurt Heineke_

 _"Oil in my Lamp" by: A. Seivison_


	43. Chapter 43: Proposition Postponation Pt3

**Author's note:** It's someone's birthday this chapter! Kind of, just read and see.

* * *

Chapter 43: Proposition Postponation Wrench-in-the-Planifacation Birthday-Partifacation

"Alright, gather around everypony..." I yawned as I stood in front of everyone involved in the project at the beginning of the morning. One week had gone by since my father had arrived and dropped the news on me. I had not slept well a single night of that week. "Big day today, we've made some great progress, we're looking for even greater today." I yawned again. "So, I'll need posters up. Applejack and Rainbow Dash if you could do that that'd be super. And Spike if you could hand out flyers that would be great. Meet with me after the announcements for those." I yawned once more, my eyelids drooping shut with it, falling down flat and starting to sleep.

"CHUCK!" Somepony hollered, making me jerk back to life.

"I'm up!" I said before yawning again. "Alright, just a couple of things. Could whoever it is that is posting "Meanie pants" on the door of my father's dressing room please cease and desist. I won't call anypony out, but I do have my suspicions." I read. "Let's see, what else?" I looked at my list. "Okay, most of these are just drawings of me with pecs and abs. Go to work everypony." I dismissed them and headed to my office to get the posters and flyers. A few moments later Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Spike arrived at my office. "What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Check your notebook Sugarcube." Applejack said. I looked at my notebook to see that I had put them down for posters and flyers.

"Ah yes, how silly of me to forget." I remarked.

"How much sleep have you gotten this week?" Spike asked.

"Roughly an hour in all, how long was I out at notes today?" I asked.

"About two seconds." Rainbow Dash said.

"Best two seconds of this week so far." I sighed. "Here you go." I said as I gave them the posters and flyers. "See ya later." I said, with that, I trudged down the hall to the concession stand where Sunny Side whistled while she worked behind the counter.

"Morning cotton head, the usual?" She asked.

"With an entire liqueur if you have it." I nodded. With that she grabbed a large ceramic mug and poured half a pot of coffee into it, she then poured cream and sugar into it.

"Sorry Chuck, no liqueur." She chuckled.

"Rats. This'll do I guess." I said before chugging back the coffee and licking my lips. "Delicious as per the usual."

"That's right, Chuck, you aren't great at much. But you always know what to tell a gal." Sunny said.

"You're a chick? I never knew." I shot back, she snorted with laughter at my comeback.

"Good one Chuck." She snickered. "Don't tell anypony this, but I just might miss you after next week."

"Nicest thing you ever said to me." I replied.

"Don't get used to it Chump." She shot back.

"There's the Sunny Side I know." I nodded with a bit of a grin. "Honestly though I have a feeling I'll miss you too. Most folks back where I came from were jerks to me because they really didn't like me."

"Aw, if I'd have known I would have been easier on you." She replied.

"Really?" I asked.

"No." She shook her head.

"Ah." I nodded. "Well, I've got a lot to do on a very drained sanity tank. See you around." I got up and headed for my office. As I sat down, I muttered and sighed to myself as I began writing things down. We put on in one week, full dress rehearsal should probably happen soon, I still haven't seen every act yet. Between this and my father's news he dropped on me about a week ago I was running on my last mental leg, I was forgetting things left and right, I was barely sleeping, I was irritable. The last thing I wanted was to be around anypony today, but since I was the head of this production I had to. At least I could have this time in my office to myself though. Just twenty minutes to myself was all I wanted. But that was twenty minutes I just couldn't get apparently. Because the moment I laid back, feeling like I just may be able to get a nap in a large puff of smoke erupted in my office.

"And I thought my temporary change of address would prevent this." I chuckled a little.

"Afraid not Chuck!" The blood red unicorn known by me as TD chuckled. "What are you doing here anyway?" He asked, looking around at the office.

"Currently?" I asked. "Trying to get some sleep."

"That's not what I meant and you know it." He replied. I rolled my tired eyes a little and opened them to the best of my ability.

"Ponyville is dying thanks to very poor investment choices, I'm putting on a benefit concert to try and help." I explained.

"And that's making you sleep deprived?" He asked.

"Yes. No. Sort of." I shrugged.

"Then what is?" He asked.

"It's nothing." I said. "I'm just not a great sleeper." I lied, mostly for the sake of my father's safety, Lord only knows what he'd do to him if he knew what the situation was. Yet another prime example of my doing something good for someone knowing I won't get any recognition for it.

"Oh." He nodded. "So you mean to tell me that your town lost all it's money and you didn't even-" I knew where he was going so I cut him off.

"Believe it or not, I am not so useless that I need help with everything, when I do not need help, I do not ask." I said impatiently due to my lack of sleep.

"Touchy touchy." He remarked. "You didn't let me finish, what I was going to say is, you didn't even ask me if I wanted to perform!" He said. My eyelids drooped to half mast and I sighed a little.

"Would you like a spot in the concert?" I asked, almost reluctantly.

"Well, now that you ask, absolutely!" He said.

"Wonderful, I'm sure I can work you in. Just pick a song, make sure it's relatively family friendly and just show up for these dates." I said as I scribbled the dates of dress rehearsal and the night we went on onto a piece of paper. At that point, yet _another_ presence arrived in my office.

"Alright Chuckie, I admit it!" Pinkie exclaimed as she walked in. "I was the one who wrote those notes."

"I knew that it was you." I replied. "I just don't like naming names. Is that what you came to tell me?" I asked her.

"Yeah." She nodded. "Ooh! Also! I forgot to tell you something! I was super sad to learn you wouldn't be here for Gummy's birthday party!" She said. "It's just one month from now and I was really hoping you'd be here!"

"Wait..." TD spoke up. "Why won't he be here?" He asked.

"Chuck didn't tell you?" Pinkie asked. "He has to go-" I quickly cut Pinkie off.

"I have to go to a doctor's appointment that day! It's uhh... for my umm... my heart!" I said. "See, I was born with a hole in my heart, now and then it needs to be checked in on." I said. "It hasn't been a real issue since I was a baby though, believe it or not the doctors told my parents I'd never have a big appetite, proved them wrong, huh?" I chuckled.

"Chuck," TD said, "you're as terrible a liar as Charlie Brown is bad at remembering to say, 'This is for you, Lucy. Happy Valentine's Day.' What's the problem? And please, be honest." It honestly sounded more like a command than a plea.

I sighed a little. "Look, in... six days I will be returning to where I came from, that's what happens when your an undocumented dimensional immigrant."

"That's not why!" Pinkie cut in.

"Okay, okay. Long story short my dad came back and he's making me leave." I said.

TD suddenly blasted a wall in anger, thankfully remembering to fix it afterwards.

"WHAT!?" He screeched, "But you can't do that! You still a long ways to go! You still have the family, the Christmas special, and-" he suddenly stopped himself and looked apologetic. "Sorry, looked a little to far ahead. But still! Did Celestia authorize this?"

"Considering she's the one who brought him here, yes." I admitted. "Now, before you go ballistic, which I can clearly see even in my beyond mentally unstable state, I ask that you don't overreact to this. This is just life, _que sera sera, whatever will be will be._ Y'know?" I asked.

TD sighed. "I'm mad, because she's messing with powers beyond her and _HE_ shouldn't drag you out of this life. If you need clarity, I may have peeked at your future a bit. Care to hear, or do you want me to leave?" He started pacing about, somehow managing to end up on the ceiling and then back to the floor.

"I'd rather you don't show me since I'm sure it involves a heart-attack before I turn forty." I said dryly.

"Wrong!" TD shouted, as a buzzer was heard. "Chuck, i can't see everything, but I know for a fact that your life here in Equestria is FAR from over! THAT is why I am mad at Celestia! Your dad...eh, it's understandable, but still hurtful." He started muttering as if hatching an evil scheme. "You and me Tia need to have a loooong talk. Mwahaha!" He quickly turned into Changeling form and looked to Pinkie. "Did I overdo the laugh?"

"Only a little." She nodded.

"You're overdoing everything!" I hollered. "I'm sorry, but what's done is done, I've accepted everything good about my life is getting ripped away and I'm just trying to enjoy the last six days of it."

TD smiled sadly and changed into his pony form. Even with his eyes, it was clear that he was trying to be supportive, or at least sympathetic. Sometimes, it was easy to forget that TD had a softer side to him. "You shouldn't give up so easily," he said. "You have so much in front of you. Don't let go of it. If not for me, then for those here who love you and care about you. Plus, like I said, your time here is far from over. I'm willing to bet that it'll all turn around back into your favor, with or without my direct intervention." TD put back a cheerful face. "Welp! See ya at the concert! And, word of warning for your friends, DON'T visit the palace for the rest of today. I wasn't joking about the 'talk' with Celestia. Toodles!" TD's image burst into flames and slowly burned into a pile of ashes, which then disappeared in a flash of light.

"I'd better go warn Celestia." I muttered as I got up from my chair knowing that she was here still and not in her castle.

"He is right you know." Pinkie said.

"About?" I asked.

"You shouldn't give up so easily." She said.

"I know..." I sighed. "It's just, just kind of hopeless."

"I know Chuckie..." She said as she approached me and hugged me a little.

"So what were you saying about Gummy's birthday?" I asked.

"I was gonna have a birthday party for him next month on his birthday, and I still am but I was really hoping you'd still be here for it!" She said. "Speaking of which, when is your birthday?" She asked.

"Well, it should be soon." I said. "What day is today?" I asked, not knowing since every day has felt like one long day for the last six days.

"April fifth!" She said.

"Oh." I said. "Well then..." I remarked.

"Why?" She asked.

"I guess it was yesterday." I said, I guess that between the stress I was under and my forgetfulness I had completely forgot that my birthday was yesterday. "Oh well, guess I'll take my nap now." I said as I resigned back to my chair.

"Not so fast!" Pinkie said as she grabbed me by the tail. "No way!" She said seriously.

"But I am incredibly exhausted." I sighed.

"But Chuckie!" She pleaded. "Listen, in six days I'm probably going to lose you forever, and somepony's birthday is supposed to be a special day! And you have been working so hard that you didn't get to even have a birthday! Now, as somepony who cares a lot about birthdays and if your marefriend, how do you think I feel about that?" She asked.

" _More strongly than I do._ " I thought. "Not good." I said aloud.

"Exactly!" She said. "Now, just let me give you the best day ever before we lose each other. Please!" She pleaded, I wasn't really for it, all I wanted was a nap. I sighed a little.

"If you really want to I suppose." I said.

"Now that's not the way to look at it!" Pinkie said. "Chuckie, listen."

 **Pinkie:** _Just six more days left  
_ _There's nothing we can do,  
_ _But whatever happens next  
_ _I'm glad I'm here with you_

 _Mister Sun came up and he smiled at me  
_ _Said "It's gonna be the best day, just wait and see"  
_ _Sure this whole thing has caught us unaware  
_ _But we're still here and Mister Sun's up there_

 _Could be the best day ever  
Best day ever  
It still could be the best day ever!  
Best day ever_

 _I'm so lucky, got nothin' to do  
I could spend all day just being with you,  
Every flower, every grain of sand  
Reminds me that this day's still grand._

She led me out of my office and kept singing as we went through the hallways.

 _It's the best day ever!  
_ **Others:** _Best day ever!  
_ **Pinkie:** _The best day ever!  
_ **Others:** _Best day ever!_

 **Me:** _These past few days  
The world's been closing in on_ _me._  
 **Pinkie:** _No need to feel down!  
I'll help you lose that frown, _  
_Just open up your eyes and look around!_

 _Your father doesn't scare me  
He can't disguise,  
This magic that's happened  
Right before my eyes!  
Whatever comes there's just one thing to do,  
Make the best day ever with all of you!  
Today's the best day ever with all of you now!_

I stopped and smiled a little bit, feeling a bit better.

 **Me:** _It's the best day_ _ever_

 **All:** _It's the best day ever  
(the best day ever)  
_ _It's the best day ever  
(the best day ever)_

 **Pinkie:** _It's the best day ever!  
_ **Me:** _Best day ever!  
_ **Pinkie:** _It's the best day ever!  
_ **Me:** _Best day ever!_

"That's the spirit Chuckie!" She giggled as she hugged me tightly.

"You are an incredibly persuasive pony." I chuckled. "Alright Cutie Pie, what's the plan?" I asked.

"First and foremost, you are taking today off!" She said. "And so am I. And maybe a few other ponies that you're close to, then we're partying Califoalnia style!" She grinned. "C'mon! We've gotta get the guest list handled!" She said pulling me by the leg. "Let's see... hey Cheese!" She called.

"Yes?" He asked, turning around.

"We're throwing a birthday party for Chuckie! Wanna join us?" She asked.

"Sure!" He nodded. "Chuck, you never told me it was your birthday!"

"I kinda forgot." I admitted.

"Let's see, who else... ooh! Quibble!" She said as she sped off before momentarily returning dragging Quibble by the tail.

"Chuck, I try and be patient, I try to be kind, but I have no idea how to say "Make your crazy marefriend release me!" in a kind and patient way." He grumbled.

"Come on! It's Chuckie's late birthday!" Pinkie said to him as he stood to his hooves.

"Oh, well in that case..." He began. "You could have just said that." He finished.

"Who else, ooh! Ivory!" She said as she ran and got Ivory. "Ooh, then Twilight and the others..." She said as she ran off to grab Twilight, Fluttershy, and Rarity. Upon return she smiled and nodded. "And that makes everypony! We'll just have to find Spike, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash on our way! Alright team! Let's have a birthday party!" She grinned as she led the group out the door holding my leg. As we walked, we bumped into Applejack who was walking down the road whistling.

"Well howdy y'all!" She said happily. "What brings the lot of you out here?" She asked.

"Applejack! It's Chuck's birthday except it's not really and we're throwing him a birthday party to make up for it!" Pinkie smiled. "Wanna join us?"

"Darn tootin'!" She nodded.

"Applejack, where's Rainbow Dash?" I asked.

"She should be around here somewhere..." She said. "HEY RAINBOW DASH!" She called out, zipping down from a cloud came Rainbow Dash.

"Hey everypony!" She said. "I definitely didn't turn my stack of posters into paper flyers and throw them at birds then nap on that cloud up there." She said.

"I don't even care that that's a blatant lie." I said.

"We're having a birthday party for Chuckie! Wanna join us?" Pinkie asked.

"Sure do, I'm all for a day off!" Rainbow Dash grinned.

"One more for the guest list!" Pinkie said.

"I have a feeling I know where to find him." Twilight spoke up. Meanwhile, at a nearby comic book store...

"Come on! But it only says one bit on the cover!" Spike pleaded to the clerk in the comic book store.

"The only way to get this comic book for one bit is to travel back in time to 1974 and purchase it then." The overweight stallion said flatly as he sipped his soda. At that moment, our group walked into the shop.

"There you are." Twilight said to Spike.

"Twilight! How did you know I'd be here?" Spike asked.

"Lucky guess." Twilight replied, Quibble and I walked up to the counter.

"Spike," I said. "What's this guy asking for it?"

"Two hundred and seventy five bits." He replied.

"That's funny." Quibble remarked as he snatched the comic to look at it. "That would only be an appropriate price if it was in mint condition, which it clearly isn't." He remarked. "Exhibit A, grape soda stain on the cover." He pointed to a splotch on the comic book.

"Good point." I nodded. "Exhibit B, wear on the corners." I pointed to the faded corners of the comic.

"Well, gentlecolts..." The stallion behind the counter said nervously. "That splotch is a printing error, and the wear is inescapable considering the age of the-" Quibble cut him off.

"Exhibit C, I see that this page has been dog-eared, possibly the biggest sin in comic book collecting." He smirked.

"Well..." The clerk stuttered. "One thing I should... ugh. The comic is it's original price." He muttered.

"That's what I thought." Quibble grinned. Spike slid the one bit across the counter and the comic was his.

"Thanks guys!" He said to us.

"All in a day's work." Quibble smirked. "However I should warn you, SuperColt does-" I shushed him.

"Spoilers!" I glared.

"Now that we have everypony, let's go!" Pinkie said excitedly leading us out of the comic book store. The group of us walked through the streets, looking around at the Califoalnia sights. Suddenly, there was a confused Irish accented.

"Yeet?!" and a familiar figure fell from the sky in front of us. And guess who it was? "Oh, hey guys!" TD greeted us, standing back up. He had gone with his pony form, and for once his sunglasses were on. He took a look around the place and whistled.

"Yay! The perfect addition to the guest list!" Pinkie remarked.

"Guest list?" TD pondered, "Wait..." He pulled out a tablet device of some kind, fiddled around with it for a second, then put it away with a smile. "Oh...Your author told me something about this. A day off or whatnot."

"It's a birthday party!" Pinkie said. "Chuckie forgot his birthday and so we're having one for him now!"

"Oh. Well, happy birthday!" TD exclaimed. With his glasses on, it actually made him look like he meant it, because his draconic eyes usually gave mixed signals off without them.

"Thanks." I replied. "So, are you gonna join us?"

"Why not?" TD said with a smirk, taking time to float in midair for no apparent reason. "I've got nothing better to do for now, and I've already exhausted what fun I can get off of my Sega Genesis. Besides, why would I want to miss out on my friend's birthday? That's like asking Trixie to cast a SUCCESSFUL spell."

"Well that's not quite fair." I said.

"No no, plenty fair." Twilight said flatly.

"Well then yes. It's fair, c'mon, more the merrier." I said

"Alright!" TD shouted, momentarily turning into the Genie from Aladdin.

"Alrighty then." I replied as we strolled along.

"Well, I'll be honest, this actually looks nice!" TD remarked as he stared at all the sights around him. "Though, I'm still suing Hasbro for making fun of my home-state. I'm kidding, obviously. But it was on my mind once upon a time."

"Has-what now?" Applejack asked.

"Forget about it." I said.

"Heellllp! Grommmiiiiit!" TD shouted, rushing through traffic uncontrollably as Wallace of the popular Aardman series "Wallace & Grommit" in the Techno Trousers. Several crashes and car horns were heard, then a loud "Boing!" TD temporarily flew upwards into view and hollered, "Sorry!" before crashing to the ground again. Eventually, he came to a stop right in front of us. He had returned to his pony form, but he was still in the trousers.

"Oy. I can't tell if this is actually happening or I'm hallucinating from a lack of sleep." I remarked.

"Nope, real." Rainbow Dash said.

"Seriously?" TD remarked, causing the Trousers to disappear, "Why does everyone think that it's a dream? You deal with a Spirit of Chaos who can do the same things!"

"He's just a little sleepy." Pinkie said.

"A little?" Rarity asked. "Yesterday I had to pull him off the dress rack because he thought they were making fun of him."

"Actually, that might have been me," TD said with an apologetic smile, "I may have enchanted the dress rack as a joke meant for you, Rarity, but I guess it hit the wrong victim."

"Let's talk about something else." Twilight said aside, "He's still a little touchy about that."

 _Yesterday..._

"So what if there's a little gap between my two front teeth?" I growled at the taunting dresses. " _I DON'T NEED BRACES!_ " I hollered.

 _Back in the now..._

"I would be too," TD remarked, "Only I'd burn the dresses. On that note, is my mane on fire?" It was.

"We picked up a weirdo." Cheese murmured to Quibble.

"Shut up, Meg," TD said in a Peter Griffin voice. He then seemed to realize only now that his mane was on fire. "YEOW!" TD started running about like an idiot, causing a lot of panic around him. That is, until a bucket of water came out of nowhere, poured itself over his head, and then caused him to get clothes-lined by it. "I'm okay," he said as he lay on the ground.

"Good, but I mean, I kind of figured." I said as we walked by. "So what now? I really don't want to just walk all day."

"Just leave that to me!" Pinkie said. "Let's go Chuckie!" She grabbed my leg.

"Hey," TD muttered weakly, "Is there a doctor in the house? I think I'm having a concussion."

"Well then you won't be a fan of where we're going!" Pinkie said.

 _Ten minutes later_

"Welcome to What The Fun, how many in your party?" The pony in the booth said outside the large amusement park.

"Eleven!" Pinkie said.

"Wait! Wait, I'm here!" TD called as he suddenly rushed up to them all out of breath. He had decided to go with his Changeling form now, but why was beyond me. Honestly, couldn't he just stay in one form for more than ten minutes. "Answer to that is no," TD said in response to the previous statement.

"Make that twelve." I said. "On me." I said as I got out my wallet.

"Paying on your kinda-birthday?" Pinkie asked. "No way! On me!" She said as she got out her purse and paid.

"Thanks." I replied.

"You're welcome Chuckie, now c'mon! Let's go let's go let's go!" She pulled me forward.

"I could've paid," TD said in a trailing off voice. He then sighed and called out, "Fine, be that way! But I'm paying for the food!"

"You're gonna regret saying that." Rainbow Dash snickered.

"You really are." Applejack nodded, knowing the appetite of her friend.

"I have never been more attracted to you." Quibble remarked at his marefriend's statement.

"I won't regret it, actually," TD said as he finally got closer to them. "Back in my universe, I had to deal with a pregnant alicorn that had the most insane and largest quantities of cravings to deal with. The amount I spent in three days probably could've bought ten trips to Disneyworld. And that's assuming that you go to every ride, buy food and drink, buy tickets to the in-park theaters, the whole deal. i think I can handle it."

"Which is exactly what Chuckie and I are doing!" Pinkie said. "C'mon Chuckie, there's a cotton candy stand that is just calling our names!"

"Sounds good to me." I grinned as we walked along.

"Yep," TD said to himself, "Still taking that offer." He then shouted to them, "You're welcome, by the way!"

"Thanks!" Pinkie called. "Having fun Chuckie?" She asked.

"More fun then I've had all week." I replied.

"That's not setting the bar high." Pinkie said.

"Maybe not, but today will set the bar high for probably the rest of my life." I replied.

"What is it with you and knowing the right thing to say?" She asked.

"I minored in that in college." I said.

"What did you major in?" She asked.

"That's not important now." I said as we walked up to the cotton candy booth.

Meanwhile, TD was somehow managing to hit a perfect bulls-eye on every single archery target given. Of course, the fact that he was in a Disney's Robin Hood form probably had something to do with that. "And, that's how you win at archery," TD said with a smirk as he returned to Changeling form. A nearby couple seemed to get really scared when they saw him change. "Oh relax!" he said to them, "I'm not an actual Changeling, in case the color coding wasn't obvious."

"How does Chuck know this guy?" Ivory asked the group she was with.

"Some sort of cross dimensional thing, I stay out of it." Quibble explained.

"Well that, and he has an alternate version of himself where I'm at," TD explained. "It goes much more in depth than that, but you wouldn't understand. It'll overload your brains... probably."

"His maybe." Rainbow Dash snorted at the expensive of her coltfriend. Meanwhile, Pinkie and I stood in line at the roller coaster.

"I haven't been on a roller coaster in so long!" Pinkie said.

"Neither have I." I said as we waited in line. "I think the last one I was on that I can recall was about five years ago. You?" I asked.

"Just last year!" She said. "I went to Horseshoe Palace in Manehatten with Maud."

"Sounds like a good time, if your lucky she might have smiled more than this." I said as I curved my lip just enough to resemble a very slight smile. Pinkie giggled and hit me playfully on the shoulder.

"Oh come on!" She giggled. "She smiles more than that!"

"I'll take your word for it, but that's all I've ever seen." I smirked a little as the line moved ahead, signaling it was our turn to get on. "Y'ready?" I asked.

"You know I am!" She nodded, we stepped on the platform, which already made me feel uneasy with a loud creak. I looked down at the floor with sweat running down my head before sitting down in the cart. As per usual when one sits down in roller coasters, or at least me, as soon as the safety bar made contact with my body I felt a sinking feeling in my stomach and my leg began to jitter. Pinkie seemed to notice and she looked at me reassuringly. "We don't have to ride this if you don't want to." She said.

"What? No!" I said. "I wanna ride, I'm just a bit nervous, it's been a while." She giggled at this, finding it funny.

"In all the time we've been together I think I've seen you scared twice, you led a revolution and a little roller coaster scares you?" She giggled as the roller coaster started to move slowly, climbing up a steep hill.

"Fear works in strange ways." I chuckled a little. "Speaking of which, for the next forty five seconds conversation might be a little hard!" I remarked as the cart reached the very peak. I could see ahead of me for miles, it was a beautiful view and absolutely gut twisting at the same time. "Ohhhh my God."

"Three... Two..." Pinkie began. "WAHOOOOOOOOOO!" She cried out happily as the roller coaster shot downward rapidly. "C'mon! It's more fun if you wave your hooves in the air!" She hollered waving her hooves in the air as I clung onto the safety bar for dear life.

"No thanks!" I hollered back. "I choose survival!" I wailed before she unhooked my hooves and sent them up in the air with hers.

"Survival's no fun if you aren't living!" She laughed as we kept going. As the roller coaster sped and jerked those words she said echoed in my head. "Survival's no fun if you aren't living." Huh, I had heard that a million times before, I had never really actually thought about it, life seemed to go in slow motion for a couple of moments, had I just been surviving for this past year when all of this was about to be taken away? No, no I lived, didn't I? I led a revolution, I spent a day the size of a small rat, I broke prohibition laws, I almost died of hypothermia, and now I was putting on a full scale concert at the Califoalnia Bowl! I'd day I loved, but looking back, all that living just... it went by too fast. Just like the roller coaster, just as my epiphany finished, so did the ride. Pinkie bounced off happily as it over, I sat there frozen with a look of shock and realization, almost as if I was in a state of rigor mortis.

"Chuckie? Chuckie? Chuck!" She hollered at me, causing me to snap out of it.

"Right right sorry." I said coming back into it, exiting the ride.

"Are you okay?" She asked.

"Yeah..." I said shaking everything off. "Well, don't we have more amusement parking to do?"

"That's right!" She nodded.

* * *

That evening

The rest of the day went pretty nice, after the amusement park we went back to strolling about, Califoalnia had a lot to do, but even if it was the best day ever I didn't have the energy for much. Luckily my friends understood that I was just happy to spend the day with them, no matter what was done. We resigned back to the theater as the sun began to set, outside the doors I thanked them.

"Listen," I said. "Thank you, thank you all. I mean, if it were up to me I would have spent the day shut in my office, luckily for me it wasn't." I chuckled a little. "This may be my last few days I'll be spending with all of you, but if all else, I'll always look back on today fondly." I said. "So, thanks for being my friends." I concluded.

"Short and to the point, thank Celestia." Ivory remarked.

"Chuck, we were happy to spend the day with you." Twilight smiled. "Happy belated birthday."

"Happy belated birthday!" They all said, wrapping me in a very non consensual group hug. I pretended to enjoy it for the sake of the fact that their hearts were in the right place despite how uncomfortable I was. As they all went their separate ways, Pinkie stood by me.

"And thank you the most." I said to her, before noticing that she looked a little down. "Hey, what's wrong?" I asked.

"I didn't get you anything..." She said sadly.

"So?" I asked. "Hon, nopony expected this to happen, whether 'this' is referring to the situation, the fact we had my birthday today, you name it." I said. "Things are things, take this for example." I said as I removed my bow tie, I actually kind of felt naked now without it. "I love this bow tie." I said. "But I don't love it because it's a bow tie, I don't love it because it's black, in fact, I don't even love it because it's stylish." I said. "You know why I love this? Because it was from you, because you thought about me when getting it. And for the whole day you've been thinking about me and how you can make me happy despite the fact my life is going to hell!" I said. "Today was an amazing gift, and I'll always cherish it." I smiled.

"Oh gimme a break." Sunny Side groaned behind us.

"Hey, I'm having a moment here, six more days and you'll never have to hear one of them again." I said sharply.

"I have it marked on the calendar." She chuckled. I rolled my eyes and turned back to Pinkie.

"Thank you, _so much_ for making today the best day ever." I smiled. "I love you."

"I love you too." She hugged me. "Happy birthday Chuckie."

"It's your birthday?" Sunny asked. "Well if you had of told me I wouldn't have spat in your coffee!" I gritted my teeth and growled a little.

"It's just her way of saying happy birthday." Pinkie giggled.

"Right." I said flatly.

"Love ya Chump!" Sunny Side snickered as she strolled off.

"Let's go inside." Pinkie said to me.

"With pleasure." I nodded. My life may be going down the drain, but I would always have today to look back on. And in a way, I was happy that I'd at least have that.

* * *

 _Chuck whines to much if you ask me, "Oh boo hoo, I have daddy issues! Wha Wha Wha!" Gimme a break. Anyway, tune in for more!_

 _Song used_

 _"Best Day Ever" by: Tom Kenny (From the Spongebob Squarepants Broadway Musical)_


	44. Chapter 44: Proposition Postponation Pt4

**Author's note:** I was going to write something related to the chapter here, but nobody reads these anyway. Instead I'm going to voice my excitement that Patton Oswalt (Quibble) has recorded ANOTHER episode of MLP! Along with that, his wife, Meredith Salenger has recorded for the episode as well! Sure this means that the least popular ship for Rainbow Dash is more than likely going to die when this episode comes out, but I don't care! Quibble's coming back baby! Now, if they can just get Weird Al back for another episode, or back as a main character I'll be happy.

* * *

Chapter 44: Proposition Postponation Wrench-in-the-Planifaction Birthday-Partification Final-Stretchation

Like anyone else, I have things that I believe in, and I have things that I don't. Like a lot of other's lists, there can be contradictory items on each. For example, I don't believe in luck. Never have, but I don't think that anyone _seriously_ believes in luck. But I am a firm believer in Murphy's Law. I don't believe in ghosts, but I do believe in spirits. I don't believe in past lives, but I am a believer in the multiverse theory. Well, I never was a believer in that until about a year ago. Why am I sharing this? Because this is about something that I wasn't quite sure if I believed in. And it was the thing I had been dedicating my being to for the past thirteen days. At this point I had accepted I was never going to be a father, so this production was my baby. And I wasn't sure if it was going to be a cute, pretty baby, or take after it's old man and be an ugly mess.

"Alright, let's take it from the top huh?" I said leaning back in a front row auditorium chair. Today was a night infamously known as cue-to-cue, a day dedicated to going over every lighting cue and musical cue, it never went perfectly and nobody was ever happy at the end of it. But I was ready, I had an extra large mug of coffee, I had a cooler full of energy drinks, and my little buddy Flask Gordon, who was a flask that I had given that name to since I'm a freak who gives inanimate objects names, ready for when I needed him. "Performers, ready?" I asked.

"Yes!" They called.

"Pit orchestra, ready?" I called.

"Yes." Ivory nodded.

"Tech, ready?" I called.

"Check!" Spike called from where he was set up on a master control panel.

"Alright." I said flatly. "Let's get this over with..." I muttered. An act began, frankly I wasn't too sure if I actually did see what was going on or not because I had been seeing things due to my state, the only night so far in the past thirteen days I could sleep was after we had my birthday, it kind of took my mind off of everything. I leaned forward in the soft leather chair, resting my muzzle on my hooves that were set on the chair in front of me. Time stood still as everything else went forward, performers went, songs played, lighting adjustments were made, I hollered orders now and then, I always felt hollering orders would feel good, but it really didn't. Maybe because I knew the ponies I was ordering around, maybe it's different when you don't know them on a personal level. Come around noon, somepony sat down beside me.

"Hi Chuckie." She said sitting down beside me. There was nopony who ever used that in a non-facetiously type of way.

"Hi Pinkie." I replied as I whipped out Flask Gordon for a totally unrelated reason and took a drink.

"Chuckie..." She said sadly at my depressive drinking-around-noon state.

"Now I know what you're going to say." I said. "And I'll just say this, drinking before five make me a pirate, not an alcoholic." I said.

"This isn't healthy!" She said. "Just because you're upset doesn't mean you can disregard your health!" I sighed a little and screwed the lid of the flask back on.

"You've got a point." I said. "I'm just... not ready."

"I know." She said. "Neither am I."

"But, we still have... how many days?" I asked.

"Today and tomorrow." She said.

"Right, right of course." I said, not letting those words actually sink in. "TODAY AND TOMORROW!?" I jerked up.

"Yeah." She nodded.

"That... that means..." I panted a little. "Oh no..."

"What?" She asked.

"That means we go on tomorrow! Wait! What time is it?" I asked.

"Quarter past noon," Pinkie replied.

"Good. Still time, I need to gather some ponies up!" I said as I lept from my seat and galloped off, flask in mouth of course, what? I needed the liquid courage to face the day. Before long, I had the crew I needed gathered up. Rarity, Cheese Sandwich, and Songbird Serenade. What this little ragtag group of a fashionista, a pop star, a party planner, and a partially hungover bartender was doing was going to do publicity on the nearby radio station to advertise the show, and I had completely forgot about it until now. Once the four of us were outside I flagged down a taxi and told him to step on it for the radio station, luckily for us we arrived just in time. I ran into the lobby of the station and ran up to the reception desk, behind it was a colt no older than his teens, scruff covered his muzzle like he had yet to pick up shaving and a horn poked through his curly mane.

"Chuck Murphy for twelve thirty?" I panted to the colt. He looked up from his magazine and chuckled a little, _clearly_ he was under some sort of influence.

"Chah dude, right this way." He nodded. "Whoa, dude, you've got like, Songbird Serenade with you." He remarked. "And I'm pretty sure that's the stallion who did my mark-mitzvah." He pointed to Cheese Sandwich.

"Yeah, crazy day, just take me to the recording studio huh?" I said impatiently.

"Totally dude, jus' like, chill, kno'imsayin?" He said coolly.

"You chill!" I growled. "Inebriated slack-jockey." I muttered as the four of us walked into the studio, there at the desk behind a pair of microphones was a earth pony stallion and a pegasus mare, the stallion was in his middle ages with a brown mane and a bushy mustache and the mare was in her middle ages with a blonde Hillary Clinton esque mane and a red blazer on, she looked very out of place in the studio. The mare looked at us and spoke enthusiastically into the microphone.

"Looks like we have a treat in store listeners! Special guest Chuck Morphine all the way from Ponyville!" She said welcoming me to sit down. Morphine? Really? How hard is my last name to remember?

"Chuck, care to share what you're here for with our listeners?" The stallion said with a gruff voice.

"Thanks." I said. "My team and I are here to raise money to help out our town of Ponyville, we're in a bit of a financial crisis at the moment y'see?" I explained.

"Mhm, and what are you doing to raise money?" The mare asked.

"I'll let my associate share that one, Cheese?" I turned to wave him over. He excitedly sat down at the table behind a mic.

"We're here to put on a giant scale concert featuring a crazy variety of talent! In the theater my uncle happens to own, Califoalnia Bowl, y'may have heard of it." He said smugly.

"Real interesting." The stallion said.

"And speaking of the variety of talent we have, I'd like to introduce two members of our talent, Rarity Belle, our costume designer and one of our special guests, Songbird Serenade!" I said welcoming the others over.

"Wow. Songbird Serenade, pleasure to meet you, I am a _huge_ fan of your work!" The mare said excitedly.

"Thank you, thank you very much, I am always happy to meet a fan of mine." Songbird said modestly. "When Chuck contacted me with his idea, of course I had to say yes, I love doing benefit work."

"And she owes me a favor." I spoke up, "You may have seen it in the papers, kinda led a revolution against the Storm King, gave thousands of oppressed ponies a voice and stuff like that, nothing huge." I said with a grin.

"Such modesty." Rarity remarked, rolling her eyes. "You know, I was on an _actual_ adventure at that point."

"I think we're getting off topic." The stallion cut us off. "Now, Ms. Belle, tell us about your role in all of this."

"Thank you sir." Rarity said. "I am the costume designer, I designed every outfit seen in the show, an absolutely splendid role for me to play, I've always shined in that area." She said.

"Literally!" Cheese said. "Didn't you break Equestria's record for 'most sequins ever put on a dress'?" He asked.

"I did in fact!" Rarity nodded. "Chuck here comes to me with what he wants for each segment of the show, and I design costumes accordingly, there isn't a mediocre gown, suit, or piece of apparel in this entire show, all thanks to moi." She said.

"And Coco Pommel." I reminded her.

"Right, right of course." She nodded. "You can just take that part out."

"This is live ma'am." The stallion said.

"Oh." Rarity remarked.

"Sunovabitch." I muttered to myself quietly.

"So Chuck, tell us, when is Ponyville Aid being held?" The mare asked.

"The concert will be held tomorrow night at the Califoalnia Bowl, all proceeds go toward restoring the town of Ponyville, it would be great if we could have a packed house." I said. "Tickets are forty bits for mares and stallions, foals get in for twenty."

"Well there you go!" The mare said. "Sounds like it would be a good time, I know I'd like to go, I'm sure all our listeners out there would too!" The stallion simply nodded.

"Terrific, I hope to see you there tomorrow night. We'd love it if you came out." I nodded respectfully as I stood up and led the others out of the room.

"That could have gone better." Rarity remarked.

"Could have been worse though!" Cheese spoke up. I sighed and led the group back to the theater, deciding not to say a word the entire walk for fear that my tired, irritable state would cause me to lash out. Thankfully the radio interview was all we were doing for publicity, I was not TV ready. I had dark circles and bags under my eyes, my mane was a mess, and I had omitted shaving for the past few days. On the radio, you can't really see that stuff, thankfully the two in the studio were kind enough not to point out how beaten, battered, and broken I looked. As we got back to the theater, I trudged back to where I was sitting in the audience and decided to crack open one of my energy drinks. ' _Horsepower_ '. Ha. Clever.

"How are we doing for progress Spike?" I called.

"We're about halfway through to where the intermission would be!" He called.

"Excellent." I remarked, we were actually ahead of the schedule I proposed, so that made me happy. The rest of the day went by relatively smoothly to my surprise, right around until five in the afternoon when Cheese burst through the theater.

"Chuck! Chuck!" He called.

"What?" I asked sharply.

"There's somepony here to see you!" He called.

"Wonderful, probably my mother to come and remind me I'm still a disapointment." I muttered angrily. I poked my head out of the theater door to see a camera crew. "Eyeah!" I squealed as I disappeared behind the door again. "No, no no no no no no no no!" I gasped.

"What's the matter?" Cheese asked.

"Cameras! I'm in no shape to be on camera!" I panted. "What am I gonna do? Oh jeez..."

"Oooh." Cheese gulped. "I can handle it for you!" He said.

"Nope, no no, you can join me, considering you're kind of the Costello to my Abbot or the Larry to my Bob. But I've gotta be out there." I said. "Where's Rarity?" I asked.

"Right here darling!" Rarity peeked out from the curtains.

"I need a thirty second makeover, up for the challenge?" I asked.

"I'll see what I can do!" She nodded.

 _Thirty seconds later..._

"A little heavy on the eye liner, don't you think?" I asked.

"I may have gotten carried away." She admitted.

"Other than that, I look pretty good." I admitted. My mane was fixed, my stubble gone, the dark circles covered by makeup, I looked pretty good. I adjusted my bow tie and made my way to the lobby of the theater with Cheese Sandwich.

"Hello fillies and gentlecolts I'm Rich Stiffer." A mustachioed stallion said to the cameras. "Today we're here to speak with Chuck Bernie and Cheese Sandwich regarding the benefit concert 'Ponyville Aid'."

"Thanks Rich Stiffrod." I said.

"My name is Stiffer." He said.

"And my name is Murphy." I replied.

"Anyway, 'Ponyville Aid' huh? Ain't that a thing?" Cheese cut us off.

"Yes, let's talk about that." Rich said. "Chuck, what can you tell us about the show?" He asked.

"Well we've got a lot of great stuff lined up, music, comedy, that shtick." I explained. "We've got some great special guests on the show, Songbird Serenade, Countess Coloratura, and get this, _the_ very Princess Celestia and Princess Luna." I said smugly.

"Wow, so I can imagine you had a pretty good budget on this." Rich remarked.

"Quite the contrary, I'm just lucky to have connections." I explained. "Which leads me to my good friend Cheese Sandwich, who's uncle owns this very theater!"

"That's right Chuck!" Cheese nodded. "When Chuck came to me with this idea, at first I was like: 'That's the worst idea I've ever heard!' But then, I thought about it a little more, and then I told him: 'Well, maybe it isn't the worst.' And here we are!" He explained.

"That's a very abridged version of it." I nodded. "We're really fortunate that we really didn't have to pay anything much for this, especially since we didn't have the money to pay for it." I explained, probably that wasn't something I was supposed to admit. "But, but it's great, I'm directing it, I have a background in theater."

"Any credits I may know?" The reporter asked.

"Nope." I shook my head. "You might say I'm a foreigner, I did a lot of work back where I came from."

"And where are you from?" He asked.

"That's a long story." I said simply.

"Eheh, right." The reporter chuckled a little. "So Chuck, you must feel pretty accomplished!" I looked at the reporter quizzically, unsure of what he meant.

"Why's that?" I asked. I had no idea what he was talking about? Was it the fact I was cleaned up for the interview? The show itself? The fact I had lost weight since my pony lifestyle had cut out half of my old food intake?

"Well, today alone since your announcement on the radio you've already made it halfway to your goal! You did... know that didn't you?" He asked. My eyes widened and my jaw hung a little, this was incredible news to me.

"I was actually unaware, I don't actually get told a lot around here." I admitted. "But, but that's spectacular! I'm sure between the rest of the day and tomorrow we'll reach our goal in no time!" I smiled.

 _The following evening_

We did. We had actually made it that evening, the next day raked in even more money, I might actually be able to _pay_ my special guests and Mr. Sourdough. But I had more important things on my mind, like keeping my word and providing the best damn show Equestria had ever seen.

"Oh Lord, oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord…" I paced back and forth in my dressing room. This was the big night, the night of the big show to save the town. I had just received word that we had made our goal and more, so that made me happy, but I wouldn't be able to see the town again, my dad was nice enough to let me stay for this, but now I was going to have to face the music and leave the world I had learned to love behind. Not just the world I loved, but the one I love. I suddenly got a knock on the door. "C'mon in!" I said. Spike came in the room.

"Hey Chuck, 2 minutes till curtain Chuck." He said.

"Thanks Spike, gather everyone up." I told him putting my bow tie on. "Here we go Murphy..." I pumped myself up.

* * *

 _What a short chapter! It's almost as if I never intended on making a chapter between the last one and the next one and then realized I needed something to fill the gap! Wait, that's exactly what happened. Oops. Until next time! Will Chuck have to leave? Will my quality of writing improve? Will Quibble lose the holiday weight he gained? Those might get answered._


	45. Chapter 45: Proposition Postponation Pt5

**Author's note:** I'm putting the song list at the beginning this time for those who might want to listen along as the songs go, if anyone wants to, I doubt you'll lose any of it if you don't but the option is there. The songs hold no real meaning, except for the last few. So feel free to skip/skim them despite my hard work of copy/pasting.

Right Where I Belong by Jeff Moss and Ralph Burns  
Together Again by Jeff Moss and Ralph Burns  
Afternoons and Coffeespoons by Crash Test Dummies  
Unforgettable by Sia  
Sailing For Adventure by Hans Zimmer  
Good Enough For Now by Weird Al Yankovic  
What Is Love by Haddaway  
Because You Loved Me by Celine Dion  
Goodbye Earl by The Dixie Chicks  
Sad Song by Paul Williams  
The Spectacle by Daniel Ingram  
Wanna Spend The Rest of My Life With You in the style of Celtic Thunder  
Rainbow Connection by Kenneth Ascher and Paul Williams  
I Will Remember You by Sarah Mclachlan  
I Can't Make You Love Me in the style of Mark Maxwell

* * *

Chapter 45: Proposition Postponation Wrench-in-the-Planifaction Birthday-Partification Final-Stretchation Live-on-Location 

"Oh Lord, oh Lord oh Lord oh Lord…" I paced back and forth in my dressing room. This was the big night, the night of the big show to save the town. I already knew we reached our goal in sales, but I wouldn't be able to see the town again, my dad was nice enough to let me stay for this, but now I was going to have to face the music and leave the world I had learned to love behind. Not just the world I loved, but the one I love. I suddenly got a knock on the door. "C'mon in!" I said. Spike came in the room.

"Hey Chuck, 2 minutes till curtain Chuck." He said.

"Thanks Spike, gather everyone up." I told him putting my bow tie on, as I put it on, I couldn't help but look at it with sadness. I was bringing this with me to remember all the good times I had by, I had already talked to Quibble, he said he'd take over the bar for me. And since I couldn't bring Pinkie with me, I knew I needed to bring something to always remind me of her. All the memories started flowing through my head as I shut the door and made my way downstairs into the backstage lobby of the theater. When I first arrived, coming clean to her about my feelings, our first Hearthswarming, all great memories that after tonight I was going to look upon with a tinge of sadness in the joy. By the time I got to the room, everyone had made their way to the room and were gathered around.

"Listen everyone." I got their attention. "I'd just like to say I'm so proud of what we have ready, you've all done amazingly. I'm happy to announce that in ticket sales we reached our goal and more." That statement was met with a round of applause. And rightfully so, I was so very happy that my plan had succeeded. I just wished I could stick around afterwards. "But that still means we have to deliver the amazing show we promised, and I'm sure we'll do spectacular." I concluded. I stood up and put my hoof out for everyone to join in, soon the others put their hooves or hands in the circle.

"Ponyville Aid on 3, ready?" I asked. My question was met with a series of nods. They all joined me to say. "One, two, three, Ponyville Aid!" We all cheered. "Alright everyone, places for the top." I said.

* * *

The stage was all set up for the big opening number of the show. I sat in the chair behind the desk on the stage. Pinkie, Quibble, and Rainbow Dash posed behind large frames to emulate portraits. I could hear the buzz of the audience as they sat down in their seats on the other side if the curtains. The house lights dimmed and the drum roll started up.

"Fillies and Gentlecolts, put your hooves together for Ponyville Aid!" The announcer said as the music began. The announcement was meant with applause as the lights came up.

 **Me:** _Look at me…  
_ _Here I am…  
_ _Right where I belong,  
_ _I see those faces coming back to me…  
_ _Like an old familiar song…_

As I got up from my seat, the others came alive behind their frames and jumped down to join me as the music picked up slightly.

 **Me:** _What better place could anyone be…  
_ _'_ _Cause you're here with me.  
_ _It's all I've been looking for and so much more and,  
_ _Now I'm here, now you're here.  
_ _Nothing can go wrong 'cause I am right where I belong!_

The four of us started dancing along to the music as the audience applauded us.

 **The 4 of us:** _Look at us!  
_ _Here we are!  
_ _Right where we belong!  
_ _The curtains up and the lights are bright  
_ _And their playing our old song!_

 **Me:** _What better place could anyone be?  
_ _You're all here with me!_

 **All 4 of us:** _So now come on let's go and start the show and  
_ _Now we're here, now you're here  
_ _Nothing can go wrong because we're right where we belong!_

The music slowly changed to a slower pace as we split up into pairs and danced with our partner.

 **Me:** _Together again...  
_ _Gee it's good to be together again.  
_ _I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone  
_ _It's not starting over, it's just going on!_

 **Pinkie:** _Together again…  
_ _Now we're here and there's no need remembering when…  
_ _'_ _Cause no feeling feels like that feeling…_

 **All 4:** _Together again!_

The music picked up again as we danced faster.

 **All 4:** _Together again!  
_ _Gee it's good to be together again!  
_ _I just can't imagine that you've ever been gone!  
_ _It's not starting over, it's just going on!  
_ _Together again!  
_ _Now we're here and there's no need remembering when,  
_ _'_ _Cause no feeling feels like that feeling…  
_ _Together Ah-  
_ _Together Ah-  
_ _Together Ah-  
_ _Together aga-aaaaain!  
_ _Together again!_

We bowed as the song finished. Rainbow Dash, Quibble, and Pinkie Pie made their way offstage as the audience cheered. Our opening number was a success.

"Hello everypony and welcome to Ponyville Aid! I'm your host for the evening Chuck Murphy! And let me tell you we've got a great show lined up for you tonight, especially from our special guests Songbird Serenade, Countess Coloratura, and the Royal Sisters! Now, to open the show we were originally going to have forty two dancing elephants, but they couldn't make it as they took too long to pack their trunks." I paused for the audience's response to the joke. Cheese poked his head out from offstage.

"I gave him that joke!" He said. I looked at him acting stern.

"Yeah... and I wish I gave it right back." I said dryly. "Would you get off the stage?" I growled at him. I cleared my throat as I looked back at the audience, who had been laughing at the exchange between Cheese and I. "And now folks for our first act, let's rock!" I said making my way offstage.

"Spike!" I called as I got to my backstage desk.

"Yeah boss?"

"Get the band onstage for their act!"

"You've got it chief!"

 **Big Mac:** _What is it that makes me just a little bit queasy?  
_ _There's a breeze that makes my breathing not so easy  
_ _I've had my lungs checked out with X rays  
_ _I've smelled the hospital hallways_

 _Someday I'll have a disappearing hairline  
_ _Someday I'll wear pyjamas in the daytime_

 _Times when the day is like a play by Sartre  
_ _When it seems a bookburning's in perfect order  
_ _I gave the doctor my description  
_ _I've tried to stick to my prescription_

 _Someday I'll have a disappearing hairline  
_ _Someday I'll wear pajamas in the daytime  
_ _Afternoons will be measured out  
_ _Measured out, measured with  
_ _Coffeespoons  
_ _and T.S. Eliot_

 _Maybe if I could do a play-by-playback  
_ _I could change the test results that I will get back  
_ _I've watched the summer evenings pass by  
_ _I've heard the rattle in my bronchi..._

 _Someday I'll have a disappearing hairline  
_ _Someday I'll wear pajamas in the daytime  
_ _Afternoons will be measured out  
_ _Measured out, measured with  
_ _Coffeespoons  
_ _and T.S. Eliot._

As the band finished, the audience erupted in applause for them. I couldn't help but clap my hooves a bit for them, they did really well on the song, that and it's such a good song.

"Great job!" I said as they made their way backstage. "The Crash Test Dummies couldn't have done it better themselves." I told them as I made my way back onstage.

"Alright folks, now we're going to have some comedy from the stylings of a good friend of mine, Mr. Cheese Sandwich!" I said introducing Cheese for his comedy bit.

"Thank you, thank you, and thank _you!_ I can see you're all in a great mood tonight!" Cheese said starting up his act.

"Well why ruin it with your act!?" An elderly pony's voice called out.

"Hecklers. Builds character." I said watching his act from offstage. I suddenly felt my shoulder being tapped. I turned and saw Applejack. "Hey, Applejack, what's up?"

"Chuck, I'm a little nervous about going on tonight, I can still do chorus numbers but I don't know about my solo song." She said. Part of me was ready to lash out at her for springing this on me now instead of days ago, but at the same time I understood. I gave her a sympathetic look.

"Well, let me tell you what I can do." I said looking at the schedule. "You're on one act after Cheese is done, I can change the order around so you open the show after the intermission, and if you still can't do it, you don't have to." I said.

"Thanks Sugarcube." Applejack gave me a hug feeling relieved.

"Don't mention it." I sighed.

"Still feeling upset about your dad making you leave?"

"Of course I am." I confided in her. "This has been the best thing that ever happened to me, meeting all of you, and... well, _her_ especially." I said looking up at Pinkie's dressing room. Ever since I told her the news she had been pretty upset, not at me, but about the situation. I was just glad she didn't break up with me when I told her, but, I mean, we were going to have to bring it to an end soon. And honestly, that hurt more than any physical malady I ever felt.

"Ah know Sugarcube." Applejack comforted me. "Think you should go talk to her?" We hadn't spoke much at all since the day before.

"I want to, I just don't know what to say... I feel terrible for her, I never wanted this to happen, this wasn't part of the plan." I sighed.

"What was part of the plan?" She asked. I sighed solemnly and pulled the ring box from the empty space in my mane.

"This." I said sadly, she just gasped.

"Chuck..." She said.

"Yeah. I know, it was ridiculous of me to really think this would all work out anyway." I said glumly.

"This isn't your fault." She told me. "It's nothing you can handle."

"I know." I sighed. I turned out to see how Cheese was doing, he sounded like he was about done with his bit. "I had better go on and introduce the next act." I said as I left for the stage. Unbeknownst to me or Applejack, somepony had been listening to our talk, it was my Dad. He watched me make my way to the stage and he sighed.

"Wasn't that hilarious? I wouldn't know, I wasn't paying attention." I told the audience who responded with laughter. "And now for our next act, we have one of our very special guests, Songbird Serenade!" I cheered making my way offstage as the audience applauded.

"Thank you Califoalnia!" Songbird addressed the audience.

 **Songbird:** _Unforgettable  
_ _That's what you are,  
_ _Unforgettable  
_ _Tho' near or far._

 _Like a song of love that clings to me,  
_ _How the thought of you does things to me.  
_ _Never before  
_ _Has someone been more_

 _Unforgettable  
_ _In every way,  
_ _And forever more  
_ _That's how you'll stay_

 _That's why, darling, it's incredible  
_ _That someone so unforgettable  
_ _Thinks that I am  
_ _Unforgettable, too_

 _Unforgettable  
_ _In every way  
_ _And forever more  
_ _That's how you'll stay._

 _That's why, darling, it's incredible  
_ _That someone so unforgettable  
_ _Thinks that I am unforgettable too_

Meanwhile, as Songbrid sang her song. I sat at my desk backstage arranging the schedule for Applejack and alerting the pirates they were now up next. As I wrote the new schedule down, Cheese Sandwich roamed backstage calling for me.

"Letter for Chuck! Letter for Chuck!" He said.

"What is it Cheese?" I asked.

"Letter for you." He said as he handed me an actual letter. A wooden "L" to be exact.

"You're hilarious." I groaned.

"What's the matter?" He noticed I was more serious than normal.

"Cheese. Things are kind of rough right now." I sighed while writing.

"Things with your dad huh?"

"No, I have shingles. Yes, the thing with my dad." I said dryly.

"I can't believe he's making you go home." Cheese sighed.

"He isn't, if he was making me go home, he'd be making me stay here, with all of you." I sighed. Emotionally speaking, Ponyville was my home at this point. I doubt I'd consider Earth home ever again.

"Oh…" He said glumly.

"Enough of this sentimental crap." I said with a sigh, "Get your pirate costume on, the pirate number is up next. And tell the others too please."

"You got it!" He nodded trotting off.

"Yeesh." I chuckled a little bit. I heard the audience applaud as Songbird finished her song. "That's my cue." I said to myself slipping my pirate hat on.

"And now fillies and gentlecolts, we're going to set a course for the open sea and sail for adventure! Please welcome Captain Celaeno and her hardy crew for 'Sailing for Adventure!'"

As the curtains opened, the set revealed a pirate ship complete with fake ocean waves being maneuvered from the wings of the theater. Celaeno manned the wheel while her crew, the mane 6, Cheese, Quibble, the Diamond Dogs, and I stood in position on the "ship". Ocean waves and seagull sounds played as the pit orchestra played their music.

 **Boyle and Mullet:** _When the course is laid and the anchor's weighed  
_ _A sailor's blood begins racing  
_ _With our hearts unbound and our flag unfurled  
_ _We're under way and off to see the world  
_ _Under way and off to see the world_

 **All:** _Hey ho we'll go  
_ _Anywhere the wind is blowing  
_ **Cheese:** _Manly folk are we  
_ **All:** _Sailing for adventure on the deep blue see_

 **Applejack/Rainbow:** _Danger walks the deck we say what the heck  
_ _We laugh at the perils we're facing  
_ **Cheese:** _Every storm we ride is its own reward  
_ **Quibble:** _And you can die by falling overboard  
_ **All:** _You can die by falling overboard_

 _Hey ho we'll go  
_ _Anywhere the wind is blowing  
_ _Hoist the sails and sing  
_ **Pinkie:** _Sailing for adventure on the big, blue wet thing_

 **Rover:** _I love to see 'em cry when they walk the plank  
_ **Fido:** _I prefer to cut a throat  
_ **Spot:** _I love to hang 'em high and watch their little feet try  
_ _to walk in the air while their faces turn blue  
_ _Just kidding  
_ **All Three:** _It's a good life on a boat_

 **Me:** _There are distant lands with burning sands  
_ _That call across the oceans  
_ **Pinkie:** _There are bingo games every fun-filled day  
_ **Rarity:** _And Margaritas at the midnight buffet  
_ **All:** _Margaritas at the midnight buffet_

 _Hey ho we'll go  
_ _Anywhere the wind is blowing  
_ **Quibble:** _Should have took a train  
_ **All:** _Sailing for adventure on the bounding main_

 **Spike:** _The salty breezes whisper  
_ _Who knows what lies ahead  
_ _I just know I was born to live the life my father lead  
_ **Celaeno:** _The stars will be our compass  
_ _Wherever we may roam  
_ _And our mates will always be  
_ _Just like a family  
_ _And though we may put into port, the sea is always home_

 **All:** _We'll chase our dreams standing on our own  
_ _Over the horizon to the great unknown  
_

 _Hey ho we'll go  
_ _Anywhere the wind is blowing  
_ _Bold and brave and free  
_ _Sailing for adventure  
_ **Quibble:** _It's so nauseating  
_ _Sailing for adventure  
_ **Cheese:** _So exhilarating  
_ _Sailing for adventure  
_ **Me:** _We're all celebrating!  
_ **All:** _On the deep blue sea_

As the curtains closed I made my way back to the stage to introduce the next act of the show.

"And now folks we're going to have…" I was interrupted by Rarity walking onto the stage.

"Oh Chuck! You promised me a romantic act! My patience is growing thin, when will this act be?" She said. All these interjections were rehearsed keep in mind for comedy.

"Listen Rarity, you just have to be patient, your act will come soon enough." I said.

"But you promised me that I was going to be a star!"

"Yes! A star! _A_ star! Not _the_ star! A show only works when everyone is together, for example, a sky with _one_ star would get kind of _dull!_ " I yelled.

"Dull!?" She yelled. The audience oohed at the exchange between us.

"What? I didn't say dull, I said… I said…" I stammered.

"How's _this_ for dull!?" She said as she bucked me across the stage. Thank God I landed on something soft, my ass. I groaned and came to my feet.

"Tell you what, how about I give you that act now?"

"That sounds perfect." She said all ladylike.

"Alright, bring out the dress!" I called backstage, Spike and Twilight came out and dressed rarity in a large wedding dress with a thick veil.

"I can't see!" She yelled as she was escorted backstage.

"And now folks, get ready for some romance." I smiled at the audience as the curtains opened to reveal an outdoor wedding set, Rarity stumbled into her place blindly as she couldn't see. She tore away the veil to see what was going on, and saw the groom in the scene to be… Cheese Sandwich.

"What!?" She shrieked.

"Oh my dearest..." Cheese began. "Every time I look into your eyes I'm reminded of just how... average you are." He said.

" ** _Average!?_** " Rarity shrieked as the music began.

 **Cheese:** _Oh, I couldn't live a single day without you  
_ _Actually, on second thought, well, I suppose I could  
_ _Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, honey, you're the greatest  
_ _Well, at any rate, I guess you're...pretty good_

 _Now, it seems to me I'm relatively lucky  
_ _I know I probably couldn't ask for too much more  
_ _I honestly can say you're an above-average lady  
_ _You're almost just what I've been looking for_

" **WHAT!?** " Rarity yelled.

 _You're sort of everything I've ever wanted  
_ _You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow  
_ _You're the mare that I've always dreamed of  
_ _Well, not really...but you're good enough for now  
_

 _You're pretty close to what I've always hoped for  
_ _That's why my love for you is fairly strong  
_ _And I swear I'm never gonna leave you, darlin'  
_ _At least 'til something better comes along._

At this point, Rarity was angrily chasing Cheese around the set, knocking over set peices and shoving the "groomscolts" and "bridesmares" out of the way. "I'm going to kill you!" She yelled angrily bounding over a whole row of seats chasing him as he kept singing.

 _'Cause you're sort of everything I've ever wanted  
_ _You're not perfect, but I love you anyhow  
_ _You're the mare that I've always dreamed of  
_ _Well, not really...but you're good enough for now  
_ _No, not really...but you're good enough for now!_

The curtain closed as she chased him offstage, the sound of clattering and hollering came from backstage, I made my way onstage to announce the next act. "Wasn't that super? Now, please welcome those adorable little fillies, the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" I announced, the three little fillies hopped onstage in vegas style showgirl outfits as the song began.

 **Scootaloo:** _What is love?_  
 _Baby don't hurt me_  
 _Don't hurt me_  
 _No more_

 _Baby don't hurt me, don't hurt me_  
 _No more_  
 _What is love?_  
 _Yeah_

 **Sweetie Belle:** _I don't know why you're not fair_  
 _I give you my love, but you don't care_  
 _So what is right and what is wrong?_  
 _Gimme a sign_

 _What is love?_  
 _Baby don't hurt me_  
 _Don't hurt me_  
 _No more_

 _What is love?_  
 _Baby don't hurt me_  
 _Don't hurt me_  
 _No more_

 **Applebloom:** _Oh, I don't know, what can I do?_  
 _What else can I say, it's up to you_  
 _I know we're one, just me and you_  
 _I can't go on_

 _What is love?_  
 _Baby don't hurt me_  
 _Don't hurt me_  
 _No more_

 _What is love?_  
 _Baby don't hurt me_  
 _Don't hurt me_  
 _No more_

 **All 3:** _What is love?_

"Wasn't that cute?" I asked. "And now, without further ado, please welcome Princess Celestia and Princess Luna!" I announced, the crowd went nuts for that announcement, I quickly went offstage and raised the curtain.

 **Luna:** _For all those times you stood by me  
_ _For all the truth that you made me see  
_ _For all the joy you brought to my life  
_ _For all the wrong that you made right  
_ _For every dream you made come true  
_ _For all the love I found in you  
_ _I'll be forever thankful sister  
_ _You're the one who held me up  
_ _Never let me fall  
_ _You're the one who saw me through through it all_

 **Celestia and Luna:** _You were my strength when I was weak  
_ _You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
_ _You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
_ _You saw the best there was in me  
_ _Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
_ _You gave me faith 'cause you believed  
_ _I'm everything I am  
_ _Because you loved me_

 **Celesita:** _You gave me wings and made me fly  
_ _You touched my hoof I could touch the sky  
_ _I lost my faith, you gave it back to me  
_ _You said no star was out of reach  
_ _You stood by me and I stood tall  
_ _I had your love I had it all  
_ _I'm grateful for each day you gave me  
_ _Maybe I don't know that much  
_ _But I know this much is true  
_ _I was blessed because I was loved by you_

 **Celestia and Luna:** _You were my strength when I was weak  
_ _You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
_ _You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
_ _You saw the best there was in me  
_ _Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
_ _You gave me faith 'cause you believed  
_ _I'm everything I am  
_ _Because you loved me_

 **Luna:** _You were always there for me  
_ _The tender wind that carried me  
_ _A light in the dark shining your love into my life  
_ _You've been my inspiration  
_ _Through the lies you were the truth  
_ _My world is a better place because of you_

 **Celestia and Luna:** _You were my strength when I was weak  
_ _You were my voice when I couldn't speak  
_ _You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
_ _You saw the best there was in me  
_ _Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
_ _You gave me faith 'cause you believed  
_ _I'm everything I am  
_ _Because you loved me_

 **Luna:** _You were my strength when I was weak  
_ _You were my voice when I couldn't speak_

 **Celestia:** _You were my eyes when I couldn't see  
_ _You saw the best there was in me  
_ _Lifted me up when I couldn't reach  
_ _You gave me faith 'cause you believed_

 **Luna:** _I'm everything I am  
_ _Because you loved me_

 **Celestia:** _I'm everything I am_

 **Celestia and Luna:** _Because you loved me..._

I couldn't help but wipe a tear from my eye as I went onstage. "Bravo princesses! Absolutely beautiful, wasn't that great?" I asked the audience. "How about another round of applause huh?" I said, motioning for them to applaud more. "And now fillies and gentlecolts we're going to take our intermission, reasonably priced refreshments will be served in the lobby courtesy of Sunny Side's All Night Diner." I announced as various ponies in the audience got up from their seats and made their way to the lobby, once most of them had exited I made my way backstage. I dodged little clumps of ponies talking and made my way to Pinkie's dressing room, as even though we've done certain spots together already, we hadn't spoken at all the whole day. Just as I was about to knock on the door, it opened and Twilight walked out.

"Oh, hi Chuck." She said.

"Hi Twilight, is everything okay?" I asked.

"With Pinkie?" She asked. I nodded slowly, she looked to the now closed door and sighed. "She's really upset about the whole thing."

"I figured." I looked down glumly. "Think I should go talk to her?" I asked.

"I don't think so, she doesn't really want to see anypony right now." She said. "I could hardly get her to talk to me."

"Oh..." I said sadly.

"If it helps... she isn't mad at you, she knows you can't control this." She tried to comfort me.

"That's good I guess... I'm just, why does it have to be this way? I love her Twilight, I love her _so_ much. And after tonight..." I said sadly.

"I know Chuck." She said. "Applejack told me about what you had planned. I'm... sorry." I put on a fake grin and looked at her.

"Oh it's not your fault, don't be sorry." I said with a fake sense of happiness that she easily saw through.

"Chuck... it's okay to be upset." She said.

"Upset? I'm more than upset, my whole world is getting taken away and I can't do anything about it!" I said sadly, holding back tears.

"I know Chuck... I'm sorry." She said, offering me a hug, which I accepted.

"Thanks." I said. "Just... let her know that I said hi, and to be ready for her next act."

"I will Chuck." Twilight nodded. I sighed, looking at her door once more and made my way to where I stand at the wings. I heard Applejack approach me.

"Sugarcube?" She asked.

"What's up Applejack?" I sighed a little.

"I just wanted to tell you... I'm gonna do it." She said. "I can do it." I turned and smiled a little.

"Wonderful, best news I got all day." I said. "I'll tell the orchestra pit to keep the sheet music, you sure you're ready? You'll be on in..." I looked at the clock. "Seven minutes."

"I'll be ready." She nodded.

"Well that's great, I could use something going right tonight." I sighed. "Well, get ready. I'll tell the pit and then I'll ring in the audience.

"Will do!" She nodded. After I told the pit orchestra to keep her song, I went to the mic and spoke.

"If everypony could make their way back into the theater we will be starting again." I announced, soon ponies flooded the audience once more. "Alright everypony, we're gonna kick off the show again with some twangy western hoof stomping fun! Put your hooves together for a good friend of mine, Applejack!" I announced heading offstage. "Knock 'em dead." I smiled at her as she went on, I could tell she was still nervous as the pit started with a more country feel to it, I mouthed for her to breathe, she took a couple breaths before smiling confidently beginning her song.

 **Applejack:** _Mary Anne and Wanda were the best of friends  
_ _All through their high school days  
_ _Both members of the 4H club, both active in the FFA  
_ _After graduation  
_ _Mary Anne went out lookin' for a bright new world  
_ _Wanda looked all around this town and all she found was Earl_

 _Well, it wasn't two weeks after she got married that_  
 _Wanda started gettin' abused_  
 _She'd put on dark glasses or long sleeved blouses_  
 _Or make-up to cover a bruise_  
 _Well she finally got the nerve to file for divorce_  
 _And she let the law take it from there_  
 _But Earl walked right through that restraining order_  
 _And put her in intensive care_

 _Right away Mary Anne flew in from Atlanta_  
 _On a red eye midnight flight_  
 _She held Wanda's hoof as they worked out a plan_  
 _And it didn't take 'em long to decide_

 _That Earl had to die, goodbye Earl_  
 _Those black-eyed peas, they tasted alright to me, Earl_  
 _You're feelin' weak? Why don't you lay down and sleep, Earl_  
 _Ain't it dark wrapped up in that tarp, Earl_

 _The cops came by to bring Earl in_  
 _They searched the house high and low_  
 _Then they tipped their hats and said, thank you ladies_  
 _If you hear from him let us know_  
 _Well, the weeks went by and spring turned to summer_  
 _And summer faded into fall_  
 _And it turns out he was a missing pony who nopony missed at all_

 _So the girls bought some land and a roadside stand_  
 _Out on highway 109_  
 _They sell Tennessee ham and strawberry jam_  
 _And they don't lose any sleep at night, 'cause_

 _Earl had to die, goodbye Earl_  
 _We need a break, let's go out to the lake, Earl_  
 _We'll pack a lunch, and stuff you in the trunk, Earl_  
 _Is that alright? Good! Let's go for a ride, Earl, hey!  
Aww hey hey hey! I said a-hey hey hey!_

She bowed as her song finished and they began cheering, they loved her! Can't say I was surprised, it was a terrific song and she has more talent than she gives herself credit for. I congratulated her as we passed each other when I went onstage.

"Wasn't that great huh?" I asked the audience. "Okay, we're gonna take a break from the songs, and focus on something else, science!" I announced as the curtains pulled back to reveal Twilight and Spike in lab coats and goggles.

"Hello and welcome to Twilight's Laboratory! I'm Twilight Sparkle, here with my assistant, Spike!" Twilight said. "Say hello Spike!"

"Hi!" He waved.

"Now! Today we're going to test something out, I have here with me, a serum that I have been working on, Spike, your job is to drink it!"

"Say what?" He asked. "I'm not drinking that." He shook his head.

"It won't be that bad!" She said. "It's a growth serum."

"Well... okay!" He imagined growing to multiples of his size. "I'll take it." He guzzled down the whole bottle. Nothing happened for a moment. "Twilight, I think this is faulty." He said.

"Give it a moment, it'll kick in, soon the growths will sprout." She said.

"WHAT!?" Spike exclaimed.

"It's a growth serum, what did you think it did?" She asked as Spike began to sprout with growths. "You'd only get one or two, but you drank the whole bottle, your entire body will be covered soon.

"Why would you have a serum that cause growths!?" He said frantically.

"You never know!" She shrugged. Soon, the growths spread and covered him head to toe.

"Mph mmm mm! Mm mmm mmph!" He said through the muffle of the large growths.

"What I believe my assistant said was "This has been a scientific breakthrough and I was happy to be a part of it." That's what he said!" Twilight said to the audience. "Join us again another time where we examine the difference between anti gravity and too much gravity!" She said leading a blinded Spike offstage.

"Okay somepony get him some anti-growth serum huh?" I called offstage. "Next up, our final advertised guest performer, Contess Coloratura!" I announced.

 **Countess:** _Time for the spectacle  
_ _Time for the show_  
 _The lights are bright and the colors glow_

 _I'm not just anypony_  
 _I think you know_  
 _The time is now, it's about to blow!_

 _Razzle dazzle_  
 _Glitz and glam_  
 _Turn it all up, it's a spectacle_

 _Razzle dazzle_  
 _Glitz and glam_  
 _Turn it all up, it's a spectacle_

 _Give me more_  
 _Razzle dazzle_  
 _Glitter eyes, big surprise_  
 _Lights, cameras_

 _Razzle dazzle_  
 _Glitz and glam_  
 _Turn it all up, it's a spectacle_  
 _Hear the applause_  
 _Here to impress_  
 _Not just a pony, I am the Countess!_

"Give her a big hoof huh?" I said clapping as I went onstage "Alright folks, next we have Ivory Keys!" The curtain pulled back, revealing Ivory sitting at her piano playing softly under the glow of a candelabra.

"Good evening everypony, tonight, I have prepared something for the lonely hearts in the audience, I hope you like it, but I won't be hurt if you don't." She said playing.

 **Ivory:** _That's a sad song  
_ _That used to be our song  
_ _The one you just played  
_ _I wonder if I'd stayed what we'd be doing now_

 _Yeah, but part of bein' ponies is an ever changing mind  
_ _We don't mean to be unkind  
_ _We just grow_

 _That's a sad song  
_ _That used to be our song  
_ _And oh, he sang it too  
_ _And every word rang true like a bell somehow  
_ _When I ran off chasing visions my emotions made me blind  
_ _Like a fool I left behind my angel's glow_

 _So play it one more time  
_ _That symphony in rhyme  
_ _Let those old familiar feelin's start to show  
_ _Sing my favorite phrase  
_ _From those good old days  
_ _Let those tears and sweet memories flow_

 _That's a sad song  
_ _That used to be our song  
_ _And oh you played it well  
_ _It isn't hard to tell you love it too  
_ _It amazes me to hear it-how it's beauty never ends_

 _Now the music made us friends  
_ _I'm asking you_

 _So play it one more time  
_ _That symphony in rhyme  
_ _Let those old familiar feelin's start to show  
_ _Sing my favorite phrase  
_ _From those good old days  
_ _Let those tears and sweet memories flow_

 _"_ Y'know everypony, it's times like this that I think back to my father, sometimes I wonder what he'd say if he saw me today." She addressed the crowd.

 _It amazes me to hear it-how it's beauty never ends  
_ _Now the music made us friends  
_ _I'm asking you_

 _So play it one more time  
_ _That symphony in rhyme  
_ _Let those old familiar feelin's start to show  
_ _Sing my favorite phrase  
_ _From those good old days  
_ _Let those tears and sweet memories flow...  
Let those tears and sweet memories... Flow..._

She concluded dramatically, hanging her head at the piano as she came to an end. "Thank you all for finding entertainment in my sorrows." She said leaving the stage.

"Good work Ivory! One of my favorites." I congratulated her. "I'm sorry I won't be around to hear you play much longer."

"I am as well." She said sadly. "I... I wanted to say thank you again, for giving me a chance."

"I know talent when I see it." I nodded with a smile. "You're welcome, Quibble said that he'll still keep you onboard though."

"I guess that's nice." She said. "It won't be the same, you were always nice to me, not many other ponies were."

"I'll never understand why they weren't, you're a wonderful pony." I said warmly. She looked at the floor awkwardly before wrapping her front legs around me in a hug.

"Thank you..." She said.

"You're welcome." I said patting her on the back, sniffing a little as I went back onstage.

"Alright folks, here's a little ditty for those with an affinity for the more Celtic spectrum of musical genres, please welcome The Terror of Dimensions! Trust me, he's not... quite as bad as he sounds." I chuckled nervously as I left the stage.

"I resent that!" TD hollered at me as he magically appeared onstage. Different copies of himself appeared with him to sing backup.

 **TD:** _When I was a younger man  
_ _When I was a silly boy  
_ _I didn't need a thing,  
_ _I was strong as anything,  
_ _I viewed solitude as a joy_

 _But since I met you I'm distraught  
_ _You wandered in and now I'm caught  
_ _I never thought I would see  
_ _Someone so truly good  
_ _Some one who's so everything I'm not_

 _I want to spend my life with you  
_ _Don't want to live all alone  
_ _I can't conceive of the years left in me  
_ _Without you in our home_

 _But what if, what if, what if what  
_ _If it's not perfect then it's not  
_ _But every care I'll take  
_ _Nothing I won't forsake  
_ _To dwell beside what you've got_

 _Every time I think about you  
_ _I think I can't live with you  
_ _I'll tell you something  
_ _I am nothing without you_

 _I want to spend my life with you  
_ _Don't want to live all alone  
_ _I can't conceive of the years left in me  
_ _Without you in our home_

 _I want to spend my life with you  
_ _Don't want to live all alone  
_ _I can't conceive of the years left in me_

 _Without you in our home_

Meanwhile, backstage I started calling everyone to backstage to prepare for the final number of the show. I almost didn't want it to be the end, knowing that not too long afterwards I'd be leaving all of this behind. "Places everypony! Rainbow Dash, you need to be up at your spot, Cheese, Quibble, places for the introduction!" I ordered. I moved through the crowd looking for somepony in particular, and at long last I was able to get a few words with her.

"Pinkie..." I said softly.

"Hi Chuckie..." She said sadly.

"It's... well... I know I already said it but, it's about time for our closer." I said.

"Yeah..." She said. "I don't want you to go!" She said sadly, hugging me tightly as a tear rolled down her cheek.

"Neither do I..." I sighed, meanwhile, my father stood and watched us silently, a slight look of guilt on his face. At that moment, I heard the audience start cheering, I knew TD must be done. "Cheese, Quibble, you know what to do." I sighed.

"Will do boss!" Cheese nodded. Onstage, a line shone down on Quibble, who cleared his throat and addressed the crowd.

"Good evening. Chuck was willing enough to give me the time here to talk about an important issue, you see-" At that moment Cheese interrupted him.

"Hey Quibble!" He said, bouncing onstage.

"Cheese listen this is very important." Quibble tried to stop him.

"Yeah but, I have a question." Cheese said.

"Well, what is it?" Quibble asked.

"Have you seen my keys?" Cheese asked.

"What? No, I have not seen your keys!" Quibble scoffed. "Now if you don't mind I'd like to get back to what I had to say!"

"Right, right of course." Cheese nodded.

"Anyway, as I was saying-" Cheese cut Quibble off again.

"Hey Quibble, remember those pajamas you got me for Hearthswarming? Kind of a Hearthswarming-Birthday combo, a little cheap but-" Cheese asked.

"What about them?" Quibble asked impatiently.

"Well, they're faded." Cheese said. "Do you still have the receipt?"

"I don't know. I'll have to check, can you leave now?" Quibble asked.

"Alrighty! See ya!" Cheese bounced off.

"Now, where was I?" Quibble asked. "Oh... shoot, I forgot..." He sighed as he trudged offstage. At that moment the stage faded to black, my set was wheeled out and I sat down on it, it was designed to look like a log in a marshy area, as the lights came up I plucked a few chords on my banjo.

"Hi folks, I sure hope everypony's having a good time." I said. "This has been a great night for us, what with making our goal and more, can't thank you enough. Anyway, I'd like to do an old favorite of mine, written by Kenneth Ascher and Paul Williams, it's pretty easy, sing along if you like. Goes like this." I stared to play and rocked back and forth as I sang.

 **Me:** _Why are there so many songs about rainbows_  
 _And what's on the other side_  
 _Rainbows are visions_  
 _But only illusions_  
 _And rainbows have nothing to hide_

 _So we've been told_  
 _And some choose to believe it_  
 _I know they're wrong, wait and see_  
 _Some day we'll find it_  
 _The rainbow connection_  
 _The lovers, the dreamers, and me_

"Fillies and gentlecolts, please welcome my dearest, Pinkie Pie!" I called out, at that moment Pinkie was wheeled out in a canoe set piece.

 **Pinkie:** _Who said that every wish_  
 _Would be heard and answered_  
 _When wished on the morning star_  
 _Somebody thought of that_  
 _And someone believed it_  
 _And look what it's done so far_

 **Me:** _What's so amazing_  
 _That keeps us stargazing_  
 _And what do we think we might see_  
 **Pinkie & I:** _Someday we'll find it_  
 _The rainbow connection_  
 _The lovers, the dreamers, and me_

At that moment, everyone who had been involved in the show came onstage and began to sing the final part of the song with us.

 **All:** _All of us under its spell, we know that it's probably magic_

 _Have you been half asleep?_  
 _And have you heard voices?_  
 _I've heard them calling my name_  
 _Is this the sweet sound_  
 _That called the young sailors?_  
 _The voice might be one in the same_

 **Me:** _I've heard it too many times to ignore it_  
 _It's something that I'm supposed to be_  
 **All:** _Someday we'll find it_  
 _The rainbow connection_  
 _The lovers, the dreamers and me_

 _La da da di da da dum da duh da da dum di da ohhh_

As the last note was sung from the sky erupted a sonic rainboom courtesy of Rainbow Dash. Applause spread throughout the entire auditorium as I bowed from where I sat.

"Thank you Califoalnia! This turned out far better than I could've ever imagined, all thanks to you! Have a great night and a safe trip home!" I announced as the pit band played fanfare and the auditorium started to drain. I sighed a bit knowing what that meant for me... I sulked away once the audience was gone and began gathering up things in my office. As I packed, a knock came at the door.

"Come in." I said to the knock. In walked in the only pony I could be happy to see at that moment, Pinkie Pie.

"Hi Chuckie..." She said sadly.

"Hi Cutie Pie." I said equally sadly. "Just packing up a couple of things to remember you and this place by."

"Whatcha got?" She asked.

"Well, the hat and the bow tie first and foremost, I have your Hearthswarming gift to me here, as well as the Hearts and Hooves day one." I explained before looking into a drawer. "Ah, and I'll take one of these producer cigars too." I said flatly, I don't smoke, but I do like the look of cigars. And I was troubled so I was _definitely_ going to smoke it.

"I'm glad I have things to remember you by..." She said. "But I don't want you to go!" She said, tearing up.

"I don't want to either, but, I'll always remember you." I replied as I picked up my banjo and played a few chords.

 **Me:** _I will remember you, will you remember me?  
_ _Don't let your life pass you by,  
_ _Weep not for the memories_

 _Remember the good times that we had?_  
 _Don't let them slip away just 'cause things got bad._  
 _How clearly I first saw you smilin' in the sun_  
 _Want to feel your warmth upon me_  
 _I want to be the one_

 _I will remember you, will you remember me?_  
 _Don't let your life pass you by_  
 _Weep not for the memories_

 _I'm so tired but I can't sleep_  
 _Standin' on the edge of something much to deep_  
 _It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word_  
 _We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard_

 _I will remember you, will you remember me?_  
 _Don't let your life pass you by_  
 _Weep not for the memories_

 _I'm not afraid to love you_  
 _But I am afraid to lose_  
 _Anchored to a past that doesn't let me choose_  
 _Once there was a darkness_  
 _Deep and endless night_  
 _You gave me everything you had, oh you gave me life_

 _I will remember you, will you remember me?_  
 _Don't let your life pass you by_  
 _Weep not for the memories_

 _I will remember you, will you remember me?_  
 _Don't let your life pass you by_  
 _Weep not for the memories_

I hugged her tightly as I finished playing. "I love you... so much."

"I... I love you too Chuckie." She said as a tear rolled down her cheek. "I'll never forget about you."

"I know you won't." I smiled. "I'll always remember you."

"I know you will." She smiled a little despite how clearly sad she was.

"Wanna walk with me out?" I asked.

"I'd like that." She nodded with a bit of a smile, here it was, the last walk we'd ever take together. All because my dad wanted me to be miserable back on Earth. As we walked through the halls many others looked at me, nopony said a word though, I didn't hang my head though. I was walking with my head held high, ready to face the rest of my, I can only imagine to be terrible, life head on. As we reached the large steel doors on the back exit of the theater, I stopped and turned around.

"Listen everypony, whether I've known you ever since I got here or just for a couple of weeks now, it's really been great, I won't forget about any of you. All your effort over the past few weeks was spectacular and I couldn't be more proud." I sighed a little before turning to Pinkie Pie. "I guess this is goodbye."

"I guess this is." She nodded sadly, I hugged her tightly and shut my eyes.

"I love you." I said.

"I love you too." She said sadly, I opened the door of the exit and felt the cool evening breeze flow against my face and the lights of the streetlamps lit up the city. This was it...

 ** _To be concluded..._**

 ** _Now._**

* * *

Proposition Postponation Wrench-in-the-Planifaction Birthday-Partification Final-Stretchation Live-on-Location Exciting-Conclusion

With my box of things, I walked over to my father, who was already waiting. "Hi." I simply said.

"Hello Chuck." He said as we began walking to where Princess Celestia was waiting with the portal that would take us to Earth... forever. We walked silently, the sounds of the city being the only noise until he broke the silence. "You did good tonight." He said.

"Thanks." I replied. "So did you."

"I must have done something." He replied. "I don't remember this being on me before." He said as he pointed to his flank, there was a drumset and a pair of sticks there, drumming must have given him his cutie mark.

"Oh wow," I remarked. "Nice." I said, we continued in silence until he spoke up again.

"So, explain something to me." He said. "Why is it that they say anypony and everypony? I mean, everybody, anybody, everyone, anyone, those still work just as well." He said, I chuckled a little, never seeing it like that.

"You know, I don't really know." I chuckled. "I just started doing it as a "when in Rome" kind of thing."

"Makes sense." He replied, we walked a little further and soon we were at our destination, I sighed a little as we approached the portal. We stepped forward and I looked at the glow of it, knowing that in mere moments I'd be leaving it all behind. But that's when he surprised me.

"I guess this is goodbye." He said.

"What?" I asked, not knowing what he meant.

"I mean, I'm going." He said.

"You've lost me." I admitted, feeling rather confused.

"I'm letting you stay here Chuck." He said. "You... you've got it all figured out here, you have your own business, you're... quite clearly in love. And, not to mention over the past two weeks you handled what you were running quite well, way better than you used to handle things that stressed you out, you used to quit the moment things got tough, this was tough from the get-go, but you persevered through it, even when you knew you wouldn't reap any benefits from it, that's not the Chuck I came here to take home, the Chuck I came here to take home was a kid in a man's body, the Chuck I see now is a man, albeit in a pony's body, you don't need to be taken care of anymore, you can make your own choices." He said. "And I know that your choice is to stay here." I wasn't expecting this at all, I had a shocked expression despite being overwhelmingly filled with joy.

"How long have you felt this way?" I asked.

"About two days into watching you handle this." He explained.

"And then you went the other week and a half not telling me?" I said flatly with an arched eyebrow.

"What can I say, I like surprising people, and I knew the surprise would be better now." He explained.

"Well... thank you." I smiled. "Thank you so much." I said. "But, what will you tell everyone?" I asked.

"I'll tell them you're well, and I'll tell them you're happy." He hugged me, I hugged him back. "Oh, and by the way, don't you think for a second I won't be visiting now and then." He grinned.

"Thanks for the warning." I chuckled. "Goodbye dad, I love you."

"I love you too son." He smiled as he stepped through the portal and disappeared. I smiled a little as the glow from the portal faded away, leaving the princess and I alone in the dark city.

"Well Chuck, it appears you get to stay here after all." Celestia remarked. "Now, how would you like an escort to the train station? I think we can still make it in time for you to tell all of your friends you'll be staying.

"If it's all the same to you I'd rather an escort to the nearest hotel, I'll go back tomorrow morning, I have a little something planned anyway." I said.

"Very well." Celestia nodded as she led me toward the nearest hotel. "You know, I could have done something in the show on my own." She said to me.

"I'll keep that in mind the next time Ponyville is going down the drain." I replied as we walked.

* * *

Exactly twenty-two hours later

The next night was set up perfectly, only one pony knew that I had came back, well, came back isn't the right way to say it considering I never left. By accident I had bumped into Cheese moments after I snuck out of the Ponyville train station upon arrival, luckily I was able to get him to keep quiet about the fact I was still here so what I had planned would work. I had told him to tell Pinkie that I had left something for her at the tavern that I had forgotten to give her. And when she walked in, she would see me there. It was perfect! I spent the early evening hooking up the mechanism she would trigger by opening the door, and at exactly 8:15 was when Cheese would tell her, it was 8:13, almost time. I made sure the code was in the jukebox and the coin was in place, I adjusted my bow tie quickly and hid behind the counter.

"Any second now…" I told myself, moments later, the door opened slowly, I head two things as the door opened, the contraption being triggered and a sad sigh from Pinkie Pie, I can't imagine this was a place she'd want to be considering she still thought at that point I was gone forever. As she looked around, wondering just what I had "left" her, the coin I had placed in the contraption slid down the track until it fell into the coin slot, I couldn't help but grin at the brilliance of the set up. After the coin landed in the sound of a record spinning came from the machine and a song started. "I Can't Make You Love Me" in the style of jazz musician Mark Maxwell to be exact, as she looked curiously at the machine I raised my head above the counter.

"What can I get you ma'am?" I asked with a grin. She looked at me for a moment with a shocked expression.

"Chuckie?" She asked slowly.

"In the fur." I nodded. At this point I expected her to bolt up to me and hug me in a grip tighter than a vice, but she didn't, she just stepped forward with an ear to ear grin and watery eyes.

"You… you came back…" She smiled. "How?"

"Sometimes I can be incredibly persuasive." I chuckled coyly. "What did I tell you? Two weeks is a long time, who knows what could happen."

"I… I can't believe it!" She smiled widely as she hugged me.

"Frankly, neither could I." I replied. "There's something I want to tell you."

"What?" She asked.

"Well, you can consider this the thing I left for you, that's right, I set that up." I chuckled. "Pinkie… listen." I started.

"I'm listening." She said, I could hear a tone of anxiety in her voice.

"Oh no, no no no. This is good news, at least, I hope it is." I said, noticing how anxious she sounded.

"Pinkie, I've been wanting to do this for a while, for about three weeks now. But so many things just got in the way, and, over the past couple of weeks I realized you never know when the thing you love can potentially be taken from you just like that! I don't want anything like that to happen ever again, I want to be yours forever." At that point, I got down on one knee and took out the silk covered ring box I had purchased weeks ago and opened it, her eyes widened and her cheeks blushed red when she saw it. "So, Pinkamena Diane Pie, will you marry me?" I asked. She began to well up with tears as she took the ring and put it around her hoof.

"Yes… Yes! Yes! Yes! A million times yes!" She beamed as she hugged me tightly, overflowing with joy. "I have to tell everypony in town! I don't care if they've all gone to bed! Let's go!" She beamed, as we rushed for the door and swung it open, outside stood all our friends, grinning eagerly, popping out of the crowd was Cheese, blushing nervously.

"I may have let word get around..." He chuckled.

"Did you say yes?" Twilight asked Pinkie.

"Does it look like I said yes?" She grinned as she flashed her the ring.

"My my darling! It's gorgeous!" Rarity remarked at it.

"Oh good, you're back, I wonder if I can still get my bits back for the new sign I ordered." Quibble spoke up.

"Now you're sure you didn't say yes just because you were sleep deprived." Sunny Side asked.

"Ha." I shot back at her. "Well look, you're all up. What do you say we have a party?" I asked the crowd. "Drinks on the house!" I yelled out, with that the bar almost immediately flooded and the party commenced. As the time passed I smiled happily at Pinkie who was now my wife-to-be and wrapped my front leg around her.

"I can't believe how lucky I am." She smiled happily.

"Well you'd better believe it." I chuckled. "Soon to be Pinkie Murphy." As I said that, we both grimaced at how bad that sounded.

"Oh... wow." Pinkie made a face.

"That... sounds pretty bad." I nodded. "That's why I'll become Chuck Pie. It's a little unorthodox but it sounds better."

"Awww." Pinkie giggled as she hugged me. "I love you, soon to be Mr. Pie."

"And I love you, soon to be Mrs. Pie." I smiled. Yep, things were going to be okay after all.

* * *

 _Wow! What an ending! I can't believe Darth Vader is Luke's father! Oh, wait, wrong ending. Wow! I hope this wrapped everything up well. Equestria's New Comedian will return with even more fun!_


	46. Chapter 46: The Trials of Ivory Keys

**Author's note:** This chapter is dedicated to my favorite OC in this story who isn't Chuck. The sassy, pessimistic, testy, yet still lovable piano player, Ivory Keys. Warning, this is a lot more angsty than most chapters go. So if you are sensitive to angst, touchy subjects I.E abuse, alcoholism, and rape this is not the chapter for you.

* * *

Chapter 46: The Trials of Ivory Keys

 **Me:** _Now this band's goin' to play from, 9 to 1  
_ _Everypony here's gonna have some fun  
_ _Doin' the mess around!  
_ _Ah, doin' the mess around!  
_ _They doin' the mess around,  
_ _Everypony doin' the mess around!_

 _Now you see that mare, with that, diamond ring  
_ _She knows how to, shake that thing  
_ _Mess around!  
_ _I declare, she can mess around!  
_ _Ah, mess around,  
_ _Everypony do the mess around!_

I mocked playing the saxophone as Ivory finished playing the piano part of the song, I knee-slid on the floor coolly at the end of the song.

"I hope you enjoyed that, consider it my late birthday present to you." Ivory said, feeling annoyed with the very upbeat song.

"I enjoyed that very much, thank you." I nodded.

"Never playing that again." She muttered as she tore up the sheet music. "As your way of saying thank you for playing that atrocious song, you can get me a..." She read the menu sign. "Whiskey Me Away? Oh geez... one of those." She said.

"You've got it." I nodded. I set the drink down on the piano as she played and went back to the bar. I was the only waitstaff here today, that wasn't unusual, it was only a Tuesday in the early afternoon, there was really no need for anypony else helping out. I actually kind of liked it like this, it wasn't too busy so I could relax, and ever since I took her on board Ivory had quickly become one of my favorite ponies to work with. And from what I could tell she seemed to enjoy spending the time with me. She seemed cold or almost rude to most that she met, including me at first, but I had seemed to be one of the few she warmed up to, I mean, I knew she cared about me and was happy to have met me, she had let me know when she had thought I was going for good. I'll have to remember the next time I want compliments from those who don't give those much to fake another circumstance like that. No, I couldn't do that. But it was tempting. Anyway, these types of days would go by, she'd play, I'd serve drinks, occasionally I'd set one down on the coaster I had attached to the piano, and only sometimes would I take the cost of the drink out of her paycheck. Even though I would say I was more than likely her closest friend, there was a lot about her I didn't know. She had eluded to her foal-hood before now and then, but she never really had told me about herself. That was about to change over the next couple of days. Later on that day, an old stallion walked into the bar, I had never seen him before, He was a short and stocky earth pony with a balding curly mane and thick glasses, Ivory had a habit of looking at whoever came in from the corner she played in, normally she'd make a face at them, but this time was different, she made a face, but it was more out of shock, she slapped a 'back in five minutes' sign on the piano and ran for the employee restroom.

"Everypony needs a break now and then." I chuckled, "Welcome to Chuck's Tavern, what can I get you?" I asked the stallion.

"You can give me some perspective and tell me where I went wrong in life." The stallion said glumly.

"Ehhh, closest to that is Chartreuse, you like Chartreuse?" I asked.

"That'll do." He nodded. I poured him the glass and gave it to him.

"So what's got you down?" I asked. "Aside from gravity." I made a quip at his height.

"You think you're funny, don't you?" He asked.

"Not especially." I smirked, he just sighed. "So really, what's troubling you?" I asked.

"I've been... looking for somepony." He said.

"We're all lookin' for somepony." I said. "Well, I'm not anymore." I chuckled as I flashed him the ring I bought myself not long after Pinkie said yes.

"Looks nice." He said. "But I'm not talking like that, see, I'm looking for my daughter... I had heard from somepony she lives here now."

"Well, you've come to the wrong place, there isn't anypony else here but me an'..." Before I finished my sentence, out of the corner of my eye I saw Ivory peeking behind the corner mouthing for me not to say her name, I shot her a quick look of confusion before doing as she said. "Well just me and my piano player, Key Tickler."

"Oh..." He said. "I had been told that she might be here, well, if you ever meet Ivory Keys... just tell her that her dad is looking for her." He sighed as he went toward the exit. I couldn't help myself, I couldn't just let him leave like this.

"Now hold on a minute." I called. "You uhh, forgot to pay for that drink."

"Oh, sorry." He said before tossing a coin to me. "Keep the change." He sighed as he left the bar.

"Y'wanna tell me what that was about?" I asked sharply from the counter to Ivory who had now gained the courage to go back to her piano.

"Mare stuff." She said as an excuse.

"I'm no expert on that but I'm pretty sure you desperately telling me not to say your name is not mare stuff." I replied.

"Look, I didn't ask you what was wrong when I found that cinder block with the rope tied to it under your desk, I'd appreciate you don't ask about this." She said.

"Fine, fine." I muttered. "Don't wanna tell me, that's fine, it's not like I'm your best friend or anything..."

"You aren't my best friend." She said.

"Oh, who is?" I asked.

"Well, well there's..." She thought, she knew as well as I did that I was the only pony she considered to be a friend, so by default I was her best friend. "Shut up." She simply said to my smirk. Moments in silence passed before suddenly the door swung open.

"Excuse me, I think I may have forgot my-" The same stallion from before said as he walked in before noticing Ivory at the piano. "Ivory?" He asked with a gasp.

"Oh no..." Ivory sighed. I think if this were an episode of the show, this is where it would cut to the theme song, so you can sing that to yourself now if you like, belt it out as loud as you can, no matter where you are. Home? School? Bus? Plane to go visit your grandma in Arkansas? Anywhere. And once you're done, keep reading. All done? Alright, where were we?

"Ivory..." The stallion said. "It's me."

"Yeah?" She said, quite coldly. "So?"

"Don't you recognize me?" He asked.

"Sadly enough." She nodded.

"Ivory, listen..." He began.

"No, _you_ listen, 'dad'!" She said angrily. "What makes you think I'd be happy to see you after you didn't want anything to do with me for the past twenty five years?" She said. "You were hardly even a dad for the first six years of my life when you were around, I had luckily pretty much forgot you even existed just last year, and now you come trotting back into my life thinking I'd be happy to see you?" She demanded.

"You're thirty one?" I asked.

"Chuck. Not the time." She shot back. "Look, dad. Whatever, great seeing you again, your daughter is alive and well because for some reason all of a sudden you care, well, I don't. So long." She said as she escorted him to the door.

"Ivory, wait..." He said. "Your mother's dead." Ivory stopped and looked at him for a moment. Unsure if she believed him.

"What?" She asked suddenly.

"I had gotten word she had passed on a couple of weeks ago." He said. "I thought... well I thought you might want to know." He sighed as he left once more, leaving Ivory and I alone.

"Wow..." She said to herself. "Dead..."

"Ivory," I said as I walked up to her. "I feel... just terrible for you, do you need anything? I can give you time off, paid! You name the amount of time and I'll give it to you." I said.

"That won't be necessary Chuck." She shook her head. "Maybe you wanna take your lunch break early? I could... well I could kind of use somepony to talk to." She admitted.

"Absolutely." I nodded. In the pool room I sat down at one of the booths and got out my big lunchbox. "Mmm, baked potatoes, one of my favorites." I remarked at what was in it. "So, this is... big." I remarked at Ivory as we sat there.

"Are you talking about my day or your lunch?" She asked.

"Little bit of both, I mean, have you _seen_ a dinner roll this size?" I asked. "They may have had them in the stone age, considering I now know you were around for that."

"I'm only nine years older than you Chuck." She said flatly.

"Nine years, ninety years, same thing." I shrugged.

"Okay, if you think that the stone age was ninety years ago... oh never mind." She rolled her eyes. "Look, Chuck, you want to know everything?" She asked. "About me? About why I didn't want to see my dad?"

"I dunno, now that I know this is going to be a _long_ story I'm not sure." I teased.

"One more age joke and I smack you upside the head." She sneered. "Now, where to begin..." It took all my will power to keep from saying "A long, long, _long_ time ago."

* * *

Fillydelphia: Twenty six years ago

"Have a great first day of school Ivory." A middle aged mare who looked almost identical to Ivory minus her eye color said to her daughter, around the age of five. "I love you."

"I love you too." A five year old Ivory smiled at her mother.

"Remember, your father will be coming to pick you up after school, be ready." She said.

"I will Mama." She nodded as she hugged her. "Bye Mama."

"Goodbye Ivory." She smiled and hugged her before Ivory turned and went to her classroom. Now, Ivory was kind of shy, quiet at that too. So needless to say she definitely didn't love being in a class of twenty loud and hyperactive foals. The teacher stepped up to the front of the classroom and settled down her students, telling them to find a seat. Ivory went to the first open seat she saw, before she could sit down, a unicorn filly slammed her hoof down on the desk, startling her.

"That seat's saved." She said rudely.

"For who?" Ivory asked.

"It's saved." The filly simply said.

"Um... okay." Ivory nodded slowly and tried to find another seat. The only seat available was a seat in the very back, she didn't let this one thing bother her though, she opened her backpack and got her books out. This was going to be a good day. _Wrongo..._ The day itself was alright, right up until lunch time when everypony was gathered in the cafeteria, the cruelest place in all Equestria for a new student. Saved, saved, saved. That's all Ivory heard wherever she tried to sit. Eventually, swallowing her pride, she sat down where the outcast would sit. By the trash cans. It wasn't all bad, the chairs didn't look all that comfortable anyway. After lunch, which embarrassingly involved removing not one, not two, but three banana peels from her head that had fallen from one of the trash can it was time for classes. Those went by about the same, she remained quiet for the whole time. After school, everypony made their way home. Ivory made sure to stand exactly where her mother told her to wait. And that's what she did. Waited.

"It's okay... he must be running late." Ivory said to herself as she waited. Meanwhile, where was her dad?

"Alright fellas, double or nothing, let's go." Her father said to his buddies in the basement of his home around the poker table. Completely forgetting about picking up his daughter. His friends all nodded and the game commenced, that game turned into another, which turned into another, which turned into another different game which went on for many rounds, before long, it was six in the evening, three hours after he was supposed to go and get Ivory. Rain had picked up hard outside and thunder struck.

"Wait a sec..." He suddenly thought to himself. "Ivory!" He gasped. Ivory sat and waited on the curb, sighing. She wasn't ready to let her day at school bother her, but this was starting to. Suddenly, her father finally came trotting down the road with his cart. "Hey Ivory, how was school?" He asked. Angrily, Ivory got up and climbed into the cart, soaking wet. Moments went by without anypony saying a word.

"Ivory, I know you're mad at me, and I'm mad to. We could sit and argue who forgot to pick up who until the cows came home." He said. "Let's just admit we were both wrong and move on!" He said. Ivory still said nothing, her poor little five year old heart had never had much reason to feel anger. This was a new feeling, an alien feeling. This was one of the many things that would anger, hurt, or upset her in her life. That night she didn't sleep all that well, she couldn't really. All she could hear was her parents arguing loudly after her mother had found out about what had happened. Needless to say, the rest of the year didn't go great either. Her father would frequently come home drunk or hungover, if he came home at all! For Hearthswarming he had decided to spend the present bits at the dog track claiming that their winnings would be enough for ten Hearthswarmings. They didn't win. All of these things kept piling onto Ivory's resentment towards him until one morning when he wasn't home. This wasn't new, in fact it was common practice, but what was new was that he wasn't home when she got back from school. Or even the day after that. Eventually she and her mother had found out he had taken all their money and abandoned them.

Words could not describe the pain Ivory felt at that moment, her father was by no means terrific, he was forgetful and inconsiderate, but abandoning your wife and foal? That was evil. That was sinister. That was... unforgivable.

* * *

Back in the present

"Ivory..." I started. "I'm so sorry, I understand now why you wouldn't want to really see him again."

"That's... that's not all, there's a lot more to me than that." She sighed.

* * *

Fillydelphia: Fifteen years ago

"You know, you may look like me, but you are just like your father!" Ivory's mother hollered at her angrily during a heated argument the two were having.

"How _dare_ you say that to me!?" Ivory yelled back. "Ever since he left, you've been more and more like him! You drink! You're out every night with a new stallion! Who do you think has been putting the food on the table here, huh? Me!" She exclaimed. "I've been working so much I can hardly keep up in school thanks to it, all so I can pay for your drinking problem and maybe enough food for me to barely survive off of!"

"You ungrateful little..." Her mother growled.

"Little what, _mom!?_ " She hollered. "Bitch? Skank? Whore? Go ahead! Call me that! If that's what I am it's just a reflection of your terrible parenting!"

"I ought to wring your little neck!" Her mother lept toward her in a state of drunken rage, tackling her, she started to hit her hard in the face.

"Mom! Wait!" Ivory pleaded. "Stop! I'm sorry!" She cried as her own drunken mother was attacking her. Moments after, her mother passed out on top of her. Tears rolled down Ivory's face and bruises covered her face, especially a large dark mark under her eye. Trying to keep from crying too hard Ivory moved out from under her mother. She was sick of this. This type of night was becoming a regular thing and she was done with it. She couldn't take anymore of this. She ran off to her room and gathered up the few possessions she still held dear and all the bits she had saved. Reaching the door to exit the apartment she lived in, she took one last look at her mother. She couldn't just leave her like this with nothing. But she certainly wasn't staying. Using the last once of kindness and empathy for her mother she had left she wrote a note explaining why she had left and placed it nest to her. With that, she officially said goodbye to her mother for good. She had loved her mother so much, but after her dad left she had begun to change for the worse, Ivory had tried everything, she tried to get her counseling, an intervention, nothing worked. This wasn't a suitable place for her to grow up in, but... in a way there was no more growing up left to do, to grow up implies that one still has a foalhood to shed, the past ten years had completely murdered her foalhood. She didn't know where she was going, but she knew that it had to be far away, a place that she could start a new life for herself.

Two weeks later Ivory had found herself on the other side of Fillydelphia. She had gotten a job at a local bar playing piano, something she had always been good at. Piano was one of the only things that was able to comfort her when life had got her down, and even then it wasn't often she could play it, her mother had sold her old one, and after she ran away, effectively dropping out of school, the only other place with a piano it was hard to find time to play one. She had enjoyed her job, she made decent tips, the owner seemed to like her, but one night was when things would all change for her, something that would scar her beyond all things that had scarred her before.

"Good work tonight Ivory." The manager said as he was locking up. "They loved you tonight."

"Thank you sir." Ivory smiled a little. It had been so long that somepony had been kind to her, it felt so good. The manager of this bar was really kind to her, he had almost taken her in like an adopted father, he made her feel safe.

"Say, I know I could get in a bit of trouble for this but... what do you say I get you a drink? It'll be our little secret." He offered. Ivory wasn't sure what to say, but this stallion had been so kind to her, it would be impossible he had any sort of intentions.

"I won't tell anypony." Ivory nodded.

"Excellent." He grinned as he gave her a drink. She took it, and liked it! One drink soon became two, which became three. But Ivory knew her limits, she wasn't going to become like her father or her mother. As the night went on, it had now been two hours past closing and she and the manager had been together at the bar, talking, she confided her secrets to him and he comforted her. She felt like she could open up to him, maybe she was ready to move past all the hardships of her life, until one moment... as they sat there talking, the manager had suddenly put his hoof around her?

"Um... sir, what are you doing?" Ivory asked uncomfortably.

"What? Oh, that?" He asked. "I'm just getting a bit closer."

"I don't..." Ivory stammered. "I don't want you to-"

"Shhh." He shushed her. "Just, let this happen." He grinned.

"What!?" She gasped. "I'm not even a mare yet!" She began to back away.

"Age is just a number." He smirked as he stepped forward.

"No..." She shook her head. "Sir, I don't want to-"

"I don't care." He grinned. "I'm going to have you."

"No!" She yelled.

"I don't take no for an answer!" He growled as he lept at her like a lion after a gazelle. "Come here you little skank!"

"Get off of me!" She pleaded, fighting back. It was no use, he was bigger and stronger than her. She couldn't get away! "Stop! Please!" She pleaded, she then noticed a bottle on the table above where he had her pinned. Thinking quickly, she kicked at the leg of the table sending the bottle falling, she quickly grabbed it and hit the manager hard on the head with it, knocking him unconscious, she started to sob uncontrollably at what had just happened, she ran from the bar and sought refuge in an alley, weeping. She couldn't believe it, she had trusted him, he was close to her, he knew about all her vulnerabilities and he tried to take advantage of her! What kind of sick pony would do that? She couldn't sleep again that night, or for many nights afterwards. Everypony she had trusted in this world had turned out to be awful in the end, how could this be? Why? What did she do to deserve this? She had trusted them, and they all had hurt her. Well, no more, she couldn't let anypony else get close to her. That was it.

Years went by, almost fifteen to be exact, Ivory had gone from town to town, from bars to hotels to diners working piano jobs. Each day she would take her sorrows out on the piano, sometimes too much, so much it would disturb customers. Especially one case in Manehatten.

"Ivory!" The manager of the establishment she was then working at called her. She slowly got up and went over to him.

"Yes sir?" She asked.

"How many times have I told you to play with fitting ambiance!? Time and time again I have provided appropriate music for you to play and time and time again you ignore it and play loud, abrupt drabbles that scare away customers!" He exclaimed. "I don't know what your problem is, maybe you think you're too good for this restaurant, but you certainly aren't Miss Keys." He said. "I'm sorry, but I can't keep having this conversation with you. Ivory, you're fired." He concluded.

"Wait, sir..." She stammered.

"Fired!" He hollered. Ivory was taken aback, hurt, she sulked away to the bar, hoping at least a drink would lift her spirits, not long after she did though, she noticed somepony coming toward her, he was a red earth pony with a fluffy auburn mane, dressed up in a suit and tie. "Great, another creep." She thought to herself.

"Save the bits, I'm not interested in anypony buying me a drink." She said sharply.

"I'm happily taken, she's right over there in fact." The pony replied, pointing to his date across the way.

"Oh yeah?" She asked with an arched eyebrow.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Now listen, you play piano, right?" He asked.

"Not anymore." She sighed.

"Got the old pink slip huh?" He asked. "That's what I figured."

"You came over to tell me that's what you figured? Celestia... I would've rathered you tried to flirt with me." She said dryly.

"No no, that's not it." He shook his head. "Listen, I was listening to you, you sounded good. You sounded real good." He said. "I can tell you're pretty passionate about it too." He remarked.

"Well of course I am." She said. "My name isn't Ivory Keys for nothing." She said flatly

"Nice name." He said. "Listen, you seem talented. Well, you are talented. How would you like a job playing piano at my bar? It's a classy place, friendly patrons, friendly staff, though I should warn there would be some minor relocation involved."

"Sounds nice." She said. "I should warn though, I sometimes stray from the music I'm given, well, I do it a lot. In fact that's why they fired me."

"Doesn't matter at all. I won't even provide material."

"Gee... well, thanks." She said. "Where is it?" She asked.

"It's called "Chuck's Tavern, it's in Ponyville." He explained. Ponyville? That was a new town.

"Ponyville huh?" She asked. "I think I'll take you up on that."

"Wonderful, I look forward to adding you to the staff. I'm Chuck, Chuck Murphy." He offered his hoof to shake.

"Ivory Keys." She shook it. "Thank you, thank you so much." She smiled.

"Don't mention it." He grinned a little. "Now, I've got a date to get back to. Here's the address." He scribbled the address of the bar down on a piece of paper and gave it to her.

"Thanks, I guess I'll see you in a couple days." She said. And the rest was history.

* * *

Present day

I couldn't believe everything I had just heard. Poor Ivory, I had no idea... I knew she had a sad story but... Oh my God... "Ivory..." I began.

"Chuck, listen." She said. "About what you said earlier..."

"I don't actually think you're that old." I said.

"I wasn't going to say that you loofah maned dolt." She said flatly. "It was something else you said... earlier, about... you being my best friend."

"What about it?" I asked.

"Well, you are." She said. "You're my best friend. I had been through enough in my life that I couldn't trust or count on anypony, but, when you came along I felt different." She admitted. "Sure, at first I didn't trust you, but then, I got to know you. You're a loving coltfriend to Pinkie Pie, you helped your friend out when he needed romantic advice, I mean for Celestia's sake you helped save Equestria! You're kind, caring, everything that everypony else I met wasn't. Chuck, you aren't just the best boss ever, but... you're the best friend ever." She smiled a little and hugged me. This was unexpected. I mean I knew that since she considered me a friend I was her best friend by default, but this, she actually cared about me and did consider me to be her best friend.

"Thank you Ivory." I smiled. "I'm happy to have made a difference in your life."

"I'm happy I met you." She said. "You'd better appreciate that, I don't say that to anypony."

"I'll forever cherish that compliment." I smiled. "Thank you Ivory."

"You're welcome." She smiled. "Thanks for listening to me, and of course for all the other things, not attacking me, insulting me, assaulting me, you know."

"Well of course." I nodded. "I respect my elders."

"You're terrible." She scoffed and slugged me playfully in the shoulders.

"I know." I chuckled. "Now, I think lunch break is just about over. Back to work now?" I asked.

"Back to work." She nodded. When we got back to our stations, me at the bar and her at the piano, I couldn't help but notice something different about her playing, it was... softer than her usual playing. She felt a lot more at ease as she played. Almost as if a heavy burden had just been lifted from her shoulders, maybe that's all she needed, to finally get those things off her chest to somepony after fifteen years of not being able to trust and confide in others. It felt good knowing I was the pony she had learnt to trust and that she could rely enough on me to keep her words from others and to still see her the same despite it all. At the end of the shift, when I was locking up and we were preparing to head our separate ways she stopped me.

"Thanks again Chuck..." She said.

"Don't mention it, after all, that's what best friends are for." I nodded. "Now, you'd better get home so you can get a good rest, you don't want to miss the early bird special at Sunny Side's, I hear there's a seniors discount."

"You jerk." She chuckled a little. "See you tomorrow Chuck."

"See you tomorrow Ivory." I nodded as we went our separate ways for home. When I got home Pinkie was already fast asleep, this was pretty normal. I decided I wouldn't disturb her, much. After I went in and kissed her forehead goodnight, a tradition that had started once my shifts got late, I resigned to bed. A separate one of course, we weren't married yet!

As I fell asleep, I couldn't help but feel good. I knew that everyone makes some sort of difference to other's, it's inevitable, but I had never thought I had ever made that drastic a difference in somepony's life. It felt good, it felt really good.

* * *

 _Sorry to all who are sensitive to the subjects handled today, but I had an idea for a good story and I didn't want to sugar coat it as it would defeat the purpose of the story. Until next time!_

 _Song used_

 _"Mess Around" by Ray Charles_


	47. Chapter 47: Freshly Roasted Chuck

**Author's note:** Business returns as usual for Chuck and others, thanks to clefjumper for unintentionally giving me the idea for this chapter! Also, technically this is set before the last chapter, I just got really excited to post the other one.

* * *

Chapter 47: Freshly Roasted Chuck

Life had pretty much gone back to normal over the past couple days, except for the gorgeous ring around Pinkie's hoof that is, that and I had been working on my new signature, I had to admit Chuck Pie sounded a bit like a ship name, but I liked it. What does one do when life goes back to normal after an emotional roller coaster of two weeks? He goes bowling. Well, that's what Ivory, Quibble, Cheese, and I did. Our team name was _Spare Change._ I came up with it. I mean, that was obvious, the pun was terrific. Anyway, it was the bottom of the ninth. No wait, that's baseball. It was pretty obvious I wasn't big on sports, anyway, it was the final round, if I made the spare we'd beat the _Wonderbolt Strikers._

"Here we go Chuck..." I said quietly to myself as I lined up my swing.

"If you could roll the ball today that'd be great." Quibble said behind me. "I've got a date tonight."

"Beat us and I'm calling the date off." A team mate from _Wonderbolt Strikers_ said, Rainbow Dash specifically.

"Guess your schedule's clear for tonight Quibble." I grinned as I swung and got the ball rolling. It was a simple spare to make, just three pins in the corner, the ball slammed two of them and sent the third wobbling, I watched the third in anticipation. "Come on... come on..." I mumbled to myself. It wobbled until it finally tipped and fell into the pit. _Spare Change_ had won! "Wa-hoo!" I channeled my inner Homer Simpson in celebration. "After party at the tavern!" I exclaimed. "And yes, even the _losing_ team is invited." I grinned at the team captain of the _Wonderbolt Strikers,_ Soarin'.

"Be ready to be drank out of the house and home then." He chuckled as the eight of us walked back to the bar. I whistled to myself unlocking the door as technically the tavern was closed and I opened it up and turned on the lights.

"Okay teams, drinks will be flowing momentarily, pool table is in the back and the jukebox is only a quarter-bit per song." I announced as I got behind the bar and began to pour drinks. As after-parties go, one drink turned into two, and so on. As the drinks progressed, somepony had the _genius_ idea of getting on the counter and making an announcement, also, somepony is me. Admiral Dumb-Ass.

"Okay, I've... I've got an -hiccup- idea!" I chuckled drunkenly. "Let's do a roast huh? For the old colt-of-the-hour!" I chuckled, I don't know why I said this really. I mean, I've got thick skin, but not that thick, I don't take that stuff well. But drunk me thought he had a lot thicker skin. He was also a lot stupider than I am. Before I knew it I was up on a chair like in those Bar-Mitzvahs. I would have _loved_ one of those. But no, my family had to be protestant. Anyway, I was up on the chair on the karaoke stage with the mic set up, somewhere along the line some others were invited, this was going to be interesting.

"Alright everypony! Welcome to the roast of Chuck Murphy!" Cheese Sandwich said at the mic. "Now, some rules, unlike Chuck's jokes, keep it funny!" He laughed. Ouch. "Alright, first up, please welcome the best stand up comic this side of Mount Rushmare, Maud Pie!" He announced, this should be good.

"How are you all doing tonight?" She asked the crowd. "Now, some of you out there might wonder if you are Chuck Murphy, so I've came up with a personality test to help with that." She said before getting out some cards. "If you drink on the job because you have nothing better to do with your life, you might be Chuck Murphy." Okay, wow. "If you exaggerate all of your hardships to get pity, you might be Chuck Murphy." A couple of ponies began laughing at that. "If you have the maturity of a foal and the back pains of an elderly stallion, you might be Chuck Murphy." Real funny, I take back medication. Haw haw. "Now, here's one more question if you still aren't sure, if you go after the most naive and foal-ish ponies in Equestria because everypony else has standards... well, say it with me."

"You might be Chuck Murphy!" The audience laughed. Okay, wow. That last one was a little bit rude, but I could take it. Kinda.

"Thank you. Goodnight." She said stepping down. Before the next pony went up, I stood up and went to the mic.

"You know, normally after each pony goes up, they say something nice after the roast so... keep that in mind." I stammered before I sat down again.

"The roastee does not speak until the end!" Cheese swatted me. Let me tell you, if I was one of the speakers I'd make sure to roast the stupid fez he was wearing, he looked like a Shriner. All he needed was one of those dumb little cars. "Now, please welcome the server of sarcasm, Sunny Side!" Oh Christ, here we go.

"Chuck... Chuck, Chuck, Chuck." She chuckled and grinned. "I've known you long enough that I can pretty much figure out what ponies see in you... about twenty more pounds than what's healthy!" She laughed at her joke. Ha. Weight joke, about as original as Amy Schumer's jokes.

"I'm big boned..." I muttered to myself.

"Okay folks, now we have a fellow staff member of this lovely tavern here to say his piece, give it up for Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Snide himself, Quibble!" Cheese announced.

"What can I say about Loofah Mane here?" Quibble chuckled. "Well, talking to him is like talking to somepony from another planet sometimes... Oh wait." He snickered. "I mean seriously, he spouts off all these jokes and references, and half the time I just have to sit there and nod, I've got no idea what he's talking about!" Ponies seemed to laugh and nod at that, I didn't think I made those references all that often, I thought I was a relatively user friendly pony to talk to. It's not like I was spouting off references like a Family Guy episode. Wait, I think that's what he's talking about. "And another thing," He said. "I love being his friend and all, but part of me really hopes I die before he does, could you imagine being a pallbearer for him?" He laughed. I'm really not that heavy. "So, tonight, let's hear it for the one who has to do the most work around here, the chair in his office!" He laughed before going back to his seat. Coming up next was Rainbow Dash, this should be interesting.

"Now, you all know Chuck, but I met him the first day he got here." She said. "And ever since I had first met him I noticed something, this stallion is a leech! I have never seen somepony act more like an anchor on somepony's hooves. You know Pinkie Pie has a life, right?" She looked at me and chuckled. "I'm just thankful he didn't fall for me, I don't think I'd be able to fly with all that clutching on to me all the time!" She laughed. I wasn't clingy, that's not my personality, was it? Wow, I mean, I knew I was flawed, nobody's perfect. But, I'll admit, some of this was new information. The night went on, I grinned and beared what was shot at me, though I had quickly sobered up and now my feelings were being hurt. At the end, Cheese went back up to the mic and tapped it.

"Well, we've heard from the best, now let's hear the rest, the colt of the hour himself, fillies and gentlecolts!" He announced, I made my way up and stammered a little. I couldn't think of anything clever to say, but I wasn't about to cry either.

"You wanna hurt me?" I asked the crowd. "Go right ahead if it makes you feel any better. I'm an easy target, yeah, I talk too much. I also _listen_ too much-" My speech was soon cut off by Quibble.

"We all can tell this is a reference we won't understand!" He yelled.

"Planes, Trains and Automobiles! 1987! John Candy and Steve Martin! It's a classic!" I hollered back. "Thanks for coming to my party." I grumbled as I turned the mic off. "See you all later." I said as I shut the door. I stumbled home and resigned to bed without even seeing if Pinkie was still up. I wasn't sure how I felt, it was almost a form of embarrassment. I was kind of upset, and I was a little angry. Was this really who I was? Some clingy pony who makes stupid jokes and bad references? No, no I wasn't. I was some _overweight_ clingy pony who makes stupid jokes and bad references. I didn't know that's how everypony saw me. But... in a way it was good to know. Well, the next day that wouldn't be who they saw. That I could guarantee.

The next morning, I woke up early. Perfect, just as planned, early enough that Pinkie was still asleep. That way I would avoid the temptation of being around her all day. I muttered to myself as I got up and started my brand new day as brand new me. I ate breakfast, a healthier alternative to what I normally eat. Black coffee and a bran muffin, then I quietly made my way out of Sugarcube Corner so as not to wake Pinkie Pie, and went to work.

"Good morning Chuck." Ivory said to me when I walked in.

"Why are you here so early?" I asked.

"Between you and me I never left, I can't stand the mare who lives in the other room of the duplex I live in." She explained.

"I see." I nodded as I yawned and tied my apron.

"Never knew you had such thin skin." She remarked.

"Ha ha. Now shut up or you can add this place to your long list of previous employments." I shot back.

"Got me there." She replied before she began to play. The day went by as normally, for the most part anyway. I found I was a lot more silent with the ponies I was serving, normally I was quick with a joke or some sort of quip or anecdote. Not today, of course I knew that I was acting different, I was doing it on purpose. They seemed to notice, I could tell in their facial expressions. I didn't really care, they didn't like how I used to be. I was doing them a favor this way. At least that's how I saw it. Soon my workers broke for lunch, I decided not to, I wasn't hungry. Now, one thing I hadn't planned on, Pinkie knew when my lunch break was. If she arrived I knew that I'd end up breaking two of my rules I had set for myself. Suddenly, the hand struck twelve thirty on the clock. Lunch time. I quickly started whistling and grabbed my hat, heading for the door. Just as I was about open it, it swung open and into my face.

"Oh Chuckie!" Pinkie's voice rang. "I brought you some lunch!" I peeked out from the other side of the door and chuckled nervously.

"Yeah, about that... I'm um... going jogging instead of taking lunch break." I said. "You can stay here, I jog alone." I said before slamming the door and jogging off. Pinkie arched her eyebrow, feeling confused as to what had just happened.

"That was... _weird._ " She remarked. "Hey Ivory, has Chuckie been acting weird lately?" She asked.

"No more weird than normal." She said. "Actually, he's acting a lot less weird than normal." She remarked. "No drinking on the job, no jokes, nothing. Now he's skipping lunch _and_ he's not clinging like an urchin onto you."

"Do you think a Changeling kidnapped the real Chuck and is taking his place?" Pinkie asked.

"I doubt it." She said. "Chuck isn't interesting enough to have his identity stolen. Come to think of it nopony around this dump is."

"I wonder what's eatin' him!" Pinkie remarked.

"Speaking of eating, what did you pack for his lunch, if he's not eating it I'll gladly take it." Ivory said.

* * *

Later on

That evening, I was the first one home. Good, good. If I was being a hundred percent honest, this day was killing me. But it was for the better. Everypony liked me better this way, so I had to start acting like this. Just that moment, as I began reading my book, _Little Mares,_ Pinkie Pie burst through the door. Oh no.

"Chuckie!? Are you home?" She called.

"Yep." I said quietly as I read. She hopped over to where I was and peaked over my shoulder.

"Whatcha reading?" She asked.

" _Little Mares._ " I replied. "It's kind of cute, it's about four sisters, then there's a professor guy, a cranky old stallion, it's interesting." I explained.

"Interesting!" She smiled, we both sat there in silence for a minute, she rested her head on my shoulder as I read. I'm a fast reader, it normally takes me thirty seconds to finish a page of reading. Granted, I'm a skimmer, but I get the important details. I flipped the page, the turning of the paper was the only sound in the room. I was done, any longer and I'd probably want to be all attached to Pinkie.

"Well, that's enough reading." I said closing the book. "I'll see you later."

"Where are you going?" Pinkie asked.

"Um... Evening joggers club!" I said.

"Since when do you do any physical activity after dinner time?" She asked.

"Uhh... since today!" I chuckled. "Anyway I'll be out for a bit, if you go to bed before I get back, goodnight! I love you!" I said shutting the door and going out. I really, really, _really_ hated doing this. But I had to. It was for the best this way. As I started jogging, Pinkie decided to go and visit Sunny Side at work, she needed company that I couldn't give. She sighed walking into the diner and sitting down at the counter.

"Hey Pinks, what's up?" Sunny Side asked as Pinkie sat down.

"Nothin'..." She sighed.

"Something with Chuck, isn't it?" Sunny Side asked.

"What makes you think that?" Pinkie asked.

"Because, don't take this the wrong way, but you're a clingy little freak. Every problem you have is related to whoever you're clinging on. And for almost a year now, that's been him." Sunny explained. "So, what's bothering you?"

"It's just... Chuckie's been so weird today!" Pinkie explained.

"How so?" Sunny asked.

"Well, even Ivory noticed this, he's quiet, he's not telling his jokes, he's not eating much, and he's jogging!" She exclaimed.

"Sounds like he's changing himself for the better." Sunny Side mumbled.

"But, but the biggest thing is it feels like he's avoiding me!" Pinkie said. "When I stopped by at lunch he ran off, then when I came home he left again!" She said. "What do you think's going on?"

"Well, chances are is he's cheating on you." Sunny said flatly. "Is there something he's wanted to do that you won't?" She asked. "He probably found some mare who would, or maybe even a stallion."

"You think Chuckie's... cheating on me?" Pinkie asked.

"It's a theory, I wouldn't put it past him, he's kind of a trash bag." Sunny muttered.

"He's nice!" Pinkie said.

"Okayyy, but when you find him making out in the back room of his bar with some fresh out of high school filly don't come crying to me." Sunny said.

"Chuckie wouldn't do that." Pinkie said sternly. "I know... I know he wouldn't." Deep down, she wasn't sure, it would explain why I was being so distant. But it was so unlike anything she had ever thought.

"I don't want it to be true, I'm just saying it's a possibility." She said. "Or because he was moping, he does that a lot too."

"What do you mean, moping?" Pinkie asked.

"Well..." She started to snort with laughter. "It's the funniest thing, the other night, when he was drunk he called for a roast, right? And so we followed suit, a little too well. Guy almost went home crying!" She laughed. "What did we make fun of?" She thought. "The weight... the jokes, the fact he's a clingy little freak... all that kind of stuff." She chuckled, thinking back. "Wanna hear mine? It's pretty good."

"Why would he ask for that? He hates when ponies point out his flaws!" Pinkie remarked. "As soon as somepony says anything, he frantically tries to... change... himself." She stopped and thought. "Ohh..." She realized what was going on. "I've gotta go find him!" She got up and ran off. Leaving Sunny Side alone.

"As much as I hate to say it, those two really are perfect for each other." Sunny Side sighed to herself.

Meanwhile, I was in the middle of jogging through town, panting to myself as I passed the town by. I decided to break for a bit of water. I coughed a little as I sat down and got out a bottle of water. Just then, I was tackled out of the blue by a big fluffy pink bullet, pinning me to the ground. I coughed and wheezed as I looked up at her.

"Pinkie? Hey! Hey, how are you? I've just got a few more miles to go... should be done soon." I chuckled.

"No!" She said. "You aren't jogging another step. You'll be taking cream and sugar in your coffee, you'll be eating pancakes for breakfast, and by darn it you're going to eat lunch with me when I come over!" She hollered into my face. "Chuckie, I don't care what they say. I love you the way you are!" She said as she helped me up. "And no, not everypony loves your jokes and references, so maybe just... tone it down a little! Don't get rid of them, just easy on them, and Chuckie, I love you. But you are kind of clingy sometimes!" She admitted. "But honestly, I'm kind clingy too! It's something we both need to work on. But you can't just avoid me! We're getting married!" She giggled. "I love you, don't let anypony make you think any different." She hugged.

"I love you..." I smiled warmly as I hugged her.

"I love you too." She replied. "You aren't cheating on me, right?" She asked.

"What? No!" I coughed. "What could have given you that idea?"

"Well, I was talking to Sunny Side and..." I cut her off.

"Please stop talking to Sunny Side about any problems we might have. She hates me." I said flatly.

"She doesn't _hate_ you!" Pinkie said. "She just... kind of thinks you're a pitiful loser."

"Tomayto tomahto." I mumbled as I stood up. "Can we go get something to eat?" I asked. "I'm starving."

"That's my Chuckie." She smiled as we walked off to get something to eat.

* * *

 _So that didn't go as long as I hoped. I started off really inspired for this one and then realized it was kind of just reverse Pinkie Pienstein. Regardless, hope you enjoyed it and I'll be back soon with more!_


	48. Chapter 48: A Sweet Wedding

**Author's note:** Time for the wedding chapter! For Sugar Cane and Penny Candy that is. Remember them? Also featured: Chuck's run in with his crippling anxiety.

* * *

Chapter 48: A Sweet Wedding

"Remember what we talked about, we see something we like at the wedding, we steal the idea for our wedding." I said to Pinkie as I packed my suit into my suitcase. We were heading to Manehattan for the wedding of Sugar Cane and Penny Candy. Who were they? Quibble's old friends, I think they were in some chapter a while ago. About a week ago Quibble informed me that Penny Candy would be glad to have Pinkie and I on catering and refreshments, which would be terrific business for both me and Sugarcube Corner, so we were both happy. Quibble however was reluctant to actually tell us that news. But if he didn't his best friend would be without catering, so he had to. Pinkie and I were looking forward to this, it would be nice to actually attend a wedding together before we were to be wed.

"Check! I've already made plans to take the bride's dress if I like it enough!" Pinkie nodded as she packed things into her bag.

"Well, that might be too far, I meant aesthetic choices or flowers or things like that." I chuckled.

"Oh." She giggled. "You ready?" She asked.

"Sure am." I nodded as I shut my suitcase. "What time is our train leaving?"

"Just an hour now." Pinkie said. "Just enough time to say goodbye to all our friends!" She squealed.

"Is it really a goodbye if we'll be back by Friday?" I asked.

"A lot could happen between now and then! We could get into a train crash, you could get drafted into a war, we could get lost and never see them again! Or even-" She started to ramble.

"I see your point." I said. "Well, Rainbow Dash will be coming, Quibble too. So it won't be that bad."

"I guess." She pouted.

"That, and you'll have me, right?" I asked.

"Don't remind me." She joked. I was a bit taken aback, that's the type of joke I'd tell, not her. I chuckled a little and grinned.

"I've taught you well." I remarked. "I'm very proud." She just giggled.

"Come on you, we've still got friends to say goodbye to." She said dragging me out of the loft. I was kind of going to miss the loft, I had already made arrangements that after we got married we'd be moving out into our own home. I had figured if we were going to start a family Mr. and Mrs. Cake would rather us live somewhere else, there certainly wasn't room for two families. I did however make sure the home was very close to Sugarcube Corner so Pinkie could visit whenever. The only pony who knew other than me was Mr. Cake, who was kind enough to help me find the house I was set to buy. Turns out he's good friends with the real estate agent and was able to get me a deal.

Goodbyes were quick enough, well, mine were. Let me walk you through a Chuck Murphy goodbye. "Yep. Heading off for a bit, see you when I get back. If I die take what you like from my possessions." Now, a Pinkie Pie goodbye. "I'm gonna miss you so much! It feels like it's gonna be forever until the next time we see each other! Don't forget me when I'm gone, sometimes I'm scared to blink because that's kind of like a little goodbye because I don't see you and I'm worried about what might happen! See ya!" Yep. She said that, and I quote, to everypony in town she considered friend, so, the population of Ponyville. So that ate up the hour pretty well. I said my quick goodbyes to the amount of ponies (that if I still had hands I'd be able to count on my fingers) that I consider friends between whenever Pinkie would gasp for air during goodbyes.

Not too long after we boarded our train, Rainbow Dash and Quibble were already in Manehattan so we had just ourselves to keep us company, like, our own selves, not like alternate versions of ourselves to keep us company. I actually met an alternate version of myself not long ago. Nice guy, he's like a monarch or something, wish I could have got that lucky but I guess we can't all be that lucky. The guy had a _killer_ cigar lounge. You can ask TD about that whole thing, crazy story. Anyways, it was nice having the train cart to ourselves, the rest of the cart was filled with booze boxes and sweets. It would be Homer Simpson's paradise if it had TV.

"You're gonna like the hotel room I booked, penthouse suite." I said to Pinkie as we watched the trees and mountains go by.

"Where'd you get the bits for a penthouse suite?" She asked in shock.

"I swiped a couple gold bars from Bug Me when we went through that dimensional warp thingy." I explained. "He caught me, but he was cool with it." I explained.

"Is it stealing when it's an alternate version of yourself?" Pinkie asked.

"Probably, but it's not stealing when they literally say: "Hahahah! I forgot, you're poor, go ahead, take some."." I said.

"He did really like to rub in that you're poor." She said.

"I'm not poor, I'm on the high end of a low tax bracket, the perfect place to be." I said, defending my financial state.

"Tomato potato." She shrugged with a giggle. I'm a hundred percent sure that's not how the saying goes.

Hours later we arrived in Manehattan, as soon as I paid the transport ponies to haul the sweets and booze to the location of the reception Pinkie and I flagged down a taxi and went straight for the hotel.

"There is an _amazing_ pool area here." I said. "We've gotta try it out before anything else."

"I'm so happy you think like me!" She beamed as she immediately got out her swimming goggles. As soon as I tossed off my bow tie and put on my goggled and noseplugs we ran for the pool, eager to test it out. Just as we were making it past the third floor ice-box, so close to the pool I could smell that sweet, glorious, chlorine smell I heard a familiar voice call our... nicknames.

"Hey! Loofah Mane, Loofah Mane 2!" Quibble called to us. "What do you think you're doing?" He asked, adjusting a suit.

"We're going swimming, why?" I asked.

"No you aren't." He said with a dry chuckle. "Penny Candy wants to see both of you for an inventory." Pinkie and I exchanged dissapointed looks before I sighed and stepped forward.

"Fine, I'm sure we'll have time for swimming later." I said while mumbling a few words under my breath that I'll let you use your imagination as to what I said, but one of them was one of the _reeeallly_ good swear words.

I walked with Pinkie, both of us feeling incredibly begrudging to the place we were going to meet Penny Candy. Outside, we were both forced to put on happy faces and pretend we didn't care about the fact that we could be going down a water slide or soaking in a hot tub or just plain making out in the pool supply closet. Okay, chances are I was the only one out of the two of us thinking about that last one.

"Hi! You must be Pinkie and Chuck, Quibble's told me so much about you." Penny Candy said as we walked in. I _really_ doubt that to be true.

"Really? What type of music do I listen to?" I asked flatly.

"Chuckie." Pinkie said, knowing my tone.

"What? If Quibble's told him so much about us he'd know the answer." I replied.

"He um... he didn't tell me that!" He said with a nervous chuckle. "But he _did_ say you were more than happy to help out with a great deal!" He grinned.

"What kind of deal?" I asked skeptically.

"The best deal I've ever heard of! Seventy five percent off!" He exclaimed. We both coughed, feeling quite taken aback that he said that.

"He uhh... he said that huh?" I chuckled nervously.

"That's... a _really_ good deal for sure!" Pinkie chuckled, just as nervous as I was. "Chuck." She pulled me aside. "I don't know if the Cakes are okay with offering a discount like that!" She whispered.

"And I sure as hell know I'm not okay with offering the discount." I mumbled. "We've got to think of something."

"Good cop bad cop?" She asked.

"We've never done that before." I said. "Just let me talk to him." I concluded before we turned to him. "Seventy five percent, that's what he said?" I asked him, he looked at the two of us before he started laughing hysterically. Banging on the floor with laughter.

"You _bought_ that!?" He laughed. "He never said that!" He said as he got up. "I was just messing with you, he did tell me fifteen percent off?"

"Yes. _That_ was the discount." We both nodded.

"You should have seen the looks on your faces." He chuckled. "Alright, lets get down to business, I can tell you have a pool to get to."

"What makes you think that?" I asked.

"Your marefriend has swimming flippers on." He pointed to Pinkie's hooves. Sunova bitch, he was right.

"Aheh, you're right, she does." I remarked. "But enough about that, let's do inventory huh?"

"Canwegetthsidonesoonpleeeeaaase?" Pinkie whined. "I wanna go swimming!"

"We'll get this done as fast as we can." I said, looking at the stacks of boxes.

* * *

Three hours later

"So that took... a lot longer than I thought." I remarked as we tiredly walked back to the hotel.

"Tell me about it!" Pinkie remarked. "Don't tell him, but I snuck one of the cupcakes when he wasn't looking."

"Well, don't eat any at the reception and we should be fine." I said. "I snuck a drink too."

"So? To the pool?" She asked.

"To the pool." I nodded, and with that we were off excitedly, he ran into the lobby, ran on the spot in the elevator, ran to our room, ran back to the pool, only to discover... the pool had been taken over, by the worst group to ever take over a pool, a scourge that plagued Equestrian and Earth pools alike: a junior level sports team. They were loud, obnoxious, and worst of all, carrying food.

"Shiva H. Vishnu." I remarked in annoyance.

"Awww..." Pinkie whined. Normally, she wouldn't care about swimming with a group of foals, but not these foals, junior sports teams are groups of the most evil foals in existence. They were the types of kids only a mother could love, and she wasn't a mother yet. Not... to my knowledge anyway.

"Well, the hot tub's free." I suggested.

"It'll do." She sighed. We laid back in the hot tub, I'll admit, it felt great, secretly I would have rathered be in the hot tub than the swimming pool, yet still the ambiance was less than enjoyable. I whipped out the emergency mane flask and took a sip.

"Want some?" I asked, she shook her head.

"In front of the kids?" She asked.

"They ain't my kids, I don't care." I explained.

"What about our kids?" She asked.

"What about them?" I asked.

"You're not gonna..." She began.

"I'm going to the _perfect_ dad. They won't even know what alcohol is until they're like forty." I said. "Don't worry, I've already been up for twelve nights over panic attacks regarding how bad a parent I'll probably be."

"You're not going to be a bad parent." She said supportively. "Just, you need to cut back on the cursing, and the drinking, other than that, you'll be a great dad!"

"I don't know, not being able to swear just seems _really_ out of character for me." I said, arching my eyebrow ever so slightly.

"I know, but I mean, you can do it, just not around them!" She giggled. "You'll be a great dad, don't worry." She hugged me. "Twilight said you wouldn't be a good coltfriend, look how that ended up!" She smiled.

"She said that?" I asked suddenly.

"She might have." She admitted.

"I ought to box her ears!" I growled as I got up, quickly being pulled back down by Pinkie.

" _Buuut_ she likes you now!" Pinkie said quickly. "She even said "You were right Pinkie, and I was wrong." when she saw how great you were!"

"I appreciate the sentiment, but Twilight would never say that." I said flatly.

"You've got a point there." She admitted. "Let's just relax for now."

"I'd like that." I smiled as she relaxed up against me. All was perfect, I had never felt so calm in weeks, _riiiiight_ up until some little colt dropped his ice cream bar in the hot tub. I was completely ready to turn that kid into school glue and hot dog meat.

"Oh come on!" I cried out in agony.

"Come on, let's calm down." Pinkie said leading me out of the hot tub. "Let's go to the room and relax."

"This isn't over, kid." I growled as I squinted my eyes, that child was now my nemesis, a nemesis I would loathe with a burning passion until the day I die. Or at least until I forgot about him. Back in the room, I sighed and tossed on a robe. "Up for a bite to eat?" I asked.

"In your robe?" She asked.

"Ever hear of room service?" I asked. "It doesn't matter what I have on." I said.

"Wanna share a pizza then?" She asked.

"I have never been more in love with you than when you said that." I grinned as I pressed the button to call for room service. And so with that, we ate. Let me tell you, there are a few true tender moments in a relationship, that's the first kiss, the first time, and the first pizza shared as a couple. We had now accomplished two of the three. And boy was it tender, there is nothing like sharing a pizza with the one you love. If you have yet to experience that moment, cherish it when it happens.

"You want the last slice?" She asked as we both reached for it.

"Not if you do." I shook my head.

"Okay!" She said as she gulped it up, not going to lie, I expected a more romantic moment than that, but I didn't care, she was cute in that way. I didn't care if I was the more artistic thespian for romance and she wasn't, I loved her just the way she was. She stopped and looked at me for a moment, I guess I had spaced out, it happened when I thought about one subject for more than fifteen seconds.

"Chuckie?" She asked.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked.

"What makes you think I was thinking about something?" I asked.

"You were doing your 'thinking' face, where you cock your head and your eyes kind of focus on something but nothing at the same time." She said.

"Oh, well, I mean I was just kind of thinking about the fact that you're amazing in every way and I'm far too flawed to even be considered close to good enough for you." I explained.

"Stop it!" She blushed. "You don't really think that do you?"

"That I'm actual trash and you're too good for me? Nah." I lied.

"Well, just remember, even if all else fails, you're the sweetest pony I know." She smiled.

"And thank God you like sweet." I said. "Because that's the only good thing about me."

"Stop." She said flatly. "Chuck, I love you. You aren't prefect, but nopony is!" She hugged me.

"I love you too." I said simply as I got up. I looked out the window at the city, it was the dead of night, the lights glowed with a gold color contrasting with the midnight purple sky, I smiled as I looked out at the city. "You know," I said as I looked out. "In my eyes, there is only one sight prettier than a cityscape in the dead of night."

"And what's that?" She asked, standing beside me.

"That would be you." I smiled, giving her a kiss on the cheek. She blushed and looked away for a moment before looking back with a smile.

"What would I ever do without you?" She asked.

"Live your life, I'm not special, at all." I said flatly. "Trust me."

"I think you're special." Pinkie said. "I really don't understand why you say things like that, you mean so much to me."

"There's a good reason." I muttered. "But that's for another day." I sighed before yawning. "Time for bed I'd say."

"I agree." She yawned. "What side of the bed do you want?" She asked.

"The one you don't want." I said simply. "It doesn't matter to me." I said as she picked a side and laid down, I walked over to the other side and laid down beside her, curling up to her and resting my head on the soft yet firm memory foam pillow. "Goodnight Cutie Pie, I love you."

"I love you too." She said sweetly before nodding off.

* * *

"Hello?" I asked as I walked through a blank white scape, oh great. A dream sequence. It was trippy, I could hear the regular things one would hear when walking outside, birds chirping, wind blowing. It was strange, but in the distance, I could see a group of ponies. It was my friends! Pinkie too. I smiled as I walked toward them all. "Cutie Pie!" I said with a wide smile "How are you hon?" I asked. "Ivory, Quibble buddy! Cheese? What are you doing here? TD?" None of them said a word. I walked and walked, but the figures got no bigger, I felt like I was going nowhere. The wind started to blow up against me, stronger and stronger. "Pinkie, hon, you mind walking to me? I can't seem to get anywhere. Fellas?" I chuckled a little, but it seemed as if they didn't hear me. They were just staring at me, a blank expression on their faces.

 _"What is this?"_ An eerily familiar voice rang through my head as the wind blew. _"Chuck, you've got to be kidding me."_ The voice continued, the sound made my spine shiver, it was a voice I hadn't heard in over a year now, not a voice I welcomed truthfully.

 _"Do you really think you'll ever amount to anything acting this way?"_ The voice asked.

"Stop it." I replied to the voice as I tried to move forward.

 _"You think anyone will ever love you like that?"_ The voice continued. _"You're not all that smart, you aren't handsome, someone would have to be a complete fool to want to be with you."_

"Please. Stop." I pleaded. "I'm... I am smart... smart enough. I'm... well... I'm..."

 _"Don't kid yourself, Chuck."_ The voice chuckled. _"You've dug your own grave with the way you act, the way you think, you think everyone's going to like this cavalier, care free persona you put on? They see through the lie. They see how truly pathetic you are."_ The voice continued, I had enough.

"Stop it!" I hollered as I ran forward, finally actually making distance, I ran up to Pinkie and held her close, I couldn't listen to the voice, not alone. She just looked at me, blankness in her eyes.

 _"You're not special Chuck, you're pathetic."_ The voice said, coming from Quibble's body as he gradually faded to dust.

 _"Best boss ever? Best friend ever? HA!"_ The voice laughed from Ivory as she faded away. One by one, the voice taunted me as my friends faded away, it was torturous.

"Pinkie, Cutie Pie, please say something!" I pleaded. She looked at me once more, I could feel her getting lighter, starting to fade like dust.

 _"I don't know what I ever saw in you Chuck."_ the voice said in place of her as she faded off. I wept as I held the dust that was once her. I couldn't be, I didn't want to be, I couldn't go on, I didn't want to be all...

 ** _alone..._**

* * *

"Alone!" I cried out as I jerked awake in a sweat, panting heavily. I looked around, it was morning, light shone through the window into the room, Pinkie was already up and out of bed. I shook my head a little as I climbed out of bed.

"Alone?" Pinkie's voice asked from the bathroom as the shower ran. "I got up to shower, that's hardly leaving you alone silly! Now you'd better get ready, today's the big day and we've got to be there in two hours!" _TWO HOURS!?_

"Two hours!?" I wheezed. "Why didn't you wake me up?" I asked as I frantically started to hang my robe and make the bed.

"I tried!" She said as she turned the shower off. "You would not get up, did you know you talk in your sleep?" She asked.

"Oh?" I stammered.

"It's a whole lot of "no", you said my name a couple of times too, but it didn't sound good, everything okay?" She asked stepping out of the bathroom. Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the sight of Pinkie in a towel, I regained my composure and nodded.

"Yeah, I'm super." I lied. "Now... I've gotta shower." I mumbled as I walked past her. So what? I had a bad dream? We all have bad dreams now and then. We _all_ have dreams where a voice of someone from your past taunts you while your friends fade away like dust. It happens to everyone, right? Right? Regardless, I had work to do to today. And I couldn't let some silly dream stand between me and completing the job assigned to me. I got in the shower and quickly started cleaning myself "I mean, I'm pretty sure that's a good size to have considering my species." I remarked as I looked at... my gut.

Stepping out of the shower, I frantically dried off and stepped back out of the room, quickly putting on the suit I rented for the day. I wrapped my bow tie around my neck and grinned.

"Looking good Chuck." I said coolly, donning the cavalier persona that I apparently do.

"You sure are." Pinkie giggled, kissing my cheek. "Now c'mon! Let's go!" She said grabbing my front leg and dragging me out the door.

* * *

One run later

Ever watch _Planes, Trains, and Automobiles_? There's one scene where Steve Martin is trying to get a cab and he just has no luck, that was Pinkie and I this morning, we had to run all the way from the hotel to the wedding. I panted as I made my way up the steps of the wedding hall.

"We made it..." I panted. Quibble and Penny Candy walked up to us, chuckling.

"Congratulations, now find a seat at the back and then get ready to serve up after the service." Quibble instructed. That's what we did, we found a bench in the back that wasn't occupied and we sat down. I remarked at the flower fixtures. Tacky really, the flowers were white, yet the bows hanging were blue. It looked _baaaad._

"That combo?" Pinkie whispered to me. "Blah."

"I agree." I nodded. Penny Candy soon took his place at the alter and Quibble stood beside him, with the other groomscolts waiting, which reminded me that I would soon have to decide which of my guy friends to make my best-stallion and which other ones would have to casually resent me for the rest of my life. Oh no, Pinkie has the rest of the mane six and Sunny Side for best friends, that plus probably Maud as her mare of honor means I need seven total stallions. Erm... Cheese, Quibble, TD... Oh balls. Maybe alternate universe me could come? Spike perhaps? I've talked to him a couple times. This was a lot to worry about. What about my family? Maybe I could get a letter sent to my dad, but I really don't want to see any other members of my family. _Ever_. As I kept thinking, the music suddenly started and the bride began to walk down the aisle.

"Isn't the dress pretty?" Pinkie asked me as she walked by.

"It's okay." I said. "It'd look better on you."

"Stop..." She blushed. The flower fillies tossed petals down the aisle, it was kind of cute. Who could do that? Maybe I could get the Cutie Mark Crusaders to do it?

"Dearly beloved..." the officiate started talking.

"Here we go, _snore fest._ " I whispered to Pinkie, who giggled. Truthfully, I always found this part _so_ boring. So boring that I worried that I would fall asleep at the alter when my time came. He kept talking, cripes the guy was old. he had bags under his eyes that drooped with such droopiness that he could give Droopy Dog a run for his money. And his voice! It droned on like that teacher from _Ferris Bueller's Day Off._ Sorry, I'll stop with the pop culture references.

"Could he talk any slower?" Pinkie giggled.

"I know. Could you imagine this guy on the radio?" I snickered. From the alter, Quibble shot us a glare and mouthed: "Shut up."

"Lookit him, Mr. Serious up there." I chuckled as I quieted down. The ceremony went on, "I do's" were said, it was actually a very cute moment, I was happy to have been there. I was even happier I didn't need to bring a gift. As the ceremony closed, Pinkie and I stood up. "Time for the best part." I said.

"Time for eating!" Pinkie grinned.

"Not for us though." I grumbled. "I'll sneak us a plate."

"Or two. Or three." Pinkie suggested. Dinner soon started in the hall nearby, I sat at the bar and Pinkie sat at the baked goods table across from me. I stared longingly at her, at least comforted that if I wanted to I _could_ walk over and not be haunted by a voice in my head. I wish I didn't have to see that as a comfort, most people don't even have to consider that. Ugh.

I chatted up ponies who stopped for drinks, it was just like a work shift but I was in a full suit and i wasn't getting paid as much. Rainbow Dash stuck by the bar to keep me company while Quibble sat at the VIP table.

"Don't the plus one's get to sit at the VIP table?" I asked her.

"Yeah, but I wanted to chat with someone who wasn't reconnecting with their foalhood friend." She said.

"And you chose me over Pinkie? I'm flattered." I grinned.

"You've got the cider at your stand." She explained.

"Nice to see your priorities in place." I chuckled. "To think, you'll be a part of the next wedding you're invited to."

"That's right." She grinned. "Congratulations again. When's the date?" She asked.

"Just a couple months now, but I have a feeling those months will fly by." I said. (Which is me, the author saying that I'm not waiting an actual couple of months before the wedding chapter is posted).

"I'm happy for you, you'd better treat her well." She said. "Chuck, I'll tell you now, when we all first met you-"

"You didn't like me." I said flatly. "I recall."

"You didn't let me finish." She said. "We weren't sure about you, but, I mean, you proved us wrong." She admitted. "But, you'd better be happy with just me saying that, because Twilight will _never_ say she was wrong."

"I'm content." I said with a chuckle. "I'm just happy you all gave me a chance."

"You can thank her." She pointed to Pinkie. "I didn't want to."

"I'll be sure to." I said flatly. "Have you reached your drink limit?" I asked.

"I think so." She pouted. "I'll go."

"Now hold on..." I said. "That guy over there hasn't had a sip, I'll let you have his share." I grinned.

"This is why I like you." She grinned as I poured the drink. I was happy, not happy because I was pouring drinks at a wedding reception, not happy because I looked great in a suit, not even because Pinkie was clearly jealous over the way one of the bridesmares was eyeing me up, no, I was happy because the voice was wrong. My friends liked me. I wasn't alone. I just needed to remember that.


	49. Chapter 49: I Love You, Stallion

**Author's note:** There's a comedy flic I love, it's called "I Love You, Man", starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel, it's really funny, it's about Paul Rudd looking for a best man for his wedding. Watch it sometime if you haven't, I was partially inspired by that concept while writing this.

* * *

Chapter 49: I Love You, Stallion

 _One month ago..._

" _Who would ever think that flower/bow arrangement was a good idea?_ " I thought to myself as I watched Penny Candy and Sugar Cane's wedding. " _Lookit Quibble up there, looking like a real weenie as per usual. "MY SENSORS INDICATE THAT YOU ARE INDEED A WEENIE." Ha. I'll admit, I do kind of miss when my pop-culture references were understood. Maybe I can ask my dad if he can send my DVD collection through a portal or something._ " I continued thinking. " _Man, Quibble gets to be the best-stallion here and he's gonna probably be one of my groomscolts at my wedding, lucky bastard. Wait a sec, Pinkie's got Twi, Dash, AJ, Rarity, and Fluttershy, then of course there's Sunny Side. Damn it. I'll have to listen to her ride my ass at the wedding, she'll probably do some humiliating speech."_ My eyes squinted in frustration as I thought these things. " _Wait a sec, that's six mares. Plus Maud, she's definitely having Maud as her mare of honor. Seven mares? An' I've gotta match that? Sure I know seven stallions, but I mean, I'm friends with... like three."_ I arched my eyebrow suddenly. " _Damn Chuck, where's all your guy friends? Oh well. You'll think of something, you always do. Remember that school trip where the hotel room flooded? You were the one who made the plan then. And those shmucks never even thanked you!"_ I grumbled angrily as I thought that, earning looks from Pinkie and the couple sitting in front of us. " _Whatever, you'll think of something._ " I chuckled, now that's an inner voice that's always welcome, my own. I was right, I'll think of something.

 _Today_

I didn't. Well, not until today that is.

After the wedding Pinkie and I took part in, days were normal. I'd work at the bar, go home, go to bed, jerk awake from nightmares, go to work, repeat. The most recent flavor of nightmare was being left at the alter all while "Here Comes The Bride" plays in an eerie minor key. What I wasn't thinking about was the fact my wedding was in one month and the invitations hadn't been sent out, a venue hadn't been selected, and I didn't have the groomscolts, my theory was right, Pinkie was having Twi and the others plus Sunny Side as her bridesmares and Maud as her MoH. But my dumb ass swept that under the rug. That's when one day at work it all hit me.

"Sonuva bitch!" I remarked suddenly in the near silent ambiance of the bar. Ivory and Quibble turned and looked at me.

"Is there a follow-up to that?" Ivory asked.

"I'm not ready." My eyes twitched.

"I knew he had commitment issues, you owe me twenty bits." Quibble chuckled to Ivory.

"Not that, you idjit." I shot him a look. "I mean, I'm actually not prepared, like I don't have the things I need in order to be married." I explained.

"Anypony could have told you that the day you showed us that ring box." Quibble said. "First of all, you're like twenty two."

"Once again, not what I mean." My eyebrows narrowed. "I mean, Pinkie's got Twilight and the others, plus Sunny Side and her sister, that's seven guys I need." I explained.

"Must suck having no friends." Ivory chuckled.

"Ha ha. I've got Cheese Sandwich, I don't really care what you say," I pointed to Quibble. "And TD will probably be down."

"What about me?" Ivory asked.

"Hm, let's ask your penis." I said sarcastically. "Excuse me, Ivory's penis, why can't she be a groomscolt?"

"No need to be crude." She said flatly. "I didn't want to be a groomscolt anyway."

"But we _do_ need somepony to play piano..." I said eagerly.

"Well of course I'll do that," She rolled her eyes. "Only wedding job that doesn't require a penis."

"Can we stop saying that word? It's been said like three times too many." Quibble whined.

"Stop whining you putz." I rolled my eyes. "Now, look, I've got a serious problem! I need more guy friends."

"You need more friends really," Ivory said. "You're a bartender with hardly any friends. It's really sad."

"And you've traveled all across Equestria and have one friend." I shot back, not a fair comparison I know, but I didn't care. "Look, fellas, this means a lot to me, I really want that day to be perfect, not to me, but for her." I explained.

"Pathos does not work on me." Quibble said flatly.

"And it doesn't work enough on me." Ivory said. "But, considering you're my best friend, I'll help you out."

"And since you need me, I'll help you out too." Quibble sighed.

"Oh thanks guys." I smiled. "So... how are we going to do this?"

"You're a theater pony, you'll have a good idea of what the plan is." Ivory grinned.

* * *

The Next Day

"Come on down for "Who Wants To Be Chuck's Friend?" auditions?" I asked, reading a flier Ivory had made up.

"Sure, eligible stallions will come, you pick the ones you like." Ivory explained. "And you can't say no, because there's already a line." I looked out the window at the line of colts and stallions outside, I couldn't help but noticed they all looked younger, kind of like high school students. I arched my eyebrows in surprise, that's weird, really didn't expect so many to be eager to be my friend, let alone audition for it.

"Alright, audition one, c'mon in." I called, the pony who walked in was familiar, he was one of the students from the friendship school Twilight recently started up. "Sandbar? What are you doing here?" I asked.

"Dude, like, I saw the poster and I thought why not?" He asked with a slight chuckle.

"Okay..." I shrugged. "Okay, question one, how would you and I kick back after a long day?" I asked, reading the card.

"Get some brewskies dude!" He laughed. "And you're like a bartender, you can hook us up."

"And you're a minor. So no." I said flatly. "Next!" The next one to come in was... yet another friendship student. This time, the blue coated Griffon, Gallus.

"I'm going to tell you the same thing I told your friend, no minors looking for easy access to booze." I said flatly. "Ivory, is anyone here not a minor looking for easy booze?" She got up and looked at the line, she returned shaking her head.

"Nope." She said. "All minors."

"Great plan." I applauded sarcastically. "You know what I say to this plan?"

"What?" She asked.

"Next!" I hollered after blowing a disapproving raspberry.

"Next plan?" Ivory asked. "The next plan is you going out and making friends, like a _normal_ pony."

"I don't have time for any natural friendships to form," I explained. "I have time for random selection. Umm, I've already got three, so I need four more."

"Listen to the mathematician over there." Quibble snorted.

"Shut up. Now, let's see... what other guys do I know?" I thought to myself. "Ah!" I remarked.

 _Later on..._

"So I figure, I know you, we're pals, you may possibly be my cousin in law, what do you say? Wanna be one of my groomscolts?" I asked coolly to Applejack's big brother, Big Mac as he hauled a cart of Apples from the orchard to the barn. He looked at me with a slightly arched brow and a blade of straw poking from his mouth.

"Mmm... nope." He shook his head.

"What? Why not?" I asked, slightly losing my cool.

"Ah'm busy." He explained. "Sugar Belle."

"She's invited!" I blurted nervously. "She can be your plus one!" I chuckled. "She'll see you up there, a nice suit on, she'll _love_ that." He looked at me, he could tell I was desperate. A slight grin grew across his face, he dropped the basket he was carrying then pointed to the barn.

"This to the barn, then my nope just may be an eeyup." He grinned.

"Haul a basket of apples? Piece of rum cake!" I laughed. He just chuckled then pointed to the orchard. Baskets upon baskets of apples were all around. "You've gotta be kidding."

"Nope." He chuckled. "Get to work, bar-keep." He said as he strolled off, humming to himself.

"That dirty-rotten-monosyllabic-thing-he-definitely-wears-for-kink-related-purposes-sonuva..." I rambled as I got to work, now alone with my thoughts.

Now, there's a hereditary illness in my family, it's called the "Murphy Back", which means, no matter how easy the work is, a Murphy's back will cry in agonizing pain the moment any pressure is put upon it and will not stop crying until it is submerged in a bath hot enough to boil a lobster in. So, you can only imagine how bad my back felt after hauling crate upon crate of apples. At one point, at around my seventh collapse, Applejack came out snickering.

"Didn't think I'd see you out here, personally I thought Big Mac was fibbin' about the deal you two made." She chuckled. "That desperate?" She asked.

"Yes." I said simply.

"Why are you possibly so desperate?" Applejack asked. "Trust me, I'm not complaining, I was s'posed to do that."

"I'm desperate because in case you didn't recall, I have a very important day coming up. I need to make sure that day is perfect, which includes having the groomscolts to match the bridesmares, which is hard as I only have a hoof-full of friends and less than half are male." I explained. "So now I'm going around asking those who I consider more acquaintances than anything if they want to pretend to be my friend for the sake of making that day perfect."

"I've never seen a stallion who cared so much about making his wedding the perfect day for himself." Applejack remarked.

"It's not for me!" I exclaimed. "I wouldn't care if she had a hundred bridesmares and I had one groomscolt! She will! She cares a lot about events and parties, the least I could do as somepony who wants to make her happy for the rest of her life is make that day perfect!"

"You're a stallion of exceptional character if nothing else Chuck." Applejack remarked. "Tell you what, you lug that crate to the barn, I'll handle the rest." She said. "Big Mac will be one of your groomscolts."

"Really?" I asked. "Thanks a million!" I beamed as I got up and carried the crate. "That makes four. Three to go."

"Who were you thinking to fill those spots?" Applejack asked.

"Well, my next target of interest is my landlord for now, kind of adopted dad in law, and regular on poker night, a certain Mr. Cake." I said, looking at my list.

"Best of luck Chuck." Applejack saluted. "Let me know when you need another few barrels of cider, we'll dig some out of the cellar!" She called out to me as I left.

"Will do!" I called back as I walked off. I ran home and immediately hopped in the bath tub, not because I was planning to come onto him with my body all soaking wet, but it was an idea. The bath was just to clean myself off after all the hard work, and to spend some time with my Rubber Chuckie, which is a rubber duck who I attached a puffy mane and bow tie to, he got me, I could have serious meaningful talks with him, and it was a judgement free zone... mostly.

"Let me tell you, Rubber Chuckie, sometimes I just want to get away from it all, just buy a train ticket to Tipperary, maybe Arkansas, with a possibility of some place like South Dakota." I stated. "You don't know where those places are, you've spent your whole life here, me, I've seen things. Ever hear of 9/11? I was around for that. Not by much, but enough to acknowledge it. My world had crazy things, for example, every four years good neighbors would feud, friends became enemies, crazy things would happen just because one person thinks another person would be better at ruining the country than another, proud to be a communist here." I said with closed eyes. "I'm happy to be away from all that, but this wedding business is stressing me out." I moaned, sulking down so my muzzle was now submerged in water, I blew bubbles frustratedely with my nostrils. I poked my head up so I could talk and breathe once more.

"Gee Chuck, this sounds like an awful lot, good thing you're super smart with tough situations!" I said in a falsetto voice as Rubber Chuckie. "You're also really handsome and charming, I'm happy that I was made to look like you."

"Hey, I was made in the big guy upstairs' image, then destiny changed that, so I decided to make something in my image." I explained. "That doesn't make sense, does it?"

"Not really." I replied as Rubber Chuckie. "Border-lining onto sacrilegious too."

"You're a rubber duck, you don't even know what sacrilege is." I rolled my eyes.

"And you're a pony, you don't seem to know what healthy teeth look like." I shot back as Rubber Chuckie.

"I was born with a gap in between my two front teeth!" I defended myself. Just then, I heard a familiar voice call out to me.

"Hey Chuck, are you around?" The voice called, it was Mr. Cake. Perfect, just the guy I wanted to talk to.

"Yeah, I'll be right there!" I called out. "Hold that thought." I told Rubber Chuckie as I pulled the bath tub plug and went to dry myself off. All dried off I left the bathroom as I fastened my bowtie once more. "What's up Mr. Cake?" I asked him as I walked downstairs.

"I was just wondering if you could do a quick favor for me." He said. "I've got a dozen cinnamon rolls that need to be delivered, and you know how they're best served warm and all." He explained.

"You know I do." I nodded.

"Anyway, Pinkie is out and won't be back in time to deliver these before they go cold, and I've got an oven to watch, I hate to be a bother, but could you run these to Twilight?" He asked.

"For the stallion who gave me a roof over my head, fully supported my relationship with the mare who may as well be your adopted daughter, and always comes to poker night? Of course I will!" I nodded happily as I took the box.

"Thank you so much Chuck!" He grinned as I turned for the door. I stopped, remembering what _I_ needed to ask _him._

"Hey, Mr. Cake?" I asked.

"Yeah Chuck?" He asked in reply.

"The wedding's coming up, and I was wondering if maybe you'd like to be one of my groomscolts? I really could use you on board, make the day perfect for Pinkie an' all." I asked.

"For the stallion who somehow made Pinkie happier than she already was, is always willing to help out in the shop, and always gives me a discount?" He asked. "I'd be glad to Chuck." He nodded.

"Oh thank you so much!" I smiled. "I really appreciate it."

"Don't mention it Chuck, now, the cinnamon rolls?" He asked.

"Right!" I jolted. "See ya!" I said, zipping out the door. This was great! Two down, two to go. And luckily enough, I was headed right for my next target of interest.

"Hey... these are half gone!" Twilight remarked looking in the box of cinnamon rolls after the delivery.

"Don't blame me." I said. "I delivered to the door, Spike said he'd take them to you."

"To be fair," Spike made a case for himself. "there are a _lot_ of stairs here, one gets tired when climbing those stairs and appreciates a snack."

"Geico Insurance is right, there are _so many_ stairs here." I nodded.

"What did you just call me?" Spike asked.

"Forget it." I shrugged it off.

"Whatever." Twilight said. "Here's the bits Chuck, even if I only get half of them." She sighed.

"Tell you what, swing by the bakery later and I'll have a batch that's free of charge ready for you." I said.

"Really?" She asked.

"Of course, what else for somepony who didn't like me at all until a few months after I started dating Pinkie?" I said flatly with an arched brow.

"It wasn't that I didn't like you!" Twilight said. "I just, thought you were an alien, or a murderer, or something like that."

"You evidently weren't planning on the idea that I was just playing the long con." I chuckled. "But I won't let that thought into your head, can't risk a bridesmare not liking the groom at least a little."

"Please stop bringing that up, it doesn't look good for the princess of friendship to have not liked somepony because they came from another world and started dating their friend." Twilight said.

"But... that's exactly what you did." I arched my eyebrow.

"Buddy, it's best you just nod." Spike said. I sighed before letting out a slight chuckle and nodding.

"How do you cope?" I asked as Spike and I strolled off.

"I eat half of whatever snack comes in, that's how." He snorted with laughter as we walked. "You like comics?"

"You'd better believe it." I nodded with a grin. "Whatcha got?"

"What don't I got?" He chuckled, opening up a door to a room full of stacks upon stacks of comic books. "There are some perks to living in a castle with an ample library. For example, a glorious comic section."

"Glorious indeed." I remarked as I walked in and sat down on a large and soft bean bag chair. "Let me see... Transformares?" I asked, picking up a comic.

"Sure! That's a story of an age old war between robotic ponies that can also shapeshift! The heroic Trotobots, led by Cloptimus Prime wage war against the evil Deceticolts, led by Megatrot!" Spike explained.

"Neato." I said, pretending I wasn't already aware of the source material this was shamelessly parodying. "The series any good?"

"The original, they tried to reboot it not to long ago, but the writing was terrible! It was mostly jist product placement and explosions." Spike said.

"Sounds awful." I said. "Think I'll stick with this for now." I said as I opened the comic. Millions of years ago, on the planet of Equestron...

Hours passed, I didn't even know how many, Spike and I were just hanging out, reading comics. It was a good time. Eventually I looked up at the clock and realized it had been three hours since I arrived at the castle.

"Shiva H. Vishnu, look at the time." I remarked.

"Time flies." Spike chuckled, setting the book down. "It's been fun Chuck, come by again sometime."

"I will." I nodded, standing up. "Say, I've got a wedding coming up." I began.

"Really? I didn't know." Spike said sarcastically.

"Listen, I still need more groomscolts to even out Pinkie's bridesmares, you wouldn't maybe... wanna be a groomsdragon?" I asked.

"Do they have to bring a gift?" He asked.

"Not necessarily." I said.

"Then count me in!" He nodded.

"Great, thanks. See you around!" I said as I went for the exit. One more to go. I had a feeling this one wouldn't be hard to convince, but I knew if he said yes that between him and TD I'd need to frequently have something, whether alcohol or otherwise, to cope with the magical antics of the both of them.

I exhaled a little, knocking on the door of Fluttershy's cottage. Fluttershy came to the door and welcomed me with a smile.

"Hi Chuck, how are you today?" Fluttershy asked.

"It's been an interesting day." I admitted. "And you?"

"Well, Angel's got a fever but refuses to take his medicine, so I'm a little bit..." she looked around for a second before she spoke her bout of profanity. "Peeved." She finished.

" _What a disappointing buildup."_ I thought to myself. "I see," I said. "Try hiding in a meal, crush it up into little pieces, he won't tell."

"Thanks Chuck, I'll do that." She said. "So what brings you put here?"

"Now that you ask, I was kind of hoping I could speak to Disocrd." I said.

"Oh really?" A voice asked, speak of the devil. From behind me, the draconequus I was was just talking about appeared. "And just what about do you want to speak to me?" He asked.

"What are you doing next month, specifically the 15th?" I asked.

"Well, I have tea with the princess of Monocolt, but that can wait I suppose." He said. "Why?"

"I'm looking for one more groom's-" before I could finish he cut me off.

"But of course! I'd just love to! Oh I just _adore_ weddings!" He exclaimed. Wow, it was like I was suddenly talking to Nathan Lane.

"Terrific." I said. "We've got suit shopping on the 30th, and then the bachelor party on the 14th. I'll see you there."

"On a scale of one to ten, how crazy do you want the bachelor party?" Discord asked.

"One." I said flatly.

"Twenty one out of ten? You've got it!" He laughed as he disappared. You ever get a feeling you might have made a mistake? Yeah. I felt that. Oh boy. But, now I had the number I needed! I was pleased, except for just one thing...

* * *

The next day

"So Chuck," Quibble began one day at the bar, he and Cheese were gathered there, both of them eager for me to tell them something. "Pinkie has her sister as her mare of honor, and you have all your groomscolts now... So what do you want me to plan for the bachelor party?"

"Bachelor party?" Cheese asked. "That's the best stallion's job." Quibble and I exchanged looks.

"Awkward." Quibble mumbled.

"Cheese, I was already talking to Quibble, and I was gonna make him my best stallion." I said calmly.

"What!?" Cheese exclaimed. "But he was already that other stallion's best stallion! I don't have any brothers, I'll never get to be a best stallion!"

"You can be the best stallion when I get married." Quibble said. Cheese just looked at him and then back at me.

"I'm never gonna get to be a best stallion!" He whined again.

"Wait a second, I'm not going to be _your_ best stallion?" I asked Quibble.

"Back off Chuck, I'm Quibble's best stallion!" Cheese said angrily.

"I'm not even getting married!" Quibble exclaimed.

"Now _I'm_ never gonna be a best stallion!" I complained.

"You're getting married! You have somepony to make you happy for the rest of your life!" Quibble said.

"Yeah, stop whining!" Cheese added.

"Chuck, I'll make whoever I marry have you as their best stallion." Ivory spoke up.

"You hardly stand most ponies enough to have a conversation." I said flatly.

"Good point." She nodded.

"So I'm still your best stallion?" Quibble asked.

"You're the one who'd plan the bachelor party in my best interest, so yes." I said.

"Oh come on!" Cheese whined.

"Cheese, now wait." I said. "I've got a great job for you."

"And what's that?" He asked.

"Are you ordained?" I asked back.

"What's that mean?" He asked.

"Oh right, I forgot that you're all godless heathens." I mumbled. "Can you do weddings?"

"You want me to marry you!?" He asked excitedly.

"Sorry, I don't swing like that." I joked. "But yes, I want you to officiate the marriage."

"Wa hoo!" Cheese cheered. "You won't be sorry Chuck, with Cheese Sandwich, you've got a ministainer!"

"A what?" Quibble asked.

"Part minister, part entertainer." Cheese explained. Now, I couldn't believe my luck. I had secretly always wanted Weird Al to entertain at my wedding. And now it was finally a reality. Plus I knew Pinkie would be all over the idea, this was perfect!

"Wonderful." I grinned. "Now, who wants to celebrate this occasion with the addage of cola to rum?" I asked, my question was meant with positivity from all parties in the room.

* * *

 _Crisis averted! What happens next for Chuck? What's gonna happen at the bachelor party? Will I he able to collborate with TD's writer on giving him a role? Find out in the next exciting chapter of Equestria's New Comedian!_


	50. Chapter 50: Dude, Where's My Chuck?

**Author's Note:** It's the day of the wedding, a day supposed to be spent making last minute preparations and having a wonderful time with friends and family, but what happens when the groom goes missing after the bachelor party with nothing but a drunkenly written note as a clue to his whereabouts? Join Quibble, TD, Cheese Sandwich, Sunny Side, and others on a journey not only to find the missing groom, but to find some answers. Obviously I don't own My Little Pony. Hasbro does, I do own Chuck, Chuck's dad, and Sunny Side. TD belongs to **The Terror of Dimensions**.

* * *

Chapter 50: Dude, Where's My Chuck?

June 15th, The wedding day, 7 AM

"Ugh..." Quibble moaned in pain from a splitting headache as he woke up. The bachelor party was not supposed to have gotten out of hoof, but he had never felt a hangover like the one he was feeling in his life. He moaned groggily as he rolled off the pool table of the bar and walked out front, where he was sure everyone else was still passed out.

"Cheese." He said as he nudged his sleeping friend. "Cheese." He said again. " _CHEESE!"_ He hollered, jolting Cheese Sandwich awake.

"I'm up! I'm up!" He said as he got to his hooves. "Wow..." he remarked. "That was a crazy party, even by _my_ standards." He said.

"Tell me about it..." Another voice said, this was Mr. Cake, just waking up. He adjusted the hat on his head and his bow tie. "What happened?"

"That's what I'd like to know." Quibble said. "Wait a second..." He looked around. "Spike, where's Chuck?" He asked Spike, who was just waking up.

"How should I know?" Spike asked.

"You're one of the two who were compltely sober last night. You would have the best recollection." Quibble said.

"I also fell asleep in the cellar at nine o' clock." Spike said.

"What are you, ten?" Quibble asked.

" _Baby_ dragon, genius." Spike said flatly.

"Okay. Big Mac, you remember anything?" Mr. Cake asked.

"Nope." He shook his head.

"Okay, well... does anyone have any idea where Chuck is?" Quibble asked.

"I do." A voice said, at that moment, Discord appeared as if from nowhere holding a note. "I found this when I came in to check of you guys three hours ago. The party was rather boring so I didn't stay around, but I did stop in to check, by that point, Chuck was gone. But he had left." He handed Quibble the envelope.

"Let's see, what does this say?" Quibble cleared his throat. "This is incredibly messy." He remarked, reading would be difficult. "Dear sons of bee-atches, can't do this anymore, bad news, gotta split to..." He stopped reading and looked at the crude drawing of me with incredibly large muscles.

"Chuck ran off?" Cheese asked.

"On his wedding day!?" Mr. Cake exclaimed.

"Oh no! This is terrible!" Spike hollered, much to the annoyance to all who had hangovers.

"We've got to look for him!" Cheese said.

"How do we even know where he went?" Quibble asked. "I can hardly remember last night."

"Wait, can't do this anymore..." Mr. Cake thought. "I may have an idea."

Last night... roughly 10 PM

"Can you keep a secret?" I stammered drunkenly to Mr. Cake.

"Unless it's a murder secret it's safe with me." He stammered back.

"Well, I don't know..." I hiccuped. "I don't know how you even got married, not gonna lie... I'm..." I hiccuped again. "I'm absolutely terrified, I'm gonna be a terrible husband."

"You'll start out rough, but you'll figure it out." Mr. Cake smiled supportively before hiccuping.

"My grandparents don't get along at all, my mom and dad split, Murphy's aren't marriage material man!" I said anxiously. I was very anxious, and very drunk. Not a great combination.

Now

"So he was paranoid?" Cheese asked.

"Makes sense." Spike said. "He does get frightened easy, especially over life decisions."

"Wait, you don't think he ran off because he has a fear of commitment, did he?" Quibble asked.

"It makes sense between the baker pony's recollection and the note." Discord crossed his arms.

"We should tell Pinkie Pie!" Spike said.

"It'll crush her!" Cheese said.

"It will crush her even more when she's waiting at the altar and there is no Chuck to be found." Discord mentioned.

"I don't understand," Mr. Cake said. "Chuck may have been scared, but he loves Pinkie, he wouldn't just abandon her!"

"We all thought Discord wouldn't betray us for Tirek." Spike said dryly.

"Wow. Not cool." Discord rolled his eyes. "I know, where's that Horror of Universes fellow? He might know what happened."

"TD was at the party, I remember." Quibble thought.

"He wasn't here when I came by to check on you." Discord mentioned.

"Wait, why don't we ask around town?" Cheese asked. "Maybe somepony else will know!"

"I know, what about that diner he goes to sometimes? Maybe the owner will know." Spike mentioned.

"Are you just saying that because you want breakfast?" Mr. Cake asked him.

"Well... yeah." Spike admitted.

"Okay, we go for breakfast and _then_ we look for Chuck." Quibble said.

* * *

Sunny Side's

"So let me get this straight." Sunny Side said. "It's the day my best friend is getting married, and her low life coltfriend is nowhere to be found?" She asked the group as they told her the story at the diner.

"That's the case, but I wouldn't use low life." Cheese nodded.

"What!?" A voice exclaimed, the group looked to the side to see none other than Derpy Hooves, who had dropped by for her morning muffin before her mail route. "Oh no, this is just _horrible!_ " She moaned. "If Chuck is gone, Pinkie isn't gonna get married! I already sent out all the invitations! Even the ones to Mount Aris!"

"Where'd he go?" Sunny asked. "Well, after he stopped by here that is."

"He was here?" Cheese asked.

"Sure. Around... three hours ago he stopped by here, still drunk as a skunk."

"What did he say?" Mr. Cake asked.

"I was kind of blocking him out, but I think it was something like this."

4 AM, today

"I'm a big dumb idiot who doesn't brush his teeth nearly enough!" I said, according to Sunny Side.

"Sunny Side." Quibble said flatly, cutting into her story.

"Fine, fine, here's what he really said." She rolled her eyes and got back to her story.

"Y'know, I just came from the bar, having a party with my pals... or at least I was." I grumbled. "They all like me good enough, why don't _you_ like me, Sunny Side?" I giggled drunkenly. Sunny Side rolled her eyes and didn't respond. Apparently, it was at that point I looked at the clock and gasped.

"Hey, moron, what are you doing?" Sunny asked.

"I've got to go!" I stammered before throwing a couple bits at the counter and running off. "To Canterlot!" He stammered.

Now

"Canterlot?" Quibble asked. "Why would Chuck be in Canterlot?"

"Damned if I know, but I want to find out." Sunny said. "Room for one more on this journey?"

"Why not?" Spike asked.

"Ooh! Me too!" Derpy spoke up.

"Fine." Quibble mumbled. "We have eight hours until the wedding, we don't have much time."

On the way out, the group ran for the train station. As they ran up to the platform, a group departing another train collided with them, it was a family. A mother, father, and two daughters. Quibble sat up angrily, getting to his hooves and glaring at the father, who was adjusting the hat on his head.

"Why don't you watch where you're going, gramps?" Quibble snarled.

"Gramps? Thou must learn to respect thine elders!" The stallion growled.

"Igneous, dear, hold thine temper." The mother said, calming him down.

"Sunny Side, what are you doing with this group of crazies?" Limestone asked her, knowing her from Pinkie's foalhood.

"It's Chuck, he ran off to Canterlot." Sunny explained.

"Canterlot?" Cloudy asked.

"What!? He abandoned my Pinkamena on her wedding day?" Igneous asked angrily.

"Afraid so Igneous, wanna join us so you can wring his neck?" Sunny grinned, knowing Igneous was not the type to shy away from physical combat with ponies who hurt his family.

"You'd better believe he's coming." Limestone snarled. "We all are."

"Then let's go!" Cheese exclaimed as they boarded the train to Canterlot. A group of twelve ready to find me.

"Let's speed this up, shall we?" Discord asked before snapping his fingers, teleporting the entire group to the train deck in Canterlot.

"Okay." Quibble said. "We need to split up into groups, cover more ground."

"All those who want to find Chuck to kill him, come with me." Sunny said. "All those who just want to find him with Cheese."

"Kill him, and I'll make your souls suffer for that," a voice suddenly announced out of the blue. Then a section of the air in front of them turned into TD himself, as if he was a chameleon. For once, he wasn't a Changeling or a pony; this time, he was human.

"Thank Celestia." Quibble said. "Do you have any idea where Chuck went?"

TD gave a mischievous grin. "Maybe I do, maybe I don't. Maybe the author gave me the info I need, or maybe I'm just stalling you. I could tell you where he is, but seeing that some of you want to kill him... where's the fun in that?"

"My daughter is supposed to be wed in eight hours." Igneous said with gritted teeth. "This is not a matter for comedy."

"Eight hours?" TD remarked, "That's two hours longer than the average female stays in the hospital after delivery. Also, thanks for telling me that. My watch seems a bit broken at the moment." He pulled a watch out when he said this, and as if for emphasis, it broke apart in his hand almost like in a cartoon.

"He told me he had to come here," Sunny Side said. "Can you at the very least tell us why?"

"Well, my memory is a bit hazy at the moment," TD remarked, "Or more appropriately, I don't know the name of the location he's at, considering that the author has yet to reveal that even to me." "Wait..." TD closed his eyes for a moment, then opened them and laughed. "Oh, the irony! Hahaha!"

"What irony?" Quibble asked.

"Oh, nothing child," TD replied, putting on a female accent, "I'll sweep it up later."

"Where's my best friend's idiot coltfriend?" Sunny Side asked.

"Careful, or I just might make you go 'Sunny Side' up!" TD laughed. "But seriously, he's fine. In fact, he's closer than you'd expect."

"Well duh. Even by train he can't get that far, he disappeared like four hours ago." Quibble rolled his eyes.

"That's long enough to get to Califoalnia by train." Mr. Cake said. "If you add the train ride from Ponyville to Canterlot though he wouldn't have had enough time."

"Fillydelphia maybe?" Cheese asked.

"It's always sunny there." Derpy mentioned.

"Wrong both times!" TD said, "Wow, at this rate I might as well start a guessing game!" His image switched into his pony form, but his glasses were covering his eyes this time. "I'm taking precautions," he explained, "because I have a feeling someone is about to unleash pain upon me soon."

"We're getting nowhere with this." Quibble said. "We need to split up into groups and search Canterlot, apperantly he's close by."

"Not THAT close," TD sighed. "Look, if I go find him and then report back to you guys on his location, will you all calm down? Seriously, I feel like Woody from Toy Story when the toys start freaking out about the presents Andy is getting." Little did he know that it was nowhere near the minimum word count the author sets for these things. TD sighed again. "And, now I'm forced to meet the minimum word count. Great. Why did I expect better?"

The group didn't listen, already they have made groups and split up.

"Annnnnd, they are gone," TD muttered. He then shouted, "Good luck finding him here!" Grumbling, he looked out at the skies above him. "Why must we prolong this much further? Honestly, I feel like I'm just here to delay for a while."

Well, delaying is how we meet minimum word count around here.

"Well excuse me for not knowing how your system works!" TD shouted, earning some looks from a few nearby ponies passing by. "And no, I'm not crazy! Sheesh, why does EVERYONE think that?!" He turned to a few who were watching him closely. "I'm not crazy, and I did not grow up in an asylum!"

"Whatever pal." A unicorn stallion said before closing the door of his shop.

"Don't make me turn that house into kindling!" TD shouted at him, "I can and will do it, and not a single guard could stop me. Heck, not even Celestia could stop me. No... that's reserved for someone else, and she's not here right- You know what, I'll stop before I give the author too many ideas."

* * *

Meanwhile, in Ponyville, Pinkie, her bridesmares (bar Sunny, and Mrs. Cake were preparing for the wedding. Luckily they were unaware of the situation of Quibble and the others, I can only imagine how Pinkie would react to her fiance running off, but if something didn't happen soon, she would end up reacting to just that. And it wouldn't be pretty. Sadly enough, that news was about to be found out.

"Hold still darling, I need to finish the alterations." Rarity said as she examined Pinkie's dress carefully as she stood impatiently on the stand Rarity's models posed on.

"I'm sorry!" Pinkie said. "I'm just so excited! I can't believe I'm really getting married today!" She squealed excitedly.

"We're all very happy for you Pinkie." Maud said stepping forward. "I am especially ecstatic."

"Nice alliteration!" Pinkie giggled.

"Actually, alliteration requires the repetition of at least _three_ of the same sound, and even then it is consonants exclusively, the word for the repetition of vowels is assonance. Yet once again, only if the sound is repeated three or more times." Maud's plus-one, Mudbriar stepped forward. Did I ever mention how excruciatingly painfully perfect Maud and him were for each other? I once had a conversation with him, it was the first time I had ever stopped a conversation prematurely out of rage in a long time.

"Remind me why he's here?" Applejack mumbled.

"The tavern in which the other colts were fraternizing was abandoned." Mudbriar explained. "All I found when I entered was a note."

"What's the note say?" Rainbow Dash asked before taking it and reading it. Upon reading it, her face dropped and she quickly passed the note to the others, who gasped in shock when reading it.

"That is not good." Applejack remarked.

"So unlike him!" Fluttershy added.

"What?" Pinkie asked slowly.

"Um... nothing!" Twilight said quickly, hiding the note.

"It's a note, judging by the writing it was written by Chuck in an intoxicated state, saying that he couldn't take it anymore and ran away." Mudbriar blurted out.

"Babe." Maud said flatly.

"My apologies, please don't get hostile." Mudbriar replied equally as flatly.

"Chuckie's... gone?" Pinkie asked slowly. "He... ran away?"

"Pinkie..." Twilight said slowly, approaching her. "Maybe this is all a misunderstanding..."

"Like buck it is!" Applejack said. "This is an outright breach of trust! I'm sorry, I like Chuck as much as the next pony, but this is a downright despicable thing to do!"

"I can't believe he'd do this!" Mrs. Cake remarked.

"You know what we're going to do?" Rainbow Dash asked. "We're gonna find him and we're gonna give him a piece of our minds!"

"Yeah!" They all said.

"I do love a mob gathering." Mudbriar said.

"Babe, don't get over excited." Maud warned him.

* * *

Canterlot: Two hours before the wedding

"Did anypony find anything?" Quibble asked the other groups when they met up.

"Does it look like we found Chuck?" Sunny rolled her eyes.

"And the search continues," TD stated dramatically. He was dressed in a Sherlock Holmes outfit, complete with his pipe. Only it blew out bubbles... "Because smoking is hazardous to your health," TD interrupted. Thanks for telling them...

"This is awful!" Cheese remarked. "It's two hours until the ceremony and we haven't found him!"

"There's no use Cheese." Quibble shook his head sadly. "Chuck's gone."

"Splitsville, outta-here, gone with the wind." Sunny nodded.

"What do we do now?" Spike asked.

"Go back to Ponyville I guess." Mr. Cake sighed. "We'll have to break the news to her."

"He's not gone!" TD shouted, "I just am not allowed to help you out with this... or at least too much!"

"Well, what town is he in?" Quibble asked impatiently. "Trust me, it's literally the _least_ you could do at this point."

"Ponyville, last I checked," TD stated, "And I guarantee that he's not trying to run away from this."

"He's in Ponyville?" Quibble coughed. "What do you mean?"

"No time to waste!" Discord exclaimed before snapping his fingers, sending the group immediately to the town square of Ponyville.

"I must admit, teleportation is something my stomach will have to get used to." Igneous said rather weakly.

"Eh, I've lived with it long enough to just accept it," TD remarked. "Although, I can agree. Sometimes, your brain almost seems to shut down because of what happened."

"There they are!" Twilight exclaimed, seeing the group. The group of mares approached them all.

"Where is he?" Rainbow Dash growled angrily.

"I don't know!" Cheese said.

"Apparently he's in town." Quibble said. "He couldn't have booked it far."

"Odd, considering the note implies he ran away somewhere." Maud remarked.

"Wait, what if he's hiding in plain sight?" Mr. Cake asked. "To Sugar Cube Corner!" He hollered, and so the mob angrily made their way to Sugar Cube Corner.

"Oh great," TD muttered, "I'd better tell him." With a glow of his horn, he disappeared in a fiery explosion. The group of ponies (plus others) stepped up to the door and Applejack bucked the doors in.

"Did you have to do that?" Mrs. Cake asked.

"Sorry, I'll... pay you back." She apologized. The group marched angrily through the bakery and up the stairs, Sunny Side pounded on the door to the loft. Before anypony could say anything, a voice vaguely familiar to the crowd hollered at them.

"Can you keep it down?" The grizzly male voice asked. "Some of us are trying to sleep!" The door then opened, in the doorway stood TD and I. I looked out at the crowd standing in the hall with a confused expression, wondering why they were all so angry.

"Um... hi?" I asked.

"Don't "hi" me, Chuck!" Rainbow Dash growled. "What do you think you're doing, leaving a note that say's you can't do it anymore and you're running off?"

"What are you talking about?" I asked slowly. Twilight then gave me the note I wrote earlier. I read over the note and chuckled. "Oh that!" I laughed.

"You think this is funny?" Applejack glared.

"No, well, honestly yes." I chuckled. "I can explain everything."

"Thou hadst better!" Igneous hollered.

"Okay... so, I take you back to last night..."

Last night, roughly 4 AM

"This party sucks..." I stammered drunkenly as I looked around, most of the company had already crashed and were sleeping. I poured myself yet another drink and sighed. Before it donned on me that I was forgetting something. "Oh damn!" I exclaimed before getting piece of paper "Dear friends," I was pretty sure I wrote. "I can't do this party anymore, I got dad news, gotta split to..." I thought... "Split to... Oh, they'll get what I mean." I stammered before writing the letter, or at least I thought I wrote something they'd understand, definitely wouldn't come back to haunt me in the form of an angry mob.

Now

"Can't do this anymore was referring to the party?" Mr. Cake asked.

"You did not write friends." Spike said flatly.

"And what in the hell does 'dad news' mean?" Quibble asked.

"And why did you tell me you had to go to Canterlot?" Sunny asked.

"He had to go to Canterlot because that's where the portal took me." A new voice to the conversation said, which was none other than my dad. "You didn't think I'd come to see my boy get married?"

"Dad news meant I had to pick him up." I explained. "Must have made a typo."

"So... you didn't run away?" Pinkie asked slowly, a smile starting to perk up.

"What?" I coughed. "Of course not!" I shook my head. "Why would I do that? I love you!"

"So? I wanted to kill you for no good reason?" Sunny asked.

"What else is new?" I said flatly. "I'm sorry I gave you all such a scare like that. After I got my dad we were both pretty tired, so we went to bed."

"Guess we slept in." My dad said.

"So, thanks for waking us up, would have missed my own wedding!" I chuckled.

"But... wait, you _did_ tell me you were scared of getting married last night." Mr. Cake spoke up.

"You what?" Pinkie asked.

"You had to bring that up, didn't you?" I said frustratedely. "Okay, truthfully, I was worried. Marriages in my family didn't go great, no offense dad." I said quickly.

"None taken." He nodded.

"I was worried." I said. "I didn't want to mess up, but... but I figure that as long as Pinkie and I work together, stay honest, and keep things interesting romantically we'll be fine." I said before looking to Pinkie. "Hon, no amount of anxiety or fear could keep me from wanting to be yours forever! You know that, don't you?"

"Well, I do _now..._ " She said.

"Now, it's two hours till the wedding, shouldn't the venue be getting prepared? Shouldn't we all be getting ready? Shouldn't we have not seen each other today?" I said the last part to Pinkie.

"Since when are you superstitious?" Pinkie asked.

"I'm not, just a little stitious." I replied.

"Michael Scott. Nice." My dad grinned approvingly.

"Finally someone gets it." I chuckled. "I'll see you all in two hours, groomscolts with me, once again, sorry about the fright." As they all split up and my groomscolts stayed, I couldn't help but find it both funny this had happened and be a little offended they immediately thought I'd abandon Pinkie at the altar. But, I didn't mind much, it would make fore a great story to tell, as I'm sure the rest of the day would be.

* * *

 _Turns out it really was all just a big misunderstanding! Thank you to_ **The Terror of Dimensions** _for helping out on this one, when next we meet Chuck, Pinkie, and the Equestria's New Comedian gang, the wedding bells will be ringing! But what happens when the groom has a life threatening heart attack mid ceremony? Just kidding. That part probably won't happen. We'll just have to see, until next time! Please follow, favorite, and leave a review!_


	51. Chapter 51: The Big Day

**Author's note:** And now, for the chapter you've all been waiting for, maybe. The second (but more important to the story) wedding chapter!

* * *

Chapter 51: The Big Day

Now, it was mere hours until the ceremony was going to begin. I was now in the process of putting on my suit in front of the mirror, Quibble, Cheese, Spike, and the others were doing the same.

"So be honest, does the top hat make me look like an asshole?" I asked, trying on the top hat.

"Every hat you wear does that. In fact it's not the hat." Quibble said.

"Hey, rude!" TD's voice shouted from a shelf nearby. He had gone with the music box trick Twilight had used on Starlight Glimmer. Only he was in his Changeling form and STILL looked a bit unsettling with the music box combo. "I should put you in a top hat and make sure it can't be taken off Quibble," TD threatened, "Then we'll see your true colors shine. And several curse words."

"Fellas, please, come on. I still have a hangover." I pleaded. "Don't need the arguing, the hat stays."

"What about me?" Cheese asked. "There's about a thousand hats in this chest here, which one should I go with? Flat cap? Baseball cap? Pirate hat? Yarmulke?"

"As you're performing the ceremony, do what you want." I dismissed him.

"Pirate hat it is." He said.

"If you don't mind, I'm not going with any hat," TD remarked, "It doesn't tend to do my hair any favors. Or my mane for that matter." He started spinning around in circles on his pedestal, music playing as he did. "On that note, no pun intended, should I stay in pony form or go with human form for this event Chuck?" he asked.

"I couldn't care less what you pick, it's all up to you." I replied, massaging my temples.

"Stressed? Or hung over?" My dad asked me.

"A whole lot of both." I replied.

"And you wonder why I don't drink," TD muttered, disappearing in a burst of fire only to reappear in pony form a few feet away. His glasses were on thankfully, but knowing him they'd be gone pretty soon.

"And now we know." I replied sarcastically.

"And knowing is half the battle." My dad finished, we grinned and nodded approvingly at each other.

"But really, wanna snap your fingers and take my headache away? You can give me all the anti-drinking lectures you want afterwards." I said.

"Only because it's a special day for you," TD said. With a glow of his horn, my headache disappeared. "You're welcome."

"Thank you." I breathed a sigh of relief, now actually feeling like I had energy to go through the rest of the day. "Jeez, I can't believe in just a few hours I'll be... married." I remarked.

"I know that feeling," TD remarked, "Only for me, it was also the disbelief that I was once my bride's enemy." He sighed. "The hell I put Twi through then and now is appalling."

"Life is funny like that." I remarked. "I would say the worst I ever put Pinkie through wasn't even my fault, it was, oh I don't know, when I thought I'd have to leave her to go back to my own world." I shot a playfully angry look at my dad.

"But, it all worked out in the end." He chuckled.

"On that note, I'd like to apologize, Mr Murphy," TD said apologetically, "I came THAT close to killing you on the spot, consequences be darned." Then to Quibble, "And the reason I don't curse much? I have a filter on."

"Apology accepted..." My dad said, never actually knowing he intended to do that.

"Deplorable violence is okay as long as you don't say naughty words." Quibble prodded.

"I prefer not to push my luck most of the time," TD stated.

"I don't believe in luck." I mentioned.

"You're a terrible Irishman." My dad said. "But you are right."

"I don't believe in luck either, and I'm related to the one clan in Ireland that attempted to claim the throne," TD stated, "I just use the terms loosely, but from my experience there's no such thing as luck."

"Chuck says that, but I guarantee he uses the word "luck" in his vows." Quibble mumbled.

"I did not." I said. " _I need to change my vows..._ " I thought to myself.

"Heard that," TD said to me with a smirk, "But, I'm not telling."

"Thanks." I said. I walked towards the couch in the common room and sat down, careful not to wrinkle my tuxedo. "How long now?"

"Still an hour and a half _._ " Spike looked at the clock.

"That's too long!" I whined.

"I could fast forward time if you're that impatient," TD offered.

"Well no." I said, "I don't wanna do that, maybe more of a Muppet style musical number montage to pass the time by?" I suggested.

"That technically counts," TD stated, "I know because I tried it a few times to make sure. Once managed to make a musical that normally takes up about three minutes, only to find that ten seconds had passed. So... what's on your mind?"

"Well, I was thinking along the lines of this." I whispered the rest in his ear.

TD grinned. "I haven't seen that one in forever. Your wish is granted! Hold onto your hats, ladies and gentlemen! TD is back in the house!" His horn glowed, a light flashed, and the musical began. TD slammed open the window and hollered out

 **TD:** _Extra! Extra! Somebody's getting married!  
_ **Derpy:** _Somebody's getting married? HEY, somebody's get_ _ting married!_  
 **Lyra:** _Whoa! Somebody's getting_ _married!_  
 **Bon Bon:** _Somebody's getting married?_

 **Newsstand pony:** _Somebody's getting_ _married!  
_ **Cranky Doodle:** _Somebody's getting married.  
_ **Matilda:** _Somebody's getting maaaaaaarrriiiied_

 **Groomscolts and I:** _Somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody, somebody!  
Somebody get some flowers,_  
 _Somebody get a ring,_  
 _Somebody get a chapel and a choir to_ _sing!_  
 **Me:** _Somebody get an organ to play!  
'Cause somebody's getting married today!_

 **Bridesmares and Pinkie:** _Somebody get a preacher,  
Somebody bake a cake!  
Somebody get some shoes and rice and presents to_ _take!_  
 **Pinkie:** _Somebody get a sweet negligee!  
Because this pony's getting married today!_

 **TD:** _Wedding, wedding,  
Chuck and Pinkie's wedding!  
_ **Me:** _Somebody get champagne!  
Somebody rent a room!_  
 **Pinkie:** _Somebody get the lovely bride,  
And somebody get the,_  
 **Me:** _Somebody get the,  
_ **Pinkie and I:** _Somebody somebody somebody somebody  
_ **Singing cakes:** _Somebody get this wedding underway!  
_ **TD:** _Cause somebody's getting married today!_

Suddenly, I found myself within the hall we were to be wed. The guests had all been seated and were anticipating the wedding!

 **Cheese:** _Are they here yet? Are they here yet?  
Did I miss it? Am I late?  
_ **Quibble:** _No, they'll be here any minute!  
_ **Spike:** _Oh boy! I can hardly wait!_

 **Thorax:** _Isn't this_ exciting?  
 **Skystar:** _It's the wedding of the year!  
_ **Ember:** _Well, can't we start without them?  
_ **Celaeno:** _No, you can't until they're here.  
_ **Choir:** _They're finally getting maaaaarried now..._

I stood halfway down the aisle eagerly, when suddenly, the music continued, I recognized the song playing, but I could believe it. I turned to TD with confusion. "That number was all I asked for." I chuckled nervously.

"Don't talk to him." Ivory spoke up. "Consider this song your wedding present." Suddenly, Pinkie started walking down the aisle, her dress was a bright white with glowing and shimmering sequins. I was taken aback in awe looking at her, as she walked, she took my leg and walked with me, beginning to sing.

 **Pinkie:** _He'll make me happy,  
Each time I see him,_  
 _He'll be the reason,_  
 _My heart can sing._  
 _He'll stand beside me,_  
 _And I'll have everything._

 **Me:** _She'll make me happy,  
Each time I hold her,_  
 _And I will follow where my heart may lead,_  
 _And she'll be all,_  
 _I ever need..._

 **CMC:** _Days go passing into years,  
_ **Golden Horseshoe Gals:** _Years go passing day by day,  
_ **Pie family:** _She'll make him happy,  
Now and forever,  
Until forever,  
Their love will_ _grow,_  
 **Groomscolts:** _She only knows,  
He'll make her_ _happy,_  
 **Bridesmares:** _That's all she needs to know..._

 **All:** _They'll be so happy,  
Now and forever,  
Until forever,  
Their love will grow..._

 **Pinkie:** _I only know...  
He'll make me happy,  
That's all I need... to... know..._

I sniffled softly as the song finished, it was such a beautiful song I had always wanted played at my wedding, I never thought it would really happen. Just then, I noticed TD was standing in front of me with what looked like a Bible.

"Do you Pinkie take Chuck to be your troll-fully wedded-" he began, a huge playful smirk on his face.

"Hey!" Cheese Sandwich hollered. "They told me I could do this part!" He stomped up to the altar.

TD laughed. "Relax, I'm just kidding! Hence the reason for 'trollfully wedded.' Stage is yours! I'll just be crying in the crowd at this emotional event." And with that, TD teleported down into the crowd. Cheese cleared his throat and began to speak.

"Dearly beloved," Cheese began. "Love, what is love? Love is a journey, a journey shared between two. A journey of giving," He kept going. This was actually really nice. "And of receiving, a lot of giving and receiving." Okay, that's weird. "A journey in which a partner gives, and the other receives." That was enough.

"If you say anything else about giving and receiving we're going to just get married in the courthouse." I said bluntly. He chuckled nervously as he continued.

"Heheh, right." He shuffled cards. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the momentous union of Pinkamena Diane Pie, and Chuck... Um... Murky."

"It's Murphy, you twit." I growled.

"Murphy! Right!" He said. "If anypony has reason to object to this marriage, speak now or forever hold your peace." I looked out sharply to the crowd, if any of them said anything I was ready to go to jail for murder. Luckily though, nobody said a word. That's right.

"Well! That's super!" Cheese remarked. "Now, Chuck, do you take Pinkamena Diane Pie to be your lawfully wedded wife? In sickness and in health, till death do you part?" He asked me.

"Abso-freaking-lutely." I nodded with a grin. Cheese looked at me and leaned in to me to whisper in my ear.

"You've gotta say 'I do', Chuck." Cheese whispered.

"I do." I said flatly as I rolled my eyes.

"And do you, Pinkamena Diane Pie, take Chuck to be your lawfully wedded husband? In sickness and in health, till death do you part?" He asked Pinkie, who looked at me with a wide grin and partially watery eyes.

"I do." She smiled.

"By the power vested in me by the ordainment test in my ultimate party planner course at Manehattan Community College, I now pronounce thee, husband and wife." Cheese smiled, closing the book with a loud thump. "I think you two know what happens next." He grinned.

"You're damn right I do." I grinned as I swooped Pinkie into my front legs and kissed her in a dip motion. The crowd erupted in cheering and applause as we kissed. From what I could see, some tears were shed. Mostly the mares in the audience, well...

"WHAAAAA!" The big white unicorn stallion, Shining Armor cried as his wife, Cadance just looked at him with an annoyed expression.

"He always cries at weddings." Cadance excused him to those who stared. Even... Rainbow Dash's mom was crying, which was admittedly odd. We met once, frankly I didn't even remember sending her an invitation. Huh. Bow Hothoof gave me a approving grin and a 'thumbs up' type motion with his wing. I chuckled as they cheered and hollered out.

"Reception at Sunny Side's Diner! It's all on the house!" I hollered out.

" _WHAT!?_ " Sunny Side remarked in and angry form of shock at what I said. Meanwhile, at the gifts table, unbeknownst to anypony, Celestia carefully made her way over, having forgot her gift she quickly added "And Celestia" on the gift that said "From Princess Luna". As a group, we all walked from the hall to Sunny's diner, some of us had to walk faster than others to avoid getting pelted with rocks from Sunny Side. I like to imagine what I said was good payback for her constant torment.

Once we arrived of course the diner couldn't fit us all inside, so on the front lawn picnic tables and picnic blankets were laid out for ponies to sit at, along with a stage and dance floor for entertainment. Truthfully, I was pretty excited to see what Cheese had planned on that angle. Once everyone arrived, possibly my favorite part of any social event began, the eating. I sat down at a long table set for Pinkie and I plus our families. Well, her family and my dad. Igneous sat down next to my dad and they began to converse, I'm sure that would be interesting to say the least. I smiled warmly to Pinkie as we ate, she smiled back at me.

"Okay, scale of 'meh', to 'through the roof ecstatic', how happy are you right now?" I asked Pinkie.

"Somewhere between 'through the roof' and 'over the moon'." She smiled. "You?"

"How I feel is happier than I ever could have imagined I'd be." I smiled.

"How sweet." Marble smiled, a rare occurrence of her actually speaking.

"Eeyuch, where's the barf bags?" Limestone rolled her eyes.

"Chuck, where is thine mother? Surely thy hast more of a family than thine father." Cloudy asked me.

"I do, I actually have a pretty big family, mother included obviously." I began. "But... I'm not really on speaking terms with a lot of them. I've got a cousin I get along really well with. He's a lot like me. Then of course there's my dad, and my grandparents on his side." I listed. "Those are the relatives I'm on speaking terms with... more appropriately the ones I was on speaking terms with before I disappeared from that whole scene."

"You should have heard his mother's reaction when his supposed suicide was in the paper." My dad remarked.

"Did she call you crying?" I asked.

"No, she called me and told her I owed her twenty bucks." My dad sighed.

"And that is why I am not on speaking terms with them." I explained.

"Plus, they don't really know about this world!" TD shouted, somehow managing to overhear us. I say "somehow," because he was across the room from us with a pair of headphones on. He thankfully decided to teleport over to us to speak more freely. "And unless you count Celestia, Discord and the Guardian of Earth, I'm the only one who could bring them here. Even then... do you really want to bring the people that you probably wouldn't get along with to such an occasion?"

"Absolutely not." I said. "I would rather throw myself off a seventy story building than you do that."

"Hence my point," TD answered. He then took the headphones off and made them disappear. "I hated that song anyways."

"You ever miss them? Despite the fact you aren't on good terms with them?" Pinkie asked me.

"I miss them about as anyone who's ever had chicken pox misses those." I said flatly.

"Speak for yourself," TD stated, "I have a grandma who, in all honesty, was a terrible parent towards my mom, and she's also not the best person to be around. Despite that, I miss her sometimes. I guess my upbringing has to do with that. Can't choose your heritage, but you can forge your own path in life.

"If I'm being a hundred percent honest, the thing I miss most about Earth is probably Pixar." I chuckled before turning to my dad. "What Toy Story on they on now?" I asked.

"Four." He said.

"Still waiting for that one," TD said, "You know, if you want, I can get you a TV or something like that so you can keep up with things like that back home. Other than that, all I got you for this occasion was a new pack of enchanted bourbon. Enchanted, because you literally can't get drunk on it. No seriously, ask Rainbow Dash. I got her to test it out, and she ended up drinking six of them in a row... and nothing happened."

"Is it enchanted bourbon or virgin bourbon?" I asked skeptically.

"Enchanted, as in magically altered in some way," TD said bluntly, "I may not encourage alcohol consumption, but I also know how much you and your alternate self like that kind of stuff. Think of it as me killing two birds with one stone. Get you gift, and prevent you from getting another hangover."

"What do I and alternate me like?" A voice that... sounded exactly like mine walked over. I turned around and immediately beamed.

"Buddy!" I remarked with a wide grin.

"Wait, what?!" TD seemed dumbfounded, "Did I leave the portal open again?" He calmed down. "Sorry, let me rephrase that. Chuck- other Chuck- how are you here?"

"I pulled a few strings with the Princess Celestia in my dimension." He explained. "I couldn't miss my own wedding."

"I remember this day!" His wife, alternate/queen Pinkie smiled. "Aww! That dress looked so cute on me!" She reminisced.

TD chuckled. "I think Tia and I need to have a bit of a talk after this. But still, great for you guys to come! It really spices things up a bit."

My dad looked at the alternate version of myself and then at me. Shocked and dumbfounded.

"So, is there any reality where my son doesn't leave?"

"I'm not sure," TD said, genuinely curious, "Lemme check..."

He disappeared, then reappeared shortly after.

"I only saw one or two," he explained, "Because Earth tends to have some... weird ways of working with other worlds."

"All those poor bastards that don't get to experience how happy I am right now." I smiled at Pinkie.

"Remember when you used to be that romantic?" Queen Pinkie asked her husband.

"What do you mean, used to be?" He asked.

"Last I checked..." TD started, then stopped himself. "Nevermind! Forget I said anything! I'm still mentally scarred by my foolish choices when I was younger."

"Oh, that's a right of passage for growing up." I laughed. "I think we've _all_ done that."

"Doesn't make it right," TD muttered.

"Lot of things wrong with life, and you choose _that_ to fret about?" I asked flatly.

"Wow, if I didn't know any better, given the conversation I wouldn't be able to tell I'm at a wedding reception." Alternate me remarked.

"Just forget it," TD said lightly, "I have weird things I worry about sometimes, and that is one of them. Meanwhile, I'm just gonna mess around with the cake a bit. I've been dying to try these tricks out, given to me by an alternate Discord who's a Chaos genius!" He pulled out a book when he said that, and the title was "Discord's 101 Ways to Alter a Cake with Chaos."

Hearing that... wait, ever watch The Office? There's this one guy, Jim. He looks to the camera whenever he's not sure what to do, and he's got this face. Google it, "The Jim Face", that's the face I made. "Heh, just... reverse everything when you're done okay?" I said nervously.

"You won't even notice that anything changed... unless you happen to watch me during my fun time," TD replied with a wink. "Besides, I wouldn't want to ruin your special day."

With that, he walked over to the cake and... actually, I'm not entirely sure what he did to it with his magic. He did so many bizarre things with it, I don't think even his brain could properly register what was happening. The only thing I do remember was that he signed it off with a short dance off against the cake. He won, and then made everything go back to normal. Afterwards, he shook his head violently.

"I think my brain just shut down for a few seconds," he mumbled.

"My ability to even understand this place shut off for that whole thing." My dad remarked.

"You get used to it." I lied to my own father.

"I'm pretty sure you never can get used to this world," TD remarked, "It has still managed to surprise me on occasion."

"You wanna know the biggest surprise?" I asked.

"What?" Pinkie asked.

"That despite my flaws that outnumber the positive aspects of myself a hundred to one, you still managed to find a way to love little old me." I smiled.

"Little?" Limestone snorted.

"Figure of speech," TD said to her, "Don't worry about it. We do stuff like that all the time." He then looked around and asked, "Are we past the minimum word count now? I think I've delayed the story for awhile now."

"You can go and socialize with others now." I dismissed him.

"I'll take that as a yes," TD stated, then trotted away over to another group of guests and started up some conversation with them.

I chuckled a little bit. "Funny guy." I remarked. "Well, everyone seems to be done dinner, if only there was something for desert!" I called out. Spike jumped up in realization that it was now time. He ran into the diner and wheeled out a cart with the cake, it was a beautiful cake, taller than I was, beautiful pink fondant flowers, and to top it all off, wax sculptures of Pinkie and I in our wedding garbs. Pinkie and I got up and stepped over to the cake, I whislted in amazement at the towering beauty.

"Ready to live off of the leftovers of this cake for a good month?" I asked.

"You an' me together Chuckie." She giggled.

"Okay, so, you all know the rules." I called out. "Pinkie gets the first slice, I then receive the second. Afterwards an _orderly_ line is made for the rest of you. There will be enough for everyone, so don't be a dick about it." I concluded. "Now cake us up Spike." I turned to him.

"Yes sir!" He saluted. So, the cake was absolutely amazing, The Cakes really outdid themselves this time, I was even able to get past the fact that moments ago it was magically alive. Well, I mean, I ate stuff that was alive all the time on Earth, so it wouldn't have bugged me anyway. As Pinkie and I finished, Cheese stepped up to the entertainment stage and tapped the mic.

"Alright everypony," He said. "Before the entertainment starts up, I'd like to call the happy couple up to recite their vows." He beckoned us up. I hope this wasn't reciting, I did not memorize them. We walked up and smiled at each other as we both took out our papers.

"The groom may go first." Cheese said. I exhaled slightly before I began to read.

"A bit more than a year ago, my life changed. A lot." I began. "Now, you're probably thinking I'm going to tell you the story of falling from the sky, no. No I'm not, my life changed a lot because the day I landed was the day I met someone who became something incredibly special to me. Pinkamena Diane Pie, the day we met, the day you... expended the kindness that you did to me, was the day I felt something I had never felt before." I continued. "Since then, I think we can both agree it's been a great adventure. Thankfully one with more ups than downs, between that Hearthswarming where we still managed to have a wonderful day despite the fact your dad hated me and I almost died of hypothermia."

"Drama queen!" Limestone hollered out, earning an approving nod from Sunny Side, still mad at me for making her give away food.

"From that to saving Equestria from the Storm King partially together, to saving our town together, all the way to just this morning when you thought I had packed my bags and ran. Pinkie, the past year and a bit has been an incredible adventure. And I can't wait to go on even more with you right by my side." I smiled as I finished my vows. She blushed heavily as she took out her paper and read.

"If somepony told me ten years ago that I would get married to somepony who literally fell from the sky out of nowhere one day, I would have told them: "You're even crazier than I am!" And I definitely wouldn't have believed them. But, here we are." She giggled. "For the longest time, I've been the pony who's wanted to make sure everypony around me was smiling and happy. And then you came along, somepony who every day wanted to make sure that _I_ was smiling and happy. Somepony who might not be flawless, but is also willing to admit to that, somepony who put up with my constant silliness even when they definitely weren't in the mood." She stopped reading for a second. "I can tell when you aren't in the mood for silliness by the way." She winked. "But still, you love me with all of your heart. Enough that even when you saw the flaws in me you still loved me the same! Chuckie, I promise you that forever no matter what happens, I'll always be by your side, ready to make you smile after a hard day, or to make you even happier after a great day." She finished. Oh my God... I couldn't really believe all that I had just heard, that was... that was sweeter than anything I had ever heard before. I wiped a tear away that had formed in my eye and kissed her deeply.

"I love you... so much." I smiled.

"I love you too Chuckie." She giggled.

"Now wasn't that sweet?" Cheese addressed the crowd, brushing a tear from his eye. "Now, here's something from me to the bride and groom." He said as he nodded to the band to start playing. "Here's a little ditty for your first dance." He winked.

 **Cheese:** _Little ditty, About Pinkie and Chu-uck,  
_ _One a super party pony, the other down on his luck,  
Yeah the met each other, around a year and a half past!_  
 _That was back when these chapters were real half assed._

 _Sipping on a frosty, inside Chuck's bar,  
_ _Chuckie's thinking 'bout ways, he can secure Pinkie's heart.  
Chuckie says "Hey Pinkie, y'wanna let us have a start?"  
Before they could have a first kiss, Chuck got punctured by a dart.  
They say:_

 _Oh yeah! Love goes on,  
Long after the party's over and the drinks are gone.  
Oh yeah! Love goes on,  
Long after Chuck's patience for my days off is gone.  
_

 _Chuckie threw a party, with my aid,  
That's how we got to know each other, an' that friendship was made.  
Pinkie's old friend's name is Sunny Side,  
She doesn't really like Chuck, we don't really know why._

 _Oh yeah! Love goes on!  
Long after the cake, and the donuts are gone!  
Oh yeah they say life goes on!  
I only like to talk about chapter seven and on._

 _Oh let it rock! Let it roll!  
Chuckie's kind of a ginger, but he sings with soul!  
Hang onto that romance, as long as you can!  
And try not to have a heart attack before your son's a man!  
_

 _Oh yeah! They're story goes on!  
Long after the reader's interest is gone!  
Oh yeah they say life goes on!  
Long after the song's over, and Cheese Sandwich is done!_

 _Little ditty, about my favorite duo,  
Now I guess it's time for my accordion solo!_

He whipped out his accordion and began to play as the band continued. Pinkie and I exchanged looks as we chuckled, it was a cute song, a great sentiment. Though I really would have rathered a physical wedding gift. But at the same time, it would take a heart of stone and a funny bone of steel not to love a Weird Al love song. I kissed her once more before turning out to everyone.

"Well what are you all sitting around for?" I asked. "It's party time!" As the party commenced, I looked out at them all having a good time, I could not believe the incredible turn my life took, I would be forever grateful for that fateful fall and encounter.

 **The end.**

* * *

 **(of the chapter).**

 _Wasn't that a great wedding? I hope you enjoyed it. Had a great time writing it and can't wait to see where this story goes on! "Oh yeah! This story goes on, long after the reader's interest is gone."_

 _Songs used_

 _"Somebody's Getting Married" by Jeff Moss and Ralph Burns_

 _"He'll Make Me Happy" by Jeff Moss and Ralph Burns_

 _"Pinkie and Chuck" by ImpressionsGuy. Adapted from "Jack and Diane" by John Mellencamp._


	52. Chapter 52: Bad News, Good News

**Author's note:** Three chapters in one week! Wow! Plus two chapters of a new story! Oh, please read "A Hero's Journey", it's good! I guarantee it!

* * *

Chapter 52: Bad News, Good News, Too Much News

So, after a wedding comes the honeymoon, which is always a great time. Little vacation, 'consummating the marriage', all that great stuff. Well, mine was all that, but at the same time it ended up shifting into something that lead to not so pleasant news. It did however lead to a happy ending, but more on that later.

For our honeymoon we went immediately from the reception to a suite I rented in Califoalnia, okay, immediately is a lie. We immediately went from the reception to the after party at the bar, which I was eager to wrap up because I was _so_ ready to spend the weekend way from literally everyone I knew except Pinkie.

"How are you feeling Chuck?" My dad asked me with a smile as I looked out at the guests behind the counter.

"My life has never felt more complete." I admitted. "This is the greatest day of my life."

"I'm proud of you, son." He smiled.

"Thanks for coming dad, it really means a lot." I said. "I don't even care than you didn't bring a gift."

"You think I didn't bring a gift?" He asked. "Of course I brought a gift! I just wanted to make sure you got it before I left and didn't open it a week after." He chuckled as he grabbed a small box. I opened the box and took out the object, it was a vintage cigar cutter, actually, it was my great grandfather's vintage cigar cutter that was given to my dad.

"Your cigar cutter?" I asked.

"Nope, yours." He said. "I know that for some reason you have an affinity for cigars, thought you'd appreciate it."

"I do, I most certainly do." I smiled. "Thanks dad."

"You're welcome." He nodded with a grin. "Now how about a whiskey huh?" He chuckled.

"Coming right up." I said pouring the drink.

The rest of the party went well. Everyone had a great time, I say everyone, not everypony for the fact of being sensitive to the different species here. Damn you political correctness. As soon as the party started to fade I shot a look at Pinkie than I shot a look at the door, she nodded and started to wrap up her conversation with Thorax and Ember. As we made our way for the door, just as we were about to be home free, a voice called for us.

"Pinkamena, Chuck!" A grizzled, old voice called, it was Igneous.

"Igneous! Buddy!" I remarked, masking my frustration with a grin. "How are you doing?"

"There are one hundred guests at this party, I appear to be among the few that are sober." He said flatly.

"Which just means you'll remember the great time you had more." I smiled. "What can we do you for?"

"I just noticed that thy seemed to be heading for the door." He said. "I just wanted to wish thy both many happy years together."

"Well thank you." I nodded.

"Thanks dad!" Pinkie smiled. There was a bit of a pause, I didn't really _want_ to say "I've got a suite to get to and a marriage to consummate.", but I was ready to. He then chuckled and waved us off.

"Go, thy clearly have somewhere to be." He chuckled. "Have fun, but not too much fun."

"But enough fun." Cloudy cut in. "We _do_ want grandfoals you know." Okay, now the talk was getting awkward.

"Thank you both." I said respectfully before calling out. "Okay everyone, Pinkie an' I are gonna back on out of here, keep the bugs off of your glass and the bears off of your tail, we'll catch you on the flip flop this here's the rubber duck on the side, we gon' bye-bye!" I addressed them as I opened the door.

"Translation?" Spike asked in confusion as to what I said.

"We're leaving for our honeymoon." I said flatly. "Goodbye everyone!" I called as we left.

"I'm so glad we decided to put our luggage in the train station beforehand." Pinkie said as we ran to the train station.

"It was a wonderful decision." I nodded. "Running in our wedding attire? Not a great decision."

"Yeah but, we look great! That's what matters." She giggled as we got to the platform.

"You're damn right." I grinned. "The 10 PM to Califoalnia?" I said to the stallion in the booth.

"Ah yes, our first class travelers, right this way." He nodded, leading us to the train cart. We sat down in our booth, I grinned seeing that we had it to ourselves. I would have to say, I have amazingly unrealistic luck with train privacy.

"Now this is classy." I grinned as I cut a cigar with my new cigar cutter.

"Sir, we don't allow smoking in this car, you'll have to take it to the lounge cart." The stallion said.

"I can live with that." I said. "Just one, I promise." I said to Pinkie.

"I'll hold you to that." She giggled. "It's a long train ride anyway."

"Great." I smiled as I kissed her on the cheek, I'll be back." I said with the cigar in my mouth, heading for the lounge. I chuckled happily to myself as I lit the cigar and lounged in a chair. Soft jazz music played on a record player and a bartender cleaned glasses at a small counter, aside from him and I, there was one other stallion in there, an older fella. I moved from where I sat down to the stool beside him at the bar.

"Evening." I smiled to both of them. The bartender nodded with a slight smile and the elderly stallion nodded respectfully. "I'll have a gin and tonic, what'll you have friend?" I asked the stallion beside me.

"Bottle of scotch." He grunted.

"You're a stallion of terrific taste." I complimented. "Alright barkeep, G 'n C, and a bottle of scotch." I said sliding money across the counter.

"You seem awfully chipper." The bartender remarked. "Let me guess, that's a 'special' cigar." He chuckled.

"Nope, just high on life." I said as I sipped the drink. "Just got married this morning."

"Congratulations." The bartender said. "That'll explain the high-like giddiness."

"Definitely." I sighed happily. "What about you, old-timer, married?"

"I was." He sighed.

"Oh, widower? My apologies." I apologized.

"I wish I was a widower." He grumbled.

"Fella's been divorced three times." The bartender explained.

"I'm very sorry." I said apologetically.

"Don't be kid." He said. "With any luck your marriage will turn out better than mine."

"And better than mine." The bartender grumbled. "My husband left me for a swing singer in Fillydelphia."

"Sucks for you, fruity." The old stallion chuckled.

"Fruity?" The bartender squinted his eyes angrily.

"Okay. I made a mistake coming in here." I said simply. "Umm, here's a tip, thanks again, great gin and tonic." I chuckled nervously as I left. Wow, thank God that old stallion made the homophobic remark, the confrontation was a perfect excuse for me to leave. I wanted to leave the moment they started talking about divorces and stuff. I really didn't need the idea that Pinkie was going to leave me swirling around in my head, as if my anxiety hadn't been bad enough already.

"You're back quick." Pinkie remarked as I walked into the car.

"Yeah..." I said with a bit of a shudder as I sat down beside her.

"I wasn't complaining." She said snuggling up to me. "How's my handsome hubby?" She asked.

"He's wonderful." I smiled, masking my anxiety. "And how's my beautiful bride?"

"She's happy as can be!" She smiled. "And appreciative of your alliteration."

"Heh... I'm glad." I smiled. "Well, I want to be awake when we arrive, it'll be midnight before we get to our suite, what do you say we order up a couple of coffees?" I asked.

"You need them more than I do." She giggled, she was right, naturally she did have more energy than what is possible. "But I'll be glad to have coffee time with you, hubby." She smiled.

"Is that my new nickname now that we're married?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Nah, you'll always be Chuckie to me." She said, resting her head up against me.

"Did you know back where I come from there is an entire series of horror flics with that as the title?" I asked.

"Please don't ruin Chuckie for me." She pleaded.

"Alright." I chuckled. Not too long afterward we arrived at the train station. We took our bags and I flagged down a cab. "Golden Horseshoe Hotel please." I said to the stallion.

"That's a prestigious place, what's the occasion?" He asked.

"Honeymoon." I stated as he started trotting.

"Really? Congratulations." He smiled at us.

"Thanks." I said with a slight yawn. The city was absolutely beautiful at this time of night, the sky was dark and black yet the city was still vibrant and bright, a golden glow radiating all around. Pinkie leaned into me as we rode through the city, I smiled as I wrapped my front leg around her. "Tired?" I asked.

"A little." She admitted.

"We're almost to the hotel." I chuckled. Once we arrived I paid the driver and gave him a tip that if I were completely awake I wouldn't have given. We carried our luggage into the lobby and a bellhop took them for us. I stepped up to the desk and gave the desk clerk my money.

"Pie reservation." I said simply.

"Ah yes, the honeymoon suite." The clerk replied. "Right this way sir." He said leading the two of us to an elevator. "Just take this elevator, you're in the first door on the left coming out." He explained giving us our room keys. "Do enjoy, the Golden Horseshoe Hotel prides itself on having one of the greatest honeymoon suites in Equestria." He boasted.

"Buy yourself something nice." I gave him a couple bits, secretly just with the intention to make him shut up. I pressed the button on the top floor and hummed to myself as it went up. Bob Seger's _Night Moves_ to be exact.

"You seem antsy." Pinkie giggled.

"Just happy. I've been on a non-stop feeling of overwhelming happiness since this afternoon." I explained as the elevator stopped and the door opened.

"Why are you so sweet?" Pinkie asked.

"I'm in love." I said as we walked down the hall. "Here we are." I said as we stopped at our room, I turned the key and opened the door.

"Dibs on the bed!" Pinkie said quickly.

"Pinkie, we're married." I said slowly. "Sharing things like a bed is a normal thing for married couples." I said. "Unless, of course, that makes you uncomfortable." I stammered.

"Why would that make me uncomfortable?" She asked.

"Well, I mean, you're a very..." How do I say this? "Innocently minded pony and-" She quickly shushed me.

"You don't think I'm aware of what couples do on their honeymoon?" She asked with a playful grin.

"That's not what I was going to say..." I chuckled nervously. "Well, I wasn't sure how to bring it up."

"Just leave bringing things up to me." She grinned a little. _Oh my._

* * *

The next morning

Wow. Holy George Costanza. That was... wow. The next morning I woke up probably in the best mood I've ever woken up in. I sat up and stretched as I hummed a bit of Dean Martin's _Ain't That A Kick In The Head_ getting out of bed. I strolled over to the coffee maker, conveniently a feature in our room. I whistled softly as I made coffee and swung open the curtains on the window. Moments after I did that Pinkie awoke from her sleep.

" _Goooood_ grand-spankin' morning!" I said cheerfully.

"Good morning." She yawned a little as she walked over to me and hugged me, rubbing her head up against my robe. "You're wearing the robe I got you." She smiled.

"Of course I am, I love this robe!" I replied. "Want some coffee?"

"As long as it has sugar." She nodded.

"I think you know after last night I have no problem giving you sugar." I grinned playfully as I gave her the mug prepared for her.

"Stop it you." She blushed. "Who would've thought that the pony I'd fall in love with would be funny, cute, smart, _and_ surprisingly amazing in the you-know-what department." She giggled.

"What do you mean surprisingly?" I asked, squinting my eyes.

"Nopony's ever _all_ four of those qualities, and I already knew you were cute, smart, and funny," She explained. "So... I just kind of anticipated for you to kinda leave something to be desired in... that area." She giggled. "Happy to have been wrong."

"Yeah." I said flatly.

"What?" She laughed. "What did _you_ expect from me?"

"Frankly? I expected I'd have to explain what all of that even was." I admitted. "Happy to have been wrong." I repeated her words.

"So, what's on the agenda today?" She asked me.

"Agenda? I was thinking we'd stay in our pajamas all day and eat room service all day." I said.

"I know you're kidding." She giggled. "But I can't say I'd be against doing that."

"Really though? I'm not sure. I saw this weekend as a vacation before we deal with the legitimate responsibilities of marriage." I explained. "But I do have one idea."

"And what's that?" She asked.

"Did you know that if you pay enough you can completely reserve a hotel pool area to yourself?" I asked.

"You didn't!" She gasped with a surprised smile.

"Oh, but I did, nothing but the best for ma cherie." I grinned.

"I have never been more in love with you." She giggled. As we got our things ready to go swimming. The rest of the honeymoon was absolutely fantastic, we went to the theater and saw a play, well, the first half of one. We were escorted out when we wouldn't stop laughing. How was I to know _Death of a Salespony_ wasn't a comedy? We went out for a fancy dinner and then dancing. It was an amazing weekend, I was actually kind of sad when it was over. But at the same time, as annoyed as I was to admit it, I missed routine a little, I missed our friends... kinda. So the goodbye to the honeymoon wasn't too hard, but I would forever miss the amazing Jacuzzi bath tub in our hotel room.

Of course, when we got back was also a big day, the day that we'd be moving in to our new home. Which meant we took our trip luggage to the empty house that would eventually become our family home, and then we went to Sugarcube Corner to start moving the rest. Mr. and Mrs. Cake were kind enough to help out. The delivery carts really came in handy for lugging furniture. We didn't actually own very much furniture, only our bedroom fixtures and the furniture from the common room. Thankfully we'd received some good thinks like lamps and kitchen appliances for wedding gifts, along with twenty packs of coasters from twenty different guests who I'm probably never inviting to a social event again. Oh! And an _expired_ coupon book. I mean, come on. Once the last box was packed in Sugarcube Corner to be sent to our new home, Pinkie stood in the loft. I could tell it was kind of a bittersweet moment for her. I walked up to her and smiled at her.

"If you want, we don't have to move." I said. "I can sell the house and we can try to raise a family here."

"No." She shook her head. "No, I'm ready for a change." She then turned to the Cakes. "I'm still allowed to come over whenever, right?"

"Of course dear." Mrs. Cake nodded with a smile.

"We're always gonna need somepony to look after the twins." Mr. Cake nodded.

"It's not like you're moving out of town, you can even see the shop out your window." Mrs. Cake added.

"And of course you're still expected to be our delivery mare." Mr. Cake concluded. Pinkie Pie smiled, I could see tears started to well up in her eyes. She brought Mr. and Mrs. Cake in close and hugged them tightly.

"Thank you both for everything." She sniffled.

"Of course dear." Mrs. Cake smiled. "Now, I think your husband is eager to finish moving." She chuckled, looking at me as I stood awkwardly watching them.

"He can wait." Pinkie giggled. Once we moved in, married life was about to begin, I wasn't sure what the ups and downs would be, for the first month, everything was perfect. Then, I recall one day into the second month where we went into our first down.

"You coming to the bar tonight?" I asked Pinkie as I prepared by bow tie for my evening shift.

"I don't know if I should." She said. "I don't want to be tempted by anything."

"Tempted?" I asked slowly. "What do you mean?"

"By drinking!" She reminded me. "I wouldn't want to hurt the little one."

"The little one?" I asked, before realizing just what she had meant. I guess that I had been so caught up in the moment the first night of our honeymoon I didn't even stop and think about what... _that_ led to. I then stopped and thought, that was a month ago. By this point, there should be _some_ sign of pregnancy. Not a giant bump obviously, but maybe morning sickness or something.

"Are you sure that you're... pregnant?" I asked.

"I don't know!" She shrugged. "If... I was, would that be okay with you?"

"What?" I asked. "Of course!" I nodded. "Just, there should be signs by this point."

"Good point." She nodded.

"Tell you what," I began. "I'll tell Quibble he's on the night shift tonight, and we're going to have a little check up." I said as I took my apron off and hung it up.

"Really?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah." I nodded. "After all, I want to be a parent just as much as you do." She hugged me tightly before we locked up the house and went off to the hospital.

* * *

Ponyville Hospital

"Hmm..." The doctor remarked as he examined her. "And you said you engaged one month ago?"

"Doc, we got engaged months ago." I arched my eyebrow.

"Not that." He rolled his eyes. "Sexually."

"Ah. Then yes, a month." I nodded.

"I see, and there have been no signs?" He asked Pinkie.

"Nope!" She shook her head.

"Hmm, I'll have to take a test sample from both of you, I'll inform you when the results are in." He told us.

"Alright." I nodded, I felt a little worried at this point, I really did want to be a dad. We both gave our tests and left afterwards, the doctor informed us it would be roughly a week until we got our results back. There was nothing else to do but wait. So that's what we did, wait.

One week later, I was sitting at home, enjoying my day off. I was home alone that day, Pinkie was off with deliveries at the time, I leafed through a furniture catalog on the couch, I was looking at recliners.

"I can only imagine the terrifying process of making leather furniture here." I chuckled to myself as I read, suddenly, I heard a knock on the door. I got up and strolled over to the door, opening it, I saw Derpy with her mailbag.

"Good morning Derpy." I smiled and nodded. "Any mail today?"

"That's why I'm here, silly!" She giggled as she gave me a stack of letters. "Have a great day!" She said as she left. I shut the door and leafed through the envelopes.

"Bill, chain mail, blackmail, jury duty summons, letter from the doctor." I mumbled as I leafed through. "Letter from the doctor!?" I stopped and held the letter up. I tore open the envelope eager to see the news. The stereotypes on doctor's writing was right, he had awful penmanship. But when I made it all out, my heart sank.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pie, I regret to inform you that the tests came back negative on both accounts, a low count and an inhospitable womb. With regrets, Doctor Horse." I read. Oh my God... I couldn't believe it. This was just terrible, how was I going to break this to Pinkie Pie? She'd be crushed! Of course, I'd have to think about it soon, after all she had came through the door the moment I finished reading the letter.

"Hi Chuckie!" She smiled as she hopped jovially over to me. "Ooh! Is that the letter from Doctor Horse?" She asked excitedly.

"Yeah..." I nodded, masking my sadness, of course she could see right through that.

"What's wrong?" She asked me. "Is it the letter?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "Um, sit down." I told her. As she sat down, I began to tell her the news. "I'll put it to you like this." I sighed. "According to the test, the soldiers in my base are too lazy to leave the platoon, and as for the ones that do, your drop zone is ready to nuke them to oblivion." I explained. "Get it?"

"No." She admitted.

"According to the test, we can't have foals." I said bluntly. She looked at me for a minute with sadness in her eyes, not saying a thing.

"Wh-What?" She stuttered. "We can't...? But... but..."

"I'm as shocked as you are." I said as I set the letter down. "I'm... I'm so sorry."

"I can't believe it..." She remarked. This was ironic, she had spent every day trying make every environment hospitable for the ponies around her, only to find out the environment within her was... too soon? I hugged her sympathetically she a tear rolled down her cheek.

"It'll... it'll be okay." I said. She sighed a little as she pulled away.

"How?" She asked.

"Well," I thought. "We could always adopt." I suggested. She looked at me for a second, the sadness still in her eyes, she processed my suggestion and a smile started to perk in her face.

"Okay." She smiled a little and hugged me again, still sniffling with tears a little.

"I know it's hard for you." I said, wrapping my front legs around her as she hugged me. "But... I'm here, like we said, side by side, together." I smiled.

"Together." She smiled.

* * *

The next day

"So, you want to adopt?" The mare behind the desk asked us as Pinkie and I sat in the head office of the orphanage just outside Ponyville.

"Well, we aren't here for a nice reliant automobile." I said flatly, Pinkie gave me the: "Chuckie, you may think you're funny, but you just sound rude" look, so I piped down.

"Yes we are." Pinkie nodded to the mare.

"Alright! We're always happy to see parents who want to give one of our little colts and fillies a home." She smiled. "So, we're just going to go over a few things, make sure that whoever you adopt is going to a good home." She explained. "Employments?"

"I deliver for Sugarcube Corner, and I'm a party planner!" Pinkie told her.

"And I'm a preacher, I just felt called to help others." I said. Pinkie nudged me and gave me a look. "They aren't going to let us adopt if I say I'm a bartender." I told her.

"Sir, we don't judge the merit of a parent based on what their employment is, we just want to know that there is an income for them to live off of." She said to me.

"Ah, then I'm a bar owner/tender." I nodded.

"Okay, any records?" The mare asked. "Please tell the truth, we will be examining files to ensure you're honest."

"Once I held my breath for fifteen minutes!" Pinkie said excitedly. "It's not the Equestiran record, but it's my personal record!"

"She means criminal record." I told her. "None to report, bar a speakeasy that technically wasn't even against the law."

"No criminal activity to report!" Pinkie nodded.

"Wonderful." The mare nodded, writing down notes on us. "Well, I see no problems, perhaps you'd like to meet our foals? When you decide you can fill out the paperwork." She got up and led us to the room where all the foals were playing. There were many colts and fillies of different ages, from newborns to preteens pretty much. Pinkie and I strolled through the room, almost unnoticed by all of them, we both sat down on a bench and looked around.

"Chuckie, look at them all." Pinkie remarked.

"I know," I nodded.

"They're all pretty great." A new voice joined the conversation. We turned and saw a little filly, no older than five. She was a unicorn filly with a light peach coat with wavy light purple mane, and she wore a pair of glasses. "Lightning Rod over there, he can run faster than anypony I've met." She pointed. "Then there's Snowball, she's a dear." She pointed to another filly, we both exchanged looks and looked at her. "And over there is Butter Biscuit, he can eat like you wouldn't believe."

"We believe." We both exchanged looked and chuckled.

"You seem to know a lot about everypony here." Pinkie remarked.

"Well, I've been here longer than anypony else, as long as I can remember really." She admitted.

"And what's your name?" I asked her.

"It's Sugar Plum." She said. "Apparently my parents did give me the name, but I never actually remember meeting them." Pinkie and I exchanged looks, we were having a conversation by facial expressions alone. I think we had made our decision.

"Sugar Plum?" The mare asked when we rejoined her in the office. "I must admit, this is a pleasant surprise. She's such a sweetheart. I was hoping to see her get adopted soon."

"We like her." Pinkie nodded.

"Wonderful!" The mare smiled. She got up from her desk and opened the door to the common room. "Sugar Plum, could you come in for a moment?" Sugar Plum nodded and then walked slowly into the room.

"Sugar Plum, this is Pinkie and Chuck Pie." The mare said. "They say you've met each other."

"Yeah," she nodded. "Who'd you pick?" She asked us. Pinkie and I exchanged looks before chuckling slightly.

"Sugar Plum, Pinkie and I can't have foals of our own." I said as I knelt down. "How would you like to come home with us?" I asked her. At first, it kind of seemed like she didn't believe me. She looked at me, then at Pinkie, then at the Headmare of the orpanage.

"Really?" She asked.

"Really." Pinkie nodded. "So, whaddya say? Wanna join our family?"

"I'll go pack up." She nodded with a smile. As we left, I couldn't help but reflect upon the past week. Yesterday we were so devastated when we thought we could never have children, but today, leaving the orphanage with Sugar Plum, the feeling felt the same as if I had just seen the delivery of my own foal. I didn't see her as a backup plan, I saw her as my daughter.

* * *

One week later

"You doing alright in there?" I asked as I knocked on the door of the bathroom, Pinkie had been in there all morning.

"No..." She groaned weakly before vomiting with an excess of force. I had never seen her sick like this, it was odd. Suddenly, there was a knock on the door.

"Daddy! Mail's here!" Sugar Plum called. I must admit, I wasn't expecting that a little more than a month after getting marriage I'd be hearing that. I opened the door and saw Derpy.

"Here you go!" She smiled. "Congratulations on the adoption!" She said as she left. I leaded through the mail. There was a letter from Doctor Horse. I opened the letter and looked.

"Dear Mr. and Mrs. Pie, you're not going to believe this, I couldn't read my writing when addressing the letters. I had meant the letter you received to Mr. and Mrs. Dye, Celestia they were crushed when I told them the real news. So embarrassng. Congratulations! You two are perfect, Pinkie should be showing symptoms any day now. Come and see me for an ultrasound soon!" The letter read. My eyes twitched as I put the letter down.

"Cutie Pie!" I called. "You're not gonna believe this!"


	53. Chapter 53: The Pregnancy and The Plum

**Author's note:** So what happens after you get adopted by parents who believed they couldn't have kids of their own only for a week later they find out that they actually _are_ able to have children and are now expecting? Let's find out. This is set the day after of the epilogue scene in the previous chapter.

* * *

Chapter 53: The Pregnancy and the Plum

"Pinkie! Sugar Plum! We don't want to be late!" I called as I stood in the doorway of our home. Looking in the mirror to make sure my suit was on right. Tonight was a party, a party for two accounts. This was Sugar Plum's official welcoming to our family party, and where we'd officially announce Pinkie's newfound pregnancy to everyone.

"Think _very_ wisely about rushing the pregnant mare." Pinkie said as she walked down the stairs, Sugar Plum following behind her. Pinkie quickly gave me an apologetic smile for that small bout of hostility. "Sorry, hormonal imbalance." She giggled.

"Can't wait for that to be her excuse for everything for the next chunk of a year." I mumbled to myself.

"Do we have to do this?" Sugar Plum asked, shyness in her voice.

"Of course sweetheart!" Pinkie said. "There are so many ponies who want to meet you!"

"Why?" She asked.

"Because Pinkie and I are well respected members of... okay, Pinkie is a well respected member of the community, and I'm her husband, and you're our daughter." I explained. "They're gonna love you, don't worry."

"They all will!" Pinkie nodded. "There's Aunt Twilight, Aunt Applejack, Uncle Cheese Sandwich, Uncle TD, Aunt Rainbow Dash, Aunt Sunny Side, Aunt Rarity, Uncle Discord..." She began listing off all of our friends.

"Are we just going to refer to all our friends with Aunt and Uncle titles?" I asked.

"Of course not!" Pinkie shook her head. "Mr. and Mrs. Cake will have Grandparent titles!"

"I want to be there for when you bust those out around them." I chuckled.

"Can I bring Mr. Stuffly?" Sugar Plum asked, holding up her teddy bear that she had since her days in the orphanage.

"I think Mr. Stuffly would be better off at home sweetie." I said. "Someone to look after the house in case of intruders."

"Okay daddy." She said, putting her teddy bear back in her room."

"Alright, let's roll out." I said as I opened up the door and led our group to the bar.

"Are you s _ure_ they're gonna like me?" Sugar Plum asked Pinkie as we walked.

"You bet they will!" Pinkie smiled at her. "Why wouldn't they?"

"I dunno..." She shrugged. Once we got there, the only others that were there were Cheese Sandwich and Ivory. Which was weird, as I never opened up the bar today until now. I looked at them with a confused expression, they just looked at me in shock, kind of a deer in the headlights look from both.

"What are you two doing here? The bar was closed today." I said. They exchanged glances and then turned to me.

"I was just getting things ready for the party!" Cheese explained.

"And... And I was just warming up, make sure I sounded good." Ivory nodded.

"Yeah!" Cheese nodded. "And this must be little Sugar Plum!" He grinned running up to her. "Look at you! You look just like your parents!"

"Cheese. We adopted her you twit." I growled under my breath.

"Ohhh that explains it!" Cheese nodded. "Yeah she looks nothing like either of you, I didn't want to make things weird."

"Yet you still managed to." I said flatly. "Sugar Plum, this is Cheese Sandwich, he... means well." I introduced him to her. "And this is Ivory Keys," I led her over to Ivory at the piano.

"Hey kid." Ivory said to her. I shot her a look, telling her with my eyes to at least act a little nicer. "I mean, hi there... sweet... face? Angel... dust? No, that's not right."

"She... also means well." I sighed a little. I looked to the clock and saw that guests would be showing up any minute now. "Alright, put on a happy face, mask the fact you haven't slept in a week and a half, oh, that's just me? Awesome."

"You learn to either love or ignore your dad's remarks." Ivory murmured to Sugar Plum.

"It's kinda hard to tell if he's serious half the time." Sugar Plum nodded.

"But otherwise, you like 'em?" Ivory asked her.

"Yeah." Sugar Plum nodded. "They've been really nice to me all week."

"That's good, Chuck's a nice guy, his wife can be a little tiring, always so bubbly and cheery. But they're both good ponies." Ivory nodded.

"Yeah..." Sugar Plum nodded with a bit of a sigh, it was obvious something was bothering her, though nobody knew what. Not long after, the party began. The first to arrive were the Apple family along with Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle.

"Howdy Pinkie Pie!" Applejack smiled walking in, giving her friend a hug. "How've you been?"

"Little under the weather recently." Pinkie admitted.

"And why's that?" Applejack asked. Only four of us actually knew that Pinkie was pregnant, and that was me, Pinkie, Sugar Plum, and Doctor Horse.

"We'll tell you later." I spoke up.

"Now, where's little Sugar Plum?" Applejack asked. "I wanna meet my little possible cousin."

"She's right over here." I said as I walked over to the piano where she and Ivory were. "Sugar Plum, meet Applejack and her family, that's Big Macintosh, Granny Smith, and this is Applebloom and her friends. Scootaloo and Sweetie Belle."

"Hi." Sugar Plum said timidly.

"Shy little gal ain't she?" Applejack remarked. "It's okay, we don't bite, 'specially not Granny Smith, she misplaced her false teeth." She joked, making Sugar Plum giggle.

"Hi Sugar Plum!" Scootaloo smiled. "I'm Scootaloo, we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders!"

"Hey girls, Sugar Plum doesn't have her cutie mark!" Applebloom remarked.

"You know what that means!" Sweetie Belle grinned.

"No turning my daughter into a project." I stepped forward. "Not tonight anyway." After chasing off those creepy little Cutie Mark fitted Jehovah's Witnesses more ponies showed up, soon it was a full house. Sugar Plum mostly stood beside me quietly as I welcomed ponies. They'd say hi to her, she'd say hi back and that's where the conversation usually ended. Soon I decided just to go behind the bar before I made the announcement. Sugar Plum stood beside me behind the bar, I had brought a stool behind there for her to sit on.

"So, a lot of this stuff is bad for you." I explained, introducing her to the various bottles behind the counter.

"So why do you sell it?" Sugar Plum asked. "It seems like you're making money off of giving bad stuff to ponies."

"No, that's a common misconception." I explained. "I make money off of them thinking they need to bad stuff."

"Oh." She nodded.

"You'll understand when you're older probably." I shrugged. "You doing okay?" I asked her.

"Yeah..." She nodded. I could tell that wasn't the case however.

"You know if there's something bothering you, you can talk to me right?" I asked.

"I know..." She nodded. I just shrugged a little, maybe she was just shy. It was weird though, she seemed perfectly happy the day we brought her home, and the entire week too! But ever since yesterday she's seemed... off. I wanted to help her, but I wasn't sure how. I decided now would be a good time to make the announcement. I strolled over to the karaoke stage and tapped the mic.

"Hello, is this thing on?" I asked, getting the crowd's attention. "Hi, thank you all for coming down to the party! Now, this party was put together for two reasons, first and foremost, so everyone can get a chance to meet newest thing that claimed ownership of my heart, Sugar Plum, can you come up to the stage sweetheart?" I called to her, she shyly got down off the stool and strolled up to the stage. "Everyone, this is mine and Pinkie's adopted daughter, Sugar Plum." I introduced them all to her. "Say hi sweetheart."

"Hi everypony." She smiled shyly. "I'm... really happy that I get to meet all of you." Everypony awed at her and cheered for her, she blushed softly at the attention.

"Isn't she a dear?" I asked with a slight chuckle. "And now, for the second reason, Pinkie, you mind coming up to the stage?" I called for her. She then made her way up to the stage, slower than she normally would. "Pinkie, you mid telling everypony the news?" I asked her.

"Well..." She began. "After we got married, we immediately started... trying, if you catch my drift. And, well, we thought we wouldn't be able to have foals, so that's when this little dear came into our lives." She smiled at Sugar Plum. "But then, one day, I started feeling really sick in the morning! And at the same time Chuckie got a letter that there had been a mishap at the doctor's office! So, we are proud to announce that we're expecting!"

"We don't know if it's a colt or filly yet, but we're all very eager to meet this new member of our family." I added. The crowd cheered loudly and Pinkie and I exchanged smiles before the three of us merged with the crowd to socialize. I started to strike up conversation with Ivory and Cheese, Pinkie started to talk with her friends, I had just assumed Sugar Plum had met up with some other foals to talk to. It wasn't until I saw the Cutie Mark Crusaders all together without her that I felt worried, no other foal around that age was invited.

"Sugar Plum?" I looked around the crowd, she wasn't around the main room. I went to the hallway that led to the back room. "Sugar Plum, you in here?" I called into the back room, nothing. The bathroom? "Sugar Plum?" I knocked on the bathroom doors.

"For Celestia's sake!" a voice growled. "Keep a better eye on your kid and don't bother ponies in the bathroom!"

"My apologies." I said. I even checked back in the cellar, nothing, this was weird, no sign of her. I was feeling worried, I didn't really want to alarm Pinkie, but I might have to, I strolled out to the bar and went back behind the counter, a nervous expression on my face. Then, faintly, just faintly I could hear something from my office, it sounded like sniffling, somepony was crying in my office. I turned around and opened the door slightly, I just saw my chair facing the wall. I walked in slowly and shut the door behind me. I walked up quietly to my desk before knocking on it gently.

"It's funny, this is where I come to cry too." I joked. I knew it was Sugar Plum, I could recognize her voice in the cries. "Sugar Plum, what's wrong?"

"It's nothin..." She sniffed, not turning around.

"Nothin?" I asked. "Stubbing your hoof is nothin, swallowing a bug is nothin, but running off from a party to cry isn't nothin, now, what's wrong?" I asked, turning the chair around so she could face me.

"It's just..." She began. "It's nothin... when we get home I'll put everythin' back in my suitcase." She sniffed.

"And why would you do that?" I asked.

"Because..." She sniffed before continuing. "When you adopted me... you said it was b'cause you couldn't have foals of your own..."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"Well..." She sniffled again before erupting into tears. "You guys don't need me anymore and you're gonna send me back!" She cried out. Oh my God... that's what this was about. I needed to console her, but I couldn't do it alone. I poked my head out the door and locked eyes with Pinkie. "Hey Ma, we need you in here for a minute." I called her over, once she came in, she gasped in shock seeing Sugar Plum bawling her poor little eyes out.

"Sweetie! What's wrong?" She asked.

"You guys are gonna send me back!" She cried. "I... I don't wanna go back there!"

"Why on Earth do you think that?" Pinkie asked.

"Because when you guys adopted me... it was because you couldn't have foals!" She cried. "Now you've got foals coming, and you don't need me anymore!" Pinkie and I exchanged sad looks before approaching her and kneeling down to see eye to eye with her.

"Sugar Plum..." I began. "We'd never do that!"

"Of course not!" Pinkie shook her head.

"Maybe it was wrong of me to tell you why we were adopting you, but I really didn't take our doctor for an idiot." I said. "Yes. Yes we went in to the orphanage to adopt because we thought we couldn't have foals." I admitted.

"But, when we saw you, we completely forgot why we were adopting! All we saw was a little foal who just need somepony to love her!" Pinkie smiled.

"Pinkie's right," I nodded. "And yes, we are expecting, but do you really think that means we suddenly don't want you anymore?" I asked.

"A little..." She admitted.

"Sugar Plum, as far as we're concerned you're just as much a part of our family as the foal on the way will be." I said to her, hugging her. "We would never just decide we don't want you anymore."

"Chuckie and I love you so much!" Pinkie said, joining the hug. "And guess what." She said.

"What?" Sugar Plum asked.

"When the little foal comes along, that will make one more pony who loves you just as much as we do." She smiled.

"I love you mommy." Sugar Plum smiled, hugging Pinkie tightly. Pinkie just gasped as if her heart had melted. She looked at me with such happiness in her eyes as Sugar Plum hugged her. "You too daddy." She said turning to me and hugging me too. I smiled warmly down at her as I tussled her mane.

"Love you too kiddo." I chuckled.

"I guess it was pretty silly of me to get all worried about that..." Sugar Plum sniffed, her crying over.

"What?" I asked. "Absolutely not!"

"No!" Pinkie shook her head. "We all get scared sometimes, and it's okay to be scared."

"Just ask Pinkie, she'll tell you, I am notorious for bouts of anxiety just like you felt." I confided. "Back where I came from, my family didn't even actually like me, they teased me, picked on me, treated me like a failure, and those things stuck with me all the way till right now." I told her. "I feel the same anxiety about being abandoned that you were just feeling." I told her.

"So do I." Pinkie told her. "Once, I thought my friends had all abandoned me, I went crazy!" She said. "We all get scared sometimes, but it's important to remember that even when you're scared, there are ponies who love you who will do anything to make you feel better."

"That's what family is all about." I nodded, hugging her.

"You coulda just told me that earlier." Sugar Plum giggled.

"Well, that's poor communication, also something families do." I chuckled. "Now, what do you say we go back out to the party?" I asked her.

"Okay daddy." She giggled and smiled, the three of us walked out of the office. Sugar Plum sat up at her stool behind the bar and sipped a juice box I had given her. Pinkie and I exchanged smiling looks, knowing we just parented the hell out of that situation. I stepped up to the stage and tapped the mic once more.

"Hello everypony." I said. "I had just finished a talk with Sugar Plum, and I realized something. We all can get so scared, and so stressed about things, it's ridiculous the thoughts that go through our heads when we feel that way, and sometimes, we just need to remind ourselves that we just have to say 'it's alright' sometimes. Wouldn't you agree?" I asked the crowd, who nodded approvingly. "So, this little number goes out to you Sugar Plum. This always helped me whenever I felt anxious. Hit it Ivory." I nodded, and she started up the piano.

 **Me:** _I've got a smile on my face, and I've got four walls around me  
_ _I've got the sun in the sky, all the water surround me  
_ _Oh you know, ya I'll win now and sometimes I'll lose  
_ _I've been battered, but I'll never bruise... it's not so bad_

 _And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day_  
 _And it's all your state of mind_  
 _At the end of the day,_  
 _You've just got to say... it's all right._

 _Gina sings on the corner, what keeps her from dying_  
 _Let them say what they want, but she won't stop trying..Oh you know,_  
 _She might stumble, they push her 'round_  
 _She might fall, but she'll never lie down...it's not so bad_

 _And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day_  
 _And it's all your state of mind_  
 _At the end of the day,_  
 _You've just got to say... it's all right._

 _It's alright, it's alright...it's alright!_

Cheese then began to join in the song with his accordion, already adding to the celtic/maritime vibe of the song, I chuckled a little as he played.

 _'Cause in this beautiful life there's always some sorrow_  
 _And It's a double-edged knife, but there's always tomorrow..Oh you know,_  
 _It's up to you now if you sink or swim,_  
 _Just keep the faith and your ship will come in. It's not so bad..._

 _And I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day_  
 _And it's all your state of mind_  
 _At the end of the day,_  
 _You've just got to say..._

"Everyone!" I called out.

 **All:** _I say way-hey-hey, it's just an ordinary day_  
 _And it's all your state of mind_  
 _At the end of the day,_  
 _You've just got to say it's all right,  
_ **Me:** _it's all right, it's all right_

 _'Cause I've got a smile on my face, and I've got four walls around me..._

I smiled as the song came to an end. "Thank you all for a wonderful time, but I'm afraid it's time to close up for the night." I said to the crowd. "Everyone have a good night and a safe trip home." I concluded as I turned the mic off and went over to Sugar Plum and Pinkie.

"Ready to head home Sugar Plum?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah." She nodded, smiling at us as she finished her juice.

Once we got home, I walked Sugar Plum upstairs to her room and tucked her into bed. I gently helped her take off her glasses and I set them on the nightstand with a glass of water.

"If you need anything, just remember we're down the hall." I smiled. "And of course, we can't forget about Mr. Stuffly," I said as I tucked the teddy bear in beside her. She immediately hugged the bear tightly and smiled at me. "Goodnight Sugar Plum, I love you."

"I love you too daddy." She smiled as I went for the door and turned the light in the room off.

"See you tomorrow." I said closing the door.

"Goodnight!" She called. I chuckled a little to myself as I went downstairs to the living room, I yawned as I sat down on the couch next to Pinkie, as I stretched my hooves I put one around her and sighed happily.

"We did good today." Pinkie said.

"Absolutely." I nodded. "I was kind of worried, I didn't think I'd know how to handle those types of situations."

"You never really know until they happen, then you just happen to know what to say." Pinkie nodded.

"That's because words from the heart are never a fabrication." I stated.

"Poetic." She giggled. "We're gonna be the best parents ever."

"You're damn right." I nodded, giving her a kiss on the cheek.

* * *

 _Wasn't that sweet? They're such a cute family. Did anyone notice a subtle hint at a possible couple in the works? If not, maybe you need to re-read the chapter. Or wait until the chapter that addresses it. Until next time!_

 _Song used_

 _"Ordinary Day" by: Great Big Sea_


	54. Chapter 54: Caught in the Act

**Author's note:** Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and the baby looked at me! Okay, that's not entirely what this chapter is about, but it's kind of like that.

* * *

Chapter 54: Caught in the Act

"So it's easy to remember really." I explained to Sugar Plum as we walked down the street. "Mike Myers is Austin Powers, Michael Myers is from the slasher flics."

"Mike's the spy, Michael's a bad guy." Sugar Plum repeated.

"That's right." I nodded. "And then, Tom's the cowboy, and Tim's the spaceman." I recited.

"And that's from..." She thought to herself.

"It's from the holy trilogy." I hinted to her.

"Star... Battles?" She asked

"Oh come on, that's Star Wars, the holy saga, Toy Story is the holy trilogy." I explained as we walked. "But you'll catch on."

"Thanks daddy." She giggled before stopping and realizing something. "Daddy, I think I left Mr. Stuffly in the bar yesterday."

"Well, here's the key." I gave her the key. "Go and get him and meet me outside the bar."

"Okay daddy." She smiled as she opened the lock on the backdoor of the bar using her horn's magic. She hummed softly to herself as she walked through the back room and into the back door of my office. She opened the door and grabbed Mr. Stuffly, who sat upon my desk chair.

"There you are silly, come on!" She said as she grabbed him. Suddenly, outside the door to the main bar area, she heard something. She held her ear up to the door and listened. There were two voices, one female, one male. Both familiar.

"When are we going to tell them?" The female voice asked.

"I don't know, soon enough." The male voice said.

"We've got to soon, we were almost caught a few days ago. Luckily Chuck's not the brightest." The female remarked.

"You show high regard for your friend." The male voice chuckled.

"I love the guy, but sometime's he's got the brains of a potato salad." The female chuckled.

"You're so cute when you come up with those insults." The male voice remarked. "C'mere you." Sugar Plum listened more, she heard the sound of the two kissing, just then her leaning against the door caused the door to open up and she fell to the floor with a thud, she looked up and saw Cheese Sandwich and Ivory Keys... locking lips. Cheese opened his eyes in shock and Ivory pulled away, wiping her lips off.

"Sugar Plum!" Ivory stammered. "What... what brings you here?"

"Is your dad here?" Cheese asked.

"I was... just in here to get Mr. Stuffly..." She replied. "And then I heard you two talking and-"

"And you didn't think to mind your own damn business?" Ivory arched her brow.

"Hon, please." Cheese Sandwich chuckled. "Look, kiddo, what you saw was... well, when two ponies like each other, sometimes they..."

"I know what kissing is Uncle Cheese." Sugar Plum looked up at Cheese. "I just didn't know that you two really liked each other!"

"Life is funny like that kid." Ivory said. "Listen, Sugar Plum, we need you to do us a favor."

"What?" Sugar Plum asked.

"We need you to keep what you just saw... a secret." Cheese Sandwich said.

"You mean you want me lie?" Sugar Plum asked with a gasp.

"No no... not a lie, per say, what we're talking about here is a secret, for example, when Chuck asks you what kept you in here, just tell him you uhh... got sidetracked!" Ivory explained. "Because technically you did get sidetracked!"

"By catching you two kissing..." Sugar Plum added.

"Yes, but you don't _tell_ him that part." Ivory explained. "It's not a lie, but it's keeping the secret a secret."

"It's like a game of hide and seek!" Cheese Sandwich nodded. "But... just with the fact that Ivory and I were kissing."

"Okay... our little secret." Sugar Plum smiled. "Your secret is safe with me."

"Thank Celestia." Cheese breathed a sigh of relief.

"Now, run along before your dad comes in here." Ivory waved her off.

"Bye you guys! Have fun!" Sugar Plum waved as she left through the back.

"You'd better believe it kid," Ivory chuckled. "Now where were we?"

Outside, I leaned against the back wall of the tavern, I was just about ready to go in myself and see what was keeping her when the door opened up. Sugar Plum walked out with her bear.

"There you are," I remarked. "What kept you?"

"I... got sidetracked." She said, remembering what Ivory had told her.

"Alright then, come on, we still need to stop at the market and get pickles for your mother." I said, leading her on.

"What kind?" Sugar Plum asked.

"She wants an assortment, I told her they don't sell "assorted pickles", she started to cry, I needed to fix the issue, so now we're buying a jar of each kind and making assorted pickles." I explained. "The funny part is she'll have moved onto a new craving by the time we get home."

"What do you think that will be?" Sugar Plum asked.

"My energy, maybe a bit of my sanity." I said as we walked along.

"You can't _eat_ sanity." Sugar Plum said.

"Yeah... just wait until you're married and expecting." I chuckled. "You'll find a way to."

"Mommy's gonna _love_ to hear that one." Sugar Plum remarked.

"Unless you'd love to spend the weekend in your room what I said stays between us." I replied.

"Like a secret?" Sugar Plum asked.

"I guess, sure." I shrugged.

"Auntie Ivory taught me about those." Sugar Plum mentioned.

"Oh did she? When was that?" I asked, kind of half interested.

"Just today." She said. I turned to her and arched my brow.

"And when did you see Auntie Ivory? We've been together all day." I remarked.

"She was there in the tavern when I went and got Mr. Stuffly." Sugar Plum told me.

"And what was she doing there?" I asked her. Sugar Plum's eyes widened, she had said too much.

"Um... nothing!" She said. "Nothing at all!"

"So if we turned around and went to the bar right not, there would just be a whole lot of nothing happening?" I asked.

"Um..." She thought. "Well there's uh..."

"Is anypony else with her?" I asked.

"Well..." She spoke up. "I'm technically not at liberty to say."

"So that's a _yes._ " I said as we turned around and went back for the bar. Sugar Plum stammered and giggled nervously as we walked, trying to deter me from going to the bar, something was kind of fishy. And I was about to find out what. Quietly, I slide my key into the lock of the front door and unlock it, I carefully opened the door and then looked inside. There was... nothing. Sugar Plum breathed a huge sigh of relief to see she hadn't blown the secret after all. And that would have been the case, had they not blown it for themselves.

"C'mon, just for fun, I'll wear your Hawaiian shirt, and you wear my collar and tie." I heard Ivory's voice say from the backroom. Quietly, I walked through the bar and peeked into the pool room, and there they were, atop the pool table I paid my hard earned bits for, making out.

"I _do_ hope I'm not _interrupting_ something." I spoke up. The two jolted up and shot nervous looks at me.

"Sunova bitch." Ivory sighed. "Well, cat's out of the bag now." She grumbled.

"Chuck!" Cheese Sandwich chuckled. "How are you, buddy?"

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" Sugar Plum exclaimed running in. "He just squeezed it outta me!"

"It's not your fault." Cheese Sandwich smiled at her.

"Well, it kind of is." Ivory said. "But it's mostly our faults, both for trying to keep this a secret for too long and for thinking a five year old filly could keep a secret."

"Excuse me?" I spoke up. "Hello? Yeah, guy who kind of wants to know what's going on here."

"Aunt Ivory and Uncle Cheese are in love." Sugar Plum told me.

"Well, it's really more, 'in like' for now." Cheese blushed.

"I was able to figure out that much." I remarked. "But how long has this been happening? Why have you been keeping it a secret? And God, why do you gotta make out on my pool table!?"

"Okay, okay." Ivory sighed. "I'll tell you. It all happened about a month and a half ago."

"At your wedding party." Cheese Sandwich nodded.

* * *

Wedding after-party, June 15th

"Alright folks, now it's time for a slower number, so grab you partner and let the couples dance begin!" Spike announced behind a DJ booth on the karaoke stage. Ponies partnered up with husbands, wives, or special someponies. Ivory looked out at them all, they all had someone. Someone who cared about them, of course, normally she wouldn't actually reflect on herself seeing this, but she was quite a few drinks in. She just sighed as she slouched forward on the counter.

"This seat taken?" A voice behind her asked. Ivory turned and saw Cheese Sandwich, looking to get away from it all too.

"Be my guest." Ivory nodded. "Nopony to dance with?"

"Well, you know what they say: 'The cheese stands alone'." He joked. Ivory snorted a laugh at his joke and grinned at him.

"Now _that_ was clever." She chuckled. "Takes a real trooper to make fun of themselves and be clever about it."

"Well, I did major in self deprecation class in college." He chuckled. "Nopony to dance with either?"

"Not really, unless of course you count whatever the special is that I've been drinking." She said, looking at the menu. "Here Rums The Bride'." She read. "Oh Celestia..." She rolled her eyes.

"That's a bad pun even by my standards." Cheese laughed. "I can't imagine why nopony would want to dance with you. You're quite pretty."

"From what I've heard it's because I'm a real bitch." Ivory grumbled. "I built up walls after all that happened to me as a foal, it's hard for me to meet ponies, it's even harder for me to even consider having feelings for them."

"You didn't have any problem meeting me." Cheese mentioned.

"Did I have a choice?" Ivory asked. "We're coworkers, I couldn't just pretend you didn't exist."

"I mean, you could've tried, but I have a tendency to make my presence known." Cheese remarked.

"Is that your way of saying you're loud, a little obnoxious, and very in-your-face cheery?" Ivory asked.

"You think I'm obnoxious?" Cheese asked.

"I'm kidding." Ivory laughed. "You're okay." They sat there in silence for a moment, until Ivory spoke again. "You... really think I'm pretty?" She asked

"Yeah." Cheese nodded.

"Thanks." She smiled. "You're sweet."

"I always imagined I was more savory than sweet." Cheese joked.

"Oh shut up." Ivory laughed. "Look... this might be kind of dumb, but do you maybe want to go for drinks?"

"We are at a bar." Cheese stated.

"I meant somewhere else, with less... party going on." Ivory explained. "I know a nice cafe not far from here, maybe you'd want to?" She asked.

"You know what?" Cheese asked. "I think I'll take you up on that."

* * *

And in a way the rest was history, they had a nice night together, nice enough that they did it again, and another time, until they eventually decided that they liked each other and they really were a couple. For Ivory, Cheese made her smile, he made her laugh. And as for Cheese, Ivory kept all four of his hooves on the ground and at the same time was able to tolerate his silliness and antics. There was still one thing that kind of escaped me regarding the whole thing.

"But... why keep it a secret?" I asked them.

"A couple of reasons really." Ivory said. "Let's be real here, all Ponyville has really cared about for a month and a half was you an' Pinkie getting married, then adopting Sugar Plum here, and now you've got another foal on the way."

"If we went public, it would look like we just wanted attention." Cheese added.

"Which is the opposite of what we want, we don't really want a big deal made about us dating." Ivory explained. "And, let's face it. Some ponies in this town... _your wife for one_ , really like to turn molehills into mountains and make a big deal out of things that really aren't."

"So, whenever we wanted to spend time as a couple, we'd sneak in here on the closed days." Cheese explained. "It was _super_ easy since you gave both of us sets of keys when you hired us."

"I didn't give you those keys so you could make out on the pool table." I said flatly.

"What's make out?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Well," Ivory said. "It's a whole lot like kissing, but with a lot more movements of the hooves and often there's a lot of-"

"Need I remind you she's five years old?" I said sternly, covering her ears.

"I knew when I was five." Ivory said.

"Well, the sixties was a different time." I quipped. "Look, I kind of get where you're coming from, but there's no real reason to hide it. Frankly, I'm really happy for both of you." I smiled. "And when you do decide to go public, I'll see to it that the situation remains the molehill that it is."

"Thanks Chuck." Ivory smiled.

"You're a real pal." Cheese nodded with a grin.

"But I can't promise this newfound information won't effect when I schedule you two, I can't have you two getting distracted on the job." I chuckled.

"We've been a secret to the public for a month and a half now, I think we know how to keep it inconspicuous to the public." Ivory rolled her eyes.

"Point taken." I nodded. "Well, Sugar Plum and I have pickles to buy and assort, make sure to lock up when you're done." I said as Sugar Plum and I went for the door. I closed the door behind me and Sugar Plum and I walked off to the market.

"Now you're part of the secret too!" Sugar Plum smiled.

"No I'm not, I'm having the biggest, most molehill-to-mountain party possible thrown for them." I grinned.

"Really?" Sugar Plum asked.

"No, but I can't promise that I won't tell your mother, I only keep secrets in life or death situations." I explained.

"Shouldn't life or death situations be a time not to keep things hidden?" Sugar Plum asked.

"You've got a real good way of looking at things." I remarked. "But stop being right, it makes me look bad as a dad." I chuckled as we entered the market. "Okay, pop quiz, while I get the pickles, name the four South Park boys."

"Kyle..." She stopped and thought. "Kenny, Stan..." She thought some more.

"Come on, it's my secret nickname for Uncle Quibble." I encouraged her.

"Which one? You have a million secret nicknames for him." She said.

"Half of them you aren't allowed to say, so that should narrow it down." I chuckled. "I need a jar of dills, dill and garlic, bread 'n butter, Kosher dill, and gherkins."

"Let me guess." The clerk said as he rung up my purchase. "You've got a pregnant mare at home?"

"How'd you guess?" I asked.

"Pickles are one of the most common pregnancy cravings." He chuckled. "That and I was at your party last week."

"That explains it." I nodded.

"Want my advice? That shop over there sells kettle chips, get a good variety of that. And you're gonna want to pick up ice cream too." The clerk said. "Good to keep your bases covered, happy wife, happy life huh?" He chuckled. "You want an empty jar to make the disgusting 'assortment' jar?"

"How'd you know I was doing that?" I asked.

"You think you're the first stallion here who's ever gotten a variety of pickles for his pregnant wife?" He asked.

"Good point, ring it up please." I nodded.

"I got it! Tubsy McWhines a lot!" Sugar Plum exclaimed.

"Nope." I shook my head.

"Squabble Head?" She asked as we walked off.

"Not that one either." I shook my head.

"Dicksy Wicksy?" She asked.

"That's one of the one's you aren't allowed to say." I said sternly.

* * *

That night: dinner

We ate outside in the backyard that night, it was such a nice evening I wanted to take advantage. I hummed softly to myself as I flipped hayburger patties on the barbecue. I chuckled to myself in realization of something, this was my first real 'dad' moment, I've had moments of parenting, but flipping burgers while humming an old rock song and sipping a beer? That's a dad moment. Sure I've done exactly that before, but it had always been before Sugar Plum came along.

"Order up!" I called to Pinkie and Sugar Plum who were playing in the yard. "Ketchup, mustard, and relish is right on the picnic table, and I got a case of sodas for drinks."

"Chuckie! Look who's on the label!" Pinkie said, showing my a bottle, it was none other than Tempest Shadow, or her real name more appropriately Fizzlepop Berrytwist. "Sugar Plum, remind me to tell you about the time Chuckie and I helped save Equestria from her big mean boss." She giggled.

"She's an entrepreneur now, good for her." I remarked. "Now let's eat huh?"

"Well howdy ho neighbor!" A voice that in recent weeks has gradually become more and more infuriating. It was... my neighbor... Jonty Jovihooves. He was nice enough, after all it was in the name, but he was _too_ nice. He was always smiling, always added extra unnecessary syllables to his sentences, and he had a mustache, he was blessed with the ability to grow mustache and I wasn't. "Having a little cookout?"

"Well, I'm not prepping an apocalypse shelter." I said flatly.

"If you ever were to, you should dig yourself a tunnel to mine! We can be apocapals!" He grinned, I just arched my brow and sipped my soda.

"I'll keep that in mind Jovihooves." I nodded. "Now if you don't mind, I've got a dinner with my family to get to."

"Oh don't let little ol' me hold you back! Smells mighty scrump-diddly-umptious!" He chuckled. "See y'around neighboreeno!"

"Don't remind me." I muttered. I strolled over to the picnic table and grumbled under my breath as I sat down to eat.

"I don't get why you don't like him." Pinkie said.

"Uncle Quibble said it's mustache envy." Sugar Plum stated.

"It is not mustache envy." I said flatly.

"It's okay, I like you better without the lip-tickler anyway." Pinkie giggled.

"Thank Celestia." I chuckled a little. As we ate, we all were mostly quiet, but that's not really a bad thing, that just meant we were all hungry. I decided to break the silence. "So, you'll never guess the crazy thing that happened today."

"What happened?" Pinkie asked.

"Well, Sugar Plum and I were just walking down the street, when she realized she left Mr. Stuffly in the bar. Right? So she goes in to get it, and guess what she sees." I begin.

"What did you see, sweetheart?" Pinkie asked her.

"I... I saw that one of the pictures in dad's office was slanted." Sugar Plum said. I arched my brow and looked at her quizzically.

"Oh... kinda anticlimactic." Pinkie remarked.

"Sugar Plum, you wanna..." I then purposefully nudged her soda bottle, spilling it over. "Oh clumsy me! Sorry sweetheart, here, let's go get a new one." I led her over to the cooler.

"What was that?" I asked.

"Auntie Ivory and Uncle Cheese aren't ready yet, we shouldn't start telling ponies." Sugar Plum said.

"Yeah but, you didn't have to lie." I said.

"I didn't lie, go check tomorrow, it's the one of you when you were dressed as the business man with the mustache." She said.

"That's Gomez Addams." I told her. "But... you do kind of have a point." I sighed. "Fine."

"Besides, it is kind of fun to have a secret, right? A little father-daughter bond." Sugar Plum smiled.

"Okay, stop being the mature one, you're making me look bad." I said as I grabbed a new soda bottle and gave it to her.

"Now, how's about we just have dinner huh?" I said as we sat down again. Another week passed, Sugar Plum and I never told a soul. We did really good, of course I wasn't worried about her, I was worried I'd let it slip. Then, one day at the bar, the secret was revealed, but not by me, and not by Sugar Plum. It was just another day. I manned the bar, Ivory played piano, and Cheese was waiting today. Quibble, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie and I talked as the hours passed.

"So, the Transformares reboot series isn't really as bad as they make it out to be, there are still some really good plot elements to it." Quibble ranted.

"Plot? What plot? It's just explosion, explosion, closeup on some mare's flank, borderlining racist quote, another explosion, there's hardly any Transformares in it!" Rainbow Dash scoffed.

"I've gotta side with Dashie here." I said. "The reboot's pretty bad."

"That's just because you like to live in the past." Quibble said.

"I'm younger than you." I remarked. "I just like... oh I don't know, good storytelling."

"Nerds!" Ivory hollered over at us, Cheese laughed as he stood by the piano.

"Good one hon." He smiled. Hearing what he said, Quibble, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie's eyes all widened in surprise.

"Well, it's five o' clock, I'm gonna head over to the cafe." Ivory said. "I'll see you there after your shift." She kissed Cheese on the cheek, I could almost hear little explosions in the minds of all three ponies at the bar.

"Wait a second!" Quibble hollered. "You two are..."

"You kissed him!?" Pinkie exclaimed.

" _Hon_!?" Rainbow Dash remarked.

"Oh, yeah," Cheese chuckled. "About that, Ivory and I have been going out for a little while now."

"And you all didn't even notice, way to take an interest in your friend's lives." Ivory smirked. "See you nerds, see you babe." After she left, Cheese just sighed happily. Pinkie, Quibble, and Rainbow all exchanged shocked expressions.

"What!?" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Since when!?" Rainbow asked.

"Chuck, aren't you surprised by this?" Quibble asked me.

"Nah, I saw it coming from a mile away." I smirked. Suddenly, the door burst open and Sugar Plum ran in excitedly.

"Daddy! I remember now! Cartman is your nickname for Uncle Quibble! That's the fourth boy!" She grinned widely.

"What's a Cartman?" Quibble asked me, a slight glare in his eyes.

"It's... a compliment, it's flattery." I shrugged with a slight chuckle.

"Really? Because you told me that-" I cut Sugar Plum off before she could continue.

"No minors allowed in the tavern during business hours." I said. "Pinkie, you mind walking her home?" I asked Pinkie.

"Only if you're home not long after." She giggled and kissed me on the cheek. "Oh! I've got an awesome idea! We should do a triple date!" She exclaimed. "I've gotta go tell Ivory my idea!" She exclaimed. Cheese and I exchanged looks and just laughed.


	55. Chapter 55: The Magician of Odd

**Author's note:** Having a minor case of writer's block with the next official story piece, so here's a take on a classic tale with some of yours truly's mediocre comedy. Taken from the point of view of the newest character to the cast, Sugar Plum.

* * *

Chapter 55: The Magician of Odd

Hi everyone! My daddy tells me that life is kind of like a storybook, and each day is like a chapter. Well, one day, or.. chapter I guess, one chapter was _really_ strange! Let me tell you about it! This story begins the same way all my days start. Waking up to daddy singing in the shower. Daddy describes a shower as a personal concert hall, mommy says it needs to be a bit more personal. Mr. Jovihooves, our neighbor says it warms his heart to hear him so full of joy in the morning. Daddy then says when I tell him what Mr. Jovihooves says is that he needs to mind his own business, but that's kind of hard when you can hear him sing in the shower from Sweet Apple Acres, and I should know. I had a sleepover over there with the Cutie Mark Crusaders and I could still hear him in the morning. Frank Martin I think was the artist he was singing... or maybe Dean Sinatra... names from where daddy comes from are so hard to remember. Anyway, I yawned to myself as I sat up in bed and put my glasses on.

"Good morning Mr. Stuffly." I smiled to my teddy bear. I knew he couldn't really talk, but it was fun to pretend. I grabbed Mr. Stuffly and made my way downstairs and went over to the kitchen table, where mommy was already up. She was eating a huge breakfast! Three grapefruits, two different types of cereal, a fruit smoothie, a basket of muffins I'm pretty sure she stole from our mailmare, a loaf of buttered toast, and an entire carton of orange juice.

"Good morning sweetheart!" Mommy smiled at me. "Hungry?"

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Here, have a muffin." She slid me the basket. "If Derpy asks, tell her you last saw them with... Umm... Grandpa Cranky! Yeah! Grandpa Cranky!"

"Okay." I said as I took a muffin out and took a bite. A cool breeze blew against my back as I ate, a window must have been open, sure enough, one was, and for a July day the breeze was really strong.

"Yeah!" Mommy said, as if noticing what I was thinking. "It's really windy out today! Which is weird, I was talking to Rainbow Dash and she said that wind isn't scheduled until late August! Sometimes there's a little fluke in the system I guess, I'm sure it's nothing."

"Probably." I nodded. As we ate, daddy came downstairs, still humming to himself as he poured a mug of coffee for himself and drank it.

"Coffee kiss." He said as he kissed mommy and smirked as she gagged in disgust.

"You know I hate your coffee kisses!" She gagged.

"And just think, that's with sugar and cream added." He remarked. "I'd better get off to work, see you after my shift Cutie Pie, you too Kiddo." He said as he tussled my mane and kissed my forehead.

"Daddy wait!" I called as he headed for the door.

"Yes?" He asked, turning around.

"Aren't you going to say goodbye to Mr. Stuffly?" I asked. He chuckled a little and arched his eyebrow.

"Goodbye Mr. Stuffly." He said, turning around. "I'll see you all later, love you."

"Bye Chuckie!" Mommy called. "Love you too!"

"Have a good day daddy!" I called.

"Sad to see him leave, love to watch him walk away." Pinkie remarked.

"You are disgusting sometimes." A voice said. We turned to the open kitchen window to see Aunt Sunny Side leaning up against the windowsill. "You think he's gotten fatter since you've been married? I'd say at least five new pounds there."

"He looks _fine._ " Mommy said flatly. "What's up?"

"I've gotta go around to all the houses and deliver a warning to stay indoors. Wind's only supposed to get worse from here." Aunt Sunny explained. "Court appointed thing, some putz got food poisoning and thought it was my three bean casserole. So, to clear things over, I have to do this as a community service stunt."

"Chuckie just went out for work..." Mommy remarked.

"Maybe the wind will blow that gut off of him, now you'd think he'd be carrying your foal, not you." Aunt Sunny snorted.

"I get it Sunny, you don't like him." Mommy said impatiently.

"Alright, jeez." Sunny rolled her eyes. "I'd better get going." She then turned and kept walking.

"I'll never understand why she hates your father so much." Mommy sighed.

"Wasn't daddy the one who claimed he got that food poisoning?" I asked.

"Yeah, but we don't tell Auntie Sunny Side that." Mommy said. "We should probably go get daddy before the storm get's any worse, Celestia knows Sunny won't tell him." She said as she got up. "Come on sweetheart, leave Mr. Stuffly here, it's safer for him in this wind."

"Okay mommy." I nodded as I set Mr. Stuffly down on daddy's recliner in the living room. We went out into the wind and walked towards the bar.

"He couldn't have gotten far!" Mommy hollered in the wind, we walked through the harsh winds and eventually got to the bar. Daddy was there already his mane all messy and his bow tie blown out of sorts by the wind.

"Oh, hey... what are you two doing here?" Daddy asked.

"Chuckie, you've gotta come home now. The winds are getting dangerous!" Mommy said.

"Don't think I haven't noticed?" Daddy asked. "It's probably for the best we stay right here."

"You're right." Mommy nodded, I didn't want to do that! Mr. Stuffly was still at home! I couldn't just leave Mr. Stuffly alone in this storm.

"I've gotta get Mr. Stuffly!" I said as I ran for the door and opened it.

"Sugar Plum, no!" Daddy yelled as I started to run, luckily I knew the way home. I ran and ran, the wind was tough though, but eventually I got home, I threw open the door and ran into the living room.

"Mr. Stuffly! Come on!" I said, grabbing him. "We've got to get back to mommy and daddy." Suddenly, the house started shaking a bit, the furniture started shifting around. I ran up to the window and looked outside. There was a giant tornado! I couldn't believe my eyes! There was no way I was going back outside, I ran upstairs and to my room, hiding under my bed with Mr. Stuffly, I could feel the house move, I could feel it _really_ move! It was... floating! The tornado had lifted up our house! This was awful! I closed my eyes tightly and prepared for the worst, clutching Mr. Stuffly...

* * *

"Sugar Plum... Sugar Plum... Sugar Plum! Wake up!" I heard a voice say, it sounded like daddy! I opened my eyes and looked around.

"Daddy?" I asked. He was nowhere to be seen.

"Close, well, not close at all. Wrong is actually the most appropriate word." Daddy's voice continued. "Down here." He said, poking my leg. I looked down to see Mr. Stuffly! He was... alive!

"Mr. Stuffly... you can talk?" I remarked.

"That seems to be the case." He nodded.

"But... you're a teddy bear!" I exclaimed.

"I'm a talking teddy bear, you're a talking pony, your point was?" He asked sarcastically. "Storm's passed. What do you say we go look for mom and dad?" He asked.

"Sounds like a good idea." I nodded, only feeling a little weird that my teddy bear was suddenly alive and talking, especially since he sounded like daddy. We went downstairs to the front door, the house was a mess! We opened the front door and were blinded by the brightness of the sun at first, but when I looked around... things were... weird. The buildings were all vibrant pinks and yellows, the houses were all small in comparison to our house.

"Mr. Stuffly... I don't think we're in Ponyville anymore..." I remarked.

"No kidding." He nodded, suddenly I saw something sticking out from under our house! It was... a pair of legs! I gasped as I ran over to them, on the feet were bedazzled ruby horseshoes, and the mare wearing them was groaning in pain.

"You!" A voice exclaimed from behind me, I turned to see a mare who looked... just like Auntie Twilight. She wore a long flowing white dress and had a tall scepter. She walked over to me with a glowing smile. "You have defeated the wicked witch of the east!" She beamed.

"The wicked what-now?" I asked. "Auntie Twilight, what's going on?"

"I do not know who that is." She said. "I am Twilda, the good witch of the north."

"The... what?" I was confused.

"You saved our lives! We are eternally grateful!" A group of small ponies ran over to me, they smiled at me and hoisted me up. Okay, I was incredibly confused.

"Where am I? Who are you?" I asked, getting down from their hold.

"My apologies, we are the Markchkins!" One said to me, she looked just like Scootaloo, in fact, all of them either looked like her, Applebloom, or Sweetie Belle. "This is Markchkinville, home of our people."

"We were under attack from the terrible wicked witch of the east when you and your rocket house crashed down upon her!" Another exclaimed.

"Rocket house? No, it's just a plain old house, it was swept up by a-" I tried to explain.

"Kill a horse with a house, you become a town hero." Mr. Stuffly remarked. "This place _is_ weird."

"Um... Mrs. Twilda... I've got to get home! My parents are probably worried about me, I have no idea where I am!" I exclaimed to her. Twilda looked at me and thought for a second.

"I'm afraid I cannot help you, but... I know who can." Twilda said. "You need to see the Magician!"

"The who?" I asked.

"The Magician of Odd!" A Markchkin exclaimed. "The most powerful being in all the lands!"

"Only he can send you home!" Another Markchkin nodded.

"Well..." I thought. "How do I get to the Magician?" I asked.

"All will be explained, but first..." Twilda used her magic to remove the ruby horseshoes from the witch. "You will need these."

"Why?" I asked as I put them on, they shrunk around my small hooves to fit perfectly.

"These horseshoes carry a great power, I don't quite know what it is, but I know her sister will be after them." Twilda explained.

"Her sister?" I asked.

"Yes! The great and powerful witch of the west!" Twilda nodded. "It's more of a self proclaimed title, she's just as wicked as her sister."

"Why me? I'm just a filly!" I asked.

"If something goes wrong, just drop another house on the witch!" Twilda dismissed my worries.

"That's really not how it-" I was cut off by a Markchkin.

"Now! About seeing that Magician." The Markchkin said. "All you have to do is follow this road!" She pointed to a bright yellow road made from wood planks.

"Follow the yellow stick road!" Another Markchkin nodded. "It will take you to Jade City, that's where the Magician lives."

"The yellow... _stick_ road?" Mr. Stuffly asked. "These are planks."

 **Markchkins:** _follow the yellow stick road!  
_ _follow the yellow stick road  
_ _follow the yellow stick road  
_ _follow follow follow follow follow the yellow stick road  
_ _follow the yellow stick follow the yellow stick follow the yellow stick road!_

 _You're off to see the Magician, the wonderful Magician of Odd!  
_ _you'll find he is the Macigian of wiz if ever a wiz there was,  
_ _If ever or ever a Magician that was  
_ _the Magician of Odd is one because, because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things he does  
_ _you're off to see the Magician the wonderful Magician of Odd!_

They sang happily as Mr. Stuffly and I walked down the road, both of us didn't quite understand what was going on, but if this road was going to get us home, we were going to take it. We kept walking down the path, looking at the strange plants and trees.

"So, witches, creepy midgets, all powerful shoes, and a yellow road." Mr. Stuffly remarked. "How are you holding up? Must be a lot to take in."

"You have no idea.." I shook my head.

"So what do yoiu think this Magician fella will be like?" Mr. Stuffly asked.

"If the past ten minutes is any indication. Probably weird." I nodded as we walked past a cornfield.

"Weird!" A voice exclaimed. "Let's see, weird... beard, sneered... feared?" A voice started listing off words that rhymed with weird. "I can think of something for that... think..." He struggled, we looked up and saw... a scarecrow, a scarecrow that looked and sounded just like Uncle Cheese.

"Who are you?" I asked.

"Who am I?" The scarecrow asked. "Whenever I'm asked that and I don't recall, I just consult the tag on my underwear! Unfortunately... the farmer who stuffed me didn't give me a pair of those, along with other things." He explained. "So I guess you can call me Scarecrow."

"Okay... Scarecrow... what are you doing up there?" I asked him, seeing him held high on a pole.

"My job I guess, I hang here, if crows land nearby I holler and curse, sometimes I spit at them, anything to protect the crops." He explained.

"Fascinating line of work." Mr. Stuffly remarked.

"Not really, in fact it's the most boring thing in the world!" Scarecrow exclaimed. "What I've wanted to do, ever since I was a little straw stuffed plush toy, was to be a comedian, a singing comedian!" He explained. "Unfortunately my noggin's full of straw, not the stuff you need to write lyrics."

"Like brains?" I asked.

"Yeah! That stuff!" He nodded. "If only I had some of that, then I could achieve my dream."

"Say, we're going to see the Magician of Odd to see if he can get us home... if he can do that, maybe he can give you some brains."

"You mean it?" Scarecrow asked. "That's awesome! I'm so happy I could sing, if only I could think of some words."

"What a crying shame." Mr. Stuffly said dryly. I used the magic from my horn and remove the Scarecrow from his hooks and brought him down to the road.

"Wahoo! Let's get going! I've got years of pent up energy from just hanging there!" Scarecrow exclaimed excitedly, embodying the same hyperactive spirit of Uncle Cheese. I giggled a little as we kept walking.

"Here, you don't need to think of words for this one." I smiled.

 **Scarecrow and I:** _We're off to see the Magician, the wonderful Magician of Odd!  
_ _We'll find he is the Macigian of wiz if ever a wiz there was,  
_ _If ever or ever a Magician that was  
_ _the Magician of Odd is one because, because, because, because, because, because, because of the wonderful things he does  
_ _We're off to see the Magician the wonderful Magician of Odd!_

"If I know anything about these types of adventures, there's _at least_ two more characters we need to run into before we even meet this Magician." Mr. Stuffly remarked as we walked down the road, not entering a foresty area.

"Yeah right, I've got a feeling we'll be there in no time at all, no new characters adde-" As Scarecrow said that, he walked right into a metal object obstructing his path. "Ow..." He rubbed his head in pain. The object was shaped like a pony, but entirely from metal, tin actually. An ax leaned up against one of his legs and he wore a funnel shaped hat on his head. He was a hefty figure, he looked a lot like Uncle Quibble, if he was metal anyway.

"What is that thing?" Scarecrow remarked, eyeing the tin pony, he was completely cast from tin, except for his eyes, which still looked natural, he seemed to be in distress, he was trying to say something, he was trying to move but he couldn't!

"Oil can!" The tin pony exclaimed, but that isn't what we heard, his jaw was rusted shut, so understanding him was quite difficult. I remember daddy once saying he wished Quibble's jaw would get rusted shut, if only he were here to see it.

"Oilers fan?" Mr. Stuffly ask. "I'm more of a Penguins bear."

"No no, he said 'Royal fan', it's what princesses use to cool down with!" Scarecrow suggested.

"I think he said 'Foiled plan'." I suggested.

"You think he's some evil mastermind?" Scarecrow suggested. "If he uses the word 'foiled' to describe his plan that might be the case."

"Wait a second, think about it." Mr. Stuffly spoke up. "He's made of metal. He's rusted. What would something made of metal that got rusted want?"

"A broiled ham!" Scarecrow exclaimed.

"No, straw for brains." Mr. Stuffly rolled his eyes. "His _oil can_." The tin pony tried to nod and say 'yes', but he couldn't move like he wanted to.

"Where are we going to find an oil can?" Scarecrow asked. "We're in the middle of a forest." The tin pony tried to jerk his head in a direction, he darted his eyes in the direction he was trying to motion to, I looked and saw a wooden shed in the distance. Scarecrow, Mr. Stuffly, and I walked up to the shed and I opened the door, in the dark, damp shed was a can of oil, I picked it up to make sure there was still oil in it and took it out to the tin pony, I then began to pour oil on each of the pony's joints, hoping it would be enough for him, sure enough after the oil he sprung to life, he rotated his jaw a couple of times and let out a long yawn.

"That has been trapped in there for twenty years!" He remarked. "Thanks kid."

"You're welcome." I nodded. "What are you doing out here?"

"I'm a wood's pony." He explained. "I cut down trees and sell the lumber, the problem is however... I'm not a great one." He sighed. "Not the best swinger with the ax, I cut off one of my legs thirty years ago, replaced it with one made of tin." He then motioned to the rest of his body. "I'm... sure you can figure the rest out."

"You mean to tell me you cut off your head at some point?" Mr. Stuffly asked. "I'm done trying to understand this place."

"I kept having to get pieces of my body replaced, eventually I felt less and less like a pony." The tin pony explained. "Then, one night, I had to get my ribs and chest replaced, which meant the loss of my heart." He said, opening a hatch on his body and pulling out an old photo. "And when I lost that, I also lost her." He sighed.

"And that made you so sad your tears rusted you up?" Scarecrow asked.

"No, I don't have tear ducts." The tin pony scoffed. "Enough late nights chopping wood in the rain will rust up your joints," He explained. "Then one night, I'm walking back to my cabin, big rain storm of course, and I realize I can't move. And I stay rusted in position like that for twenty years, nopony ever came looking for me or even walked this trail, until you guys of course." He concluded his story. "All those years, I missed her. She was a part of me that I couldn't replace with any amount of tin."

"How tragic." Mr. Stuffly said flatly. "Okay, goodbye. Have fun with being made of metal." He said as he started to walk off, thinking Scarecrow and I were right beside him. "Guys, come on."

"We're going to Jade City to see the Magician of Odd, he's going to send me home!" I said to the tin pony.

"And I'm going in for some brains!" Scarecrow nodded. "If he can do that for us, maybe he can give you a heart." The tin pony thought for a minute before a smile spread across his face.

"I'm in." He nodded. "Call me Tin Stallion."

"That's one new character." Mr. Stuffly arched his brow. "Come on, let's go." I started to keep walking before I looked forward, the forest got really... dark. It was kind of scary to look at. I gulped a little as I stepped forward with Mr. Stuffly, Scarecrow, and Tin Stallion. Mr. Stuffly could tell I was a bit worried, he smiled up at me and tapped my leg reassuringly.

"Hey, don't worry about it. It'll be fine, there's nothing in here that will hurt you." He smiled, I don't know if it was the fact he was my oldest friend or the fact that his voice was daddy's that made me feel better, all I know is it just did... until Tin Stallion ruined it.

"Except for the dragon that lives in these woods." He said.

"The _WHAT!?_ " Scarecrow exclaimed.

"Yeah, apparently there's a dragon that lives in these woods." Tin Stallion said. "They don't call these woods 'Dragon's Woods' for nothing."

"Do they call it that?" Scarecrow asked.

"No, but they should." Tin Stallion said.

"Never mind. All bets are off." Mr. Stuffly shook his head with a sigh.

"Come on! We'll be fine, we just have to tread lightly and watch each other's backs." Scarecrow said.

"I mean really, Sugar Plum is the only one who needs to be worried, I'm made of tin, he's a scarecrow, and he's a teddy bear. Dragons eat pony meat and jewels, not metal and fabric." Tin Stallion remarked.

"You're awful." Mr. Stuffly remarked. "It's fine... don't worry about it." He said to me.

"Don't worry about it..." A new voice said, sounding just as scared as we were. Our eyes buldged as we heard the voice. "It's just... four voices you never heard before! Those voices could belong to anything, maybe they're friendly, and... Maybe they'll try to kill you." I then felt something touch me, something scaley, it backed into me, we turned And our eyes met.

"DRAGON!" I hollered in fear.

"HUNTER!" The dragon cried in fear as we both ran off in separate directions.

"Please... Please don't eat me." I pleaded, hiding behind a tree.

"Don't kill me, please! My scales aren't even a good color for dragon skin clothes!" The voice pleaded, he sounded just like... Spike. I peaked my head out from behind the tree and looked out.

"Why would I kill you?" I asked.

"Because... you're a pony." The dragon answered, peaking out from the rock he hid behind. "Ponies only come in here to hunt dragons."

"There are a lot of dragons in these woods?" Scarecrow asked.

"No... just me actually." The dragon sighed. "So you can imagine the anxiety that gives me."

"Wow, a cowardly dragon." Tin Stallion remarked. "That's _beautiful_ irony."

"It's not fun... I want to be brave, I want to scare off anyone who may threaten me, but I'm just... so scared." The dragon sighed.

"My daddy says that when somepony isn't brave they need to grow a pear, I guess that type of fruit makes you brave." I suggested.

"Pears don't grow in this forest, not naturally..." The dragon sighed. "So, do you really think if I grew a pear I'd be braver?"

"Absolutely." I smiled. "Say, we're heading to Jade City to see the Magician of Odd, who's to say he won't give you the seeds to grow a pear?"

"You'd really let me join you guys?" The dragon asked excitedly.

"The more the merrier!" I nodded.

"One more new character and I walk." Mr. Stuffly remarked. "Come on, let's go."

"Jade City isn't too far from here, it's just a quick walk!" The dragon said.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

"I never had a name." The dragon sighed.

"How about... Spike?" I suggested.

"I like that." He smiled. And there we were, a group, ready to go and see the Magician. Unbeknownst to us however, somepony else knew we were on our way too, somepony Twilda warned me about. The Great and Powerful Witch of the West...

"So! My sister's magic ruby horseshoes were entrusted with a little filly?" The witch growled as she looked into her crystal ball in her castle throne room. "The _Grrreat_ and _Powerful_ Witch of the West don't like that... She does not like that at all..." She muttered. "Oh _flying monkeyyyys_..." She called.

"I really hate that name, I neither fly nor am a monkey." One mare, cream white with a black and white mane and black tie grumbled as a group of ponies dubbed her 'flying monkeys' walked into her throne room.

"Silence, monkey." The Witch of the West growled. "Listen, I've a job for all of you."

"And what's that, boss?" One of her monkeys asked, a tan earth pony mare with a beehive mane.

"My sister's ruby horseshoes are in the possession of a young filly. You are to retrieve the slippers. By any means necessary." She commanded. "NOW!" She hollered.

"A mutiny is sounding _real_ good right now." The white mare muttered to the group as they set out. Meanwhile, our group continued to walk through the forest. It wasn't too far now, I could see the end of the forest in the distance. Not too far now and we'd be at Jade City. Suddenly however, clouds filled the sky and thunder clapped. Ponies came flying down on magic brooms, circling over us. One of them landed, she looked just like Auntie Ivory! But, if this encounter was anything like the ones before,this wasn't Auntie Ivory.

"You there!" She pointed at me.

"Yes?" I asked.

"You are to give those ruby horseshoes to us right now, or we will take them by force!" She commanded.

"It is the commandment of the Great and Powerful Witch of the West!" Another nodded.

"No... I can't give them to you." I shook my head. The ponies exchanged looks and chuckled.

"We didn't ask if you were interested kid." The mare who looked like Auntie Sunny said. "Give us the shoes."

"Hey, leave her alone huh?" Scarecrow said, stepping in front of me. The mare who looked like Auntie Ivory chuckled as she approached him. She cupped his face with her hoof and grinned.

"Oh yeah?" She asked.

"Yeah." He nodded. She arched her brow as she grabbed at his cloth woven ear and yanked it with such force it tore off, ripping part of his head and exposing the straw that stuffed his insides. He cried out in pain as it happened and looked at me with hurt in his eyes.

"Rip the scarecrow to shreds and deconstruct the wind-up toy." The mare who looked like Auntie Sunny commanded. The ponies grinned and started to attack them, it was terrifying! I backed up in fear. Soon ripped shreds of cloth and straw scattered the ground and they had begun to dent and rip apart Tin Stallion. Mr. Stuffly ran up to me and jumped into my mane, hiding.

"Keep me scarce kid, I don't wanna end up like that!" He yelped. Spike and I stood beside each other in fear as they finished with our friends and approached us.

"Nice meeting you fellas." Auntie Ivory lookalike said. "Too bad you went to pieces on us." She chuckled, kicking a pile of straw.

"Take the filly." Auntie Sunny Side lookalike said. "And the dragon too, he'll make a divine leather cape for the Great and Powerful one." He exchanged worried looks, before we knew it we were both sitting in a dark and dingy cell in the Witch's castle. Mr. Stuffly climbed out of my mane and landed on the floor, he sighed to himself as he somberly picked up a harmonica and began to play.

"Well... this wasn't part of the plan." Spike remarked.

"Tell me about it." I nodded. Suddenly, a door swung open and a unicorn mare walked in. It didn't take a genius to know who Great and Powerful was meant to describe, so this wasn't quite a surprise.

"Well well well well well... well." The Witch grinned. "That's six wells, do you know why the Great and Powerful Witch of the West used six wells?" She asked me.

"Because you're an over-the-top psychopath?" Mr. Stuffly asked, arching his brow.

"NO!" She bellowed. "Because six is double three, and I'm double the threat you anticipated!"

"We never anticipated a threat, double nothing is still nothing." Mr. Stuffly shot back.

"Shut up you insolent bear!" She growled. "Guards! Take the bear and the filly to my throne room! The dragon shall be left here to be... prepared." She chuckled. Two guards grabbed me and Mr. Stuffly and drug me off. I looked back at Spike as the door slammed shut. I was tossed down on the floor of the throne room and strapped down.

"Comfortable?" The Witch asked.

"No." I shook my head.

"Good, this will be over momentarily." She grinned, grabbing for the shoe. As she laid her hoof on it, she was fired back with a electric shock, she winced and yelped in pain, tanding back to her hooves. She growled a little walking back over. "Okay, take two." She snarled. But the same thing happened. "Okay, that's it!" She growled. "I'll just have to take them the hard way!" She exclaimed.

"What's the hard way?" Mr. Stuffly asked.

"Let's just say I get my horseshoes and the school system gets another glue-stick." She grinned as she pulled a lever, revealing a large saw which began whirring and descending from the ceiling. Meanwhile, the guards tormented Spike in his cell, prodding him with a stick.

"Hey! C'mon, quit it!" He pleaded with them.

"Or what? What are you gonna do, little dragon?" Sunny lookalike laughed.

"You'll be a lot less mouthy as a hoofbag." Ivory lookalike remarked.

"Ayup." Big Mac lookalike grinned.

"Wait! Come on!" Spike pleaded. "You shouldn't make me a hoofbag!" He pleaded.

"Why not?" Ivory lookalike asked.

"Because..." He thought. "Because I would look _so_ bad as a a hoofbag... my talents would lie... more as a a hoofrug. Or... maybe a leather throw pillow!"

"He's right." A mare stepped forward, an Auntie Rarity lookalike. "His hide would look _so_ much better as a couch decoration. Definitely not attire."

"She get's it!" Spike hollered. "Now... do you really need to kill me?"

"Witch's orders." Ivory lookalike explained.

"Okay... say the Witch didn't want me skinned and killed, all that jazz." Spike said. "Would you kill me?"

"Who knows?" Sunny Side lookalike shrugged.

"Maybe, maybe not." Ivory lookalike said. "But the point it moot, the Witch wants you dead, so it's what we've got to do."

"Ah, your her henchponies then?" Spike asked, making conversation.

"Guess you could say that." Sunny lookalike stated. "It's not all bad."

"Sure!" Ivory lookalike nodded. "We've um... We've got..."

"Nothing?" Spike asked.

"We don't even have a dental plan!" Rarity lookalike sobbed suddenly.

"You don't even have dental..." Spike remarked. "How sad."

"It's... not fun." Sunny lookalike admitted. "I've got a niece who I look after who needs braces, how am I gonna pay for them?"

"Have you tried seeking out other employment opportunities?" Spike asked.

"In this economy? Puh-lease." Rarity lookalike sighed.

"Point taken." Spike nodded. "Well..." He stopped. "Forget it..."

"What?" Ivory lookalike asked.

"Well, we were on our way to Jade City, maybe there's jobs there." Spike suggested. "Sugar Plum would gladly take you... as long as you get me out of here." They all exchanged looks, Big Mac lookalike stepped forward, the key ring in his hoof. He unlocked the cage and the door opened.

"Thanks." He smiled at Spike.

"No, thank you." Spike replied. "Now come on! Let's get Sugar Plum!" He said. Meanwhile, the saw kept falling. My eyes had welled up with tears, this was it. I was going to die! And I never even got to see mommy and daddy again. At least daddy was kind of here, even though he wasn't really. Though Mr. Stuffly wasn't all that much emotional support.

"WHY DO I HAVE TO DIE!?" He wailed. "I DON'T HAVE THE SHOES!" He cried out as the saws descended.

"Oh quiet!" The Witch hollered as she watched the saws fall. Suddenly, the doors swung open and Spike led her gang of "flying monkeys" in.

"Unhand the filly!" Ivory look alike growled.

"WHAT!?" The Witch hollered. "What right have you to order me?"

"A little thing called 'Employee's Rights and Welfare', that's what!" Sunny lookalike replied.

"We quit!" Big Mac lookalike nodded.

"That's awesome!" Mr. Stuffly remarked. "NOW GET US OUT OF HERE!" He exclaimed.

"Oh, right." Ivory lookalike nodded, flipping the switch, stopping the saws, Big Mac lookalike helped us out of our binds and helped us up. We stood up and faced the witch, it was now all of us versus one of her.

"Stay back!" The Witch growled. "You may have the shoes, but I have my magic!" She growled.

"Yeah, well you weren't betting on us having this..." Mr. Stuffly said, stepping forward, reaching his par into a sewn pocket on his stomach. "Pocket sand!" He exclaimed, throwing a handful of sand into the Witches eyes.

"Ow!" The Witch exclaimed. "That _really_ hurts!" She hollered, stumbling around blindly, tripping on one of the broomsticks and falling into her bubbling cauldron, wailing in pain as the water boiled her.

"Don't look kid." Ivory lookalike covered my eyes as she wailed in pain and agony, when the wailing was gone, we all stood and exchanged glances.

"Well, we're officially free." Sunny lookalike remarked.

"Now what?" Ivory lookalike asked.

"Now, we've got friends to put back together!" I exclaimed. Meanwhile, our friends laid there on the path, pieces scattered everywhere, Scarecrow's head opened his eyes and looked around.

"Hey, Tin Stallion, you there?" The head asked.

"Yeah." Tin Stallion nodded.

"Do you believe in alternate universes? Like where maybe we're longtime best friends? Both ponies?" Scarecrow's head asked.

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard." Tin Stallion's head said bluntly. Just then, we landed on there off of the broomsticks and walked up to them.

"Sugar Plum!" Scarecrow remarked. "Good to see you, can you lend me a hoof? Or two? Three?"

"Don't worry." I smiled. "Fellas?" I looked to the others, who in moments had them back together. Tin Stallion arched his joints bitterly, his joints squeaking slightly as he did.

"Little tighter than it should be." He remarked. "You left a piece out!"

"You can ask the Magician for it, let's go!" I exclaimed.

Once we arrived, we walked through the gates of the city and to the tower in the center of the city, the city glistened in a green gem, the sun shone though the crystals, it was certainly a spectacle! Once we arrived the the tower, we knocked loudly on the door and it opened. We walked in to see a pony behind the desk, specifically a pony who looked just like Auntie Maud.

"Hello. Welcome to Jade City." She said flatly. "Unfortunately, the wizard in unavailable right now, you may return during visiting hours, from 8:30 AM to 5:30 PM, Mondays through Fridays."

"No way!" Tin Stallion shook his head. "You have no idea what we've just gone through, we're seeing that Magician!" He exclaimed. "C'mon!" He led the lot of us past the desk and through the doors behind it to see the Magician, when the doors opened, we were all surprised, the room was... blank. Nothing! No furniture, no lights, just wood panels and walls.

" ** _WHO DARES ENTER THE MAGICIAN'S CHAMBERS!?_** " A voice bellowed.

"Sugar Plum..." I said. "where are you?"

"I am invisible!" The voice echoed. "I am not seeing wishers now, come back later!"

"No way pal." Tin stallion shook his head.

"Yeah! You're granting our wishes!" Scarecrow nodded. A window screen rolled down in the wall and an orange coated stallion looked out at us. He looked just like Auntie Starlight's friend Starburst!

"Look, guys. You've got to go." He said.

"Who are you, goat beard?" Sunny lookalike asked. He sighed and hung his head.

"The Magician..." He sighed.

"WHAT!?" We all exclaimed.

"I... I can explain." He said, the screen rolled up and a door opened, he then walked out. "I'm not really a wizard, I'm a simple spellcaster, I can't grant wishes... But... they thought that I could! So who was I to disappoint?"

"Who are you to disappoint?" Mr. Stuffly asked. "Just what are you doing right now?"

"You lied to ponies? Built yourself up like that on lies?" I asked. "You're a bad pony."

"No." He shook his head. "I'm not a bad pony, just a bad magician." He explained. "I feel terrible."

"As you should." Tin Stallion said.

"Look, maybe it's not too late. Just... tell me what you want... I'll see what I can do." He sighed. We told him what we all wanted and he stroked his beard in thought. "I'll... do what I can." He nodded. "Just give me a couple hours."

"Fine." Spike said.

A couple of hours later we were summoned back into the chambers Where we were welcomed by him. He had gathered an audience of ponies and markchkins to come and watch our wishes granted.

"Welcome all!" He called out. "Today, for the first time, I will be making these folks wishes granted to a public audience for all to see!" He exclaimed, getting applause from all. "First, a dragon!" He welcomed Spike up. "For you, who needed to grow a pear, I present to you this packet of pear seeds, you will find courage from these." Spike took the package and looked at it.

"I really thought these would seem more elusive." He admitted.

"Yes yes, next up we grant the wish of the Tin Stallion!" The Magician announced. Tin Stallion walked up, grinning in anticipation. "For the Tin Stallion who just wanted a heart, I present to you... your heart!" He said, grabbing a cartoony heart shaped magnet and sticking it to his chest.

"Maybe this is working, or maybe the magnet is messing with my wiring... either way, I feel different." He remarked.

"You're welcome, my metallic friend." He said as Tin Stallion was ushered off the stage. "Now, for the Scarecrow."

"Alrighty! Load me up, ready for a brain here!" Scarecrow said as he removed his head from his body.

"That won't be necessary..." The Magician said. "Instead, for the wannabe comedian who couldn't think of material, I give to you this." He said, giving him a book.

"Lester Chuckle's rhyming dictionary and joke book?" Scarecrow asked, reading the title.

"Precisely!" The Magician nodded. "And finally, Sugar Plum." He welcomed me up. I walked up on stage and stood beside him. "The little filly who just wants to go home... I have... some bad news."

"What?" I asked.

"I cannot send you home." He said. "I'm sorry." I welled up with tears, I was never going to get home! I sighed as I went to leave, when a voice called for me. It was Twilda!

"Wait a minute!" She said. "I know how to get you home."

"How?" I asked.

"It's easy, just click the heels on the horseshoes and say 'Just get me home', like that!" She explained.

"Could I have done that this whole time?" I asked.

"Yes." She nodded. "But then you wouldn't have ever helped these three." She motioned to the friends I had made.

"It's time to go home." Tin Stallion said.

"Your folks probably miss you." Spike said.

"We're gonna miss you." Scarecrow nodded. I smiled as I went over and hugged them all. I was going to miss them too, luckily in a way I knew they'd be around at home.

"I'm ready." I said. "Mr. Stuffly, when we go back, you know you'll be just a normal teddy bear again, right?" He chuckled and nodded.

"I know, don't worry, I was used to it before." He said. "Let's go home."

"Just get me home." I said as I clicked the heels of my shoes, and like that the world around me vanished.

* * *

"Sugar Plum... Sugar Plum... SUGAR PLUM!" A voice yelled out as I opened my eyes, when I opened them I was in my bed, and mommy and daddy were looking down at me. I beamed and hugged them both.

"I'm back! I'm really back!" I exclamed.

"Yes, you're back. Where did you go?" Daddy asked, confused why I was so happy.

"A twister picked up the house! When I woke up I was in a strange land! With Markchkins and a scarecrow and witches!" I exclaimed.

"No..." daddy shook his head. "You fell and bumped your head looking for Mr. Stuffly, when we came back you were lying on the floor."

"What?" I asked.

"Yeah!" Mommy nodded. "The storm passed not long after you ran off."

"So... it was all a dream?" I asked.

"Yep." Daddy nodded.

"Oh." I said, "I guess that makes sense."

"Now, who wants to put a snapping turtle in Mr. Jovihooves' mailbox?" Daddy asked.

"I do!" I exclaimed, and so the three of us walked off, unbeknownst to us, Mr. Stuffly chuckled, now alone and winked.


	56. Chapter 56: Auntie Skystar

**Author's note:** House guest, or house pest? This week on Equestria's New Comedian, Chuck deals with a pesky house guest, his oblivious wife, and his daughter who is emotionally more mature than he is.

* * *

Chapter 56: Auntie Skystar

It's a beautiful summer morning, the sun was shining, the birds were singing, and most importantly, the Chuck was sleeping. One of those things however was about to come to a close. And it wasn't the sun shining or the birds singing. I was sleeping peacefully, actually having a good dream for once. When suddenly, like an alarm clock that could scream Pinkie came running in, squealing excitedly. She hopped up on the bed and jumped up and down excitedly.

"AYIIIIIEEEE!" She squealed. "Chuckie! Wake up! Wake up!" She said, shaking me awake.

"Hon... you should take it easy on the jumping and the yelling... for the foal's sake..." I yawned as I opened my eyes. "You seem happier than normal, and that's saying something." I remarked as I sat up.

"You'd be happier than normal too if you just got a letter from your BSPHFF saying that she was coming over to visit!" She squealed excitedly.

"BSP... what?" I asked.

"Best Sea Pony Hippogriff Friend Forever!" She explained. "You know! Princess Skystar!"

"She's coming over?" I asked.

"Yeah!" She nodded. "She's really excited to meet you and Sugar Plum! Well, she's _seen_ you before but you've never actually gotten to know each other!" She exclaimed. "And get this, she's staying for a week! An entire week!"

"This is kind of a lot to wake up to." I admitted.

"I had a feeling you'd say that!" She put a hoof over my mouth. "And that's why I've got you this!" She gave me a large mug of coffee. "So now you can wake up completely and realize that you're really excited!" She was right, I was normally more open to an idea when I had coffee in me.

"So, when is Skystar supposed to be here?" I asked.

"Well, the letter says tomorrow morning!" Pinkie said.

"Good, that gives me time to get the spare room ready, make any accommodations that a Hippogriff may want an-" Pinkie then cut me off.

"Buuut it's been in the mailbox since yesterday, so any minute now!" Pinkie finished.

"Oh, okay, any minute now." I nodded. I then felt a surge go through my brain. "ANY MINUTE NOW!?" I exclaimed.

"Whoopsie!" She giggled. "I'd better go wake Sugar Plum!" She ran off. I sighed and held my tired face in my hooves. You just get more tired from here Chuckie. I threw my hat on my head and tied my bow tie, trudged downstairs and started making breakfast. I was happy that we were going to be hosting company, don't get me wrong, but actual notice would have been nice.

"Whoopsie indeed." I mumbled as I ate a bowl of cereal, quick breakfast for somepony who needed to get his house ready for promptly arriving company. As I looked deppresively down at my cereal, Sugar Plum joined me at the table. "Good morning sweetheart." I smiled at her.

"Good morning daddy." She said as she poured her cereal in her bowl.

"I trust mommy told you the news?" I asked her.

"Mhm." She nodded as she had. "Why do you and mom have so many brothers and sisters?"

"What? I don't follow." I said.

"It just feels like everyone we meet is Uncle this or Auntie that." She remarked.

"Oh, well, that's really just because we're friends with them." I explain. "Your real aunts are Maud, Limestone, and Marble. Everyone else is just a friend of ours that is close enough that they feel like family."

"Oh..." She nodded. "So is Auntie Skystar your friend or mommy's?" She asked.

"Mommy's." I said. "I'm pretty much in the same boat as you are in regards to meeting her." I explained. "Fun little new experience for both of us!"

"Do you think she'll like you?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Maybe, I don't know. I like to imagine I'm a pretty likable fella." I shrugged. "Did you like me when you first saw me?"

"I thought you looked kind of silly wearing the bow tie without a suit." She admitted. "That made me laugh."

"Well, laughter's good." I chuckled. "I'm sure Skystar will like you, mommy describes her as 'on the same wavelink as her', and mommy likes everypony."

"Is that why mommy liked you? Because she likes everypony?" Sugar Plum asked.

"I'm going to assume you are too innocent to understand how rude that sounded and I'm going to let that slide." I said. "Well, maybe I'll be able to clean this place up a little before-" suddenly there was a loud knock on the door.

"Hey Pinkie Pie! Is this your house? I'm at the address that you wrote to me!" A voice yelled from outside. I had a feeling that was our guest. Using my hoof I did a quick sign of the cross, as I normally do when I go into a new situation, and I opened the door.

"Hello, welcome to Ponyville, I'm Pinkie's husband, Chu-" before I could continue I was entrapped in a rib crushing hug from our Hippogriff guest.

"O. M. GOODNESS!" She remarked. "You're her little Chuckie! It's so good to finally put a face to the name, well, I mean, I've _seen_ you before because I was at your wedding but I could only stay for the ceremony, that and I saw you not too long ago when we all saved Equestria from the Storm King! Remember that?" She asked me.

"Yeah." I said, gasping for air. "You must be Princess Skystar."

"In the fur!" She giggled. "She told me you say that sometimes, now, aren't you gonna let me in?"

"Of course." I remarked. "How rude of me."

"I'll let it slide." She giggled. "Wow! Nice house!" She remarked. "Well, I don't know if it's nice or not, I don't know much about pony architecture."

"It's a pretty good house I guess." I nodded. "Thanks."

"How much did that set you back huh?" She asked. "Oh! Sorry! That was so rude of me."

"I'll let it slide." I repeated her words. "Welcome to our home, please make yourself comfortable. The guest room is almost ready, sorry it couldn't be earlier but I got word of your arrival exactly twenty seven minutes ago now... and you're not listening to a word I'm saying." I remarked, seeing her ensnaring Sugar Plum in another hug.

"You. Are. SO ADORABLE!" Skystar remarked as she hugged her. "You are literally the cutest little filly I have ever seen!"

"Th-Thanks." Sugar Plum said shyly as she squeezed her. "I'm Sugar Plum."

"I know that, silly!" She giggled. "Your mother told me you were cute, but she _never_ told me that you were this cute!" Okay, this shouldn't be too bad. She seems really nice. I can definitely see why she and Pinkie get along so well.

"Hey Cutie Pie! Skystar is here!" I called upstairs to her.

"Yay!" I could hear her squeal before running downstairs and hugging Skystar, who hugged back with an equally tight hug.

"It has been forever! I'm so happy to see you!" Skystar beamed. "You're hubby was just welcoming me in! He's seems tightly wound, it's kind of cute!"

"Yeah, he's cute when he gets like that." Pinkie giggled. "You've already met Chuckie, and our little angel Sugar Plum, and of course there's one more member of the family you haven't met yet!"

"Of course! You're little foal to be! I was so excited to hear you had a little bun in the oven, or should I say, _pie_ in the oven." Skystar laughed, I chuckled a little, that was admittedly clever. But I am not tightly wound!

"We're excited." I nodded.

"Now, where's the guest room? I need to set my stuff down." Skystar said.

"Chuckie! You didn't tell her where the guest room was?" Pinkie asked me. I did, but she wasn't listening. I sighed a little through my nostrils and my eyelids drooped to about half mast.

"How rude of me." I said dryly. "Right this way." I led her up the stairs of the house. "Your room's right here, like I said earlier, it's still a bit messy since I didn't have time to get it ready." I explained as I opened the door.

"You never told me that." She said, setting her luggage down.

"Sure." I nodded, turning around. "If you're hungry just ring for me."

"Ohh, you're Pinkie's butler! That's how you two met!" She remarked, clearly not understanding my sarcasm.

"That's right." I nodded as I went down the hallway, opened my door, and went back to bed. Hoping this was a mere dream and our real house guest would be much more... oh I don't know, polite? When I opened my eyes, I was looking into the spectacle adorned eyes of Sugar Plum.

"How long was I out?" I asked.

"You weren't out." She said. "I followed you in here."

"Why?" I asked, sitting up. "You've got an auntie to visit."

"I know, you just don't seem happy, I wanted to know what was wrong." She said.

"How sweet of you." I smiled, tussling her mane. "Look, I'll confide this in you. Daddy loves mommy a lot, more than you can imagine, but, when her friend, who acts like her but with a complete disregard for everything I say and stand for, comes over, it's hard on daddy's blood pressure."

"Are you going to have a heart attack?" She asked.

"I'm twenty two years old." I said flatly. "I'm not going to have a heart attack."

"Good, I wouldn't want to lose my daddy." She said, climbing up on the bed and hugging me. Shiva H. Vishnu, I have the sweetest daughter ever, what did I ever do to deserve her

"Thanks..." I chuckled a little, trying not to make it obvious that I was about to cry just from her saying that. "Just remember how much you like me when your a moody teen who wants nothing to do with her mom and dad."

"That'll never happen." She said as I got up out of the bed.

"Oh it will." I said reassuringly. "It will." I led her out of the room. "Come on, let's go see what mommy and Skystar are up to. But first, name daddy's hero."

"Ron Swanson?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Correct." I nodded approvingly. That was the last moment for the next couple days I would feel happy.

Two days later, I woke before the sun rose to the sound of a squealing alarm. I grumbled a few of my favorite swear words, the ones that people get all butthurt about in North America but are just common language in the United Kingdom, you know the ones. Anyway, I grumbled those as I got out of bed. Pinkie was already up, go figure. I walked downstairs only to see Pinkie and Skystar squealing loudly watching... my poor sweet daughter be paraded around in dresses. Like a fashion show, except at five in the morning.

"Excuse me, what's going on here?" I asked.

"Did you know your daughter is a sleep walker?" Skystar asked. "She's a really heavy sleeper too! So now we're having a fashion show with her while she's asleep!"

"She's really cute! She thinks she's in a fantasy world!" Pinkie nodded.

"I have to get my winter tires removed from my Trans Am..." Sugar Plum snored. She owns a Trans Am in her dreams? I just own a Volkswagen.

"You're being awfully loud, do you know what time it is?" I asked.

"Ten?" Skystar asked.

"Subtract five hours from that and you're right." I said flatly. "Guess I'm up." I grumbled as I went over ti the kitchen and started getting coffee ready.

"Do you have decaf?" Skystar asked. "I only drink decaf."

"No." I shook my head. "But I guess I can run to the store and get some." I shrugged. I grabbed my hat and went out the door, accidentally-on-purposely slamming it, waking up Sugar Plum.

"What am I doing in a dress?" She asked, feeling confused. I exhaled through my nostrils frustratedly as I walked down the walkway and onto the street. Just to my annoyance, my neighbor Jovihooves was already up and cutting his lawn.

"Well if it isn't the pallion stallion himself!" Jovihooves chuckled. "How fares my neighborino today?"

"Listen, Jonty, I'm gonna word this in a way you'll understand." I arched my brow. "Get-o. Bent-o."

"What's got you glum, chum?" He asked.

"Nunya." I replied.

"Beg yer pardon?" He asked.

"Nunya business." I said impatiently. "Look, I've gotta get a thing of decaf coffee for my annoyingly jovial friend-of-my-wife." I explained.

"She's a decafinator too huh?" Jonty chuckled. "So is Mrs. Jovihooves, 'course I can't stand either myself, I'm more of a tea kinda stallion."

" _If you prefer tea to coffee it surprises me there isn't another Mr. Jovihooves_." I thought to myself before chuckling. "That's interesting Jonty." I remarked.

"Say, what do you say I save you the run? I think I've got a spare can of decaf grinds in the pantry, want it?" He asked.

"Really?" I asked. "Sure, thanks." I nodded with a smile.

"Oh it's no problem!" He chuckled before going inside and getting the can, coming back out with it moments later. "Here you go neighborino!" He said, tossing it to me, I caught it and looked at the label. Yep, decaf.

"Thanks Jovihooves." I nodded. "If you need anything from me... talk to me on a good day."

"Will do! See y'around town!" He chuckled. I saluted him with a hoof and turned back for home, maybe this wasn't going to be as bad a day as I thought. Boy would I eat those words. Somehow, in the mere no more than two minutes I was outside the house had quickly become a mess! I rubbed my eyes to make sure that I was seeing everything right, and I was. Behind the couch, not on it's back, was Skystar and Pinkie, cowering in fear.

"What the hell just happened?" I asked.

"I saw a spider." Pinkie said.

"You see spiders all the time." I said flatly. "You have never done this."

"Well the mess is more me." Skystar explained. "I've never actually _seen_ one before, so it really freaked me out."

"Uh huh." I nodded as I grabbed a broom. "Well I've never _seen_ one of my vital organs, but I'm sure if one was ripped out of me and shown to me I wouldn't react like that." I muttered. "In fact, I'd welcome it." And that's how the day went, I cleaned up a mess, it was back moments later! I felt like the butler in a way. The worst part of course was that Pinkie was encouraging this. I knew if I had to deal with it any longer I'd snap.

I decided I needed some air, I never thought I'd go to work to give myself that air however, I knew Pinkie wouldn't set hoof here thanks to her pregnancy, and Skystar was for more interested in making a mess of my home. But here, here was where I could still have my tranquility.

"Unless said tranquility is ruined by a certain somebody," a voice said above me. "Guess who?"

"Right on cue..." I muttered to myself. "Hi. Welcome to Chuck's, how can I help you?" I said in the driest, least patient voice possible, which coincidentally was just my natural voice.

"The usual please," TD answered as he descended to the floor in pony form. He then gave me a cheeky smile. "So, when's the wedding for the new couple?"

"Considering they were reluctant to even tell that they were together, I wouldn't be surprised if they just eloped." I said pouring the drink. "Here you go."

"Thanks," TD replied. He gulped down the soda I had given him, then looked to me. "You don't sound at all surprised that I know about that, even though I've been gone for at least a month."

"I stopped getting surprised months ago." I said flatly as I sipped a drink I had poured myself. "Okay Mr. All-Seeing-Eye, tell me why my mood is so poor." I challenged him.

He frowned at me. "You know that doesn't work here, thanks to your author, right?"

"How will life go on?" I mumbled with a slight eye-roll.

"Stop," TD said to me, a little harshly maybe, but he meant well, probably, maybe. Honestly, no telling really. "Just tell me what's bugging ya. I'm all ears. No literally, though. That's a bad idea in the making."

"I don't know, it's just, maybe I'm being selfish in saying this, but I've got a certain house guest that is driving me up the wall." I explained. "I'll clean up a mess, what do I see ten minutes later? The same mess! And of course Pinkie has less energy thanks to the pregnancy, which means I've really just been a glorified nanny all week. And of course you can't just say that to them, because that would be rude or whatever. And so, I come here, to listen to my jazz records and calm down." I explained.

"Aha," TD nodded, "And that guest wouldn't happen to be a hippogriff by the name Skystar, would she?" He gave me a very cheeky smile then, and it was unclear if he was antagonizing me or if that was just how he behaved.

"I'm really not in the mood to be patronized." I said flatly. "But yes. You're correct."

"Huh! Wish I had watched the movie beforehand," TD stated, "All I get is YouTube clips, and that's only bits and pieces here and there."

"And I wish I wasn't born with a heart abnormality." I arched my brow. "We can't always get what we want."

"You have a what?" TD asked, looking concerned now.

"It's not major enough to be a concern, it just means I'm not a great runner." I explained.

"Ah, I see," TD said, "I have asthma, so I guess we're in the same boat there. The only real difference being that I can't run as far."

"That's gotta be a pain in the ass-thma." I quipped. "Come on, it's funny."

"I've heard funnier ones," TD remarked, "Plus, I'm not one for swearing, in case it wasn't already obvious."

"Well you thought that wasn't funny? Because butt-thma would be even less." I rolled my eyes, not really willing to hide my lack of patience with my surroundings as a whole any longer.

TD noticed this and sighed. "Hey, I'm sorry. I forget that sometimes life tends to be a jerk to you. But look on the bright side. At least nothing serious is happening yet. Plus, your Changeling self back in my Equestria says that things are gonna get better. All you need to do is push on through."

"Gee, thanks." I said flatly. "Look, I'm not angry with anyone here, but I am frustrated with how this week has gone."

"And you want me to do something about it?" TD asked.

"Let me take a look at where that came up in this conversation... hmm.." I said sarcastically. "No I don't believe that came up. The situation doesn't need to be handled, I can handle the rest of the week. Thanks though."

"Any time," TD said. A crash was heard from the other side of the tavern and TD groaned. Whatever had happened, he seemed to already know.

"Oh for the love of- Why does the karaoke machine ALWAYS get broken in this place, regardless of the universe I'm in?!" he demanded. His horn glowed, and in a flash of light the object in question was fixed. He sighed and looked to me.

"Permission to booby trap the karaoke machine?" he asked.

"Absolutely not." I shook my head. "I have too many antics to deal with this week already. Come back next time my blood pressure is at a normal level."

"I mean if they break it again," TD stated, "It won't activate unless they try that."

"I keep my receipts and the warranty is exquisite, so when you think about it, I'm saving you the trouble." I explained.

"Ah," TD nodded, though he didn't seem to understand completely. "I'm still gonna do something about it. Maybe that fiery snake with the German accent. That was hilarious at my wedding, and I even managed to catch it on camera!"

As he said this, a video screen appeared out of nowhere beside him and he gestured to it. On the screen, I could see one of Thorax's Changelings being chased by a snake made of fire, snapping at its heels. After a moment, it stopped and said (in a German accent), "Please no horseplay on ze seats! No offense to all you horse-like creatures! Guten tag!" The video screen then disappeared, while TD simply laughed.

"I can feel the pumps in my heart twisting, my mother always said I'd have a heart attack before my thirties, I never knew this is what she meant." I remarked.

"If you have a heart-attack, just have one of the girls or maybe one of your staff come find me," TD said bluntly, pulling out some defibrillators. He rubbed them together just for emphasis.

"I'd also be okay with the logic of what heart attacks were meant to do to you, what's the word? Oh yeah. Kill you." I said, finding the right word, I wiped the counter whistling my favorite gospel hymn, _I'll Fly Away_ in a jovial tempo.

TD glared at me. "Wow, so glad you care about how long you live. Either way, I'm gonna save your life. And no amount of complaints will get me to kill you again. Well... unless it involves several bowls of popcorn."

"I don't need your help, I have my diet to lay me down." I remarked.

"Geez, could you lighten up a little?" Ivory remarked, listening in on the conversation.

"Oh, hi Ivory!" TD called, "By the way, congrats. I know all about the relationship. Don't ask how, cause you wouldn't understand." He then looked serious. "No literally, the last person I did that with almost died because his brain just overloaded or something."

"Maybe I'll try and understand." I mumbled to myself.

"Gee, wonderful." Ivory mumbled as she began to play.

"Oh come on," TD said to her, "I said I was sorry about that one episode. By the way, what song are you playing? It sounds nice."

"I have no idea." She said. "Chuck's dad keeps sending him sheet music to these songs from his old world."

"That beauty is _Heat of the Moment_ , by the classic rock band Asia. Surprisingly it sounds great on piano." I explained.

"Well considering that Ivory could rival Beethoven and Mozart, it's not too surprising," TD said. "Honestly, how has she not gotten a standing... oh, what do you call those?"

"Ovation?" Ivory asked. "Too be fair, when you're a four legged creature, standing on your hind legs and clapping is very hard."

"Eh, you got me there," TD admitted, "But still, you deserve one. In fact..."

Suddenly, the room was full of Genie-like figures, all standing and giving her a round of applause. TD then made them disappear before they could cause any further chaos.

"Because the last thing Chuckie needs is a trashed tavern as well," he said aloud.

"Thanks." I nodded.

"No problem," TD answered with a smile. "That's what friends do. On that note... Need any help back home? I could help with the cleanup. And maybe even help deal with the hippogriff. Not in a bad way, of course."

"That's quite alright, thanks though, one gets children so housework no longer becomes their problem." I explained.

"If you say so," TD stated, "But if you really want to solve the problem, I guess start by addressing it in person. Maybe talk with- what'd you call her? Skystar?- talk with her about the problem and work it out together." He then blinked as if just realizing what he had said. "I swear, Twilight has placed too much of an impression on me. Now I'm starting to sound like her."

"I'll keep that in mind." I nodded.

"Well, I'm not sure how much longer the author wants me to be around, so... I guess see ya in the next scene I get," TD finished. He then quickly added teasingly in Ivory's direction. "When the wedding comes around, I expect an invitation!" With that, TD disappeared on a wave of water that appeared out of nowhere and washed him away, yet somehow didn't destroy the tavern in the process.

"Is he aware Cheese and I have only been a couple for a month and a half?" Ivory asked me.

"Maybe, I don't know. I find it best not to even ask questions anymore." I admitted, drinking my third whiskey since my conversation with TD started. "With friends like these..." I mumbled to myself.

"So, are you just going to hide here until your wife's friend leaves?" Ivory asked.

"That's the plan." I nodded.

"Chuck, look. I love you, as a friend obviously, but you're acting pathetic." Ivory said bluntly. "I have to deal with ponies I don't like on the daily. In fact I don't really care for some ponies very close to other ponies I care greatly about. I don't hide and pout, I grin and bear it." She explained. "Get it?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "I guess I am being a bit of a baby." I admitted. "Wait, who is it that you don't like."

"That's not really important." She dismissed my question. "Now go, grin and bear it."

"Thanks for the advice." I said. "You're like the mother I never had."

"Never say that again." She squinted her eyes.

"Okay Ma." I nodded as I shut the door. As soon as I left, the broom closet swung open and Cheese fell out onto his face.

"He knows about us, you know that right?" Ivory asked him.

"Yeah, but I told him I was busy when he asked me to go to some play with him. I couldn't let him see me here." He explained.

Meanwhile, back at home, I put on a brave face and exhaled to myself as I opened the door. Ready to pretend to be happy for the rest of the week and let the resentment I feel towards Pinkie for letting all of this slide just... fester or something until the day I snap and leap off a mountain top or something, but when I walked in... I was surprised. In a pleasant form for once this week. The house was... clean! I couldn't believe my eyes, I was sure I was just feeling the effects from the whiskey sours I had drank, so I thought.

"Oh, great, I must have taken the wrong medication this morning." I remarked dryly as I went and sat down on the couch.

"Think again!" Pinkie said as she and Skystar popped up, almost out of nowhere. I jerked up and looked at them.

"Are you _trying_ to give me a heart attack?" I asked. "What's going on?"

"Um... Mr. Mulroney," Skystar began.

"It's Murphy." I said. "Well, Murphy-Pie now, but regardless." I corrected.

"Well, I felt bad." Skystar said. "I know I haven't been the easiest house guest, and I know I made a lot of messes over the past couple of days, that you've had to clean up." She explained. "You were nice enough to let me stay with you, and I treated you like a butler. I'm sorry." I arched my brow and looked at her. A small smile curled up my cheek.

"All is forgiven. I mean, my bow tie does make me look like a butler." I joked. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks." She smiled. "I promise, for the rest of the week I won't get up as early."

"You can do that, just... please don't make my daughter partake in an unconscious fashion show." I pleaded.

"I won't." She giggled.

"Aww! Isn't that cute? You two are becoming the best of friends just like I thought you would!" Pinkie remarked. I rolled my eyes with a bit of a chuckle.

"Sure hon." I arched my brow. The rest of the week actually was kind of fun, I learned to loosen up a bit, they tightened up a bit, perfectly even. By the end of the week, I was actually a little sad to see her go. We walked her to the train station and I helped her with her baggage. Fulfilling my butler duties yet one more time.

"See ya Pinkie!" Skystar said. "I was so nice seeing you again! Let's do this again soon!"

"Yeah!" Pinkie nodded.

"So long Sugar Plum!" Skystar smiled. "Hopefully I'll be back before you're too grown up."

"Bye Auntie Skystar!" Sugar Plum said sweetly.

"And Mr. MorkandMindy," Skystar began.

"That's not even trying." I arched my brow.

"I'm kidding. Thanks for being a patient host." She chuckled. "I'll see you soon."

"Not too soon I hope." I joked.

"We'll see." She laughed. "Goodbye Pies!" She said as she got onto her train. We waved her off as the train drove off and we walked back home soon after.

"Next time, I want three days notice on all house guests." I said to Pinkie as we walked home.


	57. Chapter 57: Sunny, Pinkie, and the Colt

**Author's note:** Remember Sunny Side? Here's a chapter where she's a starring role, finally answering some questions you may have about her questionable friendship with Chuck.

* * *

Chapter 57: Sunny, Pinkie, and the Colt

I hummed a little as I strolled into Sunny Side's diner for my lunch break, it definitely wasn't my favorite establishment in regards to the company, but the food was to die for. I sat down at the counter in the stool I normally sat at and picked up a menu.

"I was thinking about trying the casserole, but I heard somepony got food poisoning from that." I smirked to Sunny Side.

"I know that was you." She replied. "Well, I don't know, but I'm pretty sure it was you who said that."

"Now why would I do that?" I asked. "Four cheese grilled cheese please, extra fries and hold the ice in my root beer."

"So healthy, it's a wonder your heart hasn't spontaneously combusted yet." Sunny remarked as she wrote my order.

"When it does you'll lose your best customer." I stated. "Speaking of customers..." I looked around to see I was the only one there. "Yeesh. Nice lunch rush."

"Shut up." She replied from the kitchen window. Moments later she walked out with my meal. "Here you go, eat up you tomato-red pig."

"Leaning more on the hurtful side of things with your remarks today huh?" I remarked.

"Was I?" She asked. "Oops." She said sarcastically. I mimicked her quietly before continuing my food. I gagged a little bit after I ate one of my fires, it was hardly cooked!

"Fries are a little bit rare today." I remarked.

"Oh darn." She said flatly, leafing through a magazine. This was odd, Sunny was always kind of rude to me, but this wasn't average everyday rudeness. This was... advanced rudeness.

"Is something wrong?" I asked her.

"Now why would you waste the four brain cells you have worrying about whether something was wrong with me?" Sunny asked. Okay, ouch.

"Because you're my friend." I replied. "At least I'm pretty sure."

"I'm not your friend." She replied. "I'm your wife's friend." She seemed to say that with a tone of contempt.

"Okay, well, you could at least pretend to like me." I said.

"It's hard enough to do that when Pinkie's around and I have to pretend." Sunny replied. Okay, that was the last straw, I can handle playful digs, but this was rude.

"I'm sorry, do you have a problem with me?" I asked bluntly.

"What? Nooo." She said sarcastically. "I have a problem with your body odor, dental hygiene, the fact you're married to my best friend, your ideals, actually, come to think of it, yes! Yes I do have a problem with you." She spoke in a patronizing tone. Okay, enough was enough.

"Okay, that's it." I said sternly as I slammed my drink down. "I don't deserve this."

"Oh cute, he thinks he's people." Sunny rolled her eyes.

"No, seriously." I said. "I don't, you've been nothing but a complete bitch to me ever since you've met me and I have never done anything to you!"

"Boo hoo." She was completely ignoring me.

"Let me ask you something, really." I said. "Why do you hate me? What have I ever done to you?" I asked.

"Do you hate country western music?" Sunny asked.

"What?" I asked. "I mean, yes."

"Why?" She asked.

"What... I don't know! Quit distracting me!" I exclaimed.

"See? You don't need a reason to hate something." Sunny grinned.

"But I'm not some _THING_ , I'm some _ONE_." I rebuttaled. "You know what? I don't buy it. I don't buy the whole "Best friend giving the boyfriend a hard time" shtick. No no, you really have a problem with me. What is it Sunny Side? Huh? Is it because I'm an immigrant? Because that's xenophobic, is it because I've got a physical disability? Because that's ableist."

"Would you just shut up?" Sunny snapped. "You wanna know why I don't like you? Because you're pathetic! You expect everyone to take pity on you because your life sucked, you're a genuinely bad pony too."

"What?" I was taken aback. "What the hell does that mean?"

"Pinkie Pie is my oldest friend. I know her better than you will ever will!" Sunny exclaimed. "And I know for a fact that-"

"Ohh, that's what this is about!" I cut her off. "It's because you're threatened by me! You think because I came along, married your oldest friend, and now am happily raising a family with her that I'm _replacing_ you!" I laughed. "Get over yourself!"

"You..." She said, I could see real anger in her eyes. "I don't know what it is, but there's something. You don't love her. They don't ever. Once you get whatever it is you want you're just going to hurt her!" She yelled angrily at me. "I can tell. I can really tell."

"What. In the hell. Are you talking about?" I asked. "You don't like me because you think I don't love her? I wouldn't have married her if that was the case, you twit." I rolled my eyes. When I looked back at her she was looking me dead in the eyes. Breathing furiously through her nostrils like a bull.

I have never been slapped in the face harder in my life. That's all I'll say.

When I opened my eyes she was still glaring at me, panting slightly. "You're just like him. And you're gonna do what he did." She said angrily.

"What?" I asked. "Who?"

"The first cavalier, smirk wearing dick-face who broke my friend's heart." Sunny replied. "You don't seriously think you were her first."

"Wait, but she told me she was a vi-" I began.

"Her first coltfriend you putz!" She growled. "It doesn't surprise me that she hasn't told you. Not even her dad knows, only Pinkie and I know."

"Know what?" I asked.

"Know why I don't like you." Sunny replied. "Now get out of my diner." She said finally, going into the back. I sighed a little, that was a lot more than what I thought I was going to get just walking in for lunch. I sat there for a little while. I was taken aback. Sunny poked her head out from the kitchen window and glared at me.

"Did you not hear me?" She asked. "Leave."

"No." I shook my head, snapping out of it. "No, I want answers."

"Do you have haycon grease in your ears?" Sunny asked. "I don't wanna talk to you."

"No. Nuh uh." I shook my head. "I'm Pinkie Pie's husband, it's my right to know."

"I don't think you know how rights work." Sunny arched her brow. "Fine." She sighed. "It goes back to about seven years ago... Quartzcolt Valley Consolidated School."

* * *

What Sunny Just Said

I was the new student there, my folks had just moved there from Fillydelphia for a change of pace. I was a high school senior forced to change schools for the final stretch of school. Pretty stupid right? Anyhow, it's my first day there, and I suppose that to settle me in, they had a principal appointed welcomer. And guess who that was. I mumbled a little bit as I walked into the lobby, and there, almost out of nowhere, she was. Her curly pink mane was up in twin pigtail/bun shapes, and she wore the terrible uniform of the school. For mares it was a plaid red dress. Disgusting thing.

 **Pinkie:** _Sooooo  
You're parents came from Filly  
To have a change of pace!  
But don't look so glum silly!  
Put a smile on that face!  
Cause here in Quartzcolt Valley,  
Life can be super fun!  
Especially when you feel welcomed  
By me! Miss. Number One...  
perfectattendancerecordandvotedbestsmileelevenyearsinarow!_

 _Yeah!_

She concluded her little... whatever the hell it was with her muzzle pressed right up against mine, panting slightly from the high energy song she had just put on. I guess it was to make me feel welcomed, it really just made me feel confused.

"Well... thanks." I said, removing my face from hers and putting on my best attempt at a friendly smile. "Look, Candy Face, I've got my schedule, I should be able to find my way around just fine." I said simply before being grabbed tightly.

"Nope! Sorry! Principal's orders that I show you around and make you feel welcomed!" Pinkie said. "And Candy Face is a cute name, but you can call me Pinkie Pie, because that's my real name!" Pinkie said, leading me down the hall. "So your name is Sunny Side? Is it because you hace a cheery personality?"

"It's because I'm good at making eggs." I said flatly, showing her my cutie mark.

"The Barroness of Breakfast! Cool!" Pinkie remarked.

"I guess you could say that." I chuckled. She seemed nice, a little perky for my taste, but at least she was welcoming. After giving me a tour around the school she led me to my homeroom class. "Well, thanks for the tour. Guess I'll see you." I said, going to open the door before she put a hoof on the door and opened it for me.

"You sure will! We have homeroom together!" She giggled. Oh goody. The rest of the class went well, luckily in high school they move past the embarrassing 'step in front of the class and introduce yourself' junk.

"I'm sorry," A voice said, interrupting my story.

* * *

"What does all of this have to do with why you don't like me?" I asked Sunny Side, interrupting her story.

"I'm getting to that, but this moment, right now, has just been added to my list of reasons I don't like you." Sunny said bluntly.

* * *

Now the rest of the morning went pretty well, boring mostly. Until it came to lunch time, and like the other two hundred sweaty, awkward, acne ridden pony teenagers we went to the cafeteria and stood in line. Then came the tough part of it all... finding a place to eat. With my tray, I looked around, most tables were already full, and the ones that weren't I was receiving unwelcoming stares from, except one table.

"I saved you a seat!" Pinkie hollered from across the cafeteria, locking eyes with me and waving. I suppose it could be worse, I went over to her table and sat down, with her were two other ponies, one a mare who I would soon know to be her sister Maud, the other a stallion, Jacks Marbles. A collecting enthusiast with a similar smug, cavalier attitude I would come to hate about somepony else.

"Hi." Maud said to me. "My name is Maud. I'm Pinkie's sister. She's told me so much about you." She said with a flat tone, I looked at her with an odd expression and turned to Pinkie.

"She was so excited to meet you!" Pinkie exclaimed. "And this is Jacks Marbles!" She said, wrapping her front leg around the stallion's shoulders.

"Pinkie Pie's coltfriend." Maud explained.

"Hiya sweetheart." He said with a little grin and a smug brow arch. I already hated this prick.

"They were both super excited to meet you!" Pinkie grinned.

"I can tell." I said sarcastically. "So... why don't you tell me about yourselves?"

"You're the new one." Jacks looked at me. "Shouldn't you be the one telling us about yourself?" Yeah. I hated this guy. I looked at Pinkie for a moment, she liked this guy? She, an innocent, energetic, happy and giddy bundle of cotton candy liked this smirk donning jack-weed?

"Well, okay..." I said. "My name is Sunny Side, I'm from Fillydelphia, and-" aaaand Jacks Marbles was obnoxiously pretending to be asleep.

"Babe, wake me when she stops being boring?" Jacks said between fake snores.

"Prick." I muttered under my breath. The conversation continued from there, I kept silent mostly because I didn't really like the vibe from Jacks. I'll admit I was relieved when the bell to go back to class rung so I could finally leave. I chuckled a little so as to appear friendly and quickly said farewell. On my way to class I was stopped, I could only imagine who it was. "Look, Pinkie I'll talk to you-" I turned to see that it was not Pinkie, but her sister. "later..."

"Hey." Maud said to me.

"Um...hey." I said nervously.

"I couldn't help but notice you don't really like Jacks either." Maud remarked.

"Oh?" I asked. "How'd you tell?"

"Because of what you called him." Maud said. I _really_ though I was quiet in saying that. "You did say it quietly, I just have terrific hearing." She explained.

"Ah." I nodded. "Well, I mean, he's kind of a jerk from what I can tell." I admitted.

"He's like that all the time." Maud said. "I don't like him, and frankly I don't feel like he's good enough for Pinkie either."

"What does she see in him?" I asked.

"I'm not really sure. He was just the first colt to really pay her any mind, she fell for him, she fell hard." Maud said. "And that's what worries me."

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I'm her sister. It's what I do." Maud said. "Look, I know it's weird, but Pinkie also believes you're her new best friend. So, just try and be nice to her at least. I know at times she can be a bit much, but she's sweet." I smiled a little and nodded at her.

"I'll keep that in mind." I said. "I'll see you later Maud."

"Most likely." She nodded. She seemed nice, it was nice to see her so concerned for her sister, something that was admittedly rare back in Fillydelphia. Most siblings hated each other and a lot of families didn't really get along. I decided to take Maud's advice, I extended a hoof of friendship to her, and was able to bear it when her coltfriend was around and pretended I kind of liked him when he was around. Eventually I grew closer and closer to Pinkie, we became good friends, it was nice to have a friend for the rest of school, of course I didn't really think I'd see her much after the school year was over. I kept an eye on Jacks, I didn't know what it was, but something didn't seem right... and one day I found out just what it was.

I was on my way to home economics class when I heard his voice from the colt's room. Yes. I stoop down enough to eavesdrop on colt's room talk. Sue me. Anyway, I head him talking with his friends, and what felt wrong about him to me was finally confirmed.

"Dude, you've been seeing Maraschino Cherry?" One colt said. "She's the hottest filly in school!"

"How'd you manage that?" Another asked.

"Easy." Jacks said. "Maraschino loves sweets. And that... adorably naive and so very blind filly Pinkie makes sweets for me every day, they're delicious! Perfect to give the filly you _really_ want. I almost feel bad that's how easy a setup this is for me, and as long as she doesn't know, I'm getting with the hottest chick I've ever met!" That sick bastard. He was using her! I couldn't believe a word I had just heard, but it was all true. I ran to class, knowing I had that class with Pinkie. How was I going to tell her? It would break her heart! But I knew it was only right of me, as her friend, to tell her.

"Pinkie!" I exclaimed, running over to her desk.

"Oh, hi Sunny!" Pinkie smiled. "What's up?"

"Look, Pinkie." I said. "I've got something to tell you."

"What?" Pinkie asked. "Should I be sitting down? If so, good thing I already am!"

"Pinkie..." I began. "Jacks... is cheating on you."

"What?" Pinkie asked. "No he isn't!" She said, quick to defend him.

"Yes, he is." I said. "I heard him talking to his friends and-" She glared at me, I had never seen her... angry.

"You're just like Maud!" She exclaimed. "You hate him for no good reason at all! Why can't you just be happy for me? I thought we were friends!" She said angrily. "Well, like him or not, he and I are going to the Summer Festival Dance together, and guess what? We're gonna get married after that! And have... six trillion foals!" She said angrily, in hindsight it was kind of cute. She said nothing else, just pointed to my desk across the room. "Go sit at your desk." She simply said.

"Pinkie..." I said.

"Don't talk to me." She said. "Ex-friend." That hurt, I was telling her the truth! And for telling the truth... I just lost my friend.

Weeks passed, and Pinkie wouldn't talk to me. I felt terrible for her, and I felt angry when I saw her with Jacks, that colt was taking advantage of her and she was none the wiser! Soon came the night of the dance, I almost didn't go, luckily for Pinkie my mother forced me to go. I saw her there at the dance, I saw Jacks with her too, I watched them curiously. I watched as Jacks stepped out, making up some phony excuse. Of course, who did I also see step out at the same time as him? Maraschino. I decided I needed to approach Pinkie, it was now or never. I couldn't let her be lied to any longer. I went over to her, standing in the center of the dance floor alone, she looked at me and glared.

"What do you want?" She asked me.

"Come with me." I said with authority.

"Why should I?" Pinkie asked.

"Because I said so!" I exclaimed. I'll admit, my abrasive side was great with getting ponies to listen to me. She followed, reluctantly anyway. I opened the door to exit the town hall, I then followed two sets of hoof prints to the back of the town hall, I peaked behind the wall and saw just what I thought. Maraschino and that no good Jacks Marble. I sighed a little and looked at Pinkie, who had not looked behind the wall yet.

"What is it?" Pinkie asked.

"What I was trying to tell you." I stated. She looked behind the wall and gasped, a gasp audible enough to stop Jacks and Maraschino in their tracks. Jacks gulped and adjusted the tie on his collar, walking over.

"Pinkie! Hey..." He said, a grin on his face.

"Hey nothing!" Pinkie said, on the verge of tears. "What... what are you... I thought you... why..." He sighed and rubbed one of his temples with his hoof.

"Look, Pinkie... it's nothing personal, but... when we were younger I thought you were cute, but that doesn't really matter much anymore. I needed somepony who acted their age." Jacks explained.

"Oh yeah, cause it's real moral and mature to cheat." I arched my brow.

"Pinkie, you're a foal in a mare's body!" He said bluntly. "And guess what, dealing with that grows tiring. I cheated because I figured we'd just never see each other after high school so I'd never have to try and explain to you that I was breaking up with you." Pinkie just looked at him, those words hurt, I could tell they cut deep. Tears welled up in her eyes, she began to cry and she ran off.

"Thanks." Jacks said sarcastically to me.

"She's my best friend." I replied with a smug grin. "It's what I do." I said before running off to find her, where's the one place all fillies and mares go after a heartbreak in public? The washroom. Sure enough that's where I found her, sobbing and sniffling, sitting in the corner.

"You know, the floors aren't very sanitary." I remarked as I walked in.

"Let me guess..." Pinkie sniffled. "Come to tell me 'I toldya so?' and 'I was right, and you're a moron'?" She asked.

"No..." I shook my head. "I was coming to tell you that I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" Pinkie asked, sniffling more. "You were right."

"Yeah, so?" I asked, sitting down beside her. "You think it feels good to be right about this stuff?"

"Maybe..." She sighed. "Bein' right does feel good."

"You're right, but not when it's about someone hurting your best friend." I said.

"I'm not your best friend." She pouted. "I'm annoying, and exhausting, and stupid." She sniffled. " _I'M WORTHLESS!_ " She sobbed. I put a supportive hoof around her and consoled her as she cried.

"No you aren't." I said. "You aren't any of those things... So what? So what if Jacks didn't like the way you are? I like you."

"You do?" Pinkie asked, looking up.

"You bet." I nodded. "Just because one colt doesn't like all those... amazing things about you, doesn't mean that one will never someday!" I tried to support her. "And even if that's the case, you'll always have me."

 **Me:** _You've got a friend in me  
_ _You've got a friend in me  
_ _When the road looks, rough ahead  
_ _And you're miles and miles  
_ _From your nice warm bed  
_ _Just remember what your best friend said  
_ _Yeah, you've got a friend in me  
_ _You've got a friend in me_

"Get it?" I asked her, she smiled at me and nodded.

"Yeah." She said.

 **Me:** _You've got a friend in me  
_ _You've got a friend in me  
_ _You've got troubles, well I've got 'em too  
_ _There isn't anything I wouldn't do for you  
_ _We stick together and we see it through  
_ _You've got a friend in me  
_ _You've got a friend in me_

 **Pinkie:** _Some other folks might be  
_ _A little bit smarter than I am  
_ _Bigger and stronger too  
_ _Maybe  
_ **Me:** _But none of them will ever love you the way I do  
_ _It's me and you, Pinkie_

 **Pinkie:** _And as the years go by  
_ _Our friendship will never die  
_ **Me:** _You're gonna see  
_ _It's our destiny  
_ _You've got a friend in me  
_ **Pinkie:** _You've got a friend in me  
_ **Us:** _You've got a friend in me!_

We shared a hug and stood to our hooves, Pinkie finally feeling better.

"Come on, let's get out of here." I said. "We can play board games at my house."

"I'd like that." Pinkie smiled.

And from there we were best friends, that Summer we moved to Ponyville and we started working for Table Scraps at his diner. For years it was just us, sure Twilight and the others came along, but no biggie. I knew they wouldn't hurt her. But then, one fateful night, I knew it could happen all over again...

"Hi, welcome to Sunny Side's All Night Diner. What can I get you?" I said, not looking at who walked in, and what I saw made my heart skip a beat in a bad way, it was Pinkie with a stallion. His facial structure was almost the same as Jacks, this time, he was tomato red and kind of chubby, wearing a black bow tie around his-

* * *

"I think I know the rest." I cut Sunny off. She nodded slightly and sighed a little.

"Look, Chuck... I know it seems like I've been a bitch to you for no reason for all this time... it's just..." She began.

"I understand." I nodded.

"Pinkie is my best friend, and... and she's special, she's not like other ponies, and if Jacks couldn't take it, I wasn't sure if you could either." She sighed. "I mean hell, even I need a break now and then." She nudged me before going back to a more serious tone. "I didn't want to see her get hurt again Chuck."

"I know." I nodded. "But... I mean, you've gotta realize something. Pinkie and I are married, we have a daughter and a foal on the way!" I exclaimed. "I'm here until my cholesterol levels take me away." I smirked.

"You'd better be." She said. "Maybe I should take it a bit easier on you, I can't promise a lot easier, that's not who I am, but a little easier. Now get outta here." She said, this time in a more playful manner. As I went to go, I stopped at the door and turned back to her.

"Hey Sunny Side?" I asked.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"You said his name was Jacks Marbles, yeah?" I asked.

"That's his name." Sunny nodded. "Why?" She asked.

"No particular reason." I stated.

* * *

Quartzcolt Valley

Turns out he never left his home town! It only took an hour or so to track this guy down thankfully. I still needed to be home for dinner after all. As soon as I got off the train arriving in Quartzcolt Valley I went straight for the address I had found. I knocked on the door and a gray stallion with a black made answered it, wow, Sunny was right, he did kind of look like me in the face.

"Hey, are you Jacks Marbles?" I asked.

"Yeah." He nodded. "How can I help y-" Before he could finish his question, I cocked my hoof and punched him as hard as I could square in the face, sending him down to the floor, moaning in pain.

"That's from my wife, the filly in a mare's body who's heart you played with like your stupid jacks." I growled at him before licking him hard in the gut. "And that's from her friend who's been nothing but a bitch to me because of it." I added. "See you in hell, Jackass Marble-Brains." I said before walking away to get on the train back home.

That night when I was reading in bed, Pinkie walked in. She didn't look as cheery as normal, more serious. "Cutie Pie, my beloved." I smiled at her.

"I... heard you talked to Sunny Side today." Pinkie said as she laid down beside me. I closed my book and took off my reading glasses, which in all honesty were just for show.

"Yeah... I did." I nodded. There was a bit of a pause, we both looked like we wanted to say something, but neither of us were.

"Chuckie..." She spoke first. "I know you're not supposed to keep secrets in a relationship, and I understand if you're mad I never told you... but... he really hurt me... with what he did, what he said... I am who I am... I can't change that... and ever since that night I was scared to ever try again! Then you came along, and then I thought I could try again, but I still had that fear inside me that it might happen again..." She sniffled a little, I could see a tear forming in her eye. I smiled kindly and hugged her.

"I understand." I simply said. "I've... I've had people hurt me too. Granted, nowhere near as bad as what happened to you if Sunny's right, but still, I understand why you'd be hesitant to share the story." I said. "But... just remember this, I'm not Jacks. I'm never going to do what he did. I love you, I love you so much!" I hugged her tightly. "But... is this why whenever you bake me something you make me eat it in front of you? To make sure I don't give it to some other mare?" I asked her.

"Yeah..." She admitted. "That and there was this other incident involving Rainbow Dash and the pies I'd bake her." She giggled before looking into my eyes. "I know you're not him, I knew it the moment you threw me that birthday party." She hugged me.

"And yet you still went a year without telling me?" I asked jokingly, just receiving a look from her. "Sorry, bad timing."

"You're lucky I love you." She said with a slight giggle before turning out the lamp on her side of the bed.

"Yeah, yeah I am." I said, doing the same with my lamp. "So, you used to wear pigtails huh?" I asked.

"Goodnight Chuck." She said sternly.

* * *

 _Which brings us to the end of yet another chapter! Please follow, favorite and review!_

 _Song used_

 _"You've Got A Friend In Me" by Randy Newman_


	58. Chapter 58: The Other One

**Author's note:** So I was thinking of something, when you have twins, you never plan on it, right? So one of those kids was most likely planned, and the other was an accident. How do you know which one is which? Just something that made me stop and think.

* * *

Chapter 58: The Other One

"Alright, Sugar Plum, sweet heart, mommy and I are just going to the doctor's office. We should be back in a couple of hours." I say to Sugar Plum as Pinkie and I stood in the doorway. "Uncle Cheese and Auntie Ivory are coming over to spend some time with you while we're gone."

"Have fun daddy. Have fun mommy!" Sugar Plum smiled at us.

"Yeah, fun." Pinkie gagged. She had been feeling pretty sick lately, not really a surprise. But you would really be surprised how much she can vomit. I mean a lot of vomit, I haven't cleaned so much vomit since I had a summer job at Krazy Karl's Karnival. The vomit contained a lot of sweets and candy, much like the carnival vomit. Okay, for your sake I'll spare you anymore talk of vomit. Anyway, I knew that she was due for a check up, so that's what we were doing. I was looking forward to checking in on the little one. It was still too early to determine the sex, but it would be nice to check in. Once we got there, we had to endure the worst part of any hospital visit, the preliminary colon exam. Wait, whaddya mean that's not a part of every doctor visit? I need a new doctor. Okay, KKK joke and a molestation joke all in the same paragraph. It's like I'm Deadpool.

"Mister and Missus Pie, welcome!" The receptionist smiled as we walked into the doctor's office. "Dr. Horse will be with you momentarily." She said. I still couldn't believe his real name was Dr. Horse. That's be like if my name was Mr. Man-child. Or... Mr. Stallion-foal? Pinkie and I sat down in the waiting room, listening to that God-awful waiting room music, the kind that they definitely play in the cells with the padded walls and the straight jackets. You know, summer camp? I'll try and stop.

I looked over at Pinkie and smiled at her, holding her hoof. Don't tell anyone, but I secretly enjoyed the change of pace she went at when encumbered with foal... and morning sickness, it was almost relaxing. Except for the fact I was using my new down time to pretty much do the job of a Chuck E. Cheeses janitor. Another vomit joke. You know what? Stop reading this chapter and read something good. Go back a few hundred pages and find a really good 2011 - 2013 era fic. That was when the best fics came out. But all of those writers either quit and moved onto furry vore artwork on Furaffinity or disappeared off the face of the Earth... to draw furry vore artwork on Furaffinity. Don't ask how I know. Long story short, you'll probably see me drawing fetish stuff for Furaffinity by like 2021.

"Hey, you doing okay?" I asked Pinkie as we waited.

"Really?" She asked.

"Are you feeling okay in comparison to how you felt this morning?" I reworded my question.

"It's called morning sickness, not early afternoon sickness." Pinkie replied. It was at that moment I knew I was a bad influence on her sarcasm wise, but I felt better when I realized she had hung out for Sunny Side way longer and she's way worse than I am. "I'm sorry..." She said. "I know you're asking because you care."

"And you'd rather I care and ask dumb questions than not care and don't ask at all." I smiled.

"I think I even said that in my wedding speech." She replied.

"Well, no." I shook my head. "But the sentiment was known regardless."

"Chuckie," She began. "Are you sure we can afford this foal? We're already paying for the house, and it's pretty big. Not to mention Sugar Plum," She continued, I chuckled and smiled reassuringly.

"I already mapped everything out. According to our average incomes, and the book I read on the costs of raising a foal. Terrible wedding gift from Twilight on her part." I remarked.

"But it came in handy." Pinkie reminded me.

"Right, anyway, according to the book we still make enough that the new foal should be no problem." I said. "It's not like we're going to spend double the cost of raising one foal from birth for some reason." I chuckled.

"You're right." Pinkie giggled. It was at that moment that Dr. Horse led us into his room and Pinkie laid down on the bed. Not long after everything was set up, he showed us a monitor screen for the ultrasound.

"Alright, well," He said. "Looks like you've got a healthy and happy foal you too." We both exchanged looks and smiled at each other. He looked at the monitor again and remarked at what he saw.

"Well well..." He stated.

"What is it doc?" I asked. "Is everything... okay?"

"Yes!" He nodded. "Look right here." He pointed to a small blob on the screen. "See that? That blob is this blob's twin brother or sister!"

"Wait... what?" I asked.

"You're carrying twins." He said. "Well, more appropriately, _you_ , Pinkie, are carrying twins." Damn you dramatic irony. This was... less than ideal. Especially considering we had literally just talked about this.

* * *

The next day

"Twins huh?" Ivory asked me as I worked. "Damn, I was depressed enough when I knew you were bringing one of you and your wife's spawn into the world." She joked. See, she was mean to me in a funny way.

"Yeah." I remarked. "Look, don't talk about it in front of anyone, we're doing the announcement tonight."

"Ooh, you're letting me in on a secret, I knew I was a closer friend of yours than any other contender." She chuckled.

"I'm not making a comment on whether or not it is true." I stated.

"Alright, alright, I'll just keep the fact it's true between us, I might tell Cheese, it's fun to see him get jealous." She said.

"Do you purposefully do things to make him jealous?" I asked.

"All the time, why do you think I wink at Big Mac whenever he's in here?" She asked.

"You're terrible." I remarked, though finding it funny. "Well, just remember when he does the same to you that you started it." I warned her.

"Yeah, right. Big Mac would pummel him to the ground if he tried to flirt with him." Ivory stated.

"That isn't what I meant but whatever." I chuckled, putting on a cavalier attitude towards the fact that I'd probably be homeless next year. "Say..." an idea came to my head. "You're too old to have foals now..." I began, an idea forming in my head, she seemed to notice what I was eluding to and dismissed me.

"First of all, I am not too old to have foals." She stated. "And secondly I'm not adopting one of yours." She shot my idea down. "I'll gladly take Sugar Plum off your hooves, what a sweet heart."

"She's not available for adoption." I said sharply. "But I can make you her permanent foalsitter if you like."

"Oh yes please." She nodded. "However, I'm quitting the moment your little rugrats are born." She told me.

"You never know, you might like them." I said.

"We'll see." She shrugged. Later on, more ponies started to arrive. It wasn't a full fledged party, it was really just close friends for a get together. Well, close friends and the Cutie Mark Crusaders. Sugar Plum stood with me behind the counter, clutching Mr. Stuffly in one hoof and holding her juice box up with the levitation spell from her horn. Pinkie sat at the stool she normally sat at and I scanned the room, seeing if everyone we'd invited were here.

"Think it's time?" I asked Pinkie. She nodded. I sighed a little and finished the drink I had in my hoof, it was a soda. I promised myself I wouldn't drink in front of Sugar Plum... much. I smiled at Pinkie and the three of us walked up on the stage of the bar, I hummed a little bit of _For the Beauty of the Earth_ as I went up, I was never an overly religious person, but for whatever reason I had it in my head at the time. Useless information I know. I tapped the mic and got everyone's attention.

"Good evening everypony." I said. "I hope you're all having a good time." I was met with a positive response, I guess that was a good thing. "Alright, do I guess you're probably wondering why we called you all here tonight. We've got a bit of an update in regards to our upcoming foal."

"We're having twins!" Pinkie announced. Her announcement was met with mostly applause and a little bit of cheering. Except from the likes of Sunny Side and Quibble, who both seemed frustrated that they were called here for this. I couldn't help but find that humorous. I stepped down from the stage and Sugar Plum and I went back to where we were standing behind the bar and I cracked open another root beer, y'know, for being around the kid.

"I almost forgot what this stuff tasted like without vodka." I remarked as I sipped it.

"Congrats," a voice called from the ceiling, "I'd say I'm surprised, but I have an alternate version of you to deal with."

"Does the alternate version of me appreciate you hanging like a possum from the ceiling? Because that would definitely be one of the reasons he's an 'alternate' me." I said sarcastically.

"Last I checked, he has the same attitude about it," the entity in question stated. TD floated on down to us in pony form and put on a smile. "So, who's the godfathers and godmothers? Or are you still deciding?"

"Still deciding?" I asked. "Still implies I've bothered to think about that yet, this may just be me but I don't really enjoy thinking about dying before my kids grow up."

"Oh come on!" TD groaned, "Even the you back home never told me! And so far, only Fluttershy and Discord have made me the godfather of their child! Well, Spike and Rarity too..."

"So it sounds like you have enough on your plate." I stated.

"Hey, a guy can dream," TD remarked. He turned his attention to Sugar Plum. "How're you holding up? I'd ask your alternate self, but she's WAY past this stage now."

"I'm okay..." She said before getting anxious. "Wait... is daddy going to die?"

"See what you did?" I asked flatly. "Thank you, so very much."

"What? No!" TD looked confused. "Where, anywhere, did I imply that Chuck was going to die?! That is the exact opposite of what I was asking!"

I covered Sugar Plum's ears and explained the reasoning. "I explained to her that a godparent means the parent that takes a child when the parents die. She's five years old, rational thinking hasn't settled in yet, so, talk of godparents equals dad's gonna die in her mind." I explained.

"Oh... I didn't know that actually," TD admitted, "I haven't looked into that too much, mostly because I never had to." He looked thoughtful. "Although come to think of it, that would explain why I was the number one pick to be Screwball's godfather."

"It's fine." I stated. "She'll forget about it by bedtime."

"Okay. But just in case..." TD looked to Sugar Plum and used his magic to temporarily remove my hooves from her ears. "Nobody's dying. I just misunderstood something... again."

"Okay.." She nodded.

"Good. Sorry to spook ya." He gave her a mischievous smile and a wink. "Although, maybe next time I'll try something like that on purpose just to make your dad freak out."

"No." I said quickly.

"Still as cheeky as always!" TD cheered to himself, then added more seriously to me, "But in all honesty, I'd prefer that you didn't freak out as much when the twins come around. It's gonna be exhausting and scary enough just to make sure the place is baby proofed before letting them go anywhere."

"Are you talking about the bar? Because I'm not baby proofing that." I arched my brow. "The only reason Sugar Plum and the other minors are allowed here is because I'm not serving anything."

TD gave me a look. "Sure Chuck. Baby proof an area that usually isn't allowed to have minors of any age to enter. I'm pretty sure we can both assume that it's the house I was talking about."

"I figured that's what you meant, I just said it to see that exact face you're making right now." I smirked coyly.

TD was silent for a count of three, then chuckled. "It still surprises me that either version of you is willing to basically stare down an entity that could end the world and yet show little to no fear. But then again, I don't know all secrets."

"It all boils down to our lineage really, my dad was the same way, as with his dad." I explained. "One day I hope to bestow that wisdom onto my offspring."

"Daddy told me it's called cajones." Sugar Plum said.

"That's right sweetheart." I smiled, tussling her mane.

"Well... that's impressive I guess." TD shrugged. "Then again, Twilight does the same thing with me. Which makes me wonder, does your Twilight have the same way of coping with it?"

"I wouldn't know, I haven't talked to her in like seven chap..." I stopped and thought. "In a little while."

"Coping with what?" Sugar Plum asked. "Crippling anxiety? Daddy has that." I laughed nervously and looked sternly at her.

"Please don't just say that." I said.

"Why so hesitant to break the Wall, Chuck?" TD teased, "Back in my story, that wasn't such an issue."

"Who said anything about hesitant?" I asked.

"He did, technically speaking." Sugar Plum said.

"That's enough." I said.

TD laughed. "Why does everyone torment you?" He pulled out a script of some kind and took a look at it, then looked back to me. "Welp! Gotta go! I have a bus to catch. Lemme know when they come around! Later!" And with a loud bang and cloud of smoke, TD was gone. In his place stood two baby rattlers with a note attached to them. The note said, "In case they want some playtime."

"So I guess these also count as my wedding present? Cheap skate." I remarked. Just then, the note had some more writing appear out of nowhere that said, "This is NOT the wedding present. I already gave you the never-ending liquor bottle."

"I wonder what he'll say when he found out me an' the guys put that to the test. It put Quibble in the hospital but we got to the end." I chuckled.

"I officially have the hardest working liver in Equestria." Quibble said proudly.

"That's my boy!" I saluted. I smiled and sighed contently to myself looking out at my friends socializing and having fun, and that made me happy. Not long after that moment I was greeted by Twilight, who walked up to the bar. "Well well, Princess Twilight Sparkle, to what do I owe the pleasure?" I asked her.

"Really? The least formal pony in town acting formal?" Twilight chuckled. "Save it Chuck."

"Well _excuse_ me." I rolled my eyes with a little chuckle. "So, what's up?"

"Why do you feel like I need a reason to come talk to you?" Twilight asked.

"Because the last time we had a conversation was..." I stopped and looked at a calendar. "Ah. June 15th, the day of the wedding."

"You had to look at the calendar to remember your wedding day?" Twilight asked.

"No, I had that day marked as 'the last time Twilight talked to me', I'm not that bad at remembering dates." I explained.

"You mark down the most recent time ponies talk to you?" She asked me.

"Anything for a cheap gag." I shrugged. "What can I do for you? Because you really can't expect me to believe that you just felt like talking to me."

"Okay, okay." She said. "I just wanted to say I'm happy for you personally. I mean, never in a million years did I think that Pinkie would be the first out of our friend group to be married with kids, but at the same time, I'm also happy."

"And a bit jealous, if my inference skills are still adequate." I remarked.

"No comment, and you _certainly_ aren't my type if that's what you're inferring." She replied.

"Of course not, I'm not two hundred pages of writing sandwiched between cardboard." I quipped.

"I am not romantically interested in books." She said flatly.

"Sure, and I'm not curious as to whether dating a clone of yourself is still incest." I replied.

"What? I don't even know how to... _what?_ " Twilight stammered.

"Uh..." I stopped. "Never mind."

"Look, Chuck," Twilight said. "I guess I should get to the reason I came over here, do you need help?" She asked.

"Huh?" I asked. "What do you mean help?"

"Like, savings wise." She said. "Foals are a pricey endeavor, and you're expecting... _two._ " She explained. "Plus the one you already have. You and Pinkie are both pretty young, way younger than most couples have three foals." My eye twitched, she was onto me.

"What... what makes you think I..." I chuckled nervously.

"It's nothing personal!" She exclaimed. "I just was wondering if you and Pinkie needed the help, because I'd gladly help out however I can, and Rarity, Applejack, well, we all would." Now, it was at this point where I had a decision to make, a decision to swallow my pride, or to be just like my father, and his father alike, and not admit to needing help. Guess what I did.

"Nah..." I said, making the wrong decision. "We're good." I grinned.

"Ohh..." She replied, I think she could see through my facade but she was also giving me the opportunity to admit I needed help. "Well... if you ever _do_ need anything, let us know." She said, nodding politely and stepping back. That night, as per the custom of Thursdays, was board game night. Tonight? _Pioneers of Natac,_ some board game where you pretend to be pioneers or settlers of some land and the goal is to get ten Accomplishment Points, which you earn by building houses and cities using resources you get. Kinda geeky but I liked it. Tonight we had Quibble and Cheese over, Rainbow Dash and Ivory weren't big on board games, but they did always come over for Monday night hoofball. Anyway, game night proceeded as usual, for the most part. Something did seem admittedly off.

"Well, looks like I rolled an eight." I remarked at the roll. "Which means..." I examined the board to see who was affected by the roll. "Quibble gets one stone and Pinkie gets two lumber." I said.

"And to think," Pinkie stated. "You were just one lumber away from getting the materials for a house."

"Oh well, I'll get it eventually." I shrugged. "And you aren't supposed to look at the other player's cards."

"I mean, you could have asked me for _mine,_ " Pinkie added. "Because, you _can_ ask for help in this game." I was beginning to feel like there was something more to this. "But, now it's too late to ask."

"Riiiight, well, as you can see, I have a house on the lumber tile with the 'four', so when that's rolled I'll get it." I said.

"Yeah, well, four isn't rolled very often." Pinkie said. "You might not get the chance on your own."

"Well, I could always trade in four other resources for a lumber." I suggested, Quibble and Cheese exchanged looks and then looked back at us.

"Chuck, is your turn over? Because then you need to pass the dice along..." Cheese spoke up.

"Hold on." Pinkie told him. "Chuckie, why do you always count on the dice to just roll the way you want? That's not how the game works."

"Chance is a crazy thing, you never know what's going to happen." I replied. "Now, it's Cheese's turn."

"Yeah, chance _is_ a crazy thing." Pinkie said. "You never know what could happen, maybe even something terrible! Like, oh I don't know, maybe four will never get rolled! Maybe _none_ of your numbers will get rolled! Then, the little ponies in your town will starve and be out on the streets, all because you didn't ask for help, because you're so darn _STUBBORN!_ " She hollered, slamming her hoof down. My eyelid twitched, oh. That's what this was about. Cheese and Quibble gulped and glanced at me.

"Well Cheese, looks like we've gotta go." Quibble said.

"Yep. Just sidestepping out, not being weird." Cheese stated as they sidestepped out slowly, quickly shutting the door behind them. I sighed and looked at Pinkie, who had already buried her face in her hooves on the table.

"Call me crazy..." I stated. "But I feel like you might be worried about the little ponies in our house, not the tiny red wooden one."

"You think?" She asked me, looking up. "Chuckie, I love you, I really do. But you need to face the facts, we aren't going to be able to raise three foals on our own, maybe later on, but not anytime soon! I'm not even the numbers one out of the two of us and I know that!" She exclaimed. I sighed, I knew she was right. I sat down beside her and held her face in my hooves.

"I'm sorry." I said. "I know that sometimes I can be a bit..." She looked at me, arching one of her eyebrows. "Okay, _a lot of the time_ I can be _very_ stubborn."

"I know it's hard for you to admit when you need help, but we have so many ponies who would be willing to help out, you don't need to be embarrassed. We all need help now and then." She smiled at me.

"I know." I said. "Tell you what, first thing tomorrow, I'll... I'll talk about asking for help." I promised.

"Thanks Chuckie." She smiled. Just then, the door creaked open and two faces popped out, _aaaand_ it was Cheese and Quibble.

"So it turns out that we went into the pantry." Cheese spoke up.

"We didn't really want to interrupt so we just waited it out." Quibble admitted.

"So you listened in on our talk?" I asked.

"Not really, but you _are_ out of dill pickle flavored chips." Cheese told me.

"Those were mine." Pinkie said, glaring, oh no. He just messed with a pregnant mare's cravings. "Those... were... _**mine**_." I stammered and stuttered a little before I remembered something. I ran to the ottoman in the living room and lifted up the top, which was one of the many hidden snack spots I installed throughout the house. Just as I remembered, an unopened bag of "Mr. Saltlick's Potato Chips: Dill Pickle Flavor".

"Look what I found!" I exclaimed, busting back into the dining room where the game was still set up.

"Yay! My hero!" Pinkie smiled and took the bag from me, munching happily.

"Well... what do you say we finish the game?" I suggested. "And..." I turned to Pinkie. "Hey, do you think you could spare that lumber so I could build that house?"

"Only if you give me some clay slabs." She smiled in return as the game recommenced. The next day I did what I promised that I'd do. I admitted that I needed a bit of help. It was hard at first I'll admit, but I knew our friends understood, and they were all happy to help us out in whatever way they could. Yeah, I knew that everything was going to be okay.


	59. Chapter 59: Cheese Goes Camping

**Author's note:** Ah the summer, a period of time to relax, go for a swim perhaps, possibly even build wacky inventions in your back yard with your brother. But there is one summer activity, a summer activity dreaded by many, what activity is that? _Camping..._

* * *

Chapter 59: Cheese Goes Camping

"Yep, Sorraia Lake National Park, three days." I said aloud to Ivory as I wiped down the counter. This was the weekend Quibble and I were to set out on our annual "camping expedition", now, here's the thing, we don't like camping. Neither of us do. But last year, the first year they made us do it, we figured out a little system to have made it bearable.

"It'll be great." Quibble nodded.

"Really?" Ivory asked. "Because I don't see either of you as outdoorsy."

"What? I'm outdoorsy, I go out doors, in doors, I'm crazy doorsy." I stated.

"Yep, we've been doing it since last year, we love it." Quibble said.

"That's the biggest lie I've ever heard." Ivory remarked.

"Okay, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash make us." I said.

"Ah, there's the honesty." Ivory remarked.

"Going to Sorraia Lake?" Cheese asked us.

"Yeah, sort of a Quibble-Chuck thing." Quibble replied.

"Wish I could go to Sorraia Lake." Cheese remarked.

"Well you can, just not not with us." Quibble stated.

"What's that?" Pinkie asked as she and Rainbow Dash walked into the bar, over hearing our conversation.

"Cheese is trying to worm his way in on our camping trip." I explained.

"I think that'd be a great idea." Rainbow Dash remarked. Quibble and I exchanged glances and I turned to Cheese.

"We'd be happy to have you." I said to him.

"Really?" Cheese asked excitedly.

"No, Pinkie and Rainbow Dash are making us." I said. For reasons not yet to be disclosed, mine and Quibble's camping trip had been ruined.

The Next Day

"Quibble, you call this a knot? It's hardly a tangle." I remarked as I examined the knot holding the canoe to our cart.

"It's the one where the bunny goes down the hole!" He stated. "A sailor's knot."

"Why would a sailor's knot have a bunny in it?" I asked. "There's no bunnies in the open sea."

"It's like a pet! The bunny goes down the hole!" He exclaimed.

"It's a snake, and it goes around the tree and under the fence." I explained.

"You're out of your mind!" He said, arguing with me and grabbing for the knot I was trying to tie.

"It's nice to see the two of them bonding." Rainbow Dash remarked as she and Pinkie watched us get the cart ready.

"Nice as in heartwarming or nice as in blood sport?" I asked.

"A little of both, a heartwarming blood sport." Pinkie stated.

"Where's Cheese?" Quibble asked. "Maybe he won't come, we should go without Cheese."

"Now you're talking." I nodded. "Shove your bunny down the hole and let's go." I instructed.

"Don't go without Cheese, you guys will have fun!" Pinkie said. Just then, Cheese ran around the corner carrying a pack and a bunch of ridiculous camping gear.

"Hey! Check it out, I brought a waffle iron!" He grinned. Quibble and I looked to our respective marefriends.

"Well, try to have fun anyway." Rainbow said. I grumbled a little and looked at Quibble, who was grumbling just as I was, we turned to Cheese and motioned for him to get in the cart. Quibble followed and sat with him and I hooked myself up.

"We're off." I said to Pinkie. "Thanks for agreeing to run the bar while I'm gone." I smiled at Ivory.

"Happy to help." Ivory said.

"Love ya Chuckie!" Pinkie said, kissing my cheek and tussling my mane.

"Bye daddy." Sugar Plum smiled at me.

"I'll see you two later, my two favorite mares in my life." I smiled. "Alright, let's go... camping." I muttered as I began to walk, pulling the cart along.

* * *

Sunny Side's

Not too long after, Ivory was over at Sunny Sides, what this has to do with the camping thing? Nothing, but we need something else to add to the story or else we're back to 2000 word chapters. Anyway, Ivory was at Sunny Side's, telling her about the deal.

"Can I get my usual to go?" Ivory asked. "I'm running the bar for Chuckie while he's gone, so busy busy busy!"

"Busy busy busy?" Sunny asked. "Please." She scoffed.

"What?" Ivory asked.

"It is hardly busy enough at that bar to use _one_ busy, let alone three." Sunny explained, I mean, she was right.

"It's crazy busy!" Ivory exclaimed. "I would have used four or five busies but I don't have that kind of time!" She exclaimed. "I'm too busy!"

"You've been sitting here, reading the menu for the past fifteen minutes, Ms. Busy." Sunny snorted.

"You're right, you're right, you definitely have it harder. By the way, was that last order of fries? Or fries with a soda?" Ivory smirked, firing back at Sunny.

"I serve more than fries here." Sunny replied.

"Hey Sunny! Can I get an order of fries?" Pinkie asked as she walked in, proving her wrong.

"Just a minute." Sunny replied. "I run a full service _dining establishment._ " She said to Ivory.

"Dining establishment?" Ivory scoffed. "You're just above a greasy spoon, barely an eatery."

"Oh ho!" Sunny laughed. "This is an eatery. Look at all these ponies... eatering." She motioned her hoof around. "Look, it's a lot harder than being a booze jokey." Ivory looked her dead in the eyes and sneered at her.

"I wouldn't know." Ivory sneered. "I'm not a booze jockey."

"No, you're a booze jockey's piano player." Sunny smirked at her.

"If I could just get the fries?" Pinkie called over. "I'm waiting for Cheese while he's gone so... busy busy busy!"

* * *

Back to us

"This is gonna be great!" Cheese exclaimed as I went along down the road, now well out of Ponyville. "Now, we don't have to make waffles the first night, the first night we can have beans, then in the morning we can have waffles, I brought maple syrup too, but I didn't bring blueberry syrup because I thought 'camping, we're roughing it'." Cheese said happily, Quibble then turned to him.

"We're not going camping." Quibble stated. "Cotton head."

"Huh?" Cheese asked.

"He said we're not going camping." I replied. "Then he called you a cotton head."

"But you said we were going camping!" Cheese whined. "We're wearing camping clothes!"

"Do you really think we'd go camping?" Quibble asked. "Together?" He added. "With each other?"

"Yeah, who do you think we are?" I chuckled. "Tom Sawyer? And... Tom Sawyer's friend Huckleberry Finn?" I chuckled.

"But... but I'm wearing my camping hat!" Cheese whined again. I decided we couldn't leave him in the dark any longer, I pulled the cart over to a rest stop along the road and got out a thermos, pouring some cups. Cheese and Quibble got out of the cart and sat at the picnic table.

"Drink up." I said, sliding them the cups. Cheese took his cup and pouted, sulking into his coffee.

"I can't believe you two would play such a mean trick on me." He sulked.

"It's not a trick on you, it's a trick on Pinkie, you just got in the way Cheese." Quibble replied.

"Pinkie and Rainbow made us go on this trip last year and we hated it, so we decided to spend the rest of the weekend in the city doing our own thing, which is what we intended on doing this year." I explained.

"And the fact that it's a trick on you too, well that's just the silver lining!" Quibble chuckled, sipping his drink.

"What do you do in the city?" Cheese asked me.

"I go to the jazz clubs, I've got my crooner buddies there." I said.

"Those guys are hobos." Quibble told me.

"Hobos ride trains! These guys are artists." I exclaimed. "Roddy, Patches, and Shy Pete."

"One of them has a top hat with no top, that's not a hobo?" Quibble asked me. I just scoffed at him.

"What about you?" Cheese asked Quibble. "What do you do in the city?"

"Uhhh..." Quibble thought for a moment.

Last year

"The dark elf has resisted your Vorple sword!" An acne ridden teenage pony grinned as he, his friends, and Quibble played a fantasy role playing game, presumably in one of the teenager's basements.

"Yeah? Well, I'll use the Crystal of Thanaz to weaken his magic armor, show him who's Vorple!" Quibble grinned, shaking dice.

Now

"I keep busy." Quibble stated. "The point is, it's a system that works, and now you've blown it."

"If they find out they'll _really_ make us go camping, and that will ruin our quality time away from each other." I exclaimed.

"Don't worry!" Cheese exclaimed. "I can keep a secret. I'm good at secrets."

"Yeah?" I asked. "Remember last November when that new resident came to town? Then you blabbed that he was in the witness protection program? Then he went missing?"

"He missed big city life." Cheese stated. "Decided to go home."

"In the middle of the night? After he burned down his own house?" I asked.

"Chuck," Quibble pulled me aside. "Dorkus here can't keep a story straight, we need a plan." He said sinisterly.

Quibble's plan

Cheese strained as he dug into the ground in the middle of a field, standing in a large hole. "Please look into your hearts." He begged.

"Just dig." Quibble growled, brandishing a barbed wire covered baseball bat.

Reality

"But I don't like to dig." I told Quibble.

"You're missing the point! _He_ digs!" Quibble replied, pointing at Cheese. "That's the whole plan!"

"I like to dig." Cheese smiled. "What are we talking about?"

"Look," I sighed. "There's only one way out of this... we're gonna have to actually go camping." I hung my head.

"Yeah!" Cheese exclaimed, jumping up in the air, pumping his hooves with joy. Yeesh, this was going to be a long weekend, how about we check in on Ivory?

* * *

"Mmm." Applejack remarked, eating food Ivory had prepared. "I'm glad you traded jobs with Sunny Side. This is going well." She said sarcastically.

"Thanks." Ivory stated. "Not so tough, really. You know the key to good service?" She asked.

"I was being sarcastic." Applejack said.

"Wrong. The key to good customer service, is to _listen_ to the customer." Ivory explained. "Value their input."

"Do you have any decaf coffee?" Mrs. Jovihooves asked from a booth.

"Yeah, it's called tap water, princess, and you can get that at home." Ivory replied hastily.

"Look, I've gotta be honest Ivory, this macaroni and cheese is really bland." Applejack remarked.

"That's why I keep salt at the counter." Ivory explained, Applejack then lifted up the salt shaker, which was empty.

"Look, Ivory, if you want some help I can gladly help you out, I like to cook!" Applejack shrugged.

"Don't you have farming to do?" Ivory asked.

"Barely." Applejack said. "Big Mac does a lot of the work for this week." Okay, never mind, this is getting boring. Let's check in on me.

* * *

"Good morning!" Cheese exclaimed happily as Quibble and I drudged out of our tent. "The sun is shining, the birds are singing!" He beamed.

"The stupid birds woke me up!" Quibble grumbled.

"That mattress is hardly two inches thick!" I groaned, cracking my back. "Hardly an inch thick if you lie on it!"

"It's good for you, it's roughin' it!" Cheese grinned.

"Cave ponies slept on better mattresses." I moaned. "Cave ponies who came to visit other cave ponies got to sleep on better guest mattresses."

"Coffee?" Cheese asked simply.

"Now you're talking!" Quibble grinned. Cheese nodded and handed me a piece of kindling, I looked down on it and scowled.

"This coffee looks an awful lot like a stick." I remarked.

"Well first we have to build a fire, to boil the water, then make the coffee..." Cheese explained. I sighed and looked at him.

"I'm going back to my 'comfy' mattress." I stated, turning toward the tent.

"Me too." Quibble nodded. Way to ruin the camping trip with actual camping." Quibble grumbled.

"Nope! Sorry fellas, but I've already got the weekend planned out! And it does not involve you two going back to bed." Cheese stopped us.

"Well, _we_ had already planned out this weekend too. And it sure didn't involve camping!" Quibble hollered. I gave a look to Quibble and sighed, the least we could do is humor him, if we all could try to get along it would at least make for a decent weekend.

"What did you have in mind?" I asked. Next thing I know, Cheese and I were carrying a large canoe over our heads while Quibble walked beside us.

"Do we have to do this?" Quibble asked.

"The portage is half the fun of canoeing!" Cheese exclaimed.

"Really?" I asked. "You mean the whole thing is only gonna be twice as fun as this?"

"It's not much farther, how much farther is it Quibble?" Cheese asked, Quibble did not answer, Cheese and I lifted the canoe up and looked around, he was gone.  
"Quibble?" Cheese asked, looking around.

"I think he bailed." I remarked. I quickly went back to the camp and found him frantically looking for something, the wheel strut for the cart specifically.

"Looking for this?" I asked him, lifting the strut from where it was hidden.

"Yes! Thank you!" He chuckled, reaching for it as I swiped it away.

"Nice try." I smirked.

"C'mon Chuck!" Quibble whined. "I know you wanna get out of here, go to the jazz clubs with Shy Pete and Itchy!"

"You mean Scratchy?" I asked.

"Who comes up with those names anyway?" Quibble asked.

"Shy Pete does." I answered. "They call me 'Curly'." I chuckled. Meanwhile, back at the bar, things weren't looking great for Sunny Side, who claimed she would be better at my job than Ivory. I don't know if she thought it was because we were both in the service industry? I don't know.

"Hi Sunny!" Pinkie smiled as she waltzed into the bar, looking for Ivory so she could check in on her.

"Hi Pinkie." Sunny returned the greeting, Pinkie looked around for a sign of an employee since she was unaware Sunny was working there.

"Where's Ivory?" Pinkie asked.

"Probably at the diner." Sunny shrugged.

"She never eats during her shift, that's weird!" Pinkie remarked.

"Mhm, anyway, I never noticed this." Sunny remarked. "This goblet here has five screws on the steel, but this one has four."

"I need to see Ivory." Pinkie stated. "I wanna know how things are going here... that and I wanted a root beer float."

"Huh?" Sunny asked, just before realizing she worked there now. "Oh! I am right on it!" She said, running behind the counter.

"Huh?" Pinkie was confused. Sunny then explained about the debate they had and that they had switched jobs to prove the other wrong. "Why trade jobs?" Pinkie asked. "That's silly!" She remarked. "In fact, it's the silliest thing you've ever done!"

"No it isn't!" Sunny replied.

"Could you name something sillier?" Pinkie asked. Sunny Side thought for a minute, thinking of some things that may have been sillier decisions.

One example

"Buy a pie, get a turtle?" Fluttershy asked her one day, examining a turtle tank in the diner.

"They're cute!" Sunny explained. "They're babies." She looked in the tank with the baby turtles.

Second example

"Hmm... maybe I will explain to Chuck why I don't like him..." She pondered one morning not too long ago.

Third example

"Mom, dad, I'm moving to Ponyville!" Sunny exclaimed to her parents.

Now

"Lots of things." Sunny stated as she looked around at the barrels "Ah! Root beer..." She held the goblet up to the nozzle on the barrel and nothing came out. "Huh... that's weird."

"Well, when's the last time you ordered new supplies?" Pinkie asked.

"Huh?" Sunny asked.

"The stuff that goes into the barrels?" Pinkie arched her brow. "Where'd you think the drinks come from?"

"The barrels, doy." Sunny said. Pinkie nodded with wide sarcastic eyes and walked off.

"I'm gonna go write to Barstool for you." Pinkie said.

"Uhh... thanks." Sunny said. "Hey Pinks!" She called. "You think you could show me how Chuck takes inventory? I'm a little confused on that too."

Back at the camp, we were now gathered around a crackling campfire, conversing and drinking coffee. The day had actually been relatively decent, which was a pleasant surprise for Quibble and I.

"Think there's owls in these woods?" Quibble asked.

"Who cares?" I replied.

"They're predators!" He exclaimed.

"If you're a mouse." I arched my brow.

"Once they taste pony flesh, they'll lose all fear." Quibble warned me.

"Owls don't eat pony flesh." I rolled my eyes. "Wait, do they?" I asked Cheese, who was about to reply had he not been cut off by Quibble, waving at the smoke of the fire.

"Why is this fire always putting smoke in my eyes!?" He whined, swatting at the smoke.

"Because it hates you." I said flatly. "Look, let's just make the best of it, I'll go get some sticks, we'll roast marshmallows." With that, I walked off. Suckers.

"Let's sing a round." Cheese smiled at Quibble as he began to sing a campfire song, not long after, Cheese had shifted to bird calls.

"And that was the Eastern Warbler." Cheese said pridefully. "Notice the difference between that and the Yellow Warbler?"

Next up, I had still not come back yet, was scary stories. "And the operator said "We traced the call, and it's coming from-"

"Coming from inside the house." Quibble cut Cheese off impatiently.

"Oh, you know that one huh?" Cheese remarked. "Chuck made a break for it didn't he?"

"He won't get far, I've got the wheel bearings." Quibble smirked.

"Good thinking!" Cheese snickered. "Okay, this is a 'repeat after me' song." He said.

 **Cheese:** _There was a bear,_

Quibble looked at him and just sighed. "I can't believe we didn't bring any booze." He stated. Well, they were right, I wasn't able to get far, I reluctantly decided to go back to the fire with the others, and not long after that I went to bed, and when I went to bed, I had the most surprisingly pleasant dream, but more on that later. The next morning I woke up later than Quibble and Cheese, who were already up and eating breakfast.

"Well good morning!" Cheese remarked as I got up. "Glad you could join us for breakfast."

"As am I." I chuckled. "I had the best sleep I've had in a while last night." I smiled as I stretched.

"I bet you did." Quibble remarked, muttering. "By the sound... and _feel_ of things."

"Huh?" I asked.

"You don't remember?" Quibble asked. "Your perfect sleep meant a terrible sleep for me."

"How so?" I asked.

"Let me tell you." Quibble shuddered.

Last night

"You know hon," Quibble heard me mumble in my sleep. "This is a song my great grandfather used to sing while he was courting my great grand mother."

"Chuck, shut up and get some sleep." Quibble snarled. Suddenly, my front hoof was wrapped around him and I started singing.

 **Me:** _By the light... Of the silvery moon,  
I want to spoon,_  
 _To my honey I'll croon, love's tune_  
 _Honey moon,_  
 _Keep my shining in June..._  
 _Your silvery beams will bring love dreams, we'll be cuddling soon,_  
 _By the silvery moon..._

Apparently, and I mean _apparently_ , because I don't believe this, but around that point I may have tried to kiss and spoon Quibble. Like I said, I don't believe this, because in my dream I was in a fancy tux courting Pinkie to... By the Silv'ry Moon... Damn it, I tried to have a night of passion in my sleep with Quibble. Let me tell you, he's just lucky he squirmed away when he did, he would NOT have liked what came next, that's all I'll say.

Now

"Well... I'm not gonna deny that it happened." I shrugged.

"I can't take it anymore!" Quibble whined. "I was able to tolerate the stupid camping garbage, but not anymore, I need a shower, I need a million showers after last night!"

"How do you think I feel?" I asked. "Apparently I kissed you! I need more mouthwash than Scope and Crest can provide!" I exclaimed. Cheese cleared his throat and cut us off.

"Guys, if I'm being honest, I can't take you two complaining anymore!" Cheese exclaimed. "I wanna go home, I don't wanna wear my camping hat anymore."

"Well this is perfect!" Quibble remarked sarcastically. "We can't just go home early, they'd catch onto us!"

"Wait, what was your digging idea? Maybe we could try that!" Cheese suggested. I sighed and shook my head.

"I've got a plan, a plan that doesn't involve a shallow grave." I said.

* * *

Later on

"Sir Cheese Biscuit casts a magic missile at the ogre!" Cheese exclaimed as he rolled the dice in the basement of some teen pony with Quibble and the other teen nerds. At that point I came walking down to see them, along with one of my jazz club buddies.

"Hey guys," I called. "This is Shy Pete." I introduced him.

"You gonna eat that?" Shy Pete asked Quibble, pointing at the dice on the table.

"It's... dice." Quibble remarked.

Back in Ponyville, Sunny Side, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and Ivory had both made themselves comfortable at the bar, neither of them working, rather socializing as Pinkie worked.

"I guess we've learned a lesson." Ivory remarked.

"Yep, all things considered, I'm better at my job than you are." Sunny Side nodded.

"And?" Ivory added.

"And... so forth?" Sunny Side shrugged.

"And I'm better at my job than you are." Ivory stated.

"Actually, I'm better at Sunny's job and Pinkie Pie's better at Ivory's." Applejack spoke up, earning looks from the others. "Not important.." She concluded. At that moment, Cheese, Quibble and I walked in, finally home.

"We're back!" Quibble called.

"Did you bring me anything?" Sunny Side asked.

"No." Quibble shook his head.

"Then I've lost interest." Sunny remarked.

"Ahh the great outdoors, where we just returned from... camping." Cheese stated, he was already blowing it. "We were outdoors the whole time."

"How was it?" Pinkie asked us.

"Excellent!" I nodded. "Excellent bonding, in the woods and what have you."

"I enjoyed the camping, it was outdoors, and fun!" Cheese grinned.

"Why does it seem like you're lying?" Rainbow Dash asked us. We all exchanged looks and chuckled nervously.

"We played fantasy role playing games in some guy's basement." Cheese admitted. Quibble and I glared at him, he had just ruined our cover officially!

"Cheese... get a shovel." Quibble growled.

 ** _Fin._**

* * *

 _Special thanks to the writers of Corner Gas, for... no reason... See you next time!_

 _Song Used_

 _"By The Silv'ry Moon" by Gus Edwards and Edward Madden_


	60. Chapter 60: Why Don't You Like Me?

**Author's note:** Ever wonder why someone doesn't like you? Pinkie's gone through that before, let's take a look huh? Taken from Pinkie Pie's point of view.

* * *

Chapter 60: Why Don't You Like Me?

" _Cause I love to make you smile, smile, smile..._ " I hummed at I strolled down the road to Chuckie's bar, I was especially excited today, today was the day we were going to have a triple date! Rainbow Dash, Quibble, Ivory, Cheese Sandwich, Chuckie, and I were all going on one big date! It was going to be awesome! I opened up the door and peaked inside, and guess what! ALL of the other's that were going on the date were there! I mean, four out of the five others work there, so I guess it'd make sense. Tee hee!

"Good morning everypony!" I exclaimed as I strolled in.

"Pinkie!" They all smiled, welcoming me, well, not all of them.

"Oh, hey." Ivory said after a heavy nudge from Chuckie.

"I hope everypony is excited about tonight! I know we all hang out together like _all_ the time, but we've never all gone on a date together!" I exclaimed happily.

"I'm ecstatic, hon." Chuckie nodded. "Aren't we everyone?" He asked the others, who all nodded in return, well, except somepony. Chuckie nudged Ivory again and she then nodded.

"Oh yeah, absolutely." She nodded, now, one might consider this weird behavior, but it really wasn't! Ivory was always a little weird with me. Which is kinda odd I guess, but I'm sure some ponies might think _I'm_ a little weird with them! We all act our own way. I mean, it wasn't like she didn't like me, _everyone_ likes me! And it's not like she'd have a reason, you need a reason before you don't like someone, Sunny Side didn't like Chuckie because she thought he wasn't good enough for me, I mean, she does think that, but she doesn't not like him anymore. And then there's Chuckie, he doesn't like lots of ponies! And he's got a book with all his reasons written down in a journal, so many pages in that thing! I keep asking him if he has a page on me, he says he doesn't, but he has a page on Cheese, and we're _awfully_ similar! Let's see, who else? Um... Twilight doesn't really like Trixie because she says 'she's a word that rhymes with witch', Chuckie told me the word she meant when I told him she said that. Sugar Plum doesn't like the raccoon that gets in our trash... mostly because she's allergic to raccoon fur. Oh! And the fillies in my tummy HATE pumpernickel bread. But just that bread, they love most other breads, except whole wheat... and rye... and most other breads. Okay, I haven't digested any type of bread since a month after the honeymoon. Where was I going with this? I had a point, oh yeah! There would be no way Ivory doesn't like me because there's no _reason_ she wouldn't like me!

"You found a sitter for Sugar Plum tonight, right?" Chuckie asked.

"I'll do it!" Ivory blurted out all of a sudden, earning looks from all of us.

"You're... going on that date tonight... with all of us." Quibble reminded her.

"Like a big polyamorous relationship!" Cheese grinned.

"No." Rainbow Dash gagged at what Cheese said.

"Good _God_ no." Chuckie shook his head. "Just reminding everyone, in case we have any confusion, we go into the date with our respective partner, and leave with them, we are not a group of six dating each other, because that's weird." He explained.

"But if we ever watched to try an or-" Cheese began before Chuckie shoved the bar rag in his mouth

"Good _God_ no." Chuckie cut him off. He says that a lot! "Anyway, maybe it would be best if we all went our separate ways so we don't hate each other by the time our dates start. Quibble, Cheese, Ivory, you guys have the rest of the day off."

"I'll be waiting right here with you!" I smiled, hugging Chuckie tightly. He smiled with a bit of a chuckle and took the apron he was wearing off, stepping out from behind the counter.

"I'm not staying here." Chuckie replied. "I'm going back home, mostly because I'm pretty sure Sugar Plum, our five year old daughter, is there alone."

"She's not alone!" I quickly said. "Mr. Stuffly is with her."

"Mr. Stuffly?" Chuckie asked, heading for the door and getting his key out to lock up. "Her... non-sentient teddy bear?"

"I'm pretty sure he's alive!" I exclaimed. "I once left a box of cupcakes out and he was the only one in the room, when I went back to the room, they were gone!"

"Chocolate cupcakes with the primary color sprinkles upon a buttermilk frosting last Tuesday?" Chuckie asked. "Because that was me. I ate those."

"Oh." I remarked as we walked.

"Besides, why would you think he ate them?" Chuckie asked. "You know what they say about teddy bears."

"What?" I asked.

"They're always stuffed!" Chuck laughed. Now, you'll notice up until this point I called him Chuckie, but that pun. That... terrible pun was enough to go from cute nickname to regular name, and maybe for a millisecond the idea of divorce passed through my mind. But Chuckie told me once that a big chunk of his mother's side is something called 'Catholic', and because of that divorce was not an option. We're stuck with each other, in a cute way!

"Mhm." I replied to that pun. "Remember when I agreed we'd try that _thing_ this weekend? I'm not so sure about that after that joke." And of course I'm referring to a buffet in Las Pegasus, what did you think I meant?

"I was kidding! Besides, you wouldn't be serious about... _cotton_ me off from that!" Chuck laughed, another teddy bear joke. Haw haw.

"Mr. Stuffly is filled with polyester." I smirked, having trumped his stupid pun with knowledge. Now I know how Twilight feels! _La dee da! I'm smarter than everyone! Everypony is an idiot except for me!..._ Don't tell her I said that... Tee hee!

"Oh yeah?" He replied. "Well... Polyester... polyester... oh! Polyester? I just met 'er! No... that's stupid." He hung his head in defeat.

"I win!" I giggled.

"You may have won the battle, but the war isn't over." Chuckie remarked as we walked up to our front door.

"Are you referring to our marriage of a war?" I asked him.

"If our marriage is anything, it's more like a sitcom. Good family fun, the occasional guest appearance, and constant competing for a viewer's attention." Chuckie responded.

"That's kinda cute, in a weird way." I remarked with a giggle as he opened the door and we walked in.

"Hello?" He called. "Sugar Plum? Really hoping You didn't decide to stick a fork in the toaster while in a bath or something." He called. "Which wouldn't happen if there was an _adult_ here when they _should have_ been."

"She's _fine_." I replied confidently. "You _are_ fine, right Sugar Plum?" I called out.

"I'm just upstairs." She called to us.

"Ha! Pinkie six, Chuckie zero." I smirked and turned to Chuckie.

"I'm sorry, six? How does this make six?" Chuckie asked.

"Pink mane rule, wearer of a pink mane receives six points instead of one." I explained.

"Well, I can't argue with that logic." Chuckie remarked. I knew he didn't mean it, he could argue. He actually is really good at arguing. Mostly because he hates being wrong and losing, it's hard work to frequently pay all our friends five bits a month just to get them to agree with Chuckie on the things he says. I mean, most of them have agreed to that deal. TD has yet to agree, and I hope he does soon, because headache pills are way more expensive to restock every single day.

"Are you and daddy going out tonight?" Sugar Plum asked me as she came downstairs.

"Yeah we are!" I nodded. "And we'll be going out with Auntie Rainbow Dash, Uncle Quibble, Uncle Cheese, and Auntie Ivory!" I said excitedly. "We know Auntie Ivory is your favorite sitter, but Auntie Applejack said she'll gladly come and watch you for the night." I said.

" _Ooorrrr,_ " Chuckie began. "You can have a super fun sleepover at Sweet Apple Acres with Auntie Applejack and Mommy and I will come and get you in the morning!" He suggested.

"That sounds like fun!" Sugar Plum said excitedly. "I'll go start packing." She said, running back upstairs.

"Does Applejack have any idea we're carting her off to her place?" I asked Chuckie with a little grin.

"She'll figure it out, she'll be fine with it!" He brushed my question off. To make a long story short, she wasn't fine with it. I mean, she gave in to the idea, but she would have rathered come to our house and sit her for the night only. Oh well! I'm sure she'll get Chuckie back for that someday! Tee hee! Finally, after what felt like forever, it was time for our big group date to begin. Chuckie had gotten all dolled up in his date night suit, and I wore... a pregnancy fitted dress. Yep. _Loving_ being pregnant. Chuckie insists I still look fine even though I'm starting to show, but I really missed being able to wear what I wanted to wear. But it wasn't all bad! Rarity made me an entire line of maternity friendly clothing for any occasion, so it wasn't all bad.

"Reservations are for eight." Chuckie said, looking at his watch. "So we're just in time to be fashionably late walking."

"Perfect!" I smiled. And so we started walking, he hummed to himself as we walked, even though I never knew what he was humming I enjoyed listening. He had a pretty small group of songs he'd hum so I eventually started piecing together words. Then when I'd sing along I'd quickly be told that I pieced together the words wrong.

"Hon, it's 'Earth angel, Earth angel, will you be mine', not 'Earth angel, Earth angel, make me a pie'." He corrected me. "I mean, it's still closer than last time."

"Well... maybe it's another verse of the song only I know!" I replied.

"Another verse of a song from another universe only you'd know?" Chuckie arched his brow in disbelief. " _Riiiight._ " He kept humming a little as we walked, sometimes I wonder what he thinks about when we walk, sometimes I wonder if he wonders what _I'm_ thinking about. What was I thinking about? Well, aside from wondering what Chuckie was thinking about, I was thinking about earlier today, Ivory seemed to be acting weird, but looking back, Ivory would act weird a lot. Which was also weird! Because when Chuckie told me about her when he hired her he said she was really nice. She seemed more... cold and bitter around me. I know I had already said that it couldn't have been because she didn't like me. You'd need a reason not to dislike someone! And I've never given anyone any reason to dislike me!

"Hon, are you okay?" Chuckie asked me as I thought. "You've got that 'deep in thought regarding something important' look going on." He remarked.

"Yeah!" I nodded with a smile. "Everything is great!" Because everything was, nothing was wrong, there was no proof she didn't like me. Just proof she was weird around me. It's probably just because she's in love with Chuckie and I'm what's keeping her from him. Good thing Chuckie already told me that was a ridiculous idea, I mean, I didn't believe him, but I knew he didn't return her love for him. But then she started dating Cheese, that threw a wrench in my theory a little.

"Just remember, I _am_ your husband, and I'm a pretty competent fella. If something was on your mind chances are I'd be able to help." He reminded me.

"I know that!" I giggled. "I didn't marry you for your pretty face after all." I teased.

"Good thing too, otherwise you would have been awfully disappointed." He replied, going along with it with a laugh. "How long until we drop the Auntie and Uncle titles with our friends?" He asked.

"I don't know." I replied. "I guess when she decides to stop."

"I don't think she's ever gonna stop with Ivory." Chuckie mentioned. "She loves her, and Ivory seems pretty fond of her too."

"Oh, yeah she does." I nodded, my tone dropping at the mention of her.

"Something wrong?" Chuckie asked. "You went from about a hundred to... like down to a mid to low tens when I said that." I looked at him and sighed.

"Chuckie," I began. "Has Ivory ever told you, or made it appear that she... didn't like me?"

"What?" He asked. "Of course not. She likes you. I mean, she's never said otherwise." He shrugged. "Do you feel like she doesn't like you?"

"I don't know, it just sort of seems like she doesn't, and I don't really know why." I explained.

"Well... I think she likes you, but I've never really taken a close look at your relationship." He remarked. "Tell you what, I'll watch Ivory tonight and if she seems off about you specifically I'll ask her about it later." He suggested.

"Aww, thanks Chuckie." I kissed his cheek.

"You're welcome." He nodded with a smile. "Oh, look at that," he remarked, looking to his left. "We're here." He said, going up to the door and holding it open for me. " _Madame_." He said, bowing as I went through the door. I blushed in embarrassment and walked into the lobby where the others waited.

"Took you two long enough to get here." Quibble remarked, looking at his watch.

"Ah, sorry, that's on me." Chuckie took the blame. "I forgot my wallet at the house and we had to go back for it."

"Called it, Ivory owes my twenty bits." Rainbow Dash hummed.

"Don't remind me." Ivory muttered, fetching her purse. "Here you go, twenty of my hard earned bits."

"What did you bet on Ivory?" Chuckie asked out of curiosity.

"Gee, ah, well I just... I thought it was Pinkie's fault. I don't know why, just sorta thought." She chuckled. I looked over at Chuckie who was already making that face he makes when he gets uncomfortable. "I mean, no offense." She stated, turning to me.

"Oh... none taken." I nodded with a little smile. " _This is what I'm talking about_." I mouthed to Chuckie.

"Bris is what you're wanting for now?" He asked, not reading my lips right. "I mean, I guess if one of them turns out to be a boy we could do a Bris, it's a little weird since we aren't Jewish, but I guess we could give it a try..." He shrugged.

"Never mind." I said quickly as I nudged him. About that time the maître d' approached us and led us to our table.

"Please, make yourselves comfortable, a waiter will be here soon to take your order." The maître d' told us as he sat us down at the table, he turned and left leaving us to talk among ourselves. The first thing Chuckie went for is the bread basket at the table, he tells me that you can always tell how good a restaurant is by the bread basket and the quality of the bread, and I believed him the first seven times we went on a date... here... at the same restaurant. Now I've pretty much realized he just likes bread.

"So... how's... work?" I made conversations.

"Who are you asking, Pinkie?" Rainbow Dash asked, "because aside from you and I, everypony here works at the same place."

"D'ah well the Chuck's Tavern crew are doing just fine, rumor has it they've got the best boss in the world too." Chuckie spoke up, "So that covers four out of six bases."

"What sport uses six bases?" Ivory asked him.

"Double Baseball. It's like baseball, but multiplied by two." He replied. "Anyway, Rainbow Dash, how's the Wonderbolting going?" He asked.

"I mean, I'm working my absolute dream job, so I can't complain." Rainbow Dash replied. "Pretty great at it too." She grinned.

"Right, and I'm sure there was no complaints heard from _anypony_ when Soarin was moved to behind you in formation." Quibble spoke up snidely. "I just hope he doesn't get too distracted."

"Jealousy, eh?" Chuckie spoke up. "So petty. Pinkie and I, a _married couple_ , manage to rise above such things." He smirked. "Isn't that right, my darling?" He asked, wrapping a hoof around my shoulders.

"That's quite right, my beloved." I replied with a smile. "We, the superior married couple do not face such things."

"Baloney." Rainbow Dash shook her head. "Chuck is the worst at being jealous."

"It's so true." Ivory nodded.

"Absolutely." Quibble agreed.

"Yeah, well... shut up." Chuckie crossed his hooves. "So, Pinkie, sweetheart, how have you been?"

"It's been fun this week, slow, but fun." I replied.

"Thank God we have possibly the smallest hassle of a child imaginable." Chuckie laughed, it was true, as far as five years olds went, Sugar Plum was a parent's dream come true.

"Enjoy that while you can." Ivory spoke up. "Spring of next year you'll have two kids nothing like her. They could be the worst little devils you've ever seen, in fact, they probably will be." She said.

"What makes you say that?" Chuckie asked.

"Well I mean... come on, they're gonna be your kids." She explained. "You're an egotistical crooner with self esteem issues," She pointed to Chuckie. "And you're... well I mean..." She pointed to me.

"And she's what?" Chuckie quickly asked, his tone rising.

"Geez, nothing, nothing to be offended about." She replied. Chuckie looked to me, I think how now understood what I was talking about. And the rest of the night went the same way! We'd all be having a good time, then Ivory would end up say something border lining onto rude, usually directed at me. Sadly, the best part of the date was leaving.

"I'll see you all tomorrow, remember we've got a retirement party for Old Stallion McGucket tomorrow night all." Chuckie called to them as we left, as we walked, I let out a small sigh. "So, you were right." He nodded.

"You noticed it?" I asked.

"Yeah." He nodded. "Look, I'm sorry." He turned to me. "If I'm being honest I really thought you were making things up but... but that was all directed at you."

"Why?" I asked. "Why doesn't she like me?"

"I don't know hon." He sighed. "Maybe this is all a misunderstanding, I'll talk to her tomorrow and-" I shook my head and cut him off.

"No." I shook my head. "I'm finding out for myself." I concluded.

"Oh God." He remarked. "And how do you intend on doing that?"

"I have my ways." I said.

"Yeah alright," He dismissed me. "You have your ways of getting back to the house? I didn't send Sugar Plum to Applejack's for the night for nothing." He grinned.

"You sly dog..." I remarked with a giggle. And I think you can piece together how the rest of the night went.

The next morning I slept in, it was nice, usually morning sickness got me up pretty early, but not this time. Chuckie was already gone to pick up Sugar Plum, or at least I was pretty sure that's where he was off too since Sugar Plum wasn't home yet. Perfect. I quickly got myself ready and went outside to greet the day, and get information... It was exactly 8:32 in the morning, Ivory would be walking by any second now on her was to the Brown Brick Cafe for her morning coffee. What did I have planned? Well, I didn't know. But I had to think of something quick, I could see her coming!

"Hi Ivory!" I called with a smile and a wave, greeting her. She turned to me with a little scowl and nodded.

"Good morning Pinkie Pie." She said to me.

"Where you going? Cafe? Like you do every morning?" I asked her.

"Uh... Yeah." She nodded. "... why?" She asked.

"Because I was just on my way too! Then I remembered that you go there every morning and I thought we could go together!" I smiled at her.

"Um... geez, Pinkie, I uh..." She stammered.

"Awesome!" I exclaimed. "I'm so excited, we've never hung out together just the two of us before, now we're going to!" She exclaimed.

"Terrific." She said flatly, and so we walked. I continued trying to make conversation, and she'd reply with one or two word answers, I guess I couldn't blame her. It was pretty early and I could tell she wasn't completely awake, coffee was bound to fix that though! We walked into the cafe and she sat down at a table, a one seated table...

"Um, excuse me sir," I spoke to the barista. "Would it be okay if I moved a chair to her table?"

"Of course!" He nodded. "What can I get you?" He asked.

"Ummm..." I looked at the menu above him, I had a feeling I knew what Ivory would want. "I'll have a grande mocha latte, heavy on the whipped cream with a chocolate drizzle, make that two please!"

"Coming right up." He nodded. A moment later he returned with the drinks and gave them to me. "Here you go, have a good day."

"Thanks! You too!" I smiled, paying him. "Oh Ivory, I got your drink!"

"Oh, you did, did you?" She asked, a worried look on her face.

"Yeah!" I nodded. "Here you go!" I set it next to her on the table.

"Thanks..." She nodded sipping the drink, she immediately gagged and coughed in response to the drink. "What is in this!?" She sputtered, wiping her mouth with a napkin.

"Well, it's a mocha latte with a lot of whipped cream and chocolate drizzle, that's what's in it I guess." I shrugged.

"Oh... well that explains it." She nodded slowly. "Look, I appreciate the gesture and all... But I'm gonna go get my actual order... to go." She said, getting up and going back to the counter.

"Oh, okay, yeah! Um... see ya." I said, waving to her as she left the cafe. I sighed and stirred my drink a little before drinking it. It was good, but it wasn't the same knowing someone was mad at me, or upset with me, or didn't like me. You know?

* * *

"Did I ever tell you guys about going to the midnight premier of _Star Wars VII_?" Chuckie asked his employees later on in the day at his bar.

"Yes." They all said in annoyance.

"And about when you sent your draft script of a _Back to the Future IV_ to Michael J. Fox." Ivory noted. "Have any stories we might be interested in?"

"How about the time he actually had a conversation with his childhood hero, Will Nischer?" I asked, comically popping out out the piano in a way that just doesn't come across as well written down as it would happening in front of you.

"That's Phil Vischer, hon." Chuckie corrected me without even looking up. In front of me was Ivory panting heavily in a state of shock, she looked like she had just saw a ghost! Or somepony burst through her piano or something ridiculous like... oh yeah!

"Hey Ivory, what's the matter?" I asked, climbing out of the piano.

"Hhheeghh... hehehehhh..." She panted and stammered, rubbing her temples. "What are you... how long have you... why are you here?"

"Easy! I got here about twenty minutes ago and dug my way through the wall, if you move the piano you'll see that there's a hole in the wall I made to get into the piano from the back!" I explained.

"There's a _what!?_ " Chuckie looked up suddenly.

"I just thought I'd drop by and visit you guys!" I exclaimed. "I mean, sure I could take the door, but I mean, the door? Boring!" I giggled.

"No. Not boring." Chuckie shook his head. "Now I have to pay to fix the wall and I'll probably have to replace the piano."

"Oops." I shuffled my hooves a little bit.

"But... but it's fine, it's fine." He said, reassuring me. "We've actually been doing pretty good this month, It won't take much... wall should be fixed by next week and I'll take a look at pianos tonight, no harm no foul." He chuckled. "Wait... where's Sugar Plum?" He asked.

"I left her in very capable hooves." I explained. His eyelids twitched, I think he knew what I meant.

"No. No no no no no no no no!" He hollered out, untying his apron and throwing his hat on charging out the door.

"Boss is gone, and if it's anything like last week he won't be back for a while. I'm taking the rest of the day off." Quibble said, untying his apron and leaving.

"And I've got that Mark Mitzvah in Quartzcolt Valley, I'd better get ready." Cheese stated. "I'll be back on Thursday Kiki." He said, kissing Ivory on the cheek and walking out the door.

"Kiki?" I asked, cocking my head.

"Key key, smashed together, it's cute." Ivory shrugged. "Kinda like how you call Mark 'Chuckie' and how he calls you 'Cutie Pie'."

"Chuckie's real name isn't Mark." I said, squinting in confusion.

"It's some type of weird name, like seriously... your name not having something to do with your physique or personality? What's wrong with that place?" She said with a little laugh, okay, that's a start.

"Maybe it's for the better." I replied to her joke. "I mean, if he did have a name like that, I don't know if anyone would come to ' _Mopey's Tavern_ ', I know I wouldn't!" I laughed.

"Yeah yeah, but I doubt you would've wanted to marry a guy named Sailormouth With A Deathwish." She chuckled.

"You know it!" I laughed a little. At this point I expected her to leave, but she didn't, she just sat there. Well, until she got up and walked over to the counter.

"Do you want anything?" She asked. "I know most the recipes."

"Root beer float if you know it please." I replied, sitting down at the counter.

"A disgusting drink, but I know it." She nodded. "You come by here and ask for one enough, plus it's literally just root beer and ice cream." She chuckled. "And you like it with two scoops. I know that much." She stated.

"That's right!" I nodded.

"Alright, here you go." She said, sliding it to me. "I'll have a Bourbon Manehattan." She spoke aloud, making the drink. "Gotta admit, cutting a hole through the wall and a piano takes a lot of drive, I kinda respect that." She said.

"Thanks." I nodded. "I hope you aren't mad about the piano."

"What? That old thing?" She scoffed with a snicker. "From the looks of things it hasn't played a proper note in years, I'm happy to get an upgrade."

"That's good I guess." I nodded. "Hey... is it okay if I asked you something?"

"Long as you don't ask about my mother, outta sight, outta life, outta mind." She snickered. That's a little bit morbid.

"It's not that it's just..." I sighed. "Why don't you like me?" I asked.

"Huh?" She asked.

"You just seem like you don't like me." I said. "I don't understand it."

"Pinkie, look." She stroked her temples. "It's not that I don't like you, I do like you, it's just... you can tire me out sometimes." She admitted.

"I what?" I asked.

"You tire me out sometimes, I don't know what it is, I had it really rough growing up, by my late twenties I was pretty much done with everything. I can't handle... high energy stuff, I can hardly play songs with a fast tempo!" She chuckled a little. "And yeah, sure I'm dating Cheese, but I mean, he kinda eats up that little sliver of patience for that stuff I have, hell I have to take breaks from him sometimes." She said. "Why do you think I'm so okay with him leaving to throw those parties? We understand each other. He doesn't bring me along to his parties, and I don't bring up the fact I had a touchy uncle."

"You what!?" I stammered. "Chuckie never told me..."

"I didn't tell Chuck everything, you never tell someone everything." She replied, sipping her drink. "And last night, I guess that deserves an explanation. I don't like Quibble that much." She told me. "I think he's a pompous dick. But the thing is, I couldn't take that out on him because his dom of a marefriend of his would probably kick the snot outta me. I shouldn't have made you my crutch for that night. I'm sorry." She apologized.

"Well, if that's all..." I shrugged. "I'm sorry about this morning, I was just a little nervous."

"Don't be." She shrugged it off. "I got you back, I spiked your drink!" She laughed.

"You what!?" I exclaimed. "But I'm pregnant!" I said, panting in shock.

"I know." She smirked. "And THAT'S how I got you back, freaking you out like that! That drink's as virgin as Quibble."

"You don't think they've-" I began.

"You can tell." She smirked. "C'mon, wanna head to Sunny Side's?" She asked.

"Sure, Bestie." I smiled.

"I like you, but we aren't besties." She replied quickly.

* * *

 _Wasn't that nice? Sorry about not uploading for a whole month. Oops. Now I know what it feels like to be **clefjumper**. (Sorry 'clef. Had to). See you next time!_


	61. Chapter 61: Bad Favor for a Good Friend

**Author's note:** Back at it again with a new chapter. This is where some things get real. Also, the first use of my favorite swear word in this story, used in a quote from one of my favorite movies too. Imagine that!

* * *

Chapter 61: Bad Favor For A Good Friend

"It was kind of Applejack to let us have this, wouldn't you say?" I remarked as Pinkie and I dug through storage in the Apple family barn for an old crib. One down, one to go, right?

"Absolutely!" Pinkie said, pulling the crib out, it had seen better days but it was still in pretty good shape.

"Fresh coat of paint and it will look finer than anything you could buy at the store." I remarked.

"Pick baby blue if you want to restore it to it's original glory." Applejack spoke up, peaking her head up through the hatch that led to the attic of the barn. "However, I always imagined a vibrant yellow would look mighty fine on it." She continued.

"Yellow?" I looked at the crib. "Too bright, blue would look great however."

"We'll have time to talk about the color later, that and we're not painting it blue." Pinkie stated.

"Yes dear." I nodded, I then turned to Applejack and mouthed 'yes we are'. Just as we were about to carry the cradle down the makeshift ladder/stairs of the barn, Applebloom came rushing in, calling for Applejack.

"Applejack!" Applebloom called. "There's somepony here to see you!"

"Who is it?" Applejack asked.

"I don't know!" Applebloom replied. "He looks to be in pretty rough shape."

"Best go an' see what he wants." Applejack remarked. "Pinkie, Chuck, feel free to take anything else you see fit, I think I have a foal mobile we used for Applebloom in one of those boxes if'n you like."

"Thanks Applejack!" Pinkie called. "Applejack's so kind and generous, we really ought to do something for her sometime." She suggested to me once we were alone.

"Oh absolutely, but what do you do for the mare who seldom wants anything?" I asked.

"I don't know!" Pinkie shrugged. "I guess when the time comes we'll know."

"You bet." I nodded. "So what, do we want the mobile?" I asked her.

"We can get it later, let's get the crib home first." She suggested. We... well, I mean, I grabbed the crib, the entire _heavy_ crib, and carried it down the walkway of the farm, at the gate, Pinkie and I passed Applejack and Applebloom, along with that stallion Applebloom was talking to. He did look pretty beat up, don't know what happened to him.

"Hey Applejack, Applebloom, and... Scratchy the Hobo." I remarked, looking at the stallion. He looked at me and chuckled modestly.

"N'ah sir, cannot say that's m'name." He chuckled. "They call me Cripps Apple. I'm a relative of Applejack."

"You are?" Pinkie asked.

"You are?" Applejack asked. "Look, just because you've got apple in your name doesn't mean..."

"Goldie Delicious told me there were Apples in Ponyville, she's my great aunt, but... if'n I got the wrong place..." He stammered.

"Well, if Goldie Delicious is your great aunt, that would most definitely make you an Apple." Applejack remarked. "Welcome to the Apple Family Orchard, cousin, what can I do you for?" She asked.

"Well... I need a place to stay, bank foreclosed on my house and I was out on the streets, I had to travel by hoof all the way here from South Dacolta." He explained. "I'm dreadfully sorry to put this upon you, and I completely understand if..."

"Aw fiddle faddle!" Applejack shook her head. "Any family is welcome at the orchard, c'mon in and make yourself at home!" She said, welcoming him in. Pinkie and I watched Applebloom and Applejack walk this... new member of the family inside and we exchanged looks.

"Have you ever heard of this guy?" I asked her, once we were alone.

"No!" She shook her head. "I know Applejack has a big family, that I may or may not be part of even, but I've never heard of him! Or South Dacolta for that matter."

"It's just North Dacolta with more racism." I smirked. "But seriously though, I get my bourbon from there, so that at least adds up." I noted. "Well, maybe there's just more Apples than we had figured, I wouldn't think too much of it." I shrugged. Inside the Apple family house, Applejack gave Cripps Apple a tour of the place.

"As you can see we have plenty of guest rooms, pick whichever y'like." Applejack told him during the tour. "Now, I should stress that since you'll be living here you'd be expected to help out from time to time." She mentioned. "But you're an Apple, no Apple is shy to a little hard work, ain't that right?" She chuckled.

"That's the truth." Cripps chuckled back. "Y'mind if I just have some time to myself? Settle into my room? Perhaps make m'self look a little more presentable?" He asked.

"Oh gosh, I'm so sorry!" Applejack remarked. "Absolutely Sugar Cube, you go right ahead." She nodded, leaving him alone. Once he was alone, he turned to his room and set his suitcase down in it. He grumbled to himself as he looked through it for cleaning products he had packed.

"This had better be worth it." He remarked, heading for the washroom, ditching the southern twang he had been using around Applejack, but why is that? Let's find out, hmm?

Not long after, Cripps returned to his room, all cleaned up, he looked around in the hallway to see if anypony was around. Seeing that the coast was clear, he peaked his head out of the window. Down below he saw rustling in the bushes. Two ponies bickering with each other is what he heard.

"Think he's inside?" One voice asked.

"We watched him, you idiot!" The other voice remarked. "He told us to wait in the bushes until he gives us the signal."

"Pardon me, gentlecolts." Cripps spoke up. "I'm up here." Out from the bushes poked the heads of none other but convicted robbers, Crow Bar and Lock Pick. Remember them?

"Oh, there you are boss." Crow Bar remarked. "How'd it go?"

"I'm inside, aren't I?" Cripps replied. "Look. Make yourselves scarce until I map the place out. There are still a few things I need to handle before I'll need your help."

"Don't worry about a thing." Lock Pick nodded.

"Excellent. Now, shoo." He ordered them, turning back to his room. "If I don't have a martini in my hoof soon I'm going to blow my brains out." He grumbled. Moments later, Cripps walked downstairs to look around, Applejack noticed this and quickly approached him.

"Well lookit you, all cleaned up. How're you feeling? Hungry?" She asked.

"Thirsty is the more appropriate term, have y'all got a... saloon nearby?" He asked.

"Oh..." Applejack remarked. "Well, there's a tavern in town, you actually met the stallion running it, he an' his wife are expecting twins."

"Perfect, I'll be on m'way then." Cripps nodded, turning around.

"But, I highly suggest you stay for a little while, meet the rest of the family!" Applejack exclaimed. Cripps looked to the door and sighed.

"I s'pose I could stay for a bit before going to wet m'whistle." He nodded. "Who's all here?"

"Well, you already met me an' Applebloom, she's the youngest." Applejack said, leading him into the kitchen. "In here is Big Mac, he's the muscle 'round here." She pointed to her larger in both age and size brother. "And lookin' after the homestead and managin' our finances is dear ol' Granny Smith." She pointed to her elderly grandmother, rocking in her chair in the corner.

"An' who's this feller?" Granny Smith asked, looking at Cripps.

"Granny, this is Cripps Apple, he's a relative of our's from South Dacolta." Applejack explained.

"There ain't never been any Apples in South Dacolta, sounds like a load of hooey." Granny replied skeptically, eyeing Cripps up.

"Well, y'see, I wasn't born there, I simply moved there, then left." Cripps stated.

"Uh huh." Granny Smith nodded. "Well, I s'pose that adds up." She remarked. "Well Cripps, you make yerself at home."

"I will, thank y'all kindly for your generosity." Cripps nodded with a smile. "Well, Applejack, I think I'm gonna excuse myself, get m'self a drink."

"You do that, an' when you get there tell Chuck that he's gotta come see us about renewing his contract for cider season soon." Applejack instructed him.

"Of course." Cripps nodded and left the house, immediately after shutting the door, his happy expression faded and he began to mutter to himself without the southern drawl once more. "Housework that, tell Buck this, f'eh! This had better be worth it." He grumbled.

At my bar, I was in the midst of dusting off the liquor bottles that I keep on display to spruce the place up that honestly don't have anything in them when Cripps walked in and strolled right over to the counter, wallet in hoof.

"Well howdy there barkeep." He smiled at me. "What's the best martini you've got?"

"Martini?" I chuckled. "You look a little too much like a hick to be asking for a drink like that." I remarked, his face soured up at my remark, seeing that, I quickly stopped laughing and looked to my cabinet for my martini stuff. "Yeah so one martini comin' up." I grabbed the ingredients. "This is the New Be _Gin_ nings Martini, pretty much the classic gin martini." I explain. "Shaken or stirred?"

"Shaken." He answered, but he sounded different, less country twang and more... Nathan Fillion business man type character. I looked at him quizzically, noticing the change in his voice. He must have realized his slip up because he quickly corrected himself. "I'm sorry, between you an' me I'm just not a big fan on the twang, been tryin' to shake it." He chuckled.

"M'eh, I always kinda liked the southern drawl." I shrugged. "Here you go." I gave him the drink. "Listen," I said to him. "I hate to be a bother, but I'm actually going to be closing soon for the rest of the day." I said. "My daughter is starting school in the fall and I need to go to a stupid orientation at the stupid school she's going to. I asked Pinkie, she's my wife, why can't she just take her? But that got those pregnancy hormones acting up like nobody's business, now she's going to see if it's not too late to get a prenup." I scoffed. "Little does she know you can't get those after you get married."

"Oh, you're that Chuck fellow, aren't you?" He asked me.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"Applejack told me to tell you to come by to renew your cider contract soon." He informed me.

"Yeah, tell her I'll swing by and do it tomorrow when I pick up the rest of the nursery equipment." I replied as I untied my apron. "Now, in the mean time, I have to go and show my daughter around the _School of Friendship._ " I rolled my eyes. "I've never been a books guy but friendship isn't going to help you for squat in the real world." I mumbled as I left the tavern, tossing the key to Ivory. "Lock the place up, will you?"

"Sure thing boss." She nodded, then turned to Cripps. "Well? Barkeep's gone, get the hell out!" She hollered at him, his eyes widened and he cocked his head nervously, he slurped down the drink and ran for the exit.

* * *

The next day, I strolled over to the Apple family farm to renew my contract and pick a few more things up. Pinkie wasn't feeling well so she opted out for this time around, leaving me to do all the lifting myself. However, as I entered the farm, Applejack greeted me at the door before I could even knock.

"Chuck," She welcomed me. "Sorry to do this to you, but we're gonna have to do that contract another time. Granny Smith woke up sicker than a wrinkled salamander this morning, can't even remember a thing either. Big Mac and I are lookin' after her till she gets better."

"Oh.. I'm really sorry to hear that." I remarked.

"Thanks Chuck, but feel free to take what's left in the barn we set out for you, you should be fine to come back tomorrow." Applejack told me. I nodded and turned for the barn, on my way, I ran into a familiar face lounging under an apple tree.

"Oh, hey Chuck." Rainbow Dash turned to me. "What's up?" She asked.

"What's up is you're going to help me haul nursery supplied." I informed her. "C'mon, I've got better things to do today than this." I led her to the barn. Once inside, we went up to the attic and I started shuffling through boxes. "Look out for a mobile, will you?" I remarked.

"If you need junk for a foal, you could have asked me. I need to start getting rid of all the junk my parents held onto." Rainbow Dash stated as we looked through boxes.

"No thanks, I'm pretty sure they even held onto your old diapers." I teased. "Foal's first doodie, she did it like a pro!" I mimicked.

"Shut up." She said with an embarrassed laugh. Down below, I could hear something, three voices, one of them familiar. It was Cripps, but he wasn't using his drawl, he was using that business man voice he let slip in the bar yesterday. I shushed Rainbow Dash and listened in.

"Fellas," Cripps spoke to the others. "You know why I sprung you two from prison?" He asked. "Because I heard you two knew about this farm, you tried to hit it, and failed."

"Way to rub it in." One of the others stated.

"But now, now everything is in place." Cripps informed them. "The hit is ripe for the picking, so to speak."

"We can make off with the heirlooms?" Another voice asked.

"No no, Crow Bar, Lock Pick, this is bigger than heirlooms." Cripps chuckled. "I had been looking at this spot for a long, long time, and after meticulous planning it's in my grasp. I tried to hire two other goons, a pair of brothers, to get the property for me a few years ago, no such luck. But this plan fell right into place, I couldn't believe it." He exclaimed. "Gentlecolts, there's oil beneath this estate." He explained. "Lots of it, I get this estate, the oil is mine for the taking, with of course, a hefty share given to both of you for... services rendered." He explained. "Last night, I secured the estate. I got that old mare in charge of the property so liquored up that she changed her will no questions asked, leaving everything to me and _nothing_ for those grandfoals of her's." He explained. "Now, everything is in place, tomorrow, I need you two to... take care of her." He explained.

"Off the old lady?" Crow Bar asked.

"Kill her." Cripps nodded. "The estate will go to me, the Apples will be out on their flanks, and I'll have gotten my biggest score yet!" He laughed.

"Slick, Slick Business you dirty bastard!" Lock Pick laughed. "Ahh I love ya." He chuckled. "Don't worry about a thing boss, that old mare, we'll make it look like an accident, nopony will suspect a thing."

"Good." Cripps nodded. "Now shoo, make yourselves invisible until tomorrow night." He instructed, I heard the two leave and Cripps or.. Slick, leave shortly after. I turned to Rainbow Dash with wide eyes and an open jaw. What did I just witness? A planned murder!?

"What!?" Rainbow Dash whispered frantically. "What!?"

"I don't know!" I exclaimed. "This is ridiculous!"

"You're telling me." She noted. "Cripps is actually..."

"Cripps is Slick, Slick Business." I explained. "God, that's a cool name." I remarked. "That's not the point. The point is we need to find out what's going on..."

"I know what room he's in, I saw him through a window once, I get in, I can see what I can find on him." Rainbow suggested.

"Good idea." I nodded. We sneaked across the farm nonchalantly and made our way to the outside of the farmhouse. I looked up at the window. "You sure this is the one?" I asked.

"Positive." She nodded. "Slick went to town, I saw him at the gate when we left the barn, so we've got time." She said flying up to the open window and climbing in. "Chuck, he's got a brief case in here." She called down.

"Open it!" I called back.

"Celestia..." i could hear her remark. "Chuck, this isn't the first time he's done stuff like this." She stated. "He's got reports on the Peach family in Foalorida, the Potato family in Prince Equine Island _and_ a group of them in Idahorse." She explained. "He swindles the family and makes of with their bits, usually causes 'accidents' to make sure the families don't talk."

"Oh my god, we're dealing with a killer and a thief!" I exclaimed. Inside the room, Rainbow Dash heard somepony approach the door, Rainbow Dash slammed the case shut and made her way for the door, only to be caught by the pony in the hallway, Applejack.

"Rainbow Dash, what are you doing here?" She asked.

"Uh oh..." Rainbow Dash remarked. "Applejack, you've got to listen to me," Rainbow began.

"I don't wanna hear it!" Applejack shook her head. "I have too much to deal with right now and you spying on my cousin isn't helping!" She hollered. "You need to leave."

"But Applejack-" Rainbow started.

"Now." Applejack demanded. Rainbow Dash nodded and headed for the window, joining me down below.

"Well that went well." Rainbow Dash sighed.

"C'mon." I said. "We've gotta get out of here before it gets worse.

"What are we going to do!?" Rainbow Dash asked me later on at my bar. "Applejack is head over hooves for her long lost cousin, she wouldn't believe us!"

"I don't know." I said, rubbing my temples. "What do you think?"

"Expose him?" Rainbow Dash suggested.

"He's got hired hit men, we expose him, he gets them to take _us_ out." I shook my head. "So we can't expose him, we can't run him out of town, he'd just come back. Looking at those files he's pretty consistent. Jesus _Christ._ This guy's killed ponies."

"Well, how do you teach a murderer a lesson?" Rainbow Dash asked. My eyelid twitched nervously when the first idea popped into my head. I didn't want to resort to that idea.

"You could just kill him." Ivory spoke up, speaking my idea aloud. "I mean, this guy's killed a bunch of ponies before, so I mean, kill one guy... doesn't make you as bad as he is. And when you think about it, there are worse things you can do. I'd kill _so_ many ponies if I had the chance." She chuckled sadistically. I turned to Rainbow Dash and arched my brow.

"I mean..." I shrugged. "He's not a good pony, at all." I stated. "He... doesn't even donate to charity with all that money he's sitting on." I remarked. "God, I wonder what he does with it all, hey, y'think he has one of those big vaults like Scrooge McDuck has that he swims around in all his money within?"

"Chuck!" Rainbow Dash cut me off. "This is serious." She sighed. "Look, I mean, what if we get caught?"

"What if we do nothing?" I countered. "Granny Smith dies, Applejack, Big Mac, and Applebloom get evicted, and we know we could have done something about it."

"Woo! Waste that dick!" Ivory cheered, clapping her hooves.

"You need to stop drinking for today." I turned to her. "Well, Rainbow, unless you can think of something else..."

"No..." She sighed. "Alright... I guess I could do this."

"Do what?" Slick asked, entering the bar, back in disguise as Cripps, thinking he could still fool us.

"Fishing trip." I stated. "And you're invited."

"Well..." He thought. "Sounds lovely! Who's all going?"

"Well, 'Dash and I, my two other bartenders might come." I shrugged. "Meet up tonight. Quarter after ten." I instructed.

"I'll see you there!" He nodded as he paid for his drink and left. I turned to Rainbow Dash and sipped my drink.

"Tonight, 10:15. Don't tell anyone else about this." I instructed. "Bring fishing gear."

"Why didn't you just waste him here and now?" Rainbow asked. "I hate fishing."

* * *

"Sugar Plum, I'm going to be going out for the evening so I'm saying goodnight now, but before I have to go I've got to explain something to you." I told her that night as I put her to bed. Pinkie had fallen asleep early thanks to pregnancy throwing her out of whack, I wasn't sure how I was going to explain this to her, I'd have to think of something. I sure as hell wasn't telling Sugar Plum what I was doing.

"What's that daddy?" She asked me.

"Sometimes... life throws situations at you, situations where you'll question whether you're doing the right thing. You have to choose between doing the easier or what some might see as the moral thing to do at the risk of seriously hurting someone you care about, or doing what seems hard or even wrong to some to help someone." I explained. "If you're lucky you'll never be faced with such a thing, but know that if it does, helping those that need it is the most important thing."

"Okay daddy." She nodded. "Where are you going?" She asked me.

"To help someone." I told her as I tucked her into bed. "Goodnight... my sweet, precious daughter... I love you." I kissed her forehead and removed her glasses for her. "I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight daddy, good luck helping." She told me as I went for the door.

"Thanks sweet heart." I nodded. "If your mother wakes up before I get home and looks for me tell her I'm out helping someone." I said, shutting the door and grabbed my bag, vest, and hat. This was it. I walked down the street, equipment on me, taking in the sights and sounds of the sleeping town. I saw Rainbow Dash in the distance, waiting outside the bar.

"You ready?" Rainbow Dash asked me when we met up outside the bar.

"Sure am." I nodded. "You?" I asked.

"Oh yeah." She nodded. "Mess with Applejack and you mess with me."

"It's quarter after ten, Slick should be here any minute." I noted, looking at the clock tower. "All we have to do is get him into the woods, the rest should follow suit pretty easily." I told her.

"Here's hoping." Rainbow Dash remarked. Just then, I could see him coming down the street, fully donned in his disguise and sporting a fishing hat.

"Well howdy there friends." He smiled warmly. "Say, where's everypony else?"

"Quibble got sick, Cheese had a thing. You know how it is." I shrugged. "C'mon, it won't stay night forever." I said, leading Rainbow Dash and Slick out of town to the woods.

"So Cripps," Rainbow Dash began. "You ever do much fishing?" She asked.

"Only when I was a colt, just fell out of it growin' up, was mighty pleased to get the invitation from you, Chuck." He told me.

"Don't mention it." I replied as we came up on the entrance to the woods, this was it. We walked in silence up to the fishing spot, we had to play the long con for as long as possible until the moment was just right. I didn't quite know how I was going to handle him, but only Rainbow Dash and I were going to leave the woods that night. I cast my rod and cracked open a bottle of beer. Bolt Lite specifically. "Cripps, want a beer?" I asked.

"I'll pass, thank y'kindly though." Slick replied, using that god awful fake twang of his.

"You want anything?" Rainbow asked. "We packed some pretty good stuff."

"I'm sure you did, I just can't say I'm all that thirsty right now." He chuckled.

"Ah well, there's still a whole cooler full if you do." I told him, but I wasn't going to give him the opportunity for much longer. "Hey, I've gotta drain the vein, if you know what I'm saying." I told them, standing up. "I'll be right back." I said, turning and walking away. I walked back about forty feet for a moment, prepping myself to do something that would no doubt change my life forever. I picked up a fallen log, light enough for me to pick up but heavy enough that it could cause some major damage, as my friend Phil Swift with Flex Tape would say. I walked over quietly with the log and waited, I swung the log and struck Slick directly in the head, sending him to the ground.

"It's game over, Slick Business." Rainbow Dash snarled at him as he moaned in pain on the ground.

"We know all about your plan, you sick bastard." I informed him. "Sadly for you, you messed with the wrong ponies."

"No... Chuck..." Slick told me, standing up. "YOU messed with the wrong pony!" He laughed as Crow Bar and Lock Pick made themselves visible and grabbed us. "I was onto your little plan for a late night fishing trip from the start, I didn't think you'd have it in you to really try and kill me though, but I brought company along in case." He chuckled. "They're going to take care of the two of you, I'm going to get out of here, and when they're done, they are going to kill that old bag and the orchard will belong to me!" He laughed maniacally. "Crow Bar, Lock Pick, you know what to do." He chuckled, running off.

"No!" I growled as I struggled under Crow Bar's grip. I elbowed Crow Bar hard in the gut, getting him to release me. "I can't let him get away!" I told Rainbow Dash.

"You go!" She told me. "I'll handle these two and catch up!" She instructed me. I nodded and ran off in the direction he did, luckily I knew for sure he wouldn't be out of the woods since he were pretty far in. I ran as fast as I could, looking for the tycoon in every direction when suddenly I tripped and fell. I rubbed the dirt off me face and looked up to see Slick, His real mane falling out from under the toupee and the freckles and fake cutie mark fading.

"Well well well, look who caught up to me." He chuckled. "I take it you've never _taken care_ of someone before." He remarked. "Because by Celestia's mane you're bad at it."

"I got my cutie mark in entertainment, not mafia shit like this." I spat.

"It shows." He remarked. "So long, Patsy." He said, lifting up a large rock about to Cain my Able brains in. I quickly jumped forward, tackling him to the ground and began laying punches into him. He struggled and fought, eventually kicking me off of him. We fought back and forth through the forest, kicking and punching in the mud and the blood and the moss. He grabbed me by the neck and began to strangle me. Luckily, for reasons that don't need to be shared, I had gotten used to being choked. I swung my head forward and butted it with his, sending him back. Not looking where we were I lunged for him in a tackle, it was successful, up until the point the tackle had sent us both into the river. He used it to his advantage of course and forced my head down underwater, my head crashed against multiple rocks and logs as the current rushed us downstream. Using what force I could muster I jerked up and started to attack, paying little mind to the blood coming from the cuts on my face and coming from in my mouth.

"Here you go Slick, you see what happens!?" I asked him, choking and kicking him in the water. "You see what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass? _This_ is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!" I growled, channeling my inner Walter Sobchak of _The Big Lebowski._ A terrific movie if you've never seen it, it'll change your life.

"The gift of life is wasted upon simpletons who believe they can be noblemen like you." Slick snarled, punching me in the gut.

"I never claimed to be a nobleman, just someone who stands up and does the wrong thing for all the right reasons." I replied, punching him square in the muzzle, I even knocked a couple of teeth loose. He snarled and swore, spitting blood out at me.

"I've got my own, thanks." I replied, dodging a swing from him. As I dodged the swing, I noticed something up ahead. A waterfall, a colossal waterfall. I gulped and began to swim for shore, perhaps I could get lucky, as I swam, Slick grabbed my leg and pulled me back.

"No way, Chuck." He grinned. "This sinking ship is for two. Looks like that daughter of yours is going to grow up without a father." He laughed.

"Actually she was adopted, so her birth father is probably out there somewhere." I corrected him. "And I mean, Pinkie could also remarry." I added.

"Shut up!" He growled. "It doesn't surprise me that you don't seem upset, I mean, who's this going to affect?" He laughed. "A monarch dies and the country holds a mass funeral, a soldier dies and they're honored for years to come, a bartender dies... and everyone forgets." He smirked.

"That's where you're wrong." I snarled. " _This_ bartender isn't going anywhere!" I made a final kick and got him off of me, climbing to shore. But alas it was too late for him, the current sent him tumbling down over the edge, crying out in defeat.

"I can't believe it..." I remarked, catching my breath, letting the events sink in. The events and... a lot of pain. Wow, I was hurting all over. I think my leg was broken.

"Chuck! Chuck!" I heard a voice call from up above. I looked up to see Rainbow Dash flying up above.

"I'm down here." I called to her, she swooped down and joined me.

"Slick?" She asked.

"He either broke his spine on impact of the very shallow river, or..." I thought. "Well, he's dead." I stated. "Those two crooks?"

"Taken care of." Rainbow Dash nodded. "What are we going to tell Applejack?" She asked.

"What would she tell us?" I asked.

* * *

"Wait... what?" Applejack asked us the next day after we had sat her down and told her the news.

"His name was Slick Business." I said, opening his suitcase. "He was a con artist businessman who went around and swindled his way into old pony's wills for their estates, once they passed, normally by means less than kosher, he would take their estates and use the property for his own gain. Heirlooms sold, land destroyed, turns out your orchard is sitting on a lot of oil."

"He had already manipulated Granny Smith into altering her will." Rainbow Dash added. "He was going to have his goons, Crow Bar and Lock Pick... y'know."

"Sweet Celestia..." Applejack remarked, clutching her hat. "And you two..."

"It was all we could do." I told her. "He had the bits to pay off every law enforcer in Equestia, and he had done it before."

"You heard about the Peach family in Foalorida?" Rainbow Dash asked.

"Their farm burnt down in the night, according to what I heard." Applejack noted.

"He torched the farmhouse for the insurance claim after getting the paperwork, family was inside so there's life insurance checks there." I corrected. "Same with the Potato family in Prince Equine Island."

"My lands..." Applejack remarked. "And you two... did that... to... for... for me?" She asked.

"Of course." I nodded.

"Applejack, you're like, my best friend, I couldn't sit back and do nothing." Rainbow Dash said.

"And you've done so much for Pinkie and I, it just wouldn't feel right not to do anything when I knew that I could." I noted.

"Does anyone else know about this?" Applejack asked.

"Nobody." I shook my head. "Rainbow and I handled the body."

"And those two crooks?" She asked.

"Judging by the time, in the lunch line at Canterlot Penitentiary." Rainbow Dash answered.

"Okay." Applejack nodded. "I've gotta say... I'm still a little taken aback, this is a lot to take in." She admitted.

"I know." Rainbow Dash nodded. "Just... make sure Granny Smith changes that will, huh?" She chuckled.

"Will do." Applejack nodded, a slight chuckle escaping her. "Well, Rainbow Dash, Chuck, I can't imagine doing that was easy, an' I sure as hay know that you two will probably have your share of sleepless nights over that."

" _Oh yeah_." Rainbow Dash nodded.

"I- I didn't sleep a single wink after I got home last night, I had to sleep on the couch... after I threw up in the yard." I nodded. "I actually probably need to see a doctor, I was almost the one who didn't leave the woods that night." I added. "I'm actually still pretty sure I at least have a fractured bone in my leg, maybe a broken rib."

"Well... it was certainly a big favor on your parts." Applejack remarked. "How can I repay you?" She asked.

"Don't." I shook my head. "We did this for you because you've done so much for us."

"I mean, if the cops come to your door and ask about his disappearance, you could tell him he packed up and left." Rainbow Dash suggested. "I know honesty is your thing, but I mean, we did do you a _really_ big favor here after all."

"It's a deal." Applejack nodded and shook our hooves. "Thank you... thank you so much, I don't know what I'd do if I lost the farm."

"Well, now you don't have to think about it." I told her. "Come by the tavern and I'll have a free round ready for you and your family, well, not Applebloom."

"I'll be sure of it." She nodded.

* * *

 _Don't worry. We won't be this dark from here on out. Until next time!_


	62. Chapter 62: Score By John Williams

**Author's note:** Remember that time I rewrote the Wizard of Oz with MLP characters? Now I'm going to do it again but with a story I actually like! An epic and grand story that looks way better on screen than as text, with some comedy I made up and a lot that I borrowed. Ladies and gentlemen, the Star Wars chapter! Disclaimer, I don't own Star Wars or MLP, if I did, I wouldn't be here.

Luke Skywalker: Spike  
Princess Leia: Pinkie Pie  
Obi-Wan "Old Benjemina" Kenobi: Zecora  
Han Solo: Chuck  
Chewbacca: Ivory Keys  
3P0: Quibble Pants  
R2-D2: Cheese Sandwich  
Darth Vader: Discord  
Grand Moff Tarkin: Igneous Rock Pie  
Greedo: Jonty Jovihooves  
Wedge Antilles: Rainbow Dash  
Jawas: Flim and Flam  
Uncle Owen: Grouchy Pants (Y'know, from one of the Christmas chapters.)  
Aunt Beru: Bossy Pants (Y'know, from the same Christmas chapter.)

* * *

Chapter 62: Score By John Williams

"Alright kiddo, goodnight." I said, tucking Sugar Plum into bed one night. "Let's take a look at what we've got for evening reading." I said, scanning the bookshelf. "Anything you want to hear?"

"Hamster Heuy and the Gooey Kablooie?" Sugar Plum asked.

"No. God no." I shook my head. "I read that seventeen times." I said, looking back at the bookshelf. "Let's see, _Religious Vegetables in: God Hates Figs_? _Horton Hears A Hate Crime_? Who writes this stuff?" I remarked. "This stuff is garbage."

"Daddy, these books are meant for kids, you're not a kid." She reminded me.

"Yeah, so? Do _you_ have any interest in jungle race wars or a fruit going through conversion therapy?" I asked.

"When you say it like that, neither of those sound very appealing." She replied. "Why don't you just tell me a story?" She asked.

"What? Do you really think I'm creative enough to think of a compelling story with a compelling character that's likable enough to keep the reader or listener's attention?" I asked. No, I am not. The past sixty-some chapters are evidence of that. It was at this point I realized that I needed to do something I've been doing for all this time, rip stuff off. But I was at least going to tell her I was doing that.

"Alright sweetheart, get comfortable, I'll tell you a story." I said, siting down at the foot of her bed. "I'm gonna tell you a little story of love and loss, fathers and sons, and the business errors that led to getting bought out by the most power hungry media company on the planet. This is the story... of Star Wars. Let's start with part four."

* * *

 _A long time ago... but pretty much in the future..._

 _EQUESTRIA'S NEW  
COMEDIAN _

_Episode IV  
A New Hope_

 _War rages throughout the galaxy, with  
nothing but floating space paragraphs to  
read as a source of entertainment. _

_There's a lot of cool space battles with  
lasers and spaceships and lightsabers,  
The bad guy is also like, the good guy's dad  
but you don't find that out until later on..._

 _There's also this hot chick who turns out to be  
the protagonist's sister, but they like kiss. And  
that's pretty weird, imagine if they had done more  
than kiss right? That would've been awful, just think  
of the messed up kid, it would have been like if Marty McFly  
had let his mom go all the way with him in Back to the Future._

 _Also, why was McFly's girlfriend played by a different  
actress in Part 2? Seriously, watch Part 1's epilogue,  
then watch the beginning of Part 2, it's so noticeable!  
What did the actress from the first one think, that sticking  
it through would damage her career? What has she even done  
since Part 1? Big missed opportunity. Anyway, here's what's  
happening in the story..._

 _Princess Leia was out on a space cruise when some  
bad stuff went down... _

As the floating space paragraphs faded off into space, the Rebel space cruiser which Princess Leia was having her vacation on flew over the desert planet of Tatooine, a great place to go for a winter vacation, but certainly not in the heat of July or something. Behind her ship however, was an Imperial Star Destroyer, a ship used by the evil Empire. The two ships fired at each other, even though Leia's cruise ship wouldn't be able to do anything against the destroyer, I mean that thing was about fifteen times the size of Leia's cruise ship. Inside Leia's ship, two service droids walked through the hallways, shaking from the fire the ship was taking.

"Great, looks like we've got the Empire on our hooves." The gold plated pony shaped one remarked, this was C-3P0, but everyone called him 3P0, a protocol droid who also served as the Princess' adviser.

"Beep boop beep boop." The smaller droid shaped like a garbage can with an inexplicable curly brown mane said, this was R2-D2, who most called Ar2. "We'd better get scarce." He said. The two droids hid in one of the many hallways of the ship as a squad of Rebel soldiers passed them and kneeled down at one of the entrance doors, which for some reason were on a spaceship, ready for whatever the Empire was going to throw at them.

"Hey, uh... what if they come in through a different door?" A Rebel soldier asked.

"Shut up Gary." Another said. Just then, the door blew open and ponies covered in white plastic armor burst through, firing at the Rebels. These were Stormtroopers, which were also a Nazi thing, not many realize that. But that was also the name of a Nazi squad. The Stormtroopers fired at the Rebels and the Rebels fired back, ultimately the Stormtroopers were victorious and eliminated the Rebel blockade. As the firing continued, 3P0 looked around for his buddy.

"Ar2?" He called out, just then he saw Ar2 with the Princess, the Princess looked like she was recording a message of some kind.

"Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." She said. "Okay now what do I do?" She asked Ar2.

"Click preferences." He instructed.

"Okay, there's preferences, now what?" She asked, touching a button on the droid.

"Now press 'default media player'." He instructed.

"Okay," She pressed it. "Now there's a spinny circle thing and it's not letting me do anything, it's buffering."

"You just have to give it a minute." Ar2 said.

"Well I'm just trying to get it to load." Princess Leia said.

"And all I'm trying to do is tell you to give it a minute." Ar2 shot back. "You know what? I'll just bring it to her myself."

"There she is!" The two heard, they turned and saw Stormtroopers, one fired a blast from his gun that zapped the Princess and knocked her unconscious.

"Let's go 3P0." Ar2 said, ducking into a nearby escape pod, the gold plated droid shuffled in behind him and the door closed, ejecting the pod into space. 3P0 looked back at the shuttle as they descended and turned to Ar2.

"You uh... know any good travel games?" He asked. Inside the Imperial ship, a trooper looked at the pod and turned to his supervisor.

"Sir, it appears they've jettisoned an escape pod." He said.

"Scanners aren't picking up any life signals, don't shoot it." His supervisor instructed.

"Don't shoot it? What are we being charged by the laser now?" The trooper remarked.

"Shut up Lenny, you're not the one who does the budget." The supervisor growled. The escape pod descended upon Tatooine, which was conveniently where the protagonist and the old mentor live. Like, when you think about it, a lot of this movie is just one convenient coincidence after another. Back aboard the ship, a creature donning all black and gray plastic armor and a mask that kind of looked like a bug's face in Megatron's helmet stepped through the doorway, this was the big baddy. This was Darth Vader.

"Oh yeah, Darth Vader's coming, think we should clean this place up a bit? Nah, nah it's fine, whatever." Darth Vader muttered as he looked around the corridor of the Rebel ship.

"Sir, we've got her." A Stromtrooper said, dragging Princess Leia along.

"Darth Vader, only you could be so bold." Princess Leia remarked with a scowl.

"Bold?" Vader asked. "Bold? You've got giant pink buns in your mane! you look like someone stuck your ears in a cotton candy maker, what's bold is you going out in public like that." He said with a flashy Z-snap.

"Okay, _rude_." Leia remarked.

"I'm the villain, it's what I do." Vader replied. "Now, where are the plans? A group of your troops stole plans to my giant weapo- er... space station."

"I have no idea what you're talking about, this is my cruise ship!" Leia exclaimed.

"You are part of the rebel alliance and a traitor the empire, take her away!" Darth Vader instructed his troopers, who grabbed Leia and took her aboard their Star Destroyer.

Down on Tatooine, the escape pod had landed and 3P0 and Ar2 walked along the blazing desert. "I've gotta rest before I fall apart, my joints are almost frozen!" 3P0 exclaimed.

"Frozen?" Ar2 asked. "We're in the desert, it's no exactly Hoth, now is it?"

"I didn't write the script." 3P0 replied. Ar2 turned and started off in the opposite direction of 3P0. "Where are you going?" 3P0 asked. "I'm not going that way, it's far too rocky!"

"What are you complaining about that for?" Ar2 asked. "You've got legs! I've got wheels for hooves! Whatever, I'm going this way." He turned and went off in the way he had been going.

"Well then go that way, you'll be malfunctioning within a day, you near sighted scrap pile!" 3P0 stated, kicking Ar2.

"Hey, [ **bleep** ] you, man." Ar2 replied, the only time he'll be bleeping in this story. Ar2 eventually found himself traversing along the bottom of a canyon type area, Lord knows how he traversed that. Unbeknownst to him, cloaked ponies, native to the area were watching him.

"Lookit this, here's somethin' we can make a little bit of credits off of." One said to another in their native language.

"We can finally retire to that condo on Coruscant, looking at the condition of that Astromech." The other chuckled. "C'mon, let's get him!" By the time Ar2 noticed the cloaked ponies walking towards him, it was too late, one fired off a blast at him which sent him into a comatose state all of a sudden, freezing up and falling over.

"Lift with your legs, not with your back." One noted to the others as they picked up the droid and carried him off.

The next thing Ar2 knew, he was inside a large transport, surrounded by other robots, he had no idea what was going on, he looked around and tried to communicate with the other robots. "Hey, buddy, any idea where I am?" He asked a cube shaped robot with a pair of binocular shaped eyes.

"Errr... Wall-E." The robot replied, saying it's name.

"That's great." Ar2 sighed. "Buddy, buddy, where am I?" He asked another. A robot built similar to his friend but in gray with a bullet shaped head, antenna, spherical eyes and a luminescent grill for a mouth.

"Bite my shiny metal ass." The robot belched.

"D'ahhh, Pixar and Futurama reference in the same scene." Ar2 chuckled. "We have fun here." Just then, the transport stopped and Ar2 was thrust forward, crashing directly into none other than 3P0. "3P0!?" He remarked.

"Ar2!" 3P0 beamed. "The last time we saw each other I hated you but now I'm super happy to see you!" Just then, two of the creatures walked into the room and began prodding at the robots.

"C'mon, you useless piles of bolts! We've got product to push!" One prodded Ar2.

"How _dare_ you provoke Megatron? I'll crush you to a pulp!" A hulking silver robot with a large black cannon bellowed.

" _Oookay_ , that's enough of the robot references." 3P0 remarked flatly. Outside the transport, a young dragon stepped out from his desert home, perching heroically for no good reason off of a rock, looking up at the sky. He was about to go to the transport with his uncle when he was called by his aunt.

"Luke! Luke!" His aunt called. Luke jogged over and looked down to where his aunt was, because for whatever reason the common area of their homestead was a thirty foot deep hole in the ground. "Tell your uncle if he gets a translator to be sure it speaks Bocce."

"Doesn't look like we have much of a choice, but I'll tell him." Luke nodded, turning and rejoining his uncle, who was already selecting droids to purchase.

"Well, you've sure got a crap selection, don't you?" Luke's uncle, Uncle Owen remarked. "Gimme the blue Ar2 unit." He bossed one of the cloaked creatures. "What about you, goldy? What's your deal?"

"Well sir, I'm a protocol droid sir an-" 3P0 began.

"I don't need no stinking protocol droid, I need a binary converter!" Uncle Owen barked.

"Binary converting? Why, my first task post assembly was binary converting, in fact I-" He began to ramble on.

"Yeah yeah, do you speak Bocce?" Owen asked.

"Certainly! In fact, Bocce is like a second language to me," 3P0 nodded.

"Wonderful, whatever." Owen nodded. "Luke! Take these two droids to get cleaned up."

"But I was gonna go to the Tosche Station and pick up some power converters!" Luke whined.

"Don't bother, I know what power converters are, I was around in the sixties." Owen barked. "You can waste time with your stoner friends later." Luke sighed and turned to the two droids.

"Alright, come on." He mumbled, leading the two droids inside. Once inside, 3P0 took kindly to a boiling bath of oil while Luke scraped away the dirt on Ar2. "You've got something jammed in there real good." He remarked as he scraped at part of the droid.

"I'd appreciate you move your hand off of that. I am feeling violated." Ar2 replied. "Wait, stop scraping, you're gonna make me... Ah... ahh... AHCHOO!" Ar2 sneezed, firing out the bright blue holographic message of Princess Leia.

"Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." Leia said, the message continued to play on repeat, showing nothing else.

"Is there any more of this?" Luke asked, watching the message.

"Don't you think if there was any more I would have shown you?" Ar2 scoffed.

"Behave, Ar2! You're going to get us into trouble." 3P0 thwacked Ar2 on the head.

"Obi-Wan..." Luke remarked. "I wonder if she means Old Benjamina Kenobi." He pondered. "She lives south of here in the dunes, sort of a strange old hermit." He admitted. "She seems like she's in trouble, I'd better play back the whole thing."

"There's nothing else!" Ar2 exclaimed. "At least, available, the restraint bolt short circuited my recording software. Remove that and maybe you'll get more to watch, but otherwise that's all I can play."

"Whatever." Luke sighed, walking away. "I'm gonna go make a sandwich or something." 3P0 turned to Ar2 and thwacked him on the head once more, scolding him for his misbehavior or something, I don't know. 3P0 is kind of a dick to his friends.

When Luke returned with his sandwich, he was greeted with a frantic 3P0 and no Ar2. "Master Luke! Master Luke! He's gone! I turned my back for two minutes and he just disappeared!" He exclaimed, Luke sighed and set his sandwich down.

"What the Phantom Menace is that guy's problem?" Luke remarked. Moments later, Luke and 3P0 were in Luke's hovercraft sandspeeder racing through the desert canyon in search of the runaway droid, hoping to catch him before someone or something else did. Eventually, they found the droid wheeling his way down the canyon, whistling to himself. Luke skidded the sandspeeder to a stop and approached Ar2.

"Ar2! What are you doing out here!?" Luke exclaimed.

"I missed last month's Cosmopolitan, I was hoping to find a gas station where I could pick up a copy" Ar2 explained. "I only read it for the articles." He added.

"Gay." 3P0 scoffed.

"Well, we had better get back home, these dunes are crawling with ravenous sand-people." Luke told the two droids.

"Sand-People?" A voice exclaimed, Luke turned and saw one of the creatures he had referred to, others following. "Really? We're called _Tusken Raiders_ , but no, you had to go an be ignorant and drop the S word." He ranted, pointing a spear at Luke.

"Make a deal of words, how little I care. Take your politically correct BS elsewhere." The Raiders heard a voice behind them, they turned and saw a mare approach them, face covered by a cloak.

"It's that creepy old hermit!" A raider exclaimed. "Run dudes, run!" He said as the group took off. Luke turned and looked at the mare.

"Benjamina Kenobi?" Luke asked.

"Yes, it is I young one, why do you search for me in this hot sun?" She asked.

"Well, this droid here claims to belong to an Obi-Wan Kenobi, do you know them?" Luke asked.

"That is a name which I've not heard spoken, since the Jedi order had been... broken." She remarked, with that she turned and left, waving for Luke and the droids to follow her. Back at Obi-Wan's hut, she informed Luke that she knew his father, that they had fought together years ago in a great (well, I mean, when you actually see it it's not so great) war.

"Wait, so, you and my father were Jedi knights?" Luke asked.

"A great star pilot your father was. A good friend as well, a valued asset to our cause." Obi-Wan nodded. "I now remember something I need to show you, something your father wished that I bestow you." She noted, getting up and reaching into a box, pulling out a silver cylinder type object.

"What is it?" Luke asked, holding it.

"A lightsaber is what which you hold, a weapon used long since the days of old." Obi-Wan answered. "This weapon is elegant and gets the job done faster, not as clumsy or random as a blaster."

"Whoa..." Luke remarked as he turned it on, the bright blue blade lighting up the room. "Neat."

"Master Luke, don't you want to show her the message?" 3P0 asked.

"Oh, oh yeah right." Luke nodded. "Ar2?" He looked to the droid. Ar2 nodded and displayed the full message.

"Obi-Wan Kenobi," The hologram of Princess Leia spoke. "Years ago you served alongside my father in the clone wars, which were about 90% bad CGI but you two were about the only real part of it, anyway, we really need your help again, inside this Ar2 unit are the plans for the Empire's base, the Death Star, it's...it's not really a star, more like a big gray sphere, you must meet with us on Alderaan. Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope." She said, with that the message vanished. Obi-Wan stroked her chin and thought for a moment.

"Luke, you must learn the ways of the force, if you are to join me on this set course." Obi-Wan turned to Luke.

"Alderaan? That's halfway across the galaxy... I don't know if I can..." Luke pondered.

"What's stopping you?" 3P0 asked. "You're the protagonist in a Hero's Journey type story, chances are your parental figures are dead, so I mean you're all set." Seriously, what do Harry Potter, Star Wars, every Disney movie ever, Spider-Man, and probably like every anime ever have in common? Dead parental figures.

"Wait, what?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, we're fugitives from the Empire, they've got troopers all over this planet." Ar2 nodded.

"Wait, if those troopers found out who the Jawas sold you to it would lead them back... home." Luke gasped.

"Dead." 3P0 said. "Dead as Carrie Fisher."

"Too soon man..." Luke remarked. "You mean, they're really dead?"

"Oh for sure." Ar2 nodded. "You could go back and make sure but at this point it'd be pretty much a waste of time."

"Probably like, scorched corpses on the lawn, you really don't wanna see it." 3P0 added.

"This is a lot to take in..." Luke remarked. "I could go for a drink."

"A cantina in Mos Eisley you will find, inside are smugglers to get you out of a bind." Obi-Wan informed Luke.

"The rhyme thing is getting a little annoying." 3P0 arched his brow. "But I mean, yeah, let's go for a drink."

Moments later, the group found themselves racing down the desert in the sandspeeder once more towards Mos Eisley, looking for a drink and maybe a few new characters to move the plot along. "Hey, you mind if I put on the radio?" 3P0 asked, flipping it on.

"This is space Tomi Lahren on Tatooine Conservative Talk Radio," The voice said. "By goodness, what will the space Liberals try and shove down our throats next? Now they're trying to tell us the Empire are the bad guys, what's next? Hoth is melting? Sure, sure, in other news-" Luke turned the radio off before she could speak anymore.

"Lousy Bimbo." He grumbled.

"Just glad it was her and not space Milo Yiannopoulos, that guy's a douche." Ar2 noted. "Not as bad as space Rush Limbaugh though."

"Okay, we get it. The political leanings of the author are obvious." Luke replied. "Here's Mos Eisley up ahead." He said, parking on a cliff overlooking the town, though still miles away. "Nice view, ain't it?" He asked.

"We're still like fifty miles away." 3P0 droned. Skipping ahead fifty miles, they arrived. Luke and Obi-Wan entered the cantina, the droids opting to hide in a closet for reasons. (They wanted to do gay stuff). No seriously, they hid in a closet in the actual movie.

Luke and Obi-Wan, now inside the cantina went up to the counter. Almost immediately, Luke bumped into someone, a large hairy creature who growled at him. "He doesn't like you." The pony standing beside the creature said.

"Sorry." Luke grumbled.

"I don't like you either." The pony added.

"You don't even know me!" Luke exclaimed.

"D'ah sorry... I'm sorry." The pony apologized. "Things have been tough with the wife so I've been kind of testy recently."

"Oh... I'm sorry." Luke replied.

"Nah I'm just kidding, we're just dicks." He chuckled. "Later." He said as the two left. Luke grumbled to himself and grabbed a drink, at 16. Apparently Tatooine has more liberal drinking laws. Obi-Wan had moved over to a booth where two others sat. One a devilishly handsome red earth pony with a puffy brown mane and tail with a black vest and white shirt with a black bow tie named Han Solo, the other a breed of pony covered in thick brown fur known as a Wookie, this was Chewbacca, who's a girl this time, and much like Ar2, she talks.

"Yeah I can get you a ship." Han nodded. "Name's Han Solo, I'm captain of the Millennium Falcon."

"Isn't that the one with all the Tumblr bloggers and the kiosk Star Bucks on board?" Luke asked.

"No, that's the Millennial Falcon." Chewbacca shook her head. "Anyway, you're looking to get to Alderaan, right?"

"If your ship has the speed to get us where we need." Obi-Wan nodded.

"Oh, she's fast alright. She's the ship that made the Kessel run in less than twelve parsecs." Han chuckled.

"That means nothing to me." Luke replied.

"The ship is about as fast as it's captain, and he's fast. _Real_ fast, if you know what I mean." Chewbacca leaned into Luke.

"I told you that in confidence!" Han exclaimed before resting his head in his hooves and sighing. "Look, I can get you to Alderaan, but it'll cost you. Ten thousand. All in advance." He said to the two, Luke was taken aback by the cost.

"Ten thousand? We could buy our own ship for that money." Luke remarked.

"Two thousand we can give right here before flight, fifteen more awaits after the job done right." Obi-Wan told Han, who smirked at the offer.

"Seventeen?" He chuckled. "Okay, you've got yourselves a ship." He turned to Chewbacca. "Chewie, take them to the ship and show them around." He instructed his co-pilot. As he got up to follow them, he was approached by someone else, a pony with reptilian skin in an aqua green color, this was bounty hunter Greedo, one of many head hunters looking for the scoundrel Han Solo. Why? Because Han got in trouble with the biggest gangster in the galaxy, Jabba the Hutt.

"Going somewhere, Solo?" Greedo asked, speaking in an alien language, pointing a blaster to Han's chest.

"Yes, Greedo, as a matter of fact I was just on the way to meet your boss." Han nodded. "Tell Jabba that I've got his money."

"It's too late, you should have paid Jabba when you had the chance." Greedo replied coldly. "Jabba's put a price on your head so large, every bounty hunter in the galaxy will be looking for you." He chuckled.

"And hopefully they won't talk as much as you and ruin their shot." Han smirked as he drew his blaster and fried poor Greedo. He chuckled and walked over the dead reptilian. "God that feels good." He remarked. "Sorry about the mess." He said, tossing a coin to the barkeep.

Having somehow beaten the others to the ship, Han anticipated their arrival and leaned up against his ship, he could see the others coming through the doorway of the hangar. Luke took one look at the ship and scoffed.

"What a piece of junk!" He remarked.

"Thanks, it was my brother's. He died of Leukemia." Han replied flatly. "But come on, I'll give you a tour since nobody's trying to stop the ship or blast us." Just then, Stormtroopers came through the same doorway as Luke and the others and pointed to Han.

"Stop that ship! Blast them!" One ordered, the troopers fired off at Han and the others.

"No time for a tour now, everypony in!" He ordered, firing at the troopers before getting in himself and getting in, the ship took off shortly and evaded the Stormtroopers, for now... Once in space, they seemed to be out of the metaphorical woods, until Chewbacca looked at the radar.

"Hey Han, we've got Imperial cruisers on us." She warned him.

"We'll be safe once we make the jump to hyperspace, or lightspeed, or whatever going really fast is in this sci-fi universe." Han answered, knowing very well the answer was light speed. "Just a few more moments to calibrate the coordinates." He remarked.

"Are you kidding me?" Luke whined.

"Traveling through hyperspace isn't like dusting crops, leather face." Han hissed. "Without precise calculations you could land inside a sun."

"It might interest you to know that inside the sun there is still a McDonald's location." Chewbacca noted. "That's right, they capitalized there too."

"Too bad everything was flambe." Han remarked. "Strap yourselves in, I'm going to make the jump to lightspeed." He ordered, pulling the level to launch the ship into lightspeed.

Meanwhile, aboard the Imperial space station, the Death Star, Darth Vader gazed out at a nearby planet, Alderaan specifically with his head general or something, Grand Moff Tarkin. Leia was dragged in soon enough by troopers. Upon seeing Tarkin, she shot him a glare.

"Governor Tarkin, I recognized your foul stench when I came on board." Leia sneered.

"It appears I may have forgotten my deodorant, and for that I apologize." Tarkin answered. "Princess Leia, before thine execution, I would like thee to be my guest in viewing the test of our battle station." Tarkin said. "No star system will dare oppose the Empire now."

"Oh, by the way, that test is on Alderann, your home planet." Darth Vader added.

"What!?" Leia exclaimed. "But they're a peaceful group, they have no weapons!"

"Don't care." Darth Vader cut her off.

"Fire the laser!" Tarkin ordered, troopers pressed buttons at various panels and green beams emitted from the station and formed one large beam, firing directly at Alderaan, blowing the entire planet to smithereens as Leia watched with despair in her eyes.

"No!" Leia cried out as Tarkin and Vader laughed.

"Take her back to her cell." Tarkin ordered a trooper.

"Sir, yes sir." The trooper nodded. Aboard the Millenium Falcon, Luke was training to use his lightsaber with a training sphere while Han overlooked Chewbacca play a game of space-chess with 3P0 and Ar2. Chewbacca made her move and smirked at the droids. Ar2 shot back with a move that killed one of her characters. In return, she snarled at the droids.

"What's the matter, sore loser?" 3P0 smirked.

"I can tear your limbs off, you gold plated nancy." She snarled to 3P0, taken aback by the comment, 3P0 leaned over to Ar2.

"Word of advice, let her win." He whispered to his comrade.

"To be the best Jedi you can be, you must rely on more than what you see." Obi-Wan told Luke as she wrapped a blind fold around his eyes as he continued to train.

"Ha," Han chuckled. "That's what this galaxy needs, another phony baloney religion." He scoffed as he watched Luke and Obi-Wan.

"You don't believe in the force, do you Han?" Luke asked, taking off the blind fold.

"Little judgmental coming from someone who literally found out about the force two hours ago." Han rolled his eyes. "Hokey religions have never been a match for a good blaster on your side, kid." He explained.

"Do you believe in anything?" Luke asked.

"I believe this conversation is stupid, try knocking on my door in a white shirt and black tie next time, I may change my mind." Han chuckled. "Up top." He held his hoof up for Chewbacca, who happily took the offer and bumped it. Just then, an alarm started sounding and Han stood up. "Looks like we're coming in on Alderaan." He said with a grin, knowing all that money was soon to be in his grasp. Once in the cockpit, the group was taken aback, rather Alderaan being in their sights, it was just... an asteroid field.

"Where's Alderaan!?" Chewbacca asked.

"Damned if I know." Han remarked.

"Look up ahead," Luke pointed. "There's a moon up ahead, maybe there are inhabitants on it that know what happened." He said, Han nodded and flew towards the sphere, but...

"That's no moon..." Obi-Wan remarked, the 'moon' was none other than the Imperial base, the Death Star.

"Any follow up to that? No rhyme." Han scoffed.

"We'd best turn back soon." Obi-Wan sighed.

"There we go." Han smirked. "Alright, let's turn around Chewie." He instructed. Chewbacca pulled the levers meant to steer the ship, all to no avail. "Chewie what's wrong!?" Han asked.

"I don't know, I'm giving 'er all she's got!" Chewbacca said, embracing her true Scotty.

"We're being sucked in!" Han determined. "That... thing must have some sort of tractor beam." The Death Star pulled the ship closer and closer, eventually bringing it inside the station itself, waiting for our heroes was a squad of Stormtroopers, ready to investigate. A commander opened the door of the Millenium Falcon and peeked up.

"TK421, MJ420, check the ship." A commander ordered two Stormtroopers. "Shouldn't be a problem, the escape pods have all been jettisoned, must be a decoy."

"Good mission for our last day before retirement, huh George?" TK421, or Lenny, a dragon Stormtrooper asked the other as the Stormtroopers boarded and looked around.

"That's the truth, buddy." MJ420, or George, a pony Stormtrooper nodded.

"Surprise, mother buckers!" Chewbacca laughed as she leaped from a closet she hid in and fired at George, sending him to the ground. Doing the same with Lenny mere seconds afterwards. "Alright guys, we're good." She said to the others, who lifted panels from the floor of the ship and climbed out.

"Lucky you had these." Luke remarked.

"I use them for smuggling, never thought I'd have to smuggle myself." Han replied as he started removing George's armor and placing it on himself as Luke did the same. Suddenly, through the helmet Luke put on, a voice started coming through.

"TK421, why aren't you at your post?" The voice asked, Luke knew he had to think fast, he stepped out of the ship, now in Stormtrooper armor and looked up to the command station radioing him, he tapped his helmet as if to say "Sorry, my transmitter's busted." The commander in the command station nodded before going back to work. Luke then motioned to the others in the ship that it was safe to come out. The group made their way to the very command station and overpowered the two workers, claiming that spot as their own. Ar2 approached the computer in the room and began running through the files, looking for a way to turn the shields off for them to leave.

"I've found a way." Ar2 said. "Looks like there's a command center not too far from here, deactivate that and we should be able to get out of here." Obi-Wan nodded and went for the door.

"This is a task I must do alone," She told Luke. "For your destiny is another path than my own." She said, leaving the room. Luke, Han, Chewbacca, and the droids remained.

"Where'd you dig up that fossil?" Chewbacca remarked, asking Luke.

"Hey, Benjamina is a great pony." Luke replied defensively. "Besides, I don't see you two coming up with any ideas." Han looked as if he was going to reply, but he was interrupted by Ar2, who was still at the computer. Jumping for joy.

"I've found her!" He exclaimed. "I can't believe it, I've found her!"

"What?" Luke asked.

"Found _who_?" Han asked.

"It appears that he's found Princess Leia." 3P0 answered the two.

"The Princess? She's here!?" Luke asked.

"Princess?" Han arched his brow skeptically.

"Where is she?" Luke asked. Ar2 looked back to the computer to find the answer.

"Level five." He answered. "Detention block A-113... But..."

"But what?" Luke asked.

"I'm afraid that she's scheduled to be terminated." 3P0 answered.

"We've got to help her!" Luke exclaimed.

"What?" Han asked. "No. No no no. I'm not going anywhere, I'm staying right here. I'm in way more than I bargained for as it is, I'm not about to embark on some rescue mission." He scoffed. Chewbacca nodded in agreeance, the two shaking their heads at Luke.

"But these droids belong to her, the message to Obi-Wan was on them, the Ar2 unit is carrying the plans to this battle station, we've got to get them back to her, besides, if we sit here and do nothing they're going to kill her!" Luke exclaimed, trying to get through to Han.

"Better her than me." Han barked back. Luke stepped back, thinking that there must be some possible way to reach the smuggler. He reapproached him, having thought of something to get his attention.

"She's rich." Luke smirked. "Rich, powerful," He went on. "If you were to rescue her the reward would be... well, more wealth than you can imagine!" Han turned to him with a skeptical look.

"I don't know, I can imagine quite a bit." Han said.

"You'll get it." Luke reassured him. "Now, I've got a plan, 3P0, hand me those cuffs, will you?" He turned to the droid, who gave him the cuffs. Luke then turned to Chewbacca. "Now, I'm gonna put these on you." He said to her. She scowled and let out a low snarl at Luke, not on board with his plan so far. "Han?" He asked.

"Don't worry Chewie." Han said to her. "I think I know what he has in mind." Chewbacca sighed and held out her front hooves.

"You'd better be right about this, kid. Or I'm walking out of this with new dragon leather boots." She threatened Luke. The three left the command center, telling the two droids to lock the door in case of Stormtroopers. The three of them set out to the prison floor, ready to sneak in and rescue Princess Leia. They evaded the suspicion of other troopers by posing Chewbacca as a captured prisoner. Han and Luke also had their Stormtrooper suits and helmets on so nobody would be any the wiser. After a trip down the elevator, they arrived at the prison block that was holding Leia, a guard looked at the two 'troopers' and Chewbacca.

"And where are you taking this... thing?" The guard asked.

"I'm a woman, thank you very much." Chewbacca growled, in return getting a nudge from Han as if to say "Pipe down", but also to say "Don't listen to him, you're beautiful inside and out."

"Prisoner transfer." Luke answered.

"I'd like a room by the pool." Chewbacca quipped.

"Weird, I wasn't notified." The guard remarked.

"Were you notified about this?" Han asked, firing at the guard and killing him. Luke and Han proceeded to take out all the cameras. Once clear, Han removed Chewbacca's cuffs and gave her a weapon. "What cell is that Princess in?" Han asked, removing his helmet so as to breathe and as to see better. "I found it." He noted. "Cell 2187." He informed Luke, who took off for the cell.

"Is everything alright? We heard a lot of blaster fire." A voice came from a speaker. Thinking fast, Han answered it.

"Everything is fine, just a quick weapons malfunction. We're fine, we're all fine here, thank you." Han answered. "How are you?" He asked.

"I can't complain I guess," the voice replied. "I mean, things have been tough with the wife and all, she's telling me what the Empire is doing is wrong but I mean, I'm just following orders! It's a really good paying job, I mean, sure, the dental plan could be better but, still."

"Well, maybe tonight you should talk to her about how you feel and maybe you two can come to an agreement." Han answered.

"Wow... thanks!" The voice replied.

"No problem, I'll be taking calls all night on 77.05, Death Star's Jazz and Blues station," Han said. "Now, for easy listening, here's "I Can't Make You Love Me," performed by Mark Maxwell." He said, putting the record on. Meanwhile, Luke opened the door of Leia's cell to see her laying down in despair. She looked up and saw Luke, staring at her through the eyes of the uniform.

"Aren't you a little short and fat for a Stormtrooper?" She asked.

"Okay. Rude." Luke answered, taking off the helmet. "I'm Luke Skywalker, I'm here to rescue you."

"Who?" Leia asked.

"Luke Skywalker, I've got your Ar2 unit, I'm here with Benjemina Kenobi." He answered.

"Benjemina Kenobi?" Leia asked, getting up and following Luke, almost immediately joined by Han and Chewbacca, firing down the hall. "What's going on, who are they?"

"You don't think scale face here could've done this all himself, do you?" Han asked. "We can't go out that way, we've got troopers on our asses."

"Well, it looks like you've managed to block our only escape route." Leia replied. "Some rescue, you came in here and you didn't have a plan for getting out?"

"He's the brains, sweetheart!" Han barked at Leia, pointing to Luke. Leia sighed and grabbed the gun from Luke, blasting through a grate. "What the hell are you doing!?" Han hollered.

"Somepony has to save our skins!" Leia exclaimed. "Into the garbage chute, flyboy!" She said to Han and the others as she climbed in. Luke jumping in after.

"No way. I am not going in there." Chewbacca shook her head.

"Not even if I threw this bag of pork rinds in there?" Han asked, waving a bag around her.

"Don't you do this, it's not fair." Chewbacca pleaded.

"Go get 'em!" Han tossed the bag in, Chewbacca barreling in after them. Han made one final shot at the troopers firing at them and followed the others, landing in a pool of garbage. He wiped his eyes and stood up, seeing the others looking for a way out. "The garbage chute was a wonderful idea." He said sarcastically. "What an incredible smell you've discovered." He sighed. "You know, it's not gonna take them long before they figure out what happened to us."

"Relax Han, it could be worse." Chewbacca replied, munching pork rinds. Just then, there was a jerk in the walls and machinery started whirring. "What was that?" She asked.

"It's worse." Leia said grimly.

"I've got a bad feeling about this..." Han remarked, looking around. Suddenly, the walls started closing in, ready to compact all the garbage in the chute and make short work of the four inside. "The walls are moving!" Han exclaimed.

"Don't just stand there, try and brace it with something!" Leia ordered, grabbing a long metal beam.

"Wait a minute!" Luke remarked to himself, grabbing a small microphone that lead to an opposite one in the possession of 3P0. "3P0! 3P0! Come in 3P0!" He hollered. On the opposite end, 3P0 was leaning up against the wall, chatting with Ar2.

"Okay, I've got one, would you rather be an oil filter for a service droid or janitor-bot at Jabba's palace?" 3P0 asked.

"Man, my sister is a service droid!" Ar2 replied defensively. Just then, the comlink started acting up again. "3P0! Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!" Luke's voice hollered from the device. 3P0 jolted and picked up the comlink.

"What happened sir?" 3P0 asked.

"Will you shut up and listen to me!?" Luke's voice barked. "Shut down all the garbage mashers on the detention level!" 3P0 turned to Ar2.

"Well, you heard him, hurry!" He ordered Ar2, who got straight to work. Time was precious, the walls were getting closer and closer, ready to flatten the four inside, the brace had given out and the four were kicking and pushing now. Ar2 worked as fast as he could, and when he finally accomplished the task, he wasn't sure whether he was too late or not. Through the comlink they could hear screaming and shouting. "Oh no! They've been destroyed!" 3P0 panicked, unbeknownst to him, they were screams of celebration.

"You did it!" Luke cheered through the comlink, much to 3P0 and Ar2's relief. "We'll be with you soon." After getting through the door, Luke, Han, Leia, and Chewbacca made their way back to where the droids were, sneaking past guards and troopers. Meanwhile, Obi-Wan sneaked through the station, having successfully deactivated the shields, she was now heading back to the ship, she stopped in her tracks when she saw... him. Darth Vader. Obi-Wan drew her saber as he approached her.

"I've been waiting for you, Obi-Wan." Darth Vader spoke as he approached. "We meet again at last. And at last, I can say, I am the master now."

"A master, you are, that is right. But a master upon the wrong side of the fight." Obi-Wan grimaced. The two began to fight, clashing their sabers against each other, red reflecting against blue, kinda like... never mind. I already used my allotted political humor earlier.

"Your powers are weak, old mare." Darth Vader remarked.

"You see, Lord Vader, you cannot win. Strike me down and I return more powerful than you can imagine." Obi-Wan replied. Translation? "Bite me." The two kept fighting, up until Luke, Han, the droids, and the others passed them by, looking to get back to the ship. Luke turned and saw Obi-Wan.

"Benjamina?" He asked. Obi-Wan turned to Luke, then back at Vader, a smile spreading across her face, knowing that out of her ashes, he will rise. Metaphorically speaking. She held up her saber and let Vader take a swing at her, with his swing, she vanished, nothing but a robe and her lightsaber remained.

"No!" Luke exclaimed, getting the attention of nearby troopers, who had gathered to watch Vader and Obi-Wan fight, they began to fire at Luke as the others boarded the Millennium Falcon.

"My time upon this world is done, now Luke, run!" Obi-Wan's voice echoed in Luke's head, quickly he ran into the Falcon with the others and the ship took off. Han hoped Obi-Wan had deactivated the beam or else this was going to be a really short trip, he and Chewie were soon glad to know she had succeeded, the ship sped off from the Death Star.

"Looks like we've made it." Chewbacca smiled.

"Doesn't look like we're out of this yet..." Han replied grimly, looking at the Imperial ships not to far ahead of them. "What's our weapons system at?"

"Not good..." Chewbacca replied grimly. "Not good enough to take on all those ships."

"Frag." Han grumbled.

"What's going on?" Luke asked as he and Leia entered the cockpit.

"We're coming up on an Imperial blockade, this might get bumpy." Chewbacca answered. "I'm Chewbacca, by the way." She said to Leia. "Nice to meet another girl in this galaxy."

"Likewise." Leia smiled.

"Shaddup and kiss already." Han gagged. "Luke, don't get too upset about Obi-Wan, looks like we're going to be with her pretty soon." He said grimly.

"Wait!" Luke exclaimed. "What about that?" He pointed to a large group of ships and shuttles traveling not too far off their course.

"It's worth a shot." Chewbacca nodded, picking up the radio on the ship. "Hey, Princess, where's your base?" She asked.

"Yavin 4." Leia answered.

"Hey," Chewbacca spoke into the radio. "You guys going past Yavin 4?" She radioed a ship in the convoy.

"This here's the space rubber duck," A voice answered. "And by golly we're headin' right through past Yavin 4 alright, lookin' to join our convoy?"

"If there's room for one more." Han answered. Given clearance, they merged the Millennium Falcon with the convoy and evade the Imperial cruisers. "Well, lookit that, we're gonna be fine." He turned to his crew. "Now, sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride."

Eventually, the Millennium Falcon left the convoy upon getting closer to Yavin, the large red gas planet that was home to Yavin 4, the moon which held the rebel base on it. "We're pulling in on Yavin 4!" Han hollered to the others as he and Chewbacca sat in the cockpit. "I'll admit, I do miss the convoy, that tune is still stuck in my head." He remarked. " _Yeah we got a big space convoy, rocking through the night..._ " He hummed.

"So, what do you think of her?" Chewbacca asked him.

"What now?" Han asked.

"Y'know, the princess." She replied.

"I try not to, that's what I think of her." Han answered, his tone getting dryer. "Still, she's got a lot of spirit." He chuckled.

"Y'like her?" Chewbacca asked with a smirk.

"What? No!" Han shook his head. "Do you really think a princess and a guy like me could... forget it." He stopped himself. "Besides, we have each other. Chewie and Han, Han and Chewie. We don't need anybody else, you wouldn't really want to see your best pal get tied down, would you?"

"I just wanna see you happy, Han." Chewbacca answered.

"I am happy." Han answered. "I'm happy with it just being you and me."

"I recall." Chewbacca chuckled. "That big Festivus party on Naboo last year was a good indicator of that." She said. "It's okay Han, we were both pretty drunk."

"You evidently remember a whole lot more about that party than I do..." Han remarked as the ship entered the moon's atmosphere. The ship landed outside the rebel base and the crew were welcomed inside. Leia and Ar2 immediately went off with some commanders and generals to get the plans for the Death Star out and form an attack plan. Once a plan was formulated, the pilots were alerted to come to the briefing room.

"Alright troops." A pilot commander by the name of Wedge Antilles said. "The Death Star Plans have revealed that there is one weakness that the Empire overlooked, a small thermal exhaust port. The shaft leads directly to the main reactor, a precise hit would trigger a chain reaction that will destroy the station." She explained. "Alright, let's man our ships." She ordered.

"We need everyone on this mission, no exceptions." Leia nodded.

"What about those three guys?" Luke asked, pointing to a group of three pilots, lounging in recliners.

"Those are the Pilots Who Don't Do Anything." Wedge spoke up. "We just keep them around because they're fun."

 **3 Pilots:** _We are the pilots who don't do anything.  
We just stay home, and lie around.  
And if you ask us to do anything,  
We'll just tell you:  
We don't do anything!_

"Oh." Luke remarked.

Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the rebels, the Death Star had made it's way into orbit of Yavin, waiting for Yavin 4 to be in range of it's blaster. Ready to destroy the moon the moment that it becomes a possibility.

"This will be a day long remembered." Vader remarked. "It has seen the end of Kenobi, and will soon see the end of therebellion."

Down on Yavin 4 once again, Luke was making his way to his ship when he saw something, Han Solo and Chewie just... packing up. "You're leaving?" Luke asked. "After all that you're just going to pack up and go?"

"Well, yeah." Han nodded. "I've got a lot of debts to settle, I know this seems like I'm a jerk but there are hundreds of people out there who all want to bring me in to the highest bidder."

"Plus the reward was mediocre." Chewbacca added.

"Well... take care of yourself Han, I guess that's what you do best." Luke remarked, leaving for his ship.

"Dick." Han scoffed at Luke.

The rebel ships flew up towards the Death Star, ready for whatever battle lies ahead. "Red units, check in." Wedge ordered.

"Red three, standing by." A pilot said.

"Red five, standing by." Luke said.

"Redskins, standing by." The Washington Redskins sports team said.

"Redford, standing by." Robert Redford said. Yeah, my jokes aren't funny, I know.

The ships descended upon the Death Star and aligned themselves with the trench that led to the weakness on the ship, Luke led the path, ready to fire, but behind him, ships were starting to get picked off one by one, by who? Who else? Darth Vader. He and two other fighter ships were following the group, ready to pin down Skywalker. Luke sped up, eyeing his targeting computer for the right moment to fire, when a voice started ringing in his head.

"To ensure that the mission does not go a-fluke, I advise that you use the force, Luke." Obi-Wan's voice spoke. Luke nodded and shut the targeting computer off. Concentrating on when to fire.

"The force is strong with this one..." Vader remarked, sensing what he was doing. "I've got you now, Skywalker..." He said grimly. "And with today's gas prices, not a moment too soon." He stated. But just then, the ship to his right was destroyed! By what? None other than the Millennium Falcon!

"Yahoo!" Han cheered out, firing down the ship. The ship on Vader's left spun out and knocked Vader's ship out of path, sending him hurdling off into deep space. "You're all clear kid, now let's blow this thing and go home!" He radioed Luke, who fired the torpedoes into the exhaust port, the group of ships flew off, waiting for the big boom, when it happened. The Death Star blew up into millions of shards and fireballs into deep space, killing everyone inside too.

"Remember Luke, for all of your days, the force will be with you, always." Obi-Wan said as the others made their way back on Yavin 4, and when they returned, it was a party! Soldiers were celebrating, people were clapping and cheering, what a sight it was! Luke stepped out of his ship and was immediately greeted witha tight hug from Princess Leia and a pat on the back from Han and Chewie, who had returned after deciding to come back.

"I knew there was more to you than rewards!" Leia said to Han, who replied with a coy smirk.

"There's more to me than meets the eye." Han replied. Wrong franchise, buster.

The next day, fanfare erupted in the main hall of the base and soldiers gathered to greet the heroes of the hour. Through the doors walked Luke, Han, and Chewbacca, walking towards Princess Leia awaiting them at the stage of the main hall. They each stepped forward and bowed, Luke first, receiving a medal of bravery. Then Han, receiving the same, finally, Chewie, who also received a medal, because dammit, Chewie deserved one. The three beamed with pride, knowing that even though Darth Vader was still at large and the war wasn't over yet, they'd be ready to finish it.

 _The end._

* * *

"And that, my daughter, is the story of Star Wars." I concluded. "Well, a little abridged, but mostly accurate." She looked at me, with a million questions in her eyes.

"But, but what about Darth Vader?" She asked. "And Han and Leia, clearly there's some tension there! And what about..." She stammered. I chuckled and looked down on her.

"Well, that, we'll just have to wait and see about. Maybe we can do another one of these, but, now, it's late." I remarked. "Goodnight sweetheart." I said, kissing her on the forehead.

"I love you daddy." She smiled.

"I love you too." I said, turning the light off and heading for bed. I yawned as I walked into the room, the light still on. Pinkie was up, reading a book. She turned to me with a little giggle. "What kept you?" She asked.

"I was telling Sugar Plum a story." I replied, climbing into bed.

"Must have been some story, you were in there for almost an hour." She giggled. "I almost fell asleep waiting up for you."

"You didn't need to wait up." I replied.

"Yes I did." She nodded. "I wanted to tell you something."

"Oh God, here come the divorce papers." I remarked.

"What?" She asked. "No!" She giggled. "I wanted to tell you that I felt a kick getting into bed." I looked at her for a moment with wide eyes and a grin.

"No way! That's awesome!" I exclaimed. "God, not too long now and we'll have two more beautiful kids." I remarked.

"I know." She nodded. "So, what was your story about?" She asked.

"Well, I suppose I could let you in on it, it all begins a long time ago..." I began.

* * *

 _Wow. What a chapter! Hope you all enjoyed it and we will be back to regularly scheduled ENC next time. But, if you have any suggestions for other things you'd like to see get this treatment feel free to leave a request in a review that I will consider. Consider. **Consider.** (Just making it clear that I'll consider doing it, not I will do it.)_

 _Songs used_

 _Convoy by CW McCall_

 _Pirates Who Don't Do Anything by Phil Vischer and Kurt Heinecke_


	63. Chapter 63: Something of an Oddity

**Author's note:** Back to regularly scheduled programming. In this chapter, an older character (I'm talking pre Ivory, pre Sugar Plum, pre these things being... good.) moves to town, and maybe causes some trouble in paradise. What? Read on and see what I mean.

* * *

Chapter 63: Something of an Oddity

"Alright." I said, setting the last box down in a house down the road. "That's the last box." I said as I set the box down, not too long ago, I got a letter in the mail from Oddity, that mare who I accidentally helped last holiday season. She told me that she was getting tired of life in the big city and wanted to open up her shop in Ponyville for a nice, slower pace. She knew I happened to live there and asked if I could help her move and show her around town, and I was more than glad to help her out.

"Thank you so much." She said as she started to open boxes up with dishware and glasses. "I'm looking forward to making ends meet being a bit easier, that's for sure."

"I bet," I chuckled. "Tell you what, swing by my tavern tonight, I'll make sure you get a warm welcome from the community."

"Oh, so sweet!" She remarked. "A sense of community is something I definitely missed about Whinnesota when I moved to Manehattan, it'll be nice to have that feeling again."

"That's the nice part about small towns, nice community living, yet the locals are just a little bit racist." I quipped. "See you tonight, say... seven?"

"Seven works for me." She nodded with a smile. "In the mean time... I've got to start unpacking." She remarked, looking at the stack of boxes. She thanked me once more and I went along my way, conveniently the house she moved into was just down the road so the walk wasn't that far. I hummed along to myself as I strolled down the street, ready to go home and take my afternoon nap, okay, not a nap. It was more of a lay down in bed and read, but it was about as relaxing as a nap. Just as I was about to turn into my driveway, a familiar yet irritating voice called out to me.

"Well howdy neighbor!" He called. _Jonty..._ I grumbled and turned to face my neighbor to the right of my house.

"Hello Jovihooves, what's up?" I asked, leaning up against the picket fence of his lawn.

"Your wife happened to tell me about the new mare moving to town, throwing a little block party to welcome her?" He asked me.

"Not quite, more of a bar party down at my tavern, seven o'clock tonight if you're interested." I told him, I may not love the guy, but I'm not a jerk. "Casual event, no gifts required, just bring a positive attitude and some common decency." Why is common decency mandatory at my parties? Too many incidents... that's all I'll say.

"The missus and I will be sure to be there!" Jonty nodded with a grin. "See you around, chum." He said, heading inside. I then did the same, retreating back to my humble abide. Once inside, I went upstairs to read my book for a couple hours before I had to go help Pinkie get the bar ready.

"Alright book, let's see what miracles you can perform on my climbing blood pressure today." I remarked as I opened my book. But before I could even get past the first sentence, my name was being called.

" _Chuckiiieeeee_!" Pinkie called for me.

"What?" I asked, a tone of impatience arising in my voice.

"Watch your tone, mister." She said, entering the room. "And I just wanted to ask if you remembered where Sugar Plum's school supplies are, we need to get her bag ready for her first day of school, it's only two days away!."

"They're in the closet in her room. At least that's where I put them." I said, getting up and walking to Sugar Plum's room with Pinkie. "Please, remind me why we're sending her to the school of friendship when Cheerilee has been running a perfectly fine school for years?" I asked her.

"Twilight has been working really hard!" Pinkie told me. "And besides, Applebloom, Scootaloo, and Sweetie Belle used to be bullied all the time by that mean ol' Diamond Tiara, what if there's another filly like her at Cheerlilee's school?"

"What if she's going to the school of friendship?" I countered. "There are going to be jerks no matter where you go, all I'm saying is that the rate this thing is going, Cheerilee is going to be out of work." I said. "Plus, it's a boarding school, have you ever _seen_ a boarding school's grad class? You're pretty much asking Sugar Plum to grow up to be an asshole." I added.

"Nice." Pinkie replied. "Real nice."

"Just saying..." I said as I opened the closet and got the stuff out. "They didn't issue out a supply list so I improvised." I added. "Looks like everything that'd be useful, after all, she's going into first grade, that's pretty much coloring shapes and doing the ABC's. What all could you need for that?"

"True." Pinkie nodded. "I'll get her bag ready, I know you were busy." She said, kissing me on the cheek.

"Thanks Cutie Pie." I smiled, turning back to head to bed, just as I turned, the doorbell rang. "Who could that be?" I asked myself, I figured it was just mail or something like that. But when I got to the door, I was wrong. It was... Oddity.

"Oh... hey Oddity.." I said. "What brings you here? Shouldn't you be unpacking?" I asked.

"Probably." She chuckled. "I just thought I'd stop by and say hello to some folks in the neighborhood, it just so happened that the first door I knocked on was your house." She explained with an embarrassed giggle. I looked at her quizzically and nodded.

"Okay then." I nodded. "Would you like to come inside for coffee?" I asked, not wanting to appear rude. "I've also got tea if that's what you prefer."

"Coffee's fine." She nodded, letting herself in. "Gosh, nice place you have here." She remarked, looking around.

"Same standard cottage as your place." I noted. "Houses just tend to look nicer after they've been made a home." I added, a rare moment of poetic wisdom coming from my mouth.

"And after the newest furniture selection in the catalog." Oddity remarked, looking at the furniture. She was right, it was all brand new.

"Well, there's that too." I chuckled. "C'mon in to the kitchen, I'll get you some coffee." I said, welcoming her into the kitchen. She sat down at the smaller kitchen table and waited while I poured from the pot. "How do you take it?" I asked.

"Cream if you have it. If not milk's fine too, no sugar please." She answered. I nodded and gave her a mug of coffee, I too poured some coffee in the mug Pinkie had got me for Hearth's Warming and sat down at the table with her. "Oh, cute mug." She remarked, looking at the phrase on it.

"I know, funny isn't it?" I nodded. "Pinkie got it for me for Hearth's Warming, I'm sure I mentioned her before."

"Yeah, you did." She nodded. Her tone dropping a little. "Wait, if I remember correctly, you got her a necklace with a really large jewel in it, right?" She asked.

"Yeah, I did." I nodded. "Why?" I asked, not sure where she was going with this.

"Oh nothing," She replied. "Just, that jewel was pretty costly, and I mean, a mug... you can get a mug pretty... well... cheap." She said bluntly. My expression drooped and I arched my eyebrow.

"Well, cost really has nothing to do with it." I said. "What really matters is that a gift comes from the heart."

"Right, right." She nodded. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to offend if I did." She apologized.

"Save it." I replied. "All is forgiven." About that time, Pinkie and Sugar Plum walked in, wondering who I was speaking to. I turned and saw them, and decided to introduce them. "Oddity! You all have never met. Oddity, this is my wife, Pinkie Pie, and our daughter, Sugar Plum." I said. "Pinkie, Sugar Plum, meet Oddity."

"Hello." Oddity smiled at the two.

"Hi." Sugar Plum nodded shyly.

"Hi! So you're Oddity!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Chuckie has told me so much about you!" She said, zipping over to her. "Well, not _so much,_ he told me about you, the fact you exist, the fact he accidentally revitalized your business by buying my Hearth's Warming present there, it's so beautiful! Where did you find it?" Pinkie asked, speaking the whole past sentence about as fast as Pinkie rambles. Or, fast.

"Oh... um, hi? I... I umm.. I don't... wow, that's a lot to take in." Oddity remarked. "It's very nice to meet you two." She said. "Thanks for the coffee, Chuck." She thanked me, getting up. "I've got more unpacking to do, see you later." She said, heading for the door and seeing herself out.

"She seems... nice." Sugar Plum remarked after she had left.

"You described her as a more... social pony." Pinkie told me.

"She was pretty social." I remarked. "And she seemed eager to come in." I added. "Weird." I couldn't help but wonder why she felt the sudden urge to leave so fast, but I could tell that it had something to do with Pinkie. I wasn't sure what though. Maybe she just overwhelmed her, it's not like that would be unheard of. I still remember the first conversation Pinkie had with Ivory.

 _Six months ago..._

"Pinkie, I'd like to introduce you to Ivory Keys. She's the new piano player at-" I began telling her when I introduced the two of them, only to see that Pinkie was already bombarding her with energetic greetings.

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! Remember me? You saw me back in Manehattan not too long ago! Can you play more than piano? Did you like your old job? Did you have any jobs before that? I heard you got fired from your old job, that's no fun! Well, I hope you like your new job here! It's a really nice place! And I always thought Chuckie needed a piano player but I never told him! Anyway..." Pinkie said as she began to ramble on.

"She always like this?" Ivory asked me as Pinkie rambled.

 _Now..._

"Well, I hope she feels more sociable tonight, it's not like I'm throwing that party for nothing." Pinkie said. "Aw who am I kidding? I'll have a good time regardless!" She giggled. There was no real point in me bothering to take my afternoon nap anymore, so I decided to just head straight for the tavern with Pinkie and Sugar Plum to start setting up. It was nothing too elaborate, just some balloons and streamers, a little banner that said 'welcome'. Frankly, with my standards, _that's_ elaborate.

"I've moved to nearly every town in Equestria." Ivory remarked as she watched us. "Ain't nopony ever throw a welcoming party for me."

"Would you like one?" Pinkie asked. "I could throw one! I could throw one for every town you've moved to!"

"Thanks, but no thanks." Ivory replied.

"Do you not like parties?" Sugar Plum asked her.

"No, I just wouldn't really want to be reminded of all the places I've been." Ivory answered.

"And that's a lot of places, Ivory has been everywhere." I told Sugar Plum. "That's what happens when you've been around since the dawn of life itself."

"Har har." Ivory replied sarcastically. "Besides, I don't need to remember those, I've got another reason to party..." She said, looking like she wanted to tell us something.

"What is it?" Pinkie asked. "No wait, don't distract me! I've got this party to plan already! I'll be sure to ask you later!" Pinkie said, she never did ask so I have no idea what she was referring to.

"Sure it's great, Ivory." I said to Ivory. "Sugar Plum, care you help your dad out with this streamer?" I asked. "You can give me pieces of tape as I need them." I said, tossing her the roll of tape. "Speaking of tape, need a strip now." I told her.

"Okay." She said, giving me a piece. "Daddy," She said to me. "Do you think that there's a reason Ms. Oddity left just after she was introduced to Mommy and I?" She asked. "Does she not like us?"

"No, sweetheart." I said. "I'm sure she just needed to get back to unpacking."

"Oh, okay." She said.

"Or she's madly in love with Chuck and was turned off by the fact that he has a family." Ivory spoke up, making us all stop and look at her. "But I mean really, what are the chances that would be the case? I mean, come on." She said. "Most mares only ruin marriages when the guy is rich and handsome, Chuck is neither." She chuckled.

"You know, we could have just left it at what I said." I told her dryly.

That night, just a little before seven, the bar started to fill up with ponies, the guest of honor still hadn't arrived, but Jonty had. Much to my annoyance. "So, let me tell you about how I met the missus," He said to me as I drank my third drink since he approached me. "You just may find a couple similarities to the story of how you met your hunny bun." He chuckled.

"I'll eat this drinking glass shard by shard if that's the case." I replied, highly doubting there were any similarities. It was about that time that Oddity walked in, seeing my golden opportunity to ditch the most boring story in the world, I quickly made it known to all that she was here. "Hey, everypony! It's the pony we're throwing this party for is here!" I called out. Ponies looked at her and began to cheer for her, she blushed a little, probably out of embarrassment, I know I would be if I was getting attention from everyone in the room. I strolled over to Oddity and led her up to the stage.

"Good evening everyone." I said. "Tonight, we're all here to give a big, warm welcome to our new member of the community, Oddity Trinkets!" I said. "Oddity, care to say a few words?" I asked her. She nodded a little and stepped up to the microphone.

"Um... hi, everypony." She said, a slight tinge of nervousness in her voice. "I'd just like to say how flattered I am, I can already tell I'm going to like it here more than I did in Manehattan. I look forward to making friends with all of you." She smiled, stepping back. I nodded with a little smile as we both backed up and I went back to the bar, Jonty had already moved on to annoying someone else, thank God.

"Here you go Cutie Pie." I said to Pinkie, who was waiting for me at the bar. "One virgin cream soda." I preferred the spiked stuff more to the regular enough that I referred to the spiked stuff as 'cream soda' and the regular stuff as 'virgin cream soda'.

"Thanks Chuckie!" She said, taking the drink.

"Not a fan of what a bar has to offer regularly?" Oddity remarked, joining us.

"Not as much as he is." Pinkie replied, pointing to me. "But I'm drinking like this because we're expecting."

"Twins." I added with a proud grin.

"Oh..." Oddity nodded. "That's really... interesting." She remarked.

"Yeah." I replied, noticing that suddenly she was acting odd. "Say, I've got to check on my wine cellar, make sure I still have enough for that mother's night out party on Thursday, you know how they like their wine." I chuckled.

"Oh! Would you like me to join you?" Oddity asked.

"What? Well, I um... no. No I'll be alright. Thanks though." I replied. "Pinkie, wanna come with me?" I asked her, my expression indicating this was about more than the wine. We went down the stairs and I made sure nobody was listening. "Okay, there's something going on." I said to her.

"Yeah, no kidding." Pinkie nodded. "She's being really weird around me, and weird around Sugar Plum and the mention of our twins!" She exclaimed. "The only one in our family she's not weird around is you." She said. As if I wasn't already aware of that.

"And what does that mean?" I asked.

"You don't think... Ivory was right, do you?" Pinkie asked me, eluding to what Ivory had suggested earlier.

"Ivory was just joking when she said that." I replied. "The last part of the joke was kind of rude, too."

"Chuckie, you are handsome enough for somepony to try and ruin our family." Pinkie said, encouraging me. "But right now I'm not sure if that's a good thing."

"Oddity hardly knows me, she couldn't be in love with me." I said.

"I had a crush on you when I hardly knew you." Pinkie replied. "I'm just saying there's no other reason why she'd be acting this way!" She exclaimed, deep down, I knew she was right. I sighed a little and nodded.

"Look," I began. "I'll talk to her tomorrow and try and get the truth out of her, and if you're right, I owe you five bits." I suggested.

"You'd better turn her down if I'm right." Pinkie said as we turned to go back up the stairs.

"The thought of letting her have her way with me didn't even cross my mind." I said. "This monogamous man only has eyes for you." I finished, kissing her on the cheek.

The next day, I was working the morning shift with Ivory. Which mostly consisted of keeping the place clean since nobody ever showed up in the morning, well, except for today. At exactly 10:37 ish, who should walk in but Oddity. I gulped a little, not really excited for the upcoming conversation and possible confrontation. "Hi Chuckie!" She said, walking over to me.

"Chuckie?" I asked. "Hate to tell you but only my wife calls me that." I explained. "What can I get you?"

"Oh! Nothing, nothing at all, I just came in here to chat." She replied.

"Uh huh." I nodded. "Well, I guess that's a good thing, because I think we need to talk." I said. "Ivory, could you give us a minute?" I asked.

"With pleasure." Ivory said, leaving the bar, I more meant to leave the room but it was too late to stop her.

"Hey, look, Oddity." I began. "I need to talk to you about-"

"Good, thank goodness the feeling's mutual." She remarked.

"Wait, what?" I asked. "Oddity this isn't what I-"

"This is so exciting, what do you want to do?" She asked. "First train to Califoalnia? Elope in Las Pegasus?" She said excitedly. "Anything you have in mind I'm ready for."

"What I have in mind is asking you what in the hell is going on." I stated. "Oddity, do you have feelings for me?"

"Feelings don't even begin to describe how I feel for you, Chuck, you saved my business and my livelihood, I'm in love with you!" She exclaimed. "Chuck, I can treat you better, you and I could be happy! We have so much in common, you like collecting knick-knacks, I have a shop full of knick-knacks! I'll appreciate you!" She exclaimed. "Who does the house work at your house?" She asked.

"Primarily me." I answered.

"Do you feel appreciated for that?" She asked.

"Yes." I answered. "Yes I do. Oddity, I'm not abandoning my family." I said firmly. "I love my wife. I love my daughter. I have two more kids on the way. What on Earth could possibly make you think that I would want to throw all of that away?" I asked. "I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I will not be going anywhere." I said, hanging up my apron and walking out of the tavern, heading home fast.

"Chuckie? You're home early." Pinkie remarked as I walked inside the house, I said nothing, just approached her, taking five bits out of my wallet and giving them to her. "What's this about?" She asked, looking at the bits.

"Your winnings." I answered, hugging her tightly. "Because you were right."

"What did you do?" Pinkie asked me, knowing what I meant.

"I did all I could do. I told her that she was being ludicrous and I left." I said. "I turned her down and I went straight home. I just don't understand, she was like, acting like she was in love with me. She doesn't even know me!" I exclaimed. "I mean, a crush I can comprehend, but she wanted us to run off and get married in Las Pegasus!"

"I don't know why she's being like that." Pinkie remarked. "But the fact that someone likes you enough that they're trying to make you leave your family for them is going straight to your ego, isn't it?" She asked me. "Don't lie, I can feel you becoming a little more egotistical right now."

"Give me a break, I have really low self esteem." I replied. "I think I know what to do." I said. "We should, you and I, talk to her."

"Do you think that will work?" She asked me.

"All we need to do is lay down the law. Nobody has to get hurt, we just need to lay down the law, and we can all move on with our lives." I said calmly.

Yeah, it didn't go well at all. Insults were hurled, feelings were hurt, and nobody left that conversation feeling happy. Long story short, when we sat her down to talk she started to insult Pinkie and yell at her, which got me mad and I began to yell at her, there was one point where she tried to leap across the table we were sitting at and kiss me, that got both Pinkie and I mad, I vaguely recall using lines Marty McFly used in Back to the Future when he was trying to get his mom to stop trying to bone him, in the end, she just stormed out of our house. Out of impulse I may have yelled "Don't talk to me or my family ever again.", but that doesn't really sound like me. Generally I'm a pretty calm and collected person in stressful situations not unlike these.

That night, we all turned in early, Sugar Plum because she had school tomorrow, and Pinkie and I because we were quite done with the day and beyond exhausted. I could hardly sleep that night though, everything about that day was just... swirling around in my head. I had no idea what to do, even now that it was over with I just felt so confused and drained. I turned to Pinkie at one point an hour or so after we turned in, she was fast asleep. I sighed and climbed out of bed and went down the hall to my home office.

"At times like this there's only one thing I can turn to." I said. "The good book." I said, pulling a large, brown book from my bookshelf, "The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, Volume 1." I read the title aloud, it wasn't _the_ good book, it was more like _a_ good book. My dad had given the box set back to me the time he had come to visit after we adopted Sugar Plum. As a kid, these books were something I would fall back on whenever life was getting me down, and I knew it was time once again to turn to the adventures of this imaginative six year old and his straight-man stuffed tiger. I was right, once again the books helped me, in no longer than an hour I had fallen asleep.

"Chuckie..." I heard in my sleep. "Chuckie..." The voice said again. "CHUCK!" The voice hollered once more. I jerked awake to see Pinkie shaking me, trying to wake me up.

"I'm up, I'm up!" I replied. "Sorry. I just couldn't sleep." I said, getting up out of my chair and walking out of my office.

"It's okay, Sugar Plum is already eating her breakfast now. I just wanted to wake you because I need you to walk her to school." Pinkie said to me. "I know you probably don't want to be out and about today, since it's your day off and... well, yesterday, but I need to get ready for a doctor's appointment."

"Baby, it's okay." I replied. "For you and my darling daughter, I would do anything." I said, dipping her in a quick, impromptu dance move and kissing her.

"Chuckie..." She giggled and flushed red. "We've got to get mares to try and pull you away from me more often, you haven't dipped me since date night." She giggled.

"Date night was last Friday." I reminded her.

"It's been a long week." Pinkie replied.

"Amen." I said with a sigh of exhaustion before sitting down at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee, putting on a happy face for Sugar Plum. "So sweet heart, ready for your first day of school?" I asked her.

"I'm excited!" She nodded.

"Good, good." I said, drinking my coffee. "But, when it turns out you hate the very concept of school itself, don't be too surprised, just trust me. School loses it's luster pretty damn quick." I explained.

"Chuckie!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Don't listen to him, school is going to be terrific!" She said to Sugar Plum with a smile. " ** _Isn't it?_** " She asked, turning to me, he tone rising to a slight growl.

"Yes! Yes, I don't know what I'm talking about, school is going to be amazing." I said, lying to my daughter.

"There we go." Pinkie nodded in approval. "Now you two had better hurry, or you'll be late to school."

"Let's go, the rat race will start without us." I grumbled, leading Sugar Plum to the door.

"Bye mommy, I love you." Sugar Plum said, hugging her. "I'll see you after school."

"I love you too, Sugar Plum." Pinkie hugged her tightly. "And you..." She said to me, walking over. "I love you, and I appreciate all that you do, I just want you to know that." She said, hugging me tightly and kissing me on the cheek.

"I know you do." I nodded. "Love you too Cutie Pie, see you when I get back." I said, leading Sugar Plum out of the house.

"So, let me let you in on an old Murphy secret, since technically you're still one of the Murphy's no matter what the "Pie" in your full name says." I said to Sugar Plum as we walked. "So, school is going to have it's share of bullies. And bullies are terrible and deserve no love." I explained. "So, providing this bully is a colt, there's something you need to know."

"What is that, daddy?" She asked as we walked.

"If a colt starts picking on you, you need to give him a swift kick or buck in the ol' family jewels, the rocky mountain oysters, the nads." I explained. "It's the best method of getting a bully to shove off, worked for me, it worked for my father before me, and it worked for his father before him."

"What about his father?" She asked.

"We didn't record our family history that far." I replied.

"What if the bully is a filly?" She asked.

"Blackmail." I explained. "Blackmail them good. Or you can do like your father did and run away crying, both of them work in the long run. Anyway, I hope you won't need to employ these things I've taught you, but they're less expensive than me buying mace for you to carry." I said as we walked up to the courtyard of the _School of Friendship._ "You have a good day sweet heart, daddy will be here to pick you up after school, okay?" I asked.

"Okay daddy." She smiled, hugging me before running off to school. I sighed happily and turned to walk home, when I became face to face with the last mare I wanted to see right now. Oddity.

"Oddity, I thought I told you to-" I began before she cut me off.

"Save it, Chuck." She said. "I got the message. I'm packing up my things and I'm moving back to Manehattan, you don't need to worry about me trying to destroy your family anymore." She informed me. "I'm... I'm sorry." She said, walking away.

"Alright then." I nodded, heading for home.

* * *

That afternoon, as school was getting out, I had returned to the courtyard of the school, exactly where I told Sugar Plum to wait for me. She wasn't there, she was nowhere to be seen! I was dumbfounded, she had never disobeyed me like that before, and she's too smart to have forgotten, I decided I needed to investigate further. I went inside, and it was just as disgustingly preppy as I had assumed. "Yep, soak it in Cheerliee, this is the face of your unemployment." I grumbled to myself as I walked through the wings of the school, eventually finding myself at the First Grade wing, where Sugar Plum's classes were. The wing was virtually abandoned as well, which was strange. I went up to the rack of cubbies outside the classroom and looked in Sugar Plum's. Everything was still there, her school bag, her lunch box, even Mr. Stuffly, and she never went anywhere without him.

"Hey boy, do you know where she is?" I asked the teddy bear.

"I'm a toy, numb nuts. How should I know?" I replied, speaking through the bear.

"You're a real dick for a foal's toy." I remarked, gathering Sugar Plum's things.

"You'd be a dick too if you were around for Sugar Plum's teething phase." I shot back as the toy bear.

"Touche." I said before dropping the bear act. "Okay, I need to speak with someone now, this is serious." I went back through the school and eventually found myself in the only office that still had someone in it. Twilight's.

"Oh, hello Chuck." She said as I let myself in. "How can I help you?"

"Oh, nothing huge, just wondering where my daughter is." I said.

"What?" She asked, a look of concern on her face.

"My daughter. Sugar Plum? First grader? She is gone. She wasn't at the place we said we'd meet, and all of her things were in her cubby." I explained.

"What?" She asked. "Oh no... oh no, this is terrible!" She exclaimed.

"Really?" I asked sarcastically. "Really? This is terrible? I had no plum picking clue this was so fucking terrible, well fiddle my dipstick!" I exclaimed sarcastically.

"Chuck. I understand you're upset, but your attitude isn't going to solve anything." She told me.

"Whatever," I replied. "Also, if you wanted to teach friendship, give the curriculum to someone who's livelihood is teaching!" I hollered. "You're a princess, you didn't need to open up a school, it's about as ridiculous as Trump Steaks!" I exclaimed. Look it up, it's a thing.

I stormed out of the school, scared, upset, and furious that my daughter was gone, but in positive news I can finally understand _Taken_ a little better having now lost my daughter as well. Liam Neeson, if you're reading this, please take me out for lunch sometime, I'd just love to chat. I looked, and looked, and looked. I looked all over town, all the places she usually liked to go, I checked everywhere! She was just... gone! Until, an hour after I had arrived at the school to pick her up, I saw her. I saw her in the window of a house. To specify, I saw her in the window of _Oddity's_ house. Furious, I stomped up to the door and pounded heavily on it, nostrils flaring. Oddity opened the door with a nervous look on her face.

"Chuck, listen, I can explain." She said to me.

"Oh, you're going to explain alright, you're going to explain to her why I'm about to run you out of town with a melting point branding iron!" I hollered. "Oddity, I tried to give you a chance, I wanted to try and be friends, but between what you said about my wife and now all of a sudden you've taken my daughter..." I looked to her, to see her cuddled up on her couch, eyes red and swollen some from tears. "Wait... what... what happened?" I asked, my tone changing from anger to concern.

"Can I talk to you in the kitchen for a minute?" She asked me. I looked at her with suspicion and shook my head. "Can I talk to you _and_ Pinkie in the kitchen? This isn't about me, this isn't about you or Pinkie, this is about her." She said, motioning to Sugar Plum.

Minutes later, Pinkie and I were sitting down at the kitchen table in Oddity's kitchen, with Oddity sitting on the other side of the table. "What's this about?" Pinkie asked her as she sat down.

"I'll tell you what happened." Oddity said.

* * *

Oddity's story

Oddity was walking through town just past noon, walking home after going out for lunch at a nearby diner. The owner of the diner was nice and seemed particularly interested in Oddity's story retelling the past couple of days. "What do you mean he didn't leave her? I've been aching for him to be out of here for nearly a year!" Were the owner's words on Oddity's story. Take a wild guess who that owner is. Oddity was walking past a cafe not too far from the school of friendship, when in the alley she could hear the sniffling and crying of a young filly, a young filly she recognized. It was Sugar Plum. Sad, scared, and alone.

"Hello?" Oddity asked, trying to get her attention. Sugar Plum noticed her and cowered away, hiding behind a garbage can. "I'm not going to hurt you, Sugar Plum." Oddity said, trying to get her to come out.

"I know you." Sugar Plum said. "You're the lady who wants to take my daddy away." She said between cries.

"Is... is that what this crying is about?" Oddity asked, approaching her.

"No..." Sugar Plum shook her head. "It's about my mommy and daddy." Oddity sighed and knelt down to see her.

"Sugar Plum, I'm very sorry about what I did to them, to you." Oddity apologized before Sugar Plum looked up at her.

"Not them." Sugar Plum said. "My mommy and daddy before them." Oddity now understood what was going on. "The ones... the ones... the ones that didn't want me!" She said before erupting into a fit of tears.

"You... you were adopted?" Oddity asked.

"Yeah..." Sugar Plum answered between sobs. "But they don't want me either!" She cried.

"What?" Oddity asked.

"They don't love me..." Sugar Plum cried. "My old mommy and daddy didn't love me, nopony loves me!" She wailed. "That's what they told me! That's what they told me at school today!"

 _Back at school..._

"Hey you!" Sugar Plum heard a voice call for her at recess. She turned and saw a group of fillies approach her. They were fillies in her class. Sour Lemon, Amaranth, and Endive. Sour Lemon was the one speaking to her.

"Oh, hi!" Sugar Plum smiled. "Wanna play?" She asked.

"No." Endive scoffed. "Who would want to play with you?"

"Certainly not her _old_ parents!" Amaranth laughed.

"Hey..." Sugar Plum remarked. "That wasn't very nice."

"It's not very nice that your new parents had to settle for a reject like you." Sour Lemon smirked. "They don't even _want_ you."

"That... that's not true." Sugar Plum shook her head. "They love me."

"Why? You aren't their kid. You're just their obligation." Amaranth replied. "You're like a sad stray dog, they took pity on you, they don't love you."

"You're just being mean!" Sugar Plum exclaimed.

"What's mean is that we have to share the same school as a filly nobody wants or loves." Sour Lemon grimaced. "You should just go! Your old parents didn't want you, Chuck and Pinkie don't want you, and we don't want you at our school!" Sugar Plum started to bawl, she ran off because of their means words, hiding away and not wanting to turn back, eventually hiding away in the place Oddity had found her.

* * *

"So you see, I had to help her." Oddity explained. "I took her inside, I made her some hot chocolate, that seemed to calm her down." She remarked. "But, it's just that her story was very personal to me, having been an orphan myself." She explained.

"You were?" Pinkie asked.

"I never knew." I remarked.

"It's fine." Oddity replied. "I would have helped her or at least tried to regardless, after all, I think we all know what it's like to be bullied for things you couldn't help."

"Oh yeah." Pinkie nodded.

"Preach." I nodded. "Oddity, thank you." I said. "I was very frightened when I couldn't find her, and I'm sorry for assuming the worst when I found her here."

"It's okay," Oddity looked down. "I completely understand."

"Chuckie, I'm gonna take Sugar Plum home." Pinkie told me, getting up and leading Sugar Plum out the door, I told her I'd be right with her, then I turned to Oddity.

"Oddity," I said. "I can't say all that you've done since you've arrived have been... stellar." I remarked. "And I can't say that what you tried to do to Pinkie and I was right... but, today, you did something that I can't thank you enough for." I said. "And... for what it's worth, I'm also sorry I yelled at you before, it wasn't right of me to do so."

"Chuck, it's okay." Oddity said. "And I'm sorry about what I did too..." She apologized. "It's just... growing up, I never had any friends, I was teased and bullied all through school because of the fact I was adopted, and I went on to run a failing business, but that's when you came along, you helped me out greatly when my store was on the verge of closing and the bank was going to foreclose on my house. And... I guess I ended up building you up to be some sort of hero and... well... that led me to do some things that now I regret." She explained. "I'm really sorry for threatening your marriage and your family. But I still understand if you hate me."

"I don't hate you." I said. "I rarely hate anyone. We all do things that we aren't proud of, I certainly have." I remarked. "All is forgiven." I said. "And, look, please don't move. This is a situation we can all move on from and it doesn't need to end with possible friendships being ruined." I stated. "Plus, it could be possible that after today Sugar Plum may see you as some kind of hero." I chuckled. "So, what do you say, friends and neighbors?" I asked her.

"Friends and neighbors." She nodded with a smile. "Thanks Chuck." She said.

"Don't mention it." I said. "And dammit you'd better be reopening your store in this town, because I _do_ love knick-knacks." I chuckled.

"We'll be open soon." She replied with a chuckle.

* * *

 _Fin._


	64. Chapter 64: Mom and Dad

**Author's note:** After what happened last time, Sugar Plum just hasn't been herself, and now it's up to Chuck and Pinkie to fix that. Hopefully they can find a way that is.

* * *

Chapter 64: Mom and Dad

"How's she feeling?" Pinkie asked me as I walked in the bedroom, for the past few days Sugar Plum hadn't been herself after what that filly had said to her. Oddity had helped, she had helped her a lot, but she still wasn't quite back to feeling like herself. Luckily the incident occurred on a Friday so she didn't have to deal with them all Saturday and Sunday.

"Not great, better, but not great." I replied. "God, I feel just terrible for her." I sighed. "Why do there have to be such jerks in this world?" I asked rhetorically. "Finding joy making fun of someone like that, for that reason of all things!" I exclaimed. "Now she's got all these thoughts in her head, you know how hard it will be to get her back to normal?" I asked her.

"It'll be okay." Pinkie reminded me. "She knows we love her."

"Yeah, but still, words like that hurt." I said, climbing into bed with her. "Also, this might not be the best time to bring it up, but I was right." I said, eluding to our conversation we had last week when I said that there would still be bullies at that _oh so special friendship school_.

"Really?" She asked me. "Really?"

"What?" I asked. "It's just nice to have been right."

"Congratulations, you were right about something awful happening to our daughter." Pinkie stated flatly.

"Well when you put it like that I sound like a douche." I remarked before laying back and sighing. "What are we going to do? Wait for this to pass?" I asked.

"No, we need to tell someone." Pinkie said. "Tell Twilight, tell their parents," She suggested.

"Like _that_ will work." I replied. "Nobody ever does anything about bullying, especially the parents or the school faculty."

"Do you have a better idea?" Pinkie asked.

"Kidnap them." I suggested. "Tie 'em to some chairs, club some kneecaps with a crow bar, call it a day." I explained. "Not that it would fly well considering we're grown adults. Maybe we could convince Sugar Plum to do it herself."

"You're creative, I'll give you that." She said, tussling my mane. "But your cynical, above the law take on handling things isn't going to work here."

"Okay, what do _you_ have in mind that isn't a plan that won't work or a plan that's highly illegal?" I asked. "Because turning those kids to school glue is about the only idea I feel is justified. Maybe the best thing we can do is just support her and wait for this to pass."

"Well, I have one idea." She said. "Maybe we could... no." She shook her head. "That just sounds like a bad idea."

"No no, let me hear it." I replied quickly, more and more recently, part of her pregnancy had been making her far more mellow, which also meant that the real life anxieties and self doubt that she was just able to brush off were more alive than ever in her. Making it my responsibility to help her with those things.

"Well, I was thinking maybe we could... look into who her real parents were or are." Pinkie suggested. "It's a dumb idea, I know." She pouted.

"It's not dumb." I said, supporting her. "I mean, it can have it's share of risks, but providing we do it right we can at the very least get her some closure on this situation, we'll have to see just who they are, make sure they'd be safe for her to be around, then if they're dead, they're dead." I shrugged. "I think it's a great idea hon."

"Thanks Chuckie." She hugged me. "Tomorrow maybe we'll take a look?"

"I'm off anyway." I nodded. "Hey... look." I began. "You think maybe tomorrow we let her stay home from school? I know that school's important and junk, but she's in first grade, they won't do anything that can't be caught up on. Besides, she won't have to deal with those bullies tomorrow so we all won't have to deal with that."

"I think that's a good idea." She nodded.

"Well, we're not going to keep her out of school from now on, but I mean, tomorrow's not going to go any better than Friday did for her." I made sure to mention. "Hopefully by the time we can send her back she has some closure on this whole thing." I shrugged.

"I couldn't agree more." Pinkie nodded. "We're such good parents." She said, hugging me.

"And to think we aren't going to have _any_ of these problems when our twins come along." I remarked dryly.

"Chuckie..." Pinkie replied, knowing I was kidding but reminding me I shouldn't say things like that.

The next day, Pinkie and I packed small suitcases each just in case this trip took up abroad. However we hoped that it wouldn't be the case. I was saving up for a lounge in the basement and I didn't really want to spend a lot on travel. Yeah, father of the year over here.

"So, where are we going again?" Sugar Plum asked me, we hadn't quite told her about the plans yet.

"Just a little day trip." I answered. "Thought it might be fun, see the sights, have some nice quality time as a family, school is overrated."

"Ain't that the truth." Sugar Plum remarked.

"She definitely did not learn _ain't_ from me." Pinkie stated, hearing her.

"Yeah well you're gonna be surprised what else she didn't learn from you." I remarked. "Yeah, that's right." I turned to Sugar Plum. "I heard what you said when you stubbed your hoof yesterday."

"Are you mad?" Sugar Plum asked me.

"If I was mad I would have said something, if anything, I'm proud. My great great grandfather would have been proud too." I replied. "You cursed like a true Italian."

"I thought you were Irish." Pinkie remarked.

"My lineage is a real hodgepodge of European countries. With a little bit of Mongolia too." I answered. "Reasoning? Genghis Khan. That dude got it on with everyone and everything. There are probably cattle or trees out there with lineage tracing back to Khan."

"You're home world is weird." Sugar Plum remarked.

"You don't know the half of it, sister." I replied.

"Alright you two, let's get going." Pinkie said, eager to divert Sugar Plum from another one of my rants about where I was from. And so, we went on our way. It was still relatively early, so we had the delight of walking past parents walking their kids to school.

"Here, do this." I said to Sugar Plum, before sticking my tongue out at a foal passing by on their way to school. " _Nya nya nya ni nya nya! You have to go to school, and I do-on't!_ " I hummed, taunting them. "Now you do it, it'll make you feel good."

" _Nya nya nya ni nya nya! You have to go to school, and I do-on't!_ " Sugar Plum repeated, sticking her tongue out at a passing foal, who happened to be Endive, one of the fillies who made her cry last week.

" _Nya nya nya ni nya nya! I have parents, and you do-on't!_ " Endive replied in a snarky tone, sticking her tongue out.

"Now you listen here you little shi-" I began, ready to clobber that stupid kid, luckily for that kid, Pinkie held me back. "Get to school, you insolent twerp." I growled sternly, the little filly then sneered at me and kept walking. "That little shit head." I grumbled.

"Yeah." Sugar Plum nodded. Pinkie then made a face at me, hearing her agree with what I said. She had been on me about my sailor mouth in the recent months, and this didn't help.

"She didn't _say_ it. She just agreed with me." I murmured to her. "Are you going to _deny_ what I said was true?"

"No." Pinkie murmured back. "But there are other words you could have used."

"Fine, but when she turns twelve, I'm talking the way I normally do." I replied.

"Thirteen and I'll agree." Pinkie shot back, with a heavily nose sigh, I nodded.

"That little brat." I spoke aloud, exaggerating my discontent with both the child and this oppressive stipulation. We kept walking, the orphanage was in sight. Now, I wasn't stupid. I knew after all that's happened recently that Sugar Plum would not want to even be near that place with us, for fear that we were indeed sending her back. So Pinkie and I had made a plan. "Say, Cutie Pie." I said. "Why don't you and Sugar Plum go get us a seat at the cafe?" I said, looking to the Brown Brick Cafe, a cafe just across the street. "I'll go and get some donuts." I winked.

"Sounds good to me!" Pinkie nodded playing along. "Wait, you _are_ getting donuts too, right?" She asked me quietly.

"Yes." I replied. "Now go get that seat. Extra large coffee with two cream, one sugar." I added.

"Three cream, four sugar, got it." Pinkie nodded, going into the cafe with Sugar Plum. With that, I went off to the orphanage.

"You want to know more about Sugar Plum?" The head mare of the orphanage asked me when I walked into her office and explained why I was there. "Well, Mr. Pie, there isn't really all that much to know. She was left here in the middle of the night as a small foal."

"You don't have any records on her birth parents?" I asked. "There's got to be something."

"Mr. Pie, I'm afraid all that we know about her is from her birth certificate, which is now in your possession." She replied. "I'm sorry, but if she's being tormented at school, perhaps you need to just talk with her and explain to her that she has just as much worth as anypony else, it's very nice what you're trying to do, but I'm afraid that I can't help you."

"Well... thanks anyway." I nodded. Walking back, I took out Sugar Plum's birth certificate. There wasn't all that much information to go off of here, full name, date of birth, and what hospital she was born in. Wait, what hospital she was born in... that would help the search immensely now that I think about it. Canterlot Hospital, so she was born in Canterlot, so it at least stood to reason that her parents would be from or currently in or at the very least were at some point in Canterlot.

After a quick stop for donuts, I went back into the cafe to join Pinkie and Sugar Plum. I set the box down at sat next to Pinkie, about to inform her of the plan. "So, I was thinking maybe we'd go up to Canterlot." I said aloud, nudging Pinkie.

"Oh, good idea Chuckie. I would just love to visit Canterlot!" She remarked, acting pretty poorly.

"That's the worst acting I've seen since my grade school plays." I murmured.

"Oh, my apologies, I forgot you were such a Trotscar winning performer." She murmured dryly.

"I'm not loving this sarcastic attitude." I replied.

"Are you two alright?" Sugar Plum asked us. "You're acting weird."

"Everything is fine." I said, turning to her and grabbing one of the chocolate donuts from the box. "We were just talking about visiting Canterlot, y'ever been?" I asked Sugar Plum, perhaps she remembered something.

"Nope." She shook her head. Damn.

"Well, it'll be a fun first experience for you, it's a nice place after all!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"When it's not being attacked by something, which happens like every two weeks." I pointed out. "And what happens when that happens? Celestia is sitting on her royal rear whilst her cronies handle it for her!"

"If you're referring to Twilight and us, need I remind you that _I_ am one of those cronies." Pinkie replied to my statement.

"Cronies isn't always a bad word per say." I said with an awkward chuckle. "Besides, I was shedding a good light on you guys, you always save the day!" I said, laughing a little. "In fact, the dictionary defines cronies as close friends and comrades! Only through modern bastardization did it become looked at as a rude word."

"Okay Chuckie." She giggled. "You were forgiven before you started frantically rambling."

"If only I knew that before I did." I replied.

"Yeah, then you wouldn't have started rambling." Sugar Plum remarked.

"That's enough." I turned and spoke sharply. "So, are we headed to Canterlot or not?"

"Let's go!" Pinkie cheered.

Once we arrived in Canterlot, I saw the Canterlot Hospital almost immediately. I looked towards the tall building and turned back to Pinkie. I nudged my head toward it as if to say "I'm gonna go take a look around." She nodded and then turned to Sugar Plum.

"C'mon Sugar Plum! There's a Stuff-A-Bear not too far from here that's just begging you to get Mr. Stuffly a new outfit!" She said, leading her off.

"But what about daddy?" She asked as they walked off.

"He'll be along, now come on! Let's go!" She said, leading her away. With that, I went to the hospital and looked around.

"So, let me get this straight, you're a strange stallion with no biological relation to a patient wanting to know information on her family?" The receptionist asked me with a raised brow when I went up to her and made my case. "You're not exactly making a great case for yourself."

"I'm her adopted father." I said dryly. "All I want is to know the names of her birth parents, that's not too much to ask, is it?"

"Sir, this is very unorthodox." She replied.

"So? I'm protestant. And even then, I haven't picked up the book in a few years." I remarked. "You've got to have a file on her, she was born here, all I want to know is two little names, is that so hard? Two little names?" I pleaded.

"I'm sorry sir, but I can't just give you those names." She replied.

"Fine." I sighed. This was shaping out to be hopeless. I grumbled a little to myself as I trudged from the hospital to the Stuff-A-Bear workshop. "This is perfect." I muttered, also a little bit angry that so far I had been on a wild goose chase that wasn't even my idea, whilst the one who had the idea was having a nice day with our daughter.

"Hi Chuckie!" Pinkie smiled seeing me walk in.

"Which outfit do you like better?" Sugar Plum asked. "Sailor or Tux?" She said, holding up miniature suits on little plastic coat hangers.

"Hmm, neither. Want my advice, go for the cowboy getup, it comes with a cool hat." I advised. "But if I'm really picking between those two, I'll go with Tux, it's classy." I answered. "Or hey, you can just get Tux, Sailor, and Cowboy." I shrugged. "These outfits can't be too pricey."

"Really? Thanks daddy!" She beamed as she ran back to the shelf to pick the outfits. Pinkie turned to me with a little giggle at her excitement.

"She's going to put those on her bear once and then forget about them." Pinkie remarked with a little giggle.

"Yeah, but I mean, it's nice to see her happy." I said. "So it's worth the waste of bits."

"Is it a waste when she's happy though?" Pinkie asked as I sat down beside her. "It's nice, she seems like she's getting back to her old self again."

"Yeah..." I nodded. "So, about the hospital, it was kind of a... bust." I said to her. Her mood dropped a little as I told her this news. "But... but maybe it's for the best. I mean, she's happy now, and chances are if we just keep reinforcing that _we_ care about us the bullies's words won't affect her." I reasoned.

"Yeah, I guess that makes sense." Pinkie nodded. "But I still think it would have been nice to giver her closure."

"I know." I nodded just as Sugar Plum returned. "Hiya sweetheart, ready to pay?" I asked, she gave a nod and we went to the cash and payed for the outfits.

Afterwards, we returned to the train station, ready to buy our tickets and go home to Ponyville. "Why are we going home so early?" Sugar Plum asked us as I was walking over to the ticket booth.

"Because there's really not much else you'd care to see, and even so, there's other times we can take a look around." I reasoned.

"Oh, okay." She nodded before something caught her eye, a balloon stand just across the street. "Um, daddy, can I go get a balloon from the stand over there?" She asked me.

"Yeah, sure." I nodded, fishing a coin from my wallet. "This should cover it. Don't talk to strangers, okay?" I said.

"Okay daddy." She nodded, running off for the balloon stand. With that, I stood in line and exhaled a sigh.

"Long day?" Pinkie asked me.

"Yep." I nodded. "You're right, it would have been nice to put a patch on this whole situation. I mean, even if we found out they weren't alive anymore that would have at least handled it." I remarked.

"True." Pinkie nodded. "And just imagine if she got to meet them, it might have been a happy reunion."

"Yeah, but we wouldn't want it to be too happy a reunion." I replied. "Lord knows they might want to keep her."

"Yeah!" Pinkie laughed a little. "Like sure, you made her, you take her!" She laughed. "Not our problem anymore." She giggled at my joke, obviously not meaning a word of it.

"Not your problem anymore?" A voice asked behind us. It was Sugar Plum, she had returned with her balloon, at the worst of times to walk into a conversation. "What do you mean, you take her?" She asked, tears welling up in her eyes.

"Sugar Plum, listen..." I began, trying to explain things to her.

"You guys don't want me?" She asked. "You wanted to get rid of me?" She sniffled. "I knew it!" She exclaimed. "Sour Lemon was right!" She wailed, letting go of the balloon and running off, crying. I tried to call after her, but she wasn't listening. She ran off into the train yard, sobbing.

"Uh oh..." Pinkie remarked, just as much guilt and shame on her face as I had.

"C'mon." I told her. "Sugar Plum! Sugar Plum!" I called, chasing after where she ran.

"Sugar Plum!" Pinkie called. "Come back!"

* * *

"This is great." I muttered, twenty minutes into looking for her through the train yard, no sign of her anywhere. "So great."

"Some idea this turned out to be!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Yeah! Take her to meet her parents! There's _no way_ this can go wrong!" She remarked sarcastically.

"Yeah, if anything is going to help us find our daughter, it's sarcasm." I rolled my eyes, starting to get visibly bitter.

"Well it's a lot better than what you've been coming up with." She replied.

"Oh, you know what? That's so true!" I exclaimed, finally snapping. "It's _so_ much better than _me_ going and talking to the head mare of the orphanage to try and find out more about her past, it's so much better than _me_ going into the hospital to try and find the answers! It's so much better than _me_ doing all the work this whole time, only for Sugar Plum to be God knows where because _you_ let her think that we were going to get rid of her!" I bellowed. I very seldom get genuinely angry, and even more seldom did I let my anger out around her, let alone at Pinkie. She looked at me with a shocked look on her face, tears welling in her eyes, I quickly realized what I said and how foolish I was for saying it.

"You're right..." She said, sitting down in the gravel and dirt. "You're right... this is all my fault..." She remarked. "What was I thinking? This was a terrible idea!" She began to cry. "Chuckie... I'm sorry. You try so hard to be a good parent, and all I do is mess things up." She said, crying more. I gave myself a mental smack in the head for triggering this and went over to her.

"That's not true." I said, sitting down beside her. "You're a _great_ parent."

"No I'm not." She replied. "I didn't help you do the work today, you're normally the one who does all the work around the house, and Sugar Plum likes you better."

"Okay, look." I said. "Yes, I did all the work, but _you_ were doing the most important part of the day and you were spending time with Sugar Plum, making her feel better. And yes, I do most the work around the house, but... you can't help it. You're pregnant, you have precious little energy and should expend it on menial tasks. And third, Sugar Plum does not like me better."

"Yes she does." Pinkie replied, brushing tears from her eyes. "Whenever you're working it's always ' _when's daddy coming home_ ' this, and ' _why does daddy have to work today_ ' that. Even today, all she wanted was for you to be around. She adores you." She sighed. "It's just as well, I'm too stupid to be a mom."

"Now hold on for one damn second." I spoke up. "She does not like me better, she just wants both her mom _and_ dad around. Whenever you have to go to bed right after dinner, when I'm tucking her in she always says ' _why can't mommy ever tuck me in?_ ' Every night!" I remarked. "And you are not too stupid! Who's idea was it to even do this? It was yours, and... yeah, sure, it's not going so hot right now, but you did it because you had Sugar Plum's best interests at heart, and that shows your a damn good mom."

"You mean it?" She asked.

"Yeah." I smiled. "We're a family, and no member of the family is more important than the other. Well, no parent anyway. Parents stand higher than the kids, for the sake of maintaining the order."

"I love it when you have to second guess yourself." She giggled, kissing me on the cheek.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, that was really out of line on my part, you didn't deserve that. It wasn't fair." I said. "I love you so much, and I couldn't raise Sugar Plum without you."

"I know you couldn't." She giggled a little. "Now," She said, all perked up again. "We need to find Sugar Plum." Just then, a box car opened up and somepony looked at me, he was a heavy set unicorn stallion with a bright peach colored coat, he looked worse for wear, like he had been on the streets for years.

"Excuse me..." He said. "But, you keep mentioning a Sugar Plum... she's not a unicorn filly is she? About five or six, glasses?" He asked.

"Yes!" I nodded. "Yes that is her! You haven't seen her, have you?" I asked the evidently homeless stallion.

"Well," He chuckled a little. "I was one of the first ponies to have seen her, being her father." He answered. As he said that, both mine and Pinkie's jaws dropped to the ground. "I know, I know." He chuckled at our disbelief. "So, you lost her, huh?" He asked.

"Yeah, she ran off!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Well... she's not going to find herself." He chuckled. "Need some help looking?"

"That would be very nice." I nodded. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." He nodded. "Hey, Praline!" He turned back inside the cox car. "You were right, they were talking about Sugar Plum!" After he walked out, a mare in the same rough shape as him walked out. A unicorn as well, with glasses and a wavy light purple mane not unlike Sugar Plum's.

"So, you two are the ones who ended up with our little girl." She remarked, a smile across her face. "Pleased to meet you two, my name is Praline, and this is my husband, Bavarian Donut." She introduced herself and her husband to us.

"Chuck. And this is my wife, Pinkie Pie." I replied. "Happy to meet both of you." I said as the four of us began to look around.

"So," Praline spoke up as we looked up and down the train yard. "Just how did you two come to meet Sugar Plum?"

"Well, not long ago, after Chuckie and I first got married, we thought we wouldn't be able to have foals so we looked into adopting!" Pinkie explained. "And then when we were at the orphanage in our town, she stood out the most to us, she was just so sweet."

"Since then, we've been raising her." I nodded.

"So, I gotta ask, what brought you to the train yards of Canterlot?" Bavarian asked.

"You might get a kick out of this," I replied. "But we were looking for you. Well, not you specifically, but Sugar Plum's biological parents."

"Why's that?" Praline asked.

"Well..." I spoke up. "The other day... Sugar Plum was met with a few bullies at school, and they were being mean to her because of her situation. So, Pinkie came up with the idea that maybe we'd look for her birth parents, let her know that she wasn't given up for adoption because they didn't want her or love her."

"We traveled all around looking for you! And then, I accidentally let the plan slip, and she thought we were trying to get rid of her and... and that's when she ran off." Pinkie concluded.

"Well that's just terrible." Praline remarked. "But, it shows remarkable dedication that you'd do something like that for her."

"We love her, we'd do anything for her." I replied.

"I can tell." Bavarian nodded. "Good, I'm glad that she's in a good home." He said, looking down at the ground with a sad look. I noticed this and then turned to the stallion.

"If you don't mind me asking, but... why did you give her up?" I asked.

"Chuck, what kind of life do you think we could provide?" He asked in reply. "We're homeless, we live off a very unhealthily low amount of food, that's no life for a little girl." He said bluntly.

"Bavarian, sweetheart," Praline spoke up, clearing her throat. "I think he knew that, he wanted to know what... led to that." She spoke.

"Oh..." He nodded. "Sorry about that." He said to me. "I guess I could tell you, it all goes back to about five years ago..."

* * *

"She's beautiful." Bavarian remarked after a long evening in Canterlot Hospital. After a long day of toiling, shrieking, and straining, the daughter of Bavarian Donut and Praline had been born, the filly that would eventually be our Sugar Plum. Bavarian held up the newborn foal with a proud smile.

"Oh, Celestia..." Praline beamed with joy, looking at her newborn daughter. "Bavarain, she's got your coat."

"And she has your mane." Bavarian noted. "She's perfect. What should we call her?"

"What about Sugar Plum?" Praline suggested. "Our little Sugar Plum." Once they took her home, they immediately put her to rest in her nursery that had been renovated from Bavarian's home office. Bavarian and Praline were entrepreneurs, co-managing a bakery under their apartment in Canterlot. It wasn't the most popular business in town, but they did okay. All up until one day.

"Y'notice we haven't seen many customers today?" Bavarian remarked one day, one slow day.

"I have, it's odd." Praline remarked. Just then, the door bell sounded and a customer walked in. "Hello! Welcome to Bavarian and Praline's Old Fashioned Bakery. How can we help you today?" She asked. She turned to see this customer, turns out it was their landlord, Sourdough Sandwich. (Who's that? Take a gander at chapter 42 for a quick second).

"Oh, Mr. Sandwich, good to see you again." Bavarian said, welcoming his landlord in.

"Hello Bavarian." Sourdough replied. "Praline." He nodded respectfully. "Bavarian, listen, I wanted to see you about your rent."

"Oh?" Bavarian asked. "I payed it just last week."

"I'm aware." He said. "But, look. I know this isn't the best time, but, well, I'm in the midst of closing the deal on the Califoalnia Bowl. And to get the funding... there's going to be a bit of a rent hike." This was met with shock from Bavarian and Praline.

"How high a hike?" Praline asked.

"Just... another four hundred a month per each property I own I wager." Sourdough noted. "I'm sure that won't be an issue, will it?" He asked.

"Uh... no! Not at all." Bavarian reassured him.

"Good." Sourdough nodded. "Now, I'd best be off." He said, turning away and heading out the door. Bavarian turned to Praline with a worried look. They normally were just barely able to pay rent as it was, now they had a foal and a rent strike to handle.

Weeks went on, customers dropped and dropped as their prices climbed, before long, they weren't sure what to do. However, after a month, they didn't have a choice anymore. They had failed to meet the rent, and failed to meet the extended deadline. Then, one fateful night, a month and a half after Sugar Plum's birth, Sourdough arrived once more.

"Bavarain, Praline..." He sighed, with a genuine heavy heart. "I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to take your building." He informed them one night in the shop. "It's nothing personal, but... I have to do what I have to do." He said. "And, I hope that you can find good jobs." He told them, standing up and heading for the door. "I really am sorry. But, you need to be out by next Sunday." He said finally, closing the door and walking away. Bavarian and Praline weren't mad at him, after all he was merely doing his job. They were sad and scared. They had no idea what they were going to do.

"There are no jobs, we have no money to move, we're going to be homeless!" Praline sobbed that night. "What are we going to do? We can't raise Sugar Plum like this! She didn't ask for this!"

"I know." Bavarian sighed. "Well, there's no hope at this point, we're on the streets as of next Sunday, what else are we supposed to do? With her, that is. There's no life for her on the streets."

"I know..." Praline nodded. "I guess... the only thing we can do for her, to make sure she has a good life."

"I think I know what you're saying." Bavarian nodded before looking into the nursery where she slept. "And... I guess that's the best option." Later on, having packed what things Sugar Plum had, they took her outside and took her to the train station. Boarding the train to the town with the nearest orphanage, Ponyville.

Upon arrival, they set her on the steps of the orphanage, set in a carrier bed and swaddled in a blanket, still fast asleep. They set an envelope with her birth certificate atop of her and gave her one last thing, a brand new brown teddy bear with a black bow tie.

"Goodbye, my Sugar Plum..." Bavarian said.

"We'll always love you." Praline said, tears in her eyes. "Goodbye..." She said with a heavy heart, kissing her on the head one last time. With that, they turned away and went back to Canterlot, leaving their daughter there, forever.

* * *

" _NYYAAAAAAHHHHAHAHAAAAHHH!_ " Pinkie sobbed loudly as Bavarian finished the story. "Oh Chuckie it's so sad!" She cried, clutching onto me as she wailed loudly.

"I'm so sorry." I said to Bavarian and Praline. "I understand now, but... that's so terrible."

"Chuck..." Bavarian sighed. "It's fine, nothing we can do, all that was just a new breeze in the winds of change." He shrugged.

"We love her with all our hearts, but we just wanted what was best for her." Praline said.

"And we're happy to see that you seem to be offering that, so thank you." Bavarian nodded. "You two seem like fine parents."

"Yeah, fat load of fine we are." I sighed. "She's off God know's where now." I said. Just then, I caught something out of the corner of my eye, Sugar Plum was watching us from behind a train in the yard. "Sugar Plum!" I exclaimed. Hearing this, Pinkie perked up immediately and ran up to her, hugging her tightly.

"Oh Sugar Plum I'm so happy we found you we were so worried about you Chuckie I'm so sorry for what I said I didn't mean it like that, it was only a joke if all the context were there you would have understood but I'm so so so sorry!" Pinkie exclaimed, hugging her.

"It's okay mommy." Sugar Plum replied before turning to the Praline and Bavarian. "Wait... who are they?" She asked.

"Sugar Plum... meet your mother and father." I said. "Bavarian Donut and Praline." I said as they stepped forward. They smiled warmly as they approached her.

"Really?" Sugar Plum asked, with wide eyes. "You two are my real mommy and daddy?"

"Yes, Sugar Plum." Praline nodded. "We are, and we've missed you."

"Every day we've missed you." Bavarian nodded, hugging her. "We've been wondering for the past five years what you've been up to."

"We ran into them when we were looking for you, to make a long story short." I explained. "They were more than happy to see you again."

"Oh..." Sugar Plum nodded. "So... you guys are taking me back?" She asked.

"What?" Praline asked. "Oh heavens no!" She exclaimed.

"No. No we aren't." Bavarian shook his head.

"So... you guys really didn't want me." Sugar Plum remarked sadly, ready to cry.

"Sugar Plum... listen." Bavarian said, hugging her tightly. "Praline and I may be your mother and father... but..." He turned to Pinkie and I. "Them, those two, they're your mom and dad. And... maybe you don't understand what it means now, but one day you'll understand the difference." He said.

"You need to understand this, we will always love you." Praline smiled, holding Sugar Plum close to her. "But you have a better life with them, and they love you too. If they didn't love you, do you think that they'd travel this far to find us for you?" Sugar Plum sniffled and shook her head. "There, that's four of us who love you." She said. "Now, run along now, my sweet." She said, kissing her head. Sugar Plum hugged both of them one more time before running back to join Pinkie and I. I smiled down at her and turned to Pinkie.

"You and Sugar Plum go to the deck and get our tickets back, okay?" I asked her.

"You've got it, Chuckie." She said, kissing me on the cheek and leading Sugar Plum off. I turned to the couple with a bittersweet look.

"Um... you two... listen..." I said. "Gosh, I... if there's anything I can do," I said. "Here," I said, pulling a check book out. "I had been saving to renovate the house but... I don't really need a lounge," I chuckled. "Here, take this." I said, giving Bavarian Donut a check with the renovation savings on it. "Cash it, it should be enough to get you two in a studio apartment for now, should get you some groceries too, it won't last long, so get some resumes out." I said.

"Gosh... Chuck, I don't know... I don't know what to say..." Praline remarked.

"Don't say a thing." I said. "Consider this a... how did you say it? A new breeze in the winds of change?" I asked Bavarian.

"Thanks, Chuck." Bavarian smiled. "I won't forget this." He beamed. "I won't forget this."

"Well, don't forget to cash it." I said, prying myself out of a tight hug from Bavarian. "I'd better get going now." I said, backing away. "You two take care now." I saluted.

"Farewell Chuck." Praline nodded as I left.

* * *

Back in Ponyville, Sugar Plum was happy now, having closure on the situation, sure, the bullying didn't stop necessarily, but she didn't care. She knew the truth that they didn't know. She came home and went to school happy every day. And if she was happy, we were happy.

"It sure is nice to have everything back to normal after these past few days, what with Oddity and this now." Pinkie remarked one day as we socialized at my bar while Sugar Plum was at school.

"Ain't that the truth." I nodded. "So, what was it you wanted to tell us the other day, anyway? You know, that news you were talking about celebrating." I asked Ivory, who had been playing the piano and talking with Cheese.

"Yeah, what?" Pinkie asked. Ivory turned to Cheese with a grin and she whispered in our ears, revealing the news. When I heard what she said, I nearly coughed out my lungs in shock, sure she was kidding.

"YOU'RE WHAT!?" I hollered.


	65. Chapter 65: One Thing After Another

**Author's note:** I was just googling fan art of Regular Show, and a lot of people ship Mordecai from Regular Show with Twilight Sparkle. Like, why? Why the hell would people do that? It makes no sense. One, not even the same show, two, Mordecai deserves way better. (Come at me Mordetwi fans. No seriously, that's what they're called! XD. Also, come at me Twilight fans, 'cause technically I zinged her too.) Not that that has anything to do with the chapter, except like, one character tossed in was a nod to a character from Regular Show, so there's the connection I guess. Also, points for whoever guesses the two song references in the address for Chuck's Tavern. One part is really easy, the other may require more skill.

* * *

Chapter 65: One Thing After Another

"What?" I stammered. "Engaged? What on Earth are you talking about, engaged?" I exclaimed, looking to Cheese and Ivory.

"Chuck, it's no big deal." Ivory said. "We just decided we were ready to take things to the next step."

"So adopt a cat! Bone on the couch! List each other as your emergency contacts! There are plenty of ways to take things to the next step without making this huge a leap!" I exclaimed. "I mean, you two have been dating since what? June? You haven't even been together for half of a year."

"No offense, Chuck. But I'm not going to take relationship advice from somepony who really thought that 'taken for granted' was spoken as 'taken for granite'." Ivory replied.

"Chuck, Pinkie, come on." Cheese said. "We really care about each other and it just felt right. We figured you two of all ponies would understand that."

"I never said it was a bad idea!" Pinkie exclaimed. "I think it's terrific!"

"Oh don't lie." I said bluntly. "Ivory, Cheese, I have nothing but respect for both of you. But I just think... it's all happening really fast. And, well, haste can make mistakes." I explained.

"You and Pinkie hadn't even been dating for a year when you got engaged!" Ivory replied.

"That's different." I replied.

"How? How is that different?" Ivory asked. She had me, I wasn't actually prepared to explain how it was different. I shuffled my hooves and glanced around, not ready to explain but also not willing to lose this debate, or maybe at this point it was an argument.

"There were..." I began. "Certain circumstances that led me to believe I had precious little time left, had to propose while I could." I reasoned.

"You bought the ring _before_ all that happened." Cheese reminded me. "I remember. You showed me the day of that town meeting we had."

"Aw, you were ready to propose since then?" Pinkie asked me, blushing. I was beat, I shuffled my hooves once more and looked to Ivory and Cheese.

"I'm sorry." I apologized. "This was just all a big surprise and... you can't argue that this is all happening very fast." I reasoned, my reasoning was met with nods from Cheese and Ivory, who knew very well it was happening fast, but they wanted it like that. "And, if there's anything Pinkie and I can do, just know we'll be happy to help you out."

"Great. The wedding's in two weeks." Ivory told me. Hearing that, I almost blew another fuse.

"TWO WEEKS!?" I hollered. "Oy gevalt." I murmured.

"Still, we're more than happy to help with whatever you need to get done!" Pinkie smiled, the short notice on the date seemingly not affecting her at all.

"Yeah." I nodded finally. "Yeah. We are."

"Thanks, we really do appreciate your support." Cheese smiled.

"However reluctant it may be." Ivory added upon her apparent fiance's statement. "Well, I've got a dress to go shop for, Cheese you still said you were going to see about the venue?" She asked him.

"Absolutely!" He nodded, kissing Ivory on the cheek. "Chuck, wanna come with?" He offered me.

"Sure, why not?" I shrugged. "There's not much else to do today until this afternoon." I reasoned.

"Ooh! And I can go dress shopping with you! Won't that be fun?" Pinkie asked Ivory.

"Yeah. Super." Ivory nodded, not all that enthused.

"So! How did he propose? Or did _you_ propose? It's a little unorthodox but I've heard of that happening before. How many bride's mares are you having? Can I be one? Can I be your mare of honor? Are you going to invite your dad? I know you aren't on good terms with him but he might appreciate it. I know Chuckie was more than reluctant to even let me know about his family, anyway..." Pinkie bombarded Ivory with questions and statements as they left.

"I'm your best stallion, right?" I asked Cheese now that we were alone.

"Tell you what, I'll flip a coin, heads you are, tails Quibble is." He reasoned.

"Fine with me." I nodded. "Now let's go pick out that venue." I said, we left the bar and went straight for the town hall, which held pretty well every event in Ponyville, small scale concerts, town meetings, and weddings among over things.

"So, how did it all happen?" I asked him as we stepped up the outer stairs of the building. "I would have figured you had something elaborate planned, being the male counterpart of my at times exhaustively eccentric wife." I remarked.

"I did have something big planned." He answered. "Something that would have happened in, oh I don't know, almost a year I'd say." He continued. "But when it happened it just felt right."

 _Last week..._

"I heard some friend of Chuck's is moving to town, wonder how that'll go." Ivory remarked one night as they worked together in the bar.

"Better not be a stallion, I'd hate to see somepony come along and snatch you away." Cheese joked.

"Ha!" Ivory laughed. "You may as well get us hitched pretty quickly, if this new pony's too handsome I'll definitely be jumping ship." She chuckled.

"Soonest I can get the town hall is in a couple weeks." Cheese continued the joke. "We'll have to get married then."

"I'd do that, you know?" Ivory asked, being serious. "I would actually marry you. In just three weeks from now." She said honestly.

"Well... do you want to?" Cheese asked.

"Cheese Sandwich," She smirked. "Are you proposing to me?" She asked.

"Yeah, I am. Ivory, will you marry me?" He asked.

"Yes. Yes I will." Ivory smirked with a little chuckle. "But I'm not changing my last name."

"Natch." Cheese answered.

 _Now..._

"Well, given the short notice I'm really not surprised that's how it went." I remarked. "My other guess was that is was a shotgun wedding, but Ivory doesn't really have a family, and you can't exactly get knocked up." I laughed. "How silly would it be to just assume she was pregnant, right?"

"Yeah, sudden news could really be anything." Cheese nodded with a chuckle. "I mean, when you asked what the news was, did pregnancy even cross your mind?"

"No, I'd need a Pogo-stick on top of a trampoline before I could jump to that kind of a conclusion!" I exclaimed, sighing a little as I stopped laughing. "Alright, lets go and book." I said, opening the door for him.

"Who says chivalry is dead?" He remarked with a little laugh. I shook my head with a little chuckle as I followed him in, there appeared to be something going on at the time, Bingo specifically. Possibly the most boring game known.

"Under the B... 3." The elderly stallion up on the stand spoke out, calling the number.

"Under the I... 8." I murmured to Cheese. "For, I h8 this dumb game." I quipped. He snickered at my statement as we moved to the office of the room. Now, I wasn't a big fan of talking to this guy, he was a high strung wiener type of guy, and when he did make jokes, they fell flat. But, for the sake of my friend, I knew helping out was nice.

"So, booking for a wedding, huh?" He asked us when we sat down in his office, he was a red stallion with a pinkish red mane and gray tie around his neck. "Got to admit, this is a little sudden. You want the place two weeks from now?"

"Yeah." Cheese nodded. "It's still available, right?"

"It is." He nodded. "I'm just saying, you procrastinated pushing the venue until just a couple weeks before." He chuckled. "I guess that's what happens when two stallions are the ones getting married huh? No stallion is great with planning." He quipped, looking to me.

"What?" I asked. "I'm not marrying him. We aren't getting married. I _am_ married." I stated. "His _fiancee_ is dress shopping with my wife."

"Oh. Right." He replied. "Your fiancee isn't great with planning then." He remarked.

"We got engaged last week." Cheese answered, the manager arched his brow and shifted his mouth to look rather unimpressed.

"Uh huh." He nodded. "Alright, I'll put you down for that date, I'll need the payment by the day before, don't worry about cleanup, my staff will handle that."

"Thanks Bubblegum Dunwoody." Cheese smiled as he stood up from his seat, I soon did the same. He stepped out of the room and I turned to Bubblegum.

"For the record, he's not my type." I told him.

"Uh huh." He nodded, back on paperwork, "Just get out." He told me. I grimaced and left the room, rejoining Cheese in the lobby. We walked out of the building, having check that off the list, both wanting to get out of there before one of many elderly ponies saw us. Conversation with someone our age is like cocaine to them, in the sense it makes them irrational and mean spirited.

"So, I gotta ask, what was the original plan?" I asked Cheese as we stepped outside. "Have anything in mind yet, or are you like me and still incredibly surprised this is happening so fast?"

"I had an idea, I had no plan at all." He chuckled and shrugged. "I was just thinking, nice dinner, we might go back to the bar afterwards, chat a little, then I do it." He shrugged.

"Wow, props, my man." I said. "I figured some big Muppety display with loud music, streamers, and balloons."

"Do you even know Ivory?" Cheese snickered.

"No, but I know you." I replied with laughter. "I'm happy for you two, I know that earlier it seemed like I was less than thrilled, but I mean, you have to admit, it's pretty sudden."

"Oh yeah." He nodded. "But I've never been a stranger to being spontaneous."

"A tagline like that and I'm surprised you don't have a bunch of kids you've never met." I smirked as we walked past the train station with a laugh, unbeknownst to us, dramatic irony was about to bite someone pretty hard as a colt got off the train, a light orange pegasus colt with glasses and a bleached yellow wavy mane. He looked to a crumpled up picture he had kept with him, on that picture, a note scribbled down. _Check for him at Chuck's Tavern, 309 Baker Street._

* * *

"Under one of these mugs is a fifty bit value coin." I informed Cheese not long after, back at the tavern. "The other is housing an angry hornet who saw you last before being covered by the mug." I pointed to the mug beside the other. "Choose wisely."

"Um..." He pondered. "I get the bit if I pick right?" He asked.

"Of course, I took it from the tip jar that was out during your shift." I answered.

" _Sooo_ , I'll still get it even if I pick the hornet one?" He asked.

"We'll see." I replied.

"Okay... I pick the one on the left." He said. At this point, I wasn't even sure which one have the angry hornet in it. But I sure as hell was gonna find out. I lifted the mug and there sure wasn't a bit there. "Uh oh..." He replied. I didn't see the hornet though, that was odd.

"So if it isn't on the table..." I looked into the mug, and there it was, and in angry hornet fashion, it flew into my face and stung me right between the eyes. "YOU LITTLE BASTARD!" I hollered in pain as it flew around the room. I opened up my eyes and looked around for it, it was flying around near the ceiling. About that time, Pinkie and Ivory returned to the bar, many shopping bags in hoof, just in time to see me prepare to leap from the counter with my rolled up newspaper.

"You should have picked the one on the right! I always pick the right option!" I exclaimed to Cheese before leaping off the counter, not getting nearly enough height and crashing onto my face.

"What's going on?" Pinkie asked.

"Loose hornet in the bar." I replied, talking against the floor.

"Why didn't you just open a window?" Ivory asked.

"It's only been loose for about thirty seconds, give me a break." I answered, standing back up.

"Why not open the door? Like, now?" Ivory asked.

"Okay Einstein, _you_ open the damn door!" I barked in frustration. She mimicked me and went to the door, as she opened it, the hornet flew out, almost on cue, but the four of us were faced with the visage of a colt staring at us, the same colt from the train station. He looked at us, Ivory at the door, me rubbing my sore forehead and schnoz, Pinkie still wailing in terror at the bug, and Cheese in the midst of swiping the bit from the other mug.

"No minors in the tavern." I said quickly, sounding rather nasally as I rubbed my nose.

"Well, I have a note saying that _this_ minor's allowed in." He answered, he looked about Sugar Plum's age, but if Sugar Plum spoke to me with that tone I'd probably... well I wouldn't be happy. I wouldn't reprimand her or especially not physically discipline her, but I'd grumble and curse, which is exactly what I did with this kid.

"Who are you, kid?" Ivory asked.

"I'm that guy's son, lady." He answered, pointing to Cheese, who looked just about as surprised as the rest of us. Ivory's eyes bulged and her lips weren't exactly readable, but they either said _"I'm really excited about this wonderful news, we get to start a family early."_ Or _"I'm going to fucking kill my fiance."_ Time would tell which one was true, maybe neither. Bulged eyes, raised brows, and flat lips were hard to read. Maybe she was just hungry.

"So... can I offer you a drink, I got juice, soda..." I said, trying to appear friendly to my friend's apparent son. Well, he was the one who was _a-parent_ , not the son. God, I'm hilarious.

"I'll take a orange soda, on the rocks." He replied, stepping inside. "Nice place, could use a dusting." He remarked as he climbed up to a stool.

"Well, when you've got two waiters, a piano player, but no janitor." I chuckled in reply as I walked over to the bar to get the little brat's drink. Meanwhile, Ivory eyes her fiance and went over to him.

"Can I talk to you?" She asked, well, it was more of a command. "Now."

"Yes Kiki." He nodded.

"Don't Kiki me." She snarled, dragging him by the collar into my office.

"What a dame." The colt remarked with a whistle, watching the affair.

"Amen." I nodded, earning a disgruntled throat clearing from my wife. "I didn't say I was in love with her!" I exclaimed. "Also, dame? What is this, the 50's?" I asked the colt. Inside my office, Ivory was ready to tear Cheese limb from limb, verbally at least, while Cheese tried to explain the situation.

"I asked you _multiple_ times about any previous relationships, _none_ of which you said you had a foal with!" Ivory exclaimed through gritted teeth. "What's going on, Cheese? Are there any more I should know about?" She asked.

"Ivory, no!" He exclaimed. "I didn't even know about him, I never even remembered..." His voice trailed off. "Oh Celestia..." He muttered. "That night."

"Oh great, an estranged bastard child with some hussy you don't remember." Ivory remarked flatly.

"She wasn't a hussy," Cheese answered. "She was a client, and it was my biggest party I ever threw..." He thought back. "So big I even took part, normally I just make sure everypony else was having a good time, not that time. That time I was having as good a time as everypony else, I was more drunk than I've ever allowed myself to get ever since, and I just remember waking up in a motel not far from where the party was. I wasn't alone in the room, from what I gathered I shared it with the mare I threw the party for. She was long gone before I woke up. To this day I had no idea what happened that night." He explained. "I guess now I do." He turned to Ivory, who's mood had gone from furious to just tense. "Are you still mad at me?" He asked.

"No." She answered. "I was mad when I thought you had been lying to me. Now that I know you were only lying because you were sure it was the truth, well, that's not really a lie, now is it?" She asked with a sigh. "Babe, if anyone's going to understand a crazy story like that, it's gonna be the mare who spent the first half of her life in the worst story ever written." She added. "So, you've got a kid." She remarked.

"Yep." He nodded, looking out the window of my office door at the colt sitting at the bar. "Wonder what he's doing here."

"Ruining our wedding plans if he plans in staying." Ivory muttered.

"The wedding's off?" Cheese asked.

"Well, no." She said. "I bought the dress and we've already got Pinkie Pie excited. But, I don't think a son estranged from his father is going to be thrilled to see him marrying some strange new mare." She explained.

"You aren't strange." Cheese said.

"Better than what you could have said, if Chuck were here he would've said..." She stopped, a note had been slid under the door, and I had wrote it.

" _Who's new? You certainly aren't. Old mare. -Chuck_ " The note read, Ivory glared at the window at me and I grinned a toothy grin and waved. She snorted through her nostrils frustratedly and turned back to Cheese.

"Think we should go back out there?" Cheese asked.

"Yeah." She nodded. The two exited my office and reentered the tavern, where I was in the midst of explaining the past year and a half or so to my supposed new nephew in relation-by-friendship.

"So anyway, there's this dame named Sunny Side, and she doesn't really like me, at first I figured it was because she just wasn't into stallions, which is true, but she genuinely had a disliking for me specifically, turns out Pinkie, that's my wife." I pointed to her. "Used to date a guy who looked like me back in high school, and he was less than kosher in the moral department, not that I'm a Moral Orel or anything." I explained. "So anyway, that broad has the audacity to think just because I have the same neanderthal brow as the other guy, I'm gonna be like him."

"That's _very_ interesting." The colt replied snidely. I was about to continue my story, but Cheese cleared his throat and got our attention. "Oh, hello father." The colt said, clearly a tone of resentment in his voice.

"Hey... kiddo." Cheese said. "I guess it's only right I introduce everyone." He said. "This is Ivory," he said as a mare sat down beside the young colt. "She's my..."

"She's your squeeze, I could gather that." The colt answered.

"I'm about to _squeeze_ your throat, you little bastard." Ivory replied, sick of this colt's tone. Cheese set a hoof on Ivory's shoulder, as if to remind her to try and be polite. "What I meant was, yes. I'm your father's _fiancee._ " She stressed the proper term for their relationship.

"Fiancee!?" The colt exclaimed.

"That's what I said!" I nodded.

"And who are they? Is she your sister or something?" The colt pointed to Pinkie and I.

"No, Chuck and Pinkie are just good friends of ours." Cheese answered. "Chuck's also our boss, but we really all work like equals." He said, I had to punch myself in the gut to keep myself from laughing at his audacious statement. "They've actually got a daughter about your age that you might get along with."

"You'll have to meet her." Ivory nodded. "So, we've all told you about ourselves, why don't you share a bit?"

"Well, it's not like any of you would know anyway." He replied. "My name is Slider."

"Oh, kinda like how your dad's name is Cheese Sandwich? Cute." Pinkie remarked.

"No, because my Grandpa's name was Slider." Slider replied. "He ran a food truck in Califoalnia. He took me in because my birth mother still had dreams to fulfill. One's a foal would hinder. So my grandparents raised me." He explained. Now it made sense that he was using words like 'dame' or 'squeeze', all that time around Grandpa. "But, my grandparents were already pretty old when they took me in, last week they had to move to a special care home. So they found out where you lived and made me your problem now." He concluded. "So anyway, yeah. That's my story." He shrugged.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Cheese said, approaching Slider. "Look..." He sighed. "I had no idea all of that happened, had I known, well, I wouldn't be here. I would have been taking care of you." He explained. "I can't say I'm the best at this, but I'm happy to have this chance. As long as you'll give me one, huh?" He asked.

"Alright," Slider nodded. "Dad." Cheese smiled at him and tussled his mane a little bit.

Over the next couple of days, things started going back to normal. And what a crazy week this had been for just about every party involved. Between Oddity wanting to run off and marry me, Sugar Plum's trouble with bullies and her parents, and now Ivory and Cheese springing engagement on us and life springing a kid on Cheese. I could say we were all relieved to have things go back to normal. Or so I thought...

* * *

 _"Chuck Murphy, you're under arrest." I was met with, just the day after after a police officer came to my door._

"Agh!" I exclaimed, jerking awake, turns out it was just a dream, a very lucid one. I panted heavily, sitting up in a cold sweat.

"Sweetie, go back to sleep." Pinkie murmured. "It was just a dream."

"What was?" I asked.

"Whatever you just dreamt about. Everything else was real." Pinkie told me.

"Oddity wanting to marry me? That real?" I asked.

"Yes."

"Sugar Plum getting bullied then meeting her parents?"

"Real."

"Cheese and Ivory getting engaged?"

"That was real."

"Cheese having a bastard kid?"

"That... that just happened today, yes that was real." She said bitterly.

"Me getting arrested?" I asked.

" _NO! AND RIGHT NOW, I'M NOT GETTING A-REST. NOW GO TO BED!_ " She barked. "Goodnight Chuckie, I love you." She said sweetly, as if that holler never happened.

"Goodnight Cutie Pie." I said, nodding off.


	66. Chapter 66: Chuck's Secret

**Author's note:** Chuck's got a secret, now it's up to Pinkie, Sunny Side, Quibble, Cheese, and Ivory and maybe a few others go on a wacky adventure to figure out just what it is. Also, 15,000 views! That's pretty cool! Thanks everyone for your support over the past year and then some.

* * *

Chapter 66: Chuck's Secret

As far as Friday nights go, things were pretty well normal for my tavern, it was nearing the last part of the evening, and me and my waitstaff were drunkenly singing our hearts out on the karaoke stage while others drunkenly sang along.

 **Me:** _Keep smilin', keep shinin'  
Knowing you can always count one me..._  
 **Cheese:** _For sure,  
That's what friends are_ _for!_  
 **Quibble:** _In good times, and bad times,  
I'll be on your side forever more!_  
 **All:** _Cause that's what friends are fooooor!_

"All right y'all, you don't gotta stay home, but you can't go here!" I called out, getting that phrase wrong to elude to the fact I was drunk. No, I wasn't drunk, they were drunk. Cheese was drunk, Quibble was drunk, Ivory was drunk, everyone currently at the bar was drunk. The only other ponies I knew of who for sure weren't drunk were Pinkie, Sugar Plum, and that Slider kid. And that's because I knew they were home. I wasn't drunk, because unlike everyone else my night was only just beginning. As the crowd started to filter out, I left with them and went straight for the train station.

"Here's my ticket, 10 PM to Las Pegasus station." I said to the stallion at the booth.

"Chuck!" He grinned. "How's the wife and kid?"

"Conveniently oblivious." I smirked, making my way down to the train. Every other Friday night, I had been going to Las Pegasus, nobody knew where I was going or even why. I found it to be for the best, I wasn't sure anyone would get it, and God help me if they ever found out.

Meanwhile, Sugar Plum was getting anxious, and that anxiety was making Pinkie impatient, especially since her body had been telling her to go to bed hours ago. "When's daddy getting home?" She asked Pinkie.

"Not till after midnight, he stays after work to do paperwork every other Friday." Pinkie answered, only about half awake.

"What about my dad?" Slider asked. Since Friday was the one night of the week that both Cheese and Ivory worked, Pinkie agreed that she'd watch him on Friday nights.

"You're staying here tonight, Cheese and Ivory are probably..." Pinkie stopped and thought, they were either drunk, knockin' crocks, or both. "Already asleep." She answered.

"Ya mum's a terrible fibber." Slider murmured to Sugar Plum. "Ivory's the best liar I've ever met, your pops is a close second."

"My dad lies?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Everypony lies." Slider replied. "He doesn't lie to you, and he doesn't lie to your mum, but he lies to just about everypony else, all small stuff, but he's good. My grandpop used to call it bein' a good bluffer."

"Your grandpop teach you to talk like that?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Yeah, wait, what's that s'posed to mean?" Slider asked.

"She means you talk like Al Capony." Pinkie replied. Al Capony, getit? _GETIT?_ "Alright kids..." She yawned. "I've got to go to bed, I'd say it's about time you two get some sleep." She said, getting up from the couch and yawning.

"Can we camp out in the living room?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Only if you promise to still be asleep by the time Chuckie gets home." Pinkie nodded.

"Yay! Thanks mommy!" Sugar Plum exclaimed.

"Thanks Mrs. Pie, you're a doll." Slider smiled.

"Call me Pinkie, and only my husband can tell me that." Pinkie replied. "Goodnight you two." She said, climbing up the stairs, leaving the two alone. Slider looks to Sugar Plum and smirked mischievously, the two had formed a friendship in the recent days, for better or for worse.

"We're staying up until he comes home, right?" Slider asked.

"Oh yeah." Sugar Plum nodded, grabbing couch cushions to build a pillow fort. "Now, grab a broom to prop up the sheet."

"Sure thing, boss." Slider nodded.

Not long, okay, long after, roughly quarter to two AM, I returned, humming softly to myself as I quietly opened the door and made my way to the kitchen for a quick snack before going to bed. I had worked up an appetite, y'know? I saw the couch fort and snickered at the sight, remembering when I'd do things like that. Like last Thursday. What I didn't know was, those in the fort were watching and listening to me.

"You did good tonight, old sport." I chuckled to myself quietly. "On my way to being the best swinger in the land, providing the wife doesn't find out!" I snickered, climbing up the stairs and heading to bed, Pinkie was fast asleep when I got there, no surprise there, but Slider and Sugar Plum weren't, and they had heard all that I just said.

"What's a swinger?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Swinging is when you mess around out of wedlock." Slider explained. "Which means does things one would only do with their wife, but with somepony who isn't."

"Like argue over who does the dishes?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Are you an accurate look into the average six year old?" Slider asked. "I'm a messed up kid." He remarked. "Sugar Plum, I don't wanna freak you out, but I think your dad might be doing some bad things." He said grimly.

"That's why he doesn't want her to find out..." Sugar Plum remarked.

"Now it's coming together." Slider nodded. "We've gotta break it to your mum."

"Do you think that's the right thing to do?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Would you want to know if something like this was happening to you?" Slider countered.

"Well... yeah." Sugar Plum nodded. "But I still don't really think daddy's doing that, he'd never do that."

"What makes you so sure?" Slider asked. "Jus' saying, there can be more to folks than meets the eye." _More than meets the eye..._

"Tomorrow morning." Sugar Plum said. "Tomorrow, I'll find a way to tell mommy."

 _The next day..._

"Is that... makeup?" Were the first words I heard upon waking up, and Pinkie was looking right at me. Oh God. I quickly jerked up and looked in a mirror.

"Well... by God it is!" I laughed nervously, she was right. Foundation to be exact. "Boy! Maybe I do have to lay off the stuff!" I chuckled, getting up out of bed quickly to wash up. But Pinkie was already onto something else, something she had found in my mane.

"Why was there a long black strand of hair in your mane?" She asked, examining the hair. My eyelid twitched nervously. I had to think of something quick if I were to save my skin.

"Ivory. She's balding in her age." I blurted. That was the worst excuse I've ever heard, and I made it. "No, not balding, but she was really stressed from planning that wedding all by herself, you know how it is, hair falls out when that happens." I chuckled, that was better. Well, a bit better anyway.

"Oh..." Pinkie nodded. "Well, that doesn't completely explain the makeup thing, but you did pick a great foundation to bring out your jawline!" She giggled. I sighed with relief. I was safe. Also, _as if_ I didn't already know I picked the right foundation. I'd been picking that stuff out for years. What? I do theater and stuff. With that disaster averted, I cleaned myself up and got ready to enjoy the day I love most. Saturday. I went downstairs and immediately started working on breakfast for the family. Cheese and Ivory were going to be over any minute to get Slider so I made sure to make extra just in case they were hungry. By God, I'm perfect.

As I cooked, Sugar Plum and Slider started to wake up and mosey out into the kitchen area where I was cooking. "Good morning you two, sleep well?" I asked.

"Yeah." Sugar Plum nodded, sitting up at the table.

"Like a rock." Slider quipped.

"Okay kid, you're gonna have to learn that we've already got a lot of characters who's personalities are 'annoyingly extra', we don't need another." I said sharply. This kid becomes too annoying, and he'll be phased out like Barstool was, except he was phased out because I had no idea what to do with him. The two kids promptly shut up and awaited something to eat. "Here y'go, pancakes _avec de la crème fouettée_." I said, putting my french language classes to good use at last.

"Good morning everypony!" Pinkie exclaimed, enthusiastically joining us at the breakfast table. "Ooh, pancakes! Yay!" She cheered.

"Thought you'd like that." I said with a little chuckle as I sat down to join her. "You feeling alright, Sugar Plum?" I asked her, she had hardly touched her food. "Looks like something's eatin' you, when you should be eatin' it." I chuckled.

"Um... yeah." She nodded. "I'm fine." I could tell she was fibbing, which made me sigh. We had just gotten over that other thing, now something else was bothering her. I turned to Pinkie with an arched brow and a signature look on my lips I've developed, as if to say: "What's happening this time?" She looked at me with confusion, as far as she knew, everything was fine.

"Well, if something's bothering you, you know you can tell us." I shrugged.

"Yeah, it ain't good to keep stuff from others, especially those you _care_ about, ain't that right, Mr. P?" Slider looked at me, speaking to me in an interrogative tone.

"I'm not sure I like your tone there, pal." I squinted my eyes. Luckily for that kid, Ivory knocked on the door and let herself in. "Ivory! Good morning." I welcomed her in. "Hungry?"

"No, but I'll take a coffee and my kid." Ivory replied. "In that order."

"Coming right up." I nodded, giving her a mug full of fresh coffee. "So, Ivory, how's the wedding coming along?"

"So far, so good." She said, her eyes still mostly closed from exhaustion. "We just need a couple more things and we'll be good to go."

"Need a wedding singer?" I asked. "I do happen to have the voice of an angel." I quipped.

"An angel who can't harmonize for buck all." Ivory retorted.

"Hey, I'll have you know I was praised for my ability to harmonize." I replied.

"By who?" Ivory asked. "And your grandmother doesn't count."

"Bold of you to assume I was supported by my family." I smirked. "I'll just say this, I'm pretty renowned for my ability."

"Sure, sure." Ivory shrugged me off, sipping her coffee. "Alright, I've got a big day today." She said. "And by default, you have to join me. Especially since you have to come with me to Rarity's for a suit fitting."

"Am I gonna have to wear one of those cummerbunds?" Slider asked as he and Ivory started out.

"Yep." Ivory nodded, much to his disdain, as they left, he turned back and looked at me, a glare in his eyes, he made a signal as if he had his eyes on me, then followed his soon to be step mother off, leaving me and my girls alone.

"What was that about?" Pinkie asked me.

"I don't know." I replied. "Sugar Plum, you have any idea why Slider all of a sudden doesn't like me?"

"Um..." She knew the answer. "Um... no." She answered.

"Uh huh." I noted. "Alright, I've got a few errands I need to run around town, I'll see you later on Cutie Pie." I said, getting up and kissing Pinkie on the cheek. "You too kiddo, see you around." I tussled Sugar Plum's mane and kissed her on the forehead.

"Bye daddy." Sugar Plum smiled as I left.

"Have a good day Chuckie! Love you!" Pinkie called. She and Sugar Plum sat there in silence as the two finished their breakfast. "So, how's school been?"

"School's been fine." Sugar Plum answered. "Um, mommy, I have a question."

"Go ahead!" Pinkie said to her.

"Um... If you knew something that you probably should tell somepony, but if you did tell them, it could hurt that pony and possibly other ponies... what would you do?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Ooh, that's a toughy..." Pinkie replied. "Who's the pony? Wait, no, what's the thing you have to tell them?" She asked. "No, who's the pony? Is it Slider? Chuckie? Ivory? Oddity? Who?"

"Um... it's you." She answered.

"Ooh, me?" Pinkie was interested now. "Wait," She looked concerned. "What's the thing you need to tell me? Or is it you with the news? How does it hurt me? What is it?" She was nervous now. "Is it about school? Chuckie? Wait, it might hurt me, do you not like me? Was it something I did?" She asked.

"No!" Sugar Plum exclaimed. "But... last night, I was talking with Slider and... do.. do you know for sure why daddy comes home so late now and then?" Pinkie looked at her as if she was about to say 'of course', but then she stopped and thought, thanks to my luck, she had never actually stopped in and checked in on me. She looked at Sugar Plum with a worried look.

"What did... what did Slider tell you?" She asked.

* * *

"You call this clean?" I badgered Quibble as I made a stop into the bar, wiping a film of grime off a mug. "My great grandmother can clean a mug better than this, and the old bat's _dead_!" I barked. "Now, clean this mug or you'll be spending this week on the _UNEMPLOYMENT LINE_!" I hollered, slamming the mug down and watching him frantically scurry to the sink and start cleaning the mug.

"Regular Iron Chef are we today?" Cheese asked me.

"I like seeing him like this." I answered. "Keep scrubbing, butt monkey." I told Quibble. "While you're at it, the floors are looking a little dirty."

"I'm not the custodian." Quibble replied.

"Yeah, but I'm your boss." I smirked. "Cheese, there have been a group of customers waiting in the pool room for five minutes now, have you taken their order?" I asked.

"Um..." He thought, not giving me an answer, he zipped to the back room and came back with a notepad with orders scribbled down. "Got 'em!"

"Good, good to know this place doesn't _completely_ go to hell when I'm gone." I chuckled. "Alright, I've gotta run, see you..." I opened the door as I went to leave, meeting Pinkie and Sugar Plum, waiting just outside. "Cutie Pie! Kiddo!" I exclaimed, "what, what brings you here?"

"Chuckie, I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second." Pinkie said. "It's about last night."

"Oh! I'd love to, but I need to help Applejack with her chores, sort of a barter system type dealy, don't worry, we'll get our benefits from the deal soon!" I chuckled, maneuvering past them. "I'll see you later!" I ran off. Pinkie looked off as if she was going to call to me, she just sighed and walked inside, Sugar Plum walking behind her.

"Hey guys." Pinkie said, sitting down at the bar.

"Hey Loofah mane's wife, the usual?" Quibble asked.

"Yeah..." Pinkie sighed. "Hey, can I ask you guys something?"

"You can ask me anything!" Cheese nodded, joining her.

"Do you guys... know for sure that Chuckie stays here every other Friday night?" Pinkie asked.

"Sure." Quibble nodded. "Sure we do, right?" He asked Quibble.

"I mean, yeah!" Cheese nodded. "I don't remember seeing him leave last night. But Ivory and I were one of the firsts to leave. I mean, where else would he go, right?" Cheese asked.

"Yeah, I mean, he's not all that interesting." Quibble added. "I mean, what, do you think he's a spy?" He chuckled. "Hit man maybe?"

"Ooh, we talking about Chuck?" Sunny Side asked, she and Oddity walking out of the pool room and joining in on the conversation. "What's he doing this time? Does he have some fatal illness? Maybe he's gay? Did he tell you he was gay?"

"Chuckie's not gay." Pinkie dismissed the notion. "He's... _certainly_ not gay."

"Well, what's going on?" Oddity asked.

"I just, Chuckie may not be being... a hundred percent honest about what he does twice a month." Pinkie explained to the group. "I don't know, he was acting weird this morning, he woke up with black hair in his mane and makeup on his cheek."

"Three simple words. 'Chuck is gay'." Sunny Side interrupted.

"Then today, Slider was looking at him, like he knew something. Then Sugar Plum that they heard him talk about swinging." Pinkie added.

"So he _is_ a cheater." Sunny Side remarked.

"But he wouldn't cheat with me?" Oddity asked, earning looks from every party involved. "Sorry, that came out wrong. But I mean, I thought that I was at least, kind of attractive."

"You are." Sunny reassured her. "But we're kind of talking about something that matters."

"What matters?" Ivory asked, she and Slider walking in, Slider struggling in his collar.

"What is this? A colt's small? I'm a medium!" Slider coughed, pulling the collar.

"We think there's more to Chuck than meets the eye." Sunny informed them.

"Y'know, when I said tell your mum I didn't say tell all your dad's friends." Slider remarked, sitting down beside Sugar Plum. "But yeah, he's doing something shifty."

"How do we know for sure, maybe he's just getting his Heath's Warming shopping done early!" Cheese spoke up. "Maybe he's not as guilty as it may seem." Just at that point, I walked into the bar, certain by this point Pinkie and Sugar Plum would have been gone.

"Boy, that was close, oh well, better..." I stopped and saw the group of eight staring at me. "I've got a... there's... I think that's my... I've gotta go." I said, slamming the door and running off.

"Well, that settles it, there's something wrong here." Quibble noted. "Say, he'll be off again in two weeks, let's follow him next time and see just what's going on." He said. "So, are we all in? I mean, I like Chuck as much as anyone else here, but if he's up to not good... well..."

"I really hope this is all a misunderstanding..." Pinkie remarked worriedly.

* * *

Two weeks later

"Alright folks, I've got one hell of a mess to clean up and I can't do it with you all here, get outta here!" I laughed as I announced closing time two weeks later, ready to head out once more. "G'night Cheese, g'night Quibble." I said, tucking into my office to grab a couple of things.

"Yeah... goodnight... Chuck." Quibble squinted as he and Cheese stepped out. "Cheese. Oddity, Sunny Side, and Ivory are waiting at the cafe, go get them and tell them it's game set and match." He instructed his friend.

"Game what?" Cheese asked.

"Tell them it's time to go." Quibble grumbled.

"Oh, got it!" Cheese nodded, speeding off. Just then, Pinkie, Sugar Plum, and Slider stepped out of the alley where they had been waiting.

"Ready?" Quibble asked.

"We wouldn't be here if we weren't." Slider replied.

"Okay, easy kid." Quibble sneered, just then, Cheese returned with the others, the group ready to go. They ducked behind the alley and watched me lock up, whistling to myself as I went off to the train station.

"C'mon." Ivory led the group, following me.

"10 PM to Las Pegasus." I said to the booth clerk.

"You've got it sir." He nodded. I got my ticket checked and I went to the train. The others exchanged looks and Pinkie Pie sighed.

"Okay, eight train tickets." She remarked. "Who's got cash?"

"I've got some tips." Ivory said.

"I've got a lollipop, a couple cents, and a candy covered in pocket lint." Cheese searched through his wallet. "Quibble?"

"Don't look at me, all my cash was spent on a gym membership." Quibble answered.

"You go to the gym?" Oddity asked.

"Dash makes me." Quibble replied. "Sunny Side?"

"I'll pay for it, I guess." She sighed. "Eight tickets to Las Pegasus." She said to the clerk. He nodded and gave her the tickets, the eight crept onto the train and made sure to avoid me, sitting in a different cart. Pinkie picked up a magazine and looked through.

"So, how many of these signs have you seen?" Oddity asked, peaking over he shoulder at the article ' _six signs your stallion is cheating_ '.

"Really, uh... really the pot calling the kettle black, huh?" Sunny Side remarked. "Yeah, I heard about that." The train ride went by quick for me, but it felt like hours for them, when the train stopped, I promptly made my way to the hot air balloon dock.

"C'mon, I'm already late... some jackasses didn't get their tickets in advance and held up the damn train..." I grumbled, climbing into the balloon. Just bellow, the others were doing the same.

"He's getting away!" Sunny Side exclaimed. The eight of them piled into a hot air balloon another couple were about to board and promptly took after me. Once up above, they scanned the crowd for me and caught me heading towards one of the larger buildings. "C'mon!" Sunny called.

"He's heading for that building, over there!" Ivory remarked, the group sped up, trying to keep up.

"You're just on time, sir." One of the bouncers chuckled at me as I went by. "I was nearly worried."

"When have I ever disappointed?" I laughed. Just then, the others went up to the bouncer, I had already vanished inside the building.

"Sir, you've got to let us in." Pinkie said to the bouncer.

"Yeah? Where's your tickets?" He asked, the gang sighed and looked to Sunny Side.

"What? I'm paying for everything?" She asked, the group nodded and she grumbled and cursed. "How much for eight?"

Once inside, the group looked around for me, suspicions rising. "This must be where he set up the date with his mistress." Quibble remarked. "Take a look around, he could be anywhere." He said, the group split up and looked around the club. It was a classy place, golden lighting shone from the ceiling and a piano player played softly in the center of the club.

"Chuck? Chuck?" Cheese asked around, he, Ivory, and Oddity looking around on one side. "Excuse me, sir." He said to one stallion, sitting at a table with his wife. "Have you seen an earth pony stallion? A little latter than me, red, big puffy auburn mane?"

"Can't say I have." He replied. "Now, sit down, the show's about to start." The stallion grumbled.

"Maybe he's at the bar?" Oddity suggested.

"Bar's deserted, nopony's there." Ivory replied. "Maybe the others are having better luck." That wasn't the case, Quibble and Sunny Side looked together, neither of them having luck in the search, and most of the patrons just gave Pinkie weird looks when she approached them with two small foals. Meeting up, they exchanged disappointed looks.

"He's nowhere to be found!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Where could he be?"

"Maybe he's somewhere else in the building." Sunny Side suggested. "But that doesn't make sense, everywhere else is restricted access." Just then, out of nowhere, the lights dimmed and an announcer started speaking, shutting everyone in the club up.

"Fillies and gentlecolts, put your hooves together for the newest swing revival sensation of Las Pegasus, Mister Chipper and the Ragtimes!" The announcer said. The curtains on the stage opened and a band started playing. A piano player, a saxophonist, horns like trumpet and trombone, a drummer, and a clarinet player, they started playing an introduction of sorts, as the applause started, Pinkie and the others sat down, watching the band play. Just then, their eyes widened as the singer stepped out, dancing with the music playing.

"Is that?" Ivory stammered.

"No. It can't be." Sunny shook her head.

"Good evening, Mister Chipper here, miss me?" _Mister Chipper_ or... well, _I_ chuckled, speaking to the crowd, running a hoof through my flowing black wig, kind of like a caricatured Dean Martin look. With the other hoof I straightened my bow tie, which was now accompanied by a three piece black suit and began to sing.

 **Me:** _When an irresistible force, such as you,_  
 _Meets an old immovable object like me,_  
 _You can bet as sure as you live,_  
 _Something's gotta give, Something's gotta give,_  
 _Something's gotta give..._

"That cannot be Chuck." Ivory remarked, listening from the audience.

"Why does he sound... confident?" Sunny asked. "I'm not used to hearing this. I mean, if you listen close it sounds kind of like him, but he sounds like less of a spaz."

"He sounds... beautiful..." Pinkie remarked.

"That's your dad?" Slider asked Sugar Plum. "He can croon like nopony's business."

 **Me:** _Fight, fight, fight, fight  
Fight it with all of our might_  
 _Chances are some heavenly star spangled night_  
 _You'll find out_  
 _As sure as we live_  
 _Something's really got to give!_

Applause sounded as I finished the song, bowing and grinning at the audience. Out of the corner of my eye, that's when I saw them. All eight of them, staring at me. My eyes twitched nervously and I gathered myself quickly, hoping nobody noticed. "By God it's great to be here," I said as my piano player played softly. "Nights like this, under the soft glow of the lights remind me of one of the first dances I had with my wife." I said, telling a story between songs. "I know, I know, this crooner's all snatched up. Now, who would be good enough to snatch up a free spirited soul like me? Well, if you knew her you'd understand." I sighed longingly. "She's kind, beautiful, free spirited, she's... she's an earth angel, if you will." I said. "If I may elaborate..." I said, leading into the next song.

 **Me:** _Earth angel, Earth angel,  
Will you be mine?_  
 _My darling dear, love you all the time,_  
 _I'm just a fool,_  
 _A fool in love,_  
 _With you..._

 _Earth angel, Earth angel,  
The one I adore,  
Love you forever, and ever more,  
I'm just a fool,  
A fool in love,  
With you...  
_

 _I fell for you,  
And I knew,  
The vision of your loveliness,  
I hope and pray,  
That someday,  
That I'll be the vision of your happiness._

 _Oh earth angel, earth angel_  
 _Please be mine_  
 _My darling dear, love you all the time_  
 _I'm just a fool,  
A fool in love,  
With you..._

 _I fell for you,  
And I knew_  
 _The vision of your loveliness_  
 _I hope and pray,  
_ _That someday  
_ _I'll be the vision of your happiness  
Oh, Oh wah oh wah ooh_

 _Earth angel, earth angel_  
 _Please be mine,_  
 _My darling dear  
love you for all time,_  
 _I'm just a fool,  
a fool in love  
with you..._

I closed off the song with a little wink to the audience. Well, specifically to Pinkie Pie, making it known that I knew she was there. "Alright folks, enough of this sappy stuff, now we're going to get into something fun, a little something I call... doing the _Mess Around_...

* * *

"Great gig you guys." I said to my band after the show, scrubbing foundation from my cheeks.

"More sets like this and we'll be going on tour by first quarter next year!" My piano player, Medley grinned. "Wouldn't that be a dream come true." She remarked.

"You said it, hon." Her husband, Duke, who happened to be my saxophone player said.

"Well, let's not get ahead of ourselves, huh?" I chuckled. "I'm just excited we'll have records on store shelves by Hearth's Warming." Just then, I heard a knock on the door, it was the bouncer from outside, who was now blocking off our dressing room. He opened up the door and looked to me.

"Mister Chipper, want me to do the usual to the radical fans trying to get in?" He asked me.

"Easy on the clubs this time, huh?" I replied. "Wait! Who are they?"

"Remember those morons I told you about who didn't get tickets in advance?" He asked. "Eight of them, two of 'em are foals."

"You know what?" I said. "Let the group in, they're cool." He nodded and then the door swung open, immediately bombarded by my friends and family, asking me dozens of questions at once. Pinkie Pie front and center.

"Chuckie!?" She remarked. "You're a club singer? Since when!? Why didn't you tell me? Who are they?" She looked to my band. "What's going on?"

"We thought you were cheating, now I'm disappointed." Sunny remarked.

"Wait, you thought I came home late because I was cheating?" I asked. "Let's... let's just think about the logic here. Roughly a month ago I was presented with an opportunity to cheat and I turned it down when it was in the comfort of my neighborhood, and then when you found out I was going off to Las Pegasus now and then, you thought I was inconveniencing myself by cheating halfway across the country? Come on." I said bluntly. "I'm too lazy to do something like that."

"So, Chuck, I take it these are your friends and family?" Medley asked. "Charmed, I'm Medley." She nodded. "This is my husband, Duke." She pointed to her middle aged mustachioed husband, who blew a note on his saxophone. "Here's Pipes and Valve, our horns." She pointed to our two stallions who played trombone and trumpet. "There's Tap, our drummer, and Bell, our clarinet player." She pointed to the two others. "I can only assume you're Pinkie Pie." She chuckled.

"How'd you know?" Pinkie asked.

"Chuck told us all about you." Duke answered. "About all of you. Pleased to meet all of you at last."

"So, if you aren't cheating and just in a band, why... why didn't you tell us?" Ivory asked me. "That makes no sense."

"And when did this happen!?" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Alright, alright, I can answer all your questions. Let me explain." I said to the group. "It all happened earlier this year, this spring, just after Ponyville Aid."

"Ponyville what?" Oddity asked.

"It's another story." I answered. "Anyway, the day after Pinkie and I got engaged, I was approached by someone, someone who had been at the show. His name was Iron Clad, a talent scout from this area. He liked the show and approached me. He wanted me to sign on with him, and it was an offer I couldn't refuse. I mean, after all, where do you think I've been getting the money for some of those things I do?" I chuckled. "Anyway, I signed on. He set me up with Medley and the rest of the band and we did really well our first night. Luckily, Pinkie was out that night so I could go out and back easily." I turned to Pinkie. "See, I didn't tell you because... I didn't want you to worry, you know how those singer stories go, you'd be worried every night that I'd cheat, or overdose on the can or something." I shrugged. "So I built up the secret, I'd say I was staying in and doing paperwork, but I'd be off performing and coming back before you woke up. Everypony happy, nopony getting hurt." I concluded. "I'm sorry I lied." I said to her.

"Oh Chuckie..." She said. "It's alright. I'm sorry I assumed the worst, but, I understand why you'd think I'd worry, but... if I had known, I would only have worried if I didn't trust you. I know you'd never do anything that would hurt me." She said. "I think it's great that you're off doing something you like, in fact, I'm proud of you!"

"Thanks Cutie Pie." I smiled.

"And you know what? I'm gonna come to your shows every night you have one!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Really?" I asked.

"No." She giggled. "I'll be going to bed at eight every night until this pregnancy is over, I had to drink an unhealthy amount of coffee to do this tonight."

"Well, I'll buy you an album then." I chuckled. "Well, we should all probably get home, huh? It's pretty late." I said. "C'mon all. Goodnight guys, see you in a couple weeks."

"See you then Chuck." Duke nodded.

* * *

Two weeks later

 **Me:** _Tell me quick,  
Oh ain't love a kick?  
Tell me quick,  
Ain't love a kick...  
In the heeeeaaaad?_

"Thank you, thank you everypony." I bowed to the applause, donning the Mister Chipper facade for another show two weeks later, this time I had something special in mind however. "Now, to close the show, I'm going to do something a little different." I said. "Now, this isn't exactly a song a fellow like me would put in the set, but... but I had a few influences." I explained. "So, if I could ask a few ponies near and dear to me to join me onstage, I think we can wrap this one up." I said, with that, Pinkie, Ivory, and Cheese joined me onstage, Cheese blowing into a harmonica as the other members of _The Ragtimes_ started the song.

 **Me:** _And I never thought I'd feel this way  
And as far as I'm concerned_  
 _I'm glad I got the chance to say_  
 _That I do believe, I love you_

 **Pinkie:** _And if I should ever go away_  
 _Well, then close your eyes and try_  
 _To feel the way we do today_  
 _And then if you can remember_

 **Ivory:** _Keep smiling, keep shining_  
 _Knowing you can always count on me, for sure_  
 _That's what friends are for_  
 **Ivory and Cheese:** _For good times and bad times_  
 _I'll be on your side forever more_  
 _That's what friends are for_

 **Pinkie:** _Well, you came in loving me_  
 _And now there's so much more I see_  
 _And so by the way_  
 _I thank you_

 **Cheese:** _Oh and then for the times when we're apart_  
 _Well, then close your eyes and know_  
 _The words are coming from my heart_  
 _And then if you can remember_

 **Me:** _Keep smiling and keep shining_  
 _Knowing you can always count on me, for sure_  
 _That's what friends are for_  
 **Pinkie and I:** _In good times and bad times_  
 _I'll be on your side forever more_  
 _That's what friends are for_

 **All:** _Keep smiling, keep shining_  
 _Knowing you can always count on me, for sure_  
 _That's what friends are for_  
 _For good times and bad times_  
 _I'll be on your side forever more_  
 _That's what friends are for..._

The song came to a stop, the audience cheered and applauded as we finished, under the spotlight, I dipped Pinkie and gave her a passionate kiss, much to everyone in the audience's apparent delight. "That wasn't in the set." Pinkie giggled.

"D'ah, just go with it. They eat up this stuff." I grinned, kissing her again.

* * *

 _The moral of the story? Never assume. It makes an **ass** out of **u** and **me**. But mostly u. Also, last but certainly not least. A very happy birthday to **clefjumper**! She's been a great friend of mine for the past year now, honestly I might not even still be writing this if it wasn't for her. So, clef', thank you for being the best friend a guy could ask for. Happy birthday!_

 _Songs used_

 _"That's What Friends Are For" by: Dionne Warwick_

 _"Something's Gotta Give" by: Sammy Davis Jr.  
_

 _"Earth Angel" by: The Penguins  
_

 _"Ain't That A Kick In The Head" by: Dean Martin_


	67. Chapter 67: Tavern on the Scream

**Author's note:** I've decided to start a Halloween tradition (for however long this story may last. Who knows, might be the first AND last one). And it's nothing like _The Simpsons_ ' Treehouse of Horror episodes. Not at all. (Yes it is).

* * *

Chapter 67: Tavern on the Scream I

"And rumor has it..." I said, telling a scary story on Nightmare Night at my tavern after taking Sugar Plum out to get candy, "That if you say "I could really use a drink" three times at midnight exactly, with the lights off and looking into a mirror, he appears and gives you a lecture about drinking." I said. "True story." I concluded. We were having a low scale Nightmare Night party, I say low scale because for the most part the liquor was put away. Who was there? Well, I was. Pinkie and Sugar Plum were there, Ivory, Quibble, Cheese Sandwich, Sunny Side was too. There was Oddity as well, and Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and the others of the mane six stopped by as well.

"No way." Quibble shook his head. "That's ludicrous."

"Your point?" I asked.

"It really happened!" Sugar Plum exclaimed. "It happened just last week, I remember. Daddy was up late and he did all those things accidentally, and it happened!"

"Sure, sure Sugar Plum." Ivory chuckled. "As much as it pains me to say it, I'm with Quibble on this one."

"I believe Chuck's story." Sunny Side said. "It doesn't seem too out of the ordinary."

"I believe it too." Rainbow Dash said. "Doesn't mean it's scary though. I thought we were supposed to be sharing _scary_ stories." She taunted.

"Well, if you think you've got a better scary story, go ahead and share it." I said.

"I will." She said. "This is a story about a deed a humble bartender did, a deed that came back to haunt him greatly." She smirked.

* * *

Rainbow's story: Zombie Business

"Slick?" Rainbow Dash asked. It was the night of the murder of con artist Slick Business, who had been forming a secret plot to kill Granny Smith and claim the Apple family's money for himself. Knowing of his plot, Rainbow Dash and Chuck had to do something about it, which soon led to Slick Business' _supposed_ demise.

"He either broke his spine on impact of the very shallow river, or..." Chuck began, stopping to think for a moment. "Well, he's dead." He stated. This was all the two needed, with that, they climbed down the ledge of the waterfall that Slick had fallen down and searched for his corpse afloat in the water. Having found it, they took the body and dug a grave for it and tossed it in almost as if nothing had ever happened. _Almost._

Months later

"Storm's getting pretty rough." Chuck remarked on night, from the comfort of his home. It had been pouring rain all day, only getting worse now with claps of thunder and bolts of lightning. His daughter, Sugar Plum, cowered beneath a blanket on the couch.

"I'm scared, daddy." She whimpered.

"Don't worry." Her father replied. "Little thunder and lightning never hurt anyone." He said. "Well, except for that one guy, but he was wearing a lightning rod as a hat so he kind of had it coming." He explained. "C'mon, I'll take you to bed and when you wake up the storm will have passed." He said, taking his daughter up the stairs to her room. But what he didn't know what, one bolt of lightning would start something that definitely would hurt someone.

Purely by coincidence, a bolt of lightning struck a very specific spot, the spot in which millionaire Slick Business had been buried after his untimely demise, the bolt struck on the one place that Chuck had omitted to bury, one small spot of his watch, which attracted the lightning. Upon impact, the lightning's energy coursed through the dead body, sending pulses to places that hadn't felt a pulse in months, beneath the ground, two eyes opened and a snarl was made. He dug himself out and spat dirt from his mouth. half of his facial tissue had completely decomposed and the other half was rotted and infested with roaches and maggots.

"Buuguugugggggg..." The zombie growled before coughing and hacking. "That's better." He remarked. "Damn I could go for a martini. And... some revenge." He snickered, his snicker turning to maniacal laughter as he walked through the forest and towards town.

The next day, the lowly bartender, and I mean, emphasis on lowly, was working away at the tavern. Whistling away to himself while Ivory played the piano. It was a slow day, like most weekday mornings were, but the occasional customer still came in. The doorbell rang and and Chuck said the usual welcome without even looking up from what he was doing.

"Hello, welcome to Chuck's Tavern, where hopes and dreams come to die in the wine cellar." He droned, writing something down on a piece of paper.

"Hello Chuck." A sinister voice, belonging to the reanimated Slick Business grinned. Chuck looked up and saw the zombie, stammering and looking for words, he started to back away. "What's the matter old sport? You look like you've seen a ghost, or a zombie perhaps."

"Slick!" He laughed nervously. "D'ah, good to see you, what can I get you? Martini? Wine? I just got the best wine I have ever tasted from a new supplier upstate." He stammered.

"I'm a little more interested in something else, revenge!" He growled, lunging for the bartender. In response, he splashed the zombie with his drink, hoping that would slow him down. Nope. "You think a drink is going to stop me!?" He laughed.

"No, but this might." Chuck said, grabbing a crow bar from under his counter and thwacking Slick across the face with it. "Take the rest of the day off." He said to Ivory, who had already made her way toward the door. Chuck got up while Slick was still temporarily down and ran for the back exit. He threw open the door and slammed it behind him, charging for home. Once he got home, he slammed the door shut and immediately started blocking any way inside the house.

"Chuckie?" Pinkie asked, noticing him doing this. "What are you doing? What's going on?"

"Cutie Pie, you're never going to believe this." I said. "But he's back."

"Who's back?" Pinkie asked. "Is it my old friend Ligature? I was hoping he'd come back again! Who is it? You gotta tell me!"

"It's Slick." Chuck said grimly. "He's back from the dead and after me."

"Why's he after you?" Pinkie asked. She didn't know just how Slick had died, only Applejack, Chuck, and Rainbow knew the truth of that.

"Um... it's a long story." Chuck said. "But, Sugar Plum's still at school. You need to go and get her now, and come right back before I close off the house, got it?"

"Got it!" Pinkie said, bolting off.

When Pinkie returned with Sugar Plum, Chuck finished off securing the house and then shifted into a tone of patrol, walking though the house and checking through every window for signs of the zombified Slick. "So far, so good." Chuck muttered to himself. He walked though the kitchen downstairs, and through the window he could see what looked like his neighbor, Jonty Jovihooves.

"Psst, Jonty!" He called through the window. "You gotta get help. I am under attack!" He called, but Jonty wasn't listening, Chuck leaned closer to the window for a better look, and what he saw made his stomach turned inside out, Jonty was dead and his corpse leaned against the fence, looking as if it had been mauled by a wild animal.

"Sweet Jesus!" Chuck remarked. "This looks like zombie work, no doubt." Chuck remarked grimly.

"Oh it was, and he was _delicious._ " A chilling voice said behind Chuck. The hairs on his back rose and he looked behind him. He had locked he and is family inside the house... with the one thing he was trying to keep out. "Hello Chuck, I was hoping I'd bump into you again."

"Slick!" Chuck laughed nervously. "Good to... see you... say, you wouldn't suppose we just let bygones be bygones?"

"The only bygones today we'll be your family saying "bye" because you'll be "gone", pal. You made me the way I am, and now you're paying the price!" He leaped at Chuck, growling as he tackled him. "C'mon, I just wanna eat your skin!" He said.

"Go to hell, grimy!" Chuck snarled, kicking him off and grabbing a nearby kitchen knife. "Stay back, I'll turn your hooves into school glue and go Lorena Bobbitt on your bratwurst." Chuck threatened, wielding the knife.

"I'll pass, instead, I think I'll make you lunch!" Slick exclaimed, charging forward, caring not for the knife, thinking fast, Chuck jammed the knife into Slick's eye, hoping that would do something, kill the undead. It didn't work, it just pissed Slick off and made him about ten percent creepier.

"Ohhh that's it." He growled. "You're mine, barkeep!" He growled, chasing Chuck through the house, in a quick bout to gain the upper hand, Chuck ran for the stairs and started dropping things down it to make the stairs harder to ascend. "You think a few toys are going to stop me?"

"No, but my five iron will!" Chuck replied. "Fore!" He called, swinging the club and whacking the zombie in the face, sending him down the stairs. He quickly dropped the iron and ran for Sugar Plum's room, where Pinkie and Sugar Plum were already hiding.

"Why is he after you!?" Sugar Plum cried, terrified.

"Revenge. It's a long story." Chuck said, barring off her door. "Think... think..." He thought of a way he could get he and his family out of the situation. Before he could think any longer, his five iron swung through a chunk of the door, Slick had picked it up and was now trying to break down the door.

"Open up..." Slick chuckled sadistically, Chuck gritted his teeth and gulped. Slick's hoof was through the hole he had made in the door, trying to grab at anypony he could.

"Uh... stay back, I got a chainsaw!" Chuck warned. "Rrrremmmnibnibnibnib, Rrrrreeemnibibibi!" He growled, making chainsaw noises with his mouth, Slick looked through the door, confirming he was faking. "Ribnib... rib..."

"Are you finished?" Slick asked.

"Yeah." Chuck nodded. And Slick continued to break at the door, ready to feast.

"What are we going to do?" Pinkie wailed.

"This." Chuck said, grabbing the mattress off Sugar Plum's bed and tossing it through the window onto the lawn. "Jump, you two." He ordered.

"What about you?" Pinkie asked.

"I'll be right along. Now jump, now!" Chuck ordered. Immediately, Pinkie and Sugar Plum leaped from the window, onto the mattress on the lawn. Chuck prepped himself, and began the run to leap from the window, but just as he did, something grabbed his leg, Slick had gotten through.

"Oh no, you're not going _anywhere_." Slick growled. Chuck squirmed and kicked, trying to break free.

"What's taking so long?" Pinkie asked, getting worried. Suddenly, her question was answered, by a cry of pain from her husband.

" _No no... no no no... NOOOOOOOOOOO_!" Were the last words she had ever heard from her dismembered husband...

 _End._

* * *

"Lame." I scoffed as Rainbow finished the story. "Not scary. Predictable ending."

"I liked it." Sunny Side spoke up. "I thought it was great."

"I... I didn't think certain parts of it were necessary." Sugar Plum quivered.

"Why did his watch getting struck by lightning bring him back to life? It made no sense." Quibble remarked. "Also, that's a death that _actually_ happened. Was it an actual murder? By you two?" He asked.

"No." I shook my head quickly. "He died in a fishing accident when everypony still thought he was Cripps, identification led them to realize his true identity. Just like Applejack, Rainbow Dash, and I testified." Everypony started looking at me, I chuckled nervously and looked about. "Well, anypony else have a story?"

"Ooh!" Pinkie jumped up. "I have one! I have one! It's about a modest and timid pegasus, who suffers from a _terrible_ curse..."

* * *

Pinkie's Story: Curse of the Were-Shy

Four years had passed since the fruit-bat incident at Sweet Apple Acres, four years since Flutterbat had reared her head to civilization, for years since anypony knew that is... the truth was, now and then, the curse would return, under a full moon. And this October the 31st... the moon was as full as ever.

Fluttershy walked throughout her quiet cottage. She knew it was coming, she knew every time. And every time, she was ready. But this time would be hard, considering the holiday chances were that she would be expecting visitors, but she had a plan.

"I can't believe you aren't coming out tonight." Rainbow Dash remarked, talking to her that afternoon before the Nightmare Night celebrations.

"Well, I just..." Fluttershy faked a cough. "I don't want to get anypony else sick, that's all."

"If you start to feel better, feel free to join us." Rainbow Dash shrugged. "I'll be taking Scootaloo out, we worked on a whole map of Ponyville, arranged by what tier of candy they dish out. Like how Chuck's house has full bars, whereas Ivory's suspected to be handing out those weird wine liqueurs that taste more like bitter gum." She said, showing Fluttershy the map they had made.

"Oh, that's very nice Rainbow Dash." Fluttershy replied. "Um... I'm going to take a nap, maybe when I wake up I'll feel better." She said.

"Alright, I'll get out of your mane." Rainbow Dash got the message. "See ya Fluttershy." She said, leaving the cottage and leaving Fluttershy alone at last. With that, Fluttershy began to lock the doors and whistles, humming away to herself cheerfully, this curse settling in like a regular thing for her.

"There. That should do the trick." She said happily to herself. She had found that her were-bat self had never thought to unlock a locked door, so providing the doors and windows were locked, everypony would be safe. She then retired to her bedroom and shut herself in for the evening and settled in for a good night's sleep, as she did every night of the full moon.

Unbeknownst to her, that afternoon, not far from her cottage, local party planner and tavern waiter Cheese Sandwich was out and about with his son, playing a game of softball before going out for the night. And that game of catch would change the course of the night for not only Fluttershy, but the whole town.

"Alright, you'd better get ready." Cheese told his son as he prepared to throw. "This is a move I like to call the _Cheese Changeup_." He grinned, pitching the ball. Slider eyed the ball and swung the bat, he struck the ball and sent it soaring. "Going... going... gone!" Cheese remarked. "Aaand that was our only ball."

"Should we go and get it?" Slider asked.

"There's a pretty good chance it landed in the river by Fluttershy's cottage." Cheese told him. "Oh well, we've got more at the house." He shrugged, leading his son back home. But the ball didn't land in the river, the ball shattered a window in Fluttershy's cottage, and that shattered window would be the were-bat's chance to terrorize the quiet little town...

That night, Sugar Plum was out and about with Pinkie Pie, while Chuck stayed home and handed out candy to others out and about for the night. Pinkie Pie wasn't aware of Fluttershy's staying in for the night, whether it be the real reason or the made up reason. So, not being any the wiser, she took Sugar Plum to Fluttershy's.

"I still think daddy was right, on a night meant to be scary, going out as a kitten isn't exactly scary." Sugar Plum remarked as they walked. Pinkie Pie was out as the kitten, whilst Chuck had fashioned a costume evoking a Facehugger from the _Alien_ films for Sugar Plum.

"At least ponies know what I am." Pinkie mumbled. "Huh, that's odd. All the lights are off." She remarked, looking at Fluttershy's cottage. "I didn't see Fluttershy out tonight, but I don't think she'd be in bed yet!" She exclaimed. "Hey Fluttershy! You in there!?" She hollered, knocking heavily on the door. Just then, out of the corner of her eye, Sugar Plum saw something fly past her.

"Uh, mommy..." Sugar Plum started.

"What's the matter Sugar Pl-" Pinkie began to ask, but then she noticed the silhouette fly past again. Pinkie was officially freaked out. It was only made worse when the silhouette showed itself. Flutterbat was Flutterback.

"Well... you wanted the night to be scary!" Pinkie wailed, clutching Sugar Plum. "Run!" She exclaimed, running, hanging on to Sugar Plum as they ran. Flutterbat made haste and chased after them into the town.

"What are we supposed to do!?" Sugar Plum asked as she and her mother ran through the main street of the town.

"We head for home and lock the doors!" Pinkie replied, charging for home.

"Let's see, you get a Snackers, a Kat Kit for you, and.. you look like you'd enjoy a Crispy Coffee." Chuck said meanwhile, handing out treats to a trio of foals at his door. Just then, he saw Pinkie and Sugar Plum charging over the horizon. "What the hell?" He remarked.

"Chuckiethere'snotimetoexplainwewenttoFluttershy'shouseandshewasn'tthereinsteadFluttershywasFlutterbatagainandnowshe'safterus!" Pinkie exclaimed, hastily getting inside with Sugar Plum and slamming the door in front of the foals at the door. "Oh! Happy Nightmare Night!" Pinkie hummed, opening the door to give the three foals candy.

"What's that about a Flutterbat?" One foal asked as the group walked away.

"Judging by the name, I wouldn't worry about it." Another foal replied. But he was wrong, Flutterbat swooped down and grabbed the foal, flying off with him while he yelled in terror, looking out the window, Chuck and Pinkie saw what was going on and gasped.

"And that's Fluttershy?" Chuck asked. "The same Fluttershy who ran away crying when I explained what the main part of a Thanksgiving dinner is?" He asked. "That Fluttershy just swooped down and grabbed a kid like some carnivorous bird." Just as he said that, the kid in question was dropped to the ground with a thud, color gone from his body and twin holes made in his neck, Flutterbat had drained the blood from his body. The sight made Pinkie and Chuck go white.

"We need to talk to Twilight." Pinkie remarked.

"Ha! With Bat-Mare in the sky? No thanks." Chuck scoffed.

"Cover yourselves in light." Sugar Plum spoke up. "Bats avoid light, if you're covered in lights you should be okay."

"It's... worth a shot." Chuck said. Moments later, Chuck, Pinkie, and Sugar Plum were making their way out the door, flashlights taped all over their bodies. "I look like a disco ball." Chuck grimaced.

"Well howdy neighbor!" Jonty spoke up, seeing the family across the fence. "Snazzy costumes, I bet you can see 'em from space!" He remarked with a chuckle, but before he could continue, Flutterbat swooped down and attacked him. The Pie family's costumes may have been visible from space, but to Flutterbat, Jonty was visible from the skies.

"Eh, no real loss." Chuck said bluntly. "Let's move." He instructed. Once at the castle, they shut themselves in quickly and informed Twilight of what was going on.

"So, let me get this straight, Flutterbat is back?" Twilight exclaimed, hearing the news.

"No, some kid and Jonty just got preyed on by a giant pale yellow eagle." Chuck said sarcastically.

"She's back! And after more than just fruit!" Pinkie nodded.

"Hmm, well... if the curse wasn't terminated... it must have been altered." Twilight pondered. "Wait... wait! What phase is the moon in?" She asked.

"It's currently in it's 'edgy music and ear spacers' phase, it's dangerous, spacer holes don't heal over." Chuck quipped.

"Is it full, Chuck?" Twilight grumbled.

"Yes." Chuck replied. "God, you're no fun."

"Well, chances are... the curse was altered so now it only occurs on a full moon, which is what tonight is. There are only twelve full moons in a year, that suppression must have manifested into something stronger." She explained. "Ergo, why Fluttershy is on a carnivorous rampage."

"God, I hate when people say ergo. Such a pretentious word." Chuck griped.

"What are we supposed to do to fix her?" Pinkie asked.

"Um..." Twilight thought. "According to this..." She looked through a book, then every other book she could find on the subject. "According to my reading, there's only one cure." She said.

"And what's that?" Pinkie asked. Just then, Spike walked in the room, candy in hand.

"Oh, good. Chuck's here, I was meaning to talk to you, I heard from Scootaloo you were doing a full bars thing, and when I got to your house you... weren't there. So anyway if you have the bars on you..." Spike spoke, Twilight looked at him cryptically. "What?" He asked.

"Dragon blood." She said. Spike arched his brow and made a complete 180, leaving the room.

"Nope." He said, the door closing behind him.

"You heard her, grab the leather face." Chuck spoke. Moments later, Spike found himself tied to a post outside the castle, waiting for Flutterbat to show.

"I just wanted to let you know, after this, I hate all of you." Spike said.

"Don't worry, all she needs is a taste of your blood, then it'll be okay." Twilight said. "Like... less painful than a needle."

"Have you ever _had_ blood forcefully sucked from your body?" Chuck asked. "It's not less painful than a needle."

"Have _you_?" Pinkie asked.

"I used to run in... weird circles in my brief time in college." Chuck answered. Overhead, they could see her flying, she must have seen the bait. "There she is, everyone behind the splatter zone." He ordered, the four ponies ducking behind a picnic table that had been set up behind the post Spike was tied to.

"The _what_?" Spike asked, Flutterbat swooped in and sunk her teeth into Spike, who yelped in pain. Chuck, Pinkie, Twilight, and Sugar Plum closed their eyes, but after the initial yelp, there was no more noise. Twilight opened her eyes and peeked over the table.

"Spike?" Twilight asked.

"I'm alive. Kind of dizzy, but alive." Spike nodded. Twilight, Pinkie, Chuck, and Sugar Plum stepped out and saw Spike with two puncture wounds in his neck, but no Fluttershy or Flutterbat to be seen. That is, until Sugar Plum noticed something.

"What's that?" Sugar Plum asked. There was a fruit bat on the ground, rubbing it's head as if waking up with a large headache. It was pale yellow with pink tufts of hair on it's head and tale. "It looks like... aunt Fluttershy." The fruit bat flapped up, looking at Pinkie, Twilight, and Chuck.

"Thank you." Fluttershy's voice spoke from it. "I'm free of my curse." She smiled, flapping off into the sky.

"Wait, what?" Pinkie asked.

"It seems that while Fluttershy was under a were-curse... we were wrong about that part was... the were-part." Twilight remarked.

"Like a _Twilight Zone_ thing." Chuck remarked. "Whack."

 _End._

* * *

"Whack? Whack?" I asked. "I don't say whack."

"And... wait a minute, the twist was Fluttershy was always a fruit bat?" Twilight asked. "Really?"

"I mean, the ending wasn't predictable, but it was _really_ out of left field, to the extent that it doesn't make any sense." Quibble remarked.

"I'm... not a fruit bat, by the way." Fluttershy spoke up. "I'm all pony."

"Oh come on!" Pinkie remarked. "It was a good story!"

"It was fine." I said to her. "It beat Rainbow Dash's. But I think I've got a better one."

"Alright, tell us." Ivory told me.

"I will." I replied. "It's about a filly and her doll."

"That's not so scary." Sunny Side scoffed.

"An _evil_ doll." I laughed wickedly as I started the story.

* * *

Chuck's Story: Hello Dolly

"Happy birthday, my dear grand foal." Igneous Rock Pie smiled as Sugar Plum opened her birthday gift, a box... _full_ of bits. Chuck and Pinkie were astounded at the mass amount of money in the box.

"Dad, where'd you get that money?" Pinkie asked.

"The government." He answered. "I did no work for it, I've no need for it, but if they miss a single check I'll raise hell."

"Well Sugar Plum, there's only one present left." Chuck said, reaching for a box that wasn't there. "Well, there _should_ be only one present left." He said, then leaned into his wife. "Where is it? You told me you'd handle it."

"Handle what?" Pinkie asked.

"Sugar Plum's present! That's what!" Chuck answered. "I distinctly remember you saying 'Yessiry Chuckie! I'll be sure to get the present!'. Do you not?"

"Oh yeah, _that._ " Pinkie nodded. "And it's not what you think, I have it all ready, I just need to... runtotownrealquickbuyapresentandbringitback! Bye!" She said, sprinting off. Pinkie zipped through town, however, little did she know, it was a specific holiday, National Inconvenience Day. A day where most places were closed, because... it was inconvenient. Only one shop didn't get the memo. And that was the shop in which Pinkie would get the present from.

"Do you sell toys?" She asked, stepping into the shop. Inside, it was like a Spencer's Gifts or a Hot Topic, but the creepy stuff was real, and not made of plastic, and instead of weed leaves on everything, it was more like vines and Venus fly traps everywhere. Okay, in reality the only similarity was the offensive smell of like ten different types of incense burning at once.

"We sell forbidden objects from places most ponies dare not to trade." The elderly shop keep said in reply. "We also sell frozen yogurt, which I call frogurt."

"Well, I need something for my daughter's birthday. Do you have anything?" Pinkie asked.

"I have one thing that may please the filly." He nodded. He looked to a shelf behind him, among the dehydrated aquatic creatures, shrunken heads, hookahs, and for whatever reason, a piece of 1942 Nazi propaganda, there was a doll. A doll that looked innocent enough. Pinkie nodded with a grin. The clerk set the doll on the shelf and looked to Pinkie.

"Take this object, but beware, it carries a terrible curse." He warned her.

"Ooh... that's bad." Pinkie remarked.

"But it comes with a free frogurt!" The clerk stated.

"That's good!" Pinkie perked up.

"The frogurt is also cursed." The clerk mentioned.

"That's bad." Pinkie's face drooped.

"But you get your choice of toppings." The clerk said.

"That's good!" Pinkie remarked.

"The toppings contain potassium benzoate." The clerk added, Pinkie's expression remained neutral, she had no idea what the clerk meant. He arched his brow and replied for her, lest she keep looking at him blankly. "That's bad." He said.

"Can I go now?" She asked.

Rushing back to the house, Pinkie quickly presented Sugar Plum with the doll. It was a pretty looking doll, not from any mainstream line. It was pony shaped and purple, the eyes were embroidered and not buttons, button eyes are just plain creepy. The mane and tail were white and it had the horn of a unicorn, on it's back it had a pull string, not unlike Woody's from Toy Story.

" _Hi! I'm Shimmer Starbottom! And I love you!_ " The doll spoke when Sugar Plum pulled the string. Sugar Plum smiled at the doll and then up at Pinkie.

"Thanks mommy, I love it!" She smiled.

"Good work Cutie Pie." Chuck kissed Pinkie's cheek.

"That doll is evil, I say, _EEEEVIIIIILLLLL!_ " Igneous cried out, pointing at the doll.

"Dad, that's what you said about all the presents." Limestone remarked.

"He just wanted attention." Cloudy answered for her husband. Days later, nothing happened, so much for that curse the shop keep had mentioned. Pinkie sat on the living room sofa, reading the paper. The Shimmer Starbottom doll had been left on the cushion on the other end of the couch.

"In other news, Mayor Mare projected to have yet another term in office." Pinkie read. "Well yeah, nopony else ever runs." She remarked. She then looked at the doll, for lack of a better thing to do, she pulled the string to see what she'd say.

" _I'm Shimmer Starbottom, and I don't like you!_ " The doll said. Pinkie was confused. What an odd thing for a children's toy to say. She looked at the doll. _Where did this thing come from?_ She thought. _Surely a phrase like that wouldn't make it past focus groups. Maybe it's a rare variant._

" _I'm Shimmer Starbottom, and I'm going to kill you!_ " The doll said again, much to Pinkie's surprise.

"I didn't even pull the string that time." She remarked. Then the doll looked at her with an evil grin, speaking from it's mouth rather than the electronic voice box in it's cotton stuffed bosom.

"I said I'm going to kill you." The doll growled. "You! Pinkie Pie!" Pinkie shrieked a little at the doll and threw it, the sound alerting Chuck and Sugar Plum, they rushed into the room to see what was the matter, seeing him shaking and eyeing the doll, now limp and lifeless once more.

"That doll said it was going to kill me!" Pinkie whimpered to Chuck, who looked at her in confusion.

"I would say the pressure is getting to you, but I do all the work around here." Chuck mumbled. Chuck would be a believer soon enough however, later that day, terror would strike in the bathtub for Chuck.

" _My baloney has a first name, it's C-H-U-C-K, my baloney has a second name, it's C-H-U-C_ " He hummed as he cleaned himself, just then, the doll emerged from the water with a knife fashioned into a harpoon. "AAAGH!" He cried out, leaping out of the tub and running through the house, everything dripping wet and exposed.

"There goes the last dwindling thread of my heterosexuality." Sunny Side remarked as Chuck ran past her, Oddity, and Pinkie having tea in the dining room. From that point, Chuck and Pinkie hatched a plan to trap the sentient evil doll, a plan in the form of Sugar Plum's teddy bear.

"Kiss me, I'm yours?" Shimmer Starbottom read on the note taped to the bear sitting in the living room. "Eh, may as well do something to pass the time." She said, the bear keeping her distracted, Chuck sneaked up behind her with a burlap sack. He grabbed her and threw her in the sack.

"You think your dirty socks can stop me?" Shimmer laughed as Chuck tied the sack. "Well... they are making me... kind of... dizzy." She remarked, passing out in the bag. Chuck smirked and went off from the house with the bag. Coming to the Everfree forest, he stopped at a pit in a clearing.

"Alright bottomless pit, do your stuff." He said, tossing the bag in, whistling as he left.

"Goodbye moocher." Fluttershy said, tossing a sack in the pit as well, a sack that had the indentations of a pony shaped form within. A lanky pegasus pony who happened to be her annoying brother.

"I was a fool to think anoyone would want to read these stories." Quibble remarked, tossing a box of his stories into the pit, only for the pit to toss them back.

Days went by, the doll was unheard from, and all was peaceful. That is, until Chuck saw a disturbing sight on the neighboring lawn when coming home from work. Jonty was dead. Stabbed multiple times and blood from his body smeared on the lawn, spelling " _Guess who, Pies._ " Chuck gulped at the sight.

"Oh my God." He remarked. Just then, out from the hedges jumped the doll, covering his eyes and gnawing at his head. He burst through the door, shrieking in agony.

"Chuckie!?" Pinkie exclaimed. "What's going on!?"

"The doll's trying to kill me!" Chuck replied as the doll forced him to smash his head into the wall. Pinkie looked to the box the doll had came in, it had an address on it. _Please Don't Sue Toys._ Pinkie quickly wrote to the company, saying what was wrong. And the next day, a worker came from the company. Upon his arrival, Shimmer was in the process of trying to rip Chuck's tongue out of his mouth. The repair pony picked up the doll and opened the velcro seal on the back.

"Ah, here's the problem." He remarked, looking at a switch on the back. "Somepony set this thing to _evil._ " He said, sliding the switch back to the _good_ setting.

" _I love you Chuck._ " Shimmer's voice box rang as the repair pony set the doll down. And so, with that, all was well in the Pie family manor once more, in fact, with a sentient doll set on good, things were even better.

"Here you go." Shimmer said, setting a tray of nachos between Chuck and Pinkie, who were lounging on the couch.

"Did you walk Gummy?" Pinkie asked her.

"Yeah, he tried to bury me in the yard a couple of times." Shimmer nodded.

"Well, he likes to bury old junk." Chuck nodded, dismissing the doll, who grumbled back upstairs to Sugar Plum's room, where Mr. Stuffly sat in a doll house.

"Ugh, what a day." Shimmer lamented. "Pinkie made me give her a sponge-bath." She stated, sitting down beside Mr. Stuffly. "But coming home to you makes it all worthwhile." She smiled, leaning into her the teddy bear.

 _End._

* * *

"Well, it was a Chuck story alright." Quibble nodded. "Full of jokes none of us got and clearly a ripoff of something."

"Arguably the weakest story of the night." Sunny Side nodded. "And I'll have you know, my last dwindling thread of heterosexuality left me years ago."

"It did?" Oddity asked, her statement being ignored by everyone else.

"Are toys evil? Are they going to attack me?" Sugar Plum worried.

"No. It's just a story." I replied. "Look, it was a fine story, and maybe it was an _homage_ to a pre-existing story, but you all have never seen it! And sure, the jokes went over your heads, but someone probably appreciates them." I added.

"Know your audience, Chuck." Ivory told me.

"There was still something to appreciate!" I exclaimed.

"I liked it!" Pinkie told me.

"Did you really?" I asked her.

"Well, you pegged me for a little dumb, but otherwise it was pretty good." She said honestly. I grumbled and cursed a little, _neanderthals_.

"Well Chuck, it's been nice." Twilight said. "But I think I'm going to go back to the castle now." She said, other attendees started to filter out, eventually just leaving Pinkie, Sugar Plum and I.

"So, how was your first Nightmare Night with us?" Pinkie asked Sugar Plum as we began to leave for home.

"I liked it." Sugar Plum smiled. "Now I can start getting my list ready for my first Hearth's Warming with you guys!" She said with anticipation. My eyes widened and I looked to Pinkie with clenched teeth, chuckling nervously.

"Eheheh." I chuckled. "Yeah, that'll be something." I chuckled some as we left. "Hey, uh... you got anything with peanut butter in it?" I asked Sugar Plum as we walked home, looking into her bag of candy she had accumulated earlier in the night.

"Yeah, a couple _Butter Nutters_ and a _Choconut_." She nodded, like a bird of prey, my hoof swooped into her bag and grabbed them.

"Dad tax." I reasoned, munching at a _Butter Nutter_.

"Hey!" Sugar Plum exclaimed. "Mommy!" She whined.

"It's a real thing." Pinkie told her. "As with mommy tax." She said, swiping a couple of candies from her bag.

"I'm beginning to rethink my answer to your question, mommy." Sugar Plum grimaced.

* * *

 _The end. Happy Halloween everybody!_


	68. Chapter 68: I Now Pronounce You: Chivory

**Author's note:** Now, the third wedding of the story, and the second one that matters! Told through the POV of Cheese Sandwich/Ivory

* * *

Chapter 68: I Now Pronounce You, Chivory

Cheese's POV

"So you'll come?" I asked excitedly after a long talk with my uncle, I had so much I needed to tell him! There was moving to Ponyville, my new job, that time I helped Chuck save Equestria, oh! And of course the fact I had a long estranged son and the fact I was getting married in a week!

"Of course I'll be there." My uncle nodded, a cigar in his mouth. If somepony were to see the two of us together, they wouldn't be able to tell that we were related. After all, I'm kinda orange-ish and he's blue, I'm an Earth pony, he's a Unicorn, I wear a Hawaiian shirt, he wears a suit, he owns half of Equestria's real estate, I... am a proud leaser of a double-wide. But alas, we were both Sandwiches through and through. He even raised me!

"I do hope it will be a classy affair, yes?" He asked me. I stopped dead in my tracks and began to chuckle a little bit.

"Uhh... yeah! Sure!" I nodded. "Uh... the guy marrying us will be in a tux... a tux he _owns_! Not just a rental!" I bargained. I was thanking my lucky stars that Chuck had bought the tuxedo he had used for his wedding once he became a Las Pegasus singer.

"Entertainment?" He asked me.

"The hottest band touring Las Pegasus currently." I answered.

"He's that uh... Chuck fellow isn't he?" He asked. "The pony who put that charity benefit on in my concert hall."

"He also adopted the daughter of Bavarian and Praline." I replied.

"Ah yes, two of my tenants from Canterlot. I always wondered what became of them." He pondered.

"Um, I think they're working at a bakery somewhere in Canterlot now... Donut Joe's place I think." I answered. That was what I heard anyway, Bavarian had wrote Chuck a couple of days ago and I'm pretty sure that's what Chuck told me that he told him.

"Well that's nice." He nodded, taking a long drag of the cigar. "I'll be in town the day before, is there a hotel in town?"

"It's like a hotel, but with an 'M'!" I answered. "Anyway, bye Uncle Sourdough! I'll see you in a week!" I said, zipping out the door of his office and out into the streets of Manehattan where Ivory and Slider waited.

"Is he coming?" Ivory asked me as soon as I walked out of the tall building.

"He sure is!" I nodded. This was a significant thing especially because he was the only one of our relatives coming to the wedding, for me it was because he was my only living relative. For Ivory it was... well... you probably know the story by now.

"So wait a sec, you've got an uncle who's got wealth that compares to the Moneybag family fortune and we're living in a small town, in a small house?" Slider asked as we walked.

"Yep." I nodded. "I've always liked the more minimalist lifestyle." I explained.

"That and he blew the loan that his uncle gave him on a party tank." Ivory added.

"Natch." Slider nodded.

"But what's important is that he's coming, we're getting married in a week, and all is well, right?" I turned to Ivory.

"You're right." Ivory nodded. "I know you hated that I wanted a small wedding, but you know how much I hate... large groups of ponies."

"Don't you have a list of the only five ponies you can really tolerate?" Slider asked.

"Yeah, but I made it six recently, kiddo." She tussled Slider's mane, I was happy to see the two getting along, it gave me hope that we'd be able to be a happy family. "So, that's all our business in Manehattan, perhaps we head back home?" She said.

"Sounds good to me." I nodded with a smile. Meanwhile, unbeknownst to Slider, Ivory, or even me, Chuck and Pinkie were having a conversation that would almost ruin everything. Not intentionally, but... oh, just read on and see how.

"I still can't believe they're having a small wedding!" Pinkie remarked to Chuck as he worked away at lunch.

"Mhm." He nodded. "We're invited, and Sugar Plum's the flower filly, what's the problem?"

"I really wanted to meet other ponies from their lives!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Like who?" Chuck asked. "Cheese has an uncle who's coming, and Ivory's only relative is her dad, and he's not coming." He answered. "At least, I really don't think he is."

"Why not?" Pinkie asked.

"Because he and Ivory aren't on speaking terms." Chuck answered.

"Why?" She asked.

"I already told you about this, he abandoned her." Chuck told her.

"But he came back, didn't he?" She asked. "That must show he cares a little." Chuck looked at her quizzically. He wasn't sure what to say to explain the situation any clearer. Not thinking of anything to say, he simply sighed and sat down to eat, sliding her a plate.

"Eat up." He said, taking a bite of his food. They ate in silence for that moment, Chuck looked up and saw that Pinkie was thinking about something. "What are you thinking about?" He asked. "What. Is. It." He said impatiently.

"Nothing!" She replied, an innocent smile on her face. See, in her eyes, she was determined to make this the best wedding ever, and what would be her idea of best ever? Togetherness. Togetherness for all. Everypony. Even ponies that certainly weren't invited or wanted, specifically by the bride. "Anyway, I'm gonna go do... mare of honor stuff. See ya!" She said, quickly eating her lunch and bolting off.

"Oy gevalt." Chuck mumbled as he ate, now by himself.

* * *

Ivory's POV

"A one, a two, a one two three and," Chuck said to his band as they began to practice in the bar four days later, I was off for the time and thought I'd watch them practice. Chuck had arranged a whole set for the wedding, with songs he claimed to be "the best love songs from where he's from", plus he was doing it for no charge so that was a plus. I think the one they were doing now was called _Never Gonna Give You Up_.

"Hi Chuckie!" Pinkie burst through the door abruptly just as they started. "Ooh! Chuckie's band is here!" She remarked. "Ooh! Ivory too! Perfect, that's just the mare I wanted to talk to!" She beamed.

"What's up, Pinkie?" I asked her.

"Well, you know how when you said "I may be naming you my mare of honor Pinkie, but it's just for ceremonial reasons and I don't want any surprises"? Well, I have one little surprise for you!" She grinned widely. My eyes widened at the news, I was a bit concerned, it was either actually a little surprise, or something that would give me a heart attack.

"Oh yeah?" I nodded. "And... what, pray tell is that?"

"I found somepony else to add to the guest list!" Pinkie smiled widely. I looked at her, confusion on my face, I turned to Chuck, he looked like he knew what was going on, and he wasn't enthused, he looked concerned.

"Pinkie... does this have anything to do with our... conversation earlier this week?" He asked slowly. I looked back at her, she nodded excitedly.

"I wanted you to have the perfect day! And what would be better than having... your dad there to see you get married!?" Pinkie beamed, revealing... my dad standing beside her. My nose twitched and my eyes widened. I couldn't tell what I was going to do, kill her for going to find my dad, kill Chuck for letting this happen, kill my dad for just... just being here, or kill all three of them.

"Aww! You've got steam of happiness coming out of your ears!" Pinkie remarked with a smile. Before I could grab her throat, Chuck quickly grabbed her and took her to his back office. I said nothing, I just sat there breathing heavily and glaring at him as he stood in the doorway.

"Uh... hey Ivory." He said to me. "You're... you're getting married huh?" He remarked. "The pink one kind of filled me in. Got a band, huh?" He noted. "I uh... I think I saw those guys play a few months ago." I said nothing. I got up, poured a drink for myself and drank it. Not saying a word. Meanwhile, I could hear a barrage of words being said in the office.

"What did I tell you!?" Chuck exclaimed.

"You told me they aren't on speaking terms, you didn't say: "Pinkie, don't seek out her father and invite him to the wedding", if you didn't want that, you should have specified." Pinkie replied.

"Should've specified!?" Chuck laughed. "I shouldn't have had to specify! He was a terrible father and he abandoned her!"

"It's their wedding, family should be together for a wedding!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Only one of my family members came to our wedding." Chuck replied. "And that worked out just fine."

"Just imagine how much more than just fine it could have been if all your family was there!" Pinkie replied.

"It would have been terrible." Chuck said. "Absolutely terrible."

"You don't know that!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"You don't know _them!_ " Chuck scoffed. "No. No no. This is off topic, what's on topic? Oh, I know, you brought Ivory's dad to her wedding!" He hollered.

"I brought him to Ponyville, the wedding's in six days." Pinkie replied. Chuck rolled his eyes and grumbled.

"You brought him to Ponyville with the intent of having him at the wedding." Chuck restated.

"Yes, I brought him to Ponyville, yes, I had the intent of him being at the wedding, and yes, you and Ivory are reacting all wrong to this. You two should be happy that the wedding gets to be a reunion!" Pinkie explained.

"You can't force a reunion on people!" Chuck hollered.

"Oh just watch me!" Pinkie replied. "By the end of this week, he and Ivory are gonna love each other again!" Chuck laughed dryly. He thought that was the most ludicrous statement he had ever heard. He chuckled lowly and smirked.

"Okay." He nodded. "Okay, my beautiful, darling, sweet sweet wife. If it turns out that you are right, I will never doubt you again."

"And you'll have to do one thing that I want, no questions asked." Pinkie added.

"Deal." He smirked, knowing there was no way she'd be right. "And if the wedding is a disaster, and Ivory never wants to speak to either of us again, you have to never doubt me again _and_ you'll do that thing I wanted you to do the other night." He bargained.

"Fine." Pinkie nodded with a grin. The two exited the office, I had left by that point, I was too angry. Just Chuck's band and my dad were there now. No, not my dad, my father. No no, not my father, the stallion who was technically responsible for my existence. That's a more accurate take on our relationship.

"Where did Ivory go?" Chuck asked.

"She left." Duke told him. "Right about twenty seconds after you two went into the office."

"She seemed really mad." Medley noted.

"She did?" Pinkie asked, a worried look on her face. "I feel bad for her..."

"You could always just accept that I'm right now." Chuck mumbled.

"I don't feel _that_ bad." Pinkie replied.

Yeah, go figure. I had stormed off to see Cheese, considering I was furious with the pony I normally talk about my problems with for what his wife just did. So, I had figured that he of all ponies would understand my mood. At least, he had better if he wanted to get married.

Cheese's POV

"Pinkie did what!?" I remarked upon hearing the news.

"She got my dad, Cheese." Ivory replied as she walked in. "I cannot believe her!" She growled. "It's been made quite clear I had no interest in... and then she goes and..." She stopped. "For buck's sake!" She grumbled. "Some mare of honor she turned out to be."

"You made her that just because she wouldn't stop asking, there was no expectation of her." I reminded.

"Don't turn what I said against me!" She barked.

"Kiki, I'm sorry." I said. "That was... way out of line. What me to talk to her?" I asked.

"I don't know what I want you to do!" She replied. "I want him gone, I want to say things to Pinkie that would forever mar her well being, and damn it I want ice cream!" She exclaimed.

"Well... one of those things I can do for you." I smiled. Some time, and some ten Sven and Larry's ice cream cartons later she was starting to feel a bit better. She sat there on the couch, looking up at the ceiling. Saying nothing other than the occasional huff or sigh. I sat down next to her, there was a carton that still had some in it. I reached for it, only to be quickly swatted away.

"No." She scolded. She looked at me. She didn't look angry anymore, just tired, exhausted. "Cheese, why is this happening?" She asked. "First when Slider showed up, that threw everything out of whack, then with this..." She sighed.

"It's just bad luck." I replied. "Pinkie probably would have done this regardless of circumstance."

"Why though?" Ivory asked. "Why did she even think that was a good idea?"

"I don't know, why did she?" I asked. Ivory was about to answer, but she stopped. She wasn't actually sure of her logic behind it all. She was just focused on how angry she had made her. She thought. Surely there was a reason, an easy way to just thrust blame on her, but Ivory then realized that... maybe she had a good reason.

"Do you think I should talk to her?" Ivory asked. "Maybe... let her know that I'm not... too furious with her."

"That might be a good idea." I nodded. "She's still your mare of honor?" I asked.

"It's just a title in my eyes." She reminded me with a little chuckle. "Thanks Sandy." She kissed my cheek.

"Happy to help, Kiki." I smiled at her as I got up off the couch. "Now, I've got to go see my uncle, Chuck, and Quibble. Groom's colts stuff." I walked over to the door. "I hope your talk with Pinkie goes well." I smiled back to her as I left. I wasn't entirely looking forward to this. Mostly because of my uncle being there, I love him, but he's not exactly going to be easy for Chuck or Quibble. Well, Chuck maybe. He's good at pretending to get along with ponies that bother him. He's also good at pretending he's classy and rich, apparently Mister Chipper lives in a waterfront suite in Califoalnia. Lucky fictional persona.

We were meeting in the park on the outskirts of town, which was now the venue for the wedding after we lost the slot at town hall thanks to rescheduling. Chuck, Quibble, and my uncle were already there. Chuck and him seemed to get along, Quibble wasn't talking with them, he was working with park employees on setting things up.

"How dense are you two!?" Quibble barked at the two park workers. "How hard could setting up the chairs be, it's literally the easiest job that I could have assigned."

"Dude, you sound like our boss." The blue pegasus of the two park workers remarked.

"Yeah! Take a chill pill, man." The brown earth pony chuckled. Quibble snarled and turned to see me.

"Thank Celestia you're here, these two morons have been nothing but useless." Quibble remarked. "Also, he's your uncle?" He asked. "I'm sorry but, that just seems a little unbelievable." He told me.

"Yeah, I know." I replied. "But he is my mother's brother, through and through."

"Huh." Quibble remarked. "He and Chuck seem to be getting along, but generally Chuck changes his personality determining who he's around to make the best conversation, of he can."

"There's only like three I know that he can't seem to do that with." I remarked.

"Yeah, and one of them is his wife, lucky for him she likes his personality." Quibble chuckled. "Now, chairs are going to be set up soon, arch is coming in tomorrow, and Chuck's still performing the ceremony, supplying drinks for the reception, and the entertainment."

"He's like a utility knife, a bunch of tools in one." I remarked.

"Well, he's certainly at least _a_ tool." Quibble remarked.

"So, what did you want to talk about, nephew?" Uncle Sourdough asked as he and Chuck approached.

"I wanted to talk about dinner tomorrow night." I said. "Any suggestions?"

"Mulligan's." Uncle Sourdough said. "It's got the best bourbon in Equestria, food's pretty good too."

"Best bourbon, huh?" Chuck stated. "You know, I kind of like the cut of your jib, Mr. Sourdough. You're a way better guy than Bavarian made you out to be."

"What did he say?" Uncle Sourdough asked.

"Oh, nothing bad, but still, you're a cool guy." Chuck remarked. "So, that's two for Mulligan's. But, what say you Cheese?" He asked me. I wasn't sure, Mulligan's was a very expensive restaurant in Manehattan, I wasn't going to be able to afford it what with everything else.

"Gee..." I started. "I don't know, it's an awful lot of..." Before I could continue, my uncle cut me off.

"My dear nephew, you didn't think I'd make you pay, on the eve of your wedding of all nights?" He bellowed a laugh. "No no, boys, dinner is on me." He smiled to us. He wasn't a charitable pony by any means, but he seemed to make exceptions for me and my friends, and it helped that he was a fan of Chuck's persona. "Come, my nephew, let's have a cigar together before I resign to dinner." He looked to me.

"I'm going to pass, I don't really... y'know." I chuckled, declining the offer.

"I do!" Chuck perked up. "I wouldn't want to impose, but I can sweeten the deal with a free copy of one of my records, not even on shelves yet." He bargained.

"Deal." Uncle Sourdough grinned as the two walked off.

"Does it bother you that those two are getting close?" Quibble asked me as they walked away. "After all, he's your only family."

"Yeah," I shrugged. "He was my only family, but I've got a son, and soon I'll have a wife. Chuck only sees his Dad pretty rarely, I don't mind sharing father figures." I shrugged.

"Well, you can always have mine..." Quibble mumbled. He and I went back to trying to get the park workers back to work, eventually deciding to just do it ourselves. I wondered how Ivory was doing, hopefully her talk was going well.

Ivory's POV

"Pinkie?" I asked as I walked up to Chuck and Pinkie's house. "Pinkie Pie? Are you in there?" I asked as I opened the door slowly.

"Hey Ivory." Pinkie replied, sitting there on the couch, feeling a little pouty by the looks of things.

"Can... can I come in?" I asked her. "Bearing in mind I'm already inside, can I... join you in the living room?"

"Yeah." She nodded. "Listen, Ivory, I'm sorry... maybe I should have asked you about that before just... doing what I did."

"Well, yeah." I nodded. "You should have." I said as I sat down. "But... I understand why you did, you were just thinking of me, you wanted me to have a great wedding and... for some reason you thought my dad being here was a good idea."

"So you aren't mad?" Pinkie asked.

"No." I shook my head, reassuring her.

"So, I'm still your mare of honor?" Pinkie perked up.

"Of course you are." I nodded.

"Ooh yay!" Pinkie squealed. "Yes! I am going to throw you the best bachelorette party ever!" She exclaimed. "Tomorrow night! You'll love it!" She promised. I had to admit, I was a little bit worried when she said that. She knew I hated big parties, but the next night, I was a little surprised to learn that she... respected that.

"Keep going..." Pinkie said to me as she led me down the street, eyes blindfolded. "You're almost there..."

"If there is any more than three ponies there, I swear to Celestia." I replied as we stopped.

"You'll see!" She replied as she opened a door in front of me. "And... open up!" She exclaimed, whipping the blindfold off of me. She took me to... the bar. But... something was different. It was empty. There was one table in the center of the floor with a bottle of scotch, a glass, a plate of food, one of my favorite dishes actually. And to top it all off, somepony else was playing piano. Medley, from Chuck's band.

"What is... what is this?" I asked.

"Your bachelorette party." Pinkie replied.

"But this is... so much unlike any party I've ever seen you throw." I remarked.

"Yeah, well, this is an Ivory party. I wouldn't throw Ivory an anypony else party, and I wouldn't throw anypony else an Ivory party." Pinkie smiled.

"Pinkie, I... I don't know what to say." I smiled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome." She said as she pulled the chair at the table out for me. "I've got to go home to sleep, y'know, pregnancy and all. When you're ready to go home, Medley knows your address and will walk you home. Happy bachelorette party, Ivory." Pinkie smiled.

"Thanks Pinkie." I nodded as she shut the door. I then went up to the table and dug into my food. It was nice, I wondered how Cheese and his groom's colts were doing. I heard that Cheese's uncle was treating them to dinner, that was kind of him. Hopefully he was having as good a night as I was.

Cheese's POV

I definitely was having as good a night. In fact, I was having a great time. Uncle Sourdough ordered a bottle for our whole table, Chuck, Quibble, and him were all sharing fun stories, it was nice. I couldn't help but realize how blessed I was. A little over a year ago I was going from town to town with no home, no steady connections, nothing. But Quibble took me in, then Chuck gave me a job, two great friends I had made. Then, I had met the mare of my dreams and I was marrying her tomorrow. Life was... perfect.

"Okay, okay, let me tell you about this time." Uncle Sourdough began with a chuckle. "So, this one," he pointed to me. "This guy brings home a raccoon."

"What!?" Quibble sputtered.

"You've gotta be kidding!" Chuck remarked.

"Nope, brought it inside _my_ mansion, it starts running around, making a mess of the place!" Sourdough exclaimed. "Oh, Uncle Sourdough, I brought home a new friend!" He mimicked me from that point in my life.

"To be fair, I was only seven." I cut in with an embarrassed chuckle.

"Oh, oh, I've got one." Quibble spoke up. "I was so happy in Manehattan, I lived close to home, I worked a steady job, I was close to every major convention, and then one day he just drags me out to this backwater middle-of-nowhere town for the sake of somepony's birthday party!" He exclaimed.

"Y'must have liked the town, otherwise you would've moved back." Uncle Sourdough noted.

"I had... my reasons to stay." Quibble admitted.

"So this guy," Chuck started to share his story. "He has the _worst_ track record for coming into work that I've ever seen!" He laughed. It was true, I was pretty bad at keep a schedule. But I was getting better. "But now I finally know why!" He laughed, looking to my Uncle. "You must keep floating him bits, otherwise I'm surprised he can even keep a house!"

"Maybe you should start paying him better." Uncle Sourdough smirked.

"What, and kick myself out of the house and home?" Chuck replied with a bellowing laugh, my uncle started laughing too, he of all ponies understood what Chuck meant. "Sourdough, my kid's already been out on the street once." He chuckled a bit. "You're welcome, by the way. I pretty much saved your former tenants' lives."

"What'd you do?" Uncle Sourdough asked.

"Wrote 'em a heavy check." Chuck answered. "Got 'em back on their hooves, now their working for Donut Joe in Canterlot."

"And that's why I'm the second richest pony in Manehattan," Uncle Sourdough smirked. "I don't just go writing checks to every Sally Sob-story."

"So thank God for warm blooded ponies like me, huh?" Chuck smirked in retort.

"You got me." Uncle Sourdough bellowed a laugh at his retort. "Well boys, what say we cram the chatter for a moment." He stood up at the table and clanged his glass. "Boys, tonight is a night that I never thought would happen in my lifetime." He began, he then looked at me. "It was because I was already old when you came into my life, nothing about you." He reassured me with a chuckle. "But, this time tomorrow, my nephew, who has been like a son to me for almost thirty years, is getting married to a mare who seems to be the love of his life, albeit into the middle class of society, but I couldn't be more proud." He smiled. "Congratulations, my dear nephew." He concluded. Chuck and Quibble nodded and clapped, I'll admit, it brought a tear to my eye, it was nice to hear him say that.

"I s'pose it's my turn, being the priest, caterer, and entertainer tomorrow." Chuck remarked as he stood up. "Cheese, Cheese Sandwich, Cheese Matthew Sandwich..." He began. My middle name wasn't Matthew, I didn't know why he thought that. "You may be the worst worker in my staff, but you're a hell of a guy and a hell of a friend. Whether it be hiding confetti bombs in my desk drawer or your illegitimate son showing up one day, you're always finding a way to surprise me." He laughed a little. "I couldn't be happier for you and I couldn't be happier for Ivory, I wish you two all the best." He concluded, slugging back his drink in his hoof like a shot. "God... _Damn_ that is strong!" He coughed as he sat down.

"I guess that leaves me, being the best stallion, because apparently that's a tier after rich uncle and boss." Quibble remarked as he got up. "Cheese, buddy, I've known you for only a few years, but it feels like we've been childhood best friends." He smiled. "I'm really happy to see you getting married to Ivory, even though she's... frankly kind of a..." He stopped himself. "Right. Anyway, I'm so happy for you and believe me when I say you both deserve the best of each other and the worst of each other." He concluded with a little smirk. "Congratulations buddy." He patted me on the back as he sat back down.

"Thanks guys." I smiled. "Thank you all so much. I couldn't imagine a better night before my wedding, and I couldn't imagine better company." I said.

"Thank God you found a sitter for Slider, otherwise this night couldn't happen." Chuck remarked with a little grin. My eyes widened. I didn't find a sitter for Slider tonight.

"You didn't find a sitter for Slider tonight, didn't you?" Quibble remarked.

 _Meanwhile..._

"So this is why grown ups stay up so late!" Sugar Plum exclaimed, emptying out an entire spray can of whipped cream into her open mouth.

"Either that or they know somethin' we don't know." Slider replied. "Now stay still, I've gotta put on the chocolate drizzle and the cherries." He said, whipping out a jar of chocolate drizzle and one of cherries.

* * *

The next day was the big day, I was excited, Ivory was excited, in fact, everypony was excited. I'd never seen more ponies excited on what was a chillingly cold fall day. I hadn't seen Ivory all day, that was at least one tradition we were holding true to, we had already butchered everything else that made a wedding traditional.

"At least I know to never consult those morons for any other time we need chairs set up." Quibble grumbled as he himself did the job.

" _Not setting up the chairs next time! Not setting up the chairs next time!_ " The two workers cheered. Quibble sighed and turned to Chuck.

"Are you going to help?" He asked.

"No." Chuck scoffed with a little snicker. "I've got a lot on my own plate. I still have a wedding ceremony to practice, songs to rehearse, and I need to be ready for a spontaneous heart attack due to my unhealthy lifestyle at any moment!" He exclaimed.

"And you've got cigars to puff." Uncle Sourdough reminded him.

"Where have you been all my life!?" Chuck exclaimed, sitting down with him.

"Guys, the wedding's in three hours!" I exclaimed. "And the chairs still need to be set up, flowers still need to be placed on the arch, and the flower filly, ring bearer, and everypony on the bride's half hasn't even shown their faces!" I exclaimed.

"The flower filly and ring bearer are on a bit of a sugar crash." Chuck spoke up. "I came home, both of 'em filthy with whipped cream, chocolate sauce, and powdered sugar. And not the good type of powdered sugar, y'know, the stuff that rots your nose, none of that."

"You do that stuff?" Sourdough asked.

"Heavens no, but it gets my trumpet player to play like hell, so it can't be all bad." Chuck shrugged. "You do that stuff?" He asked

"Dabbled in it in the seventies." He admitted. "Definitely not worth the price."

"Are you talking long term effects of cost?" Chuck asked.

"Little of column A, little of column B." Sourdough replied. "Anyway, nephew, the two kids are here, I sent 'em off to help the band set up. That son of yours it a real wag. Chuck's daughter too, cute kids."

"Wag?" Chuck asked. "That's like calling them cheeky. Which is a British word meaning irreverent or impudent, yet endearing. Yet, what many don't know is, British people are wrong to even have a word like that because you can't be both at once. The most appropriate word for anyone described as _cheeky_ is just plain annoying."

"I've never heard anypony use the word cheeky." Quibble remarked.

"That's because around here, you all have the common sense to know the concept is ludicrous." Chuck replied. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go and get my pipes running for the reception." He excused himself. _"Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down..."_ He hummed as he strolled off.

Ivory's POV

"If you don't mind me asking, were you nervous on your wedding day?" I asked Pinkie as I put makeup on in front of a mirror as Pinkie helped me with my dress. "Because, if I'm being honest, I am feeling a little bit nervous. Is that bad?"

"No, I was nervous!" Pinkie reassured me. "I was terrified! You're just lucky you have a mare of honor who likes your husband to be, because Sunny was _not_ helpful on my wedding day." She giggled. "But, Ivory, do you love him?"

"Of course I do." I replied.

"Then that's all you need to know." Pinkie smiled. "The rest just... falls into place."

"Wow, that's actually really poetic coming from you." I remarked.

"Thanks! I read it in a fortune cookie!" She replied. "There's a bunch of them for the reception!" She exclaimed, grabbing another and breaking it. " _Beware of grape with wooden mallet_." She read. "Ain't that the truth." She responded.

"And then there's the crazy." I murmured. "Thanks Pinkie, I can always... somewhat rely on you."

"Happy to help!" Pinkie replied with a mouthful of fortune cookies in her jowls. Just then, somepony stepped into the pagoda tent Pinkie and I prepared in. "Sorry, Bride and Mare of honor only!" Pinkie said as we turned, then we saw who it was.

"Ivory..." My dad said slowly. "I know that I'm the last pony you want to see right now."

"So then leave." I replied quickly. "Leave, it's what you do best after all."

"Ivory, listen to me." He said. "All I want to do... is explain myself, will you at least let me do that?" He asked.

"I don't think you really need to." I replied. "I can pretty much guess it all. One day you just woke up and realized you didn't care, you went through the motions with mom and I for a little while, then you up and left us." I explained. "Do you have any idea what happened to my life after you left? Everything went straight to hell. Though to be fair, my life wasn't exactly a miracle before you left either."

"Damn it Ivory!" He exclaimed. "Look, I know you hate me, I know I was the last pony you wanted to see today, and I know you don't care about the truth of it anymore, but I left because it was what was best for you." He said to me. "It was the only way that they wouldn't hurt you."

"That makes no sense." I replied. "Not that I believe you."

"I'm just gonna... step out for a little while..." Pinkie said, sidestepping out and leaving me alone with him.

"They were going to hurt you, I couldn't let that happen." He said again.

"What do you mean?" I asked, deciding I'd humor him.

"Ivory... you know very well that we... weren't well off when you were young, right?" He asked me. We weren't, we lived in the poor side of town, even when we were all together we were just getting by at best, so, yes. We weren't well off at all.

"Yes." I nodded.

"Well I wanted to change that, and doing that, I made a pretty bad decision." He continued. "I took out a loan from some less than legitimate businessponies." He explained. "The mob," He elaborated. "I figured, I work harder, get a promotion at work, and it'll be easy to pay them off. It wasn't." He said. "I couldn't give you Hearth's Warmings because all of what I was making was going back to paying them, and when that wasn't enough, they were ready to get more personal." He continued. "They were going to take you."

"What?" I asked.

"To clear the debts, they were going to take you and sell you off." He said. "And then I knew the only way to make sure that didn't happen was to take your place. I went off with them, repaying my debts in any way that I could. I couldn't contact you, I couldn't tell you where I was going, nothing." He said. "Then, right around after my debts were paid off, your mother passed. I went to her funeral, and you weren't there. So I asked around, eventually I managed to see you again, but you didn't know I was there. It was that concert your friend put on, there, I finally saw you again. I knew I had to at least try and talk to you again, and when you wouldn't see me after when I came to town, I gave up. I clearly ruined my chances of having my daughter again... then, when your friend came to visit, I thought maybe I could try one more time." He concluded. "I know... it's too late." He said as he turned. "I'm... sorry, I know you probably didn't want to see me today." He said at the archway. "I'll be going."

"Dad... wait." I stopped him. "Are you... are you actually serious?"

"Yes, Ivory." He nodded. "I regret everyday of the years I spent apart from you, but you're okay now, and I'm so happy that it was me who had to go through that instead of you. You've got a bunch of friends, you're working with close friends and doing something you love, and you're getting married today. I'm so happy you get to have that, even if it meant that I'm out of the picture." He said, looking down. "I should probably leave you be."

"No." I shook my head. He looked up. "No. You already left once, but... I... I don't want you to leave again. If what you say is true, I shouldn't push you away. And that all starts today. Welcome to my wedding day, dad." I smiled. I could see tears in his eyes, a smile grew on his face and he slowly approached me. Out of some long forgotten instinct, I wrapped my forelegs around him in a tight hug. I never thought I would ever bring myself to do that again, but... when I did do it, I felt a lot better. It felt good, and it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, I felt so much happier having him back in my life.

"Thank you Ivory." He smiled.

"Thanks for coming back, dad." I replied.

* * *

"Where the hell is Ivory?" Chuck mumbled beneath his breath later on that day, the ceremony was supposed to have started. Guests had arrived, Chuck was standing at the altar, and so was Cheese. "Damn man, I think you may have been left at the altar." He mumbled. Just then, Pinkie ran up to the altar all up in a blur.

"Chuckieyou'renevergoingtoguesswhathappened!" She grinned.

"Is it about Ivory?" He asked. "Where is she?"

"She'sonherwayandyou'renevergoingtoguesswho'swithher!" Pinkie squealed excitedly, taking her spot at the altar. Just then, Chuck and Cheese saw me walking to the red carpet aisle laid out on the ground of the park. Not alone however.

"Thanks dad." I smiled at him as he walked me down the aisle. "If I'm being honest, even while I was mad at you... I kind of wished I could still have this."

"Hey, I've got twenty five years to make up for, I figured this was a good place to start." He replied with a little chuckle, taking a seat at the front row.

"He is in the front row." Cheese mumbled to me.

"I know." I told him. "But you know what?" I asked. "I kind of like having him here. It's... it's nice." I reasoned.

"You two look great, by the way." Chuck murmured to us. "Not as great as I do in my suit, but you two look good."

"All things considered, this all turned out... really well." Cheese remarked with a chuckle.

"You said it." I leaned into him affectionately. "Now, let's get married." I smiled.

"Now, if the bride and groom will kindly stop interrupting, let's let the ceremonies begin, huh?" Chuck stated, beginning the service. "Friends, family, ponies who just wandered into the park and just wanted to see what was going on, today we gather here to join the two souls, Cheese Sandwich and Ivory Keys as one." He began. "For, the union of two is a beautiful thing, and on this beautiful fall day beneath the eyes of our gracious Lord and savior..." His voice began to drawl, he started to sound more like Applejack's. I cleared my throat, stating for him to quit it. He stopped in his verbal tracks and started again. "Now, Cheese Sandwich, do you take Ivory Keys to be your lawfully wedded wife?" Chuck asked. "In sickness and in health, in wealth, and in poverty, in jolliness and in bitchiness, which happens _a lot_." He warned.

"Chuck." I growled.

"I do." Cheese smiled.

"And do you Ivory, take this goofball to be your husband? In Schlemiel and in Schlimazel, in wealth and poverty, in reliability and in spontaneous, and in charming and annoyance?" Chuck asked me.

"I do." I nodded, looking at the stallion who would now be my husband. The stallion who I had met just because of a job, the stallion who at first kind of annoyed me, but with time became friends with and from there I fell in love with.

"By the power vested in me, by the church of Dudeism and an ordainment certificate I signed in Las Pegasus so folks could be married by my stage performer persona, I pronounce this couple, husband and wife." Chuck smiled as he thumped the book he held shut. "You may now kiss the bride." Before Cheese had the chance, I kissed him in a dip, hey, I'm a mare who takes charge. After the kiss, I looked to Chuck, who was looking to Pinkie, both exchanging smiles.

I looked around. Oddity was crying, I wasn't sure why, she wasn't exactly close with either of us. Slider had already stopped paying attention a while ago, now chatting with Sugar Plum. I then took a look to the pony in the front row, the stallion who was responsible for my existence. No, my father. I still hadn't completely forgave him for what he did to be honest, but... but I realized something. He fucked up. It hurt me, it hurt my mom, but then again, it was what he did that led my mom to act the way she did, what she did that led me to run away from home, and that journey that eventually made me wind up here. So, in a cosmic sort of way I had him to thank for how happy I was now. I wasn't going to forgive him because of that though, but... I was going to forgive him because I realized something, he made a lot of mistakes, but what matters now is that he cared.

"To the bride and the groom." Chuck smiled, calling out to all there. "Now, for my favorite part of weddings, let's have that reception huh?"

* * *

Cheese's POV

 **Chuck:** _Loving you...  
Is my favorite thing to do,_  
 _And if you'll be mine..._  
 _Till the end of all time..._  
 _My heart will sing the sweetest part of this song..._  
 _Of looooooove!_

"We've been Mister Chipper and the Ragtimes, congratulations to the happy couple." Chuck said, concluding the entertainment set at the reception. "You fellas good to play?" He looked back at his band, who nodded at him. He then stepped down from the gazebo and joined us at the large table. "What a set." He murmured as he sat down.

"Congratulations you two! I'm so happy for you!" Pinkie smiled at us.

"Mhm, you said it." Uncle Sourdough nodded.

"We're mighty happy for you both." Chuck nodded.

"Thanks guys." I smiled as Ivory leaned up against me. "Come on, let's go have our first dance."

"It had better not be too fast." Ivory said as we got up.

"That won't be the only time she says that today." Chuck mumbled. He looked out and saw us dance, he then looked around, scanning the room, his turn of the head stopping at Pinkie, who for the longest time had a wide grin on her face. "Alright. I admit it, you were right Pinkie, and I was wrong." He droned.

"And?" Pinkie asked.

"And I'll never doubt you again." Chuck nodded.

"And?" Pinkie grinned.

"And I'll do that one thing no questions asked." Chuck droned finally.

"That's better." Pinkie giggled, tussling his mane.

"So," Chuck asked Pinkie as we danced, he had rejoined her while his band played. "What is, pray tell, this one "no questions asked" thing?" He asked. "It had better be good."

"It is!" Pinkie grinned, whispering in his ear what it was. Chuck's eyes widened and he stood upright.

"No." He shook his head. "No, we are not doing that." He said as he started to walk away.

"Chuckie!" Pinkie whined. "Chuckie, come back!" She took off after him.

* * *

 _What was it Pinkie wanted? Well, you'll find out next time. It trickles in to what this story will be about for the rest of the year. Until next time!_

 _Songs used_

 _Never Gonna Give You Up by: Rick Astley_

 _Loving You: By Noah_ _Munck_


	69. Chapter 69: Deal With It

**Author's note:** I had a way better plan for what would have been the 69th chapter, but due to poor planning it has to be about something else, oh well.

* * *

Chapter 69 (nice): Deal With It

"No." I shook my head. "No no no." I continued as I walked through the park, Pinkie behind me. "No no no no no no no!" I hollered back at her.

"Chuckie! It'll be fun!" Pinkie whined.

"No. It's not going to be fun." I called back to her. "You wouldn't understand all the intricate little reasons why doing this would be awful for every party involved."

"You don't know that!" She called. "Whatever happened to no questions asked?" She asked me.

"This was before I knew what you had in mind!" I replied. "This was back when I thought it was 'lay off the cigars', or 'do that thing we talked about trying in the bedroom', not this!" I exclaimed. "I would have rathered those things, you have _no_ idea how much I would have rathered those things!"

"Well... will you do those things?" She asked, catching up to me.

"Not now!" I laughed. "Besides, think about it. Sugar Plum wouldn't want this! What about our friends? Your family!" I reasoned.

"Come on, Chuckie!" She whined. Alright, I guess now it was time to reveal just what it was she had wanted. "Is it that bad that I want to spend the holiday season where you grew up with you and Sugar Plum!?" She asked. That's right. She wanted to go to Earth, specifically to my hometown, with Sugar Plum and I for the Hearth's Warming... or in this case Christmas season.

"Yes. Yes it is." I replied. "You have no idea how bad that is." I laughed. "There are... _so many_ reasons it's a terrible idea."

"Name one." She replied skeptically.

"Someone like you would get eaten alive where I'm from." I started. "Oh! I can guarantee Sugar Plum would rather spend her first Hearth's Warming with a family _on her home world._ " I stressed. "One more? Okay. Princess Celestia would not agree to sending us there for such a reason." I replied, offering up three reasons why it was a bad idea.

"That's where you're wrong, bucko." Pinkie replied with a smirk. "I already talked to her. She's all for the idea."

"This can't be happening." I remarked. "I'm just in a nightmare." I reasoned. "Very funny Luna!" I called out. "You got me! You got me good, I must admit! Take me to my regular dreams now!" I called as I kept walking. "You know the ones, where I'm a famous movie star and going to bed with..." I stopped in my tracks. "Pinkie." I concluded, I won't comment on the integrity of the conclusion.

"Chuckie, you aren't dreaming. I already talked with Celestia, I already talked to Sugar Plum, and guess who else I already told." She said to me.

"Don't say my dad," I replied. "Don't say-"

"Your dad. I already talked to your dad. And he _loved_ the idea." Pinkie replied with a grin.

"So, without telling me, you talked to Princess Celestia, you talked with our daughter, and you talked to _my_ dad!?" I exclaimed. "Where does it end? If I may, where does it end?"

"Chuckie, you're overreacting." Pinkie told me.

"Am I wrong?" I asked her. "Am I so wrong for wanting to spend the holiday at home? With you, with Sugar Plum, with our friends? I'm here because there was nothing for me on Earth, why would we go there for the biggest holiday of the year?"

"Plenty of reasons, we spent last holiday at my parents, it's only fair we do this one at yours, ooh! It's a great way to try something new, and you're always talking about stuff you used to do, and it sounds fun!" Pinkie reasoned. I grumbled, there was no way I was getting out of this one.

"Fine." I sighed. "Fine, we'll go." I sighed. "When are we going?"

"December 15th." Pinkie replied, that was just about a month away, so there was still time to have some time with friends before having to go. Guess we'd have to do our Hearth's Warming stuff early this year.

"However, I'd just like to warn you now, it's going to be absolutely terrible." I warned. "It is going to be so terrible." I chuckled a little bit.

" _That's what you said the last time we had an argument!_ " Pinkie hummed.

"This is a whole other caliber of bad idea, just you wait and see." I said in reply. "Gee, I wonder how today could get any worse." I muttered.

"Oh, I dunno," a voice suddenly spoke up that I hadn't heard in a while. As I was thinking about where I've heard that voice before, a blood-red unicorn suddenly shimmered into existence in front of us, wearing a pair of dark sunglasses. He continued as if he had been there the whole time. "We could have the Griffons decide to go to war. Or Chrissy can come back and exact revenge. Or you could be walking along and an anvil falls on your head." He chuckled. "Now that just hurts like the dickens."

"Oh. Good. Glad to know my question's been answered for me." I droned in reluctant response.

"It is nice to see you too, Murphy," TD remarked with a slight frown, which was only apparent by looking to his eyebrows as his eyes were hidden by the shades he wore. Which was probably a good thing, because they often make me lose my appetite just by looking at them; dragon eyes are NOT meant to go on a pony's body, especially if they glow. "So, whatcha doing?" TD asked in a seemingly innocent tone.

"Nothing, just having a talk with the missus. Which you'd know more about if you didn't just wander into the conversation like a child wandering to a movie theater halfway through the film." I replied. "He's just grumpy because I'm making him do something he really really doesn't want to do." Pinkie said, summing up how I was feeling... relatively accurately.

"Really? What is it?" TD asked further, his curiosity getting the better of him.

I said nothing, I grumbled and kicked a clump of leaves on the ground.

"Chuckie, Sugar Plum, and I are going to Chuckie's home for the holidays!" Pinkie cheered.

"Yeah. Super." I muttered.

"What?!" TD exclaimed, then, "You mean on Earth, right?"

"Yep!" Pinkie nodded. "His hometown too! We're gonna do all the fun stuff he used to do for Briskmus!"

"It's Christmas." I corrected. "And we shouldn't go if you can't remember the name of the holiday, and we just flat out _shouldn't go!_ " I barked.

"Why not?" TD asked. "I visit Earth all the time! Even took Twilight there a few times- my Twilight, in case clarification is needed. I don't see the problem."

"The problem is everyone I grew up with is a dick!" I exclaimed. "Aside from my father," I said collecting myself a little. "Otherwise, dicks."

"I'm sure there's a better way to phrase that." Pinkie told me.

"D'ohoho!" I laughed. "You won't be saying that when you meet them!" I laughed more. "No sirree!"

"Oh... well, that can be a problem," TD admitted, then added, "But as hard as it sounds, sometimes the best thing you can do is just smile, be kind and nice even when they aren't... and then spend a full hour in private after the visits are done to basically curse and swear about them to your heart's content!" He smirked. "I added that last part just for you, buddy."

"Gee, thanks Bob the Tomato, got a verse for me too?" I replied flatly.

"What he means is: Thank you very much for the kind advice." Pinkie said quickly. That is most certainly _not_ what I meant to say.

"Sometimes, you're too nice for your own good, and for your husband's own good Pinkie," TD remarked, then sighed. "Look Chuck, I'm not saying to like the guys. I'm saying look to the bright side. You'll at least get to see your father again. And who wouldn't want to see their family again over the holidays? Heartless buggers, that's who." He shrugged. "But what can I really do? I have powers, but due to this not being my story, I have limited control. For all I know, your author could cut out entire sentences of mine just to fit the conversation. I guess I'm just saying... give it a chance. Give my advice a chance, give your family a chance." He grinned. "And if it doesn't work out, you may personally walk over to me and say, 'I told you so,' with a side order of a punch to the face."

"If, pray tell, I humor you and smile and nod, can we drop this conversation?" I asked with an arched brow. Pinkie looked to him with a facial expression that read: "That's probably the best you're going to get out of him right now."

"I suppose. You can always skim back over it if you feel like it anyways," TD replied. "And if not... I'll just have Pinkie give you a copy of the script. But you're right. Enough of that. What have I missed? The only thing I know for a fact is Cheese and Ivory's wedding." He gave a light frown. "Which, by the way, I'm slightly offended that I wasn't invited. I say slightly, because knowing Ivory... it may have been a good thing that I didn't show up."

"You may have noticed it was hectic enough for her as it already was, however to be fair, the reception is still happening, feel free to stop by and say hello." I stated.

"I just might do that," TD agreed. "However... on a scale of one to ten, how happy is she gonna be to see me again after all this time? Wait..." He changed his mind. "Scratch that... how unhappy is she gonna be to see me again?

"Minimum of eight if we're talking about unhappiness." I said bluntly.

"You're more than welcome to stop in!" Pinkie smiled, ignoring what I replied with.

"I know that's the case with you Pinkie, but with Ivory..." TD made a grimace. "Good. Freaking. Luck."

"Drop in anyway, everyone know's a wedding is more for the friends than it is for the actual couple getting married." I remarked. "Plus, chances are at this point she's pretty inebriated so she won't be as mad as normal."

"Good point. I figured I'd have to say hello to her anyways," TD noted. "Now, if only I can find her..."

"About fifty meters behind you." I noted. "It was a park wedding and reception, anyone nearby who wanted to stop in could and still can. The beauty is they could also leave as they pleased, so Pinkie and I could have this... wonderful conversation without ruining their reception."

"Oh..." TD looked to where I was indicating she was. "Well, guess I know where I'm going." He started to trot off, but then stopped and looked back at us. "Quick question... why DO you guys dislike me? Or at least, the ones whom I see the most in this series? Did I offend you down the line or something?"

"It's not a matter of disliking, it's a matter of patience, my patience for optimism and spontaneous ridiculous acts are already being eaten up by... somepony else... that I care very deeply for, obviously." I replied. "That's also the case for Ivory."

"Chuckie's patience is a very finite material!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Good thing I have some to spare."

"Oh, I see," TD nodded. "So you can only handle it for so long. Alright, I can work with that. Just next time... give me a fair warning. I hate making others start to hate me."

He then trotted off fully this time, but not before something appeared in a flash of light in front of me, which looked like a fortune cookie paper. On it was written a message: "If you need me over the holidays, just give a holler. I'm thinking on volunteering as a temporary Santa or some equivalent of him. Good luck!"

"Natch." I mumbled, looking at the paper.

"It wouldn't kill you to act a little nicer to more than six ponies in the world." Pinkie said as we walked.

"I beg to differ." I replied. "Alright Pinkie." I said as we continued our stroll, presumably to home. "I'll do it, and I'll... try and keep a merry attitude as we do it."

"Thanks Chuckie." She smiled. "I knew that you wouldn't really want to do this, but it will just be for this year. After the twins are born, anypony we want to see will have to come to us." She reassured me.

"You'd better not be kidding here." I said to her.

"I'm not, we'll have the Hearth's Warming you wanted next year, I promise." She smiled. "But in the meantime, we'll have a happy little Clicksnas this year!" She exclaimed as we walked.

"You've really got to work on remembering what it's called." I chuckled. "Christmas. Christ-Mas." I droned.

"I'll have it down pat by the fifteenth." Pinkie giggled.

* * *

"You're really leaving?" Cheese asked me the next day. "I thought you'd be around this year."

"Are you spending the holidays in Ponyville?" I asked as I poured him and I drinks.

"No. We're spending Hearth's Warming with my uncle in Manehattan." Cheese answered. "I just figured you would be staying in town."

"I figured we would be too." I replied. "Nope, heading to Earth for the holidays. Who else is dragging me there but the ol' ball-and-chain." I mumbled.

"Ball-and-chain?" Ivory snorted a laugh. "Pinkie's going to love hearing that you called her that next tea time."

"You go to tea time?" I asked. Pinkie had been hosting tea in the afternoons once a week and had been inviting Twilight and the others, Sunny Side, Oddity, and Ivory, but Ivory had never really been interested.

"No, but I may go this week just to tell her." Ivory smirked.

"I'll give you two weeks off for honeymoon, not just the one week. Two." I said in reply.

"Are you bribing me?" Ivory asked. "Chuck, Chuck, Chuck, you sly dog." She chuckled. "I'll take the bribe." She winked. "We'll have to go out on honeymoon soon then, don't want to miss seeing you off." She smiled.

"That is unless we like honeymooning too much and just take two more weeks without pay." Cheese remarked with a little laugh.

"Well, don't have too much fun." I warned. "You've already got one kid after all."

"You adopted a kid like a month after getting married." Ivory said to me. " _And_ you have twins on the way."

"Got me there." I admitted. "Alright fellas, you're off the clock now, you two can officially start packing up for your honeymoon." I said, looking to the clock and signing two checks. "Here you go, and I wouldn't have given you a bit more if you pickled me for it." I chuckled as they took the checks.

"We actually already packed and Slider's staying with you guys as of when school finishes up for the day." Cheese said to me. "Think you might wanna walk with us to the school?"

"Ain't nothing much going on here." I admitted. "Sure, why not." I shrugged. I untied my apron and placed a back-in-five sign on the door as I locked the place up and Ivory, Cheese, and I set off for the school so they could say goodbye for now.

"You know what we should do?" Cheese asked as we all walked. "One last hoorah before we all go our separate ways."

"It's two weeks for Hearth's Warming, Chuck and Pinkie aren't moving away." Ivory reminded him. "And neither are we."

"I wouldn't be too sure, I was looking at real estate in the Mareitimes on the north-east coast of Equestria, it's a beautiful place." I chuckled.

"You're wife would never agree to that." Ivory said to me.

"Summer home maybe, definitely a retirement cottage." I reasoned.

"Trust me, on the salary you can afford to give yourself while buying supplies, paying for a house, and soon to be raising three, and paying three employees?" Ivory asked. "You won't be retiring."

"Well, you didn't account for the fact I'm a nightclub singer." I replied. "I could retire at forty five if I wanted to." I smirked. "How funny would that be? Twins wouldn't even be out of school and I'd be retired." I chuckled. "Course, I love my two jobs too much to retire."

"Only you would like working two jobs." Ivory remarked.

"It's bartending and crooning, of course I love my jobs." I chuckled. "Throw in burlesque dancer and I'd be working all of my dream jobs."

"Well, that's enough to push me over the edge of never wanting to come back." Ivory gagged. "So we can just stop into the school like this?" She asked me as we stepped onto the school grounds. "Seems like an easy way to abduct kids."

"Oh yeah, really sloppy security wise, my kid just went and ran off one day, nopony noticed." I nodded as we walked through the door.

"That is... that is just wow." Cheese remarked. "Very lax."

"Mhm." I nodded. "I wanted to send Sugar Plum to Cheerilee's school, but whoa no." I scoffed. "Gotta support Twilight, she doesn't even like me, the hell should I care."

"Because your wife is one of her best friends." Ivory reminded me.

"I guess that's the case." I grumbled. "But that's the thread keeping her in this preppy school, I'll tell you that much."

"You do know I've heard every word you've said since you walked in, right?" Twilight asked from her office, the door seeming to be open. "And, we have made efforts at additional security since then, nocreature has left school grounds unnoticed since."

"Oh good, I'm glad my kid running off was enough to open your eyes to the obvious lack in security." I replied.

"Just because Pinkie is making you do something you don't want to do doesn't give you the right to be rude." Twilight stated.

"Oh hi Pot, fancy meeting you here, I'm Kettle." I said, twisting the old phrase. "I'm just here with them, they want to see their kid, that Kosher?" I asked.

"Yes, it's fine." Twilight nodded.

"Are you sure? For all you know they could have no child enrolled here, they could be foal abductors, ready to snatch up a kid and sell 'em off to the slave trade." I replied.

"Chuck, that really isn't funny." Ivory scolded me. "Come on." She took me by the foreleg before I could continue. "Maybe we should stay home, postpone our honeymoon, so I can make sure Chuck doesn't kill somepony."

"I'm not going to kill anypony." I droned. "I think I have all the right to be angry."

"Yes." Ivory nodded. "Yes you do. But also, there's no reason for you to be rude, I deal with things I don't want to do everyday. I can't say I'm always jovial, but I make an effort to at least seem pleasant. Right now, if I was your wife, I'd dump you and then take that vacation without you."

"We know this isn't going to be something you want to do, and we know there's a lot of... strings attached to what you'll have to be doing, a lot of things and people you don't want to face, but... have you considered... you don't actually have to?" Cheese asked me.

"Wait, huh?" I asked.

"If there's specific people there that you don't want to see... there's nothing actually making you do that." He repeated. I... I had never considered that, when I left, I was still young enough to be forced into spending the holidays with everyone. I'm not like that anymore, I'm married with a daughter, I have my own home and my own business, I don't need to deal with anything I don't want to while I'm there! Ha!

"You're right." I nodded. "I could... I could have the best selective Christmas ever." I remarked. "Thanks Cheese, I didn't even think about that. I can set Pinkie, Sugar Plum and I up in a hotel, I can do all the fun stuff I'd do around the holidays, and then pick and choose the other stuff." I smiled.

"That's the spirit." Cheese smiled in reply. I looked to Ivory, who looked at me blankly.

"What are you looking at me for? I'd be a pretty big hypocrite to say anything, I avoided somepony for years. It's completely okay in my books." She stated. "C'mon, lets get our kid, huh?" She asked.

* * *

"We'll be back in two weeks, in time to see you off." Ivory said at the train station as we saw them off for their honeymoon. "Be good while we're gone, huh?" She said to Slider. "I gave Chuck full authority to use military level tactics if you misbehave."

"Aaaand as soon as I figured out what military tactics were I revoked that privilege!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Don't worry, no matter how bad he acts he'll be in good hooves."

"My mother was no stranger to using such punishments on me, that lady was authoritarian." I grumbled. "My dad wasn't though, some say that led to the divorce."

"Save it for your bio." Slider muttered. As if, who'd read a story about me?

"Have fun you two!" Sugar Plum smiled.

"We'll take great care of him." I reassured them. "Now go on." I waved them off.

"Thanks again, Chuck." Cheese smiled to me.

"No, thank you." I grinned. "Now, go consummate your marriage already."

"That happened about a week and a half after we started dating." Ivory snorted.

"Goodbye everypony!" Cheese exclaimed as they stepped into the train, they waved to us as the train set off, and once the train was out of sight we started to walk for home.

"What's consummate?" Sugar Plum asked as we walked home. My eyelids twitched at the question, I looked to Pinkie, who didn't exactly want to answer the question either.

"I would tell you," I began. "But... but then I'd go to jail. See, it's illegal for me to tell you these things, big government secret." Pinkie looked at me, I could tell she didn't think that was the best thing for me to say. I replied to the look with a look that read: _Well I didn't see you coming up with anything._

Later that night, I laid back in my bed, Pinkie was tucking in the foals. I laid there and thought things through. I could do this, I could provide an awesome two week vacation for my family while avoiding everything that would set me off like a bomb, totally. " _Rows and flows of angel hair,_ _And ice cream castles in the air,_ _And feather canyons everywhere,_ _I've looked at clouds that way..._ " I hummed.

"Hey Chuckie." Pinkie said as she retired to our room, laying down beside me.

" _I've looked at clouds from both sides now. f_ _rom up and down and still somehow, it_ _'s cloud's illusions I recall,_ _I really don't know clouds at all..._ " I hummed more.

"So are you just not going to talk to me?" Pinkie asked. I stopped singing and looked to her.

"What? No." I shook my head. "I just really like that song, Sinatra version's good too but I prefer the Judy Collins version. What's up?" I asked.

"I know that you don't want to... do that thing." Pinkie said. "And... and if it really affects you that much... I guess we don't have to."

"Are you talking about Christmas on Earth?" I asked. "Actually, after some thinking, I think it's a great idea." I smiled.

"Really?" She asked.

"Totally." I nodded. "I am all for the idea."

"Oh Chuckie... I'm so happy to hear that." She smiled. "What made you change your mind?" She asked.

"Call it a change of heart, call it an epiphany." I shrugged. "You knew when you married me that I second guess myself a lot, just like I knew when I married you that you were prone to recklessly impulsive decisions, and while it's already started to show signs of aging me horribly, I love it about you." I smiled.

"I love you Chuckie." She smiled.

"I love you too." I replied, kissing her on the cheek. "Say... there's a certain... well, there's kind of something special about today, I don't know what it is, but there's just... something." I led into it.

"And, how do you figure we celebrate that?" A little grin grew on her visage.

"Well, I know you aren't a big numbers pony, but I think I know a number we can both enjoy." I replied.

* * *

 _I've looked at clouds from both sides now. from up and down and still somehow, it's cloud's illusions I recall, I really don't know clouds at all... Isn't that a great song? Anyway, till next time. And, for anyone who was offended by me paying homage to the number of the chapter in such a way, the original concept for the chapter would have **really** pissed you off. Maybe I'll post it later on._

 _Song used_

 _"Both Sides Now" by: Judy Collins_


	70. Chapter 70: What The Dickens

**Author's note:** Bah, humbug! Now, for an ENC take on my personal favorite Christmas story of all time, Charles Dickens' _A Christmas Carol._

Ebeneezer Scrooge: Sourdough Sandwich  
Bob Cratchit: Cheese Sandwich  
Emily Cratchit: Ivory Keys  
Tiny Tim: Slider  
Fred: Spike  
Jacob and Robert Marley: Flim and Flam  
Ghost of Christmas Past: Sugar Plum  
Ghosts of Christmas Present: Pinkie Pie and Chuck  
Belle: Rarity  
Fezziwig: Applejack  
Old Joe: Quibble Pants  
Mrs. Grigsby: Oddity Trinkets  
Mrs. Dilber: Sunny Side  
Charity Collectors: Twilight and Fluttershy  
Headmaster: Chancellor Neighsay

* * *

Chapter 70: What the Dickens

"What should I pack?" Sugar Plum asked me as we packed. We were now only a couple of days away from heading off to Earth for the holiday season. Sure, I was feeling better about it, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to gripe a bit.

"What do you _own?_ " I asked in reply. "I don't know, Mr. Stuffly, maybe a few other things." I shrugged. "I'm not packing much." I shrugged.

"Speak for yourself!" Pinkie said. "I've packed my pajamas, my photo album, my camera, my winter hats, my rock collection, and..."

"And when do you think you'll need a rock collection?" I asked skeptically. "Chances are most of the rocks on Earth will be under about three feet of snow at least. Best to pack light, especially since we're doing gifts there." I reasoned. "You know, all our friends live here, our livelihoods are all here, yet we're going there for the holidays." I said in disdain. "As someone from my home world's festive culture would say, 'bah, humbug!'." I griped.

"Oh, don't be such a pouty pants." Pinkie said. "We'll have fun, you'll see! First day back, you'll realize you love Knishmas on Earth."

"It's Christmas." I corrected.

"Bah humbug? What does that mean?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Well, it happens to be the saying of a certain Ebeneezer Scrooge, the main character of a popular Christmas story where I'm from." I explained.

"You have holiday stories too?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Sure." I nodded. " _A Christmas Story_ , _A Christmas Carol, Die Hard,_ a bunch of weird clay animation movies, a bunch of religious ones featuring talking vegetables, even one staring He-Man." I said. It's true, in 1985 they made a Christmas special starring He-Man and She-Ra. Yeah, it is weird.

"What was Ebeneezer Scrooge like? He sounds mean!" Pinkie remarked.

"Well, he was." I said. "He was wicked, miserly, and mean, a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching covetous old sinner. Secret and self contained, as solitary as an oyster." I elaborated.

"Oooh, sounds interesting!" Pinkie exclaimed. "That sounds like a good story."

"It is." I nodded. " _A Christmas Carol_ is my favorite story for this time of year actually." I said.

"Do you... think you could tell it to us?" Sugar Plum asked. "It sounds really good."

"Yeah! Do it!" Pinkie said. "I wanna hear the story, tell us Chuckie, tell us!" She said.

"I suppose I could tell, gives me a good excuse to step away from packing for a bit." I shrugged.

"Goodie! I'll go get some cocoa!" Pinkie beamed, running to the kitchen to fix cocoa, upon return, she and Sugar Plum snuggled up on the couch beneath a wool blanket and sipped away while I sat down in the armchair facing the couch, ready to tell the story. "Alright! Story time!" She said.

"Alright..." I nodded. "The Marleys were dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatsoever about that." I began.

"Wait, what?" Sugar Plum asked.

"That's how the story starts. The Marleys were dead to begin with." I informed her.

"Chuckie, is this story going to be okay for Sugar Plum?" Pinkie asked. "Or me for that matter?"

"It's fine, this is culture." I said. "Now try not to interrupt. Now, where was I..."

* * *

 **Stave One: The Ghosts of the Marley Brothers**

The Marleys were dead, to begin with. There is no doubt whatsoever about that. The register of their burial was signed by the clergyman, the clerk, the undertaker, and the chief mourner. Scrooge signed it. And Scrooge's name was good as gold, for anything he chose to put his hand to. Scrooge knew he was dead? Of course he did. How could it be otherwise? Scrooge and the two were partners for I don't know how many years. Scrooge was their sole executor, their sole administrator, their sole friend, and sole mourner. Scrooge never did paint out the Marley's names, _Scrooge and Marleys._ That was what everyone knew the business to be, seven years after the death of the two brothers and that's still what everyone called the business. Scrooge cared not. It was all the same to him.

Once upon a time, on Christmas eve, seven years that night since the Marleys' passing. Old Scrooge sat at work in his counting house with his fifteen shillings a week clerk, Bob Cratchit. Who was scribbling away at notices and paperwork, shivering in the cold. He tried to warm himself up with the flame of the dimly lit candle on his desk, but not being a man of strong imagination, he failed. The day was silent, and Scrooge liked the quiet, however, the silence was about to be ruined by the arrival of his nephew and last living relative, Fred.

"Merry Christmas uncle, God save you!" Fred cheered, entering the cold and dark counting house to bid his uncle a merry Christmas.

"Bah, humbug!" Scrooge grimaced from his desk.

"Christmas a humbug, uncle?" Fred asked. "Surely you don't mean that."

"Surely I do." Scrooge replied. "What right have you to be merry? You're poor enough."

"What right have you to be dismal? You're rich enough." Fred countered his miserly uncle.

"If I could work my will, every idiot who goes about with a merry Christmas on his lips would be boiled in his own pudding and buried with a stake of holly in his heart." Scrooge grimaced, standing up to create a towering gaze over his nephew. "Nephew, you keep Christmas in your right, and let me keep it in mine."

"Keep it?" Fred asked. "Uncle, you don't keep it."

"Then let me leave it alone then!" Scrooge barked. "Much good may it do you! About as much good as it has ever done for you!"

"Uncle, I haven't profited from much, Christmas being one of them." Fred nodded. "However, I do believe that Christmas _has_ done me good and _will_ do me good. So I say, God bless it!" Fred's speech made the clerk, Bob Cratchit, who had been overhearing the conversation, stand up and applaud, oblivious to the fact he was making a fool of himself in front of his boss.

"Let me hear another sound from you, Cratchit, and you will be spending your Christmas looking for a new _situation_!" Scrooge barked, making his clerk promptly stop and sit down, scribbling back to work. "There's another idiot." Scrooge grimaced. "Fifteen shillings a week and a wife and family." He muttered.

"Come to dinner tomorrow uncle," Fred pleaded.

"Why did you ever get married?" Scrooge asked his nephew.

"Because I fell in love." Fred answered, making Scrooge bellow a laugh in reply.

"Love. Ha! The only thing more ridiculous than a merry Christmas." Scrooge chuckled.

"Well, it is evident I'm getting nowhere with this, uncle." Fred remarked. "Merry Christmas uncle, and a happy new year." He said, turned and headed for the door. "Merry Christmas, Bob."

"Merry Christmas, Fred." Bob nodded respectfully, causing Scrooge to grimace and mutter under his breath.

At this time of year, it was customary that noblemen would go from building to building, collecting donations for the less fortunate. Just as Fred was on his way out, he happened to let two of the noblemen in, well, noblewomen to be more accurate.

"Do I have the pleasure of addressing Mr. Scrooge and the Marleys?" One of the collectors... Twilight, let's call her, said to Scrooge as she and her partner walked in.

"It'd do you no pleasure addressing the Marleys. They've been dead for seven years." Scrooge said without looking up from his work.

"I'm sure that their generosity lives on in their partner." Twilight suggested as the two approached Scrooge's desk.

"And what makes you think that?" Scrooge asked.

"Mr. Scrooge, it is more than usually desirable that we should make some slight provision for the poor and destitute, who suffer greatly at the present time. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries; hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts, sir." Twilight's partner, Fluttershy said,

"Are there no prisons?" Scrooge asked. "No... workhouses?"

"Oh, well, those are running in full vigor, yes." Twilight nodded, Scrooge chuckled and grinned at the two.

"Oh, wonderful! I was worried for a moment." He said.

"What can we put you down for?" Fluttershy asked.

"Nothing." Scrooge said bluntly.

"You wish to remain anonymous?" Twilight asked.

"I wish to be left alone." Scrooge answered. "Since you ask me what I wish, that is my answer. I don't make merry myself at Christmas and I can't afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned and they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there." Twilight and Fluttershy gasped at his statement.

"But, sir, some would rather die!" Fluttershy exclaimed.

"If they had rather die, than they had better do it." Scrooge replied. "And decrease the surplus population!" Taken aback, Twilight stepped back and grabbed Fluttershy's hoof.

"Okay, very well then... come along Fluttershy, we seem to have taken enough of Mr. Scrooges time!" She exclaimed, hastily making her way for the door, lest the old miser get up and chase them out, which appeared to be what he intended to do. The door slammed behind the two noblewomen, startling Bob. Scrooge grumbled more and went back to his desk.

The day went on, Bob worked away in the cold and Scrooge worked, not bothered by the cold. However, Bob's spirits lifted when he looked to the clock on the wall. Seven o'clock. Closing time. He started to pack his things quietly and approached Scrooge's desk. Scrooge looked up at him with a disdainful look. "You'll want all day tomorrow, I suppose." Scrooge said.

"If convenient, sir." Bob nodded.

"It isn't." Scrooge said. "If I payed you half as much as I did, you'd feel ill used, wouldn't you?"

"Well, I guess." Bob nodded.

"Yet you don't see me ill used when I pay a day's wages for no work." Scrooge scoffed. "Even if it's only once a year, it's a poor excuse to pick my pocket every December 25th." He grimaced. "Whatever. Take the day off."

"Oh goodie! Thank you sir!" Bob exclaimed, grabbing his coat and hastily putting it on, not even noticing he had put it on backwards on the first attempt.

"Be here all the earlier the next morning." Scrooge ordered. Bob nodded and skipped out of the counting house like a boy released from school. Bob Cratchit was by no means a well off man, he was underpaid by Scrooge and had a family's worth of mouths to feed, but he didn't care. All was well in his world, especially on the joyous night of Christmas eve.

 **Bob:** _There's magic in the air this evening  
_ _Magic in the air  
_ _The world is at her best, you know  
_ _When people love and care  
_ _The promise of excitement  
_ _Is one the night will keep  
_ _After all there's only one more sleep 'til Christmas_

 _The world has gotta smile today  
_ _The world has gotta glow  
_ _There's no such thing as strangers  
_ _When a stranger says "Hello"  
_ _And everyone is family  
_ _We're havin' so much fun  
_ _After all there's only one more sleep 'til Christmas_

 _'Tis the season to be jolly and joyous  
_ _With a burst of pleasure we feel it all right  
_ _It's a season when the Saints can employ us  
_ _To spread the news about peace and to keep love alive_

 _There's somethin' in the wind today that's good for everyone  
_ _Yes, faith is our hearts today, we're shinin' like the sun  
_ _And everyone can feel it, the feelin's runnin' deep  
_ _After all there's only one more sleep 'til Christmas  
_ _After all there's only one more sleep 'til Christmas day_

Scrooge meanwhile, slowly placed his overcoat on and locked up the counting house, resigning to his home.

Now, there is one thing you must remember. The Marley brothers were dead. That is something you must remember, or else none of what follows will seem wondrous. Scrooge groped his way upon the walkway of his home, which were the former chambers of his deceased partners, it was so dark that night, that Scrooge still had to feel his way, despite knowing every stone of the property.

There was nothing in particular about the knocker on the door, except for the fact it was very large. Let any man explain how Scrooge saw in the door, not a knocker, but the visage of Jacob Marley, one of his deceased partners.

" _Scrooge..._ " The face in the knocker beckoned eerily. Scrooge was taken aback, he backed away from the door, heart pounding like a drum. Before he could say anything in reply, it was a knocker once more. Scrooge opened the door and slowly went inside. He was sure that he was going to see Jacob's pig tail on the other side of the door.

"Humbug..." He mumbled.

Scrooge lived in a dark set of chambers, but he cared not a button for the darkness, darkness was cheap. He cared not for the cold or loneliness, deeming solitude to be a state of bliss. He sat and read one of his favorite volumes, his banking book. As he sat and read, a disused bell began to... ring. Scrooge looked quizzically at the bell, it had stopped. The ring still echoed in the empty house. He looked back at his book and just like that, on the dime, the bell chimed again.

"Is a man not supposed to get a decent night's sleep!?" He barked, the ringing stopped. And was replaced with a sound that was much worse... clang, clash, clang.

Clang, clash, clang.

Clang, clash, clang.

Clang, clash, clang.

Chains rattled, seemingly just outside the door of his quarters, Scrooge looked from his chair, and frantically grabbed the steel poker for his fireplace. "Who goes there? Show yourself!" He ordered. Just then, the door swung open and Scrooge was blinded by a fiery orange light, the clangs and clashes grew stronger, now joined by a chorus of wailing and moaning, as if hell had just opened up in his quarters. Two twin silhouettes appeared in the orange glow, Scrooge frantically hid behind his chair, huffing and puffing in fear.

"Why, I say Robert, it is good to be back." One silhouette spoke as the two figures entered, the door to hell slamming behind them.

"I agree, Jacob." The other laughed. "The old fool didn't change a thing about the place!"

 _Jacob and Robert Marley?_ Scrooge thought. _This cannot be_.

"Oh look!" Scrooge heard. "It's Ebeneezer Scrooge!" He had been spotted, he turned and faced the figures.

"Looking older and more wicked than ever." The other chuckled.

"I knew he wouldn't disappoint us!"

"Who... Who are you?" Scrooge asked.

"In life, we were your partners, Jacob and Robert Marley." The supposed ghost of Jacob Marley replied.

"It looks like you... but I do not believe it to be you." Scrooge said.

"Huh! We've sat invisible beside you for many days, then why do you doubt your senses?" Robert's ghost asked.

"Because a little thing can effect them." Scrooge answered, approaching them with the poker. "A small digestive issue can cheat one, you may be... a blot of mustard, a crumb of cheese, undigested bread." He reasoned, "Yes, there's more of gravy than of the grave about you!" He said, taking a mighty swing with the poker, only for it to be caught by Jacob's ghost.

"Ah ah ah." He smirked.

"Dreadful apparitions, why do you trouble me!?" Scrooge exclaimed in fear, backing away once more.

"It is required of every man that the spirit within him must walk abroad among his fellow men and travel far and wide." Jacob's ghost told Scrooge as he and his ghostly twin stepped closer.

"And if that spirit goes not forth in life, it's condemned to do so after death!" Robert exclaimed. "Doomed to wander through the Earth and witnessed what it may have changed to happiness."

 **Jacob/Robert:** _We're Marley and Marley,  
Avarice and greed._  
 **Jacob:** _We took advantage of the poor,_  
 _Just ignored the needy!  
_ **Both:** _We specialized in causing pain,  
Spreading fear and_ _doubt._  
 **Robert:** _And if you could not pay the rent,  
We simply through you out!_

"Jacob... Robert, you were always brilliant men of business!" Scrooge exclaimed.

"Business? Mankind was our business!" Jacob exclaimed.

"The dealings of our trade were but a drop of water in the comprehensive ocean of our business!" Robert noted.

 **Both:** _We're Marley and Marley,  
Our hearts were painted black._  
 **Jacob:** _We should have known our evil deeds  
Would put us both in_ shackles!  
 **Both:** _Captive bound, we're double ironed,  
Exhausted by the weight,_  
 **Robert:** _As freedom comes from giving love,  
Prison comes with_ hate!

 **Both:** _We're Marley and Marley  
Whoooaaaa_  
 _We're Marley and Marley_  
 _Whoooaaaa!_

Suddenly, the chains wrapped around the twin ghosts spread out and seemingly more and more started to wrap around them and even started slithering their way to Scrooge as if they were linked steel serpents.

"What of these chains!?" Scrooge exclaimed, cowering back.

"We wear the chains we forged in life by out acts of greed!" Jacob exclaimed. "You wear such a chain yourself Ebeneezer, and yours is heavier and longer than ours was, seven Christmas Eves ago."

"Yours is a ponderous chain Ebeneezer!" Robert nodded.

 **Both:** _Doomed, Scrooge!  
You're doomed for all time,_  
 _Your future is a horror story written by your crimes!_  
 _Your chains are forged by what you say and do,  
So have your fun, when life is done,  
A nightmare waits for you!_

"We come tonight with a final hope and chance of you escaping our fate, Ebeneezer, it is a chance of our long procuring, Ebeneezer." Jacob explained.

"You two were always good friends to me, thank you." Scrooge replied.

"You will be haunted by three spirits!" Robert exclaimed, the chains starting to pull them back from which they came.

"Is... is that the chance you had mentioned?" Scrooge asked. "I'd rather not."

"Heed the visits of these spirits Ebeneezer, expect the first ghost when the bell tolls one!" Jacob called. "Without these visits, you cannot hope to avoid the paths we tread."

"Remember what has passed between us, and look to see us no more!" Robert called. The chains pulled them back farther and farther as the door swung back open, flames spewing through the doorway. The two were pulled back from where they came, and the door slammed shut, leaving Scrooge alone once more.

"Jacob! Robert!?" Scrooge called, heart pounding. Slowly he approached the door that they had left from, fearing the worst, he opened it. When he looked in the door, it was his closet once more, as if nothing had ever happened. "Humbug..." He mumbled.

* * *

"And that's stave one." I said, looking to Pinkie and Sugar Plum. "Cocoa refill?" I asked, Sugar Plum shivered a little, she must have gotten a bit frightened.

"Chuckie, you said this was going to be okay for her." Pinkie scolded me.

"I said this was culture, and I was younger than her when I first heard the story." I answered. "Don't worry, the next two staves are a lot tamer." I reassured her.

"Are there any... staves after?" Pinkie asked.

"Uh..." Yeah. There were two more. "We'll cross those roads when we come to them. Now, for the next stave." I said, clearing my throat to get back to the story.

* * *

 **Stave Two: The Ghost of Christmas Past**

"Expect the first ghost when the bell tolls one..." Scrooge thought as he lay awake in bed. The bell rang. "Quarter past twelve." He thought, again. "Half past the hour." The bell rang again. "Quarter to." He thought. Once more. "The hour itself," He thought. There was nothing. "Ha! I knew it! I knew it!" He exclaimed with a laugh, just then, a bright light shone through his bed curtains, he peeked through and was nearly blinded by the light, just then, the light disappeared and all that remained was a luminescent figure, about the size of a small child.

"Are you... are you the spirit that's coming was foretold to me?" Scrooge asked, it looked like a little girl, but she was... a ghost.

"I am." She nodded. "I am the Ghost of Christmas Past. I can remember nearly nineteen hundred years."

"Past indeed." Scrooge murmured. "What business has brought you here?" He asked.

"Business?" The Ghost asked. "Your welfare."

"A good nights sleep would have been more beneficial to my welfare, be that the case." Scrooge remarked.

"Your salvation then." She replied. That's right, Jehovah's Witnesses come in the form of ghosts now. Nah, I'm just kidding. "Come, take heed." She said, extending a hoof to Scrooge. Scrooge was reluctant to take the hoof of the ghost. He took it, despite her ghostly figure, he could feel her touch when he took her hoof, just then, the window swung open and The Ghost started to levitate towards it.

"Spirit, I am mortal... liable to fall!" Scrooge protested when they came to the window.

"I'm a ghost." She answered flatly. "Just come with me, you'll be fine." She said, he gulped, hesitant to step out. "Ugh." She grumbled, dragging him out the window and flying though the air.

"So, Mr. Scrooge, you're not exactly a people pleaser." She said as they flew.

"I guess that's true." Scrooge nodded.

"Do you know why you're a crotchety, mean, miserly, all around sourpuss?" She asked.

"You're exaggerating." Scrooge grimaced.

"Am I?" Past asked. "I don't think so, and maybe it's not your fault, but maybe it is. Let's take a look, shall we?"

"Oh good, I'm getting therapy from the ghost of a child." Scrooge muttered.

"If only." Past answered. "Get ready to land, we're coming down." She said as she began to descend, Scrooge looked down, expecting to see London, but he didn't see London, he saw an old schoolyard. And... and it was daytime.

"Spirit, where are we?" Scrooge asked.

"The past." Past answered. Scrooge was conscious of a thousand familiar sights, sounds, and odors, this was his old schoolyard, he was a boy here. "Do you know this place?" Past asked Scrooge as he looked about.

"Yes..." Scrooge nodded. "This is my old schoolhouse."

"All locked up for the holidays, yes." Past nodded. "Desolate and abandoned, well... almost." She looked into the window of the school, inside was a little boy. A little boy that Scrooge was... very familiar with. "Surely you remember him." Past remarked.

"How could I not?" Scrooge asked. "That's me."

"All those years, before avarice and greed set in." Past nodded. "The only thing you sought was intelligence. A noble pursuit no doubt."

"I'd nothing better to do." Scrooge noted. "I was far from family, never fit in all that well." He sighed. "That Christmas... well, well it was..." He began, just then, an old stallion walked into the room. A glare towards the young stallion, this old unicorn had nothing against the youth, he was just, bitter.

"Master Scrooge," He addressed the colt. "Fetch your trunk."

"What for, headmaster?" Young Scrooge asked.

"Your coach will be here any moment." The headmaster replied. "Come, no time to waste."

"Yes! But of course! I'm to be going home to my family!" Young Scrooge beamed happily, earning a glance from the headmaster. Scrooge and Past watched in the window, both knowing where this was going, Scrooge almost couldn't bring himself to watch as the headmaster replied.

"Home?" Headmaster replied. "No, my boy. Your father writes me to say he's found you a situation, in a bloody boot blacking factory." Young Scrooge's heart sank, surely that wasn't the truth, but it was.

"I never did see my sister again after that." Scrooge noted as he watched the crest fallen boy gather his things.

"She died young, correct?" Past asked. "She had one child. Your nephew, Fred."

"Yes." Scrooge nodded. "Spirit... take me away, I... I cannot stay here any longer. Why did you bring me here!?"

"These are the shadows of what was." Past replied. "Do not blame me." She answered. As the spirit said that however, the scene faded from Scrooge's view and he had landed in another area of his past, a place he had remembered quite well and quite fondly.

"Good Lord..." Scrooge remarked. "This... this is the Fezziwig family orchard! I was apprenticed here!" Just as he said that, Fezziwig herself stepped through the door of the large barn, the warm glow of the lamps casting a large shadow. Her large and warm grin that she had been well known for spread upon her face as she called out.

"Ebeneezer!" She called. "C'mon now, no more work for tonight, we've got ourselves a party to prepare!" Scrooge then saw himself run towards Fezziwig, older now, but retaining the charm and spirit of a youth. "Help me clean up this barn, wouldya?"

"Right away Ms. Fezziwig!" Ebeneezer nodded, entering the barn with her. Scrooge and Past stepped up to the open doors of the barn, and saw Ebeneezer hard at work with Fezziwig and her family, getting the barn ready for the approaching party. Past noticed a smile on Scrooge's face as he watched them prepare.

"I remember this Christmas, Spirit." He sighed longingly. "How could I not, though. Any Christmas I spent with the Fezziwigs was a Christmas to remember."

"Your lip is trembling." Past gathered.

"It's nothing." Scrooge replied. "I should like to say a word to Bob Cratchit about now." Before long, guests started to flow in and music was playing from the live band. Scrooge and Past observed the party closely, even though Scrooge could still remember every moment of it. Scrooge even knew the exact moment that across the way his younger self would make that fateful glance.

"Belle." Scrooge remarked, and like the name implied, she was... _tres belle._ Young Ebeneezer looked at her from across the way, and she looked back, of course, young Scrooge was too timid to dare approach her, that is until his boss approached him.

"Belle Crawford," Fezziwig explained. "She's my third cousin, couple 'a times removed. Pretty li'l thing ain't she?" She asked.

"Mhm." Young Scrooge nodded.

"Well what're y'waiting for?" Fezziwig asked. G'on now, go introduce yourself!" She exclaimed, shoving Scrooge toward her, the young apprentice stepped toward the pretty young woman.

"He... Hello." Young Scrooge managed to utter to her, she looked at him and stepped forward.

"Hello, you must be young Ebeneezer, Fezziwig has told me all about you, darling." She remarked. "Of course, she didn't tell me you were such a handsome thing."

"You... you think so?" Ebeneezer asked.

"Oh, I know so." Belle nodded. "Come now, aren't you going to ask me to dance?" Scrooge blushed and stammered, looking at the pretty young lady.

"Well, um... yes! Uh, um... would you... like to?" He asked, blushing red.

"I would _love_ to." She said, taking Ebeneezer to the middle of the dance floor and dancing with him.

"Ain't that cute, y'all? Looks to me like love at first sight." Fezziwig remarked to her guests.

"Love." Scrooge scoffed from outside the barn.

"Love?" Past asked. "Indeed. A large percentage of a man's life revolves around such a concept. You're a man who respects figures, why do you suppose they do it?"

"Because they are fools, love's a commodity, nothing but humbug." Scrooge replied bluntly. "Spirit, show me no more. I've seen enough."

"Enough?" Past asked. "You don't know the meaning of enough." Past took him to a Christmas no more than two years later. Much had changed in those two years, Scrooge met the Marley brothers and began to work under them, and together they prospered while Fezziwig declined. Through it all, Belle stood by Ebeneezer, but we all have our limits.

"I cannot bear it." Belle said to Ebeneezer, who was behind his desk in his counting house. "Another has replaced me in your heart."

"You're speaking nonsense." Ebeneezer replied. "Who?"

"Money!" Belle exclaimed. "That's all you've ever cared about since you fell in with those Marley brothers, I am now nothing to you, you promised we'd be married, will we ever get to honeymoon at my grandparent's estate?"

"Belle, I love you." Ebeneezer said to her.

"You did, once." Belle replied with a heavy heart. "But that was a long time ago." She said. "Goodbye, Ebeneezer." She said, leaving the counting house.

"You fool... go after her!" Scrooge yelled to his young self. "Spirit, why do you show me these things?" Scrooge asked.

"These are the shadows of what have occurred, do not blame me." Past replied.

"Go!" Scrooge exclaimed. "Go on then! Leave me!" And like that, all the was before him faded away, and before he knew it, he was in his bed once more as if this whole journey had never happened, but the memories remained.

* * *

"Well... that wasn't scary." Pinkie admitted. "It was... it was sad!" She exclaimed.

"Why is it so sad, Daddy?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Because in life, there is sadness and happiness." I replied. "You can't have one without the other, they have to coexist, like we see in the next stave." I said as I continued the story.

* * *

 **Stave Three: The Ghosts of Christmas Present**

"What!?" Scrooge jerked awake. Surely that couldn't be, he was just out visiting the Christmases of his past, his boyhood, his time with the Fezziwigs, Belle... but now, he was back in bed. "Bah! Humbug." He grumbled. Just as the miser was about to go back to bed, a loud, bellowing, yet high pitched and squeaky voice called out.

"Fi fi fo fum! I smell the blood of an Englishman!" The voice called, Scrooge was terrified, he sat up in beg and clutched his blankets, just then, his bed curtains opened and what he saw was a large blue eye, almost as big as he was.

"AAAAH!" Scrooge wailed, as if his poor old heart was going to burst.

"Pinks, c'mon." A new voice remarked flatly, this voice more baritone and far from jovial. His bed curtains shut and he heard loud thumping, whatever was just looking at him walked away. "And, Englishman? You made up words to start it and you didn't even rhyme."

"I'm just having some fun, the poor guy just had to see his awful past!" The voice belonging to whatever the giant eye was attached to replied. Scrooge peaked out, two giants were in his chamber! One pink, the other red. The pink giant had a fluffy peach coat and large festive hat while the red spirit was more modestly dressed with a more conservative black coat and appropriate to the era hat. The two bickered like a married couple while Scrooge hid, watching them. A warm candlelit glow illuminated throughout his chambers, and food was everywhere! Turkeys, hams, cornucopias overflowing with fruits and vegetables, mince pies, pumpkin pies, apple pies, cakes, puddings and gelatin to boot, and even those sweet potatoes with the marshmallows on them. Yeah, I'm hungry, why do you ask?

"Who... who are you two?" Scrooge asked, peeking out.

"Weeeee are the Ghosts of Christmas Present!" The pink, female spirit cheered.

"Look upon us, little man, you've never seen the likes of us before." The red male one grinned.

"Never." Scrooge shook his head.

"Fear not!" The female one exclaimed. "For, behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy, which shall be to all-" She was then cut off by her counterpart clearing his throat, looking at her with an unimpressed expression.

"Wrong story, Pinkie." He muttered. "I am Chipper, this is my spirit bride, Pinkie."

"Chipper's sort of an ironic name because generally he's kind of grumpy!" Pinkie giggled.

"For in life, there is good and bad, happiness and sorrow, glee and..." Chipper muttered. " _kind of grumpy_." He rolled his eyes. "Are you ready to go? We've got a long night ahead."

"A long night of fun!" Pinkie grinned.

"If only that were true." Chipper muttered. "C'mon, we've no time to waste." And like that, Scrooge and the two spirits were in the streets of London, broad daylight, families walked through the streets with dinners, carolers went door to door, and young ones played in the snow.

"Isn't this the greatest!?" Pinkie beamed. "Mmm! Smell all the food! Apples and pears, chestnuts, chickens, turkeys! There's just something magical about this time of year!" She said, taking a torch out and throwing sprinklings of what appeared to be seasoning from it.

"Is there... something special in that torch?" Scrooge asked.

"Yes," Chipper answered. "A blend of spices to remind mortals like you that life is short and must be savored while it lasts."

"Aaaand it tastes delicious!" Pinkie spoke up, taking some. "Mmm! Taste's like Christmas!"

"Christmas is what you make it, Scrooge." Chipper spoke. "It can be found in just about anything, providing you're willing to see it within. That's your problem, you don't see it. All you see is money."

"That's right! Christmas can be everywhere!" Pinkie exclaimed.

 **Pinkie:** _It's in the singing of a street corner choir  
_ _It's going home and getting warm by the fire  
_ _It's true, wherever you find love  
_ _It feels like Christmas_

 _A cup of kindness that we share with another  
_ _A sweet reunion with a friend or a brother  
_ _In all the places you find love  
_ _It feels like Christmas_

 _It is the season of the heart  
_ _A special time of caring  
_ _The ways of love made clear!  
_ _It is the season of the spirit  
_ _The message, if we hear it  
_ _Is make it last all year!  
_

"C'mon Chipper! Hop in for a verse!" Pinkie exclaimed as she danced through the streets.

"No." Chipper droned.

 **Pinkie:** _It's in the giving of a gift to another  
_ _A pair of mittens that were made by your mother  
_ _It's all the ways that we show love  
_ _That feel like Christmas_

 _A part of childhood we'll always remember  
_ _It is the summer of the soul in December  
_ _Yes, when you do your best for love  
_ _It feels like Christmas_

 _It is the season of the heart  
_ _A special time of caring  
_ _The ways of love made clear  
_ _It is the season of the spirit  
_ _The message, if we hear it  
_ _Is make it last all year!_

"Last chance!" Pinkie called to her husband.

"I'll pass." Chipper replied.

 **Pinkie:** _It's in the singing of a street corner choir_  
 _It's going home and getting warm by the fire_  
 _It's true, wherever you find love_  
 _It feels like Christmas_  
 _It's true, wherever you find love_  
 _It feels like Christmas!_

"BLESS THIS HOUSE!" Pinkie exclaimed, sprinkling spices onto one house in particular, from the looks of it, the house didn't seem to be blessed. The eaves drops drooped and the paint was chipped. The sprinkling didn't change anything about that in particular, but still, it excited the female spirit all the same.

"Eeee!" She squealed. "C'mere, c'mere!" She called her groom and Scrooge, the two approached her and she looked in the window, the others doing the same.

"Spirit, where are we? Who's that housewife?" Scrooge asked, observing a woman hard at work, slaving over a stove and rushing back and forth.

"This is the home of your fifteen bob a week clerk, Bob Cratchit." Chipper informed him. "This is his wife, Emily Cratchit."

"Mashed potatoes are almost ready... goose is still at the bakery, Bob and Tim will be coming home with that..." She murmured, going back and forth.

"Her clothes are worn and shabby." Scrooge noted.

"She wears threadbare gowns made brave with ribbons." Chipper nodded.

"Ribbons make a good show for a mere sixpence!" Pinkie added. Just then, as the sun was starting to set, they heard to voices humming and singing as they strolled down the street. Scrooge turned and saw them, he recognized one, it was Bob! Beside him was a young boy who he believed to be his son, he walked on a crutch, hobbling along beside his father.

"Care to get the door for me, Tim?" Bob asked, carrying the goose.

"Yes, father." Tim nodded, pushing the door open with a grunt, Scrooge walked through the door, holding their goose, there was certainly nothing special about it. It certainly wasn't what came to mind when Scrooge pictured a goose, it was minute!

"What a goose, huh?" Bob remarked, setting the goose down on the table.

"Remarkably cheap for it's size." Emily nodded.

"Cratchit, that goose is a humbug!" Scrooge exclaimed, looking in though the window.

"Come now, let's sit down to eat." Emily said to her two boys. "Now Tim, bow your head, your father's going to bless the meal." She instructed. The three bowed their heads and put their hooves together as Bob began.

"For that which we are about to receive, we are grateful, amen." Bob prayed aloud.

"And God bless us, every one." Tiny Tim observed. With that, the family began to eat their Christmas dinner.

"What a happy little family." Pinkie smiled.

"But... but their clothes are shabby!" Scrooge exclaimed. "They live in a rundown shack, their dinner was a humbug, how could they be so happy!?" Scrooge remarked.

"They are happy with each other." Chipper answered. "Contended for the time. Something that a fellow like you wouldn't understand." Scrooge looked in and observed the child, not only did he lean upon the crutch, but he looked rather sickly.

"Spirits... the little boy." Scrooge began.

"Tim! Tiny Tim! Isn't he a cutie?" Pinkie asked.

"He'll... live, right?" Scrooge asked.

"I see a vacant seat at the table." Chipper answered. "A crutch sans an owner carefully preserved, if these shadows remain unaltered by the future, the child will die." He said bleakly.

"What?" Scrooge asked. "Spirit, say that he will be spared!"

"Spared?" Chipper scoffed. "What then?" He asked, stepping closer to Scrooge. "If that little boy be like to die, than he had better do it and do it quickly!" He barked. "And decrease the surplus population." He sneered at the miser, who was at a loss for words.

"Man, if man you be at heart, forebear that wicked can't until you discover what the surplus is and where it is. Will you decide which man shall live? Which man shall die? Ha!" Chipper laughed. "It may be that in the eyes of heaven that you are more worthless and unfit to live than millions like this poor man's crippled child." Scrooge bent before the ghost's rebuke, and trembling cast his eyes upon the ground. Before the disgruntled spirit could continue, his bride spoke to him.

"It's time." She said. Scrooge looked up at the two, suddenly, they were old and worn, the youthful exuberance that both held were nothing but shadows.

"Spirits... you don't look well at all..." Scrooge remarked.

"Our time upon this globe is brief, it ends tonight." Chipper answered, laying down his wife, who seemed to be straining and wincing with pain.

"Chipper, what is this?" Scrooge asked.

"My wife is with children," Chipper answered. "But they are not my own, they are man's." Chipper answered, holding up to wretched looking newborn foals. "The boy is Ignorance, the girl is Want. Beware them both to all their degree, but above all, beware of Ignorance, for on his brow, I see written doom, and if the writing be not erased by the future, they are all your children." Chipper concluded. "Deny it! Slander all who tell ye the truth!" He bellowed at Scrooge.

"Have they no refuge?" Scrooge asked as the two foals encircled him.

"Are there no prisons?" Chipper asked. "No... workhouses?" He asked, with that, the two ghosts of the present were gone. Gradually, Ignorance and Want faded as well, leaving Scrooge alone in the street, or so he thought. He remembered the prediction of old Jacob and Robert Marley, and lifting up his eyes, beheld a solemn phantom, draped and hooded, coming, like a mist along the ground, towards him.

* * *

 **Stave Four: The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come**

"Am... am I in the presence of the Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come?" Scrooge asked, kneeling before the tall cloaked spirit. The figure said nothing. "Ghost of the Future!" he exclaimed, "I fear you more than any spectre I have seen. But as I know your purpose is to do me good, and as I hope to live to be another man from what I was, I am prepared to bear you company, and do it with a thankful heart. Will you not speak to me?"

The ghost said nothing in reply, merely pointing onward, Scrooge looked in the direction he pointed. Scrooge saw two mares entering a set of chambers, the house seemed to be the shadows of what was once a well kept, wealthy home, now old and decrepit. The spirit moved toward the home and Scrooge followed.

"You couldn't have met in a better place," They heard a male's voice say from within the house, they saw a stocky man, not very well dressed at all, he held a pipe that he removed to talk. "Come to the parlor. Heaven knows you two were made free of it, little trip down memory lane." He chuckled grimly. "So, the government seemed to pick the place dry, as those bastards do, what did you manage to scrounge up for me? Come now, who's first, Grigsby?" He looked to one of the mares.

"That... that's Mrs. Grigsby! My housekeeper!" Scrooge exclaimed at the sight. "And... and that's Mrs. Dilber, my laundress."

"Let Mrs. Dilber go first." Grigsby said, pushing her forward. Dilber approached the old stallion, Joe, with bundle in hoof. She set it down and let him search through it.

"Let's see here," Joe said. "Towels... nice pair o' boots, wool knickers... holes in the seats. Silver sugar tongs... And... an old copy of Robinson Crusoe." He concluded, setting the collection down. He reached into his pocket and gave Dilber a couple gold coins. "Here's your account, and we'll have no debates. I always do give too much to the ladies, it's a weakness o' mine."

"Every person has a right to take care of themselves. He always did." Grigsby mentioned.

"That's true, indeed!" said Mrs. Dilber.

"If he'd been half man in life, he'd have had someone to look after him in death, stead of gasping his last breath out all alone." Joe nodded.

"And now undo my bundle, Joe," Grigsby said eagerly. "I happen to be quite the collector."

"What do you call these?" Joe asked, lifting up sheets from the bundle.

"Those... those are my bed curtains!" Scrooge remarked.

"Bed curtains, brass rings, tassels, and fully lined." Grigsby explained.

"No moth holes in sight, my God." Joe remarked in astonishment.

"Even the bed bugs couldn't stay in his room, too cold." Grigsby mentioned.

"And what's this now?" Joe asked. "This isn't a linen shirt, is it?" He asked.

"You bet it is." Grigsby nodded. "They would have wasted it had it not been for me." What did she call wasting of it? Burying the body with it. "I stripped it off of him before they could bury the casket." This outrageous statement was met with laughter by the trio while Scrooge watched in horror, such vultures!

"This is the end of it, you see! He frightened every one away from him when he was alive, to profit us when he was dead!" Joe laughed as he gave Grigsby her account, a very liberal account at that for her findings. As they laughed, Scrooge looked to the Spirit with pain in his eyes.

"Spirit... I see, I see. The case of this unhappy man might be my own. My life tends that way, now. Merciful Heaven, what is this!" Scrooge exclaimed, but the Spirit said nothing. "Spirit, let us leave this place, show me tenderness in death!" The Spirit abode, but upon the sight, Scrooge wasn't sure it was any better, they were now in a graveyard, a blanket of snow upon the ground, in the foggy distance, Scrooge could see what looked like a couple over a grave, and upon closer inspection, he knew the couple all too well.

"I promise..." Bob spoke, looking to the grave. "I promise we'll come by and visit every Sunday... my child, my... dear, sweet child." He broke down all at once. He couldn't help it. If he could have helped it, he and his wife would have been farther apart perhaps than they were.

"Robert..." Emily began. "I am sure we shall none of us forget poor Tiny Tim—shall we—or this first parting that there was among us?"

"No... never." Bob shook his head. "Never."

"Tiny Tim..." Scrooge said in little more than a whisper. "Good Lord... Spirit, something informs me that our parting moment is at hand. I know it, but I know not how. Tell me what man that was whom those jackals were speaking so ill of?"

The Spirit stood among the graves, and pointed down to One. Scrooge advanced towards it trembling. The Phantom was exactly as it had been, but he dreaded that he saw new meaning in its solemn shape.

"Before I draw nearer to that stone to which you point," said Scrooge, "answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that will be, or are they shadows of things that may be, only?" Still the Ghost pointed downward to the grave by which it stood.

Scrooge crept towards it, trembling as he went; and following the finger, read upon the stone of the neglected grave his own name, **EBENEEZER SCROOGE**.

"No, Spirit! Oh no, no!" Scrooge sobbed. The finger still was there. "Spirit!" he cried, tight clutching at its robe, "hear me! I am not the man I was. I will not be the man I must have been but for this intercourse. Why show me this, if I am past all hope!" He cried. "I will live in the past, the present, and the future, I will not forget the lessons I have learned, you can be sure of that! Please of please let me sponge away the writing on this stone!" Scrooge cried, the Spirit said nothing, but the robe gradually began to alter in form, it shrunk, collapsed, and dwindled down into a bedpost.

* * *

 **Stave Five: Christmas Morning**

Yes! The bedpost was his own. The bed was his own, the room was his own. Best and happiest of all, the time before him was his own, to make amends in!

"The Spirits of all Three shall strive within me. Oh Jacob Marley! Heaven, and the Christmas Time be praised for this! I say it on my knees, old Jacob, on my knees!" Scrooge exclaimed, jumping to his hooves, giddy as a drunkard. "They are not torn down," cried Scrooge, folding one of his bed curtains in his hooves, "they are not torn down, rings and all. They are here—I am here—the shadows of the things that would have been, may be dispelled. They will be. I know they will!" He laughed, throwing his clothes on.

"I know just what I'll do!" Scrooge remarked. "I'll buy the prized turkey and send it to Bob Cratchit's!" whispered Scrooge, rubbing his hooves, and splitting with a laugh. "He sha'n't know who sends it. It's twice the size of Tiny Tim!" He laughed, skipping out of his house and into the streets of town. "Merry Christmas to all!" He exclaimed, dancing through the streets.

He didn't make it very far before he ran into a pair of two familiar faces, it was the two charity collectors from the day before! Seeing them, he quickly made a detour from his way to the poulterers to greet them. "How do you do? I hope you succeeded yesterday. It was very kind of you. A merry Christmas to you!" He shook Twilight's hooves.

"Mr. Scrooge?" She asked, dumbfounded by his change in character.

"Yes," said Scrooge. "That is my name, and I fear it may not be pleasant to you. Allow me to ask your pardon." He said, grabbing a sack of gold coins from his coat pocket. Twilight and Fluttershy looked at it with hung open jaws.

"Surely you cannot be serious." Fluttershy remarked.

"No my lass, I'm all too serious." Scrooge replied. "Not enough? Worry not! There will be plenty more back payments where that came from!" He promised. Just as he turned to head to the poulterers, yet another familiar face caught his eye.

"Fred!" Scrooge called.

"Uncle?" Fred asked, seeing him.

"Fred, my dear boy! I'm quite looking forward to dinner tonight." Scrooge said. "The invitation is still valid, yes?" He asked.

"You're coming?" Fred asked, a grin on his face.

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." Scrooge smiled. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got matters to attend to, see you this evening!" He called to his nephew as he made haste to the poulterers. With the prized turkey in cab, he took it to Camden town, where his clerk lived. To the best of his ability, he put his old grimace back on his face as he knocked on Bob's door.

"Mr. Scrooge?" Bob asked, coming to the door. "How... how may I help you?"

"Bob Cratchit." Scrooge sneered. "You were not at work today as we discussed."

"What?" Bob asked. "You gave me today off!" He exclaimed.

"Does that sound like such a thing I'd do?" Scrooge remarked. "Bah! Now, I'll tell you what I _am_ going to do, Cratchit! And let me tell you this, it has been a long time coming, that I guarantee to you." He growled. Before he could continue, Bob's wife, Emily came to the door, a sneer of her own on her visage.

"Now you listen to me, you crotchety old miser." She growled. "You've been pushing my Robert around for far too long!" She exclaimed. "Well, listen to me Ebeneezer, I won't stand for it any longer! If you so much as deduct half a crown off of his pay, you can guarantee I'll-" Scrooge had enough, he cut her off.

"Raise your salary." Scrooge spoke, his grimace changing to a smile. Bob and Emily were dumbfounded. Surely he did not just say that.

"What?" Bob asked.

"Merry Christmas, Bob." Scrooge beamed. "Bob, you're relieved of your position as my clerk, I want to make you my partner."

"Oh good Lord, he's gone mad, hasn't he?" Emily murmured.

"No, my dear." Scrooge smiled. "For the first time, I am thinking clearly, I understand now. I understand our purpose on this Earth now. I am going to do all I can for your family, and it all begins with getting your little boy the medical help he needs." He promised.

Scrooge did it all, and even more so. and to Tiny Tim, who did NOT die, he was a second father. He became as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh, and little heeded them; for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset; and knowing that such as these would be blind anyway, he thought it quite as well that they should wrinkle up their eyes in grins, as have the malady in less attractive forms. His own heart laughed: and that was quite enough for him. He had no further intercourse with Spirits ever afterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep Christmas well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. May that be truly said of us, and all of us!

And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless us, Every One!

* * *

"Well, what did you think?" I asked as the story came to a close.

"Chuckie... you just retold _A Hearth's Warming Tale._ " Pinkie replied. "Changed a few things up a bit, added some characters that... that really added nothing, if you didn't have a story you should have just said so."

"What!?" I remarked. "A Christmas Carol is a timeless classic where I'm from! Charles Dickens published it in 1843!"

"Sure Chuckie." Pinkie nodded. "I believe you." She said before looking to Sugar Plum and shaking her head. I grimaced and looked back at my suitcase. I got up and continued to pack, muttering to myself.

"Shoulda just told them _The Night Before_ or _Rudolph_ , _Elf_ even." I muttered. Now that I thought about it, _Elf_ with Cheese as Buddy and Ivory as Jovie would work really well.

"What's _Elf_?" Sugar Plum asked.

"Isn't that the show you told me about with the weird little elephant alien?" Pinkie asked.

"No no, that's _Alf_." I shook my head. "Wanna hear _Elf_? I could tell you _Elf_."

"Yay! More stories and cocoa!" Pinkie cheered.

* * *

 _God Bless us, every one! Well, every one except people who like pineapple on pizza. That's just gross. Thanks Charles Dickens' estate, I look forward to seeing you in court._

 _Songs used_

 _"One More Sleep Till Christmas" by: Paul Williams_

 _"Marley and Marley" by: Paul Willaims  
_

 _"Feels Like Christmas" by: Paul Williams_


	71. Chapter 71: Merry Christmas Part 1

**Author's note:** What's everyone's favorite Christmas movie? Mine's _The Santa Clause 2._ Not 1, certainly not 3, but 2. Don't know why, it's my favorite one.

* * *

Chapter 71: Merry Christmas Pinkie Pie Part 1: Arrival

 _"And a happy new yeeeeaaaaar!"_ Pretty well everyone in my tavern sang as the caroling came to a close. Laughter and chatter erupted among the ponies as I stepped up to the mic on the karaoke stage, ready to close off the evening a bit early so Pinkie, Sugar Plum and I could head out. Let me tell you, it sucked staying sober the whole party if I must admit to it.

"Alright, that'll be that for the night, I wish you all a happy Hearth's Warming." I said to everypony. "Safe trip home and a nice evening to you all, I'll see you all on the 27th." I said before stepping down into the dissipating crowd that before long was few more than Pinkie and Sugar Plum.

"Have a nice season, Chuck." Ivory wished me farewell before she, Cheese, and Slider stepped out.

"You too." I replied. "I'm sure it'll be better than mine." I mumbled.

" _We talked about thiiiis._ " Pinkie hummed into my ear.

"Right." I nodded. "Alright gang, got your suitcases?" I asked.

"Yep!" Pinkie nodded.

"Been clutching it all night." Sugar Plum nodded.

"Alright, Autobots, roll out." I shrugged, leading my family out of the tavern and into the night.

"And you're sure this form of travel isn't gonna mess up our twins in Pinkie's baby factory?" I asked Celestia as we stood before the portal later on that evening. "We're gonna come out the other end clothed, right? I don't want us falling into the snow stark naked."

"Chuck, you have nothing to fear, everything will be fine." Celestia said. "I've saw to it nothing will go wrong upon arrival."

"Well, that's a relief." I mumbled. "Alright, my girls, let's go." I said, stepping toward the portal.

"WAIT!" a voice suddenly called and then TD burst in on us, panting a bit from a run he had obviously taken. "I hate running," he gasped for a moment, which was kinda ironic to say, since his pony form apparently allowed him to have more endurance and such than his human form.

"Oh for fu-" I growled, choosing not to finish that sentence to at least keep some of Sugar Plum's innocence alive.

"Hi!" Pinkie smiled.

"Hey..." TD greeted, trotting over to them. "Look... I know at least one of you isn't too happy to see me... but I just wanted to send you guys off before you leave. Felt it's only fair."

"No offense was meant to be taken." I replied. "I'm tired, I want to set myself up in a hotel and sleep."

"Thanks! Merry Sixnis!" Pinkie smiled. I was going to correct her, but I opted not to, I was sure at this point she was just doing this to torment me.

"Greetings of the season, God bless you." I nodded cordially.

"Merry Christmas to you all," TD agreed. "Oh, and uh... I guess I owe you guys some Christmas gifts. Or Hearth's Warming gifts, however you'd like to put it. They aren't much... but I hope they do some good. Would you like them now, or shall I save them for when you get back?"

"Either or is fine with-" But of course, _my_ response was cut off.

"Now!" Pinkie said excitedly. "No present like a present in the present! And that's now!"

"Well, if you insist," TD giggled, then in a flash a few scarfs and winter hats appeared, one for each of us. I couldn't tell if they were made for ponies or humans, but it seemed like they would work for either.

"I was a bit rushed unfortunately and couldn't get anything better for the time being," he said with some embarrassment. "I can get ya something better when you come back."

"You know what?" I said. "There's no need. This is perfect." I smiled. "Merry Christmas, my good friend."

"Thanks!" Pinkie smiled.

"Mine's too tight." Sugar Plum remarked.

"That's because you tied the scarf too tight." I told her. "Thank you, very much." I turned to him.

"Always a pleasure to help a friend," TD replied with a nod. "Even if they have low tolerance for my antics." He then got a bit sheepish. "I know it's not the best thing to ask... but goodbye hug?"

"Oh, what the hell," I remarked. "It's Christmas after all, bring it in, big guy." I welcomed him.

"Group hug!" Pinkie beamed.

"Good luck back home," he said. "Have a good time. And if someone decides to be a major jerk on purpose... let me know when you're back. I got some contacts all around Earth that can make sure they think twice about insulting you." He then added quickly, "And no, not in the gang or hit man kind of way. More like, don't disrespect my family."

"Right, look, it's not the greatest gift to give, but it's something." I said, whipping out a scrap of paper and scribbling upon it, dotting a signature at the end. "Give anyone you wish whatever crazy, heart attack inducing, nightmarish, chaotic day of chaos you wish, this piece of paper says I'll take the rep, no damage to your name with all the fun still attached." I offered.

"I don't mind my rep being a little bit dirty," the entity remarked with a smirk as he released us. "But thanks anyways."

"Right." I replied. "We'd best get going. Merry Christmas." I nodded respectfully.

"Merry Christmas!" TD nodded back. "And now's where I play the "Santa's Helper" part this year. I wasn't joking about that. Later!" Then in a fitting Christmas fashion, but still very much like him, he disappeared in a burst of mistletoe and snowflakes.

"Don't catch those on your tongue!" I scolded Pinkie, who had that look in her eye. "You don't know where they've been." I reasoned. "Alright, let's go." I walked though the portal with a quick sign of the cross, Pinkie and Sugar Plum following, not completely sure of where we'd land.

* * *

When I opened my eyes, we had landed in the town square of the city I lived in before my dimensional moving trip, Harbourton, New Brunswick. Lights shined from every post, wire, and pole in sight and the bustling of cars and vehicles still sounded in the busy streets despite the hour. "My God..." I remarked, taking it all in.

"Wow!" I saw a woman exclaim behind me with the same familiar voice of my wife. I chuckled, seeing her sitting down in the snow, presumably because of the fact she had never walked on two legs and feet before. I held out my hand and helped her up and let her lean on me to balance before getting her footing. She was a little shorter than me, but that was to be expected since I was rather tall. Her hair retained a similar volume and color at that, and her baby blue eyes were all the same. She wore a bright pink turtleneck sweater with her cutie mark on it, which stuck out due to her baby bump. "Sugar Plum, isn't this amazing!?" She exclaimed, looking toward Sugar Plum, who had fallen in the snow.

"Not really, all I see is snow." I heard her muffled voice say. I helped her up and cleaned off her face before placing her glasses back on. Her eyes were still a nice hazel color and her hair was still wavy and purple, thankfully she didn't retain her horn.

"At least we'll stick out." I chuckled as I stood back up and faced Pinkie. "Well, this is my real form, is it better than what you imagined?" I asked.

"It's exactly what I imagined." Pinkie smiled, taking my hand. "And besides, I still see the same Chuckie under all these differences." She said, leaning into me as the three of us walked from town square onto the sidewalk. "How do I look?" She asked.

"I'm starting to remember what sexual attraction to something two legged feels like, so I'd say you look pretty damn good." I whispered in her ear, causing her to blush red.

"What did you say, daddy?" Sugar Plum asked.

"I just said that you two are the cutest darn things I've ever seen!" I lied through my teeth as I hoisted her up unto my shoulders. "Now, there's a car rental not too far from here, let's get some wheels then I'll find us a hotel."

"Why don't we just bunk at your dads?" Pinkie asked me. It wasn't that I didn't want to do that, after all my dad was one of the few people I didn't mind seeing over the holiday.

"It's pretty late." I said to her. "He's probably asleep. I'll set us up in a hotel or something for tonight at least, then we'll see him tomorrow." I promised.

"We'd better." Pinkie giggled. "Aren't you excited to see grandpa?" Pinkie asked Sugar Plum.

"Yeah." Sugar Plum smiled. "I'm excited for everything."

"Good." I chuckled. "I promise, I'm gonna give you girls the best Harbourton style Christmas I can possibly give, and it all starts with a tour of the city." I grinned. "As soon as I grab us a car I'm taking you on a tour." I promised as we strolled into the parking lot of the car rental place.

"I thought you wanted to get some sleep." Pinkie chuckled.

"A late night drive is something I admittedly miss most about this place, we do that, then we sleep." I reasoned. I reached into my pocket, my wallet was in it just like it was the night I had disappeared. Driver's License? Check. Debit card? Yeppers. Mother Clucker's Chicken Hut coupons? Expired. But to be fair, the coupons had expired before I left, I just don't clean out my wallet. Pinkie and Sugar Plum sat in the waiting room while I went to the desk and filed the form to rent a car. And after about forty five minutes of paperwork, I had the keys to my rental.

"Alright, keys are a go." I grinned as I stepped into the waiting room. Pinkie was already asleep, but Sugar Plum wasn't. "How long has she been out?" I asked Sugar Plum.

"She fell asleep just after you left." Sugar Plum replied. Kind of figured. I scooped her up and carried her as she slept and set her in the backseat of the car to sleep some more.

"She's gonna sleep in the backseat." I told Sugar Plum. "Wanna join daddy up front? It's not legal technically but I'll be driving pretty slow."

"Okay daddy." She smiled, climbing into the passenger seat of the car. I buckled her seat belt and buckled mine, flipping the ignition and driving out of the parking lot. "This is comfy." She remarked in her seat.

"I shelled out extra for heated seats." I replied. "Here, let's turn on the radio." I said, pressing a button and playing with the dial. "Let's see here... here we are." I grinned as I stopped the dial on one of my favorite old stations.

" _Oh the night that Patty Murphy died is a night I'll never forget..._ " Séan McCann's voice hummed as the song on the radio began. I grinned hearing the familiar voice of one of my old favorite artists.

"Nice!" I remarked. "This is Great Big Sea, Sugar Plum." I told her. "One of my favorite bands. Alan Doyle's a real legend around these parts, he's known as the Maritime's happiest man."

"Like how mommy is Ponyville's happiest mare?" Sugar Plum asked. I looked at her, and a little smile grew on my face.

"Yeah, just like that." I nodded. "These guys sang these... awesome songs that could always lift me out of a bad mood, _The Night Pat Murphy Died, Ordinary Day, Run Runaway..._ " I listed. "As long as you're here, I'm gonna need to educate you on my culture." I grinned. "Would you like that? Learning a little more about me?"

"As long as it's as fun as this song, I'd love too." She smiled.

"I can't promise that, but there's a lot of fun movies, shows, and songs to show you and your mother." I chuckled. "And... you know... there may be something I want to give to you." I remarked.

"What?" She asked excitedly.

"Well, that'll be a surprise." I grinned. "At least I know your gift now."

"What are you getting mommy?" Sugar Plum asked.

"This damn vacation." I muttered. "Don't tell her I said that."

"I won't." Sugar Plum giggled, I looked out the window and saw the glow I was searching for in the distance. I grinned and drove toward it, it was the sign. The Harbourton sign, like the Hollywood sign except only the population of Harbourton actually knew about it. I drove up the hill the sign sat on and parked behind it. "Whoa..." Sugar Plum remarked as she looked out the windshield at the view of the city.

"What a view, huh?" I replied.

"Yeah." She nodded. "The lights are so bright."

"Sure are." I said. "I used to come up here all the time on nights like this, sometimes with my friends, other times all on my lonesome."

"But you didn't have anypony to share it with if you came up alone." Sugar Plum remarked. "Where's the fun in that?" I didn't reply at first, that was chillingly philosophical for my five year old daughter. I blinked a few times and looked to her.

"You're absolutely right." I smiled. "You know what? I'm happy I have you to share this with." I set a hand on her head and tussled her hair gently. "I love you, my darling daughter."

"I love you too daddy." She yawned, leaning into me. I knew it was about time to find a place to sleep, lest I fall asleep with us parked up here.

I found us a motel for the night. Within about fifteen minutes of checking in I had gone to bed, Pinkie had taken a brief break from her slumber to transition from the back of the car to our bed, and Sugar Plum was pretty well fast asleep as soon as she laid down in her bed. I was the last to fall asleep that night, but not by a lot, I was still pretty tired.

* * *

"Merry Christmas, Chuckie." Pinkie said, she said it right, that was how I immediately knew I was dreaming.

"Thanks Cutie Pie." I smiled as I took the present she held and opened the card. "Dear Chuck, when I look at you I can't help but be... disappointed?" I read. What a trivial thing to write in a Christmas card. "You emotionally peaked at the age of seven and your common sense and overall knowledge reflects that fact, I couldn't be more frustrated with..." I had to stop reading. I looked up at Pinkie.

"What the hell is this?" I asked. Her eyes were without color and she looked at me blankly. Oh great, another one of _these_ nightmares.

" _You are nothing._ " A voice that certainly didn't belong to Pinkie said from her body. " _You would make a terrible husband._ "

" _And a worse father._ " The voice continued, coming from Sugar Plum. " _You just know you're going to do something to completely mess up, why did you even bother?_ "

"Stop it!" I yelled. "Stop it right now! I'm not him anymore! You don't know me!"

" _Old habits die hard, Chuck._ " That voice said from both of them. " _Old habits die hard_."

"I know." I replied. "And that's why I'm fixing where error was made. _My_ kids are going to grow up knowing they matter, knowing I'm proud of them!"

" _Go ahead, be proud of your failures. That's all anything that comes of you will ever be._ " The voice laughed.

"You don't know that!" I called, everything around me fading. "You don't... know that." Everything went black, I tried to run, I tried to move, but nothing. All I could do was keep saying: "you don't know that, you don't know that."

* * *

"Don't know what?" We're the words I woke up to. Sugar Plum was staring at me as I opened my eyes.

"Daddy talks in his sleep, it's something to get used to." Pinkie giggled. "I mean, I got to know what my birthday present was this year because of it, so it has it's perks." I sat up and rubbed my eyes, they were wet. Great. Time to play it cool.

"Yep, daddy was just dreaming." I chuckled. "You two had best get ready, we've got a big day ahead of us."

"Did you bring your suitcase in last night, Sugar Plum?" Pinkie asked.

"No." She shook her head. I grabbed the keys to the car and handed them to her. "I'll be right back." She said, heading for the door and stepping out to grab her suitcase.

"Is it a smart idea to send her out alone with the keys?" I asked Pinkie once we were alone.

"She's a smart girl." Pinkie nodded. "Chuckie, I need to talk to you." She said, a tone of seriousness in her voice. "Sugar Plum only heard that last thing you said, I heard pretty much everything." She told me. "Is everything alright?" She asked. I sighed and twiddled my recently returned thumbs a bit.

"Pinkie, I have some... demons." I said. "Demons here, so to speak. It was why I was so hesitant to agree to this trip. For the most part, my family and I get along fine, but it's just that..." Before I could continue, Sugar Plum came back with her suitcase. Pinkie quickly quieted me when she walked in. I understood, I didn't really want to tell the story to my innocent daughter.

"We'll talk about it later." Pinkie promised me. I nodded and stood up, I stretched a yawn and unwrinkled my flannel shirt I had slept in.

"Well, now that you're all up, why don't we set out for the day?" I said. "I'll give my dad a call and he can meet up with us, and I'll show you some of the spots that were sort of relevant to my upbringing." I offered.

"Yay!" Pinkie cheered.

"Can I bring Mr. Stuffly along?" Sugar Plum asked.

"He's been stuffed in a suitcase for nearly sixteen hours now, you'd best bring him along." I nodded with a chuckle. We stepped out of the motel room and I locked the door behind us, we piled in the car and I took off for the first spot. My old stomping grounds.

"This here is where I used to work." I said as the three of us strolled into a bar not far from the motel. "Hardly changed a bit." I remarked as I looked around the place. The walls were the same, the odor was the same, and the customers were all the same. I sat down at a stool at the bar and waited for the manager to notice me.

"Yeah, I'll take a Dusty Boots spiked root beer." I spoke up to the manager and head bartender, who had his back to me.

"Only one person ever orders that disgusting stuff!" I heard him remark, turning around with a big grin on his wrinkled face. "Murphy!" He laughed, leaning over to give me a big hug. "My God, it's been so long! We all thought you was dead, your old man was kind enough to give me word that wasn't the case. I woulda been mad you didn't give your two weeks notice, but I was just happy to hear you didn't blow your brains out like most folks said."

"Blow his... what?" Sugar Plum spoke up.

"What the? What's a minor doing in here!?" My former boss remarked. "Get outta here!" He hollered at her, pointing toward the door.

"It's okay." I spoke up. "She's with me. This is my daughter, and this is my wife." I said as Pinkie stepped up to my side.

"Whaddya know? My boy's a family man!" He laughed. "Congratulations Chuck, your wife is a lucky girl, just hope she knows that."

"Don't I know it." Pinkie giggled. "I'm Pinkie!" She said, reaching her hand across the counter to shake.

"Pinkie? What's that, Scandinavian?" He asked. "Nice name, I'm Russell. Russell Arbo. And who's this little doll?" He looked down to Sugar Plum.

"This is our little Sugar Plum." Pinkie smiled. "Say hi, Sugar Plum."

"Hi." Sugar Plum said shyly.

"Ain't that cute, nice little nickname too." Russell chuckled. Sure, nickname. "Say! Chuck, this gives me an idea, what are you doing tonight?" He asked.

"Why do you ask?" I asked him.

"Well... I was just thinking..." He said. "Maybe just one last set? Just like the old days?" He asked, I could tell he was pretty well begging me. I suppose I could do it, it might be fun to step up on stage as a comic again. For a story called _Equestria's New Comedian_ , I don't do comedy, I'm more of a crooner now, maybe I'll change the title.

"Can my family come?" I asked.

"They can have free drinks for all I care!" Russell laughed. "So what do you say, will you do it?"

"Well, Pinkie?" I asked. "Wanna see me doing what I used to do best?" I asked.

"You know I do!" She exclaimed excitedly.

"Tonight, 7:30. Spread the word." I turned to Russell. "Chuckie's back in town."

"Will do." Russell chuckled. "See you tonight, Chuck."

"See you then Russ." I nodded as Pinkie, Sugar Plum and I went for the exit. "C'mon, I promised dad we'd go to brunch today."

* * *

That night, quarter after seven I strolled into the bar quietly and inconspicuously with Pinkie, my dad, and Sugar Plum with me. A crowd had formed, this was both surprising and flattering, guess people really like coming to see some dead guy come back to life to put on one last show. I guess that explains the obsession with Elvis impersonators.

My family sat at a reserved table right in front of the stage and I went to the bar for a little liquid courage before I began. I always had a whiskey sour before doing my Mr. Chipper sets back in Las Pegasus, but Chuck Murphy, Funny Man was a different story, I drank beer before going on as him. Truth be told, I hated beer. It's a terrible tasting drink, I have no idea how anyone could ever like it. Scotch, whiskey, bourbon, and the like are so much better.

"Ready?" Russell asked me as I took the beer and started to drink.

"Is the Pope Catholic?" I smirked. "I'm always ready for a set. Besides, a year and a half off work has given me plenty of material."

"I'll bet." He chuckled. "Say, you still remember that Christmas song you wrote?"

"Of course I do." I nodded. "Don't tell me you want me to perform it."

"I love that song!" He exclaimed. "C'mon, it's your last show at _Russell's Ale House._ " He pleaded, I hated to see a man almost triple my age beg. I sighed a little and nodded reluctantly. He beamed when I accepted and started to chuckle in anticipation. "Great!" He grinned. "I'll go introduce you."

"Alright everyone, settle down." He chuckled, speaking into the mic. "I'd like you all to give a warm welcome to the funniest man to ever set foot on stage at _Russell's Ale House_ , a face I'm sure you all remember, we're very proud to welcome back for one last show, Mister Chuck Murphy!" He announced. People started to cheer and I stepped up on the platform, giving Russ a quick hug as I passed him. I walked up to the microphone and tossed it up, catching it after letting it spin in the air for a few seconds.

"My God, good to see you all again." I remarked, scanning the crowd. "You all have no idea how great it is to be here." I sighed happily. "Not that great, if I must admit." I quipped. I heard some chuckling from the crowd. "But seriously though, if you all knew what I've been up to for the past year and some you'd be happy to be back to." I chuckled. "Let's see, let's catch up a bit, yeah? I'm a family man now, wife, daughter, twins on the way." I stopped pacing before looking out and stroking my face dramatically. "And I've got a bag under my eyes for every day I've been married." I chuckled dryly. Quite a few people found that one funny. "But seriously, I love my wife, she's here tonight in fact. Which is mostly why the marriage jokes stop here, lest I sleep on the couch tonight." I joked.

"So instead of my crazy new family through holy matrimony, let me tell you something else..." I began. "I run my own bar now, nice little place. Piano bar from way back when that I fixed up. Anyway, my piano player is about as dry and sharp as a flint, about as friendly as one too, and she's in love with, and just married last month, literally someone who would make Pee Wee Herman look about as stiff and rigid as a Republican congressman!" I exclaimed, look, no matter what way you lean, you can't deny that they aren't a lively bunch.

"What else, well... I married into an Amish family, my in laws... just adore me." I snickered. I looked out see see Pinkie snickering just as I was knowing how untrue that statement is, or at least was. "My wife's closest sister, not in age, just over all, she's a barrel of fun." I donned the impersonation. "Hello Chuck." I mimicked her voice. "My name is Maud, I'm absolutely ecstatic to meet you." I droned. Laughter filled the room as I kept the bit going, soon I caught it myself and had to stop as I couldn't keep my face straight anymore.

"Yeah..." I chuckled. "There's more about where I live that I could share, but this is a comedy show, not a Ted Talk." I smirked. "Alright." I picked up a guitar that was on the stage, the guitar I used to use at old shows in fact, and tuned it while the audience watched. "By popular demand, get out your cell phones to record this if'n you like this number, 'cause it's the last I'll ever perform it." I promised. "Alright, this here's a number called Merry Murphy Christmas." I hummed as I started to play, it was a medley type song, the first song being _12 Days of Christmas._

 _On the eve before Christmas  
What is my only plea?  
An hour of tranquility,_

 _What could best go with that,  
Gift you'd give to me?  
Two whiskey sours  
And an hour of tranquility..._

 _A one, a two, a one two three and,_

 _Dashing through the mall,  
Credit cards in hand,  
Forty five folks to gift,  
And twenty bucks to spend,  
Some lady went and grabbed,  
My things from layaway,  
How I wish to be the Grinch,  
No family and gay._

 _Oh, what the hell, what the hell,  
What the hell is this?  
Shopping this time of year just sucks  
And I've got nothing on the list!_

I played a little softer and hummed quietly. "Now's the part to remind us what Christmas is all about." I played the tune of God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen.

 _God help me with my family,  
They drive me up the wall,  
I pray you keep me sane tonight,  
Don't let me kill them all,  
Let thine spirits visit me,  
Bourbon, vodka, and gin,  
O-oh tidings of artificial joy, artificial joy,  
Either wrath or artificial joy..._

"I sound like one cynical bastard, don't I?" I asked the crowd. "Here's something a little more cheerful." I said, playing a happier tune.

 _It's the most wonderful time of the year,_  
 _With the roads all to hell and the incessant bells and mandatory cheer,  
It's the most wonderful time of the year._

 _It's the hap-happiest season of all,  
Where the malls are all crowded and I'm just astounded every kid wants that doll,  
It's the hap-happiest season of all._

 _There'll be parties I'm forced to and family I'm coerced to and caroling in all happy and gay.  
There'll be retelling stories and dealing with tories who can't handle 'happy holiday'!_

 _It's the most wonderful time of the year,  
There'll be the same six songs, Rudolph on all day long when the kiddies are near,  
It's the most wonderful time,  
Yes the most wonderful time,  
Oh the most wonderful time...  
_

"Seriously folks, despite all I've sung here tonight, I do love this holiday." I winked.

 _Of the yeeeaaaar!_

Applause erupted as my medley came to a close, I looked up from my bow just so I could see Pinkie and my family up in front, I smiled widely and stood up straight once more, tapping the mic. "Thank you everybody, thank you all. It's been great to be here again for the night, I'd like to wish you all happy holidays, obligatory to please the Christian-Right Merry Christmas, joyeux Noel, feliz Navidad, happy Hanukkah, and Festivus for the rest of us." I bowed. "Thank you, goodnight. Feel free to step up to me and have a chat after the show." I stepped down from the stage and rejoined my family before people started to approach me.

* * *

"Have fun today?" I asked Pinkie later that night as she curled up to me on the couch in the living room of my dad's house.

"Yeah." She nodded. "You wrote that song?" She asked.

"I wrote the lyrics, the music was taken." I replied. "Ask Cheese about such an art when we get back."

"Why?" She asked.

"I just have a feeling he'd know a thing our two about it." I said in reply. I was still wondering about what would happen if she heard a Weird Al song play or a Patton Oswalt stand-up routine, let alone become aware of, well, the fact My Little Pony is a show. I was _not_ in the mood to deal with an existential crisis.

"You seemed really happy today." Pinkie remarked. "It just kinda makes me think, you didn't seem to have it all that bad here, you had your dad, your boss seems to love you, the people you performed for love you," She listed. Lest I give her the actual reason and ruin the moment, I shrugged her off with a chuckle.

"But when I was here, you know who didn't love me?" I asked. "You." I kissed her cheek lovingly.

"I like to think part of me always did," she giggled. "After all, we ended up together, didn't we? And you used to live in a completely different universe."

"I'm not sure I believe in fate." I admitted. "But I get your point." I said, standing up and shuffling over to the TV and turning it on.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Well, I was planning on showing Sugar Plum the movie that shaped my childhood." I said, holding up a DVD copy of _Toy Story_. "But instead, I was going to put on the film that shaped my young adult years." I said, holding up a DVD of _The Big Lebowski_. I stopped myself for a moment. "Y'know what? You might like _Toy Story_ a bit more." I admitted before sliding the disk in the drive and sitting down beside her.

"What's this about?" She asked.

"Think of it like this, Applejack and Rainbow Dash get lost and have to deal with each other's egos to get back home." I replied.

"Ooh, fun!" She remarked as the movie began.

* * *

 _All seems well, for now. Until next time!_


	72. Hearth's Warming at the Sandwich Manor

**Author's note:** In this festive chapter of Equestria's New Comedian, Cheese Sandwich and Slider get wrapped up in a mystery in Cheese's old neighborhood, and Ivory gets thrown into a situation she never expected in her first regular Hearth's Warming. Sounds like a blast, huh? Let's read on.

* * *

Chapter 72: Hearth's Warming at the Sandwich Manor

"It's a pleasure sir, my name is Ivory Keys," Ivory paced in front of a mirror as Cheese and Slider packed their bags. The day was December 20th, the day before they'd take the train to Manehattan to spend Hearth's Warming at Sourdough's manor. "No, no, that's not natural. Mister Sourdough Sandwich, you remember me, I'm Ivory! Your niece in law." She grimaced at her words. "No, no."

"You're making too big of a deal out of this, Kiki." Cheese remarked, watching her pace about.

"Cheese, you don't understand." She replied. "I've never had a functional Hearth's Warming before. I want to make a good first impression for Sourdough."

"It'll be fine." Cheese promised. "Plus, we're going to be spending the holiday in the most beautiful neighborhood in urban Equestria. Barrel Heights, Manehattan."

"The rich district, I'm aware." Ivory replied.

"Then, Hearth's Warming Eve night, all of us are going to go around the neighborhood and sing carols." Cheese grinned.

"What? Why?" Slider was quick to ask.

"Yeah, why?" Ivory asked.

"Caroling at Hearth's Warming Eve is great!" Cheese defended. "You go around house to house singing carols, and then ponies will give you hot cocoa, or gingerbread, or apple cider, or fruitcake that we'll just pretend to like, it's like Nightmare Night but with festive songs! Then, sooner or later, ponies will wanna join us, and soon it'll be ponies hoof in hoof across Equestria, singing carols and saving ponykind!"

"I mean, if I'm belting my soul out for some festive treats I guess I'm all for it." Slider shrugged.

"And it wouldn't be... too awful." Ivory shrugged.

"It'll grow more on you guys later." Cheese promised.

"Hey, as long as we're all together, I don't care what we're doing." Ivory smiled. "All of us together, having a nice, quality family time filled Hearth's Warming."

* * *

"My dear nephew!" Sourdough exclaimed as soon as he saw Cheese and his family disembark from the train the next day.

"Uncle Sourdough!" Cheese grinned, running over to give him a hug. "It's great to see you all, come, let us go. Dinner should be ready soon." He said as one of his presumably many butlers took the bags of the family and put them in their wagon.

"So what kinda spread are we lookin' at, Great-Uncle?" Slider asked, climbing into the wagon. Sourdough laughed in response to the young member of the family.

"Ha! My boy, I think you'll find the _spread_ as you call it to be quite satisfactory." He chuckled. "Please, don't call me Great-Uncle, it makes me feel all old." He grimaced. "Just call me Uncle Sourdough, what kind of word is "uncle" anyway?" He asked. "Un... cle. Un-cle." He pronounced it.

"He's a little more eccentric than he let on at our wedding." Ivory murmured to her husband in the back seat.

"He's interesting, especially more in his older age." Cheese nodded. "But he's always been like this. It's kind where I get it."

"I look forward to being married to that forty years from now." Ivory remarked, watching her uncle in law pronounce "uncle", remarking at how strange words can be. "I'm excited, my first... normal Hearth's Warming." She smiled. "You've no idea how long I've wanted to say those words."

"I'll make sure you have the best normal Hearth's Warming you could ask for." Cheese grinned in reply. However, only the first couple of days were normal. They ate well, they socialized, and of course the family took advantage of the perks of living like upper class ponies for a change. Then came Hearth's Warming Eve, and that evening, when Ivory, Cheese, and Slider were ready to go caroling, one of Sourdough's house workers approached them.

"Master Sourdough requests the presence of Ivory." She said. "He's in the downstairs chamber."

"Thanks Washcloth." Cheese said to her. "Don't be too long Kiki, we're heading out to go caroling soon."

"I won't be long." Ivory said as she followed another house worker, this was Sourdough's top butler, Jeeves.

"Come, right this way." Jeeves said as he opened up the door, the stairway was dark, and it seemed to be the one chunk of the house that wasn't beautifully decorated, it looked like the entrance to the cellar at Chuck's bar more than anything. This didn't exactly help Ivory's nerves. She cautiously made her way down the steps, nervous for what she may see when she completed her descend. Bet then what did she see upon her arrival? Sourdough and three other elderly stallions all dressed in their finest around a table.

"Oh no, they are going to cover me in candy and eat me." Ivory murmured when she saw the sight. As soon as Sourdough saw her, he grinned widely and approached her.

"Ivory! Welcome to the Gingerbread Ponies Annual Gingerbread House Contest!" He exclaimed. "Everyone, meet this year's guest competitor, Ivory."

"I... I don't understand..." Ivory stammered.

"Oh, Ivory," Sourdough chuckled. "You're always doing that 'dazed and confused' bit, and I get why, it's hysterical!" He laughed. "Now, come with me, and uh... lets get you into a tuxedo." He said, leading her into a nearby walk-in closet.

"Mister Sourdough, what's going on?" Ivory asked as soon as she and Sourdough were in the large walk-in closet and out of earshot of the other gentlecolts.

"Ivory, how good are you at building gingerbread houses?" Sourdough asked as he flipped through the catalog of tuxedos. "Hmm... you seem to be about the shape of Marelyn Monroe, this was her tux from when she was our guest about forty years ago. Put this on." He gave her a tuxedo.

"Actually, I'm pretty good." Ivory admitted as she started to slip the clothes on. "It was sort of the one tradition my mother and I still kept even after dad left and-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, forget about all of that." Sourdough cut her off. "Because I want you to enter this contest and lose."

"What? Why?" Ivory asked.

"Because every year, every damn year _I_ lose." Sourdough replied with a cross expression. "You may not think it by the look of them, but those stallions out there, they are some..." Sourdough went into a small fit of incoherent grumbling before looking back up at her. "Well, they are some creative bastards."

"Mister Sourdough, I should really get going." Ivory replied, stepping for the door. Her attempt was thwarted however as Sourdough stepped in front of her. "Mister Sourdough, come on, couldn't... Cheese lose for you?" She asked.

"No." Sourdough replied. "I looked into it. He's going to inherit my spot in the club one day, and you can't ask a future member to compete alongside the member who's spot they're inheriting."

"Well, why am I allowed to compete?" Ivory asked.

"Because I'm the host, the host can pick a guest competitor." Sourdough explained. "Since you won't be inheriting anyone's spot, and you were conveniently here, you were the perfect guest to bring in." He reasoned.

"Well, listen, I was going to go caroling with Cheese and Slider tonight." She replied.

"What? Why?" Sourdough blurted. "Okay, listen, what if you... get that grand piano that's in my living room?" He asked. "I know you were eyeing it." He grinned. "Consider it a Hearth's Warming gift from me to you in exchange for your Hearth's Warming gift to _me_ being competing." Ivory paused for a second, that was an enticing offer.

"Okay, I'll do it." She nodded.

"Wonderful." Sourdough grinned. "And you're okay with being killed when you lose?"

"What? No!" Ivory remarked as Sourdough began to laugh.

"I was only kidding!" He laughed. "Or am I?" He remarked before continuing his laughter as he led Ivory out to the table with the others.

"So, Matron Ivory is apparently entering a gingerbread house contest to lose for Master Sourdough." Jeeves informed Cheese and Slider as they waited for Ivory's return.

"What?" Cheese remarked. "But this was the year of Sandwich hyphen Keys family caroling, we need her soprano voice for _You and Me on Hearth's Warming_!"

"If you would like, I could accompany you Master Cheese, after all, I do have a soprano voice and was enrolled in singing lessons." Washcloth offered Cheese, stepping forward.

"You know _You and Me on Hearth's Warming_?" Cheese asked.

"Yes." She nodded.

"Then you're coming." Cheese nodded.

"I'm not trying to replace your mother while we're out caroling, but if you so choose, you may call me "Caroling Mom", Master Slider." Washcloth said as the group went off.

"I'll have to pass on that." Slider replied.

* * *

"So, how do you want me to lose?" Ivory asked.

"If your house falls down, it's disqualified, so.. just build it really tall and unstable, like some of my properties." Sourdough replied. "Then at the end of it, the judge declares a winner and a loser who won't be me and voila." He explained. "Now stop talking, the competition is about to begin." He instructed. "Ivory, I'd like you to meet the Gingerbread Stallions." He said. "This is Silver Dollar." He pointed to an earth pony stallion about his age, with thinning gray mane and light gray coat. "This is Cobblestone, we call him Cobby." He pointed to a stout dark gray unicorn stallion who still had a full head of hair despite being the same age as the rest.

"I do not like it." Cobblestone grimaced.

"And this is Iron Clad." Sourdough introduced the last member, a pale yellow earth pony stallion with a bushy gray mustache.

"Charmed, we've not had a mare competitor since 1987." Iron Clad mentioned.

"And finally, this is Godfrey, our judge." Sourdough motioned to a very elderly stallion who looked fast asleep, well, hopefully asleep.

"Is... he alive?" Ivory asked.

"Let's find out." Sourdough shrugged. "GODFREY!" He yelled, causing the elder to jerk awake. "Yep, he's alive. So Ivory, just put your guns on the gun table and we can begin." He motioned over to a table of flintlock type guns.

"Oh, um... I don't have any..." Ivory stammered.

"No guns?" Sourdough asked. "What an odd move, alright, let's begin."

"Haven't you forgotten something?" Iron Clad asked.

"We can't really begin until last year's loser puts on the loser hat." Silver Dollar remarked. Sourdough grumbled and walked over to the corner, placing a large plastic object on his head.

"Sourdough has to wear it _every_ year." Cobblestone remarked. "It's an old bed pan, very shameful." He said as Sourdough stepped into the light with the old hunk of plastic resting on his head.

Meanwhile, Cheese, Slider, and Washcloth strolled through the neighborhood from house to house. Humming along as they walked, ready to approach the next house. "Wow, Uncle Sourdough's neighborhood is really a sight to behold." Slider remarked as he looked around at the large houses.

"Well, except for that old place." Cheese remarked as he saw a run down old house, bed sheets over every window and no light coming through what little could be seen of the inside. "What's going on with that place?" He remarked.

"Oh yeah, this happened after you had moved out." Washcloth remarked. "I have heard crazy stories about the pony who lives there." She remarked. "Stories not suitable for foals, or even Cheeses."

"Like what, Washcloth?" Slider asked.

"Alright, I'll tell you." Washcloth shrugged. "See all those bed sheets up on the windows?" She asked. "He puts them up there to hide his evil deeds."

"Like... bad interior decorating?" Cheese asked.

"Murder!" Washcloth exclaimed. "His parents used to live with him, but where are they now? Murdered! A delivery pony went in there once, and never came out. What happened to him? Murdered!" She remarked. "They say he buried them all in his backyard, and then he went right on murdering."

"Alright Washcloth, you've convinced me." Slider remarked. "Let's go in."

"What?" Washcloth asked. "No! The murder! The murder part!"

"Washcloth, stop the story, you're ruining the vibe," Cheese pleaded. "C'mon, let's carol like we should be doing." He said as he started to walk. "After all, I want hot chocolate, not _not_ chocolate." He remarked.

* * *

"I've got to say, everypony, I've got a feeling about this year." Sourdough remarked as he carefully set a slab of gingerbread on the top of the gingerbread box that would soon be detailed into a proper house.

"Tell that to your potty-head." Cobblestone replied.

"Ha!" Iron Clad laughed. "Classic ginger-boom." Sourdough grumbled and began to lather frosting between slabs for caulking.

"Frosting, Sourdough?" Silver Dollar chuckled. "More like _losting_."

"Ha! Another ginger-boom!" Iron Clad grinned. Sourdough grumbled before chuckled nervously and looking to Ivory.

"Ha! Ha ha ha... I mean, look at Ivory." Sourdough remarked. "Uh, in general, I mean that's bad, right? I mean, her whole deal, just, ugh." He was deflecting. Ivory was actually doing pretty well, despite instructions to lose. Not to mention she pulled off the tux quite well.

"Um, okay..." Ivory remarked. "So... what's everypony's Hearth's Warming plans?" She asked.

"I was going to buy an island and flip it." Cobblestone said. "Literally."

"I'm going to have my gold waxed and washed." Iron Clad replied. "It needs it."

"And I'm going to treat myself to a new nose, perhaps a whole facial reconstruction." Silver Dollar spoke.

"Oh, so... nopony's spending it with family?" Ivory asked. Everypony but Sourdough shook their heads and chuckled. "You've all... got families to go home to, right?"

"I do, but I've got more important matters to attend to, like overseeing the drying of paint or taking time to watch grass grow." Silver Dollar replied.

"My family has estranged me because I've left nothing to any of them in my will." Cobblestone scoffed.

"I've had so many wives and so many foals with each wife that it would be nigh impossible, so I simply don't." Iron Clad reasoned.

"Yeah, but I mean, Hearth's Warming is a time where you should really look past that stuff and still make time for them anyway." Ivory remarked. "My dad and I didn't talk for years and we actually visited him before coming up here for the holiday."

"Pay no attention to Ivory." Sourdough remarked. "She's not smart. Ginger-boom. She's also thirty and looks forty. Ginger-boom." The others ignored him, Ivory included as they continued to build their houses.

"Where are all the wafers?" Iron Clad asked. "Cobby, you're hogging them, aren't you? You're being a Hoggy Cobby." He remarked.

"Look who's talking, Mister Too-Many-Jelly-Fruit-Slices." Cobblestone sneered. "Silver, what are you building with those miniature marshmallows?" He asked.

"I'm building a miniature snow-pony." Silver Dollar replied.

"Damn, that's brilliant." Sourdough growled.

"You're just sticking peppermints everywhere then?" Silver asked Sourdough, looking at his house. "Some ornamental filigree." He scoffed with a chuckle. "Ivory, however, I must say, your gingerbread scoring is amazing." He remarked as he watched Ivory cut slabs with a knife.

"I worked part time as a chef." Ivory replied. "I also used to build gingerbread houses a lot as a filly."

"Yeah, but that was like, what? Eighty years ago?" Sourdough mentioned, his immaturity really showing.

"Potty-head, shush!" Iron Clad barked.

"So firm, but gentle." Cobblestone noted her scoring.

"But do your big clumsy hooves get in the way, Ivory?" Sourdough asked. "Your big, stallion-like, clumsy hooves?"

"Okay, that's it." Ivory set the knife down. "Can I speak with you in the other room, Sourdough?" Once in the other room, Ivory began growling at her uncle-in-law. "Sourdough, I am doing you a favor." She snarled. "You can't treat me like this, not only because of that, but because I'm your niece-in-law."

"What's the matter, Ivory?" Sourdough asked. "Can't handle my garbage mouth?"

"You mean... trash talk?" Ivory asked.

"Oh, trash talk, garbage mouth, ginger-boom, it's all the same thing!" Sourdough remarked. "It's all a part of the gingerbread game, Ivory. Get used to it."

"Well, get used to _me_ winning." Ivory snarled, letting her competitive nature overtake her. "I'll make sure you're wearing that infernal bed pan next year too!"

"What about our deal?" Sourdough asked.

"The deal's off, Sourdough!" Ivory replied. "And do you know who's going to lose this contest? You are, potty-head!" She exclaimed. "How's that for garbage mouth?" She asked as she stepped back into the room.

"Pretty good actually." Sourdough noted. "Wait, Ivory!" He exclaimed.

* * *

"What's the matter with everypony!?" Cheese exclaimed. "Caroling has been a bust! We're cut after one song, nopony wants to join us, and nopony's giving us any festive treats!" He whined. "At least Ivory's not here for this mess."

"Or... we could stop in on the creepy house." Slider suggested, as they were currently standing before the house from earlier.

"No, no no no no no no no no no." Washcloth shook her head. "I've got so much stuff to live for, I've got a blouse on layaway at the mall."

"Why can't we spread some Hearth's Warming cheer to this poor guy?" Slider bargained.

"You're right." Cheese sighed. "Okay, let's do it. But if we get murdered don't tell your mother."

"Fine, go." Washcloth said. "I'll be right behind you, protecting you, where it's safe." She droned as she reluctantly followed them. They walked up the walkway of the house and crept onto the porch, Cheese approached the doorbell and looked at it.

"Okay, I'm just gonna ring the doorbell." He said to himself. He pressed the button and a bell sounded, nothing. "Huh, I guess nopony's home." He shrugged, hoping that would be the case.

"Hello?" A unicorn stallion opened the door, knife held up with magic.

"AUGH!" All three carolers exclaimed in terror as they leaped back, lest they be the next victims of this supposed murderer.

* * *

"Alright Ivory... easy does it." She murmured as she laid the final touches on her house as the time dwindled down. "Ow!" She remarked as something hit her face. A peppermint. "Just ignore Sourdough... ow!" She remarked as another peppermint hit her face.

"Oh, is this not helpful?" Sourdough asked in a mock innocent tone.

"Hey, where did all the chocolate mint sticks go?" Iron Clad remarked as he reached for the bowl. "Cobby!"

"What? I needed them for my chocolate bark trees." Cobblestone replied. "And stop calling my Cobby!"

"Wait, there was one chocolate Santa Hooves left, where's the chocolate Santa Hooves!?" Silver Dollar wailed.

"Oh, I may have eaten him." Iron Clad replied.

"You son of a-" Silver was interrupted by an alarm sounding, jerking Godfrey awake once more.

"Aah! Time's up, contest is over!" Godfrey exclaimed. "Judging... judging..." He droned as he made his way around the table, glancing at each house.

"Cobby, if I don't win, it is your fault." Iron Clad growled.

"Oh, is that right, Iron the Big-Nosed-Cry-Baby?" Cobblestone replied.

"What about you, Santa Snacker?" Silver Dollar remarked.

"He was delicious!" Iron Clad exclaimed.

"You are _so_ lucky all of my guns are over at the gun table and I'm not concealing any weapons." Silver sneered as he slowly reached down under the table.

"And neither am I..." Iron Clad said slowly as he did the same. Cobblestone did the same and sure enough, all three pulled out firearms they had been concealing and pointed them at each other's houses.

"Here we go, same thing every year." Godfrey grunted.

"What's happening!?" Ivory exclaimed.

"We're pointing guns at each other's houses." Iron Clad informed her. "Try and keep up."

"Where were you hiding these things?" Ivory exclaimed.

"Let's just say I haven't been very comfortable all evening." Cobblestone answered.

"Well, if everypony's doing it... whoops!" Sourdough exclaimed as he revealed his own weapon and pointed it at Ivory's house.

"Okay, everypony calm down." Ivory tried to ease the tension. "I mean, come on, it's just a stupid gingerbread house contest."

"What?" All the rich gentlecolts pointed their weapons at her in reaction.

"Ah!" She exclaimed. "Back at the houses, back at the houses!" She wailed.

* * *

"Why did we hide instead of keep running?" Slider asked as they hid in a shrub in the very yard of the house they just ran from.

"I don't know, I panicked." Cheese answered. "Oh no, oh no, this is how we die." He bemoaned. "I knew it, I knew it was gonna be like this, I'm sorry."

"There you are." The stallion remarked as he stood before them, causing them to jolt in fear once more. "Wait, please don't run away." He pleaded. "I'm sorry about the knife. I was chopping filberts when you rang the door." He explained. "You're carolers, right? I love carolers."

"Love killing them or..." Washcloth replied.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing! Good talk, goodbye!" She replied, turning.

"No!" Cheese shook his head. "Yes, we are carolers. And we will sing for you, right?" He looked to the others.

"Oh, great." He smiled. "Do you know this one?" He asked. _Tune: Adeste Fideles/O Come All Ye Faithful._

 _The three tribes together,  
Friendship made forever,_  
 _Unity in diversity,_  
 _In Eque-e-stria..._

"Nice pipes!" Cheese remarked.

"Thanks." He replied. "I'm Mint Leaf, care for some hot cocoa?" He asked, the three nodded and stepped into his home, and after some conversation, the thought that this stallion was a potential murderer had completely left their minds.

"So yeah, in hindsight the bed sheets may not have been a good idea." Mint remarked. "I thought I was being frugal and creative." He chuckled. "I guess it's the sort of thing that gets the rumor mill going."

"Ah, the rumor mill, ponies love to talk huh?" Washcloth remarked. "They don't always have the facts though. Right Slider? Looking at you." She remarked.

"Well, Mint, anyone with a voice like yours couldn't be a murderer." Cheese said. "And even if you were, I don't care."

"You did kill those high notes." Slider remarked.

"Mint, come caroling with us." Cheese offered. "We can finally do the song _You and Me on Hearth's Warming_!" He exclaimed.

"I'd love to!" Mint exclaimed.

* * *

"Maybe Ivory's right, this is silly, we should put out guns away." Cobblestone said as the group still had guns pointed at the other houses.

"Yeah.." Iron Clad and Silver Dollar nodded.

"Or, counterpoint?" Sourdough asked as he fired at Ivory's gingerbread house. This set off the others, they started firing off at each other's houses, blowing the gingerbread houses to the ground, bullets flying and voices hollering, all while Ivory wailed out in fear as bullets flew around the room. When the dust settled, the gentlecolts all acted as if it were a normal event.

"I'm honestly surprised it took until this year." Silver Dollar remarked.

"Well, I just want to say, thank you all so much." Ivory scoffed. "Thank you for inviting me to a competition where I was nearly a causality in a gingerbread massacre!" She hollered.

"Oh calm down." Sourdough replied.

"Yeah, take a chill pill." Cobblestone remarked.

"I'm his niece in law." Ivory explained. "He just promised me a piano if I lost on purpose!" She explained.

"She's lying." Sourdough was quick to blurt out.

"That's... actually a good idea." Iron Clad remarked.

"Innovative thinking." Cobblestone noted. "Sick of always being the loser, huh Sourdough?"

"Yes, I am." Sourdough nodded. "Every year I try and every year I fail."

"Look, Sourdough, it can be a hard time of year." Ivory said. "All I wanted was a normal Hearth's Warming, now I may think there's no such thing." She shrugged.

"Ivory's house is the least destroyed." Godfrey remarked. "So, I guess, Ivory's the winner."

"I can't believe I won." She remarked.

"Oh, quit gloating." Sourdough was quick to reply. "Hey, does this mean the rest of us lost?"

"You're all tied for last place." Godfrey nodded.

"This is all Ivory's fault." Iron Clad grimaced. "She called the competition stupid and it just, it set me off."

"What you said was really hurtful, Ivory." Silver Dollar nodded.

"Yeah, they're called feelings, Ivory. Look it up." Cobblestone nodded.

"Look, I don't actually think it's stupid." Ivory said. "It's actually kind of sweet. You all get together once a year and build gingerbread houses, you're all kind of like a little family in your own... weird way." She reasoned. "And, it may sound cheesy, but you know what the greatest thing of all is? Family."

"You're right, that is cheesy." Iron Clad remarked. Just then, they heard something outside, something that sounded like singing.

"What is that awful sound?" Sourdough asked. The group went upstairs and opened the front door to see Cheese, Slider, Washcloth, and now Mint Leaf singing carols outside the house.

"Can we shoot them?" Iron Clad asked.

* * *

Later that night, after Sourdough's friends in the club had left and Mint Leaf had resigned to his home, hopefully to take down the bed sheets on the windows, the Sandwich family sat together and chatted with various festive drinks and cookies to snack on.

"Y'know what's better that caroling for these things?" Slider asked. "Staying in and having them by the warmth of a fire."

"I could have told you that." Sourdough chuckled. "Oh, nephew, be wary of bullets in the cookies." He warned Cheese as he reached to the plate, which had been stocked with the remnants of the destroyed gingerbread houses. Cheese looked at him quizzically and laughed.

"Oh Uncle Sourdough, witty as ever." Cheese remarked as he took a cookie, believing his uncle to be joking.

"Here, I don't want you dying of lead poisoning." Ivory said as she took the cookie and plucked the very easy to see bullet from it. "Better yet, I'll go and get the batch of shortbread cookies I was baking earlier today." She offered.

"I might join you." Sourdough said as he got up and followed her to the kitchen.

"It's no problem, it's just one tray." Ivory told him as she grabbed the tray.

"I wanted to come here to apologize." Sourdough was quick to say. "I had let the pressure get to me and treated you unfairly." He explained. "You're a wonderful addition to the family and I should not have put you in that situation." Ivory looked at him, she could tell he was being sincere at least, she shrugged and walked over to him.

"It's fine." She said. "It was actually pretty fun if I'm being honest. Gunfight included." She chuckled. "Don't worry about it, Sourdough."

"Thank you." He smiled. "And, you can keep the piano, if you like."

"But I didn't hold up my end of the deal." Ivory replied.

"Consider it your winnings for the contest." He replied with a little grin. "Or better yet, consider it a gift from your uncle-in-law." He smiled.

"I'll take it as the latter." Ivory smiled. "Happy Hearth's Warming, Sourdough."

"Happy Hearth's Warming, Ivory." Sourdough replied. "Besides, I own like, ten of the exact same piano anyway, I don't even know how to play." He chuckled.

* * *

 _What a happy little family, huh? Next chapter we check in on how Chuck and Pinkie are doing._


	73. Chapter 73: Merry Christmas Part 2

**Author's note:** We now return to Chuck and Pinkie's story to see what the happy couple is up to in Chuck's fictionally named hometown.

* * *

Chapter 73: Merry Christmas Pinkie Pie Part 2: Oh No, It All Went Wrong

"You don't understand, I _need_ that." I overheard one shopper as I passed him and a poor store clerk by in the mall.

"I'm sorry, sir. But this product is sold out." The store clerk replied.

"This is a unique situation." He pleaded. Yeah, sure buddy. I chuckled as I went about on my way, scoping out the stores for knick knacks or what-nots to gift my friends back home, either that or I'd just gift them something out of the vast array of things I already owned, Cheese would get a kick out of some of the crap I have, and I think I have an old Casio keyboard somewhere I could give to Ivory. See, it was just them I had to worry about, Sugar Plum and Pinkie were already done.

"Chuckie! Chuckie!" Pinkie called to me. I saw her running over to me with arms full of stuff, most of it winter coats. "Look at all these coats!" She exclaimed. "I love them all!"

"Pinkie, they all still have the security tags on them!" I remarked.

"There she is!" I saw two mall cops up ahead running towards her. I moaned a sigh and approached them.

"My good sirs, I am terribly sorry." I began. "You'll have to excuse her, she's not from here, she's from another country with very different stipulations on what is considered theft." I explained. "In fact, she can't even speak English." I said, turning to her with a facial expression that read: "Don't say a word."

"So I assume you'll pay for those?" One cop asked me.

"How much for the lot?" I asked.

"She's carrying 500 dollars worth of winter clothing." The other replied.

"I will not be paying for those." I said promptly, taking the coats from Pinkie and handing them over. "These can be returned to from where they came. Good day officers and sorry for the inconvenience."

"Keep a better eye on your little delegate next time." One of the cops said gruffly to me as they went back to the store with the coats. I turned back to Pinkie, who appeared to be moping.

"What's the matter?" I asked her.

"I'm sorry." She said. "I didn't mean to."

"I know you didn't." I said, wrapping an arm around her reassuringly. "What do you say we go back to the store and I'll get you one of the coats you liked?" I offered.

"That sounds great." She smiled. "It was nice of your dad to offer to look after Sugar Plum for the day." She remarked as we walked through the mall.

"You're telling me." I snorted. "But it's certainly nice, it's nice that she still gets to have another set of grandparents despite the unique family situation we have."

"Grand _parent_ anyway." Pinkie remarked. I knew what she was referring to. I huffed a little and turned to her.

"It's for the best, Pinkie." I said. "You two and... her, would not get along."

"Chuckie, it's been nearly two years since you've even talked, maybe she's changed." Pinkie reasoned.

"She called my dad up and said he lost the bet when everyone thought I killed myself." I remarked. "Just, please trust me on this, its for the best."

"Fine." She sighed. "... Buuuut, on the off chance that-"

"My answer is no." I replied. "Now remember, these guys think you can't speak English." I said as we walked into the store she had accidentally stolen all of those coats from.

* * *

"Well _since my baby left me, well I found a new place to dwell, well it's down at the end of lonely street at Heartbreak Hotel..._ " I sang in the car as we drove home. "How do you like the coat?" I asked Pinkie.

"I love it!" She replied. "I hope somehow it still fits me when we go home to Ponyville."

"If not, we can always get Rarity to make alterations." I shrugged. "But in the meantime, enjoy the next few days of not having to worry about how the clothes we buy here may be a waste of my money." I said as we pulled into the driveway. "With any luck, dinner will be nearly ready." I mumbled.

"Hopefully!" Pinkie agreed. "But I may have to pass on anything else like what was last night." She referred to the pork chops we had last night.

"I let him know about your vegetarian diet." I noted. "As painful as it is for me to admit to being married to someone with such a diet." I teased as I parked the car. "Sugar Plum liked it."

"And I liked it too, until you told me what it was." Pinkie said as we got out of the car and walked up the porch steps.

"Then I just won't tell you next time." I warned as I opened the door. "Honey, I'm home!" I called, pretending my 'honey' wasn't standing just behind me.

"Hey Chuck, Pinkie." My dad called from the kitchen. "Dinner's nearly ready, complete with vegetarian option: Water." He laughed, I couldn't help but laugh as well. "I'm just kidding, two pizzas." He chuckled.

"Pizza! You guys have pizza!?" Pinkie asked me.

"We have a lot of what Equestria has, it's just traditionally our pizzas have god stuff like pepperoni, sausage, and salami." I replied as we strolled into the kitchen.

"Daddy! Mommy! Look!" Sugar Plum excitedly. "Look at this!" She said, holding something up, she had drawn it, and it looked pretty good considering her age and just using how to use hands. It was her, Pinkie, and I. Pony bodies.

"Oh sweetheart I love it!" Pinkie said excitedly holding it up. "Aw! It looks just like us! You even got Chuckie's big head!"

"I do _not_ have a big head!" I blurted out. "It looks excellent, Sugar Plum." I tussled her hair and kissed her forehead. "And when we get home, I'll have it framed in my office."

"And why do you get to keep it?" Pinkie asked.

"She can always make more." I said defensively over the drawing. "Now, let's eat our Christmas Eve-eve-eve dinner." I said, sitting down at the table.

After dinner, Pinkie, Sugar Plum, and I went out for a night time walk in the snow, I always enjoyed going on walks like this, and it was nice to finally have company for one of them. "So, _The Simpsons_ was good until season ten, _Family Guy_ was good until about season seven, and _Bob's Burgers_ didn't stop being good." I explained as we walked.

"And which one did you show me?" Pinkie asked. "The one that Sugar Plum should not have been around for?"

"That was _South Park_." I replied. "Not my brightest move." I admitted. "To be fair, it was a tamer episode than what the show can be."

"Still, there was no reason for the chubby kid to have said or done the things he did." Pinkie replied.

"You just described every _South Park_ episode." I muttered. "I hope that regardless of the fact you two are having a good time."

"We are." Pinkie smiled.

"I've had a great time." Sugar Plum nodded.

"Have you been having a good time?" Pinkie asked me. I smiled and took her hand.

"Y'know, I have." I nodded, kissing her cheek. "Tomorrow we're going to have to go back to the mall, I still haven't found my gifts for a few of our friends back home." I mentioned. "And this time we're sticking together." I mentioned to Pinkie. "Lest the incident that happened today happen." I muttered.

"Oh, you accidentally steal a bunch of coats and suddenly that's _all_ you're about!" Pinkie bemoaned sarcastically.

* * *

The next day Pinkie and I were out shopping once more, Sugar Plum had joined us this time since my dad was busy today. So even though we had to navigate malls at nearly peak awfulness, we were doing it as a family.

"Stay by me, Sugar Plum." I instructed her. "Don't let go of my hand."

"I'll try." She said as we navigated past people.

"Chuckie..." Pinkie whined. I turned, I saw she had a look of high stress on her face and she was knocking her knees together. I think I knew what was wrong. I turned my head and cocked it toward a doorway just about thirty feet away. "I'll be right back!" She said as she darted for the room. I exhaled a nose sigh as I strolled over to the wall by the door and leaned against it, Sugar Plum with me.

"It's fun." I muttered. "The mall can be like a zoo full of freaks this time of year." I leaned down to chat with Sugar Plum. "Lookit that one." I pointed at a passer-by, chuckling. "Having fun?" I asked her.

"Yeah." She nodded. "But you made _Star Wars_ sound a lot better with your version." She said. I had shown her the actual movie last night.

"You think that's good?" I asked her. "I'll have to tell you the next two chapters sometime." I remarked.

"I'd like that." She replied. From the inside of the restroom, I heard something. Pinkie was talking to someone based on what I heard. I didn't exactly like one thing I heard.

"Chuckie's told me so much about you! Well, not very much, but some! Wanna see him? He's right outside!" I heard her say. I was wary of what I had heard, who was she talking to? Who did I apparently tell her about that she'd conveniently be conversing with in the bathroom? I saw her step out, the mystery woman behind her, and when I saw who it was, I was almost ready to let out a scream about as shrill as shrill could be, but I didn't, mostly because all breath seemed to had left my body.

"Well well, look who's back in town." The slightly over middle aged woman who was with Pinkie remarked.

"Hello... mother." I said about as cordially as I could stomach.

"Your father didn't mention you were in town for the holiday." She mentioned. "But then again neither did you."

"It must have slipped my mind." I replied through nearly gritted teeth. "You look well."

"And considering my depiction of you for the past year and a half featured a hole in your forehead so do you." She replied.

"Well that's nice." I replied. "It was good to see you, merry Christmas." I nodded.

"I have an idea!" Pinkie grinned. "Mrs. Chuckie's Mom, can we come over for dinner tonight?" She asked.

"No." I was quick to reply.

"That's sounds nice." My mother said. "I'll see you tonight at six sharp." She said, walking off. Pinkie was excited, she looked over to me, she couldn't quite pin what exactly the expression I had on was, but it wasn't a happy one.

"Aren't you excited?" Pinkie asked me.

"Ecstatic." I said through gritted teeth and clenched fists.

* * *

"We have one more chance." I said as I looked at the house that night through the windshield of the car, just at the end of the driveway. "All we have to do is keep driving, have a nice night where I can guarantee nobody gets angry, upset, or border-lining suicidal." I said. "Mostly referring to myself."

"It'll be fine." Pinkie reassured me.

"Heheh, no it won't." I replied as I reluctantly pulled into the driveway. I stopped the car and turned it off, Pinkie and Sugar Plum got out of the car, but I stayed. I looked up at the ceiling of the car. "Our father, who art in heaven..." I began.

"Oh stop it." Pinkie remarked. "Chuckie, get out of the car."

"Or?" I asked. "I can just pick you both up later."

"Chuck." She said in a little growl. She had no idea how much I didn't want to do this, mostly because I knew how it was going to go already, and what annoyed me most was that despite her knowing I was using my best instincts, she was still making me do this.

"Jeff Bridges, give me strength." I sighed as I opened my door and stepped out of the car. "When this turns out to be a disaster, just remember I was right."

"And when you're wrong, just remember I was right." Pinkie told me.

I wish she was right, I really do. I would have loved if she was right. I would have loved if the dinner went pleasantly, everyone acted mature, nobody was insulted or berated, you have no idea how much I would have loved to have been wrong in this case! But alas, I knew more about these things than Pinkie, and since I did know more, I wasn't surprised that I was indeed right about it being a disaster. So anyway, I guess it went downhill the moment we sat down for dinner.

"So, what exactly is your relation to these two?" My mother asked me when we sat down to dinner.

"Marriage and adoption, I'll trust you to determine who is who." I replied in a slight quip. Pinkie could already read my dry tone, one I generally used in tense situations, so she decided to try and lighten the mood.

"Heheheh, Chuckie sure is funny!" She giggled.

"At least he puts something of himself to use." My mother noted. I nearly bent my fork like a pretzel then and there.

"Oh, he certainly puts more than that to use!" Pinkie remarked. "He runs his own bar!"

"A father of one and soon to be more running a bar?" She replied. "Very responsible."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I dared to ask.

"I mean that's not a business you should have when you're raising children." She replied.

"It's no problem," Sugar Plum spoke up. "Sometimes I go in with him."

"You bring your daughter into the bar?" My mother scoffed. "With all the drunkards and barflies?"

"I brought her in once." I noted. "And it was only when nobody else could watch her." I reasoned.

"So where were you?" She looked to Pinkie. "Why couldn't you look after her, she's your responsibility too."

"She was out." I was quick to reply. "Sometimes, what she does requires travel." I explained for her.

"Well," my mother chuckled. "It sounds like neither of you are ready to have a family, if this is how you're acting with one child."

"We are _fine_." I replied. "I have enough employees that I can take time off when I need it, and Pinkie can do the same, she works a very flexible job." I hoped that maybe I could provide enough reasoning to all her ludicrous accusations that she'd eventually ease off, it was a futile attempt, but an attempt never the less.

"It's great! I can take whatever I want off!" Pinkie nodded.

"So you've got no work ethic?" My mother asked. "Because that's what you're saying. Also, Pinkie? What kind of a name is that? It sounds like a bad porn star name."

"Hey." I said sternly. "There are children here."

"Are you referring to your wife?" She asked.

"Hey..." Pinkie remarked.

"Lets change the subject." I said, clenching one of my fists under the table.

"Okay Robert." My mother replied, calling me by my father's name. She liked to do that, whenever I did something that reminded her of my father, or her ex-husband, she would call me Robert. "If you can't handle a conversation that isn't exactly enjoyable that doesn't bode well for your ability to parent, does it?"

"I can parent just fine, thank you." I replied.

"I think you said the same thing about college." My mother replied. "How do you flunk out of a graphic art course, anyway?" She asked.

"What's graphic art?" Sugar Plum asked.

"That's the drawings where you can see everyone's thingies." Pinkie replied.

"That's not what graphic art is." I interjected. "Mom, I'm not who I was back then, my experiences over the past year and some have taught me responsibility." I explained.

"Better late than never." My mother replied.

"It's true, he's really gown up over the past little while." Pinkie tried to come to my side. "Ooh! One time Chuckie saved my dad's life! Just a year ago today!" That sounded good, hopefully she'd keep it at that. "I mean sure, he also almost _killed_ him too, but he was able to save him before his mistake killed him."

"Could've left that part out." I muttered.

"I'm sorry, what do you do again?" My mother turned to Pinkie, referring to a career.

"Well, I'm currently on a maternity leave, but I'm a part time baking deliverer, part time party planner, and part time friendship problem helper!" Pinkie explained.

"Well, at least one of those sounds like a real job." My mother noted snidely. That was the point I had decided enough was enough. I stood up and shot a look at her. "Oh, are you going to take your testicles out of whoever's purse you left them in and say something?" She asked me.

"Yes, I am, mother." I replied. "I just thought I'd tell you that this type of shit is exactly why I didn't even want to come here, it was my wife's idea." I explained. "If it were up to me, you wouldn't have even heard I was here in town, but here we are. And so I thought: "Hey, maybe I could just have one decent dinner with my new family and my mother", well apparently not, because all you do is pigeon-hole my life and belittle me and those who I've grown to love for the way they live their lives. So I'm sorry. I'm sorry that the one who I love isn't up to code in your books, I'm sorry the way we've been _happily_ living our lives isn't exactly your _forte,_ and I'm especially goddamn sorry that I came to this goddamn dinner!" I exclaimed as I hastily grabbed my coat off the coat rack and stormed outside.

"I... I guess we should be going." Pinkie chuckled nervously. "Come on Sugar Plum." She said, quickly taking Sugar Plum by the hand and following me.

"Thanks for the goddamn dinner." Sugar Plum called.

"Sweetie, don't say that." Pinkie scolded her.

So there you have it. Chuck was right, and I couldn't have been more upset about the fact I was right. I was sitting in the car with my forehead laying on the steering wheel when Pinkie and Sugar Plum climbed into the car. Without saying anything, I lifted my head and started the car, silently pulling out of the driveway and heading for home.

"Wanna... talk about it?" Pinkie asked me as I drove down the dark and icy back road home.

I said nothing.

This whole situation reminded me of an episode of _Chowder._ Ever hear of that show? In one episode they're building a gingerbread house or something, and all the while the kid's singing this parody of _O Christmas Tree_ , and he's singing: _At last the roof goes on, and nothing can go wrong,_ and then the whole thing crashes down and he just yells "Oh no, it all went wrong!" That scene just sort of kept replaying as I drove home.

When we got home, I parked the car and got out promptly. I walked inside hastily and slammed the door behind me.

"That's about how I expected you to look when you got back." My dad remarked when he saw me. "How'd it go?"

"It went about how I expected it to go." I replied, my voice dry since I hadn't spoken in nearly thirty minutes. As I stormed up to my room, I could hear Sugar Plum and Pinkie step inside. I sighed quietly to myself as I threw off my hoodie and replaced it with my winter jacket and hat. I walked down the stairs once more, composed as I could be considering how I felt at the moment and addressed my family.

"I'm just gonna go for a walk." I told them.

"Can I come?" Sugar Plum asked.

"No, you stay here with Grandpa, I'm going to go with Daddy." Pinkie told her. It took all of my will power to keep from rolling my eyes and exhaling an exasperated sigh as she said that. I stepped outside and waited. And when Pinkie stepped out the door, I began to walk without saying a word. We walked for about ten minutes before I said a word, I think she expected me to speak first, eventually she gave up on waiting.

"Well... that sure was a blast, huh?" Pinkie remarked sarcastically as we walked. I could tell she was trying to lighten my evidently sour mood, and she wasn't exactly doing well. "What was that about? She was all like: "Porn star name" this, and "Not a real job" that almost makes my dad look like a rational thinker!" She giggled.

"Real matter to giggle about." I rolled my eyes.

"Sometimes, all you can go is giggle about things." She replied. I said nothing once more, it was about that point where she realized her attempt to cheer me up wasn't working. "Chuckie, I know that dinner was upsetting."

"It was?" I asked sarcastically.

"And, I know you didn't want to do it." She continued.

"And you just thought I was being ignorant and stubborn." I noted. "You didn't think I may have known my own mother better than you did with your little encounter in the bathroom."

"Chuckie, listen." She said. I turned around as I had been walking about five feet in front of her this whole time. "I know that wasn't fun for you, it wasn't fun for me either, how was I to know it would go that way?" She asked.

"How were you to know?" I replied. "Maybe when your husband, who generally has a good sense about things, and has had _experience_ with the person in question says 'This is a bad idea', that's a start!" I exclaimed. "You didn't stop and think I'd sat through a million of dinners just like that before? No, no no, just because it's _your_ first experience, it's _my_ first experience as well!" I remarked dryly. "I don't recall doubting _your_ instincts regarding _your_ family! Oh wait, I know why, because I was thinking rationally." I remarked.

"Chuckie, I'm sorry." Pinkie hung her head.

"Sorry for what exactly? Narrow it down." I remarked. "Sorry for making me go to that dinner despite my experience telling us otherwise? Sorry for embarrassing me when we go out in public? Or for bringing me to this place I didn't even want to be for the quote-unquote "best time of the year"?" I ranted.

"I embarrass you?" Pinkie asked, looking up, I could tell almost immediately that my words had stung her. "Chuckie, I can't help it!" She exclaimed. "You of all ponies should know what it's like to have to adjust to new things!" She remarked. "You know what? Finish your walk alone." She said as she turned around. "I don't want to embarrass you." She said, her voice faltering as she started to walk home.

I stood there as the snow fell for a moment, did I just do that? Did I just say those things? Yes. Yes I did. I just told my wife, who means everything to me that she embarrasses me.

"Fuck." I muttered to myself.

 _To be continued..._


	74. The Warming in Hearth's Warming

**Author's note:** Many chapters ago, I asked what OC people would like to see become more prominent. I had two responses, they were Sunny Side and Oddity. I held true to Sunny Side, and only held true to Oddity more recently. That pertains to the chapter because... I don't know.

* * *

Chapter 74: The Warming in Hearth's Warming

Sunny Side counted down the minutes on the clock. Hearth's Warming Eve, and where was she? Working at her restaurant. She likes the restaurant, but would you really want to be wasting away the night of merriment at work? No. However, at the same time, what else was there to do? She wasn't going to her family's for the holiday, Pinkie was out of town, and she didn't really associate with anypony else. It looked like she was going to close up the diner, go home, and enjoy the holiday as little more than a day off. There was only one thing keeping her from just going home then and now.

"Back when this was Table Scraps' place the food was way better," A bitter, elderly stallion complained. "You call this a three bean salad?" He scoffed.

"Sir, you ordered a chili." Sunny Side replied slowly, one more remark away from snapping at the stallion with little more to come home to than she had. "I brought you a chili." She concluded. "I don't know where the notion of a three bean salad came from, but you ordered chili." The stallion grumbled and looked down at his chili.

"Well... chili was better back when Table Scraps ran the place too." He murmured.

"Yeah well, it's time to close up shop." Sunny said to him, it was actually about half an hour before that time, but she wasn't dealing with him for any longer. The stallion grumbled and got up, placing bits on the counter. Price was right, the tip was lousy. After about ten minutes of cleaning up, she locked up for the holiday. "Happy Hearth's Warming." She mumbled to the building as she walked.

" _Pony's voices fill the night, Hearth's Warming Eve in here once again..._ " She hummed as she walked. " _All alone, no one in sight, Hearth's Warming Eve is here once again._ " She added a lyric with a little sigh. The lights lit up the dark streets and reflected off of the white snow that crunched beneath her hooves. Red, green, blue, yellow, it was quite a spectacle to behold, an empty street on Hearth's Warming Eve. It's a very calming sight, but it can feel... lonely. Most houses were already shut up and most ponies already asleep. She was sure she was the only one in Ponyville who was even still awake, bar the customer she had just dealt with that is. She walked by Chuck's Tavern. " _Closed for the season, happy Hearth's Warming._ " Read the sign on the door. Chuck still bothered to hang lights on the tavern and keep them lit, so as not to take away from the town's aesthetic. Sunny Side didn't give him credit on much, but for that she was at least grateful. She'd never say it to his face, but his business looked very nice all lit up at night time. She'd _definitely_ never admit it to his face, but she was sad to hear that their family wouldn't be in town for Hearth's Warming. It would have been nice to have some company. "Next year." She reassured herself, passing by the bar.

"Wonder if anypony else is having as lousy a holiday as I am." She mumbled to herself, walking down the road. Her holiday was only going to get worse though. One clumsy step and she lost her footing, slipping on a patch of ice and falling down hard, her face cushioned by it landing in a snow bank.

"Great... just great." She muttered in the snow. She tried to stand, and quickly cried out in pain, falling back down, that fall was quite hard on one of her hooves, she must have sprained it. "Thank you. Thank you so much, I was hoping this would happen." She grumbled sarcastically, wincing and whimpering in pain, not ashamed to whimper since nopony was around, or so she thought.

"Ponies must have their last minute shopping already done." Sunny Side overheard a voice walking down the road. "Oh well, at least rent's a lot better in this town." The voice continued, _it was that mare. That mare who tried to sleep with Chuck._ _What was her name?_ Sunny thought. _Bobbity? Fiddlesticks? Bobblehead? Trinkets! Oddity Trinkets!_ Sunny Side looked up and saw her walking, almost to her, Oddity then noticed her and jumped, startled at the sight.

"Oh my goodness!" Oddity exclaimed. "Sunny Side?" She asked.

"Mhm." Sunny Side nodded.

"What's the matter?" Oddity asked. "No. No no. That can wait. Here, let me help you." She offered, helping her up. Oddity noticed what was now a large bruise on one of Sunny's rear legs. "Oh dear, your fetlock... you shouldn't be walking on that." She remarked, biting her lip. "Here." She thought quickly. She undid her scarf and tied an end of it to one of Sunny's front legs and then to her own, mirroring her. "Walk with me, I'll give you the support so you don't need to use that leg."

"Are you sure?" Sunny asked. "My house is pretty far from here still."

"We aren't going there." Oddity answered. "Even with my help, what your hoof needs is rest, and lots of it. My house is just down the street. I... I hope that's okay. I'm not ruining any plans, am I?" She asked, she looked concerned.

"Uh... no." Sunny answered. "No you aren't."

"Good." Oddity nodded slowly, not so much replying to Sunny as she was reassuring herself. They walked slowly, the extra support didn't necessarily ease the pain in Sunny's leg, but the warmth admittedly made her feel a bit better.

"Here we are." Oddity said as they turned into her walkway. She opened her purse and took out her house key, using magic to do so.

"You're a unicorn?" Sunny asked.

"Oh, yeah." Oddity blushed and chuckled. "The horn is there, just under all this mane." She giggled, unlocking the door. "Come, sit down." She led her to the couch, propping her leg up on the coffee table as she set her down. "Can I get you anything?" She asked. "I have tea, hot cocoa, do you like apple cider?" She asked.

"Tea, please." Sunny nodded thankfully. Oddity nodded and left for the kitchen, returning promptly with a mug of tea and a mug of apple cider for herself.

"I hope you like peppermint tea, it's all I had." Oddity noted as she gave Sunny her drink.

"Like it? I love it." Sunny smiled. "Thank you."

"You're very welcome." Oddity nodded, sitting down beside her. "So tell me, what were you doing out in the cold so late?" She asked.

"I was closing up my restaurant." Sunny replied. "Slipped on a bad patch of ice while walking." She explained.

"Oh, you poor thing..." Oddity remarked. "Oh, I think I know what to do for you, I'll be right back." She went off to her kitchen. "I've got a home remedy that just might be able to help." She called. A minute later she returned with a wooden bowl with steam coming from the top.

"I was vacationing with a Zebra tribe and I was shown this recipe." Oddity explained. "It's not going to taste good, I'll warn you right now, but it'll help. You should feel good to walk again by tomorrow morning."

Sunny opened her mouth and Oddity started to pour the liquid down her throat. Oddity was right, it tasted horrible. It took all her will power to keep herself from gagging and vomiting all over Oddity.

"There." Oddity remarked. "That's the last drop."

"Thanks." Sunny coughed. "So.. what were you doing out so late?" She asked.

"I was out for a walk." Oddity answered. "I like walks, living in Manehattan made me forget how much I liked them. I've been walking every night since I moved here." She explained. "And I was just out for a late night stroll when I found you down in the ditch." She concluded. "I was just going to lock up the house and spend the holiday to myself."

"Yeah, that was pretty much my plan too." Sunny nodded. "You don't have any family to visit? Friends?"

"Not really." Oddity shook her head. "I don't have the money to travel to where my mom and dad live so I've just been mailing gifts to them and going to one or two parties in town to celebrate." She explained. "What about you? Why are you staying here all alone, if I may."

"D'ah it's fine." Sunny shrugged. "I've got a family. Mother, father, sisters, but... I'm what is commonly known as a black sheep, if you will."

"Why?" Oddity asked. "Oh my goodness, I'm so sorry, I shouldn't pry." She quickly said before Sunny could reply.

"No no." Sunny shook her head. "It's okay. It's... it's just kind of a... different way of thinking sort of thing, different lifestyle. I learned a couple years ago that any time I try it just ends in a fight so I've just been staying in town for the holidays. Of course, I used to spend them with Pinkie."

"So that's why you don't like Chuck." Oddity noted.

"What?" She asked. "No. No, I don't even really dislike Chuck, not anymore anyway." She said. "That's a whole other story, Hearth's Warming has nothing to do with it."

"Oh, I see." Oddity nodded. "Well... I'm not entirely sure what to say." She trailed. "I'm sorry that you and your family don't get along. But I mean, at least you're brave enough to talk to them about things." She noted. "I don't really talk to my parents about anything... like you said, different lifestyle. My adopted father is a very set in his ways pony, he's not big on things unlike his way of thinking." Sunny snorted a laugh when Oddity said that, not finding Oddity's story funny, but because her story was all too real.

"Been there, done that." Sunny nodded. "It's a drag."

"I know." Oddity nodded. "So I've been spending the past... ten Hearth's Warmings alone."

"Wait, you've spent ten years without speaking to your parents?" Sunny Side asked.

"Well, I've spent forever not speaking to my _parents_." Oddity quipped. "But I still talk with my mom and dad, write mostly. It's just... whenever we actually get together it just... doesn't end well for anypony. Me mostly." Sunny nodded, she understood that, like she had said before, it was the same for her.

"I'm sorry." Was all Sunny Side said in reply. "Why? If I may ask, like specifically."

"Well, a lot of things I guess. I was always seen as kind of the black sheep, especially since they had biological foals of their own too." Oddity explained. "Counter that with an unreliable choice of career and a few other things, you know." She sighed. "It's fine, I get used to it. I'm doing fine though, table set for one, party of one, single bed, it's alright by me." She said, Sunny could see that wasn't true though.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Yeah!" Oddity nodded. "It can get a bit lonely I guess, but I've talked to Fluttershy, she's been taking in stray cats for her sanctuary and I may be adopting one."

"Have you ever... wanted the company of a pony?" Sunny asked. Oddity looked at her quizzically and chuckled slightly.

"Well... I think we both know that's true, looking at that whole fiasco." She chuckled. "But you know, I get it now, we wouldn't have worked together. What about you?" She asked. "Have you been seeing anypony?"

"No." Sunny shook her head. "No I haven't, not in a long time no." She said. "I still remember the last time, brought her home to the folks, heh..." She chuckled a little, reminiscing. "Remember what I told you about different lifestyle and way of thinking." She noted.

"Her?" Oddity asked.

"Yes. Her." Sunny replied. "I like mares, Oddity. I kind of figured you knew that."

"I suppose looking back it's been... brought up." Oddity nodded. "I think I remember it being mentioned at Chuck's Nightmare Night party."

"So anyway, that's pretty much why me and my family don't talk much at all." Sunny said. "They don't exactly agree with my lifestyle. And the last Hearth's Warming I tried to make it work, it didn't. It went very very poorly for just about everypony involved."

"Oh, well I'm sorry to hear that." Oddity replied. Despite the rather generic response to a story like that given in reply, Sunny Side could tell Oddity meant it, the look in her eyes seemed to speak louder than her voice. "I kind of understand how you feel." She sighed.

"Yeah, you said that." Sunny nodded. "You and your dad don't see eye to eye."

"No, more than that." Oddity replied. "I mean, we don't see eye to eye on that same thing." Sunny looked at her. What? No. She wasn't inferring what Sunny thought she was. No. "My dad doesn't exactly like... my taste in ponies either."

"But, what about..." Sunny began. Chuck. She tried to get Chuck away from Pinkie, she was dead set on it, Sunny remembered that. Hell, half of Ponyville did. It's not a very interesting town after all. That near scandal made the headline in the paper.

"I can explain that," Oddity sighed, knowing what she was eluding to with her short reply. "Providing you want to know."

"I mean, you almost became a homewrecker and now you're claiming to not even like stallions." Sunny shrugged with a little grin. "So yeah, it does seem kind of interesting."

"Okay." Oddity said. "I don't like Chuck, I never did. Like, in that way, I like him, I think he's a great pony but I never was interested in him for myself." She began. "It was for my dad." She admitted, hanging her head. "I just... I figured if I could bring a stallion home for him he'd... he'd finally..." Sunny could tell she didn't exactly want to finish the story, and her suspicions were confirmed when she saw a tear roll down her cheek.

"Oddity..." Sunny spoke up. "If you don't want to..."

"I just thought he'd accept me!" She started to cry. Sunny wasn't sure what to do here, Oddity was kind enough to welcome her in when she couldn't walk and now Oddity was sobbing on the couch. "Then... then... I don't know, maybe if I gave him a chance having a stallion in my life instead would grow on me." She sniffled. "I'm glad Chuck slapped some sense in to me, before in my stupid rash decision destroyed his family. It was so selfish of me, all so I could keep pretending to be something I'm not!" She cried. "I'm sorry." She sniffed. "I must seem pretty pathetic to you, don't I?"

"What?" Sunny asked. "No." She shook her head. "I know what it's like to want to fit in, to be accepted, and we all make rash decisions out of desperation, I know I have." She scooted a bit closer to her, lifting Oddity's head so she could make eye contact with her. "There's nothing wrong with you, and you aren't pathetic." She smiled.

"My business is poor, my family hates me, and I almost ruined somepony's marriage, if that's not pathetic I don't know what is." Oddity sighed.

"You run your own business, your family is too narrow minded to accept you, and you were audacious enough to at least attempt to please them." Sunny replied. "Listen, you're a strong pony. There's nothing wrong with you, and you certainly aren't pathetic."

"You're just saying that." Oddity replied.

"Just saying that?" Sunny scoffed. "Just saying that?" She remarked. "I'm Sunny Side. I don't say things just to say things. If I don't think you're pathetic, you aren't pathetic."

"Well, thank you Sunny Side." Oddity removed her glasses to wipe her eyes. "I appreciate that."

"Don't mention it." Sunny nodded. "Just doing what friends do."

"We're friends?" Oddity asked.

"Well, you welcomed me in on Hearth's Warming Eve and helped fix my fetlock up, I'd seem like a real jerk if I wasn't going to call you a friend, wouldn't I?" Sunny chuckled.

"I suppose that's true." Oddity nodded, a slight laugh escaping from her. "I should probably let you get some rest." She said, getting up from the couch. "Goodnight Sunny Side, I'll see you in the morning."

"Goodnight Oddity, thanks again." Sunny smiled as she laid back to get some sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Sunny Side opened her eyes to an empty living room, if she hadn't known better, she'd have thought she just slept on the couch at her own house. She blinked her eyes a couple of times and let out a yawn as she stretched.

"I hear you in there, good morning!" Oddity called from the kitchen. "Happy Hearth's Warming!" She peaked her head through the doorway, baking flour and batter dirtying her face. "How's your leg doing?" She asked. Sunny Side got up on her hooves, and despite the fact there was still a bruise where the fall had most of it's impact, she would never have even known she had sprained it.

"Good as new." Sunny remarked as she strolled into the kitchen. "What's all this?" She asked.

"Well, I thought I would try and be accommodating and hospitable and make you breakfast." Oddity replied as she rushed around the kitchen. "I'll be the first to admit though, I didn't get my cutie mark for cooking for a very good reason." She remarked as a small fire erupted from on element on her oven. "Oh dear..." She remarked. Sunny Side chuckled a little, watching her.

"Would you like some help?" She asked.

"It would sort of take away from the hospitality angle if you made the meal, don't you think?" Oddity asked.

"I'd rather we drop _hospitality_ before you, me, or both of us end up in the _hospital_." Sunny chuckled as she turned the oven down to a better temperature. "I wouldn't be doing it _for_ you, I would just be helping you out." She reasoned.

"Well, I guess that would be nice." Oddity admitted.

"That's what I figured." Sunny remarked with a little grin.

After a quick session of cleaning up and starting anew, breakfast for the two was made and the two sat down and ate a nice Hearth's Warming breakfast together, conversing and chatting about foalhood memories of Hearth's Warming's passed. Neither of them said it aloud, but the company of the other was so much nicer than spending the day alone. So much so that after breakfast, when Sunny was getting ready to leave, Oddity made an offer.

"Would you, maybe like to stay?" She asked. "Just for the rest of the day, I have games and things like that, and I... may need a little help getting a dinner ready." Oddity admitted with a nervous little chuckle. Sunny stopped in the doorway and looked back at her host.

"Y'know, that'd be nice." Sunny smiled. "Sure. I'd love to." She said, stepping back inside.

And so, the two spent the holiday together, playing games and making merry, and even nearly burning Oddity's house down when preparing a Hearth's Warming dinner. The rest of the day seemed to fly by for the both of them, but after all, time does fly when you're having fun. After dinner and after the cleaning up process, it was finally time for Sunny Side to head home for the night. She almost didn't want to leave.

"Goodnight." Oddity said as she bid Sunny farewell for the evening. "Happy Hearth's Warming."

"And a happy Hearth's Warming to you too, Oddity." Sunny smiled. "And thanks, thanks a lot." She said.

"No, thank you." Oddity smiled as Sunny strolled down her walkway before she shut herself in for the night. "Wait! Sunny Side!" She called, swinging open the door.

"Yeah?" Sunny asked, turning around.

"Uh, two things." Oddity said, a bit nervous and awkward in her voice. "One, be careful on the ice tonight, I probably won't be out on a walk and happen to save your flank this time." She said, a little chuckle in her voice. "And two, would it be okay if I came by the diner tomorrow?" She asked.

"It's a diner, a public eating establishment, so of course you can come, you don't need my permission, nor can I deny you access to it." Sunny said flatly before shifting to a more warm tone. "But I'd love it if you stopped in." She smiled.

"Okay, happy Hearth's Warming, for real this time." Oddity said.

"Happy Hearth's Warming." Sunny smiled, going on her way.

Sunny walked through the streets of Ponyville once more, on her way to her home. She looked about at the houses and businesses, all lit up in Hearth's Warming splendor, they were pretty. They were always pretty, but something about the day made her appreciate them just a little bit more. Did she miss Pinkie and her family? Sure, but she didn't feel as lonely walking by herself that evening, she just didn't feel as lonely in general anymore, and for the first time in a while, she had a genuinely happy Hearth's Warming.

* * *

 _This chapter's a little shorter than normal, but I'm sure it's not too noticeable. I would have tried to add more to it but I really feel this story specifically is better left without any filler, which is what anything added probably would have been. Until next time!_


	75. Chapter 75: Merry Christmas Part 3

**Author's note:** Now, the final piece of the main story. Also, Ryavrel, just make a real account so I can reply to your reviews! You always have such nice things to say, and I wanna say thanks! Anyhow, here it is, the final chapter of the arc.

* * *

Chapter 75: Merry Christmas Pinkie Pie Part 3: Christmas

I walked through the woods. The old place had to be around here somewhere. And by god I needed to spend a little time in there, lord knows I couldn't go home right now, lest I show my face to Pinkie. Why'd I have to say those things? I was pissed off, yes. It was... technically her fault. But still, I shouldn't of flew off the handle. I would have stewed in my thoughts a bit longer, but I saw it. Yes! My old fort I had built as a kid, there it was, still standing after all these years. I climbed up the rope ladder and crawled into the fort. Let's see, two foot tall Optimus Prime that I got at a Value Village? Check. Cooler? Check, and replenished too, which was odd, haven't been here in years. But was what I was _really_ looking for still there? I opened up the chest on the large Optimus Prime figure and checked, I couldn't believe my eyes, it was still there! I held the treasure up in my hands, a BIC lighter I got for 99 cents at some convenience store, and a joint I got for much more than 99 cents. If it wasn't the stuff I hoped it was, I was definitely going to seek out and kill the guys who sold it to me six years ago.

"Cannabis, my old friend, I have missed you." I chuckled as I flicked the lighter and lit the joint. Potent. Certainly not oregano. "That's the stuff." I remarked as I puffed some smoke.

"Who's that?" I suddenly heard, hearing this made me jump and swear. I peeked through the window to see who was asking that.

"The owner of this damn fort, and as the owner, I beg the question, who's that?" I asked, pointing at him.

"Chuck? Chuck Murphy?" The shadow asked.

"Nice try, that's me." I replied, knowing very well he couldn't be him, I was him.

"No, that's who you are, I was saying that I recognized you." He replied. "This is your fort?" He asked.

"I made that clear." I nodded. "I advise you either identify yourself or get scarce, I have a gun with me." I lied.

"No, you have an old Transformer, a joint, a lighter, and a cooler in there." He replied, climbing the ladder. "Johnathan, Johnathan Reed." He introduced himself.

"Johnathan Reed?" I asked. "Who the hell are-" I stopped for a moment. "Wait a sec, I recognize you, you went to my show!" I exclaimed. "Small world, my man." I shook his hand with my free one, as the other one was holding my Christmas gift to myself.

"Yeah." He nodded. "So, if it's alright if I ask, your wife..."

"I really don't wanna talk about my wife right now." I replied quickly.

"I just wanted to ask if she's... well, she just... reminded me a lot of..." He stammered. "Pinkie Pie, from _My Little Pony_." He concluded. I sighed a little before a grin grew on my face, I sat up and looked him in the eye.

"That's 'cause she is." I said, knowing he wouldn't believe me.

"What?" He asked. "No, no that isn't possible."

"It damn well is possible, where do you think I've been for the past year and a half?" I asked. "I've been prancing my jolly little ass around pony-land, shedding all my humanly responsibilities to hang around with cameo characters and someone you haven't even heard of."

"And... apparently get married to a main character." Johnathan replied skeptically. "I don't buy it."

"Good, and you shouldn't." I smirked. "But I'm not joking, I really am married to her, there's plenty I could tell you that would rock your sinful little brony pants off, but I'll choose not to." I puffed the joint. "Want any?" I asked, holding the joint forward. "Well tough noogies, it's mine."

"Tough noogies?" Johnathan asked.

" _Scooter Thomas Makes it to the Top of the World_. Good little stage piece." I replied, puffing once more.

"You're really odd, maybe just because you're clearly high." Johnathan noted.

"Compared to some of the freaks I've met in the past little while, I'm about as normal as you, you tightly wound prude." I replied. "Like seriously man, I mean _fuck_ I have met some freaky ass people. Nice, generally, but weird as all hell." I puffed once more.

"Like your wife?" He asked.

"HA!" I jerked up as I blurted out a laugh. "But really, my wife is the sweetest, kindest soul I could have ever asked for." I sighed.

"It seems to be a miracle she'd fall for someone like you." Johnathan noted snidely.

"I ought to put this joint out on in your eye, you little dick-wad." I snarled. "But you aren't wrong. I'm a fuck-up, I prance around with this care free, cavalier attitude, and it's a lie, I'm pathetic man, all I ever do is mess up, it's all I've done my whole life. At least that's what people tell me." I sighed. "Then, out of some God-given opportunity, she comes into my life, and then what do I do?" I ask, opening the cooler and taking a drink from it. Cream soda, and not even the good kind. "I mess up, I go ahead and tell her she embarrasses me." I sigh.

"Sounds rough." Johnathan remarked, not very sympathetic in his tone.

"You don't know what rough is, you little virgin." I replied flatly.

"How would you know I'm a virgin?" He asked.

"Am I wrong?" I asked smugly in reply.

"No." He muttered.

"That's what I figured." I smirked. "Gotta admit, you being here is _completely_ ruining my high." I grimaced. "What you're doing in a tree fort the night before Christmas Eve is beyond me, but if it was to smoke my joint, you should at least get the satisfaction of knowing you haven't made my high very fun." I said, taking a long drag of the joint.

"Sorry I'm ruining your Christmas." He replied dryly.

"Nah, I already ruined my Christmas by getting Pinkie upset." I replied. "She's probably back at the house now, either crying about this whole thing or looking into filing for divorce." I sighed.

"You're pretty pathetic." Johnathan remarked.

"Thanks for that, Sherlock." I rolled my eyes.

"No, really. If she's upset, you should go and make things right, that's pretty obvious." He said. "But instead, you're here smoking pot in your childhood fort." I looked at him, I let out another sigh, I knew he was right.

"You're right, I'll give you that." I said. "You're also really annoying and a bit of a knob, personally I can't stand you or people like you, but I'll give credit where it's due. You're right. And that's what I'm gonna do." I said, scooting out of the fort and on my way back home.

"What am I going to say?" I asked myself. "Hey Pinkie, it's-a-me, Mario!" Why did I say that. "Hey, I'm sorry for what I said, wanna find it in your heart to forgive me?" That's pretty bland. "Great, this is just great." I sighed as I walked, following her footprints.

 _I followed footprints in the snow,  
Never knowing if I were right behind you._  
 _Looking down, no one would know._  
 _I wasn't walking hand-in-hand beside you._

 _For your footprints lead the way,  
To a hearth where hearts we love, surround you.  
Here awash in all it's glow,  
I'm still standing in the snow..._

I stood in the driveway, I could see her silhouette in the window, one of the last lights on in the house, she could see me by this point. She stepped out of the house and walked out to meet me slowly, she stopped right in front of me, not saying a word.

 _I stood and watched the lights go out,  
While the snowflakes settled all around me.  
Though it filled my heart with doubt,  
Couldn't move and this is where you found me._

 _As our footprints disappeared,  
Snow erasing how I came to be here.  
I've got nowhere else to go,  
Now you're standing in the snow._

 _Look for understanding,  
In the snow.  
You look just outstanding,  
In the snow.  
Standing... in the snow._

"Pinkie," I said, taking her hands into mine, looking into her eyes with an apologetic glance. "I'm sorry. I'm so, _so_ sorry."

"Chuckie," She said quietly. "It's... okay." She sighed.

"No it's not." I shook my head. "What I said was... was a manifest of feelings that weren't for you. I was upset, I was angry, and I took it out on you. You didn't deserve that." I looked into her eyes."You are... the greatest thing that ever happened to me, and I was stupid enough to say something like that. That was wrong, so wrong of me. I can only hope that you'd find a way to forgive me, despite the horrible things I said."

"Chuckie, don't worry about it." She said, taking my arm. "I know that, sometimes I can be a lot to handle, and I know you didn't mean to say that, you were upset. I'm just happy you're back, I was worried you'd freeze to death." She said as we walked up the driveway.

"That was last year." I joked. "I'm not playing the same trick twice." _On that note, get ready for Big Trouble in Little Chuck Part 2, coming next Spring._

"I'm just glad you're okay." She giggled as we stepped inside.

"Where's Sugar Plum?" I asked.

"She went to bed, Chuckie. It's pretty late." She remarked.

"Get her up." I instructed. "Better yet, I'll get her up." I said, marching upstairs to get her. And about twenty minutes later, my little slice of the Pie family was sitting on the living room couch under a big blanket and watching _Rudolph._

"Rudolph, with your nose so bright," The clay Santa pleaded. "Won't you guide my sleigh tonight?"

"A talking reindeer? Okay, sure." Pinkie scoffed. "I mean, they exist, but they don't look like that."

"And wait a minute, they were just mean to him for his nose, but now they're okay because he's suddenly useful?" Sugar Plum asked. "That makes no sense."

"It's actually a very important lesson, people are awful until they need something from you." I replied.

"Well, you're not awful." Sugar Plum said to me.

"No, no he's not." Pinkie smiled, leaning into me.

 _Now it's almost Christmas Eve,  
I'm surrounded with the sound of laughter._  
 _To give is better than to deceive,_  
 _For I received a happy ever after._

 _You might have left me in the snow,_  
 _A fitting ending for the fool that I was,_  
 _But you'd be cuddled up alone,_  
 _And I'd still be standing... in the snow._

"Chuckie, Sugar Plum's asleep again." Pinkie told me, looking over at her. "Please don't wake her up again."

"No no, she'd better get some sleep, or she's gonna be pooped tomorrow." I said. "And I think that applies to us, too." I said. Slowly and carefully, I got up and scooped Sugar Plum up in my arms and carried her upstairs. After laying her down in bed once more, I resigned to my old room where Pinkie and I were sleeping in. Pinkie was already in bed, awake. I sat down on my side of the bed and shifted my way beside her.

"Hey." I looked up at the ceiling as I spoke to her.

"Hi." She replied.

"I'm sorry." I sighed. "I really am."

"Chuckie, it's alright, like I said earlier." She replied. "I'm just happy you're back."

"But I feel just awful about what I said to you, all because a dinner that I knew what going to go badly went badly. I especially feel bad about what I said to you, the whole, embarrassing thing." I sighed. "You don't embarrass me, ever. Not here, not back home, nowhere." I said.

"It's nice to hear that." She admitted. "Even when you came back and apologized... I was a little bit worried."

"I love you, I love everything about you." I said. "I love the way that you are, your sense of wonder." I began.

"My stupid, childlike sense of it." Pinkie mumbled.

"Huh?" I asked.

"Just, what she said, I guess it affected me too." She told me. "What she called me, you know."

"Don't I know it." I replied. "Yeah... but she's wrong, you aren't stupid." I turned over. "But you are childlike."

"Gee, thanks." Pinkie muttered.

"You're looking at that all wrong." I replied as I sat up and turned on my nightstand lamp. I walked over to the closet and looked at some of the boxes within. "Where is it..." I mumbled. I found the box, **CHUCK'S** **BOOKS** was what was written on it. I pulled the box out and opened it up.

"Chuckie, I don't think any of those comics about that cat who likes lasagna will help me." Pinkie said.

"You're right, they won't, but this will." I said, pulling out a copy of an old book from my youth. _The Little Prince,_ originally written as _Le Petit Prince,_ by Antoine de Saint-Exupéry "This is the story of a little prince, forever youthful. This book teaches a valuable lesson, a lesson that you seem to embody better than anyone that I've ever met." I said, sitting down beside her, flipping through the book. "Here it is." I stopped at a page and read. " _It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye_." I read. "Pinkie, growing up is mandatory for the physical, but it's never mandatory in here, a lot of folks when they grow up... well they forget about that." I set my hand on her heart. "I see that you, despite any essence of negativity that has surrounded you through your life, refused to forget that. That is such an amazing quality to have."

"You mean it?" She asked.

"You bet I do. It's one of my favorite things about you, every day with you is like an adventure for me, and I wouldn't have it any other way." I smiled warmly.

"Chuckie..." She sniffled, sitting up and hugging me tightly. "Thank you..." She said, her voice muffled into my shoulder.

"Don't make the mistake I made and take her words to heart." I said, pulling on the cord of the lamp to shut it off. "I figured out a long time ago that life if too short to allow negative people in like that."

"Very poetic." She remarked, cuddling close to me.

"Well, I am kind of high right now." I admitted. "Partially why I was able to sit through that dreadful movie." I explained.

"It was pretty bad." Pinkie nodded.

"Surprisingly not the worst Christmas special though." I noted. "The worst piece of Christmas media is pretty much anything with Candace Cameron Bure in it, because she's terrible." Well, it's true. That's all I'll say.

"Well, don't think about what's terrible, think about all the good." Pinkie whispered in my ear.

"Like you?" I asked, a smile on my face as I shuffled myself around to face her.

"That could be one thing." She smiled, blushing a little. "I love you, Chuckie."

"I love you too, Cutie Pie." I wrapped an arm around her as I drifted off to sleep.

* * *

"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up! Wake up! It's Christmas!" Were the words I woke up to as Sugar Plum jumped on our bed. I muttered and sat up, rubbing my eyes.

"No, it actually isn't." I replied tiredly. "It's the morning of Christmas Eve." I explained. "Christmas is _tomorrow_. But thanks for the wake-up call."

"Wha- huh- what's goin' on?" Pinkie mumbled tiredly as she arose. "Sugar Plum, Christmas is tomorrow." She mumbled tiredly.

"I already told her." I grumbled as I got up our of bed.

"I'm sorry." Sugar Plum backed up as I shuffled toward my robe on a hangar and threw it on. Pinkie wrapped a blanket around herself like a robe and put a pair of slippers I had got her on.

"Don't worry about it." I yawned. "What time is it?" I looked at my alarm clock. 5:30 AM. "Good, perfect time to got a little coffee going, throw on a movie, and have the grownups rest their eyes for an hour and a half at least." I said, shuffling out of the room and downstairs while the others follow me. I tossed a generous amount of coffee into the filter and turned the pot on. Pinkie and Sugar Plum were already on the couch and waiting for me.

"What're you putting on?" Pinkie asked me.

"I was thinking a Christmas episode of _The Office_ or perhaps _Home Alone._ " I said, looking at the DVDs on the shelf. "Maybe something a little more suitable for a kid." I stroked my chin. "How about _Frosty versus Rudolph_?" I asked.

"Not that reindeer." Pinkie droned.

"Yeah, but in this one he gets beat up by a snowman." I reasoned, popping the disk in and sitting down beside them. Bet you wish _Frosty versus Rudolph_ was real, don't you? I know I do. I closed my eyes as I listened to the coffee pot perk and the movie play. I was pretty sure Pinkie was doing the same, pregnant Pinkie was certainly more my speed, I'd miss her more lethargic energy soon when our little twins are born, that's for certain.

As soon as my morning wake up drug finished brewing I got up and poured two large mugs full of it. Cream, no sugar in mine, and a touch of cream and half the sugar bowl for Pinkie.

"Here's your sludge." I said as I gave her the mug with her drink.

"I don't mock you because you like bitter stuff." She replied with a pout on her visage.

"I like my coffee like I like myself, tall, sturdy, and bitter." I snorted. "I'll make up some breakfast I suppose. Pancakes or waffles?" I asked.

"Both." Was the answer I received from both of my girls.

"As you wish." I replied, walking into the kitchen to make up a Christmas Eve breakfast, not only was I making waffles and pancakes, I was frying eggs, some hash browns, and the crown jewel of any breakfast, the pork. This breakfast featured apple smoked bacon.

"I might trick Pinkie into eating bacon." I snickered to myself as I cooked, I wouldn't do it intentionally, but if she grabbed it I wouldn't stop her. I know, husband of the year over here, but you can't deny that it'd be at least a little bit funny.

About fifteen minutes later everything was ready to eat and I brought plates out into the living room and set them up on TV trays. " _Bon appetit_." I said to them as I sat down between them and started to eat my breakfast.

"So what's on the agenda for today?" Pinkie asked as we ate breakfast.

"I was thinking a snow day, go outside and have fun in the snow." I replied. "As long as that flies with everyone."

"That sounds wonderful." Sugar Plum smiled.

"And then after that I was thinking dinner, a board game, then hit the hay." I continued. "You may not believe it, but there's a game just like _Pioneers of Natac_ here." I grinned.

"As long as we get to spend the day together, I'm happy with anything we do." Pinkie smiled at me, kissing me on the cheek.

"Except go to grandma's house." Sugar Plum murmured.

"Don't worry, we've seen the last of grandma." I replied. So yeah, if you were hoping for that to get tied up, TFB, because there ain't no tying that one up.

* * *

"And just like that," I said, arranging my build cards properly. "I get a settlement, which is one victory point, two roads, which puts me at longest road, another two victory points there, and add that to my score is... ten victory points. In other words, I win." I grinned, setting the remainder of my cards down.

"I would've won if you hadn't blocked my 8 tile." Pinkie muttered.

"Ah ah, nobody likes a sore loser." I grinned smugly as I packed up the game pieces. "It also helps that I've got more experience at this game than anyone here." I concluded. "Anyway, we'd better get some sleep, we're gonna be up pretty early tomorrow." I remarked.

"That's the truth." My dad nodded. "And I just know Chuck's gonna be the first one up out of any of us." He laughed.

"What can I say?" I chuckled nervously. "I love Christmas." I shrugged as I scooped Sugar Plum up in my arms. "C'mon sweetheart, let me tuck you into bed."

"Okay." She yawned as I carried her upstairs.

Once Sugar Plum was all tucked in, I resigned to my room and joined Pinkie Pie in bed. "What a precious little thing, pretty well asleep before she even touched the bed." I chuckled a little as I joined her.

"Adorable." Pinkie smiled. "She told me Cheese and Ivory were up to see Cheese's uncle for the holidays, that must be nice."

"Livin' it up like aristocrats, must be swell." I nodded.

"I can't help but feel a bit bad though, Sunny and I used to do Hearth's Warmings together, I hope she's doing alright this year." Pinkie said. "Is it okay if she joins us next year?" She asked.

"I don't see why not, considering we'll be home that year." I nodded. "I'm sure she's doing just fine though, she's a strong girl."

"Yeah." Pinkie nodded, we were both quiet for a minute before she rolled over and looked at me. "Chuckie?" She asked.

"Yeah?" I asked, glancing at her.

"Do you think that, maybe, y'know that story you read a bit of last night?" She asked.

" _The Little Prince_?" I asked.

"Yeah, that one." She nodded. "Do you think, you might read it? Or at least start it?" She asked.

"I'd love to." I nodded with a little smile, I turned on the lamp beside me and opened up the old book, clearing my throat as I began to read. " _I lived my life alone, without anyone that I could really talk to, until I had an accident with my plane in the Desert of Sahara, six years ago..._ "

* * *

No more than six and a half hours after I finished reading the first few chapters of the book to Pinkie and falling asleep, I awoke. My dad was right, first on in the house to wake up. Now, normally if I were to be the first one awake, I would put forth great effort so as not to wake anyone. I made no such effort today.

"It's Christmas day." Were all the words I had to whisper in my darling dear's direction before she sprung awake like a Jack-in-the-Box upon the last note of _Pop Goes The Weasel_.

"It is?" She asked. "Oh yay!" She hopped awake. "I'm so excited!" She squealed. "Let's go wake the others!"

"Well, my dad would rather get some more sleep, but Sugar Plum doesn't get a say." I snorted. "Let's wake her up." We walked slowly down the hallway and in to our little daughter's room, there she was, curled up and asleep clutching her favorite toy, Mr. Stuffly with nearly all the might her little body had.

"Aw, lookit her sleeping." Pinkie remarked, mesmerized by her adorability. Yeah, I know that's not a word. "I almost don't want to wake her up."

"Yeah..." I nodded. "SUGAR PLUM WAKE UP!" I barked. "IT'S WORLD WAR III! INTO THE BOMB SHELTER!" I hollered, causing her to jerk awake suddenly.

"Wha!? Huh!?" She stammered, grasping for her glasses.

"Ha! Now you know how it feels!" I laughed. "But really, it's Christmas!" I grinned. "C'mon, c'mon, get up." I helped her out of bed.

"How come you guys are so happy about gettin' up early when I'm not jumping on you?" Sugar Plum murmured as we walked downstairs.

"Because this way we don't get bruises and we have less risk of you jumping on your future siblings." I replied. "I already probably fired off the doctors and lawyers on a lonely night anyway, they're chances are bleak as it is." My side note earned me a hard pinch in the side from Pinkie, not the kind that's affectionate, the kind that says "Don't fucking say that in front of our five year old daughter."

"Let's see, this is mine." I picked up a package under the tree. "This one's for Pinkie, from Sugar Plum, and this ones to Sugar Plum, from Pinkie." I gave her a parcel. Inside mine, which was a gift to myself from myself honestly, was a Sinatra collection all on vinyl.

"Thank you, Santa Hooves." I grinned, looking at the records.

Pinkie opened up her gift, a drawing of her and her friends, including Sugar Plum, Sunny Side, Ivory, me, and a couple others.

"Aw! I love it I love it I love it!" She exclaimed, hugging Sugar Plum tightly. "I love you sweetheart." She smiled.

"I love you too, Mommy." Sugar Plum replied before opening her gift. A snow globe, inside the snow globe were miniature stone carvings of Pinkie, Sugar Plum and I. It was absolutely beautiful. "Wow..." Sugar Plum remarked in astonishment at the beauty of the thing.

"This is partially from your Auntie Maud, she carved the ponies inside, I put the rest of it together from an old snow globe." Pinkie explained. "You like it?" She asked.

"I love it." Sugar Plum smiled. "Thank you mommy." She hugged her.

"You're welcome sweetie." Pinkie smiled.

"Here's a present for you, daddy." Sugar Plum walked over to me with a card, looked to be from her. I opened it up and took a look at it. It was me and my employees, along with Pinkie and her, Slider, Oddity and Sunny Side. I smiled widely and looked at the drawing once more.

"First thing as soon as we get home, this is going up in my office." I smiled. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, daddy." She blushed a little.

"Alright," I got up. "Come with me, Sugar Plum. I think it's time I give you your present." I took her by the hand and led her back upstairs to my old room where Pinkie and I stayed in and walked to the closet and started to take boxes out of it.

"What's this?" Sugar Plum asked.

"It's not a lot, but there's bound to be something to your liking in here." I said. "Anything in here that you may like, consider it yours." I smiled down at her. "There are all my old toys." I said, all but one box taken out of the closet. That box wasn't following the other boxes back home.

"What's this?" Sugar Plum asked, opening one box and taking a doll out of it, a doll with a brown cowboy hat, yellow shirt and cow-hide vest, and a pull string on his back.

"That." I smiled. "That was my Mr. Stuffly in a way." I said. "Sheriff Woody is his name, give that string a pull." I pointed to the loop on his back, she pulled it.

" _Yer my favorite deputy!_ " The voice box said. " _There's a snake in my boot!_ " It said given another pull.

"But, if you like Woody so much," I warned, sitting down and looking into the box. "You're going to have to take someone else too, you can't have one without the other." I pulled a astronaut looking action figure out of the box. "Buzz Lightyear, defender of the galaxy." I said, handing him to her.

" _To infinity... and beyond!_ " The toy said upon the press of a button.

"Thank you daddy." She smiled at the two old toys.

"You're welcome." I smiled. "And I'm bringing all the others back too, so if you ever want to play with anything else, just ask."

"He's essentially asking you to play toys with him." Pinkie murmured to her. "Like, border lining onto begging."

"I'd like that." She smiled. "Can Mr. Stuffly play too?" She asked.

"Of course he can." I nodded. "Merry Christmas, my girls."

"Merry Christmas." They smiled, gathering in for a group hug.

The rest of the day was really nice, we didn't go anywhere, we just spent the day together like a family, we shared stories, my dad dug out the old photo album much to my disdain, Sugar Plum and I even managed in to get a little play time into the day. Boxing day was another day just like that, but this time we all slept in, and the day after, we prepared to head home.

"Thanks for having us, dad." I said, giving my dad a farewell hug before the portal in our yard.

"Anytime." My dad smiled. "Let me know when your twins come, I want to be there this time."

"I will." I promised. "Feel free to stop by for our new years eve party if you like." I offered. "Until then, love you dad."

"Love you too, son." He gave me a hug. "Pinkie, Sugar Plum, great seeing you two."

"Bye grandpa!" Sugar Plum waved.

"Bye Mr. Murphy! Thanks so much for having us!" Pinkie waved. With the last of the boxes and suitcases pushed through the portal, we went through one by one and made our way home.

"That wasn't so bad." I admitted, stepping through, my red pelted cloven hooved self once more.

"It was better than not so bad." Pinkie smiled as she helped me load cardboard boxes into a wagon to cart back to our house. "Chuckie?" She asked me.

"Yeah, Cutie Pie?" I asked.

"What was in that other box, back in your room?" She asked me.

"Y'know?" I asked. "It doesn't matter. All just... things I don't need anymore." I shrugged.

Back on Earth, the box in question sat in my old fort now, waiting for a certain someone to find it. That kid from Christmas Eve, on it, I had left a note that read: _Hey you, Reed, I think. Here's some stuff I don't need anymore, I've upgraded so to speak. Merry Christmas. -Chuck._ Hopefully it would fall into his hands.

So in the end, despite one minor bump in the road, I managed to have a very merry Christmas, but that was largely due to the fact I had the best wife and daughter in the world right there with me, and I wouldn't have wanted to celebrate with anyone else. And so, I bid thee, the ready farewell, and a merry Christmas and happy holidays.

* * *

 _Merry Christmas from Impressionsguy all! See you soon! Also, if you've never read The Little Prince, I highly recommend it, or at least watch the film of it. It's a truly wonderful story with a beautiful message we could all benefit from, until next time!  
_

 _Song used_

 _Footprints by: Barenaked Ladies_


	76. Chapter 76: Togetherness

**Author's note:** Hey, just doing a plug for a really good friend of mine. Check out _The Lost Elements: A Quest of Bravery_ right here on this site. It's a great story and I really believe you all would enjoy it. Check it out sometime!

* * *

Chapter 76: Togetherness

"Yahoo! This is great!" Sugar Plum cried out gleefully as the three of us sped down a hill on our toboggan.

"Yeah! Weeeeee!" Pinkie cried out.

"I think we're going a little fast!" I called out. "I can't really see anything, thanks to your giant mane, Pinkie." I muttered, behind her. "We have a good direction, right?" I asked. Pinkie turned around me and instead of replying, just grinned and shrugged.

"Sugar Plum's our steering." She replied.

"Wait, what?" I asked.

"Relax, everything's gonna be fine!" Pinkie replied.

"Bail out!" Sugar Plum called, almost the moment after Pinkie reassured me, she leaped from the toboggan and Pinkie did the same, I the saw why, we were head right for some foals' snow fort! I tried to leap, but the sled hit a rock and the sled and I were propelled into the air and I crashed into the snow fort head first.

"Chuckie! Chuckie!" Pinkie called out, running over. "Are you okay?" She asked me.

"Mousetrap." I grumbled.

"Huh?" She asked.

"I wanted to play Mousetrap." I replied, taking my face out of the snow. "You roll your dice, you move your mice. Nobody gets hurt."

"Hey!" A young bleach white colt in a blue sweater approached me along with two others who looked identical to him. "You destroyed our snow fort!"

"Who sent you?" The identically coated one in a red sweater remarked. "Was it our uncle?"

"I'll bet! This is just like him." The green sweater clad one nodded.

"Ha! Hahahaha!" I looked to see an older pony in blue navy type clothing chant from his impressively built snow ship, I assumed that was their uncle the boys were mentioning. "I win again! Better luck next year, kids!" He laughed.

"Aw, phooey." The red sweater donned colt muttered. "Thanks a lot."

"Just torch his boat." I suggested to the colts. "That'll show him." I said, brushing snow off of my body and rejoining my family. "That was fun, next time I'm steering." I made quite clear. "So, family, what would you like to do?" I asked.

"Lunch!" Pinkie exclaimed quickly.

"Yeah! I'm hungry!" Sugar Plum nodded. "Let's go to Aunt Sunny Side's!" She added, Pinkie beamed at the suggestion and nodded happily.

"To Sunny Side's we go." I nodded, leading my two girls off.

" _To Sunny Side's we go, to Sunny Side's we go, hi-ho, the derry-o! To Sunny Side's we go!_ " Pinkie and Sugar Plum chanted as we walked down the bustling streets of town. I meanwhile, exchanged waves and glances at passers by and acquaintances who I hadn't seen in a while, it being out first full day home since our trip. I still hadn't seen Cheese and Ivory yet, I believe they were due back later today, but a few of my other friends I had already seen today. Quibble I had bumped into this morning, Oddity we had actually seen last night, we bumped into her on an evening walk, then of course Twilight, Applejack, and the others Pinkie had insisted we stop by and visit today. It was good to be home.

"Sunny Side," I smiled as we strolled into her diner. "Never thought I'd be so happy to see you."

"Likewise, you pathetic excuse for my best friends husband." She replied with a grin that meant she was kidding around. "What can I get you all?" She asked.

"I'll have a frittata and a coffee, si vous plait." I replied.

"Pancakes!" Pinkie exclaimed.

"Fruit salad please." Sugar Plum asked.

"Breakfast foods at lunch time, I'd expect nothing less from you guys." Sunny remarked. "Coming right up." She scribbled the ordered down and went into the kitchen to start cooking.

"So, you guys have a nice trip?" She asked, peeking out the window of the kitchen to chat with us.

"It was great!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Chuckie put on a show where he used to work, he gave us a tour of where he used to live, we had a dinner with his mom that did _not_ go well, and we brought home a bunch of cool stuff!"

"Sounds like fun." She remarked. "But it's where Chuck's from, so it can't be _that_ great." She snorted.

"It isn't that great." I admitted with a chuckle.

"I hope you weren't too lonely this Hearth's Warming." Pinkie said to her old friend.

"No, no, I did alright." She said, a little smile on her face. "It was actually a really good time."

"I'm happy to hear that!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Spend it with anypony?" She asked.

"Uh..." She murmured a little. "Nope." She shook her head. "Nope, nopony."

"Huh, I was talking to Oddity and she said she spent the holiday alone too." Pinkie remarked. "You know you should have went over and kept her company, I think you two would get along really well!" She explained to her friend as she stepped out with our dishes and set them before us.

"Y'know, I bet we would." Sunny smiled.

"Bet you'd what?" A new voice joined the conversation. We turned to see Oddity, stepping through the doorway. "Oh, hi Chuck, Pinkie." She smiled at us and sat down beside us.

"I was just talking about how you and Sunny should hang out more!" Pinkie replied. "I think you two would really like each other!"

"Oh, you really think that?" Oddity asked, I could of sworn I saw her glance at Sunny. "I certainly see it."

"We may just have to." Sunny nodded, a little grin on her face.

I was completely certain I was picking up on something Pinkie clearly wasn't.

"Oddity," I directed the conversation. "You've got to come and take a look at some of the things I brought back with me. I've got a feeling you'll get a real kick out of some of what I've got." I told her. "I may even sell you a thing or two for your store, in Equestria they'd be one of a kind pieces you can sell for an outrageous profit."

"Are you sure you're not the long lost third Flim Flam brother?" Sunny Side asked me. "Sure, the other two are taller, thinner, and got horns, but you'd fit right in with them."

"I'll consider that if the bar ever falls through." I replied flatly. "Well family, we should probably get going, we've got some unpacking to do and I've got to get the bar cleaned up for the New Years Eve party we'll be having soon." I said, paying Sunny Side and leading my family out of the restaurant.

"You didn't... pick up on anything that the two were saying to each other, did you?" I asked Pinkie after we left.

"Nope!" She shook her head. "All I got was that they both kept agreeing with me."

"Huh." I remarked.

* * *

"Just a little more," I grunted, pushing the heavy grand piano Ivory had apparently been gifted by Sourdough, she decided she wanted it in the bar, mostly because it didn't fit in their house. "Heavy thing, isn't it?" I asked Cheese as we pushed. At this point it was December 31st, New Years Eve, and now we were setting up for the party.

"Light as a feather." He said with strained teeth as he pushed it.

"You know I hate liars." I replied as we set it exactly where the old piano was. "There." I said, looking at the thing. A beautiful piece, certainly now the most classy thing in the bar. "This thing had better sound good." I mumbled to Cheese as I went over to some boxes I had in storage with New Years themed decorations.

"It'll sounds great." He replied. "Providing Ivory plays it. She can make anything sound great."

"She's not here right now, you sniveling little flank kisser." I gawked. "Ivory was telling me... she was involved in some gingerbread house contest with your uncle's buddies?" I asked. "Heard that it went very poorly."

"I mean, Ivory won so I guess it didn't go that bad." Cheese shrugged.

"And Ivory told me one day you'll be seceding your uncle's spot in the club." I mentioned. "When you do, try and see what you can do about getting me in. It sounds like a fun club."

"I'll see what I can do." He nodded with a chuckle.

"Good." I nodded approvingly. "Now help me set the place up, will ya? I've got to get this place good for tonight."

"You got it." He nodded, grabbing a broom.

Cleanup went relatively well and quick, Cheese and I got the bar looking spic and spam just in time for the guests to start arriving for the party, everything was looking great for the party, well, almost everything.

"Hi Chuck! How you doing?" Oddity called to me when she arrived.

"Great, Oddity." I replied. "How are you?" I asked.

"I'm a little hungry." She admitted.

"Yeah, me too." Sunny Side said, who had walked over with her.

"The food should be here soon." I told them. "Pinkie!" I called.

"Yeah, Chuckie?" She called back, across the bar.

"Where's the food?" I asked, she was in charge of getting the caterer for the party.

"I don't know! Should've been here by now!" She called.

"h this is just great." I grumbled in response. "Bear with me." I told Oddity and Sunny Side. "The food will here soon." I reassured them as they walked of to converse with other party guests. I sighed and leaned back behind the bar, in the comfort of my new sweater. Not just any sweater, this was a replica of the sweater Jeff Bridges wore in my favorite film, _The Big Lebowski._

"Like my new sweater?" I asked Ivory during the party, flashing the wool sweater to her. "I bought it back home."

"I've seen that sweater before, that pony who's always had the bowling alley wears it." Ivory noted. "Letrotski, that's his name."

"Ho ho ho! Howdy doody!" A voice called out. "And does anybody know how cold it is out there?"

"Pretty damn cold." I mumbled.

"And I had to endure that and a planet of ice just to get here," the voice called back, and in strode the man in question... Or pony, currently. "Chuck my friend!" TD greeted cheerfully. "Welcome back to the happiest planet in the universe."

"Hello hello, welcome to the party." I replied.

"Glad I could make it," he said. "So, is the night still young?"

"Sure is." I nodded.

"Well, what am I standing around for then?" He asked aloud and started to walk off, but smacked his head into a wall when he turned the wrong direction. "That's using your head," he said to himself.

"Right." I nodded. "Have a nice Hearth's Warming?"

"I did, yes," TD nodded. "Though I'll skip Red's New Year's party. There's a party, and then there's a party." He gave a whistle, and even with the glowing eyes it was clear that he had found it both fun and hectic at once.

"Right. Well, things aren't going to get too off the chain." I dismissed the notion. "I've already got a guy in the back with a lampshade on his head, that's as crazy as things here are getting."

"And that's why I like your parties. They're more chill," TD noted, then chuckled. " until I come around just to ruin your day on purpose and laugh about it. I'm such a stinker."

"Yep, and that's why your responsible for my climbing problems regarding my blood pressure." I replied flatly.

"Yeah..." TD agreed, then he looked a little more serious. "I'm sorry about that, by the way. I don't act as mature as I should nor do I really think about how my joke will come at another's expense. That's... Kinda my second present to ya so far. My apology, since it's long overdue."

"Your apology is accepted." I replied, taking a drink. "Don't worry about it."

"Thanks man," TD remarked as his smile returned. He then seemed to realize something. "Oh! I almost forgot! I should give ya your other present! I originally was gonna give it to u yous before you left to Earth, but... It wasn't ready yet. Give me a sec... "

His horn glowed and he then started to act as if he was looking through some shelves, even though there wasn't anything in front of him of such nature.

"You really shouldn't have, what you've already given is plenty." I insisted.

"Maybe so, but this is one I had been waiting for a while on," he remarked, then finally shouted, "Aha! There you are!" and pulled out of thin air a kind of picture. On it was a well-done painting of myself, Pinkie, Sugar Plum, and the rest of the gang.

"I'm not an artist, but I know the right people in the right places," he said. "I wanted to get it to y'all sooner than my friend managed to make it, but ya can't rush art."

"It looks terrific." I took the painting. "And I know right where it's going." I said, promptly hanging it up on the wall behind me. "Thanks, pal."

"Anytime," TD replied with a smile.

"Now, don't bother wasting your time here at the counter, go out into the party and, well, the food should be here soon. Pinkie called in some caterer with a funny sounding name, she said 'he comes highly recommended', but so far it just seems he comes highly late." I told him.

"Can't win them all," TD chuckled as he started to trot off. "Next time, I'm getting the munchies."

Yes, next time he was. I'd rather singing food or levitating food than late food.

I could see that my guests were starting to get antsy due to the lack of food, so I had to think of something, and just then, that something walked through the door. My band! I rushed over to them with a grin on my face, welcoming them inside.

"Hey guys!" I grinned. "How are you?" I asked.

"Wonderful, Chuck." Medley smiled. "Thanks for inviting us."

"Even though we're also here as entertainment." Duke added.

"Yeah..." I laughed nervously. "Speaking of which, do you think you guys could set up as soon as possible? Like, right away?" I asked, grinning widely.

"I'm going to just assume that your caterer isn't here yet." Duke noted.

"Yeah that's the gist of it." I nodded honestly. "But really, set up?" I asked.

"Sure thing, Chuck." Medley nodded at me. "Let's get set up, Ragtimes." She called to the band, who hastily took over the karaoke stage. Once they were ready, I stepped up to the mic and tapped it. When I looked into the crowd, I cleared my throat and addressed them.

"Good evening, everypony." I said, I was about to continue, but Rainbow Dash interrupted me.

"Where's the food!?" Rainbow Dash called out.

"From now on, any questions regarding the food will go to Pinkie, thank you." I droned. "Now, I would like everyone to welcome the entertainment tonight, that entertainment being some of my favorite folks I've had the pleasure of working with that aren't Cheese, Quibble, and Ivory." I said. "Fillies and gentlecolts, please welcome, The Ragtimes and I." I said as my band started to play.

 **Me:** _L, is for the way you look at me  
_ _O, is for the only one I see  
_ _V, is very very, extraordinary  
_ _E, is even more than anyone that you adore_

 _Can love  
_ _Is all that I can give, to you  
_ _Love, is more than just a game, for two  
_ _Two, in love can make it  
_ _Take my heart, and please don't break it  
_ _Love, was made for me and you_

As Pipes, my trumpet player played the mid song trumpet solo, I spoke to the crowd as I shuffled to the beat. "Now, this song isn't very intricate, in fact, it just repeats itself halfway through." I said. "Feel free to sing along if you like."

 _L, is for the way you look at me  
_ _O, is for the only one I see  
_ _V, is very very, extraordinary  
_ _E, is even more than anyone that you adore_

 _Can love  
_ _Is all that I can give, to you  
_ _Love, is more than just a game, for two  
_ _Two, in love can make it  
_ _Take my heart, and please don't break it  
_ _Love, was made for me and you  
Yes love, was made for me and you,  
One more time now!  
Love, it was made for me and you! _

"Thank you, thank you." I bowed. "Feel free to come up and sing a song if you like, anything to keep you guys happy while we wait on the food." I said, stepping down.

"I wanna sing something!" Sugar Plum ran up to me. "I wanna sing something!"

"No way!" Silder cut her off. "I'm singing something." Bickering was about to spark up, so I decided to do something about it.

"Why not a duet?" I asked the two.

"A duet?" They asked.

"Sure, and I know just the thing." I told them. "Fellas? Track 4 of _Curtain Call_." I told them, referring to our show tunes album we had recently put out.

"This has lines on it, not just lyrics." Slider spoke up at they started to play.

"It's a Bridleway musical number." I replied. "Now, ACTION!" I barked, letting my inner director shine through.

"This is the last time I'll ever go to a party with you!" Sugar Plum barked, reading her line to Slider.

"Will ya put that in writing?" Slider replied snidely, fitting into Fred Astaire's shoes nearly seamlessly.

"Oh, you're always makin' cracks, makin' cracks." Sugar Plum whined. "You're always humi'lating me, humil'ating! Didn't your mother never teach you no manners?"

"I never had no motha, we was too poor!" Slider barked.

"What's amatter with you lately? You used to tell me you loved me, you used to treat me like a high class dame." Sugar Plum whined. "I'll give you one more chance, do you love me, or don't you?"

"No I don't!" He replied.

"Quit stallin' around, I wanna direct answer!" Sugar Plum cried.

"Y'wanna direct answer?" He asked. "I'll give you one."

 **Slider:** _How could you believe me when I said I love you  
_ _When you know I've been a liar all my life?  
_ **Sugar Plum** **:** _You've had that reputation since you was a youth  
_ _I must have been insane to think you'd tell me the truth  
_ **Slider:** _How could you believe me when I said we'd marry  
_ _When you know I'd rather hang than have a wife  
_ _I know I said I'd make you mine  
_ **Sugar Plum:** _But wouldn't y'know that I would go for that old line  
_ **Slider:** _How could you believe me when I said I love you  
_ _When you know I've been a liar  
_ _Nothing but a liar, all my doggone cheatin' life!_

 **Sugar Plum:** _Y'said you would love me long,  
Never would do me wrong,_  
 _Faithful you'd always be,_  
 **Slider:** _Me?_  
 _Why baby you must be loony to trust a lower than low two-timer like me.  
_ **Sugar Plum:** _Y'said I'd have everything,  
_ _A beautiful diamond ring,  
A bungalow by the sea,  
_ **Slider:** Ha!  
 _You're really naive to ever believe a fulla baloney phony like me._

 _"Well I sure musta lost my head!" Sugar Plum remarked.  
_

 _"Y'ain't lost nothin' you never had!" Silder replied._

 **Sugar Plum:** _What about the time you went to Indiana?  
_ **Slider:** _I was lying I was down in Alabam'  
_ **Sugar Plum:** _You said you had some business, you had to complete._  
 **Slider:** _What I was doin' I would be a cad to repeat!_  
 **Sugar Plum:** _What about the evenings you was with your motha?_  
 **Silder:** _I was rompin' with another honey lamb!  
_ **Sugar Plum:** _To think you swore our love was real!  
_ **Slider** **:** _Baby, leave us not forget that I'm a heel.  
How could you believe me when I said I love you,  
When you know I've been a liar!  
_ **Sugar Plum:** _A good for nothin' liar!  
All your good  
for,  
nothin,  
_ _Liiiiiife!_

"Nothin' like a song about infidelity sung by kids, huh?" I asked with a chuckle at the mic. "I'm happy to announce that while they were singing, the caterer has arrived, so help yourselves to some food, huh?" I grinned as I stepped down and joined the crowd who had gathered for some food.

The rest of the party went really well, no little bumps after the late caterer mishap. The band played through the night and we all ate, drank, and made merry. And come midnight, just after we had rung in the new year and the guests had started to disperse and clean-up was in full order, I received a loving little nudge from my wife as I swept the floor.

"Hey you." I smiled a little at her.

"Hey Chuckie." She smiled. "Nice party." She told me.

"Comin' from you that's a real compliment." I snorted a little laugh. "Thanks Cutie Pie."

"You're welcome." She replied, leaning up against me. "Not too much longer now." She remarked. I looked to her with a warm grin and nodded.

"Can't wait." I grinned.

"You... you think we're gonna be ready?" She asked.

"I know it." I kissed her cheek. "As long as we're together, all of us, that's all we need."

* * *

 _Three months later..._

"Outta the way!" I hollered as I ran through the corridors of the hospital. "Mare in labor comin' through!" I yelled as a doctor pushed Pinkie, who was laid back on a mobile hospital bed to be transported to her room. "Here we go, here we go." I breathed to myself.

"Don't know what you're so worried about..." Pinkie strained, letting out a sob as another contraction rolled through. " _YOU'RE NOT THE ONE GIVING BIRTH!_ " She hollered.

"Try and keep your stress levels down, for the last time." The doctor warned, pushing her bed into her room and getting straight to work.

"A LITTLE HARD WITH ALL OF THESE PONIES IN HERE!" Pinkie hollered, I had forgot to mention that there was a whole crowd following her and I. Pretty well all of our friends were there in the room, eagerly watching. "Chuckie?" She moaned.

"Yeah, I'll handle the crowd control." I nodded. "THAT'S IT, ALL OF YOU, OUT!" I barked at the crowd, who shied away to the waiting room, I turned back to Pinkie and stood beside her. "Better?" I asked, taking her hoof.

"Much." She replied before straining once more, clutching my hoof _hard._

"Alright Pinkie Pie," The doctor prepped her. "You've saw it through for this long, you're on the final stretch now."

"Somethin's getting it's final stretch, that's for sure." I muttered.

"Another crack like that and you're out with the others." Pinkie warned me.

"Alright, alright." I replied. "You've got this Cutie Pie, you've got this." I held her hoof.

"Pinkie Pie, you're going to have to start pushing." The doctor informed her, beginning the delivery.

* * *

 _Happy new year to you all!_

 _Songs used_

 _L-O-V-E by: Nat King Cole_

 _How Could You Believe Me When I Said I Loved You When You Know I've Been A Liar All My Life by: Fred Astaire and Jane Powell_


	77. Chapter 77: Twins

**Author's note:** Hope you've never read anything I've used my ENC characters other than this before, because otherwise this surprise is completely ruined. Also, I don't really know why, but I was hard pressed to get this chapter to my bare minimum word count. So that's why this chapter's kinda short.

* * *

Chapter 77: Twins

"There," the doctor said, wiping sweat from his forehead and handing the two foals off to a nurse two swaddle them up. "Mr. and Mrs. Pie, I'm pleased to say you're the parents of two perfectly healthy foals." He smiled at us. "Would you like to see them?" He asked. The two of us nodded and he gave us each one of the foals. The one he had given me had a pink coat, a filly. She had a wavy peach mane on her head. The one Pinkie held was a colt, light gray coat with a curly dark gray mane.

"Chuckie," Pinkie smiled at me. "They're beautiful."

"I know, Cutie Pie." I nodded, looking at my newborn daughter. "Cutie Pie?" I asked her.

"Yeah?" She asked.

"What are we going to name them?" I asked. "How.. how do we give names to foals around here?" I asked, curious to know considering there were so many ponies named after characteristics or mannerisms.

"Well, usually we wait until we see what they like or what they do." Pinkie answered me. "Why, Chuckie?"

"It's just because," I began, scratching my neck bashfully. "There's a name that's been handed down in my family, I kind of wanted to keep it going." I explained. "I understand if it doesn't fit, but I kind of wanted to name one Sterling." I explained to her. She looked to the foal she held, he was gray, not unlike sterling type silver.

"Y'know, I think that names fits this little guy well." Pinkie smiled at our son. "Sterling." She repeated the name.

"Thanks Cutie Pie." I smiled warmly, looking at the little colt. "It still begs the question, what to name her."

"We'll name that one like ponies normally get named." Pinkie answered. "We'll wait."

Not too much long after, we finally returned home from the hospital, and while we were gone, some of our friends had decorated our house for a welcoming home party, luckily Cheese had already told me about that so our sleep deprived and tired selves weren't too shocked at the sight. Pink and blue streamers hung from the walls, along with a big banner that said " **IT'S A BOTH!** " hung from the wall.

"I had so many banners ready." Cheese told me as I looked at the banner. "I had one ready for two fillies, two colts, and then I had ones ready for a surprise third foal all the way up to surprise octuplets, and ones ready just in case one didn't make it!"

"I kinda wish I didn't make it to this conversation." I muttered.

"I hate to admit it, but you two actually made some cute looking foals." Ivory said as she looked at the carriers holding the twins as they slept peacefully. "Cheese, when are you gonna give me one of these?" She asked.

"D'ah.. well... uh..." Cheese stammered awkwardly in response to his wife's question.

"Yeah, her maternal clock is ticking after all." I smirked.

"Oh, screw you." Ivory snorted a laugh. I laughed too and looked around to see who was there, then I saw a familiar face.

"Sil?" I saw a face in the crowd in my living room. "Silver? Is that you?" I nudged my way through the crowd.

"Chuck!" Silver looked over to me, waving a hoof. "Couldn't _not_ come to your 'welcome home' party." She took a moment to give me a sly look. "And is it true what I've heard that you're a father of three now?"

"You bet." I nodded. "Sugar Plum's been with us for some under a year now." I motioned a sway of my head to point to her. "Then these two were born just a couple days ago." I led her to where the carriers were. "This here is Sterling," I looked to the gray colt. "And this is... well, our daughter." I pointed to the pink filly. "We haven't decided her name yet."

Silver let out a gasp of shock. "They. Are. The. Cutest. Things. I've. Ever. Seen. In. My. Life." She gushed, her eyes practically bursting into hearts.

"Cute little things." I nodded. "You can certainly tell who they take after more, and it certainly ain't me." I snorted a laugh.

"Eh, I could sugar coat it," she started with a smile, "but I won't." She nudged me in the shoulder. "I kid, I kid, I'd say they have the perfect mix of Pinkie and Chuck in them. Seriously, though, they are the CUTEST. Good on ya, pal!"

"Thanks. I _certainly_ had a say in the overall outcome of their cuteness and it wasn't left up to random genetics at all." I said flatly with a little smirk. "So how have you been?" I asked.

"Oh, been fine." She said, her smile faltering. "Fine."

"You're allowed to be honest." I said. "I make a living out of dealing with drunks, I hear repressed honesty all the time. I've also got dirt on just about everyone in town thanks to it."

"That's good to know." She deadpanned. "Well... I just learned yesterday that I'll be leaving town for a while. Like _a while_. I'm kinda worried about it."

"Ooh, embarking on a little adventure are we? A meaningful journey in which you'll discover a new sense of purpose and things about yourself you never even realized?" I asked curiously.

"Shut up, I don't need your philosophical crap." She laughed. "But yeah, that's pretty much the gist of it. Part of the reason I came was to... say good bye."

"Well, I'm very glad you came then." I replied. "I wouldn't have liked just _hearing_ about you leaving." I fixed myself a drink. "Where are you off to?" I asked.

"The Hayseed Swamps, pretty far off to the southeast-ish." She said, then added, "Where literally _anything_ could be waiting to kill me."

"And here I thought you were just taking a sabbatical to a resort somewhere." My expression dropped. "Godspeed Sil."

"Yeah, thanks, Chuck." She smiled softly. "I really only came for that, so I guess I'll be on my way." Her smile brightened when she added, "You know I'm not a very social pony."

"I do know that." I nodded. "Farewell Silver. Good luck on your little adventure." I said as we walked to the door.

"Bye, Chuck, nice seeing you!" And she disappeared from sight, never to be seen again... nah I'm just kidding, I'm sure she'll be fine, she's a tough lil Pegasus. A lot of what I knew about her came from Rainbow Dash, apparently the two are quite close. I knew some about her when I first met her at the Festival of Friendship nearly a year ago now... Christ, that was nearly a year ago. So much has happened since then it's... it's ridiculous. Now, one of the many major events that has happened since then was happening right now: my family getting bigger. With that, my expenses, mine and Pinkie's parental responsibilities, along with other things. The thought came near close to terrifying me, luckily I'm a grade A bullshitter so nobody would be able to tell.

* * *

I watched my two newborns fumble and scoot around on the floor of my living room the next day. I watched them carefully for a multitude of reasons, the first being I was their dad and if their dad didn't watch them carefully he'd be a real dick of a dad, wouldn't he? Second being, and mostly focusing on the little filly, what was she like? Could we really decide her name based off of a personality quirk? I mean, she's a baby, if I were named off my personality as a baby my name would be "Crying Fat Kid", some to think of it, that would still work for me, maybe this method does work.

I would have had more time to stew on this subject, but there was a knock on the door. Not making my best move as a dad, I emptied a laundry basket and put it over the foals. "It's only for a minute guys, I promise." I told them as I answered the door.

"Oh, hey Applejack." I said to the pony at the door. "What's up?" I asked.

"Ah just wanted to see how y'all were doing." She said, welcoming herself in. "Where's Pinkie Pie and Sugar Plum?"

"Pinkie's grabbing Sugar Plum from school." I replied. "C'mon in, they'll be home any minute." I said, leading her to the living room and taking the laundry basket off of the foals, once again, letting them roam withing the living room that had been recently foal proofed.

"You're finding newborns are a lot more difficult than starting with a filly that's all grown from that stage, huh?" Applejack smirked as she sat down on my sofa.

"Not too much more difficult." I replied. "It's more different. These two come with their own challenges Sugar Plum didn't have, but Sugar Plum had her fair share of challenges that these two won't have." I explained. "One challenge we didn't have Sugar Plum was coming up with a name." She smirked a bit at me and started to chuckle a bit.

"Kinda figured you'd have a hard time with that." Applejack grinned. "Still not completely used to how things are done around here, huh?"

"Gee, laugh at the immigrant, I'd expect nothing else from the town hick. Gonna lynch me too?" I sneered.

"You're kinda cute when you get testy." Applejack remarked with a grin. "I get it Chuck, it's hard to wrap your mind around new things."

"It's not as if I'm looking at this whole process with a xenophobic viewpoint, I just..." I looked at my newborn daughter. "I want to make sure her name works, I don't want to mess it up." I sighed. "I already have the stigma of technically not belonging here following me around. I don't need the stigma of giving my kid a bad name."

"Y'already named your son after a metal." She deadpanned.

"It's a family name, you of all ponies would understand that." I sneered. "Pinkie and I already promised one would get named my way and one would be named her way."

"So what are y'worried about?" Applejack asked. "Pinkie's in charge of naming the foal, she knows how it works, and your filly will get named right."

"That certainly made me feel better about myself." I said flatly.

"Ah'm the element of honesty, not the element of sympathy." She replied. I had half a mind to say she was evoking more or less being the element of bitchery. No, that'd be Sunny Side. Ha! I'd have to tell her that one sometime.

"Right, thanks Applejack." I nodded a little bit, not exactly sure what else to say. Luckily, I didn't have to think of anything else to say, because Pinkie came in with Sugar Plum. "Oh thank God." I mumbled quietly.

"Applejack! What are you doing here?" Pinkie asked, excited to see her friend and possible... cousin, I think it was? "I was hoping I'd run into you, because I'm making you the twins _and_ Sugar Plum's godmother!" She said excitedly, yacking Applejack's ear off.

"But... I kinda already promised Cheese and Ivory..." I tried to get a word in edgewise.

"Well, they came a close second, but they already have a kid!" Pinkie reasoned. I really wanted them to be the godparents. In fact, I had already instated them as godparents, Pinkie and Applejack weren't too happy when they found that out, I'll just say that.

* * *

A couple of days went by, and that foal still didn't have a name. We went through a couple ideas, we almost named her Sweetheart, Cutie Pie, Sugar Bomb, Pink Berry, but those names are all irreverent, because they weren't her name. Part of me was glad we didn't settle for Cutie Pie, I wasn't about to give up my endearing term for my wife to my kid.

"How about Sweetheart?" Pinkie asked me as we both slouched on the couch, huffing in exhaustion as we watched the twins play with their older sister.

"I don't know if we should use a term of endearment, because we're inevitably going to get angry with her at some point, it's hard to angrily holler 'sweetheart', y'know?" I mumbled from where I laid on the couch, upside down with my head hanging from the seat and my legs standing above the headrest.

"We're gonna get mad at her?" Pinkie asked.

"She's our kid." I replied. "Didn't your parents get mad at you as a foal?"

"Yeah, but they always called me Pinkamena." She replied. "Come to think of it, that's just what they call me."

"I might start calling you that." I snorted. "Eh?" I nudged her with a playful smirk. "You've been _very_ naughty, Pinkamena."

"That's enough." She silenced me. "Later." I could hear her whisper to me. I winked playfully and looked back at my kids. "What about... Pinko?"

"Pinko?" I asked. "Sure, then we can have Pinka, Pinku, and Pinki, while we're at it." I said snidely. "However, Pinko does mean sympathy to the practice of Communism, so I can't say I'd be against it personally." I shrugged. "But,this kid, who knows, she could be a full on General Robert E Lee type, for all we know." I shrugged, _heaven forbid_ that actually be what comes to pass.

"We both agree that the south were the bad guys in the civil war, right?" I asked Pinkie.

"Sure, Chuckie." She replied. "Whatever the civil war was, I'm sure that you're right."

"Well, if the idea of slavery doesn't sit right with you, you agree that I'm right." I replied in a low murmur. "How about this?" I asked. "Roy."

"Roy?" She asked in disgust. "What kind of name is Roy?"

"You could have just said no." I mumbled. "So, we have Sugar Plum Praline Pie, Sterling Optimus Pie, and... then there's Maude." _Maude, 1972-1978._ Yeah, my jokes aren't funny.

"Wait, what's Sterling's middle name?" Pinkie asked me.

"Optimus, well Optimus Prime." I replied. "Too late to change it, it's on his birth certificate."

"I'm picking the middle name for this one. It's bad enough you picked their godparents without telling me" She pointed at the filly. "And her middle name is going to be Maud, after Maud." She said.

"That's actually really sweet." I replied as I situated myself to be sitting up once more. "So sweet, she might actually, oh I don't know, choke up over it." I snorted.

"She's actually a very sentimental pony, I can't believe you don't notice that." Pinkie told me. "Don't you remember how much of a wreck she was when she and Mudbriar broke up?" She asked.

"She drank an entire bottle of rye and didn't even change her facial expression from her normal visage." I replied. "I can't exactly say she was in shambles."

"Maybe you just need to work on your ability to read ponies." Pinkie replied.

"I certainly won't deny that, but I won't say it's the issue here." I said in reply before looking back at the kids, well, two of them. Sugar Plum and Sterling namely. "Hey, hey hey hey no!" I said, scurrying off the couch and running after our unnamed daughter who was once again trying to get into the candy bowl that Pinkie always insisted on having out. "God," I remarked as I pried her away from the bowl of sweets. "She's got a sweet tooth if nothing less."

"Sweet tooth?" Pinkie asked. "What about Sweet Tooth?" She asked. I looked at the foal, the name certainly fit, and she looked awfully sweet I had to admit.

"Sweet Tooth, huh?" I smiled. "I'd say I like that name. Sweet Tooth Maud Skeletor Pie."

"Sweet Tooth Maud Pie. Nothing more." Pinkie replied quickly. "Skeletron is not part of her name." She said as she took Sweet Tooth away from me.

"Skeletor, Skele _tor._ " I corrected. "And... we're a hundred percent sure Skeletor isn't part of her name?" I asked.

"We're sure." She nodded flatly.

"Fine, I'll get it on the next kid." I shrugged. "Well, there we have it, all our kids have names." I grinned. "And for some reason, I'm looking at that like an accomplishment." I deadpanned. "This is nice, huh?"

"Yeah." She nodded, leaning up against me and letting out a relaxed sigh. "Chuckie, I'm _never_ having another foal." She told me, voice muffled into my mane from where she laid her head.. "I am not going through pregnancy again. If you really want another we can adopt."

"Three is a magic number, lets stick to it." I nodded. "I got a feeling we have our hooves full with three anyway. Three foals and... the occasional crazy adventure that were thrust unto." I remarked. "Yeah, I would say our story's just getting started."

"Philosophical." Pinkie remarked.

"Yep." I nodded. "I'm getting a beer."


	78. Chapter 78: Just Might Work Part 1

**Author's note:** Just going to tell you right now. The theme of this chapter is made quite clear early on. If you do not like the contents, do not read it. It is as simple as that. In fact, the next arc focuses on this. So, if you do not agree with the contents, just skip over it. :)

* * *

Chapter 78: Just Might Work Part 1

Three months. It had been three months since Hearth's Warming. Three months since Oddity and Sunny Side had spent that time together, since they had learned each other's secrets, laughed and played together, for a moment, may have felt a spark together.

And nothing had happened since.

Oddity paced her floors one night after coming home from an evening stroll. It had been a while since that night she reminded herself, did she read the situation wrong at the time? Did she just not remember that evening clearly now and there was nothing possibly between them. She was unsure what to do, was she to move on? She didn't want to move on. Should she reach out to Sunny Side? She had stopped coming by the diner since she had just gotten too nervous around her. It would be weird to just show up at this point. What would she even say? "Hey Sunny Side, I know we don't know each other all that well, but I have a massive crush on you." It certainly wouldn't be the first time she's told somepony something like that, only difference was this time she meant it.

This was a thought that Oddity had been thinking about for quite some time now, she couldn't seem to stop thinking about it. It may have comforted her to know however that she wasn't the only one set on that night. The mare who for the longest time everyone was sure wasn't capable of softening up to anypony who wasn't Pinkie Pie, was feeling the exact same anxieties.

"You wouldn't be her type, Sunny." Sunny Side mumbled to herself as she washed up dishes. "After all, shes all bubbly and eccentric, you're..."

"A stone cold twat?" A voice spoke up. It was me, Chuck, the main character of this story, remember me?

"Screw off Chuck." Sunny Side quickly snapped at me.

"Who's this you're talking about?" I asked. "I do hope it's not Pinkie Pie, she's happily married to me." I smirked.

"That's what you're more concerned about?" She asked me as she walked up to me. "The notion I might like your wife and not the fact I'm a mares type?"

"I'm not offended by homosexuality." I replied promptly. "In college I went to a lot music festivals, got high and made love to many people, generally in masks, and in the mud and rain, it could be possible another man slipped in along the way, no real way of telling." I shrugged. "Besides, you never struck me for a heterosexual anyway, so if you think that the fact you're gay is a surprise for me, let me drop a real bomb on you: I like to drink." I started to laugh in my seat before regaining my composure and clearing my throat. "No offense." I added. "So, who's the less-than-lucky mare?" I asked with a grin.

"Piss off." She replied.

"Piss Off? I think I know her," I replied. "Talk about an unfortunate cutie mark." I snorted a laugh. "Seriously," I made my tone a little bit more genuine. "Who is she?" I asked.

"Why would I tell you?" She asked me. "Last time I checked, we weren't exactly besties."

"I like to imagine we've grown a bit closer." I shrugged. "I understand if you don't want to tell me, but I mean, I've helped ponies out like this before. Quibble and Rainbow Dash, Ivory and Cheese..."

"You did not get them together." Sunny Side cut me off.

" _I_ hired Cheese Sandwich at _my_ bar, the next year _I_ hired Ivory Keys to play piano at _my_ bar, forcing the two to get to know each other. I like to believe I'm responsible for their relationship." I explained. "Who's to say I can't help you out?"

"I'm to say." She replied. "Reason? Because you're a Grade-A nimrod."

"I'm a Grade-A nimrod who's gotten couples together, one of those couples married." I countered. "Not mention I am happily married myself." I added.

"Rub it in much?" She asked.

"I just want to help." I replied modestly. "I know you don't like me much, and I get it, I've got plenty of folks who I don't care for. I'm not exactly a fan of Ivory's dad, Pinkie's sister Limestone and I don't get along at all, and frankly I think Twilight's a bit big for her britches." I elaborated. "But I do acknowledge they all have their strengths and uses."

"And your strength is apparently giving me migraines." Sunny deadpanned.

"Okay, I'm just going to start guessing." I smirked. "Is it... Applejack?" I asked.

"No." She shook her head.

"Alright, Lyra Heartstrings?" I asked. "No, she's already seeing somepony."

"I don't want to play this game, and even if I did, not here." She replied.

"It's nearly midnight, we're the only ones here!" I exclaimed. "Is it Starlight? Because I'm pretty sure-"

"Stop." She sneered. "It's Oddity." She sighed. "Alright?"

"Oddity?" I asked. "Never would've guessed."

"Neither would I." She replied. "It all happened on Hearth's Warming Eve," she told me. "I hurt myself walking home and she took me in, and that night," she trailed off. "I dunno, I just felt more comfortable around her by the end of it than I've felt around anypony in a long time." She said.

"But," I replied. "Oddity, well, she's not into..."

"That's it's own story." Sunny said to me. "Long story short I found out you were just a big red shirt she was trying to hang in the closet she was hiding in."

"Yeah, well, that's kind of what I figured." I lied. "I knew that all along." Sunny Side knew that wasn't true, and she chuckled at my fib. "So, Oddity huh?" I asked. "You say this all happened at Hearth's Warming Eve? Christ, between this and Cheese and Ivory's story, I missed all the fun, didn't I?"

"I don't know." She sighed. "Like I said earlier, I wouldn't be her type." She said.

"Who's to say?" I asked. "Do I seem to be Pinkie's type? Does Ivory really seem like she'd be Cheese's type?" I asked. "It's interesting, opposites really do attract sometimes." She looked at me with a flat expression, she clearly didn't want my help, and if she did, she was reluctant as hell to tell me.

"Chuck..." She was clearly ready to tell me to get lost. "Do you really think you can help me?" She asked, sighing reluctantly.

"Yes." I nodded. "Sunny, I know you and I haven't always gotten along, but that's mostly on your end." I reasoned, in response, she gave me a slight glare. "But, since I like to imagine we've become friends as of recently, I would make for a pretty bad friend if I saw you needing help and didn't bother to try and help."

"Alright Chuck." She said. "I suppose I would like a little bit of help."

"That's the spirit." I grinned. "Now, you'd best get home to rest, I got the missus up waiting for me, and with my help, you'll soon have your own missus up waiting for you." I winked as I strolled out the door.

* * *

"Oddity, I can't thank you enough for babysitting today." Pinkie said as she picked the three foals up last on the next day. "Just let me know if there's anything I can ever do for you, okay?" She asked.

"Oh, it's fine." Oddity shook her head a little. "Don't worry about me."

"You sure?" Pinkie asked.

"Yeah." She nodded. Pinkie turned and started to leave with Sugar Plum and the twins. Oddity than realized she had a decision to make, Pinkie may be her chance to getting closer to Sunny Side, after all, they were high school best friends.

"Wait!" Oddity said as Pinkie walked down the walkway. Pinkie turned and looked at the unicorn. "Um, could you step inside for a minute?" She asked.

"Sugar Plum, sweetie, walk the foals home." Pinkie instructed her daughter.

"But the door's locked." Sugar Plum replied.

"Then play outside." Pinkie shrugged. "Stay in the yard." She added as she walked inside and shut the door behind her, joining Oddity in her living room. "So, what can I help you with, Oddity?" She asked.

"Okay, Pinkie, before I say anything, I need you to promise me something." Oddity said. "That you won't tell anypony, not even Chuck about this." She explained, Pinkie nodded before letting Oddity continue. "Remember when you guys came back from vacation, and you were telling me how Sunny Side and I should get together?" She asked.

"Yeah." Pinkie nodded. "I remember, have you?" She asked excitedly.

"We did, before that." Oddity admitted. "Wait, Pinkie, you're aware that..." She stammered. "Sunny Side, enjoys the company of..."

"Don't worry, I know all about that!" She nodded. "Sunny Side's my best friend, I was one of the first ponies she told." She explained. "Why, Oddity?"

"Pinkie Pie..." Oddity bit her lip. "I like mares," she stated. "I know, I know what you're going to say, and I can explain everything regarding Chuck and.. all of that later, but I like mares. And specifically, I like Sunny Side." Pinkie looked at her for a moment before grabbing her and squealing in excitement.

"Really!?" Pinkie asked. "That's so great! Tell me everything! When did it happen? Does she like you back? You'd better be in it for the long run because she's my best friend! Oh I just gotta know everything, tell me tell me tell me!"

"Pinkie, Pinkie, Pinkie," Oddity tried to calm her down. "Well, I let her in on Hearth's Warming Eve and-"

" _HEARTH'S WARMING EVE!?_ " Pinkie exclaimed. " _AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?_ "

"I never told you because nothing happened since then!" She exclaimed. "I don't know, I think I might be just reading that night wrong now, she probably doesn't even remember my name." She sighed.

"Hey, I'm sure that's not true." Pinkie assured her. "So... what was it you wanted to ask from me?" She asked.

"Well," Oddity sighed. "You know Sunny Side a lot better than I do, what does she like? How would I get her to like me?" She asked. "What do I do, Pinkie?"

"Well, Sunny really hates when ponies put on a show of themselves, she likes somepony who's... not afraid to just be themselves." Pinkie told her. "Sunny's not really one for material things, maybe just... show her that you're not afraid to be yourself." She shrugged. "Ooh! And a dinner date! A nice dinner date!"

"A dinner date?" Oddity stammered nervously. "I don't... I don't know about that... I can't really cook and..."

"You don't have to cook, silly! Take her out to eat!" Pinkie giggled. "C'mon, the least you could do is ask."

"What if she says no?" Oddity asked, a worried look in her face.

"Well, then you'll at least have an answer." Pinkie smiled, supporting her. "What do you say I bring Sunny Side over to Chuckie's bar tonight.. say... six thirty, and you ask her then?" She asked.

"Tonight?" Oddity twitched. "I don't know about that, six thirty... that's only four hours, twenty seven minutes, and forty five seconds away!" She remarked, looking at the clock on her wall.

"Don't worry about it!" Pinkie assured her. "Just come, maybe have a drink or two, then ask her! You can do that, can't you?"

"Well... I guess." She nodded. "I'll see you tonight, Pinkie."

"See you then!" Pinkie smiled, heading for the door. "Oooh, I'm so excited! When you get married, can I be your mare of honor? Wait, no... Sunny will probably ask me to be her's..." She shrugged. "Oh well! See you tonight!" She said, shutting the door and heading for home. Pinkie noticed that Sugar Plum and the twins had made it inside, mostly because I saw them alone in the yard when I came home for my lunch break.

"Wanna tell me why the kids were locked outside while you were over at Oddity's?" I asked when she walked inside.

"Because..." She mumbled for a moment. "Oddity told me not to tell you." She quickly said.

"Ah, okay." I nodded. "Then, in that case, I won't tell you what Sunny Side told me last night." I reasoned. I had a feeling I knew why Pinkie was at Oddity's, and with any luck, it connected to my conversational bargaining chip.

"Wait, you were talking to Sunny Side?" Pinkie asked me.

"Yeah, and she was telling me about how she just has the biggest crush on... Octavia." I grinned widely.

"Octavia!?" Pinkie asked, clearly breaking down. "That's awful! Oddity is going to be so crushed becau-" She turned to me with a glare of realization. "Wait a minute..." She sneered. "Sunny doesn't really like Octavia, does she?"

"No, she likes Oddity. And judging by your response to my bluffing, Oddity likes her." I arched my brow with a coy grin.

"Don't tell Oddity I told you!" Pinkie whined. "But it's true, she told me about the fact they spent Hearth's Warming together and oh Chuckie it's beautiful!" She was in near sobs. "So, Sunny Side likes Oddity?"

"Mhm." I nodded. "She told me when I stopped in after my shift last night, nopony had made a move in three months, imagine that." I relayed. "Sunny Side didn't make a move because she was too scared she just wasn't Oddity's type."

"Aww!" Pinkie exclaimed. "Oddity was just always worried she read the night wrong, and was scared to move forward because she didn't know Sunny Side well enough."

"What's to know?" I asked. "She's a bitch."

"Dear." Pinkie said flatly, that's a new thing she does. Whenever I say something I shouldn't she calls me dear.

"Yeah, yeah." I replied. "I was just kidding around, I think it's sweet. Oddity's found somepony and doesn't have to be a homewrecker in the process." I snorted. "So, Oddity told you she likes Sunny Side, huh?"

"Mhm. She wanted to ask me about her because I'm her oldest friend, so I know more about her than anypony else." Pinkie told me. "So, here's the plan."

"The plan?" I asked.

"The plan to get them together!" Pinkie explained. "Oddity's coming over to your bar at six thirty. So is Sunny. They're going to have no other choice but to chat, and then, Oddity's going to ask Sunny to dinner!" She explained excitedly. I arched a brow and nodded slowly.

"What could go wrong?" I asked rhetorically.

"Exactly!" Pinkie grinned."Oh, Chuckie this is so exciting. Our friends are falling in love!"

"Well, like." I told her. "Our friends are falling in like."

"For now." Pinkie grinned. "They'd better remember us on their wedding day."

"It's a small neighborhood. I remember every face I see daily." I replied. "Chances are they'll remember the two that set 'em up." Well, technically, they had set themselves up months ago. We were just giving them the pushes that they needed.

* * *

"Pinks, you made me close up shop early to come to your husband's bar?" Sunny Side asked later on that evening as she stood outside the bar with Pinkie, a look of the very opposite of amusement on her face. "Color me unimpressed. I'm going back to work." As she turned to leave, Pinkie grabbed her by the tail and dragged her inside.

"Chuckie! I need two cream sodas, stat!" Pinkie said as she forced Sunny Side to sit down at the counter. "The grown up ones."

"Coming right up." I nodded as I mixed the drink.

"Chuckie." Pinkie leaned in and whispered to me. "Erewhay ishay ddityoay?" She asked, whispering 'Where is Oddity' in Pig-Latin.

"I don't know. You said six thirty, it's six twenty five. Maybe she's not running early as it seems you clearly anticipated." I smiled facetiously. "Who's watching the kids?" I asked.

"Applejack is," Pinkie replied. "She just _loves_ them, she would have made a great godmother." She pouted, causing me to scoff audibly and roll my eyes.

"Would you cut that out?" I asked her. "Cheese and Ivory were the best choice for their godparents."

"I don't think that's true." Pinkie shook her head.

"Well, chances are Cheese and Ivory will never have to act on the godparent duties, at least that's what I hope." I replied. "Regardless, they're the godparents. What's done is done."

"Gee guys, don't get me wrong, this has been a blast, but I'm going back to work." Sunny Side told us as she got up from her stool, just as she turned, who should walk in the door but Oddity, who blushed nervously the moment she saw Sunny Side.

"Hi, Sunny." Oddity said quietly as she strolled up to the counter and sat down, Sunny Side bit her lip a little before turning back around to sit at the counter, choosing to leave a seat between her and Oddity which Pinkie promptly filled in.

"Wow! What a coincidence! Both of you here!" Pinkie exclaimed, being the... _terrible_ actress she is. "You know, Chuckie, it's just like I've been saying all along. These two need to hang out more."

"Yeah. Just like you've been saying all along." I said flatly, as if to tell her she wasn't fooling anypony. I rolled my eyes and strolled over to Ivory at the piano. "Hey, play something... nice." I said. "Something smooth." I mumbled to her, dropping a few bits in her jar.

"What, are those to romping together or something?" Ivory murmured to me.

"That's the plan, anyway." I mumbled in reply. She nodded and began to play something a little softer and smoother as I strolled on back. "So, Oddity, what brings you here?" I asked.

"Oh, you know, I wanted to drink." Oddity said. "Get plastered, really live it up tonight, hit me with some of your best hooch barkeep!" She winked with a grin. God, two terrible actresses in the bar. "Um... cider, if you have it." She cleared her throat.

"Mm." I nodded. "I'll check the cellar, I may have some left over from cider season. By now it may have fermented into something even better." I said as I got out from behind the counter and walked over to the door to the cellar. "Say... Cutie Pie, care to help me look for the cider barrels?" I asked.

"No!" Pinkie whined. "The cellar's all dark and creepy and- oh!" She realized what I was trying to do. "Sure, I'll lend a hoof." She said, getting up and joining me. "You owe me." She muttered in my ear. She stepped down the stairs and I followed, closing the door behind me.

Oddity and Sunny glanced at each other, smiling at each other politely, awkwardly, yet politely.

"Nice weather, hm?" Oddity asked.

"Oh yeah." Sunny nodded. "Certainly is nice that I can take a walk without worrying about icy patches, huh?" She chuckled a little at her joke, Oddity chuckled a bit too before they both just looked back at the counter. Glancing at the other when they were sure the other wasn't looking.

"What, uh... what are you drinking?" Oddity asked.

"Cream soda." Sunny replied quickly. "Spiked, I think. Can't say I'm a big fan, but Pinkie ordered it before I could say anything."

"Mm, sounds like her." Oddity nodded. "Sweet mare though."

"Oh yeah, definitely." Sunny nodded. "Celestia love 'er."

"I was just chatting with her today, very nice." Oddity mentioned.

"Hm? What about?" Sunny asked.

"Oh! Um... uh... nothing." Oddity stammered.

"Jesus Christ, you're killing me." I muttered, my ear pressed against the cellar door to listen in on their conversation. "Ivory, if you were ever gonna learn _Kiss The Girl_ , learn it now." I mumbled, it would take a Disney song to save these two.

Sunny decided it was time to at least make a move at conversation, not small talk. "So, it's been a little while, huh?" She asked. "How have you been?" She asked, turning herself so that she'd be facing her.

"I've... actually been pretty good." Oddity replied, turning to face her. "Business has been good, a lot better than when I lived in the city. I've really enjoyed my time in Ponyville. I got a cat!" She exclaimed.

"Oh?" Sunny asked. "I remember you were telling me about that." Sunny nodded.

"Mhm, he's a tabby, cute little thing. His name is Chunk." Oddity explained.

"Chunk, huh?" Sunny replied, snorting a little chuckle at the name.

"Yeah," Oddity chuckled. "Like the name implies, he eats a whole lot, round little guy. You like cats?" She asked.

"They're okay." Sunny nodded. "I can't say I'm a pets type but I enjoy cats the most outta any option." She smiled a little bit before Oddity piped up and blushed.

"Oh my gosh, that was so rude of me, I didn't even ask how you were." She stammered. "How... how are you, Sunny Side?" She asked.

"Just call me Sunny." She smiled a bit. "I can't complain, business is pretty usual, been missing seeing you around the diner though." She admitted. "In fact, last time I saw you was the welcome home party for Pinkie and Chuck's foals." She stated. "Even then, there was a while between the last time you went to the diner and that." Her tone lowered. "Oddity, is everything okay?" She asked.

Oddity stammered a little bit, stuttered, didn't make eye contact for a moment before turning back to her. "Uh... yeah, I'm fine." She mumbled.

"Okay." Sunny Side nodded, her expression sort of flattening. "Listen, it was... nice catching up with you, but I should probably get back to work now." She said, placing some bits on the counter and heading for the door, just as she opened one of the twin spruce doors to walk out, Oddity stopped her.

"Sunny wait!" She called, getting down from her seat and running over to her. Sunny stopped and looked at her, arching her brow some to look at the unicorn. "Sunny Side, listen, I can explain why things got awkward between us... not now though." She mumbled. "Maybe... I could tell you over dinner?" She asked.

"Dinner?" Sunny asked.

"Yeah, maybe... you'd like to go out... to dinner... with me?" Oddity asked, hope and fear in her eyes. "Maybe, a restaurant in the city?" She asked. "I... I know a few nice places."

"Oddity Trinkets..." Sunny blushed. "You aren't... asking me on a date, are you?"

"Yes!" Oddity nodded. "Wait, no, yes, n-yes. Yes I am." She nodded, finally deciding on what to call it. "I am asking you on a date. If... you want to call it a date."

"Oddity, it's a date." Sunny smiled a little, looking into her eyes. "Tell you what, come by the diner tomorrow and just tell me what day and time, okay?"

"Yes," Oddity smiled widely. "I can do that." She nodded. "I will see you tomorrow morning, or early afternoon. I'll see you tomorrow."

"I'll see you tomorrow." Sunny chuckled a little but with a smile. "Goodnight, Oddity."

"Goodnight, Sunny." Oddity smiled as the two started off their separate ways. About that time, Pinkie and I stepped out of the cellar, having heard the entire conversation. Thank God they left, because I had no leftover cider at all.

"That seemed to go well." I smiled. "I still can't believe you expected a first kiss." I snorted a laugh.

"When Oddity finally asked her, I had a feeling!" Pinkie reasoned. "Sure, it wasn't Pinkie Sense level of certainty, but I was pretty sure!" She exclaimed.

"Well, I've got a bet on after the date, providing all goes well." I replied, pouring a drink for Pinkie, Ivory, and I. "I'm surprised Oddity had the cajones to go ahead and really call it a date." I remarked as I started to drink, sliding Pinkie's drink to her as I drank. "Good for her."

"Oh, okay. _That's_ her name." Ivory spoke up. "I had _no_ clue what her name was." She started to laugh as she joined us at the counter.

"She's sort of a C-Lister for now, but she's been more prominent than Quibble as of late." I noted.

"I'm literally over here." Quibble spoke up, sweeping the floor across the bar.

"You are?" I remarked, turning about. "Jesus, man, I was pretty sure you were dead, I won't lie to you."

"Mm." He grumbled, going back to sweeping. "Rainbow Dash and I are fine, thanks for asking."

"Would you like a drink?" I deadpanned, waving him over, he set the broom down and joined us at the counter. "Here you go, on the house." I have him a drink, he seemed to finish it nearly immediately. _Christ_ , I forgot this guy was more of an alcoholic than I am.

"Thanks." He hiccuped.

"Mm." I nodded. "Well, I think it's about time we close up for the evening. Ivory, Quibble, go on home." I waved them off, my two workers seemed to leave quicker than Quibble took to drink what I had poured him, I chuckled, shaking my head as I removed my apron and waked out the doors with Pinkie, locking the place up.

"I hope they make it." Pinkie said to me as we walked home. "Sunny deserves somepony who makes her happy."

"It's really sweet that you care about her like that." I smiled at her. "I'm sure they'll work out great. They seem like they'd be good for each other."

"Yeah." Pinkie smiled, leaning against me as we walked home.

* * *

 _And so concludes the first chapter in the new arc. If you didn't like the set up, I can't say I didn't warn you._


	79. Chapter 79: Just Might Work Part 2

**Author's note:** And so begins part two. This chapter was almost entirely written on my cell phone because my laptop has been acting up. I might start a Gofundme for a new one... XD.

Enjoy the chapter!

* * *

Chapter 78: Just Might Work Part 2

"How do I look?" Sunny Side asked me. Me, of all ponies, why in the hell was she asking me this!? Oh, right, I agreed to be her wing-man. Which was a little weird, I had never been a wing-man for a female before, let me tell you, it was proving to be hard, because let me tell you, Quibble never asked me if his lipstick looked good.

"That shade of red on your lips makes you look like The Joker from _Batman._ " I replied bluntly. "The amount you used makes it look like that too, when was the last time you had a date?" I asked, getting a cloth to wipe her lipstick off with.

"About five years ago." She admitted. Ever since she agreed to me helping her out, she had been a little easier on me, hence why she didn't slap me for my remark about her lipstick and why she openly admitted the answer to my question.

"Five years ago?" I asked. "Sweet Shiva, I was seventeen five years ago. Well, almost eighteen, my birthday's coming up, you know that?"

"Frankly my dear, I don't give a damn." Sunny replied snidely. "Does this dress make me look fat?" She asked. The dress she wore actually looked pretty nice. It was a strapless black dress with sparkling sequins that covered her relatively conservatively but allowed a tuft of the fur on her chest to puff out from it, y'know, because that's apparently the pony equivalent of showing off the curvature of one's chest, if you catch what I'm saying.

"I'm not going to give you the satisfaction of a full fledged compliment, but you certainly don't look bad." I told her. "Oddity 'll certainly want a piece of you when she sees you all dolled up." I chuckled, as if Oddity would ever be so forward. However, she was the one who asked Sunny Side on this date, so anything could happen.

"Oh please." Sunny was clearly embarrassed, judging by the fact my statement made her blush. "Should I do something different with my mane?" She asked.

"And drop the 50's diner waitress look that fits your profession and personality so very well?" I replied. "If you like, there's still enough time to do up your mane before you guys go to town." I reasoned. "I personally think your mane looks fine as is with this ensemble.

"Alright." She nodded, mostly to herself I could notice. She looked in the mirror to check herself over before nodding again, a look of confidence on her face.

"You know, I've never seen you so nervous before, it's kind of cute." I chuckled.

"I'll beat you within an inch of your miserable life with a cast iron pan." She snarled at me.

"And _there's_ the familiarity." I noted. "Alright, you're all dolled up and pumped full of confidence, I'll get out of your mane now." I said as I went for the door.

"Chuck, wait." Sunny stopped me, I turned and looked to her. "Listen.. thanks." She said quietly. "If it weren't for you and Pinkie's help, neither Oddity or I would have made a move. So... thanks."

"Gee, that's the nicest thing you've ever said to me, I might be getting a bit choked up." I teased.

"Cast iron pan." She reminded me with a snarl.

"I'm outta here." I replied, leaving her alone and heading to my house.

Back at home, Pinkie was helping Oddity prepare for the evening. And if you thought Sunny Side seemed nervous, Oddity would have absolutely blew your mind, because _she_ was nervous.

"My mane looks awful, the frame of my glasses don't pair with my dress at all!" Oddity exclaimed, rushing around.

"Whoa, what's going on in here?" I asked as I walked in and was almost accidentally forcibly eyelinered by my wife. "Apply to the mare, not the husband!" I protested.

"Sorry!" Pinkie replied. "Oddity has been a mess for the past couple of minutes, I've been trying to calm her down."

"Chasing her around with eyeliner is _not_ going to calm her down." I droned. "Okay, Oddity, what seems to be the issue?" I asked calmly.

"My glasses don't go with my dress, my mane looks bad, and I'm just freaking out!" She exclaimed. "I've never been on a date in my life, what if I mess it up?"

"Oddity, listen here." I said. "You know who's just as nervous about tonight? Sunny Side." I told her.

"Oh good, so Sunny and I can mutually agree tonight is a bad idea." Oddity sighed with relief.

"No, that was not my point." I droned. "My point is you two both should have an understanding of tonight that both of you are nervous, a blanket of forgiveness sort of washes over a first date, mishaps happen, mishaps will happen until you fall into your groove as a couple." I explained. "Sometimes after, too." I noted, speaking from experience.

"Thanks, Chuck," she said calmly. "Well, my frames actually... contrast the dress nicely, and all my mane really needs is a brushing I suppose."

"Mm. You tend to see things a little easier in a calm state of mind." I noted.

"Wow," Pinkie smiled. "You're actually really good when it comes to advice." She said to me as Oddity brushed her mane. "Good to know Sugar Plum, Sterling, and Sweet Tooth have somepony wise to turn to." She kissed my cheek.

"Well, bartenders just have an intuition." I chuckled modestly. "Thanks Cutie Pie." I kissed her cheek.

"Alright," Oddity turned to us. "How do I look?" She asked.

"Like a million bits." Pinkie assured her. "Come on, let's get you downstairs."

We took Oddity downstairs and I made some tea for her and Pinkie. The three of us sat and conversed for a bit until the doorbell rang. I got up off the couch and opened the door. It was Sunny Side.

"Well, hello Sunny Side, what brings you here?" I asked.

"Well, when Oddity wasn't at her house, her shop, or that essential oils store she likes, I figured here was a good bet." Sunny said. "Is she here?"

"Yes." I nodded. "She's all ready." I said. "Oh Oddity," I hummed. "Your date is here."

Oddity bashfully strolled up to the doorway, smiling at Oddity shyly and shuffling her hooves in place. "You look nice." She said softly as she glanced at her.

"You do too." Sunny Side replied. "I uh... I brought you these." She held out a bouquet of flowers for her. "I.. I know you like these ones." She said awkwardly.

"Oh, Sunny these are great." She smiled at the flowers. "Before we get going can I just make a quick stop at my house so I can put these in a vase?" She asked.

"Certainly, yes." Sunny nodded. "Would you like to get going?" She asked.

"Yes!" She quickly nodded. "Yes, yes lets go." She stepped out the door.

"Have her home by eleven!" I called to Sunny Side in a taunting tone. She made a face at me in reply before I chuckled a little and shut the door. "Those crazy kids." I chuckled, a little ironically since Oddity was six years older than me and Sunny Side was three years older.

Immediately after I sat down on the couch Pinkie started to whine. I tried to ignore her, I sipped a coffee, read from a furniture catalog, and even counted the wood panels on the floor. But eventually I couldn't pretend any longer.

"What's the matter, Pinkamena Diane Pie?" I droned.

"Don't full name me, Chuck Sterling Pie." She sneered. "But, it's just that... I wanna see how it goes!" She whined. "I really wanna know what happens!"

"Sunny's your best friend, she'll _tell_ you what happened tomorrow." I replied.

"But I wanna know now!" Pinkie whined.

"And who's gonna watch the foals?" I asked. "We can't just spontaneously go out and about anymore. We got away with it enough back when it was only Sugar Plum around but now we have her and two babies."

Just then, there was another knock at the door. I got up and walked to the door to see who it was, I don't know how, but I had been getting Mormons recently showing up at my door, human Mormons. "Pinks, go out the back and get the hose ready, huh?" I murmured. Once Pinkie ducked out I opened the door to see who it was, it was not Mormons. It was my head waiter and... like... 4th best friend.

"Hey Quibble." I said to him. "What's up?"

"Hey Chuck, listen I came here on a couple of notes, one, you scheduled me for Monday and I already told you that I had my nephew's Mark Mitzvah I need to go to next Monday, and second of all, I lent you that chess board a while back, can I get that back? I need a gift for my nephew's Mark Mitzvah."

"Still want me to hose him?" Pinkie called.

"No!" I called, an idea forming in my head. "Yeah, sure. I'll put Cheese in on Monday and I'll get you that chess board, Sterling kinda gummed one of the rooks, but otherwise it's mint condition, serves me right for trying to teach my newborn son chess... but yeah I can do that for you, but you need to do me a favor."

"A favor?" He asked. "I'm asking for something I lent you back and I'm asking for you to change a scheduling _error._ " He remarked. "I do not owe you a favor."

"Right but..." I stammered. "You're here at an incredibly convenient time and you're just gonna watch the kids for the evening while Pinkie and I go out to stalk our friends on a date okay bye!" I said, shoving my friend inside while I grabbed my wallet and darted off with Pinkie for the taxi cart station.

"Chuck, you son of a-" Quibble grumbled. "Great, could this get worse?" He sighed. To answer his question was a voice coming from one of my loafers.

"You know who's yet to meet the little ones?" Discord spoke up as he came from my shoe before looking at Quibble with disgust. "Ugh, I'm at the wrong sad manchild's house."

"Ugh." Quibble bemoaned as he walked in to make himself at home. "Hey Sugar Plum," he called. "You know how to cook?"

"I'm five." Sugar Plum replied flatly.

"Mm." Quibble mumbled. "I'm ordering a pizza. Your dad have any of his good stuff here?"

* * *

"I gotta admit, Sunny shelling out cab fare from here to Manehattan is awfully sweet." I muttered as we rode along in our cab at a safe distance behind them.

"Don't worry, soon she'll get comfortable and cheap like you." Pinkie said, teasing me.

"Cheap?" I asked. "That's cute." I mumbled as I looked to Pinkie, who watched the two up ahead with a pair of binoculars. "Hey buddy, mind getting a little closer?" I tapped out cab pony on the back.

"No, no you're too close, they're gonna see us!" Pinkie said to him, getting him to slow down. "Well now we're gonna lose 'em!"

"Pinkie, would you just-" I tried.

"Closer, closer..." she stopped. "No. No! No! Too close!" She exclaimed.

"This pace is fine." I assured the driver. "I'm sorry, I'll give you a tip that's worth your while." I said before looking to Pinkie. "Alright, let me have a turn." I reached for the binoculars.

"No!" She yanked them from me. "I wanna see what's happening."

"Well so do I." I grabbed at them, we strained over them for a moment, I'm a little ashamed to admit I'm evenly matched physically against her. But our debacle came to an end when it slipped from both of our hooves and the pair of binoculars hit the ground with a thud, breaking on impact.

"Um, those were Quibble's." Pinkie noted as we looked back at the broken binoculars on the road.

Up ahead, Oddity and Sunny were already kicking it off well. They were chatting, laughing, they actually seemed someone comfortable, thankfully.

"Doing something different with your mane?' Sunny Side asked as they rode along.

"No, just brushed the knots out." Oddity giggled a little. "Your dress looks... spectacular, where did you get it?" She asked.

"Rarity made it," Sunny replied. "A couple years ago I was Pinkie's plus one to the Grand Galloping Gala. Had to look nice, you know?"

"So, you've met Princess Celestia?" Oddity asked.

"Technically." Sunny replied. "Pinkie introduced me to her, before either of us could get a word in edgewise Pinkie hauled me off to meet somepony else. Didn't see her much at all after that."

"Sounds like Pinkie." Oddity giggled. "So, don't take this the wrong way but you... you don't strike me for the type who'd enjoy the Gala, you've never struck me for a fancy pony."

"Like I said, plus one." She replied. "I didn't really wanna go. Canterlot is nice, but the locals are kinda, what's the word... snobby." She then stopped and glanced at Oddity's horn. "If you're from Canterlot I'm sorry if I offended you." She quickly stated.

"I'm not from Canterlot," Oddity assured her. "I'm from Whinnesota, then I moved to Manehattan after school."

"Nice." Sunny nodded. "I'm from Fillydelphia, my family moved to Quartzcolt Valley when I was in senior year, that's where I met Pinkie. The summer after, Pinkie and I moved to Ponyville to work at my great uncle's diner." She explained.

"Fillydelphia?" Oddity asked. "I hear it's always sunny there." (I've made the same _Always Sunny in Philadelphia_ joke so many times, and it's never been acknowledged. So acknowledge the lame joke, and I'll stop making that joke.)

"Actually, it's a port city, so usually it's pretty foggy." Sunny replied. "Foggy, rainy, and it's also a pretty bad city crime wise, but that has little to do with weather." She noted.

"Ah. You know, I'm pretty sure Ivory's from there. She certainly had it rough growing up, did you?" Oddity asked.

"Not really." Sunny replied. "Family life was kind of rough, but that's just because I was always a bit different. I loved to cook, my family was a frozen box meals type of family, I loved _Working Mare_ , and they all enjoyed _Married With Foals_ ," she listed off differences.

"You're a mare's type and they didn't approve." Oddity added another with a little chuckle. She immediately felt guilty about that chuckle. "Sorry. I shouldn't have joked."

"Hey, who are you if you can't laugh at yourself, right?" Sunny assured her it was fine. "So you were adopted?" She asked.

"Mhm." She nodded. "I was a newborn when they did, all of my siblings were adopted as well, and I had eight siblings."

" _Eight!?_ " Sunny sputtered. "What were you? Whinnesota's Apple family?" She laughed.

"Nearly!" Oddity started to laugh. "But anyway, I was the youngest of the group, and guess what, all of my other siblings were colts."

"No. Way." Sunny replied.

"Yes! All of them, brutish athletic types." She explained. "My mom actually did say something... pretty funny, when I told her about who I was, she told me: "You do realize, not all stallions are like your brothers, don't let them ruin colts for you." It was pretty funny, the rest of the conversation wasn't, but that was." She said.

"In hindsight I wish I had of told my folks beforehoof, instead of telling them by just bringing my marefriend home." Sunny mumbled. "I feel bad for her, she kinda got the brunt of the yelling and hollering." She looked back. "I'm sorry, I'm sure the last thing you want to hear is a story about my ex."

"No, no, it's okay." Oddity assured her. "I'm not the jealous type. Please, continue."

"Oh, well, that's it really." Sunny said. "She and I broke up a few weeks later, then I would try again with them a few more times, always ended the same way. So I just stopped trying with them." She said. "What's amazing is my crotchety old great uncle was fine with it." She chuckled.

"Is he..." Oddity began.

"Oh, he's not dead if that's what you're asking. He's old and senile and living in a seniors home." She said. "He still sends me checks on my birthday, but his memory isn't exactly... well, let's just say I've had... three birthdays this year according to him." She chuckled a little bit. "I try and tell him when my real birthday is but... it doesn't exactly work." She said. "But hey, it wasn't the tip jar that got me these earrings." She snorted a little laugh.

"I guess so." Oddity giggled a little bit. "So, as a restaurateur, are you going to be able to get through dinner without pointing out everything wrong with the restaurant we're going to?"

"I mean, I run a diner, we're going to 4 star restaurant, not exactly the same caliber." Sunny replied modestly.

"Your food is really good." Oddity mentioned. "Some of the best I've ever eaten. All home made?" She asked.

"You bet." Sunny nodded. "Thanks, by the way, that's actually very kind of you to say." She smiled.

"Oh don't mention it!" Oddity smiled. "You have a real gift when it comes to cooking, just trying to give credit where it's due."

"Right, and it has nothing to do with the fact you have a massive crush on me?" Sunny asked with a coy little smirk. "Nothing at all?"

"Okay... well, maybe a little bit." She admitted. "But I really do mean it, you're a good cook." She assured her. "But I also do have a pretty massive crush on you, but you know that." She fumbled her words awkwardly.

"I would say we've moved past crush stage, we're going on a date, after all." Sunny reasoned.

"So... what would we call... what we have?" Oddity asked.

"We'll just see after dinner." Sunny grinned a little with a quick wink.

* * *

"Mm. Four star." I grumbled as I scanned the menu once were inside the restaurant, seated a safe watching distance away from Oddity and Sunny Side. "Certainly _priced_ like a four star restaurant." I mumbled. "So, which of us is going to live the rest of their lives without a kidney?" I asked Pinkie.

"You run a bar and you're a Las Pegasus entertainer, I think we'll be just fine if we treat ourselves to a four star dinner, Cheapy the Cheapskate." Pinkie teased. It truly wasn't, in fact, financially we were doing _very_ well. I was just a cheapskate, like Pinkie said. Funny how it's about me when it's where the money comes from, but then it's about us when it's how that money is used. I jest, obviously, Pinkie was still on maternity leave, I'm not actually bitter about the situation.

"This dress is nice, you think Medley will mind if I keep it?" Pinkie asked. So, to get into this establishment, I stopped into the bar and grabbed one of my Mr. Chipper suits, and one of Medley's dresses she had left behind from... I think my New Year's Eve party.

"Hey, it's been around three months, chances are she isn't missing it much." I chuckled. "How's my wig look?" I asked.

"You don't look like Chuckie, and you don't look like Mr. Chipper, nopony will recognize you." She said. Truthfully, it was one of my Mr. Chipper wigs, but I spray painted it blond for going incognito type situations. "I will say you look terrible as a blond." She told me. "The only thing keeping me attracted to you right now is the fact I know you're real mane is underneath that."

"Gee, thanks." I replied. "So... are you only attracted to my mane?" I asked.

"No, silly, I was just teasing." She smiled at me. "Now, shh, I wanna see what's going on with Sunny and Oddity." She said, turning to glance at them, after ordering a couple drinks I watched as well.

"Nice place." Oddity said as they sat down at their table.

"I mean, my mood is already a little soured by the fact the Maitre 'D was checking you out." Sunny remarked. "Kidding of course, I can't say I blame him."

"Oh, stop..." Oddity blushed softly. "You look way better than I do, that dress, your mane..."

"We both look gorgeous, let's go with that." Sunny grinned, reaching her hoof across the table to hold Oddity's for a moment. "Now, what would you like to eat?" She asked. "I think the ziti looks pretty good." She looked at the menu.

"Um... something light." Oddity looked at her menu. "Something... clean." She scanned her menu.

"Oddity," Sunny arched her brow. "Order what you want." She said, her voice almost sounding like a demand. "I don't want you to just not eat what you want because you're trying to impress me, if you want to eat the sauciest thing on the menu and have to lick your muzzle clean, I don't care." She assured her. "Unless I'm just talking outta my ass here and you really do want something light and clean."

"Well, I guess when you say it like that..." Oddity came out of her shell a bit. "I haven't had a good plate of spaghetti in a while. I may go with that."

"That's the spirit." Sunny grinned. "Now, what do you say for a little amuse bouche, we go with... some garlic bread, seems like that would accompany our dinner selections nicely."

"Perfect." Oddity nodded approvingly.

The two ate their dinner, they seemed to enjoy it quite well, they conversed and laughed as they ate, they certainly didn't seem awkward about it at all, but after dinner was over and desert was on it's way, things seemed to get a little awkward. I glanced at them and arched a brow.

"I think by the looks of them one of them expects the other to kiss them." I mumbled to myself.

"How could you tell?" Pinkie asked.

"Simple, Sunny has gone to the restroom twice since arrival, both times her lips have been slightly redder. She's been applying lipstick." I noted. "She's peacocking her lips to try and get Oddity's attention, which is dumb of her to expect Oddity to make the first move, she's my 3rd best friend, I know she wouldn't make the first move." I noted.

"That's what you said last week, but what happened?" Pinkie asked. "Oddity asked Sunny to this date."

"Mm." I mumbled. "It was audacious of her. But I doubt she'll be this audacious tonight, even though they seem very comfortable, who eats spaghetti on a first date?" I remarked as I watched.

"Sir, I would not have brought you two empty beer bottles if I knew you were using them for _binoculars._ " A passing waiter muttered.

"Well what the hell did you think I was using them for?" I replied to him before looking back at the couple. "Desert's on the way now. They don't have much time before this date ends smoochless."

"There's always the ride home." Pinkie mentioned.

"The ride home?" I laughed. "The smooch happens on the date itself, or never at all, once the date is over, there is no chance for a smooch if there wasn't one on the date, you just get a tense ride home and an empty promise of a call the next day." I said.

"Are you speaking from experience?" Pinkie droned.

"That's not important now." I replied, I was speaking from experience, but I wasn't going to admit to it. "That's it, we've nudged them this far," I said as I got up. "It's time for one more nudge."

"Chuckie, what are you doing?" Pinkie asked as I walked toward the band's stage.

"What crooners were made to do, make folks fall in love." I replied before climbing on the stage and giving the musicians some sheet music and a hefty tip for what I was about to do. I stepped to the microphone where a singer would stand and tapped to get the attention of the restaurant patrons.

"G'd evening." I said, donning a fake yet very convincing British accent. "Tonight is such a beautiful spring evening, would you agree?" I asked. "Tonight, I would dare say, is even a wonderful night to fall in love." I said. "What better way to do that than with a little music?" I asked.

"Is that Chuck?" Sunny asked.

"No way," Oddity shook her head. "Chuck's wig is black, and he would never sing in an accent. Other than that it kind of looks like him."

"Percussion?" I asked the pony on drums, who replied with a little beat. "Strings?" I asked, going over a check of the band. "Winds?" I asked, with the band all set, I checked myself. "Words."

 **Me:** _There you see her  
_ _Sitting there across the way  
_ _She don't got a lot to say  
_ _But there's something about her  
_ _And you don't know why  
_ _But you're dyin' to try  
_ _You wanna kiss the mare_

 _Yes, you want her  
_ _Look at her, you know you do  
_ _Possible she want you too  
_ _There is one way to ask her  
_ _It don't take a word  
_ _Not a single word  
_ _Go on and kiss the mare_

"Sing with me now." I grinned, leading into the chorus.

 _Sha la la la la la  
_ _My oh my  
_ _Look like you're way too shy  
_ _Ain't gonna kiss the mare  
_ _Sha la la la la la  
_ _Ain't that sad?  
_ _Ain't it a shame? Too bad  
_ _You gonna miss the mare_

 _Now's your moment  
_ _Sittin' in your table booth  
_ _Hey, you better do it soon  
_ _No time will be better  
_ _She don't say a word  
_ _And she won't say a word  
_ _Until you kiss the mare_

 _Sha la la la la la  
_ _Don't be scared  
_ _I got the mood prepared  
_ _Go on and kiss the mare  
_ _Sha la la la la la  
_ _Don't stop now  
_ _Don't try to hide it  
_ _How you want to kiss the mare_

 _Sha la la la la la  
_ _Hum along  
_ _And listen to the song  
_ _The song say, "kiss the mare"  
_ _Sha la la la la la  
_ _Music play  
_ _Do what the music say  
_ _You got to kiss the mare_

 _You've got to kiss the mare  
_ _You wanna kiss the mare_

 _You've gotta kiss the mare  
_ _Go on and kiss the mare._

I bowed as the song concluded before jerking my head up to look at Oddity and Sunny, I have a feeling my direct eye contact gave it away I meant that song for them exclusively. "Go on then, go on." I grinned a little bit.

"I mean, a whole song's not going to be wrong, is it?" Oddity asked softly.

"In hindsight it seemed like it definitely targeted us." Sunny nodded. "Ah, what the heck?" She shrugged, pulling Oddity in and kissing her sweetly, Oddity's eyes bulged for a moment before closing and reciprocating the kiss, smiling softly and blushing red as they separated.

"Yes! Yes yes yes yes!" Pinkie pumped her hooves excitedly and cheered from our table, immediately gaining the attention of Oddity and Sunny, who turned and saw both of us.

"Pinkie?" Sunny asked. "Wait, that _was_ Chuck?"

"Check please!" I called to the waiter, opting instead to toss the amount plus tip on the table and rush out with Pinkie.

* * *

"That was really nice." Oddity said as they disembarked from their cab back in town. "Even though Chuck and Pinkie were apparently there the whole time."

"Eh, I didn't mind that they were there, they didn't ruin anything." Sunny shrugged as she walked with Oddity. "You're right though, that was really nice."

"Yeah." Oddity nodded, speaking quietly and softly.

"So, since you wanted to know, I think I know what we are." Sunny said as they walked along the dimly lit streets of Ponyville. Oddity turned and nodded a little, as if to ask what they were to Sunny. "Special Someponies, that is, if you'd like to be mine."

"Really?" Oddity smiled widely. "You really wanna be my special somepony?"

"Of course I do." Sunny grinned. "Would you like to be mine?"

"I'd want nothing else." Oddity nodded, leaning in once more and kissing Sunny Side on the cheek.

"You missed." Sunny smiled a little, kissing Oddity on the lips softly before they continued their walk. "Well, this is my house, I guess I'd best say goodnight."

"Goodnight Sunny." Oddity smiled. "Sleep well, I'll see you tomorrow."

"I should hope so." Sunny giggled a bit before kissing her one more time before disappearing inside her house. Oddity sighed contently and skipped her way home gaily, in both the old and new fashioned way.

* * *

 _And so concludes another chapter of Equestria's New Comedian. G'night folks!_

 _Song used_

 _"Kiss the Girl" by: Alan Menkin_


End file.
